Baylen.Out.Loud.Season 01 Episode 01
Show moreShow lessBaylen Out Loud follows the journey of Baylen Dupree, a young woman living with an extreme case of Tourette Syndrome. Despite her daily challenges, Baylen and her family aren't afraid to laugh and embrace the chaos that makes their everyday lives in West Virginia unique. With Baylen yearning for independence, she'll need to rely less on her family as she takes steps toward being in the world on her own.Year started: 2025
Country: US
IMDB rating: 7.3
Categories: Reality
Stars: Baylen Dupree
Show moreShow lessBaylen Out Loud follows the journey of Baylen Dupree, a young woman living with an extreme case of Tourette Syndrome. Despite her daily challenges, Baylen and her family aren't afraid to laugh and embrace the chaos that makes their everyday lives in West Virginia unique. With Baylen yearning for independence, she'll need to rely less on her family as she takes steps toward being in the world on her own.Year started: 2025
Country: US
IMDB rating: 7.3
Categories: Reality
Stars: Baylen Dupree
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Why do I cuss?
00:04You're done! You're done!
00:06My name is Bailyn. I'm 21 years old and I have Tourette's Syndrome.
00:11And a little baby weeny.
00:14Raining vaginas!
00:15Tourette's Syndrome causes me to have involuntary motor and vocal tics.
00:22Your mom's built like a falafel.
00:25What's going on with her? She's real?
00:27My mom has crabs.
00:30She doesn't.
00:32I'd describe our family as large, chaotic.
00:37I have four crazy and loud brothers.
00:40My mom has hemorrhoids.
00:44What is it?
00:45I'm seeing stuff that you're not seeing.
00:47Okay, move. So move.
00:48I have one younger sister, Sammy.
00:50Having a sister with Tourette's is very crazy.
00:54You don't know if you're gonna get slapped in the face or get a hug.
01:00Epilepsy has gonorrhea.
01:02From Colin.
01:03Okay.
01:04I have the world's best boyfriend, Colin.
01:07He's my medicine.
01:08My parents are very traditional.
01:12I'm pregnant.
01:14I'm not.
01:16I'm gonna hide underneath this pillow.
01:18My number one goal is to move out of my parents' house.
01:22This isn't good for you because then you're off.
01:24Balaam wants her independence, but it's an emotional dance.
01:28I think we should have a talk.
01:30I am in the United States Air Force and I have a relocation coming up.
01:35I could end up anywhere.
01:41I don't want him to leave.
01:44Does he want to drag her with him wherever he goes?
01:47Plane rides are already hard enough.
01:49I have a gun.
01:50I have a gun.
01:51Pew, pew, pew, pew.
01:52They're gonna send us to a back room.
01:54I just wanted to say a few things if that's all right.
01:57Aylin has no idea that I'm here right now.
02:00It's hard to pull back the emotions.
02:03Nothing better happen to my kid.
02:05I'm entitled to my feelings too.
02:09That's just a lot.
02:12I'm concerned that she's gonna overdo herself.
02:15Okay.
02:16Okay.
02:24I've got a feeling.
02:27I can't deny.
02:29I could tell you lies.
02:31My face feels like something new.
02:35Boy, it's time.
02:37I told you what to do.
02:44Top that wiener.
02:45Tap the rotisserie chicken.
02:46And scene.
02:47Fuck off.
02:49My name is Baylin.
02:51I'm 21 years old and I have Tourette's Syndrome.
02:53In a little baby weenie.
02:57Spotted a little safari.
02:59An itchy baby weenie.
03:03Woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo.
03:04Sorry, I'm excited.
03:06Fuck off.
03:07Fuck off, fuck off.
03:11Tourette's Syndrome is a neurological,
03:13involuntary motor and vocal disorder
03:15that is chronic.
03:17Chronic dick.
03:20Slap that wiener.
03:21Wrap that wiener.
03:22Tap that wiener.
03:24Tourette's Syndrome causes me to have tics
03:26and tics are sudden twitches, sounds,
03:29or movements that I do repetitively.
03:33Stupid fuck.
03:36When I get the urge to tic,
03:39it feels like my skin is crawling
03:41and it's very, very itchy.
03:43After I do the tic or release the tic,
03:45the urge goes away.
03:46My tics can come from anything.
03:47Anything I see, hear, smell, think about.
03:56Making waffles.
03:57Making waffles.
03:58Making waffles.
03:59Making waffles.
04:00Like that.
04:01Because I'm thinking about that.
04:03That.
04:04I'm trying not to look at him.
04:06I'm sorry.
04:08No.
04:09Try not to look at who?
04:10Him!
04:11Because every time I see a bald person,
04:13I have to tell them that they're bald.
04:15So, you're bald.
04:16You're bald.
04:17The most random things can become a tic.
04:19Or tics.
