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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:29CastingWords
00:01:59CastingWords
00:02:29CastingWords
00:02:59Zach.
00:03:00Hello?
00:03:01Are you listening?
00:03:02No.
00:03:03Sorry, I was just thinking about this gay resort we're going to.
00:03:10You make it sound like a bad thing.
00:03:12We want a free vacation.
00:03:14And it's gay.
00:03:16What more could you want?
00:03:21Is it the open thing?
00:03:23We talked about this.
00:03:25I know.
00:03:27It's just for the weekend.
00:03:29But I'm nervous.
00:03:31I mean, I was always the last one picked in gym class.
00:03:34I don't want to lose you, but it's something that's in my gut.
00:03:38I'm just not ready to limit myself sexually.
00:03:41So if we can't do this, we should just be honest.
00:03:46Break up.
00:03:48I don't want to break up.
00:03:50I don't either.
00:03:52And I do like sex.
00:03:56Picture the entire Manhunt website stuffed into one hotel.
00:04:03We could have so much fun.
00:04:05Together.
00:04:06It's just that sleeping with other guys is not how I imagined my relationship.
00:04:11Come on.
00:04:12It's one open weekend.
00:04:14At least try it.
00:04:16Okay.
00:04:17One open weekend.
00:04:18Yay!
00:04:19I lured you.
00:04:20I lured you too.
00:04:21You guys need to talk?
00:04:23We can dance all night.
00:04:24We can dance all night.
00:04:25Tonight is the night I'm gonna make you mine.
00:04:26There's a feeling in the air I can't deny.
00:04:27Tonight is the night I'm gonna make you mine.
00:04:31Tonight is the night I'm gonna make you mine.
00:04:32There's a feeling in the air I can't deny.
00:04:34Tonight we're gonna dance I'll be your partner in crime.
00:04:36On another level I'll show you why.
00:04:38When I touch you my hands catch fire.
00:04:39I can't stop dancing.
00:04:40Take me higher.
00:04:41Feels so good I think I'm flying.
00:04:42Feels so good I think I'm flying.
00:04:43We can dance all night.
00:04:44We can dance all night.
00:04:45Tonight is the night I'm gonna make you mine.
00:04:48There's a feeling in the air I can't deny.
00:04:51Tonight we're gonna dance I'll be your partner in crime.
00:04:56On another level I'll show you why.
00:04:59When I touch you my hands catch fire.
00:05:03I can't stop dancing.
00:05:05Take me higher.
00:05:07Feels so good I think I'm flying.
00:05:10Put your hands up.
00:05:13Let's go higher.
00:05:15Take my hand and hold on tight.
00:05:19Cause when I'm with you it feels so right.
00:05:23Don't let go, let's dance all night.
00:05:27We can dance, we can dance, we can dance all night.
00:05:31Take my hand and hold on tight.
00:05:35Cause when I'm with you it feels so right.
00:05:39Don't let go, let's dance all night.
00:05:43We can dance, we can dance, we can dance all night.
00:05:48Take my hand and hold on tight.
00:05:51Cause when I'm with you it feels so right.
00:05:54Don't let go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
00:05:58We can dance all night.
00:05:59We can dance, we can dance, we can dance all night.
00:06:09Just my luck to win a free vacation to a resort that's totally gay if I...
00:06:13I know.
00:06:14Remember when I asked what could possibly be gayer than drama camp?
00:06:18Screw you two.
00:06:19Excuse me?
00:06:20Look around, you're in paradise surrounded by beautiful men and it's free.
00:06:24Now drop your uppity Katy Perry attitudes or the computer might accidentally eat your reservations.
00:06:31You're right.
00:06:32I'll just, uh, tie a flashlight to my head, act like Lady Gaga and the men will flock to me.
00:06:38Now that's the spirit.
00:06:40And here they are.
00:06:42Look at that reason.
00:06:44Oh come on Casey, if I wasn't me I'd totally be laughing right now.
00:06:48What's wrong with you?
00:06:49My ex-boyfriend and his new boyfriend just texted.
00:06:53They're here staying in room three.
00:06:56Your keys, room four.
00:07:01Hey, I'm supposed to get in my own room.
00:07:04And I'm supposed to be nice to customers.
00:07:06Next!
00:07:07What?
00:07:08If you're gonna cry like baby Jesus I can put you out back in the manger.
00:07:12Oh my god, we share a bed.
00:07:14Welcome to the Triangle Inn.
00:07:16You know, you have really nice energy.
00:07:29Well, at least Zack will be with his boyfriend so you don't have to watch him whore it up with a...
00:07:35Never ending parade of man whores with muscles and huge sex of foliage.
00:07:40I'm ready to leave.
00:07:41Now.
00:07:42No, Casey, you can't...
00:07:44This is too much for me.
00:07:45I need to call some more experienced fag hags.
00:07:53Hello?
00:07:54This better be good.
00:07:56Casey's wussing out cause Zack's here.
00:07:58And there's a lot of hot guys too.
00:08:00Do I even know you?
00:08:01Honey, just pretend he doesn't exist.
00:08:04Gay guys do that all the time with their exes.
00:08:06It's the mature thing to do.
00:08:08I can't ignore him.
00:08:10He wants us to work on our friendship this weekend.
00:08:13He wants us to normalize.
00:08:15It's like when you put a new fish in the tank, you gotta keep it in the bag for a while so the others don't eat its eyes.
00:08:21Girl voice hush.
00:08:22Casey, just be his friend and have an obnoxious amount of fun.
00:08:27Can you show that ass goblin what he's missing?
00:08:30You can't be friends after a breakup.
00:08:32But I thought you told him you wanted to be friends.
00:08:35Everyone says that.
00:08:37It's just so you can go around telling people you're still friends.
00:08:40Wait, whose side did I take in this breakup?
00:08:42Do I even like you?
00:08:43You took my side.
00:08:45You knew me first.
00:08:46Oh, is that how it works?
00:08:47Look, honey, this weekend is not about Zack.
00:08:51Just concentrate on having really good fun.
00:08:54And Helen, are you having sex in my bed?
00:08:57I wouldn't call it sex.
00:08:59The best thing to do is find someone hotter than Zack and...
00:09:02And what are you doing?
00:09:04It's a long story.
00:09:06I'll explain it in the sequel.
00:09:08Gotta go.
00:09:09Goodbye.
00:09:15So I guess my goal this weekend is to stay distracted.
00:09:20My goal is to watch two men have sex.
00:09:23You've seen that.
00:09:24It doesn't count when it's on stage.
00:09:26Here, it's like I'm on a safari watching lions and gazelles tear each other up in a frenzy of flesh and spermacidal lubricant.
00:09:35Wouldn't you actually rather just have sex?
00:09:38With a gay man and wind up with a vagina full of vomit?
00:09:43Bender.
00:09:44Oh my god, my straight dart just went off.
00:09:50Maybe I could lose my virginity on this trip.
00:09:53Tell me what happened.
00:09:56But I get to stop here if I get bored.
00:09:58He doesn't want to limit himself sexually.
00:10:01How Catholic.
00:10:03Miami Beach or Black Giraffe.
00:10:07Which says look at me without saying desperate for attention.
00:10:12I'll order cocktails.
00:10:13I figure we need them.
00:10:18What about?
00:10:20How are you?
00:10:22Heterosexual.
00:10:23How about you?
00:10:25I'm straight, yes.
00:10:27I wasn't expecting any of that here.
00:10:29Well, I'm full of surprises.
00:10:31Are you flirting with me?
00:10:32Should I stop?
00:10:33Only if it doesn't work.
