Category
đ ïž
LifestyleTranscript
00:00Can we talk?
00:02I'm pregnant.
00:04You've got a lot going on right now.
00:06Maybe take some time off, focus on things at home.
00:08Hold on. Are you firing her?
00:10Hi, George. What's up?
00:12Georgie and I ran into a little problem at the border.
00:14What border?
00:16The Mexican one.
00:18We got arrested. What?
00:20Who is it?
00:22Arrested? What do you mean, arrested?
00:24I don't know. Some problem with customs.
00:26What were they doing in Mexico? I don't know.
00:28How many times have you got to say? I don't know.
00:30Alright, what do you know?
00:32Well, they're probably going to have to pay you some fine,
00:34and they're going to need cash.
00:35My son is going to be in jail overnight.
00:37What about your mother?
00:38Oh, she's been there before. Meemaw's in jail.
00:40No.
00:41Forget about it?
00:42Forget about it. Do I need to remind you I remember my birth?
00:44Go to your room.
00:46That was a rough day.
00:48A rough day for me?
00:55You see what I see?
00:57What?
00:58An open window.
01:01You want to make a run for it?
01:03You got a better plan?
01:04Yes.
01:05You shutting up!
01:07Son of a bitch.
01:09You shirt.
01:10You give me some seltzer, I can get that right out.
01:12Shh. Sorry.
01:13So, smuggling cigarettes?
01:15Your Honor, there was no smuggling.
01:18This is a misunderstanding.
01:20400 cartons of undeclared cigarettes?
01:22Was that over the limit?
01:24By 399...
01:25I told you not to talk.
01:27He told you not to talk.
01:28All right.
01:29Here's your options.
01:30Plead not guilty.
01:31Host a bond.
01:32Come back here for a trial.
01:33Which you will lose.
01:34Because you're guilty.
01:35Or...
01:36Plead guilty.
01:37Pay a fine.
01:38And I'll never see your face again.
01:41Well, we get the cigarettes back, right?
01:43No.
01:44How much is the fine?
01:45Why don't we say $2,500?
01:47Let's say $500.
01:48This is not a negotiation.
01:50I hear you.
01:51$750.
01:52We're done.
01:53Leon, get these clowns out of here.
01:55Your Honor, please.
01:56I really need those cigarettes back.
01:58My girlfriend's gonna have my baby, and I was gonna sell them to help pay for the medical expenses.
02:02That's a touching story.
02:04Leon!
02:05Sorry.
02:06Don't let your mind do it.
02:08Take them back to holding.
02:12How about $1,000 and you can keep my grandson?
02:15What is happening to our family?
02:17I know.
02:18Georgie and me more in jail.
02:19Mom getting kicked out of the church.
02:20Georgie having a baby out of wedlock?
02:22You know what this means, don't you?
02:24What?
02:25We really are white trash.
02:26Speak for yourself.
02:27I'm in college on a full ride.
02:29But I wish y'all luck.
02:31I really appreciate this, Dale.
02:35Smuggling cigarettes?
02:36What the hell was she thinking?
02:38It was Georgie's ID.
02:39Oh, that makes more sense.
02:41So, whose truck we taking?
02:43You're coming?
02:44My ex-girlfriend?
02:45In jail at the Mexican border?
02:47I gotta take pictures.
02:48All right, I'll drive.
02:50But we gotta stop and get filmed.
02:55Who you spying on?
02:56Meemaw's house.
02:57There's a strange woman loadering on her porch.
02:59Let me see.
03:01Should we call the police?
03:04Nah.
03:05She's too pretty to be a burglar.
03:06I don't think that's just how that works.
03:10Connie?
03:11Are you okay?
03:14All right, I'm coming in.
03:16Freeze, dirtbag.
03:18Who are you?
03:19No, no, we have the moral high ground here.
03:21Yeah, who are you?
03:22I'm a friend of the lady that lives here.
03:24I'm worried about her.
03:25That's no lady, that's her Meemaw.
03:26Are you Georgie's brother and sister?
03:28Yeah.
03:29I'm Mandy.
03:30I'm Georgie's...
03:32I'm Mandy.
03:33Oh, really?
03:34Yeah, really.
03:35And I'm worried about your Meemaw.
03:37Well, you don't have to be.
03:38She's fine.
03:39She is?
03:40Yes, Sheldon.
03:41She is.
03:42So she's not in jail?
03:43She's in jail?
03:44Well, I thought so, but maybe not.
03:46So why is Connie in jail?
03:49That's family business.
03:50Although, Mandy is carrying Georgie's baby and Georgie's also in jail, so...
03:51Georgie's in jail?
03:52Why are you still talking?
03:53That is a valid question.
03:54It's past my bedtime.
03:55Good, go.
03:56Nice meeting you.
03:57So, what happened?
03:58All I know is they had a problem at the border.
03:59Something about smuggling cigarettes.
04:00What an idiot.
04:01Hey, he was trying to make money because you got pregnant.
04:02Oh, so this is my fault.
04:03He didn't make that baby on his own.
04:04Look, you're just a kid, okay?
04:05You don't understand what's going on here.
04:06I know my mom lost her job and got kicked out of the church because you won't marry my brother.
04:11I didn't know that.
04:12So, did I win this argument?
04:13Feels like I did.
04:14Okay, done.
04:15We need to talk.
04:16Are you testing me?
04:17Is this a test?
04:18Am I Mrs. Jobe?
04:19I try to be a good person, but...
04:20Lately, it feels like you are smacking me down.
04:21What?
04:22I'm just trying to make money because you got pregnant.
04:23What?
04:24I'm just trying to make money because you got pregnant.
04:25Oh, so this is my fault.
04:26He didn't make that baby on his own.
04:27Look, you're just a kid, okay?
04:28You don't understand what's going on here.
04:30I know my mom lost her job and got kicked out of the church because you won't marry my brother.
04:34I didn't know that.
04:35So, did I win this argument?
04:36Feels like I did.
04:37I try to be a good person, but...
04:39Lately, it feels like you are smacking me down every chance you get.
04:42And I know that that might sound a little ungrateful right now as I load my new dishwasher that I love.
04:47But can't you pick on someone else for a while?
04:49Who are you talking to?
04:51God?
04:52To yourself, got it.
04:53And you think, like Job, God is testing your faith?
04:56Sure would explain all the bad things that have been happening.
