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00:00Mean mankind has achieved many things, you know, the printing press some say the Internet cured incredible diseases
00:07But does anything really measure up to the breakfast burrito?
00:14I'm talking about a very good breakfast burrito. I mean your day is set
00:20Hi, I'm Jim gaffigan
00:22And today I'm gonna show you what my diet's like or what my absence of my diet or what I eat
00:29I
00:39Have always been kind of a compulsive eater. I've never eaten a human body
00:45You don't believe me there. The whole concept of eating healthy and living healthy is
00:51very
00:52Foreign to me like it took a while for me to kind of climb on board to that when I was growing up
00:58Dieting was something that some people would do if they were bored, you know, but you would still drink soda. I
01:07grew up in the 1800s, by the way, I
01:11really and
01:12embraced eating healthy
01:15Because my metabolism essentially stopped and I started to just gain weight and I couldn't work out and like I have five children
01:22So like when people like don't want to live longer, not really
01:25Not really, okay my ideal day
01:29For lunch, I'd prefer a nap. I love shishito peppers
01:34I love shishito peppers. Some of it is the sauce that you dip it in. I grow shishito peppers
01:41I don't know. I'd be like, oh my god, is there anything he can't do?
01:45Big thing that made me eat healthier is I started gardening
01:51That was a big change now, I love it
01:54I can achieve some fitness goals, believe it or not
01:57Pottering around the garden and also if you grow a vegetable
02:02You're more likely to want to eat that if you raise a dog
02:05You don't want to eventually eat the dog
02:06But if you raise cucumbers you want to you want to eat those cucumbers, which seems mean
02:12Dinner, I love pasta with a meat sauce like a spicy meat sauce from the Midwest
02:18You just put a hunk of ground beef, right?
02:20But I make it spicy because I'm a spicy person, but it's not really spicy. It's just it's got a pepper in there
02:27Let's get to the late-night snack because there's dinners done. It's 11. You should be going to bed
02:34You're not even hungry. What are you gonna eat? Get these Mary's crackers the sea salt or whatever
02:41They're just amazing. You get a cheddar. That's at least
02:45five years old
02:47extra-sharp, then you get st. Agour's
02:51Creamy blue. It's got a tang. It's very creamy. By the way, what's great about this snack?
02:57You'll save money on toilet paper. You also get German summer sausage pepper wrapped
03:03Sausage and then you know, sometimes if I'm trying to impress my wife, I'll do a squirt of mustard. No, no, honey
03:10No blueberry jam
03:13Don't bring your sweet into my salt. Okay, I'll bring my salt into your sweet
03:20Don't bring your blueberries into my steak
03:26Try to do the intermittent fasting but you know the time that I'm eating is like
03:3110 30 to 3 30 in the morning, you know doing stand-up shows
03:36I'll go out to dinner afterwards, which would keep me out of trouble even like eating a big steak
03:41At 11 o'clock at night. I can't do that anymore. So now I'm so healthy. I'll eat a small steak
03:53At this point I would say training
03:56I'm not like Fassbender and and Brad Pitt and all these other people that I'm better looking than I don't need a
04:05Personal chef happiness joy. I don't need all those things. I
04:10Made pesto pasta out of basil that I grew and
04:17I also
04:19Made a salad with a lot of things that I grow my garden
04:23you ever notice when you go to other countries and you have their bacon or their sausage and they're like
04:30Bangas and you're like, this is disgusting that has to do with they're weird and
04:36We're normal
04:38You can't go wrong with a cheeseburger
04:41You just can't but after you have like two cheeseburgers in a row like say you have it for lunch and then dinner and then
04:47You're like the next day. You're like I want a cheese
04:53Well, you know what that's the time you gotta get cheeseburgers, I don't know maybe a fried pierogi
05:02There was a place there was a
05:04Dominican place in my neighborhood that had this rice and beans with the corn corn and it was so good. I
05:14Would say prized steak, right
05:16also, by the way
05:18best sausage ever
05:20bratwurst
05:21Not available everywhere. Like is this America? Do you mean like what is going on?
05:28I'm a red-blooded American. I'm going in to celebrate the birth of my nation
05:35And I go into a grocery store and they don't even have
05:39Bratwurst they have these pre-cooked bratwurst
05:45Probably creamy
05:46Like I eat the healthy peanut butter so every now and then I'll have the one that you're not supposed to eat and you're like
05:52Wow, this is good. You know, like the Jif the stuff we ate growing up, right? I
05:58Would I would drink a bottle of bourbon why am I qualified to have a bourbon I'm not
06:05I think it's gotta be bacon, right? I
06:10Used to yeah, first of all these kids they order things they don't finish it like who who doesn't finish a burger
06:18And then we have to like save it for later that it's in the fridge for like a year
06:24We're slowly
06:26Getting spicier and spicier, right? Do you think of it like India?
06:31Southeast Asia and Mexico where the spices were
06:36It's like those spices are are traveling everywhere. The spices are saving us
06:44Now my wife would not allow that and I'm not frightened of her but I wouldn't do that
06:52My name is Jim Gaffigan, and that's how I eat and you can too
06:57We'll be right back