A late-night suicide hotline operator receives a disturbing call from someone claiming to be him, knowing personal details only he would know.
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00:00:30I'm still here.
00:01:00And so are you.
00:01:06I'm still here.
00:01:36So?
00:01:46You're not going to tell me your name?
00:01:49Don't make it a big thing, Mom.
00:01:50Well, she invited you to hang out.
00:01:52I know that.
00:01:54Hey.
00:01:55Hey.
00:01:56Hey.
00:01:57Guess who just might have a girlfriend?
00:01:58I heard he's got two of them.
00:02:02I didn't say that.
00:02:04Oh, my gosh.
00:02:04You guys are annoying.
00:02:09Good nap?
00:02:10Yeah.
00:02:11Weird dreams.
00:02:13I still have this headache that won't go away.
00:02:16You think you should call out?
00:02:18No.
00:02:18Well, they're probably short-staffed as it is.
00:02:22Speaking of which, have you seen my ID anywhere?
00:02:25Yeah, this is what happens now that you're only volunteering twice a year.
00:02:28She gave me a hard time a little bit more with you.
00:02:31Guilt trip, man.
00:02:32You know.
00:02:32Yeah.
00:02:33Yeah.
00:02:33Yeah.
00:02:34Hmm.
00:02:38What's he doing tonight?
00:03:05He said he's hanging out at a friend's house
00:03:07Down the street
00:03:08What about you?
00:03:09Are you still going to do that work thing?
00:03:11I decided to ditch it and go to my sister's
00:03:13She's having her annual shindig
00:03:15It's quite a hike, isn't it?
00:03:17I know, I just feel like I owe her a visit
00:03:19Check out the invitation she sent
00:03:21Julia's New Year's Eve Bonanza
00:03:25Well, you can't miss that
00:03:27This came from your brother
00:03:28I was thinking of putting him on the fridge
00:03:30Where are those sweaters?
00:03:36I think the sweaters are cute
00:03:37Dad, did you get the Lakers tickets yet?
00:03:40Oh, shit
00:03:40No, not yet
00:03:43I'm still working on it
00:03:44If you give me your card
00:03:45I can order them
00:03:46Because they're going to sell out
00:03:47No, no
00:03:48I'm going to do it
00:03:49Oh, um
00:03:51I almost forgot
00:03:52I had coffee with Matt Chauvin's yesterday
00:03:55He asked to read your book
00:03:57It's really not that type of thing, you know?
00:04:00Well, he was thrilled to give you notes
00:04:03So I sent it to him
00:04:04Is that a problem?
00:04:08No, look, it's, uh
00:04:11He's just a big-time fiction writer, you know?
00:04:14And you asked him to read my dumb little memoir
00:04:16Wow, okay
00:04:17No more goodwill gestures for me
00:04:19Oh, okay
00:04:20Appreciate it
00:04:22You've reached Andrew
00:04:52Maybe, brother, it's me.
00:04:54Just calling to say Happy New Year.
00:04:57I got those photos you sent.
00:04:59Thanks for those.
00:05:01Um, anyway, give me a call back. Let's catch up.
00:05:22Because I'm at work right now.
00:05:28You cannot just drop this on me last minute, Ty.
00:05:30It's New Year's Eve.
00:05:34Fine.
00:05:36No, I just can't argue about it right now.
00:05:39You know what? I'll figure it out.
00:05:44Steven. Hi. How are you?
00:05:47Good. So good to see you.
00:05:49How are you?
00:05:50Ah, you know, same old, same old.
00:05:52I'm not interrupting, am I?
00:05:53No, that was just my ex-husband dropping the ball again.
00:05:57I actually have to go and get my kids.
00:05:59He got his dates all messed up,
00:06:00and now it's impossible to find a sitter.
00:06:02Actually, I think it's just gonna be you here most of the night.
00:06:05Cindy's off at 11.
00:06:06Oh, uh, okay.
00:06:07I'm so sorry, Steven.
00:06:09I know it's a lot from one person, but I just...
00:06:11No, no, no, no. It's fine. It's fine.
00:06:13Go be with your kids. It's okay.
00:06:14You're a lifesaver.
00:06:15Come on, you're the hero.
00:06:17I'm the one who sold out and went into private practice.
00:06:19Okay.
00:06:20Well, at least use my desk. I do have a nice chair.
00:06:24All right.
00:06:25All right.
00:06:36Lifeline.
00:06:40Hello?
00:06:41Hello?
00:06:42I don't want to talk about myself.
00:06:45Okay.
00:06:46I understand.
00:06:48Hello?
00:06:50I don't want to talk about myself.
00:06:51I don't want to talk about myself.
00:06:52Hello?
00:06:53Lifeline
00:07:12Lifeline
00:07:12Hello
00:07:17It's, uh, it's okay if you're not ready to talk, but, uh, can I get your name at least?
00:07:31Mary
00:07:31Mary?
00:07:33Hi, Mary. I'm Steven.
00:07:38I don't really know how this works.
00:07:42Well, it's, uh, really whatever you feel like you need.
00:07:47What made you call in this evening?
00:07:50And there's no right answer to that.
00:07:52I didn't want to feel like this.
00:07:54I want it to be over.
00:07:58But please, don't tell the police where I am.
00:08:02Because they'll...
00:08:03No, no, no. No, no, no, I won't.
00:08:06I promise. This call's anonymous, so you don't have to worry about that, okay?
00:08:12Okay?
00:08:14I'd just like to talk a little bit about how you're feeling.
00:08:16And did, uh, did something happen at home tonight?
00:08:20Maybe a fight with family or, uh...
00:08:23Yeah. Yeah.
00:08:24Yeah?
00:08:25Can you tell me a little bit about that?
00:08:27I had it. It's been all over the place, and no one I know gets it, so I got these pills.
00:08:47You have the pills with you now?
00:08:49I don't know.
00:08:51I don't know.
00:08:56They're first week in depression, but I figured if I take enough...
00:09:00Well, I'm really hoping you don't do that, Mary.
00:09:02There's no other way. I don't have a choice.
