The Three Badasses Who Want Me (2024) - Full Movie
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list, arrives at Atlanta today.
00:00:12What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:00:17Angela, my next door neighbor, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:00:26Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:00:29What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply
00:00:32it to your penniless self?
00:00:33And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:00:37All right, everybody get out!
00:00:40We got an important guest coming!
00:00:45You!
00:00:46You deaf?
00:00:47I said pack up and scram!
00:00:52I paid the staff here already, and if you want me to leave, then fine, but you have
00:00:58to pay for today's losses.
00:00:59You want to say that again?
00:01:04You know who's visiting today?
00:01:06Ellen freaking Musk, one of the richest people in the world.
00:01:09Ellen Musk?
00:01:10Of course, a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:01:13Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:01:17Really?
00:01:18Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:01:23You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:01:30Coming to see you?
00:01:31All right, you know what?
00:01:32I'll play your game.
00:01:34If she does it so much as give you a glance, I'll eat dirt.
00:01:41Deal.
00:01:50Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:01:53Or else, you're fired.
00:02:13Prepare the limo.
00:02:15Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:02:23Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:02:25Good.
00:02:26Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:02:28Five, four, three, two, one.
00:02:40Ellen.
00:02:41Uh, I mean, Ms. Musk.
00:02:43Ellen.
00:02:44Uh, I mean, uh, I'm sorry that I, uh, sorry to frighten you.
00:02:49How's my boss bitch?
00:02:52Kick an ass, girlfriend.
00:02:54So how do you, like...
00:02:57She's my boss?
00:02:59Eh, I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:03:03No way.
00:03:08Well?
00:03:11No.
00:03:12No.
00:03:13No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:03:15No, I won't do it again.
00:03:19All right, that's enough.
00:03:21We're not tyrants here.
00:03:28Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:03:37You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:03:39I honor my pride.
00:03:42You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:03:46Who are you?
00:03:49Where is she?
00:03:51Atlanta.
00:03:52And you were right.
00:03:53It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:03:55My clever bride.
00:03:57I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:04:04Max, prep the jet.
00:04:06I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:04:12Dr. Wilson.
00:04:13He's having Sterling's on the move.
00:04:14He's headed to Atlanta.
00:04:15Atlanta?
00:04:16The game is afoot.
00:04:18I'm going.
00:04:19Wait, Dr. Wilson.
00:04:20The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:04:22He can wait.
00:04:23I need to pick up my bride.
00:04:28Dr. Wilson.
00:04:35General Eisenhower reporting, sir.
00:04:38Douglas Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:04:41Atlanta.
00:04:43Where is that?
00:04:45Whatever.
00:04:46Prepare my warplanes.
00:04:47Those two are going after my fiancée.
00:04:49This is war.
00:05:07I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project like you asked me to.
00:05:12Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:05:14This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:05:17That project is worth billions.
00:05:19He can finally take his company public.
00:05:21But, Angela, my boss, I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:05:32Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:05:37Well, three years ago...
00:05:47You saved me.
00:06:04He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:06:08I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:06:15But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:06:23So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:06:26I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:06:31But why work at the flea market?
00:06:33Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:06:37Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:06:42Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:06:46You seem happy being a housewife.
00:06:51Where the hell are you?
00:06:53Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:06:56Get home, stat.
00:06:58It's a big day today.
00:07:01That was...
00:07:03My mother-in-law, Carol, she judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:07:09But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:07:15You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:07:23Please spend more time with my son.
00:07:27Hi, I'm home.
00:07:29I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:07:31Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:07:37Divorce papers?
00:07:39Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:07:43God, don't call me Mom again.
00:07:46We're ending that relationship.
00:07:48Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:07:51You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:07:54You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:07:58I'm below his league?
00:08:00That's right. You are.
00:08:02Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow with THE Ellen Musk.
00:08:09And then his company's going public.
00:08:11That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:08:14But you? You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:08:20Jared's like the king in the clouds. And you...
00:08:23You will always just be a pawn.
00:08:27Like dirt on our shoes.
00:08:32Dirt on your shoes?
00:08:35But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:08:38You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:08:42How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:08:48Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:08:52And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:08:58You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:09:04Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:09:07Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:09:09Enough!
00:09:11Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:09:15But I am.
00:09:17Don't fight it, Angela.
00:09:20Here's $500,000. You'll never make as much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:09:25Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave. Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:09:32I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:09:37Did that not mean anything to you?
00:09:40Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:09:43Fine. Here's another $200,000.
00:09:46$500,000 is too much for her already.
00:09:49She's done nothing. Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:09:55She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:09:58Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:10:02I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:10:06You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:10:10And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:10:15A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO? What a joke.
00:10:20If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:10:25And leave!
00:10:29You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:10:33Let alone taking the company public?
00:10:36I did everything for you, Jared.
00:10:40Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:10:47It's all my work!
