1986 Appeal FULL HOT MOVIE
#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Good morning, Daphne.
00:00:03Mm-hmm.
00:00:06Pamela, you are five minutes late.
00:00:09Sorry.
00:00:17Sure.
00:00:20Okay.
00:00:51Nice day, isn't it?
00:00:54Yeah, right.
00:01:01Nice day, isn't it?
00:01:03Sure. Come on, honey.
00:01:09Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable in a hotel room or something?
00:01:12Oh, honey, why waste your money?
00:01:14Besides, when I get through with you, you'll think you're in heaven.
00:01:18But first, money, please.
00:01:26Oh, butterfingers me. Could you?
00:01:29Yeah, sure.
00:01:34See, honey? Just like heaven.
00:01:37Tommy, are you going to be in there all day?
00:01:40I'll be out in a minute, Ma.
00:01:43Tommy.
00:01:44Yeah, Ma.
00:01:46Are you ready to sit down to dinner?
00:01:48Okay, okay.
00:01:50Jeez.
00:01:52I got a surprise for you, Tony.
00:01:55I invited Debra to dinner.
00:02:01Tony has this obsession with hygiene. He's always in the bathroom.
00:02:05Well, cleanliness is next to godliness, I always say, Mrs. Cannelloni.
00:02:10Hi, Debra.
00:02:12Hi, Tony.
00:02:14Hey, have a nice day, Tony.
00:02:16Tony, I got the tickets.
00:02:18What tickets?
00:02:19I told Debra you love birds.
00:02:21So I got tickets to the Audubon Society lecture tonight.
00:02:24It's all about the mating of the African speckle hawk.
00:02:29I think you're confused, Mom.
00:02:31Tony didn't say birds, he said chicks.
00:02:33Chicks, ducks, penguins, same thing.
00:02:36No, Tony promised to help me with my study for my business exam.
00:02:41Yeah, yeah, I did.
00:02:43Well, Tony can help you tomorrow night.
00:02:45Debra went to a lot of...
00:02:46But, Louise, I need the content.
00:02:49Oh, that's all right, Mr. Cannelloni.
00:02:51We can use mine.
00:02:55Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful feast.
00:02:59For the antipasto salad, for the chicken parmesan with Louise's famous sauce.
00:03:07The side linguine with the smothered in a green pesto sauce.
00:03:13And for dessert...
00:03:15It's for dessert, Louise.
00:03:16You're on a diet, remember?
00:03:18Scratch a dessert.
00:03:20Amen.
00:03:21Uh, excuse me, but...
00:03:23What's the matter, Debra?
00:03:24Uh, well, I forgot, I...
00:03:28Well, get into her.
00:03:29Maybe you should have made dessert.
00:03:31Sauce.
00:03:34What did you say to her?
00:03:36Which one?
00:04:06Oh, yeah.
00:04:36Is this yours?
00:04:46No.
00:04:56Sex appeal.
00:04:58How to get it, and what to do with it.
00:05:01Do women reject you daily?
00:05:04When was the last time you had a date?
00:05:07Are you still stuck on first base while the rest of the team is hitting home runs?
00:05:12Are you tired of the Michael Jackson song, Beat It?
00:05:15If you've answered yes to any of these questions, you may be lacking sex appeal.
00:05:20For $19.95, learn how to attract the opposite sex.
00:05:24Learn how you, too, can achieve sex appeal.
00:05:28Hmm.
00:05:33At your favorite bookstore.
00:05:41How much is that?
00:05:44Psst.
00:05:46Psst.
00:05:47Here.
00:05:58Bye.
00:05:59Bye now.
00:06:03Hey, Bernie, how much is sex appeal?
00:06:06Oh, about 36, 28, 36.
00:06:16Come on.
00:06:36Hi, future seducer and all-around sexy guy.
00:06:40Hundreds of men like yourself, in their spare time, have discovered the secrets of sex appeal.
00:06:46If you follow the simple steps outlined in this book, you can turn your dull, drab life into a jungle of steaming, dripping, erotic pleasures.
00:06:56Is that the kind of world you want?
00:06:58Yeah.
00:06:59Okay, okay.
00:07:01First step, be cool.
00:07:04Now, the second step.
00:07:07You need a primary base of operation, an oasis to lure those voluptuous, lusting, man-hungry creatures of the night.
00:07:15What?
00:07:16An apartment, a bachelor pad, a place where a man can be a real man and a woman can be that real man's mate.
00:07:38Name's Donald Cromatic, and I'm the super of this brownstone.
00:07:42I'm a writer extraordinaire.
00:07:44It's my apartment 2A.
