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00:02:00Do you consider the book to be autobiographical?
00:02:02Well, I mean, isn't everything autobiographical?
00:02:08I mean, we all see the world through our own tiny keyhole, right?
00:02:13I mean, I always think of Thomas Wolfe.
00:02:15You know, have you ever seen that little one-page note to reader in the front of Look Homeward Angel?
00:02:20Right?
00:02:21You know what I'm talking about?
00:02:22Anyway, he says that we are the sum of all the moments of our lives.
00:02:27And that anybody who sits down to write is going to use the clay of their own life, that you can't avoid that.
00:02:32So when I look at my own life, you know, I have to admit, right, that I've never been around a bunch of guns or violence.
00:02:41You know, not really.
00:02:42No political intrigue or a helicopter crash, right?
00:02:47But my life, from my own point of view, has been full of drama, right?
00:02:51And so I thought if I could write a book that could capture what it's like to really meet somebody.
00:02:59You know, I mean, one of the most exciting things that's ever happened to me, right, is to really meet somebody, make that connection.
00:03:05And if I could make that valuable, you know, to capture that, that would be the attempt, or...
00:03:13Did I answer your question?
00:03:16I'll try to be more specific.
00:03:19Were there ever a French young woman on a train you met and spent an evening with?
00:03:24Um...
00:03:27See, to me, that, uh...
00:03:30I mean, that's not important, you know?
00:03:33So that's a yes.
00:03:35All right, since I'm in France and this is the last stop of my book tour, yes.
00:03:42Mr. Wallace, the book ends on an ambiguous note. We don't know.
00:03:47Do you think they get back together in six months? Like they promised each other?
00:03:54Like they promised? Um...
00:03:57Well, I think how you answer that, you know, is, uh...
00:04:01It's a good test, right, if you're a romantic or a cynic.
00:04:04Right? I mean, uh...
00:04:06You think they get back together, right? You don't, for sure.
00:04:10And you hope they do, but, you know, you're not sure. That's why you're asking the question.
00:04:13And do you think they get back together?
00:04:16I mean, did you in real life?
00:04:20Did I in real...
00:04:22Look, in the words of my grandfather, okay, to answer that would take the piss out of the whole thing.
00:04:28Oh, no.
00:04:29We just have the time for one last question, hmm?
00:04:32What is, uh, your next book?
00:04:35Uh...
00:04:37I don't know, man. I don't know.
00:04:39Uh...
00:04:40I've been...
00:04:41I've been thinking about this...
00:04:43Well, I always kind of wanted to write a book that all took place, uh, within the space of a pop song.
00:04:50You know, like three or four minutes long, the whole thing.
00:04:53The story, the idea, is that there's this guy, right?
00:04:57And he's totally depressed.
00:05:00I mean, his great dream was to be a lover, an adventurer, you know, riding motorcycles through South America.
00:05:07And instead, he's sitting at a marble table eating lobster, and he's got a good job and a beautiful wife, right?
00:05:13But then, you know, everything that he needs.
00:05:15But that doesn't matter.
00:05:17Because what he wants is to fight for meaning.
00:05:20You know, I mean, happiness is in the doing, right?
00:05:23Not in the getting what you want.
00:05:25So, he's sitting there, and just that second, his little five-year-old daughter hops up on the table.
00:05:34And he knows that she should get down, because she could get hurt.
00:05:37But she's dancing to this pop song in a summer dress.
00:05:42And he looks down, and all of a sudden, he's 16.
00:05:48And his high school sweetheart is dropping him off at home.
00:05:54And they just lost their virginity.
00:05:56And she loves him.
00:05:58And the same song is playing on the car radio.
00:06:02And she climbs up and starts dancing on the roof of the car.
00:06:05And now he's worried about her.
00:06:07And she's beautiful with a facial expression, you know, just like his daughter's.
00:06:11In fact, you know, maybe that's why he even likes her.
00:06:14You know what I mean?
00:06:15See, he knows he's not remembering this dance.
00:06:17He's there.
00:06:18He's there in both moments simultaneously.
00:06:20And just like for an instant, all his life is just folding in on itself.
00:06:24And it's obvious to him that time is a lie.
00:06:27Uh, that it's, that it's, it's all happening all the time.
00:06:32And inside every moment is another moment.
00:06:34All, yeah, happening simultaneously.
00:06:37Anyway, that's, that's kind of the idea.
00:06:39Anyway.
00:06:40Well, our offer has to be going to the airport soon.
00:06:44So thank you all very much for coming over this afternoon.
00:06:47And a special thanks to Mr. Wallace for being with us.
00:06:53We hope to see you here again with your next book.
00:06:55Oh.
00:06:56Uh, merci a toutes et à tous d'être venus.
00:06:58Et comme vous voyez, il y a du champagne, il y a des petites choses à grignoter.
00:07:01Donc, servez-vous.
00:07:02Thank you all.
00:07:03You know, how much longer before I have to go to the airport?
00:07:06Oh, you should leave at 7.30.
00:07:087.30 at the very latest.
00:07:09OK.
00:07:10OK.
00:07:11Hi.
00:07:16Hello.
00:07:18Bonjour.
00:07:20How are you?
00:07:22Good, and you?
00:07:24Um, I'm good.
00:07:26Yeah, I'm great.
00:07:27I'm, uh...
00:07:29Uh, do you wanna, maybe you get a cup of coffee?
00:07:32Do you need to see you have a plane to catch?
00:07:34Uh, yeah.
00:07:36But, um, but I mean, I have a little time.
00:07:39OK.
00:07:40Yeah?
00:07:41All right, well, let me, um...
00:07:42I'll meet you outside.
00:07:43OK.
00:07:44Excuse me.
00:07:45I'm just gonna go out and get a cup of coffee and be back at 7.15.
00:07:50Did you sign all these?
00:07:51Um, yeah, I sure did.
00:07:52Well, get your driver Philippe's card so that, uh, you can call his cell phone if you're running late.
00:07:56All right.
00:07:57And we will put your bags in the car so you are not late going to the airport.
00:07:59All right, thanks for everything.
00:08:01Merci beaucoup, mademoiselle.
00:08:02C'est moi.
00:08:03C'est moi.
00:08:04Uh, which one's Philippe?
00:08:06Philippe, pass lui de ta carte pour qu'il ait son numéro de portable.
00:08:09Merci.
00:08:24I can't believe you're here.
00:08:26Well, I live here in Paris.
00:08:28Oh, um...
00:08:29Are you sure you don't have to stay?
00:08:31You're not supposed to, um, to talk some more?
00:08:33No, no, no.
00:08:34They're sick of me.
00:08:35I spent the night here last night.
00:08:36Oh, you did?
00:08:37Yeah, yeah.
00:08:38They got a loft upstairs.
00:08:39Oh, wow.
00:08:40Anyway, how are you?
00:08:41This is so weird.
00:08:42I'm fine.
00:08:43It's, um...
00:08:44It's good to see you.
00:08:45It's good to see you.
00:08:48So you want to go to a café?
00:08:49Uh, yeah.
00:08:50Okay.
00:08:51This went a little further.
00:08:52Okay.
00:08:53I thought I was gonna totally lose it in there when I first saw you.
00:08:56I mean, how'd you even know I was gonna be here?
00:08:59Well, it's my favorite bookstore in Paris.
00:09:01I, um...
00:09:02You can sit down for hours and read.
00:09:03I love it.
00:09:04There's fleas, but, you know...
00:09:05I know, I know.
00:09:06I think a cat slept on my head last night.
00:09:08So I saw your picture on the calendar about a month ago.
00:09:10Yeah.
00:09:11And that you were going to be here.
00:09:13It's funny because I read an article on your book, and it sounded vaguely familiar.
00:09:18Vaguely?
00:09:19Yeah.
00:09:20But I didn't put it all together until I saw your photo, so...
00:09:25Did you have a chance to read it?
00:09:27Yes, I, um...
00:09:28I was really, really surprised, as you can imagine.
00:09:31I mean, I had to read it twice, actually.
00:09:34Yeah?
00:09:35Yeah.
00:09:36Comme ça, comme ça.
00:09:37No, I liked it.
00:09:38Yeah?
00:09:39It's very romantic.
00:09:40I usually don't like that, but it's, uh, really well written.
00:09:43No, all right.
00:09:44It's really well written.
00:09:45No, I really...
00:09:46Congratulations.
00:09:47Wait.
00:09:48What?
00:09:49Before we go anywhere, I have, um...
00:09:51I have to ask you, um...
00:09:53Sure would.
00:09:54Did you show up in Vienna that December?
00:09:58No.
00:09:59Uh, did you?
00:10:01No, I couldn't, but...
00:10:03Did you?
00:10:04I need to know, it's important to me.
00:10:06Why, if you didn't?
00:10:08Well, did you...
00:10:10Oh, thank God you didn't.
00:10:14Well, thank God you didn't.
00:10:15I mean, thank God I didn't, and you didn't.
00:10:18I mean, if one of us had showed up there alone, then that would have sucked.
00:10:21I know, I know.
00:10:22I was so concerned with that.
00:10:23I always felt horrible about not being there, but I couldn't.
00:10:25You know, my grandma died a few days before, and she was buried that day, December 16th.
00:10:29That day.
00:10:30She died? The one in Budapest?
00:10:31Yes.
00:10:32You remember that?
00:10:33Yeah, I remember everything.
00:10:34Of course, it was in your book.
00:10:35But anyway, I was about, I was about to fly to Vienna, you know?
00:10:38And, uh, and I, and we heard the news about her.
00:10:41And, uh, of course I had to go to the funeral with my parents.
00:10:44Yeah, well, I'm sorry to hear that.
00:10:45I know.
00:10:46But you weren't there anyway.
00:10:49Wait.
00:10:50Why weren't you there?
00:10:52I would have been there if I could have.
00:10:53I made plans and...
00:10:54Wait.
00:10:55You better have a good reason.
00:10:57What?
00:11:01Oh, no.
00:11:03No, you were there, weren't you?
00:11:05Oh, no.
00:11:06Oh, that's terrible.
00:11:08Oh, no, I'm laughing, but I don't mean it.
00:11:10Did you hate me?
00:11:11You must have hated me.
00:11:12No.
00:11:13Have you been hating me all this time?
00:11:14You have.
00:11:15No.
00:11:16Yes, you have.
00:11:17No.
00:11:18Oh, but you can't hate me now, right?
00:11:19I know.
00:11:20I mean, my grandma...
00:11:21I don't hate you, all right?
00:11:22Come on, it's no big deal, all right?
00:11:23I flew all the way over there, you blew the thing off, and my life's been a big nosedive
00:11:26since then.
00:11:27But, I mean, it's not a problem.
00:11:28No, you can't say that.
00:11:29I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
00:11:30I can't believe it.
00:11:31You must have been so angry with me.
00:11:33I'm so sorry.
00:11:34I really wanted to be there, more than anything in the world.
00:11:36I swear.
00:11:37Honestly, I swear.
00:11:38I mean, you can't be angry.
00:11:39My grandmother, I mean, you can't...