00:10:50Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:10:58You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:11:03So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:11:07She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:11:11Fine. I'll sign it.
00:11:15But don't regret it.
00:11:17Regret?
00:11:19Do you know who I am?
00:11:21Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:11:25I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:11:29Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:11:34Because he's business partners with Elon Musk.
00:11:38It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:11:43You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:11:47Social stratum matters.
00:11:49Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:11:53And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:11:56And you really think Elon Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:12:01Ha! You're delusional.
00:12:04Now sign the papers and scram!
00:12:10You owe me.
00:12:12You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:12:17You hit me.
00:12:22Now sign the papers, take a check, and get the fuck out!
00:12:40I don't need your pity money.
00:12:42I don't need your pity money.
00:12:46We're finished.
00:12:48You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:12:51Your check is just pennies to me.
00:12:54But I would like my ring back.
00:12:58Mom?
00:13:07Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:13:18And I'm way out of your league.
00:13:21Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:13:26It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:13:30Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:13:33Something she found at the flea market.
00:13:36You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:13:41Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:13:47Oh, my dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:13:54Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:13:57Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:14:02Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:14:17Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:14:23Vanderbilt?
00:14:24Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically, our employee.
00:14:28Oh, okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:14:31You're still going to the summit tomorrow? But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:14:35That's exactly why I'm going.
00:14:37Angela Lockhart. I finally found you.
00:14:41Angela Lockhart. I finally found you.
00:15:07Who is he?
00:15:09That's Devin Sterling. He's number one on Forbes 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises. Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:15:21And he's your fiancé.
00:15:24What? My fiancé?
00:15:27The one and only.
00:15:30So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how you're gonna make it up to me yet?
00:15:38Babe.
00:15:47That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:53What is she doing here?
00:15:58You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:16:05Divorced?
00:16:07That's right, so I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:16:13Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:16:17So she has to hide her marital status to find another man. Guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:28How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:16:31Who the fuck are you, bitch? Do you know who I am?
00:16:37They don't know who you are. You hide it well.
00:16:42X-Team, teach these fools a lesson. Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:53Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York. You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:05Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:08Go ahead.
00:17:12Toss these ill-mannered apes out.
00:17:15You bitch. I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:17:25A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:29No.
00:17:37Your guest list is very distinguished tonight. You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:17:45Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:48Pleased to meet you all. Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:17:54I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project. It's worth billions of dollars. Congrats, you'll be next.
00:18:01Thank you, but we haven't received the contract yet, but we deserve it.
00:18:05Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk. Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:11So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:15Thank you, Mr. Manville.
00:18:17Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:21Yes, I heard they're a very important and powerful guest, even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:29If we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:37I'll do my best.
00:18:43Excuse me.
00:18:44A second, gentlemen.
00:18:46What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:51How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:54Me? A hobo? How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:58You sleep your way in?
00:19:00I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me. Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:06Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:11This is your ex-husband?
00:19:14What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:17Who the hell is this? You were cheating on me?
00:19:21Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:19:35That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:40They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:19:44You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:19:48Get your hands off of her!
00:19:53My lady.
00:20:13My queen.
00:20:33It's him!
00:20:36He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:20:40Who are these peasants?
00:20:42These seats are reserved for thee, Ellen Musk, and her special guest.
00:20:47Oh, shut up, old man. You're disturbing the peace.
00:20:54Fuckers, you know who that is? That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:57You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:21:00His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:21:04This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:21:09The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:21:13who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:21:18That lonely Vanderbilt family?
00:21:27Oh, goddammit, a stomachache now?
00:21:34Whatever. Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:21:50How dare you call one of us low?
00:21:53I'm Harvey F. N. Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:58I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:22:03I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:22:07Not with me around. I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:14You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:19You're a fucking delusion, Angela. We've had enough of your games.
00:22:23Security, break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:27Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you.
00:22:30Don't worry. You got new money here.
00:22:35I can handle myself, thank you.
00:22:37Yes, my queen.
00:22:39You're all despicable. An insult to your family names.
00:22:47Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:22:51Destroy Jared Cooper. Cut off all business ties.
00:22:56And if you don't, I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:04I knew it. You're here to fuck with me.
00:23:07You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:09How much money did you spend on that getup to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:23:13You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:17You have nothing and you will always be nothing.
00:23:22She's a gold digger.
00:23:24Gold digger?
00:23:25Gigolo.
00:23:27Want to try me for a night?
00:23:30Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:32Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:35They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:23:38Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife. She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:43Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef.
00:23:45Security!
00:23:51Security!
00:23:53You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:23:56And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:58You!
00:24:00Insolent fools.
00:24:03Let me guess. You're that special guest?
00:24:06I don't know.
00:24:08Throw them out!
00:24:10And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:19Back down, Max.
00:24:23I got this.
00:24:25I got this.
00:24:51What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:54We're supposed to guard you.
