Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 2 Episode 11 Ted
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00:00She is the Slayer.
00:04You don't know what you're talking about.
00:06Xander, he was obviously in charge.
00:09He was a puppet. She was using him.
00:11He didn't seem like the type of guy who would let himself be used.
00:16That was her genius. He didn't even know he was playing second fiddle.
00:20Buffy.
00:21Huh?
00:22Who was the real power? The Captain or Tennille?
00:26Um, who are these people?
00:30The Captain and Tennille?
00:32Boy, somebody was raised in a culture-free environment.
00:36I'm sorry.
00:38I was just...
00:39Thinking?
00:40No, not thinking.
00:42Having a lot of happy non-thoughts.
00:45I love it when things are quiet around here.
00:48Yeah, with Spike and Drusilla out of the way,
00:51we've really been riding them mellow.
00:53And I am really jinxing the hell out of us by saying that.
00:57Yeah, but I'll let you off this time.
01:01So we're pretty sure that there are no more
01:03Turacan assassins coming our way?
01:06Angel's source to say the contract's off?
01:08How is Angel?
01:10Pretend I care.
01:12Getting better.
01:13And you're loving playing nursemaid?
01:15Oh, yeah.
01:17So is it better than playing naughty stewardess?
01:20Xander.
01:28You guys wait here a second.
01:30Oh, my...
01:49I'm sorry.
01:52I...
01:52I heard...
01:54I broke a wine glass.
01:57You're home early.
01:59Hi.
02:01Hi.
02:03Oh, this is my daughter, Buffy.
02:06Buffy, this is Ted.
02:08I...
02:09I...
02:09I...
02:09I...
02:11I...
02:12I...
02:25I...
03:26So, all these late nights at the gallery recently, I gather you were cataloging more than art.
03:35Well, I've been looking for the right moment to introduce you to.
03:39He's a wonderful man.
03:41Sprinkle that on.
03:46How'd you meet?
03:48Oh, he sells computer software.
03:50He redid my entire system at the gallery.
03:53Freed up a lot of my time.
03:54To meet new people.
03:56And smooch them in my kitchen.
03:58You weren't supposed to see that.
04:00I like my new 9 gig hard drive.
04:02But you don't love it.
04:03Because without the DMA upgrade, your computer's only half a rocket ship.
04:07Yeah, but who can afford the upgrades?
04:10Well, you can.
04:11I get the demos for free.
04:12I don't see why I shouldn't give them to you for the same price.
04:15Any friend of Buffy's?
04:18What?
04:19That's the sound she makes when she's speechless with geek or joy.
04:23Can I just say, this is the finest pizza ever on God's green earth.
04:27What is your secret?
04:29Well, after you bake it, you fry it in herbs and olive oil.
04:33But you've got to use a cast iron skillet.
04:35No room for compromise there.
04:38You know, you should market these things.
04:39I mean, you can get two, three hundred bucks a piece.
04:42Buffy, I want to apologize.
04:53That wasn't how I wanted us to meet.
04:55I wanted it to be perfect.
04:59I'm very fond of your mother, I guess.
05:01That's pretty obvious.
05:04I know you're the most important thing in her life.
05:07And, well, gosh, that makes you pretty important to me, too.
05:12Buffy, I really want you to be okay with this.
05:15Beg to differ.
05:17We really want you to be okay with this.
05:21I'm okay.
05:23You are?
05:26I am.
05:37Buffy, I believe he's, he's, um...
05:40It's staking time, really.
05:54Don't you think?
05:54Any others?
06:16Well, for their dex, I certainly hope not.
06:18What?
06:19Kill vampires.
06:20They're just my job.
06:21True, true.
06:22Although you don't usually beat them into quite such a bloody pulp beforehand.
06:26Everything all right?
06:28Yeah.
06:29Fine.
06:33I killed a vampire here on Wednesday.
06:36Why are they hanging out at the park?
06:37Well, they're scattered, you know.
06:39Well, their leaders are gone.
06:42With any luck, dead.
06:43In times of crisis, they usually return to the easiest feeding grounds.
06:48Vampires are creeps.
06:51Yes, that's why one slays them.