00:09:05Now, why do you say that?
00:09:07What?
00:09:08When you say that you don't feel like you have a choice, what do you mean by that?
00:09:15Mary, can you...
00:09:17Can you tell me where you are right now?
00:09:20Are you at home?
00:09:20No, I'm in Palm Springs.
00:09:23My husband rented a house here for the holidays.
00:09:27But he knows that you've been having a hard time.
00:09:29What?
00:09:31But he knows that you've been hurting.
00:09:39Mary?
00:09:40I don't trust him. He's the reason I'm...
00:09:43The reason that you feel like hurting yourself?
00:09:47Yeah.
00:09:49He drove us out here because I was having problems.
00:09:53There was a medication change I went through recently.
00:09:57And I told him I was in therapy and he got really mad.
00:10:03How come?
00:10:05I don't think I can talk any longer.
00:10:07Why not?
00:10:09Mary, is it because you're worried about your husband finding out?
00:10:15Yeah.
00:10:17Has your husband ever hurt you?
00:10:21No.
00:10:23But I'm afraid of him. It's hard to explain.
00:10:35No, no, I think I understand.
00:10:37Um...
00:10:38But I gotta say, things, um...
00:10:40They sound really tense over there tonight, so...
00:10:43I'd like to come up with a safe word or, uh, or phrase,
00:10:47in case your husband comes home and we're still talking.
00:10:50What do you mean? What did...
00:10:51It's just a way for you to let me know that you're feeling unsafe,
00:10:55so it... it doesn't trigger your husband.
00:10:58Can we do that?
00:11:00Okay, fine, yeah.
00:11:02Okay, great.
00:11:03So the best thing to do is to pick a word or a phrase that's really easy to bring up in a conversation.
00:11:14Like, he's so wonderful or something?
00:11:17Yeah.
00:11:18Yeah, that's great.
00:11:19He's so wonderful works, that's great.
00:11:20And you remember that, right?
00:11:22Just in case?
00:11:23Yeah.
00:11:24Okay.
00:11:25Okay.
00:11:26I don't know.
00:11:27It feels really risky.
00:11:29M-m-mary, listen.
00:11:31I-I just wanna do whatever we can to...
00:11:33I should hang up.
00:11:34No, no, no.
00:11:35Mary, Mary.
00:11:36Wait, wait.
00:11:37Are you still there?
00:11:38If we can get you someplace safe tonight,
00:11:41away from your husband,
00:11:43okay, just until your therapist is available,
00:11:48do you think that you could hold off on maybe taking those pills?
00:11:53I-I don't-I don't know.
00:11:56Maybe.
00:11:57Maybe?
00:11:58Well, can you give me your address?
00:12:01And I just feel better if we got you out of that situation,
00:12:07away from him.
00:12:10578 Flamingo Drive.
00:12:12578 Flamingo Drive.
00:12:14And you said you're in Palm Springs, right?
00:12:16Honestly, I-I think it'd be easier to just send it.
00:12:20Mary?
00:12:21Mary?
00:12:22It just keeps happening.
00:12:23It happens.
00:12:24I know.
00:12:25Listen, I understand, Mary.
00:12:26I-I understand.
00:12:27Listen.
00:12:29But that would be...
00:12:33That would be a really big mistake
00:12:35and one that you cannot take back.
00:12:37Do you understand that?
00:12:40Mary?
00:12:43Shit.
00:12:44You can see.
00:12:46You cannot read.
00:12:59I can't see.
00:13:00You're dead.
00:13:01I'm dead.
00:13:02I'm dead.
00:13:03I'm dead.
00:13:04You're dead.
00:13:05You're dead.
00:13:06You're dead.
00:13:07Lifeline, how can I help you today?
00:13:37And give that hot bath a try, okay?
00:13:56Yeah, you too.
00:14:02Lifeline.
00:14:17Sorry, I'm sick.
00:14:20Okay.
00:14:21Well, that's okay, but this line is specifically for mental health purposes, so...
00:14:27So what?
00:14:29Well, if you have a cold, then you should talk to a doctor or someone more qualified
00:14:39than me.
00:14:40No, I mean, I also want to kill myself.
00:14:45Okay, that is something that we should talk about.
00:14:49Can you hold on a second?
00:14:52Sure.
00:14:53Listen, if this is a prank call, I'm going to hang up, okay?
00:15:08Julia?
00:15:09What are you two doing?
00:15:11Yeah, that's right.
00:15:15You're right.
00:15:16You're right.
00:15:17Are you ready?
00:15:18I'm ready for this.
00:15:23Oh, God.
00:15:24I'm ready for this.
00:15:28Yeah.
00:15:31It's a good morning.
00:15:40you all right oh yeah it's just a little coffee burn thanks
00:15:49how's your night going pretty good feels like it's been non-stop
00:15:54yeah i'm gonna make a little coffee you want some
00:15:57lifeline
00:16:10lifeline hi uh my wife mary called a little while ago my name's jason
00:16:26okay yeah hi she uh you know well i'll let her explain she's right here
00:16:36hello hi mary it's steven
00:16:41um yeah i just wanted to call and say i was sorry about before
00:16:49my meds they just make me think crazy thoughts and
00:16:57mary is your husband there with you right now
00:17:00uh-huh yeah
00:17:04he's so wonderful
00:17:09well thanks for letting me know you're okay and have a good rest of your night
00:17:16yeah happy new year you too
00:17:21fall springs police department what's your emergency
00:17:33hi my name is steven thomas and i'm a hotline responder at the lifeline call center
00:17:38there's a lady in your area at 578 flamingo drive and i believe that there's a possible
00:17:43uh domestic violence situation with her husband
00:17:49let me put you through to an officer on patrol hang on
00:17:54this is officer fredericks with the palm springs pd you were reporting a domestic violence case
00:18:07yes she's at 578 flamingo drive
00:18:13that's the address dispatched in us is there a number i can reach you at
00:18:17sure my cell is 717-555-6455
00:18:22great i'll give you a call back once we get eyes on her
00:18:26what was the name again
00:18:28mary i didn't get a last name
00:18:30okay well we're on our way now great i appreciate it
00:18:37okay
00:18:39well we're on our way now great i appreciate it
00:18:45thank you
00:19:02thank you
00:19:04thank you
00:19:06thank you
00:19:10thank you
00:19:12thank you
00:19:33lifeline
00:19:38i'm gonna kill myself
00:19:41okay
00:19:43can you tell me a little bit about why
00:19:50that wouldn't make sense
00:19:52well i'd like to try and understand
00:19:56i'm in no rush
00:20:02can you tell me a little bit about yourself
00:20:05like what
00:20:07you uh...