00:07:45So tell me, where are you from?
00:07:47Oh, Jersey.
00:07:48Jersey.
00:07:49Yeah, I'm an accountant.
00:07:50So tell me, you ever written anything I'd have read?
00:07:52Yeah, probably.
00:07:53I write for all the magazines.
00:07:54Oh, yeah?
00:07:55You mean like People and Inquirer and Playboy?
00:07:57Hey, let's get something straight.
00:07:58I'm not a hack writer.
00:07:59My articles have appeared in Scientific America, Reader's Digest.
00:08:03We're talking Popular Mechanics here.
00:08:04Yeah?
00:08:05Is there any money in those kinds of articles?
00:08:06Yeah, not really.
00:08:07That's why I'm also working on my novel.
00:08:08You know, the Great American Novel?
00:08:09Yeah.
00:08:10Okay, here's the vacant one.
00:08:11Ta-da!
00:08:12Isn't it a honey?
00:08:13The apartment goes for $800 a month.
00:08:14So what I'm going to need from you is one month in advance and two months security.
00:08:20Think you can handle that?
00:08:21Great.
00:08:22Okay, now there is absolutely no way I'm going to let you down.
00:08:28No wild parties.
00:08:29No reconstruction without my permission.
00:08:30No subletting.
00:08:31And most important, you could not use this apartment as a place of business.
00:08:32I think that about covers it.
00:08:33Do you have any questions so far?
00:08:34Yeah.
00:08:35It's a beer, can't come with it.
00:08:36Hey, that's funny.
00:08:37I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:38I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:39I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:40I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:41I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:42I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:43I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:44I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:45I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:46I think that about covers it.
00:08:47Do you have any questions so far?
00:08:48Yeah.
00:08:49It's a beer, can't come with it.
00:08:50Hey, that's funny.
00:08:51I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:52I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:53I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:54I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:55I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:56I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:57I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:58I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:08:59I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:09:00I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:09:01I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:09:02I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor.
00:09:03Well, I looked at six other places and so far...
00:09:08Would you excuse me for a minute?
00:09:09Oh, sure.
00:09:10Sure, go ahead.
00:09:14The right apartment must have separate living room, bedroom, kitchen, and bath.
00:09:21It must have a magnificent view of the city.
00:09:27And above all, it must have privacy.
00:09:33But if all you can afford is one room with a view of a brick wall and a nosy super next door, take it.
00:09:39You've got to start somewhere.
00:09:46I'll take it.
00:09:47The next step, you must cut the umbilical cord with your parents.
00:09:52Leaving?
00:09:53Who's going to take care of you?
00:09:55You're not married, Tony.
00:09:57You don't have a wife.
00:09:58Who's going to make your favorite brownies?
00:10:00Who's going to wash your sneakers?
00:10:02Who's going to make your bed?
00:10:03Louise, come on now.
00:10:05Calm down.
00:10:07Is this the thanks I get for devoting my life to you?
00:10:10You're going to get some kind of horrible disease.
00:10:13Mom, don't you think you're overreacting a little?
00:10:16I mean, it's not like Tony's a child.
00:10:18Ha!
00:10:19Mom, I've got to leave sometime.
00:10:21Tony's right.
00:10:22I think it's time he stands on his own two feet.
00:10:26My baby doesn't love me anymore.
00:10:29Christina, I'll go calm her down.
00:10:32Look, if Ralph gets here, tell him to wait, okay?
00:10:34You've still seen that schmuck.
00:10:36Oh, Dad.
00:10:38You know, Tony, I think you're doing the right thing.
00:10:43But are you sure you're telling the old dad everything?
00:10:47Huh?
00:10:48Hey, I mean, a young guy like you wanting an apartment?
00:10:52What do you got, a couple of honeys on the line?
00:10:55Not exactly.
00:10:57But I hope so soon.
00:10:58Hey, that's my boy.
00:11:00Tony, you know, when I was your age,
00:11:03well, let's just say that not too many girls
00:11:07got past your old dad's touch, you know what I mean?
00:11:10It's Ralph.
00:11:11I'll get it.
00:11:12Ah, schmuck.
00:11:14Tony, what I'm trying to tell you,
00:11:18I want you to feel free to come to me with any problems.
00:11:23Yeah, if there's anything you can't handle,
00:11:27you know what I mean?
00:11:29Okay?
00:11:31Yeah.
00:11:32Sure, Dad.
00:11:54Now that you've won your freedom,
00:11:57the next step is to appraise your surroundings.
00:12:02Put your imagination to work.
