Bad Thoughts - Season 1 Episode 2
#CinemaJourney
#CinemaJourney
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Oh, come on, sir.
00:11Where's my slice?
00:12Sorry, Cyrus All Out.
00:30Oh, my God.
00:48Stay away from me.
00:51Shane Marys?
00:53Is that where you're coming from?
00:56What's happening outside?
00:58It's a good hospital.
01:00You probably went under when most people did.
01:06Shit started to go wild.
01:09Computers crashed.
01:11Then the aliens showed up.
01:13What?
01:14Yeah.
01:15The whole world's gone to shit.
01:17Aliens out there forcing people.
01:23Having their way with them.
01:26Sexually.
01:28Sexually?
01:29I don't understand.
01:33What's your name?
01:35I'm Evan.
01:36Evan.
01:38That's a nice name.
01:40I'm Roger.
01:42Come on.
01:43I got you.
01:49You're going to be all right.
01:50I got to get out of here, man.
01:59You're lucky you found this place.
02:01You're safe in here.
02:03How long have you been here?
02:06A long time.
02:09You haven't tried to leave?
02:10There's only one way to get out of here.
02:15What?
02:16What is it?
02:20You're not going to like it.
02:22I don't care if I don't like it, man.
02:25Just tell me.
02:26I saw some people do it when I first got here.
02:34It was horrible.
02:36You saw it and it worked?
02:39Why haven't you tried?
02:42You need two people.
02:44They both have to be committed.
02:46That's good.
02:48All right?
02:49We're two people.
02:51And we're committed.
02:53Just tell me what it is.
02:56Okay.
02:58You see that toilet over there?
03:02Yeah?
03:04I'm going to sit on that toilet.
03:06And when I do,
03:08there will be a gap between my legs.
03:11You're going to come over there
03:12and you're going to sit in that gap.
03:14And listen,
03:16this is where it gets odd.
03:19We both have to shit at the same time.
03:22And if we can do that,
03:25a portal
03:26will open on that wall
03:29and we can leave this madness.
03:33How could you fuck with me like that, man?
03:35I'm not fucking with you.
03:38Sit on a toilet with you
03:39and shit at the same time?
03:41It works.
03:43Yeah.
03:44Yeah, you're a fucking lunatic, man.
03:46I'm fucking out of here.
03:51I wouldn't do that.
03:59I just went in to have my appendix removed.
04:02You see this wall?
04:08This is the portal
04:09that opens some
04:11interdimensional
04:13alien
04:14something.
04:16I...
04:16I've seen it.
04:21It works.
04:22This is insane, man.
04:29So I'm just going to sit back
04:30so the gap is big enough for you in there.
04:35And then we're going to shit together?
04:37Take a look around, man.
04:40I fell asleep in the hospital
04:41and woke up in a goddamn alien apocalypse.
04:45Machines fighting aliens.
04:47Aliens fucking humans.
04:48Is this really
04:50the craziest thing
04:50happening these days?
04:53God, they're fucking humans.
04:56Uh, maybe you'd be
04:57a little more comfortable
04:58if you just kind of
05:00faced out the other way.
05:02Like, turn around.
05:03Yeah?
05:04Yeah, okay.
05:06Yeah.
05:07There you go.
05:08Nice.
05:09Nice.
05:10Now we just need to focus.
05:12Okay.
05:13Here we go, Roger.
05:14Here we go.
05:15I should.
05:26I didn't.
05:28I didn't.
05:29Nothing's happening.
05:32Evan, I...
05:33I didn't go.
05:36What?
05:37You didn't, but...
05:39I guess I wasn't ready.
05:41Do you maybe have another one in you?
05:42Another one?
05:44I don't know, man.
05:46Hold on.
05:48Oh, maybe a little one.
05:50That's enough.
05:51Okay.
05:53All right.
05:54Here it goes.
05:54You ready?
05:55You bet.
05:56Yeah, okay.
05:58Okay.
05:59Here it goes.
06:01Here it goes.
06:07What is it?
06:08I didn't.
06:10I shit.
06:12Oh, my God.