00:20:08you uh...
00:20:09you have a job
00:20:10are you a student
00:20:12i go to ucla
00:20:14oh yeah
00:20:15i went there
00:20:16i mean a while ago but um...
00:20:20what's your name
00:20:22steven
00:20:24steven
00:20:25that's my name too
00:20:28where are you right now steven
00:20:29where are you right now steven
00:20:30in a motel
00:20:34i bought a gun
00:20:35i gotta be honest with you steven
00:20:39guns make me really nervous in this kind of situation
00:20:46did you tell anyone else where you are
00:20:50i
00:20:52i
00:20:53i tried to tell my girlfriend but
00:20:56er
00:20:57ex-girlfriend
00:20:58but
00:20:59we just got into a fight
00:21:00so
00:21:01i'm sorry to hear that
00:21:03what's your girlfriend's name
00:21:06it's vivian but everybody calls her viv
00:21:12everybody calls her viv
00:21:14and you said your name is steven
00:21:16yeah
00:21:17what's your last name
00:21:19thomas
00:21:21so
00:21:22so
00:21:23so uh...
00:21:24you wouldn't happen to have gone to uh...
00:21:26woodrow wilson high school did you
00:21:29yeah how did you know that
00:21:32i'm gonna put you on hold for just a second all right
00:21:36hello
00:21:48hey it's me
00:21:49dad
00:21:50yeah nice work with that uh... prank call there
00:21:53what
00:21:54that was good you get your mom in on that too
00:21:57dad i seriously have no idea what you're talking about
00:22:01but so the guy that called in claiming to be me you knew nothing about that
00:22:05no
00:22:08and dad it's really loud here right now so
00:22:11okay
00:22:12all right well we'll talk about this later
00:22:14okay bye
00:22:23hey so uh... so listen buddy
00:22:25you seriously just put me on hold
00:22:27i came here to blow my brains out and you're too fucking busy to stay on the phone with me
00:22:31okay hey listen listen listen i'm sorry i'm sorry that
00:22:34you're right that was wrong with me
00:22:37i apologize
00:22:40whatever
00:22:42it doesn't matter i
00:22:44it's happening no matter what so
00:22:46when you say it's happening you mean i mean i'm going to kill myself
00:22:53i've already decided
00:22:56but you haven't done it yet and that's a great thing
00:23:00i told myself midnight
00:23:02is there a reason that you gave yourself a time
00:23:07i don't know
00:23:08it helps when i have a goal i guess
00:23:10it helps when i have a goal i guess
00:23:13well you seem pretty determined
00:23:16did you get the gun for this purpose
00:23:19yeah
00:23:21it's either i use it on myself or on
00:23:24you
00:23:26on who
00:23:27it doesn't matter
00:23:30i'm too much of a coward to do that
00:23:33you always knew that about me
00:23:35i only call because i don't want to be alone when i do it
00:23:39instead this hotline was anonymous so i figured if i told anyone else they call the cops
00:23:45well that's not going to happen with me but i got to be honest with you this uh
00:23:49this worries me steve
00:23:52but you're not going to call it though right
00:23:54just bring one fucking siren
00:23:56no no i'm not going to call the cops
00:23:58i just want to keep talking to you okay that's it
00:24:01can we do that
00:24:04yeah
00:24:05okay
00:24:07as long as you know it won't matter
00:24:11we can't change what's happening
00:24:14what specifically do you feel like you can't change
00:24:19i
00:24:20i just mean generally i
00:24:22i feel like we all believe we're in control
00:24:25when we aren't
00:24:26so you feel powerless
00:24:28i don't feel i am i am fucking powerless that's why i know nothing matters
00:24:34i know people say that all the time but it's true
00:24:37it's like the only thing that's true
00:24:41that nothing matters
00:24:43we're all just talking to ourselves
00:24:45telling ourselves the same things over and over
00:24:48putting meaning into every little
00:24:51we're pretending to be people we aren't
00:24:53all of us
00:24:54acting like everything's perfect
00:24:55and normal
00:24:56and what i did
00:25:00what did you do
00:25:07i mean
00:25:11what i let happen
00:25:13good boy
00:25:15what did you let happen
00:25:17forget it
00:25:24stephen
00:25:27once i do this
00:25:30i'll be free
00:25:31i mean it's all insane
00:25:34and if the whole world is insane
00:25:36then why is it insane to want to end my life
00:25:40my life i think it would be tragic but insane
00:25:48i don't know
00:25:52you see there's part of me that can understand the feeling that the whole world is rigged against us
00:25:58right and no matter how hard we try life just keeps putting obstacles in our way
00:26:02sometimes worse sometimes things feel like they're so bad that it that it is too much for one person to
00:26:12take on alone at least but that's why you called in and i think that's great
00:26:25it's even
00:26:35you're still with me
00:26:55hi this is vivian please leave a message hey it's me just had a call that threw me for a loop
00:27:16i'm so sorry i know you're about to head out but i need to run down to the restroom downstairs
00:27:33can you cover for me for just a sec yeah sure thank you
00:27:37hello hi it's officer fredericks oh yeah this is my cell i just wanted to follow up we arrested
00:27:50the victim's husband you called in about a uh jason oh okay and uh and how's mary she was worked up
00:27:57for sure and we had an ambulance take her to the hospital since her head was injured pretty bad
00:28:02oh my goodness but hey it's great you called who knows how bad things could have gotten if we
00:28:10hadn't showed up well thank you i'll give you a call this week since we'll need a full statement
00:28:16for sure this is the best number to reach you at uh yes it is okay you have a good rest of your night
00:28:23sir you too happy new year
