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Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30CastingWords
00:01:00CastingWords
00:01:02CastingWords
00:01:04CastingWords
00:01:06CastingWords
00:01:08But we live in a permissive society.
00:01:10Not on this street we don't.
00:01:12Everybody's at it.
00:01:14Not with me they're not.
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it.
00:01:18Not this one.
00:01:20I'm the silent majority.
00:01:22It's only manners these days.
00:01:24Total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands.
00:01:26God is Lord.
00:01:30Jesus.
00:01:31Jesus.
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though.
00:02:01Oh, come on, Sandra, let's go.
00:02:03No, I don't want to. I want to wait.
00:02:05Oh, I'm standing out here. It's stupid.
00:02:06But he might come in a minute.
00:02:08Somebody waited ages yesterday and he never turned up there.
00:02:10But that was yesterday. He might be here today.
00:02:12Oh, no. Really, Dad's standing here.
00:02:14Come on. I'm not supposed to be going shopping.
00:02:16Oh, wait.
00:02:17But he might come.
00:02:17Please, let's go.
00:02:22Oh, no.
00:02:23I told you so, didn't I?
00:02:25I feel a right twit now.
00:02:27I don't fancy us.
00:02:29Which is mine?
00:02:32Any except the blonde.
00:02:34Oh, good.
00:02:37Who are being stared at?
00:02:38Where?
00:02:41Don't fancy yours.
00:02:45Which is mine?
00:02:47Any.
00:02:48Except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs.
00:02:52Thanks.
00:02:54Neither do I.
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch.
00:02:59About as much as Mao Tse-tung's granddad, with all due respect.
00:03:04To his granddad.
00:03:06Ask him if they do a turn.
00:03:08You.
00:03:10I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:11There's a protest at never getting any.
00:03:13Ignore them.
00:03:14I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:15I thought we were giving sex up.
00:03:32Peace, ma'am.
00:03:34Were you hoping to see Georgie Best?
00:03:37He's in Majorca.
00:03:39Come on, then.
00:03:41We only get an hour for lunch.
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square.
00:03:52Come on.
00:03:54I thought we were going for tights.
00:03:57It's our lunch hour.
00:04:00It's ours.
00:04:02We were going for lunch.
00:04:08Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Majorca?
00:04:11It's one place I've never been.
00:04:14Pardon?
00:04:16I'm Geoffrey.
00:04:19I don't happen to be attached.
00:04:22I'm Beryl.
00:04:23I don't happen to be surprised.
00:04:30Don't you worry.
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine.
00:04:54Every single time.
00:04:58Love and rainy weather.
00:05:00First you're up there on another plane and then you're nowhere.
00:05:08And the tears are raining down.
00:05:14It's a run around.
00:05:18Love and rainy weather.
00:05:23Sure can get you down.
00:05:29Not going twisting tonight, then?
00:05:38That's the modern name for it, isn't it?
00:05:40What?
00:05:41Cutting a rug.
00:05:44Pardon?
00:05:45Grooving, Mildred.
00:05:46It's called grooving nowadays.
00:05:48Grooving and or freaking.
00:05:50Right?
00:05:51What I'm not doing tonight.
00:05:52Right.
00:05:53Right on.
00:05:55You're staying in tonight, then?
00:05:57Tonight?
00:05:58Tomorrow night?
00:05:59Every night.
00:06:00You might sell me overcoat.
00:06:03Life's not all pleasure, you know.
00:06:05Really?
00:06:06Mildred, don't hassle the lad.
00:06:08Hassle.
00:06:09It's a different world today, Mildred.
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this finny haddy cost.
00:06:17They do their own thing.
00:06:19The usual 1,300 weight?
00:06:22Yes, please.
00:06:24Now, that's the new world that we work for.
00:06:27And fought for.
00:06:28Full page advert for contraception.
00:06:31It's his birthright.
00:06:35I'm not hungry.
00:06:37What's that supposed to mean?
00:06:39It's the hip way.
00:06:40Cool people say.
00:06:41I'm not hungry.
00:06:58I enjoy staying in Chattingham an evening.
00:07:02I find it fantastically enjoyable.
00:07:06No, really.
00:07:07I really do.
00:07:09Some people don't.
00:07:12I do.
00:07:13Beryl, please take my word for it.
00:07:16Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures.
00:07:19Paul McCartney who?
00:07:20He doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night.
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who.
00:07:26I sacrificed too much for your six-o levels.
00:07:29You were terrific in the pictures.
00:07:30I never touched you.
00:07:31Terrific self-control.
00:07:32What did you say your name was?
00:07:34I never touched you.
00:07:35Terrific self-control.
00:07:36What did you say your name was?
00:07:41Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:07:42Not a dirty weekend.
00:07:54A disgusting one.
00:07:55Night-night.
00:07:56Percy Filth.
00:07:57Have you always been insatiable?
00:07:58Have you always been insatiable?
00:07:59Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:00Have you always been insatiable?
00:08:01It's not my fault.
00:08:08It's not my fault.
00:08:14It's just a person unless you don't know me.
00:08:19It's mine.
00:08:28Mind you, just a weekend I do with you, Paul.
00:08:30It's just that I don't like blondes.
00:08:36It's psychosomatic.
00:08:41I'm sorry.
00:09:00Oh, Sandra.
00:09:05There is almost blonde in this light.
00:09:11What's wrong?
00:09:14Just being brave.
00:09:16What about?
00:09:18Ending it all.
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much.
00:09:23It's our first date.
00:09:25I've probably wasted your entire evening, haven't I?
00:09:31Not yet.
00:09:32Not if your parents aren't back till midnight.
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing?
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went overnight.
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing.
00:09:49It's artistic, Mother.
00:09:51Like your Tutankhamen butter dish.
00:10:03What?
00:10:04Got it.
00:10:05Got what?
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again.
00:10:09I say I do.