00:24:56No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:24:59Oh my god, we're so screwed.
00:25:10Angela!
00:25:12Don't hurt her.
00:25:13You bitch. I've always been sick of you.
00:25:15You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:17How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:25:20Boss?
00:25:21Did she say her boss?
00:25:23That's Ellen Musk.
00:25:24That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:26That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:28My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:32Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:35Past the American Revolution?
00:25:37Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:39If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:42That's Lady Lockhart to you. She's royalty.
00:25:45And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:49What the hell did you do?
00:25:50Kneel before me.
00:25:52Oh, your majesty.
00:25:55Welcome to the United States.
00:25:58We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:26:01Yes, your highness.
00:26:03Is it queen or prince?
00:26:05It doesn't matter.
00:26:07My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:10Yes, we didn't mean to offend.
00:26:13What are you doing, you idiot?
00:26:15Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:26:23What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:44She's a badass herself.
00:26:46He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:48You! You!
00:26:50You! You!
00:26:52You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:26:54Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:26:57No! No! Don't believe their lies. I worked hard for everything.
00:27:00You worked for everything?
00:27:07Hi, Henry.
00:27:09So, our 30th anniversary is coming up
00:27:12and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:27:15I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:27:17I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project
00:27:20and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:27:30You were nothing before me.
00:27:33All your achievements, all your glory.
00:27:36That's all mine.
00:27:38Including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:41I can take all of that away.
00:27:44Just like that.
00:27:46No, you can't take that away from me.
00:27:48That's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:27:52Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:55Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:57It was Queen Victoria's
00:27:59and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:08No. I gave you back the ring.
00:28:11I divorced a royal heiress.
00:28:14No. No, Angela, please.
00:28:17No, please take me back, baby.
00:28:19I still love you.
00:28:24Oh, man. Looks like they've started the party without us.
00:28:27No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower.
00:28:36God, these two again.
00:28:38Did he say... Is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:41President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:43General Eisenhower won World War II.
00:28:45Each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals.
00:28:48The highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:50Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:28:52Sorry I'm late, babe. I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:28:55Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:29:02And that there is...
00:29:04That is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:29:07He's Dr. House's protege.
00:29:09Dr. House? I thought that was just a TV show.
00:29:12Oh, no. That's based on real figures.
00:29:14Yep, that's me. Son of James House.
00:29:17Dr. House? He's practically my uncle.
00:29:19I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:29:23So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last 15 years.
00:29:29And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:37Hey, Ellen. Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:41Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:29:44What?
00:29:46Fiancés?
00:29:48Plural?
00:29:50Fiancés.
00:29:51Plural?
00:29:53Watch it, nerds. I'm her fiancé.
00:29:55No, I'm her fiancé.
00:29:57You can both shut up. I'm her fiancé.
00:30:00It's you.
00:30:01It's me.
00:30:02Who the hell is he?
00:30:03I'm Spider-Man.
00:30:06How are all three of these men my fiancé?
00:30:10Your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:30:13but I didn't tell you because you decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:17She has three badass fiancés and she marries his dumb ass.
00:30:24Whatever.
00:30:25Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:30Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:35At your service.
00:30:37Me too.
00:30:41Oh!
00:30:43One down, two more to go.
00:30:45She's become queen.
00:30:46Bishop to G4.
00:30:51Ow! Ow! Ow! What is that?
00:30:55The most German festin' water in the Nile River.
00:31:01Rook to A8.
00:31:07Hello?
00:31:11I thought I was king.
00:31:12No, you wish.
00:31:13The king doesn't do anything.
00:31:15So, Alan can be my king.
00:31:17Oh, fine.
00:31:22Bankrupt to four. It's right this second.
00:31:29I...
00:31:31I've been bankrupt!
00:31:33No!
00:31:34Who is...
00:31:41I've been bankrupt!
00:31:43No!
00:31:44I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:49Well, guess what? Game over.
00:31:51All right, boys. Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:55Oh, that's serious business.
00:31:57I'm right with you.
00:32:00Wait for me.
00:32:01Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:32:11Angela!
00:32:15You already have three fiancés?
00:32:18You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:20I want compensation.
00:32:25You greedy SOB.
00:32:27Who the fuck is that?
00:32:28My ex-husband.
00:32:30Wait, you were married?
00:32:32Yeah, and if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:37Hey, no, no, of course not.
00:32:39Just, do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:42Don't steal my joke.
00:32:44I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:46All the evidence of your past with him will be gone.
00:32:49What? Is there something on my face?
00:32:51Uh, yeah. Murderous intent.
00:32:54Let's remarry.
00:32:56Let's remarry.
00:32:58You still don't realize.
00:33:01I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:07I'm sorry.
00:33:31Sir, it's an emergency.
00:33:33We need to wreck right away.
00:33:35Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:33:39Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:43She should be okay now.
00:33:48Hey, you!
