R | 1h 20min | Comedy, Drama, Family | 30 July 2003 (USA)
The lives of a glamorous power couple are turned upside down when the bartender for their anniversary party turns out to be a student therapist who won't go home...until he helps them and becomes the next Dr. Phil!
Director: Doug Cox
Writer: Doug Cox
Stars: Linden Ashby, Eddie Daniels, Kyle T. Heffner
The lives of a glamorous power couple are turned upside down when the bartender for their anniversary party turns out to be a student therapist who won't go home...until he helps them and becomes the next Dr. Phil!
Director: Doug Cox
Writer: Doug Cox
Stars: Linden Ashby, Eddie Daniels, Kyle T. Heffner
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Six years.
00:00:55Six years.
00:00:56I mean, even Hitler had a girlfriend.
00:01:00I mean, do I have any less charm, less sex appeal than Hitler?
00:01:07Okay, well, a couple of weeks ago I had a date.
00:01:16Things were looking really good.
00:01:17It was a really great date.
00:01:20We talked, and not just about small stuff, we talked about real things.
00:01:28We laughed.
00:01:35But then it came time for the kiss goodnight, and I could tell that we were never going
00:01:40to see each other again.
00:01:42I could just tell.
00:01:45So I figured I must have some issues that I'm not dealing with.
00:01:50Some piece of my puzzle must be missing.
00:01:54So I decided to do a self-analysis.
00:01:58I explored every part of me, asked myself the tough questions.
00:02:04Is it me?
00:02:05Before it finally hit me.
00:02:07For some reason, losers, and I don't mean this in a negative way, losers are attracted
00:02:13to me.
00:02:14So I figure, if I can help them, I'll be helping me.
00:02:18You see, it is my mission to help these losers become non-losers.
00:02:25But where was I going to find these losers?
00:02:49See?
00:02:52Aren't you glad I didn't let you quit?
00:02:55Yeah.
00:02:58You were unbelievable.
00:03:01You too, honey.
00:03:06It was like old times, huh?
00:03:08Oh yeah.
00:03:09Yeah.
00:03:10Hey, hey, hey.
00:03:12Where are you going?
00:03:14We have dinner reservations.
00:03:15Forget about it.
00:03:17Let's just order pizza, huh?
00:03:19Brian, it's your birthday.
00:03:22It's my birthday, huh?
00:03:23It's your birthday.
00:03:24Come on.
00:03:25Don't you want to do something special?
00:03:27Yeah, I do.
00:03:29I want to stay here, and order pizza, and drink beer, and have sex, and watch me get
00:03:35blown up on the season finale of Rodeo Salon.
00:03:40Woo-hoo.
00:03:43Tonight, on the explosive season finale of Rodeo Salon.
00:03:48I never meant to hurt you, Jasmine.
00:03:50It's a little late for that, Shane.
00:03:52Oh my God, your blow dryer.
00:03:53It's ticking.
00:03:55Rodeo Salon, tonight at 10 on UBN.
00:04:01Oh, you want to get that?
00:04:03No, not really.
00:04:05Would you?
00:04:06Yeah.
00:04:07And hurry, okay?
00:04:08I don't want to be late.
00:04:11Hey, you're not playing anything, are you?
00:04:14Because I really...
00:04:15I'm coming, I'm coming.
00:04:17Because I really don't want any surprises.
00:04:20Would you please hurry?
00:04:25So there's no party at the restaurant, right?
00:04:28Right.
00:04:29You swear to God?
00:04:30Swear to God.
00:04:35Hi.
00:04:36Hi.
00:04:38Dennis Shipley, I'm the bartender here for your party.
00:04:58It's nothing fancy.
00:05:01Just a few friends.
00:05:03How many?
00:05:05About 20.
00:05:08You should be thanking me.
00:05:10I've invited some very important people.
00:05:13People who can help you.
00:05:16I need help?
00:05:18Could you get that?
00:05:21Yep.
00:05:23I don't know if I live or not, Mom.
00:05:24I mean, my contracts are for negotiation, so it's...
00:05:28Excuse me, can I get a beer, please?
00:05:31Yeah, I'm sure that if you and all the ladies at the club write in...
00:05:35Listen, Mom, I gotta go, okay?
00:05:38I love you too.
00:05:40All right.
00:05:41Thanks.
00:05:42Bye-bye.
00:05:47Excuse me, what is this?
00:05:49Beer.
00:05:50No, no, that's not.
00:05:51That's light beer.
00:05:52It's imported.
00:05:53Donnie, let me tell you something.
00:05:55Dennis.
00:05:56Dennis.
00:05:58It's my birthday, man!
00:06:01Come on.
00:06:05Ryan, we have company!
00:06:17Fuck you!
00:06:18No, fuck you, Herb!
00:06:21Fuck you!
00:06:25Network.
00:06:27Busting my balls.
00:06:28Ball schedule comes out on Tuesday,
00:06:30and they wait until the last fucking minute to make a deal.
00:06:33But I don't mind because you're worth it.
00:06:35Sheila Einstein did a nude photo spread in the late 70s,
00:06:38which led to a hit sitcom in the 80s,
00:06:40which led to rehab,
00:06:41and another nude photo spread in the 90s,
00:06:43which led to nothing.
00:06:46So she became an agent.
00:06:48I told you to make me a screaming orgasm.
00:06:51I'm sorry, I didn't understand.
00:06:52You don't think I know the difference
00:06:54between an orgasm and a screaming orgasm?
00:06:58This isn't about the drink, is it?
00:07:01I'm not a great bartender,
00:07:04but I'm a terrific listener.
00:07:06Why don't you tell me what's really bothering you, Miss...
00:07:11Don't make me say fuck you.
00:07:15Miss Dupre received an Oscar nomination in 1970,
00:07:19and she's the most respected acting teacher in Hollywood.
00:07:23Of course.
00:07:24Of course, I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, Miss Dupre,
00:07:28at first.
00:07:30You know, aren't showbiz parties supposed to be,
00:07:33you know, exciting?
00:07:36Where was the excitement?
00:07:39Ah!
00:07:44Yes!
00:07:46Nick was Jamie's younger brother.
00:07:48He was crude, rude, and obnoxious.
00:07:51But women found him irresistible.
00:07:54Happy birthday, old man.
00:07:55How are you, Nick?
00:07:56Pretty spectacular.
00:07:58And, uh, in need of a serious helmet buff.
00:08:02Hi.
00:08:04And you are?
00:08:06Franny Krantz.
00:08:14Sweetheart, can I borrow some blush?
00:08:18Oh, thanks.
00:08:20And maybe some lipstick, too.
00:08:22You never know when one of those producers out there
00:08:25might want a couple of old bitches like us.
00:08:29You never know.
00:08:35Jamie invited people to the party
00:08:37who could help Brian's career.
00:08:39But they all sent their secretaries and assistants.
00:08:42Jeremy!
00:08:43Except for Jeremy.
00:08:45Jeremy was there to help Jamie's career.
00:08:48Brian, you remember Jeremy.
00:08:50We met him at Sam Androsky's party.
00:08:52Right, you had lunch last week.
00:08:54Uh, yeah.
00:08:55Yeah, where have you been?
00:08:57Oh, the usual.
00:08:58My meeting at Fastland Pictures went long.
