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00:00:00You
00:00:30You
00:01:00But
00:01:08We live in a permissive society
00:01:10Not on this street. We don't everybody's at it not with me. They're not
00:01:16Girls are supposed to be crying out for it
00:01:20I'm the silent majority
00:01:22It's only manners these days total strangers do it now instead of shaking hands. God is love
00:01:30Jesus
00:01:32We've never seen him in real life though, and he's picturing the papers. Oh, come on, Sally
00:02:02Let's go
00:02:06But he might come in a minute
00:02:17Let's go. Oh
00:02:23No, I told you so didn't I feel all right to it now I don't fancy yours
00:02:29Which is mine any except the blonde. Oh
00:02:35Good
00:02:41Don't fancy yours
00:02:45Which is mine any except the blonde or the one with the yellow legs
00:02:52Thanks, neither do I
00:02:56Fancy the one with the twitch
00:03:00About as much as Mao Tse Tung's granddad with all due respect to his granddad
00:03:06Ask him if they do it
00:03:08you I
00:03:09Thought we were giving sex up. There's a protest at never getting any
00:03:13ignore them
00:03:22Hi, hi, hi. Hi
00:03:30Hi
00:03:32Peace man
00:03:34Were you hoping to see George your best? He's in Mallorca
00:03:39Come on, then. We only get an hour for lunch
00:03:43It's a discotheque in Albert Square
00:03:52Come on I thought we were going for tights
00:03:56It's our lunch hour, it's ours we were going for lunch
00:04:05Shall I tell you something pretty mind-blowing about Mallorca. It's one place. I've never been
00:04:12Pardon
00:04:14I'm Jeffrey. I don't have to be attached. I'm Beryl. I don't happen to be surprised
00:04:26You
00:04:41Don't you worry
00:04:44Love and rainy weather may sound funny, but they go together fine
00:04:56Every single time
00:05:01First you're up there
00:05:05Another plane and then you're no where and the tears are raining down
00:05:15It's a runaround
00:05:21Rainy weather
00:05:23Oh
00:05:32I'm going twisting tonight then
00:05:38That's the modern name for it isn't it what cutting a rug
00:05:44Pardon
00:05:45Grooving Mildred. It's called grooving nowadays grooving and or freaking right what I'm not doing tonight, right?
00:05:54Right on you stay in tonight then tonight tomorrow night every night
00:06:01I might sell me a coat life's not all pleasure. You know
00:06:06Mildred don't hassle the lad hustle
00:06:11It's a different world today Mildred
00:06:13We had a week's honeymoon in Blackpool for what this Finney had he cost they do their own thing
00:06:19the usual
00:06:211,300 weight
00:06:24Now that's the new world that we work for and fought for full-page advert for contraception, it's his birthright
00:06:35I'm not hungry. What's that supposed to mean? It's a hip way cool people say I'm not hungry
00:06:53I
00:07:00Enjoy staying in chatting of an evening
00:07:03Find it fantastic
00:07:06No, really, I really do some people don't I
00:07:12Do
00:07:14Beryl, please take my word for it Paul McCartney's never going to ring that doorbell and invite you to the pictures
00:07:19Paul McCartney who he doesn't know you've been faithful to him ever since our day's night
00:07:24And please don't say Paul McCartney who I sacrificed too much for your six all levels
00:07:34Touched you terrific self-control
00:07:41What did you say your name was
00:07:50I
00:08:02Mind you just a weekend to do with you Paul not a dirty weekend a disgusting one
00:08:13Night night Percy filth
00:08:19I
00:08:24Have you always been insatiable
00:08:28It's not my fault it's just that I don't like blondes
00:08:36It's psychosomatic
00:08:40I'm sorry
00:08:49I
00:09:05Has almost blonde in this light
00:09:11What's wrong
00:09:14Just being brave
00:09:16What about?
00:09:17ending it all
00:09:20Before we hurt each other too much
00:09:23It's our first date
00:09:27Probably wasted your entire evening. Haven't I yet? What's if your parents aren't back till midnight?
00:09:37Don't you think you're too old for this sort of thing
00:09:41Straight from Stanley Matthews to Bridget Bardot you went overnight
00:09:46That was when you were too young for this sort of thing, it's artistic mother like you're Tutankhamen butter dish
00:10:03What got it got what
00:10:06You now ask if I never want to see you again. I say I do
00:10:11You then stop crying quick as a flash and say something like how about Sunday half seven outside Central Library? No, I don't
00:10:19Tomorrow off seven outside Central Library
00:10:23Then when I say okay does your zip miraculously undo it does not
00:10:29Thought it did not to give unfasten the press stud I
00:10:33I
00:10:36Can see her doing your irony and cooking and cleaning you wouldn't need to book for the Christmas pantomime
00:10:41I don't intend to marry a mother
00:10:44Guess it interferes with my career
00:10:46We're just good friends
00:10:48Good night
00:10:50I
00:11:02Miss Bardot
00:11:05Marry me
00:11:09You know what they say once you've had a Manchester lad you never touch anything else
00:11:20I
00:11:38Do satisfied I saved him for a change
00:11:47Did you
00:11:51Did you know that raping princess Anne was a capital offense not that I have done paid him for a change instead
00:11:58I
00:12:19Ain't got me ticket already see behind the girl
00:12:28I
00:12:40Well night's beauty sleeps done nothing for her snooty old bag
00:12:50Trendy crimson shoes with bottle green socks
00:12:54Must be going steady with a set of traffic lights
00:12:57Still who else would have him anyway, they're all the same in the dark
00:13:11Different girl every night. It's all the time
00:13:15Probably an omen seeing her before the match
00:13:18Bet we lose 3-1
00:13:21Well, I'm certainly not making the first move. At least I've got me proud
00:13:26Oh
00:13:29Hi didn't see you know me
00:13:34You're going that way yeah
00:13:36Not especially no
00:13:38You're going that
00:13:40Yeah, well
00:13:41No
00:13:44Going to the football match are you shopping?