06:13Did you shit, too?
06:17You know what?
06:19I didn't.
06:22You didn't go.
06:24Then...
06:26Why did I just shit between your legs?
06:30So I can come, baby.
06:31So what'd you think?
06:54I love it.
06:55All right.
06:57Nice.
06:57We'll take it.
06:58Great.
06:59Good kid, yeah.
07:00How'd you trick him?
07:01I made him shit.
07:03You did.
07:04That's very clever.
07:05Is it?
07:05Yeah.
07:06Yeah, that is very clever.
07:08Do you want the neuron adapter?
07:09It shocks you when the alien comes.
07:11Buddy, what do you think?
07:13Yeah.
07:13Yeah, let's go for it.
07:14All right.
07:15Some people say it hurts, but I think it adds to the experience.
07:23Success is tough.
07:24Some people define success as spending quality time with the people they love.
07:28And I think we can all agree that those people are losers.
07:33Success means different things to different people.
07:36To this person, it's gaining followers.
07:39To this guy, success means spreading conspiracy theories on the internet.
07:42I'm a 20-year-old African-American woman, and the measles vaccine caused my hair to fall out.
07:47And to this man, it means going to the bathroom without filling up the entire toilet with blood.
07:54Not today.
07:56What does success mean to you?
07:58He's one of the most successful actors to brace the screen.
08:08He's punched, he's kicked, he's flipped countless bad guys.
08:12Didn't your mother teach you not to stay out after dark?
08:15Now we are behind the scenes on the super-secret set of the new high-octane thriller, Maximum Kickage.
08:24Starring the man, the myth, the legend himself, Steven Seagal.
08:29Steven, you look great.
08:32Yeah.
08:32In the film, you play Drake Kickage, an American sent to Russia to expose corrupt FBI agents who are running a fentanyl and cutie form room.
08:45Also, I dismantle nuclear bombs.
08:48Also, I'm a doctor.
08:49Also, I make love to many beautiful women.
08:52Sort of like you.
08:54Yeah.
08:55Like any great Steven Seagal movie, the audience can expect heart-pounding fight scenes.
09:02I do karate on a helicopter.
09:06I do bowling pool on a speeding motorcycle.
09:09I do all my own shit.
09:10Not like that pussy Tom Cruise.
09:11Open up.
09:14That was your fault.
09:15Isn't it dangerous to do stunts practically?
09:17If you're a bitch.
09:18Right.
09:18Van Damme's a bitch.
09:20Wesley Snipes is a bitch.
09:22Daniel Craig's a bitch.
09:23So how do you...
09:24Jason Statham's a bitch.
09:25Oh.
09:25Tom Cruise, did I say him?
09:27You did.
09:27He's a double bitch.
09:30What's it like shooting a movie in Russia?
09:32The greatest.
09:32The greatest.
09:33My good friend, Vladimir Putin.
09:36I'm very excited.
09:37It's just been a dream come true.
09:40You're not supposed to be FBI.
09:42Mm-hmm.
09:43You said to be F-B-B-B-B-B.
09:51Hi, I'm James Gonzalez, and I play FBI Villain One.
09:54Yeah.
09:55Okay, could you pay for this?
09:56Yeah, yeah.
09:57Ah!
09:58Cut.
09:58What the fuck, Steven?
10:00What the fuck, Steven?
10:01I'm Erica.
10:01I play the head of Special Forces, and working with Steven has been an incredible experience.
10:08Um, I can't speak highly.
10:20Um...
10:21Oh, uh...
10:27Sugar, this ain't nothing but a nuke.
10:36Cut the black wire.
10:38From what I hear, you don't always stick to the script.
10:41But I am the king of improv.
10:43In my 30 years on Special Forces, I've never seen anyone as brave as you.
10:47Shut up and kiss me.
10:49What?
10:49Um, the...
10:51Um, got it, the...
10:52The bomb's open.
10:54Um, no?
10:56What are you doing here?
10:57In my 30 years on Special Forces, I've never seen anyone as brave as you.
11:02Shut up and kiss me.