00:09:01Give me a sex on the beach.
00:09:03Will you skip?
00:09:04And, um, you know, I brought your name up.
00:09:06For the date rape movie?
00:09:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:09:08It's a great, great script.
00:09:10This girl gets date raped,
00:09:11and then later on, she forgives the guy.
00:09:14It's called She Thinks She Said No.
00:09:18Well, I can see why you like it.
00:09:20You have to look beyond Jeremy's personality
00:09:25and the hat
00:09:27and that little thing on his chin.
00:09:31Let's take that script out in the car. Come on.
00:09:33It's really just a cry for help.
00:09:37It's buried, but it's there.
00:09:41You call that an offer, Herb?
00:09:43Call me back when you're serious, all right?
00:09:46Champagne. Fucking Herb.
00:09:48I'm sorry, Sheila.
00:09:49What sorry? Are you kidding?
00:09:50I live for this shit.
00:09:53Baby, next season, you'll work a little harder, okay?
00:09:58And no more fights with Bernie,
00:09:59even though we all know he's a dick.
00:10:02I promise.
00:10:03How much do I love you?
00:10:04How much do I love you?
00:10:06Mmm.
00:10:08Mmm.
00:10:10There's not a few pounds there, huh?
00:10:14Hey, Tom!
00:10:15I see your little face!
00:10:17Get back here!
00:10:20Brian was TV's Chad,
00:10:22the hunky bar owner on Santa Monica Bay.
00:10:25Then he was Chase, the hunky pilot on LAX.
00:10:30On Venice Beach Night Beat, he played Chance,
00:10:33the hunky cop who didn't play by the rules.
00:10:36And now he plays Chain,
00:10:37the hunky hairstylist on Rodeo Salon.
00:10:43I think that's why he drinks so much.
00:10:45Can I get you some food or something?
00:10:49Yeah.
00:10:51Something.
00:11:04You know, Nicolas Cage won an Oscar for being drunk.
00:11:09Wasn't he acting?
00:11:11Do I have to get it myself?
00:11:42Mmm.
00:11:48What?
00:11:50Nothing.
00:11:55Hi, everybody!
00:12:12Ooh!
00:12:15Hey, Armie!
00:12:18Slow down a little more.
00:12:23Ooh!
00:12:26Armie!
00:12:29Slow down a little more.
00:12:42Whoa.
00:12:44Have you seen Brian?
00:12:46Nope, haven't seen him.
00:12:49Hey, hey, when you get a chance,
00:12:51bring me another beer, would ya?
00:12:53Franny, you want another beer?
00:12:55Yeah, sure.
00:12:56Make that two.
00:13:08You okay?
00:13:14God.
00:13:19Ooh.
00:13:23Oh, God.
00:13:29What in the hell was in that drink?
00:13:31It's a lemon blair.
00:13:33A what?
00:13:34It's a combination of liquors
00:13:36that should never be mixed together.
00:13:39I may have made it a little strong.
00:13:44Yeah.
00:13:46And why exactly did you feel the need to poison me?
00:13:50You were really drunk.
00:13:52I had to do something.
00:13:58Where are you going?
00:13:59I'm gonna change my shirt.
00:14:01Uh, you can't go in there.
00:14:04Why not?
00:14:05Because they're going to bring out the cake.
00:14:08What time do I wait?
00:14:09No, please.
00:14:11Oh, um, hi.
00:14:13I was just showing Jeremy, um,
00:14:15my dress for the daytime emmys.
00:14:17Yeah, and, uh, you know what?
00:14:19She's gonna look amazing
00:14:20when she presents that puppeteer award.
00:14:24Um, I need a drink.
00:14:32I don't know where they're getting
00:14:33these goddamn writers from.
00:14:35They're hiring them right out of preschool.
00:14:37All the shows suck.
00:14:39Every one of them.
00:14:40Piece of shit.
00:14:41Wow.
00:14:42What are they gonna do about their Friday night?
00:14:45What can they do about Friday night, huh?
00:14:48Am I right?
00:14:49What can they do?
00:14:51You know something?
00:14:53We really gotta take a leak.
00:14:57Oh, I remember.
00:15:01Let me have a beer.
00:15:03Oh, for Christ's sake, a light beer.
00:15:07God.
00:15:08Hey, there you are.
00:15:10Hey, you know what?
00:15:11Jamie wants me to pitch you to Fastlane
00:15:15for the part of the rapist.
00:15:17Huh.
00:15:19Well, anyway, it's a deal.
00:15:21It's a deal.
00:15:22It's a deal.
00:15:23It's a deal.
00:15:24It's a deal.
00:15:25It's a deal.
00:15:26It's a deal.
00:15:27Huh.
00:15:29Well, anyway, it's gotta be better
00:15:30than that fucking day job of yours.
00:15:33Know what I'm saying?
00:15:36Oh, God.
00:15:39Dennis, make Jeremy a Linda Blair, would you?
00:15:50Thanks a lot.
00:15:53Make my wish!
00:15:55Make my wish!
00:15:56Well, I was planning on having a quiet birthday,
00:16:00but apparently you all had other ideas.
00:16:05You shouldn't have.
00:16:07Really.
00:16:09Absolutely not.
00:16:10So my birthday wish is to never forget.
00:16:15Oh!
00:16:16Ah!
00:16:18Ah!
00:16:20Ah!
00:16:23Help!
00:16:24Help!
00:16:25Help!
00:16:26Hello?
00:16:27Help!
00:16:37You live each day without regret
00:16:43It's easy to do when you forget.
00:16:51That's why you never complain.
00:16:57Cause you're feeling, you're feeling the pain.
00:17:06Morning.
00:17:09Good morning.
00:17:13Ah.
00:17:17Party over?
00:17:21Here you go.
00:17:22Oh, no, no, this is way too much.
00:17:24Listen, you did a great job.
00:17:25No, this is way too generous.
00:17:27Take it, take it, take it.
00:17:31Okay.
00:17:33I know I should have left, but I, I couldn't just leave him there.
00:17:37He needed help.
00:17:40He needed me.
00:17:59My car won't start.
00:18:02I have to take it back to the job.
00:18:05Gonna be three, four hours.
00:18:09At least.
00:18:13Listen, you can, you can wait here if you want.
00:18:15Oh, thanks, but I, I don't, I don't want to be three or four hours.
00:18:21Come on.
00:18:24So, uh, what's with all the books?
00:18:27I'm in school.
00:18:28Yeah, right, journalism?
00:18:30Huh?
00:18:31Dude, come on, I saw you writing in your little book last night.
00:18:33That's not much they're paying you to spy on me.
00:18:35Who?
00:18:36The tabloids.
00:18:37What are they gonna pay you, a couple hundred bucks?
00:18:39What?
00:18:41No, no, I'm studying to become a licensed psychologist.
00:18:45You shrink?
00:18:46Almost.
00:18:47I attend the California Institute for Human Behavior.
00:18:51Heard of it?
00:18:52It's an online college.
00:19:01What are you doing? Party's over.
00:19:03Just cleaning up a bit.
00:19:07All right, just leave it, Marie, okay?
00:19:09Don't worry. Don't bother.
00:19:12But I want to help. I like to help.
00:19:14Don't help.
00:19:17Don't.