00:13:47I
00:13:54Probably go into the pictures tonight. I am which which you any I am
00:14:06See you then tonight. Oh, all right, then, right
00:14:17Oh
00:14:19Super socks
00:14:24Did you see that they're all on drugs a lot of them
00:14:28Oh
00:14:46Let's go losing 3-1
00:14:58I
00:15:17Excuse me, I
00:15:22Only go to restaurants with deaf waiters
00:15:29Hi
00:15:31Hello mate
00:15:33Peace man surprise surprise
00:15:35Surprise in any way controversial pictures the boyfriend
00:15:40She's slim. I'm just going to the oh
00:15:46Are you in Berlin, you know
00:15:51Yeah
00:15:58Oh
00:16:03Would you
00:16:05Would you sort of reckon she's a
00:16:09Fair sort of bird
00:16:12She's all right
00:16:16Sensational obviously Jeffrey. She's a bird
00:16:19Bird
00:16:24You having a coffee with us no, thanks kid Neville's ravenous you've just eaten. Oh
00:16:31Of course yes, sorry
00:16:38Trying to do by implication
00:16:41Probably by implication was to allow the images to provoke a moral response from our own aesthetic judgment you say
00:16:48Yes
00:16:51What's he the errand boy
00:16:53Can thinking he directed it? Oh, yes. I
00:17:00Was probably thinking of Andy Warhol
00:17:03probably
00:17:07You're not like other boys at all, are you
00:17:10I'm probably a little more mature. That's all it's over 200 yards from the cinema and you talk to me the whole way like a person
00:17:21All the boys seem to have one-track minds these days sex marriage
00:17:28The number of boys that asked me to marry them a
00:17:31Couple of dates and how they want to get married. I want to live a bit before I get married
00:17:36I suppose I just don't have a hang-up about it
00:17:40Get married
00:17:48Actually, I find girls and most girls
00:17:52They're obsessed these days not marriage
00:17:57Sex
00:18:03Sex that's what I said. Oh
00:18:07Well, I'm not like that
00:18:09not
00:18:27Did you want to say any more about Andy Warhol Ken Russell, yeah
00:18:39I
00:18:52Won't come in with it being our first date. No
00:18:56Anyway, my mom's gone to bed would be on our own
00:18:59Is that a reason for me not coming in though?
00:19:10Mm-hmm nice house. Thank you 25-year mortgage
00:19:23Well, thanks for seeing me home
00:19:27Me and it first date with some
00:19:31It always leads to one of three things
00:19:34either nothing
00:19:36or something
00:19:40Or everything
00:19:43Don't think about Percy filth at this stage barrel
00:19:48No, I'm not
00:19:51Night night. God bless I
00:20:05Won't give you me phone number in case you think I'm one of those scheming females. What is it?
00:20:10327 double 4 2 1
00:20:11the easy way to remember it is the 3 and the 2 make 5 which is 2 less than 7 then 2 4s and half of
00:20:174 which is 2 and half of 2 which is 1
00:20:19Um, but you mustn't ring me if you don't want no, but you can if you do
00:20:24Do you want me to not if you'd rather not?
00:20:273 2 7 double 4 2 1
00:20:39Oh
00:21:01Well, hello mrs. Battersby barrels brought you up a cup of tea all of a past life flash before me then
00:21:10I can't be mother's day. You'd have forgotten
00:21:15Has there been any clips mom? I want the benefit of your experience
00:21:21What you think of Andy Warhol
00:21:24See Jeffrey has this theory that by implication is Jeffrey. Of course Jeffrey knows about these things. Oh
00:21:31these things
00:21:33Everything who's Jeffrey? He's fantastically intelligent. See Jeffrey's idea barrel. Oh, who's Jeffrey?
00:21:47No one special
00:21:53His name's Jeffrey
00:21:56I
00:21:59Have this bill bird turn out last night then
00:22:02barrel bird I told him did she
00:22:06Do she?
00:22:08What?
00:22:12Wow
00:22:15She doesn't then, you know, listen dear I said
00:22:25I
00:22:45Rather better things to do. Thank you
00:22:55Said he was no one special got a phone here
00:23:01Why
00:23:03They haven't have they
00:23:05Do you want to get some lucky line up or something?
00:23:08If I did do you think I'd be playing darts for you to look are you fed up here?
00:23:13Are you well split after this game anything you say and go for a few of the Kings head great
00:23:20And that ends our probe well Monday tomorrow
00:23:25Hallelujah, I don't know what you're paying for that phone. But whatever it is you're being done. Good night
00:23:49I
00:24:10Jump a pope long may rain. I'm in
00:24:15What's going on pounds up again Oh
00:24:18God
00:24:20Today's special bloody travelers Jackson. Yeah
00:24:24Suddenly everyone's going on holiday except those
00:24:28Enjoy yourself while you young
00:24:31I
00:24:46Why do we always do that 93 times a day we never see anything
00:25:00Oh
00:25:25Neville's the greatest
00:25:30Dishy or is he fishy?