00:10:35Willy, come on.
00:10:37Sorry.
00:10:38I have to go feed more Gaby.
00:10:45It's like cock roulette out here.
00:10:47You should have no problem finding a rebound.
00:10:50I don't do rebounds.
00:10:52Rebounds are my specialty.
00:10:54Peter?
00:10:55Casey?
00:10:56I thought that was you.
00:10:58Well, what are you doing here?
00:10:59I didn't know you were gay.
00:11:00Well, what are you doing here?
00:11:01I didn't know you were a slut.
00:11:03God, this is crazy.
00:11:05Um, in high school he was...
00:11:07The homophobic jock?
00:11:08I've seen Glee.
00:11:09Oh, God.
00:11:10I wish I was fat.
00:11:12No.
00:11:13And shy.
00:11:14When did you get so, um, so hot?
00:11:17In college.
00:11:19I turned gay, I got rid of my braces, and got these.
00:11:23Wow!
00:11:24Is that like, um, a 50-pack?
00:11:27Feel them.
00:11:28Um, it's like the situation, just without the scabies.
00:11:31Oh, cool.
00:11:32Is it me, or, uh, something smell really cum-y?
00:11:36Um, so, Peter, are you single?
00:11:39What's the point of coming to a place like this if you're not single?
00:11:42Casey's single, too.
00:11:44Oh, my God.
00:11:45You and I are gonna get into so much trouble.
00:11:48Anyway, I gotta go meet with a buddy to play some strip tennis, but tonight, sarong party, I will find you.
00:11:56I will make sure I'm findable.
00:11:58So amazing seeing you, Casey.
00:12:01I used to have the biggest crush on this one.
00:12:03He totally wants you inside him.
00:12:10Oh, he wants the Million Man March inside of him.
00:12:13Aw, poor thing.
00:12:15Let's go get you to our room and download some It Gets Better videos.
00:12:20So, Tommy, what are the rules to this open relationship?
00:12:25Well, we're just trying it for the weekend.
00:12:27Other than that, we don't really have any rules.
00:12:28You need to have some rules or someone's gonna get hurt.
00:12:31Like, do you kiss and tell, three ways only?
00:12:34Is he allowed to get punched by hairy strangers right here in your bed?
00:12:38Ugh.
00:12:39You know the worst part?
00:12:40STDs.
00:12:41I have to compete with my own boyfriend to meet guys, and he'll win every time because
00:12:46he's the hot one.
00:12:48Now I know how Casey felt when he was dating me.
00:12:52Well, I got good news.
00:12:55What?
00:12:56I finally got the date on my surgery.
00:13:00The big one.
00:13:02The lower one.
00:13:05Make a face like that again.
00:13:06Sorry.
00:13:08Congratulations.
00:13:09That's huge.
00:13:10Way more important than my drama.
00:13:14So, do you really think it's gonna change everything?
00:13:17In my mind, I know it's just a simple procedure, and a lot of people won't even know the difference,
00:13:25but I feel like when I wake up from this, I'll finally be me.
00:13:31Well, then let's celebrate.
00:13:35Yes.
00:13:36This weekend will be a cock and ball funeral.
00:13:39Let's find that street boy and get more drinks.
00:13:44Ooh, no baby.
00:13:46There are so many hot guys here.
00:13:54Okay, we need to lay down some rules.
00:13:58Rules?
00:13:59Yeah, like no hooking up in our bed.
00:14:01Technically, it's not our bed.
00:14:04Benji.
00:14:05Okay, I just don't get why you need rules.
00:14:08It's our right as gay men to make any kind of relationship we want.
00:14:12They're not gonna let us get married.
00:14:14Why should we follow their rules?
00:14:16Non-monogamy is the ultimate political statement.
00:14:19Uh, I don't see how two dicks in your mouth is a political statement.
00:14:23We owe it to future generations.
00:14:26The case is here.
00:14:31Operation Awkward.
00:14:34Okay.
00:14:36Rule number two.
00:14:41No ex-boyfriends.
00:14:44I'll see you later.
00:14:46I'm not pathetic.
00:14:47I'm having the best time of my life and I am a total seven.
00:14:59Hey, Zach.
00:15:01Oh wow, I love your chest hair.
00:15:05God, I've missed you.
00:15:09How are you doing?
00:15:10Um, me?
00:15:11I'm great, actually.
00:15:15How could I not be with all these studs around, you know?
00:15:19Yeah, lots of studs.
00:15:21Ugh, just throwing themselves at me.
00:15:24How could I resist?
00:15:25You met someone already?
00:15:27Well, I guess I'm kind of a dick magnet.
00:15:31Never thought of you as a hookup guy.
00:15:33Oh, this wasn't just a hookup.
00:15:36I mean, we really just hit it off.
00:15:40Oh.
00:15:42Where's your cousin Nova now?
00:15:44He's, um, he's sleeping.
00:15:47Guess I wore him out.
00:15:50Wow.
00:15:51That's great.
00:15:53We should do a double date while we're here.
00:15:56Yeah.
00:15:57Oh, definitely.
00:15:59Uh, so how are you and Benji?
00:16:02Having a good time?
00:16:05The best.
00:16:07Great.
00:16:08So, tomorrow, brunch?
00:16:11Huh?
00:16:12Double date with your new boo.
00:16:14Um, yeah.
00:16:15Sure.
00:16:16Sure.
00:16:17Awesome.
00:16:18See?
00:16:19We can do this.
00:16:21Be friends.
00:16:24Friendship rocks.
00:16:35This is the perfect place to find your new puppet.
00:16:39My what?
00:16:40Some big dumb jock could pretend to be in love with you for a free brunch and some rebound
00:16:45Mooma.
00:16:46Mooma?
00:16:47Mutual masturbation?
00:16:48Even I knew that.
00:16:50What about...
00:16:52Hems?
00:16:53Oh, he's cute.
00:16:54I definitely knew my hem.
00:16:55He's not wearing any underwear.
00:16:56None of them are.
00:16:57So, I can just run around accidentally funneling big shiny ding-dong?
00:16:59I think they'd be insulted if you didn't.
00:17:12You are the hottest guy here.
00:17:19Oh.
00:17:20Okay.
00:17:21Okay.
00:17:22Oh.
00:17:23You are the hottest guy here.
00:17:28Is it bad that I want him to say that to me again?
00:17:32You can almost see the crabs leaping from one torso to the other.
00:17:37Cherry.
00:17:38In the very loose flesh.
00:17:41This is Bernard, my fiancee.
00:17:44Hello.
00:17:45I'm Penny.
00:17:46Tagging training.
00:17:47Fiancee.
00:17:48Wow.
00:17:49We're getting legally married this weekend.
00:17:51What?
00:17:52You haven't heard about the Liberace loophole?
00:17:54Who's Liberace?
00:17:56Think George Michael, only sluttier.
00:17:59Who's George Michael?
00:18:00Think Adam Lambert, but with plastic surgery and success.
00:18:03Oh, okay.
00:18:05Anyway, because of some legislative screw-up, there's a one-hour window in which it will be legally permissible for gays to marry.
00:18:12We're staying over at the Hacienda Resort and they're offering free weddings for any couple who wants to take advantage of the opening.
00:18:19I love to take advantage of openings.
00:18:21As you can see, he shares my inappropriate and pedestrian sense of humor.
00:18:25Well, I'll totally be your flower girl.
00:18:28I don't know.
00:18:29Well, where's that strapping young boyfriend of yours?
00:18:31Um, it's...
00:18:33It's a long story.
00:18:34Oh, honey, what happened?
