Bean (1997)
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:00:30Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:00Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:29Transcription by CastingWords
00:01:59Transcription by CastingWords
00:02:29Transcription by CastingWords
00:02:59Transcription by CastingWords
00:03:29Transcription by CastingWords
00:03:59Transcription by CastingWords
00:04:29Before we move on to the major business of the day, I should like to broach the question of Mr. Bean.
00:04:34Now, Mr. Bean has worked for us for many years.
00:04:37And will for many years to come.
00:04:39I employed this splendid young man when I was doing your job, Charles, and you can have my resignation if you go anywhere near him.
00:04:48I'm doing your job.
00:04:57I use thisğan and I should like to have my job, когда I was doing my job, to make sure I can interview my job, because I got my job in my job.
00:05:01I don't know.
00:05:01I don't know.
00:05:02I don't know.
00:05:04Oh.
00:05:34He's a fine young fellow.
00:05:50Absolutely. Quite right.
00:05:54Very well. Moving on.
00:05:58The Grierson Gallery of California needs a representative of our great gallery.
00:06:03They are looking for a scholar of the very highest standing.
00:06:07I have therefore decided to recommend for the post
00:06:11and the three months sabbatical that goes with it,
00:06:15that splendid employee, Mr. Bean.
00:06:23All those in favor?
00:06:25Yes! Excellent. Carry it.
00:06:28Our loss is America's gain.
00:06:33David!
00:06:35You got a letter from the Royal National Gallery.
00:06:37They're recommending a guy called Bean to represent them.
00:06:41Bean? I can't say I've heard of him.
00:06:44A letter signed by Drs. Rosenblum and Cutler.
00:06:47Well, that's impressive.
00:06:49They say he's a man whose incontrovertible genius dwarfs our own meager talents.
00:06:53Rosenblum and Cutler said that.
00:06:55Well, you asked for England's top man, I do believe I'd deliver it to him.
00:06:58He certainly sounds like it.
00:06:59However, before we confirm, Bernice here still feels that we'd get more media attention
00:07:05if we had someone from, let's say, the entertainment industry.
00:07:08I genuinely believe that we could get Jon Bon Jovi.
00:07:14Jon Bon Jovi?
00:07:16To unveil Whistler's mother?
00:07:18Yes.
00:07:20I have nothing against Jon Bon Jovi.
00:07:22The man has had two great hairstyles in the last ten years,
00:07:25which is an achievement not to be sniffed at.
00:07:27But so far as I know, Mr. Jovi knows absolutely nothing about 19th century Impressionism.
00:07:33He certainly hasn't mentioned it in any of his recent songs.
00:07:36No, but David...
00:07:37This is not a rock video.
00:07:39This is a great and serious work of art.
00:07:42And Dr. Bean will give the occasion depth and dignity.
00:07:46You all right? We go with Beaton.
00:07:50No, no, no, no. David's our curator.
00:07:53This is David's call.
00:07:55It's his decision, his responsibility.
00:07:57Ultimately, his neck.
00:08:01And where do you want him to stay?
00:08:03I have a rather interesting idea.
00:08:05Here? In our house? For two months?
00:08:11Oh, David, what? Suddenly there's no hotels in Los Angeles?
00:08:15Okay, there's no need to get excited here.
00:08:17I just thought, you know, this is the Royal National Gallery of England's top man.
00:08:21I thought he'd be very excited to have around, to learn from, and talk to, and...
00:08:25Uh-huh. So do we know anything about our new best friend?
00:08:28No, although I think they might have mentioned it if he was a notorious serial killer.
00:08:32Are you silly, lucky punk?
00:08:36David, you know, we have an expression in this country.
00:08:39It says, over my dead body, I'd like to put it on the table right here and now.
00:08:44This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
00:08:46And it could be seriously great for the kids.
00:08:49You're kidding.
00:08:50Come on! It's gonna be great!
00:08:53Let's say there is a chart of the most intelligent people you've ever met in your life.
00:08:58Well, at number one with a bullet is Dr. Bean.
00:09:01Kevin, you know, sometimes you ask me questions that I can't answer.
00:09:04Like what is an intrauterine device?
00:09:06Well, I think more like what's the meaning of life.
00:09:09I never asked you that.
00:09:10It's fine. It doesn't matter.
00:09:12What I am saying here is that Dr. Bean is a very remarkable man.
00:09:17Hey, hey, for all you know, he could be very cute.
00:09:20Oh, come on. The guy is gonna be a creep.
00:09:25All Englishmen are ugly.
00:09:27I just look at Prince Charles and weep.
00:09:29Okay, so he's gonna look like Meatloaf's butt.
00:09:31Yeah, and that's if we get lucky.
00:09:33Jennifer, no one is asking you to marry him.
00:09:36You know, I don't know why we have these family conferences if Dad's already made up his mind.
00:09:40Perceptive child.
00:09:41Hey, what's wrong with Meatloaf's butt?
00:09:43Oh, come on, everybody. It's gonna be great.
00:09:45Dr. Bean is a genius of the very highest order.
00:09:48Good evening.
00:09:52Ah, no, sir. You're infection first.
00:09:55Good evening.
00:10:13Good evening.
00:10:14Good evening.
00:10:15Good evening.
00:10:16Good evening.
00:10:17Good evening.
00:10:19What are we doing?
00:10:20Good evening.
00:10:26Good evening.
00:10:27I'll be right here.
00:10:29Good evening.
00:10:31Oh, man.
00:10:33Very nice.
00:10:34We're looking for a new day to the grandmother.
