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00:00The things that make being an idol hard are pretty much just being alive.
00:10Having to keep up that persona all the time can be very tiring.
00:13They might get plastic surgery and use so much makeup.
00:16Your personal self does not belong to you anymore.
00:19No.
00:20Right?
00:22Once you sign that contract, you are then a property of an entertainment group.
00:35It's a long time since I've been here.
00:37Hongdae?
00:38Yes.
00:39Ever since the scandal a couple months ago, it's been just tense and awkward and cold
00:45and uncomfortable.
00:46I don't remember if it's this side or that side.
00:49It's this side, right?
00:50Yeah.
00:51But a couple weeks ago, Lea approached me and she apologized and I felt her sincerity
01:01in that apology.
01:02I was like, okay, we can exist together as human beings.
01:11Wow.
01:12Let's do these two, since there's two of these.
01:14Okay.
01:15I feel this looks like a minion or something.
01:17It does kind of look like a...
01:18I'm thinking Met Gala when I see this.
01:22The drama did affect Black Sun as a group because we had an image of always being like
01:28one big family, always like this.
01:32Three, two...
01:34Camera.
01:37Why are you acting cute?
01:39Yeah, I don't know.
01:40Oh my God.
01:41No, I love this.
01:42What is this?
01:43It was all too much at that point, like way too much.
01:46So I decided to forgive her more for myself because you cannot always hold this hate and
01:53negativity into your heart.
01:55It's not good for me.
01:59You know, I have a lot of time to think about everything.
02:04Was really awkward because we fight it, but I feel at the same time, I feel you don't
02:10want to fight anymore and me too.
02:14I don't want to hate in my heart and I don't want to be hated too.
02:18To be honest, I love Fatou.
02:21She was like really my friend.
02:23So I just go to her and I say everything.
02:26Like I do bad, but you know, you do bad too, but like we are humans and we learn.
02:34At first I thought, oh, I think I can never like forgive her or something.
02:40Yeah.
02:41But after you apologize, kind of like a heavy weight lifted from my heart and my shoulders.
02:48I was like, ah.
02:50Me too.
02:51Because I was really, really like tired of all the things.
02:56We was really close, me, you, Younghoon, Judy.
03:01That little moment, I was really happy because I feel like, oh, I have like kind of a family
03:06here now.
03:07Younghoon, she was our leader, but she acts sometimes like a baby.
03:14No one was talking with me.
03:16So I was like, oh my God, I did something wrong.
03:19But they don't want to talk about it.
03:21I called them.
03:22I called them a lot, but they don't answer.
03:26I was really close with Younghoon and Judy.
03:29But I think after I accepted your apology, there was like a wall.
03:37There was like, oh, Fatou is not in our side anymore.
03:42Now it's Weigougin and Hangougin.
03:45I think the whole controversy hit them really, really deep.
03:51The thing I needed, the closure I needed was an apology.
03:54For them, I don't know.
03:56It can take time.
03:57It is what it is.
04:28I'm the baddest of the baddest.
04:34Bring it back, I'm the mother of every rock star.
04:57I'm the baddest of the baddest.
05:05Bring it back, I'm the mother of every rock star.
05:13Bring it back, I'm the baddest of the baddest.
05:21Bring it back, I'm the baddest of the baddest.
05:29Bring it back, I'm the baddest of the baddest.
05:37Bring it back, I'm the baddest of the baddest.
05:45We were in a relationship for more than a couple of months.
05:48So they approached us to quit.
05:51They told me honestly about their trust with the foreign members.
06:00So now that this has been extended, we can't stand it anymore.
06:07People think contract is a powerful sort of document.
06:14But when we have to deal with human beings' will,
06:19it's hard for us to just keep somebody with the paper.
06:23Actually, it's impossible.
06:25They had a few years left, and we could say you're obligated to stay here.
06:31But even if we say that, if they're not doing their best,
06:36that's totally affecting other members.
06:39So we let them go.
06:45The next day
06:51You look better.
06:53Me?
