Lots of jank, bad games and really bad internet
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🎮️
GamingTranscript
00:00I
00:30Can you hear me?
00:54Hello?
00:56No.
00:58Yeah, can you hear me?
00:59Oh, it was robotic.
01:10Can you hear me?
01:11Yeah.
01:12Oh, okay.
01:15Wasn't that awesome?
01:20Did the internet go out for a second?
01:23Yeah.
01:24Okay, that's what I thought.
01:25Because my OBS stopped.
01:28That's what gave it away.
01:30Yeah, mine claims it's still going, but I don't know if it actually is, nor do I care that much.
01:36Mine said it's still going, but...
01:38Yeah, I'm not gonna even look.
01:41Did you want to do more?
01:43I just stopped where I was and quick-saved.
01:48Yeah, it booted me.
01:51Yeah, it said you left the game.
01:54Yeah, I saw you standing still and I'm like, what are you doing?
01:58And then it slowly, like, disintegrated everything.
02:01It was like, when I was out.
02:03I gotta tell you what, I'm looking at your character and it's so nice not to see those piercings.
02:10Yeah, I agree.
02:11You'll have to invite me again if we're gonna play at all.
02:14I was just wondering if you still wanted to.
02:16We can play for a little bit.
02:18Do a little bit of stuff.
02:19Oh, I cannot invite you right now.
02:24Really?
02:24Don't let me.
02:29Do I have to live?
02:30Alright.
02:31Invite friends.
02:32I went online.
02:33How about now?
02:35Let's try that.
02:42Is my Steam menu broken?
02:46Can't actually invite you.
02:49Let's see.
02:51Can I do it like this?
03:00Yeah, it still says you're offline for me.
03:05Weird.
03:06Very.
03:15Very weird.
03:19Yeah, I'm online.
03:33Alright, let me.
03:34Can you hear me?
03:47I accidentally, it says I'm disconnected.
03:49The internet's dying.
03:52Do you want to just call it them?
03:54It's coming back.
03:56It was at 400 kilobits.
03:58Instead of, instead of 4,000.
04:03But it says it's back now.
04:05Now, can you invite me?
04:07I already exited the game.
04:09Not bad.
04:10No, you're good.
04:13Good old Comcast.
04:16Yep.
04:17Comcast.
04:18We'll shit on your internet when we want.
04:20For how big they are, they should not have as many issues as they have.
04:30Agreed.
04:31Like, Jesus Christ.
04:32Okay.
04:32Also, if I didn't have so much wares and got so much money, I was going to totally rob that merchant.
04:56But we're heroes.
04:57And how do heroes get by while donating to the poor?
05:06They don't donate to the poor.
05:07They make sure they always stay afloat.
05:18Every great hero needs a slinky friend.
05:21No, no, no.
05:22A trusty Mediterranean.
05:23Are you that friend?
05:31I almost was, because the staring almost put me in a dress.
05:35Okay.
05:37Just him?
05:39Um.
05:44Hmm?
05:45Shut up and take my in-light.
05:49Did you send one?
05:50I keep trying to, and the menu just keeps not letting me.
05:56Ah.
05:56But yeah, Demon Boy, Raphael seemed pretty into ya, too.
06:01Mm-hmm.
06:03It...
06:03Oh, there it is.
06:10I clicked it.
06:12Yep.
06:13Just wait.
06:15It's not doing anything.
06:16Okay.
06:16Okay.
06:20I guess I'm going to quit the game and start it again.
06:30I feel like Sark with the internet.
06:39Yeah.
06:40You know what I don't understand is, there's a lot of streamers that'll have two PCs, one
06:51that plays, and one that streams, right?
06:55Mm-hmm.
06:56I feel like that's a, a bygone of the past.
07:02You don't need that anymore.
07:06NVIDIA cards have that built-in NVENC, or however you say it, NVENC.
07:11Yeah.
07:11But these people are getting decent rigs as their secondary, just to record, and I'm like,
07:20I think most of it's a waste.
