The Assembly UK Season 01 Episode 01
Sweary national treasure Danny Dyer faces the grilling of a lifetime from a collective of autistic and learning-disabled interviewers where no subject is out of bounds.
Year started: 2025
Country: UK
Categories: Reality Talk-Show
Sweary national treasure Danny Dyer faces the grilling of a lifetime from a collective of autistic and learning-disabled interviewers where no subject is out of bounds.
Year started: 2025
Country: UK
Categories: Reality Talk-Show
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00How am I going up here?
00:10How are you, Dan?
00:12Pleasure to meet you. You okay? Feeling strong?
00:14Yeah.
00:15You look good?
00:16Yeah.
00:17Can I say something?
00:18Of course.
00:19I can't wait to see your new film.
00:21It's an 18 now. Are you over 18?
00:24No, I'm only 52.
00:26Look at this top. You look incredible.
00:28Hello, Danny.
00:29Pleasure.
00:30It's kind of...
00:31Pleasure to meet you. Where you going?
00:32I'm coming round there.
00:33Oh, okay.
00:34You are good, Dan.
00:35Pleasure to meet you.
00:36Pleasure.
00:38You look a lot different than I see you in EastEnders playing the character Mick Carter.
00:43Was you a big fan of that then? Did you like Mick Carter?
00:45I, uh...
00:46I mostly watch Coronation Street and Emmerdale.
00:50Oh, for fuck's sake.
00:52We're going to get started now. Ben, would you like to introduce us?
01:01All right.
01:03Welcome to the assembly, our collective of autistic, neurodivergent and learning disabled interviewers.
01:11Our rules are, no question is out of bounds. No subject is off the table. And all might happen.
01:23Please tell us who you are.
01:25My name's Danny Dyer. I am a 47-year-old actor from East London. I mean, obviously, I've got a little bit more depth to me than that, but that's essentially who I am.
01:38And our first question is from Chardonnay.
01:42Hi, Chardonnay.
01:43Hi, Danny. How are you?
01:44I'm really well. You okay?
01:45It's nice to meet you. Can I?
01:47Absolute pleasure to meet you. Shall we have a cuddle?
01:48Yeah.
01:51Absolute pleasure.
01:52Beautiful.
01:53You okay, Chardonnay?
01:54Lovely.
01:55Deep breath.
01:57When Jo kicked you out, she emptied your shared bank account. Do you still have a shared bank account now?
02:04And you have to answer honestly.
02:09So I'll give you a cuddle. I thought it was going to be a lovely question and you fucking hit me with that. I'm like, oh.
02:13Sorry.
02:15She kicked you out.
02:16Yeah, she did kick me out.
02:17Why?
02:18Because I was a prick.
02:19Okay.
02:20And she deserved better. And I was an idiot. And sometimes I would go out and I would get off my head, take drugs. I wouldn't come home for three days. She had every right to throw me out.
02:29She controls everything now.
02:32You called David Cameron a bad word. Why did you call him this?
02:38Twat.
02:39I call him a twat, yes.
02:41I like to refer to him now as Lord Twat.
02:44Lord Twat.
02:45I don't know. I felt like we had a big vote for Brexit, which has obviously been a fucking disaster.
02:52But he was our leader and he fucked off and left us. When the shit hits the fan, that's when you need to lead us properly. He disappeared. So I called him a twat. I don't like him.
03:07Next up we have Nicola.
03:09Why do you keep swearing?
03:11I was brought up by very strong women that swat.
03:14So you don't swear then?
03:15I don't swear.
03:16Hello.
03:17Hello Danny. How are you?
03:20Really well actually. You?
03:22You can call today.
03:26So are you.
03:28Oh yeah.
03:30How much money did you get paid for presenting the wall?
03:36I think I probably got maybe a hundred thousand. But you have to work for it. You know? So yeah, that's what I got. Is that? Yeah.
03:53Yeah.
03:54You didn't look that phased by it. She's like, wait.
03:57Thank you Nicola.
04:01Cheerio.
04:05Hello.
04:08Hello.
04:09Hello.
04:13You wanna find me?
04:15Sorry?
04:16I'm gonna fight you.
04:18Do I wanna fight ya?