00:18:36I thought you were as steady as Barack and Michelle.
00:18:39Well, he's...
00:18:43Here, gotta go.
00:18:44So...
00:18:49You...
00:18:50The trolls of tomorrow.
00:18:54No!
00:18:59What are you doing to my dad?
00:19:00Nothing.
00:19:01Peter.
00:19:02Here's the deal.
00:19:05Oh, God, those abs.
00:19:06Um, Casey did a really stupid thing and lied to his ex that he met someone here because he didn't want to look like the loser that he may very well be, so we need you to pretend to be Casey's boyfriend.
00:19:16No way.
00:19:17I'm here to get my sex on.
00:19:19Um, please, for old time's sake.
00:19:21We didn't hang out at all in high school.
00:19:23You've got a lot of catching up to do.
00:19:26Look, I'm all for hooking up with me, but I'm not in a place where I can date right now, pretend or otherwise.
00:19:33Wait, you're all for hooking up with me?
00:19:40Shit.
00:19:42Is this your new boyfriend?
00:19:45Uh...
00:19:47Um...
00:19:49Hi, I'm Peter.
00:19:52I'm Zach.
00:19:53This is my ba-
00:19:54Benji.
00:19:56Your dish towel's slipping.
00:19:59Oh, here it is.
00:20:00Are we still on for tomorrow morning?
00:20:02Uh...
00:20:03I don't know.
00:20:04Um...
00:20:05Are we free for brunch tomorrow, baby?
00:20:06As long as it starts after 3 p.m.
00:20:09Because we'll be up all night making love.
00:20:12Right, lover.
00:20:13Something like that.
00:20:14My sweet little asshole.
00:20:17Great.
00:20:18Well, we're gonna go dance.
00:20:27You are so buying me drinks the rest of the weekend.
00:20:32The fingers to the head to the toes, like some kind of rose, like something you'd notice.
00:20:46In a room full of confusion and illusion and delusion.
00:20:50I know someone's saying something to you.
00:20:53But what can you do?
00:20:55You're just hoping and hoping.
00:20:57But a rose is just a rose until she's underneath your nose.
00:21:03And you see her in blue.
00:21:04And you smell her perfume.
00:21:05Well, the verse is she's just one for all.
00:21:06You're taking it in stride, but you know, the people you know are beginning to notice.
00:21:08Your world's full of confusion and illusion and delusion.
00:21:11And the girl you brought to party with you.
00:21:13Is that fun?
00:21:14Yeah.
00:21:15Busy steam room here.
00:21:16How about you?
00:21:17Yep.
00:21:18Oh, really?
00:21:19Oh, really?
00:21:20Yeah.
00:21:21How about you?
00:21:22Oh, really?
00:21:23You met someone?
00:21:24Mmm.
00:21:25Congratulations, Tramp.
00:21:26The world's full of confusion and illusion and delusion
00:21:31And the girl you brought to party with you
00:21:34That fun?
00:21:35Yeah.
00:21:37Busy steam room here.
00:21:39How about you?
00:21:41Yep.
00:21:46Oh, really?
00:21:48You met someone?
00:21:52Oh, congratulations, Tramp.
00:21:55Hey, maybe we can get a little threesome going.
00:22:01I saw you come out of that room.
00:22:03I can't believe you had a threesome before brunch.
00:22:06Oh my god, a gay guy's acting slutty. Call TMZ.
00:22:09Just be careful, alright?
00:22:10If Zach sees you as someone who isn't me, it's all over.
00:22:13Come on, we're late for brunch.
00:22:15I haven't showered.
00:22:16Do I smell like sex?
00:22:17Everything here smells like sex.
00:22:23We should get married.
00:22:25What?
00:22:26They're doing those legal weddings for one hour tomorrow.
00:22:30The more gay couples we marry, the bigger the impact on society.
00:22:33We should get married to make a political statement.
00:22:36Yesterday you wanted to have an orgy to make a political statement.
00:22:40Now you want to get married.
00:22:42What's wrong?
00:22:43You've been acting like Kristen Stewart all morning.
00:22:45I'm fine.
00:22:46No, I know that Zachy pout.
00:22:49You want to know what's wrong?
00:22:51I'm upset because-
00:22:52Hey, guys.
00:22:53Here we are.
00:22:55Well, I was looking for you.
00:23:02It's Penny.
00:23:07Since we're the only two straight girls here, we should probably hang out.
00:23:11Okay, but stop smiling.
00:23:12You're giving me a headache.
00:23:14I told you to meet.
00:23:16We go way back to high school.
00:23:18I thought you said you met yesterday.
00:23:21Well, we gay met yesterday.
00:23:24You never paid any attention to me in high school, but this time...
00:23:29Sparks.
00:23:30Hmm.
00:23:35Sparks is what it's all about, right, honey?
00:23:37Mm-hmm.
00:23:38Sparks.
00:23:42Looks like they're having a really nice time.
00:23:44Are you kidding?
00:23:46Okay.
00:23:47Check out your pigmentally-challenged friend.
00:23:49He has his hands all over that Ryan Phillippe Quanton Reynolds guy.
00:23:54But his eyes are on Zach.
00:23:56Oh, looks like you two can't get enough of each other.
00:24:00Oh, I know.
00:24:01I mean, look at us.
00:24:03We're practically making love.
00:24:05Nope.
00:24:06We can't keep our hands off each other.
00:24:09Oh, my God.
00:24:10It's huge.
00:24:12It surprises me every time.
00:24:16Should you two be doing that in public?
00:24:18The sign doesn't say public resort.
00:24:21Maybe we shouldn't.
00:24:23Not without kissing, anyway.
00:24:24Excellent idea.
00:24:25Ha, ha, ha.
00:24:26That was a good sign.
00:24:27Yeah.
00:24:28Yeah.
00:24:29Yeah.
00:24:30Yeah.
00:24:32Yeah.
00:24:33Yeah.
00:24:34Yeah.
00:24:35Yeah.
00:24:36Nice.
00:24:43That gets me.
00:24:44Yeah.
00:24:45Yeah.
00:24:46Yeah.
00:24:47Yeah.
00:24:48Yeah.
00:24:49Yeah.
00:24:50Yeah.
00:24:51Yeah.
00:24:52Yeah.
00:24:53I will never truly understand the gaze.
00:24:58You don't even understand the Wheel of Fortune.
00:25:00Good afternoon, beautiful ladies.
00:25:02Hello.
00:25:03I, um, we...
00:25:05Hola, Luis.
00:25:07I met Luis earlier.
00:25:09So did I.
00:25:10Like, eye contact met.
00:25:12Remember?
00:25:13Can I bring you something else to drink?
00:25:15I know.
00:25:16I'm telling you.
00:25:17Oh.
00:25:18Oh.
00:25:19Allow me to clean you up.
00:25:20Yeah.
00:25:25Oh, Jesus.
00:25:26That's not how a gay man touches booze.
00:25:29I knew you were straight.
00:25:30You are correct.
00:25:31Why would a straight man want to work here?
00:25:34There are many reasons to work here.
00:25:36Many beautiful reasons.
00:25:39I'm going to bring you another drink.
00:25:46That is who I'm giving my virginity to.
00:25:49Back off.
00:25:50We flirted yesterday.
00:25:51We've established something.
00:25:53But he touched my breast.
00:25:55Normally, I wouldn't fight with another woman over a man.
00:25:58But fuck it.
00:25:59I'm bored.
00:26:00It's on.
00:26:12Ew!
00:26:16We should do brunch with them again.
00:26:17Are you kidding?
00:26:18That was awful.