07:21And it's, when they play games like Valorant and stuff, shooters, eSport games that don't
07:28use that, I, I'm ready for the invite, games that don't need that much power, it always
07:33irks me, because it's like, that's such a waste of resources.
07:40Agreed.
07:41Like, uh, I think Nanner's feels more comfortable having a stream PC, and it's like, Sark does
07:53it all on one.
07:56He's a, he's a beast.
07:58He is indeed a beast.
08:00But like, I don't think you need two computers for almost any game.
08:06Mm-mm.
08:09Ow.
08:10All right.
08:18No matter what I think now, I think we're gonna pull the rest of them.
08:23Just letting you know.
08:24All right.
08:25Give me a second to restart the recording.
08:27Can't wait to have to splice those together.
08:29The time, the time wasted.
08:38All right.
08:39I'm ready.
08:40You ready?
08:41Yeah.
08:41All right.
08:42We're back in Ballsack Gate.
08:45In this, um, northern building right here, there's three of them.
08:49Yeah.
08:49One right there, and then two on top, at least.
08:53Oh, and it looks like there's a hole with webs covered in there.
09:00Ooh, a flesh hole?
09:01No, it's a regular hole.
09:05You're, oh.
09:09You think I could throw her down into that web hole?
09:11Shouldn't mind my step.
09:18Or is that too far, you think?
09:20Um, you need to click Shadowheart, too.
09:27Oh, yeah.
09:28Oh, yeah.
09:29Oh, Shadowheart.
09:32Shadowheart.
09:32Oh, no.
09:38I want her.
09:39Whatever.
09:41Where can I?
09:41Carefully now.
09:47All right.
09:48All right.
09:49Are you going to make her a crouch, too, or no?
09:53I just want to throw this person.
09:55Can I not throw them?
09:57Uh, you would.
09:58Did you pick a throw?
09:59Yeah.
10:00Throw them.
10:01Pick them up, throw them in the hole?
10:02Yeah.
10:08All right.
10:09We're about to do some science.
10:15And you're in dialogue.
10:18What's down there?
10:19And I don't know.
10:20They're gone.
10:23I like how you rolled initiative, but there's nothing.
10:26Wait.
10:27They're back up here.
10:28What?
10:30Oh, they healed.
10:32Do it again.
10:36I got to walk.
10:40There's an old key right here.
10:46I got to climb on the box to get the key.
10:52Target blocked?
10:53What?
10:54What does that mean?
10:55Oh, because you aimed for the web last time.
10:58You can't just throw them down the hole now.
11:02To the bucket.
11:05Oh, oh, oh.
11:08Are you in combat?
11:09Yep.
11:11All right.
11:12It's just that one.
11:13He's lying down.
11:16All right.
11:17All right.
11:18I have a 98% chance to hit him.
11:22Should I?
11:23Yeah.
11:23Might as well.
11:24Let's see.
11:26He's dead.
11:27There we go.
11:28There's a lot of enemies.
11:29Is that?
11:29Oh, I thought that was a mutant thing.
11:31No.
11:31There's four enemies.
11:33Yeah.
11:34Yeah, the one's on top of the house.
11:35Oh, okay.
11:36Why is...
11:37How do you lock it back onto your guy?
11:39Um, can you click left on your...
11:44Yeah, click on the left portrait.
11:47Click on Shadowheart and then back to you.
11:49Let's end this.
11:50Oh, okay.
11:53Oh.
11:54Mazel is still sneaking.
11:57But she can't hit anybody.
11:59So, you know what I'm going to do?
12:04I'm over here.
12:13Wait.
12:14She's still hidden.
12:19Um, can I hit this guy?
12:24Yes.
12:34How did that work?
12:53Shot through the hole in the ceiling.
12:58Ow.
12:58Well, I see how to get up there now.
13:11Are you gonna...
13:12It's just the...
13:13What?
13:14I'm just looking at you.
13:16Is that a way out?
13:18I can't tell what this nook is.