04:21Tourette's Syndrome.
04:22Stupid.
04:24You're gonna do pancakes?
04:26Babe, listen, I can work with a restaurant.
04:29And sausage.
04:30Good morning.
04:31Where's my floppy mouth?
04:32Oh, do it to me!
04:33I'm 21.
04:35I still live at home.
04:37Not ideal.
04:38But my parents are my heroes.
04:40They would do anything, not only for me,
04:43but for all of my siblings.
04:46There's not enough botulin toxin for all my wrinkles.
04:50What?
04:52There's not.
04:53We've been married 23 years.
04:55I don't know.
04:56Oh, yeah.
04:57Oh, my God.
04:58And then, six kids later, it's like,
04:59I'm a dad.
05:00I know.
05:01Like, I'm a dad.
05:02Like, this is great.
05:03Here we are in West Virginia, just winging it.
05:05What are you making?
05:08Just scrambled eggs.
05:09I work for the federal government.
05:11And I'm kind of living the dream, I guess,
05:14as a full-time stay-at-home mom.
05:16I'd describe our family as a large, chaotic.
05:24Search water!
05:26Shut up, Sammy.
05:28Sammy's our youngest girl.
05:29She's kind of our wild kid as far as, like, most daring.
05:34She's moved out first, but she comes home quite often.
05:38Having a sister with Tourette's is very crazy.
05:41You don't know if you're gonna get slapped in the face or get a hug.
05:46You don't know.
05:47Burke's our oldest.
05:48He's 23, and he's the leader.
05:51Burke's graduated college.
05:53He's moved back home with us, and now he's on his job hunting adventure.
05:57Vic!
05:58You gotta wake up.
06:00You gotta get dressed, bud.
06:02Vic's a...
06:03Vic's a...
06:04Character.
06:05He wants to hunt, fish, build a cabin, but he's a loner.
06:09Sven is...
06:10I would consider Joey's favorite.
06:12No.
06:13No.
06:14No.
06:15No.
06:16Sven is really, really, really into sports and his friends now.
06:22Vachner has no idea that he's about to turn 10 years old, and we are not on the same level.
06:27Yes.
06:29I'm built different, though.
06:31Let's go.
06:32Are you actually gonna make pancakes?
06:34She can flip this one here in a minute.
06:36Flip that wiener.
06:37I just don't wanna...
06:38Tap that wiener.
06:39Flappin' around the hot.
06:40Tap that wiener.
06:41Tap that wiener.
06:42I literally hate the kitchen.
06:43I feel like I'm on high alert.
06:44Balen's journey with Tourette's has changed all of our lives in a way where it brought us all together for more of a common cause.
06:59Balen was the child that everyone dreams of.
07:01Loves to be the center of attention.
07:03She was so whimsical, free-spirited, just easy going.
07:07When Balen was around seven, we both noticed some movements and some sounds that could be considered tics.
07:14Hello.
07:15Hello.
07:16Motor tics involved neck moving.
07:20I don't wanna get too into it cause it's gonna set my tics off, but it involved my neck.
07:27We didn't take any of those beginning tics, those signs, seriously.
07:31When Balen was at her worst, it was, like, something you've never even seen.
07:40People would just get, like, annoyed.
07:42Bae, I'm driving.
07:46I did see a variety of different doctors.
07:49A lot of them made me feel like I was less of a human being.
07:52She can't drive.
07:53She shouldn't go out in public.
07:56She can't do anything.
07:58Finally, before Balen's 18th birthday, we landed at the Mayo Clinic, where we were able to get an official diagnosis that Balen does have Tourette's Syndrome.
08:07Yeah, fuck you.
08:09Fuck you.
08:10Fuck off.
08:11Fuck off.
08:12Fuck off.
08:19Hello.
08:20I also have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which means I have...
08:25Ooh, ooh, ooh.
08:26Ooh, ooh, ooh.
08:27Obsessions or thoughts that turn into compulsions or...
08:31Ooh, fuck off.
08:32Fuck off.
08:33Fuck off, fuck off.
08:34Gestures.
08:35Ladies and gentlemen, how we clean the fridge.
08:38My OCD is worse than my Tourette's.
08:42For example, I get the urge to tick the first time, but I get the thought to tick the two other times.
08:48I do everything in threes.
08:50Everything.
08:51What are you...
08:54Let's...
08:55I gotta do it two more times.
08:57Oh, my gosh.
08:58There is no cure for Tourette's Syndrome.
09:01There is only ways to lessen your symptoms.
09:06Fat ass.
09:07Butter your own biscuit, fat ass.
09:08Banana up your ass!
09:11There's medications you can take and the medicine.
09:14It did great for my tics, but I felt terrible.
09:17My mental health was terrible.
09:19My well-being was terrible.
09:20I think I gained, like, 35 pounds in a month.