00:19:18Don't.
00:19:24Ah!
00:19:31You get the most, the most satisfaction
00:19:38When you avoid, avoid interaction
00:19:45Okay.
00:19:46No need to explain
00:19:50You're just a feeling, you're feeling no pain
00:20:12You have issues you're not dealing with.
00:20:14What?
00:20:17No. No, man.
00:20:21I don't have issues.
00:20:23What I got's a hangover.
00:20:27You're in denial.
00:20:28No, I'm not in denial.
00:20:30You're denying you're in denial?
00:20:31No.
00:20:34Have you ever thought about getting help?
00:20:36No.
00:20:37I can help you.
00:20:38You know what? I don't want your help.
00:20:39You feel as if no one understands you.
00:20:41No one listens to you.
00:20:42Talk to me. I can help you.
00:20:44Hey, you know what?
00:20:46Maybe your car's ready.
00:20:48Why don't you call your mechanic?
00:20:54Hey, is Jamie back yet?
00:20:56Uh, man, where is she?
00:20:58I was up all night with Jeremy.
00:21:00I don't know what he had last night, but he was really sick.
00:21:05So, how was the rest of the party?
00:21:08That was lovely. Thank you for asking.
00:21:11What are you looking for?
00:21:13This.
00:21:18What?
00:21:20Well, Jeremy told Fast Lane that he wants me for the date rape movie.
00:21:25And they said yes.
00:21:27No way.
00:21:28Yeah way.
00:21:29Wow. That's great.
00:21:31Did he mention me for the part of the rapist?
00:21:34Yeah.
00:21:36Well, Fast Lane said you were the wrong demographic.
00:21:39Their target is women 18 to 35, and you appeal to women 36 to 50 and gay men 28 to 45.
00:21:47Huh.
00:21:49Well, who got the part?
00:21:51Dylan.
00:21:53Er, no.
00:21:55Dermot.
00:21:56I don't know.
00:21:58One of the Dermot Dylans.
00:22:00I don't know.
00:22:01One of the Dermot Dylans.
00:22:03Well, they're both great.
00:22:06I can't believe it.
00:22:07Finally, I get a part that can make a difference.
00:22:10In the fight against date rape.
00:22:12No, sweet brother.
00:22:14My career.
00:22:16Congratulations.
00:22:18You're still here?
00:22:24Yeah.
00:22:26Oh, no.
00:22:27It's a mechanic.
00:22:31Hello?
00:22:34Oh, wow.
00:22:36When?
00:22:39Okay. Bye.
00:22:42Fuel pump.
00:22:44You gave our number to some mechanic.
00:22:46They said they'd have it by Monday.
00:22:48Monday.
00:22:49Monday.
00:22:50Hard to get parts for an Edsel.
00:22:51Oh, Christ.
00:22:52Where do you live?
00:22:53Echo Park.
00:22:54Great.
00:22:55As soon as you clean up the kitchen, I'll drive you to PCH and you can catch a bus.
00:22:59With luck, he'll be home in a week.
00:23:01Or he could stay here.
00:23:04Wait a minute.
00:23:05Hold on.
00:23:07Could you please step over here with me?
00:23:10Please?
00:23:11Sure.
00:23:13Excuse us.
00:23:18What were you thinking?
00:23:19Letting some stranger stay in our house?
00:23:21He's not a stranger.
00:23:22Oh, right.
00:23:23We've known him, what, 18 hours?
00:23:24And I'm telling you, he is spying for the tabloids.
00:23:27No, no.
00:23:28And you won't let him stay with us.
00:23:29He's not a therapist.
00:23:30A what?
00:23:31Behavioral psychologist.
00:23:32Oh, shit.
00:23:34Sorry.
00:23:35Look, isn't there someone you can call to come pick you up?
00:23:39No.
00:23:40Think.
00:23:44No.
00:23:46Okay.
00:23:48I'll call him a cab.
00:23:49No.
00:23:52I want him to stay.
00:23:57Okay.
00:23:58Okay.
00:24:24Sometimes what you want
00:24:26isn't what you need.
00:24:42Here's the Feldman report, Mr. Duckwall.
00:24:47Thank you, Tanya.
00:24:48Hold my phone.
00:24:50Oh, Tanya.
00:24:51Um, listen.
00:24:53Wow, this is so weird.
00:24:55You're seducing James Everett
00:24:58and standing right in front of me at the same time.
00:25:01Huh?
00:25:07Oh, God, I hate my hair in this.
00:25:12Look, um, what's your name?
00:25:14Dennis.
00:25:15Dennis.
00:25:16This is Jeremy Coffin, a top Hollywood producer.
00:25:19We met last night.
00:25:20Yeah, he's good.
00:25:21Right, well, he has generously offered
00:25:23to give you a ride home, haven't you?
00:25:25Yeah, whatever.
00:25:28No, thank you.
00:25:29You could be home in an hour.
00:25:31Well, then I would be home and my car would be here.
00:25:33But I really think that I...
00:25:35And Brian wants me to stay.
00:25:37Remember?
00:25:44Enjoy the show, Skip.
00:25:48And now you're about to climb...
00:25:50You're really good at this.
00:25:52Wait, um...
00:25:54Okay, here it is.
00:25:56The therapist must get the new patient
00:25:59to acknowledge his or her issues
00:26:02before a breakthrough can occur.
00:26:07Make a wish!
00:26:09Make a wish!
00:26:10Happy birthday, old man.
00:26:14How much do I love you?
00:26:17Bess Lane said you were long-degraphic.
00:26:20It's got to be better than that fucking deja vu.
00:26:25I have an itis that's very important.
00:26:27The issues you have dealing with...
00:26:29The issues you have dealing with...
00:26:30The issues you have dealing with...
00:26:47But it looks like you're the one with the ring.
00:26:51But it looks like you're the one with the ring.
00:26:53And now you're about to climb the ladder of success.
00:26:56And now you're about to climb the ladder of success.
00:26:58Hey.
00:27:01Hey.
00:27:17Listen.
00:27:19Breathe!
00:27:20I was thinking, I...
00:27:22I know you've been laundering money for Doug Cox.
00:27:26I know you've been laundering money for Doug Cox.
00:27:27It's time to...
00:27:28I want to talk.
00:27:29The gig is up!
00:27:30About?
00:27:32Issues.
00:27:35Oh.
00:27:38Well, okay.
00:27:41Okay.
00:27:43Drug lords.
00:27:45Oh, Christ.
00:27:46Not here. Come on.
00:27:49Okay, it's the 12th.
00:27:51And it's...
00:28:06I thought we were going to talk about issues.
00:28:15Issues?
00:28:16Yeah, I know, all right?
00:28:18I'm trying. It's just...
00:28:21I feel like...
00:28:26Gosh!
00:28:27It's okay. Don't be so hard on yourself.
00:28:29It's your first session.
00:28:30No, I know. I know. I know.
00:28:32It's just, I want to...
00:28:34I think that...
00:28:36Can you help me out a little bit here?
00:28:40Hold on.
00:28:45Okay.
00:28:53Okay.
00:28:56Let's examine your childhood.
00:29:00And perhaps we can find something of importance.
00:29:05Something.
00:29:06And that would lead us into a...
00:29:09Something.
00:29:13All right, um...