00:12:05Remember, you're trying to create an atmosphere
00:12:08that will make you look alive with sexuality
00:12:11and make your prey weak in the knees.
00:12:24Great care should go into the selection of your furnishings.
00:12:28The feel should be erotic and sensual.
00:12:54Warning!
00:12:55Do not attempt any skirmishes
00:12:58until you and your place are ready for combat action.
00:13:02Right, right.
00:13:03Come on, you son of a bitch!
00:13:05I beg your pardon?
00:13:08Do you mind?
00:13:10You're her!
00:13:12The midnight champagne woman.
00:13:14I mean, you're the girl on the poster.
00:13:17Yeah, look, would it be too much to ask you to let me by here?
00:13:21Yeah.
00:13:22I mean, no, no, sure.
00:13:23Go ahead.
00:13:25Um, may I make a suggestion here?
00:13:28Yeah, yeah.
00:13:29Tilt the corner on the floor inward and put the top up.
00:13:32Yeah.
00:13:33And corner it around the door frame.
00:13:35Yes.
00:13:40Wow.
00:13:41How'd you know how to do that?
00:13:43Just a little common sense and a desire to get to my apartment.
00:13:46I'm Tony.
00:13:47I'm new here.
00:13:48Yeah.
00:13:49Do you live in the building?
00:13:50I'm afraid so.
00:13:51Maybe we could get together sometime.
00:13:52Yeah, maybe.
00:13:55She's beautiful.
00:13:58Tony!
00:13:59Tony!
00:14:00Please, Tony, I need you.
00:14:01I love you.
00:14:02I can't live without you.
00:14:03Tony.
00:14:04Oh, Tony, won't you tell me that we can maybe go out sometime?
00:14:06Oh, Tony.
00:14:08Yeah, maybe.
00:14:10Maybe.
00:14:14He said maybe.
00:14:16He said maybe!
00:14:21Donald, would you like a little advice from your agent?
00:14:25Uh, not really.
00:14:28Tell me how your principals are going to pay the $2,000 you owe in back taxes.
00:14:33The IRS could care less about your moralistic standards.
00:14:36They want their money, baby, just like everybody else.
00:14:39Fran, I am this close to finishing my novel.
00:14:43Great American novel.
00:14:46Donald, who in the hell wants to read about the founding and development of the American sewer system?
00:14:53You still don't think that's a good idea?
00:14:55No.
00:14:57Fran, I'm, I mean, I don't know what the hell to do now.
00:15:00You need to make some big bucks fast.
00:15:03Oh.
00:15:04And how am I supposed to do that?
00:15:08Sex.
00:15:09Articles about who, what, where, when, and how about sex.
00:15:13That's what sells.
00:15:15Write me those kinds of articles.
00:15:17Screw your principals.
00:15:20Okay, okay, okay.
00:15:22Where do I start?
00:15:25If I knew that, I'd write them myself.
00:15:29Dumb shit.
00:15:34The outward appearance of your apartment should have that respectable look.
00:15:38With only you knowing what lies beneath it all.
00:15:41Before your first attempt at seduction, may I suggest you try a test run?
00:15:46See that everything works properly.
00:15:48Remember, practice makes perfect.
00:15:51In more ways than one.
00:15:56On your mark, get set, go!
00:16:04Shit.
00:16:34Shit.
00:17:02Shit.
00:17:07All set.
00:17:08Now what?
00:17:10Now, take a look at yourself.
00:17:15Do you look like Burt Reynolds?
00:17:17No.
00:17:18How about Robert Redford?
00:17:19No.
00:17:20Good.
00:17:21If you did, you wouldn't need this book.
00:17:22Okay, now, look at your hair.
00:17:25It needs an expert's touch.
00:17:27Cut and style to accent those strong features.
00:17:31Those clothes.
00:17:32What's the matter with my clothes?
00:17:33They've got to go.
00:17:35You want to wear clothes that are fashionable, that will attract women, not repel them?
00:17:40And that body.
00:17:43When was the last time you ran a step?
00:17:45Press some weights.
00:17:47Most women like a man with a toned, muscular body.
00:17:53Okay, I'll do it.
00:17:55Cut those nose hairs.
00:17:59Oh.
00:18:02Oh.
00:18:03Oh, Ralph?
00:18:04Huh?
00:18:05Oh, God.
00:18:06The steering wheel stick is crushing my back.
00:18:09Oh, those muscles of yours are so big and hard.
00:18:12Sorry.
00:18:14Look, why don't we try this?
00:18:16Okay.
00:18:18Ralph, oh, God, the gear shift.
00:18:20It's sticking me in the side.