00:33:49Watch over here. I'll be right back.
00:34:00You saved me.
00:34:03Fuck. I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:08Fuck. I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:11You've cheated on me, you've hit me, and you've insulted me.
00:34:16And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:20I fucking hate you.
00:34:23Lady Lockhart.
00:34:25What? What now?
00:34:28Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person,
00:34:32but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:36How about us three?
00:34:38Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:41Yeah, no. You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:46This is your fault, you doofus!
00:34:48We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:34:50No, no.
00:34:53We can't lose our positions with Elon Musk and the Lockharts.
00:34:58Oh, help me.
00:35:00I'll get you for this!
00:35:07I never should have listened to you.
00:35:09I'm ruined because of you!
00:35:24So, what's the situation here?
00:35:27I want to marry you.
00:35:37I want to marry you.
00:35:40Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago,
00:35:44and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:47But what if I told you
00:35:50that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:54Much longer?
00:35:58Angela?
00:35:59Your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:36:06My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:09Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:36:11The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:36:14Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:16I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing,
00:36:20blood-sucking, freeloader husband of yours.
00:36:23Can't call his name, but anyway, congratulations!
00:36:28I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:33You must pick one of them to marry, otherwise...
00:36:37Let me do it.
00:36:39You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:36:42Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:36:46Mom!
00:36:47Alright, honey, that's it.
00:36:49Bye! Bye!
00:36:55So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:59Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:04Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:37:10That seems greedy.
00:37:17But I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:22Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:37:26I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:37:31Well, okay, no murder please, I was just kidding.
00:37:36You have seven days to win her over.
00:37:39Ooh, it's like The Bachelorette.
00:37:42I know, we'll start with challenge one.
00:37:47Welcome to the show, the three badasses who want me.
00:37:51Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:55What is all of this, Ellen?
00:37:58You'll see.
00:38:08Oh my god, oh my god, cockroaches!
00:38:10All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:13And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:18What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single woman,
00:38:23but screaming her head off heiress?
00:38:33Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:36It's up to the final two.
00:38:40Ooh!
00:39:01Crunchy.
00:39:03That is sick cold.
00:39:05Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:39:11There are two more left. Want to try one?
00:39:13Oh my god, no, no!
00:39:17Oh my god, save me!
00:39:18Save you? You're going to save me!
00:39:23I'm a germaphobe doctor.
00:39:25These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:27They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:41Oh, thank god you're here.
00:39:45Are you all right, honey?
00:39:47Angela!
00:39:51All right, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for the night.
00:39:57Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:40:00I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:04Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:07At least my girl can get some.
00:40:09I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:13They're cockroaches!
00:40:14They're gone, they're gone.
00:40:16There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:19I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:23I need a drink.
00:40:31Whoa, easy! You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:33Oh, why do you care?
00:40:36I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:41I'm sorry.
00:40:42I'm sorry.
00:40:43I'm sorry.
00:40:44I'm sorry.
00:40:45I'm sorry.
00:40:46I'm sorry.
00:40:47I'm sorry.
00:40:48I'm sorry.
00:40:49I'm sorry.
00:40:50I'm sorry.
00:40:51I'm sorry.
00:40:53You guys were right.
00:40:55I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:40:58You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:04He never even loved me.
00:41:06And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:13Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:18You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:24What?
00:41:28You're number one here.
00:41:35You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:39Lies.
00:41:42You all just want something from me.
00:41:45You all just want something from me.
00:41:52Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:41:57But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:42:03I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:05I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:12I just need you.
00:42:16I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:18I promise.
00:42:30Screw the contest.
00:42:32I just want love.
00:42:35Angela.
00:42:37You're drunk.
00:42:38I'm an adult. Can't a girl just get what she wants?
00:42:42Okay.
00:42:47But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:51Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:43:03This is what you want.
00:43:08Okay.
00:43:32Nine inch penis.
00:43:33Morning to you too.
00:43:35You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:43:38A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:43:43Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:46But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:49Because then they would...
00:43:51Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:53Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:56I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend the night with you anyways.
00:44:04Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:10You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:14Stop.
00:44:17Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:21I won't tell.
00:44:23But only on one condition.
00:44:27I won't tell.
00:44:29But only on one condition.
00:44:32You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:35Fine.
00:44:39I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:43You never noticed me.
00:44:49You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:54It's only 7am. She's still sleeping.
00:44:57I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:58Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:04Morning, gentlemen. Or shall I say ruffmen?
00:45:08Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:11What's up, guys?
00:45:12We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:14No cockroaches this time.
00:45:16Yes, no more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:19This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:22I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:24The second challenge is...
00:45:26The second challenge is...
00:45:28a date.
00:45:29Lane, I should have asked for something else.
00:45:31A date?
00:45:33That's it.
00:45:34What's the catch?
00:45:35No catch.
00:45:36Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:39As simple as that.