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like,
00:10:14How about Sunday, half seven outside Central Library?
00:10:17No, I don't.
00:10:19Tomorrow, half seven outside Central Library.
00:10:22Then when I say OK, does your zip miraculously undo?
00:10:26It does not.
00:10:28I thought it did.
00:10:30Not till you've unfastened the press stud.
00:10:33I can see her doing your ironing and cooking and cleaning.
00:10:39You wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime.
00:10:41I don't intend to marry her, Mother.
00:10:43In case it interferes with my career.
00:10:45We're just good friends.
00:10:47Good night.
00:10:49Miss Bardot.
00:10:51Marry me.
00:10:53You know what they say?
00:10:55Once you've had a Manchester lad, you never touch anything else.
00:11:01Marry.
00:11:02late.
00:11:06Yao in!
00:11:07Potato!
00:11:08Martin!
00:11:10Marketing!
00:11:12Azure!
00:11:14Bout time and all.
00:11:17How did I know,
00:11:27Nighting! Nighting!
00:11:29About time and all.
00:11:31Aye.
00:11:32Aye.
00:11:32Peace, man.
00:11:35Nighting!
00:11:36Did you have a good time, this night?
00:11:38Great.
00:11:38Is this you?
00:11:40Satisfied.
00:11:41I saved him for a change.
00:11:44Did you get much?
00:11:47Did you?
00:11:52Did you know that raping Princess Anne was a capital offence?
00:11:55Not that I have done.
00:11:57I played him for a change instead.
00:12:18Ticket!
00:12:19I ain't got me ticket.
00:12:20We're late already.
00:12:23See you behind the goal, then.
00:12:24Harry!
00:12:27Harry!
00:12:37Well, tonight's beauty sleep's done nothing for her.
00:12:44Snooty old bag.
00:12:45trendy
00:12:50crimson shoes with bottle green socks
00:12:53must be going steady with a set of traffic lights
00:12:56still, who else would have him
00:12:59anyway, they're all the same in the dark
00:13:03rumour has it
00:13:04different girl every night
00:13:12you can tell the type
00:13:13probably an omen seeing her before the match
00:13:17bet we lose 3-1
00:13:20well, I'm certainly not making the first move
00:13:23at least I've got me proud
00:13:25oh, hello
00:13:26oh, hi
00:13:29hi
00:13:30didn't see you
00:13:31no, normie
00:13:32you going that way?
00:13:35yeah, not specially, no
00:13:37you going that?
00:13:40yeah, well, um
00:13:41no
00:13:42I was, I was, I sort of
00:13:44going to the football match
00:13:45are you?
00:13:46shopping
00:13:47I'm probably going to the pictures tonight
00:13:55I am
00:13:56which?
00:13:57which are you?
00:13:57any
00:13:58I am
00:13:59see you then
00:14:07tonight?
00:14:09pardon?
00:14:10oh, I...
00:14:11all right then
00:14:12right
00:14:13super socks
00:14:21did you see that?
00:14:26they're all on drugs
00:14:27the lot of them
00:14:28they're all on drugs
00:14:45they score
00:14:46losing 3-1
00:14:49excuse me
00:15:09excuse me, I...
00:15:18I only go to restaurants
00:15:23with deaf waiters
00:15:24ah
00:15:26hi
00:15:29hello mate
00:15:32oh, um
00:15:32peace man
00:15:34surprise, surprise
00:15:35surprise
00:15:36in anywhere controversial
00:15:38pictures
00:15:38boyfriend
00:15:39she's slim
00:15:41I'm just going to the
00:15:42oh, I'll come with you
00:15:43are you and Beryl, um
00:15:48you know
00:15:48you know
00:15:52oh
00:15:54oh
00:15:54would you, uh
00:16:04would you sort of reckon
00:16:06she's a
00:16:07fair sort of bird
00:16:10sort of
00:16:11she's all right
00:16:13I mean, nothing sensational
00:16:17obviously
00:16:17Geoffrey
00:16:18she's a bird
00:16:20you're having a coffee with us?
00:16:25no thanks, kid
00:16:26Neville's ravenous
00:16:27you've just eaten
00:16:29oh, of course
00:16:32yeah
00:16:32sorry
00:16:32you see
00:16:36what I thought Ken was all this
00:16:38trying to do
00:16:39by implication
00:16:40probably by implication
00:16:42was to allow the images
00:16:44to provoke a moral response
00:16:45from our own aesthetic judgment
00:16:47you see
00:16:47yes
00:16:49was he the errand boy?
00:16:52was he the errand boy?
00:16:54Ken Thingy
00:16:54he directed it
00:16:56oh, yes
00:16:58I was probably thinking
00:17:01of Andy Warhol
00:17:01probably
00:17:03you're not like
00:17:08other boys at all
00:17:09are you?
00:17:11well
00:17:12probably a little more mature
00:17:13that's all
00:17:13it's over 200 yards
00:17:15from the cinema
00:17:16and you talk to me
00:17:17the whole way
00:17:17like a person
00:17:19other boys seem to have
00:17:23one-track minds
00:17:24these days
00:17:24sex
00:17:26marriage
00:17:27pardon?
00:17:29the number of boys
00:17:30that asked me to marry them
00:17:31a couple of dates
00:17:32and pal
00:17:33they want to get married
00:17:34I want to live a bit
00:17:36before I get married
00:17:37I suppose I just don't
00:17:38have a hang-up about it
00:17:39get married?
00:17:42hmm
00:17:42no
00:17:44actually I find girls
00:17:50most girls
00:17:50a bit obsessed these days
00:17:54not marriage
00:17:56sex
00:17:58no
00:17:59sex
00:18:00percy filth
00:18:00sex
00:18:03that's what I said
00:18:05oh
00:18:06well I'm not like that
00:18:09not percy filth motivated
00:18:11no
00:18:12no
00:18:14did you want to say any more
00:18:28about Andy Warhol?
