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00:00:30I'm still here.
00:01:00And so are you.
00:01:06I'm still here.
00:01:36So?
00:01:46You're not going to tell me your name?
00:01:49Don't make it a big thing, Mom.
00:01:50Well, she invited you to hang out.
00:01:52I know that.
00:01:54Hey.
00:01:55Hey.
00:01:56Hey.
00:01:57Guess who just might have a girlfriend?
00:01:58I heard he's got two of them.
00:02:02I didn't say that.
00:02:04Oh, my gosh.
00:02:04You guys are annoying.
00:02:09Good nap?
00:02:10Yeah.
00:02:11Weird dreams.
00:02:13I still have this headache that won't go away.
00:02:16You think you should call out?
00:02:18No.
00:02:18Well, they're probably short-staffed as it is.
00:02:22Speaking of which, have you seen my ID anywhere?
00:02:25Yeah, this is what happens now that you're only volunteering twice a year.
00:02:28She gave me a hard time a little bit more with you.
00:02:31Guilt trip, man.
00:02:32Yeah.
00:02:33Yeah.
00:02:33Yeah.
00:02:44Yeah.
00:02:44Yeah.
00:02:45Yeah.
00:02:45What's he doing tonight?
00:03:05He said he's hanging out at a friend's house down the street.
00:03:08What about you?
00:03:09You still going to do that work thing?
00:03:11I decided to ditch it and go to my sister's.
00:03:13She's having her annual shindig.
00:03:15It's quite a hike, isn't it?
00:03:17I know.
00:03:17I just feel like I owe her a visit.
00:03:20Check out the invitation she sent.
00:03:23Julia's New Year's Eve Bonanza.
00:03:25Well, you can't miss that.
00:03:28This came from your brother.
00:03:29I was thinking of putting him on the fridge.
00:03:34Where are those sweaters?
00:03:36I think the sweaters are cute.
00:03:38Dad, did you get the Lakers tickets yet?
00:03:40Oh, shit.
00:03:42No, not yet.
00:03:43I'm still working on it.
00:03:44Did you give me your card?
00:03:45I can order them because they're going to sell out.
00:03:47No, no.
00:03:48I'm going to do it.
00:03:50Oh, um, I almost forgot.
00:03:53I had coffee with Matt Chauvin's yesterday.
00:03:56He asked to read your book.
00:03:58It's really not that type of thing, you know?
00:04:00Well, he was thrilled to give you notes,
00:04:03so I sent it to him.
00:04:06Is that a problem?
00:04:07No, I mean, look, it's, uh,
00:04:11he's just a big-time fiction writer, you know?
00:04:14And you asked him to read my dumb little memoir.
00:04:16Wow, okay.
00:04:17No more goodwill gestures for me.
00:04:19No, no, no.
00:04:20Okay.
00:04:21Appreciate it.
00:04:22You've reached Andrew.
00:04:36You've reached Andrew.
00:04:51Please leave a message and I'll get back to you.
00:04:53Hey, brother, it's me.
00:04:55Just calling to say Happy New Year.
00:04:57I got those photos you sent.
00:04:59Thanks for those.
00:05:01Um, anyway, give me a call back.
00:05:04Let's catch up.
00:05:06Because I'm at work right now.
00:05:28You cannot just drop this on me last minute, Ty.
00:05:31It's New Year's Eve.
00:05:35Fine.
00:05:35No, I just can't argue about it right now.
00:05:40You know what?
00:05:41I'll figure it out.
00:05:45Steven.
00:05:46Hi, how are you?
00:05:48Good.
00:05:48So good to see you.
00:05:49How are you?
00:05:50Ah, you know, same old, same old.
00:05:52Not interrupting, am I?
00:05:53No, that was just my ex-husband dropping the ball again.
00:05:57I actually have to go and get my kids.
00:05:59He got his dates all messed up and now it's impossible to find a sitter.
00:06:02Actually, I think it's just going to be you here most of the night.
00:06:05Cindy's off at 11.
00:06:06Oh, uh, okay.
00:06:08I'm so sorry, Steven.
00:06:09I know it's a lot from one person, but I just...
00:06:11No, no, no, no.
00:06:12It's fine.
00:06:13It's fine.
00:06:13Go be with your kids.
00:06:14It's okay.
00:06:15You're a lifesaver.
00:06:16Come on, you're the hero.
00:06:17I'm the one who sold out and went into private practice.
00:06:20Well, at least use my desk.
00:06:23I do have a nice chair.
00:06:25All right.
00:06:25All right.
00:06:36Lifeline.
00:06:41Hello?
00:06:43I don't want to talk about myself.
00:06:45I don't want to talk about myself.
00:07:15I don't want to talk about myself.
00:07:17Hello?
00:07:22It's, uh, it's okay if you're not ready to talk, but, uh, can I get your name at least?
00:07:31Mary.
00:07:32Mary?
00:07:33Hi, Mary.
00:07:35I'm Steven.
00:07:38I don't really know how this works.
00:07:40Well, it's, uh, really whatever you feel like you need.
00:07:47What made you call in this evening?
00:07:50And there's no right answer to that.
00:07:52I didn't want to feel like this.
00:07:54I want it to be over.
00:07:56But please, don't tell the police where I am.
00:08:02Because they'll...
00:08:03No, no, no.
00:08:05No, no, no, I won't.
00:08:06I promise.
00:08:07This call's anonymous, so you don't have to worry about that, okay?
00:08:12Okay?
00:08:14I'd just like to talk a little bit about how you're feeling.
00:08:17Did, uh, did something happen at home tonight?
00:08:19Maybe a fight with family, or, uh...
00:08:23Yeah.
00:08:23Yeah?
00:08:24Yeah?
00:08:25Can you tell me a little bit about that?
00:08:34Um...
00:08:35It's different.
00:08:38I had it.
00:08:39It's been all over the place, and no one I know gets it, so...
00:08:44I got these pills.
00:08:47You have the pills with you now?
00:08:49Awesome.
00:08:55They're for sleep and depression, but I figured if I take enough...
00:09:00Well, I'm really hoping you don't do that, Mary.
00:09:02There's no other way.
00:09:03I don't have a choice.
00:09:06Now, why do you say that?
00:09:08What?
00:09:09When you say that you don't feel like you have a choice, what do you mean by that?