00:26:20Huh?
00:26:22We spent the entire time pretending to be something we're not.
00:26:25Happily monogamous.
00:26:26Don't try to make me the bad guy here.
00:26:28You agreed to be open this weekend.
00:26:30You could have said no.
00:26:36What possessed me to break up with Zack and then try to be friends with him?
00:26:40I mean, you'd think I would have learned from every relationship Jennifer Aniston's ever had.
00:26:46You broke up with him because you loved him.
00:26:48And you want to be friends with him because you still love him.
00:26:51Unfortunately, he loves Benji.
00:26:53Don't remind me.
00:26:55Did you see them all over each other today?
00:26:57Like horny little monkeys.
00:27:01There was a lot of horny at that table.
00:27:03It doesn't count if you're faking it.
00:27:05Which I was.
00:27:08Except for the erection part.
00:27:10Don't remind me of him.
00:27:12Casey and Peter don't need an open relationship to be happy.
00:27:16They've been together for like five minutes.
00:27:19and I can tell.
00:27:20Peter's already getting bored.
00:27:21Is that how long it took you to get bored with me?
00:27:23Come on.
00:27:26We're in the middle of nowhere with hot guys we'll never see again.
00:27:30see again we can misbehave a little then back to normal at home yeah but which is
00:27:37the normal you this one or the one back home
00:27:43Oh Peter is boning everything in sight I'm gonna get busted you know what I'll
00:27:49deserve it you know what always helps me when I get into this exact situation
00:27:56an ego boost oh my god you look amazing
00:28:10so do you come on now you made Zack fall in love with you once so it's not like
00:28:17you're Marmaduke look at this face Madonna would pay good money for cheekbones
00:28:23like those especially in her face and you're funny and smart and all the
00:28:29things some wonderful sexy stud is gonna see in you as soon as you start seeing
00:28:34it yourself well thank you mother mama needs you to do something for her what
00:28:41wait for me at the bar you have to protect me from Lily while I'm moving on the guy
00:28:45she wants are she serious it's your turn to be my head
00:29:01these are perfection I shall call it the Lily oh my
00:29:09so how many lonely fag hacks have you picked up here not as much as you might
00:29:15think don't give me that tons of women get dragged here by gay friends who dumped
00:29:20them for poppers and handjobs um I'm right here yeah but your brain isn't it's in
00:29:26Benji's pants or Casey's ass or some shit like that it's not like that I just don't
00:29:31want Casey to find out about her open weekend thing what would happen if Casey
00:29:35found out you'd say something like you're better than being in a
00:29:38relationship that isn't working for you you make Casey sound pretty smart but
00:29:43compromise is what being in a relationship is all about right I should
00:29:46give it a try before throwing the whole thing away well here's your chance to
00:29:50test out your theory
00:29:53how's it going okay
00:29:57you're great at this I'm Jayden you having fun this weekend yeah I'm liking
00:30:03the peace and quiet
00:30:07okay
00:30:11actually that came out wrong what I mean to say is I'm having a great weekend
00:30:18now oh yeah yeah
00:30:23it's so hot
00:30:26you tried the jacuzzi yet yeah but I could always go again
00:30:33I want to wrap my legs around your face like a pair of bono sunglasses
00:30:39and then what
00:30:39stop
00:30:45okay
00:30:45okay
00:30:47I gotta go
00:30:55uh hey peter just saw your boyfriend heading into the bar
00:30:58I don't mess with guys in relationships.
00:31:05It's too much drama.
00:31:07Okay.
00:31:09Wouldn't want to compromise your morals.
00:31:11See?
00:31:12Drama.
00:31:15Fuck.
00:31:26Oh, shit.
00:31:28I can't control you, and move your body to the river.
00:31:35I know that it's impossible.
00:31:39If you want you to want.
00:31:42Whenever you want it so bad.
00:31:45He's cheating on Zack.
00:31:46I don't know if it hurts as much as possible.
00:31:49Hey, Zack. It's Zack. I brought you a present.
00:31:52What is he doing here?
00:31:54Your boyfriend running and watches do it.
00:31:56Consider him a peace offering.
00:32:01I don't know.
00:32:02Is he too fat?
00:32:03Am I what?
00:32:04No, he's perfect.
00:32:06But...
00:32:06So, my boyfriend's really into this.
00:32:11Plus, I think it tastes delicious.
00:32:13Damn, guys, it's hot.
00:32:28Oh, yeah.
00:32:29So hot.
00:32:30Are you okay?
00:32:34You're kind of limp down there.
00:32:36Just pretend.
00:32:38Suck it.
00:32:39Suck it with that pretty mouth.
00:32:40Oh, yeah.
00:32:45Yeah, do his face.
00:32:48Oh.
00:32:49Oh.
00:32:50Oh, yeah.
00:32:51Oh, God, I'm close.
00:32:53Me too.
00:32:54Oh, so close.
00:32:56Oh.
00:32:57Oh.
00:32:58Oh.
00:32:58I'm gonna come.
00:33:00Oh.
00:33:00Fuck.
00:33:01Oh.
00:33:03Oh.
00:33:04That was just all kinds of wrong.
00:33:24Now I'll try to find someone for you to watch me with.
00:33:27One lily.
00:33:50Shit.
00:33:55I cannot let him see you, okay?
00:33:57I cannot let him see you.
00:34:02Penny, wait!
00:34:04Penny!
00:34:07Ay, Dios mío, bendito ser yo no.
00:34:11Penny.
00:34:21Are you okay?
00:34:23I think so.
00:34:24Do you buy any chance to see me before I fill in?
00:34:29I'm afraid I did not know.
00:34:31Sure.
00:34:33But I'm sure you look beautiful.
00:34:38I'm so sorry, Penny.
00:34:40I didn't mean to.
00:34:41I bet you didn't.
00:34:43These are yours?
00:34:44Room number four.
00:34:46Eh.
00:34:49Hormone pills.
00:34:53These are your pills?
00:34:58Yes, they're mine.
00:34:59So what?
00:35:00I get cramps.
00:35:00I get cramps.
00:35:12Hey, lover.
00:35:15Hi.
00:35:19You know how you cockblocked me and you weren't even in the room?
00:35:21I'm sorry about that.
00:35:27Don't stay blocked for long, pesky thing.
00:35:32Hey, thanks for being my pretend boyfriend.
00:35:35I have to say, this is one of the most perverted things I've ever done.
00:35:38Did you really have a crush on me in high school?
00:35:46Absolutely.
00:35:48You were so adorable.
00:35:50You still are.
00:35:54So, why don't you have a boyfriend?
00:35:58Maybe you haven't noticed, but...
00:36:00Kind of a slut.
00:36:02I've noticed.
00:36:03I'm just not the boyfriend type.
00:36:08I'm definitely the boyfriend type.
00:36:11That's part of what makes you so hot.
00:36:13And why I haven't tried to go to Naked Town with you.
00:36:17I respect you.
00:36:21That's really sweet, but...
00:36:24I...
00:36:27love to be disrespected right now.
00:36:33Something's passing through me
00:36:54Like electricity
00:36:58Constantly we are seeking
00:37:03Agony
00:37:05Insta-tea
00:37:07Covert mission
00:37:09Pray and wish
00:37:13Around you I'll
00:37:18I'm so sorry.
00:37:28What were you thinking?
00:37:33Honestly, I didn't mean to knock him to the pool.
00:37:39I just didn't want Luis to see you looking that good.
00:37:43So you did do it on purpose?
00:37:46No, I just said I didn't.
00:37:48You just said you didn't want him to see me looking that gorgeous.