00:10:37Good evening.
00:10:39You're looking for a new day.
00:10:40Look, I'm looking for a new day.
00:10:41good simple poster nice and big it's actual size a bargain at 9.99 Spencer yes
00:10:58half down mmm yeah pushing your luck a little here Walter it'll sell
00:11:06it's whistler's sister oh you are kidding no sir we have a range for every member of the family
00:11:18whistler's mother's cookies chocolate chip whistler's father's beer mug and here's a really
00:11:26cute one for the younger brother range whistler's whistle yeah you just blow up her ass yeah yeah
00:11:31you're trying
00:11:32mommy I don't feel well
00:12:01I think I'm going to be sick
00:12:04I think I'm going to be sick
00:12:04just here
00:12:22any second now I think we're looking for a Brad Pitt look-alike
00:12:52nice
00:13:20yeah
00:13:27yeah
00:13:29yeah
00:13:32yeah
00:13:35yeah
00:13:39yeah
00:13:41yeah
00:13:45yeah
00:13:57yeah
00:14:00yeah
00:14:02yeah
00:14:04yeah
00:14:08yeah
00:14:10What is this?
00:14:34I don't know.
00:14:35Weird.
00:14:40Mr. Bean, are you presently on any kind of medication?
00:15:03Not that I know of.
00:15:07Well, you can certainly use some.
00:15:10So, Doctor.
00:15:24Uh, Bean.
00:15:26Yes, okay, Dr. Bean.
00:15:28Uh, well, you made it.
00:15:32Nice flight?
00:15:34Oh.
00:15:35Well, this is Kevin.
00:15:43Oh.
00:15:44And this is Jennifer.
00:15:46She's been very excited about meeting you.
00:15:48Uh-huh.
00:15:48My wife, Allison.
00:15:50Oh.
00:15:55David, could I just have the tiniest talk with you in the kitchen?
00:15:58All right, yeah.
00:15:58I appreciate that on first viewing, he seems a little eccentric.
00:16:08David, there are Martians who have been exiled from Mars for looking weird, who look less
00:16:13weird than this guy.
00:16:14He has an original quality.
00:16:15He goes today.
00:16:16Wow, that was amazing.
00:16:31That's really cool.
00:16:33Hey, can you do this?
00:16:36Oh.
00:16:38No.
00:16:39But I can do this.
00:16:42Dean.
00:16:43Wow.
00:16:44How do you do that?
00:16:46Magic.
00:16:47OK, so you're going to tell him today?
00:16:49Yes, today, today, today, today.
00:16:50Today seems like a good day.
00:16:52Good.
00:16:57Mm-hmm.
00:16:57Well, sir, an unorthodox start.
00:17:17I guess I never expected things with a man of your caliber to be normal.
00:17:23I've got to confess, I've never actually read anything you've written.
00:17:29Tell me, doctor, what exactly is your position at the gallery?
00:17:33I sit in the corner and look at the paintings.
00:17:40Ah, that is brilliant.
00:17:44If only more scholars would do that, you know, just sit and look, you know, not lecture and
00:17:49write and argue.
00:17:50Just sit and look at the paintings themselves.
00:17:53Now that is brilliant, you know.
00:17:57Yes.
00:17:58Morning, Elmer.
00:17:59Good morning, sir.
00:18:00Dr. Bean.
00:18:01Oh.
00:18:02You'd like to sign in, sir?
00:18:04Welcome to the Grierson, Dr. Bean.
00:18:05Welcome to my world.
00:18:11We're expected in Grierson's office at 9 a.m.
00:18:12Now this is a man who does not like to be kept waiting.
00:18:18So if you...
00:18:19Imagine if I am.
00:18:20Oh, yeah, okay, absolutely.
00:18:21You bet.
00:18:22All right.
00:18:23Oh.
00:18:24We're expected in Grierson's office at 9 a.m.
00:18:31Now, this is a man who does not like to be kept waiting.
00:18:34Oh, yeah, okay, absolutely. You bet.
00:18:38All right.
00:18:54Let's go.
00:19:24Oh, yeah.
00:19:34Oh, yeah.
00:19:40Oh, yeah.
00:19:43Oh, yeah.
00:19:48Oh, yeah.
00:20:23Doctor, we should make a move. We're very late.
00:20:53Oh, we... Doctor, when you're ready. Okay.
00:21:07Ah, David, finally.
00:21:12And this must be our professor from across the sea.
00:21:14Yes, George Grierson. This is Dr. Bean.
00:21:16I'm delighted, Doctor.
00:21:19Actually, I'm...
00:21:19Dr. Bean, can you get a photo, please, sir?
00:21:22You've heard a great deal about you, Doctor.
00:21:24Thank you, John. I expect a great deal of you.
00:21:28And this is Bernice, in charge of PR.
00:21:31An absolute honor, Doctor.
00:21:32All right, thank you. And Walter Huntley, our merchandise manager.
00:21:37Nice to meet you.
00:21:38Moving along. Take a seat, Doctor.
00:21:40Thank you, sir. Let me take that old thing.
00:21:43This is very out of date.
00:21:47Before we settle in,
00:21:48we might want to feast your eyes on these.
00:21:51Yes.
00:22:04Well, I'll be honest with you, Bean.
00:22:06I like this.
00:22:07It's beautiful, sir.
00:22:08It is, yeah.
00:22:12Over here.
00:22:13Okay.
00:22:21Lovely green there.
00:22:28Oh, good, good.
00:22:29Done of business.
00:22:30Okay.