00:18:29Ken Russell
00:18:30yeah
00:18:30no
00:18:31this is it
00:18:39I won't come in
00:18:53with it being our first date
00:18:54no
00:18:55oh
00:18:56anywhere me mum's gone to bed
00:18:58we'd be on our own
00:18:59is that a reason for me not coming in
00:19:01though?
00:19:02yes
00:19:02it's Jeffrey
00:19:03oh
00:19:05nice house
00:19:14thank you
00:19:1525 year mortgage
00:19:18well thanks for seeing me home
00:19:24funny isn't it
00:19:28first date with someone
00:19:30it always leads to one of three things
00:19:33either nothing
00:19:35or something
00:19:37or everything
00:19:41well don't think about percy filth at this stage
00:19:45Beryl
00:19:45you're not
00:19:47no I'm not
00:19:49night night
00:19:52god bless
00:19:53I won't give you my phone number
00:20:06in case you think I'm one of those scheming females
00:20:08what is it
00:20:093274421
00:20:11the easy way to remember it is
00:20:13the three and the two make five
00:20:14which is two less than seven
00:20:15then two fours
00:20:16and half of four which is two
00:20:18and half of two which is one
00:20:19um
00:20:20but you mustn't ring me if you don't want
00:20:21no
00:20:22but you can if you do
00:20:23do you want me to?
00:20:25not if you'd rather not
00:20:263274421
00:20:29night
00:20:38well hello Mrs. Battersby
00:21:02Beryl's brought you up a cup of tea
00:21:04oh they all have a past life flashed before me then
00:21:07can't be Mother's Day
00:21:12you'd have forgotten
00:21:13has there been any clips?
00:21:17mum
00:21:17I want the benefit of your experience
00:21:20what do you think of Andy Warhol?
00:21:24you see Jeffrey has this theory
00:21:26that by implication
00:21:27who's Jeffrey?
00:21:28of course Jeffrey knows about these things
00:21:30these things
00:21:32everything
00:21:33who's Jeffrey?
00:21:35he's fantastically intelligent
00:21:37see Jeffrey's idea
00:21:38Beryl who's Jeffrey?
00:21:42oh no one
00:21:43no one's special
00:21:49his name's Jeffrey
00:21:54how did this Beryl bird turn out last night then?
00:22:01oh Beryl bird
00:22:02I told him
00:22:04did she uh
00:22:05does she uh
00:22:07what?
00:22:09wow
00:22:12she doesn't then
00:22:16you don't listen do you
00:22:18I said
00:22:19how about Sandra?
00:22:20chips
00:22:27chums
00:22:28sod
00:22:29not seen him tonight then
00:22:36who?
00:22:40I've rather better things to do
00:22:46thank you
00:22:47said he was no one special
00:22:57have they got a phone here
00:22:59why?
00:23:01they haven't have they
00:23:04do you want to get some nookie lined up or something?
00:23:07if I did do you think I'd be playing darts with you two?
00:23:11look are you fed up here?
00:23:13are you?
00:23:15we'll split after this game
00:23:16anything you say
00:23:17we can go for a few of the king's head
00:23:18great
00:23:20and that ends our probe
00:23:22well
00:23:23Monday tomorrow
00:23:25hallelujah
00:23:26pardon?
00:23:28I don't know what you're paying for that phone
00:23:29but whatever it is
00:23:30you're being done
00:23:31good night
00:23:32good morning
00:24:01good morning
00:24:01good morning
00:24:10Charlton for Pope
00:24:11long may he reign
00:24:12amen
00:24:15what's going on?
00:24:16pounds up again
00:24:18oh God
00:24:20today's special
00:24:21bloody travellers
00:24:22Jax
00:24:23here
00:24:24suddenly everyone's going on holiday
00:24:26except those
00:24:28enjoy yourself while you're young
00:24:31why don't we always do that 93 times a day we never see anything
00:25:01my timing not disturbing your singing i hope see jeffrey on sunday
00:25:22oh jeffrey that neville's the greatest
00:25:26is he dishy or is he dishy
00:25:36i'm considering packing jeffrey in one date was enough why he's cancer and i'm libra is that bad
00:25:46hopeless actually i'm slightly off the male gender at the moment
00:25:56i see the spanish police are throwing your lot out of ibiza bank clerks
00:26:06your lot football supporters hippies oh my lot
00:26:14at the third stroke it will be 7 22 and 40 seconds
00:26:20that's it then fate all over by 7 23 precisely
00:26:33so what plenty more where she came from
00:26:51is that the speaking clock is that jeffrey
00:26:57is that beryl is that beryl yes yes hi hi
00:27:17it's terrifically exciting isn't it getting to know a person fantastic
00:27:32i want to know all about you that's what it's all about
00:27:36for example with things in common already definitely
00:27:45like what
00:27:49we're enormously fond of animals right and we're both from manchester
00:27:56have you ever been abroad no have you ever been abroad no have you no unless you count istanbul
00:28:09is that was it beyond belief i don't know i was only three
00:28:13do you ever get the feeling you've been somewhere before sometimes i do what now
00:28:29no just just sometimes
00:28:35yes i do
00:28:36such a lot isn't there in getting to know others
00:28:49he was lithe and easy-limbed his stride quietly casual his eyes clear and confident and his strong
00:28:58mouth ready to break into a relaxed assured lopsided grin
00:29:07you know jeffrey you have a really lopsided grin really you know lopsided
00:29:15i don't think i have it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:21see
00:29:23jeffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot
00:29:27he holds it down with his little finger
00:29:30it must be marvelous being a man
00:29:32it's okay i suppose men can do anything
00:29:37conquer everest do heart transplants become leader of the opposition anything
00:29:44jeffrey no spells no it's good for your circulation beryl read any women's magazine
00:30:00it's good for theirs too i'm not sure they recommend percyfilth on tuesdays
00:30:05i only see you on tuesdays and saturdays all saturdays
00:30:10beryl
00:30:15beryl
00:30:15are you all right what exactly happened don't tell me
00:30:25i just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony
00:30:28pardon
00:30:35come back they're better it's better i'm okay
00:30:41i told you it's going to pour
00:30:43it's not
00:30:52it's only the angels crying
00:30:55i know how they feel
00:30:58well don't blame me i haven't done anything
00:31:00that's true
00:31:01that's not true beryl i have apologized
00:31:06i keep going down on me knees when i'm talking to you
00:31:08independent observers think i'm training to be a cossack dancer
00:31:12it must be a bad line i can't hear you you'd better apologize again
00:31:18i apologize again
00:31:20gosh this lousy line
00:31:23i wonder if jeffrey would like to come to tea on sunday
00:31:26i wonder if you're a cossack dancer
00:31:28pardon
00:31:30pardon
00:31:32is that who i think it is
00:31:34no dear
00:31:46well isn't this nice
00:31:51sardine sandwich
00:31:53the old sardine
00:31:54yeah
00:31:56she's got her own trawler
00:32:03isn't it awful
00:32:05what
00:32:06i was speaking to jeffrey
00:32:08what's happening in the world i blame the politicians
00:32:11what for
00:32:12for what's happening
00:32:14in the world
00:32:18talk to her
00:32:21i can't speak portuguese
00:32:23tasty
00:32:26very in oil
00:32:26very nice in oil
00:32:28she's got a bad leg
00:32:32the bread's extremely wholesome
00:32:33why after this little baker down the road he does something with the bleach
00:32:40yes
00:32:40i can't do long conversations about sardines so much as your mind goes blank
00:32:54start thinking about life after death
00:32:56i can't do
00:33:11probably even more air hostesses all sorts tell me about your terrible past jeffrey i
00:33:20haven't had one yet white man speak with forked tongue actually i was hoping more for a terrible
00:33:26future wow is that the time at this moment in time what have i done is neville the insanely
00:33:39jealous type right in the slightest you're lucky why is jeffrey wow you're not jealous of all my
00:33:48explains are you of course not why should i be please stop interrogating me jeffrey forget it
00:33:56that's all in the past they're nothing to be jealous about
00:34:00who needs drama so i shouted back at her no shop assistant shouts at me i shouted in the end
00:34:11neville nearly bolted me for swearing he thumped you walloped you on no i said nearly
00:34:20you'll never thump me will you like neville does sundra she adores it of course not
00:34:31no
00:34:34jeffrey percy filth isn't the only thing in life there's even one of the things in mine
00:34:38you used to talk to me all right let's talk
00:34:41jeffrey i've just had the most super idea why is your mum going out
00:34:53may as well pack in really
00:34:57why why not
00:35:03good thinking
00:35:03thanks for a stimulating few weeks you too it was real psychedelic you can keep me grateful
00:35:17dead lp was scratched anyway it's been a gas groovy i won't wave from the window no i won't look back
00:35:26anyway good it's been a gas you've said that once
00:35:40you're well red barrel there's plenty more fish in the sea
00:35:45about three very lonely sardines
00:35:51mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me you know you can't do it
00:35:56you'll never thump me will you jeffrey ow
00:36:04beryl i just had the most super idea are we going to put it up no we're going to pack it in
00:36:10don't say that please don't say that that
00:36:15sandra sandra you're sandra mine
00:36:20two months two months nine days
00:36:26is she positive the test was what are you going to do
00:36:33she'll think of something sandra it's stupendous
00:36:39congratulations i hope you'll both be very happy oh thanks kid
00:36:43she'll think of something sandra i don't know how you do it
00:36:48often
00:36:55so
00:37:01so
00:37:03so
00:37:07This is the first time I was on the plane.
00:37:14I was on the plane.
00:37:19I was on the plane.
00:37:24John for Pope.
00:37:42Longmare reign.
00:37:50Aren't you, uh...
00:37:52Yeah.
00:37:54And you're, uh...
00:37:57That's right.
00:37:59Going somewhere incredible.
00:38:00I'm meeting me parents.
00:38:02Taking them to see Fiddler on the roof.
00:38:04That's pretty incredible.
00:38:06Your mummy and daddy.
00:38:09Uh...
00:38:10Oh, hell no, that's tomorrow.
00:38:13If I'm in the mood.
00:38:16Where you are.
00:38:18Depends where you take me.
00:38:24All I was saying about your friend with the glasses.
00:38:33Roland.
00:38:34Roland.
00:38:34Is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring.
00:38:39It's not bad at snooker.
00:38:43And how are you and little Beryl?
00:38:46Didn't she tell you?
00:38:47I don't work there anymore.
00:38:49I packed her in.
00:38:54Oh, my God.
00:38:58Did she turn you on?
00:39:01Beryl?
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:06I hadn't really looked.
00:39:09Seen one, you seen them all.
00:39:11Not quite all.
00:39:15I'll go and get me coat.
00:39:23Must be my birthday.
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life, Beryl.
00:39:31I do wish you'd find one.
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy, Fils.
00:39:39Yes, they are.
00:39:44Oh, you were terrific on the bus.
00:39:46Was I?
00:39:50Terrific self-control.
00:39:53Joan of Arc never married, yet she led a full and happy life.
00:39:57Or am I thinking of someone else?
00:39:59Mother, I don't happen to be interested in boys.
00:40:02I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me Moe Felt-tip pen.
00:40:06It's run out of ink.
00:40:07I used it for me laundry list.
00:40:09My God, your generation's got a few things to answer for.
00:40:13Mm.
00:40:14Mm.
00:40:15Mm, please.
00:40:16Mm, don't.
00:40:18Please.
00:40:19You can't ravish a girl on her own doorstep.
00:40:23Well, let's go inside, then.
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard.
00:40:28What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent?