00:25:36I'm considering back in Jeffery in
00:25:39One day it was enough why
00:25:43He's cancer and I'm Libra that bad hopeless
00:25:49Actually, I'm slightly off the male gender at the moment
00:26:01Five five which is which is three and two is five which is two less than seven
00:26:08Which is I
00:26:13See the Spanish police are throwing your lot out of Ibiza
00:26:17banklots
00:26:18your lot
00:26:20football supporters
00:26:22hippies Oh
00:26:24My lot
00:26:30Seconds
00:26:40That's it then fate all over by 723 precisely
00:26:48So what plenty more where she came from
00:26:55Is that the speaking clock
00:26:57Except Jeff is that barrel? Yes. Yes
00:27:05Hi
00:27:07I
00:27:32Want to know all about you
00:27:35That's what it's all about
00:27:39For example with things in common already definitely
00:27:45But what
00:27:49We know
00:27:52Right
00:27:55And we're both from Manchester
00:28:00Have you ever been abroad
00:28:04You know
00:28:07Unless you count Istanbul
00:28:09Mr. Was it beyond belief? I don't know. I was only three
00:28:19Did we get the feeling you've been somewhere before
00:28:22Sometimes I do
00:28:26What now
00:28:29No, just just sometimes
00:28:35Yes, I do
00:28:39Such a lot
00:28:42In getting to know
00:28:49He was live and easy limbed his stride quietly casual
00:28:54His eyes clear and confident and his strong mouth ready to break into a relaxed assured
00:29:02lopsided grin
00:29:04You
00:29:07Know Jeffrey you have a really lopsided grin really, you know lopsided I
00:29:15Don't think I have it's in the eye of the beholder
00:29:21See
00:29:23Jeffrey doesn't need someone else when he's tying a knot. He holds it down with his little finger
00:29:30It must be marvelous being a man
00:29:33It's okay, I suppose men can do anything
00:29:37Conquer Everest do heart transplants become leader of the opposition
00:29:44Anything
00:29:53Jeffrey I know spells no
00:29:56It's good for your circulation barrel read any women's magazine
00:30:00It's good for theirs too. Not sure they recommend Percy filth on Tuesdays
00:30:05We see on Tuesdays and Saturdays all Saturdays
00:30:15Beryl Oh
00:30:18Oh
00:30:20Jeffrey Oh
00:30:22Are you all right? What exactly happened? Don't tell me. I just had a sharp attack of dramatic irony
00:30:30I
00:30:34Come back the best it's better. I'm okay
00:30:51It's only the angels crying I know how they feel
00:31:00That's true
00:31:03That's not true Beryl I have apologized
00:31:09Independent observers think I'm training to be a Cossack dancer. It must be a bad line. I can't hear you. You better apologize again. I
00:31:18Apologize again
00:31:20Gosh this lousy line
00:31:23I wonder if Jeffrey would like to come to tea on Sunday
00:31:28Pardon pardon. Is that who I think it is? No, dear
00:31:45Well, isn't this nice
00:31:48I
00:31:51Didn't search the old sardine. Yeah, she got her own trawler
00:32:03Isn't it awful what I was speaking to Jeffrey what's happening in the world I blame the politicians
00:32:12For what's happening in the world
00:32:18I
00:32:21Can't speak Portuguese tasty very loyal
00:32:31The bread is extremely wholesome why up this little baker down the road he does something with a bleach
00:32:40Yes
00:32:42Oh
00:33:01That never honestly number of arts he must have broken every girl in Manchester nearly
00:33:09Jeffrey definitely has probably even more
00:33:13air hostesses
00:33:15all sorts
00:33:18Tell me about your terrible past Jeffrey. I haven't had one yet
00:33:22White man speak with forked tongue
00:33:24Actually, I was hoping more for a terrible future
00:33:33Wow, is that the time but this moment in time what I've done
00:33:38Is Neville the insanely jealous type right in the slightest?
00:33:42You're lucky. Why is Jeffrey?
00:33:45Wow
00:33:46You're not jealous of all my ex flames. Are you of course not? Why should I be please stop interrogating me Jeffrey forget it
00:33:55That's all in the past
00:33:58They're nothing to be jealous about
00:34:03Who needs drama
00:34:06So I shouted back at her no shop assistant shots at me I shouted in the end never nearly bolted me for swearing
00:34:13He thought you
00:34:16What you want? No, I said nearly
00:34:23You never thump me will ya like Neville does Sandra she adores it
00:34:31No
00:34:34Yeah, Percy filth isn't the only thing in life didn't even one of the things in mind used to talk to me
00:34:40All right, let's talk
00:34:46Jeffrey I've just had the most super idea. Why is your mum going out?
00:34:53May as well pack in really
00:34:57Why why not
00:35:03Good-thinking
00:35:10Thanks for stimulating few weeks you too it was real
00:35:14psychedelic
00:35:15You can keep me grateful dead LP was scratched anyway
00:35:19It's been a gasp
00:35:21groovy I
00:35:23Won't wave from the window. Oh, what look back anyway good
00:35:29You've said that once
00:35:33You
00:35:40You're well read barrel, there's plenty more
00:35:45Three very lonely sardines
00:35:50Mother please don't try raising one eyebrow at me. You know, you can't do it
00:36:04Well, I just had the most super I
00:36:08Know
00:36:12That
00:36:15Sandra Sandra your Sandra mine
00:36:23Two months two months nine days
00:36:28Is she positive the test was what you gonna do
00:36:33She'll think of something
00:36:35Sandra it's stupendous
00:36:40Congratulations, I hope you both be very happy. Oh, thanks kid
00:36:44Sandra I don't know how you do it
00:36:48Often
00:37:03You
00:37:34You
00:37:41John for Pope long may rain
00:37:50Aren't you? Yeah
00:37:55And you're that's right
00:37:58I'm meeting my parents taking them to see fiddler on the roof. That's pretty incredible
00:38:04Your mummy and daddy. Oh
00:38:08Hell no, that's tomorrow if I'm in the mood
00:38:14Where you up depends where you take me
00:38:28I
00:38:31Was saying about your friend with the glasses
00:38:34Roland is that I found him intellectually unaware and psychologically incredibly boring. It's not bad. It's nuclear
00:38:43And how are you in little barrel
00:38:46Didn't you tell you I packed her in
00:38:58Did she tell you
00:39:06I haven't really looked seen one you seen them all
00:39:13Not quite
00:39:23What's for my birthday
00:39:28Boys aren't the only thing in life barrel. I do wish you'd find one
00:39:37They aren't all after Percy Phil's
00:39:40Yes, they are
00:39:42Mm-hmm. Oh, you were terrific
00:39:46Wasn't mm-hmm
00:39:50Terrific self-control
00:39:53I've never married yet. She led a full and happy life
00:39:59Mother I don't happen to be interested in boys
00:40:01I happen to be interested in having early nights and writing poetry in bed with me. Moe felt it pen
00:40:06It's run out of ink. I used it for me laundry list. I
00:40:10Got your generation's got a few things to answer for
00:40:15Please
00:40:18Please you can't ravish your girl in her own doorstep
00:40:23Oh, let's go inside then
00:40:26Smooth-talking bastard
00:40:36What about the boy with the freckles from Shakespeare Crescent, I don't believe that question you used to be crazy about him I
00:40:45Was 11 years old. He used to let me choke on his tortoise
00:40:52I
00:40:55I
00:41:19What's your name again, what's yours
00:41:22Rock that's not your real name
00:41:26No, Steven
00:41:29God that turns me on
00:41:37When I first met you in the street, I thought just a quiet drink and a chat shows you the art of conversation in dead
00:41:45Mmm
00:41:49Don't move a muscle however gorgeous
00:42:15I
00:42:23Wish you everything you've ever wished yourself
00:42:41I'm fed up
00:42:45Who you oh
00:42:49What you fed up about
00:42:51Teachers don't have to do homework
00:42:54No, they just mark it
00:42:57Anyone can mark it. They've got the answers
00:43:05Do you know it's after two o'clock what's he doing here then?
