Ann Marie: Just because you’re in perimenopause, doesn’t mean you won’t conceive
At points your estrogen is so high that you might even be more likely to conceive, said Ann Marie
Ann Marie: The first symptom of perimenopause is denial, because it means we’re getting older
Women shouldn’t live in fear about it, and know that there’s a long runway to menopause, said Ann Marie
See more videos at https://gulfnews.com/videos
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At points your estrogen is so high that you might even be more likely to conceive, said Ann Marie
Ann Marie: The first symptom of perimenopause is denial, because it means we’re getting older
Women shouldn’t live in fear about it, and know that there’s a long runway to menopause, said Ann Marie
See more videos at https://gulfnews.com/videos
Read more Gulf News stories here: https://bit.ly/2HLJ2km
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00:00You know, it's a good time to re-examine how you're living, your lifestyle, and not that
00:05changing these things will fix everything, but it will really improve a lot.
00:08So the over-exercising obsession with cardio, and this is more of a Gen X thing, we were
00:14just so obsessed with cardio, and I would do that above all else, but I also was a very
00:18anxious person, so I would just create these impossible exercise schedules.
00:22We're all deficient in magnesium, so that is something to really watch out for, and
00:27it might be a good idea to start supplementing.
00:42So what's your advice for women that might be going through perimetopause, but they're
00:46still looking to conceive?
00:47Because I know that, I mean, I have had a friend who went through it, and she actually
00:52had to go through egg freezing, and just a couple of procedures actually that were super
00:57painful, and I mean, it did take a toll on her, and I think she did have some hormone
01:04therapy afterwards as well.
01:07But what's your advice for these women?
01:08Well, first of all, you know, we don't want to go through this, so I say the first symptom
01:13of perimetopause is denial, because, you know, it means we're getting older, and you have
01:18to face your mortality and all sorts of things.
01:20But just because you're in perimetopause doesn't mean you won't conceive, and in fact, at points
01:24your estrogen is so high that you might even be more likely to conceive.
01:28That's something that doctors have mentioned over and over and over, like, do not skip
01:31your birth control.
01:33So I would just, I mean, I don't have medical advice to give them, but I would ask them
01:39to remember that.
01:40Like, just because you might have skipped a period, or just because you might have started
01:44having these feelings and sensations in your body, like, I know for me, I didn't have children,
01:49and I haven't gotten married, so when, like, the last thing I wanted to ever hear about
01:53was that this, because I still had hope in my early 40s that that would happen.
01:57And I know it would be, like, a stab of fear would go through me if I thought that that
02:01wasn't going to be a possibility, and fear is no way to live.
02:05So I just want women to know that that's still an option to you, and it's either the way
02:10you friended it, or you can conceive naturally.
02:12I have friends who've given birth in their 40s, no problem, so just try not to live in
02:16fear about it, and know that there's a long runway to menopause, right, and your hormones
02:21are, they're there, they're acting up, but.
02:24Yeah, I know, but they're there.
02:26They're letting you know that they're there by acting up, so that's good.
02:31Which do you think is more difficult, the perimenopause phase, or when you actually
02:35enter menopause?
02:36Gosh, it's hard to say, because it's so individual.
02:41Those early stages of perimenopause were very rough, because I was really doubting my sanity,
02:46and then they also forced me to address a number of things that I am so happy that I
02:51addressed.
02:52So life has gotten a lot easier for me since I realized that I was in perimenopause, since
02:57I started learning about this.
02:59That transmenopausal year, I found quite, I was, it was wild.
03:03I felt wild, like I was acting crazy, I think, and I felt a bit crazy, but one thing that
03:11I want people to know, and many, many women before me have written about this, is that
03:16there is a tremendous emotional and spiritual transition that you go through when you go
03:21through menopause, and I am now settling and feeling this, where you know yourself more
03:25than you've ever known yourself before.