00:09:15Mary, can you...
00:09:17Can you tell me where you are right now?
00:09:19Are you at home?
00:09:21No, I'm in Palm Springs.
00:09:23My husband rented a house here for the holidays.
00:09:26But he knows that you've been having a hard time.
00:09:31What?
00:09:32But he knows that you've been...
00:09:34hurting?
00:09:35No.
00:09:40Mary?
00:09:40I don't trust him.
00:09:42He's the reason I'm...
00:09:44The reason that you, uh, that you feel like hurting yourself?
00:09:49Yeah, I...
00:09:50He drove us out here because I was having problems.
00:09:55There was a medication change I went through recently, and...
00:09:59I told him I was in therapy, and he got really mad.
00:10:02I don't...
00:10:03Talk him.
00:10:06I don't think I can talk any longer.
00:10:09Why not?
00:10:12Mary, is it because you're worried about your husband finding out?
00:10:16Yeah.
00:10:20Has your husband ever hurt you?
00:10:22No.
00:10:26But I'm afraid of him.
00:10:28It's hard to explain.
00:10:35No, no, I think I understand.
00:10:37Um...
00:10:38But I gotta say, things, um...
00:10:40They sound really tense over there tonight, so...
00:10:43I'd like to come up with a safe word or, uh...
00:10:46Or phrase, in case your husband comes home and we're still talking.
00:10:50What do you mean?
00:10:51What do you...
00:10:51It's just a way for you to let me know that you're feeling unsafe, so it...
00:10:56It doesn't trigger your husband.
00:10:58Can we do that?
00:11:00Okay.
00:11:01Fine, yeah.
00:11:02Okay, great.
00:11:04So the best thing to do is to pick a word or a phrase that's really easy to bring up in a conversation.
00:11:14Like, he's so wonderful or something?
00:11:17Yeah.
00:11:18Yeah, that's great.
00:11:19He's so wonderful works.
00:11:20That's great.
00:11:20And you'll remember that, right?
00:11:22Just in case?
00:11:23Yeah.
00:11:24Okay.
00:11:25I don't know.
00:11:27It feels really risky.
00:11:30Mary, listen.
00:11:31I just want to do whatever we can to...
00:11:33I should hang up.
00:11:35No, no, no.
00:11:35Mary, Mary.
00:11:36Wait, wait.
00:11:37Are you still there?
00:11:38If we can get you someplace safe tonight, away from your husband, okay?
00:11:44Just until your therapist is available, do you think that you could hold off on maybe
00:11:51taking those pills?
00:11:52I, I don't, I don't know.
00:11:57Maybe.
00:11:58Maybe?
00:11:59Well, can you give me your address?
00:12:02And I just feel better if we got you out of that situation, away from him.
00:12:08578 Flamingo Drive.
00:12:13578 Flamingo Drive.
00:12:14And you said you're in Palm Springs, right?
00:12:17Honestly, I, I think it'd be easier to just send it.
00:12:20Mary?
00:12:21Mary?
00:12:22It just keeps happening.
00:12:23I know.
00:12:24Listen, I understand, Mary.
00:12:26I, I understand.
00:12:27Listen.
00:12:29But that would be...
00:12:32That would be a really big mistake and one that you cannot take back.
00:12:37Do you understand that?
00:12:40Mary?
00:12:43Shit.
00:12:44Shit.
00:12:44Shit.
00:13:14Lifeline, how can I help you today?
00:13:44And give that hot bath a try, okay?
00:13:55Yeah, you too.
00:14:10Lifeline.
00:14:16Sorry, I'm sick.
00:14:20Okay.
00:14:21Well, that's okay, but this line is specifically for mental health purposes, so...
00:14:27So what?
00:14:29Well, if you have a cold, then you should talk to a doctor or someone more qualified
00:14:39than me.
00:14:40No, I mean, I also want to kill myself.
00:14:44Okay, that is something that we should talk about.
00:14:48Can you hold on a second?
00:14:53Sure.
00:14:58Listen, if this is a prank call, I'm going to hang up, okay?
00:15:08Julia, what are you two doing?
00:15:11I mean, that's your answer.
00:15:16I'm sorry.
00:15:18I'm sorry.
00:15:20I'm sorry.
00:15:21I'm sorry.
00:15:24I'm sorry.
00:15:28I'm sorry.
00:15:30It's okay.
00:15:32I'm sorry.
00:15:34you all right oh yeah it's just a little coffee burn thanks
00:15:49how's your night going pretty good feels like it's been non-stop
00:15:54yeah i'm gonna make a little coffee you want some lifeline
00:16:04lifeline hi uh my wife mary called a little while ago my name's jason
00:16:26okay yeah hi she uh you know well i'll let her explain she's right here
00:16:36hello hi mary it's steven
00:16:41um yeah i just wanted to call and say i was sorry about before
00:16:49my meds they just make me think crazy thoughts and
00:16:55mary is your husband there with you right now
00:17:00uh-huh yeah
00:17:04he's so wonderful
00:17:09well thanks for letting me know you're okay and have a good rest of your night
00:17:16yeah happy new year you too
00:17:20fall springs police department what's your emergency hi my name is steven thomas and i'm a hotline
00:17:36responder at the lifeline call center there's a lady in your area at 578 flamingo drive and i believe
00:17:43there's a possibility that there's a possible uh domestic violence situation with her husband
00:17:48all right let me put you through to an officer on patrol hang on
00:18:03this is officer fredericks with the palm springs pd you were reporting a domestic violence case yes she's at
00:18:09five seven eight flamingo drive
00:18:13that's the address dispatched in us is there a number i can reach you at sure my cell is seven
00:18:18one seven five five five six four five five great i'll give you a call back once we get eyes on her
00:18:26what was the name again mary i didn't get a last name okay well we're on our way now great i appreciate it
00:18:39that's the reason why you're not speaking to her
00:18:43i can't tell her because that's a lot of information
00:18:46for the audience
00:18:48you know
00:18:50it's not a lot of time
00:18:51you know
00:18:52you know
00:18:54it's not a lot of time
00:18:56and you know
00:18:58and you know
00:19:00it's not a lot of time
00:19:01you know
00:19:02you know
00:19:04Lifeline.
00:19:34I'm gonna kill myself.
00:19:41Okay.