04:59So, believing in a God who's going out of his way to ruin your life is more comforting than believing there's no God at all?
05:04Isn't it past your bedtime?
05:05I know, goodnight.
05:06Wait, where's your sister?
05:08At Meemaw's talking to Mandy.
05:09What?
05:10Why?
05:11Can we table this for tomorrow?
05:12I'm running on fumes.
05:15So, instead of traveling around the country with me, she'd rather smuggle cigarettes and run in jail.
05:20How the hell is that supposed to make me feel?
05:22I don't know.
05:23Bad?
05:24Damn right, bad.
05:25Treated that woman like a queen.
05:27Didn't you break up with her?
05:28That was a bluff.
05:29Never thought she'd call it.
05:31Well, you are coming to her rescue.
05:33Maybe that's to turn things around.
05:34Who said they want her back?
05:35Great.
05:36You don't want her back.
05:37Let's stop.
05:38I will say one thing.
05:39I miss the sex.
05:40Oh, God.
05:41She is vivacious.
05:42And not just for a woman her age.
05:44Oh, look.
05:45A hitchhiker.
05:46Let's pick him up.
05:47Maybe he'll kill me.
05:48Do you hate Georgie?
05:49No.
05:50No.
05:51No.
05:52Georgie's a good guy.
05:53Anything I hate myself for making bad decisions.
05:55Like having sex before marriage?
05:57Like having tequila before sex.
05:59Hey.
06:00What's going on here?
06:01Mandy, would you tell me how she got pregnant?
06:03No, no.
06:04But you said no.
06:05No.
06:06Are Georgie and Connie okay?
06:08Uh, I hope so.
06:11My husband just went down there to get him out.
06:13Okay.
06:14That's good.
06:15I guess I'll get going.
06:18It was nice seeing ya.
06:22I'm sorry about your troubles with the church.
06:25What did you tell her?
06:27Just the highlights.
06:28Oh!
06:29I forgot I punched out a kid in Sunday school.
06:31You don't have to tell her all that.
06:32Maybe she'll feel guilty and marry Georgie.
06:36No.
06:41How you holding up?
06:43Not so good.
06:44Kid ain't even born yet and I'm already a terrible father.
06:47You're not terrible.
06:48A terrible father would have walked away.
06:53Was my dad real pissed off?
06:55No.
06:56He was positively giddy about having to drive eight hours down to the border to bail your ass out.
07:00Your ass too?
07:01Yeah, but I like it when he's pissed at me.
07:05This will be a cool story to tell my kids someday.
07:08Sure.
07:09Oh.
07:10You know what would be awesome?
07:11If it was a boy, we named him Winston.
07:12You know, like the cigarettes?
07:14And if it's a girl, we could name her Virginia.
07:16Virginia Slims.
07:19Okay.
07:20I think that's enough of you for now.
07:34Evening.
07:35Mary.
07:36Evening.
07:37How come George ain't taking out the garbage?
07:41He's, uh, I am perfectly capable of taking the trash cans out.
07:45Of course.
07:46You are woman.
07:47Hear you roar.
07:48I sure hope we're still going to see y'all in church tomorrow.
07:56Um, I'll think about it.
07:59How's Georgie and his young lady friend?
08:02Great.
08:03They're great.
08:04Has anything changed vis-a-vis their nuptials?
08:06Nope.
08:07Baby's going to be a bastard.
08:08That's what you're implying, isn't it?
08:09Yeah.
08:10Not a word I like to use.
08:11But most important, happy.
08:13Healthy.
08:14Bastard.
08:15What you said.
08:16Goodnight, Pastor.
08:17God bless.
08:18God bless.
08:33Yeah?
08:34I can't sleep.
08:35Me neither.
08:36This whole Mandy thing is a mess.
08:37If you mean the nomenclature, I agree.
08:39Norman who?
08:40Nomenclature.
08:41The system of devising or choosing names for things.
08:43For example, if Mandy and Georgie were married, she'd be our sister-in-law.
08:46But they're not.
08:47Exactly.
08:48So we need a term for the unmarried mother of our future niece or nephew.
08:50How about Mandy?
08:51Follow me.
08:52If we knew the sex of the baby and it was a boy, I was thinking we could call Mandy
08:55Nep-Uterus because she'd be having a nephew in her uterus.
08:58However, niece-Uterus just doesn't hit the year right.
09:00I still think Mandy works.
09:01Now there is a gender initial term coined by linguist Samuel Martin in the 1950s,
09:04which takes the N from niece or nephew with sibling to get nibbling.
09:07So she'd be our nibbling?
09:09No, the baby's the nibbling.
09:10Mandy would be either the nibbling guess or the nibbling girl.
09:12Or, in a sort of more traditional German suffixes, nibblingo.
09:15That one.
09:16Oh yeah, that one's the winner.
09:17Sadly, nibblingo never quite caught on.
09:20But that doesn't stop me from using it in Scrabble.
09:22This is gonna be my Christmas card.
09:24What the hell?
09:25What are you doing here?
09:27What are you doing here?
09:28I'm saving you.
09:29You think I got that kind of cash laying around?
09:31He doesn't.
09:32That's why I'm saving you.
09:33Well, damn.
09:34Georgie, come on.
09:35I have one minute.
09:36Now.
09:37Okay.
09:38Okay.
09:39Find some paint.
09:40Let's go.
09:41I'm really sorry about this, Dad.
09:42Talk about it in the car.
09:43Hey, it's just you and me.
09:44Great.
09:45Yeah, it is.
09:46Because I'm saving you.
09:48I know I messed up.
09:49Mm-hmm.
09:50And I'm gonna pay you back.
09:51Every penny.
09:52Mm-hmm.
09:53Mm-hmm.
09:54You get that I was doing this for the baby, right?
09:55I do.
09:56Which, when you think about it, could be a reason to be proud of me.
10:00Takes time.
10:01Think about it.
10:02When I get the pictures developed, do you want copies?
10:04No.
10:05Jails make you cranky.
10:06Still haven't heard, thank you.
10:08Those are the words, but I'm just not feeling it.
10:10I'm not feeling it.
10:11You get that I was doing this for the baby, right?
10:14You get that I was doing this for the baby, right?
10:15I do.
10:16Which, when you think about it, could be a reason to be proud of me.
10:19Takes time, think about it.
10:20When I get the pictures developed, do you want copies?
10:22No.
10:24Jails make you cranky.
10:26Still haven't heard, thank you.