04:19Yeah.
04:20Yeah.
04:21Come on.
04:22Come on.
04:23Come on.
04:24Come on.
04:25Come on.
04:26Come on.
04:28Come on.
04:29Come on.
04:30Come on.
04:31Come on.
04:32Come on.
04:33Come on.
04:34Come on.
04:35Come on.
04:36Come on.
04:37Come on.
04:38Come on.
04:39Come on.
04:40Come on.
04:41Come on.
04:42Come on.
04:43Come on.
04:44Come on.
04:45Come on.
04:46Come on.
04:47Come on.
04:48Come on.
04:49Come on.
04:50Come on.
04:51Come on.
04:52Come on.
04:53Come on.
04:54Come on.
04:55Come on.
04:56Come on.
04:57Come on.
04:58Come on.
04:59Come on.
05:00Come on.
05:01Come on.
05:02Come on.
05:03Come on.
05:04Come on.
05:05Come on.
05:06Come on.
05:07Come're off.
05:08Come on.
05:09I can't remember my house all the time.
05:10Sirens all the time.
05:11There's a lot of crime.
05:12Of course you don't.
05:13So what you wanna do is,
05:15is you wanna earn some money.
05:16And then move to a better area where you can bring your children up.
05:18You have kids you wanna give them everything you can.
05:19Sometimes it backfires on you slightly,
05:20because now they're not street wise.
05:21I walked everywhere as a kid, all right, to get a bus.
05:26You know, I don't think they've ever been on a fucking bus.
05:27My kids.
05:28Why?
05:29They don't have to do they?
05:30in a Bentley okay my next question is how was therapy did you find that it
05:35helped you it's a huge question I I needed to learn what was wrong with me
05:47and why because I was acting I was earning money I was I had everything
05:50going for me but I still wasn't happy why am I beating myself up again why am I
05:56stressing why am I worried there's a hole missing inside of me which I was
06:00obviously using drugs to feel fill it so I needed to understand what it was and
06:06it actually I learned that it was every strong male role model I had left me or
06:14died so my dad left when I was nine then I got really close to my granddad and
06:19then he got cancer and he died within six months and then I got really close to a
06:24very famous playwright called Harold Pinter and then he got cancer and then he
06:30died and so then what I was doing was whenever I got close to somebody that I
06:35loved and looked up to I'd press the fuck it button before they could die so that I
06:40thought well I'll beat you to it I needed to learn some tools and to help me as we
06:47all need to so it was good for me comforts me okay thank you Cameron
06:55Harry me and my mum we are fans of yours we love you so much we do is your mum fit me
07:09and my mum found it very upsetting when Mick Carter died on EastEnders on Christmas Day how
07:15was it for you when you left EastEnders very emotional for me I did that job for
07:19nine years I got to a point where I made a lot of mistakes in my life and so nobody
07:25would hire me no more and then EastEnders came along and they said we love you we want
07:30to put you in the Queen Vic I was like what I saved my life because I had bailiffs at my door
07:35my first four years was incredible and then what happens is is the producer left and a new
07:42producer came in and he didn't like the carters so he started to sack people my thought my son my
07:49daughter they still got Kelly Bright in it who played my wife Linda Carter but then what they'd
07:55done was they they split me up with Kelly and put me with Janine why did I do that that's what I said
08:02so when the producers said to me yeah you're gonna be with Janine I went Janine like seriously but she
08:08murders people yeah I thought oh no so she's if I stay too long she'll kill me so I thought I've got
08:16to get out so basically I went in the sea and I was never found again so if I really hope you do come
08:23back listen if it all goes tits up yeah then I'll turn up in the pub with seaweed all over me and I've
08:31got another question for you go on I've been struggling with my anxiety I feel like there are
08:41too many changes in the world it's confusing and it's a big struggle I know you've been struggling
08:47yourself how do you control your anxiety it's not a doary I learn about meditation so I realized
08:56that my brain talks to me a lot and it talks a lot of shit and it also tells me how shit I am so just
09:04concentrate on your breath and I can still in my little voice is going in my head and there you
09:08shit today or there you done that or you look fat or you did it you know just breathe again I
09:12just just try and quiet and down the noises can happen at any point I'm sure you all have it
09:17yeah yeah and it's hard because every time you put the news on yeah it's a fucking mad time to be