06:54I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run
06:59around, and they kill people, and they take over your whole house.
07:02They start making these stupid little mini pizzas, and everyone's like, oh, look, a mini pizza,
07:05but I'm telling you, I am...
07:06But Buffy, I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming a text.
07:16Are you sure there's nothing you want to share?
07:19No.
07:20Forget it.
07:25Think there'll be any more?
07:26I can wait.
07:27If you say one more word, things will become dire.
07:33Did you even bother to taste them?
07:36No.
07:37Well, I did, and I'm here to tell you, those mini pizzas have changed my life.
07:42Ted is the master chef.
07:44Fine, so he's a good cook.
07:46Well, what does that really tell you about a person?
07:48Everything.
07:49You don't like him?
07:51I don't know him.
07:52I mean, so far, all I see is someone who apparently has a good job, seems nice and polite, and
07:59my mother really likes him.
08:01What kind of a monster is he?
08:03I'm just saying there's something a little too clean about this clown.
08:06He's a clean clown.
08:09I have my own fun.
08:12Buff, you're lacking evidence.
08:13I think maybe we're in Sigmund Freud territory.
08:16He has a point.
08:18Separation anxiety, the mother figure being taken away.
08:22Conflict with the father figure.
08:24He's not my father figure.
08:25Having issues much?
08:27I am not.
08:28You're having parental issues.
08:30You're having parental issues.
08:32Sigmund Freud.
08:33What, Freud would have said the exact same thing.
08:36Except he might not have done that little dance.
08:40Okay, I admit it's weird.
08:42Seeing my mother frenching a guy is definitely a ticket to therapy land, but it's more than that.
08:48I'm pretty good at sensing what's going on around me, and there's definitely something
08:51wrong with this Ted.
08:53Ted?
08:53Of course, Ted.
08:54Who'd you think I was talking about?
08:56Hi, Ted.
08:57Ted, who's here?
08:58Hello, kids.
08:59What are you doing here?
09:00I'm updating the software in the guidance office, which reminds me, your upgrades.
09:06Oh, what a day.
09:08Think nothing of it.
09:09Buffy, do you like miniature golf?
09:12Who doesn't?
09:14Well, your mother and I were thinking maybe this Saturday we could drag the three of you
09:18out to the course, spend some time swinging the iron with the stuffy old people.
09:24Well, I'm making a picnic basket.
09:27With many pizzas?
09:29And cookies.
09:30You know what?
09:33We would love to, honestly, but unfortunately we have that thing on Saturday.
09:38Oh, that thing.
09:40That thing.
09:42Hey, we can do that thing anytime.
09:45I'm tired of doing that thing.
09:47We're on.
09:48Great.
09:49Great.
10:00Hello, Jenny.
10:02Rupert.
10:04Hi.
10:05Some of your textbooks were delivered to the library.
10:11Do you want me to hang on to them?
10:14Yeah, that's fine.
10:16Send the kids by to pick them up.
10:18Right.
10:20Good.
10:22Pretty flimsy excuse for coming by to see me.
10:25You should have heard the ones I threw out.
10:35I just wanted to see how you were doing.
10:41I'm doing pretty good, actually.
10:44Stayed out of mortal danger for three whole weeks.
10:49I could get used to it.
10:52Still having trouble sleeping, though.
10:55Of course.
10:58You need time.
11:01Or possibly space.
11:03Rupert, I know you're concerned.
11:06But having you constantly poking around, making little puppy dog eyes at me,
11:10wondering if I'm okay.
11:14You make me feel bad that I don't feel better.
11:19I don't want that responsibility.
11:23Sorry.
11:24I certainly don't mean to make, um, dog eyes at you.
11:31I'm just...
11:32Worried.
11:33I know.
11:34I shouldn't have bothered you.
11:46So Mom's like, do you think Ted will like this?
11:48And this is Ted's favorite show.
11:49And Ted's teaching me computers, and Ted said the funniest thing.
11:51And I'm like, that's really great, Mom.
11:53And then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was,
11:56but I'm sorry if I don't want to talk about Ted all the time.
11:58So you're going to talk about something else at some point?
12:00I'm sorry.
12:04I just have so much to deal with, I don't need some new guy in my life.