00:11:40No, I know, I know.
00:11:41I honestly thought that something like that might have happened.
00:11:43I was definitely bummed, but mostly I was just mad we hadn't exchanged any phone numbers
00:11:48or any information.
00:11:49I know, I know.
00:11:50That was so stupid.
00:11:51No way to get in touch.
00:11:52I didn't even know your last thing.
00:11:53Nothing.
00:11:54I know, I know.
00:11:55I was afraid that if we started writing and calling, that it would slowly, you know,
00:11:59fade out.
00:12:00Yeah, it definitely wasn't a slow fade.
00:12:01No, it sure wasn't.
00:12:02I know, we wanted to pick it up where we left off.
00:12:04Which would have been fine if it were.
00:12:05Yes, a good idea.
00:12:06Oh well.
00:12:07So, how long were you in Vienna then?
00:12:12Just a couple days.
00:12:14Did you meet another girl?
00:12:17Uh, yeah, her name was Gretchen and she was amazing.
00:12:21You did?
00:12:22Yeah, the book's really a composite of the two years.
00:12:23Really?
00:12:24Oh no.
00:12:25No, I'm kidding.
00:12:26No, you wouldn't believe it.
00:12:27I even went back to the train station.
00:12:28I put up, you know, signs with my number and the hotel in case you've been delayed.
00:12:32I was a total dork.
00:12:33Let's go this way.
00:12:34Did you get any calls?
00:12:35Just a couple hookers looking for a gig.
00:12:38No, it was awful.
00:12:39I mean, what do you want me to say?
00:12:40Oh, it's so sad.
00:12:41I'm so sorry.
00:12:42I walked around for a couple days.
00:12:45Eventually I flew home.
00:12:46I owed my dad 2,000 bucks who had warned me about French chicks, I have to say.
00:12:51What did he tell you about French women?
00:12:53Well, the guy, he's never met any French women.
00:12:55Okay.
00:12:56He's never been east of the Mississippi.
00:12:58So why didn't you put the six months later, the French bitch didn't show up?
00:13:02No, but I did.
00:13:03I did.
00:13:04You did?
00:13:05No.
00:13:06I mean, I made it more hopeful.
00:13:07I mean, I wrote this whole fictional version where you actually do show up.
00:13:10Oh, what happens?
00:13:11Well, um...
00:13:14What?
00:13:15Well, we make love for about ten days straight.
00:13:17That's one part of it.
00:13:18Oh, that's interesting.
00:13:19So the French slut, right?
00:13:20Yeah.
00:13:21Yeah, exactly.
00:13:22It's just then they, you know, they start to get to know each other better and they realize
00:13:25that they don't get along at all.
00:13:26I like that.
00:13:27It's more real.
00:13:28Yeah, well, my editor didn't think that way.
00:13:30No.
00:13:31Everyone wants to believe in love.
00:13:32It sells, right?
00:13:33Yeah, exactly.
00:13:34So...
00:13:35So things are going well for you, right?
00:13:37I mean, your book is a bestseller in the U.S.
00:13:39Yeah, it's a tiny bestseller.
00:13:41Oh, come on.
00:13:42All right, yeah, right.
00:13:43Officially, yes.
00:13:44But I mean, you know, most people haven't read Moby Dick, you know, so why should I read
00:13:46my book?
00:13:47Well, I haven't read Moby Dick and I like your book, so...
00:13:49Oh, thanks.
00:13:50Even though I thought you idealized the night of it.
00:13:54Oh, come on.
00:13:55It's officially fiction, right?
00:13:56I mean, I'm supposed to...
00:13:57No, I know, I know, I know.
00:13:58I know.
00:13:59I thought, you know, there were times where you made me a...
00:14:01Well, I mean, her, right?
00:14:04No, me.
00:14:05Okay, whatever.
00:14:06Uh, a little bit neurotic.
00:14:08All right, but you are a little bit like that, aren't you?
00:14:10You think I'm neurotic?
00:14:11No, no, no, no, come on.
00:14:12I'm kidding.
00:14:13Where did I do that?
00:14:14I didn't do that.
00:14:15Well, maybe it's just me, you know, um, reading something knowing that the character in
00:14:20the story is based on you.
00:14:21It's both flattering and disturbing at the same time.
00:14:24Yeah, how's it disturbing?
00:14:26I don't know.
00:14:27Uh, just being part of someone else's memory, seeing myself through your eyes.
00:14:33How long did it take you to write it?
00:14:35Um, uh, three or four years, on and off.
00:14:38Wow, that's a really long time to be writing about one night.
00:14:42Yeah, I know.
00:14:43Tell me about it.
00:14:44Uh...
00:14:45I always assumed you had forgotten me.
00:14:47You know, I had a pretty clear picture of you in my mind.
00:14:50I have to tell you something.
00:14:51What?
00:14:52I just...
00:14:53I've wanted to talk to you for so long, you know, that now...
00:14:55Yeah, me too.
00:14:56It's just surreal, you know?
00:14:57I feel like everything out of my mouth should be...
00:14:58I know, I know.
00:14:59How long do we have?
00:15:0020 minutes and 30 seconds?
00:15:01Let's go.
00:15:02No, we've got more than that.
00:15:03I want to know about you.
00:15:04Tell me, what are you doing?
00:15:05You know?
00:15:06What are you up to?
00:15:07Uh, where to start?
00:15:08I, uh, I work for Green Cross.
00:15:10It's an environmental organization.
00:15:12Yeah, what are they all about?
00:15:13Well, we basically work on different environment issues, from clean water to disarmament of
00:15:18chemical weapons.
00:15:19You know, international laws that deal with the environment.
00:15:21And what do you do for it?
00:15:22We're doing this way.
00:15:23Uh, different things.
00:15:26Like, last year I was in India for quite a while working on a water treatment plant.
00:15:30Wow!
00:15:31Yeah, well, the cotton industry there is a major source of pollution, so...
00:15:34I mean, it just sounds like you're actually doing something, you know?
00:15:37I mean, most people, myself included, just sit around and bitch, you know?
00:15:42America's consuming all the world's resources.
00:15:44Yep.
00:15:45SUVs, uh, global warming is real.
00:15:47You know, I'm really relieved to hear you're not one of those Freedom Prize kind of Americans.
00:15:50Yeah.
00:15:51Hey, you know.
00:15:52But how'd you get into that?
00:15:53Uh, I came out of political science and I was hoping to work for the government.
00:15:57And I did for a little while.
00:15:58Ugh, terrible.
00:15:59Not good?
00:16:00Yeah, no.
00:16:01And anyway, I got really tired, let's go this way, of having this endless conversation with friends
00:16:06about how the world was falling to pieces.
00:16:08So I decided what I really wanted to do was to find things that could be fixed and try to fix them, you know?
00:16:14Yeah, I just thought, I always thought you'd be doing something cool like that.
00:16:17I did, I...
00:16:18Thanks.
00:16:19I just feel really, really lucky to be doing a job I like, you know?
00:16:24Yeah.
00:16:25You know, I actually alternated between thinking that, you know, everything is irrevocably screwed up
00:16:30and that things might be getting better in some ways.
00:16:32Better?
00:16:33How could you possibly say that?
00:16:35Well, I just mean, you know, like...
00:16:37I mean, I know it sounds weird, but there are things to be optimistic about.
00:16:40Okay.
00:16:41Okay.
00:16:42Um, I know your book is selling.
00:16:44Which is great.
00:16:45I'm very happy for you.
00:16:46But let me break the news for you, okay?
00:16:48The world is a mess right now.
00:16:49No, I'm not...
00:16:50No, from a Western point of you things are getting a bit better.
00:16:51I wasn't saying that...
00:16:52Okay.
00:16:53We're moving all our industry to developing nations where we can get cheap labour free of any environmental
00:16:57laws.
00:16:58Okay.
00:16:59The weapon industry is booming.
00:17:00Five million people die every year for preventable water disease.
00:17:02So how is the world getting any better?
00:17:04I'm not getting angry.
00:17:05I'm not getting angry.
00:17:06But come on.
00:17:07I want to know.
00:17:08I'm interested.
00:17:09Okay.
00:17:10Okay.
00:17:11I realize that there are a lot of serious problems in the world.
00:17:12Okay.
00:17:14Okay?
00:17:15I mean, I don't even have one publisher in the whole Asian market.
00:17:17Okay.
00:17:18All right.
00:17:19All right.
00:17:20All right.
00:17:21Stop.
00:17:22Now look, all I'm saying is there's more awareness out there, right?
00:17:24People are going to fight back.
00:17:25Okay.
00:17:26You know?
00:17:27I mean, I think the world might be getting better because people like you are educated
00:17:30and speaking out.
00:17:31Even the very notion of conservation, environmental issues, those weren't even in the vocabulary
00:17:36until fairly recently, you know?
00:17:37And they're becoming the norm and eventually might be what's expected all over the world.
00:17:42I agree with what you're saying.
00:17:43But at the same time, it's dangerous.
00:17:45An imperialist country can use that kind of thinking to justify the economic grade.
00:17:49You know, I...
00:17:51Human rights is the...
00:17:52Is there any particular imperialist country you have in mind there, Frenchy?
00:17:55Hmm.
00:17:56No.
00:17:57Not really.
00:17:58Bonsoir.
00:17:59Bonsoir.
00:18:03So you want to sit over there?
00:18:04Yeah.
00:18:05Oh, this is perfect.
00:18:07Oh, wow.
00:18:08Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves, right?
00:18:13Like, I mean, me, for example.
00:18:14Am I getting worse?
00:18:15Am I improving?
00:18:16I don't know.
00:18:17When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, wracked with insecurity, you know?
00:18:23Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them.
00:18:28So what are your problems?
00:18:32Right now, I don't have any.
00:18:34I don't, you know?
00:18:35Yeah, I'm just damn happy to be here.
00:18:38Me too.
00:18:43So how long have you been in Paris?
00:18:45I got in last night.
00:18:46I've done 10 cities in 12 days.
00:18:48I mean, I'm...
00:18:49I'm wrecked.
00:18:50I'm so glad it's over, you know?
00:18:52I'm tired of being a huckster.
00:18:53Oh, hello.
00:18:54What do you want?
00:18:56What do you want?
00:18:57A cup of coffee.
00:18:59Un café et un citron pressé, s'il vous plaît.
00:19:02God, I love this café.
00:19:04We should have places like this in the U.S.
00:19:07Yeah, I missed cafés when I was living over there.
00:19:10I mean, I find a few places I really like, but there was...
00:19:13You were living in the U.S.?
00:19:14Yes, from, uh, 96 to 99.
00:19:17I was studying at NYU.
00:19:19Oh, God, don't tell me that, Celine.
00:19:22What?
00:19:23No, it's just...
00:19:24Nothing.
00:19:25I mean, I...
00:19:26What?
00:19:27I've been living in New York since 98.
00:19:28You know, we were there at the same time.
00:19:30In New York?
00:19:31Yeah.
00:19:32Wow, that's weird.
00:19:33It actually crossed my mind a few times that I might run into you,
00:19:36but the odds are so slim, right?
