Jenny McCarthy Explains How Putting Themselves First Helps Marriage with Donnie Wahlberg
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00:00One of the things that's tricky in life is just as much as we said we have to put the marriage first and at the center of our life.
00:09Part of doing that is to also take care of ourselves individually, right?
00:13So, you know what they say when, you know, if there's a problem on an airplane, the oxygen mask come down, put your oxygen mask on first.
00:22And I know we're both the type to say, what, before our kids?
00:26Why would we put our mask on before our kids? We got to save the kids, right?
00:29But if we can't breathe, we can't be there for the kids.
00:32Well, individually, if we're not taking care of ourselves as individuals, we can't treat the marriage with the respect and commitment that it deserves or the amount of work and dedication it takes, right?
00:44So, if I'm struggling my own personal life, I can't always be the best partner in that marriage.
00:50So, we know just as important as it is to put the marriage first, we have to also put ourselves first.
00:56Sometimes we got to put that oxygen mask on and grow ourselves and take care of ourselves.
01:01And so, I think there was never really a time where we were that worried or concerned.
01:06But the challenge, I think, was to say it's okay to, you know, care for ourselves.
01:16And sometimes, you know, when you go through bad relationships or you've had dysfunction or codependency in your childhood and stuff, you think of it as being selfish.
01:26If I say, hey, I'm going to go to therapy myself today because I have to work on some things that I'm dealing with and stuff like that.
01:34So, there is a fear in loving yourself, you know, and putting yourself first in some ways.
01:41Because you think, oh, well, she's going to think I don't love her because I'm trying to put myself first.
01:47But what it actually is, is we put ourselves first and make sure we're strong individuals and healthy individuals.
01:56And that allows us to be even stronger as a team.
02:00Does that make sense?
02:01It does. It does. To get more, to fine-tune it even more or put something on it like a situation, I would say, getting together, we both had children from previous marriages.
02:13So, you know, one thing that Donnie taught me, especially coming into it, was, like he was mentioning, by putting ourselves, making us the priority, we become mentors for our children.
02:24We model love.
02:26Whereas I was kind of trained to hide it.
02:29Like, don't let the kids, because, you know, you're not his dad and I'm not their mom.
02:34So, let's not be affectionate towards the kids in front of them.
02:38That's something that he would teach me of going, no, no, no, no.
02:41We need to model.
02:42It's okay if the kids are uncomfortable.
02:44They'll get over it.
02:45Because kids need to see what a healthy, loving relationship looks like.
02:51So, sometimes it took me a bit, oh my God, your son's here.
02:54Don't kiss me, don't kiss me.
02:55You know, that kind of thing.
02:56And now, it's not now, but it took me a little bit to adjust to it.
03:00And then I realized, once we did that, our kids fell in love with each other and became best friends.
03:09And they now, when they're in their relationships, it looks like little us.
03:16It looks like us in our 20s, you know.
03:18True.
03:20And, you know, we didn't always have those models growing up, right.
03:25And so many times, look, I'm not trying to act like the couple or the relationship expert.
03:30I think we're good in our relationship and people do ask us advice a lot.
03:34But it's really important to put the relationship at the center and not be afraid to do that.
03:44So many times, we think it's like, oh, you know, the kids.
03:46And, you know, it's like, you know, we can't go out to dinner tonight.
03:50We can't take a date night, you know.
03:52We got to be with the kids and every single day and soccer and this and that.
03:56It's like a force.
03:57We want to do all those things and we have to do those things.
03:59But we also have to put, we have to show them what it looks like to be in a healthy, loving relationship.
04:07And I think if couples look at it that way, I think it can be very helpful.
04:13And I'm not trying to give everyone advice.
04:15Forgive me if I sound like I'm suddenly being a coach out here.
04:17But I think it's something that it took us trial and error to learn, as Jenny said.
04:23And that's a really perfect example.
04:25But we've seen, you know, how successful and what an impact that's had on our children.
04:33And to see how they are now with their loved ones.
04:36It's true, because they're daring.
04:38And we're like, oh my God, they're invitating us.
04:40Like they're invitating us.
04:41Like Donnie and I, we've always like when we're away, we FaceTime sleep with each other.
04:45And that's been in the media that we do that.
04:47Like he's on the pillow.
04:48Well, my son, who's now 22 years old, you know, I'll go in his room to just check on him.
04:54And he's sleeping and he's got the FaceTime pillow girlfriend.
04:58Every night FaceTime, you know, and then doing the little things that Donnie does for me.
05:02He does it to his girl.
05:03So that's where I went.
05:04Donnie was so right.
05:07Like no matter how butt hurt your kids are initially, you've got to make you the priority.
05:12And then love always wins.