06:57How do I look?
06:59You look good.
07:01There's no limit.
07:03You know what I mean?
07:05You can't go out at night.
07:07You have to report when you go somewhere.
07:10You have to report going to get your nails done.
07:13You have to report going to a convenience store.
07:16You can't drink. You can't date.
07:18Oh, I had a curfew!
07:2010 o'clock.
07:22After the contract was over, I went out a lot at night.
07:28What did you do first?
07:30I went to Busan.
07:32I was so free.
07:34I drank a lot.
07:36I saw the sea.
07:38I ate good food.
07:40I'm so happy right now.
07:42I'm so happy.
07:45But I don't feel like I belong here anymore.
07:49Do you feel empty?
07:52No, that's not it.
07:54It's a little weird.
07:56I know.
07:57But you're not here.
07:59You're not here.
08:01But that's a shame.
08:02I wish I went abroad more.
08:05Belgium was the last one.
08:08Belgium?
08:09It was good in Belgium.
08:11It was the end of happiness there.
08:13That's right.
08:14It was like this.
08:18That's right.
08:26I used to sing and I've done it.
08:29Later, I might just be a creator on YouTube.
08:35I'm just doing my personal activities.
08:37I don't have any regrets about working in the K-pop scene and in the entertainment industry.
08:43I don't want to do K-pop anymore.
08:47I think I've had enough experience.
08:51I think I'll probably go somewhere else.
09:00Thinking about that,
09:03I'm about to cry.
09:08I still regret the fact that I wasn't able to stop Lea and Fatou's incident.
09:19Yeah.
09:21But I'm sorry about that.
09:23You became a member of the trainees.
09:26Yes.
09:27I was curious about the harmony.
09:32To be honest,
09:34it's hard for a K-pop girl group that consists of only foreign members to succeed.
09:42If there's no Korean member in a K-pop group,
09:50I think it's just a group that covers K-pop.
09:58I think the company will choose a Korean member.
10:04They know that.
10:06If you think you're the best,
10:11I'll let you go anytime.
10:16Why?
10:17Because I make a global group.
10:28There's so much that I have to do right now for my next concert in Cambodia.
10:33It's so overwhelming.
10:35There's just so much.
10:36A lot of people are touring,
10:37so all the stylists are booked.
10:40So I need somebody who literally works with just me.
10:49Since it's casual, what should I wear?
10:52I have everything ready,
10:54I have everything ready,
10:56but if you don't have an outfit that's just like,
10:58you have makeup, everything,
10:59I'm gonna go up naked?
11:01I mean, I wouldn't mind, but...
11:05It's not about dressing sexual.
11:07It's more like being confident in your body.
11:09So I like to wear stuff that are very tight.
11:18But in reality, I get a lot of backlash for it.
11:23Obviously, there's a Korean standard, right?
11:25If you want to be a K-pop idol,
11:27there's a specific look.
11:29Pale skin.
11:30Feminine, girly, conservative.
11:33Very petite, skinny girls.
11:35Back in the day, I was none of that.
11:38They said, you're not photogenic.
11:40Your cheekbones are too high.
11:42You wear too much makeup.
11:43You're too tan.
11:44You want to fix everything.
11:47So at that time, I felt forced to get surgery.
11:51Do you like this color or this color?
11:56Probably the tanner one.
11:58This one?
11:59Yeah.
12:00The first time I got surgery,
12:02the nose job that I got, I tweaked it.
12:04But once they did that,
12:06I started seeing all the flaws in my face.
12:08And that's when I started tweaking shit.
12:11So before that, I wasn't insecure.
12:13I started getting insecure after I got surgery.
12:16And that's when I got out of control.
12:21First time I did lip injections,
12:23I liked it. It was like a good size.
12:25And then I started overdoing it.
12:28When I got a reality check was when everybody was like,
12:30wow, she looks so botchy.
12:32And I saw it.
12:34And I actually got my lips dissolved.
12:37Which one do you like better, Eddie?
12:39The gray one.
