Never mind getting kicked when you're down, how about getting your finger ripped off when you're up...
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00:00Pride comes before a fall, we're frequently told, and at no time is a footballer more proud
00:08than when he or she has just scored a goal. Now I could spin out something incredibly poetic for
00:13you by way of an introduction here, but I'm not going to. This is just a video of footballers
00:18celebrating scoring a goal and then things going immediately, comically, wrong for them.
00:23So put your feet up for a few minutes and have yourself a nice steaming hot cup of schadenfreude.
00:2710. Carlos Tevez vs River Plate
00:30After notching a crucial goal in Boca Juniors' Copa Libertadores clash with arch-rivals River Plate
00:35in 2004, Carlos Tevez did what anyone would do in that situation. He ripped off his shirt and
00:41flapped around dementedly performing a chicken dance in front of his teammates. The reason? Well,
00:46Boca fans refer to River Plate players as gallinas, or chickens as you call them, claiming their rivals
00:52lack guts and fighting spirit. The distinctly unimpressed referee deemed the celebration
00:56inflammatory and immediately red-carded a crestfall in Tevez. However, the best bit of this by a mile
01:02is the fact that to explain his decision, the referee was forced to then recreate the little
01:07chicken dance and, well, that's just brilliant.
01:10Number 9, Robbie Fowler vs Everton. Any kids watching this? Yeah, okay, well, if this doesn't
01:16make sense, go ask your parents and enjoy their faces. Relentlessly taunted by Everton fans who
01:21alleged he was fond of the old Bolivian marching powder in his spare time, Liverpool striker Fowler
01:29celebrated scoring against them by getting down on all fours and pretending to hoover a line of cocaine
01:35off the touchline. Boy, the 90s were a time, weren't they? Teammate Steve McManaman quickly
01:40pulled him to his feet, but the damage was already done. And I mean, fair play to manager
01:45Gerard Houlier here who genuinely tried to cover for Fowler by saying he was
01:48merely imitating a cow eating grass. Astonishingly, the authorities didn't buy that and banned him for
01:55four games. Number 8, Nikolai Muller, Augsburg. In 2017, the Hamburg winger was enjoying a dream
02:00start to life in the Bundesliga. He'd just scored a goal in the eighth minute to put his side 1-0 up
02:06at Augsburg, but mere seconds later, managed to rule himself out of action for seven months.
02:11How, you ask? Why, after rupturing his anterior cruciate ligament, celebrating a goal, of course,
02:17how else? Having volleyed home the only goal of the game, the 29-year-old insisted on performing a
02:22frankly ludicrous series of balletic pirouettes. As he landed following the final twist, Muller fell to
02:28the ground in agony. Now look, I don't like laughing at an actual injury here, that must suck,
02:32but spinning around like that, while wearing boots designed to stick in the ground, had explosive
02:38knee injury written all over it. Next time, I'll probably just shake the guy's hands, he said
02:43ruefully afterwards. Number 7, Edison Cavani vs Lon. Yeah, so the big lad here was one of three
02:49players to be sent off in PSG's 3-1 win over Lon in 2014. He was first booked for celebrating his goal
02:55in front of their raucous fans with his trademark gun slash arrow thing celebration, before then
03:00receiving a second yellow for remonstrating about it with the referee. I mean, yeah, okay,
03:05I'm sure there's something objectionable about it, but he'd been doing that celebration for years
03:09and has continued to do so for years afterwards. So you can sort of understand why he found that
03:13booking to be stupid in the extreme. Still though, it wasn't the referee's only contribution to the
03:18game, managing to completely lose his handle on an ill-tempered encounter and send off two
03:22long players on top of this. Refs, eh? Number 6, Diogo vs FC Schaffhausen. Really funny this one,
03:28as he didn't even score the goal. In December 2004, this man, Diogo, laid on a little assist for
03:34Jean Bosajour in the 87th minute. Gleeful at his contribution, he then jumped onto the metal fence,
03:39separating fans from pitch. Hurrah, they shouted at first. Oh God, oh God, no, that's disgusting,
03:45they shouted after. You see, his wedding ring got caught in the barrier and as he jumped off the fence,
03:51most of his finger stayed with the ring and not on his hand. No, God, no, God, please no, no, no,
04:03no, no. To rub salt in the wound, not literally mercifully, referee Florian Etter then penalised
04:10him with a yellow card for excessive time wasting. Rules are rules, I suppose, but said time wasting
04:16was because he was busy helping stewards search for his severed finger. And hey, while you're here,
04:22if this sort of footballing nonsense is your sort of thing, then why don't you nip down there and hit
04:25the old subscribe button for us. We're putting out both insightful and irreverent football content
04:30every single week here at 442 and would dearly, honestly, truly love to have you along for the ride.