00:18:22Christina, I'm sorry.
00:18:23Yeah, I know you are, Ralph.
00:18:26Why don't we just try the back seat?
00:18:28Hey, guys.
00:18:29Hey, how's it hanging, Ralphie?
00:18:30Hi, Christina.
00:18:31Want some popcorn, guys?
00:18:32Have a beer, Ralph.
00:18:33Christina, you want one?
00:18:34No, thanks.
00:18:35I hope you don't mind us watching a movie with you.
00:18:37Nah.
00:18:38We snuck in and don't have any place to sit.
00:18:40No kidding.
00:18:41How'd you do that?
00:18:42Well, we waited until the guard was just about ready.
00:18:46Ah.
00:19:01Uh, maybe not these either.
00:19:04You got something with a little color?
00:19:05Sure.
00:19:06So what do you think?
00:19:08Oh, not exactly what I had in mind.
00:19:13Oh!
00:19:16All right, you animal.
00:19:19Now that your trap is ready and baited,
00:19:22it's time to stalk your prey.
00:19:24Your first conquest should be a symbol.
00:19:26A woman you already know, but have always been afraid to ask.
00:19:30Pick up the phone and call her.
00:19:32Invite her to your place for drinks.
00:19:34If she says yes, it can only mean one thing.
00:19:38What?
00:19:39Sex, dummy.
00:19:40Oh, yeah.
00:19:42Yes?
00:19:43Stephanie?
00:19:44Stephanie?
00:19:45Yes?
00:19:46This is Tony.
00:19:48Tony?
00:19:49Yeah.
00:19:50Tony Cantaloni.
00:19:51From the office.
00:19:53Tony.
00:19:54Oh, Tony.
00:19:56Yeah.
00:19:57What can I do for you, Tony?
00:19:59Well, I was thinking.
00:20:01Do it.
00:20:02Do it.
00:20:03What did you say?
00:20:04Nothing.
00:20:05Well, I was thinking,
00:20:07Do it.
00:20:08What did you say?
00:20:09Nothing.
00:20:10Well, we've worked together for over a year now,
00:20:13and we don't really know each other very well,
00:20:16and I just thought that...
00:20:19Yes, Tony?
00:20:21I know you're probably busy.
00:20:23We'd never have time to get together for a couple of drinks.
00:20:26But I just thought I'd ask anyway.
00:20:28I'm never too busy for you, Tony.
00:20:31I'd love to.
00:20:34Tony, are you there?
00:20:35Yeah.
00:20:36I mean, you said yes.
00:20:39You really said yes.
00:20:41See?
00:20:43Amazing.
00:20:46Well, I'll see you, Steph.
00:20:48Aren't you forgetting something?
00:20:50Like, where do you live?
00:21:01Miss Crenshaw, would you come in here, please?
00:21:14Miss Crenshaw, I have something for you.
00:21:18Oh, I don't want it, Joe.
00:21:20Do you remember what you promised me?
00:21:23Well, let me refresh your memory, Mr. Cannelloni.
00:21:26I promise you will never have to do it in the office again, Miss Crenshaw.
00:21:30You promised to treat me like a lady.
00:21:34Why can't you take me to a fancy hotel or something?
00:21:37It's not bad enough you make me work weekends.
00:21:39But you can't even keep a little promise.
00:21:42Miss Crenshaw, you know I don't like hotels.
00:21:44I've been trying to find someone with an apartment.
00:21:46Give me a little time.
00:21:47I promise the next time we get together, we'll have a nice little place.
00:21:54Don't leave me in this condition, please, Miss Crenshaw.
00:21:57I'll give you a raise.
00:22:00Okay, Joe.
00:22:02But this is the last time.
00:22:04And I mean it.
00:22:09How much is the raise?
00:22:11Review your last-minute checklist.
00:22:13Music on.
00:22:16Check.
00:22:18Ice bucket full.
00:22:20Check.
00:22:21Clean underwear.
00:22:23Yeah. Check.
00:22:25Check.
00:22:32Who's there?
00:22:33Tony, you in there?
00:22:39Just a minute, Christina. I'll be right there.
00:22:41What's going on in there?
00:22:43Open up, will you?
00:22:55What are you doing here?
00:22:56What kind of welcome is that?
00:23:00What's going on in there anyway?
00:23:02This is not bad.
00:23:04Tony, you know what you can use right there?
00:23:06It's one of those sexy statues and stuff, you know?
00:23:09That'd be great.
00:23:10Over here, Tony. You can have some of those fancy mirrors and stuff.
00:23:14Don't you got no TV?
00:23:15Christina, what do you want?