00:45:40I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:45:42Okay, who's up first? Then...
00:45:44Me.
00:45:45Save the best for last.
00:45:47Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:49Then it's decided.
00:45:51Please don't take my BMW away.
00:45:54Too bad. You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:45:58I have nothing left.
00:46:08It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:13It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:15It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:46:25General Eisenhower, sir!
00:46:27At ease, Lieutenant.
00:46:29This is my lieutenant.
00:46:30He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:32Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:46:34You're so serious.
00:46:36But, hang on.
00:46:37Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:46:40Baby, I decided to take you here on our first date
00:46:43so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:46:45Guns? Like, murder weapons?
00:46:48Yes.
00:46:49Murder weapons.
00:47:10You like my guns, babe?
00:47:12Pretty Lockhart.
00:47:13Yeah.
00:47:15Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:17Lieutenant!
00:47:18Come close!
00:47:20Wait!
00:47:21You're just going to hit him like that?
00:47:23He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:24Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:47:26Treason?
00:47:27You guys are way too serious.
00:47:30Look, you Lockhart bitch!
00:47:31I caught you!
00:47:32If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:47:35Lieutenant, pincer attack!
00:47:42Ah!
00:47:47Ah!
00:47:50You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:54I will make you pay!
00:47:58You don't need to keep beating him up.
00:47:59We could just take him to the cops.
00:48:01Not when he tries to hurt you.
00:48:09Zoe's a bit violent.
00:48:11She's being protective.
00:48:12Poor anger issues.
00:48:14What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:48:18Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:22Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:24I don't know if I am.
00:48:27Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:32Your date with Shane starts now.
00:48:37Hey.
00:48:39Hey.
00:48:40Cool ride.
00:48:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:48:45Impressive.
00:48:49Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:52Refreshing.
00:48:54I got cool mint, too.
00:48:56Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:59What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:02Fruit flavored gum.
00:49:03I can't stand those.
00:49:05So, where are you taking me, Shane?
00:49:07Let me show you.
00:49:11Dr. Wilson!
00:49:13Our VIP of VIPs!
00:49:15Right this way.
00:49:16VIP of VIPs?
00:49:18Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:49:20I forget who.
00:49:21You saved a lot of people.
00:49:23I do what I can.
00:49:26Oh, my gosh.
00:49:28It's my gold digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:32Sandra Miller, what are you doing here?
00:49:35I just thought this was for the VIPs.
00:49:37What are you doing here?
00:49:38I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:41Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:43and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:48How low of you.
00:49:50What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:52Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:49:54I sell high fashion jewelry pieces so high end,
00:49:57you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:50:01The auction begins.
00:50:03I'll deal with you later.
00:50:06Here, I'll just be a second.
00:50:12Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:17Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:21Cleopatra's armband.
00:50:23Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:26For five million dollars.
00:50:30Excuse me.
00:50:31I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:34It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:37I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:39It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:50:41What are you doing?
00:50:42Just watch.
00:50:50That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:50:52Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:55She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:58You work at a flea market?
00:51:00Not this again.
00:51:01Cut the bullshit.
00:51:02That wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:51:04Oh yeah?
00:51:05Here, you want it?
00:51:06For free.
00:51:07Ew.
00:51:08I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:12Well, that's too bad then.
00:51:14Because you are the fraud.
00:51:17What are you talking about?
00:51:19And who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:21Throw them out.
00:51:23Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine,
00:51:26but we're professionals.
00:51:28Oh yeah?
00:51:29And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:51:32Yeah.
00:51:33Mine is the real thing.
00:51:35You two are just upset because you're too poor
00:51:38to afford our luxury items.
00:51:40Why is that so?
00:51:41When a so-called expert fell to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:45Dear Lord.
00:51:48This is real.
00:51:50It's authentic.
00:51:51It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:55Cameron, what have you found?
00:51:57Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:00It's a replica.
00:52:03They have the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:06So, you are the fraud.
00:52:10You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:13And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:17One-fifty.
00:52:18Wow.
00:52:19Not even five dollars.
00:52:21Wow.
00:52:22Not even five dollars.
00:52:24Sandra.
00:52:25You've been duping us the whole time.
00:52:28Arrest her!
00:52:30No!
00:52:31Please!
00:52:32Even just this one time!
00:52:33Please!
00:52:34What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:36Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan.
00:52:40Bye.
00:52:41Black Callista from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:52I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:55Me too.
00:52:56May I have a kiss?
00:53:13Something wrong?
00:53:14Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:22Yep.
00:53:23You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:53:35You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:40I don't have any money.
00:53:41How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:45I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:53:51Stop!
00:53:56Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:53:59Mr. Buffett.
00:54:04This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:54:07That's right.
00:54:08Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:10I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:54:13No, no.
00:54:14Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:16It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:54:19Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:22And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:54:27Angela still loves me.
00:54:29She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:30She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:32Yeah.