00:29:15Where do you want to start?
00:29:17At the beginning.
00:29:24It's okay.
00:29:27Um...
00:29:30Well, my dad left when I was about five,
00:29:33so I really don't remember much about him.
00:29:36And my mom remarried a couple months later to, uh, Louie.
00:29:41Louie was a mean drunk.
00:29:44I remember I, uh...
00:29:45And then when I was 11,
00:29:47he was giving me a ride home from a baseball game.
00:29:50He was, uh, smacking me for not stealing third.
00:29:53I tried to warn him about the road crew and the cement truck.
00:29:56I did.
00:29:58He didn't make it.
00:30:00And I started partying a lot, and, uh...
00:30:03I stole a car, but I returned it, so nothing happened.
00:30:07I was always doing stuff like that.
00:30:09You know, I think the turning point...
00:30:11Okay, this tells me nothing.
00:30:15We need a different approach.
00:30:25Okay.
00:30:27Let's talk about passion.
00:30:31You want to talk about sex?
00:30:33Passion.
00:30:35How does it feel when you watch Jamie make passionate love
00:30:40to some of the greatest actors of our time?
00:30:43Like who?
00:30:45Gutenberg, Estrada, Schwimmer.
00:30:48She's acting.
00:30:50Yeah, but she's very passionate about it. I can tell.
00:30:53Hey, you know what, man? You want her, be my guest.
00:30:56Take a number, get in line.
00:30:59I think we found an issue.
00:31:02Okay.
00:31:08Come on.
00:31:21Would you say that your relationship with Jamie is passionate?
00:31:26I don't know. I mean, it's like any other relationship.
00:31:28It's up and down.
00:31:30No, it's downward, sort of.
00:31:34Because?
00:31:36I don't know.
00:31:38And that makes you feel...
00:31:40Let me see. That makes me feel angry, sad, jealous, pain.
00:31:44Pain. Pain is good.
00:31:46Pain. Pain.
00:31:50Pain.
00:31:55And this pain makes you want to...
00:31:58get drunk and punch somebody? I don't know.
00:32:00No, but you're sad and you want to...
00:32:02you want to...
00:32:05get happy.
00:32:08What? I...
00:32:14I don't understand.
00:32:16Can you please stop?
00:32:18When was the last time you cried?
00:32:22A couple weeks ago. Why?
00:32:24Good, good. And what was it that made you want to cry?
00:32:30I don't know. We were doing a scene where my cat drank hair dye and she died,
00:32:35so I had to cry, so I...
00:32:38I cried.
00:32:55Yeah, hello?
00:32:57Oh, Brian. It's me.
00:32:59I just got off the phone with Herb. Screaming bowl of fuck.
00:33:02Look, he won't make a deal...
00:33:07until I take a meeting with you first.
00:33:10I want you to guarantee that you won't make their lives a living hell.
00:33:14What?
00:33:15Their words, not mine.
00:33:17What can I say? It's a free meal.
00:33:20You know what? That is bullshit.
00:33:22You know what? That is bullshit, Sheila, because the fact of the matter is
00:33:25they can't do Rodeo Salon without me.
00:33:28But baby,
00:33:30why don't you get in and do it?
00:33:34Okay. I'll be there.
00:33:36That's my boy.
00:33:56Skip it, cutie. It's on the house.
00:33:58Well, let me at least get the tip.
00:34:00Forget the tip. I'll take the whole thing.
00:34:05Cheers.
00:34:08Oh, man. My pocket rocket is looking for a socket.
00:34:12A what?
00:34:14A protein supplement.
00:34:16A protein supplement?
00:34:18A what?
00:34:20A protein supplement.
00:34:22Russian lip lock.
00:34:24Saliva screw. Hummer. Smoothie.
00:34:27A blowjob, for Christ's sakes!
00:34:33I thought that's what you meant.
00:34:36Hey, Kenny. Hey.
00:34:38Have you seen Kika?
00:34:40Easy, Nick. She'll be here.
00:34:42Which one's Kika?
00:34:44Tattoos.
00:34:46Here's tongue.
00:34:48Intercourse should be a moment of intimacy shared by two.
00:34:52But how can you share if she's down there and you're up here?
00:34:57Yeah, Nick. How?
00:35:00I mean, what's the point?
00:35:03Let me tell you something, pal.
00:35:05The worst knob goblin I ever got was wonderful.
00:35:09That's the point.
00:35:11Hi. Hi.
00:35:13My friend and I watch your show, and we think you're really cute.
00:35:17You do, huh?
00:35:19So she bet me $5 to see if I couldn't get you to come have a drink with us.
00:35:23$5?
00:35:28She'd have made it $10.
00:35:44No!
00:35:46No!
00:35:48No!
00:36:13I mean, deep down, I'm the shy, sensitive type.
00:36:19You are?
00:36:21Fuck yeah.
00:36:23But if I want my Washington Monument washed,
00:36:26I gotta act, you know, tough.
00:36:29Why?
00:36:31Well, that's what chicks want.
00:36:33You give them the choice between a sensitive guy and a tough guy,
00:36:36they'll blow the tough guy every time.
00:36:40What the fuck you doing?
00:36:42What the fuck it look like I'm doing?
00:36:45I'm gonna kill you, you fucking fuck.
00:36:48No, fuck! No! No, fuck!
00:36:51I don't fucking believe this!
00:36:54Believe it, you fuck!
00:37:03Fuck you, you fucking fuck.
00:37:10Fuck.
00:37:18So this whole tough guy Nick thing is a way to get...
00:37:22Blowjobs?
00:37:24Yeah.
00:37:26Have you ever thought about getting help?
00:37:29For what?
00:37:33Hey, gorgeous, can I get another one?
00:37:37So? So you gonna do them or what?
00:37:40Nah.
00:37:42What are you, Amish or something?
00:37:44Nick, I live with your sister.
00:37:46So? Man, this is sex for Christ's sakes.
00:37:48There are more important things than sex.
00:37:51Name one.
00:37:53Love.
00:37:55What's sex without love?
00:37:57Fun. A lot of fun.
00:37:59Look, let me tell you something.
00:38:01There is nothing in this earth more pure,
00:38:03more important and more satisfying than sex.
00:38:05It's the ultimate human experience.
00:38:07The human race cannot exist without it.
00:38:09You ask what's sex without love?
00:38:11What is love without sex?
00:38:13There's more...
00:38:15Oh, bullshit. When is the last time you had sex?
00:38:20Me? Uh...
00:38:22Approximately.
00:38:24Uh, approximately, um...
00:38:27Five.
00:38:31Or six.
00:38:33Weeks?
00:38:35Months?
00:38:37Years?
00:38:39You haven't had sex in six years?
00:38:42It's not like I planned it.
00:38:44I tried. I just haven't been lucky.
00:38:46Yeah, that's hard to believe,
00:38:48because that Ed Sleeger drive-in's a real chick magnet.
00:38:51Well, partner,
00:38:53you stick with me,
00:38:55because your luck is about to change.
00:38:57Come on. Come on.
00:39:03Hey, Nick.
00:39:05Look who I found.
00:39:07Keika.
00:39:09Hi, Nick.
00:39:11Want to have some fun?
00:39:13Hmm.
00:39:19Oh, thank you, Katherine.
