Therapy Thursday: The Freakshow Talks About Some Downsides Of Having A Younger Man!
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00:00Which therapist you need? Therapy Thursday. Now on Wild 94.1. I understand therapy. Hi, everybody. Hi, Dr. Nick. Therapy Thursday is the lick right here. The number is 888-429-0941. You can call or you can text. Any question is fair game. All right. If you have something on your mind and you need a little advice, the therapists are here. We're not brilliant, but we play brilliant on the radio. We do our best. We do our thing. All right. Let's see.
00:28Meredith, you are first up. Okay. It says my girlfriend and I took a break for a minute. And when we got back together, I found out she was texting back and forth with one of my old roommates. When I asked about it, she said they only went to lunch. While I don't really F with the old roommate, her choice to entertain this has me in my feels. Am I wrong or is this over?
00:56You decided to both take a break. We need to be mature here about this.
01:01Is this a friend's reference you're about to do?
01:02She said that they didn't hook up. They didn't have, you know, sleep together. They just had lunch and were texting one another. I would be okay with this. This is definitely something I could get over.
01:12It would be hard for me to get over somebody actually being way more intimate about things. So, you know what? It happened in the past.
01:18So, you both decided to, you know, take a break. Who knows what you did? You know, are you telling the truth about what you did as well?
01:25So, you know, you got to take it at face value here.
01:28Okay.
01:30What do you think?
01:30I know I ain't supposed to ask you, but what do you think?
01:34She did this on purpose.
01:35Right.
01:35This wasn't random.
01:37And she knew that you would have that reaction, especially the part, I don't F with him.
01:42She knew that would cut deep.
01:45Her plan is working.
01:46Yes.
01:47Actually.
01:47And that's why I think you don't trust people.
01:50Like he said, what did he say?
01:52Her choice to entertain has me in my feels.
01:54If you choose to rock with somebody who I don't mess with, that means you disloyal to a whole nother point.
02:02We don't need to reboot this at all.
02:04But we decided not to be together at that time.
02:07That's the ops.
02:07You can't mess with the ops.
02:09What are you doing?
02:10So, I thought that they just didn't talk to each other.
02:12I didn't know that there was like hate there for his ex-roommate.
02:15No.
02:15If it's somebody I don't mess with and you mess with them when we on a break, you keep them.
02:20Yeah.
02:20That's what it is.
02:21But if you want her and you guys want to get over it, I mean, you're going to have to put that in the past.
02:25You asked Meredith and she said, you all good.
02:29I could get past it.
02:29But Davi and I have a vote and we say, your relationship's over.
02:32Oh, my gosh.
02:33Just to let you know.
02:34That's rough.
02:35We're keeping it funky.
02:36I got one for you, Orlando.
02:37Yes.
02:37It says, my son wants to make music for a living.
02:40He's been doing it as a hobby since he was 16.
02:42He is now 20.
02:43But he's talking about doing it full time and quitting his job because he says the only way he can succeed is to go all in.
02:49He still lives at home.
02:51But how long should I allow this?
02:52I don't think he's going to make it big.
02:54He's still under my roof.
02:55I want to be supportive, but also realistic.
02:58You could be supportive, but just make sure that you kind of set him up for a win instead of failure and let him know that, you know, being a starving artist is part of that whole process.
03:10And you're going to keep him from starving, but he's got to have a plan.
03:13Most people who succeed in the game don't necessarily go all in like it's broke or nothing.
03:19They have a backup for their bills.
03:22They work so they can play.
03:24They work like if you're an actress and you do waitressing gigs or bartending or whatever, they find something that fits around their schedule.
03:32So don't think that just because you want to go all in on your dream that you get to absolved of bills and responsibility and that's what you got to teach him.
03:40Like, yo, your dreams are valuable, but you still got to pay bills.
03:44Yeah.
03:44So let's find a way, something that fits into what it is that you want to do.