09:23I want to feel like a real person, and I don't want to feel like a zombie.
09:26The things that have helped me the most is semit therapy, where you try to rewire your brain, and lessen tics.
09:40I'm going to do the toast if Baelin's going to...
09:42Baelin, are you eating...
09:45Okay.
09:46I just wanted to say good morning to everyone.
09:48My number one goal is to move out of my parent's house.
09:53Vagina.
09:54It's important for me not to limit myself and do the same things that everyone else is doing.
10:02I will need to prove to my parents that I can get around by myself.
10:08I need to prove to them that I can manage and get help with my tics.
10:14And also be able to suck a pencil.
10:20Navigate the kitchen.
10:22Do I have to bring this all...
10:23How is it?
10:24Yep, yep, start right there.
10:25Do you know that you can crack the glass on the top of the stove?
10:27There you go.
10:28Just flip it.
10:29There you go.
10:30Yeah!
10:31Stupid fuck!
10:32Okay.
10:33Yep.
10:34The kitchen is the danger zone for Baelin.
10:37I don't need anybody else scalded or burned.
10:39Poked with a knife three times or had sharp instruments thrown.
10:43We're going to blame...
10:44Oh, my God.
10:46Yeah!
10:47Roast the marshmallows.
10:48Tippy-tippy-top.
10:49We're going to blame the butter.
10:51Baelin wants her independence and we definitely want to help her get there, but it's an emotional dance.
10:56Happy birthday to me!
11:00For real.
11:01Mackie-boo, how are you feeling about your birthday?
11:03Great!
11:04Where are we going?
11:05Honestly, I'm not going to lie, zero plans.
11:08I feel like...
11:09It should be whatever I want to do.
11:11Over the last couple of years, being out in public for family events, dinners, has kind of been a struggle.
11:18Oh, my gosh.
11:20I love!
11:21I love!
11:22I love!
11:23I love!
11:24We have our birthdays and as many events as we can here at the home to kind of mitigate Baelin's issues out in public.
11:32We can just go grab groceries, make something big here you like to do.
11:39I don't even know.
11:41In the last couple of years, it's just been easier to celebrate things at home.
11:45It's my birthday!
11:47Baelin, your tootsie's upstairs.
11:49Hey, motherfuckers!
11:51Afternoon dick.
11:52Yeah, afternoon dick.
11:53Will you cook me up with some orange juice or something, though?
11:56Holy fuck!
11:57Can you just back up?
11:58Just let me do it two more times.
12:00Just back up!
12:02You're actually getting mad?
12:04Yeah!
12:05Is it like she can't control it?
12:07Yeah, but she can control her distance from the countertop.
12:10This is true.
12:11Having a sister with Tourette's, like, it's normal.
12:14You always get...
12:15Okay, why are you looking away?
12:18It's like normal.
12:19You're like normal to it.
12:20You're used to it now.
12:22Dingle dickles.
12:23Dingle dickles.
12:24So, yeah.
12:26Dingle tickles.
12:28abilities.
12:29Hey, guys.
12:30Morning.
12:32So, my birthday's coming up, guys.
12:36So...
12:37You really want some crab?
12:38We can do crab...
12:41With extra butter.
12:42Great crab.
12:43Extra butter.
12:44Maybe, like, too bad.
12:45I'm on board with extra butter.
12:47You're fucking bald.
12:48Let's go grab a few things for Macner's birthday dinner, 20 things later, 20 things later.
13:05Wait, we don't have a list.
13:08We don't have a list.
13:09We're free balling it.
13:10We don't have a list.
13:11It's really important for me to get the experience of going to the grocery store because I'm going
13:17to have to end up doing it when I live by myself.
13:19Uh, Macner, we're having chips and dip.
13:22That's a huge thing that they're worried about that I need to prove to them that I can do.
13:27Grocery store deck.
13:28Take one.
13:30Sir, yes, sir.
13:31Drop and fuck off.
13:33At the beginning, there was zero laughter.
13:35We kind of grew into using a little humor, laughed a little with her, made her feel more comfortable.
13:40We have to laugh with her.
13:42It's a whole vibe.
13:43I mean, the laughter keeps us sane.
13:45Okay, so I'm not trying to baby you here, but let's have a game plan just so we can make
13:52it less painful for you.
13:55Some things that have happened, going grocery shopping, went down aisles and like slapped
14:01all the cereal boxes on the floor.
14:04The produce section, I literally have to touch everything.
14:06It's really hard because I'm such a textured person.
14:09Like, I don't know if that makes sense, but I have to touch everything.
14:12No one normally goes into a store screaming and raining vaginas, raining vaginas, raining
14:21vaginas.
14:22Doing that.
14:24Fuck off.
14:25Fuck off, fuck off.
14:27Like, I don't know.
