A job interview takes an awkward turn when a lie detector reveals the unfiltered truths and hidden feelings of everyone | dG1fQ2pWVk51cmFseTg
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00:00So, Mr. Hanson, as you know, we have all prospective employees take a lie detector test prior to
00:13joining our firm.
00:14So, if you don't mind, we're going to begin with a couple of control questions.
00:19Should I be hooked up to something?
00:21With the old system, yes, but with the new Lie Detector 3000, it's programmed to go off
00:25when it hears you tell a lie.
00:27For example, go ahead and tell an obvious lie.
00:31Grass is blue.
00:33I'm a tall black man.
00:34I've never seen Jersey Shore.
00:36I love it.
00:37I've never missed one.
00:38I've heard good things.
00:41Now go ahead and say something that is true so we can properly calibrate the machine.
00:45I have a 12-inch penis.
00:50That's kind of weird.
00:51It should have gone off.
00:53Why?
00:54Because there's no way you...
00:55I have a 12-inch penis.
00:56Actually, it might be 13.
00:57No?
00:58I guess it's 12.
00:59Wait, seriously?
01:00Hey, Mike, did you get a chance to email me those mission statements?
01:04Uh, yeah.
01:05I did it last night.
01:06I did it this morning.
01:07All right.
01:08I haven't even started yet.
01:09Well, Mike, you're the best.
01:11You suck.
01:12I'll be back at my desk working.
01:13I'll be playing Angry Birds on my phone.
01:20Please state your full name.
01:21Dane Christopher Hanson.
01:23Is it true that you reside at 1444 North Sierra Bonita Avenue?
01:27Yes.
01:28Apartment 3.
01:29How do you do it, man?
01:32Oh.
01:33When I moved here, I went on Westside Rental.
01:35No.
01:36It's like $80.
01:37How do you live with a 12-inch penis?
01:39I mean, how is that even possible?
01:41Okay.
01:42I'm getting a little uncomfortable with this line of questioning.
01:45Sorry.
01:46I'm sorry.
01:47You're all right.
01:48I mean, it's just a 12 inches.
01:49That is like a freaking beef bus, you know what I'm saying?
01:53Why are you so concerned about my penis anyhow?
01:55I mean, are you gay or something?
01:58What?
01:59No.
02:00Hey, nobody loves pussy more than I do.
02:02All right.
02:03I'm a flaming homosexual, but do me a favor.
02:06Don't tell anybody because nobody knows.
02:08Everybody knows.
02:09So wait.
02:10Tell people?
02:11No.
02:12Have you ever been fired from a job before?
02:16No.
02:17Three times.
02:18Have you ever stolen from an employer before?
02:19No.
02:20All right.
02:21Damn it.
02:23How much would you say you've stolen before?
02:24$100.
02:25$500.
02:26That's how much I've lost count.
02:29$44,793.
02:30That's a lot of money, Dane.
02:33Well, I had cancer.
02:36I bought a boat and named it Cancer.
02:40I'm going to be honest, Dane.
02:44This interview is going really well.
02:45Yeah?
02:46No.
02:47This is the worst interview I've ever been a part of.
02:49Normally, you'd be gone.
02:51However, company policy dictates I ask you one final question.
02:55Okay.
02:56Would you ever have sex with a man in order to get a job?
02:59No.
03:00Welcome to the firm.