03:29You feel more comfortable and peaceful than you ever felt before, and it starts and snatches,
03:35and anyway, for me, and I just bristle when I hear people talking about it in a negative
03:40way, because I call it a heroine's journey.
03:43You are called to figure out some stuff about yourself, you go through these hormonal changes,
03:49and then you get to meet yourself on the other side, and it's been described sort of as,
03:54when you're young, you're the maiden, and you're really focused outwardly on pleasing
03:58everyone else, and you can be a taskmaster to yourself, and others can do it, and then
04:03this shift happens, where you become like a mother to yourself, and this is also a time
04:10you can sort of give back your wisdom to the rest of the world, and you get a new sense.
04:14The Japanese call it a second spring for a reason, like there is a, I've seen this over
04:18and over in my friends, where they're a bit lost, and then they just start finding like
04:21their purpose.
04:22Like flourish.
04:23Yeah, they flourish, and I feel like this now, like I'm just literally buzzing with
04:26ideas all the time, I've learned about so many new things, I have a newfound confidence,
04:32stability, clarity, you can't just sort of lie, and accept things that you have accepted
04:40for a long time, so there is a bit of a shift in your circle, and your family, because you
04:44find yourself being more honest, but I'd say this part is great.
04:48Yeah, I can see it in your voice, I can see it in your facial expressions, it gives me
04:52hope honestly, because there was a lot of fear mongering, you know, around this whole
04:57topic, and it was, and I remember my mother going through it, and it was just like this
05:01dark phase, and nobody knew how to like handle her, and it was, and now that you mention
05:06it, like it seems it was way more, it was simpler than we thought, basically.
05:11But can I also point out that I am single, so I did a lot of dating between 50 and 53,
05:16like more than I'd ever done, so that's not over either, if you find yourself single,
05:21just know that, like I used to think, oh my gosh, if I don't get married, like there'll
05:24be no one left, it's not like that, but I would say, you know, dating in Dubai, the
05:29men are not okay either, you know, I was dating between 40 and 50, and they're having a really
05:34hard time, and so, you know, this gets blamed and pinned all on menopause, but it's very
05:40hard to separate out what you go through as a human when you hit midlife, you cannot escape
05:46the things that have happened to you, that you've buried in your vault, they start coming
05:50to the surface, you cannot keep them inside, and they will start acting up in ways until
05:56you sort of process that pain, and I've seen that in men as well, and I've seen men admit
06:01to it, and a lot of people will go to therapy, or sometimes they'll start doing destructive
06:05things, but, you know, menopause and perimenopause is a big part of it, but we all have to reckon
06:11with where we've been, and where we want to go, and so, yeah.
06:16Yeah, no, I get that, and I think with men as well, I mean, for years, it's been taboo,
06:22you know, men's mental health has been taboo, and like men aren't supposed to feel certain
06:28emotions, because, you know, they're men, and they have to be strong, they have to be
06:32manly, and it was always taboo, like for men to show emotion, to cry, or to go to therapy,
06:39like with women, it started with women a bit earlier than men, I feel, because it wasn't
06:43manly.
06:44It still is.
06:45Quote, unquote, manly.
06:46It still is.
06:47Yeah.
06:48And one of the things that gets talked about in menopause is like, if this was happening
06:52to men, it wouldn't be happening.
06:53You see that, you hear that all the time, and I just feel like it's not true, because
06:56I interviewed a doctor in the UK, Dr. Quentin Ury, who is a specialist in this low-T andropause
07:03type space, and he said, look, like for men, it's super hard to admit there might be something
07:08wrong with their hormones.
07:09You can imagine this, right?
07:10Yeah.
07:11So, I don't believe that at all, and I just think it's a lazy thing to say, you know.
07:15Men would have a very hard time seeking help, and if you can imagine the men you know in
07:18their 40s and 50s admitting that maybe their hormones are off, and they don't have it,
07:22it's like, that's a whole other thing, so.