00:22:31I've asked Bernice to run through the order of events for the opening.
00:22:35Dr. Bean, would you like to join us?
00:22:38No, no, no.
00:22:40Very well.
00:22:44Bernice?
00:22:45Now, you will note that anything pertaining to special media requirements is prefixed with an asterisk.
00:22:51Mm-hmm.
00:22:52I.e., glossy stills requested by some of the favored weeklies, that sort of thing.
00:22:57Right.
00:22:58So, the big day unfolds as follows.
00:23:01Our generous benefactor, General Newton, will be arriving at 10 a.m. to meet the members of the staff.
00:23:06Then at 10.30, we'll have the unveiling of the picture.
00:23:09Now, this will be in front of all press and media.
00:23:11Walter, I'm assuming all this merchandising is going to be made available.
00:23:16Oh, absolutely.
00:23:16From fridge magnets to frisbees, we'll be ready.
00:23:19So, it will probably be at about 11 a.m. when the stage is set for Dr. Bean.
00:23:25Yes.
00:23:26All right.
00:23:27Really, really should bring in the doctor here.
00:23:39Dr. Bean?
00:23:40Mm-hmm.
00:23:41Dr. Bean, we've just been inspecting the schedule, and if you would just like to take a look at yours right over there at your convenience,
00:24:00the general should be arriving at 10 a.m., and he'll unveil the picture at 10.30.
00:24:05So, at about 11 o'clock, we should be ready for your speech.
00:24:08Yes, and, uh, I think, uh, 20 minutes should, should be long enough.
00:24:16Don't you?
00:24:17Absolutely.
00:24:18I know you could fill hours, doctor, but for the press, it would be best if you could keep it quite light.
00:24:23Maybe throw in some anecdotes about the actual painting of the picture, uh, and explain why it is considered to be America's greatest painting.
00:24:30Hmm.
00:24:31Is, uh, is that going to be enough, uh, doctor, 20 minutes?
00:24:40Well, dear friends, if you'll excuse me, I have a lunch with the mayor.
00:24:44Not the kind of thing I like, what duty calls.
00:24:47Well, doctor, it's good to meet you.
00:24:49It's a complex experience.
00:24:51Enjoy your stay with David.
00:24:54They're simple people, but warm.
00:24:57David, if I may have just a private word.
00:24:59Okay, uh, I tell you, why don't you wait for me back at the new acquisitions?
00:25:03I'll join you shortly.
00:25:04Yeah.
00:25:12He's a genius, right?
00:25:14Yeah, he's, he's eccentric.
00:25:16Hmm, but, yeah.
00:25:17Yeah, yeah.
00:25:21The unveiling of Whistler's mother is the most important thing to ever happen to this gallery.
00:25:28And Dr. Bean was your choice.
00:25:31Yes, I understand that.
00:25:34Thank you, sir.
00:25:51Dr. Bean, when we get home, I wonder if you would mind, uh, giving me a private moment with my wife.
00:26:01There's a little something we need to work out.
00:26:04No problem.
00:26:04Yeah, I think, uh, just wait in here would be good.
00:26:19Oh, just ignore that.
00:26:21Her mother gave it to us.
00:26:22A huge sentimental value, you know, so...
00:26:25Just make yourself at home.
00:26:27I'll be just a couple minutes with Allison.
00:26:28Oh, um, doctor, I would actually not do that.
00:26:39That's, that's a, uh, limited edition.
00:26:42It's that it's delicate, so if you...
00:26:44Or, or, yeah, put it there would be good.
00:26:46Yeah.
00:26:47Okay, that's...
00:26:48Hi.
00:26:56Hi.
00:26:58No Dr. Bean?
00:26:59Well, actually, no, he is still here.
00:27:01But let me...
00:27:01Jennifer!
00:27:02I just want to...
00:27:02Kevin!
00:27:04Plan B!
00:27:05What is...
00:27:05You have luggage, Kevin?
00:27:06What is plan B?
00:27:08Plan B is, if you haven't gotten rid of Dr. Bean, you go straight to Grandma's.
00:27:12I can't believe you're rid of it again, huh, Dad?
00:27:14Oh, come on!
00:27:14There was no time to raise the subject!
00:27:16Kevin, start the car, would you, sweetie?
00:27:18Oh, Allie, wait a second, and look!
00:27:20No!
00:27:21You look, David, my darling.
00:27:23I have asked very little from you, but I did ask you to get rid of Dr. Bean, and you
00:27:27have made your choice.
00:27:29So you two can stay here and really come to grips with postmodernism, but I am taking
00:27:34our children to my mother's.
00:27:35Just give him one last chance.
00:27:38Just one!
00:27:39David, hi, Dad.
00:27:41Please.
00:27:45Okay.
00:27:46Okay.
00:27:48All right.
00:27:48Thanks.
00:27:50Once you get to know him, I think you're gonna...
00:27:51Hey, don't.
00:27:58Hello, Doctor.
00:28:00Hello.
00:28:04No, no, no, no, Doctor.
00:28:05That is not for the TV.
00:28:05That's for the...
00:28:06No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:28:14Yeah, well, there they go.
00:28:34Well, doctor, we got the whole weekend together.
00:28:38Yeah, get to know each other and, uh,
00:28:42I was thinking tomorrow we might really do L.A.
00:28:47There's the Gallery of American Indian Art.
00:28:49There's the California State Gallery.
00:28:52There's actually this new place, the Rabowitz,
00:28:54which is kind of the place for abstract expressionism.
00:28:58Does that sound good to you?