00:19:43Can you tell me a little bit about why?
00:19:50It wouldn't make sense.
00:19:53Well, I'd like to try and understand.
00:19:56I'm in no rush.
00:20:02Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?
00:20:05Like what?
00:20:07You, um, you have a job.
00:20:09Are you a student?
00:20:12I go to UCLA.
00:20:14Oh, yeah? I went there.
00:20:16I mean, a while ago, but, um...
00:20:20What's your name?
00:20:22Steven.
00:20:24Steven. That's my name, too.
00:20:28Where are you right now, Steven?
00:20:31In a motel.
00:20:34I bought a gun.
00:20:38I gotta be honest with you, Steven.
00:20:41Um...
00:20:43Guns make me really nervous in this kind of situation.
00:20:48Did you tell anyone else where you are?
00:20:51I...
00:20:53I tried to tell my girlfriend, but, er...
00:20:57Ex-girlfriend, but...
00:20:59We just got into a fight, so...
00:21:02I'm sorry to hear that.
00:21:05What's your girlfriend's name?
00:21:07It's Vivian, but everybody calls her Viv.
00:21:13And you said your name is Steven?
00:21:16Yeah.
00:21:17What's your last name?
00:21:19Thomas.
00:21:22So, uh...
00:21:24You wouldn't happen to have gone to, uh...
00:21:26Woodrow Wilson High School, did you?
00:21:30Yeah, how did you know that?
00:21:32I'm gonna put you on hold for just a second, alright?
00:21:36Hello?
00:21:48Hey, it's me.
00:21:49Dad?
00:21:50Yeah, nice work with that, uh, prank call there.
00:21:53What?
00:21:54That was good.
00:21:55Did you get your mom in on that, too?
00:21:57Dad, I seriously have no idea what you're talking about.
00:22:00But so the guy that called in claiming to be me,
00:22:03you knew nothing about that?
00:22:05No.
00:22:08And, Dad, it's really loud here right now, so...
00:22:10Okay.
00:22:12Alright, well, we'll talk about this later.
00:22:14Okay, bye.
00:22:23Hey, so, uh, so listen, buddy.
00:22:25You seriously just put me on hold?
00:22:28I came here to blow my brains out,
00:22:30and you're too fucking busy to stay on the phone with me?
00:22:32Okay, okay, hey, listen, listen, listen.
00:22:33I'm sorry.
00:22:34I'm sorry that...
00:22:35You're right.
00:22:36That was wrong with me.
00:22:38I apologize.
00:22:40Whatever.
00:22:43It doesn't matter.
00:22:44I...
00:22:45It's happening no matter what, so...
00:22:50When you say it's happening, you mean...
00:22:52I mean I'm going to kill myself.
00:22:55I've already decided.
00:22:57But you haven't done it yet, and that's a great thing.
00:23:01And I told myself midnight.
00:23:05Is there a reason that you gave yourself a time?
00:23:07I don't know.
00:23:09It helps when I have a goal, I guess.
00:23:12Well, you seem pretty determined.
00:23:16Did you get the gun for this purpose?
00:23:19Yeah.
00:23:20It's either I use it on myself or on...
00:23:26On who?
00:23:29It doesn't matter.
00:23:32I'm too much of a coward to do that.
00:23:35He always knew that about me.
00:23:37I only called because I don't want to be alone when I do it.
00:23:41They said this hotline was anonymous, so I...
00:23:44I figured if I told anyone else, they'd call the cops.
00:23:46Well, that's not gonna happen with me.
00:23:47But I gotta be honest with you.
00:23:48This, uh...
00:23:51This worries me, Steven.
00:23:52But you're not gonna call it though, right?
00:23:54No.
00:23:55Just bring a one fucking siren.
00:23:56No, no. I'm not gonna call the cops.
00:23:58I just wanna keep talking to you, okay?
00:23:59That's it.
00:24:01Can we do that?
00:24:04Yeah.
00:24:06Okay.
00:24:08As long as you know it won't matter.
00:24:10We can't change what's happening.
00:24:13What specifically do you feel like you can't change?
00:24:19I...
00:24:20I just mean generally.
00:24:22I...
00:24:23I feel like we all believe we're in control.
00:24:25When we aren't.
00:24:27So you feel powerless?
00:24:29I don't feel. I am.
00:24:30I am fucking powerless.
00:24:31That's why I know nothing matters.
00:24:34I know people say that all the time, but...
00:24:36It's true.
00:24:37It's like the only thing that's true.
00:24:42That nothing matters?
00:24:43We're all just talking to ourselves.
00:24:45Telling ourselves the same things over and over.
00:24:49Putting meaning into every little.
00:24:52We're pretending to be people we aren't.
00:24:53All of us.
00:24:54Acting like everything's perfect.
00:24:56And normal.
00:25:00And what I did...
00:25:04What did you do?
00:25:06What did you do?
00:25:09I mean...
00:25:13What did I let happen?
00:25:15Good boy.
00:25:20What did you let happen?
00:25:22Forget it.
00:25:26Steven.
00:25:28Once I do this...
00:25:30I'll be free.
00:25:32I mean it's all insane.
00:25:33And if the whole world is insane...
00:25:37Then why is it insane to want to end my life?
00:25:41I think it would be tragic.
00:25:44But insane?
00:25:48I don't know.
00:25:52You see there's part of me that can understand the feeling that the whole world is rigged against us.
00:25:57Right?
00:25:58And no matter how hard we try, life just keeps putting obstacles in our way.
00:26:03Sometimes worse.
00:26:05Sometimes...
00:26:07Things feel like they're so bad that it is too much for one person to take on.
00:26:12Alone at least.
00:26:14Alone at least.
00:26:19But that's why you called in.
00:26:24And I think that's great.
00:26:30Steven...
00:26:31Steven...
00:26:35Are you still with me?
00:27:01Hi, this is Vivian.
00:27:10Please leave a message.
00:27:12Hey, it's me.
00:27:14Just had a call that threw me for a loop.
00:27:18Give me a call when you get it.
00:27:20I love you.
00:27:21Hey, I'm so sorry. I know you're about to head out, but I need to run down to the restroom downstairs.
00:27:33Can you cover for me for just a sec?
00:27:35Yeah, sure.
00:27:43Hello?
00:27:44Hi, it's Officer Fredericks.