00:19:38So...
00:19:39I didn't even know what city you were living in.
00:19:41Weren't you somewhere in Texas?
00:19:42Yeah, no.
00:19:43Somewhere in Texas.
00:19:44Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:19:45Definitely.
00:19:46I just, I was for a long time.
00:19:47You don't want to try New York?
00:19:49Hmm.
00:19:50Well...
00:19:51What brought you back here?
00:19:52Uh, I had finished my masters, for one.
00:19:55And, uh, no visa.
00:19:56No more visa.
00:19:57And, uh, anyway, I was starting to get paranoid.
00:20:00All the violence in the medias.
00:20:02Gang violence, murders, especially serial killers.
00:20:05But the final straw was, one night I heard some noise on my fire escape,
00:20:11so I called 911, and the cops came eventually.
00:20:14Yeah, like three hours later.
00:20:15Yeah, after I had been raped and killed about ten times.
00:20:18No, but...
00:20:19It was a man and a woman officer, and I was explaining to them what I had heard
00:20:22when the woman had to run downstairs to move the police car.
00:20:25So I was left alone with a male cop.
00:20:27And right away, he asked me if I had a gun.
00:20:29And I said, no, of course not.
00:20:31And he told me, well, you better think about getting one.
00:20:34This is America, not France, okay?
00:20:38And I said to him, you know, I have no idea how to shoot a gun,
00:20:41and I have no interest in firearms whatsoever.
00:20:44And that's when he pulled out his gun, like this, and he went,
00:20:48well, one day, you're going to have something like this in your face.
00:20:55And if you want to have a long life, you're going to have to choose between you or them.
00:21:03And then they left.
00:21:04And the next morning I called for an application to get a gun.
00:21:07Me with a gun.
00:21:08I mean, that's really scary.
00:21:10But then I realized something was wrong.
00:21:12The way that cop had pulled his gun out and everything, right?
00:21:15Yeah, sure.
00:21:16So I canceled my demand for the gun,
00:21:18and I called the police station and tried to complain about that cop's behavior.
00:21:21What happened with that?
00:21:22Well, it was so much paperwork.
00:21:24And then I got scared with my shitty student.
00:21:27Yeah, you thought you'd get deported.
00:21:28Yeah, exactly.
00:21:29So I gave up and I forgot about the whole thing.
00:21:31Well, I guess I never forgot about the whole thing.
00:21:33Obviously, yeah.
00:21:35But still, you know, I really enjoy being there.
00:21:38There's a lot of things I miss about the U.S.
00:21:40You're like what?
00:21:41Um, well, the overall good mood people have there.
00:21:47Like, you know, even if it can be bullshit sometimes.
00:21:50Like, how are you doing?
00:21:51Great.
00:21:52How are you doing?
00:21:53Great.
00:21:54Have a great day.
00:21:55I don't know.
00:21:57Parisians can be so grumpy.
00:21:58Have you noticed?
00:21:59No.
00:22:00Everybody seems pretty happy to me.
00:22:02They're not happy.
00:22:03They're not happy.
00:22:04No, they are.
00:22:05I don't know.
00:22:06Maybe I just mean Frenchmen.
00:22:08They drive me nuts.
00:22:09What is it?
00:22:10What about them?
00:22:11Well, they're very nice.
00:22:12They're great, you know, to be around.
00:22:14They love food, wine.
00:22:15They're great cooks.
00:22:16But I don't know.
00:22:17Maybe I've had really bad luck with them or something.
00:22:19Why?
00:22:20What do you mean?
00:22:21Um, well, I guess they're not as, um...
00:22:24What?
00:22:25What's the word?
00:22:26Um, horny?
00:22:28They're not as horny.
00:22:29Horny?
00:22:30All right.
00:22:31Now, listen to me on this one, all right?
00:22:33You know, in that regard, I am proud to be an American.
00:22:35And you should be.
00:22:36In that regard only.
00:22:37Nancy, have you ever spent some time in Eastern Europe?
00:22:41Eastern Europe?
00:22:42No.
00:22:44I, uh, I remember as a teenager I went to Warsaw,
00:22:47when it was still a strict communist regime,
00:22:49which I don't approve of at all, but...
00:22:51Oh, yeah, sure you don't.
00:22:52No, I don't.
00:22:53No, I'm just kidding.
00:22:54But anyway, something about being there was very interesting, I found.
00:22:58After a couple of weeks, something changed in me.
00:23:01The city was quite gloomy and grey, and...
00:23:04But after a while, my brain seemed clearer.
00:23:07I was writing a lot more in my journal,
00:23:09ideas I had never thought of before.
00:23:11Communist ideas?
00:23:12Listen, I'm not...
00:23:13I'm sorry, I can't, I don't...
00:23:14No, wait, yeah, well, okay.
00:23:16Go on.
00:23:17Okay.
00:23:18I'll send you to a gulag.
00:23:19Okay.
00:23:20No.
00:23:21But it took me a while to figure out why I felt, you know, so different.
00:23:23And then one day, as I was walking through the Jewish cemetery,
00:23:26I don't know why, but it occurred to me there,
00:23:28I realized that I had spent the last two weeks away from most of my habits.
00:23:32TV was in a language I didn't understand.
00:23:34There was nothing to buy, no advertisements anywhere.
00:23:37So all I had been doing was walk around, think and write.
00:23:42My brain felt like it was at rest, free from the consuming frenzy.
00:23:45And I have to say, it was almost like a natural high.
00:23:48I felt so peaceful inside, no strange urge to be somewhere else,
00:23:52to shop.
00:23:53Maybe it could have seemed like boredom at first, but it quickly became very, very soulful.
00:23:58Which is interesting, you know?
00:24:00Can you believe it was nine years ago that we were walking around Vienna?
00:24:04Nine years?
00:24:05No, that's impossible.
00:24:06No, it was.
00:24:07I know.
00:24:08It feels like two months ago to me, but it was summer 94.
00:24:11Do I look any different?
00:24:14I do.
00:24:17I'd have to see you naked.
00:24:20What?
00:24:21I know, I'm sorry.
00:24:22I know.
00:24:23Your hair was different back then.
00:24:24It was like...
00:24:25What?
00:24:26It's the same.
00:24:27Oh, okay.
00:24:28Take it down.
00:24:29Let's see.
00:24:30Down.
00:24:31Okay, it was down.
00:24:32Yeah.
00:24:33Okay, come on.
00:24:34Tell me.
00:24:35Uh...
00:24:36Skinnier, I think.
00:24:37A little thinner.
00:24:38Did you think I was fat before?
00:24:39No.
00:24:40Yeah, you thought I was a fatty.
00:24:41No, you thought I was a fatty.
00:24:42Yeah, you wrote a book about a fat French girl.
00:24:43No, listen.
00:24:44Seriously, all right?
00:24:45You look beautiful.
00:24:46Do I look any different?
00:24:47No.
00:24:48No.
00:24:49No, you thought I was a fatty.
00:24:50No, you thought I was a fatty.
00:24:52Yeah, you wrote a book about a fat French girl.
00:24:54No, listen.
00:24:55Oh, no.
00:24:56Seriously, all right?
00:24:57You look beautiful.
00:24:58Do I look any different?
00:25:01No.
00:25:02No, no, no.
00:25:03Oh, actually, you have this slime.
00:25:05I know.
00:25:06It's like a scar.
00:25:07A scar?
00:25:08What?
00:25:09Like a gunshot wound?
00:25:10No, no, no.
00:25:11I like it.
00:25:12I'm sorry.
00:25:13I had this funny, well, horrible dream the other day.
00:25:18I was having this awful nightmare that I was 32,
00:25:23and then I woke up, and I was 23.
00:25:25So relieved.
00:25:26And then I woke up for real, and I was 32.
00:25:29Shit.
00:25:30Scary.
00:25:31It happens.
00:25:32Yeah, time goes faster and faster.
00:25:34Apparently, it's because we don't renew our synopsis after 20,
00:25:36so it's pretty much downhill from then on.
00:25:38Oh, well.
00:25:39I like getting older.
00:25:41You know, life feels, I don't know, it feels more immediate.
00:25:44Mm-hmm.
00:25:45You know, like I can appreciate things more.
00:25:47No, me too, actually.
00:25:48I really love it.
00:25:50I was once a drummer in a band.
00:25:54You were?
00:25:55Yeah.
00:25:56We're pretty good, actually, but the lead singer guy,
00:25:58he was just so obsessed with us getting a record deal.
00:26:01You know, it's all we talked about.
00:26:02It's all we thought about getting bigger shows,
00:26:04and everything was just focused on the future all the time,
00:26:07and now the band doesn't even exist anymore, right?
00:26:10And looking back at the shows we did play,
00:26:12even rehearsing, you know, it was just so much fun.
00:26:15Mm-hmm.
00:26:16Just now I'd be able to enjoy every minute of it.
00:26:18Could I have a drag of that?
00:26:19Mm-hmm.
00:26:20Well, your book has been published.
00:26:22That's a pretty big deal,
00:26:23and you've been all around Europe with it.
00:26:25Are you enjoying every minute of it?
00:26:27Not really.
00:26:28Not really?
00:26:29Mm-hmm.
00:26:30Do you have another one of those?
00:26:32Yes.
00:26:33Of course.
00:26:34Um, here.
00:26:38In my field, I see these people that, oh, sorry,
00:26:42come into it with big idealist visions
00:26:44of becoming the new leader that will create a better world.
00:26:47They enjoy the goal, but not the process.
00:26:49Right.
00:26:50But the reality of it is that the true work of improving things
00:26:53is in the little achievements of the day,
00:26:55and that's what you need to enjoy to stay in that field.
00:26:57What do you mean exactly?
00:26:58Well, for example, I was working for this organization
00:27:00that helped villages in Mexico,
00:27:02and their concerns was how to get the pencils
00:27:05sent to the kid in those little country schools.
00:27:08It was not about big revolutionary ideas.
00:27:10It was about pencils.
00:27:11I see the people that do the real work,
00:27:14and what's really sad in a way is that the people
00:27:16that are the most giving, hardworking,
00:27:18and capable of making this world better
00:27:21usually don't have the ego and ambition to be a leader.
00:27:24They don't see any interest in superficial rewards.
00:27:27They don't care if their name ever appear in the press.
00:27:30They actually enjoy the process of helping others.
00:27:33They're in the moment.
00:27:35Yeah, but that's so hard, you know, to be in the moment.
00:27:38And I just feel like I'm designed
00:27:41to be slightly dissatisfied with everything, you know?
00:27:44I mean, it's like always trying to better my situation.
00:27:46You know, I satisfy one desire,
00:27:48and it just agitates another.
00:27:50You know, but then I think, ah, to hell with it, right?
00:27:52I mean, desires to fuel life, you know?
00:27:54I mean, do you think it's true that if we never wanted anything,
00:27:58we'd never be unhappy?
00:28:00I don't know.
00:28:01Not wanting anything, isn't that a symptom of depression?
00:28:05Yeah, that is, right?
00:28:07I mean, it's healthy to desire, right?
00:28:09Yeah.