00:54:33Do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:35We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:37I was just sucking up to these pricks of yours.
00:54:41I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago,
00:54:44and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:46It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:49Sure.
00:54:51I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:53I just need...
00:54:54Anything.
00:54:55You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:57Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:55:00I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:10I've given the contract to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:55:13Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:17Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:55:19I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:21That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:23It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:27And if he can't, then what?
00:55:29He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:30So as long as he's greedy, I have to take it.
00:55:34I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:36I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:45I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:48We should celebrate.
00:55:50You did?
00:55:51You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:54That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:55:57And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:00Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:04What?
00:56:06You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:09Oh, no, no, no, no. He's not.
00:56:11Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:13You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:17It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:19I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:21I'm telling my dad.
00:56:23Fine. Go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:56:25If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as a side piece.
00:56:28But if not, you can scram.
00:56:31Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:35Teach him a lesson.
00:56:36Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:38Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:42Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:44We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:46So do as he says.
00:56:48But, Dad...
00:56:55I'm sorry.
00:56:57I'll be your side piece.
00:56:59Very good. I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:02Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:07I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:11But that tongue action, though.
00:57:13Tongue is important in more than just one spot.
00:57:16Erin, we are in public.
00:57:18It's true.
00:57:19Oh, stomachache.
00:57:21Again?
00:57:22I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:23Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:26Okay.
00:57:27Devin's late.
00:57:29Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:33This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:38It's her.
00:57:39And she's alone.
00:57:40With no one to save her.
00:57:44You whore.
00:57:45You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:57:51Let me tell you.
00:57:53I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:58:00Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:04Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:58:07What? Why do I have to leave? She's the one starting shit.
00:58:10Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:13You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:15And my son just signed a 100 billion dollar contract.
00:58:19He still got the contract?
00:58:21Hmm.
00:58:22Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:24Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:28Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:30Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:34Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:39You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:44My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:47One thousand dollars to take her away.
00:58:50Two thousand dollars to drag her away.
00:58:53Five thousand dollars to beat her away.
00:58:59Oh, oh, hey! Hey!
00:59:01Ow! Hey!
00:59:02Stop!
00:59:05You okay? Are you hurt?
00:59:11Weakling.
00:59:12You! You! Just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:17And now you have two more?
00:59:19What a whore.
00:59:21What a whore.
00:59:22Yeah. And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:25What if she has an STD?
00:59:27Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:31Let's go. We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:34Hang on.
00:59:36What do you want?
00:59:37I'll scream!
00:59:39I don't hit women.
00:59:40But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:44But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:46But I never said I don't kill women.
00:59:47I said I don't kill women.
00:59:50Oh God. He is a murderer.
00:59:52What if he murders me?
00:59:54Not him. Definitely not him.
01:00:00We're not afraid of you.
01:00:02That's enough. This isn't a war zone.
01:00:05You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:09I was just messing with him.
01:00:11Was he though?
01:00:13We're not afraid of you.
01:00:15Jared! You have to avenge us.
01:00:17Look at this slut. She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:20She's cheating on you. Don't get back with her.
01:00:22Oh, Mr. Cooper. It's you.
01:00:24I apologize for this scene.
01:00:26I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:00:30Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:32Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:34The potty crashes.
01:00:38You have any idea who that is?
01:00:40That's my wife.
01:00:42We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:45That's right. Know your place.
01:00:47Shut up.
01:00:49She's cheating on you.
01:00:52Know your place. You're just a side piece.
01:00:54If I still want you, that is.
01:00:56Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:58This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:01:00You slap her for this whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:04They really think they're something, huh?
01:01:06Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:10She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:12I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:01:16What?
01:01:18You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:28I'm sorry.
01:01:30No.
01:01:32This can't be.
01:01:34I made you divorce...
01:01:36Go home.
01:01:38You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:46I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:49Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:53I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:56I didn't come here for you.
01:01:59I'm on a date.
01:02:01A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:04She really is a whore.
01:02:06Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:08I really do love you.
01:02:11Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:15Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:02:19Yeah, we already know you beat Ford's ass.
01:02:23We're too old for that.
01:02:25They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:27Please, you gave me the contract so if anyone should go,
01:02:32as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:34Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:02:36We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:40What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:42Where were you?
01:02:44Stomach issues.
01:02:46Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:49No.
01:02:51Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:54I would rather die than be with you again.
01:02:58Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:01I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:03Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:03:05Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:03:07I'll prove it to you.
01:03:09You want a chance?
01:03:11Angela, no.
01:03:13You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:15Don't take him back.
01:03:17I'll give you two choices.
01:03:20I'll give you two choices.
01:03:24I'll give you two choices.
01:03:28Me or the contract.
01:03:31You're kidding me.
01:03:33No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:35If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:39But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:43The choice is all yours.
01:03:45That's a choice.
01:03:47You think so?