00:28:37hey there i'm just gonna use your restroom really quick all right keys on the desk right there thank you
00:28:53you're gonna listen to me
00:29:23what was that damn gunshot victim those doctors there's a hospital nearby yeah next door in the west
00:29:38tower tell you a bunch of strange happenings going on on this block man you on eight right yeah yeah you
00:29:48probably see me around here later graveyard shift for us huh man it gets lonely around here on new
00:29:53year's eve i tell you but i don't believe this is this happening upstairs too yeah there's something
00:30:03similar must have been from that earthquake earlier we had one yeah you didn't feel it must have missed it
00:30:10hey thanks again no problem happy new year you too
00:30:18andrew hey man sorry i just got your message all right no worries yeah it's crazy it's almost midnight
00:30:27here uh the boys somehow more energy than me yeah they look really big in the photos you sent yeah tell me
00:30:34about it hey i i uh i was meaning to call you earlier this week you know it's just it's been a little
00:30:41no no no i get it i get it it's weird uh i've been thinking about mom and dad recently and uh
00:30:51uh i don't know it's uh it's like memories of them they're fading you know like i can only remember
00:30:58them in bits and pieces now sorry i i don't know what i'm trying to say no i get it it's the same for
00:31:06me you know it feels like it's easier to block things out most of the time yeah i've been thinking
00:31:13about it too i mean how can we not on a night like tonight you know you remember that time when dad took
00:31:23mom on that trip and left us alone for the weekend and didn't tell us where they were going or anything
00:31:27and they just left yeah yeah i remember that
00:31:43you said something to me i've never forgotten what if he kills her
00:31:54i know they came back a few days later she was okay but
00:31:59yeah and then with me going so far away for college
00:32:04we've never talked about it but
00:32:08i could have done more i know that
00:32:14hey steve hang on one sec honey
00:32:18boys i'm sorry we're closing in on midnight here
00:32:24yeah no i uh i gotta run too i'm at work so
00:32:29hey but uh let's find a time to talk more you know when i'm not being used as a jungle gym
00:32:34yeah for sure
00:33:17Hello.
00:33:24Steven, hi.
00:33:26It's Matt Chauvin's, a colleague of your wife's.
00:33:29Yeah.
00:33:30Hi, how are you?
00:33:31I'm good.
00:33:32I'm good.
00:33:33I'm good.
00:33:34Yourself?
00:33:35I'm great.
00:33:36Funny.
00:33:37I'm actually looking at your Wikipedia page.
00:33:41No kidding.
00:33:43Yeah, I heard that Vivian sent my draft to you.
00:33:48So sorry.
00:33:49I just didn't expect to hear from you so soon.
00:33:51Well, good writers seek out other good writers whenever they can.
00:33:55Hey, you're the professional.
00:33:56I'm just a wannabe.
00:33:58Now, please, don't sell yourself short.
00:34:01Well, I'll admit, by the end of college, I was dead set on either being a psychologist
00:34:06or a sci-fi writer, so, you know.
00:34:09Oh, yeah?
00:34:10Yeah, yeah.
00:34:10It's going to be one or the other.
00:34:23Hello?
00:34:25Uh, sorry.
00:34:28Did you, uh, did you feel that earthquake?
00:34:30No, no.
00:34:31It must have not hit us here in the valley.
00:34:34Are you all right?
00:34:35Uh, yeah.
00:34:38Yeah.
00:34:39All good.
00:34:41Good.
00:34:43So, I know it's New Year's Eve.
00:34:46I hope I'm not interrupting.
00:34:48No, not at the moment.
00:34:50Well, I had to call.
00:34:52Because, honestly, I'm reading this memoir and I'm on the edge of my seat.
00:34:56I could have put it down.
00:34:58Really?
00:35:00That, uh, that means a lot.
00:35:03Yeah, no, it's gripping stuff.
00:35:06I really can't wait to read the rest.
00:35:10Well, I figured it was more or less finished, page count-wise.
00:35:14Huh.
00:35:15So, I'm just going to give you my personal opinion.
00:35:17You can take it, you can leave it, but...
00:35:19No, no, please.
00:35:20I, uh, I'd love the feedback.
00:35:21Well, it feels like you stopped short right as things with your father start heating up.
00:35:33I trust you.
00:35:37But the way you set everything up until this point, the father-son dynamic.
00:35:41Yeah, I just figured there was more to explore with that relationship.
00:35:47With my father, um, okay?
00:35:52Because I don't think I really got into our relationship until around Chapter 8 or so.
00:35:57Huh.
00:35:58Vivian must have sent me an earlier manuscript.
00:36:01This copy ends at Chapter 5.
00:36:03Uh, I actually have the latest draft emailed to myself, and I can forward that to you right now.
00:36:13Yeah, that'd be great.
00:36:20The writing is terrific.
00:36:23And your teenage years, I mean, phew, it's harrowing, honestly.
00:36:27Yeah, I just end up sticking to sci-fi and political thrillers.
00:36:31Maybe I'm too afraid of getting personal.
00:36:37Man, I'm sorry.
00:36:38I've got to call you right back.
00:36:40Oh, uh, okay.
00:36:42Let's, uh, let's talk later.
00:36:44Hey, Viv.
00:36:45Hey, sorry.
00:36:46I just got your message.
00:36:47It's all right.
00:36:48It's no problem.
00:36:49Have you talked to Jeff?
00:36:51Uh, yeah.
00:36:52I talked to him about an hour ago.
00:36:54He was, uh, still at the party.
00:36:56Why?
00:36:57He hasn't responded to my text.
00:36:59Really?
00:37:00I mean, I know he's just down the street, but I've been trying to check in.
00:37:04Oh, hang on.
00:37:05I just texted.
00:37:07Are you saying I'll be home by 12.30 at the latest?
00:37:11You're great.
00:37:12And how was your party?
00:37:14Uh, I left early.
00:37:16I'm actually on the road now.