00:43:12Well
00:43:13This is your uncle Steven, this is my revolting brother Jeremy
00:43:22How'd you do dummy moment dad no is here Jeremy bed I could always wake him up and tell him Jeremy
00:43:30little boys need sleep
00:43:35Even big astronauts, do you know where babies come from?
00:43:39Do you
00:43:41Say no, no, I don't say yes
00:43:44Shall I tell you he knows
00:43:47The man has this male organ and some blood cells and erectile glands
00:43:51And there's these 500 million spermatozoa's in these testes that he has as well
00:43:56They go through his male organ. It is a female uterus at the lady house
00:44:01Who told you that then they go to the fallopian tubes after that one of them fertilizes one of the females
00:44:07One of them fertilizes with the female egg. The others don't bother
00:44:11Anyway, that's what you have to do. Then you have a baby
00:44:16Did he teach you that at school they'd a woodwork in the next class
00:44:21People can only make babies at certain times of the year, but animals like dogs and cats are rats
00:44:27I think do it all the time
00:44:31No, that's people what is
00:44:38Well people do it all the time
00:44:44Whenever they feel like it
00:44:50In the next class you can do metalwork if you don't like woodwork
00:44:55Good night, Jeremy
00:44:5825p 50
00:45:0250
00:45:07Oh
00:45:12Good night uncle Stephen
00:45:29Would you care for a government health warning
00:45:32A
00:45:34Veronica yes, who the hell's uncle Stephen at temp us to in the morning a friend of Jeremy's he's going now
00:45:44Good night
00:45:49And how
00:45:56Anyway, do you good going without for a change?
00:46:02I
00:46:10Tomorrow's another day
00:46:15Where I'm joining the Rennes for three years
00:46:20What Rennes the Royal Navy's rings
00:46:26It's time tomorrow I'll be in barracks with about 50 other girls and 30,000 sailors
00:46:31I hope I like it
00:46:37Thanks, thanks for nearly everything
00:46:40We definitely would have done one way
00:46:44As good as dead in a way really almost just keep telling yourself
00:46:54To our barrel
00:47:01I
00:47:17Morning previous generation
00:47:26What's for breakfast
00:47:31You knew it was your mother's birthday
00:47:33Now what we'd like to know is where were you while we were fiddling on a flaming roof? I'm sorry mom
00:47:39I'll take you out another night something cropped up like what?
00:47:43Dad you understand I
00:47:47Don't Jeffrey
00:47:49Well, you always say you do
00:47:51Jeffrey you're at it every night
00:47:54Yes, dad, and we don't complain. No dad last night was different. I knew you'd understand
00:48:01I
00:48:03I
00:48:05I
00:48:07I
00:48:30Chant the Pope long me around
00:48:32Man
00:48:33What's going on?
00:48:35pounds down again up and down like a pair of knickers
00:48:38You should know
00:48:40or me
00:48:42Not me
00:48:44What a night a
00:48:48Lot
00:48:50Including action replays in slow motion
00:48:56Hey lads, I picked up a bit of spare last night who didn't know it's true
00:49:03Yes, it is yes Jeffrey
00:49:12Bloody is
00:49:16Poor Jeffrey barrel, please. It's Neville's engagement party as well. You had to invite him
00:49:22You'll see me. It's cruel
00:49:25See other girls
00:49:27shan't take him back Sandra I
00:49:30I shan't it's been two weeks. He may have got over you by now
00:49:36Don't know much about men do you love
00:50:00I
00:50:02Was doing him a kindness really finally splitting up he only had one ambition in life
00:50:10Send my knickers to Oxfam
00:50:16Good job. She hasn't joined the rent entire Navy gone strike. I
00:50:21Expect you. Sorry now. I
00:50:24Won't even consider taking him back if he isn't
00:50:27She might change the course
00:50:30If she has I might let her have the odd orgy nine again
00:50:33He's got to accept. We finally split up. Otherwise, I definitely won't take him back
00:50:42Well, I'm certainly not making the first move he still got me pride
00:50:48Barrel baby. Oh, hi didn't see it. No, no me
00:50:52And
00:50:54How's Manchester City doing without me cheering them on then United we're winning every game now
00:51:01Good and what's new with Jeffrey then?
00:51:10I asked you what was new
00:51:16Did you need I say more
00:51:19Oh
00:51:20How's barrel baby getting on?