00:29:03Maybe you have something else in mind?
00:29:06Round, round, get around, I get around.
00:29:08Yeah, get around, round, round, I get around.
00:29:12I get around, round, round, I get around.
00:29:15Time to time.
00:29:16Get around, round, round, I get around.
00:29:18Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
00:29:21I'm talking about the other.
00:29:22Get around, round, round, I get around.
00:29:24I'm getting bug driving up and down the same old strip.
00:29:28I gotta find a new place where the kids are home.
00:29:31get around, round, round, round, round, round, round, round.
00:29:48Hello?
00:29:48Hello?
00:29:49Hello?
00:29:49Hello?
00:29:50No.
00:29:51Yeah?
00:29:52I don't know .
00:29:53Yeah?
00:29:54Incredible, he said?
00:30:24Why don't you get another ticket?
00:30:26It could be more fun the second time around.
00:30:47Okay.
00:30:49Brace yourself.
00:30:56Help!
00:31:06Help!
00:31:08Help!
00:31:11No!
00:32:11He's a genius, huh?
00:32:24That's what they tell me.
00:32:34Well, he looks like a fruitcake to me.
00:32:41You're willing to take responsibility for his actions?
00:32:45Well, you're a braver man than me.
00:32:49And I single-handedly take on gangs armed with AK-47s.
00:32:55Get him out of here.
00:32:57Tell him his is a butt I would dearly love to kick.
00:33:00And the next time, I will.
00:33:02Doctor, there is something we have to talk about.
00:33:13And I don't quite know how to put this.
00:33:17What I am concerned about is whoever that is, I am getting rid of them.
00:33:23Oh, there he is.
00:33:29David, sorry we're late.
00:33:32Mwah, mwah.
00:33:34Traffic.
00:33:35Oh, terrible.
00:33:36You couldn't believe it.
00:33:37Every day.
00:33:37Worse and worse.
00:33:38It's just the way she...
00:33:39It's the green.
00:33:40Nobody's in control.
00:33:41No, it's the yellow.
00:33:43It's just the yellow.
00:33:45She is a...
00:33:46Well, where is Allison?
00:33:47Well, I've got some bad news and some good news.
00:33:51The bad news is that Allison has had to go visit her mom,
00:33:55who, well, is not well.
00:33:58That's too bad.
00:33:58Poor thing.
00:33:59Sorry to hear that, David.
00:34:01The good news is that Dr. Bean and I will be cooking.
00:34:05Oh.
00:34:05Sure, that's good news.
00:34:07Well, of course it is.
00:34:09All the greatest chefs in the world are men.
00:34:12So, what's on the menu, maestro?
00:34:16Oh, what the hell are we going to give them?
00:34:22Yes, I think they may be expecting something slightly more formal.
00:34:29An onion?
00:34:30Just on its own?
00:34:34No, no, don't be ridiculous.
00:34:35If it's for Thanksgiving, Allison would kill me.
00:34:37No, no.
00:34:38It must be something else.
00:34:42Have you ever cooked one of these before?
00:34:44Oh, yes.
00:34:46I mean, what would these take?
00:34:47Like five hours, right?
00:34:50Not necessarily.
00:34:57What?
00:35:01What do you think?
00:35:02Twenty minutes?
00:35:04I had, I don't know.
00:35:04You sure this is going to work?
00:35:09Okay, you're the chef.
00:35:10Just put on some vegetables and come and say hello.
00:35:19Maestro.
00:35:20My taste buds are positively tingling with anticipation.
00:35:24Oh, no, no, no, thanks.
00:35:34I think we'll pass on the appetizer.
00:35:39So, Bean?
00:35:41Big day, Tuesday.
00:35:43Your big day.
00:35:44My big day.
00:35:46I have a question for you.
00:35:47He's very, uh, attentive to detail.
00:35:58Everything must be just so.
00:36:00Oh.
00:36:01Bean?
00:36:02Bean?
00:36:20I think we need to be honest with each other.
00:36:22I cannot deny that over the last days, some suspicions have begun to gather in my mind.
00:36:31And I would just like to ask you some direct questions.
00:36:35Okay?
00:36:37Number one.
00:36:40Are you a doctor?
00:36:41Number two.
00:36:55Do you know anything about art?
00:37:06Just for instance here.
00:37:08Um, was Leonardo da Vinci an American basketball player?
00:37:26Yes.
00:37:27Yes.
00:37:38Hi, Dad.
00:37:42Hi, Dad.
00:37:43Hello, Doctor.
00:37:44Hi, Dad.
00:37:45Hi, Dad.
00:37:45Hi, Dad.
00:37:51Oh.
00:37:51I'm not half the man I used to be.
00:38:20There's a shadow hanging over me.
00:38:25Oh, yesterday came suddenly.
00:38:31Why?
00:38:32She had to go.
00:38:35I don't know.
00:38:37She wouldn't see.
00:38:39I don't know.
00:38:53Seriously.
00:38:55Oh.
00:38:56I'm Mr. Wilson.
00:38:58He's just here in the shower with me.
00:39:01Can you hear me?
00:39:03Yes, hello, Mr. Beerson.
00:39:07Oh, no, no, you must have misunderstood him.
00:39:10What can I...
00:39:11She is?
00:39:13Oh, thank you for calling me.
00:39:15Yes, okay, goodbye.
00:39:16Bye.
00:39:23I can't believe it.
00:39:25Whistler's mother has actually arrived in America.
00:39:28Now, listen, I am begging you.
00:39:30As a man whose entire professional career depends on you,
00:39:33behave rationally today.