00:37:18That much fun, huh?
00:37:20No, it was fine.
00:37:21It was good to see Julia.
00:37:22She spent at least an hour telling embarrassing stories from when we were young.
00:37:26How was everything on your end?
00:37:27Your voicemail sounded...
00:37:29No, I think I just wanted to hear your voice.
00:37:32You know?
00:37:34Conversations tonight got me thinking.
00:37:37Yeah?
00:37:38Yeah.
00:37:38About what?
00:37:41Us.
00:37:42The past.
00:37:44Oh.
00:37:45Not the past.
00:37:46Yeah, that little old thing.
00:37:51I just think there's, uh, things I've forgotten, you know?
00:37:59Senior year of college.
00:38:01And, uh, maybe before.
00:38:05Tell me what you remember about us.
00:38:07About us?
00:38:09Wow.
00:38:10Yeah.
00:38:14Yeah, from the beginning.
00:38:16No, I hope you haven't forgotten that much.
00:38:20Nah, I'm just in a reflective moment.
00:38:23And I am writing a memoir.
00:38:26Supposedly, anyway.
00:38:27Yeah, that's true.
00:38:30So?
00:38:31Well, I mean, we first met in a psych class.
00:38:36But I don't think we started dating until physics, I think.
00:38:42We ended up getting partnered together for a final.
00:38:45That paper we wrote.
00:38:47God, why do I always forget the name?
00:38:50The Mini Worlds one.
00:38:53Yeah, yeah, that one.
00:38:55Which, by the way, I found that stashed at home earlier today.
00:38:59You kept that?
00:39:01Yeah, yeah, probably just sentimental value, I guess.
00:39:05Yeah, I hadn't thought about that till today.
00:39:08Yeah.
00:39:08I don't know why I held on to it.
00:39:10I just felt like we got through some tough times that year, so.
00:39:16But, yeah, that paper, it was way above our heads.
00:39:21We were trying to prove that parallel universes existed or something like that.
00:39:26I remember you had doubts.
00:39:29Yeah, that sounds like me.
00:39:33We got all philosophical that first night, working on the take-home, debating whether life was deterministic.
00:39:41You had this relentless belief in free will.
00:39:44And that, among other things, is why I fell in love with you.
00:39:53What do you mean by we, um, we got through tough times that year?
00:39:57Well, you know.
00:40:02I mean, I don't even want to think about it now, but.
00:40:07What?
00:40:09No, it just, it's hard to think about how close things came to ending.
00:40:15What do you mean ending?
00:40:17Just us.
00:40:19Everything.
00:40:20The day in the car.
00:40:21It was a few weeks after you first told me about the scars.
00:40:34On your back.
00:40:36Where they really came from.
00:40:42Go get our room.
00:40:43You were so afraid to talk about it back then.
00:41:13Quiet, Stephen.
00:41:24Quiet, Stephen.
00:41:24The number you dialed is not a service.
00:41:51Hello?
00:41:52Jeff?
00:41:54Sorry, man, you got the wrong number.
00:41:57Come on, I know this is Jeff's number.
00:41:58I'm his father.
00:42:04Hey, you've reached Tyler.
00:42:05Leave a message.
00:42:06Hey, you've reached.
00:42:07Hey, you've reached.
00:42:07Hey, you've reached.
00:42:08Hey, you've reached.
00:42:08Hey, you've reached.
00:42:09Hey, you've reached.
00:42:09Hey, you've reached.
00:42:10Hey, you've reached.
00:42:11Hey, you've reached.
00:42:11Hey, you've reached.
00:42:12Hey, you've reached.
00:42:12Hey, you've reached.
00:42:13Hey, you've reached.
00:42:13Hey, you've reached.
00:42:14Hey, you've reached.
00:42:14Hey, you've reached.
00:42:15Hey, you've reached.
00:42:15Hey, you've reached.
00:42:16Hey, you've reached.
00:42:16Hey, you've reached.
00:42:17Hey, you've reached.
00:42:18Hey, you've reached.
00:42:19Hey, you've reached.
00:42:20Hey, you've reached.
00:42:21Hey, you've reached.
00:42:22Hey, you've reached.
00:42:23Hey, you've reached.
00:42:24Just go.
00:42:54Lifeline.
00:43:13It's me again.
00:43:16Steven?
00:43:18Yeah.
00:43:22I'm glad you called back.
00:43:24You still in the motel?
00:43:26Yeah.
00:43:29Do you believe in the afterlife?
00:43:34Well, um, I'm not religious, so in that sense, no.
00:43:42You know, as a kid, the idea of the afterlife scared me.
00:43:47Even reincarnation.
00:43:48What do you think?
00:43:55It's like that Greek myth, Sisyphus.
00:43:57You know that one?
00:43:59Yeah, I do.
00:43:59The guy that pushes the rock up the hill over and over.
00:44:05Sometimes I think that's all life is.
00:44:07These endless cycles of pain that we all just accept.
00:44:09I wanted to know that when we die, that it's just over.
00:44:14Just blackness, no more consciousness, no more pain.
00:44:19Is that something you find comforting?
00:44:25Finality.
00:44:26Yeah.
00:44:26I hate the idea that there could be two possible outcomes.
00:44:33Death just feels like it should be so definitive.
00:44:38Like it's the one thing you can't cheat.
00:44:40What I told you, I don't think it's an insane thought to contemplate death or even think about taking your own life.
00:44:48But I think with what you have going on, Stephen, that this is...
00:44:55Stop.
00:44:57Stop what?
00:44:58Just get it through your fucking head that you're not going to talk me down.
00:45:02I'm not calling you to be fucking saved.
00:45:05You should treat this like it's already happened.
00:45:07What's already happened?
00:45:11Yeah, because there's no stopping it.
00:45:13I'm killing myself at midnight, like I said.
00:45:21But I agree, obviously, that it's not insane to think about it.
00:45:26It's insane if you don't think about killing yourself.
00:45:30Honestly, I think everyone, every person on Earth is just doing therapy with themselves.
00:45:37Constantly.