00:40:39I don't believe that question.
00:40:42You used to be crazy about him.
00:40:45I was 11 years old.
00:40:47He used to let me chalk on his tortoise.
00:40:49Oh, my gosh.
00:41:13I don't know.
00:41:14what's your name again what's yours rock that's not your real name no Stephen
00:41:27God that turns me on when I first met you in the street I thought just a quiet drink and a chat
00:41:42shows you the art of conversation ain't dead don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:12testing testing Jeffrey Milleup returns to the day I wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:25I'm fed up
00:42:43who are you
00:42:46who are you
00:42:47what are you fed up about
00:42:50teachers don't have to do homework no they just mark it anyone can mark it
00:42:59they've got the answers
00:43:00do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then
00:43:09well this is your uncle Stephen
00:43:15this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:21how do you do
00:43:23don't me mum and dad know he's here
00:43:25Jeremy bed
00:43:26I could always wake them up and tell them
00:43:28Jeremy
00:43:29little boys need sleep
00:43:33even big astronauts
00:43:36do you know where babies come from
00:43:39do you say no no I do say yes
00:43:46shall I tell you he knows the man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands and there's
00:43:53these 500 million spermatozoas in these testes that he has as well and they go through his male organ
00:44:00into the female uterus that the lady has who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that
00:44:07one of them fertilizes with the female egg the others don't bother
00:44:11anyway that's what you have to do then you have a baby
00:44:15did they teach you that at school
00:44:18they do woodwork in the next class
00:44:20people can only make babies at certain times of the year
00:44:24but animals like dogs and cats and giraffes I think
00:44:28do it all the time
00:44:29no
00:44:32that's people
00:44:34what is
00:44:36well
00:44:39people
00:44:40do it all the time
00:44:41whenever they feel like it
00:44:47in the next class you can do metal work if you don't like woodwork
00:44:53good night Jeremy
00:44:5625p
00:44:5950
00:45:0050
00:45:03good night uncle steven
00:45:14good night uncle steven
00:45:16Would you care for a government health warning?
00:45:32Hey, Veronica? Yes?
00:45:36Who the hell's Uncle Stephen at ten past two in the morning?
00:45:40A friend of Jeremy's. He's going now.
00:45:43Good night, love.
00:45:47We would have done that, wouldn't we? And how?
00:45:54You can't win them all, can you? Anyway, do you good going without for a change.
00:46:04Still, there's always another day. Tomorrow?
00:46:08No. Tomorrow's another day.
00:46:11Shh. Not unless you happen to be in Plymouth.
00:46:15Where?
00:46:16I'm joining the Wrens for three years.
00:46:20What Wrens?
00:46:22The Royal Navy's Wrens.
00:46:24This time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors.
00:46:31Hope I like it.
00:46:37Thanks for nearly everything.
00:46:39We definitely would have done, wouldn't we?
00:46:42Well, obviously.
00:46:43Well, we...
00:46:44We're as good as dead, in a way, really.
00:46:46Almost.
00:46:47Just keep telling yourself and we will have only better.
00:46:51Good night, love.
00:46:53Good night, love.
00:46:55Try a barrel.
00:46:56Music
00:47:15Morning, previous generation.
00:47:17Morning, previous generation.
00:47:27What's for breakfast?
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday.
00:47:34What we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on the flaming roof?
00:47:38I'm sorry, Mum. I'll take you out another night. Something cropped up.
00:47:42Like what?
00:47:44Dad, you understand.
00:47:47I don't, Geoffrey.
00:47:49You always say you do.
00:47:51Geoffrey, you're at it every night.
00:47:54Yes, Dad.
00:47:55And we don't complain. No, Dad.
00:47:57But last night was different. I knew you'd understand.
00:48:17I think it was a good night.
00:48:20I think it was a good night for the night.
00:48:21It was an old girl.
00:48:23But it was a good night.
00:48:25I was like a boy.
00:48:27CHALTON FOR POPE. HONG ME A RAIN.
00:48:32Amen.
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35Pounds down again. Up and down like a pair of knickers.
00:48:38You should know.
00:48:40Or me.
00:48:42Know what I mean?
00:48:44What a night.
00:48:46Wow.
00:48:48A lot.
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion.
00:48:57Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night. Who didn't?
00:49:00No, it's true.
00:49:02Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:04It is.
00:49:06Yes, Geoffrey.
00:49:12Bloody is.
00:49:16Poor Geoffrey.
00:49:17Beryl, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. You had to invite him.
00:49:22He'll see me.
00:49:24It's cruel.
00:49:25We'll see how the girls.
00:49:27I shan't take him back, Sandra.
00:49:30I shan't.
00:49:31It's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now.
00:49:36Don't know much about men, do you, love?
00:49:38It was doing him a kindness, really. Finally splitting up.
00:49:53He only had one ambition in life. Send my knickers to Oxfam.
00:50:08Good job she hasn't joined the rent. The entire Navy had gone strike.
00:50:11I expect he's sorry now. I won't even consider taking him back if he isn't.
00:50:14She might have changed, of course. If she has, I might let her have the old orgy now and again.
00:50:18He's got to accept we've finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back.
00:50:23Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me pride.
00:50:26I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:27Oh, hi.
00:50:29Didn't see you.
00:50:30No, nor me.
00:50:32And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then?
00:50:35United.
00:50:36I'm sorry.
00:50:37So I'm sorry.
00:50:38I'll be onavais.
00:50:39I am certainly not making the first move.
00:50:43I still got my pride.
00:50:48I left with Beryl, baby.
00:50:50Oh, hi.
00:50:51Didn't see you.
00:50:52No, nor me.
00:50:53And how's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on, then?
00:50:57United. We're winning every game now.
00:51:00Oh, good.
00:51:02And what's new with Geoffrey, then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new with you.
00:51:11I asked you.
00:51:16Did you?
00:51:17Need I say more?