00:27:46Oh, yeah.
00:27:47My cell.
00:27:48I just wanted to follow up.
00:27:49We arrested the victim's husband you called in about.
00:27:51A, uh, Jason.
00:27:53Oh, okay.
00:27:54And, uh, and how's Mary?
00:27:56She was worked up, for sure.
00:27:58And we had an ambulance take her to the hospital since her head was injured pretty bad.
00:28:02Oh, my goodness.
00:28:04But, hey.
00:28:06It's great you called.
00:28:08Who knows how bad things could have gotten if we hadn't showed up.
00:28:11Well, thank you.
00:28:13I'll give you a call this week since we'll need a full statement.
00:28:15For sure.
00:28:17This is the best number to reach you at?
00:28:19Uh, yes it is.
00:28:20Okay.
00:28:21You have a good rest of your night, sir.
00:28:23You too.
00:28:24Happy New Year.
00:28:37Hey there, I'm just gonna use your restroom really quick, alright?
00:28:40Key is on the desk, right there.
00:28:45Esther, what's holding up?
00:28:46You, Esther, what's holding up and всех in your room, to get up in the door.
00:28:51God, what's holding up, ah?
00:28:52Come on.
00:28:53No.
00:28:54Get in the car.
00:28:55Oh, no.
00:28:56No.
00:28:57Get up, ma'am.
00:28:58She goes, dos, dos.
00:28:59And she'll have a couple of a gym in ディオイル for a first and a half akhirios
00:29:00of the bathroom going to have a nice menu.
00:29:02Me at the bathroom.
00:29:03Never.
00:29:04Never.
00:29:05Never.
00:29:09Listen now.
00:29:10Huh?
00:29:15You're gonna listen to me!
00:29:16What was that?
00:29:33Damn gunshot victim.
00:29:34Those doctors, there's a hospital nearby?
00:29:37Yeah, next door in the West Tower.
00:29:39Tell you, a bunch of strange happenings going on in this block.
00:29:43Man.
00:29:45You on eight, right?
00:29:46Yeah.
00:29:47Yeah, you'll probably see me around here later on.
00:29:49Graveyard shit for us, huh?
00:29:51Man, it gets lonely around here on New Year's Eve, I tell you.
00:29:55But...
00:29:58I don't believe this.
00:30:00Is this happening upstairs, too?
00:30:02Yeah, there's something similar.
00:30:04Must have been from that earthquake earlier.
00:30:06We had one?
00:30:07Yeah, you didn't feel it.
00:30:09Must have missed it.
00:30:11Hey, thanks again.
00:30:13No problem.
00:30:14Happy New Year.
00:30:15You too.
00:30:18Andrew!
00:30:20Hey, man.
00:30:21Sorry, I just got your message.
00:30:23No worries.
00:30:24Yeah, it's crazy.
00:30:26It's almost midnight here.
00:30:27The boys somehow have more energy than me.
00:30:29Yeah, they look really big in the photos you sent.
00:30:32Yeah.
00:30:33Tell me about it.
00:30:34Hey, I was meaning to call you earlier this week.
00:30:39You know, it's just been a little...
00:30:41No, no, no.
00:30:42I get it.
00:30:43I get it.
00:30:44It's weird.
00:30:45Uh...
00:30:46I've been thinking about Mom and Dad recently.
00:30:50And, uh...
00:30:51I don't know.
00:30:52It's like memories of them.
00:30:54They're fading, you know?
00:30:56Like, I can only remember them in bits and pieces now.
00:31:02Sorry, I don't know what I'm trying to say.
00:31:04No, I get it.
00:31:05It's the same for me.
00:31:06You know, it feels like it's easier to block things out most of the time.
00:31:11You know, I've been thinking about it, too.
00:31:13I mean, how can we not on a night like tonight, you know?
00:31:17You remember that time when Dad took Mom on that trip and left us alone for the weekend?
00:31:24And didn't tell us where they were going or anything and they just left?
00:31:28Yeah.
00:31:29Yeah, I remember that.
00:31:44You said something to me.
00:31:46I've never forgotten.
00:31:49What if he kills her?
00:31:53I know they came back a few days later.
00:31:55She was okay, but...
00:31:58Yeah, and then with me going so far away for college...
00:32:03We'd never talked about it, but...
00:32:08I could've done more.
00:32:10I know that.
00:32:13Hey, Steve, hang on one sec.
00:32:16Honey?
00:32:18Boys.
00:32:20I'm sorry.
00:32:21We're closing in on midnight here.
00:32:24Yeah, no.
00:32:25I gotta run, too.
00:32:26I'm at work, so...
00:32:28Hey, but let's find a time to talk more.
00:32:31You know?
00:32:32When I'm not being used as a jungle gym.
00:32:34Yeah, for sure.
00:32:35Yeah.
00:32:36Yeah, for sure.
00:32:37No, no.
00:32:40I'm really excited for that.
00:32:41I have to show you what's going on.
00:32:43I don't know about it right now.
00:32:45You don't know.
00:32:46You'll see what I'm doing right now.
00:33:18Hello.
00:33:24Steven, hi. It's, uh, Matt Chauvin's, a colleague of your wife's?
00:33:29Yeah. Hi, how are you?
00:33:31I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. Yourself?
00:33:35I'm great. Um, funny. I'm actually looking at your Wikipedia page.
00:33:41No kidding.
00:33:43Yeah, I, uh, I heard that Vivian sent my, uh, draft to you.
00:33:48So sorry. I just didn't expect to hear from you so soon.
00:33:51Well, good writers seek out other good writers whenever they can.
00:33:55Hey, you're the professional. I'm just a wannabe.
00:33:58Now, please, don't sell yourself short.
00:34:01Well, I, uh, I'll admit, by the end of college, I was dead set on either being a psychologist or a sci-fi writer, so, you know.
00:34:09Oh, yeah?
00:34:09Yeah, yeah, it's gonna be one or the other.
00:34:23Hello?
00:34:25Uh, hi, sorry. Did you, uh, did you feel that earthquake?
00:34:30No, no. It must have not hit us here in the valley. Are you all right?
00:34:35Uh, yeah.
00:34:38Yeah, all good.
00:34:41Good.
00:34:43So, I know it's New Year's Eve. I hope I'm not interrupting.