12:08No, but maybe your mom does.
12:13Well, sure, if you're going to use wisdom.
12:17Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.
12:21Okay, so my mom needs a guy in her life.
12:25Does it have to be Ted?
12:26Do you have somebody else in mind?
12:28There's a guy out there that would satisfy you.
12:33My dad?
12:37Yeah, okay, that's not going to happen.
12:41Fine, fine, I'll give Ted a chance.
12:44I'll play mini-golf, and I'll smile and curtsy and be the dutiful daughter.
12:52Perhaps I'll like him.
12:55Kiss me.
12:55Finally, something I want to do.
13:06Ah, the dreaded five-par cuckoo clock.
13:10Ha!
13:10So many have come.
13:12So few have conquered.
13:17That picnic was delicious.
13:19You know how rare it is to find a man that cooks?
13:21I know, I've been looking a long time for one.
13:24So, Buffy, I bet the boys are lined up around the block trying to get a date with you.
13:31Not really.
13:33Oh, they are, but she's only interested in, uh, her studies.
13:39Bookcracker Buffy, it's kind of her nickname.
13:43Glad to hear it.
13:44I bet that means your grades will be picking up soon.
13:49My grades?
13:53How does he know about my grades?
13:55I told him.
13:57He wants to know everything about you.
13:59He's concerned.
14:00That's a good thing.
14:02Ooh, nice shot, Ted.
14:05Keep your eye on the ball.
14:07Watch those elbows.
14:08Oh, bad luck, little lady.
14:16Oh, we won't count it.
14:18We won't?
14:19No, it's just miniature golf.
14:21It is, but the rules are the rules.
14:24And what we teach her is what she takes out into the world when we're not there.
14:28Whether it's at school or an unchaperoned party.
14:33I don't mean to overstep my bounds.
14:36This is between you and your mother.
14:37I just think right is right.
14:44He has a point.
14:46Fine.
14:48I'll just go hit my ball from the roof.
14:49Hey, how about that?
15:10Got a hole in two.
15:12Beg to differ.
15:13Okay, so find my score or whatever.
15:21I think you're missing the point here, little lady.
15:24Right is right.
15:26Wrong is wrong.
15:28Why don't people see that?
15:30It's just a game.
15:32Right.
15:32It's just a game.
15:33Do your own thing.
15:34Well, I'm not wired that way.
15:37And I'm here to tell you it is not a game.
15:41It does count.
15:43And I don't stand for that kind of malarkey in my house.
15:47But I guess it's a good thing I'm not in your house.
15:50Do you want me to slap that smart-ass mouth of yours?
15:56Who's up for dessert?
15:58I made chocolate chip cookies.
16:01Yum.
16:02Me.
16:03Cookies.
16:04Yeah.
16:05I made too many, so you guys are going to have to take some home.
16:10Buffy, you've got to try one of these.
16:13They're really good.
16:15Mmm.
16:16Mmm.
16:18Mmm.
16:19These are tasty.
16:20Good morning, sunshine.
16:35Hey.
16:37I've got juice.
16:39I've got sticky buns.
16:40Oh, don't they smell good?
16:42Ted made them.
16:45What?
16:48I'd just like to eat something around here that Ted didn't make.
16:52What kind of an attitude is that?
16:55Look, Mom, I know you think he's great and all, but...
16:57You know, he went out of his way to be nice to you,
16:59and you couldn't say two words to him on Saturday.
17:02I do not expect you to love him right away like I do,
17:05but I do expect you to treat him decently.
17:08You love him?
17:13I don't know.
17:16That just slipped out.
17:17But I guess, I mean, it's not exactly like men beat down the door
17:23when you're a single parent.
17:27Honey, look, I wouldn't have anything to do with anybody
17:30if they didn't care about you.
17:32But he does.
17:33I don't understand why you can't see that.
17:37He threatened me.
17:39What?
17:40He threatened me.
17:45He said that he was going to slap my face.
17:49He said no such thing.
17:51Honey, Ted told me what happened.
17:54He caught you cheating, didn't he?
17:58Yeah, I kicked my ball and put me in jail,
18:00but he totally wiggled.