07:23They wouldn't even say it, I mean, they wouldn't even.
07:25No, they'll just suffer.
07:27Yeah, they won't admit that it's something that exists, you know, so.
07:29I've mentioned it to a couple people, and they don't like it.
07:31Yeah, they're like, what are you talking about?
07:33They did not like it.
07:34Exactly, I can tell.
07:35So, what are some things that women should avoid during their perimenopause phase?
07:40Well, you know, it's a good time to re-examine how you're living, your lifestyle, and not
07:45that changing these things will fix everything, but it will really improve a lot.
07:49So, the over-exercising obsession with cardio, and this is more of a Gen X thing, we were
07:55just so obsessed with cardio, and I would do that above all else, but I also was a very
07:59anxious person, so I would just create these impossible exercise schedules that I would
08:03actually do, you know, like I'd go spinning and then drive across the city to hot yoga
08:07and do that four times a week, and then be mad at myself because I didn't do it the fifth
08:11day, you know?
08:12Yeah.
08:13Those kinds of things will not serve you, and so, figuring out, pulling back, strength
08:18training is essential to keep us strong and not frail as we get older, and, you know,
08:24just re-examining that whole thing, re-examining how you're working, how you're spending your
08:27time, how your expectations of yourself and what others are expecting of you, we're all
08:33deficient in magnesium, so that is something to really watch out for, and that might be
08:38a good idea to start supplementing.
08:42Sleep habits, there's a lot of people with really bad sleep habits, you know, looking
08:45at your phone before you go to bed.
08:46All these things that you could do in your 30s, like no problem, start to become a problem
08:52when you're older.
08:54I compare this progesterone leaving to, like, when the tide goes out on a dirty beach and
08:58there's a bunch of garbage, and it's just like you've got to kind of go through, and
09:02a lot of people don't want to.
09:03They just want to go back to when they perceived things were easier, but if you can sort of
09:06sort those things out, and sugar and alcohol are just really not great, and those are things
09:12also that we haven't really thought about.
09:14You know it's not good for you, but I had really, and a lot of women have intense body
09:20pain at certain points in their perimenopause.
09:22There's a doctor in the U.S. who's been on my podcast, Dr. Vonda Wright, who has actually
09:25named it musculoskeletal syndrome of menopause.
09:29This passed, but I was in such pain that I thought maybe I had arthritis, and I went
09:33on the Whole30 diet, which just sort of removes everything.
09:36You eat whole foods for 30 days, and 10 days in I woke up and I was like, I'm not in pain
09:41anymore, and that was like, okay, sugar is making, and alcohol, because I would, like
09:45many people, drink on the weekends.
09:47It sounds really unfun if you're not ready, but it's a great time to examine your relationships
09:52to some foods and alcohol.
09:54Oh, sugar.
09:55I think like sugar to me is worse than alcohol, to be very honest.
10:00I mean, ever since someone told me it's white poison, that's all I could think of.
10:04It is white poison to me.
10:06I mean, at least someone that's been through insulin resistance, and like borderline pre-diabetic,
10:10like I think, yeah.
10:12I was too in my 40s, yeah.
10:13It's really something to watch, you just, and I don't think you have to get into like,
10:18I don't want to eat a banana, you know, I don't want to eat a-
10:20No, not to that extent, but yeah.
10:21But yeah, but, and the way it affects your mood, too.
10:24Oh, absolutely.
10:25It is really something when you eat, you know, overload on sugar one day and how you feel
10:28the next day.
10:29Yeah.
10:30How your face looks, how your clothes, everything.
10:31Yes.
10:32It is, and you know, this is a big debate in social media, as you know, because anytime
10:36something comes along that we figure out that's good for us, someone else figures, oh, I can
10:40get hits if I tell people that they don't have to do that thing.
10:42Exactly.
10:43And I've interviewed some of those people.
10:45I've interviewed someone who is a naturopathic doctor and a dietician who believes that sugar
10:50isn't addictive.