12:41I believe enhancing yourself is fine.
12:44When you want to do it and someone's forcing you to do it,
12:46it's completely different.
12:48But you have to know your limit, you know?
12:51And it's really hard, to be honest,
12:53because once you start getting procedures done,
12:55little by little,
12:57you just keep finding flaws in yourself.
12:59And it's really hard to control.
13:01Now, to be honest, I don't care what anybody says anymore.
13:04As long as I'm healthy, I look okay on TV.
13:08And when I perform, I'm okay.
13:11I just want to inspire women to be themselves.
13:15♪ Fly my way
13:17♪ Fly my way
13:19♪ Fly my way
13:21♪ Fly my way
13:23♪ Fly my way
13:25♪ Fly my way
13:43The world's largest Korean music convention, KCON, is on.
13:49KCON, it's a huge K-pop convention for K-pop fans
13:54from all around the world.
13:56Just thinking about it, it's so exhilarating.
14:01There are millions of fans from around the world,
14:04and KCON brings them together.
14:10Not a lot of groups get the opportunity
14:12to perform for thousands of K-pop fans.
14:15We want to get as many new fans as possible.
14:18So being able to perform at KCON in L.A.,
14:22it's so important for us to do well.
14:38My name is Nisha Gazit.
14:40I work with Cravity in the past two years.
14:43Introducing them to the American audiences.
14:46I work with Kiara, Monsta X,
14:48and obviously the most famous one is BTS.
14:51Thank you, Billboard, for supporting us. Thank you.
14:54The national worldwide global success is the United States.
14:57If you make it here, there's so many more chances
15:00you make it everywhere.
15:06Cravity is almost like a new generation.
15:10Their chances are as good as BTS, Monsta X.
15:14If they succeed in KCON,
15:16I see a big future for them, for sure.
15:39To study English,
15:41my sister and I went to live together.
15:45I didn't have a good relationship with my dad since I was young.
15:52When I first heard that Taehyung was going to be an idol,
15:55I was really surprised.
15:57I'm a bit of a realist,
15:59so I thought it would be hard.
16:02So I thought,
16:04shouldn't I just do it as a hobby?
16:08My dad was watching me,
16:11but he said to my mom,
16:14why did you turn around to start dancing?
16:19As I lived apart from him,
16:21I was healed,
16:23and I think I got used to it.
16:26But still,
16:28my relationship with him was so twisted,
16:31so it's not easy to go back.
16:37When I was doing this,
16:39I hated myself a lot.
16:43I was seen in front of a lot of people,
16:46and in a lot of people's evaluation,
16:48all my efforts could be in vain.
16:53But I thought,
16:55let's take this as an opportunity.
16:57I thought I could improve my skills
16:59and show a better side of me.
17:01It's not the time to be sad,
17:04but I thought I should do my best
17:06to take this as a good opportunity.
17:23We got another offer from Belgium
17:26to do another concert.
17:28The last concert was really successful.
17:31I'm a little bit worried
17:33because Gabi and Juri just joined,
17:36but it's a very rare opportunity for us,
17:39so it's something that we have to pursue.
17:48It's good.
17:49Good, good, good.
17:51You must have practiced a lot.
17:53Yes.
17:55When I found out that Younghoon and Juri
17:57were not in the group,
17:59I was pretty heartbroken
18:01because I was really close with them.
18:05I lost two great friends,
18:07and now the leader title has been given to me.
18:11So I have to teach Juri and Gabi
18:14the choreography, the details,
18:16how to basically perform on stage,
18:19and I'm feeling stressed the f*** out
18:23because they're not ready yet.
18:32It's not holding.
18:38Like that.
18:45Louder.
18:52You lack confidence.
18:54You need to be more confident.
19:01Come around.
19:03Spin, spin around.
19:07Brutal, brutal.
19:11Come on, come on, come, come around.
19:14One, two, three.
19:15Come, come around.
19:32It's none of my business.
19:37We don't have much time.
19:43Okay?
19:44I'm gonna talk to the director, okay?