00:34:48No, not at the moment.
00:34:50Well, I had to call.
00:34:51Because, honestly, I'm reading this memoir, and I'm on the edge of my seat. I could have put it down.
00:34:58Really?
00:35:00That, uh, that means a lot.
00:35:03Yeah, no, it's gripping stuff.
00:35:06I really can't wait to read the rest.
00:35:10Well, I figured it was more or less finished, page count-wise.
00:35:14Huh.
00:35:15So, I'm just gonna give you my personal opinion.
00:35:17You can take it, you can leave it, but...
00:35:19No, no, please. I, uh, I'd love the feedback.
00:35:23Well, it feels like you stopped short right as things with your father started heating up.
00:35:33I trust you.
00:35:37But the way you set everything up until this point, the father-son dynamic.
00:35:42Yeah, I just figured there was more to explore with that relationship.
00:35:46With my father, um, okay?
00:35:52Because I, I don't think I really got into our relationship until around Chapter 8 or so.
00:35:57Huh.
00:35:58Vivian must have sent me an earlier manuscript.
00:36:01This copy ends at Chapter 5.
00:36:03Uh, I actually have the latest draft emailed to myself, and I can forward that to you right now.
00:36:11Yeah, that'd be great.
00:36:20The writing is terrific.
00:36:22And your teenage years, I mean, phew, it's harrowing, honestly.
00:36:28Yeah, I just end up sticking to sci-fi and political thrillers.
00:36:31Maybe I'm too afraid of getting personal.
00:36:33Man, I'm sorry.
00:36:38I, I've got to call you right back.
00:36:40Oh, uh, okay.
00:36:42Let's, uh, let's talk later.
00:36:44Hey, Viv.
00:36:45Hey, sorry.
00:36:46I just got your message.
00:36:47It's all right.
00:36:48It's no problem.
00:36:49Have you talked to Jeff?
00:36:51Uh, yeah.
00:36:52I talked to him about an hour ago.
00:36:54He was, uh, still at the party.
00:36:56Why?
00:36:57He hasn't responded to my text.
00:36:59Really?
00:37:00I mean, I know he's just down the street, but I've been trying to check in.
00:37:04Oh, hang on.
00:37:05I just texted.
00:37:07Are you saying I'll be home by 12.30 at the latest?
00:37:11You're great.
00:37:12And how was your party?
00:37:14Ugh, I left early.
00:37:16I'm actually on the road now.
00:37:18That much fun, huh?
00:37:20No, it was fine.
00:37:21It was good to see Julia.
00:37:22She spent at least an hour telling embarrassing stories from when we were young.
00:37:26How was everything on your end?
00:37:28Your voicemail sounded...
00:37:29No, I think I just wanted to hear your voice.
00:37:32You know?
00:37:34Conversations tonight got me thinking.
00:37:37Yeah?
00:37:38Yeah.
00:37:38About what?
00:37:41Us.
00:37:42The past.
00:37:44Oh.
00:37:45Not the past.
00:37:47Yeah, that little old thing.
00:37:51You just think there's, uh, things I've forgotten, you know?
00:37:55Senior year of college, and, uh, maybe before.
00:38:05Tell me what you remember about us.
00:38:07About us?
00:38:09Wow.
00:38:11Yeah.
00:38:14Yeah, from the beginning.
00:38:15No, I hope you haven't forgotten that much.
00:38:20No, I'm just in a reflective moment.
00:38:24And I am writing a memoir.
00:38:26Supposedly, anyway.
00:38:27Yeah, that's true.
00:38:31So?
00:38:31Well, we first met in a psych class, but I don't think we started dating until physics, I think.
00:38:42We ended up getting partnered together for a final.
00:38:45That paper we wrote.
00:38:47God, why do I always forget the name?
00:38:49The mini-worlds one.
00:38:53Yeah, yeah, that one.
00:38:55Which, by the way, I found that stashed at home earlier today.
00:38:59You kept that?
00:39:01Yeah, yeah, probably just sentimental value, I guess.
00:39:05Yeah, I hadn't thought about that till today.
00:39:08Yeah, I don't know why I held on to it.
00:39:10I just felt like we got through some tough times that year, so.
00:39:16But, yeah, that paper, it was way above our heads.
00:39:21We were trying to prove that parallel universes existed or something like that.
00:39:26I remember you had doubts.
00:39:29Yeah, that sounds like me.
00:39:33We got all philosophical that first night, working on the take-home,
00:39:38debating whether life was deterministic.
00:39:39Like, you had this relentless belief in free will.
00:39:45And that, among other things, is why I fell in love with you.
00:39:53What do you mean by we, um, we got through tough times that year?
00:40:00Well, you know.
00:40:02I mean, I don't even want to think about it now, but...
00:40:07You know what?
00:40:09No, it just, uh, it's hard to think about how close things came to Endame.
00:40:15What do you mean, Endame?
00:40:17Just us.
00:40:19Everything.
00:40:20The day in the car.
00:40:21It was a few weeks after you first told me about the scars on your back.
00:40:36Where they really came from.
00:40:42Go get our room.
00:40:43They were so free to talk about it back then.
00:40:52You were so afraid to talk about it back then.
00:40:59So...
00:41:00...
00:41:04I'm crying.
00:41:22Quiet, Steven.
00:41:34The number you dialed is not a service.
00:41:51Hello?
00:41:52Jeff?
00:41:55Sorry, man, you got the wrong number.
00:41:57Come on, I know this is Jeff's number. I'm his father.
00:42:04Hey, you've reached Tyler. Leave a message.
00:42:34Just go.
00:42:51Lifeline.
00:43:12It's me again.
00:43:16Steven?
00:43:17Yeah.
00:43:18Yeah.
00:43:21I'm glad you called back.
00:43:24You still in the motel?
00:43:26Yeah.
00:43:29Do you believe in the afterlife?
00:43:34Well, um, I'm not religious, so in that sense, no.
00:43:42You know, as a kid, the idea of the afterlife scared me.
00:43:47Even reincarnation.
00:43:48What do you think?
00:43:55It's like that Greek myth, Sisyphus. You know that one?
00:43:59Yeah, I do. The guy that pushes the rock up the hill over and over.
00:44:05Sometimes I think that's all life is.
00:44:07These endless cycles of pain that we all just accept.