00:39:38There is no God.
00:40:00What do you think?
00:40:14Nice frame.
00:40:17She's magnificent.
00:40:19David, well done.
00:40:22Worth every bright green buck.
00:40:24She's something else, isn't she?
00:40:26All right, folks, enjoy it while you can.
00:40:31After this morning, we lock her away
00:40:32until the guy who paid $50 million for her turns in.
00:40:36And, Elmer, I believe we have a security meeting.
00:40:39That's right, sir.
00:40:40And this is your key to the encasement system.
00:40:44There are only two.
00:40:46I have the other one.
00:40:46So if the painting turns up missing,
00:40:49I'll know where to come.
00:40:49And if you could all join me at the Security Council.
00:40:54Doctor, why don't you just stay here?
00:40:55Maybe a look at the real thing
00:40:57will inspire you for your speech.
00:41:02Please just stay here.
00:41:03Don't leave this room till I get back, okay?
00:41:05This chart maps all the security elements for the big day.
00:41:26And as usual in these circumstances,
00:41:27I've given the operation a code name,
00:41:29which is Operation Whistler's Mother.
00:41:32It's not a snazzy title, but I think it works.
00:41:35It's not a snazzy title, but I think it works.
00:42:05I think it works.
00:42:05I think it works.
00:42:06It is not ahoon.
00:42:21...
00:42:24Oh, my God.
00:42:54Nothing will touch that painting short of an earthquake that brings down the whole gallery.
00:43:24Oh, my God.
00:43:29Oh, my God.
00:43:31Oh, my God.
00:43:34Oh, my God.
00:43:39Oh, my God.
00:44:08Oh, my God.
00:44:15Oh, my God.
00:44:21Once we've gotten the general safely inside, the key figure security-wise will be Dr. Bean.
00:44:26We've got to protect the painting without getting in the good doctor's way.
00:44:33Oh, my God.
00:44:40Oh, my God.
00:44:42Oh, my God.
00:44:46Oh, my God.
00:44:48Oh, my God.
00:45:01Oh, my God.
00:45:03Oh, my God.
00:45:07Oh, my God.
00:45:17Oh, my God.
00:45:20Oh, my God.
00:45:22Oh, my God.
00:45:26Oh, my God.
00:45:56Oh, my God.
00:46:26There seems to be a problem with the...
00:46:40Door.
00:46:44Where's the picture going?
00:47:02Why, why, why, why?
00:47:09Oh, Jesus!
00:47:22Oh, God!
00:47:23Oh, oh, Jesus!
00:47:24God!
00:47:25Oh, Mary, Mother of Jesus!
00:47:27Jesus of Nazareth!
00:47:28Why am I worrying about this?
00:47:36You did it!
00:47:37All I have to do is go out and tell them what happened.
00:47:41Perfect.
00:47:42Then they say, well, who left them alone with the picture?
00:47:44Then I say, me!
00:47:46Then they say, well, you're fired!
00:47:47I say, fine!
00:47:48No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
00:47:50Then they say firing is not enough!
00:47:51Let's prosecute you for negligence!
00:47:53Then I go to jail.
00:47:54My wife leaves me.
00:47:55My daughter becomes a prostitute.
00:47:57I wind up on death row staring a cell with Butch McDick!
00:48:01Calm down.
00:48:02I just gotta calm down.
00:48:03Okay.
00:48:04Okay.
00:48:05Give me one more look at the painting.
00:48:06Which renders the underground ventilation ducts completely secure.
00:48:15Yes, well, that's good to know.
00:48:17Thank you, sir.
00:48:17Hey, do you drink, Bean?
00:48:44No.
00:48:44Good.
00:48:45Neither do I.
00:48:46The Yankees grab five.
00:48:54Yeah, this one has X-Granic written all over it, doesn't it?
00:48:57He hangs over the plate.
00:48:58He's got the long ball thread from the left side.
00:49:02Smith, of course, one to right field.
00:49:04Down the line.
00:49:05The play goal.
00:49:06It's going.
00:49:08Oh, it's crazy, folks.
00:49:09Oh, it's crazy.
00:49:10It's a home run.
00:49:12And the Cardinals have won.
00:49:14Carry on.
00:49:24You want to know what the reality of the situation is?
00:49:28Hmm.
00:49:28Okay.
00:49:29This is it.
00:49:32Because you moved into my house, my wife has moved out.
00:49:36Yes, she did.
00:49:37She might have moved out anyway, but that is one point one point two.
00:49:42I've given my life to art, and from here on in, the only art I will get anywhere near are the pictures I draw on the pavement, hoping passersby will throw nickels in my head.
00:49:59I wish I'd never been born.
00:50:05I wish I'd never been born.
00:50:05I wish I'd never been born.
00:50:23All my troubles flew so far away.
00:50:30Now it looks as though they're here to stay.
00:50:36I believe yesterday.
00:50:43Suddenly.
00:50:45I'm not half the man I used to be.
00:50:48Oh, no.
00:50:50There's a shadow hanging over me.
00:50:55I believe in yesterday.
00:51:02Suddenly.
00:51:07Roll, roll, roll your boat gently down the floon.
00:51:13If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
00:51:18I can explain everything.
00:51:21Okay.
00:51:23Explain everything.
00:51:25It's inexplicable.
00:51:27It's inexplicable.
00:51:28David.
00:51:29No, David.
00:51:30The reason that I came home was because I missed you.
00:51:32And also because I live here.
00:51:33And they live here.
00:51:34But David, we have been waiting for five hours.