00:39:21Thank you for coming.
00:39:29Well, that was, um, really...
00:39:31I don't know.
00:39:33Intense.
00:39:35Yeah.
00:39:37So, what do you think about a little party, maybe?
00:39:39Sounds good to me.
00:39:45All right.
00:39:47You kids have fun.
00:39:49Huh?
00:39:51No way.
00:39:57Dennis. Hey, Dennis, come on.
00:39:59Wait a second.
00:40:01Hey, Dennis, will you wait?
00:40:03You know the last time a girl let alone two ever tried to pick me up?
00:40:05Never. I'm sorry.
00:40:07You don't know what it's like for the rest of us.
00:40:09You don't know what it's like for the rest of us,
00:40:11because the rules don't apply to you.
00:40:13What rules are you talking about?
00:40:15The rules. The rules.
00:40:17All my life I've played by the rules,
00:40:19and look where it's gotten me, huh?
00:40:21But you, huh, you got money,
00:40:23you got a glamorous job,
00:40:25you got a house in Malibu,
00:40:27and you're in the fucking Lucky Club,
00:40:29and you don't even know it.
00:40:31Oh, I don't, huh? Hey, hey, hey.
00:40:33How stupid do you think I am, huh?
00:40:35Let me tell you something.
00:40:37I get paid a shitload of money
00:40:39to say shitty lines
00:40:41on a shitty TV show
00:40:43that everybody, including me,
00:40:45knows is a piece of shit.
00:40:47And you know what?
00:40:49I'm worried about losing my job.
00:40:51Now, don't you think that bothers me
00:40:53just a little bit, huh?
00:40:55Aah!
00:40:57Aah!
00:41:01Nick?
00:41:03My pubes!
00:41:05They're caught in a stud in Kika's tongue!
00:41:09Ow! Ow, Kika!
00:41:11Don't talk!
00:41:13Oh! Oh!
00:41:15Aah!
00:41:19Listen,
00:41:21the audition's on Tuesday.
00:41:23Audition?
00:41:25What do you mean, I have to audition?
00:41:27Oh, babe, listen,
00:41:29just because we slept together a couple times...
00:41:31No, no, no, no, Jeremy,
00:41:33you said that was the audition.
00:41:35Honey, the director just wants to look at a couple of...
00:41:37Who's the director?
00:41:39Rafael Tubor.
00:41:41Who?
00:41:43Oh, my God, Rafael Tubor.
00:41:45He's very hot.
00:41:47He directed Amber's Hungry For You video.
00:41:49Amber? Wait a minute.
00:41:51Well, she's a little anorexic, put on a couple of pounds,
00:41:53and Rafael thinks she might be good for...
00:41:55Whoa.
00:41:57What?
00:41:59He wants her to play the rape victim?
00:42:01Okay, actually, he wants her to do a song
00:42:03for the soundtrack,
00:42:05and that's the only way we can get her.
00:42:07Sorry.
00:42:09But you're the producer!
00:42:11I know.
00:42:13I know.
00:42:15What?
00:42:17It's just...
00:42:19It's...
00:42:21I'm too old.
00:42:23Is that it?
00:42:27I am 34 years old, for Christ's sakes,
00:42:29and I play 28.
00:42:31Yeah, but Amber is 28,
00:42:33and she plays 23.
00:42:35Babe, it's out of my control, okay?
00:42:39Jeremy, look at me.
00:42:41I got you the audition.
00:42:43If I wanted to,
00:42:45I could go on the Internet tonight
00:42:47and tell the whole world
00:42:49that top Hollywood producer Jeremy Coffin
00:42:51was seen in the emergency room
00:42:53at Cedar Sinai
00:42:55with a rodent stuck up his ass.
00:42:59You see,
00:43:01that would be a lie.
00:43:03Well, that really doesn't matter now,
00:43:05does it?
00:43:07You said the part was mine, Jeremy!
00:43:37How you feeling?
00:43:39Bald.
00:43:41Yeah, no kidding.
00:43:43And, like, uh...
00:43:45I don't know, uh...
00:43:47Traumatized?
00:43:49Yeah.
00:43:51Yeah, yeah.
00:43:53I feel traumatized.
00:43:55Well, don't let it throw you, partner.
00:43:57Yeah, I know.
00:43:59I know.
00:44:01I know.
00:44:03I know.
00:44:05Don't let it throw you, partner.
00:44:07You just gotta get right back up on that horse.
00:44:11Yeah.
00:44:13Yeah.
00:44:15Jennifer.
00:44:17Nick.
00:44:19Fine.
00:44:21Fine. Do you want to come over here
00:44:23and give me a blowjob?
00:44:25Oh, I understand.
00:44:27I understand.
00:44:29Hold on a second, will ya?
00:44:31I gotta call another line.
00:44:34Hey.
00:44:41Sharon!
00:44:43Sharon! Nick!
00:44:51Oh, yeah.
00:44:53It's okay. It's okay. Yeah, yeah.
00:44:57Jane! Nick!
00:44:59Blowjob?
00:45:03Yeah.
00:45:07Some politicians say that oral sex
00:45:09technically isn't sex at all.
00:45:11So going by that,
00:45:13when was the last time you had sex?
00:45:15Get the fuck out of my head!
00:45:17Tracy!
00:45:33♪♪
00:45:43♪♪
00:45:53♪♪
00:46:03Maybe it's time for a reevaluation.
00:46:05This becomes obvious
00:46:07when the patient repeats
00:46:09a behavior pattern
00:46:11and expects a different result.
00:46:15I'd finally gotten through to him.
00:46:17Will you get the fuck out of here?
00:46:23Wait.
00:46:27Wait.
00:46:31Reevaluation?
00:46:35Okay.
00:46:37Okay.
00:46:39Okay.
00:46:43You only have oral sex?
00:46:47Yeah.
00:46:49With women with whom you have
00:46:51no emotional attachment whatsoever?
00:46:53Right.
00:46:55Are you satisfied with that?
00:46:57Yes. Why?
00:47:01Maybe there's more.
00:47:03More?
00:47:05Have you ever thought about having sex
00:47:07in which you are actually a participant
00:47:09and not just a recipient?
00:47:31Where you been?
00:47:33A screening.
00:47:35Jeremy's new film.
00:47:39And how was it?
00:47:43It's a Jeremy film.
00:47:47He's using you, you know.
00:47:51I'm using him.
00:47:53It's a win-win situation.
00:47:57Let me ask you something.
00:48:01Do you just not care
00:48:03what people are saying about you?
00:48:05Or are you purposely trying to hurt me?
00:48:07Well, I could ask you the same thing.
00:48:09No, no, I am not the one who walked out
00:48:11on a house full of people last night.
00:48:13No, you're the one who fell down piss-ass drunk.
00:48:17Can we not
00:48:19do this right now?
00:48:21Do what?
00:48:23Have the same argument
00:48:25we've had a thousand times already.
00:48:33Okay.
00:49:03Okay.
00:49:05Okay.
00:49:07Okay.
00:49:09Okay.
00:49:11Okay.
00:49:13Okay.
00:49:15Okay.
00:49:17Okay.
00:49:19Okay.
00:49:21Okay.
00:49:23Okay.
00:49:25Okay.
00:49:27Okay.
00:49:29Okay.