00:45:39I mean, one part of our brain telling another part not to kill ourselves.
00:45:45That there's some reason to keep...
00:45:48That's an interesting way of looking at life.
00:45:52Maybe a little cynical, but I think it makes sense.
00:45:54I don't know, it's so weird that I'm even telling us.
00:45:58What, calling in tonight?
00:45:59Yeah.
00:46:01I've always hated talking about myself to other people.
00:46:06Especially when I'm in a bad place.
00:46:08Well, I'm happy that you did, because I'm a big believer in talking things out.
00:46:14I think it helps.
00:46:17You know, when I was younger, I think I was a lot like you, and I didn't talk about anything.
00:46:24Even my first girlfriend in college, I never told her anything personal.
00:46:28I was never vulnerable.
00:46:29If you can't talk to me, then...
00:46:34Then I can't do this anymore.
00:46:37Then go.
00:46:40Steven.
00:46:41Just go.
00:46:44You know, I've taken a few psych classes, so you don't have to bullshit me.
00:46:48I'm not.
00:46:50Yeah, you're just trying to bond with me.
00:46:51I know how it works.
00:46:53Well, I'm sorry it came across that way, but I do believe I can relate to what you're saying.
00:47:00How do you do it?
00:47:02Do what?
00:47:05I don't know, stay optimistic while taking calls from people like me.
00:47:11I mean, when you go home, what?
00:47:12You just shut it off and forget about it?
00:47:16I wish it were that easy.
00:47:18So what?
00:47:18You get high or something?
00:47:20No.
00:47:22Well, I have, uh, I have been known to finish off a bottle of wine when I get home from time to time.
00:47:33But, um, I'm lucky to have people in my life I can rely on.
00:47:41Yeah.
00:47:43That's the thing about luck.
00:47:44No one wants to talk about it.
00:47:46You really feel like you don't have anyone you can rely on?
00:47:52You're not after what you've done to me.
00:48:04You're father?
00:48:04You're a girlfriend.
00:48:30Tell me more about her.
00:48:35Vivian's her name, you said, right?
00:48:40Yeah.
00:48:44We've been dating since we were sophomores, so a couple years.
00:48:47I-I-I always thought she was out of my league.
00:48:53Don't surprise me she asked me out.
00:48:58I know you said that you guys had a fight.
00:49:02But she seems like someone you've confided in before.
00:49:06Or trusted.
00:49:07I-I-I-I-I told you, I-I-I can't trust anyone.
00:49:18Not after what he's done to me.
00:49:19I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I.
00:49:39Are you father?
00:49:41I am, yeah.
00:49:48You seem like you'd be a good one.
00:49:54I feel like that's rare.
00:49:59Can we talk about your dad for a minute?
00:50:02Because he seems like a pretty hard guy to have for a parent.
00:50:12You could say that.
00:50:18Did he abuse you?
00:50:22Yeah.
00:50:27But you're always disguised as love.
00:50:33He's always with me.
00:50:35His voice.
00:50:40I hear it.
00:50:42Even now.
00:50:44I feel him hovering over me all the time.
00:50:48One day he's telling me how proud he is of me.
00:50:55In what?
00:51:02Fuck it.
00:51:04It doesn't matter.
00:51:05No, it does.
00:51:06It does matter.
00:51:07What were you going to say?
00:51:09Nothing.
00:51:10Steven.
00:51:15Steven, can we push back this deadline that you've set?
00:51:19Can we do that?
00:51:22No.
00:51:23I can't, I can't just let him eat away at me a little by a little.
00:51:28Then let's talk about that a little bit more.
00:51:30No, I, I can't fucking think straight.
00:51:33I just, I just want you to fucking talk about something else, okay?
00:51:36All right, then, all right, I'm sorry.
00:51:37Then let's talk about something else.
00:51:38We can talk about whatever you want.
00:51:40Okay?
00:51:43But there's one thing that I need to know, Steven.
00:51:45Do you have the gun in your hand right now?
00:52:16This is Officer Frederick.
00:52:18Hey Steven.
00:52:20I know that you're all alone in a motel.
00:52:23And you're sounding really depressed.
00:52:26And you told me that you have a gun.
00:52:34I know that you're in the Red Palm Motel.
00:52:36I didn't tell you that.
00:52:38Yes, you did.
00:52:39How did you?
00:52:40You told me that.
00:52:41You told me where you, I just forgot the room.
00:52:43No, I didn't.
00:52:44Just tell me the room.
00:52:45I didn't tell you, I didn't tell you my room number either.
00:52:47Steven, I don't want you to die.
00:52:49Can you just tell me where you are?
00:52:51Please.
00:52:54Just so I know.
00:52:58It's room 15, all right?
00:53:08But I told you if you call the cops.
00:53:10I know, I know.
00:53:11If you hear any sirens, you're gonna kill yourself.
00:53:13And I don't want that, Steven.
00:53:18But I was thinking.
00:53:21What if I came?
00:53:24Not the cops, just me.
00:53:26It'll take me a little bit to drive out there, but I can be there.
00:53:28No, no, no.
00:53:29There's no time.
00:53:30Just stop, okay?
00:53:31Just stop.
00:53:32Okay.
00:53:33Okay.
00:53:34Then just, it's important for me to know where you are.
00:53:36Okay?
00:53:37And I'm just confirming.
00:53:38You said the Red Palm Motel, room 15, correct?
00:53:41What?
00:53:42Why do you keep asking?
00:53:43I said it doesn't matter.
00:53:44I'm sorry, you're right.
00:53:45I won't ask again, okay?
00:53:46Tell me a story.
00:53:47A story?
00:53:48One from when you were a kid.
00:53:50Tell me a story.
00:54:11A story?
00:54:14One from when you were a kid.
00:54:16That's the only good memory I have of my dad.
00:54:23He'd read to me when I was little.
00:54:27He really enjoyed that for some reason.
00:54:34Steven.
00:54:37Hey, Steven.
00:54:39I have to do it. I'm sorry.
00:54:41No, no, hold on.