01:03:49He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract
01:03:52Either way, he benefits.
01:03:54Why can't I have both?
01:03:56You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:58Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:04:01I deserve the contract.
01:04:03Did you really?
01:04:08Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:11He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:13Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:16I choose the contract.
01:04:19I knew it. You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:23With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:27Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:30I will get you one day.
01:04:33Let me show you something.
01:04:45You saved me.
01:04:50You saved me.
01:04:52I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:04:58But I promise you, I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:04No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:06I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:10What happened that day?
01:05:18Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:22What? Me?
01:05:24Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:05:27No way.
01:05:28You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:32You're crazy.
01:05:34Actually, maybe I've been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:39What?
01:05:42Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:45Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:49Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:55Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:57I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:06:00No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:06:03You'd like me to punish them for you.
01:06:05Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:06:08Max, you know what to do.
01:06:23The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:26All business ties have been severed.
01:06:28We're bankrupt!
01:06:34How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you? And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:44I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:48I am...
01:06:50Crypto Punk Number Two.
01:06:52What did he say he was?
01:06:54That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:06:57You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:06:59Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:07:02See? You are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:07Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:09It's all about young money now.
01:07:11So, how about our date?
01:07:19I'm not letting him one-up me on this one.
01:07:22Let's buy two.
01:07:35They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:38I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:42Yes! I'm rich!
01:07:45They'll make them all pay soon!
01:07:53What?
01:07:54Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:56The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:00Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:04No!
01:08:06I'm bankrupt!
01:08:09I need a little off-card.
01:08:10You tricked me!
01:08:17Oh, allow me.
01:08:21I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:23I had to get some very important materials...
01:08:27for our special date.
01:08:29Well, cheers.
01:08:31Cheers.
01:08:41This looks good.
01:08:47Did you use my spices?
01:08:49I know your ex-in-law has never appreciated you.
01:08:53You can have all the money and power in the world,
01:08:56and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:09:00Couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:06Angela.
01:09:08Your future...
01:09:10with me...
01:09:12it's gonna be different.
01:09:14Come on.
01:09:16Upstairs.
01:09:23Come on.
01:09:36Wow.
01:09:38Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years
01:09:43just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela,
01:09:48I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:51Actually,
01:09:53I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:56That's right. I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:59How is all of this possible?
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:05Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:10:10I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:13You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:16Despite who you were,
01:10:18you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:23Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:31All you do is babble on and on about Internet money,
01:10:35Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:10:38Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:42I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:46Hey! Get away from me!
01:10:48Angela!
01:10:50Fight, C-Girl. I like her.
01:11:03How is he?
01:11:05It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:09Astragal saltifu.
01:11:11Can it be cured?
01:11:12I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:14This one's really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:18Household salt.
01:11:26I like her.
01:11:29There you go.
01:11:31What time is it?
01:11:34Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:43I like her.
01:11:45We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:47So, that's how I...
01:11:50Well, we all met.
01:11:53I barely remember.
01:11:55I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:58Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me,
01:12:01attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:03You wouldn't have known.
01:12:04I did hear you dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:08Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years,
01:12:17who will you pick?
01:12:23How can that be?
01:12:25Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:30Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:34Bankrupt?
01:12:36The Vanderbilts have gone bankrupt?
01:12:39Well, then, get out of here.
01:12:42You can't do this to me.
01:12:47Jared!
01:12:48Mom, it's me.
01:12:49What happened?
01:12:51Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:54Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:56You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:00What?
01:13:04Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We're here to propose to your belongings.
01:13:11No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14Mom!
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken.
01:13:36Fried chicken?
01:13:37Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute.
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:47Hey, stop. Stop.
01:13:51Welcome back to the bachelorette.
01:13:54I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:57I mean, Angela Lockhart, you know what I mean.
01:14:01Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:14:05which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:09Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:13Cole, the general?
01:14:17Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:22Uh, looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:26Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:14:29But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:14:33made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:35and give it to our winner, Angela.
01:14:41Angela.
01:14:42Oh, I, uh...
01:14:46I need more time to think.
01:14:51Uh, while our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:55why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:57Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:07There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:11who has huge biceps,
01:15:13a massive chest,
01:15:16who would protect their wife?
01:15:20Okay, thank you.
01:15:22Uh, Shane?
01:15:26Muscles, money,
01:15:28they won't get you so far.
01:15:30But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:32that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:35if you know what I mean.
01:15:39Okay, I think we do.
01:15:41And Devin?
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:48I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:50I know she's going under a lot of stress right now,
01:15:53a lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:57I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:59And then one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor
01:16:03brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:06That's a good point.
01:16:07It's bad for her heart.
01:16:10And then you!
01:16:11What?
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:15They beat their wives.
01:16:19Enough!
01:16:22Stand up!
01:16:25Hey, you guys.
01:16:27Whoa, break it up!
01:16:29Hey!
01:16:30Break it up!