03:49But when it fails, because I've heard you play and I don't think you're that good, when it fails, you can have something to go back on.
03:56If it doesn't fail, then, you know, you're good.
03:59I think that's a good parent.
04:00Be supportive, but also pay your bills.
04:01Be supportive, but hey, man, you got to have something to do.
04:04Bartend or do something.
04:05You got to make sure that something fits around your game.
04:07I got one for Davi.
04:09Good morning, Davi.
04:10My boyfriend and I have been together for almost eight years.
04:13We went on our first trip together last summer, and I fully expected him to propose, and he didn't.
04:18We had a conversation about it afterwards, and he said he wasn't even thinking about it at the time.
04:23I've given it more time and expressed how important it is for me as I've helped him raise his son full time, and I'm ready to have kids of my own, but he's still not giving me anything I've asked for.
04:35Am I wrong to give him an ultimatum?
04:37An ultimatum probably isn't going to end well.
04:41I think another serious conversation, ask him what exactly his apprehension is.
04:46And I think you can put pressure on him, but not the ultimatum way.
04:52I think you could express to him how important it is, how you want to lock in this family structure and things like that, and still he might not go for it.
05:03A lot of people just don't have this expectation or want to get married.
05:08Well, that's actually true.
05:10Right, but she does.
05:11So can you be with somebody that doesn't feel the same way as you do?
05:15That's a personal choice.
05:17Yep.
05:17That's compromise.
05:18That's what that is.
05:19Right.
05:20Maybe his timing don't match yours, but we'll make it there at some point.
05:24I could be with somebody like that.
05:25Like, who's, who?
05:27Like this guy right here.
05:30Compromise, all right?
05:30You got to let him know how important it is to you at the end of the day.
05:33See what his response is and let him know that this could be a deal breaker for you, but without drawing that line in the sand.
05:41There you go.
05:41We got more of your text.
05:43888-429-0941.
05:45Your question's up next after the baby.
05:47Therapy Thursday, 888-429-0941.
05:50If you got a question, feel free to fire it up.
05:52We got a few coming in here.
05:54Meredith, you ready?
05:55Yeah, absolutely.
05:56This says wedding rings.
05:58Should married people wear wedding rings?
06:01Some jobs, you can't wear jewelry, but does that excuse your mate from not wearing the wedding ring while not at work?
06:08Would that bother you out of the 727?
06:12Yes, it would bother me out of respect for, I don't know, our entire union and all the time and effort we put in with each other.
06:19But I will say this.
06:20I know plenty of couples that they either take it off and they wear, what are those little rubber band?
06:26Not rubber band.
06:27Silicone?
06:27Yes, that's it.
06:28Those little bands.
06:29And I know other couples that don't feel like they need to wear it at all, you know, because they have that trust with each other and doesn't really matter.
06:35For me, it would matter.
06:36Either way, I would think that if you bought me a nice ring that you would want me to wear and I would feel the same way about my partner.
06:44I wore a ring for four years and I got to tell you, I still got like a blister right here from where it was like, it just, I hated it.
06:52It just didn't feel comfortable.
06:53I like what it meant.
06:55Right.
06:55But it didn't, like, right, you see this callous right here.
06:59You can feel it.
06:59It was from the ring.
07:00And I'm like, yo, that was a sign.
07:02You put it on immediately.
07:03It went.
07:03I see some people who don't wear rings and or they get the tattoo thing or whatever or they do it differently.
07:09I just, I think the ring is pretty antiquated.
07:12Really?
07:12You would care if your girl just stopped wearing the rings that you bought her?
07:17Man, if I had somebody I trusted like that, I wouldn't care what the hell they wore.
07:21I'm like, yo, we down.
07:22We gang, gang.
07:23You know, that's what we're doing.
07:24We got one for you.
07:25Oh, this is kind of still in the same marriage realm.
07:28But it says, Orlando, my girlfriend and I have been together for three years.
07:31We were both married.