10:32Those are the words, but just not feeling it.
10:34Just not feeling it.
10:35I'm tired.
10:36I'm sore.
10:37I'm embarrassed.
10:38Could we just...
10:40Please not.
10:44Sorry.
10:47Do you have to join any gangs when you're in there?
10:51Can I ask you something?
10:52What?
10:54Why are you scared when Mom got pregnant with me?
10:56I was terrified.
10:59What, are you scared?
11:01Yeah.
11:02Yeah.
11:03Good.
11:04Be a fool if you weren't.
11:05I don't know what I'm doing.
11:06I don't know what's expected of me.
11:07At least you and Mom got married and we're a team.
11:10Yeah, you got it rougher than me.
11:12Does it ever stop being scary?
11:14I got a call from the Mexican border and my son was in jail.
11:16What do you think?
11:17Fair point.
11:18Sorry.
11:19Is that all scary?
11:20There's fun parts.
11:21Like what?
11:22We went to the beach once.
11:23That wasn't bad.
11:24Well, regardless, it's happening.
11:25I'm gonna be a dad.
11:26Yes, you are.
11:27I hope I'm as good a dad as you are.
11:28Don't try to butter me up.
11:29You saw that, huh?
11:30Yeah, I saw.
11:31Boy, you are smart.
11:32Just to be clear, I'm gonna pay you back every cent.
11:35Don't worry about it.
11:36I am worrying about it.
11:37Well, I think of the money as a gift.
11:38And I'm gonna be holding over your head.
11:39Well, that doesn't work for me.
11:40How about when we get home, I make it up to you?
11:43Hold on.
11:44You wanna wipe out a $2,500 debt with one roll in hay?
11:46Are you saying I'm not worth it?
11:47I'm saying it's a lot of money.
11:48Offer's off the table.
11:49Oh, no, no.
11:50Wait a minute. Hang on.
11:51Too late.
11:52Too late.
11:53I was thinking of the money for $2,500.
11:54You're gonna be looking for a $2,500.
11:55I'm gonna be holding over your head.
11:56You're gonna be holding over your head.
11:57You're gonna be holding over your head.
11:58Well, that doesn't work for me.
11:59How about when we get home, I make it up to you?
12:02Well, hold on.
12:03You wanna wipe out a $2,500 debt with one roll in the hay?
12:07Are you saying I'm not worth it?
12:08I'm saying it's a lot of money.
12:09offers off the table. No, no, no, wait a minute. Hang on. Too late. Too late. Hey, I was thinking
12:12a fair price would be $500 or more. Well, isn't that what a girl wants
12:17to hear? Seems very mean.
12:22Do you think Georgia got a tattoo in jail? No. Do you think
12:24Meemaw did? Probably. Are we going to church?
12:29I'm going. After everything that happened? Isn't that weird?
12:33Doesn't matter. I need to.
12:35I'll go with you. You don't
12:38have to. I want to.
12:47What?
12:48This is where you sit. It's all right. All right. This is nowhere near the acoustic sweet spot.
13:09Shush. And I'm sitting behind what may be the largest man in Texas.
13:12Shh. Dear friends, let us love one another. Whoever does not love does not know God because
13:21God is love. It means that we are responsible for sharing that love with all those around
13:28us. Now let's join hands and pray. Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for gathering us here today
13:34to join together in worship. I've had enough. Let's go.
13:36Leslie, please give us the strength to reflect your abundant love out into the world. Thank
13:42you for bringing us here today to join together in worship. Excuse me. Am I the only one struck
13:47by the incredible hypocrisy of this sermon? You go on and on about loving one another and
13:51how God is love, but not when it comes to my mother and our family? And why? Because
13:54my brother impregnated a woman 11 years older than him? Which one could argue was an
13:57act of love? At least on his part. She doesn't seem to care for him. Also, earlier you said
14:01Nebuchadnezzar. In Hebrew, it will be pronounced Nebuchadnezzar. More in the back of the throat.
14:05Cha. Cha. Shelton? Bye. Or in Hebrew, shallow, which also means hello and peace. Cha. Cha.
14:16How's mom? Pretty upset. Even after that excellent speech I made? For once, I don't think
14:21you're the problem. Good for me. I'm reading.
14:26Hi there, Missy. May I help you? I was hoping to talk to your mom. She around? I'm not sure.
14:37Let me see if she's available. What's going on? She's available. Hello? Mary, I am so sorry
14:45about today. I understand why you're upset, but the church is still your family. I just
14:51hate to see you walk away from the Lord. Feels like he's walking away from me.
15:11Mary Cooper, I want to sex you up.
15:15I have good news. I could use it. I got a job at the bowling alley. Work with Brenda?
15:24Every day. I am so sorry about today. I just hate to see you walk away from the Lord. Feels
15:29like he's walking away from me. What is that? Hamburger helper? It's official. We're poor.
15:40We're not poor. There's hamburger in there. There's hamburger in there, right? I like hamburger
15:45helper. It really does help you hamburger make a great meal. Well, it's a good thing you like
15:48it, because you're definitely poor. Like us. We're fine. Actually. Just eat. Do we still
15:53say grace? Why not? Mom's been taking a break from the church. Mom. Well, I hadn't really thought
15:58about it. We can if you want to. Let's not. As meaningless as it is, I do find the ritual comforting.
16:03Well, somebody make a decision. That slop's getting cold. No, it's good cold or hot. Like
16:06grape nuts. Ooh, can I say it? Sure. Bless us, Laura, for the food we were about to receive,
16:13and bless the hands I prepared in. And let me have a good hair day for school pictures
16:16later this week. Let's see what else I want. Wrap it up. And please let my dad find a full-time
16:21job before we lose cable. Amen. Amen.
16:36So, how's it going with this whole no-church thing? It's a little weird, but I'm figuring
16:49it out. Think you might go back? I don't know yet. Maybe find a different church? I don't
16:55know, George. Go and get a beer. You, uh, care to join me like the good old days? Just
17:03because I'm not going to church doesn't mean I'm suddenly a drinker. Okay, well, then
17:07I guess me and my friends will say goodnight. We need to talk. About what? You do their
17:13taxes. How bad off are we? Based on their part-time income, we're going to run out of money
17:17by the end of the year. Before or after Christmas? Before. Not what I wanted to hear. Anything
17:23we can do to help? Perhaps we could sell our stuff. But I like my stuff. I like my stuff,
17:28too. Let's keep thinking. Hello? Connie, Grant Linkletter. Hello, Grant. What can I do for
17:39you? Well, I looked at my calendar and realized it's been six weeks since I last asked you
17:42out, so I thought I'd give it another shot. You ask me out every six weeks? Used to be
17:46nine, but I'm not getting any younger. I'll tell you what. Fine. Really? Why not? Oh, excellent.