00:51:20Pardon?
00:51:20And how's Beryl Baby getting on, then?
00:51:24Geoffrey, I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me Beryl Baby.
00:51:28It isn't like you.
00:51:29Say that again, Beryl Baby.
00:51:33What's your name, handsome?
00:51:36You'll laugh. Everybody laughs.
00:51:39It's the story of my life.
00:51:41You tell it like it is, Chuck.
00:51:50She's putting on an axe.
00:51:53What do you care?
00:51:55I don't have a baby.
00:52:02Is she going to get into bed with him now?
00:52:07Probably.
00:52:10Geoffrey always looks half asleep these days.
00:52:12Well, it's very exhausting.
00:52:17It is.
00:52:19Working in a bank.
00:52:20Oh.
00:52:21I had this bad scene, this chick, and decided to split.
00:52:33So I cut out, man, like there's no tomorrow.
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at, man.
00:52:42What's a beautiful bag, baby?
00:52:47So if you want a piece of the action, don't cool it.
00:52:53Dig?
00:52:58Sorry, I no understand English.
00:53:01I thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one.
00:53:13She has.
00:53:15And which is her husband?
00:53:17Neither.
00:53:22It's warming up, isn't it?
00:53:24Great beat, isn't it?
00:53:34Great to dance to.
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion?
00:53:44If so, what's death?
00:53:46A banana.
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it.
00:53:56Have you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence?
00:54:00Um, no.
00:54:03But I've seen the film.
00:54:05You married?
00:54:08No.
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage.
00:54:11Marriage is a cabbage.
00:54:14You're married.
00:54:16Never ask the questions.
00:54:18Ask the answers.
00:54:19You are a poet.
00:54:22To any manager, Marks and Spencer's.
00:54:26Good job.
00:54:28I really do, Chip.
00:54:30Now he's taking his clothes off.
00:54:34What's on ITV?
00:54:36This.
00:54:38What's on BBC?
00:54:42Chazinova.
00:54:44What's that like?
00:54:46This.
00:54:47Oh, come on now.
00:54:50You know that's not where it's at.
00:54:52Let's get this.
00:54:54What's the word?
00:54:55Let's get it clear.
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty gritties, Phil.
00:55:00Okay?
00:55:00Women's lip is not about burning brass.
00:55:13Papers, yeah.
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:16A marriage certificate, a dog's license, whatever you prefer to call it.
00:55:20Look, let's be basic about this, Enid.
00:55:23All girls want marriage and a white wedding.
00:55:26Really basic?
00:55:27You want to be really basic?
00:55:29Utterly basic.
00:55:30Balls.
00:55:32Graf?
00:55:33Enid, when Sandra says every girl, she means most girls.
00:55:39Well, like herself.
00:55:41Not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence.
00:55:44But most girls definitely want...
00:55:46Balls!
00:55:48If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to...
00:55:51I'm not recourseing to anything.
00:55:53I'm merely telling you what girls want.
00:55:55What?
00:55:55Balls!
00:55:56Balls!
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that?
00:55:59You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02You're wrong!
00:56:02I believe in free everything, freedom from all-male chauvinists, pig domination.
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand?
00:56:09Excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:10If we're liberated in society for the future, I'm sure.
00:56:12No, thank you.
00:56:13Excuse me, excuse me, you've got your hand on me.
00:56:15No!
00:56:16Ah!
00:56:17Oh, sorry.
00:56:19Well, I'm sorry.
00:56:20It's all right.
00:56:21Oh, gee.
00:56:22It's a pleasure.
00:56:23Grass?
00:56:24Geoffrey, if not to.
00:56:25Why not?
00:56:26I said don't.
00:56:27You're not to smoke it.
00:56:29Oh, wow.
00:56:39We're as liberated as you, Enid.
00:56:42We've equal importance as individuals.
00:56:45Neither of us is boss.
00:56:46It just doesn't arise.
00:56:48We'll make some coffee, kid.
00:56:50Yes.
00:56:50You see, what we...
00:56:52Now!
00:56:52You see...
00:56:56Where are one?
00:56:57I can see there's only one way to get through.
00:57:04What you doing?
00:57:06Lighting everybody's fire.
00:57:11Burn my bra.
00:57:12Right, that's it.
00:57:18Finished.
00:57:19The end.
00:57:20Full stop.
00:57:22We've finally split up.
00:57:24Neville, Sandra wants you.
00:57:26I should imagine.
00:57:29Sad, isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic.
00:57:34Well, I can't follow plays these days.
00:57:41It's just showing real life, that's all.
00:57:43I once thought I'd found her.
00:57:51The perfect girl.
00:57:54Red hair.
00:57:55Not too skinny.
00:57:57Very gentle and shy.
00:58:01Passionate when roused.
00:58:04Yeah.
00:58:04She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick.
00:58:09You're very sweet, Roland.
00:58:12I've always thought you were.
00:58:17Did you know you very nearly have a lopsided grin?
00:58:21It's just I'm a bit tired.
00:58:22No, it's nice.
00:58:23I don't think I've washed that one.
00:58:50Oh, sorry.
00:58:53Do you know...
00:58:55What, Beryl?
00:58:56She can ask me anything.
00:58:59Do you know where Geoffrey's got to?
00:59:04He's upstairs, I think.
00:59:11Is it true they're dry on their own?
00:59:16Usually.
00:59:20Oh.
00:59:21I hate to be any trouble, but I think I'm dying.
00:59:25You'll be all right, honest.
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it.
00:59:29Who?
00:59:30She said...
00:59:35Geoffrey.
00:59:38Geoffrey.
00:59:39Move up a bit, Geoffrey.
00:59:59Put your legs...
01:00:00That's better.
01:00:02It's because it's because it's your first time, isn't it?
01:00:13Call Dr. Wise, put a quillms low road.
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know.
01:00:23What was it, then?