00:51:37And what do we get?
00:51:38A drunk.
00:51:39And his friend from the planet Zog.
00:51:40I know.
00:51:41And it seems like this horrible situation.
00:51:42But if you could, if you could just hear it.
00:51:43I know.
00:51:44I know.
00:51:45I know.
00:51:46I know.
00:51:47I know.
00:51:48I know.
00:51:49I know.
00:51:50I know.
00:51:51I know.
00:51:52I know.
00:51:53I know.
00:51:54I know.
00:51:55I know.
00:51:56I know.
00:51:57I know.
00:51:58I know.
00:51:59I know.
00:52:00I know.
00:52:01I know.
00:52:02I know.
00:52:03I know.
00:52:04And it seems like this horrible situation.
00:52:05But if you could, if you could just hear my full horrific tale.
00:52:09David.
00:52:10I think I'm going to have to leave you.
00:52:14I think I'm going to have to leave you.
00:52:19You are?
00:52:24Well, then things really have gotten bad.
00:52:31Yeah.
00:52:44Hi, Beanie.
00:53:00Can't sleep, huh?
00:53:03Huh.
00:53:06You can't stop thinking about naked women.
00:53:12What about you?
00:53:14Whistler, bubba.
00:53:16Well, whatever turns you on.
00:53:25Get you around, moon man.
00:53:29Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:32I got some great posters of Cindy Crawford on the wall.
00:53:34Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:36Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:37Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:38Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:39Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:40Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:41Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:42Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:43Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:44Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:45Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:53:46Oh, if you're still can't sleep.
00:53:47Oh, if you're still can't sleep, come to my room.
00:58:54Jennifer!
00:58:55No, no, no, no, no.
00:58:57Don't think for one minute you're getting on that bike, Jen.
00:59:00Morning, everyone.
00:59:02Ugh!
00:59:03Total family rule here.
00:59:04No one is allowed on one of those death traps.
00:59:06You promised me, Jen.
00:59:07And you promised mommy to get rid of Dr. Frico.
00:59:09Don't talk to me.
00:59:11I'm trying to think what I'm going to do.
00:59:15Don't talk to me.
00:59:27I'm trying to think what I'm going to do.
00:59:29Well...
00:59:31Quiet!
00:59:35Well...
00:59:36Quiet!
00:59:37There they are.
00:59:39There they are.
00:59:41There they are.
00:59:53There they are.
00:59:54What a pleasure, sir.
00:59:55Welcome to our humble abode.
00:59:57You're not too humble, I hope.
00:59:59I'm expecting you.
01:00:00Of course, gentlemen.
01:00:01Two weeks.
01:00:02Everyone.
01:00:03Half is half.
01:00:04What a pleasure, sir!
01:00:06Welcome to our humble abode.
01:00:07You're not too humble, Al.
01:00:08Well, I'm expecting you to.
01:00:09Of course...
01:00:22General Health.
01:00:23After of this.
01:00:24Absolutely.
01:00:25I'm glad you didn't make it, sir.
01:00:29Where the hell are you?
01:00:30I am sorry. You're trouble at home.
01:00:32Come along, sir. General, I'd like you to meet our curate, David Lang.
01:00:36I'm delighted to meet you, sir.
01:00:38Of course you are.
01:00:39Right through here, sir.
01:00:40Ladies and gentlemen, this is a great moment for America.
01:00:57And for one very special lady, Whistler's mother.
01:01:05And she's here today thanks to our great and good benefactor.
01:01:10Will you join me in saluting a soldier, philanthropist, loving father,
01:01:16and an extremely generous patron of the arts, General Newton.
01:01:23Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
01:01:26I am not a traditional art lover.
01:01:29I don't know the difference between a Picasso and a car crash.
01:01:33But I love my country.
01:01:35I can't stand the idea of a bunch of Frenchies owning America's greatest painting.
01:01:40Let's go.
01:01:50Welcome home.
01:01:51Come on.
01:02:00Come on.
01:02:04Come on.
01:02:06whatever you did you're a genius and i loved you it's a poster it's a what david it's time
01:02:31there was yet a time for what the speech well what speech congratulations david dr bean's speech
01:02:36about the painting yes of course the speech now doctor i tried to keep it below an hour
01:02:44if there could be one joke in it that would be nice good morning america couldn't give a flying
01:02:49monkey about isms and uh oh you know what i mean
01:02:53it doesn't have to go on for long just dr bean just we're ready for you just write this
01:03:01just just just and now uh for the second highlight of our day dr bean great english art scholar
01:03:10is here to speak for a few minutes not too long doctor on the subject of our new purchase ladies
01:03:16and gentlemen dr bean of the national gallery
01:03:19well hello i'm dr bean apparently
01:03:43and and my job is to sit and look at paintings
01:03:52so um what have i learned that i can say about this painting
01:04:09well well firstly it's quite big which is excellent because if it was really small
01:04:24you know microscopic and hardly anybody would be able to see it which would be a tremendous shame
01:04:34um um secondly and i'm getting quite near the end now of this analysis of this painting
01:04:46secondly
01:04:49why was it worth this man here spending fifty million of your american dollars on this portrait
01:05:04and the answer is um well this picture is worth such a lot of money because
01:05:16it's a picture of whistler's mother
01:05:23and as i've learned by staying with my best friend david langley and his family families are very important
01:05:31and even though mr whistler was perfectly aware that his mother was a hideous old bat who looked like she had a cactus lodged up her backside
01:05:56he stuck with her and even took the time to paint this amazing picture of her
01:06:03it's not just a painting it's a picture of a mad old cow who he thought the world of
01:06:15who he thought the world of
01:06:18and that's marvelous
01:06:22well that's what i think
01:06:24thank you
01:06:43i'm sure that you
01:06:45Okay, let's sit up.