17:54But I want to be clear. This is just one of those, whatchacallit, platonic things. We're
17:59just having dinner. I'll take it. Now, would you prefer a restaurant or some good home cooking?
18:03I make seven kinds of soup. I think I'll just stick with the restaurant. Fair enough. But
18:07one day you'll try my mushroom barley and your taste buds will swoon. Goodnight, Grant.
18:11The secret is how long I cook the onions. Chicken coop, now.
18:24Hi. What are we doing? What are you doing? You hired Mary to work at the bowling alley.
18:31She needed a job. I was being nice. Well, you don't think it's a little weird? This right
18:36here? It's all weird. Are you drunk? Not nearly enough. You and Mary working together is a bad
18:42idea, considering, you know, you and me. We haven't done anything, George. But there
18:47was considering. You knew there was. What do you want me to do? You want me to fire her?
18:51No. No. That would be weird. Which is exactly where we started. Goodnight.
19:01You understand what I'm saying.
19:02Okay, so what are you good at? Unpopular. That is not a skill. You can't do it. Fine.
19:10Oh, you could go on Jeopardy. Never. I don't like answers in the form of questions. I like
19:14my answers in the form of answers and my questions in the form of questions. Thank you.
19:17Ooh, perhaps I could sell story ideas to TV shows like Star Trek. You really think they'd
19:20listen to a kid? My voice has gotten deeper. The other day I answered the phone and they
19:23didn't mistake me for mom. Star Trek's not gonna buy your stupid ideas. We'll see about that.
19:27I have one where the Enterprise falls to a time tunnel and Worf becomes a war from 12 minutes
19:30in the future. We could let people punch you for a buck? No. All our profit would just go to
19:35medical expenses. Hey, Brenda. I was trying to do the books for the quarter and I was having a
19:44little trouble making sense of it. You know, Mary, if it's too big of a mess and you'd rather work
19:49somewhere else, I'd understand. No. I'll figure it out. Great. So happy you're here.
19:57Hey there. Oh. Hi, Mary. Finally found an eight pounder that's not pink. I didn't know you
20:07bold. I didn't know you did either. Actually, I, um, I work here now. Oh, sure. Okay. I'm so sorry
20:17about how things went down to church. It helps that all the place has gone to heck since you
20:22left. Good. I sure do miss working with you. Well, we can still be friends even if we don't
20:31work together. I'd like that. You find a kitty ball yet? It's not about to wait. I have small
20:37fingers. Oh, uh, Mary, this is Shannon. Shannon, this is Mary Cooper. Hi. Who used to be Mary
20:44Tucker? Not in a long time. You remember me? Sorry, no. Shannon Dixon. He used to babysit
20:52me. Is that so? So great. She would let me stay up late and watch TV when she'd make out
20:57with her boyfriend. I don't remember any of that. Well, I'm not surprised you used to hit
21:02my dad's liquor cabinet pretty hard. Well, Mary Cooper. I was young and had found the Lord.
21:07You two. Here's that invoice. Oh, great. I see Pastor Rob's here again. Oh, does, uh,
21:22does he come here, Rob? Not with that one. She's new. Well, good for him. Single, good-looking
21:30pastor. In a small town like this, he might as well be Roger Scott. Oh, my God. The Dallas
21:37Cowboys. Oh, sure. Of course. Um, hey, if you need me, I'm going to be in the office doing
21:41office things. What are you doing here? I ran out of beer at home. Didn't feel like driving
21:51to the store. So you just waltz in and help yourself. About sums it up. I'm changing the
21:56lock. Cheers. So how's my daughter doing? Yeah, she seems okay. Still trying to figure
22:06things out. I got to be honest, I'm not exactly upset about less religion in the house. I
22:10hear you. Although Jesus making her forgive me has come in handy more than a few times.
22:15Yeah, I played that card too. Then again, I remember Mary before God got his mitts on her
22:21and she was pretty wild. Don't have to tell me I was the person she was wild with. Oh,
22:26she was wild long before she ever met you. What do you mean? Did you think that you were
22:31the first person she was wild with? Well, yeah.
22:40And just when the Enterprise is about to be assimilated by the Borg, another ship appears
22:44piloted by Wesley Crusher. Uh-huh. It's surprising because Wesley Crusher left the show years ago,
22:48so it's a big deal. If you say so. I have more. Commander, data. I'd like a reservation for
22:52dinner. Yes, I'll hold. You want to do this over dinner? Okay. I'm taking your grandmother out
22:57tonight. She didn't mention it to me. Maybe because it doesn't concern you. My Meemaw,
23:01my professor. Who's in the middle of that Venn diagram? Yes, two people at eight o'clock.
23:06Eight's a little late for Meemaw. What time does she like to eat? Well, she's old like you,
23:10so 6.30 at the latest. Can we make that 6.30? Wonderful. Hold on. Does she like French food?
23:15I'll call you back. Anyway, Commander Data. Let me ask you a question. If this Commander Data
23:21were taking her Meemaw out for dinner, where would they go? Almost certainly the holodeck.
23:25Sounds trendy. Is that in Houston?
23:30Hello. What's up? I saw your Hope Wanted sign. I'd like to help, please. How old are you?
23:36How old do I need to be? 14. Do I not look 14? I don't care. Perfect. So when do I start?
23:42Wait, hold on. Do you even like comic books? Yeah. What's your favorite? Um...
23:48And the cool thing about the X-Men is not just that they have superpowers. They act as a metaphor for
23:52outsiders trying to find their place in society. Who's your favorite? All of them.
23:58Mine, too. And I got the job. You can't work at the comic book store. If anyone
24:01should work at the comic book store, it should be me. Sorry, we're not hiring. Do I at least get a
24:05discount? I do. Oh, hey. Hi. You okay? Not really. It's been a rough couple of days.
24:21I'm sorry. Thank you. Makes you feel better. I've had a pretty good couple of days, and I'm still
24:25going to get drunk. You want to join me? Yes. That would be nice. More sad than nice. But let's go.