00:54:43Hold on, I know it's really hard right now,
00:54:44but I need you to stick with me for just a little longer, okay?
00:54:48Because I really think that I fully understand
00:54:50what you're going through.
00:54:50You couldn't.
00:54:52No, I do.
00:54:53No.
00:54:55I do.
00:54:59Your father.
00:55:02I know.
00:55:05I know everything.
00:55:08Your mother, I know her too.
00:55:10What?
00:55:11I know what happened to her,
00:55:21and how you blame yourself.
00:55:23I don't...
00:55:24How do you...
00:55:25I just know, Steven.
00:55:31No, you can't.
00:55:32You can't know him, that's it.
00:55:34He...
00:55:34He covered it up,
00:55:36and he forced you to lie.
00:55:38I'm going to have to tell the police what happened.
00:55:48I trust you.
00:55:50And then when she was gone,
00:55:52and your brother went away to college,
00:55:54he turned to you.
00:55:58He started hurting you.
00:56:00He made you powerless, but you're not, Steven.
00:56:02Yes, I am.
00:56:04I told you, we all are.
00:56:05It's not your fault.
00:56:06You did everything you could to protect your mom,
00:56:09especially for being a kid.
00:56:16And everything your father did to you.
00:56:26I know the effects it had on you.
00:56:28We can protect you from him.
00:56:38We can fix this without...
00:56:39You don't have to do this, Steven.
00:56:43How do you know all this about me?
00:56:45I know it's strange.
00:56:47I know it's strange.
00:56:49But I'm here to tell you there's hope,
00:56:51and no matter how bad you're feeling right now,
00:56:52those feelings, they're survivable.
00:56:55And I know that because I've seen it, Steven.
00:56:58I've seen it.
00:57:01I can't.
00:57:04I can't.
00:57:06Yeah, you can't.
00:57:06I'm sorry.
00:57:07No.
00:57:09Just stay with me.
00:57:10It's easy.
00:57:10Just stay.
00:57:15Steven, are you here?
00:57:16I have to.
00:57:22No, you don't.
00:57:22I'm sorry.
00:57:23Because you have a future.
00:57:25I promise you.
00:57:26I promise you that there's a future
00:57:28with people who love you.
00:57:29I promise you, Steven, these people are...
00:57:31I promise you.
00:58:01Hello?
00:58:05Hi, yeah.
00:58:07Hey, just wanted to stay on the line to confirm.
00:58:10You've got a potential suicide victim at the Red Palm,
00:58:12is what it sounded like.
00:58:14Room 15, right?
00:58:16Yes, room 15, but hurry.
00:58:18I think it's...
00:58:19I'm already on my way.
00:58:21I'm only a minute out, so I'll call you back.
00:58:31What?
00:58:53What?
00:58:55What?
00:59:05Hello?
00:59:07Yeah, hi. So, nothing here at the Red Palm.
00:59:09Actually, the hotel manager says no one's checked in at all tonight.
00:59:13What?
00:59:15But, uh, sort of a weird thing.
00:59:17I found a bullet hole in the wall of the bathroom in room 15.
00:59:21You did?
00:59:22Yeah, I mean, I can't tell if that's what it is for sure
00:59:25or how recent it is, but it looks old.
00:59:29I had to guess.
00:59:31Um...
00:59:33Well, uh, thank you for your help.
00:59:36I guess...
00:59:39I don't...
00:59:52The third one here and you are quick.
00:59:53What?
00:59:54Talk to you again.
00:59:57Oh, um...
00:59:58Oh, come in.
01:00:00Oh, come in.
01:00:02Oh.
01:00:03I have to go here.
01:00:04Oh, come in.
01:00:05Oh, come in.
01:00:06Time.
01:00:07Oh, come in.
01:00:08Oh, come in.
01:00:09Oh, come in.
01:00:10Oh, come in.
01:00:11Hey!
01:00:23Hey!
01:00:25Hey!
01:00:39Hello?
01:00:45Hello?
01:00:51Hello?
01:00:55Hello?
01:01:07Hey!
01:01:11You're not authorized to be on this floor, are you?
01:01:13No, I, uh...
01:01:15Come on, man. I like you.
01:01:17I don't want to have to report you.
01:01:19There's something going on in that lab.
01:01:33Looked pretty dead to me.
01:01:43Beat, right?
01:01:45Yeah.
01:01:47You said there's a hospital in the West Tower?
01:01:49Mm-hmm.
01:01:51What?
01:01:53Not again.
01:01:55Yeah.
01:01:57Yeah.
01:01:59Yeah.
01:02:01Yeah.
01:02:03Yeah.
01:02:05Yeah.
01:02:07Yeah.
01:02:09Yeah.
01:02:11Yeah.
01:02:13Yeah.
01:02:15Yeah.
01:02:17Yeah.
01:02:19Yeah.
01:02:21Yeah.
01:02:23Yeah.
01:02:25Yeah.
01:02:27Yeah.
01:02:29Yeah.
01:02:31Yeah.
01:02:33Yeah.
01:02:35Yeah.
01:02:37Yeah.
01:02:39Yeah.
01:02:41I realized my sister and her friend, they prank called this number earlier tonight.
01:02:45And when I realized it was...
01:02:47Julia.
01:02:48No.
01:02:49Come on.
01:02:50You said you'd apologize.
01:02:51Julia!
01:02:52I...
01:02:53Wait.
01:02:54Wait.
01:02:55Your sister's named Julia?
01:02:56Your younger sister?
01:02:57Yeah.
01:02:58She's...
01:02:59Sorry.
01:03:00And you're Vivian.
01:03:03Yeah.
01:03:04How did you know that?
01:03:07It's January 1st, 2009 where you're at, right?
01:03:11Just past midnight.
01:03:13Y...
01:03:14Yeah.
01:03:15I need to tell you something about Stephen Thomas.
01:03:19You know Stephen?
01:03:20Yeah, it's a long story, but listen.
01:03:22Right now I need you to go to, uh...
01:03:25St. Jude's Hospital in Palm Springs, okay?
01:03:30Do you have a car?
01:03:31Uh...