18:02And he didn't say anything about it in front of the others, did he?
18:05No, but I don't think that's...
18:06No, I thought that that was pretty decent of him.
18:11Ted said we are just going to have to give you time to come around.
18:14Oh, speaking of which,
18:16he's making dinner for us tonight,
18:18so I'd like you home, please, promptly at 6.
18:28Mmm.
18:31This is so delicious.
18:33What do you mean, check him out?
18:35I mean, investigate him.
18:37Find out his secrets, hack into his life.
18:39Can you say overreaction?
18:41Can you say sucking chest wound?
18:43Buffy, it just seems like you want him to be corrupt or something.
18:48The guy lost his senses over mini-golf.
18:51So he's a little uptight.
18:53Last I heard, that's on a slaying offense.
18:56Don't give me the look.
18:57I'm on your side.
18:59I'm just saying there's some things in life you have to accept.
19:01And I'm saying Ted ain't one of them.
19:03Hey, Cordy.
19:05Nice outfit.
19:06Oh, very funny.
19:09Not really.
19:10What are you saying?
19:14Nice outfit?
19:15Well, why don't you just keep your mouth shut?
19:19Would you guys excuse me for a second?
19:20What's up with them?
19:27What's wrong with you?
19:28I gave you a compliment.
19:30In front of your friends.
19:31They're gonna know.
19:32Know what?
19:34Please.
19:34It's too traumatic for me to even say it.
19:38That we kissed?
19:39Ugh.
19:40Ugh.
19:41I'm not gonna tell.
19:43They're not gonna know.
19:44Not your friends.
19:46Not my friends.
19:49You wanna go to the utility closet and make out?
19:51God, is that all you ever think about?
19:57Okay.
19:59Well, I'm not wrong here.
20:01Ted has a problem with me.
20:02He acts like I'm in the way or something.
20:05And Mom's been totally different since he's around.
20:08Different?
20:09Like happy?
20:10Like Stepford.
20:11Will you help me?
20:12You know I will.
20:14What do you want me to look for?
20:16Let's start small.
20:17Can you find out where he works?
20:27Yeah, it's a terrific product.
20:30No PC should be without it.
20:32No, Mrs. Lonsdale, it is not an inexpensive piece of software.
20:37As a matter of fact, it's a very expensive one.
20:41Which removes the risk of crashing your whole system.
20:45Of course, if you prefer something cheap, I can always recommend...
20:50Trust me, you won't be sorry.
20:54Thank you very much.
20:55Go on to lunch.
21:10Go on to lunch.
21:10You're new, aren't you?
21:21Oh.
21:21I'm Neil.
21:23I'm Belinda.
21:25Belinda.
21:26I'm just temping for the day.
21:29Wow.
21:31That guy's a salesman.
21:32I guess he's the one to beat around here.
21:34Nobody beats the machine.
21:36The guy's a genius.
21:38Knows everything about computers.
21:40Never loses a client.
21:43If I sound bitter, I am.
21:45Well, nobody likes an overachiever.
21:48He's probably got ex-wives and families to support.
21:51He's just got a girlfriend.
21:53I'm amazed he let her clutter his desk.
21:59Thank God he's taken off for the wedding.
22:02The wedding?
22:04Yeah, he's got it set for two months from now.
22:06Believe me, I am counting the days.
22:10Uh-oh, the Uber boss.
22:13Back to the salt mines.
22:14That does have a stretch.
22:39We thank you for what we are about to receive.
23:00And we ask that you bless this house
23:02and help the people in it to be more productive,
23:06more considerate,
23:09and more honest.
23:12Amen.
23:14Amen.
23:16Well, another great day at work.
23:19How was school today, Buffy?
23:21Did you learn anything?
23:23Quite a bit.
23:24Good for you.
23:26Well, Joycey, what do you think?
23:28I think every home should have one of you.
23:31It's fantastic.
23:33Don't you think?
23:36Looks good.
23:39Well, you know, little lady,
23:40it's not just for looks.
23:42It's for building strong bodies.
23:49Honey?
23:53Are you too engaged?
23:56Goodness, no.
23:57Whatever gave you that idea?
23:59Now, Joycey, let me handle this.