00:37:51I ain't saying gorgeous.
00:37:52I can't believe I covered for your stupid hormone pills.
00:37:55That was really sweet of you.
00:37:57Do you mind if I have them back now?
00:38:00Like I told Luis.
00:38:01They're mine.
00:38:11You know he named that drink after me.
00:38:13It's called the penny.
00:38:15I should tell Zach what I saw, but he will totally hate me.
00:38:26I'd want to know if my boyfriend was cheating on me.
00:38:28Maybe they have an open relationship.
00:38:30Really?
00:38:31Zach?
00:38:32I know.
00:38:33So, you and Peter are a thing now?
00:38:36No.
00:38:37It was just like, friend sex.
00:38:41Really amazing friend sex.
00:38:44We're friends.
00:38:46Ew.
00:38:47Please, like I'd waste my cherry on your little pink baby corn.
00:38:52What happened with the bartender?
00:38:54Hello?
00:38:55Have you seen the bandage on my head?
00:38:57Obviously, there's a terrible story behind it.
00:38:59I wasn't sure that was a bandage.
00:39:01I mean, sometimes you dress kind of weird.
00:39:05Break your heart.
00:39:08Damn, don't bruise me before the underwear party.
00:39:11They're all underwear parties.
00:39:13Apparently, you can't have a wedding without three nights of orgies.
00:39:16First comes love, then comes marriage.
00:39:19But they never warn you about the three ways in between.
00:39:23I don't want to lose Benji over this.
00:39:25I normally love three ways.
00:39:26Who doesn't?
00:39:27I just don't want one in my relationship.
00:39:29Okay, that doesn't make any sense.
00:39:31If you fantasize about it, why not share that with your boyfriend?
00:39:35I guess I'm overthinking it.
00:39:37I mean, last night should have been totally hot.
00:39:40Just give yourself over.
00:39:42Over to what, Stud Muffin?
00:39:47Absolute pleasure.
00:39:49Last night was just an appetizer.
00:39:54Tonight?
00:39:59We're having a real three way.
00:40:03I love you.
00:40:04I love you too.
00:40:10I love you too.
00:40:11It's underwear night.
00:40:12Why aren't you in your pennies?
00:40:14I miss wearing clothes.
00:40:15Well, I have plans for tonight, so the room is free for whatever you need to do.
00:40:22Say, bring a certain someone back to it and get it on.
00:40:24Don't bother.
00:40:25Or don't plan on using it.
00:40:26Then the room will sit there empty.
00:40:27Fine by me.
00:40:28Come on, Casey.
00:40:29This is your life.
00:40:30Get out there and live it.
00:40:31You make everything sound like it's a tweet from Oprah.
00:40:33I forgot how much I love ordering in.
00:40:34Oh, what about this guy?
00:40:35Versatile top.
00:40:36Loves group play.
00:40:37divided by..
00:40:39... yardage.
00:40:40Ooh, 5'1", 69 and Shortgives.
00:40:41Cramps my neck.
00:40:46We don't have to do it so much.
00:41:00Only, uh, to rank back from the room.
00:41:0369 and short guys cramps my neck.
00:41:06We don't have to do this if you don't...
00:41:08What about him?
00:41:10Not my type.
00:41:12How about that guy?
00:41:13No thanks.
00:41:15He looks 12, he looks 100, he looks like Rachel Maddow.
00:41:19Whoa.
00:41:21Super hot.
00:41:23It says he's only looking for friendship.
00:41:25Let's see if he wants to be our friend.
00:41:33That was a stupid heartless bitch.
00:41:44Where would I hide someone's meds?
00:41:58Casey.
00:42:03Figures.
00:42:07Where are they?
00:42:13A Harry Potter vibrator?
00:42:26I didn't think finding a three-way would be so complicated.
00:42:29Well, when you're matching three checklists against each other it gets pretty elaborate.
00:42:34It's a good thing I studied calculus.
00:42:44Hey, let's split up and meet back up in 30.
00:42:48See if we can wrestle up on our own?
00:42:50Okay.
00:42:52Very good.
00:42:54I like the前 rang as a her.
00:42:55I'll hear you guys.
00:42:56I know you've got a bit of fun.
00:42:58I won't hear you tonight.
00:42:59I can't fucking hear you.
00:43:00Who are you?
00:43:01I've noticed you won't hear me I can't hear you.
00:43:02I can't hear you tonight.
00:43:03I ain't going to hear you, I场led.
00:43:04I can't hang aight in my head.
00:43:06I don't want todir.
00:43:07And you should cry.
00:43:08I wish you'dXT know.
00:43:09Look, I'm just going to be straight up honest because what the hell, I'm never going to
00:43:23see you again. I sense some sort of flirtation going on between us and, well, I'm a virgin
00:43:31and I really don't want to be anymore, so if you're not busy, can we f*** with condoms?
00:43:37Your honesty is, uh, sexy, but can I be honest as well?
00:43:44You're gay.
00:43:44No. I just, I know what those pills were. I like women. Real women.
00:43:53But those were, if you honestly think that those pills make me any less of a woman, then
00:44:00you're not nearly enough men for me.
00:44:03Wait, I, you.
00:44:07Be a m***a.
00:44:11Hey, Peter.
00:44:14Yeah, the bar is three blocks down and two blocks west.
00:44:18See ya.
00:44:19Hey, I'm a person too, you know.
00:44:24Who was that?
00:44:26Who was who?
00:44:28That guy you were just hitting on.
00:44:29I don't even want to know.
00:44:36Damn it.
00:44:44Face it, Benny, you'll die a virgin.
00:45:00Mmm, time for some Quidditch.
00:45:14Where's your boyfriend?
00:45:16Um...
00:45:19Where's yours?
00:45:21Oh, um, he's picking out underwear.
00:45:26Oh.
00:45:27Hey, um, can we go somewhere and talk?
00:45:32Yeah, sure.
00:45:33Okay, um, how about my room?
00:45:39I wasn't hitting on that guy.
00:45:42It was more obvious than the dent in Anderson Cooper's forehead.
00:45:47Something's weird about your relationship with Casey.
00:45:51Excuse me, Chelsea, lately, but you and Zach seem to be having some problems of your own.
00:45:55Why do you say that?
00:45:57Well, for one, look at us.
00:46:01Oh.
00:46:02Oh.
00:46:06Go for the Gilligan's speech.
00:46:10Oh!
00:46:12Oh!
00:46:14Oh!
00:46:19Shirt, shirt, shirt!
00:46:20What?
00:46:22I might get to see some gay sex.
00:46:34Um, what's that?
00:46:38Penny.
00:46:39So, there's nothing unusual happening with you and Casey?
00:46:50And there's nothing unusual with you and Zach?
00:46:53You first.
00:46:55Let's go get Zach, then find Casey, then figure out what's going on.
00:47:00Fine.
00:47:02But real quick.
00:47:03Much better.
00:47:04Yep.
00:47:07So, I have to tell you something.
00:47:12I saw something last night.
00:47:14So did I.
00:47:16Why do you think we didn't work out?
00:47:17I, I don't know.
00:47:20Um, gay guys can't have long-term relationships.
00:47:24You know that's not true.
00:47:26I guess maybe because we never tried to spice things up.
00:47:30What?
00:47:31You wanted an open relationship?
00:47:32No.
00:47:34I know we're gay and we're supposed to make up whatever kind of family we want.
00:47:37But for me, my family, it's just gonna be one special person standing beside me.
00:47:46Someone to grow old with.
00:47:49Even during the boring times.
00:47:53I miss the boring times.