00:51:24Jeffrey I'm not all that ecstatic about you calling me barrel, baby. It isn't like you say that again barrel, baby
00:51:33What's your name handsome
00:51:36You'll laugh everybody laughs it's a story of my life you tell it like it is Chuck
00:51:48I
00:52:02She going to get into bed with him now
00:52:07Probably
00:52:10Jeffrey always looks out for sleep these days. Well, it's very exhausting
00:52:16What is
00:52:19Working in a bank
00:52:27Had this bad scene decided to split
00:52:33So I cut out
00:52:39This cat gets it together where he's at
00:52:42Ah
00:52:44Lots of beautiful bag baby. So if you want a piece of the action don't pull it
00:52:53Big
00:52:58Sorry, I know understand English
00:53:07Gesundheit I
00:53:09Thought she'd only just been to bed with the other one
00:53:13She has and which is her husband neither
00:53:31Great beat isn't it great to dance to?
00:53:40Do you agree that life's an onion
00:53:44If so, what's death
00:53:52Yes, I expect it is when you think about it you read Schopenhauer's concept of existence
00:54:01No, but I've seen the film you married
00:54:09Grab yourself an adage marriage is a cabbage
00:54:16Never ask the questions ask the answers
00:54:22To any manager Martin Spencer's
00:54:28Maybe dirty now. He's taking his clothes off
00:54:34What's an ITV
00:54:36this
00:54:38What's on BBC
00:54:43Cutting over what's that like this?
00:54:50You know, that's not where it's at let's get this what's the word let's get it clear
00:54:57Let's get down to the real nitty gritty spill. Okay
00:55:09Women's lip is not about burning bras papers. Yeah
00:55:15What papers?
00:55:17Certificate dogs license, whatever you prefer to call it. No, let's be basic about this
00:55:22Even all girls want marriage and a wife really base. You want to be really basic
00:55:29utterly basic both
00:55:32I
00:55:35Need when Sandra says every girl she means most girls
00:55:39Like herself not me, of course, because I incredibly value my independence, but most girls definitely want all
00:55:47If you can't conduct an intelligent conversation without recourse to it, of course into anything. I'm maybe telling you what girls want
00:55:55Oh
00:55:57Would you please stop saying that
00:56:00You believe in free love, right?
00:56:02I believe in free everything freedom from all male chauvinist pig domination
00:56:07Honestly, don't you understand? Excuse me. You've got your hand on my
00:56:12Excuse me, excuse me
00:56:21It's pleasure grass
00:56:24Jeffrey if not, I said don't you not to smoke it?
00:56:39We're as liberated as you eat it we've equal importance as individuals neither of us is boss just doesn't arise
00:56:50You see what we now
00:56:55You see I can see there's only one way to get through
00:57:05You're doing lighting everybody's fire
00:57:11Burn my bra
00:57:16Right, that's it finished the end full stop
00:57:22We finally split up Neville Sandra wants you I should imagine
00:57:29Sad isn't it?
00:57:33Pathetic
00:57:38Well, I can't follow plays these days it's just showing real life that's all
00:57:43I
00:57:48Once thought I'd found a
00:57:51Perfect girl
00:57:53Red hair not too skinny
00:57:57Very gentle and shy
00:58:02Passionate when roused
00:58:06She packed me in for picking my teeth with a matchstick you're very sweet
00:58:11I've always thought you were
00:58:17Did you know you're very nearly have a lopsided grin it's just I'm a bit tired that's nice
00:58:40I
00:58:47Don't think I've washed that one
00:58:54Do you know what she can ask me anything do you know where Jeffrey's got to
00:59:04He's upstairs
00:59:11Is it to the John they're all
00:59:16Usually
00:59:23Trouble but I think I'm dying
00:59:27She said I shouldn't smoke it
00:59:30She said
00:59:35Jeffrey
00:59:38Jeffrey
00:59:45Sorry
00:59:52Jeffrey
00:59:56Move up a bit Jeffrey
00:59:59legs
01:00:05It's because it's your first time isn't it
01:00:13Call dr. Wise put a quillm slow road
01:00:21It wasn't marijuana, you know
01:00:26What's it then grass
01:00:30Grass is marijuana
01:00:33This glass wasn't
01:00:35It was the real thing
01:00:38From the front lawn
01:00:49That you barrel
01:00:55At a nice time even though it's three o'clock in the morning
01:01:00Not that I mind if you've had a nice time
01:01:03Even though I've been in bed since 10 having a good night's worry
01:01:08Did you see Jeffrey
01:01:12That's good
01:01:29Do you ever get the feeling you're trying too hard I
01:01:37Didn't try at all gave me to rest
01:01:44I'm right off birds. I am I am
01:01:49For good
01:01:51Me too and me
01:02:00Oh
01:02:13Good morning, your mother would like to know if you have a reservation at this hotel
01:02:29I
01:02:59Oh
01:03:16Jeffrey
01:03:19Can I rip your trousers off and have my way with you Oh
01:03:24Bell Oh
01:03:27Oh Jeffrey Oh God
01:03:43Hello
01:03:46Will you be required in the room again sir, because we're thinking of taking bookings for the next pop festival
01:03:51I
01:03:54Don't know who he takes after
01:04:03Hello
01:04:06Who my god, that's symbolic. Oh, hello barrel. I'm just ringing to tell you I never want to see you again
01:04:16Tonight or any other night
01:04:18Anyway tonight, I'm helping me mum at the school jumble sale
01:04:48Small world
01:04:52Good evening, mrs. Battersby. I was looking for a nice lampshade. Oh
01:04:59Probably this one
01:05:01Definitely magic in satin. Oh, certainly Jeffrey. Who's here in his nice crimson shoes?
01:05:11You'd like some nice fancy wrapping paper, wouldn't you?