00:28:10I don't know.
00:28:11I mean, it's what all those Buddhist guys say, right?
00:28:13You know, liberate yourself from desire,
00:28:15and you'll find that you already have everything you need.
00:28:17Yeah, but I feel really alive when I want something more
00:28:20than just basic survival needs.
00:28:22I mean, wanting whether it's intimacy with another person
00:28:25or a new pair of shoes is kind of beautiful.
00:28:27I like that we have those ever-renewing desires, you know?
00:28:30Yeah.
00:28:31Yeah, well, maybe it's just a sense of entitlement.
00:28:33You know, like whenever you feel like you deserve that new pair of shoes,
00:28:36you know?
00:28:37I mean, it's okay to want things as long as you don't get pissed off
00:28:39if you don't get them.
00:28:40Yeah.
00:28:41Right?
00:28:42Life's hard.
00:28:43It's supposed to be.
00:28:44If we didn't suffer, we wouldn't learn a thing, you know?
00:28:47So what, are you Buddhist or something?
00:28:50No.
00:28:51No? Why not?
00:28:53I don't know.
00:28:54Same reason I don't really consider myself anything, really.
00:28:58Yeah, I know.
00:28:59I decided a long time ago that I was going to be open to everything
00:29:02but not buy into any one and only belief system.
00:29:06I went to this Trappist monastery a couple years ago.
00:29:10Trappist?
00:29:11Yeah, they're Catholic, Cistercian.
00:29:13Oh.
00:29:14Why did you do that?
00:29:15Why?
00:29:16I've just been doing some reading, I guess.
00:29:18I thought it'd be cool.
00:29:19Have you ever spent any time with any monks or nuns?
00:29:22No.
00:29:23It's not really my style.
00:29:24No?
00:29:25No.
00:29:26Anyway.
00:29:27I expected them to be all glowering and stern, you know, but they weren't.
00:29:30They were really quick to laugh, really easy to be around.
00:29:33Seriously, very attuned to everything.
00:29:35They were just, you know, they weren't trying to hustle anybody.
00:29:38They were trying to live and die in peace with God, you know,
00:29:42or whatever part of them they feel is eternal.
00:29:44You know, and it was just so refreshing to be around.
00:29:46You know, you realize that most of the people that you meet are trying to get somewhere better.
00:29:51You know, they're trying to make a little bit more cash.
00:29:53You're trying to get a little more respect, have more people admire them.
00:29:56You know, it's just exhausting.
00:29:57Oh, okay then.
00:29:58You know, it's exhausting to be one of those people yourself, you know.
00:30:01I mean, there I am, right?
00:30:02You know, all greedy to be more spiritual, you know.
00:30:04I want to be a better person, you know.
00:30:06I can't escape.
00:30:07I had this boyfriend of mine many years ago that wanted to be a Buddhist.
00:30:14And so you went to Asia to visit some of those monasteries.
00:30:17Yeah, I thought about doing that too.
00:30:19Yeah, and you should.
00:30:20I'll tell you why.
00:30:21You were quite good looking and each time you went to one of those monasteries, a monk offered to suck his cock.
00:30:26Short story.
00:30:28Well, it all comes down to that, doesn't it?
00:30:31I mean, I think that's why I really admire what you're doing, you know.
00:30:36What do you mean? Sucking cock?
00:30:37Uh, no.
00:30:38Wrong answer.
00:30:39Wrong answer.
00:30:40No, I was gonna say, you know, you're not detached from life, you know.
00:30:45You're putting your passion into action.
00:30:47Well, I'd try.
00:30:49Hey, you know something?
00:30:51I'm gonna be on planes and like in an airport for the next eight hours.
00:30:56Uh-huh.
00:30:57I'd just love to see a little bit more in Paris.
00:30:59Would you walk around with me a little bit?
00:31:00Yeah, yeah, let's do that.
00:31:01Do you mind?
00:31:02No, no, no, that's great.
00:31:03Let's do that.
00:31:04You want to?
00:31:05Yeah, yeah, that's great.
00:31:06$4.50.
00:31:07No, no, I got it, I got it.
00:31:08I got a little per diem going on here.
00:31:09Oh, okay.
00:31:10Is this good for like a tip?
00:31:11Yeah, that's fine.
00:31:12That's more than enough.
00:31:13Yeah.
00:31:14All right, is there anywhere to go around here?
00:31:17Uh, it's sales day today.
00:31:18What's that?
00:31:19It's when everything is on sale in Paris.
00:31:21Uh, it's twice a year.
00:31:23Au revoir, merci.
00:31:24Au revoir, merci.
00:31:25All right, let's go shopping.
00:31:27No, no, no, no.
00:31:28No, that's a bad idea.
00:31:29I don't want to inflate that on you.
00:31:30No?
00:31:31It's madness.
00:31:32Let's just go this garden path.
00:31:33All right.
00:31:34It's really nice.
00:31:35All right, all right.
00:31:36That sounds better than shopping, actually.
00:31:38I mean, not that I wouldn't do whatever you wanted, but...
00:31:40You know, sometimes I don't even need to buy anything.
00:31:42I just get high on trying on and looking at things.
00:31:45Yeah, well, a therapist would tell you.
00:31:46Is this where we're going?
00:31:47Yeah.
00:31:48A therapist would tell you.
00:31:49That's all good.
00:31:50Really?
00:31:51Yeah.
00:31:52Are you ever in therapy?
00:31:53Oh, no.
00:31:54Do I seem like I'm in therapy?
00:31:55I'm kidding.
00:31:56Has it helped your sex problems?
00:31:58My sex problems?
00:31:59No, I'm kidding.
00:32:00Come on, tell me the truth.
00:32:01I mean, we didn't have any problems that night.
00:32:03No, I'm kidding.
00:32:04We didn't even have sex anyway.
00:32:05But that's a joke, right?
00:32:06No, we didn't.
00:32:07I mean, that was the whole thing.
00:32:09No, of course we did.
00:32:10No, no, no, no.
00:32:11We didn't.
00:32:12You didn't have a condom, and I never have sex with that one.
00:32:13Especially on a one-night thing.
00:32:14I'm extremely paranoid about my health.
00:32:15There's no way I would have...
00:32:16Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:32:17I'm finding this very scary that you don't remember what happened.
00:32:19No, listen.
00:32:20Okay.
00:32:21I didn't write an entire book, but I kept a journal, okay?
00:32:23And I wrote the whole night in it.
00:32:25That's what I meant, you idealizing the night.
00:32:27All right, listen.
00:32:28I even remember what brand of condom we used, okay?
00:32:31Okay, that's disgusting.
00:32:32I don't want to hear it.
00:32:33It's not disgusting.
00:32:34No.
00:32:35What?
00:32:36Okay, you know what?
00:32:37When I get home, I'll check my journal from 94, but I know I'm right.
00:32:40All right.
00:32:41Wait a minute.
00:32:42What?
00:32:43What?
00:32:44Was it in the cemetery?
00:32:46No.
00:32:47No, we went to the cemetery in the afternoon.
00:32:51It was in the park.
00:32:52Very late at night.
00:32:54In the park.
00:32:55Wait a minute.
00:32:56Wait a minute.
00:32:57I can't...
00:32:58Okay.
00:32:59No, I...
00:33:00Is that forgettable?
00:33:01I mean, you really don't remember.
00:33:02In the park.
00:33:03Okay.
00:33:04Wait a minute.
00:33:05I think you might be right.
00:33:06All right.
00:33:07No, you're messing with me now.
00:33:08No.
00:33:09Are you messing with me?
00:33:10Okay.
00:33:11No, I'm sorry.
00:33:12Okay.
00:33:13Sometime I put things in drawers inside my head and forget about it.
00:33:16I guess it's less painful to put certain things away than to live with it.
00:33:19I'm sorry.
00:33:20So that night was like a sad memory for you?
00:33:22No, I didn't mean that night in particular.
00:33:24I just meant certain things I better have forgotten.
00:33:26I remember that night better than I do entire years.
00:33:29Me too.
00:33:30Really?
00:33:31Well, I thought I did.
00:33:36But maybe I...
00:33:37Maybe I put it away because of the fact that my grandmother's funeral was the day we were supposed to meet again.
00:33:43Yeah, right?
00:33:44It was a tough day for me, but it must have been worse for you.
00:33:46It was unreal.
00:33:47I remember looking at her dead body in the coffin.
00:33:50And her beautiful hands, so warm, so sweet, that used to hold me.
00:33:55But nothing in that coffin resembled what I remembered of her.
00:33:59All the warmth was gone.
00:34:01And then I was crying, so confused if I was crying because I was never going to see her again,
00:34:06or never going to see you again, or...
00:34:10I'm sorry.
00:34:11No, I'm sorry.
00:34:12I'm sorry to go on like this.
00:34:13I've been a little down this week.
00:34:14Why?
00:34:15I don't know.
00:34:16Nothing bad.
00:34:17Just reading your book, maybe?
00:34:19No, but thinking of how hopeful I was that summer and fall,
00:34:23and since then it's been kind of a...
00:34:26I don't know.
00:34:28Memory is a wonderful thing if you don't have to deal with the past.
00:34:33What?
00:34:34Memory is a wonderful thing if you don't have to deal with the past.
00:34:37Can I put that on a bumper sticker?
00:34:39No, you know what?
00:34:40If you wrote a book about our night, that would be a good title.
00:34:42Yeah, and it would be a totally different book, right?
00:34:44Yeah, there would be no sexes.
00:34:45Yeah.
00:34:46But you know what?
00:34:47What?
00:34:48Now that we've met again, we can change our memory of that December 16th.
00:34:53It no longer has that sad ending of us never seeing each other again, right?
00:34:56Yeah, you're right.
00:34:57I mean, I guess the memory's never finished, as long as you're alive.
00:35:01Yeah, I know.
00:35:02I have this memory from my childhood that I realized recently never happened.
00:35:07What?
00:35:08Well, when I was eight or nine, my mom was so paranoid when I was walking home from my piano lesson at night.
00:35:14She would always warn me about dirty old men giving me candies and then showing me their peoples.
00:35:19She was so obsessed with it that later in life, you know, I had this image in my head that this really happened.
00:35:26To the point that I even associated sex with that walk home.
00:35:29I mean, and sometimes even now, when I'm having sex, I see myself walking down that street, I swear.
00:35:39It's so weird, right?
00:35:40Well, is that street nearby?
00:35:42I mean, could...
00:35:43No.
00:35:44Very far.
00:35:46Did you ever keep a journal when you were a kid?
00:35:50Mm-hmm.
00:35:51Yeah.
00:35:52I don't know.
00:35:53I guess.
00:35:54It's funny.
00:35:55I read one of mine from 83 the other day.
00:35:58Yeah.
00:35:59And what really surprised me is that I was dealing with life the same way I am now.
00:36:03I was much more hopeful and naive, but the core and the way I was feeling things is exactly the same.
00:36:09Mm-hmm.
00:36:10It made me realize I haven't changed much at all.
00:36:12Yeah, I don't think anybody does.
00:36:14I mean, people don't want to admit it, but it's like we just, we have these innate set points.