00:47:59Shit, wrong room.
00:48:01Hello.
00:48:03What's going on guys?
00:48:04Nothing.
00:48:05I don't know.
00:48:06It looks awfully horny in here.
00:48:08Well, what are you two doing together?
00:48:11Looking for you guys?
00:48:13What were you talking about?
00:48:15Uh, how to keep the spark alive.
00:48:18Yeah?
00:48:19How do you guys do that?
00:48:22Benji was doubting our sparks.
00:48:28Well, we've got sparks, right Zach?
00:48:31I can feel some sparks right about now in fact.
00:48:36Um, we should get ready for the party.
00:48:39Uh...
00:48:41Yeah, I'll go first.
00:48:45Well...
00:48:47I don't need a change in the bathroom if you guys don't mind.
00:48:51Yeah, go ahead.
00:48:52What's that?
00:48:55Damn.
00:48:57Damn.
00:48:58Damn!
00:49:00My underwear back in my room.
00:49:02Hey honey?
00:49:03You got some underwear I can borrow?
00:49:05Uh...
00:49:06Yeah, checking my suitcase.
00:49:07You look great in those trunks, Zach.
00:49:19Maybe I could try them on?
00:49:22Please?
00:49:24He said please.
00:49:30How do they look?
00:49:31They look good.
00:49:32Real good.
00:49:33Except something's poking out of them.
00:49:36Oh yeah.
00:49:38I see that.
00:49:39It'd be hard to miss.
00:49:41Um...
00:49:42Hi.
00:49:44Come here boyfriend.
00:49:46Uh, Zach and I were...
00:49:48Uh...
00:49:49Have never had break up sex.
00:50:02Uh...
00:50:24Ow!
00:50:26Where's the contents?
00:50:28Um...
00:50:29Over here.
00:50:33Get back up here, Casey.
00:50:34Oh, yes sir.
00:50:36So...
00:50:38Who's doing who?
00:50:40Home.
00:50:41Yeah, Zach.
00:50:43Who's doing who?
00:50:45Home.
00:50:47Well...
00:50:48I think I want to do...
00:50:49I've had it.
00:50:50Ah!
00:50:51Something grabbed me!
00:50:53Ah!
00:50:54There's a monster under the bed!
00:50:55Oh!
00:50:56Ah!
00:50:57There's a monster under the bed!
00:50:59Oh, no.
00:51:00No.
00:51:01No.
00:51:02No.
00:51:03No!
00:51:04No.
00:51:05No.
00:51:06No.
00:51:07No.
00:51:08No.
00:51:09No.
00:51:10No.
00:51:11No.
00:51:12No.
00:51:13No.
00:51:14No.
00:51:15No.
00:51:16There's a monster under the bed!
00:51:22What the hell?
00:51:23What's going on?
00:51:25Hi.
00:51:26And what are you doing under there?
00:51:28I was just masturbating.
00:51:29I don't know what she was doing.
00:51:31I was looking for my medication this bitch stole.
00:51:34Then you guys came in and started playing human centipede.
00:51:36This is too messy for me.
00:51:38You're part of this mess.
00:51:40No.
00:51:41He's not.
00:51:44Zach.
00:51:46Peter and I aren't boyfriends.
00:51:49We never were.
00:51:50What?
00:51:51I didn't want you to feel sorry for me.
00:51:52That you had a boyfriend and I didn't.
00:51:53So I asked Peter to pretend that we were dating.
00:51:55I knew it.
00:51:56Well, not that, but I knew something.
00:51:57I'm sorry.
00:51:58I should've known.
00:51:59Everything you do involves a giant conspiracy.
00:52:00You should've just been honest with him.
00:52:01Oh, that's priceless coming from you, Benji.
00:52:02I saw him bring a guy into your room last night.
00:52:03That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
00:52:04I can bring back whoever I want.
00:52:05Whomever.
00:52:06Cause Zach and I are in an open relationship.
00:52:07An open...
00:52:08I didn't know.
00:52:09I didn't know.
00:52:10I didn't know.
00:52:11I didn't know.
00:52:12I didn't know.
00:52:13I didn't know.
00:52:14I didn't know.
00:52:15I didn't know.
00:52:16I didn't know.
00:52:17I didn't know.
00:52:18Well, not that, but I knew something.
00:52:19I'm sorry.
00:52:20I should've known.
00:52:21Everything you do involves a giant conspiracy.
00:52:23You should've just been honest with him.
00:52:24Oh, that's priceless coming from you, Benji.
00:52:26I saw him bring a guy into your room last night.
00:52:28That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
00:52:30I can bring back whoever I want.
00:52:31Whomever.
00:52:32Benji wanted us to give it a try.
00:52:35Why didn't...
00:52:38Wait a minute.
00:52:39You're giving me a hard time for lying
00:52:41when you've been lying about your perfect relationship all along?
00:52:44Fuck you.
00:52:46Well, we're better than you and I ever were.
00:52:49Benji, come on.
00:52:59These are the gays of our lives.
00:53:03I cannot believe him.
00:53:04When is he gonna grow up?
00:53:05And you.
00:53:06What was that?
00:53:07I'm sorry.
00:53:09Maybe I can make it up to you.
00:53:12Yeah, it's mostly political.
00:53:17But I want to make a statement.
00:53:18With you.
00:53:19We're not perfect.
00:53:20But what couple is?
00:53:21Marry me.
00:53:22Tomorrow.
00:53:23While it's legal.
00:53:24Marry me.
00:53:25Are you serious?
00:53:26Fine.
00:53:27Fine.
00:53:28It's cool.
00:53:29It's so romantic.
00:53:30It's so romantic.
00:53:31It's so romantic.
00:53:32It's so...
00:53:33Marry me.
00:53:38Tomorrow.
00:53:39Well, it's legal.
00:53:44Marry me.
00:53:46Are you serious?
00:53:52Fine.
00:53:56It's so romantic.
00:54:03I'm not afraid of, if it's just you.
00:54:08But baby, you're hot and cold, and maybe I'll never know just what you want me to.
00:54:16And this is everything I need me to say, but didn't talk, cause I was so afraid.
00:54:23And this is everything I need you to hear, but didn't talk, cause I might leave you.
00:54:33Hey.
00:54:37Hop in.
00:54:39Everything's better after a jacuzzi.
00:54:53How are you feeling?
00:54:55Like I just sat through the first three Twilight movies.
00:54:58That bad, huh?
00:55:02Hey, I'm sorry for getting you mixed up in all this.
00:55:05It's okay.
00:55:07This definitely makes my top ten kinky, Liz.
00:55:11It's fun hanging out with you.
00:55:14And you know what?
00:55:15You are a great kisser.
00:55:17And you are packing the goods down there.
00:55:19Thanks.
00:55:24Zach's right, you know.
00:55:26Every time I want to get close to him, I just lie.
00:55:30What is wrong with me?
00:55:32Deep-seated insecurities.
00:55:35Well, how can I not have that when I don't look like you?
00:55:38Oh, stop using that you're better looking than me as a crutch, Casey.
00:55:42We've all got shit we're insecure about.
00:55:44And what are you insecure about?
00:55:46See?
00:55:47Blank.
00:55:48Of course I'm insecure.
00:55:49I'm insecure that I spend so much time trying to get laid that I'll pass upon a good opportunity when something meaningful comes my way.
00:56:02Insecure that I can't commit to a relationship ever.
00:56:06When I finally do, once the sex with me gets boring, then I won't have enough to offer.
00:56:15And I'm insecure that my arms aren't big enough, my legs are too skinny, my hair's thin.