14:29It's just chaotic.
14:30It's a very bad environment.
14:32Things have been said to me.
14:33I've been videoed.
14:33I've been followed around the store.
14:34The best thing that I can do in the moment is to act like no one's there.
14:44Here goes nothing.
14:46Woo-hoo.
14:48Woo-hoo-hoo.
14:51Fuck.
14:52I just had a bad word.
14:53Fuck.
14:54That hurt really bad.
14:55The way everything is going down in the grocery store is overwhelming.
14:59Stupid fuck.
15:00Okay.
15:01Cream dick.
15:02Woo-hoo-hoo.
15:05That bitch.
15:06I'm getting ready to go on a date with Colin.
15:08Hey, babe.
15:08Hi.
15:09He is my boyfriend.
15:12As far as future goes, what do you see?
15:16I'd like to have kids before I'm 25.
15:19Yeah.
15:19But you'd like to have kids in the next four years?
15:24Yeah.
15:41Woo-hoo.
15:42Woo-hoo-hoo.
15:44All right.
15:44So, do we have turkey bacon?
15:47Okay.
15:48Well, hold on.
15:49Wait, wait.
15:49Going grocery shopping is something that I try to totally avoid, but I need to be able
15:56to navigate around the grocery store with my tics in order to prove that I can live on
16:05my own.
16:06Okay.
16:07Let's get some kind of a ride.
16:08Figure it out.
16:09We should get a cinnamon roll for dad.
16:10Figure it out.
16:10We should get that and, like, swirl it around in oil.
16:14Okay.
16:15Pick one.
16:16Pick one out.
16:16Pick one out.
16:17I'm going to get...
16:18A little baby weenie.
16:20A little baby weenie.
16:20Where did the tic, a little baby weenie, come from?
16:23A little baby weenie.
16:24A little baby weenie.
16:25Like, we're in a nice place, and then there had to be the 12-year-old that spray-painted
16:31a penis on the boat.
16:32Like, like, okay.
16:36A little baby weenie came from you just seeing a spray-painted penis.
16:40Penis.
16:42Oh, bail it, bail it.
16:43How are you going to do this when you're out on your own, bailing?
16:49Going through all the glass section and the condiments and everything.
16:52Yeah, what I'm going to do is I'm going to avoid that until I find some way to revert my urge
16:58somewhere else.
16:59I don't know.
16:59I love you, but I have a lot of concerns.
17:02You're going to have to learn these things.
17:04These are, like, the skills that I feel like you've got to equip yourself with, because
17:09we're not going to feel comfortable knowing we're putting you in a place of danger.
17:15This is like a test, Faye.
17:17It's all a test.
17:18Cream dick.
17:19It's all a test.
17:20Woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo.
17:22People have said that I'm faking Tourette's for attention.
17:27Why would I do that?
17:28Woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo.
17:30Would you want to live like this?
17:33We need eggs.
17:34See if there's a half a dozen, because I think we're in need three.
17:37What about that one?
17:39It's fine.
17:40Whatever you want to get.
17:41No, but why does that one say ungraded eggs?
17:43What does that mean?
17:44I'm not sure.
17:45Can you just get the eggs?
17:47I love you.
17:48Just get the eggs.
17:52Okay, they're good.
17:53Close it.
17:53They look great.
17:54They look amazing.
17:54They look fantastic.
17:56Stupid fuck.
17:57Okay.
17:59Okay.
18:00Burke wanted some heavy whipping cream.
18:02We need heavy whipping cream.
18:04Cajun crab dick?
18:06I mean...
18:07I love doing anything with my kids.
18:10And other parts of it, I'm like, I'm on edge.
18:14This isn't good for you, because then you're...
18:15Oh, fuck.
18:16Fuck.
18:17Fuck.
18:17I just said a bad word.
18:18Fuck.
18:19That hurt really bad.
18:20Stuff that looks squishy, I'm going to smash.
18:23That's a trigger.
18:26We have to get it.
18:28It's okay.
18:29Yeah, I just felt like I just broke my fucking finger on this thing.
18:32Yeah, it just hurts really bad.
18:35Let me see.
18:37Is it your nail?
18:38No, it just...
18:40Shut up.
18:40Okay.
18:41Okay.
18:42The way everything went down in the grocery store was just, like, overwhelming.
18:47Always a fun journey.
18:48Like, dude.
18:50Yep.
18:50I'm so sorry, honey.
18:58Are you okay?
18:59It's fine.
19:00Like, it was...
19:01I didn't, like...
19:02It's a mix.
19:03Like, it feels a lot better now.
19:05But, like, I cried because I'm, like, stressed out.
19:08But I'm also, like...
19:10Like, it hurt.
19:10But at the same time, I'm like, I want to get out of here.
19:13Like, I just had enough.