00:36:18Uh-huh.
00:36:19You know, and it's like nothing much that happens to us changes our disposition.
00:36:22Really?
00:36:23You believe that?
00:36:24I think so.
00:36:25You followed people who'd won the lottery and people who'd become paraplegics, right?
00:36:29I mean, you'd think that, you know, one extreme is going to make you euphoric and the other suicidal,
00:36:34but the study shows that after about six months, right, as soon as people had gotten used to their new situation,
00:36:40they were more or less the same.
00:36:42The same.
00:36:43Well, yeah.
00:36:44Like, if they were basically an optimistic, jovial person, they're now an optimistic, jovial person in a wheelchair.
00:36:49If they're a petty, miserable asshole, okay, they're a petty, miserable asshole with a new Cadillac, a house, and a boat.
00:36:54So you'd now be forever depressed no matter what great things happen in my life?
00:36:58Definitely.
00:36:59Right.
00:37:00No, come on.
00:37:01Are you depressed now?
00:37:02No, no, I'm not depressed.
00:37:04But sometimes I worry that I'll get to the end of my life feeling I haven't done all I wanted to do.
00:37:09Well, what do you want to do?
00:37:11I, um, I want to paint more.
00:37:14I want to play my guitar every day.
00:37:16I want to learn Chinese.
00:37:17I want to write more songs.
00:37:19There's so many things I want to do, and I end up doing not much.
00:37:24All right.
00:37:25Well, let me ask you this.
00:37:26Do you believe in, like, ghosts or spirits?
00:37:30Uh, no.
00:37:32No?
00:37:33No.
00:37:34Okay, uh, what about reincarnation?
00:37:36Not at all.
00:37:37God?
00:37:38No.
00:37:39All right.
00:37:40That sounds terrible.
00:37:41No, no, no.
00:37:42But at the same time, I don't want to be one of those people that don't believe in any kind of magic, you know?
00:37:46Hmm.
00:37:47So then astrology.
00:37:48Yes, of course.
00:37:49There we go.
00:37:50I mean, that makes sense, right?
00:37:51Obviously.
00:37:52You know, you're a Scorpio, I'm a Sag, we get along.
00:37:55No.
00:37:56No, no.
00:37:57There's, uh, there's an Einstein quote I really, really like.
00:38:00He said, um, if you don't believe in any kind of magic or mystery, you're basically as good as that.
00:38:06Yeah, I like that.
00:38:07I've always felt there was some kind of mystical core to the universe, you know?
00:38:11But more recently, I've started to think that, that me, you know, my personality, whatever,
00:38:16that I don't have any permanent place here, you know, in eternity or whatever, you know?
00:38:21And the more I think that, I can't go through life saying that this is no big deal, you know?
00:38:25I mean, this is it.
00:38:26This is actually happening.
00:38:27What do you think is interesting?
00:38:28What do you think is funny?
00:38:29What do you think is important?
00:38:30You know?
00:38:31Every day is our last.
00:38:32When I feel that way, I usually call my mom to tell her how much I love her.
00:38:37Yeah?
00:38:38And she's always, are you okay?
00:38:40Do you have cancer?
00:38:41Are you gonna commit suicide?
00:38:43It's almost not worth it.
00:38:47So, uh, so what about us?
00:38:49What about us?
00:38:51No.
00:38:52What I mean is, um, if we were both going to die tonight.
00:38:55What, like if the apocalypse was coming?
00:38:56No, no, that's too dramatic.
00:38:57But what if, you know, just the two of us were going to die?
00:39:01I mean, would we talk about your book, the environment, or?
00:39:04If today was our last day.
00:39:06Yeah, what would we talk about?
00:39:07What would you tell me, for example?
00:39:08Well, uh...
00:39:09That's hard.
00:39:10No, well, no, I'll do it.
00:39:11I'll do it.
00:39:12I'll do it.
00:39:13I definitely would stop talking about my book.
00:39:14Okay.
00:39:15I have to admit, I would probably drop the environment.
00:39:17Okay.
00:39:18But I would still want to talk about, you know, the magic and the universe.
00:39:22I just want to do it from a...
00:39:23What?
00:39:24A hotel room, you know?
00:39:27In between sessions of us, uh, wildly fucking until we die.
00:39:31Wow.
00:39:32Well, why waste time with an hotel room?
00:39:34Why not do it right there on a bench?
00:39:36I don't know.
00:39:37No!
00:39:38Come here.
00:39:39Come here.
00:39:40Come here.
00:39:41Okay.
00:39:42We're not going to die tonight.
00:39:43Okay?
00:39:44All right.
00:39:45Too bad.
00:39:46I'm sorry.
00:39:47That was an extreme example.
00:39:48I was...
00:39:49I'm sorry.
00:39:50Okay.
00:39:51What I...
00:39:52To truly communicate with people is very hard to do.
00:39:55I know.
00:39:56I mean, most of our...
00:39:57Most of our day-to-day exchanges...
00:39:58Yeah, I know.
00:39:59I mean, not to bring everything back to sex.
00:40:01But why not?
00:40:02No, no.
00:40:03This example, this friend of mine, she was talking about she and her boyfriend problems
00:40:07in bed.
00:40:08Right.
00:40:09And how when they had been dating for a year, she started telling him what he could do to
00:40:13please her more.
00:40:14And it totally freaked him out.
00:40:15Why?
00:40:16Totally.
00:40:17Well, he felt all threatened and he thought it meant he was a bad lover.
00:40:19Maybe she shouldn't have waited so long, you know, like after a year.
00:40:22Well, yeah, but men are so easily offended.
00:40:24Oh, what?
00:40:25More than women, you think?
00:40:26Oh, definitely on that subject.
00:40:27You think so?
00:40:28Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:40:29Well, maybe it's because, you know, men are easier to, you know...
00:40:34To please?
00:40:35Well, I don't know.
00:40:36No, they are.
00:40:37They're definitely.
00:40:38Definitely.
00:40:39Anyway, this friend of mine, she was telling me that next time she dates another man,
00:40:43she's going to make a little questionnaire about what they like and dislike.
00:40:46Oh, like written down or out loud?
00:40:48Yeah, yeah, written down.
00:40:49Mostly written down.
00:40:50But it wouldn't be just, you know, yes or no.
00:40:52It would be a bit more complex than that.
00:40:54Like, for example, if the question is, are you into S&M?
00:40:57The answer could be no, but a good spanking once in a while doesn't hurt.
00:41:02Right?
00:41:03Right.
00:41:04Or like, what do you, so do you like talking dirty in bed?
00:41:06That kind of thing?
00:41:07Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:41:08But not just like any dirty talk.
00:41:10Just like, what specific word would you like to hear?
00:41:12Right.
00:41:13What, me?
00:41:14Yeah.
00:41:15Like, for example, like what specific word would you like to hear?
00:41:17I don't know.
00:41:18Um, what do you feel about the word pussy?
00:41:22I love it.
00:41:25Good.
00:41:26It's amazing what perverts we've become in the past nine years.
00:41:30I know, I know.
00:41:31Well, at least now we don't have to pretend that each new sexual experience is like a life-altering event.
00:41:35I know, by now I know you've stuck it in so many places it's like about to fall off, right?
00:41:39Oh, yeah.
00:41:40And you know, I can't realistically expect you've become anything but a total hoe at this point.
00:41:43Yeah, thank you.
00:41:44I'm sorry.
00:41:45That's true.
00:41:46What can you do?
00:41:47What can you do?
00:41:48So, what kind of songs do you write?
00:41:49I don't know, you do that.
00:41:50What kind?
00:41:51Yeah, sure.
00:41:52I don't know, just songs.
00:41:53Like, some are about, you know, people.
00:41:54Uh, relationships, one's about my cat.
00:41:55Sing one.
00:41:56No, I can't.
00:41:57I don't have a guitar.
00:41:58Oh, I mean, come on.
00:41:59No, no, no, no.
00:42:00I'm not singing a song without a guitar.
00:42:01You're nuts.
00:42:02Why not?
00:42:03No, okay.
00:42:04Not now.
00:42:05No.
00:42:06If not now, when?
00:42:07Well, you want to meet here in six months with a guitar?
00:42:09You know, I'll fly all the way over here.
00:42:10You may or may not make the metro, you know?
00:42:11Okay, that's funny.
00:42:12We've got to get going back to the bookstore.
00:42:13We'll be sorry.
00:42:14I'm going to miss you.
00:42:15Fly.
00:42:16Come on, let's go.
00:42:17All right, all right.
00:42:18You can walk down La Seine.
00:42:19It's a nice thing.
00:42:20Okay.
00:42:21All right.
00:42:22All right.
00:42:23All right.
00:42:24All right.
00:42:25All right.
00:42:26All right.
00:42:27All right.
00:42:28All right.
00:42:29All right.
00:42:30All right.
00:42:31So you're flying back to New York?
00:42:34Yeah.
00:42:35Yeah.
00:42:38So I read in that article that you're married with a kid.
00:42:41That's great.
00:42:42Yeah.
00:42:43He's, he's, um, he's four.
00:42:45Uh-huh.
00:42:46What's his name?
00:42:47Henry.
00:42:48Little Hank.
00:42:49He's so much fun.
00:42:50Oh, wow.
00:42:51I'm sure.
00:42:52And your wife, what does she do?
00:42:53She teaches elementary school.
00:42:54Do you, do you have kids?
00:42:55Yes, two.
00:42:56Shit!
00:42:57What?
00:42:58I left them in the car with the windows up.
00:42:59It was six months ago.
00:43:00Okay.
00:43:01No, I'm kidding.
00:43:02No, but, um, I want to have kids someday.
00:43:04I'm just not ready yet.
00:43:05No?
00:43:06Yeah, I'm in a good relationship, though.
00:43:07Oh, yeah?
00:43:08That's good.
00:43:09Yeah?
00:43:10What's he do?
00:43:11He's a photojournalist.
00:43:12He does, uh, war coverage.
00:43:13Well, he's away a lot, which in a way is good for me because I'm so busy.
00:43:16Yeah, but isn't that dangerous?
00:43:17I mean, aren't a lot of those guys getting killed these days?
00:43:20He promises me he doesn't take risks, but I often worry.
00:43:24He goes in this trance when he starts to photograph something.
00:43:27What do you mean?
00:43:28Well, once we were in New Delhi, and we passed a bomb that was lying down on the sidewalk.
00:43:32A bomb?
00:43:33A bomb.
00:43:34A bomb.
00:43:35All right, all right.
00:43:36Anyway, like, he looked like he needed help, but his first reaction was to photograph him.
00:43:40He went, like, really close to his face, fixing his color to make it look better.
00:43:43He was, like, totally detached from the person.
00:43:44You ever thought you kind of have to be like that to be good at that job?
00:43:47Yeah, I mean, I'm not, you know, I'm not judging him for, you know, what he does is essential and incredible.
00:43:52All I'm saying is that I could never do it.
00:43:54Let's get on that boat. Come on.
00:43:56No.
00:43:57No, come on, it'll be fun.
00:43:58You don't have time. We gotta go.