00:49:31Okay.
00:49:47You just make yourself right at home,
00:49:49don't you?
00:49:51Your script was just sitting here.
00:49:53I want to talk to you.
00:49:55Oh.
00:49:57About Brian.
00:49:59Oh.
00:50:01I don't know what you've been telling him.
00:50:03I can't tell you. Doctor-patient confidentiality.
00:50:05Fine.
00:50:07You're ignoring the real problem.
00:50:09I bet you're going to say that it's his drinking.
00:50:11Bingo!
00:50:13So the fact that he caught you in bed with Jeremy,
00:50:15that has nothing to do with...
00:50:17Look, first of all, he did not catch me in bed with Jeremy.
00:50:19You spent the night with him, didn't you?
00:50:21That was just...
00:50:23networking.
00:50:25Networking?
00:50:27Yeah.
00:50:31So this guy Jeremy that you were...
00:50:33Networking?
00:50:35Were networking with...
00:50:37Are his movies any good?
00:50:39Ha!
00:50:41They're celluloid turds.
00:50:43What?
00:50:45They make money.
00:50:47So...
00:50:49So you networked with this guy Jeremy
00:50:51so that he would put you in his crappy movie
00:50:53because...
00:50:55Is it for your career?
00:50:59It's more difficult and complicated than that.
00:51:01Is it?
00:51:03Yes, it is.
00:51:05Well, don't you feel you're good enough to get the part
00:51:07without networking?
00:51:09Yes.
00:51:11It's just more...
00:51:13Complicated?
00:51:21You are...
00:51:23Good enough.
00:51:53Seeing three patients...
00:51:55All have...
00:51:57Commitment issues...
00:51:59Plus...
00:52:01Alcohol...
00:52:03Abuse...
00:52:05And oral sex fixation.
00:52:07Yeah.
00:52:37Hey.
00:52:53Hey.
00:52:55Hey.
00:53:03Nice view.
00:53:05You gonna jump?
00:53:09Thinking about it?
00:53:13It's not a good idea.
00:53:15No, why not?
00:53:17You're not high enough.
00:53:19Unless you dive into the concrete.
00:53:21You know, you break your...
00:53:23Legs, your back, maybe your neck.
00:53:25Well, at first it's a ticket, right?
00:53:27Yeah.
00:53:29If you wanna do it right.
00:53:31Otherwise you'll live, you know.
00:53:33You'll spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair.
00:53:35In pain.
00:53:37You sure?
00:53:39Yeah, I used to work in a hospital.
00:53:41Oh, wow.
00:53:43The upside is, you know...
00:53:45People will feel really sorry for you.
00:53:47And think you're really brave.
00:53:49The downside is that...
00:53:51The girls won't try to pick you up in bars anymore.
00:53:55Deep down inside you'll know you're not brave.
00:53:59And you'll fail to make your point.
00:54:01No.
00:54:03Whatever that is.
00:54:09Well, then head first, right?
00:54:11If that's what you want.
00:54:26What do you want?
00:54:28Nothing.
00:54:32Help.
00:54:48Hello, Kika?
00:54:50Hi.
00:54:52Hi, it's me.
00:54:54Did your tongue stop bleeding?
00:54:56Oh, no, no, no.
00:54:58I can understand you just fine.
00:55:00Really.
00:55:02Yeah.
00:55:04What are you thinking right now?
00:55:08You're kidding.
00:55:10Me too.
00:55:18Morning.
00:55:20Morning.
00:55:23Um...
00:55:27You're welcome.
00:55:29For what?
00:55:31Last night.
00:55:33Our little, um...
00:55:35Session.
00:55:37Talk.
00:55:39I gotta tell you.
00:55:41I watched Underhanded 3 last night.
00:55:43You made Tanya...
00:55:45Strong.
00:55:47Decisive.
00:55:49Loving.
00:55:51Your hair looked really good.
00:55:53Thanks.
00:55:57I'd love to see Jamie be...
00:55:59A little bit more like Tanya.
00:56:01And a little less like...
00:56:03Me?
00:56:14Okay, well, she knew what I meant.
00:56:17I was surprised at how much
00:56:19I'd accomplished in just one session.
00:56:21She wasn't the same person
00:56:23she was the day before.
00:56:25Yeah, coming.
00:56:27Too fucking early to...
00:56:29Hi.
00:56:31Jamie.
00:56:33Um...
00:56:35Hi, what time is it?
00:56:37Do we have a...
00:56:39No, I just, um...
00:56:41I'd given her back her self-respect.
00:56:43I wanted to apologize.
00:56:45For last night.
00:56:47I was way out of line.
00:56:49No, no, no, I was out of line.
00:56:51I mean, I could have been more sensitive.
00:56:53No, no, Jeremy, it's just that
00:56:55I really believe in this project.
00:56:57I know, I know.
00:56:59You're a very passionate person.
00:57:01I respect that.
00:57:03I mean, that's exactly
00:57:05what this character needs.
00:57:07Passion.
00:57:09Well...
00:57:11I just hope that you won't
00:57:13make her cry.
00:57:19Here, babe.
00:57:21Hi.
00:57:23You're, um...
00:57:25Jamie Whitlow.
00:57:27Yeah, hi.
00:57:29I'm Amber.
00:57:31I'm a big fan.
00:57:33It's nice to meet you, Amber.
00:57:35You're so good
00:57:37in all those underhanded films.
00:57:39I've seen all of them.
00:57:42Are you gonna be
00:57:44in Jeremy's film, too?
00:57:57Uh-huh, yeah, I'll tell him.
00:57:59Oh, look, I've gotta go.
00:58:01That wasn't a personal call.
00:58:03Where's Brian?
00:58:05I don't know.
00:58:07Look, Jamie, I know you have
00:58:09I just want you out of my house.
00:58:11Well, that's a boundary issue.
00:58:13But I...
00:58:15Have you been crying?
00:58:17No.
00:58:19You've been crying?
00:58:21Jamie, that's great!
00:58:23Now the healing can begin.
00:58:25Look, I just lost the lead role
00:58:27to someone younger, sexier,
00:58:29and not even an actress.
00:58:31I'm in no mood for your touchy-feely bullshit.
00:58:33Well, we all have our little setbacks,
00:58:35but we learn from them.
00:58:37I have been fighting my entire life.
00:58:39I have fought diabetes
00:58:41since I was 15 years old.
00:58:43And I fought to become the best actress I could be.
00:58:45Oh, and when that didn't make a damn bit of difference,
00:58:47I fought to get to the people
00:58:49who could give me the jobs.
00:58:51I fought my ex-husband when he sold
00:58:53my entire life story to the tabloids.
00:58:55And I have fought Brian for six years
00:58:57to keep him from destroying himself.
00:58:59I have fought stereotypes, sexism,
00:59:01age, gravity...
00:59:03I know how to...
00:59:34Morning.
00:59:36Hey.
00:59:38Hey.
00:59:44Hey. Hey!
00:59:46What are you doing? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
00:59:48Stop! I'm helping you. What?
00:59:50Last night you said you wanted help.
00:59:52Aw, what, are you crazy?
00:59:54I was drunk last night.
00:59:56I know. That's why I'm helping you.
00:59:58What? Hey, just...
01:00:00Stop it!