00:44:09I wanted to know that when we die, that it's just over, just blackness, no more consciousness, no, no more pain.
00:44:17I hate the idea that there could be two possible outcomes.
00:44:31Death just feels like it should be so definitive.
00:44:37Like it's the one thing you can't achieve.
00:44:42Well, I told you I don't think it's an insane thought to contemplate death or even think about taking your own life, but...
00:44:48I think with what you have going on, Steven, that this is...
00:44:55Stop.
00:44:57Stop what?
00:44:58Just get it...
00:44:59Get it through your fucking head that you're not going to talk me down.
00:45:02I'm not...
00:45:03I'm not calling you to be fucking saved.
00:45:05You should treat this like it's already happened.
00:45:07What's already happened?
00:45:11Yeah, because there's no stopping it.
00:45:13I'm killing myself at midnight, like I said.
00:45:21But I agree, obviously, that it's not insane to think about it.
00:45:26It's insane if you don't think about killing yourself.
00:45:30Honestly, I think everyone, every person on Earth is just doing therapy with themselves.
00:45:37Constantly.
00:45:39I mean, one part of our brain telling another part not to kill ourselves.
00:45:45That there's some reason to keep...
00:45:48That's an interesting way of looking at life.
00:45:52Maybe a little cynical, but I think it makes sense.
00:45:54I don't know, it's so weird that I'm even telling us.
00:45:58What, calling in tonight?
00:46:01Yeah.
00:46:03I've always hated talking about myself to other people.
00:46:06Especially when I'm in a bad place.
00:46:09Well, I'm happy that you did, because I'm a big believer...
00:46:12In talking things out.
00:46:14I think it helps.
00:46:17You know, when I was younger, I think I was a lot like you, and I didn't talk about anything.
00:46:20Even my first girlfriend in college, I never told her anything personal.
00:46:28I was never vulnerable.
00:46:31If you can't talk to me, then...
00:46:33Then I can't do this anymore.
00:46:37Then go.
00:46:40Steven.
00:46:41Just go.
00:46:41You know, I've taken a few psych classes, so you don't have to bullshit me.
00:46:48I'm not.
00:46:50Yeah, you're just trying to bond with me. I know how it works.
00:46:53I'm sorry it came across that way, but...
00:46:56I do believe I can relate to what you're saying.
00:46:59How do you do it?
00:47:02Do what?
00:47:05I don't know.
00:47:06Stay optimistic while taking calls from people like me.
00:47:11I mean, when you go home, what?
00:47:12You just shut it off and forget about it?
00:47:15I wish it were that easy.
00:47:18So what?
00:47:18You get high or something?
00:47:20No.
00:47:21Well, I have, uh...
00:47:27I have been known to finish off a bottle of wine when I get home from time to time.
00:47:33But, um...
00:47:35I'm lucky to have people in my life I can rely on.
00:47:41Yeah.
00:47:43That's the thing about luck. No one wants to talk about it.
00:47:45You really feel like you don't have anyone you can rely on?
00:47:56You're not after what you've done to me.
00:48:04You're a father?
00:48:11Mike!
00:48:12You never, ever...
00:48:14Sorry, I'll listen.
00:48:15You're a girlfriend.
00:48:31Tell me more about her.
00:48:35Vivian's her name, you said, right?
00:48:40Yeah.
00:48:40Um, we've been dating since we were sophomores, so a couple years.
00:48:49I always thought she was out of my league.
00:48:53Don't surprise me, she asked me out.
00:48:57I know you said that you guys had a fight.
00:49:02But she seems like someone you've confided in before.
00:49:06Or trusted.
00:49:08I told you.
00:49:10I...
00:49:13I can't trust anyone.
00:49:18Not after what he's done to me.
00:49:40Are you a father?
00:49:43I am, yeah.
00:49:49You seem like you'd be a good one.
00:49:51I feel like that's rare.
00:50:00Can we talk about your dad for a minute?
00:50:03Because he seems like a pretty hard guy to have for a parent.
00:50:12You could say that.
00:50:13Did he abuse you?
00:50:21Yeah.
00:50:22Yeah.
00:50:23But he always disguised his love.
00:50:30He's always with me.
00:50:31He's always with me, his voice.
00:50:39I hear it, even now.
00:50:42Even now.
00:50:43I feel afraid over me all the time.
00:50:47Like one day he's telling me how proud he is of me.
00:50:51And what?
00:50:52Fuck it.
00:50:53Doesn't matter.
00:50:54No, it does.
00:50:55It does matter.
00:50:56What were you going to say?
00:50:57Nothing.
00:50:58Steven.
00:50:59Steven.
00:51:00Steven, can we push back this deadline that you've set?
00:51:02Can we do that?
00:51:03No.
00:51:04I can't.
00:51:05I can't.
00:51:06I can't.
00:51:07Just let him eat away at me, little pilot.
00:51:09Then let's talk about that a little bit more.
00:51:10No.
00:51:11I can't.
00:51:12I can't.
00:51:13Fuck it.
00:51:14It doesn't matter.
00:51:15No, it does.
00:51:16It does matter.
00:51:17What were you going to say?
00:51:18Nothing.
00:51:19Steven.
00:51:20Steven.
00:51:21Steven, can we push back this deadline that you've set?
00:51:23Can we do that?
00:51:24No.
00:51:25I can't.
00:51:26I can't.
00:51:27Just let him eat away at me, little pilot.
00:51:29Then let's talk about that a little bit more.
00:51:30No.
00:51:31I can't fucking think straight.
00:51:33I just want you to fucking talk about something else, okay?
00:51:35All right.
00:51:36All right.
00:51:37I'm sorry.
00:51:38Then let's talk about something else.
00:51:39We can talk about whatever you want.
00:51:40Okay?
00:51:43But there's one thing that I need to know, Steven.
00:51:50Do you have the gun in your hand right now?
00:52:01That's the officer, Frederick.
00:52:02Hey, Steven.
00:52:16I know that you're all alone in a motel.
00:52:23And you're sounding really depressed.
00:52:26And you told me that you have a gun.
00:52:33I know that you're in the Red Palm Motel.
00:52:36I didn't tell you that.
00:52:38Yes, you did.
00:52:39How did you?
00:52:40You told me that.
00:52:41You told me where you...
00:52:41I just forgot the room.