00:23:17Nothing.
00:23:18Look, I just came by to see what my big brother was up to.
00:23:20Tony, the least you could have done was invited me over to see it.
00:23:23Yeah, yeah. Well, now that you've seen it, Christina, it's time to go.
00:23:25But I just got here.
00:23:26Christina.
00:23:27What is the hurry?
00:23:28I'm tired, Christina. I had a long week at the office.
00:23:30What are you up to, big brother?
00:23:33I got it. You got a date.
00:23:35Lay off, Christina.
00:23:37Okay. All right. I promise. No more questions.
00:23:39But look, don't forget to call mom tonight, okay?
00:23:41She's going sick with worry about you.
00:23:42Yeah, yeah. I will now. Bye-bye.
00:23:44I hope you score tonight, big brother.
00:23:48I've got to get this place ready.
00:23:54Come on.
00:24:05Stay home.
00:24:15Lock the bar.
00:24:17I'll be right there.
00:24:22Hi.
00:24:23Hi.
00:24:25Well, aren't you going to ask me in?
00:24:27Yeah, sure. Come on in.
00:24:39Two at a time?
00:24:41That wouldn't...
00:24:43Care for a drink?
00:24:44Sure. I'll take a vodka martini.
00:24:47Very dry, on the rocks, with two olives.
00:24:50Yes.
00:25:07Let's go.
00:25:08Let's go.
00:25:09Let's go.
00:25:10Let's go.
00:25:12Oh, I'm sorry.
00:25:14Oh, no. No damage done.
00:25:16Oh, I'm sorry.
00:25:17I think I'll just take this off and let it dry.
00:25:28Hysterical.
00:25:30To tell you the truth, Donald, I didn't think you had it in you.
00:25:35Now, just where did you get the idea for this New Jersey Casanova story?
00:25:39Oh, well, I just came up...
00:25:42Fran, this is for $4,000.
00:25:47$4,000!
00:25:50It's only the beginning, Donald.
00:25:52Are you serious?
00:25:54Now, hear this.
00:25:56Playhouse Magazine wants you to do a ten-part series entitled
00:26:00The X-Rated Adventures of the New Jersey Casanova.
00:26:03Well, of course, I told them my client was too busy finishing up a novel
00:26:07and couldn't possibly take on such an assignment.
00:26:10They offered to double the amount per segment.
00:26:13I said no.
00:26:14You said what?
00:26:16We got triple.
00:26:18Triple?
00:26:19We have triple on a ten-part series?
00:26:22Do you know how much money...
00:26:24Waiter! Your finest champagne, quick!
00:26:29I took the liberty of ordering earlier.
00:26:33To the next ten.
00:26:35To the next... ten.
00:26:38What? What's the matter, Donald?
00:26:40Nothing. Nothing. To the next ten.
00:26:48Under no circumstances give your apartment key to your mother.
00:26:52Christina, eat. Ralph will honk when he honks.
00:26:57Tony, you're looking so thin.
00:27:00He looks the same to me, Ma.
00:27:02Haven't you been eating?
00:27:04Here, have some more of my homemade spaghetti.
00:27:07All right.
00:27:08Now, Tony, who's the one that's most concerned about you?
00:27:14You, Ma.
00:27:16And who's the one that's most concerned about your safety and well-being?
00:27:20You, Ma.
00:27:22That's right.
00:27:24You, Ma.
00:27:26That's right.
00:27:27And that's why I think I should have an extra key to your apartment.
00:27:32Louise, don't badger the boy!
00:27:35I'm not badgering him.
00:27:38I'm only concerned about his health.
00:27:41What if he should get sick or have a heart attack?
00:27:43Or worse yet, what if some degenerate should break in and attack him?
00:27:47How's anybody gonna know?
00:27:49How's anybody gonna get in?
00:27:51Ask the super for the key.
00:27:52Shut up, Christina!
00:27:53I'm worried sick.
00:27:56But, Ma, the only reason I got the place was so I could...
00:27:59Tony.
00:28:02Tony.
00:28:05All right, Ma.
00:28:08You can have the key.
00:28:13I'm gonna hang it right here where it's gonna be nice and safe.
00:28:21I thought you said you had a place.
00:28:25I did.
00:28:26This is it.
00:28:27This is not what I envisioned when you said I could see stars.
00:28:29Oh!
00:28:30Ah!
00:28:31Shoot!
00:28:32Oh!
00:28:37Put the blanket over there.
00:28:39How's this?
00:28:40Great.
00:28:42Let's get naked, Ralph.
00:28:44Oh, Ralph.
00:28:45Those muscles are so sexy.