09:25alive can you show us please close your eyes yeah just put your hands in a nice relaxed position yet
09:32all you're gonna do is when you breathe in in your mind you're gonna say one so it's one and then when
09:40you breathe out two and then you go back to one do it in your mind yeah and then sometimes with our brains
09:58still talking to us but just go one just relax your forehead relax your face shoulders arms
10:28we're all loved we must never forget we're loved
10:40now you've done rivals okay you've kind of become a bit of a sexy symbol for mums how does that feel
11:09I thought I'd had my days of that being a sex symbol turns out actually it's okay to have hairy
11:18breasts because I do have hairy breasts you know oh no but what I'll say is all of a sudden look he
11:27looks disgusted with me look if this can be attractive yeah then I'm very surprised next up we have a
11:38question from joseph okay yeah fine yeah you need anything no I'm okay hello Danny nice to meet you
11:45Joseph pleasure do you found out that your dad had a secret family how gutted do you feel well it was it
11:56was you know my dad was living true lives so he he was sort of raising us and then I always remember on Christmas day he disappeared for a few hours so what he was doing was he was going across London to his other family and he had two daughters if you think about that
12:15through your daughters crazy like how did you do that and then my mum found out my assistant was like
12:22nine months old or whatever so you know it was a real moment of clarity of like oh I see
12:29how the fuck did he do that by the way went from one family to another yeah crazy thank you joseph
12:37our next question is from Paul oh here he is hello I'm Paul what did you think of your daughter being on
12:50Love Island is she a nippo baby she is by default and I think that's probably why she got on Love Island I
13:01didn't want her to do it I didn't want her to do it because I'd I'd never watched it but I heard people
13:05have sex on that show and I thought as a father I don't want to see no not that I ever felt that she
13:10was going to do that but she didn't tell me till the last minute then she just went and then I watched
13:15it like a viewer sitting there every night like that she was such a beautiful human being on it
13:21because she is a beautiful human being and she was respectful and she was quite vulnerable she was
13:28funny so actually it worked out really well for her because she was working in the pub before she
13:32went in that as soon as she came home she fucked off and left me when I got a got a flat in Canary
13:36Wolf she is a nepo baby yeah of course she is but what's wrong with that you know what I mean
13:40Jacob hello Danny Dyer hello I know your daughter's getting married have you prepared a speech for
13:48your daughter's wedding well first of all I'm so excited about her getting married because she's
13:54marrying the West Ham captain but she has brought home some twats and I didn't like them they didn't
14:06treat her I'll tell you how I know when she brings home somebody that is a bit of a prick she's not
14:11being herself she came home once she brought this boy home and she said to me dad I want to make him
14:16a frothy coffee I went fucking never made me a frothy coffee ever why are you pretending that you make
14:25frothy coffee she went oh no because he likes coffee he likes coffee I went this is weird so then I had to
14:31show her how to use the coffee machine and I was like fucking okay so I knew she's not being her
14:36anyway when she brought home Jared she was herself so my speech is gonna be about how I am more in
14:43love with him than her I'm gonna think because her name's Danny Dyer as well because I'm Danny Dyer
14:50she's Danny Dyer why do you call Danny what why do you call Danny Dyer because I wanted to name her after
14:55me oh okay well thank you very good interviewing you absolute pleasure absolute pleasure right we have
15:02Nargis hello what's your favorite kebab my favorite kebab yes I love a kebab I've not had a kebab in so
15:15long I like Donna a little bit of salad loads of chili sauce and then he's just I remember I got drunk
15:29once and I fell asleep with my Donna kebab next to me all of my pillow so yeah I like Donna I like them
15:41they're like the filthiest one Essin you're up next hi I'm Essin it's nice to meet you pleasure
15:49this is a difficult question if you don't want to answer it that's completely fine okay so I just
15:55wanted to put that out there and I appreciate that fucking hell Jesus Christ listen give it to me