19:14So to some people, it might feel like that was just a little moment of Balen hurting herself.
19:19But I'm digging deep in myself in that moment and thinking, what the heck would I ever do
19:25if something bigger happened and I can't be there for her?
19:29I don't know.
19:30I'm just conflicted because those are the times where I feel most vulnerable,
19:34where I just want to, like, protect you.
19:37You know?
19:37Like, I just want to be the one.
19:42I know.
19:43I want to be the one walking with you and helping with everything.
19:54I don't know.
19:55I mean, you're getting injured in...
19:56Okay.
19:57You're getting injured in a grocery store.
19:59It'll be okay.
20:00It'll be okay.
20:02I don't...
20:02I don't want to be too lucky.
20:06I'm sorry.
20:07I don't mean to be all sappy.
20:09It's okay.
20:10I just cried in a grocery store.
20:12At least you're crying in the grocery store.
20:13I know.
20:15I know.
20:16Yeah, I'm excited to be home.
20:18I don't want to go out no more.
20:19I don't want to go out today.
20:21It's okay.
20:22We don't have to.
20:23We got it done.
20:23We did it.
20:24You're done.
20:25You're done.
20:26You're done.
20:31I'm just going to roll.
20:33Yeah.
20:33There we go.
20:43You fat ass.
20:45Better your own biscuit, fat ass.
20:46But I don't feel it.
20:47I'm getting ready to go on a date with Colin.
20:50He is my boyfriend.
20:53He is 23.
20:54He's in the military.
20:56Love that man.
20:58I love getting dressed up for dates,
21:00doing my makeup and feeling pretty
21:02just like every other girl my age.
21:05A lot of people actually didn't want to date me
21:06because of my Tourette's.
21:08People would like, make jokes about my condition.
21:12I said, excuse me, excuse me.
21:15Do you think you're Mr. Perfect?
21:17Fat bitch.
21:25Hey, Colin.
21:26Hey, guys.
21:27How are y'all?
21:28Y'all playing the game?
21:29Yeah.
21:30Are you joining?
21:31I might.
21:32How are you?
21:33Good.
21:34How are you?
21:35How's your drive?
21:36Not bad.
21:37A little bit of traffic.
21:38Not too bad.
21:39Colin met Balin in this struggle.
21:40He truly has like a special heart and compassion for her.
21:43Where are you guys going?
21:44Balin and I, we're going to go bowling.
21:46The last time we went bowling, like, she could throw an eight-pound bowling ball.
21:51You know, like, you've got to watch yourself.
21:53Hey there!
21:54Balin!
21:55Hi, baby!
21:56You look so good!
21:57Oh, they're dogs!
21:58You do look good.
21:59Hey, babe.
22:00Hi!
22:01You ready to go bowling?
22:02Yeah!
22:03I'm so excited!
22:04Balin, how long are you guys going to be?
22:06A couple hours, right?
22:07Yeah, a couple hours.
22:08You feel okay?
22:09Yeah, I'm fine.
22:10Give me a hug.
22:11Yes!
22:12All right.
22:13We don't worry when she's with him.
22:14Nope.
22:15I think that he truly cares about her safety, and I trust him.
22:19We'll be here.
22:20Not that you care, but we'll be here.
22:22I don't know how good his driving is.
22:23Can you believe we've been dating for over a year?
22:30It's pretty crazy.
22:31Fuck your north face, fat ass.
22:33It's been a good year.
22:35We met off of a dating app.
22:37Love it for a swipe.
22:38Did I like you first?
22:40I think...
22:41Yeah.
22:42Yeah.
22:43Pilgrim dick.
22:44Yeah, fuck your dog.
22:48So she did say that she has Tourette's on her profile.
22:52Tourette's syndrome.
22:53I didn't actually know, like, if she was telling the truth or not.
22:57I just lied about that.
22:59Well, people make jokes all the time on dating apps.
23:02I am Tourette's, stupid!
23:05In the beginning, it was a little weird going out and having people stare at me.
23:12But Maylin has the biggest heart, and I love her for her.
23:17Colin is my medicine.
23:19That's the best way I'm going to describe it.
23:21He means a lot to me.
23:22And there's not many people that can help me and calm me and relax me as he can.
23:30Tippy-tipy-top that wiener tap the rotisserie chicken.
23:32Tippy-tipy-top that wiener tap the rotisserie chicken.
23:34Tippy-tipy-top that wiener tap the rotisserie chicken.
23:36Tippy-top that wiener tap the rotisserie chicken.
23:37Do you ever tip...
23:40Oh, gosh.
23:41I know where this is going.