00:56:20Okay, shut up.
00:56:23Hey, when we get back to the city, we should hang out.
00:56:25I don't know, go to bars, meet some guys.
00:56:28Now that I'm finally accepting, Zach and I are over.
00:56:33Yeah, I heard about their wedding.
00:56:35What?
00:56:48You feel any better yet?
00:56:49I feel like Mel Gibson at the Museum of Tolerance.
00:56:52Let's keep trying.
00:56:54Here's what's really jacked.
00:56:56I miss him.
00:56:57The Bean Poe.
00:56:59Yeah, that's why I wanted to be friends with him.
00:57:02On paper, we're totally wrong for each other.
00:57:05He's all dorky and self-conscious.
00:57:08He likes Gaga more than Madonna.
00:57:11And he actually laughs at clowns.
00:57:15But?
00:57:16But his goofy smile just slays me every time.
00:57:21He loves old movies, and we always order the same thing on the menu.
00:57:26And he always means well, even when he's lying.
00:57:29And from what I saw, he's hung like the Incredible Hulk.
00:57:33Yeah, skinny guy has never failed a surprise.
00:57:36And he's not into open relationships.
00:57:43I don't know.
00:57:45Ask yourself something.
00:57:47Why are you talking about Casey when you're about to marry Benji?
00:57:52You look so good.
00:57:53You look so good.
00:57:54Oh, it's our flower girl.
00:57:56You can be my something blue.
00:57:57Very funny.
00:57:58Darling, what's wrong?
00:57:59Did Kathy Griffin get another facelift?
00:58:01Zach's getting married.
00:58:02Our Zach?
00:58:03And he's in an open relationship.
00:58:04I hate his guts.
00:58:05Oh, come now.
00:58:06There's too much hate in the world already.
00:58:07You don't hate Zach.
00:58:08I know.
00:58:09Maybe this is life giving you one of those teachable moments they're always talking about on CNN.
00:58:24Maybe you can put a little more love back in the world by supporting Zach.
00:58:29Are you kidding me?
00:58:31I don't want to see him get married to some guy who's not me.
00:58:35But this isn't about you.
00:58:36This is about something.
00:58:37This is about someone you love and even though Zach might not know it. He needs your friendship. Are you going to be there for him?
00:58:57Truth
00:58:59How'd you know I was behind you transsexual sense we all have it you do yeah TSP so truth
00:59:07What's the catch I?
00:59:15Think our fight is actually pretty stupid
00:59:19It's just that since Jason act like I'm confident and I can find another boy for whenever I want
00:59:25But I'm scared you and me both. Oh, come on. You have a natural born vagina
00:59:31Just lay down on a plate and make him crawling but my personality scares them off
00:59:35I mean, I wish I was more like you. I
00:59:38Can't believe a system interested that to me. Oh
00:59:41What a non-transsexual oh?
00:59:45When all the our ladies
00:59:48He's all yours. Oh, I'm mad at him
00:59:52It's hot today, isn't it?
00:59:54God, it's hard to stay mad at him
01:00:00Is he flirting with you or me? He's playing with both of us. I guess teasing gay boys isn't enough
01:00:06He has to get us women to fight each other, too
01:00:09Let's go put that sexy bastard in his place. You've got balls
01:00:13That's not funny. Oh god. I'm sorry. I meant in the same way. I do I just fuck with you. I know it's your man
01:00:28Oh, and do you Rick promise to love Steve for as well as you long shall live well duh, great
01:00:33Congratulations
01:00:42So you heard yeah
01:00:52I'm sorry that I lied to you
01:00:56I'm sorry, too
01:01:00Are you excited for your wedding?
01:01:03I don't know
01:01:07We're just getting married to make a political statement
01:01:12I've always pictured a big beautiful wedding
01:01:15What you and white? Sunflowers everywhere
01:01:18A choir singing ray of light. We'd write our own vows
01:01:21They'd make us cry when we read them and when the minister pronounced us husband and husband
01:01:26We'd do a choreographed dance to umbrella with umbrellas
01:01:29I
01:01:31I
01:01:32I
01:01:33Didn't mean we I meant you
01:01:41Do you do you need a best man?
01:01:44What are you serious? I know I haven't always been the best man, but I came here to tell you that I want you in my life
01:01:57Even if it is just as your best man
01:02:05I
01:02:07I get why you did it
01:02:09You wanted the best for me
01:02:13It's what best men do
01:02:17So does that mean I can do it?
01:02:19But this isn't my real wedding
01:02:23Jason
01:02:24It's time
01:02:26This is his room
01:02:27So what's the plan?
01:02:28I thought you had a plan
01:02:29It's cuz you're stupid
01:02:31Wait wait wait what if he's with someone?
01:02:33You're right
01:02:35We should break in
01:02:37What are you doing?
01:02:38Shhh
01:02:39Shhh
01:02:41Shhh
01:02:42Shhh
01:02:43Shhh
01:02:44Come on Louise
01:02:46Are you scared to face up to the consequences of the way you treat women?
01:02:49Shhh
01:02:50Shhh
01:02:52Shhh
01:02:53Shhh
01:02:54Shhh
01:02:55Shhh
01:02:56Shhh
01:02:57Shhh
01:02:58I spy with my little eye something that begins with pussy.
01:03:02He's butt naked and circumcised.
01:03:05Congratulations, you can read.
01:03:07What are you doing here?
01:03:08You've been playing us against each other this whole weekend.
01:03:10Leading us on.
01:03:11Naming the same drink after both of us.
01:03:13Boogling our bosom.
01:03:14What's the matter with you?
01:03:16I'm sorry.
01:03:18I just like the attention.
01:03:20But I'm harmless.
01:03:22You see, no women will ever have me because of my...
01:03:25problem.
01:03:28What problem?
01:03:29Oh, Penny.
01:03:30I should have not been so quick to judge you.
01:03:32You're right.
01:03:33It is not your anatomy that makes you a beautiful woman.
01:03:37So what, you're trans now?
01:03:39I was trying to do the right thing.
01:03:40Those are not your pills.
01:03:41No, they're mine.
01:03:43And how is thinning my identity of you the right thing?
01:03:45I guess you have to be there.
01:03:46It doesn't matter who is white to you.
01:03:48You're both beautiful women.
01:03:50And like so many beautiful and cruel women before,
01:03:53neither of you will have me once you have seen my problem.
01:03:58What's your goddamn problem already?
01:04:03I was born with a tail.
01:04:06Born with a what?
01:04:10Oh.
01:04:11Because it is stale, women scream.
01:04:16And I never make love.
01:04:17I just flirt.
01:04:20I kind of know exactly where you're coming from.
01:04:27So, uh, now what?
01:04:36To be honest, I'm having some really trashy thoughts right now.
01:04:41Me, too.
01:04:45What is happening?
01:04:47I don't think they have a name for this in Spanish.
01:04:49No way.
01:05:08Not happening.
01:05:09Let's just keep you in the middle.
01:05:17Quick question.
01:05:19Can that thing get hard?
01:05:21Jerry.
01:05:24Do the Aladdin to my Jasmine.
01:05:26The Weasley to my Hermione.
01:05:30And the Brad to my Angelina if they're still together.
01:05:33Oh, Bernard.
01:05:35I once loved someone and set him free.
01:05:38He slept with a meth head and ran off with a hairdresser.
01:05:41Of course he did.
01:05:43So now I'm gonna tie you down while I can, okay?
01:05:46You two are next.
01:05:52We've assigned witnesses unless you have friends or family here.
01:05:54Yeah, my best friend is their flower girl.
01:05:57Oh, but...
