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00:30Was this loneliness just a youthful mistake?
00:32No, no. He didn't describe it that simply.
00:44Engaged M.K.
00:45My fiance M.K. and I had a very happy relationship.
00:48It was incredibly in sync.
00:50She was dreaming and making plans to get married as soon as possible.
00:56Now those happy days are far away.
01:00When I am alone, those days now entertain me as the best memories in my store.
01:07The pain of being separated from him is eating away at me.
01:11It is impossible for me to express in words how much pain I am in right now.
01:16He is far away now.
01:18And I am all alone, lonely and helpless.
01:22It all started when my fiancé went abroad for just six months.
01:27It all started when my fiancé went abroad for just six months.
01:52I begged him not to go.
01:56But I can't make him listen.
01:58I insisted that it was necessary for our future.
02:02How did I know that life would bring me completely different surprises.
02:22Figen was a mature woman who had lost her husband a few years ago.
02:34His cell phone never left his hand.
02:37He put it on the phone for hours.
02:39I met him through my close friend Orhan.
02:55She and Orhan had been hanging out very seriously for a few months.
02:59I tried to stay away from him because he was my friend's girlfriend.
03:04He loved playing backgammon.
03:05So he would often go out together under the pretext of a Backgammon party.
03:15He organizes ambitious Backgammon parties.
03:19As a result, they were making love like crazy.
03:21Orhan and I had accepted this relationship.
03:34We were in a twisted relationship where there was no emotion and we were just satisfying our animal pleasures.
03:41The woman didn't care about anything.
03:47His only thought was to be satisfied and to attain the truth of love in sex.
03:51He had led me astray.
03:56My lover was always on my mind.
03:59But he said, "Out of sight, out of mind."
04:03This relationship, which I saw as a temporary one, had taken a deep hold on me.
04:09I started hanging out like high school sweethearts.
04:12Hand in hand, eye to eye, with a woman who was much older than me, I was having a wonderful time.
04:23The things I experienced around me were not helping me learn a lesson.
04:27He practically tortured that little guy.
04:34She had once had a relationship with the man and abandoned him when she ran out of money.
04:42The man would appear before us many times and send us away.
04:53But Figen is too much of a woman for him.
05:00He always scolded and snapped.
05:03I even pressured the guy into beating me up once.
05:07But I wasn't going to lay a hand on a little man.
05:10I couldn't stomach it with my own youth.
05:12And I put it in the raids he made.
05:18Now I do it at home.
05:22My only friends are my drink, my cigarettes and my royalty.
05:26Thank you for watching.
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08:22Whenever he said to do, he would do it, when ever he said to go, he would go, when ever he said to come, he would come.
08:33He was using our strings with great skill and directing us as he wished.
08:41We no longer had the chance to say no to anything he wanted.
08:46All we could do was what he wanted.
08:48It was as if we were born with him, grew up with him, and came to this day with him.
08:58It had become an inseparable, unchanging, and devastating part of our lives.
09:07Now when I think about these things, I hate myself.
09:12No one had been able to make me listen to them for so many years.
09:14I was the fiancé I loved more than anything in the world.
09:19But I can't believe how I let this woman toy with me like this.
09:44One day, my fiance showed up unexpectedly.
09:50And put us in an awkward position.
09:53How quickly the time passed.
09:58I ran after him and begged him, but I certainly couldn't convince him to come back.
10:04Now it was done.
10:05Life was over for me at that point.
10:10My lover, whom I had plans for the future and dreamed about, was now gone.
10:18I was far away from me.
10:19I was alone at home, with only my drinks, cigarettes and dreams.
10:31I regretted it so much.
10:33But regret, unfortunately, is not enough to bring anything back.
10:39There was nothing left of those moments of pleasure we had.
10:44In fact, it created such a habit in me that I have a hard time forgetting it.
10:55I wonder if I could ever recapture those good days.
10:59I wonder if my lover will come back to me again.
11:03I wonder if I would be able to see her beautiful face again when I wake up in the morning.
11:11I missed him so much,
11:12Talking to him,
11:15Holding hands,
11:18Sharing things together,
11:21I miss everything I experienced with him so much.
11:23Everything is very special.
11:26But there is still hope for life.
11:30Because it is impossible to live without hope.
11:33Even though I get very sad at times,
11:36There is still a glimmer of hope somewhere inside me,
11:39I'm making it shine.