23:42one do you want me to do you by all means throw it out what you guys like a demonstration
23:56i don't care what are you gonna say i was gonna ask if you wanted me to answer it
24:01yeah it's all you i'm gonna hide underneath this pillow
24:04no she does not guys dad close your ears she does not tick when we are intimate and in that type of
24:14environment she's environment moment she's just very calm and relaxed and so
24:22she's not stressed out or anything like that am i
24:25it's not bad this is cool what do you think could be worse yeah it's not bad as i walk into the
24:48bowling alley with colin the first thing i do is scout how many people are in there i never know
24:53how my ticks will be fuck off fuck off oh yeah you're fucking bald usually my ticks aren't the
25:02easiest thing to navigate while bowling how you feeling my toes are locked your toes are locked
25:10my toes are locked when i put my bowling shoes on i experience a dystonic tick in my toes it's not
25:17moving my dystonic ticks come out when i'm most stressed it's like paralysis like it is locked
25:23only got their cramping dystonic ticks are a type of motor tick that involve sustained muscle
25:30contractions that can last for long periods of time i'm gonna cry
25:35it's hard to watch because i know that it hurts her there's nothing that she can do about it and
25:40there's nothing that i can do fuck off fuck off i think we both have a lot going on in our lives
25:51right now my work how i can be relocated kind of it makes it kind of tough i am in the united states
26:00air force and i have a relocation coming up here in a couple months i could end up anywhere
26:05i've been living out of state now for a little over a year and a half and i do try to come home
26:33as often as possible to see my mom and balen but four brothers a lot of little dick energy in this
26:40house is bay up here no colin took bay bowling i hope nobody's in the lane next to her have you
26:49ever been with her when she's been bowling yeah at least colin will be a little bit more of a help
26:54does she use those little push things the she used to no she uses a guard she doesn't use a like
27:00little dinosaur that you push down that's why i said i hope nobody's next to her because
27:04she just gets more attention with her tics during the the prima base tics i think she required the
27:10most attention easy i think it put a little bit of a strain honestly on our relationships with like
27:16mom and dad though the doctor's appointments all the i can't go there because i don't want your sister
27:22to be left at home alone or i don't want you know what i mean like stuff i think it
27:25definitely had a little bit of a strain on all of us with mom and dad i guess i felt left out a
27:33little bit like she would go on uh doctor's appointments with bay yeah like we even have
27:38to give up going out for birthdays because of balen's condition i absolutely love balen with all my heart
27:45but it's difficult because on one hand we do take the back seat sometimes when her tics are really bad
27:50but on the other hand we love her and would do anything for her and support her
27:55do you know what would be actually really fun for my birthday
27:58we should go to harper's ferry wouldn't that be fun
28:01yeah yeah they got what ping pong they have ping pong i think they have pool
28:07what are you guys all doing talking about talking about what we want to do for beckton's birthday
28:12we're having dinner here right no he wants to go to harper's ferry yeah julie yeah hang on what
28:20they want to go to harper's ferry we got to figure out with balen too harper's ferry wait we're going
28:25to harper's ferry for what for for beck's we're doing yeah he wants to do something for his birthday
28:31sometimes they struggles there so so the last time balen was at harper's ferry she didn't have a
28:38positive experience because some people were making fun of her made her feel uncomfortable
28:42made her upset and it's difficult to get balen to go back to the same place
28:47after she's kind of had a bad experience or she thinks in her mind that's going to be the same
28:53every time we'll talk to balen and see how she's feeling or what she wants to do but take both
28:58vehicles yeah and so she is having a bad go one of us can leave with her i don't care if you're
29:05the parent of the year there's just no possible way to give equal attention to six kids we owe it to
29:11the kids to give them a good experience and this is a test for balen can she look beyond what's
29:18happened in the past she's come far enough and she's she's getting further where we can at least
29:25attempt things we're getting her out of her comfort so
29:35fuck off fuck off fuck off
29:39i don't unlock just give us some time dystonic ticks are the twisting and pulling
29:46of a slow release i have had dystonic ticks that have lasted me 45 minutes it's probably the worst tick
29:54that i have wait this one's coming undone you want me to tie or you got it yeah yeah there you go
30:02fat ass bitch all right you're up
30:08wind it up
30:12fuck you sorry sorry i'm bowling and the woman next to me tells me to fuck off don't mess up oh
30:19i've never had a stranger in public tell me to fuck off oh my reaction was kind of wild i was just
30:27like did that really happen right now did i psych you out this idea i'm just kidding
30:34people are looking at us like they've seen a ghost something that i've kind of like struggled with is
30:40knowing when to step in and and say something when we're out in public balen is not a confrontational
30:46person she won't say anything so we've been dating for over a little over a year now as far as future
30:57goes what do you see i'd like to have kids before i'm 25 yeah but you'd like to have kids in the next
31:06four years yeah when did you want kids when you were 45 no i don't know four years seems i want to