04:35Anyway, number 5, Samia Nasri vs England. After Samia Nasri drilled a shot past Joe Hart during France's
04:41clash with England at Euro 2012, he ran towards the press box with his finger on his lips. It was a
04:46non-too-subtle dig aimed at French journalists whom Nasri believed had been overly critical of him in
04:52the preceding months. And of course, rather than forcing them to take stock and wonder if maybe
04:57they've been too harsh on him, the inflammatory gesture simply made things a lot worse. After France
05:02lost to Spain in the quarterfinals, one French journalist hit him with a tough question to which
05:07Nasri responded, you're looking for s**t, you're looking for trouble. He then called the writer a
05:12son of a b**ch and controversially quit international football at just 27. Told you.
05:17Number 4, Kevin Londono vs Santa Fe. With Jaguars 1-0 up at Santa Fe in a Colombian top flight contest in
05:232017, Kevin Londono doubled his side's lead in the 71st minute. The goal was of high quality but the
05:30celebration topped it. The 23-year-old laid down on a sponsor's mat by the goal and in double quick time
05:36rolled himself up in it. The referee, very unimpressed by this, promptly punished him for the frippery.
05:42Again, right, if you are warned of our younger viewers and you're looking at this thinking,
05:46what's the deal here, what's going on, is this about sleeping bags, does this guy love burritos, then
05:51look, I understand your confusion but this is, it's one for your parents, this, not me I'm afraid.
05:57Oh and if you do end up asking them about it, just don't, don't mention it was a 442 video,
06:01okay, say it was on TikTok or something. Number 3, Matt Ritchie vs Chelsea. Look right,
06:06you just hear the edited version of these videos, okay, you have no idea how many takes this took me
06:12to get through without laughing. You see, I was at this game and was sitting close enough to spot
06:18the aftermath. Long story short, Matt Ritchie hates corner flags. Don't know if it was something in his
06:23childhood, don't know if a fortune teller told him one would ultimately be his undoing and he just
06:28doesn't like taking chances but he just, he hates them. Thus, when Isaac Hayden got a late improbable
06:33winner against Chelsea at St James's Park, he joined the celebrations by booting the nearest
06:38one as hard as he could. I will need a scientist to explain precisely how what followed was possible
06:43but it spun 360 degrees into the crowd and arrived perfectly horizontally, you see I can't do it,
06:50into this man's unprotected cock and balls. If he'd pulled it out the ground and javelined it,
06:57I couldn't have got the poor bloke any more flush in the dingle.
07:01Number 2, Thierry Henry vs Chelsea. I've never actually had it confirmed either way if Henry was
07:06trying to mimic former Manchester United forward Lee Sharpe's Elvis celebration here but in my
07:10head canon, that's what it was. Anyway, after scoring against Chelsea one time, he grabbed the
07:14corner flag and used it as a mic stand. How cool, how suave, how hilarious that it then snapped back
07:20upright and smacked him full in the face. Forced to miss the restart, Henry required medical attention
07:25in order to regain his customary va-va-voom but, and I mean as we've just seen my friends,
07:29the face is absolutely not the worst place a corner flag can get you. And I'm just, I'm so sorry to
07:35that guy but can we just see that again with the noise please? Brilliant. Number 1, Anderson Lopez
07:41vs S-Pulse. Given some of the big names on this list, you just know that if someone you've never heard
07:47of is in the number 1 spot, then it's going to be good, so yeah, watch this. Resilient striker Anderson
07:53Lopez bags a massive goal in the J League for his side Considol in their opening match of the season.
07:59Wanting to celebrate with the fans, because I mean who wouldn't, he excitedly jumps over the
08:03nearest advertising hoarding, only to realise there is an incredibly steep drop on the other side. Now
08:09what I personally really like about this is that from every single camera angle, he just completely
08:14vanishes, down the other side, as if it's a yawning hole in the centre of the earth.
08:18Bury you fools.
08:20And if we just freeze it, here you can see the exact moment he realises precisely what he's done.
08:29Now look, don't worry, he wasn't badly hurt but landing in a 10 foot drop onto concrete in football
08:34boots must absolutely knack. And that's it, that's the video, thank you so very much for watching and
08:40making it all the way till the end. Somebody's keen. While you're here, please do consider subscribing to
08:45the 442 YouTube channel, we've got loads of awesome football content dropping all through the week,
08:49as well as an amazing library of documentaries, player interviews and performance guides as well.
08:54Until next time though, thank you once again for watching, I do hope you enjoyed yourself
08:58and I'll see you soon. Goodbye!