24:00Buffy, your mother and I are taking it one step at a time.
24:06And if things go the way I hope,
24:10maybe someday soon I just might ask her to tie the knot.
24:18How would you feel about that?
24:19It's okay to have feelings, Buffy,
24:24and it's okay to express them.
24:29I'd feel like killing myself.
24:31Buffy?
24:32No, no.
24:32I told her to be honest.
24:35Sweetheart,
24:36you should try and get used to me,
24:38because you know what?
24:39I'm not going anywhere.
24:43May I be excused?
24:44You can go to your room, young lady.
24:46That's where you can go.
24:56Ted, I...
24:57I am so embarrassed.
24:59I don't know what's wrong with her.
25:01Joycey,
25:02you don't get to be salesman of the year
25:05by giving up after a couple of rejections.
25:07She'll come around.
25:08Vampires.
25:33Here, vampires.
25:35Vampires.
25:38What are you doing in here?
25:52Your mother told you to go to your room, Buffy.
25:55You and I both know
25:56she didn't mean climb out a window
25:58and go gallivanting about town.
26:00First of all, this is my room.
26:02Second...
26:03Have you been going through my things?
26:06Yes, I have.
26:07That's my personal property.
26:09How dare you?
26:10I don't see how it's any different
26:11from you snooping around my office, do you?
26:15What exactly is a vampire slayer?
26:19It's none of your business.
26:21Beg to differ, little lady.
26:24Everything you do is nothing but my business from now on.
26:29I think you better get out of here.
26:30Now.
26:31Or what?
26:33You'll slay me?
26:34I'm real.
26:38I'm not some goblin you made up in your little diary.
26:42Psychiatrists have a word for something like this.
26:45Delusional.
26:47So from now on, you'll do what I say, when I say,
26:50or I show this to your mother.
26:54And you'll spend your best dating years
26:56behind the wall of a mental institution.
26:59Your mother and I are going to be happy.
27:01Maybe you're not going to stand in the way.
27:05Sleep tight.
27:08That's mine, and you are not leaving this room with it.
27:13Take your hand off me.
27:16No.
27:16I was so hoping you'd do that.
27:37Help me!
27:38Stop that!
27:38Stop it!
27:39Fuck!
27:42No!
27:43No!
27:44No!
27:44No!
27:44No!
27:44No!
27:44No!
27:44No!
27:44No!
27:44No!
27:44No!
27:44No!
27:44No!
27:46No!
27:50No!
27:54Ted!
27:55Ted!
27:56Ted!
27:58Ted!
28:08You killed him.
28:13I don't know.
28:14I don't know.
28:15I don't know.
28:16The End
28:46Ma'am, I'm Detective Stein.
28:51I'm sorry, but I need to ask a few questions.
28:55Your relationship with the deceased?
28:58We were, um, seeing each other.
29:01Can you tell me what happened?
29:04He fell.
29:07Down the stairs, he fell.
29:10I see. Did he slip? Do you know what made him fall?
29:14I hit him.
29:16I hit him.
29:28I was doing all right.
29:36Yeah, you're on schedule.
29:38He was in my room, and we got into an argument.
29:49About what?
29:50He, um...
29:55Was this the first time that you two had had an argument?
30:03No.
30:06He threatened me.
30:08He said that he would slap me.
30:10That was tonight?
30:12No.
30:13But he had my diary, and I tried to take it back, and that's when he hit me.
30:21Where?
30:26Well, it doesn't look like he hit you very hard.
30:29I don't bruise easily.
30:33Has he been hit before?
30:35Yes.
30:36But Ted never hit you.
30:38I told you.
30:39Before tonight.
30:41Ted never hit you before tonight.
30:43What do you want?
30:44I told you what happened.
30:46I didn't mean to.
30:47I believe you.
30:49Things got out of hand.
30:50He's a big guy.
30:51Are you charging her with something?
31:00We're not bringing anything up against her daughter right now.
31:03She says Mr. Buchanan struck her, and if that's the case...
31:06Yeah.
31:07Anyway, we've got to examine it further.
31:10Right now, I think you should just take her home,
31:12and the two of you should try and get some rest.
31:51Buffy, are you okay?