31:16live i want to live in a house soon homeboy wants to wait until he's like 45 to have no one's like
31:21that's not going to work for me no one's like 45 i'm sorry how old are you going to be in four years
31:26breaking 30. i'll be 27. that's that's that's rounded up to 30. that's girl math 25 and lower
31:34basically 20 25 26 and higher you're 30. i don't know i think we both have a lot going on in our
31:44lives right now your work's too complicated with all of that so you're a fucking bitch i am in the
31:52united states air force and i have a relocation coming up here in a couple months my work
31:57and how i can be relocated kind of it makes it kind of tough i could end up anywhere in the country
32:05or overseas this will have a big impact for balen and i's relationship obviously i want to be with
32:14you forever obviously but um there's so many unknowns about our future and what's going to happen
32:24i would love to have a family with colin but um i don't want him to leave
32:31it's so sad i wish that he wasn't in the military sometimes but like does his job
32:46i love him he's so good to me and to my dogs truly it's like
32:53my medicines
33:03you're done
33:07i'm definitely the loudest person in here but it's okay it's all right this is exactly what i was
33:12afraid of hello calling he's on the phone right now i found out news about my job
33:19i'm anxious like i don't i don't want to know but i want to know
33:38another snow day for back there
33:49wait i don't want the dolls out today i have a cbit session with my therapist dana
33:54to work on managing my tics
34:02my name is dana wachter and i'm a registered nurse certified in cbit therapy cbit is an acronym for
34:08comprehensive behavioral intervention for ticks so i help those with tourette syndrome and tick
34:13disorders learn strategies to manage their tics
34:24dana first came into our life when it was such a dark spot for balen and it was a dark spot for us
34:29you watch your kids suffer feeling lost like in the dark helpless even after you get the diagnosis then
34:36you come back here and you're like all right now what do we do so there's lots of medications and
34:42therapies to explore and you just start at the beginning and see what works
34:46in my opinion balen has one of the more severe cases of tourette syndrome hey motherfuckers
34:57that's that's the one thing that i'm so embarrassed about is my corpulalia like i'm embarrassed by it
35:03to have ticks where which we call coprolalia where you have the urges to say i've seen things that's
35:09only seen in 10 of the cases we'll work on the coprolalia today okay okay that's a good one
35:20cbit therapy is not a cure it's just a way for individuals to manage their tics more effectively
35:26your goal here is to decrease your tick severity you want to live on your own there's some concern
35:33there so what i want to do is number one first to see if you're aware when you're about to say an
35:41obscene word so while we continue speaking if you feel the urge to say something obscene just place
35:47your finger up so i know that you're and not say it no say it but just go ahead dick okay so you felt
35:55the urge come on okay great now every time you say an obscenity dick okay tell me what the urge
36:02feels like it feels like my skin is crawling okay as we continue speaking whenever you have the urge
36:09to say an obscenity put your finger up and if you just breathe through the urge that sensation will
36:15go away it's just hard to like get there so now when you have that urge to say an obscene word
36:24instead of saying it what i want you to do what it up is breathe in through your mouth
36:29it's reverse breathing breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose you're going to take
36:35a breath in for four inhale two three four breathe out through your nose for six exhale two three four
36:44five six and you're going to do that about seven times which is a minute
36:51now if the urge is gone put your finger up okay so now it was gone at four good excellent so it took
36:59four breaths for that urge to go away if you still feel the urge keep breathing until the sensation goes
37:06away you're now retraining your brain to say i don't have to tick that is a practice whenever you
37:11feel a vocal tick coming on you can stop and do your breathing okay so my hopes for balen is to
37:19get her tick severity down to a point where she can comfortably live on her own where they are mild
37:26to possibly no tick which might be very challenging because at her age um and her severity that might
37:34not be the case but i definitely am hopeful that we can get an improvement where she can live on our
37:39own i want to have a family one day i want to drive and i i mean i don't know if i'm ready to use a
37:46stove yet personally um hopefully we can get you there yes i would love to and i'd love to be able to
37:52use the oven yeah yeah so um i think that would be the next step the oven no well definitely make
38:02that a goal i'm like there's an open right in there getting you to the point where you can use that oven
38:07where you can live on your own like any other therapy it takes a lot of work i'm working i'm not
38:13swearing but it's gonna take some time penis where's bexter this is his birthday all right come on my
38:28family changed plans for beckner's birthday and now we're going to harper's ferry going there prior
38:34people haven't been the nicest to me because my tics so i'm a little anxious vagina
38:53i'm nervous but i want to celebrate beckner i'm just hoping that i'm able to get through the whole
39:00thing you're done you're done do your breathing
39:12want it up i'm definitely the loudest person in here but it's okay
39:19who are we staring down already you're not staring people down
39:22i'm just looking no you're not no you're not protective sister is brewing