11:03Like I said, I am the king of improv.
11:16You do have a way with words.
11:21Fuck, fuck, fuck.
11:23Do we need a cut?
11:24Nah, baby.
11:24These are my investors.
11:27Cuck Dilla!
11:28Hey, what a surprise.
11:30All right.
11:35Well, this is gonna be a classic.
11:36It's got fights, hardcore sex.
11:42We got one more scene.
11:43That's it.
11:44You're gonna love it.
11:49Hey, hey, hey, no, no, listen, y'all.
11:51Just give old Stevie one more shot.
11:53It's gonna be a beautiful scene.
11:55Come watch.
11:56Let me do my magic.
11:58Let me keep my testicles.
11:59All right, we'll see the price.
12:07Bravo, Mark.
12:08Here we go.
12:08Ready.
12:09And action.
12:11America says it's tax time.
12:16You know I could kill you very easily right now, but I know you'd be waiting for me in hell.
12:27Fuck it.
12:27I'm dying.
12:33I'm leaving and I'm dying.
12:35Look at me die, everybody.
12:36Do you really?
12:39Cut.
12:42That was the best acting I've ever seen me do.
12:46Wait, it ain't gotta be like this, man.
12:51Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
12:51Maximum kickage coming to hotel rooms and Russian annexed territories this fall.
13:02Yeah, I just want to go home, man.
13:09Hey, hen hounds.
13:12It's your favorite country global superstar, Rex Henley.
13:15I've been seeing the comments y'all have been leaving on my social media platforms and I've been hearing the jokes on TV.
13:21Country singer Rex Henley has a new single.
13:24It's called, and I'm not making this up, Rich Guy Advice.
13:28That is the actual title of the album.
13:31Rex Henley is a fucking weirdo.
13:33This is the guy who used to write heartfelt American songs about his 65 Chevy.
13:38Now he's doing this.
13:39I get it.
13:40I got too many fancy cars.
13:43Planes.
13:44Drink too many ice macchiados.
13:47Rex, here's some Rich Guy advice for you.
13:48Stop making music, please.
13:51I'm gonna make a promise to y'all.
13:54The next time you hear a Rex Henley song,
13:58you're gonna get touched
13:59in a way you've never been touched before.
14:04And I like that.
14:07I really like that.
14:09Uh...
14:10Uh...
14:11Uh...
14:11Uh...
14:12Uh...
14:13Uh...
14:15Uh...
14:15Uh...
14:16Uh...
14:17Uh...
14:18Uh...
14:18Uh...
14:19Yeah, you all up.
14:23Yeah!
14:24Oh, what?
14:25No, no, sir.
14:26Uh, oh, please, sir.
14:28I was just trying to tie my shoe.
14:29He can't kill!
14:31Uh...
14:31Uh...
14:31Uh...
14:31Uh...
14:32Uh...
14:32Uh...
14:33Uh...
14:34Uh...
14:37Uh...
14:38Uh...
14:38Uh...
14:38Uh...
14:39Please don't hurt me.
14:54No one's gonna hurt you.
14:56Where am I?
14:58The last thing I remember was being at a concert, I think.
15:02Yeah, we were all at a fucking concert.
15:09Here we go.
15:19Don't even think about running.
15:29He's coming.
15:32He's coming!
15:39Here's a game. Kick!
15:59Just keep climbing.
16:09All right!
16:10Is that Rex Hagley?
16:11Whoo!
16:12All right!
16:13You guys ready for an unplug sesh?
16:14Yay!
16:16Hey, that's the good stuff, man.
16:17Goddamn, I miss those cheers.
16:18Feels good when they clap.
16:19All right.
16:21Whoo!
16:23Now, where are my hen hounds at?
16:24Yay!
16:25You guys ready to get to it?
16:26You lazy bums.
16:27What is happening?
16:28Enough resting.
16:29He's kidnapped a bunch of his fans.
16:30He's mining us for material.
16:31He's trying to write a new album.
16:32Think of this as a conversation.
16:33You guys ready for an unplug sesh?
16:34Hey, that's the good stuff, man.