32:09How come you're here?
32:11I couldn't stay at home.
32:14Mom won't even look at me.
32:16What happened?
32:18Unless you don't want to talk about it.
32:21I had a fight, and I lost my temper.
32:26Really let him have it.
32:28The paper said he fell.
32:31He fell hard.
32:35What was he?
32:37What?
32:38What was he?
32:39A demon?
32:40A giant bug?
32:41Some kind of dark god with the secrets of Nouvelle Cuisine?
32:44I mean, we are talking creature feature here, right?
32:50Oh, man.
32:52But I'm sure it wasn't your fault he started it.
32:58Yeah.
32:59That defense only works in six-year-old court, Will.
33:02Court?
33:03Wait, wait.
33:04Are they charging you with something?
33:05I don't know.
33:07I don't know.
33:09Not yet.
33:15He was a person.
33:18And I killed him.
33:20Don't say that.
33:21Why not?
33:23Everyone else is.
33:26And it's the truth.
33:27It was an accident.
33:29I'm the slayer.
33:31I had no right to hit him like that.
33:34Look, Buffy, I don't know what happened exactly.
33:37But I do know you.
33:39And I know you would never hurt anyone intentionally.
33:41What do you know unless?
33:43Unless they were dating my mother?
33:49I gotta go.
33:50I gotta go.
33:58I gotta go.
34:07Buffy?
34:12Are you all right?
34:15That stupid question, I'm sorry.
34:18If there's anything you need, of course, just ask.
34:21What's going on?
34:24We needn't worry about it.
34:26They're just asking a few questions, your, your, your, your behavior, um, um, I, of course, I told them you were, I, man, this is killing me, that bastard was up to something, I know it, if I could just get my hands on him, earlier this week.
34:53I thought you liked him. I sometimes like things that are not good for me. Besides, no way, no how does Buffy put the big hurt on an innocent man. Nice Uncle Ted was dirty.
35:05We've got to prove that somehow. Xander, do you have a pen? If Buffy has to go to jail because of that creep, I'm going to lose it. He's got to be in there, Will, a history of domestic violence, a criminal record. Ooh, cookies.
35:18I don't get it. Buffy's a slayer. Shouldn't she have... What, a license to kill? Well, not for fun, but she's like this Superman. Shouldn't there be different rules for her?
35:29Sure, in a fascist society. Right. Why can't we have one of those? Buffy's not going to jail. It's not fair.
35:37Whatever the authorities have planned for her, it can't be much worse than what she's doing to herself. She's taken a human life. The guilt, it's pretty hard to bear. It won't go away soon.
35:50I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time.
35:55Yes. Do let's bring that up as often as possible.
35:59So, Giles, you taking over tonight?
36:01Um, well, Buffy's not in any shape to patrol. The least I can do is pick up the slack. Someone has to.
36:09Giles, you shouldn't go out there without the slayer.
36:13Until Buffy regains her equilibrium, there is no slayer.
36:16If you need help...
36:18No, uh, Buffy needs your help more than I. You, uh, carry on investigating.
36:23See if you can find out as much about this Buchanan chapter as possible.
36:27Be careful.
36:28I, uh, I will.
36:34Ted's got no criminal record. Damn, this guy's like Citizen of the Year.
36:40Don't sweat it. It'll be fine.
36:43Don't sweat it?
36:44Yeah, cute buddy.
36:47We'll work it out. No worries.
36:50What happened to you, this is killing me?
36:53Worrying isn't going to solve any problems.
36:57Can I help?
37:19It's done.
37:19No meaning to clean out this junk for months.
37:30Do you have homework?
37:33I didn't mean to hurt him.
37:35I don't want to talk about this.
37:37Mom, please, you have to know...
37:39I can't. Not yet.
37:41Please, Buffy.
37:43Just go to your room.
37:48Okay.
37:48What do we know?
38:04Well, apparently, the secret ingredient is not love.
38:09What is it, then?
38:12I'm not positive, but I think it's dematorin.
38:16It's like a tranquilizer.
38:18Keeps you all mellow and compliant.
38:20It also shares a few components with ecstasy.
38:23This is evidence.
38:26This is real evidence that Ted was some kind of a crook.