13:21No, it's not.
13:24I'll have to go out the other way.
13:26Okay.
13:28Oh, there's a ladder on the outside, yeah.
13:33Path interrupted.
13:36Can you sacred flame them?
13:41Uh...
13:41I tried to firebolt them.
13:44It says path interrupted with firebolt.
13:47I don't think I can.
13:49Alright.
13:49I think any spell is any spell.
13:51Alright, let me walk my ass out there.
13:56Uh, if you dash, you go even further.
13:58You won't be able to attack, but...
14:11Can't actually hit them.
14:15Well, I'll be there one day.
14:26Eww.
14:32What?
14:34Huh.
14:36Okay.
14:36Okay.
14:36Okay.
14:45It's switched back to Paragon's.
14:52I gotta switch that.
14:54Okay.
14:57So dumb.
14:58A little A-hole.
15:18Yep.
15:26Hmm.
15:26Hmm.
15:26Hmm.
15:26Hmm.
15:26Hmm.
15:26Hmm.
15:26Hmm.
15:27Hmm.
15:27Hmm.
15:27Hmm.
15:28Hmm.
15:31Have to keep going.
15:33Can she not get out here?
15:34What?
15:35Oh, wait.
15:36No, she can.
15:40This battle is the most annoying so far.
15:45It is very annoying, actually.
15:47A skeleton out here?
15:49These boots have seen everything.
15:52But what's on your body, bro?
15:55A crappy quarterstaff.
15:57Okay.
15:57I'm almost there.
15:58I'm almost there.
16:00I'm almost there.
16:00I'm almost there.
16:11I'm almost there.
16:11That was weak.
16:11That was weak.
16:20I shot through the boards, apparently.
16:23You should sow rage and tear them in smithereens.
16:26You should sow rage and tear them smithereens.
16:30Wait.
16:31Uh-oh.
16:32A bugbear?
16:34A shadowheart?
16:35Are they strong?
16:39He didn't seem like he was.
16:41He's level three.
16:42He's the strongest thing we've encountered.
16:43I wonder if I can hit them if I get close enough.
16:51I wonder if I can hit them if I get close enough.
16:51Okay.
16:52He's the strongest thing.
16:57I wonder if I can hit them if I can hit them in smithereens.
17:00I wonder if I can hit them in smithereens.
17:03Oh, I got one.
17:19Nice.
17:23Eww.
17:33I like the slow turn you had.
17:37She's going to run over here because I can't reach him anyways.
17:44When you turned to look at him and did that, I got really scared.
17:48The horror look?
17:51Yeah.
17:54No time for mercy.
17:58Remember, you can rage as a bonus action.
18:01Oh!
18:03Oh, that looks cool.
18:09They're not so smug now, are they?
18:12No, they are not.
18:25Hmm.
18:26Don't waste your shit.
18:42Wait.
18:43Wait, what's going on?
18:45That was weird.
18:46He's dashing.
18:46That was weird how I just cut to him like that.
18:50What the hell is he doing?
18:52I don't know.
19:00Now I just want you dead.
19:02Dude, if it doesn't kill you, it'll burn you.
19:12Kill them.
19:13You walked and fired.
19:19I was surrounded by it.
19:21I jumped.
19:23I could have.
19:24I didn't think about that.
19:24I thought I was already on fire.
19:25What a little bitch.
19:34He greased her.
19:36Come on.
19:39Oh.
19:43Wait.
19:45He's just shy?
19:46Wait.
19:46Oh.
19:51What?
19:52The bugbear is right there.
19:56Actually, I know what I can do.
20:00I'll go right here.
20:01I can't reach.
20:07That's all right.
20:10Oh, yeah.
20:11Okay.
20:14All right.
20:24Really?
20:25No.
20:26No.
20:26Don't come in here.
20:29He's a scrawny bugbear.
20:31He still doesn't see me, I don't think.
20:41And it's just him, so I can't do anything with her.
20:46You stupid.
20:54What?