01:03:32Yeah.
01:03:33But what's going on?
01:03:36Stephen tried to kill himself tonight.
01:03:40And I don't know if he's gonna make it.
01:03:42Uh...
01:03:43Uh...
01:03:44Okay?
01:03:45Okay.
01:03:46I'm, uh...
01:03:47I'm...
01:03:48I'm going now.
01:03:49Um, wait.
01:03:50Are you the person he said he talked to earlier tonight?
01:03:52I don't know.
01:03:53Did he, uh...
01:03:54He tried calling someone, but that he kept hanging up.
01:03:56He wasn't really making sense.
01:03:58But, um...
01:04:00Anyway, whoever you are, thank you.
01:04:12He tried to call.
01:04:24Yeah, he tried to call.
01:04:26All right.
01:04:27He was a guy, he didn't want to show me.
01:04:28So, I don't know.
01:04:29He's having a job.
01:04:30Oh, my God.
01:04:33Okay.
01:04:34Okay.
01:04:35Okay.
01:04:36So, uh...
01:04:38All right.
01:04:40Hey, hi.
01:04:42Yeah, you might.
01:04:43Yeah.
01:04:44Hey, hi.
01:04:45Hank.
01:04:46You're a wonderful person.
01:04:47I have a hole, and you're a little bit Iris.
01:04:49I've never liked it.
01:04:50That's so I'm not going to be around.
01:04:51All right.
01:04:52Yeah.
01:07:23I don't know.
01:07:26Maybe you can just talk about yourself or something.
01:07:31Okay, I understand.
01:07:33Sure.
01:07:34Well, my name's Steven, too, actually.
01:07:36That's Steven Jefferson.
01:07:38And your last name is?
01:07:40Thomas.
01:07:42Gotcha.
01:07:44Well, that's funny.
01:07:45Both of our names together make up one whole former president.
01:07:51Sorry, I only tell bad jokes.
01:07:54Do you have a family?
01:08:06Do you have a family?
01:08:09I do, yeah.
01:08:11I have a wife and a son.
01:08:14My son's about to turn 14 next month, actually.
01:08:18And he's a big Lakers fan.
01:08:21My wife thinks he has a girlfriend, but he's too shy to talk to me about that stuff.
01:08:27And so recently, I've only been volunteering a few times a year, ever since I went into private
01:08:35practice.
01:08:38And I was told that writing a memoir would be a good therapeutic exercise.
01:08:42So, I'm about five chapters deep in right now.
01:09:12Oh, my God.
01:09:42Tell me a story.
01:10:12Tell me a story.
01:10:42I can't take any more of these seizures.
01:11:02Let's induce hypothermia again to reduce the brain swelling.
01:11:06Clear.
01:11:12Do you ever see a future between us?
01:11:27Steven.
01:11:34Steven.
01:11:35Just go.
01:11:36I'm alive.
01:11:50I'm alive.
01:11:52Okay, stay with us, Steven.
01:11:55We're waiting for you.
01:11:57Clear.
01:11:57I'm alive.
01:12:10I'm alive.
01:12:12I'm alive.
01:12:14I'm alive.
01:12:16You know, his odds aren't good.
01:12:38and even if he does make it.
01:12:50I, I can't stand to see him like this.
01:12:54I need to go on a walk.
01:12:55Andrew.
01:12:57I'm sorry.
01:13:08Hi, Mary.
01:13:28How you doing?
01:13:29Okay, I guess.
01:13:31So your concussion symptoms were pretty mild,
01:13:33but we're still going to want to keep you overnight, okay?
01:13:35Also, there's a detective here
01:13:37that would like to speak with you.
01:13:38Mary, hi.
01:13:48I'm Detective Fredericks with the Palm Springs Police.
01:13:52I'd like to get more background about your husband, Jason.
01:13:59Yeah, that's fine. Thanks.
01:14:01Hey, Loretta.
01:14:03Hello?
01:14:05Dr. Williams?
01:14:06No, I, I can't.
01:14:07I can't get a sitter that fast.
01:14:08Dr. Williams, I'm sorry.
01:14:09It's really urgent.
01:14:09Come on, you're just now telling me this?
01:14:12I just have to show you one thing.
01:14:13I gotta call you back.
01:14:14It's just gonna be really quick.
01:14:15Right, so patient.
01:14:16It's just a sweet, sweet, sweet.
01:14:18I'm sorry.
01:14:19Jane, mal-üyor,Procak.
01:14:23一 degradation.
01:14:25Bye.
01:14:31Oh!
01:14:34Bye.
01:14:35Bye.
01:14:38Bye.
01:14:40Bye.
01:14:41Bye.
01:14:41Bye.
01:14:42Bye.
01:14:42Bye.
01:14:43Bye.
01:14:43Bye.
01:14:44Bye.
01:14:45Bye.
01:14:45Bye.
01:14:45Bye.
01:14:45Bye.
01:14:46Bye.
01:14:46Bye.
01:15:17They told me it's not likely you'll wake up, but I don't believe it.
01:15:35I know you.
01:15:38When you do, we're going to talk more, okay?
01:15:42We're not going to hide things.
01:15:47I'm scared, though, Stephen.
01:15:52But I'm still here, and so are you.
01:16:17I'm still here.
01:16:19I'm still here.
01:16:20I'm still here.
01:16:21I'm still here.
01:16:22I'm still here.
01:16:23I'm still here.
01:16:24I'm still here.
01:16:25I'm still here.
01:16:26I'm still here.
01:16:27I'm still here.
01:16:28I'm still here.
01:16:29I'm still here.
01:16:30I'm still here.
01:16:31I'm still here.
01:16:32I'm still here.
01:16:33I'm still here.
01:16:34I'm still here.
01:16:35I'm still here.
01:16:36I'm still here.
01:16:37I'm still here.
01:16:38I'm still here.
01:16:39I'm still here.
01:16:40I'm still here.
01:16:41I'm still here.
01:16:42I'm still here.
01:16:43I'm still here.
01:16:44I'm still here.
01:16:45I'm still here.
01:16:59I'm still here.