01:05:13I
01:05:17Am a child of the universe barrel have a right to be here
01:05:20I'm afraid we don't sell marijuana on Sundays. Try the co-op barrel if you can smell burning
01:05:24It's just the Vic has been around burning his jock strap. Oh, listen
01:05:27Have you got that in another color? No, madam. I'll leave it then
01:05:40Listen to what for heaven's sake
01:05:43Don't matter what doesn't you wouldn't anyway wouldn't what?
01:05:49Go to the match with me on Saturday
01:05:52Me a football match with 40,000 skinheads and you
01:05:58told you
01:06:00How are the plane
01:06:06What does feel town in the car I've always wanted to watch how does feel town
01:06:14I
01:06:16Look get forth from the bottom shows you
01:06:23Away from home the one three drawn five and lost twelve
01:06:34So, what do you think I think I nearly love you
01:06:43I
01:07:06Said you nearly loved me
01:07:14I
01:07:16Don't recall Grace Kelly enticing Prince Rainier by going to watch United. I may be wrong
01:07:23We live in a permissive society barrel read any color supplement mother you're supposed to be my mother
01:07:29I am love and it wasn't through going to football matches
01:07:34You are the same mother that makes me took me skirt down every time I stand up even if he's only on the phone
01:07:38Yes, well
01:07:40Boys are very safe and I am your mother. That's what I said. I
01:07:47Don't mean permissive permissive
01:07:53Romantic
01:07:55Pardon kissing cuddling things of that nature
01:08:02Well, we do do what what you just said good not too much I hope Oh God
01:08:10Boys are very funny the novices compared to mothers
01:08:18Did I tell you that two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains Oh
01:08:27Two new people have moved into the house opposite with the green curtains fantastic
01:08:33The
01:08:37Cowgills
01:08:40Mr. And mrs. Cowgill married couple
01:08:45Newlyweds not long married you go bald doing that doing what?
01:09:03Do I tell you 28 stockbrokers have moved into the office opposite with the dirty curtains living in sin
01:09:13Can you say one single sentence without the word marriage in it
01:09:21If I said to you do you think Cassius Clay would have beaten Rocky Marciano
01:09:25Would you say what's it matter so long as they're happily married? I don't think so
01:09:29Given you a bad time. Is she I wouldn't say that
01:09:40I haven't even mentioned the word what word
01:09:44Goodness me a single person can have a relationship with another single person without everyone thinking she's automatically
01:09:49I've never said you were think it
01:09:51All right, Jeffrey, I hear by promise never to utter the word again
01:09:57Marriage never
01:10:01Well until I am if I ever do
01:10:05I'll never say it
01:10:08I'll never say it
01:10:11I'll never say it
01:10:16I'll never say it
01:10:21I'll never say it
01:10:31No two people have a divine right to happiness Jeffrey you mustn't feel guilty about me
01:10:40No one can say you've completely ruined me life not yet
01:10:51KNOCK AT DOOR
01:10:55Hello?
01:10:56You all right, son?
01:10:57Terrific.
01:10:58Why did you throw your sponge pudding at the cat, then?
01:11:00Your mother's theory is you're overworking.
01:11:03Hmm.
01:11:04My theory is you're overdoing it with some dolly bird.
01:11:08Oh.
01:11:09What's your theory?
01:11:10Indigestion.
01:11:12Oh.
01:11:14What's yours, Sundance?
01:11:17Hasn't he said anything at all?
01:11:19He has said one thing.
01:11:20Oh, what's that?
01:11:21If God had meant sardines to be in oil,
01:11:23he'd have given them dipsticks, all right.
01:11:27The weeks and months drag by,
01:11:29and with neither side willing to compromise,
01:11:32we still have deadlock.
01:11:34Her Majesty's government have consistently tried to find a way out of this dilemma.
01:11:39Another wild night learning what N.O. spells
01:11:41and how many of her school pals are getting married.
01:11:44And what N.O. spells.
01:11:46And what N.O. spells.
01:11:48Great!
01:11:49I might as well go bald and open my own monastery.
01:11:51And so society, that's you and me,
01:11:54says, end this dispute.
01:11:58End it now.
01:12:00Good night.
01:12:01Hear, hear.
01:12:02Good, wasn't he?
01:12:04Terrific.
01:12:05Especially when he said good night.
01:12:08We're just enjoying ourselves.
01:12:10Having a good time.
01:12:12Just having fun.
01:12:13Being happy.
01:12:16Take two a day, after meals,
01:12:19and one if you find yourself crying your heart out again
01:12:21in the middle of a zebra crossing for no reason at all.
01:12:27You're sure this has nothing to do with a boyfriend?
01:12:29Absolutely positive.
01:12:33That was the first film we ever saw together.
01:12:38Make that three a day after meals.
01:12:46Look, Beryl.
01:12:47How's this for a peace plan?
01:12:49You join a marriage bureau,
01:12:51and I'll get a job on the stage.
01:12:53Twice nightly in Denmark.
01:12:55Then we'll both be happy.
01:12:56Right?
01:12:57Right.
01:12:58You're Jesus Christ's superstar. Amen.
01:13:02Oh, hell.
01:13:04Arms up again.
01:13:05See you tomorrow.
01:13:07Where do you think you're going?
01:13:16Geoffrey, I'll get the sack.
01:13:18It's important.
01:13:21What is?
01:13:24I keep asking you, what is?
01:13:28What is?
01:13:30To be on our own.
01:13:32What?
01:13:34So as we can talk.
01:13:36What?
01:13:38I had a whole speech worked out on the bus this morning.
01:13:43The only bit I can remember is,
01:13:45and that's what I think.
01:13:47Last night I dreamt I was in goal for Manchester United
01:13:50and Grace Kelly kicked nine goals past me.
01:13:53Grace who?
01:13:54She was playing for United as well.
01:13:56Weird, isn't it?