24:39So, this is unexpected. Well, I know you like margaritas, so my first thought was a Mexican
24:44restaurant. Good thought. But I assumed other men had come to that same conclusion. They have.
24:48Which led me to Polynesian Fair. I like to think of the Mai Tai as the margarita of the South Pacific.
24:54You don't do anything on a whim, do you? Did once. Didn't like it.
25:00I have an idea for a Star Trek episode I'd like to present to you.
25:03Why me? Because I'm hoping to sell it, and since it's going to be broadcast television,
25:06I want to make sure the common man can understand it. Yeah, I understand how Justin solved it.
25:10Excellent. I came to the right common man. We start on a gas giant in the vicinity of Rigel
25:14four. Then, see a shuttlecraft, a dot of silver against the inky blackness of space.
25:19Inside the shuttlecraft, we see Lieutenant Worf struggling to breathe. He's been infected
25:22by a vicious, intelligent fungus. Where are you going? I'm listening.
25:26Cough. Cough. Worf is choking on spores, but not just your everyday spores. These are spores with
25:31their own evil agenda. And as he sinks into a coma, a mysterious figure in a space suit approaches.
25:35He lowers the visor on his helmet, revealing future Worf. Are you hooked? Oh yeah.
25:40Main titles. Cue theme song and the soothing voice of Patrick Stewart as Captain Picard says.
25:44Space. The final frontier. Who's Patrick Stewart?
25:54Feeling better? I'm fine. Just having a little moment earlier. All right.
26:03Seems like running to Pastor Rob kind of rattled you a little bit. Oh, well, I was asked to leave the
26:11church and he's still there. So, still a little fresh. I get that. Seems like a nice guy though.
26:18Oh yeah. He's great. Cute as a button. I guess. I prefer a bigger man. Like George. Oh yeah. Bigger the better.
26:28Deep within the Enterprise's control room, future Worf says, I willingly sacrifice myself for the good of
26:34this mission. Then throws himself into the warp core. There's an explosion of tachyons. The Enterprise
26:38blast free of the gigantic field of fungus. Fade out. Written by Sheldon Lee Cooper. What do you think?
26:45If this Worf fella was infected on the shuttles, why would he come back to the Enterprise and put
26:51everyone else in danger? Well, my father found a flaw in my story. My sister had a job I envied. It was a
26:58big day for the common man. But then I had an idea that like future Worf was ahead of its time.
27:04Missy. What? Why is a dollar worth a dollar? Sheldon, I'm busy. Me too. I've solved all of our
27:10money problems. I'm going to invent my own digital currency. Like printing your own? No. First we
27:15assign value to difficult to find numbers and store them in a computer database. Then we create an
27:18algorithm to mine the numbers. Then we encourage people to switch from currencies that are government
27:21back to ours. It's brilliant. I'm going to be rich. Speaking of, did you know Batman is also secretly
27:27a rich dude? Or he lives in a rich dude's basement. I'm still figuring it out.
27:34Oh, thank you, tiki woman. So, what's going on at work? I don't want to bore you with science talk.
27:40No, no, I'm interested. Excellent. We're in a race with the Finnish team to see if you can correct
27:43the unification of the leptons. As you can imagine, the world waits anxiously while we see who crosses
27:48the Finnish line first. So the Finnish may be at the Finnish line.
27:54Oh, you're witty too. More cheese to bait the trap. Maybe we should order dinner. Nonsense. There's food right
28:00here. Pineapple. Crickly on the outside, but beautiful inside. Just like you.
28:09And you know that Shannon girl with Pastor Ross? She was a bed wetter.
28:14Ten years old. That's not normal. Maybe you'll get a fun little surprise on their honeymoon.
28:18Oh no, they're not getting married. Well, how do you know?
28:21I don't. I just think you can do better. Mary Cooper. Are you sweet on him?
28:29No. What? I am a married woman.
28:32Peppily. Well, I was married one student. Stop me from looking.
28:35Well, I'm not looking. Where are you going?
28:38To dance. I didn't think you Baptist did that. We don't drink neither.
28:42Oh, wow. I'm pretty good. Are you familiar with the phrase, you need money to make money?
28:51No. Well, it's a phrase. And my clever twist on it is, I'm going to make money to make money.
28:56Now, when I say make money, you might think that I'm talking about counterfeiting,
28:58but no. I'm talking about creating a unique decentralized digital currency that people
29:02can pay to own. Sounds like scam. No, it's an open source
29:05currency that has value due to mathematical scarcity. Sounds pretty scammy.
29:08You don't understand. I do. You say a bunch of fancy jibber-jabber,
29:12people don't want to admit they're too stupid to understand, then they give you their money.
29:14Well, um, sort of. Love it. How do we get started?
29:19Well, all we need is a mainframe computer. How much is that?
29:21New, about half a million dollars, but I'm hoping to find something slightly used.
29:25Time will prove me right.
29:29You're not going to believe this, but I don't go on a lot of dates. No.
29:32It's true. Sure, I did okay as a younger man, but there was a war on and
29:36most of the able-bodied men where else were. So you sowed some oats. I get it.
29:39A whole field of them. I was the Johnny Appleseed of oats. Okay.
29:43But here's the thing. Once you put off matrimony past a certain point,
29:47women start to think of you as, what's the word? Creepy.
29:50There it is. And then along comes you, my little Texas firecracker,
29:54playing the game of life by your own set of rules. I'm a firecracker, I'm a pineapple.
29:59Good for me. Could I ask you a personal question? Oh, I wish you wouldn't.
30:02How would you like to make love to a man who shook the hand of Albert Einstein?
30:06And you did. This one right here. I didn't watch it for a week.
30:10Not a selling point. Excuse me for a moment. I have to toss my cookies.
30:21Hey, where you been? Brenda and I went dancing.
30:25You went dancing. Yeah, and I'm darn good at it. Okay.
30:31The kids asleep? Yep. You want to fool around?
30:37Are you messing with me? I'm hoping to. You're a hot diggity dog.
30:46Welcome to King Kong Comics. I'm Missy. If you have any questions, please let me know.
30:49I don't have any questions. I know more about comic books than you do. Okay. Well, you may not know
30:53the new Green Lantern just came in. Also, if you like green things, I recommend Green Arrow and,
30:57of course, the Hulk. His skin is green. I know that. Everyone knows that.
31:00Uh-oh. Are you going to smash things? That's something the Hulk does when he gets upset.