16:35Goddamn, I miss those cheers.
16:36Feels good when they clap.
16:37All right.
16:38Whoo!
16:39Now, where are my hen hounds at?
16:40Yay!
16:42You guys ready to get to it?
16:43You lazy bums.
16:44What is happening?
16:45Enough resting.
16:46He snapped a bunch of his fans, and he's mining us for material.
16:50He's trying to write a new album.
16:51Think of this as a conversation.
16:54We are wiping out the walls between you and me
16:57in an effort to get to the truth.
17:00That's where I want to go.
17:01I want to get to the real stuff, slick stuff, raw stuff.
17:04He even built this fake town to try to relate to normal folk.
17:07The only way you do that is by being honest.
17:10I'm in pursuit of it.
17:12He calls us the poors.
17:14I'm a brain surgeon.
17:15Now, who's ready to share a problem they got?
17:19You.
17:20Pat.
17:21Tell me one of your problems.
17:22Uh...
17:24My feet hurt.
17:26My feet hurt.
17:28You hear this shit?
17:29You think I'm trying to write a song about a busted fucking flip-flop?
17:32This ain't Margaritaville, muchacho.
17:34I want some real shit.
17:35Why don't you go get your toes done?
17:37Anybody else?
17:38You.
17:40My mother died in 9-11.
17:43Ooh.
17:44I like that.
17:46Bangsong.
17:47Where are your manners?
17:48Get this starving bitch a shrimp.
17:51You.
17:52You.
17:53You.
17:54You.
17:55You.
17:56You.
17:57You.
17:58You.
17:59You.
18:00You.
18:01You.
18:02You.
18:03You.
18:04You.
18:05You.
18:06You.
18:07You.
18:08You.
18:09You.
18:10You.
18:11You.
18:12You.
18:13You.
18:14You.
18:15You know, I like 9-11 as much as the next guy.
18:26But my good buddy Bongsong here just reminded me
18:30that a few months ago, you said your mama died in a hurricane.
18:36Now, I do not quite recall what sent those towers crumbling down,
18:41because I was very busy that morning.
18:43But I'm pretty sure it wasn't a fuckin' hurricane!
18:48No! No, the guys!
18:51No!
18:53Guys, guys, guys!
18:56This is about trust.
18:59I mean, we're a family here.
19:01What?
19:02Families love each other. Families laugh together.
19:06We laugh all goddamn day!
19:09Oh, we're not a family.
19:11What was that?
19:12What was that?
19:14What'd you just say?
19:15Uh...
19:16I said...
19:17I said we're not a family.
19:20Uh, yes, we are.
19:22It says it right there on the fuckin' merch!
19:24Well, family don't kidnap each other.
19:28You just...
19:42Fuck!
19:43Way to ruin the groove, you selfish shit!
19:45Session's over.
19:47No more damn today.
19:48Long song, take that bullshit.
19:49Goddamn it.
19:50Nice knowing.
19:51Session's over.
19:55No more damn today.
19:56Long song, take that bullshit.
19:58Goddamn it.
19:59Nice knowing.
20:00Goddamn it.
20:01Nice knowing.
20:02Get up!
20:05Go get up!
20:07Go get up!
20:15Go get up!
20:17Go get up!
20:18Okay, let's go!
20:20Come on!
20:21Come on!
20:23Let's go!
20:25Go get up!
20:28Get up!
20:29Get up!
20:32Don't kill me, please, please, please.
21:02Hey, Shelly, thought a lot about what you said, and I'd love to chit-chat over dinner up at the residence.
21:12Your compadre, Rex.
21:14P.S. Wash up, stinky. LOL.
21:19Rex's father got a morir taco.
21:22He goes on evil.
21:32Trucks. Cold beer.
21:35Stars and stripes still fly around here.
21:39Yeah, they do.
21:44Fast cars.
21:46Catching bass.
21:48Country music game.
21:50Kickin' ass. Yeah!
21:53Woo!
21:55Yeah, kickin' ass.
22:02Yeah!
22:03Head of the
22:19Blue
22:19Moon.
22:27Absolutely.