38:30Buffy's cleared.
38:31Willow, you are the best human ever.
38:33I adore you.
38:36Well, that's the cookies talking, but you rock.
38:40Well, your search finally hit pay dirt.
38:42Got some personal records, marriage certificates, and an address.
38:47Well, let's check it out.
38:49Get a slayer back on their feet before somebody else gets hurt.
39:07Hey, I get that reaction from men all the time.
39:13Jenny, what are you doing here?
39:15I saw your car back there.
39:17I wanted to apologize.
39:19Well, now's not the best time.
39:21It's a good time.
39:21Please, please, let me just, let me get this out.
39:24I was so harsh the other day.
39:29I am so sorry.
39:31I mean, I know how badly you must feel about putting me in danger before.
39:37Imagine how I must feel now.
39:45What the hell with this?
39:55What the hell with this?
40:02She nailed it shut.
40:06Well, it's official.
40:07This day can't get any worse.
40:08Beg to differ.
40:25You died.
40:27That's right, little lady.
40:29You killed me.
40:30Do we have something to say about that?
40:33Are we sorry?
40:35What are you?
40:38I'm a salesman.
40:40That's what you should have remembered.
40:42No matter how you put him down,
40:46a good salesman always bounces back.
40:52My fur!
41:00My fur!
41:01See, I had to shut down for a while
41:30to get you off my back.
41:32You should have seen the intern's face
41:34when I got up off the table.
41:36It was a hoot.
41:37Fun's over, though.
41:45Say goodnight, big guy.
41:51Hold on.
41:55Oh, no.
42:00Nice shot, lady.
42:23Hey!
42:24That wasn't plain fair, missy.
42:29You're gonna find hell of a day
42:31makes you feel like you're 18 again
42:34that I don't like being disobeyed.
42:37Don't worry about me and your mother.
42:55We're gonna be very happy.
43:07Careful.
43:18Let's look around.
43:20I'll take the back.
43:27Check for cookies.
43:29For evidence.
43:32So far, I've counted four marriage certificates.
43:35Need divorce papers?
43:37Not a one.
43:39So either our boy was a Mormon or...
43:42Whoa, whoa, whoa.
43:431957.
43:45Ted must have married young.
43:47Like preschool young.
43:49Nothing interesting back here.
43:51Doesn't look like anybody's worked here,
43:53let alone lived here.
43:55Something's missing here.
43:57This doesn't seem like Ted at all.
43:59Yeah, and this rug,
44:00it doesn't go with the rest of the decor.
44:02Buffy.
44:20I'm sorry.
44:24I know you didn't mean to...
44:26Joyce?
44:28Ted.
44:32Is it real?
44:34But you were...
44:35I'm okay.
44:37I'm okay.
44:40I don't understand this.
44:42You were dead.
44:44They said I must have been dead for six minutes.
44:46They said any longer,
44:47and it would have caused brain damage.
44:49Oh, why didn't they tell us?
44:51Nobody knew.
44:52They took me to the morgue.
44:53I was unconscious for almost a day.
44:56An intern found me.
44:57It's a miracle, Joyce.
44:59A miracle.
45:00Oh, Ted.
45:01I know.
45:05Oh, my God, Buffy.
45:08Oh, Ted, I swear.
45:10She never meant to hurt you.
45:12You have to believe me.
45:13You don't have to worry about Buffy.
45:15You don't have to worry about anything.
45:17Daddy's here.
45:48What do you like home? If it's the 50s and you're a psycho.
46:14What you got in the closet, Ted?
46:18Let's go.
46:26Well, we need him for this. We got it.
46:28What's in there?
46:30His first four wives.
46:32Let's go.
46:34You know what brought me back, Joyce?
46:38It was you. I couldn't go into that light. I had to come back for you. I'm gonna make you so happy.
46:46You should sit down.
46:50I feel fine. Never better.
46:52Ted, I think I should talk to Buffy first, before she sees you, because I'm sure he's...
47:00Do we have to worry about Buffy right now? How about worrying about Teddy? He's the one who died.
47:06I'm sorry. I just...
47:08I don't know what to do.
47:10I don't know what to do.