16:02that's why I'm here let's have an open conversation go on then thank you you mentioned you had father
16:07issues and oh dear great remember my father for a long time I tried to get in contact with him I
16:27don't know if yours is the same situation but how would you deal with parents that no longer around
16:35sorry no I get it it's um it's really difficult in it to my dad he just he wasn't very good dad he
16:46didn't know how to do it he told me when I wasn't allowed to hold his hand anymore and I was trying
16:53to cross the road and I went to hold his and he went no we don't do that anymore and I was like shit
16:57I don't understand how men put their head on the pillar knowing they have children out there that they
17:04just can't they don't have a relationship with I couldn't do it like I caused quite a lot of pain
17:08to my children yeah you know the stuff I was getting up to and just just being vacant not engaging you
17:15know not being available and I realized later on actually well I'm gonna do every everything in my
17:21power to be it's not about money you can live in a cardboard box this and express yourself it's about
17:28love what do children need they just need stability and affection and feel like they love that's it
17:33when you haven't got that that's a really tough thing I'm very close to my dad now actually because
17:39again he deserved another shot there's still no relationship there with it's their loss because
17:46you're a fucking incredible human being so like thank you what they've missed out it was just me
17:50my mum for a long time and so yeah I only needed was my mum that was it of course it's all right if I
17:58give you a hug for that I'm sorry thank you absolutely it's all about the love pleasure thank you pleasure
18:05time for some music now this is mad this is like proper fucking yeah sorry I keep swearing told
18:21I was blind now I see you made a believer out of me I'm moving on up now
18:51getting out of the darkness
18:55my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on
19:05my light shines on
19:08one two three four
19:13I was lost
19:19now I'm found
19:21I believe in you
19:23I've got no bounds
19:25I was lost
19:27and now I'm found
19:31I believe in you
19:33I've got no bounds
19:35I'm moving on up now
19:37I'm moving on up now
19:39I'm moving on up now
19:41getting out of the darkness
19:47my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on
19:55my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my light shines on my
20:25My light shines on
20:34I'm getting out the darkness
20:50My light shines on
20:57My light shines on
21:05My light shines on
21:20My light shines on
21:22Fucking amazing
21:26This is all over it
21:28So good
21:32Harry, if you'd like to do a little round-up for us
21:37Got an H
21:39Well, Danny Dyer
21:41How did you feel about today?
21:43What did you enjoy the most?
21:45Been an honour, to be honest
21:47It's been very emotional
21:49It's great learning about you lot
21:51Learned a bit about myself
21:57A bit emotional, but
21:59That was fucking amazing, that tune
22:01So good
22:02I will say
22:04Listen, I will say this
22:05You better prepare yourself for a bit of fame you lot
22:07Because I think this show is going to be fucking massive
22:09And you lot
22:10Well done
22:11Use your fame responsibly
22:14Because I never
22:15So, thank you for having me
22:16I very much
22:17Well done, so
22:18Thank you
22:19Thank you
22:20Thank you
22:21Thank you
22:22Thank you
22:23Thank you
22:24Thank you
22:25Pleasure
22:26Pleasure
22:27You've got the love
22:28Let's go
22:29Nice to see you
22:30Can I come
22:31You're a good man, Danny
22:32Thank you, mate
22:33So are you
22:34You're a very good actor
22:35So my love to your mother, would you?
22:36I will
22:37Have a proper holiday
22:38I want to come to your mother
22:39Are you happy?
22:40Am I happy?
22:41Yeah
22:42I'm really happy today
22:45You're my favourite actor, by the way
22:47Thank you
22:48I bet you said that to David Tennant
22:49No, I said that
23:17I'm happy to be here
23:18I'm happy to be here
23:19I'm happy to be here
23:20I'm happy to be here
23:21I'm happy to be here
23:22I'm happy to be here
23:23I'm happy to be here
23:24I'm happy to be here
23:25I'm happy to be here
23:26I'm happy to be here
23:27I'm happy to be here
23:28I'm happy to be here
23:29I'm happy to be here
23:30I'm happy to be here
23:31I'm happy to be here
23:32I'm happy to be here
23:33I'm happy to be here
23:34I'm happy to be here
23:35I'm happy to be here
23:36I'm happy to be here
23:37I'm happy to be here
23:38I'm happy to be here
23:39I'm happy to be here