Stefan Molyneux
  • yesterday
In this episode, I discuss a social media post of a father lecturing his young son who yelled at his mother and slammed a door. I discuss the issues with the father's intimidating confrontation, noting that this is praised as 'Gentle Parenting'...

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Transcript
00:00Yo, good morning everybody, it's Stefan Molyneux from Free Domain, and this is interesting.
00:12This is, and you don't see a lot of this kind of stuff, but this is a severe apology, sorry,
00:17severe, sincere apology to the unvaxxed.
00:21This message is for the unvaxxed.
00:25I got double vaxxed, and I even pushed friends and family to get vaxxed too.
00:30I was under the impression that the government had our best interests in mind, and you know
00:37there was only one person in the place that I work that refused to get the, you know what,
00:45and let go because of it.
00:49And everybody the whole time was like, just do it, you know, they're not going to put
00:53it out there if it's not safe, I call them selfish, uncaring, whatever.
01:01And this is a funny thing, I mean, a pretty tragic thing of course, but this was a test
01:11of just, I mean, honestly, basic reasoning, and it really just, the whole COVID thing
01:17helped me understand just how bad people were at thinking, and of course the government
01:23doesn't teach you how to think, and the media doesn't teach you how to think, they just
01:28inject you with prejudice, fear, and conformity, but you know, when they've tested a particular
01:37novel intervention for only a couple of months, they can't possibly know the long-term effects.
01:45It's not a matter of motivation, well, the government wanted this, the government wanted
01:48that, it's just a matter of, you can't shorten time, I mean, you can't shorten time.
01:56And again, I said this way back in the day that the average vaccine takes 10 years to
02:02develop and has a 94% failure rate, so if they say they can do it in a couple of months,
02:06I just need to know what steps they skipped, and just tell me what steps they skipped.
02:12And of course, if they were fully confident that it was safe and effective, they wouldn't
02:16have said to the manufacturers, you get a removal of liability for all negative effects,
02:23right?
02:24So this was not, I have to divine the minds of the people behind it and try and figure
02:30out their hidden motivations, this was just basic facts, right?
02:37This was just basic facts.
02:40If you get a bunch of contractors who say, oh, I can, let's say, put in a basement, I
02:48can put in a finished basement for you, right?
02:51And all of the contractors say it's gonna take six months and it's gonna cost you $150,000.
02:59It's gonna be six months and it's gonna cost you $150,000, and then one contractor comes
03:06along and says, I can do it in three and a half days for 50 bucks.
03:15I mean, you'd have some questions, right?
03:18And everybody knows, of course, that medical interventions take a long time to test in
03:22terms of safety and so on.
03:24And of course, the fact that they didn't want to release the data of the testing until they
03:28were forced to by a judge, they wanted to wait for, what, 75 years or something like
03:31that, right?
03:33This wasn't a matter of, well, I didn't quite know what the government had in terms of wanting
03:42the best for us and so on.
03:43Yeah, I'm sure that there were many people who wanted it to work, who wanted the best,
03:48who were genuinely scared of COVID, who felt it was like...
03:51So defining motivations is a form of mysticism, right?
03:55I mean, I've been pushing back on people on the show for like 20 years about this.
04:01Defining people's intentions is just a form of mysticism.
04:06And it's not a matter of mind reading the people in charge, it's just a matter of looking
04:11at the basic facts.
04:13So I don't know where this modern thing has come from.
04:15I think it's just kind of an excuse where somebody says, well, I thought so-and-so had
04:19the best intentions, turns out they didn't.
04:22That is a way of avoiding the real issue, because you can always forgive yourself for
04:28failing to divine the intentions of others, because we are not psychic.
04:33We cannot enter into other people's minds.
04:36Some people can be very cunning liars.
04:37So I think it's just a way of avoiding these issues.
04:45And I think it's a way of avoiding your own culpability, right?
04:49So when everyone's like, hey, man, just get it, just do it, just get it, just do it.
04:52Well, you know, we were kind of all raised to not do that, right?
04:55If everyone jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do that too?
04:57Think for yourself, right?
04:59Going along with the crowd was never something that was encouraged, at least when I was a
05:03kid.
05:04I'm sure it's the same now, right?
05:05Well, why did you do this stupid thing while all the other kids were doing it?
05:08It's like, well, that's not a good enough reason, right?
05:10So yeah, I just wanted to point out that this is still a cope, right?