07:32I got divorced because she pushed for the divorce, but she won't get her divorce.
07:36She said she wants to wait.
07:38What should I do about this?
07:39You with somebody who's, wait, but she's not divorced?
07:42Right.
07:44So you're cheating.
07:46She's cheating on somebody.
07:47She's probably separated.
07:48One of those type of things.
07:49Yeah, separated, not together.
07:51But he got his divorce.
07:53She has it.
07:53And she pushed for his.
07:55Yeah.
07:56See, that's just like, I mean, that's just shady.
07:59That feels shady to me.
08:00I mean, you got to have somebody who's on your same page.
08:03And I believe that if somebody's asked you to do something, they should be willing to do the same.
08:09Her situation might be different than yours, but still the fact that she was so adamant about it, you know, you got to ask her.
08:15And just I would ask her and say, hey, why was it so important for me to get divorced?
08:20Whatever the reason is that she gives you, give that same thing back.
08:23Do just like a therapist.
08:25Therapists pretty much don't tell you the answer.
08:26They pretty much repeat it back to you.
08:28And so you could see that you found the answer yourself.
08:31So ask, say, why was it so important that I did it?
08:34Because you need to do the same thing.
08:35Yeah.
08:36You need to treat that same energy.
08:37I mean, if we're going to be in love, love, we just plan, plan, and that's different.
08:41This is for anybody in the room.
08:44Out of the A13, it says, I'm 36, dating a 26-year-old.
08:48And it says, he's not where I want him to be financially.
08:53No kidding.
08:53Wait, she's the older one?
08:55Yeah, she's the older one.
08:56Where were you 10 years ago?
08:57Were you where you wanted to be financially?
09:00I think you got to give the man some time.
09:03You might have to wait a decade.
09:04Most 26-year-olds really don't have their ish together.
09:08No kidding.
09:08Like that.
09:09That 10 years between 26 and 36 is kind of like a come-up period.
09:13Isn't that a price to pay for having you a young model?
09:16Absolutely.
09:17Like, you can get you a 38, 39, 40-year-old man, but that man got those 40-year-old problems.
09:24You wanted you a young man.
09:25And?
09:26And you got one, and he got a paper route.
09:27And he got some problems.
09:28So what's the problem with that?
09:29Right.
09:29What's the problem with a man having a paper route?
09:31Yeah, you can't expect him just to grow up overnight.
09:33Now, not being ambitious, now that's a different scenario.
09:37Not being there yet is one thing.
09:40Never wanting to get there is a separate issue.
09:43But, I mean, ain't nothing wrong.
09:44If you don't have a problem with him being 10 years younger than you, then don't have a
09:48problem with his finances being 10 years younger than you.
09:50Right.
09:51Might as well date somebody older.
09:52That'll at least bring you that aspect.
09:54She don't want that.
09:54She want that young man.
09:55At 26, I was still overdrafting my account.
09:57Oh, my God.
09:58It was tough.
09:58Oh, my God.
09:59At 26, my electricity was off every month.
10:02Yeah.
10:03I would come home and hit the garage and be like, oh, damn.
10:0626, I was riding dirty with no insurance.
10:09Oh, my God.
10:10I remember that.
10:11I think that's where I met you.
10:13I was like, you ain't got no damn insurance.
10:16I got one for Davi in Orlando.
10:19My husband and I own a bar slash club.
10:21And we have a manager in place who hires people based off of her friendship with them.
10:26We don't mind that aspect.
10:28But some of the bartenders are not, let's say, attractive.
10:31And we don't know how to say it without saying it.
10:35In this business, appearance is half of the battle.
10:38And it almost is everything.
10:40How do we have this conversation?
10:42Adopt the word booger woofs.
10:43That's what you need to do.
10:45You need to explain to the manager and say, listen, we ain't hiring.
10:49This ain't a kennel.
10:49Right.
10:50Like, you know, we want some good-looking folks.