39:30people are already looking and this is exactly what i was afraid of
39:36tip it to me top that wiener tap there tis me chicken hello hello hello you're done
39:43that girl just keeps staring that girl i'm trying so hard to not let it bother me just for the sake of
39:50back there
40:01do your breathing okay
40:05people are already looking tip it to be top that wiener tap their tis me chicken even though
40:11i'm freaking out a little baby weenie i'm not going to let this interfere with beckner's birthday
40:30when balen goes in public people only see a snippet of her in her day-to-day life and they don't see
40:36that banter or laughter with their friends actually does affect her it might not in that moment but
40:42later on it makes it worse like you're causing me more anxiety in public by staring it's just you're
40:48the type of person that would go to say something but tonight just chill okay suck a wiener
40:53that will not do i think i'm going to go in there and try to try to escape all of the noise and
41:01going there what's in there the paintball boys are playing games oh
41:07i mean you come to a place like this and you're like is she really ready to live on her own can you
41:14see her through there you think she's doing all right she's i mean she's struggling a little bit all
41:18right i'll go first pretty jittery i think it's a mix of anxiety hungry knew she was going to be in
41:26a public space all day i'm getting scared it's my birthday i don't want to die on it you gotta have
41:33like a little faith in her she slapped me with a piece of pizza at the kitchen table yesterday who's
41:38to say she's not going to slap her i could not like not laugh are you okay don't throw it please
41:45but we don't want our daughter to be 24 living at home nope but i also don't want her in the
41:51emergency unit at a burn center i mean she just left the stove on three weeks ago and melted the
41:56plastic handle i know the reality of it is though she's not completely disabled no she has to be able
42:03to make mindful choices about what she can do and what she can't do that's what it comes down to
42:08so here i'm pushing this back in okay i'll hold this time you push it it ain't going in who did
42:16better at jenga i feel like it was like we were both surprising each other this is epic
42:22we were literally both surprising each other i was i've always been a terrible we we thought it
42:26was going to crash and burn the first like 10 minutes in i think the pizza's here okay now let's go
42:32come on bae is a great older sister to me you are a great older sister she is a great older sister i love
42:41you too
42:43what the what the was that i'm sorry i like burped and then like set my tics off as it was coming up on
42:51my nose happy birthday
43:01happy birthday love you how old are you i'm just kidding
43:08happy birthday to you
43:15what did you wish for i wished for bae getting a little better with her tics and then i'd take
43:23another couple pair of sunglasses
43:31i'm gonna move hello
43:33hello hello colin's calling he's on the phone right now yeah i got her
43:40hello
43:43what
43:48where are you going
43:50is it good news or bad news
43:52with colin calling me out of nowhere telling me that this conversation needs to be in person
44:05this could be about anything even like his relocation orders to leave
44:11what
44:16i'm like
44:18like
44:21anxious like i don't i don't want to know but i want to know
44:28here you go bud
44:29oh
44:39suck a penis
44:41but you're not scared about that god no
44:45just shake it off
44:59sir yes sir drop and fuck off my mind has been racing trying to figure out what colin has to tell me
45:05i just found out this news and i know balen is dreading it are you for real talk about breaking news
45:13because of the conversation i've had with colin my previous timeline to move out on my own has now
45:19moved up drastically hey that balcony situation hard no for me my parents are worried for my safety
45:27when i move out because of my tics but i don't want to let tourette restrict me
45:33hi i've never spoken in front of a group of people i have a nine inch penis balen is ticking
45:43she's gonna overdo herself
45:47okay
45:49how would balen ever survive on her own
45:51maybe you would consider a conversation with a neurologist about deep brain stimulation
45:59they would shave your head drill a hole and then they stick it down in your brain
46:05doctors and most people look at me like i am the craziest that they have ever met in their life
46:12joe biden has a vagina i was a little confused what's going on she said joe biden does happen oh
46:22too slow fuck off sorry
46:27that is mint flavored vagina you're excited to see my parents my parents are very conservative
46:34and religious one of my favorite ones is but seek ye first the kingdom of god and his righteousness
46:40and all these things shall be added to you so it's shocking the first time she has one of the
46:45explosions jesus take the wheel i would like for colin's parents to come up and both families to meet
46:55i mean it's been two years it's been long overdue i'm definitely starting to feel the seriousness now
46:59colin's parents tend to be on the conservative side and we live a pretty messy life so a lot
47:05could go wrong the day of oh there they are
47:10colin i'm really upset it just sucked the whole day sucked i don't even want to be here
47:23i knew this day was probably coming but i definitely got questions he can be intense
47:29and why do you say that it was him chainsaws me i do have a serious question to ask you too
47:38if he leaves are you too codependent on him that you're going to be like oh my god
47:42i'm relocating with him because i love him so much he's all i have we have news
47:48holy lord i have to make sure you're okay because if you're not okay i can't be
47:54are you ready to do this tomorrow