05:16And I'm, you know, my level of sympathy is tough, right?
05:20It's tough to have sympathy for people who were kind of cheering on your losses of freedom,
05:29right?
05:30It's kind of tough to have sympathy for that.
05:34But there's still a cope here, right?
05:36What he needs to say, in my humble opinion, right, what he needs to say is, I did not
05:41think it through.
05:43I went to the crowd.
05:44I didn't even try to think it through.
05:46I didn't read any counter-arguments.
05:48I am 100% responsible for this, not, well, I had this impression of what people wanted,
05:56the good for me and so on, but it turns out it was incorrect.
05:59And that is still a cope, right?
06:02Absolutely taking 100% responsibility for your choices is really, really tough for people.
06:07There's always, and I have the same issue, right?
06:09I mean, this is not, you know, nobody's immune, right?
06:11At least I don't think, I'm certainly not immune.
06:14But the act of taking 100% and saying, well, it wasn't that I failed to divine the hidden
06:21motives of others.
06:22It's that I just didn't think it through and went with the crowd.
06:26And if you really wanna get down and dirty and really honest with it, I liked being with
06:31the in-group and I liked attacking those deemed to be selfish, bad, and enemies, right?
06:37I liked running with the in-group.
06:38I liked being with the cool kids.
06:40And I got a little bit of a thrill out of attacking others for not going along.
06:46That's the level of honesty that I think is needed for people to really heal this stuff,
06:52but it's not about to come.
06:54Rachel Wilson is a great Twitterer.
07:00This is kind of true, right?
07:02And I've been noticing this for decades, right?
07:05So she writes, you cannot talk sense into young girls who are acting insane because
07:10if they are even mildly attractive, the simp industrial complex will not allow it.
07:16They will form a barricade, build a wall, and dig a moat to make sure that you can't
07:19reach these girls.
07:20The internet has not only caused a 304 epidemic, it has also caused a simp epidemic.
07:28So simp is a man who sells vanity, and money, and a lack of consequences to a woman in return
07:40for romantic or sexual attention.
07:43Oh, it wasn't your fault, oh, he was just a bad guy.
07:46He aligns himself with the woman's excuses in order to get sexual attention.
07:53So look at this.
07:55So this is a kid who had a conflict with his mother.
07:58You don't yell at mommy, ever.
08:01You understand me?
08:03You also slammed the door, didn't you?
08:05Okay.
08:06Would you have slammed the door if I was home?
08:10Okay.
08:11So you yelled at mommy and slammed the door.
08:15So peaceful parenting is, of course, that behavior is not good.
08:20And this kid is what, four, maybe four and a half?
08:26Kids have different growth rates at this age, but this is a very little kid, right?
08:29This is a very little kid.
08:32And I'm just going to say he's four, maybe he's five, could be four, probably older than
08:36three, certainly younger than six.
08:38So this is a four-year-old kid who had a conflict with his mother, right?
08:43So the question is, how did the yelling and door slamming arise?
08:48Has the child ever seen yelling and door slamming?
08:52Has he seen it in his own family?
08:53Has he seen it in other people's families?
08:55Has he seen it as his grandparents or aunts or uncles?
08:57Has he seen it if he's gone to daycare or preschool or anything like that?
09:01Has he seen yelling and slamming of doors?
09:06If he has, you can't blame him for it.
09:09If he hasn't, still the behavior is not good, of course.
09:13But the question is, why?
09:15Why did it escalate to this point?
09:18So why did he yell at his mother?
09:21Most likely, he yelled at his mother because...
09:28He yelled at his mother because his mother wasn't listening.
09:35And his mother wasn't listening, was saying no, and wasn't explaining anything, and that's
09:39the most likely reason as to why he yelled at his mother.
09:46Frustration at not being listened to, not having things explained, and not understanding
09:49what is happening.
09:52So that's the question.
09:53When there's bad behavior on the part of a child, and yes, yelling and door slamming
09:58is bad behavior, I get that, but when there's bad behavior on the part of a child, then
10:02the question is, what is the root cause of it?
10:05Now you can either try and figure out the root cause, or you can just manage the symptoms,
10:12and suppress the symptoms, right?
10:15So if you have some sort of allergy, then you can just keep chugging some cover-up medicine
10:24for it, or you can try and figure out what you're allergic to and change your diet, or
10:29your exposures, or something like that, right?