01:00:03She answered the phone.
01:00:09Hello?
01:00:11Brian, darling, where the hell are you?
01:00:13Herb is having a coronary.
01:00:15Can this wait? Who the fuck is this?
01:00:17It's your agent.
01:00:22Give me that.
01:00:24Yeah, Sheila, what is it?
01:00:26Brian, where the hell are you?
01:00:28Oh, shit!
01:00:33Hey, hey, sorry I'm late.
01:00:35You wouldn't believe the P.C.H.
01:00:37How you doing, Herb? Brian?
01:00:39No, sit, sit, stay, stay.
01:00:41Hey, Michelle Barton Bergman.
01:00:43Burton Bergman.
01:00:45Hi.
01:00:47I'm sorry, this is, uh, Dennis, uh...
01:00:50Shiplead.
01:00:52Shiplead.
01:00:54Dennis, Dennis is my, um...
01:00:56Personal...assistant.
01:00:58He was...
01:01:00Hi.
01:01:02Hi.
01:01:04Uh, Brian?
01:01:06We just wanted to talk with you alone.
01:01:08Great, great.
01:01:10Hey, hey, hey, partner, how you doing?
01:01:12Can we get some drinks here?
01:01:14Four Bloody Marys to start. That good with everybody?
01:01:16Virgin Mary for me.
01:01:18Mr. Shiplead, we really...
01:01:20Hold on, hold on, hold on. No offense.
01:01:22We just wanted to talk with Brian alone.
01:01:24We got personal business, if you don't mind.
01:01:26No.
01:01:28I want him to stay.
01:01:33Herb, Michelle,
01:01:35if I could just make an observation here.
01:01:38The fact that you're meeting with Brian on a Sunday morning
01:01:40with less than 48 hours
01:01:42before you have to announce your fall schedule
01:01:44tells me that, A,
01:01:46all of your one-hour pilots bombed with the test audiences.
01:01:49So, B, you are in desperate need
01:01:51of another season of Rodeo Salon,
01:01:53not just to fill that gaping hole in your Friday night lineup,
01:01:56but also to complete a syndication package
01:01:58worth hundreds of millions to the network.
01:02:01Is it fair to say
01:02:03you have some issues with Brian?
01:02:07Yes. Yes, we have some issues.
01:02:09Good, good. Hold on to that.
01:02:11Now, Brian, how are you feeling right now?
01:02:16Uh, amazed.
01:02:18I'm, I'm, I'm feeling defensive.
01:02:22And I'm, I'm feeling, uh...
01:02:25You know, I'm kind of pissed off to be here.
01:02:28And I'm, uh, I'm, I'm confused.
01:02:31Good. I want you to embrace those feelings.
01:02:34Yeah, yeah. Hey, hey, how are we doing on those drinks, huh?
01:02:37Stay with me.
01:02:39Now, Herb, I know you're wondering
01:02:41why you should renew Brian's contract.
01:02:43When he shows up late for work, he doesn't know the lines,
01:02:46and he has cost the network hundreds of thousands in overruns.
01:02:49Am I in the ballpark here?
01:02:51Yeah.
01:02:53How does it make you feel?
01:02:55I don't like it. It's hurting the network.
01:02:58No, I don't want to know about the network.
01:03:01I want to know about Herb.
01:03:03How does Herb feel?
01:03:10Herb feels abused.
01:03:13Uh...
01:03:15ineffectual as an executive and a person.
01:03:19Angry.
01:03:22Herb feels angry.
01:03:24Good. Embrace that.
01:03:27Now, Michelle, we haven't heard from you yet.
01:03:33I feel...
01:03:35I feel this is bullshit.
01:03:38Go on.
01:03:42I feel Brian's an alcoholic with minimal talent
01:03:45that's being coddled by the network.
01:03:47I feel Herb's insecurity about his job
01:03:50and about his sexual orientation
01:03:52is influencing his decisions on the false schedule.
01:03:55I feel ignored and abused
01:03:57because I'm a woman in a traditionally male position,
01:04:00and I feel you're making me say things
01:04:02that I really don't want to be saying
01:04:04but I can't help myself because I want to say them!
01:04:07That's very good, Michelle.
01:04:09But we're here to talk about Brian.
01:04:12Brian, Herb,
01:04:14is there any truth in what Michelle has said?
01:04:18I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:04:20I didn't know that I was patronizing.
01:04:22I'm sorry. You were going to say something?
01:04:25No, no, man. Herb, go, go. You're good.
01:04:28Okay, um...
01:04:30It's really tough being an executive.
01:04:33Herb, if I may,
01:04:35could we return to Michelle's comment
01:04:37regarding your sexual orientation?
01:04:40I'm so glad we did this talk.
01:04:42Thank you so much.
01:04:44This was great.
01:04:46It was wonderful.
01:04:48Thank you so much.
01:04:50This has been very constructive.
01:04:52Listen, um, I'm wondering
01:04:54if you have an open spot next Sunday?
01:04:57I'll check my book.
01:04:59That'd be great.
01:05:01Okay, who gets this?
01:05:04I got my job back.
01:05:06Yes, you did.
01:05:08The group...
01:05:11had bonded.
01:05:14Everyone was crying.
01:05:21The healing had begun.
01:05:26I'm sorry.
01:05:29The healing had begun.
01:05:33I realize that I'm only in my first virtual semester
01:05:37at the California Institute for Human Behavior, dot com,
01:05:41and some may feel that it may be premature
01:05:44for me to be treating patients.
01:05:54Come on, please, join us.
01:05:56But if you could only see
01:05:58how much pain these people had been living with.
01:06:01It's good to see you.
01:06:03I'm sure you'd agree that it would be irresponsible
01:06:06to just stand by and let them continue to suffer.
01:06:10Wait, wait.
01:06:13Their issues and denial are so deep-seated
01:06:16that none of them even realized they needed help
01:06:19until I showed them how dysfunctional they really were.
01:06:27And after only a few sessions,
01:06:31I can see a noticeable change in their behavior patterns.
01:06:36I give full credit to the excellent teaching
01:06:39by my CIHB.com virtual professors.
01:06:43Thanks to them, I have the confidence
01:06:47to continue helping my patients
01:06:50and to expand my practice.
01:06:54It's the 14th, and it's...
01:07:02Okay.
01:07:04Um...
01:07:09We, um...
01:07:12had sex.
01:07:14Oh, oh, good for you.
01:07:17Yeah, I'm not sure I'm ready for that.
01:07:20Oh, oh, good for you.
01:07:22Yeah, um...
01:07:24How was it?
01:07:26Um...
01:07:28Unsatisfactory sex.
01:07:30No, we did not say that.
01:07:32Yes, you did.
01:07:34You know what? We tried everything.
01:07:36What is it? I mean, what is wrong with us?
01:07:38That's a good question. What is the matter here?
01:07:40We don't know!
01:07:42Well, you gotta figure that out.
01:07:47Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
01:07:49You! You have to help us!
01:07:51More than I already have?
01:07:53Look, surely you know some words or some...
01:07:55Something! Some kind of technique, maybe!
01:07:57Please.
01:07:59You gotta help us.
01:08:20Sometimes what you want...
01:08:23isn't what you need.
01:08:27Sometimes what you want...
01:08:31isn't what you need?