19:48Lea's mood is fluctuating every day.
19:52It's really hard for, I guess, hard for her.
19:56Also, it's really hard for not only myself,
20:00all the members and the staff as well.
20:03Get out.
20:16Okay.
20:30Okay.
20:54After Europe, the Cambodia show is the first time
20:57I'm having a real organized show.
21:01I went over the contract multiple, multiple times.
21:04I know the itinerary, everything's set up.
21:07I just really hope it's gonna be a more professional show
21:10rather than what happened in Europe.
21:27So we have to go up step by step,
21:30but I'm a little bit worried
21:33whether it's possible.
21:37You have to enjoy the dance, right?
21:40You have to be able to enjoy it.
21:42You can't just follow the order.
21:45I feel everyone is really worried about Belgium
21:49because we have really short time to prepare.
21:52There is so much pressure
21:54because it will be our first stage performance.
21:57At first, boom!
21:59When I was really young, I was looking up as a fan
22:03at the KCON LA stage,
22:05and now I'm coming back to LA, my hometown, to perform.
22:09It's just so amazing and crazy.
22:12There's definitely a pressure to show my friends, my family,
22:17what I've been doing while I was away.
22:20♪
22:27Usually people would go through tough situations
22:30and they would kind of be like,
22:32let me take a break from this.
22:34But me, I can't give up right now.
22:37I can't.
22:38I don't think I'm going to stop or slow down anytime soon.
22:42♪
22:50Oh!
22:51One, two, three!
22:52One, two, three!
22:53One, two, three!
22:54♪
23:23Unnie!
23:24I can't do this song anymore.
23:27Okay, next song.
23:29♪
23:49I'm so thankful to have you guys here
23:51and Fatou Nia's leader.
23:53And this makes me really happy because...
23:55Are you crying?
23:56What?
23:57I'm not crying, I'm not crying.
23:58The medicine don't let me cry.
24:00Don't worry.
24:02We're going to go back to Belgium to perform
24:05for the first time with this lineup.
24:07And it's just a lot.
24:09It's just a lot, yeah.
24:11It's important how the chemistry is between the members
24:14and how good of a relationship you have between the members.
24:18That energy shows also on stage.
24:21Okay, so, on a bit more serious note,
24:25what are your thoughts about
24:27Youngul and Judy graduating from the group?
24:31Like, I didn't sleep well, I didn't eat well.
24:34Like, I was very sad about this.
24:36I cannot even focus on anything.
24:38Like, I feel the same as Shreya,
24:40but, like, it's better you do what you want, right?
24:44I just wanted to leave together, practice together,
24:47and everyone was very happy, and it's an unexpected turn.
24:50Oh, my God, I have so many things I want to say,
24:53but I'm not saying.
24:55What, what?
24:56Oh, God.
24:57What?
24:58Shreya is so innocent.
25:00You know they go out because they say...
25:07We know, but what will I do if I keep hate on, like, myself?
25:13It will not give me any help in the future.
25:16Don't hold hate in your heart.
25:19I don't hold anything in my heart.
25:21Like, negative, negative things.
25:23But, like, I feel without they, we was not Black Swan.
25:27I'm really sad that Younghoon and Judy only left
25:32because they were Black Swan.
25:35Like, I started thinking about, are we K-pop?
25:41We speak in Korean, we were promoted in Korea, so we are K-pop.
25:47But are we K-pop?
25:50I think a lot about that.
25:52You guys maybe don't know, but I don't really want to be here anymore.
25:56But I don't want to go out and leave you guys,
26:00and then another member come.
26:02I don't want this messy.
26:04So that's why I feel like you two have to do really,
26:08a really good impression in the mood in Belgium.
26:12That's right now my number one worry.
26:14Because when we stand on stage in Belgium,
26:17it's going to be the first time for both of you to be on stage as Black Swan.
26:21So we really need to leave a very strong impact for the fans.