00:52:43No, I didn't.
00:52:43I just forgot the room.
00:52:44Just tell me the room.
00:52:45I didn't tell you my room number either.
00:52:48Steven, I don't want you to die.
00:52:49Can you just tell me where you are?
00:52:51Please.
00:52:52Just so I know.
00:52:56But...
00:52:56It's room 15, all right?
00:53:08But I told you if you call the cops...
00:53:10I know, I know.
00:53:11If you hear any sirens, you're going to kill yourself.
00:53:13And I don't want that, Steven.
00:53:18But I was thinking...
00:53:19What if I came?
00:53:22Not the cops, just me.
00:53:26It'll take me a little bit to drive out there, but I can be there.
00:53:29No, no, no.
00:53:30There's no time.
00:53:31Just stop, okay?
00:53:32Just stop.
00:53:32Okay, okay.
00:53:33Then just...
00:53:34It's important for me to know where you are, okay?
00:53:37And I'm just confirming.
00:53:38You said the Red Palm Motel, room 15, correct?
00:53:41What?
00:53:41Why do you keep asking?
00:53:43I said it doesn't matter.
00:53:44I'm sorry, you're right.
00:53:45I won't ask again, okay?
00:53:46Tell me a story.
00:54:06One from when you were a kid.
00:54:19That's the only good memory I have of my dad.
00:54:23He'd read to me when I was little.
00:54:27He really enjoyed that for some reason.
00:54:29Steven.
00:54:37Hey, Steven.
00:54:39I have to do it.
00:54:40I'm sorry.
00:54:41No, no.
00:54:42Hold on.
00:54:43Hold on.
00:54:43I know it's really hard right now, but I need you to stick with me for just a little longer,
00:54:46okay?
00:54:47Because I really think that I fully understand what you're going through.
00:54:50You couldn't.
00:54:52You couldn't.
00:54:52No, I do.
00:54:53Oh.
00:54:53No.
00:54:55I do.
00:54:59Your father.
00:55:02I know.
00:55:05I know everything.
00:55:07Your mother, I know her, too.
00:55:11What?
00:55:11I know what happened to her, and how you blame yourself.
00:55:23I don't...
00:55:24How do you...
00:55:26I just know, Steven.
00:55:31No, you can't.
00:55:32You can't know him, that's it.
00:55:34He...
00:55:34He covered it up, and he forced you to lie.
00:55:38Yeah.
00:55:41I'm going to have to tell the police what happened.
00:55:48Can I trust you?
00:55:50And then when she was gone, and your brother went away to college, he turned to you.
00:55:58He started hurting you.
00:56:00He made you powerless, but you're not, Steven.
00:56:02Yes, I am.
00:56:04I told you, we all are.
00:56:05It's not your fault.
00:56:06You did everything you could to protect your mom, especially for being a kid.
00:56:11And everything your father did to you.
00:56:26I know the effects it had on you.
00:56:33We can protect you from him.
00:56:34We can fix this without...
00:56:39You don't have to do this, Steven.
00:56:43How do you know all this about me?
00:56:45I know it's strange.
00:56:47I know it's strange.
00:56:49But I'm here to tell you there's hope.
00:56:51And no matter how bad you're feeling right now, those feelings, they're survivable.
00:56:55And I know that because I've seen it, Steven.
00:56:58I've seen it.
00:56:59I can't.
00:57:04I can't.
00:57:06Yeah, you can't.
00:57:06I'm sorry.
00:57:07No.
00:57:09Just stay with me.
00:57:10It's easy.
00:57:10Just stay.
00:57:15Steven, are you here?
00:57:20I have to.
00:57:21No, you don't.
00:57:22I'm sorry.
00:57:23Because you have a future.
00:57:25I promise you.
00:57:26I promise you that there's a future with people who love you.
00:57:29I promise you, Steven, these people are...
00:57:31I promise you.
00:57:32I promise you, Steven.
00:58:00What the hell?
00:58:01Hello?
00:58:05Hi, yeah.
00:58:07Hey, just wanted to stay on the line to confirm.
00:58:10You've got a potential suicide victim at the Red Palm,
00:58:12is what it sounded like.
00:58:14Room 15, right?
00:58:17Yes, room 15, but hurry, I think it's...
00:58:19I'm already on my way.
00:58:21I'm only a minute out, so I'll call you back.
00:58:31All right.
00:58:56Marcy.
00:59:01Hello?
00:59:06Yeah, hi. So, nothing here at the Red Palm.
00:59:09Actually, the hotel manager says no one's checked in at all tonight.
00:59:14What?
00:59:15But, uh, sort of a weird thing.
00:59:17I found a bullet hole in the wall of the bathroom in room 15.
00:59:21You did?
00:59:23Yeah, I mean, I can't tell if that's what it is for sure or how recent it is, but it looks old.
00:59:29I had to guess.
00:59:31Um, well, uh, thank you for your help. I guess I don't...
00:59:42I don't know.
00:59:44I don't know.
01:00:14I don't know.
01:00:44Hello?
01:00:52Hello?
01:01:06Hello?
01:01:08Hey!
01:01:10You're not authorized to be on this floor, are you?
01:01:14No, I, uh...
01:01:16Come on, man. I like you.
01:01:18I don't want to have to report you.
01:01:20There's something going on in that lab.
01:01:34Looked pretty dead to me.
01:01:36There's a hospital in the West Tower.
01:01:38Mm-hmm.
01:01:40What's the name of it?
01:01:42What's the name of it?
01:01:44Not again.
01:01:46You said there's a hospital in the West Tower?
01:01:48Mm-hmm.
01:01:50What's the name of it?
01:01:52Not again.
01:01:54Not again.
01:01:56What's the name of it?
01:01:58I don't know.
01:02:00I don't know.
01:02:02I don't know.
01:02:04I don't know.
01:02:06I don't know.
01:02:08I don't know.
01:02:10I don't know.
01:02:12I don't know.
01:02:14I don't know.
01:02:16I don't know.
01:02:18I don't know.
01:02:36Hello?
01:02:38Hey, uh...
01:02:40I'm so sorry.
01:02:42I just realized my sister and her friend,
01:02:44they prank called this number earlier tonight
01:02:46and when I realized it was...
01:02:48Julia.
01:02:49No.
01:02:50Come on.