10:51And I know-
10:52Isn't.
10:53Isn't.
10:54Oh.
10:55And so she's always like showing herself eating cake and, you know, like have this, you know,
10:57that's diet culture.
10:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:59Right?
11:00But I was on the podcast, I remember, and I really admire this woman, but I was saying,
11:05you know, when I eat a donut, like they brought donuts into our healthy living office that
11:09I was working at.
11:10It was a healthy website I was working at.
11:12And I had one.
11:13And then all I could think about were the donuts.
11:16All I could think about were the donuts.
11:18And when I was even in my 30s, I wouldn't even know that in newsrooms, you know, that
11:21the cake would come and then I'd be like, what's wrong with me?
11:23I want three pieces of cake.
11:25Exactly.
11:26And then so, yeah, I mean, you know, there's lots of people trying to tell you that that's
11:29not a big deal, but see how you feel.
11:32There's a lot of contradicting information on the internet right now.
11:35Like, I mean, the people that tell you, oh, ketogenic diets are the way to go or a carnivore
11:38diet or no veganism.
11:40No, don't go the vegan way.
11:43It's very confusing.
11:44It's very, very confusing.
11:45It's a very confusing time.
11:46Yes.
11:47Okay.
11:48I'm not going to keep you any longer.
11:49I know you're a very busy woman, but what's your advice in general, like to women going
11:55through any phase?
11:56I mean, be it puberty, like from the beginning of puberty until menopause, like what's your
12:01advice for someone that's focusing on that heavily at the moment?
12:05I just want to know what's your advice for mothers who have, you know, young girls who
12:10are going to go through that.
12:11And, you know, people that are going through perimenopause or are in their menopausal stage.
12:16Well, I can say this as a woman who's getting an older woman and also a journalist, I guess
12:23a veteran journalist by now, just who's talked to so many people.
12:26I would try and dismantle the notion that other people know more than you do.
12:34Yes, other people know in certain specialities know more than you do, but even the greatest
12:39experts I've interviewed have tremendous blind spots and they, all the people I thought
12:45were smarter than me, I look back on my life now and I'm like, all the times I, I focused
12:51outwardly when I had a belief inwardly and I went against myself were so, that was so
12:56damaging and I did it all the time.
12:59And so in my thirties, I would get an idea and say it to someone and then some people
13:03always say that's a bad idea.
13:05So the people around you, particularly, don't know any more than you and often are not as
13:11smart and not as well-informed, right?
13:15And so that knowing that inner knowing that gets really strong when you go through menopause,
13:20that is like almost like I am, I've been joking that I'm almost psychic or intuitive or clairsentient
13:26or something because I'm starting to really feel people, other people's emotions.
13:31And so just work on that.
13:34Work on like believing in yourself and what you know, because we are given a wisdom internally
13:39and we're kind of broken of it by every external factor that wants you to always look outside
13:46yourself for the answers and for comfort and for whatever.
13:49But I do believe you have it all inside you and I believe you know, or you can find out
13:55and never just go with one person.
13:58Like if you're going to follow experts or learn about something, like cast a wide net.
14:02That's what I always used to say to journalists when I became an editor, cast a wide net.
14:06Right.
14:07Always get that second and third opinion and you know, like the information from several
14:13people rather than just one source.
14:14I mean, we do that with research.
14:16I mean, when we were in high school, when you write a paper, you would get different
14:19sources.
14:20So you might as well apply that to your...
14:21A thousand percent.
14:22And just look at perimenopause and menopause.
14:24On one side is the mainstream medical system that's telling you this is all about estrogen
14:28and just replace the estrogen and maybe some progesterone.
14:32And then there's people over here saying, this is really about this progesterone is
14:36like a big part of it.
14:38I find that.
14:39And there's so many gaps like that in this space.
14:42I find that amazing and like not in a good way.
14:44Yeah, I know.