01:00:28Grass.
01:00:30Grass is marijuana.
01:00:33This grass wasn't.
01:00:35It was the real thing.
01:00:39From the front lawn.
01:00:40Is that you, Beryl?
01:00:55Had a nice time?
01:00:57Even though it's three o'clock in the morning.
01:01:00Not that I mind, if you've had a nice time.
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since ten, having a good night's worry.
01:01:08Did you see Geoffrey?
01:01:13That's good.
01:01:13Did you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard?
01:01:37I didn't try at all.
01:01:39Gave me to rest.
01:01:43I'm right off, birds.
01:01:46I am.
01:01:47I am.
01:01:49For good.
01:01:51Me too.
01:01:53And me.
01:01:54Good morning.
01:02:14Your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel.
01:02:17Can I then?
01:02:18Yes, I am.
01:02:25Good morning.
01:02:26I am.
01:02:30Good morning.
01:02:31Good morning.
01:02:33Good morning.
01:02:34Good morning.
01:02:35Oh, my God.
01:03:05Oh, Beryl.
01:03:10Beryl.
01:03:15Geoffrey.
01:03:18Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you?
01:03:24Oh, Beryl.
01:03:27Oh, Geoffrey.
01:03:30Oh, God.
01:03:35Hello.
01:03:44Sir, I...
01:03:44Will you be required in the room again, sir?
01:03:48Because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival.
01:03:51I don't know who he takes after.
01:03:56Oh, my God, that's symbolic.
01:04:09Oh, hello, Beryl.
01:04:10I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again.
01:04:13If you have a phone or call, please don't, because I shan't be in.
01:04:16Tonight or any other night.
01:04:18Anyway, tonight I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale.
01:04:20It's a small world.
01:04:49Good evening, Mrs. Battersby.
01:04:54I was looking for a nice lampshade.
01:04:57Oh?
01:04:59Probably this one.
01:05:01Definitely.
01:05:02Magic in satin.
01:05:03Oh, certainly, Geoffrey.
01:05:05Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:07You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:17I'm a child of the universe, Beryl.
01:05:19I have a right to be here.
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays.
01:05:22Try the co-op.
01:05:23Beryl, listen.
01:05:23If you can smell burning.
01:05:24It's just that the vicar's been around burning his jock strap.
01:05:26Beryl, listen.
01:05:27Can I help you, madam?
01:05:28Have you got that in another colour?
01:05:30No, madam.
01:05:31I'll leave it then.
01:05:40Listen to what, for heaven's sake?
01:05:43Don't matter.
01:05:45What doesn't?
01:05:46You wouldn't, anyway.
01:05:47Wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday.
01:05:51Me?
01:05:53A football match with 40,000 skinheads and you.
01:05:57Told you.
01:06:00Who are they playing?
01:06:06Huddersfield Town.
01:06:08In the cot.
01:06:09I've always wanted to watch Huddersfield Town.
01:06:17They're fourth from the bottom.
01:06:20Shows you.
01:06:21Away from home, they've won three, drawn five, and lost 12.
01:06:29Drawn five.
01:06:34So what do you think?
01:06:37I think I nearly love you.
01:06:38Never mind, it's only a game.
01:07:05I thought you said you nearly love me.
01:07:13No!
01:07:14Oh, dear!
01:07:15I don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United.
01:07:21I may be wrong.
01:07:22Grace who?
01:07:24We live in a permissive society, Beryl.
01:07:26Read any colour supplement.
01:07:28Mother, you're supposed to be my mother.
01:07:30I am, love.
01:07:31And it wasn't through going to football matches.
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me tug my skirt down every time I stand up, even if he's only on the phone.
01:07:38Yes, well, boys are very safe.
01:07:42And I am your mother.
01:07:44That's what I said.
01:07:45I don't mean, er, permissive, permissive.
01:07:51Let's see.
01:07:52Romantic.
01:07:55Pardon?
01:07:56Kissing, cuddling.
01:07:58Things of that nature.
01:07:59Oh, we do.
01:08:03Do what?
01:08:05What you just said.
01:08:06Good.
01:08:07Not too much, I hope.
01:08:09Oh, God.
01:08:10Boys are very funny.
01:08:12They're novices compared to mothers.
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains?
01:08:23Oh.
01:08:23Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains.
01:08:32Fantastic.
01:08:37The Cowgills.
01:08:40Mr and Mrs Cowgill.
01:08:42Married couple.
01:08:45Newlyweds.
01:08:46Not long married.
01:08:49You go bald doing that.
01:08:51Doing what?
01:08:53Do I tell you, 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains.
01:09:09Living in sin.
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it?
01:09:16If I said to you, do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano, would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married?
01:09:28I don't think so.
01:09:31Beryl would.
01:09:35Giving you a bad time, is she?
01:09:38Oh.
01:09:38I wouldn't say that.
01:09:43I haven't even mentioned the word.
01:09:46What word?
01:09:47Goodness me, a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically...
01:09:53I never said you were.
01:09:54You think it.
01:09:55All right, Geoffrey.
01:10:10I hereby promise never to utter the word again.
01:10:15Marriage?
01:10:16Never.
01:10:19Well, until I am.
01:10:20If I ever do.
01:10:21Which I fervently hope I never will.
01:10:24For someone who's not uttering something, when's your old pee coming out?
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness, Geoffrey.
01:10:34You mustn't feel guilty about me.
01:10:37I'm sorry.
01:10:38No one can say you've completely ruined me life.
01:10:44Not yet.
01:10:50What are you staring at?
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:01Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:11Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:21Oh, what's that?
01:11:22If God had meant sardines to be in oil, it had given them dipsticks.
01:11:24It's all right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by,
01:11:30and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:35Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:40Another wild night learning what N.O. spells
01:11:42and how many of us school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:47And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great.
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me,
01:11:55says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:03Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:14Being happy.