20:57When you get a chance, I want you to look at me.
20:59He doesn't see me.
21:01I can't even catch my breath.
21:13Okay.
21:15Yeah, he doesn't see me.
21:16I'm just trying to sneak attack.
21:20Oh, my God.
21:23Oh.
21:23What hurt me?
21:25Oh.
21:26He fell.
21:36Oh.
21:39What?
21:39What?
21:41That was weird looking.
21:43Oh, I see.
21:44That was weird, because it made me swap to LaZelle.
21:46He's popped up still.
21:50Where am I?
21:52At the end.
21:53The road.
21:55Something good here, I hope.
21:56Why am I taking the long way around?
21:59All right.
22:06Did you want to try and go in the spider hole?
22:10Yeah.
22:11Wait.
22:12I think I can open it down here.
22:17Oh.
22:17Oh.
22:19Oh, it's what I picked up up in here.
22:21Yeah.
22:21I'm on my way.
22:23Wait.
22:24This is definitely not the spider hole, right?
22:27Or is this?
22:30Um, it is, because I think I can see light from the hole.
22:33It looks like a smith.
22:34Watch how you go.
22:45There's a trap.
22:47Oh, no.
22:48Oh, no.
22:51What?
22:52I'm doing it.
22:53Okay.
22:53Get out of it.
22:54Can you back out?
22:55Why?
22:56I'm...
22:57I excel at disarming traps.
22:59Okay.
23:03I'm out.
23:04Shadowheart could have guided me.
23:07Didn't seem like that hard, either.
23:14Made it.
23:17Don't throw that, please.
23:19What?
23:21I just saw you pick something up.
23:23What was that sound?
23:30Oh.
23:30Did that pop up for you?
23:31Yeah.
23:33Cool.
23:34Oh, it works.
23:37It lets you do it.
23:39Oh.
23:40For that recipe, my dude did a nature check, and we got to find the wood for it in the underdark.
23:46Oh.
23:54Is it control?
23:56No.
23:57I think it's...
23:58What button?
24:00Shows up.
24:00Look into...
24:01It's alt.
24:02Yep.
24:02Alt.
24:03I wasn't sure if that was the button you were talking about.
24:05Yep.
24:07Oh, there's a chest up here, too, that's locked.
24:09I don't think we have a lockpicking kit.
24:11Oh, up here?
24:13Yeah.
24:14Don't you have several of them on you as well?
24:17I...
24:18Chests?
24:19Yeah, I think you have a couple chests actually on you.
24:22Yeah, I have the heavy chest, the gilded chest.
24:29Shadowheart, I don't have my...
24:31Wait.
24:31Oh my god.
24:32I can't even hop down here.
24:34I'll be prone.
24:35Wait.
24:36There we go.
24:37Dang it.
24:42There's no, like, lockpicking thing anywhere.
24:45I don't see.
24:51Thieves tools.
24:53Move over.
25:07Got it.
25:22Uh, a plus one longsword.
25:25And some infernal iron, along with some notes.
25:37Cool.
25:41Oh, if you want, I can...
25:42Oh, what?
25:43I'm on my way.
25:43A lever?
25:45For this door.
25:48I'm gonna pull it, okay?
25:49Okay.
25:53Click.
25:54Oh, you locked it.
25:57Locked it or unlocked?
25:58Wait.
26:00This door we came in?
26:01Yeah.
26:02Oh.
26:03That was all that was in there?
26:05Yeah.
26:05That's lame.
26:07All right.
26:10Where's the...
26:11Are there any more people?
26:13Um, I'm not too sure.
26:19We already went in there and killed the sex fiends.
26:21This is the windmill.
26:23We went there already.
26:25There's a question mark in there.
26:26What is that?
26:30Um, I don't know.
26:34Barkas's pack, it says.
26:37Oh, didn't we do that already?
26:40I'm not sure if we found his pack.
26:45I thought we did.
27:00I thought it had, like, gold and shit in it.