01:07:00Overdrive.
01:07:01Where did you put the original?
01:07:05Mr. Lank, may I have a word?
01:07:10Stay here. Shut up.
01:07:12Mr. Lank.
01:07:12Okay, I can explain everything.
01:07:15What can you explain?
01:07:16About the painting.
01:07:17Which painting?
01:07:17Whistler's mother.
01:07:20I'm afraid, Mr. Lank, I'm here in my capacity as a police officer, not as an art lover.
01:07:24It's about your daughter.
01:07:26She's been on a motorcycle accident.
01:07:27What?
01:07:31That was a lank.
01:07:32I don't know.
01:07:32What's wrong with you?
01:07:33I don't know.
01:07:33I don't know.
01:07:36See?
01:07:38No!
01:07:38I don't know.
01:07:38Oh, yeah.
01:07:39Oh, yeah.
01:07:41Oh, yeah!
01:07:44Oh, yeah!
01:07:45Oh, yeah!
01:07:46Oh, yeah!
01:07:47Oh, yeah!
01:07:48Oh, yeah!
01:07:49Oh, yeah!
01:07:50Oh, yeah!
01:07:51Oh, yeah!
01:07:52Oh, yeah!
01:07:53Oh, yeah!
01:07:54Oh, yeah!
01:07:55Oh, yeah!
01:07:56Damn!
01:07:57Request emergency clearance for 809 added.
01:07:59Shut up!
01:08:00No, no, no!
01:08:01Oh, shit!
01:08:02Let's go 11 in progress.
01:08:04Suspect male, possibly armed.
01:08:05Request immediate backup.
01:08:07Keep speeding! If you get a ticket, I'll tear it up.
01:08:09Thanks. Hold it!
01:08:11Hey, easy, fella. Easy. Hold it there.
01:08:13Easy. Put it down. Put the gun down.
01:08:22Hi. I need Jennifer Langley's room.
01:08:24She came in about 11 o'clock. Motorcycle accident.
01:08:27Got it?
01:08:28Out of the way, sir.
01:08:37She's on the fifth floor east wing.
01:08:44Just take the elevator out.
01:08:46Oh! Just...
01:08:49Come on.
01:08:51Ow!
01:08:54I'm sorry. Just...
01:08:56Please, just stay here and do nothing.
01:09:01If you do nothing, nothing can go wrong.
01:09:03I've got to take care of my family now.
01:09:28The nurse says that it's not a coma.
01:09:31The... She's just...
01:09:34She's just sort of taking time out.
01:09:37But we haven't seen a doctor yet, so I don't...
01:09:40Dr. Jacobson?
01:09:48Yes?
01:09:48We need you urgently in OR3.
01:09:50No, can do. I'll do a number four at one.
01:09:51Sir, it's urgent. We have a ruptured kidney and massive bleeding.
01:09:55Okay.
01:09:55Yes, it's urgent.
01:10:12What's happening?
01:10:13The surgeon's on his way up.
01:10:16At last, Dr. B.
01:10:18Hello, doctor.
01:10:19I've got a 45-year-old male from type B negative brought in by paramedics 10 minutes ago.
01:10:24He's got a penetrating injury to the left, Jeff.
01:10:26Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:10:29Gotta get him in there right now.
01:10:34Doctor, it looks like a bullet in the lower thorax.
01:10:36Seems to have ruptured the lung and there's severe inner bleeding along the abdomen.
01:10:39Doctor, he's coming too.
01:10:40All right, give him a T-70.
01:10:41Got it?
01:10:42Shall I extend the incision, sir?
01:10:54We've taken it from the breastbone to the diaphragm.
01:10:57We may have to extend further to get to the spleen.
01:11:01Sorry, sir. It's only my first week.
01:11:04You're right, doctor. We should wait for the x-rays.
01:11:07Help! We are losing this guy out here!
01:11:09For Jesus' sake, we need help!
01:11:11Watch, he doesn't go into hemodynamic shock. We'll be right back.
01:11:26Distribulating!
01:11:27Charge the paddle to 200 watts.
01:11:29Clear!
01:11:33Clear!
01:11:55Clear!
01:11:55Clear!
01:11:58Hot!
01:11:59Deep water!
01:12:01What's that?
01:12:31Ah!
01:12:38Oh!
01:12:42Oh!
01:12:50Oh!
01:12:52Cleared it up!
01:12:56Oh!
01:13:03Oh!
01:13:05Oh!
01:13:10Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.
01:13:15Nice work in there, people. Now back to the bleeding.
01:13:17Where's this blood coming from? We gotta clamp it off.
01:13:19Where the hell's that J-17?
01:13:20What happened?
01:13:21We need that J-17 an aura form right now.
01:13:22We've got a major trauma.
01:13:23There's too much blood. I can't see a thing.
01:13:24TMS is 14 over 20.
01:13:27Somebody check that line.
01:13:28The pressure's bottoming out.
01:13:29Okay, hook me up at 12, Liam.
01:13:30His heart rate is dropping. We're gonna lose him.
01:13:3214 games.
01:13:33How's the TMS?
01:13:34Come on, people. He's crashing on us.
01:13:35Yes!
01:13:36I'm not getting a rating.
01:13:37Where is this fool?
01:13:38Hang in there, fellas.
01:13:39Come on. Hold on to us.
