Em LIFE, o especial mais pessoal de Andrew Schulz até agora, ele nos leva em uma jornada hilária e humilhante sobre os processos de tentar começar uma família. Em um retrato sincero de um pai de primeira viagem, Schulz desvenda o caos da fertilização in vitro, da coleta de amostras à fuga de minas terrestres emocionais, até a experiência do parto.
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00:00Fácil.
00:04Fácil.
00:14Shultzy, Shultzy, Shultzy.
00:18Mathew.
00:19A cute baby.
00:20I didn't get the Amber Alert.
00:22Hey Matt, how are ya?
00:24Hey Matt, how are ya?
00:26It's always good to see ya.
00:28Good to see you too, man.
00:29Yeah.
00:30What are you two up to today?
00:31Ah, Jesus.
00:32We are celebrating.
00:33My new special's coming out.
00:34Oh, nice.
00:35Yeah.
00:36What are you, stand up there and grow a mustache?
00:38Actually, if you wanna know, it's about my wife and I trying to make a baby.
00:41It's like, like red tube.
00:43Like what?
00:44Red tube, man.
00:46Fucking red tube, you know.
00:48No, not red tube.
00:49What are you talking about, weirdo?
00:51Oh.
00:52We had a lot of trouble getting pregnant.
00:53Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
00:55Thank you.
00:56Appreciate that.
00:57Come to you for that.
00:58Come to you for what?
00:59Well, I know everything there is about being born.
01:02Right?
01:03You can use that in your skit if you want.
01:05Matt, how the fuck would I use that in my comedy?
01:07So what was the issue?
01:08Like, are you, like, limp?
01:10No, I'm not limp, okay?
01:12I get pretty hard.
01:13Well, I believe you.
01:14I do get pretty hard.
01:15I believe you.
01:16Do you wanna know what the special's about or not?
01:18Sure.
01:19It's basically this.
01:20The doctor puts the embryo in my wife.
01:22The second he puts it in, I'm like,
01:24ugh.
01:25Says your sperm is like a C-plus.
01:27Blacked out.
01:28Shame.
01:29Shame.
01:30Shame.
01:31At this point, I realize she thinks I suck my own dick.
01:35Fuck was that?
01:36Did you just clip montage me?
01:37Yeah.
01:38You clip montage.
01:39You asked me to shit?
01:40You wanna battle with me?
01:41You wanna clip montage battle with me?
01:42Four fucking decades in the movie business.
01:44You wanna play this game with me?
01:45No, you just said you wanted no one to.
01:46No, why don't you get a little of this?
01:47Come here.
01:52I couldn't get the rights to the movies.
01:53Oh, fuck.
01:54Yeah, we reached out and there was like a whole...
01:56What kind of special is this?
01:57Do me a favor.
01:58Don't watch the special.
01:59It's not for people like you.
02:00What the fuck does that mean people like me mean?
02:02Yeah, people like you.
02:03I'll watch your fucking I'm shooting blanks comedy special
02:05as much as I fucking want to.
02:07I'll watch it twice.
02:08As a matter of fact...
02:09Where's it playing?
02:10I don't wanna tell you.
02:11Which the fuck is it playing?
02:12Netflix, okay?
02:13Don't do that thing where you like embarrass me.
02:15No, I wouldn't want to embarrass you.
02:16That's...
02:17Hey, everybody, everybody.
02:18Listen, Andrew Schultz has a comedy special
02:22about how his balls are full of oatmeal
02:24and we're all gonna watch it, okay?
02:26Thanks.
02:27You are so Boston.
02:28It's amazing.
02:29Fuck you, I'm watching it now.
02:30I wasn't gonna watch it.
02:31Now I am gonna watch it.
02:32Okay.
02:33When's it coming out?
02:34I don't wanna tell you.
02:35Tell me when it's coming out.
02:36I'm not gonna tell you when it's coming out.
02:37Tell me when the fuck it's coming out.
02:38March 4th, but you better not tell a single person, Matt.
02:39I'd better not tell a single...
02:40You better not tell a single person.
02:41You don't tell me what I get to tell people.
02:43Don't put my business on the streets, man.
02:44On the...
02:45What...
02:46What world do you live in, man?
02:47We're in a diner in Chelsea.
02:48Matt?
02:49I will tell whoever I want to tell,
02:50whenever I want to tell.
02:51You're not gonna tell a single soul.
02:52Yeah, watch this.
02:53Oh, Jesus.
02:54Hey, everybody!
02:55This dumbass, right here,
02:56has a special about his low sperm count,
02:59and it's on Netflix!
03:01Wait, what's the date?
03:02I forgot.
03:03Just remember to dip shit.
03:04March 4th.
03:05March 4th on Netflix.
03:08Bum bum!
03:12You're welcome.
03:17You feel better?
03:18Mm-hmm.
03:19You feel you got it all out?
03:20That was a good promo.
03:21Yeah, that was pretty good.
03:22Is that the same baby from American Sniper?
03:24No!
03:25No!
03:26No!
03:27No!
03:28No!
03:29No!