00:43:59It looks like they're about to take off.
00:44:00Look, I've got, I've got 15 more minutes.
00:44:02Um, do you have a cell phone?
00:44:03Yeah.
00:44:04All right, look, I got that driver guy's number, and I can call him, and then they can pick us up at whatever the next stop is.
00:44:08Okay, you know, I've never been on those boats. It's for tourists. It's embarrassing. Come on.
00:44:12Okay, all right.
00:44:14C'est bon, on peut rentrer?
00:44:15Yes, ma'am.
00:44:16D'autres tickets, s'il vous plaît.
00:44:17No, I'll get it, I'll get it.
00:44:19Non, non, c'est bon.
00:44:20All right, all right, all right.
00:44:22C'est où qui s'arrête le prochain arrêt?
00:44:24C'est OK.
00:44:26So you're in love with that guy?
00:44:28What guy?
00:44:29The, the war photographer.
00:44:31Merci.
00:44:32Yes, of course.
00:44:33Merci.
00:44:36Um, so do you, uh, do you have that cell phone?
00:44:39Oh, yeah.
00:44:40You gotta see.
00:44:41Okay.
00:44:42All right, what do I tell him?
00:44:44Uh, tell him to pick you up at K-Henri IV.
00:44:47Oh, shit.
00:44:48Uh, K-K...
00:44:49Henri IV.
00:44:50K-Henri IV.
00:44:51Henri IV.
00:44:52Henri IV.
00:44:53Oh, what?
00:44:54What's wrong with you?
00:44:55No, do you want me to... Henri IV?
00:44:58Yes.
00:44:59Come on, why don't you say so?
00:45:00I'm sorry.
00:45:01Okay.
00:45:02Uh, yeah, is this Philippe?
00:45:03Yeah.
00:45:04Philippe, this is Jesse Wallace.
00:45:05Uh, say, yeah.
00:45:07Well, listen, I'm, I'm, uh, I'm on one of those boats, right?
00:45:10Um, and we're gonna arrive at, at, uh, Henry IV, at Port Henry IV.
00:45:14You know what, you know what that is?
00:45:15All right, great.
00:45:16And, and you have my bags, right?
00:45:17Yeah, so we'll be there in, I don't know, it's the next time.
00:45:18I'm gonna arrive at, uh, Henry IV.
00:45:19Uh, yeah.
00:45:20Uh, yeah.
00:45:21Uh, yeah.
00:45:22Uh, yeah.
00:45:23Uh, yeah.
00:45:24Uh, yeah.
00:45:25Uh, yeah.
00:45:26Uh, yeah.
00:45:27Uh, yeah.
00:45:28Uh, yeah.
00:45:29Uh, yeah.
00:45:30Uh, yeah.
00:45:31Uh, yeah.
00:45:32Uh, yeah.
00:45:33Uh, yeah.
00:45:34Uh, yeah.
00:45:35Uh, yeah.
00:45:36So we'll be there in, I don't know, it's the next stop.
00:45:38Okay.
00:45:39Au revoir.
00:45:40Okay?
00:45:41Yeah.
00:45:42Yeah.
00:45:43Oh, wow.
00:45:45Notre Dame, man, check that out.
00:45:48Oh, wow.
00:45:49I heard this story once about when the, the Germans were occupying Paris and they had to retreat
00:45:54back.
00:45:55Mm-hmm.
00:45:56They wired Notre Dame to blow.
00:45:57You know, but they had to, they had to leave one guy in charge of hitting the switch,
00:46:01and the guy, the soldier, he, he couldn't do it.
00:46:04You know, he just sat there and knocked out by how beautiful the place was.
00:46:08And then when the Allied troops came in, they found all the explosives just lying there,
00:46:13and the switch unturned, and they found the same thing, the Sacre Care, Eiffel Tower,
00:46:17a couple other places, I think.
00:46:19Is that true?
00:46:20I don't know.
00:46:21I always liked the story, though.
00:46:22Yeah, that's a great story.
00:46:23But you have to think that Notre Dame will be gone one day.
00:46:25There used to be another church or cathedral at the same, right there.
00:46:26Oh, right in the same spot?
00:46:27Yeah.
00:46:28Yeah, this is great.
00:46:29I've never done this.
00:46:30Yeah.
00:46:31I forget about how beautiful Paris is.
00:46:32Well, it's not so bad being a tourist, huh?
00:46:33Thank you for getting me on the boat.
00:46:34Oh, you're welcome.
00:46:35You know, I think that book that I wrote in a way was like building something so that
00:46:38I wouldn't forget the details of the time that we spent together.
00:46:41You know, like, just as a reminder that, that once we really did meet, you know, that
00:46:59this was real.
00:47:00This happened.
00:47:01I'm happy you're saying that because I mean I always feel like a freak,
00:47:04because I'm never able to move on like this.
00:47:07I was never able to move on like this, you know.
00:47:11People just have an affair, even entire relationships.
00:47:14They break up and they forget.
00:47:17They move on like they would have changed random scenarios.
00:47:21I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with.
00:47:25Because each person has their own specific qualities.
00:47:30You can never replace anyone.
00:47:33What is lost is lost.
00:47:36Each relationship when it ends really damages me.
00:47:39I never fully recover.
00:47:41That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because it hurts too much.
00:47:46Even getting late, I actually don't do that.
00:47:49I will miss on the person the most mundane things.
00:47:52Like I'm obsessed with little things.
00:47:55Maybe I'm crazy.
00:47:57When I was a little girl my mom told me that I was always late to school.
00:48:01One day she followed me to see why.
00:48:04I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees rolling on the sidewalk.
00:48:09Or ants crossing the road.
00:48:11The way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk.
00:48:14Little things.
00:48:17I think it's the same with people.
00:48:19I see in them little details so specific to each of them that move me and that I miss and will always miss.
00:48:26You can never replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.
00:48:31Like I remember the way you beard has a bit of red in it and how the sun was making it glow that morning right before you left.
00:48:46I remember that and I missed it.
00:48:50Really crazy, right?
00:48:52Now I know for sure.
00:48:53You want to know why I wrote that stupid book?
00:48:55Why?
00:48:56So that you might come to a reading in Paris and I can walk up to you and ask where the fuck were you.
00:49:02No.
00:49:03You think I'd be here today?
00:49:05I'm serious.
00:49:06I think I wrote it in a way to try to find you.
00:49:10Okay.
00:49:11That's...
00:49:12I know that's not true but that's sweet of you to say.
00:49:14I think it is true.
00:49:15What do you think the chances were of us ever meeting again?
00:49:17After that December I'd say almost zero.
00:49:18But you're not real anyway, right?
00:49:19You're just characters in that old lady's dream.
00:49:20She's on her deathbed fantasizing about her youth.
00:49:21So of course we had to meet again.
00:49:22Oh, God.
00:49:23Why weren't you there in Vienna?
00:49:24I told you why.
00:49:25Well, I know why.
00:49:26I just...
00:49:27I wish you would have been.
00:49:28Our lives might have been so much different.
00:49:29I know.
00:49:30I know why.
00:49:31I know why.
00:49:32I just...
00:49:33I wish you would have been.
00:49:34Our lives might have been so much different.
00:49:35I know why.
00:49:36I know why.
00:49:37I know why.
00:49:38I know why.
00:49:39I know why.
00:49:40I just...
00:49:41I wish you would have been.
00:49:42Our lives might have been so much different.
00:49:46You think so?
00:49:47I actually do.
00:49:48Maybe not.
00:49:49Maybe we would have hated each other eventually.
00:49:50Oh, what?
00:49:51Like we hate each other now?
00:49:52You know, maybe we're...
00:49:53We're only good at brief encounters walking around in European cities in warm climate.
00:50:07Oh, God.
00:50:08Why don't we exchange phone numbers and stuff?
00:50:10Why didn't we do that?
00:50:11Because we were young and stupid.
00:50:14You think we still are?
00:50:15I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you connect
00:50:19with.
00:50:20Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.
00:50:21Yeah, and you can screw it up.
00:50:22You know?
00:50:23Misconnect.
00:50:24Well, the past is the past.
00:50:25It was meant to be that way.
00:50:26What?
00:50:27You really believe that?
00:50:28That everything's faded?
00:50:29Well, you know, the world might be less free than we think.
00:50:30Yeah?
00:50:31Yeah.
00:50:32When given these exact circumstances, that's what will happen every time.
00:50:34Two part hydrogen, one part oxygen, you'll get water every time.
00:50:36No, no, no, no.
00:50:37You know, what if your grandmother had lived a week longer, you know?
00:50:38Or passed away a week earlier, days even.
00:50:39You know?
00:50:40Things might have been different.
00:50:41I believe that.
00:50:42No, you can't think like that.
00:50:43It's...
00:50:44I mean, I know you shouldn't on most things, but it's just, it's...
00:50:45on this one it seemed like something was off, you know?
00:50:46I mean, in the months leading up to my wedding, okay?
00:50:47I was thinking about you all the time.
00:51:13I'm in the car, and a buddy of mine is driving me downtown,
00:51:15and I'm staring out the window, and I think I see you,
00:51:18not far from the church, right, folding up an umbrella
00:51:22and walking into a deli on the corner of 13th and Broadway.
00:51:27And I thought I was going crazy, you know?
00:51:29But now I think it probably was you.
00:51:31I lived on 11th and Broadway.
00:51:35You see?
00:51:38So what is it like to be married?
00:51:40You haven't talked much about that.
00:51:43I haven't.
00:51:44How weird.
00:51:47I don't know.
00:51:47We met, you know, when I was in college.
00:51:51And we broke up and got back together for a period of years.
00:51:55And then, what, we were sort of back together,
00:52:00and she was pregnant?
00:52:03So marriage.
00:52:04What is she like?
00:52:07She's a great teacher, a good mom.
00:52:10She's smart, pretty.
00:52:13You know?
00:52:13I remember thinking at the time that so many of the men
00:52:16that I admired most, you know, that their lives were dedicated
00:52:21to something greater than themselves.
00:52:24So you got married because men you admired were married?
00:52:26No, no, no.
00:52:27It's more like I had this, uh, this idea of my best self, you know?
00:52:33And I wanted to pursue that, even if it might have been overriding my honest self.
00:52:37You know what I'm saying?
00:52:38I mean, it's funny, like, in the moment I remember thinking that it didn't much matter,
00:52:43the who of it all.
00:52:44I mean, that nobody's going to be everything to you, and that ultimately it's just a simple
00:52:48action of committing yourself, you know, meeting your responsibilities that, that matters.
00:52:53I mean, what is love, right, if it's not respect, trust, admiration, and I, I felt all those things.
00:53:00So, cut to the present tense, and I feel like I'm running a small nursery with somebody I used to date, you know?
00:53:06I mean, I'm like a monk, you know?
00:53:08I mean, I've had sex less than ten times in the last four years.
00:53:12What, what, what, are you laughing at me?
00:53:16No.
00:53:17It sounds pathetic?
00:53:18What ministry do the monk have sex, uh, ten times?
00:53:20All right, you're right, I'm doing better than most monks, all right?