00:28:47Oh, Ralph.
00:28:48Ralph.
00:28:49Can I touch your muscle?
00:28:51Ralph, can I touch your muscle?
00:28:53Ooh.
00:28:57What's that?
00:28:58Nothing.
00:28:59Just slapped a couple mosquitoes dead.
00:29:04A couple?
00:29:07You meant a couple thousand, didn't you?
00:29:11Oh!
00:29:12Ralph!
00:29:13Let's get out of here!
00:29:14Come on!
00:29:15Ralph, hurry!
00:29:18I can't find my keys.
00:29:19Oh, Ralph!
00:29:21Oh, hunky jock or no hunky jock, you better find us a place.
00:29:26Now find those keys!
00:29:28Oh, Ralph!
00:29:31Ouch!
00:29:34Getting women to take notice of you is always easier if you meet them on their own turf.
00:29:40On your days off, stalk the supermarket aisles.
00:29:44Slink through the women's clothes section's department stores.
00:29:48And seek them out at their watering holes.
00:29:51The laundromat.
00:29:52You'll be surprised at the number of available women out there who'll jump at an opportunity
00:29:58to follow you back to your lair for an afternoon of uncontrolled passion.
00:30:05Hi.
00:30:06Do I know you?
00:30:07I'm your neighbor.
00:30:08Remember the sofa?
00:30:10Name's Tony, remember?
00:30:11Oh, yeah.
00:30:12Hi.
00:30:13Excuse me.
00:30:14You know, it seems like you're always in my way.
00:30:18Yes, I'm...
00:30:19Hey, what's your name?
00:30:21Corinne.
00:30:22Corinne.
00:30:24I'm so sorry.
00:30:26Tony!
00:30:27Tony!
00:30:28I'm sorry, I don't remember.
00:30:30What did you say your name was?
00:30:32Corinne!
00:30:33Ah, yes.
00:30:34Corinne.
00:30:36Ah!
00:30:44Excuse me, is this washer being used?
00:30:47Yes, it is.
00:30:48I'm sorry.
00:30:49Don't be sorry.
00:30:52Hi, I'm Bunny.
00:30:54Hi.
00:30:55You're new around here, aren't you?
00:30:58Don't tell me you are.
00:31:00I can tell.
00:31:02You just have that brand new look about you.
00:31:06This is my favorite machine, number 14.
00:31:09It's also my lucky number.
00:31:11I'm so lucky.
00:31:13I'm so lucky.
00:31:15This is my favorite machine, number 14.
00:31:18It's also my lucky number.
00:31:20I'm so glad you didn't use it,
00:31:22because then I'd have to use another machine, like number 5.
00:31:26I used it last August when this little old lady named Bersa came in and used number 14.
00:31:31And, well, it broke down right in the middle of the soak cycle.
00:31:35I started to cry, and I looked all over for another machine,
00:31:38but there wasn't one empty.
00:31:40So I had to wait 32 minutes for another machine to be empty.
00:31:44And then I carried all my laundry,
00:31:46and they were soaking, dripping with water and soap suds,
00:31:50and I had to carry them all the way over there to number 23.
00:31:54What did you say your name was?
00:31:56Tony.
00:31:57I knew a Tony once.
00:31:59Or was it Boney?
00:32:01Whichever.
00:32:02He was so weird.
00:32:03I fixed him tacos for dinner one night,
00:32:06and he wanted to stick them between mine.
00:32:10Women love to talk.
00:32:13Be a patient listener.
00:32:16That big mouth of hers has several other uses,
00:32:19one of which should become apparent quite soon.
00:32:23Right.
00:32:39Hello?
00:32:49Hi.
00:32:51Who is this?
00:32:53Is there something I can do for you?
00:32:55I just wanted to hear your voice.
00:32:57It's been so long.
00:33:01What kind of music do you enjoy, Tony?
00:33:04Who is this?
00:33:05How do you know my name?
00:33:07Vivaldi?
00:33:08Vivaldi?
00:33:09No, not me.
00:33:11That's my favorite composer.
00:33:13His melodies spend so well over a candlelight dinner.
00:33:16Do you enjoy French?
00:33:18Yeah.
00:33:19French, Greek, you name it.
00:33:21French cuisine, silly.
00:33:24Are you from a radio show or something?
00:33:27No.
00:33:28You're so cute, Tony.
00:33:30Bye.
00:33:31Hello?
00:33:32Hello?
00:33:37Give me a minute.
00:33:40Hi, I'm Bunny.
00:33:41This is a very nice home.
00:33:51I thought I'd never find this place.