27:03I'm thinking you did, yeah.
27:07Look on the map.
27:10There's a...
27:13Ben's fat goblin here.
27:14Ben's the mountain pass.
27:15The only thing really left are the eagles and that hidden goblin stash.
27:22Something in the matter.
27:23No!
27:23Along with...
27:24Shadow part, you stupid bitch.
27:29Yeah.
27:30How many, uh, spell slots does she still have?
27:33All right.
27:33In the levels, nothing.
27:35I told you she's, like...
27:36Oh, wait.
27:37I thought she was out of the one.
27:38Two and then one.
27:39Okay.
27:39And then I have none with her, which is fine.
27:45Then you're doing good.
27:51Oh, my God.
27:52It's game.
27:54I short-rested, just so you know.
27:56Yeah.
27:57All right.
27:57You want to go back for those eagles, or do you want to do the hidden goblin stash to the south of us?
28:03We'll do that one.
28:05South of us?
28:06Okay.
28:08It's going to be more to the southeast.
28:22Like this way, or which way?
28:25Down here through the gates.
28:27I wasn't sure how east.
28:28Then, once we head all the way down these steps, it's going to be to the left.
28:33Keep going.
28:42At least the map's pointing me in this general direction.
28:46Oh, hey.
28:46I think I see it.
28:51Do I have a shovel?
28:57Yep.
29:01Ooh, there's a lot in here.
29:03Do you have any special gloves?
29:22Uh, you mean on me?
29:25Like, I'm wearing gloves?
29:28Do you want, like, a different pair of gloves if you have a pair that you're not fond of?
29:32Because I just got a pair from those.
29:36Mine do fire damage if I punch.
29:38Um, scorching ray level three.
29:43Once per turn.
29:44Go ahead.
29:45Ooh, scorching ray level three.
29:47Not bad.
29:48Once per turn, after the wearer dashes or takes a similar action, it can jump without using a bonus action.
29:55So you get a free jump.
29:59But I think jump uses movement.
30:01Oh, then no.
30:02But you can move by jumping without using an action.
30:06So let's say you're in Greece, you can jump out of it and still have both your actions.
30:12It's not the worst.
30:13I think I'm good.
30:15All right.
30:15Yeah, it's not the worst, but I'll never remember to jump.
30:19Yeah.
30:22Which way are we going?
30:26All right.
30:27Um, we would have to teleport back to the eagles.
30:32Which are, I believe, to the very top of the mountain pass.
30:38All right.
30:38So we're doing that before finding Granny?
30:40Uh, actually, we should head more south and find Granny.
30:45Oh.
30:45You are right.
30:47We are actually by there, so.
30:53I hear her to the der.
30:57Do I go south?
30:59Okay.
31:00Yeah, we got to head somewhat south into the swamp and find her hut, wherever that may be.
31:07The swamp.
31:07I'm thinking I'm seeing a path this way.
31:18Oh, there's people.
31:22Oh, hey.
31:25Lads, for the love of all that is holy, I've never clapped eyes on your poor sister.
31:32Drop the act, hag.
31:34You was the last to see me.
31:35You there.
31:37Please, I don't know what's come over these boys.
31:40I just want to go home.
31:43Stop this.
31:44We...
31:45We won't ask again.
31:47Careful.
31:53Careful.
31:54Don't trust a word out of her mouth.
31:56Our sister went to the hag, and we ain't seen her since.
32:00Hand over hard.
32:01I don't know their sister.
32:03I will gladly help you all look for her, though.
32:06Enough.
32:08Where is she?
32:09We're heroes, right?
32:15Yes, we are heroes.
32:17Sweetie, be careful.
32:20He's with the hag.
32:22Don't bloody stand there gaping.
32:23Get him.
32:24Wait, what option did you choose?
32:27I won't let you hurt her.
32:28We don't know she's a hag.
32:32We have to keep going.
32:33Right?
32:34Yeah, you're right.
32:37Wait, um...
32:41All right.
32:44Where do I go from here?
