Bukan mudah untuk pelakon dan bekas ratu cantik, Shakila Saiful kembali bangkit selepas peristiwa hitam yang berlaku dalam kehidupannya.
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00:00And she cried a lot. She said, where is the justice for my daughter? And
00:11she asked Hakim too. She said, you know, I'm an old woman. But until now, all I've been seeing,
00:16my daughter is suffering from the very first beginning. And I thought when I
00:20got my daughter married to him, I thought they will change my daughter. But they turned my daughter's life into hell.
00:51To find out more about the controversy that hit Shakila, let's meet Buat Exclusive with Gempak.
00:57Gempak together with Shakila, whose name is Tular Baru-Baruk. So let's ask Kila,
01:02who is Kila actually and why is she Tular Baru-Baruk?
01:06Good morning, Astro Gempak. My name is Shakila, 28 years old.
01:09I think my recent viral case is because of the victory of my court case. Not one case, but four cases.
01:17And it's also a lot of attention because it involves me, where I'm from the entertainment industry,
01:23and also a former judge, against a well-known religious figure.
01:29Kila, you've just made a new accusation that really surprised a lot of people, right?
01:33So maybe you can explain a little bit about how strong you are to make that accusation.
01:40Actually, it's not easy for me to make that accusation. Because before I
01:45made that accusation, I tried my best to take care of myself. Before I went that deep, I did try to
01:53reach out to them and so on. But when I was ignored for almost like nearly one to two months,
02:00I became like, that's what makes me to, because I was going through depression.
02:04So that's what makes me, triggered me to explode and write paragraphs on Facebook and post it.
02:10And I tagged my ex-father-in-law there. So from there, the accusation started from there.
02:16Even though the posting was only 30 minutes, I took it down later onwards, but it started there.
02:21And also recently, I've posted something on my Instagram.
02:25People were a bit surprised because I won the court case.
02:29So why did I become suicidal? I think that's the main question.
02:32Actually, if I want to be honest, if you want to compare the weight of the victory
02:36with the pain that I've been suffering for 22 years, I'm suffering.
02:42The pain is actually heavier than the victory.
02:44Even though I won, at the same time, I'm going through a lot of depression.
02:48Because I still got cyberbullied by those who supported my ex-father-in-law and so on.
02:53I still got a lot of people coming after me, trying to mess with me and my family.
02:58So at the same time, I'm still unstable yet. The trauma is still there.
03:03So at one point, it suddenly flicked and then all my past traumas came one by one.
03:09It's like a flashback. One by one, from when I was 6 years old to when I was 28 years old.
03:14One by one, it flashed back and flashed back.
03:17After when I was in the rehab, when I recovered, I made a statement on my Instagram and Facebook.
03:23I was explaining my situation because I didn't want people to misunderstand.
03:26Why did she won 4 court cases? Why did she want to kill herself?
03:30Because I'm trying to explain to them that regardless of how many court cases I won,
03:35the pain that I was trying to bear for 22 years is heavier than winning the court case.
03:41How's your relationship with your family there?
03:44I haven't been in contact with my family there anymore.
03:46I think for more than 2 years, we don't keep in touch anymore.
03:50You didn't go to court, right?
03:51Can you share with us?
03:52There was a claim that you had bad intentions when you exposed things like this, right?
03:56So what was your comment?
03:57I didn't have any bad intentions.
03:59I was simply standing out for the truth, for my rights.
04:02For my rights.
04:03Because my rights were there.
04:05It was taken away from me.
04:06And that's as far as I can comment because our case is still ongoing.
04:10How was your family's reaction during that time?
04:14My family was in shock.
04:15But at the same time, my father was battling cancer.
04:18The cancer was lymphoma, stage 2.
04:20So my father is not well.
04:21My mom, on the other hand, she's trying to be strong for me even though I know she's very much weak.
04:27So my family, me, my mom, we suffered a lot.
04:30We suffered a lot.
04:32At one point, we didn't know what to do.
04:35We don't know.
04:36We really don't know.
04:37I still remember when I first received the summons from my in-law, my father-in-law.
04:41I called the high court at that time.
04:43I said, if I don't have a lawyer, can I represent myself?
04:46The court said, no, you have to have a lawyer.
04:48Because this case has to be fought in court.
04:50I said, but I don't have money.
04:51It's okay, ma'am.
04:52You can try to ask for help from the court bureau.
04:56They will never take a defamation case.
04:58They'll take general cases.
04:59So, but alhamdulillah, Allah is always there for me.
05:03I managed to find a very good lawyer to carry my case at the end.
05:07Even though it's very difficult for us at the beginning.
05:09But alhamdulillah, all I can say is all of this happened because of Allah.
05:13So I'm thankful for that.
05:14Through difficult days, like you said, pray to God.
05:18What did you ask from God at that time?
05:21I still remember during the beginning, when I first got the summons, nobody was on my side.
05:26I was all alone.
05:27There were no supporters.
05:29And I had only my mom by my side.
05:32So at that time, every time I prayed, I would cry.
05:36I just asked one thing from Allah.
05:37Please show me the right way.
05:39Show me the path.
05:40You put this task on me.
05:42You bestow this task upon me.
05:43So don't leave me alone to go through this.
05:46Please guide me along.
05:47I just asked for that.
05:48I repeated it over and over again.
05:49And in my desperation, I also asked for that.
05:52Please guide me along.