00:33:54You know, I get lost so easy.
00:33:57Come in, Bunny.
00:33:58I am in.
00:33:59You're funny, Tony.
00:34:01You know, one time I went to visit my aunt on my mother's side
00:34:05and I got lost for nine hours and ten minutes.
00:34:08First I took the wrong turn.
00:34:10Then, of course, I was following the wrong road signs.
00:34:13It took me five hours to realize that I was reading a darn road map backwards.
00:34:19Two weeks.
00:34:20He's been there two weeks.
00:34:22Can you imagine the dust balls?
00:34:24They're as big as grapefruits.
00:34:26And the toilet bowl.
00:34:27I don't even want to think about the toilet bowl.
00:34:30Boy, that place.
00:34:32Christina, wish me good luck.
00:34:34I'm off to do battle.
00:34:36Good luck, Mom.
00:34:47Come on, Tony.
00:34:48If you're there, pick it up.
00:35:01My aunt had called the police and by the time I finally arrived,
00:35:04there were probably eight police cars in the driveway.
00:35:08I said, oh, my God, someone must have been murdered.
00:35:12What a beautiful place you have here.
00:35:15Just like a hotel room at the MGM Grand.
00:35:19And look at your little sofa.
00:35:21My mother has this sofa.
00:35:23It doesn't look anything like yours, though.
00:35:26She has it covered in this rose-colored plastic.
00:35:29In the summer when you're all hot and sticky from the humidity
00:35:32and you sit down, you can hardly get up
00:35:35because your behind sticks to it.
00:35:37Right through your underwear.
00:35:39Can you imagine?
00:35:40Care for a drink?
00:35:41Oh, I'd love a drink.
00:35:43Oh, I don't care.
00:35:45Anything will do.
00:35:46Vodka, whiskey, scotch, tequila, beer.
00:35:50Budweiser's a good beer.
00:35:52The Sempsey Coors is the best.
00:35:54I really don't know.
00:35:56Beer makes me want to go to the bathroom an awful lot.
00:35:59I just can't stay seated.
00:36:01And you know what they say about gin.
00:36:04A couple sips of gin makes you want to sin.
00:36:07Gin it is.
00:36:08Goodness, we've been standing an awful lot.
00:36:11You know, they say if you stand too much, it's not good for your veins.
00:36:15Here you go.
00:36:19I've written a medical manual once
00:36:21that you can get varicose veins in your legs.
00:36:23But I don't know if that's true or not.
00:36:25Take joggers, for instance.
00:36:27Or football players.
00:36:29They never seem to have varicose veins in their legs.
00:36:32But then again, I guess I just never look close enough.
00:36:37How about a movie?
00:36:38Oh, goody.
00:36:39X-rated films.
00:36:41I love X-rated films.
00:36:43I know this girl who used to work in the beauty shop I go to.
00:36:47She wasn't very good.
00:36:48Anyway, she told me she dated a porn star once.
00:36:52I didn't believe her, but then she convinced me.
00:36:55You know what she said?
00:36:57She said he was the one with the...
00:37:00Well, when they got home, it was only...
00:37:04They must use some kind of trick photography
00:37:07when they make those kind of movies.
00:37:23Oh!
00:37:24You'll love this.
00:37:25Just a minute, Mom.
00:37:26We'll be right there.
00:37:27First you take the peanut butter, about two pounds.
00:37:29Then you add a pound of melted margarine.
00:37:32Not butter.
00:37:33Then a pound of sugar.
00:37:53I live here.
00:37:55Ah-ha!
00:37:57Dust ball.
00:37:58Ma, I just cleaned yesterday.
00:38:00What's this?
00:38:02I was just about to hang those to dry.
00:38:04Soap on them?
00:38:05Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:38:07Ma, you can't clean today.
00:38:09Why not?
00:38:11You don't even hang up your phone?
00:38:13What kind of swab did I raise anyway?
00:38:16Hello? Yeah, he's...
00:38:18Christina, is that you?
00:38:21Since when do you start calling your brother in the afternoon?
00:38:25Oh, just to say hi.
00:38:28Isn't that nice?
00:38:29Christina called.
00:38:30Just to say hi.
00:38:31Isn't that nice, Tony?
00:38:32Yeah, that's nice, Ma.
00:38:33I'll see you in a little while, honey.
00:38:35Okay, bye-bye.
00:38:37Ma, you can't clean today.
00:38:39Why not?
00:38:40I'll see you in a little while, honey.
00:38:42Okay, bye-bye.
00:38:44Ma, you can't clean today.
00:38:46Why not?
00:38:47Uh, I get a business meeting.