31:03I'm not upset. Cool. If you need something, I'll be at the front counter. Where I work.
31:07Previously on Young Show. Mary Cooper, I want to sex you up.
31:20I have good news. I could use it. I got a job at the Bowman Alley.
31:26Work with Brenda? Every day. I am so sorry about today. I just hate to see you walk away from the Lord.
31:32Feels like he's walking away from me.
31:41What is that? Hamburger Helper. It's official. We're poor. We're not poor. There's hamburger in there.
31:47There's hamburger in there, right? I like Hamburger Helper. It really does help your hamburger make
31:50a great meal. Well, it's a good thing you like it, because you're definitely poor. Like us. We're fine.
31:55Actually. Just eat. Do we still say grace? Why not? Mom's been taking a break from the church. Mom.
32:00Well, I hadn't really thought about it. We can if you want to. Let's not.
32:04As meaningless as it is, I do find the ritual comforting. Well, somebody make a decision.
32:07That slop's getting cold. No, it's good cold or hot. Like grape nuts.
32:10Ooh, can I say it? Sure.
32:15Bless us, Laura, for the food we were about to receive, and bless the hands that prepared it.
32:19And let me have a good hair day for school pictures later this week.
32:22Let's see what else I want. Wrap it up.
32:24And please let my dad find a full-time job before we lose cable. Amen. Amen.
32:26So, how's it going with this whole no-church thing?
32:51It's a little weird, but I'm figuring it out.
32:54Think you might go back? I don't know yet.
32:57Maybe find a different church? I don't know, George.
33:02Go and get a beer. You, uh, care to join me like the good old days?
33:07Just because I'm not going to church doesn't mean I'm suddenly a drinker.
33:10Okay. Well, then I guess me and my friends will say goodnight.
33:15We need to talk. About what? You do their taxes. How about off where we?
33:19Based on their part-time income, we're going to run out of money by the end of the year.
33:22Before or after Christmas? Before. Not what I wanted to hear.
33:27Anything we can do to help? Perhaps we could sell our stuff.
33:29But I like my stuff. I like my stuff too. Let's keep thinking.
33:38Hello? Connie, Grant Linkletter. Hello, Grant. What can I do for you?
33:43Well, I looked at my calendar and realized it's been six weeks since I last asked you out,
33:46so I thought I'd give it another shot. You ask me out every six weeks?
33:50Used to be nine, but we're not getting any younger. I'll tell you what. Fine.
33:56Really? Why not? Oh, excellent. But I want to be clear. This is just one of those,
34:00what you call it, platonic things. We're just having dinner. I'll take it. Now, would you prefer a
34:05restaurant or some good home cooking? I make seven kinds of soup. I think I'll just stick with the
34:10restaurant. Fair enough. But one day you'll try my mushroom barley and your taste buds will swoon.
34:14Good night, Grant. The secret is how long I cook the onions.
34:24Chicken coop, now.
34:29Hi. What are we doing? What are you doing? You hired Mary to work at the bowling alley.
34:35She needed a job. I was being nice. Well, you don't think it's a little weird?
34:39This right here, it's all weird. Are you drunk? Not nearly enough. You and Mary working together
34:46is a bad idea considering, you know, you and me. We haven't done anything, George.
34:51But there was considering. You know there was. What do you want me to do? You want me to fire her?
34:55No, no. That'll be weird. Which is exactly where we started. Good night.
35:05You understand what I'm saying.
35:08Okay, so what are you good at? Unpopular. That is not a skill. You can't do it. Fine.
35:14Oh, you could go on Jeopardy. Never. I don't like answers in the form of questions. I like my answers
35:18in the form of answers and my questions in the form of questions. Thank you.
35:21Ooh, perhaps I could sell story ideas to TV shows like Star Trek. You really think they'd listen to a kid?
35:25My voice has gotten deeper. The other day I answered the phone and they didn't mistake me for mom.
35:28Star Trek's not going to buy your stupid ideas. We'll see about that. I have one where the
35:32Enterprise falls to a time tunnel and Worf becomes a Worf from 12 minutes in the future.
35:36We could let people punch you for a buck? No. All our profit would just go to medical expenses.
35:44Hey, Brenda. I was trying to do the books for the quarter and I was having a little trouble
35:48making sense of it. You know, Mary, if it's too big of a mess and you'd rather work somewhere else,
35:53I'd understand. No. I'll figure it out. Great. So happy you're here.
36:03Hey there. Oh, hi, Mary. Finally found an eight-pounder that's not pink.
36:09I didn't know you bowled. I didn't know you did either.
36:13Actually, I, um, I work here now. Oh, sure, okay. I'm so sorry about how things went down at church.
36:24It helps it all the place has gone to heck since you left. Good.
36:27I sure do miss working with you. Well, we can still be friends even if we don't work together.
36:37I'd like that. You find a kitty ball yet? It's not about the weight. I have small fingers.
36:42Oh, uh, Mary, this is Shannon. Shannon, this is Mary Cooper. Hi. Who used to be Mary Tucker?
36:49Not in a long time. You remember me? Sorry, no. Shannon Dixon. He used to babysit me.
36:57Is that so? So great. She would let me stay up late and watch TV. He wants you to make out with your
37:01boyfriend. I don't remember any of that. Well, I'm not surprised. You used to hit my dad's liquor
37:07cabinet pretty hard. Well, Mary Cooper. I was young and had found the Lord. You two have a great time.
37:18Here's that. Invoice. Oh, great. I see Pastor Rob's here again. Oh, does, uh,
37:26does he come here, Rob? Not with that one. She's new. Well, good for him. Single, good-looking pastor.
37:35In a small town like this, he might as well be Roger Staubach.
37:39Oh, my God. The Dallas Cowboys. Oh, sure. Of course. Um,
37:43hey, if you need me, I'm gonna be in the office doing office things.
37:52What are you doing here? I ran out of beer at home. Didn't feel like driving to the store.
37:56So you just waltz in and help yourself? About sums it up. I'm changing the locks.
38:01Cheers. So how's my daughter doing? Yeah, she seems okay. Still trying to figure things out. I gotta be honest,
38:12I'm not exactly upset about less religion in the house. I hear you. Although Jesus making her
38:17forgive me has come in handy more than a few times. Yeah, I played that card too. Then again, I remember
38:23Mary before God got his mitts on her and she was pretty wild. Don't have to tell me I was a person
38:29she was wild with. Oh, she was wild long before she ever met you. What do you mean? Did you think
38:34that you were the first person she was wild with? Well, yeah.