10:52If it's sales, if it's modeling, if it's the – there's certain product codes in business that got to look good.
11:00I mean, it's just a calling card.
11:01If you got people out there passing out flyers and they look like wolves, then nobody's going to take the goods.
11:07So you want somebody who looks good.
11:09You want it.
11:10It's a marketing position.
11:11Let's do better.
11:12There ain't nothing wrong with saying that.
11:13And I know that owning a club, restaurant, whatever, is busy, but you are not too busy to do the hiring yourself.
11:20If you have a business, that needs to be your baby.
11:22You're not running Caesar's Palace.
11:24You can do the hiring and firing yourself.
11:27Too many business owners lean on their management, and it's one of the easiest ways to go downhill.
11:33There you go.
11:34All right, one more out of the 941.
11:36Meredith, my man has five kids outside of R1.
11:42Yeah.
11:42Okay, so there's six kids involved in this.
11:45Meredith, my man has five kids outside R1, and every summer they come down to visit.
11:52They are absolutely horrible and downright disrespectful.
11:57I try to deal with it, but how late is too late to decide maybe being a stepmother isn't for you?
12:05Oh, my God.
12:07That's a deep confession for sure.
12:09You knew this ahead of time, so this wasn't a surprise.
12:13The thing is, being a stepmom, there's only so much you can do in the beginning.
12:17Daddy is the one that's supposed to be breaking it down, making sure that the rules are set.
12:22You do not treat stepmommy or anybody else like this.
12:24You do not ruin the house.
12:25You do not treat others disrespectful.
12:26You do not my mama.
12:28Right.
12:29Can't say that to stepmama.
12:30You know what I mean?
12:31And it sounds like he's maybe not playing his role strong enough as the man of the house, and also those are his kids and not yours.
12:38You know, it sounds like you got to take it on the chin.
12:42If you want to be in a relationship with him, just know that your summers are going to be filled with chaos and see if he can step up a little bit more.
12:50I mean, way more.
12:51He has to be.
12:52He has to step up.
12:54I've seen a lot of people lash out at being mad that the relationship ain't together no more.
13:00Like, these kids are mad that he ain't probably with them.
13:03And so that's probably indicative of why they're acting up and acting an ass.
13:08You know what I'm saying?
13:09So, if anything, if you leave, they kind of win.
13:13So, the whole, like, we need to be a united front is really where y'all need to be from the beginning.
13:19Because before these little hellions come down for the summer, you and him should probably get together on the same page saying here's how we're going to handle this as a unit.
13:28Because if y'all ain't a unit, yeah, you're going to mess around and leave and mess up the whole game.
13:32Let's call a family meeting as well, right when everybody gets there.
13:35You better drop them off at the Boys and Girls Club, Summer Camp, the YMCA, something.
13:39That's expensive.
13:40Oh, yeah.
13:40I mean, that's true.
13:42For five or six kids, it's very expensive.
13:43Yeah, five kids or whatever.
13:44But, I mean, you got one good kid, but them other five, you can drop them off somewhere else.
13:48Let them know.
13:49Like, hey, listen, y'all coming down to visit, if I have any problems with y'all, there's a military camp right down the road.
13:54Down the street.
13:55I will drop y'all off.
13:56And maybe that'll motivate them.
13:58And they didn't include the ages, but, you know, maybe the oldest one is almost working age or something like that.
14:03Because you could get a little part-time job at 15.
14:05Dad needs to step up.
14:06Yeah.
14:07He ain't.
14:07He ain't standing there.
14:09You got six kids.
14:10He's tired.
14:13That's why I left y'all.
14:14I didn't really like y'all like that.
14:15All right.
14:16There for Thursday.
14:17It's a wrap.
14:18We got more coming up for you, including some gas.
14:20Somebody just texted Orlando, I need some gas from the freak show.
14:24Well, that's coming up in 16 minutes.
14:26Let's go.