10:32So this kid also says, you would have slammed the door if daddy was home, and this is interesting,
10:38right?
10:39So look what happens.
10:41Okay.
10:42Would you have slammed the door if I was home?
10:46So the kid says yes, right?
10:49And look at the fear in the kid's face, right?
10:51So this dad is being very intimidating, right?
10:55Obviously he's not yelling, and he's not standing, he's not looming over, he's not hitting, of
11:00course, right?
11:01But he's being very intimidating, right?
11:03This sort of, this deep, dark seriousness stuff that is absolutely unacceptable is totally
11:10wrong, right?
11:11In my view, the father is being intimidating.
11:14This isn't just a conversation.
11:16This is an interrogation, right?
11:17This is not a conversation.
11:19What happened before?
11:20What did you feel?
11:22Did mommy listen?
11:23Who yelled first?
11:24You know, just trying to figure out what actually happened.
11:27This is just an interrogation.
11:28And this is part of the simp army that was being talked about before, right?
11:33Because this person who posted this said this man handled the situation really well.
11:37Gentle parenting.
11:38Is it gentle parenting?
11:39This is intimidating.
11:41If you've ever been on the receiving end of these kinds of lectures as a kid, right?
11:45And I mean, the size difference is important.
11:47So the dad says, if I was home, would you have slammed the door?
11:52Watch.
11:53Did you slam the door if I was home?
11:56And the kid knocks.
11:58And the kid nods, right?
11:59So this is, the father did not get the answer that he wanted.
12:05So what he does is he repeats, with a slight escalation of intimidation, he repeats the
12:09question.
12:10If I was home, would you have slammed the door?
12:13No, you wouldn't have, but...
12:17Okay, so that's interesting, right?
12:20And a little chilling, right?
12:21Look at this again.
12:22Would you have slammed the door if I was home?
12:24Kid nods.
12:25Yes, I would have slammed the door, right?
12:26So the kid is not answering a question.
12:28The kid is trying to reduce the escalation of the fathom.
12:31He's trying to escape the situation of intimidation, because the kid is not saying anything.
12:37They're not having a conversation.
12:39This is just an interrogation, right?
12:41If I was home, you would have slammed the door, right?
12:45And so the kid says, because he's not really following, right?
12:50Because he's so young.
12:51So the dad says, in an intimidating fashion, would you have slammed the door if I was home?
12:55The kid nods.
12:57And then the dad repeats, you wouldn't have slammed the door if I was home, would you?
12:59And now the kid doesn't know what to answer.
13:01So the dad answers for him, doesn't answer, right?
13:07So then the father then answers for him, right?
13:13Would you have slammed the door?
13:14Kid says, sure.
13:16And then he says, you would have slammed the door, right?
13:20And then the kid doesn't answer because he doesn't know what to answer because it's not
13:23a conversation.
13:24Nobody's asking the kid why he did what he did.
13:26Nobody's getting to the root of the kid's frustration and anger.
13:30So then the father just answers for the kid.
13:37My door.
13:38Okay.
13:39So this is the my house stuff.
13:42This is such a terrible idea as a parent.
13:44Oh my God.
13:45I can't even tell you what a terrible idea.
13:48My house, my rules and so on, right?
13:51So what the father is saying here to the child, and a lot of us have heard this over
13:59the years, right?
14:00But what the father is saying to the child here is quite simple.
14:05You have no right to live here.
14:08You have no right to live here.
14:09You're not even a tenant.
14:11You're not a renter.
14:13You're just here with no rights whatsoever.
14:16My house, my door.
14:20Your entire environment is my property, which means you have no right to be here.
14:25You can be kicked out at any time and so on, right?
14:29Now, children who are told that they have no right to the house that they live in and
14:32are there by the whim and grace of the parents get deep insecurity, right?
14:39The child has a right to the house because the parents voluntarily chose to have kids
14:46and brought the child into the house.
14:49It is not the parents' house, right?
14:54My daughter's room is her room.
14:58My daughter has a right to live in the house.
15:02It is not my house or my wife's house or both of ours houses.
15:06It is not that at all.
15:09My daughter has an absolute perfect moral right to the property that she is surrounded
15:18by.
15:19It is not her house.
15:20She's not a tenant or a surf crasher, a couch crasher or something like that.
15:27So saying it is my door and that is why you don't have the right to slam it is not an
15:35argument.