00:53:23But I do, I feel like if somebody were to touch me, you know, I would dissolve into molecules, you know?
00:53:28Well, we're here.
00:53:29We've got to go.
00:53:30Come on.
00:53:43I'm sorry, uh, to hear that, you know, you're not that happy with your marriage.
00:53:49Well, this friend of mine, she's a shrink, and, uh...
00:53:50Yeah, how's she doing?
00:53:51She's a mess, but...
00:53:52No, she, she was telling me that she's been dealing with a lot of couples that are breaking
00:53:56up for the same exact reason.
00:53:57What reason is that?
00:53:58Well, all this couple expected after a few years of living together for the passion, that
00:54:02consuming desire to be the same than in the beginning.
00:54:03It's impossible.
00:54:04No, I know, I know that.
00:54:05And thank God, otherwise we would end up with aneurysm if we were in that constant study
00:54:08of excitement, right?
00:54:09We would end up doing nothing at all with our lives.
00:54:10Do you think you would have finished your book if you were fucking someone every five minutes?
00:54:11I might have welcomed the challenge.
00:54:12I don't know.
00:54:13But, you know, it's natural for your wife after the birth of your son.
00:54:14No.
00:54:15She has to give all her love to the little one.
00:54:16Of course.
00:54:17Of course.
00:54:18Imagine if she was totally obsessed with sex, writing you like a wild cat.
00:54:19That wouldn't make any sense, right?
00:54:20No, no, no, no.
00:54:21Everything you're saying makes sense.
00:54:22It's not about sex.
00:54:23No, I know.
00:54:24It's obvious.
00:54:25I, um...
00:54:26You know, couples are so confused lately.
00:54:29I think it must be that men need to feel essential and they don't anymore.
00:54:32And they don't anymore.
00:54:33Because it's been imprinted in their head for so many years that they had to be the provider.
00:54:56Like, I'm a strong independent woman in my professional life.
00:55:01I don't need a man to feed me, but I still need a man to love me and that I could love, you know?
00:55:07So, uh, the driver's here.
00:55:09Yeah.
00:55:10Well, I guess this is goodbye and, uh, you better give me your...
00:55:13Well, no, no.
00:55:14Why don't we just give you a ride home, wherever you're going, huh?
00:55:16Well, I can take the metro.
00:55:17No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:55:18My flight's not until 10, right?
00:55:20They've got me arriving two hours earlier.
00:55:22This way we can keep talking.
00:55:23No, no, no.
00:55:24Monsieur?
00:55:25Uh, can...
00:55:26Can you...
00:55:29You told him where you are and all that, Jim?
00:55:30Yeah.
00:55:31He knows where he's going?
00:55:32Yes.
00:55:33Glad somebody does.
00:55:34No, but this is better than the metro, right?
00:55:35Definitely.
00:55:36I was thinking...
00:55:37For me, it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore.
00:55:39I was suffering so much all the time.
00:55:41I still have lots of dreams but they're not in regard to my love life.
00:55:42It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.
00:55:43I was thinking, for me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore.
00:55:48I was suffering so much all the time.
00:55:49I still have lots of dreams but they're not in regard to my love life.
00:55:54It doesn't make me sad, it's just the way it is.
00:55:55Is that why you're in a relationship with somebody who's never around?
00:56:00Yes, obviously I can't deal with the day-to-day life of a relationship.
00:56:04Yeah, we have, you know, this exciting time together and then he leaves and I miss him,
00:56:09but I miss him.
00:56:10But I miss him.
00:56:11I miss him.
00:56:12I miss him.
00:56:13I miss him.
00:56:14I miss him.
00:56:15I miss him.
00:56:16I miss him.
00:56:17I miss him.
00:56:18I miss him.
00:56:19I miss him.
00:56:20I miss him.
00:56:21I miss him.
00:56:22I miss him.
00:56:23I miss him.
00:56:24I miss him.
00:56:25I miss him.
00:56:26But at least I'm not dying inside.
00:56:27When someone is always around me, I'm like, suffocating.
00:56:28No, wait.
00:56:29You just said that you need to love and be loved.
00:56:31Yeah, but when I do, it quickly makes me nauseous.
00:56:34It's a disaster.
00:56:35I mean, I'm really happy only when I'm on my own.
00:56:39Even being alone, it's better than sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely.
00:56:44It's not so easy for me to be all romantic.
00:56:47You start off that way and after you've been screwed over a few times, you forget about,
00:56:51all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life.
00:56:55That's not even true.
00:56:56I haven't been screwed over.
00:56:58I've just had too many blah relationships.
00:57:00They weren't mean.
00:57:01They cared for me.
00:57:02But there were no real connection or excitement.
00:57:06At least not from my side.
00:57:08God, I'm sorry.
00:57:09Is it really that bad?
00:57:11It's not, right?
00:57:12You know, it's not even that.
00:57:17I was fine until I read your fucking book.
00:57:21It stirred shit up, you know?
00:57:23It reminded me how genuinely romantic I was, how I had so much hope in things.
00:57:28And now it's like, I don't believe in anything that relates to love.
00:57:32I don't feel things for people anymore.
00:57:35In a way, I put all my romanticism into that one night and I was never able to feel all
00:57:41this again.
00:57:42Like, somehow this night took things away from me and I expressed them to you and you took
00:57:46them with you.
00:57:47It made me feel cold like if love wasn't for me.
00:57:49I don't believe that.
00:57:50I don't believe that.
00:57:51You know what?
00:57:53Reality and love are almost contradictory for me.
00:57:58It's funny.
00:57:59Every single of my exes, they're now married.
00:58:02Men go out with me, we break up and then they get married.
00:58:05And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is and that I taught them to
00:58:10care and respect women.
00:58:11I think I'm one of those guys.
00:58:12You know, I want to kill them.
00:58:14Why didn't they ask me to marry them?
00:58:16I would have said no, but at least they could have asked.
00:58:18But it's my fault.
00:58:19I know it's my fault because I never felt it was the right man.
00:58:22Never.
00:58:23But what does it mean, the right man?
00:58:24The love of your life?
00:58:25The concept is absurd.
00:58:26The idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil, right?
00:58:30Can I talk?
00:58:31You know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times and then I recovered.
00:58:34So now, you know, from the start I make no effort because I know it's not going to work out.
00:58:39I know it's not going to work out.
00:58:40You can't do that.
00:58:41You can't live your life trying to avoid pain at the expensive occasion.
00:58:43Okay.
00:58:44You know what?
00:58:45Lose our words.
00:58:46I've got to get away from you.
00:58:47Stop the car.
00:58:48I want to get out.
00:58:49No, no, no.
00:58:50Keep talking.
00:58:51Hey, hey.
00:58:52Don't touch me, you know?
00:58:53I want to get on a cab.
00:58:54Monsieur, stop.
00:58:55No, no, no.
00:58:56Keep going.
00:58:57Keep going.
00:58:58Hey, no, listen.
00:58:59I'm just so happy.
00:59:01Just keep going.
00:59:02All right.
00:59:03You...
00:59:04Look, I'm just so happy, all right, to be with you.
00:59:09I am.
00:59:10I'm so glad you didn't forget about me.
00:59:12Okay?
00:59:13No, I didn't.
00:59:14And it pisses me off.
00:59:15Okay?
00:59:16You come here to Paris, all romantic and married.
00:59:19Okay?
00:59:20Screw you.
00:59:21Don't get me wrong.
00:59:22I'm not trying to get you or anything.
00:59:24I mean, all I need is a married man.
00:59:27There's been so much water under the bridge.
00:59:29It's not even about you anymore.
00:59:30It's about that time, that moment in time that is forever gone.
00:59:33I don't know.
00:59:34You say all that, but you didn't even remember having sex.
00:59:36So...
00:59:37Of course I remembered.
00:59:39You did?
00:59:41Yes.
00:59:42Women pretend things like that.
00:59:45I don't know.
00:59:46They do?
00:59:47Yeah, what was I supposed to say?
00:59:48That I remember the wine in the park and us looking up at the stars fading away as
00:59:53the sun came up.
00:59:54We had sex twice, you idiot.
00:59:59All right, you know what?
01:00:01I'm just happy to see you, even if you've become an angry, manic-depressive activist.
01:00:07I still like you.
01:00:08I still enjoy being around you.
01:00:10Oh, and I feel the same.
01:00:13I'm sorry.
01:00:14I don't know what happened.
01:00:15I just...
01:00:16I had to let it all out.
01:00:17Don't worry about it.
01:00:18I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationship.
01:00:21I always act like, you know, I'm detached, but I'm dying inside.
01:00:26I'm dying because I'm so numb.
01:00:28I don't feel pain or excitement.
01:00:29I'm not even bitter.
01:00:30I'm just, uh...
01:00:31You think you're the one dying inside?
01:00:34My life is 24-7 bad.
01:00:38I'm sorry.
01:00:39No, no.
01:00:40I mean, the only happiness I get is when I'm out with my son.
01:00:43I've been to marriage counseling.
01:00:45I've done things I never thought I would have to do.
01:00:48I've lit candles, bought self-help books, lingerie.
01:00:51Did the candles help?
01:00:52Hell no, all right?
01:00:53I don't love her the way she needs to be loved, and I don't even see a future for us.
01:00:58But then I look at my little boy sitting at the table across from me, and I think I would suffer any torture to be with him for all the minutes of his life.
01:01:07You know, I don't want to miss out on one.
01:01:09But then there's no joy or laughter in my home, you know?
01:01:13And I don't want him growing up in that.
01:01:15Oh, no laughter.
01:01:16That's terrible.
01:01:17My parents have been together for 35 years, and even when they have a bad fight, they end up laughing like crazy.
01:01:22I just, I don't want to be one of those people who are getting divorced at 52 and falling down into tears, admitting that they never really loved their spouse and they feel their life has been sucked up into a vacuum cleaner.
01:01:35You know, I want a great life.
01:01:38I want her to have a great life.
01:01:40She deserves that, all right?
01:01:42But we're just living in the pretense of a marriage, responsibility, you know, all these just ideas of how people are supposed to live.
01:01:50But then I, I have these dreams.
01:01:55What dreams?
01:01:57Oh, I have these dreams, you know, that, um, I'm standing on a platform.
01:02:04And, uh, you keep going by on a train, and you go by, and you go by, and you go by, you go by, and I wake up with the fucking sweats, you know?
01:02:16And then I have this other dream, oh, where you're pregnant in bed beside me naked, and I want so badly to touch you, but you tell me not to, and then you look away, and, and I, I, I, I touch you anyway.
01:02:30Right on your ankle, and your skin is so soft, and I wake up in sobs, all right?
01:02:36And my wife is sitting there looking at me, and I feel like I'm a million miles from her, and I know that there's something wrong, you know, that I, I, that I can't keep living like this, that there's gotta be something more to love than commitment.
01:02:48But then I think that I might have given up on the whole idea of romantic love, that I, I might have put it to bed that, that day when you weren't there.
01:02:59You know, I think I might have done that.
01:03:02Why are you telling me all this?
