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NewsTranscript
00:00To our fellow countrymen who already have a spouse or are in a relationship or already have a partner,
00:07sometimes they say that they have feelings that are hard to understand.
00:12Have you experienced that sudden spark?
00:15But to one person or another, even if you are already committed,
00:20there are things that attract others even if they already have a partner.
00:24Our fellow countrymen in the studio are interested in this topic.
00:28But, fellow countrymen, is this normal?
00:31And what is the effect of this on a relationship?
00:34This morning, we will be joined by a psychologist, Dr. Imelda Virginia Villar,
00:40to discuss the limerence of what this is, why this is happening,
00:45and how this should be faced as a partner or spouse.
00:49Let's find out.
00:51Good morning. This is Dian and Audrey.
00:53Good morning.
00:56Good morning.
00:57Good morning.
00:58Good morning to you two and to all the viewers who are watching this early in the morning.
01:03Yes, thank you for waking up early today, Dr. Villar.
01:06What we are going to talk about is very interesting.
01:08But, for those who are new to the term limerence,
01:13what does limerence mean?
01:15And how does it differ from a simple infatuation or having a crush on someone else?
01:22Okay.
01:23Actually, it's like infatuation.
01:26But it's like you're too obsessed.
01:30You're too focused on your love object.
01:34And you're always thinking about it all day.
01:39It's always in your mind.
01:42But what makes it different is that you're just focused on liking him.
01:49But you're uncertain that you'll like him.
01:54That's why you're doing everything to get him.
01:58You're really focused on changing yourself.
02:03You're doing what you think he'll like.
02:07So, you're shaping your personality based on what you think he'll like.
02:15Okay.
02:16That's the problem.
02:17You already have a partner.
02:19You're already committed.
02:20And you're distracted all day because of your love object or limerence object.
02:27If I'm not mistaken.
02:28Yes.
02:29Maybe there are changes that your partner noticed because you're changing.
02:34But for our viewers,
02:37what are the signs that a person is experiencing limerence?
02:45Okay.
02:46Okay.
02:47So, what happens is that you're always thinking about him.
02:51To an irrational level.
02:53You're obsessed with him.
02:56And you know that it's hard to get him.
03:03It's hard to make him fall in love.
03:05But you're still forcing him to be attracted to you.
03:10And then, he just looks at you a little bit.
03:14He just kisses you a little bit.
03:16It's like you're magnifying him.
03:19Wow, he likes me too.
03:21Wow, maybe he's already attracted to me.
03:25For example, there are five of you.
03:27And each of you is divided into five.
03:32But he thinks you're special.
03:37His tone is special.
03:39When he kisses you.
03:41It's like that.
03:42Okay.
03:43So, there are signs that he's attracted to you.
03:46Alright.
03:47So, you're giving extra meaning.
03:50That's what I understand from the doctor.
03:52Yes.
03:53Alright.
03:54Why do people experience limerence?
03:57Even if they're in a committed relationship.
04:00Maybe they're already married.
04:02Does this have a connection to the so-called unresolved issues in a relationship?
04:08Actually, it's not about his relationship with his wife or his partner.
04:14But it's about his issues as a child.
04:17Okay.
04:18When he grows up, he might experience being left alone.
04:24He's not secure in his relationship with his parents or with the person who takes care of him.
04:31So, his insecure attachments when he was a child,
04:36it's like they're coming out again as he grows up.
04:42So, he's not content with a woman or a man.
04:49It's like that.
04:50But this can be reduced.
04:53It's like there's an attractiveness.
04:55But sometimes it's temporary.
04:58But sometimes, it's a lifetime of attraction.
05:02For as long as they're not able to get the partner they want.
05:09Okay, doctor.
05:10You said that this might have an effect on their childhood.
05:13Isn't it also about insecurities?
05:15Because he didn't like many women back then,
05:20but now that he knows how to court or talk to women or men,
05:27he's doing this now when he's in a relationship.
05:35Maybe.
05:36Maybe.
05:37But it's not part of his education.
05:39So, it's a good thing.
05:42Maybe because he was very insecure.
05:45He was always bashed.
05:47But now, he wants to prove that he can get even a few women.
05:54But that's a different feeling.
05:58Because there are others who try to prove that they're really good men,
06:06that they're good at courting, that they can get what they want.
06:09But it's not like that.
06:11In limerence, it's really an obsession.
06:15It's like they really want to get that person.
06:19And it's always on their mind.
06:22It's not like those insecure bastards.
06:25The point is, they don't like that person.
06:27They're not obsessed with that person.
06:30But they just want to get that person to prove that they're good men.
06:36But in limerence, it's like you're too obsessed.
06:40You think about it all day.
06:42You think about how you're going to get that person.
06:45And you magnify it when you feel that that person is already interested in you.
