“I needed my space.” Kiran Rao discussed her life before and after divorce with Aamir Khan.
🎥 : SheThePeople
🎥 : SheThePeople
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00:00I didn't fear divorce. I needed my space. I wanted to, you know, live independently and have my own.
00:06I felt that it was for my own growth. And Aamir acknowledged that as well.
00:11Aamir and I lived together for about a year before we got married.
00:14And honestly, we did it more because parents and, you know, the thing that we don't talk about enough
00:21is how marriage tends to stifle, especially women.
00:25There's so much responsibility on the woman to run the house, to keep family together.
00:33Do you think marriage as an institution is up for a rethink?
00:37Yeah, I mean, I've always felt that. I mean, Aamir and I lived together for about a year before we got married.
00:43And honestly, we did it more because parents and, you know, all the rest of it.
00:47And even at that time, we knew that it's a great institution if you can function as individuals as well as a couple within that institution.
00:58I think the way you interpret marriage is important because it was for a particular purpose.
01:04And this social sanction really matters to a lot of people. It matters to children.
01:08There's a lot of great things that marriage gives you. It gives you a new family.
01:12It gives you relationships and it gives you a sense of security and stability.
01:17And I think the thing that we don't talk about enough is how marriage tends to stifle, especially women.
01:25So how, you know, you could perhaps find a way to be more yourself within it is, I think, something that is up for debate and discussion.
01:38As apes, you know, originally we were living in groups.
01:43Yeah. And this nuclear kind of family thing is a pressure.
01:48And it's usually a pressure on women because there's so much responsibility on the woman to run the house, to keep family together.
01:55And in fact, women are expected to keep in touch with the in-laws.
01:59Women are expected to be friends with the, you know, your husband's family.
02:04So it's a lot of expectation. And to be able to navigate that is what I think needs discussion.
02:11Did you fear divorce? No, you know, I took my sweet time about it.
02:16So I didn't have any worry about it. The thing is, Aamir and I were a very strong, continue to be a very strong relationship as two humans.
02:23We are very connected to each other and we deeply respect and love each other.
02:27So that hasn't changed. And so therefore, I was not worried.
02:30I knew that I needed my space. I wanted to, you know, live independently and have my own, you know, sort of.
02:37Literally, in a sense, I needed that to be able to grow myself.
02:42I felt that it was for my own growth. And Aamir acknowledged that as well.
02:47And I think supported that. So that actually really helped because it wasn't so much because we don't care for each other.
02:54I had any, you know, problems and, you know, deep disagreements or anything like that.
03:00So I didn't fear divorce. And I think there's, there can be friendship at the other side.
03:05You know, if you do it in a way that it took me a while to get everybody accustomed to the idea that we are not,
03:12this is not some sort of like cleaver coming down on a hunk of meat. You know, we are not doing that.
03:17We will have relationships that we will continue to cherish, you know.
03:23So then you don't worry about divorce so much.