26:25If they see that we're really, like, doing well on stage,
26:28they're going to feel a bit more OK,
26:33a little bit more OK with Younghoon and Judy leaving
26:37because they see, OK, Black Swan is still here.
26:40They're still working hard to keep the group and the name, like, alive.
26:44So we have to really reassure them
26:46because they've been through a lot the last year.
26:50And now this is going to be on their plate again.
26:53Fatou worked really hard to come here.
26:56Like, really hard.
26:58Like, you guys don't even know.
27:01So I just hope you guys can show all of your talents in Belgium.
27:06For me, I'm so sorry, like, when we practice
27:10because sometimes I'm a little bit slow and learn new things.
27:14I don't learn as fast as Shreya.
27:17But it's like I really try to focus as much as I can.
27:21We know you're working hard.
27:23We're going to practice. We're going to get there.
27:25It's going to be good.
27:27More than good. Yes.
27:30MUSIC PLAYS
27:44The time has finally come.
27:462022 KCON in L.A.
27:48I'm just super psyched and quite nervous.
27:51Just being in L.A., being in my hometown, after four years,
27:54it sort of felt strange and unfamiliar.
27:57But being there with my members, it's really special.
28:01With people that you really like,
28:03you want to share with them everything.
28:06MUSIC PLAYS
28:28MUSIC CONTINUES
28:36Yo! What's up, bro?
28:38Dude!
28:40Nah. What's up? Oh, man.
28:42Good to see you. Nice jersey. Sick shirt, man.
28:44Thank you. How are you? I'm fine, man.
28:46Growing up with my brother, he really had a big influence on me
28:50with, like, the music I listened to, the way I do my hair,
28:54like, the way I dress.
28:56How does it feel to be back in L.A.?
28:58It feels good. Yeah?
29:00I didn't eat much just because I was saving my stomach
29:03for Mum's cooking.
29:05MUSIC CONTINUES
29:15I was 18 years old when I first got into Starship
29:18to start training,
29:20and I've been away from my family for approximately four years.
29:26Mum! Hello!
29:31Mum! Yo!
29:33SHE LAUGHS
29:39SHE SOBS
29:55SHE SOBS
30:07I lived separate from my dad for most of my adolescent years.
30:13My mum, she's all that I have,
30:15and so it's amazing to be able to see her again.
30:20Do you want to eat?
30:22You like your little shrine?
30:24Shrine? Yeah.
30:26We have all your albums right here. Dude.
30:28My sticks, your pictures.
30:31Growing up with Alan, we were a pretty normal family.
30:35Our dad worked as a policeman and our mother was a homemaker,
30:40and we moved to the United States,
30:42but my dad stayed back to work and, you know, provide us with money,
30:47and he's still there.
30:49Alan and I, we tried our best to pick up English and get a good education
30:53and, you know, achieve the American dream.
30:56Cheers.
30:58Thanks. Cheers.
31:04You know what that is?
31:06Apple vinegar? Exactly.
31:17THEY SPEAK JAPANESE
31:48My mum has always been supportive to, you know, let me pursue my dreams.
32:01She had it hard having to raise two kids in America.
32:06Like, it's hard.
32:08She was almost living as, like, a single mother,
32:11so I want to do my best to be successful,
32:16to be able to repay her.
32:18I'm super excited to perform in front of her.
32:21It's really a dream come true for me.
32:31As a family, we were OK with letting Alan go to Korea and pursue his path.
32:36You know, I was very worried.
32:38You know, the K-pop life was going to be difficult.
32:41You don't know how long he's going to be there.
32:43You don't know if he's going to succeed.
32:47But at the end of the day, he had a dream and he worked very hard.
32:52And to think that he came from a small apartment
32:55in a forgettable suburb in Los Angeles,
32:58going to Korea and debut as a K-pop idol,
33:02it's just very inspirational.
33:04How does it feel to go from, like, a small apartment like this,
33:08going to different hotels, different countries?
33:12Yeah, this definitely motivated me to, like,
33:16get out of this small crowded space.
33:20Hey, I think I decorated this place pretty good, all right?