06:52Okay. So, the way I understand it, Dr. Villar,
06:55this limerence is not healthy at all.
06:58It is not good for the individual.
07:01So, how can he control or reduce this limerence?
07:07Because, number one, you already have a partner.
07:09You're already committed.
07:10Your attention should not be disturbed because of your love object.
07:16So, what can we do to experience this limerence, Doc?
07:23Okay. You should be aware that this is limerence.
07:28You should be aware that this has no direction.
07:34And you should be aware that even your work can be affected.
07:39Even your relationship with other people, even your family, even your work can be affected.
07:46Why? Because sometimes, if you don't pay attention to the person you like,
07:52your limerence object,
07:54if you don't pay attention, it's like your whole day is ruined.
07:59Your head is so hot that you can't work.
08:03So, look at what is affecting you so that you know that you should stop it.
08:09Okay.
08:10Look at how your life is ruined in different aspects.
08:15Then, know that this has no direction,
08:21especially if you have a husband or a family.
08:23There is no direction.
08:25Then, it's good to exercise.
08:27You know, you do self-care.
08:29You do self-care.
08:30You try to focus on what you're doing.
08:34You enjoy yourself in other ways.
08:37Then, you should be mindful.
08:39You should be mindful of when you're always thinking about it.
08:44You do thought-stopping.
08:47You should stop thinking.
08:49You thought-switch.
08:51You change what you think.
08:53If you think about that person,
08:55you should change yourself in other things.
08:59Then, focus on the positive aspect of your love,
09:04your true love,
09:05your wife, your children.
09:07Focus on what you're getting out of it.
09:10Because sometimes, what happens is,
09:13they focus on the negative of their spouse.
09:16My spouse is not like this.
09:19They don't see the goodness of their spouse.
09:22Because they're comparing.
09:24So, they should go back to the positive qualities
09:30and actions of their partner or wife.
09:35I remember a song here.
09:37It's by England Dunn and John Ford Colley.
09:40It's sad to belong.
09:42The lyrics are like this.
09:44It's happy to belong to someone else.
09:46Because you shouldn't have a limerent object.
09:49This is really Audrey.
09:52Doctor,
09:54I need personal counseling from Audrey.
09:57I can't stop laughing.
09:59Lastly, Doctor,
10:00what is your advice to couples
10:04to maintain their spark and intimacy in their relationship
10:09and not to be attracted to others?
10:12Okay, of course,
10:14support, understanding, love.
10:19The love that you don't contradict.
10:22And then, looking for the positive qualities of your partner.
10:27And then, appreciating that.
10:29Celebrating life together.
10:31Because sometimes, couples
10:34are burdened with their responsibilities.
10:38They focus on their shortcomings in life,
10:42their problems in life.
10:44Romance is lost.
10:46So, they should still date.
10:49They should have a me time as a couple.
10:53Not always with the kids.
10:55For example, if you go out with the kids,
10:58especially the little ones,
10:59you should focus on the kids,
11:01not on each other.
11:03So, you lose your tenderness for each other.
11:08Okay, Doctor, just a question.
11:09Is it healthy if one person is experiencing limerence?
11:13Tell your partner, your spouse,
11:16is it okay for you to have a conversation
11:19to help each other?
11:21I mean, is that okay?
11:24You know, it depends on how understanding the other person is.
11:30Because there are mature people
11:33and they may understand what limerence is.
11:36They know it's a temporary thing.
11:38So, if your partner is like that,
11:40you can tell them.
11:42But if your partner is unreasonable, paranoid,
11:47it's hard to tell them
11:49because it's like starting a fight.
11:52A fight, yes.
11:53They will separate.
11:54Yes, yes.
11:56Your relationship will be more chaotic
11:59if the partner is not mature enough to accept it.
12:02The ending will be brought to the program
12:04by Senator Raffy Tulpo.
12:08He will grow up.
12:09He will grow up.
12:10What Dr. Villar said earlier is important.
12:12You have to be aware
12:14because it all starts with awareness
12:16so that you know your next steps
12:18on how to combat this limerence.
12:20So, if we were beaten up,
12:21we can talk about it.
12:22It's good to have a relationship
12:24like a horse.
12:26You're laser-focused.
12:27Yes, you're laser-focused.
12:28You can't see anything around you.
12:29But maybe it's good
12:30if your limerent object is your partner.
12:32Yes, yes.
12:33Or your lover.
12:34Your love object, your relationship,
12:36where you're committed.
12:38Dr. Inel De Villar,
12:39thank you for sharing with us
12:41the information about this limerence.
12:44Thank you very much.
12:45She shared her experiences with us.
12:48Thank you very much.
12:49Thanks, Doc.
12:51Thank you very much for the opportunity
12:53and good morning.