01:02:51You said you'd apologize.
01:02:52Julia!
01:02:53I...
01:02:54Wait.
01:02:55Your sister's named Julia?
01:02:56Your younger sister?
01:02:57Yeah.
01:02:58She's...
01:02:59Sorry.
01:03:00You know.
01:03:01She's a little young.
01:03:02And you're Vivian.
01:03:04Yeah.
01:03:05How did you know that?
01:03:07It's January 1st, 2009 where you're at, right?
01:03:11Just past midnight.
01:03:13Yeah.
01:03:15I need to tell you something about Stephen Thomas.
01:03:18Do you know Stephen?
01:03:20Yeah, it's a long story, but listen.
01:03:22Right now, I need you to go to, uh...
01:03:24St. Jude's Hospital in Palm Springs, okay?
01:03:30Do you have a car?
01:03:31Uh, yeah.
01:03:32But what's going on?
01:03:34Stephen tried to kill himself tonight.
01:03:38And I don't know if he's gonna make it.
01:03:41Uh, uh...
01:03:42Okay?
01:03:43Okay.
01:03:44Okay.
01:03:45I'm, uh, I'm...
01:03:46I'm going now.
01:03:47Um, wait.
01:03:48Are you the person he said he talked to earlier tonight?
01:03:51I don't know.
01:03:52Did he, uh...
01:03:53He said he tried calling someone, but that he kept hanging up.
01:03:56He wasn't really making sense, but, um...
01:03:59Um, anyway, whoever you are, thank you.
01:04:12He tried to call.
01:04:13He tried to call.
01:04:42I got the car, he tried to call the car.
01:04:43I happened to be the car car...
01:04:44I thought he was running a car car.
01:04:45I had to do so.
01:04:46I had to go, but he was, wasn't the car car.
01:04:47He didn't stop.
01:04:48I went to go.
01:04:49I'm going to go.
01:04:50I'm going to go, but, um...
01:04:51I have to try more.
01:04:52I'm going...
01:04:53I probably don't know.
01:04:54I've been paying for my car car.
01:04:55I've been paying for that car.
01:04:56I have to go, but...
01:04:57I've never been paying for that car.
01:04:58There's three other, so...
01:04:59Because we're going to go...
01:05:00He's going to go!
01:05:01I've never been paying for that car.
01:05:02Everybody's going to tell you.
01:05:04He's going to get my car...
01:08:07Do you have a family?
01:08:09I do?
01:08:10Yeah.
01:08:11I have a wife and a son.
01:08:13My son's about to turn 14 next month actually.
01:08:17And he's a big Lakers fan.
01:08:19He's a big Lakers fan.
01:08:20My wife thinks he has a girlfriend but he's too shy to talk to me about that stuff.
01:08:29And so recently I've only been volunteering a few times a year ever since I went into private
01:08:35practice.
01:08:36And I was told that writing a memoir would be a good therapeutic exercise.
01:08:45So I'm about five chapters deep in right now.
01:08:47I'm about five chapters deep in right now.
01:08:49I'm about five chapters deep in right now.
01:08:59I'm about to laugh.
01:10:03Tell me a story.
01:11:33Steven.
01:11:34Steven.
01:11:35Just go.
01:11:37I'm alive.
01:11:49I'm alive.
01:11:51I'm alive.
01:11:52I'm alive.
01:11:53I'm alive.
01:11:55I'm alive.
01:11:57I'm alive.
01:11:59I'm alive.
01:12:01I'm alive.
01:12:03I'm alive.
01:12:10Alive.
01:12:13I'm alive.
01:12:15I'm alive.
01:12:17You know, his odds aren't good.
01:12:42And even if he does make it.
01:12:47I, I can't stand to see him like this.
01:12:54I need to go on a walk.
01:12:55Andrew.
01:12:57I'm sorry.
01:13:17Hi, Mary.
01:13:28How you doing?
01:13:29Okay, I guess.
01:13:31So your concussion symptoms were pretty mild, but we're still going to want to keep you overnight, okay?
01:13:35Also, there's a detective here that would like to speak with you.
01:13:38Mary, hi.
01:13:48I'm Detective Fredericks with the Palm Springs Police.
01:13:52I'd like to get more background about your husband, Jason.
01:13:55Yeah, that's fine.
01:14:00Thanks.
01:14:01Hey, Loretta.
01:14:04Hello?
01:14:05Dr. Williams?
01:14:06No, I, I can't.
01:14:07I can't get a sitter that fast.
01:14:08Dr. Williams, I'm sorry.
01:14:09It's really urgent.
01:14:09Come on.
01:14:10You're just now telling me this?
01:14:12I just have to show you one thing.
01:14:13I gotta call you back.
01:14:14It's just gonna be really quick.
01:14:15Right, so patient.
01:14:16It's just a sweet one.
01:14:18Yeah.
01:14:18Yeah.
01:14:18Yeah.
01:14:18Yeah.
01:14:18Yeah.
01:14:18Yeah.
01:14:18Yeah.
01:14:19Yeah.
01:14:19Yeah.
01:14:19Yeah.
01:14:19Yeah.
01:14:19Yeah.
01:14:19Yeah.
01:14:25Yeah.
01:14:26Yeah.
01:14:27Yeah.
01:14:28Yeah.
01:14:29Yeah.
01:14:30Yeah.
01:14:31Yeah.
01:14:32Yeah.
01:14:33Yeah.
01:14:34Yeah.
01:14:35Yeah.
01:14:36Yeah.
01:14:37Yeah.
01:14:38Yeah.
01:14:39Yeah.
01:14:40Yeah.
01:14:41Yeah.
01:14:42Yeah.
01:14:43Yeah.
01:14:44Yeah.
01:14:45Yeah.
01:14:46Yeah.
01:14:47Yeah.
01:14:48Yeah.
01:14:49Yeah.
01:14:50Yeah.
01:14:51Yeah.
01:14:52Yeah.
01:14:53Yeah.
01:15:24They told me it's not likely you'll wake up, but I don't believe it.
01:15:35I know you.
01:15:38When you do, we're going to talk more, okay?
01:15:42We're not going to hide things.
01:15:48I'm scared, though, Stephen.
01:15:50But I'm still here, and so are you.
01:15:56I'm still here, and so are you.
01:16:26I'm still here.