01:03:06I'm sorry, I don't know, I, I, I should have, I shouldn't have.
01:03:14You know, it's so weird, people think they are the only ones going through tough times.
01:03:20I mean, when I read the article, I thought your life was perfect.
01:03:24A wife, a kid, a published author.
01:03:29Your personal life is more of a mess than mine.
01:03:33I'm sorry.
01:03:35I'm glad it's good for something.
01:03:38Oh, monsieur, c'est là, rentré dans la passe, là.
01:03:41This, this is, this is where you live?
01:03:43Yeah.
01:03:44So, uh, you're just relieved that I'm an even more deep shit than you are?
01:03:49Yes, you've made me feel better.
01:03:52Oh, good, I'm glad.
01:03:54No.
01:03:55No, I really wish you the best.
01:03:57It's not because I'm capable of having a good relationship or a family that I wish everyone to be doomed like me.
01:04:03I'm sure you may be a great mom someday.
01:04:06Really? You think so?
01:04:07Oh, yeah, a few antidepressants, you know, you'll do great.
01:04:10Oh, no.
01:04:11Okay, say stop.
01:04:12Stop.
01:04:13Oh, stop.
01:04:14Hey!
01:04:15Okay.
01:04:16You ready?
01:04:17Okay.
01:04:22So, I want to try something.
01:04:23What?
01:04:24I want to see if you stay together or if you dissolve into molecules.
01:04:38Okay.
01:04:39How am I doing?
01:04:40Still here.
01:04:41Good.
01:04:42I like being here.
01:04:43Is this Sierra Farman?
01:04:44Oh, no, I look down there.
01:04:45Down there?
01:04:46Yeah.
01:04:47Uh, hey, uh, Monsieur, I'm gonna walk her to her door.
01:04:48Uh, he'll accompany me to the door.
01:04:49He's going to accompany me to the door.
01:04:51Oh, no, I look down there.
01:04:52You look down there?
01:04:53Yeah.
01:04:54Uh, hey, uh, Monsieur, I'm gonna walk her to her door, uh,
01:04:55He'll accompany me to the door.
01:04:56Uh, he'll accompany me to the door.
01:04:59This is incredible!
01:05:01This is where you live?
01:05:03Uh, yeah.
01:05:05How long have you been here?
01:05:06Four years.
01:05:07Uh, yeah.
01:05:08So tell me, um, how long have you been here?
01:05:11Four years.
01:05:13Uh, yeah.
01:05:14I don't know.
01:05:15So tell me, is it all true about your dreams or did you just say that to hopefully get in my pants?
01:05:24Oh, I just said that to get in your pants. I use that all the time.
01:05:27Does it work?
01:05:28You know, sometimes.
01:05:32Here's my kitty. Oh, so cute. Look at her.
01:05:36You know what I love about this cat is that every morning I bring him down to the courtyard
01:05:40and every single morning he looks at everything like it was the first time.
01:05:45Every corner, every tree, every plant.
01:05:49Smells everything with his little cute nose.
01:05:53Oh, I love my kitty. I love my kitty.
01:05:57What's his name?
01:05:59Che.
01:06:00Che?
01:06:01Uh-huh.
01:06:04What?
01:06:05Copy.
01:06:07No, Che in Argentina means hey.
01:06:11Okay.
01:06:12Yes.
01:06:13Oh, baby.
01:06:15Oh, yes, yes, yes.
01:06:17You're cute, you're cute.
01:06:20We're having a little party. It's so much fun.
01:06:25What's your favorite thing for tonight?
01:06:27A tablet. I'll go down in five minutes.
01:06:30Hello.
01:06:31Uh, hello.
01:06:34So...
01:06:35So...
01:06:36You know what? I... I was thinking, uh, would you play me one of your songs?
01:06:43You're going to miss your flight.
01:06:44I won't. I won't. I won't. I won't. I'm going to be sitting at the airport for over an hour reading the newspaper, all right?
01:07:02I've been wishing you played me one of your songs.
01:07:06One song?
01:07:06Yeah.
01:07:07Okay, but quickly, yeah.
01:07:08Okay.
01:07:09Got to love these old staircases.
01:07:17I'll go down in five minutes.
01:07:47Hey there, buddy.
01:08:02Che.
01:08:07Would you like some tea?
01:08:17Yeah, sure.
01:08:23Is chamomile okay?
01:08:24Yeah, great.
01:08:27Merci.
01:08:28Merci?
01:08:29You think my apartment is messy?
01:08:31No, no, no, no.
01:08:32Merci, merci, cuckoo.
01:08:34Ah, merci.
01:08:35I meant to tell you, your French has improved a lot.
01:08:40Really?
01:08:41Yeah.
01:08:42Yeah, you've really mastered the language.
01:08:45All right, all right.
01:08:47What song are you going to play me, huh?
01:08:51No, I can't.
01:08:52It's too embarrassing.
01:08:53It's been...
01:08:54Whoa, no way, no way.
01:08:55I came all the way up here.
01:08:57You cannot crap out of me now.
01:08:58One song, anything will be great.
01:09:00No, but listen, you're going to laugh at me.
01:09:02You think so?
01:09:03Yes.
01:09:04I doubt it.
01:09:05No, I don't know.
01:09:08Okay.
01:09:10What do you want to hear?
01:09:11I have, um...
01:09:12I have three songs in English.
01:09:15One's about my cat.
01:09:17One's about my ex-boyfriend.
01:09:19Well, ex-ex-boyfriend.
01:09:21And there's one about, um...
01:09:23Well, it's just, um...
01:09:26Little waltz.
01:09:27A waltz?
01:09:28Yeah.
01:09:29Play the waltz.
01:09:30I haven't played it in a while.
01:09:34You sure?
01:09:37Okay.
01:09:40All right.
01:09:41The waltz.
01:09:41All right.
01:09:42All right.
01:09:42Let me sing you a waltz
01:09:58Out of nowhere, out of my thoughts, let me sing you a waltz, about this one night's day.
01:10:12You were for me that night, everything I always dreamt of in life.
01:10:24But now you're gone, you are far gone, all the way to your island frame.
01:10:39It was for me, it was for you just a one-night thing.
01:10:45But you were much more to me, just so you know.
01:10:50I don't care what you meant for me, I know what you meant for me that day.
01:11:00Even if it doesn't seem quite right, you meant for me much more than anyone I've met before.
01:11:26One single night with you, little Jesse, is worth a thousand with anybody.
01:11:39I have no bitterness, my sweet.
01:11:43I'll never forget this one night thing.
01:11:48Even tomorrow, in other arms, my heart will stay yours until I die.
01:11:59Let me sing you a waltz
01:12:09Out of nowhere, out of my blues
01:12:14Let me sing you a waltz
01:12:19About this lovely one-night stand
01:12:25One more, one more, please, please, please, please.
01:12:44No, no, no, no, no, it was our deal.
01:12:47One, one song.
01:12:48No, no, no, no, no, no.
01:12:49You're gonna have your tea and then, uh...
01:12:51All right, let me ask you one question.
01:13:00Do you just plug that name in for every guy that comes up here?
01:13:03Oh, yes, of course.
01:13:05What do you think?
01:13:06That I wrote this song about you?
01:13:07Are you nuts?
01:13:13Oh, is this you?
01:13:15Little cross-eyed Celine?
01:13:16Yes.
01:13:17Cute.
01:13:18That's funny.
01:13:18Is that your grandmother?
01:13:22Yeah.
01:13:25Oh, wow.
01:13:28You want some honey?
01:13:29Yeah, sure.
01:13:48Just in time.
01:14:01Just in time.
01:14:15Did you ever see Nina Simone in concert?
01:14:23No, I never did.
01:14:24I can't believe she's gone.
01:14:26I know, it's so sad.
01:14:28Thanks.
01:14:30It's hot.
01:14:33I saw her twice in concert.
01:14:37She was so great.
01:14:40That's one of my favorite songs of hers.
01:14:42And I know where I'm going.
01:14:48I know where I'm going.
01:14:51No more to have fear.
01:14:55I'm on my way.
01:14:57Click, click, click, click.
01:14:59She was so great.
01:15:00She was so funny in concert.
01:15:04She would be right in the middle of a song and then, you know, stop and walk from the piano all the way to the edge of the stage.
01:15:15Like, really slowly.
01:15:16And then she'd start talking to someone in the audience.
01:15:24Oh, yeah, baby.
01:15:26Oh, yeah.
01:15:27Mm-hmm.
01:15:27Oh, I love you, too.
01:15:31And then she'd walk back.
01:15:33Took her time.
01:15:34No hurry.
01:15:35You know, she had that big, cute ass.
01:15:39She would move.
01:15:40Woo.
01:15:42And then she would go back to the piano and play some more.
01:15:48And then she would, I don't know, just start another song in the middle of another, you know, like, stop again.
01:15:55And then she'd be like, oh, you over there.
01:15:59Can you move that fan?
01:16:00Uh-huh.
01:16:01Oh, you're cute.
01:16:03Mm-hmm.
01:16:04Mm-hmm.
01:16:23Oh.
01:16:25Oh, yeah.
01:16:31Baby, you are going to miss that plane.
01:16:36I know.
01:16:37I know.
01:16:55Oh, you're going to miss that plane.
01:17:13Oh, yeah.
01:17:15Oh, yeah.
01:17:16Oh, yeah.
01:17:16Oh, yeah.
01:17:19Oh, yeah.
01:17:19Oh, yeah.
01:17:20Oh, yeah.
01:17:21Oh, yeah.
01:17:21Oh, yeah.
01:17:22I was lost, losing dice with us, my bridges all were crossed, nowhere to go, nowhere to go, now you're here, and I know where I'm going.
01:17:46No more doubt, no more fear, I found my way, so let's live today, anyway.
01:18:00Change me, change me, change me, change me, once again, and change my long and long, and a lucky day.
01:18:23Hey-oh!
01:18:30Hey-oh, hey-oh, hey-oh, hey-oh, hey-oh, hey-oh.
01:18:35Hey-oh, hey-oh, hey-oh.
01:18:40Hey-oh, hey-oh.
01:18:45Hey-oh, hey-oh.
01:18:50Hey-oh, hey-oh.
01:18:51Hey-oh.
01:18:52Hey-oh.
01:18:53I know that you know that I don't know who I am
01:18:59I love you so much, I love you so much
01:19:02But still, like the time that passes, I'm waiting for you
01:19:10Always perdant, you're turning me
01:19:15And your desires are taking me to destroy me
01:19:21I take my pleasure to suffer me
01:19:26To me, to me, to me repent
01:19:31I'm sorry, you're me, we're the amants of the torment
01:19:37The night we kill, the envy, the love always follows us
01:19:42The love always follows us, the love always destroys us
01:19:48I love you so much, I love you so much
01:19:53I love you so much, I love you so much
01:19:58Pourtant
01:20:00Je t'aime tant, je t'aime tant
01:20:06Je t'aime tant
01:20:08Pourtant
01:20:10The Laille, the grace sign
01:20:20The Laille Theétaire
01:20:21The Laille
01:20:24You