38:44And just when the Enterprise is about to be assimilated by the Borg, another ship appears
38:47piloted by Wesley Crusher. Uh-huh. It's surprising because Wesley Crusher left the show years ago,
38:52so it's a big deal. If you say so. I have more. Commander Data. I'd like a reservation for dinner.
38:57Yes, I'll hold. You want to do this over dinner? Okay. I'm taking your grandmother out tonight.
39:02She didn't mention it to me. Maybe because it doesn't concern you. My Meemaw, my professor,
39:06who's in the middle of that Venn diagram? Yes, two people at eight o'clock. Eight's a little late for
39:10Meemaw. What time does she like to eat? Well, she's old like you, so 6.30 at the latest. Can we make that 6.30?
39:16Wonderful. Hold on. Does she like French food? I'll call you back.
39:22Anyway, Commander Data. Let me ask you a question. If this Commander Data were taking
39:25her Meemaw out for dinner, where would they go? Almost certainly the holodeck.
39:29Sounds trendy. Is that in Houston?
39:34Hello. What's up? I saw your help wanted sign. I'd like to help, please.
39:39How old are you? How old do I need to be? 14. Do I not look 14? I don't care.
39:45Perfect. So when do I start? Wait, hold on. Do you even like comic books?
39:49Yeah. What's your favorite? Um...
39:52And the cool thing about the X-Men is not just that they have superpowers. They act as a metaphor.
39:56Outsiders trying to find their place in society. Who's your favorite?
40:00All of them. Mine too. And I got the job. You can't work at the comic book store.
40:05If anyone should work at the comic book store, it should be me. Sorry, we're not hiring.
40:08Do I at least get a discount? I do.
40:16Oh, hey. Hi. You okay?
40:21Not really. It's been a rough couple of days. I'm sorry. Thank you.
40:27Makes you feel better. I've had a pretty good couple of days and I'm still gonna get drunk.
40:32You wanna join me? Yes. That would be nice.
40:37More sad than nice. But let's go.
40:42So, this is unexpected.
40:45Well, I know you like margaritas, so my first thought was a Mexican restaurant.
40:48Good thought.
40:49But I assumed other men had come to that same conclusion.
40:51They have.
40:52Which led me to Polynesian Fair. I like to think of the Mai Tai as the Margarita of the South Pacific.
40:58You don't do anything on a whim, do you?
41:00Did once. Didn't like it.
41:01I have an idea for a Star Trek episode I'd like to present to you.
41:07Why me?
41:08Because I'm hoping to sell it. And since it's going to be broadcast television, I want to make sure the common man can understand it.
41:12Yeah, I understand how Justin solved it.
41:14Excellent. I came to the right common man.
41:16We start on a gas giant in the vicinity of Rigel IV. Then, see a shuttlecraft, a dot of silver against the inky blackness of space.
41:22Inside the shuttlecraft, we see Lieutenant Worf struggling to breathe. He's been infected by a vicious, intelligent fungus.
41:28Where are you going?
41:29I'm listening.
41:30Cough, cough. Worf is choking on spores. But not just your everyday spores. These are spores with their own evil agenda.
41:36And as he sinks into a coma, a mysterious figure in a spacesuit approaches. He lowers the visor on his helmet, revealing, future Worf, are you hooked?
41:42Oh, yeah.
41:44Main titles. Cue theme song and the soothing voice of Patrick Stewart as Captain Picard says,
41:50Space.
41:52The Final Frontier.
41:54Who's Patrick Stewart?
41:58Feeling better?
41:58I'm fine. Just having a little moment earlier.
42:02All right.
42:07Seems like running to Pastor Rob kind of rattled you a little bit.
42:11Oh, well, I was asked to leave the church and he's still there, so still a little fresh.
42:19I get that. Seems like a nice guy, though.
42:22Oh, yeah. He's great.
42:24Cute as a button.
42:26I guess. I prefer a bigger man.
42:30Like George.
42:31Oh, yeah. Bigger the better.
42:32Deep within the Enterprise's control room, future Worf says, I willingly sacrifice myself for the
42:38good of this mission. Then throws himself into the warp core. There's an explosion of tachyons. The
42:42Enterprise blast free of the gigantic field of fungus. Fade out. Written by Sheldon Lee Cooper.
42:47What do you think?
42:51If this Worf fella was infected on the shuttles, why would he come back to the Enterprise and put
42:55everyone else in danger?
42:56Well, my father found a flaw in my story. My sister had a job I envied.
43:02It was a big day for the common man. But then I had an idea that, like future Worf,
43:07was ahead of its time.
43:09Missy.
43:09What?
43:11Why is a dollar worth a dollar?
43:12Sheldon, I'm busy.
43:13Me too. I've solved all of our money problems. I'm going to invent my own digital currency.
43:17Like printing your own?
43:18No. First, we assign value to difficult-to-find numbers and store them in a computer database.
43:21Then we create an algorithm to mine the numbers. Then we encourage people to switch from
43:24currencies that are government-backed to ours. It's brilliant. I'm going to be rich.
43:29Speaking of, did you know Batman is also secretly a rich dude? Or he lives in a rich dude's basement?
43:34I'm still figuring it out.
43:38Oh, thank you, tiki woman.
43:40So, what's going on at work?
43:42I don't want to bore you with science talk.
43:44No, no, I'm interested.
43:45Excellent. We're in a race with the Finnish team to see if you can correct the unification of the leptons.
43:49As you can imagine, the world waits anxiously, but we see who crosses the finish line first.
43:53So the Finnish may be at the Finnish line.
43:54Oh, you're witty too. More cheese to bait the trap.
44:00Maybe we should order dinner.
44:02Nonsense. There's food right here. Pineapple. Prickly on the outside, but beautiful inside. Just like you.
44:09And you know that Shannon girl with Pastor Ross?
44:15She was a bedwetter.
44:18Ten years old. That's not normal.
44:20Maybe you'll get a fun little surprise on their honeymoon.
44:22Oh, no. They're not getting married.
44:24Well, how do you know?
44:26I don't. I just think he can do better.
44:29Mary Cooper.
44:31Are you sweet on him?
44:32No.
44:33What? I am a married woman.
44:36Head bully.
44:37Well, I was married once too, didn't stop me from looking.