01:13:58The main thing is,
01:14:00we do communicate.
01:14:02Oh, we do.
01:14:12See what...
01:14:13See what I think.
01:14:14Go on.
01:14:15What do you think?
01:14:16I don't know.
01:14:17I'm not sure.
01:14:18You're not sure?
01:14:19I don't know.
01:14:20You're not sure?
01:14:21I'm not sure.
01:14:22You're not sure.
01:14:23I'm not sure.
01:14:24I'm not sure.
01:14:25I'm not sure.
01:14:26Go on.
01:14:27No, you. Mine wasn't important.
01:14:30No, mine wasn't.
01:14:41Beryl.
01:14:45Are you...
01:14:48happy?
01:14:49Of course.
01:14:51Very.
01:14:54I am.
01:14:55No one is every second of every minute of every day.
01:15:01No.
01:15:03I'm not.
01:15:08Do you think it's because we love each other, do you think?
01:15:16Probably.
01:15:17You've not actually said the words often.
01:15:20Well, not in so many words.
01:15:22Mostly in words to that effect.
01:15:37Is there anything you don't love about me?
01:15:41No. I don't think so.
01:15:43Honestly, no.
01:15:45Nothing.
01:15:46If there is...
01:15:47There isn't.
01:15:48You just tell me and I'll stop doing it.
01:15:49There isn't anything.
01:15:50Honest.
01:15:51Good.
01:15:54It wouldn't upset me.
01:15:55It'd just make me a better human being to deserve your love.
01:16:03Like...
01:16:04you know...
01:16:06crimson shoes and bottle green socks.
01:16:10Well, you don't wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks, Beryl.
01:16:13If I did, I'd stop.
01:16:14To please you.
01:16:15To please you.
01:16:20I see.
01:16:26There's no need to be sensitive, Geoffrey.
01:16:28In a meaningful relationship, you must like even what you don't.
01:16:33Your mother.
01:16:34Pardon?
01:16:35I like your mother.
01:16:36Please don't sulk, Geoffrey.
01:16:37Hand her lampshades.
01:16:38Sulking isn't the most endearing quality in a person.
01:16:42Well, you ought to know.
01:16:43You've almost made it an art form.
01:16:45Anything else at random?
01:16:46You've got 24 hours to spare.
01:16:48After all, I'm no Bridget Bardot.
01:16:51According to reliable sources in St Tropez, she's 105 next birthday.
01:16:54Over 98% of the male population of Manchester and Salford
01:16:57can tell the difference between Bridget Bardot and Beryl Battersby.
01:17:00Ask any opinion poll.
01:17:01I'm much fatter for a start.
01:17:03You're not all that fat, Beryl.
01:17:05I am.
01:17:06Start slimming.
01:17:07Men like something to get hold of.
01:17:08If they're allowed to get hold of it.
01:17:10You always succeed in getting back to Percy Filth in the end, don't you?
01:17:13Always.
01:17:14No, I don't, Beryl.
01:17:15You do.
01:17:16I always fail.
01:17:17Do you know what some girls find extremely likeable?
01:17:19The extremely likeable way some boys stare at every girl they see.
01:17:23Boys like it when girls tell them what N.O. spells.
01:17:26Especially for the 600th time.
01:17:27That they really dig.
01:17:29You never say dig.
01:17:31I did then.
01:17:33Your passionate, unrequited love for 11 boring men kicking a ball about.
01:17:37That's really lovable.
01:17:39I never knew you thought that.
01:17:41Neither did I.
01:17:43Do now, though.
01:17:53Used to say dig before I met you.
01:17:59Used to say all sorts of things.
01:18:05There's a lot about me I can't even remember.
01:18:10Thanks.
01:18:29Thinking what I'm thinking?
01:18:33Think so.
01:18:35We just don't like each other.
01:18:38At all.
01:18:50Oh, goodbye, then.
01:18:53Good luck.
01:18:55Peace, man.
01:18:59St. Anne's Square.
01:19:00St. Anne's Square, please.
01:19:08So that just leaves a cot, two matinee coats, two romper suits.
01:19:16And what else do I need?
01:19:19Oh, yes, a ring.
01:19:20Teething ring?
01:19:22Wedding ring.
01:19:23Of course.
01:19:25Oh, they have gorgeous prams in the shops these days.
01:19:28No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:31Oh, sorry.
01:19:32No wonder everyone's at it.
01:19:35Oh, sorry.
01:19:37What about?
01:19:38Skip it.
01:19:40About time, too.
01:19:41Bit of sympathy.
01:19:43Not that I need any, actually. I've never been as happy in me life.
01:19:46But she doesn't know that.
01:19:49If I'm looking miserable, Sandra, it's because I'm feeling happy for you.
01:19:53Yeah.
01:19:58We know what you must be thinking.
01:19:59Of course we do.
01:20:01How to pop the pink without going in off.
01:20:08Ace.
01:20:10She used to wear pink, you know.
01:20:12I won't tell you where.
01:20:17But I love a lot more where hers came from.
01:20:19Wow!
01:20:24Did you own the chalk, Geoffrey?
01:20:26Anno spells no.
01:20:30Super day for it.
01:20:32Mmm, sin being inside a day like this.
01:20:36Well, Sandra, this is it.
01:20:39Yep.
01:20:40The big day.
01:20:41Yep.
01:20:42Coming to the crutch.
01:20:44Crunch.
01:20:46I dare say it'll hardly break me heart in the slightest, seeing him again.
01:20:50You mustn't think I'll be crying inside, because I most definitely won't be.
01:20:55And what's more, no one will know that I am.
01:20:57Because I shan't.
01:20:59Truly.
01:21:02Sandra, please, you've enough to think of.
01:21:08It's a big day for you as well, really, isn't it?
01:21:15And now one of the bride and groom on their own.