33:23It's because I left. It's because I left, dude.
33:41Hey, hey, hey, hey!
33:58Cambodia specifically said I cannot curse.
34:00When they say I can't curse...
34:05I'm going to try.
34:07It's been about eight months since I didn't have a label.
34:10I learned a lot.
34:12What happens is when you leave a contract, right,
34:15everyone starts coming to you like ants,
34:18and I got so overwhelmed.
34:20There was a lot of shady people around me.
34:23I thought it was going to get better, but then I realized,
34:26mentally, I realized, wow, like, I can't do this on my own.
34:32I think you should take this.
34:38I decided after Cambodia, I want to sign with a label.
34:42I've been through so much in life,
34:44and I deserve a good support system.
34:46I don't like this. It looks like my underwear.
34:48Yeah, you know what I mean?
34:50The most important thing is I am a K-pop star
34:53because I'm singing in Korean, so that is technically K-pop,
34:57but I'm also American,
34:59and I need a company where they understand that
35:02because that is a part of my life.
35:04This is how I got here.
35:19Now I'm starting from scratch again with my career,
35:23and I'm going to have a new journey,
35:25new life, new chapter, new book,
35:28but I'm feeling more confident about the future.
35:34You're worried that you can't smell the perfume? Seriously?
35:47It's hot and it's raining.
35:58Everyone is definitely stressed out because of the rain.
36:01My staffs were like, oh, my God, because of my hair,
36:04my makeup, it's all going to get drenched.
36:06They're scared that my clothes is going to fall off.
36:09We don't know what's going to happen.
36:11But for me, if I'm doing something that I love,
36:15then so be it.
36:29We're preparing for our upcoming stage in Belgium.
36:33We've been, I guess,
36:35practicing from early morning till late at night.
36:39I feel like it's nowhere near where it's supposed to be,
36:42and it's getting me stressed out, annoyed, and just worried.
36:47Since Younghoon, Onnie and Judy,
36:50are going to be performing,
36:52I feel like I'm going to have a lot of pressure.
36:55Since Younghoon, Onnie and Judy, Onnie left,
37:00I feel more pressure
37:02because we never practiced this hard, I think.
37:06Sometimes we even stay here to sleep.
37:12I'm just worried about everything.
37:14Five, six, seven, eight.
37:16It's not nice to keep running away, but I'm fine.
37:21It's really, really hard
37:24because we need to learn every detail.
37:27And we only have three days before we go to the concert.
37:33Can we do it once more?
37:34Da-da-da-dum.
37:35It's not nice.
37:36Da-da-da-dum.
37:37Running away.
37:40No, it's too...
37:42It's too hard.
37:44It's too...
37:46Relax.
37:47She's slowly getting better,
37:49but I need 10 times more.
37:51She needs to be like 100 times better than she is now.
38:00It all disappeared.
38:05Again.
38:06The reason why I'm pushing them so hard
38:09is because I don't want people to attack them
38:11when they go on stage
38:12because people can be pretty vicious.
38:16And that's not a nice feeling, you know.
38:22Deep breath.
38:23Deep breath.
38:24Deep breath.
38:25Deep breath.
38:26Oh, oh.
38:27You're out of energy.
38:28You're just looking like you're going to...
38:30That's not it.
38:31Boom.
38:32Oh, oh, oh.
38:34Oh, oh, oh.
38:36It's been really, really, really difficult for me.
38:40I'm practicing and practicing and giving my heart,
38:44and it's not enough.
38:46Like, what should I do?
38:48Should I go back home?
38:50But I don't want to go back home.
38:52I want to be an artist.
38:54I'm, like, here for a reason.
38:56But if I don't have a talent,
38:59why they choose me?
39:01Me and Sharia, we, like, join at the same time,
39:05but it's always me.
39:10She do everything's good.
39:13Why I'm not like her?
39:17It's too much pressure.
39:20Like, too much pressure.
39:22How they will let me to perform if it's not good?
39:28Like...
39:31I don't know.
39:41Again?
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