01:05:58But what?
01:05:59Oh, my.
01:06:01That means you two are the ex and new boyfriend he was so intimidated by.
01:06:05He told you?
01:06:06He told someone.
01:06:07I just have really good hearing.
01:06:10So he's gonna help you guys get married.
01:06:12I mean, guys that good are really hard to find.
01:06:17Yeah, they are.
01:06:22Love is never easy.
01:06:24We won't always understand each other.
01:06:26We won't even like each other some days.
01:06:29But no matter what, you're a part of me.
01:06:34My heart is connected to yours.
01:06:36And no argument, no document, and certainly no court ruling is ever going to change that.
01:06:43And now by the power vested in me...
01:06:46Can we kiss already?
01:06:47Please, please.
01:06:48So now I've had sex.
01:06:58How's it feel?
01:06:59It's good.
01:07:02But not as good as cheesecake.
01:07:05It never is.
01:07:09It would be cheesecake at the wedding reception.
01:07:12The wedding!
01:07:13This old fart sure took their time.
01:07:17Okay, we've got five minutes before the legal marriage loophole closes.
01:07:20You two ready?
01:07:21Ready.
01:07:22Ready.
01:07:28Ah, wait, and my dad is stuck!
01:07:32Okay, we are here to join Zachary and Benjamin in rapid matrimony.
01:07:38Marriage is a contract that should not be entered into lightly, blah, blah, blah.
01:07:41Ah, we've got to hurry this up if you guys want to do this on time, okay?
01:07:43So does anyone object?
01:07:45Anyone?
01:07:48Someone objects!
01:07:50Oh, God, her?
01:07:52Uh, no, sorry.
01:07:55I wasn't, not, forever holding my peace.
01:07:58Okay, so do you, Zachary, take Benjamin to be your lawfully wedded partner for life?
01:08:04I...
01:08:05I...
01:08:06I...
01:08:08Can I talk to you?
01:08:13Uh, yeah, sure, by all means.
01:08:14Please do.
01:08:15You've got several seconds.
01:08:18We can't do this.
01:08:20You don't even love me.
01:08:21No, but I love you.
01:08:23We're evolving.
01:08:24And this is just a legal procedure.
01:08:25That's it.
01:08:26I know it is for you.
01:08:29That's not what marriage is to me.
01:08:30I'm not fighting for the right to make a political statement.
01:08:35I'm asking my country to recognize me for who I am and the family I want to make.
01:08:39And this isn't it.
01:08:41Are you saying you don't want to make a family with me?
01:08:47I guess I am.
01:08:48I mean, I love you.
01:08:53But I love somebody else.
01:09:03You've always been there.
01:09:04It's always been you.
01:09:05It's always been you.
01:09:07I just, I didn't realize it until now.
01:09:11Uh, one minute.
01:09:15One minute.
01:09:18I'm really sorry.
01:09:20Go ahead.
01:09:22Kiss him.
01:09:27You were my best friend.
01:09:29Then my boyfriend.
01:09:33And then my best man.
01:09:36And now...
01:09:3730 seconds.
01:09:37Is somebody going to get married or what?
01:09:41What a day it's been.
01:09:57What a life it's going to be.
01:10:05One penny.
01:10:06Woo!
01:10:08And one lily.
01:10:10Thank you, Luis.
01:10:11We're going to miss you, Luis.
01:10:13Oh, you'll forget about me once you leave this place.
01:10:16Never.
01:10:16Probably.
01:10:20So how do you find out that you're a woman?
01:10:24Not that different than before.
01:10:26Just a little more, I don't know, powerful.
01:10:31I'll be asking you the same question in a few weeks.
01:10:34Yes.
01:10:34And you'll probably get the same answer.
01:10:38To a beautiful weekend, to two beautiful women.
01:10:43Cheers!
01:10:47Shall we?
01:10:48You're awful, frisky for a guilty groom?
01:10:59Hey, it sucks to break up.
01:11:01But that's why they invented rebounds.
01:11:03Rebounds are my specialty.
01:11:06And three ways.
01:11:11For a second there, I thought we were going to get married.
01:11:25I know.
01:11:26I know.
01:11:27So did I.
01:11:28Can you imagine?
01:11:29Well, yeah.
01:11:30Me too.
01:11:32So we both love each other.
01:11:35So now what?
01:11:36You mean, what if we get bored again?
01:11:38Yeah.
01:11:39I guess we could always break up.
01:11:42And then lie, trick, and seduce our way back into each other's hearts.
01:11:47Sounds like a plan.
01:11:49We are so weird.
01:11:53So I asked for love.
01:11:55I asked for a song.
01:11:58It brought me joy.
01:12:01Joy.
01:12:03Joy.
01:12:04I searched for peace.
01:12:09I beg for help,
01:12:11And I pray for time.
01:12:13Pray for time.
01:12:14We brought me joy.
01:12:16Joy.
01:12:18Joy.
01:12:19Joy.
01:12:22Enjoy.
01:12:23Joy.
01:12:25Joy.
01:12:27Joy.
01:12:28I searched for peace,
01:12:32And I beg for help,
01:12:34And I pray for time.
01:12:36Pray for time.
01:12:37Take a time with broken joy, broken joy
01:12:43Took a walk alone today, first time I'd seen the sun
01:13:05The ocean's every blade of grass and I, we all live as one
01:13:10On two birds in a yellow wood tree, I wish our love would always be
01:13:16I've seen the works of heaven, but it took your love to set me free
01:13:21I've seen the wonders of the world, stood on mountains green and tall
01:13:27Seen kingdoms rise and fall, all for love and more
01:13:32Yet I yearn to understand the amazement in my hands
01:13:38There's nothing on this land like you
01:13:44You amaze me
01:13:53Thought about all you made me see
01:13:56And how the colors came to life in me
01:13:59When I saw a butterfly dance upon destiny
01:14:04And I watched it rise up and fly
01:14:07Here within I saw you and I
01:14:10I feel like a little child on its first breath of life
01:14:15I've seen the wonders of the world, stood on mountains green and tall
01:14:21Seen kingdoms rise and fall, all for love and more
01:14:26Yet I yearn to understand the amazement in my hands
01:14:32There's nothing on this land like you
01:14:37Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you amaze me
01:14:48Yeah, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you amaze me
01:14:54Just when I come to compromise, you showed me light night and time
01:14:58And I saw, I've seen the wonders of the world
01:15:04Stood on mountains green and tall
01:15:07Seeing kingdoms rise and fall
01:15:10All for love and war
01:15:12Yet I yearn to understand
01:15:15The amazement in my hands
01:15:18There's nothing on this land like you
01:15:23There's nothing on this land like you
01:15:29You amaze me
01:15:38You are ten kinds of sexy
01:15:48How do you feel about open relationships?
01:15:53Intrigued
01:15:55Do you maybe want to go out on a date?
01:15:57I'd like that
01:16:00Can I come?
01:16:03Just kidding
01:16:05I'm a republican congressman
01:16:07Can you imagine if that got out?
01:16:09Extra, extra, extra
01:16:13Read all about it
01:16:15Do you want
01:16:17Extra, extra
01:16:20Read all about it
01:16:22suficiente
01:16:24What do you find?
01:16:28Do you think I could go out?
01:16:31I'm a fan of the old nokia
01:16:32It's the only thing I've ever seen
01:16:33That is what I've ever seen
01:16:34In the past
01:16:35He's a son
01:16:36But he's a son
01:16:37He's a son
01:16:39And he's a son
01:16:40And he's a son
01:16:42He's a son
01:16:44He's a son