01:21:19Do you mind stepping back, sir?
01:21:21Fine.
01:21:22Is this far enough?
01:21:23Here?
01:21:24About there, lovely.
01:21:25You can kiss the bride on this one, sir.
01:21:27Wow.
01:21:28Official permission to actually kiss her.
01:21:32Ow!
01:21:33Oh, sorry.
01:21:35That's right.
01:21:36Hold it.
01:21:38Lovely.
01:21:43Funny.
01:21:44I remember the Friday lunchtime they first met.
01:21:48How have you been?
01:21:50Absolutely great.
01:21:52You?
01:21:53Never better.
01:21:54Ever.
01:21:58It's all over now.
01:21:59Bar the salmon salad.
01:22:02It's tuna fish.
01:22:04It's life.
01:22:12So President Nixon went to China then?
01:22:15That was before we ever met.
01:22:17I know.
01:22:18Why? Has something happened about it?
01:22:20No.
01:22:21No?
01:22:22Could I trouble you for the salad cream, please?
01:22:24Hmm.
01:22:27Speaking personally, I think there are enough problems to sort out on Earth without going to the moon.
01:22:33Nixon?
01:22:34Why, is he going?
01:22:36No.
01:22:38The astronauts.
01:22:39Oh.
01:22:41It's the wives and sweethearts I feel sorry for.
01:22:46We never really talked, did we?
01:22:48About things that matter.
01:22:50Good, isn't it?
01:22:51Shows with friends.
01:22:53Now that we know we don't like each other.
01:22:55Everybody thinks we're broken hearted.
01:23:01We've really grown up, haven't we?
01:23:03My mother's convinced herself we're split up because we had too much Percy filth.
01:23:07I'm right off it myself.
01:23:09I've been able to walk off buses perfectly normally for the past few weeks.
01:23:12Oh.
01:23:13I expect it's only temporary.
01:23:15I hope not.
01:23:16It's marvellous.
01:23:17Good.
01:23:19I don't fancy you in the slightest now.
01:23:21Thank you, love.
01:23:25Still off the food, I notice.
01:23:31And we've learnt a fantastic amount for the future.
01:23:34Fantastic.
01:23:35For example, say I finally did marry someone like you.
01:23:38Only someone I love.
01:23:40I bet I'd now let him wear crimson shoes and bottle green socks every night.
01:23:45In bed, I bet.
01:23:46In bed, I bet.
01:23:51And you'll probably meet some little fatty who's never even heard of Kenny Warhol and marry her three days later.
01:23:59We probably won't see each other at all now we're pals.
01:24:02I expect you're going to the match this afternoon.
01:24:04Oh, yeah.
01:24:05I'm helping Sandra Packer go in a way case.
01:24:08Where's she going?
01:24:09Hospital.
01:24:13Well.
01:24:14We'll bump into each other sometime.
01:24:45Hello, Mrs. Battersby.
01:24:48You won't remember me.
01:24:50Good afternoon, Geoffrey.
01:24:54Is Beryl there, please?
01:24:57She's gone to the football match.
01:25:01There is no football.
01:25:02It's cricket.
01:25:03It's cricket.
01:25:04It's cricket.
01:25:05It's cricket.
01:25:06It's cricket.
01:25:07It's cricket.
01:25:08It's cricket.
01:25:09It's cricket.
01:25:10It's cricket.
01:25:11It's cricket.
01:25:12It's cricket.
01:25:13It's cricket.
01:25:14It's cricket now.
01:25:15Well, it's the same thing, isn't it?
01:25:39Hi!
01:25:40When's the kick-off?
01:25:42In about three months.
01:25:44Football season's over now, Beryl.
01:25:46Well, what on earth did you want to come for?
01:25:50I forgot.
01:25:52I'm not all that interested these days.
01:25:56Where will you go now, then?
01:25:58I don't know.
01:26:02I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:04I could always go inside and practice booing for next season.
01:26:10Where will you?
01:26:12Might go and get a new pair of tights.
01:26:14Hey, it's like the countryside, isn't it, when it's empty?
01:26:18Fanciest stroll in the country?
01:26:20May as well. If you like.
01:26:22Don't mind. Why not?
01:26:24Just as friends.
01:26:26Oh, I meant just as friends.
01:26:28Yeah, I did.
01:26:34Wish we had a ball.
01:26:38We could play shooting in.
01:26:42You could go in goal.
01:26:48Amazing how people change, isn't it?
01:27:04Yeah.
01:27:18Well, we're certainly much happier without each other.
01:27:24We'll be even happier with someone else.
01:27:26Anyone, really.
01:27:34There's millions to choose from.
01:27:38All nearly exactly right for us.
01:27:42You'll find someone, Geoffrey.
01:27:44You will, Beryl.
01:27:46Just a matter of keeping your eyes open, really.
01:27:50Picking one out of the crowd.
01:28:04United!
01:28:06United!
01:28:08United!
01:28:10United!
01:28:12United!
01:28:14United!
01:28:28And you'll find
01:28:30sometimes
01:28:32Love and rainy weather
01:28:34can turn
01:28:36outside
01:28:38Getting wet together's fun
01:28:42When the
01:28:44crying's done
01:28:48Love and rainy weather
01:28:52are followed
01:28:54by the sun
01:28:58Love and rainy weather
01:29:02Love and rainy weather
01:29:08When the
01:29:10crying's done
01:29:14Love and rainy weather
01:29:18are followed
01:29:20by the sun
01:29:24Love and rainy weather
01:29:32When the
01:29:34crying's done
01:29:36Love and rainy weather
01:29:38are followed
01:29:40by the sun
01:29:42Love and rainy weather
01:29:44are followed
01:29:46by the sun
01:29:48Love and rainy weather
01:29:50are followed
01:29:52by the sun
01:29:54Love and rainy weather
01:29:56are followed
01:29:58by the sun