01:16:36Cut to commercial!
01:16:37Cut to commercial!
01:16:49Oh my gosh.
01:16:56This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make
01:16:58in my entire life.
01:17:01Who do I choose?
01:17:10Angela's marrying me!
01:17:12You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:13Oh yeah?
01:17:14I may be a doctor,
01:17:16but like I said,
01:17:17I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:23What don't you have in that coat?
01:17:25Fruit flavored gum.
01:17:26I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:17:28I'll fight you to the death.
01:17:30Don't forget about me.
01:17:32It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:38These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:41They do not.
01:17:42They do not help.
01:17:43Who made these?
01:17:46Who?
01:18:04It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:09I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:12And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:17Go!
01:18:30We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:33Oh yeah.
01:18:43This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:51Hmm.
01:18:52Winter Man or Cool Man?
01:18:58You know,
01:19:00I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:03I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:10And you know,
01:19:11Cool,
01:19:12I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:15Really?
01:19:16Yeah.
01:19:20What do you got for me?
01:19:21I always really liked the way you chewed gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:26That's fresh, right?
01:19:29Yeah, yeah, yeah!
01:19:31You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:34You need me to look at you?
01:19:36I got you.
01:19:37I'll take care of you.
01:19:38Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:40Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:42It was Jerry Cooper!
01:19:44That fucker!
01:19:46We have to find her.
01:19:47What, how?
01:19:48Her ring.
01:19:49Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then!
01:19:54My fiancé!
01:19:55My fiancé!
01:19:59Jerrod.
01:20:04What am I doing here?
01:20:06You destroyed me.
01:20:09I took everything.
01:20:12What?
01:20:13I have nothing left.
01:20:15It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:20:18I wasn't greedy.
01:20:19I had sex with my wife.
01:20:21What?
01:20:22I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:24What?
01:20:25I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:27Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now.
01:20:29Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal!
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:40Ow!
01:20:41Come on, bitch.
01:20:44That's had to be down a little.
01:20:46Come on.
01:20:47Shh.
01:20:55You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:20:59Hey!
01:21:01Anselmo, come here!
01:21:06We're too late!
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless...
01:21:09Not yet.
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything he was supposed to.
01:21:15Everything except for...
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:21:17We get it already.
01:21:18Just save my boss!
01:21:21Here you go.
01:21:24It's okay.
01:21:27You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:34What are you going to do to me?
01:21:36Hey, stop!
01:21:37No, don't!
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:44No!
01:21:47Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:55So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:57We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:00The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:02And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:10Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:12The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:14We're down to the wire.
01:22:16Literally.
01:22:17The wedding day.
01:22:18But who's the groom?
01:22:21Welcome back to the finale of
01:22:23The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:25But who's the groom?
01:22:29Uh...
01:22:30Seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:22:34Any input from the parents?
01:22:36Maybe that will help.
01:22:37I don't know.
01:22:38I don't know.
01:22:39I don't know.
01:22:40I don't know.
01:22:41I don't know.
01:22:42I don't know.
01:22:43I don't know.
01:22:44I don't know.
01:22:45I don't know.
01:22:46I don't know.
01:22:47I don't know.
01:22:48I don't know.
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:53This is exciting!
01:22:54Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:57Let me think.
01:23:01I like the doctor.
01:23:03He's cute.
01:23:06But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:10And we can't forget about Devin Sterling,
01:23:12the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:14Isn't that right, Devin?
01:23:16Angela.
01:23:20You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:26And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:30But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:34And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:39And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:44I'm just kidding.
01:23:45I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:51Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:23:55I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:23:57They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:00So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:03Literally.
01:24:06Could it be...
01:24:07the sex field?
01:24:09Literally.
01:24:12Could it be...
01:24:13the sexy and protective, general with a temper,
01:24:16Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:23Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird,
01:24:28Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:33And last but not least,
01:24:34could it be the richest man of them all,
01:24:37the man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:24:39Mr. Devin Sterling?
01:24:44Gentlemen.
01:24:46It's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:48It has.
01:24:49May the best man win.
01:24:51May the best man win.
01:24:54Drum roll, please.
01:25:08Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:16I choose...
01:25:27I need a powerful, strong man
01:25:29who I really feel like he can protect me.
01:25:33Who could resist those guns?
01:25:35Who could resist those guns?
01:25:39Would it interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:25:41Would you like a full-bodied shotgun?
01:25:56Shane, it's you.
01:25:58I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:00You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:02Yeah.
01:26:05It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:08Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:10I hope we can build together.
01:26:11Like guns, baby.
01:26:24It's always been you.
01:26:27Yeah.
01:26:34I'll always love you.
01:26:38Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:41Ellen, Ellen.
01:26:42Would you like a full-bodied shotgun?
01:26:43Have you seen my murder weapons?
01:26:45I need fruit-flavored gum for you.