15:36It is an assertion of property rights.
15:38And now the kid is sitting there saying, so I have no right to be here.
15:46Even a tenant has rights.
15:48I have no right to be here.
15:51I could be kicked out at any time.
15:53It's my father's house.
15:55And this is, you know, just this is an act of desperation.
15:57So I mean, I obviously don't know this family, but in these kinds of situations, what usually
16:02happens is the mother has done something mean or insensitive or thoughtless.
16:10And that happens, right?
16:11And then the kid is escalated and rather than have a conversation with the son and try and
16:16figure out what happened after she calms down, she goes to her husband and says, this
16:23is what your son did.
16:24He was rude to me.
16:25He was mean.
16:26You need to go talk to him.
16:27And she whips the dad up into a frenzy.
16:29And then the dad goes in and it's the interrogation heavy to aggress against in a way.
16:34I mean, it's obviously physically aggressing, but to intimidate the child into changing
16:40his behavior, right?
16:42This is the hand puppet, right?
16:45The mother is angry and the mother then gets the father, the mother gets the father to
16:52act out her anger.
16:55And this is her form of punishing the child for rebelling, right?
16:59And look, children very often have good reasons to rebel.
17:04They very often have good reasons to rebel, okay?
17:07That is my door.
17:10It's not your door.
17:11That's daddy's door.
17:12You understand me?
17:14So you do not slam my doors, not in my house, okay?
17:20You will respect mommy more than that.
17:23You will respect mommy more than that, but okay.
17:27So respect means to take seriously the other person's preferences and thoughts, right?
17:34Respect means to take seriously the other person's preferences and thoughts.
17:40So is the child being respected here?
17:44Is this mutual, right?
17:46In other words, is the father modeling behavior that he will respect in the child?
17:53In other words, if the child decides to kind of in an intimidating fashion, interrogate
17:58other people and tell them exactly what to do, would he approve of that?
18:03Is this behavior universal?
18:09Can the son sit the father down and interrogate him, right?
18:17Let's say that the son was given a toy, right?
18:22And the father is careless and breaks the toy.
18:26Does the son get to sit the father down and say, that's my toy.
18:30You will respect my property.
18:32You don't touch my property, right?
18:35No, because the father would never submit to that because the father would consider
18:39that humiliating and embarrassing, but the father will do that to the son.
18:43I reason with my daughter.
18:44She's perfectly welcome to reason with me.
18:46In fact, it saved my hide on a couple of occasions, but you know what respect is, right?
18:53Being nice to me.
18:56So it's important to be nice and to respect others.
19:00So is the father modeling being nice and respecting others?
19:03Is the father modeling good conflict resolution or?
19:08Is the father simply intimidating the child by saying, you have no right to be here.
19:13It's my house.
19:14And here are the orders I'm going to give you.
19:16I get a kind of cop or fireman or sort of physical authority vibe from this father.
19:23You need to be nice to me.
19:27So if mommy's nice to you, so mommy's nice to you, which means that mommy is always nice
19:30to you and you never have any reason to complain because mommy is always perfect.
19:35Which means that what the child did in terms of yelling and slamming the door is just bad
19:42and wrong and mean and so on, right?
19:45So saying that mommy is always nice is not true.
19:50Nobody's always nice.
19:51Good Lord.
19:52Be nice to mommy.
19:53Because mommy's nice to you.
19:54Mommy gives you that respect.
19:55So you need to do the same.
19:56You do not yell at mommy, you do not slam doors, you don't yell at mommy.
20:04So this is a kid who's just trying to figure out how to minimize the intimidation of his
20:11father's interrogation.
20:12He's not learning anything and the father's just giving orders, right?
20:16There's no curiosity.
20:18There's no trying to understand what the child's motivations are.
20:21There's no trying to understand the causes of the conflict, the roots of the conflict
20:27and so on.
20:29The mother is perfect.
20:30The child is immoral.
20:31The child has no right to be there.
20:33The child is mean.
20:34The child is in the wrong.
20:36There's no curiosity.
20:37It's just a conveyor belt of a fairly intimidating interrogation that the child is just going
20:44to nod to and has learned nothing.
20:46I don't think that's good parenting at all.
20:50So there.
20:51This is just some of my thoughts.
20:52I'm curious what you guys think of all of this and have yourself a wonderful day.
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21:01Talk to you soon.
21:02Bye-bye.