01:08:33Sometimes what you want...
01:08:37isn't what you need.
01:08:40Sometimes what you want...
01:08:43isn't what you need.
01:08:47Oh, my God.
01:08:51Please.
01:08:53Hey, hey, Jamie. Jamie, wait a second.
01:08:56Jamie, wait!
01:08:58Jamie, wait! Jamie, wait!
01:09:00Jamie, wait!
01:09:02Jamie, wait!
01:09:23What are you doing?
01:09:25I'm making shelves, my dear. I'm making shelves.
01:09:28Why?
01:09:30We don't have enough room in our garage for our cars.
01:09:33We've got too much shit.
01:09:37Grab that, will you?
01:09:43Are you sure you know what you're doing?
01:09:45It's what I used to do for a living,
01:09:47back before I was TV's Chase, Chad, Chance and Chain.
01:09:52Your meeting with Herb went well?
01:09:54Yes.
01:09:56I will survive the explosion at the Rodeo Salon
01:09:59to style hair and break hearts on Friday nights
01:10:02for yet another exciting season.
01:10:04Congratulations.
01:10:08You must be very happy.
01:10:10Yeah. I must be, mustn't I?
01:10:17Oh, Jesus, come here.
01:10:24I've forgotten what this feels like.
01:10:30Me too.
01:10:55Oh, my God.
01:10:59Oh, man.
01:11:01Honey? Where'd you go?
01:11:04I was...
01:11:06What's wrong?
01:11:08Your car's gone.
01:11:10What?
01:11:12And I think Dennis' too.
01:11:16Dennis?
01:11:18Dennis, where are you?
01:11:20Jamie, he's not here.
01:11:22Dennis, this is not funny!
01:11:25Dennis!
01:11:28Dennis, where are you?
01:11:33Dennis?
01:11:38Yeah. Jeremy Coffin?
01:11:40Yeah.
01:11:41I'm Dennis Shipley.
01:11:43I met you at Jamie's party the other night.
01:11:45Uh-huh.
01:11:47Oh, right, right, right.
01:11:49You work with Bob and Harvey, right?
01:11:51No, I was the bartender.
01:11:53Oh, right. Oh, yeah.
01:11:55Is it, like, what, some script you want me to read?
01:11:58No, actually, it's your script.
01:12:00I was reading it, and it struck me that...
01:12:02Wait, it struck...
01:12:04You're a fucking bartender.
01:12:06What can you tell me about my script that I don't already know?
01:12:10I was thinking that it's not just Jeremy's script.
01:12:14I think it's Jeremy's story.
01:12:18Come in.
01:12:25Yes, I'd like to report a stolen car.
01:12:27Jamie, but...
01:12:29BMW 525i.
01:12:31But if he did it, he's got a perfectly good...
01:12:33Yes, and we know who took it.
01:12:35Dennis, um...
01:12:37Dennis, Dennis, what is his last name?
01:12:40Shipley.
01:12:42Where in the hell have you been?
01:12:45I was at Jeremy's.
01:12:47Went through some issues.
01:12:49Did you know when he was a teenager, he weighed over 300 pounds?
01:12:52Oh.
01:12:54And you got the part in the movie.
01:12:56I do?
01:13:00Never mind.
01:13:02What about Amber?
01:13:04I told Jeremy that nobody was going to take her.
01:13:07I told him that.
01:13:09What about Amber?
01:13:11I told Jeremy that nobody wants to see an anorexic do a nude scene.
01:13:15Oh, your tank was on empty, so I refilled it for you.
01:13:20Thanks.
01:13:22Amber's not going to do the soundtrack either.
01:13:24He's going to use the Dixie Chicks.
01:13:26Why?
01:13:28I like the Dixie Chicks.
01:13:30PHONE RINGS
01:13:35Hello?
01:13:40Thanks.
01:13:42Yeah.
01:13:44Oh, okay. Thanks.
01:13:47The car's ready.
01:13:50This is good. Can I take a piece home?
01:13:54Ever since Freud, there's been a big debate about psychoanalysis.
01:13:58You know, whether it's a science or an art.
01:14:02Trust me, it's an art.
01:14:05Oh, my God!
01:14:07Okie dokie. Well, I'm going to go get my car.
01:14:27You have a meeting with Herb Kobisch.
01:14:30What?
01:14:32He called me first thing this morning.
01:14:34He wants you to do a talk show.
01:14:36He wants you to kill people.
01:14:38He wants your show to kick Oprah's ass.
01:14:40His words, not mine. Personally, I love her.
01:14:43I could help thousands of people.
01:14:45Millions!
01:14:47Sigmund Freud.
01:14:49Carl Jung.
01:14:51Dr. Phil.
01:14:54Me.
01:14:56Wow!
01:14:59Brian, darling, I'll call you later.
01:15:03Six years.
01:15:05How did she know?
01:15:26You know, some people think that one day there won't be a need for therapists.
01:15:31You know, that all of our issues and dysfunctions will be cured just by taking a pill.
01:15:38I don't think so.
01:15:41People will always need somebody to listen.
01:15:47I gotta go!
01:15:53Well, thanks.
01:15:56Thanks for stopping!
01:15:58Bye!
01:16:01Bye!
01:16:31Hello?
01:16:33Hi!
01:16:34Hey!
01:16:35Hey, uh, what's up?
01:16:37It's Tuesday!
01:16:39Uh-huh.
01:16:41Our appointment?
01:16:43Yes, yes. Hold on.
01:16:47Hey, how you doing?
01:16:48We've got so much to tell you.
01:16:50Oh my God, you have changed our lives.
01:16:52Could we reschedule? Something's come up.
01:16:54Another client?
01:16:56No, um, a friend.
01:16:59A friend.
01:17:00Well, uh...
01:17:01Fuck you, Herb! Fuck you!
01:17:08I told you to make me a screaming orgasm!
01:17:29You know the shit that you've avoided? You've got it, you avoid it.
01:17:31Crying in your tissues as I'm dealing with your issues.
01:17:34Yo, yo, listen to me. If you wanna be free of the feelings deep inside you've been trying to hide.
01:17:39Do the street rap, rap, rap. Yeah.
01:17:42Do the street rap, rap, rap, rap.
01:17:45Anyway, it's gotta be better than that fucking day job of yours.
01:17:48You know what I'm saying?
01:17:50So you talk to Dr. Laura and you talk to Dr. Bill.
01:17:52You talk to Dr. Ruth and you take a bunch of pills.
01:17:55Eat a glass of ice cream and drink a cup of gin.
01:17:57But you're only feeling worse, so you do it all again.
01:18:00You gotta do the street rap, rap.
01:18:02Get in touch with yourself and all the touchy-feely crap.
01:18:05All the shit that you've avoided? You've got it, you avoid it.
01:18:08Crying in your tissues as I'm dealing with your issues.
01:18:11Yo, yo, listen to me. If you wanna be free of the feelings deep inside you've been trying to hide.
01:18:16Do the street rap, rap. Yeah.
01:18:18Do the street rap, rap, rap, rap.
01:18:22Fuck you. No. Fuck you, Herb. Fuck you.
01:18:26Give me a sex on the beach. Will you skip?
01:18:29See? Aren't you glad I didn't let you quit?
01:18:33People will always need somebody to listen.