44:39Well, I'm not looking.
44:42Where are you going?
44:43To dance.
44:43I didn't think you Baptists did that.
44:45We don't drink, neither.
44:48Oh, wow.
44:50I'm pretty good.
44:52Are you familiar with the phrase, you need money to make money?
44:55No.
44:55Well, it's a phrase. And my clever twist on it is, I'm going to make money to make money.
44:59Mm-hmm.
45:00Now, when I say make money, you might think that I'm talking about counterfeiting.
45:02But no, I'm talking about creating a unique, decentralized digital currency that people can
45:06pay to own.
45:07Sounds like a scam.
45:08No, it's an open source currency that has value due to mathematical scarcity.
45:11Sounds pretty scammy.
45:12You don't understand.
45:13I do. You say a bunch of fancy jibber-jabber.
45:16People don't want to admit they're too stupid to understand.
45:17Then they give you their money.
45:18Well, um, sort of.
45:21Love it. How do we get started?
45:23Well, all we need is a mainframe computer.
45:24How much is that?
45:25New, about half a million dollars, but I'm hoping to find something slightly used.
45:29Time will prove me right.
45:32You're not going to believe this, but I don't go on a lot of dates.
45:35No.
45:36It's true.
45:37Sure, I did okay as a younger man, but there was a war on, and most of the able-bodied men
45:41where else were.
45:42So you said some oats.
45:43I get it.
45:43A whole field of them.
45:44I was the Johnny Appleseed of oats.
45:46Okay.
45:47But here's the thing.
45:48Once you put off matrimony past a certain point, women start to think of you as,
45:52what's the word?
45:53Creepy.
45:54There it is.
45:55And then along comes you.
45:57My little Texas firecracker.
45:58Playing the game of life by her own set of rules.
46:00I'm a firecracker, I'm a pineapple.
46:03Good for me.
46:04Did I ask you a personal question?
46:05Oh, I wish you wouldn't.
46:06How would you like to make love to a man who shook the hand of Albert Einstein?
46:10And you did.
46:11This one right here.
46:12I didn't wash it for a week.
46:14Not a selling point.
46:16Excuse me for a moment.
46:19I have to toss my cookies.
46:25Hey, where you been?
46:26Brenda and I went dancing.
46:28You went dancing?
46:30Yeah, and I'm darn good at it.
46:32Okay.
46:33The kids asleep?
46:35The kids asleep?
46:36Yep.
46:37You want to fool around?
46:40Are you messing with me?
46:42I'm hoping to.
46:44You're a hot diggity dog.
46:46Previously on Young Sheldon.
46:47Why do you look like you're gonna cry?
46:48A year ago, I was a TV weather girl in San Antonio,
46:51and now I'm living in a garage with a 17-year-old who got me pregnant.
46:54I'll be 18 before you know it.
46:55But not before you're a father.
46:57It's gonna be okay.
46:57Is it?
47:01I peed in the sink last night.
47:03Trust me, I'll fix this.
47:05Make yourself at home.
47:07Thank you so much.
47:08It's only temporary, I promise.
47:09Oh, no problem.
47:11Stay as long as you need.
47:12Bathroom's right down the hall.
47:13Oh, boy, a bathroom.
47:17Here you go.
47:18Scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits, and fresh squeezed orange juice.
47:22That looks amazing.
47:24Where's mine?
47:25You're not pregnant.
47:25She is.
47:26I like to think we're pregnant.
47:28Really?
47:29Are your ankles swollen?
47:31Did you throw up this morning?
47:32Are you constipated?
47:33No, dear.
47:34Stop calling me dear.
47:35I'm not your dear.
47:36You want breakfast?
47:37Eggs are here, stove is there.
47:38Knock yourself out.
47:39I guess she's pregnant.
47:40I don't know why you're so moody.
47:41On the count of three.
47:42I'm leaving, I'm leaving.
47:44Have a good day, Mama.
47:45Ugh, Mama.
47:56I'm leaving, I'm leaving.
47:59I'm leaving.
47:59I'm leaving.
48:00I'm leaving.
48:01I'm leaving.
48:01I'm leaving.
48:02Since losing his job, one of the few upsides for my dad was having the house to himself
48:06to enjoy some peace and quiet.
48:07Billy!
48:08Stop feeding the chickens, Cap'n Crunch.
48:10But they like it.
48:11We've been over this.
48:12You don't eat their food.
48:13They don't eat yours.
48:14Everybody okay over there?
48:16Yeah.
48:18Doesn't sound okay.
48:19You don't want to know.
48:20Tell me.
48:21He's failing math.
48:25And they might hold him back.
48:26That's rough.
48:27I try helping him, but math was never my strong suit.
48:29Yeah, I hear you.
48:30And when you do try to help them, they realize how dumb you are.
48:33You think Sheldon would help Billy?
48:36I'm not sure helping others is where he shines.
48:38Pissing him off, he's got that down cold.
48:41Well, then I'm screwed.
48:43I can't afford a tutor.
48:45Let me talk to Sheldon.
48:46See what I can do.
48:47Appreciate it.
48:49Mom, look.
48:49That chicken is not a hat.
48:53Hurry.
48:57Hey, how was school?
48:58It sucked.
48:58Language.
49:00You asked and it did.
49:01What happened?
49:01I don't want to talk about it.
49:03Are you sure?
49:03I'm a pretty good listener.
49:05Then why didn't you hear me say I don't want to talk about it?
49:07Is this a bad boy?
49:08Mom.
49:09I do have some experience on the subject.
49:11Please, the only two boys you have experience with are Dad and Jesus.
49:14Let me go talk to me, Mom.
49:17I know other boys.
49:18And then he walked right on by me like I wasn't there.
49:20Does he even know you like him?
49:22I don't know.
49:22I've ignored him, been mean to him.
49:24What else can I do?
49:25Sounds like you've tried everything.
49:28Okay, I've got an idea.
49:30Why don't you just tell him?
49:31But what if he doesn't like me back?
49:33I would die.
49:33You will not die.
49:34Oh, yes, I will.
49:35I will be dead and he will be sad at my funeral.
49:37How about this?
49:38Why don't you get one of your girlfriends to find out how he feels about you?
49:41Why?
49:42Because then you don't have to put yourself on the spot.
49:44Okay, and if he doesn't like me back,
49:46I'll just keep being mean to him until he-
49:49I'll be right back.