32:46Very well.
32:47So if I cleave, I'll hit on the...
32:53On the Ethel.
32:59Kill them all.
33:01I can't.
33:02I don't want to.
33:04So I'm just going to do...
33:05And...
33:11Eh.
33:13I failed.
33:14Why didn't they just leave if they saw this party come up?
33:17You know what I mean?
33:17Yeah, I don't...
33:19I don't know.
33:23Do we know what she did to the sister at all?
33:26No.
33:27Not yet.
33:27I didn't mean for this to happen.
33:33Those poor boys were looking for their little sister, Marina.
33:37The girl who was...
33:39Staying with me.
33:40This is all my fault.
33:43But I made a promise.
33:44Marina begged me not to breathe the word if they came looking for her.
33:49And my word is my bond.
33:52Remember that?
33:53She's a hag.
33:53The poor thing would be distraught.
33:56We can't let her know it would break her poor heart.
33:59I'd best get going, but please stop by my house.
34:03I'd like to thank you proper.
34:05Ooh.
34:06Good job.
34:06Just like that?
34:07And what does a hag exactly mean?
34:13Uh, old, wild, powerful magic.
34:19Do they have, like, nothing on them?
34:21Like Hansel and Gretel?
34:22I'm gonna eat the sister?
34:24Pretty much.
34:25All right.
34:36Let's go get our proper things.
34:43The sunlit wetlands.
34:47You started a conversation or something?
34:49With the basket?
34:49Where's my mouth?
35:01Oh, you better add a bonus.
35:07Are the cards?
35:09You gay?
35:09You ready?
35:20Party of the cards.
35:22Oh, you can read all.
35:23Sero Kaiba!
35:26Oh, my.
35:28What?
35:31Well, we ain't gonna know what.
35:32I saw the basket.
35:34The place has a quiet sense of calm.
35:37You can't see anything strange.
35:39There's a note on the basket.
35:49There's...
35:50Look at those apples.
35:52See what it says?
35:53The turns.
35:56Oh!
36:00Did you read the note?
36:01No.
36:03Oh, I just picked up the note.
36:05What if it was cursed?
36:09Take a breather, lovelies.
36:13And have a bite to eat on me.
36:16On T.E.
36:17Oh, there's another basket.
36:19How about you go first?
36:21Okay.
36:21My perception failed.
36:24It's the water.
36:28Let me know if there's any combo, though.
36:30I don't notice.
36:31Cooch, I hear you getting pissy.
36:36Alright.
36:37It's actually later than I thought.
36:39Did you want to stop?
36:40Do you want to make it to her hut and then we can stop?
36:43Or...
36:44How long do you think she'll take?
36:46Oh, this is a decent quest.
36:49We could...
36:50There's a...
36:50There's a...
36:51Fast travel thing over here.
36:53Okay.
36:55Investigation checks.
36:56Reinforced greatsword.
36:58Reinforced helmet.
37:04Do you see those?
37:05Yeah.
37:06Pick up the greatsword.
37:08It seems sketchy.
37:11Just something we investigated and found.
37:15It's weaker than mine.
37:20It's just a greatsword, I guess.
37:22It does...
37:23It looks neat.
37:25Yeah.
37:27Definitely different.
37:29Yeah, there's a fast travel thing over here I want.
37:31And then I think I found the hut.
37:34It's to the west of it.
37:37But there's...
37:39I'm bleeding.
37:43And so are you and Lazelle.
37:48We're bleeding all over.
37:52Wait.
38:00What?
38:01You're too heavy for me to shove.
38:04Good.
38:08Alright.
38:09I'm gonna save.
38:10Alright.
38:11Alright.
38:11Good exit.
38:32Alright.
38:32Alright. Good exit.
38:36Alright.
38:40I heard that.
38:44I missed. Man, I can't believe the internet decided to be stupid.
38:48I know. Of course it would.
38:56I have more hours in Spell Brigade than that.
39:00If anyone's in the chat, get out.