05:53Because I don't know what to do.
05:54So that's what I repeated every time in my prayer.
05:58And until today, I still thank Allah for everything that he's given me.
06:03And also to give me the strength to overcome everyday obstacles.
06:06You lost three children, right?
06:09So how did you face all of this?
06:11This is a heavy question.
06:12And it's a bit sensitive for me.
06:14It's not easy for, I think, I believe, for any mother to lose even one child.
06:20The first one that I lost was a twin.
06:22And that was because I was persuaded to do an abortion.
06:27And I was persuaded by thinking it's the right thing to do.
06:29And the second one happened during our marriage.
06:33When I had a miscarriage.
06:34Also, it's connected to the abortion.
06:36Because our womb wasn't strong enough.
06:39I was having issues with my ex-husband.
06:42So stress.
06:43So losing three children, I think that was the top of the iceberg for me.
06:51That was the tip of the iceberg.
06:53And just after the miscarriage, eight days.
06:59So just imagine, by the time I needed my husband the most.
07:02He left me at my weakest.
07:05So I had to go through, I believe, hell.
07:07That was hell for me in this world.
07:09I was very broken at that time.
07:11I think my mom saw how, you know.
07:13I was around 60 kg.
07:15I dropped all the way to 50.
07:17Because I was not eating and this and that.
07:19I went to severe depression.
07:21Until at one point, when I started to get suicidal.
07:26I started to overdose myself and this and that.
07:33That's when I finally, until today, I'm under hospital Kajang.
07:37For psychiatric.
07:38I still have ongoing session.
07:40So it means that the trauma is still there.
07:43Even until today.
07:44It's just that I have mastered the art of not showing it in public.
07:48And to conceal it as much as I can.
07:50But 22 years trauma is not something that will disappear overnight.
07:54So things like this do need time.
07:56I am under healing process.
07:58If you want to ask me today, how am I doing?
08:00I cannot say I'm fine, I'm great.
08:02I will just say I'm healing and I'm still healing.
08:04So it will take time.
08:06But God willing, I know I'm not alone.
08:09My mom's there.
08:10Allah is there.
08:10Whatever obstacle that comes in my way.
08:13God willing, I'll be able to go through it.
08:15Did your mom cry at that time?
08:17She cried a lot.
08:18If she's here with me right now, she cried a lot.
08:22Even in the court, she cried a lot.
08:24And when I see her like that, I cried too.
08:26Because I know the pain my mom.
08:28And I know the pain for any mom.
08:30To see their daughter going through such a test like that.
08:33It's very heavy.
08:34When I see my mom crying.
08:35And my mom is about 65, 66 years old.
08:39She's not a young woman.
08:40She can't even walk.
08:41She needs assistance.
08:42People to assist her to go to the court.
08:46And she still stood up there, standing out for her daughter.
08:49And she cried a lot.
08:51She said, where is the justice for my daughter?
08:54And...
09:00And she asked the judge.
09:02She said, you know, I'm an old woman.
09:04But until now, all I've been seeing my daughter is suffering.
09:07From the very first beginning.
09:08And I thought when I let my daughter marry him.
09:10I thought they will be, they will change my daughter.
09:13But they turned my daughter's life into hell.
09:16So that was very heavy for my mom actually.
09:24Like I said, it was not easy.
09:26It was not easy at all.
09:29But what gave me the strength.
09:30Is when I see my mom.
09:32She's a 65 years old woman.
09:35And she still wants to fight for her with her daughter.
09:38Even though she's weak.
09:39She's sick.
09:39I see my mom there and I ask myself.
09:41I have to be strong for her.
09:43Because nobody's gonna be there for her.
09:45And I need to be strong to fight for my rights.
09:47That has been taken away from me.
09:53And I also believe that I'm not alone.
09:55Allah is always there with me.
09:56My mother's prayer is always there with me.
09:59Two of the most powerful things in the world is always there with me.
10:07Because sometimes I ask myself.
10:09What did I do to deserve this?
10:19To be abused in such way.
10:20So if you want to say now.
10:22Okay, it's a different story.
10:22But I'm still young.
10:26My test, you know.
10:27So it was very heavy for me.
10:29And it was very sad.
10:30Because I always ask myself.
10:31What did I do to deserve this?
10:33But then I realized.
10:34Allah bestowed this task upon me.
10:37Because He wants to make me a stronger woman.
10:44I honestly always look things in the positive way.
10:46Every one of every single man.
10:50That come across my life.
10:51Even though they try to take advantage of me.
10:54I would never look at it as unlucky.
10:56Because they brought a lesson to me.
10:58And I learned from that mistake.
11:00And it made me stronger.
11:01If they didn't come into my life.
11:03I might not be this strong.
11:04So I don't look at it as something unlucky.
11:07But I look at it as an opportunity to make me stronger.
11:10So I look at it in a positive way.
11:16This year is almost coming to an end.
11:18So inshallah next year.
11:20It's gonna be new.
11:21I've started to get an offer to act again.
11:24And most of the project is coming up next year.
11:27And I'm coming back to the entertainment industry.
11:30And also I'm getting back my job as a cabin crew.
11:33Inshallah next year as well.
11:34In January.
11:35So whatever I lost before.
11:38I'm gaining it back.
11:39Alhamdulillah.
11:40I believe next year inshallah.
11:43With Allah's grace.
11:44I believe next year is gonna be a fresh start for me.