01:12:16Take two a day after meals,
01:12:19and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:39Look, Beryl, how's this for a peace plan?
01:12:52You join a marriage bureau,
01:12:54and I'll get a job on the stage,
01:12:56twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:58Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:59Right?
01:13:00Right.
01:13:01Good Jesus Christ, superstar, amen.
01:13:05Oh, well.
01:13:07Pounds up again.
01:13:08See you tomorrow.
01:13:10Do you think you're going?
01:13:17Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:19It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:37That old speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:47The only bit I can remember is,
01:13:49and that's what I think.
01:13:51Last night, I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United,
01:13:54and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:56Grace who?
01:13:57She was playing for United as well.
01:14:00Weird, isn't it?
01:14:07The main thing is,
01:14:11we do communicate.
01:14:14Oh, we do.
01:14:24See, what face do I want to...
01:14:24See, what I think...
01:14:25Go on.
01:14:27No, you.
01:14:27Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:37Beryl.
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:46happy?
01:14:48Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:53I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:07Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:17Probably.
01:15:18I've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:23Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:24Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:42No.
01:15:43I don't think so.
01:15:44Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47If there isn't...
01:15:47You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49If there isn't anything...
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:51It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It would just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like, you know...
01:16:06Crimson shoes and bottled green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottled green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop to please you.
01:16:15I see.
01:16:25There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:27In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:34I like your mother.
01:16:35Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:40Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:47You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in Saint-Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:55Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford can tell the difference between
01:16:58Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:02I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:04You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:11You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:14Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:16You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:18Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:20The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N-O spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:28That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:42Neither did I.
01:17:44Do now, though.
01:17:53I used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59I used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:01There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:07Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:30I think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:51Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:56St Anne's Square.
01:19:01St Anne's Square, please.
01:19:13So that just leaves a cot,
01:19:15two matinee coats,
01:19:17two romper suits,
01:19:19and what else do I need?
01:19:22Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:24Teeth and ring?
01:19:26Wedding ring?
01:19:27Of course.
01:19:28Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:42With a sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually.
01:19:45I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:47But she doesn't know that.
01:19:48If I'm looking miserable, Sandrick,
01:19:51it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:54Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:09Ace.
01:20:09She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:13I won't tell you where.
01:20:17A hell of a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow.
01:20:24Did you want the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26Anno spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:33Hmm.
01:20:33Sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra.
01:20:38This is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:42Yep.
01:20:43Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest,
01:20:49seeing him again.
01:20:51You mustn't think I'll be crying inside,
01:20:52because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:58Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:04It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:16And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22This is fine enough.
01:21:23Here?
01:21:23About there, lovely.
01:21:26You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:28Wow.
01:21:29Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:36That's right.
01:21:37Hold it.
01:21:39Lovely.
01:21:40Right, now, a nice family group of the parents, please.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:55That's it.
01:21:55Hold it like that.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:00It's a...
01:22:00It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12See, President Nixon went to China, then.
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:17Why, has something happened about it?
01:22:21No.
01:22:21No?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:33Why is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we, about things that matter?
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows we're friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken-hearted.
01:22:57We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:04My mother's convinced herself we split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it, myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:13Oh.
01:23:14I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:16I hope not.
01:23:17It's marvellous.
01:23:18Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:22Thank you, love.
01:23:22Still off the food, I noticed.
01:23:32And we've learned a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:35Fantastic.
01:23:36For example, say I finally did marry someone like you, only someone I love.
01:23:41I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:46In bed, I bet.
01:23:47And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol
01:23:54and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now, we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well, we'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:17We'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into each other, we'll bump into
01:24:47Oh hello Mrs. Battersby. You won't remember me. Good afternoon Geoffrey.
01:25:04Is Beryl there please? She's gone to the football match.
01:25:12There is no football. It's cricket now. Well it's the same thing isn't it?
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:42When's the kick-off? In about three months. Football season's over now Beryl.
01:25:48What on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:52I forgot. I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:57Where will you go now then? I don't know.
01:26:03I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:09Where will you?
01:26:11Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:13Hey it's like the countryside isn't it when it's empty?
01:26:16Fancy a stroll in the country?
01:26:18May as well. If you like. Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:22Just as friends.
01:26:24Oh I meant just as friends.
01:26:26Yeah I did.
01:26:27Wish we had a ball.
01:26:36Could play shooting in.
01:26:39You could go in goal.
01:26:44Amazing how people change isn't it?
01:26:50Well we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:08We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:24Anyone really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:37All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:41You'll find someone Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open really.
01:27:48Picking one out of the crowd.
01:27:52Who has it?
01:27:54Who has it?
01:27:56Who has it?
01:28:00Who has it?
01:28:02Who has it?
01:28:04Who has it?
01:28:06Who has it?
01:28:08Who has it?
01:28:10Who has it?
01:28:12Who has it?
01:28:14Who has it?
01:28:16Who has it?
01:28:17Who has it?
01:28:18Who has it?
01:28:19Who has it?
01:28:20Who has it?
01:28:21Who has it?
01:28:22Who has it?
01:28:23Who has it?
01:28:24Who has it?
01:28:25Who has it?
01:28:26Who has it?
01:28:27Who has it?
01:28:28Who has it?
01:28:29Who has it?
01:28:30Who has it?
01:28:31Who has it?
01:28:32Who has it?
01:28:33Who has it?
01:28:34Who has it?
01:28:35Who has it?
01:28:36Who has it?
01:28:37Who has it?
01:28:38Who has it?
01:28:39Who has it?
01:28:40Who has it?
01:28:41Who has it?
01:28:42Who has it?
01:28:43Who has it?
01:28:44When the crying's dark
01:28:49Love and rainy weather
01:28:54Are followed by the sun
01:28:59Love and rainy weather
01:29:03Love and rainy weather
01:29:09When the crying's dark
01:29:14Love and rainy weather
01:29:18Are followed by the sun
01:29:23Love and rainy weather