47:12Don't I always tell you what to do?
47:14I'm going to make things right.
47:16Then you and I...
47:18Want a little gravy with that?
47:20Can go away where no one will bother us again.
47:28Ted, I... I think you might want to rest for a while.
47:32I think you might want to stop telling me what to do. I don't take orders from women. I'm not wired that way.
47:39Oh, God. I am so sorry.
47:43I think I'm all right.
47:45No, you're just in shock.
47:47No, no, really. I... I don't think I went in too deep.
47:49It's advantages of layers of tweed. It's better than Kevlar.
47:54Oh, okay. All right, we have to get you to the hospital.
47:58Yes, yes.
47:59Come on.
48:00Ow, ow, ow.
48:01Oh, sorry, sorry.
48:02Let's move slowly, shall we?
48:03Sorry, okay.
48:04Okay.
48:06Okay.
48:13What, what, what is this?
48:16Some night, huh?
48:18Yeah, you really know how to woo a girl back, don't you?
48:22Ow, ow.
48:23Hospital.
48:24Yes.
48:36I think I could use a drink.
48:43Um, to, to, to celebrate.
48:46We should probably be hitting the road.
48:48Hitting the road?
48:49You're going to love the house.
48:51It's furnished just the way you like it.
48:54I spend a lot of...
48:55Telling me what to do.
48:57...time decorating.
48:59Well, then I'd, I'd probably better go pack.
49:02I already have your clothes.
49:05They're your size.
49:07They're always your size.
49:08You left me once, but I keep bringing you back.
49:13Husband and wife is forever.
49:16Forever.
49:21Let's go.
49:22Ted, let go, please.
49:24Get off me.
49:30Fine, then.
49:31I'll have to carry you.
49:33Where are you?
50:03Buffy, come out.
50:06I don't stand for this kind of malarkey in my house.
50:09Uncle Teddy?
50:15This house is mine.
50:28Buffy?
50:29How about a nice game of Parcheesi?
50:59Do you want to write a movie tonight?
51:06Sounds like fun.
51:08Just nothing with horror in it.
51:11Or romance.
51:14Or men.
51:16I guess we're Thelma losing it again.
51:19Uh-huh.
51:20Good call.
51:21I still think he's gonna jump out at me.
51:28Especially after what the police found in his house.
51:32It's just too horrible.
51:35I wouldn't worry.
51:36He's not coming back.
51:39I wish I could be so sure.
51:41Trust me.
51:42He's on the scrap heap.
51:46Of life.
51:51So I'm Ted, the sickly loser.
51:54I'm dying and my wife dumps me.
51:56I build a better Ted.
51:58He brings her back, holds her hostage in his bunker, oh love, until she dies.
52:04And then he keeps bringing her back over and over.
52:08Now, that's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed.
52:11The sad part is, the real Ted must have been a genius.
52:16There were design features in that robot.
52:18The pre-d...
52:19Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts.
52:22Not any big ones.
52:25Oh.
52:26Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good.
52:30I just want to learn stuff.
52:32Like how to build your own serial killer?
52:35It's so hard to rent one nowadays.
52:37Can we just drop the subject?
52:38Absolutely.
52:39I plan to forget the whole thing and pick up right before we left off.
52:43Okay.
52:44That's it.
52:45I give up.
52:46Do I have to sound an air horn every time I walk into a room?
52:48I mean, what is it with grown-ups these days?
53:08Is it Gru typing?
53:09I mean, I've already have one of the Aman angel.
53:10Than a girl looked like I go to time out.
53:11I mean, Iievous.
53:12Okay.
53:13Oh.
53:14I'm just с и Śm., being here.
53:15Have to sound an air horn every time then?
53:17That's something we need to use.
53:18There's someone who can just folk geoggián when can they start an airsy forest,
53:19Are there any other niewiary magic in that?
53:21I'm just gonna system it.
53:22How did I, that Oscar, being here?
53:23Boy, brother.
53:24I'll show you something to other animals.
53:25I'm not gonna be evoly, sir.
53:26I'm...
53:28Who's going on?
53:30You can get Bogies.
53:31All and I'm probably so far.
53:33I'm gonna go.
53:34Grrr, argh!