01:13:40We don't find it. He's a dead man.
01:13:41I am not gonna lose this guy.
01:13:43He's slipping.
01:13:44Sir, sir, we're losing him. I've gotta get in there now.
01:13:47Well, Doctor, you can't just do this. It's too dangerous.
01:13:54Oh, my God.
01:14:09Oh, my God.
01:14:14Incredible.
01:14:15Her ring's stabilizing.
01:14:17The blood dress is climbing back.
01:14:33Oh, Doctor, thank God my daughter was in an accident.
01:14:36No one's even taken a look at her yet.
01:14:37We're desperate for some medical attention in here.
01:14:41Would you mind?
01:14:47Don't worry, honey. The doctor will check her out.
01:14:49Oh, thank God.
01:14:54Laura?
01:14:56Any kind of damage to the brain is a very sensitive thing to observe,
01:14:59so maybe we should just step outside
01:15:01and give the doctor a little room to work.
01:15:03The first nurse said we shouldn't think of this coma,
01:15:05but more like a deep sleep.
01:15:07Yes, it's sort of true.
01:15:08Jennifer?
01:15:22Wakey-wakey.
01:15:25Breakfast ready.
01:15:27Jennifer?
01:15:29What time is it?
01:15:33It's almost two.
01:15:35Can you turn the clock back about twelve hours for me?
01:15:39Sure.
01:15:40Wake up.
01:15:53Wake up.
01:15:55Wake up.
01:15:57I don't know what to say about pain.
01:15:59He's clearly a force ten disaster area, but God help me.
01:16:08I like him.
01:16:13Now, having said that, there is no reason in the world
01:16:17why any of you should ever have anything to do with him again.
01:16:20Huh!
01:16:21Ugh!
01:16:22Ugh!
01:16:32Ow!
01:16:35Ugh!
01:16:36Ugh!
01:16:37Oh!
01:16:42Oh!
01:16:44Ah!
01:16:45Ugh.
01:16:47Ugh!
01:16:48Mom! Dad! Anyone!
01:17:06Mom! Oh, my gosh, Jennifer!
01:17:08Oh, honey! Oh, sweet mama!
01:17:10Oh, look at you.
01:17:11You had an accident, honey, but everything is gonna be okay.
01:17:15What happened to Stingo?
01:17:17Oh, just a bruise his collarbone.
01:17:19He'll be fine until I get my hands on him.
01:17:22Hey, doctor, where are you going?
01:17:23Where do you think you're going?
01:17:25How can we ever say thank you?
01:17:27No, you've made us so happy.
01:17:29Tell us, what can we do?
01:17:30We'll do anything.
01:17:41Well, I suppose you could let me stay another week.
01:17:57Set Boulevard.
01:18:27Set Boulevard.
01:18:57Set Boulevard.
01:19:27Set Boulevard.
01:19:40Set Boulevard.
01:19:44Set Boulevard.
01:19:51We got it, Ellie!
01:19:54Give us a smile.
01:20:00Come on!
01:20:02Bye!
01:20:03Bye, Mimi!
01:20:06See ya!
01:20:12Farewell!
01:20:21Well, Beanie, it's been just surreal.
01:20:29I want you to know you can come back and visit any time.
01:20:34Yes.
01:20:35In the fairly distant future.
01:20:38I know it sounds insane, but I'm really going to miss you.
01:20:51Okay.
01:21:04Oh!
01:21:05Oh!
01:21:06Oh!
01:21:07Oh!
01:21:08Oh!
01:21:09Oh!
01:21:10Okay.
01:21:11Okay.
01:21:12Bye again.
01:21:14Oh!
01:21:16Oh!
01:21:18Oh!
01:21:19Oh!
01:21:20Oh!
01:21:21Oh!
01:21:22Oh!
01:21:23Oh!
01:21:24Oh!
01:21:25Oh!
01:21:26Oh!
01:21:27Oh!
01:21:28Oh!
01:21:29Oh!
01:21:30Oh!
01:21:31Oh!
01:21:32Oh!
01:21:33Oh!
01:21:34Oh!
01:21:35Oh!
01:21:36Oh!
01:21:37Oh!
01:21:38Oh!
01:21:39Oh!
01:21:40Oh!
01:21:41Oh!
01:21:42Oh!
01:21:43Oh!
01:27:26Doesn't do what everybody else does
01:27:29That's the reason why I can give him all my love
01:27:33He is always good to me
01:27:35Always treats me tenderly
01:27:37He's not a rebel, no, no, no
01:27:39He's not a rebel, no, no, no to me
01:27:56If they don't like him that way
01:28:04They won't like me after today
01:28:06I'll be standing right by his side
01:28:09When they say
01:28:10He's a rebel and he'll never ever be any good
01:28:14He's a rebel cause he never ever does
01:28:17What he should and just because he doesn't do what
01:28:21Everybody else does
01:28:23That's no reason why
01:28:25We can share a love
01:28:27He is always good to me
01:28:29Always treats me tenderly
01:28:31He's not a rebel, no, no, no
01:28:33He's not a rebel, no, no, no to me
01:28:37He's not a rebel, no, no, no, no
01:28:40Yes, I normally stay till the end as well
01:28:47Bye
01:28:55You can go in the house here
01:29:00If you wish
01:29:01Bye
01:29:05Bye
01:29:06You can go in the house here
01:29:18Bye
01:29:18Bye
01:29:20Bye
01:29:22Bye
01:29:24Bye
01:29:26Bye
01:29:28Bye
01:29:30Bye