00:38:50Here.
00:38:51On Saturday?
00:38:52Yeah.
00:38:53What's that sound?
00:38:55I don't hear any noise, Ma.
00:38:56Sounds like somebody mumbling a dinner menu.
00:38:58Oh, that.
00:39:00That's the soap paste.
00:39:01He's watching soap operas.
00:39:02He loves them.
00:39:03He's always watching them.
00:39:04Doesn't sound like any of my soaps.
00:39:06Ma, this meeting's important.
00:39:07They're going to be here any minute, and I've got to get ready.
00:39:09And I'm not important.
00:39:11Of course you are, Ma.
00:39:13I travel all the way into Manhattan,
00:39:15take my life in my hands
00:39:17to clean my son's apartment,
00:39:19and what do I get?
00:39:20I'll tell you what I get.
00:39:21I get a broken heart.
00:39:23Ma.
00:39:24You don't care if my heart's broken, you bum!
00:39:28All right, clean, clean.
00:39:30I can't clean now.
00:39:31I'm too upset.
00:39:33If you don't hear from me in an hour, it means I'm mugged.
00:39:36Ma.
00:39:38I can't think about it.
00:39:40Oh, my post-it.
00:39:41Is that?
00:39:42Oh, no, I can't think about that yet.
00:39:45Oh, let's see.
00:39:46Oh, we need a notebook.
00:39:52Chicken parmesan with bubbling tomato sauce.
00:39:57And for dessert,
00:39:59Boston cream pie!
00:40:09What's happening?
00:40:12I can't hear.
00:40:15I'm going deaf.
00:40:18What's happening to me?
00:40:38Now that you've succeeded in your first conquest...
00:40:41But I didn't.
00:40:43You didn't? Really?
00:40:45Really.
00:40:46Let's review chapters one through five once again.
00:40:49Slowly.
00:40:57Unlucky son of a bitch.
00:41:04Miss Crenshaw.
00:41:06Would you come in here, please?
00:41:13Miss Crenshaw, I have something for you.
00:41:15No.
00:41:16What?
00:41:17No, and that's final.
00:41:19When you get us a fancy hotel room,
00:41:22maybe I'll think about it.
00:41:24And maybe I won't.
00:41:28Oh, and about that thing you called a raise...
00:41:32Keep it, you tightwad.
00:41:37Come on, Ralph, don't your parents ever go out?
00:41:40Oh, Ralph, what are we gonna do?
00:41:44Ralph!
00:41:46Hunger and lust are the two most important elements
00:41:50to man's and woman's survival.
00:41:52Often the female's appetite must be satisfied
00:41:55before she can become that wildly lustful animal
00:41:58you want her to be.
00:42:00You can always tell how sexual a woman will be
00:42:02by the way she eats.
00:42:04The heartier her desires for food,
00:42:06the more insatiable her needs for orgasmic fulfillment.
00:42:09And from the Hollywood hotline comes this exclusive tidbit.
00:42:12Playhouse magazine's sizzling new serial
00:42:15entitled The X-Rated Adventures of a New Jersey Casanova
00:42:18is creating quite a stir amongst the majors.
00:42:21Closed bids for the film rights to the sexual saga
00:42:24are at this very moment being looked at by Playhouse executives.
00:42:28This reporter wonders whether this material
00:42:30might be a little too hot for Tinseltown.
00:42:33And who is this New Jersey Casanova?
00:42:35Is he for real?
00:42:37And if he is and he's watching, I'm in the phone book.
00:42:40That'll be $36.80.
00:42:42Sounds like that ought to make some movie, huh?
00:42:45Smut. Nothing but smut.
00:42:49All set?
00:42:50Think so.
00:42:51Good.
00:42:52Yeah.
00:42:53Now be sure to watch for those telltale signs.
00:42:55That sly smile, the subtle compliments,
00:42:58and that erotic giggle.
00:43:01Yeah.
00:43:03Oh, Jesus.
00:43:15How you doing, Monica?
00:43:17Oh, not so good today.
00:43:19I'm really beat.
00:43:21Sorry to hear that.
00:43:23Why don't you come on in? Maybe I can fix you up.
00:43:32Come on.
00:43:42I wonder what he's up to.
00:43:43Tiny?
00:43:44Nothing.
00:43:46Can I take your phone?
00:43:48Oh, no, I don't think so.
00:43:50It's a little chilly in here.
00:43:52I'll turn the thermostat up.
00:43:54That ought to heat you right up.
00:43:55Now over 72 degrees.
00:43:5772 degrees.
00:44:03Oh, no support.
00:44:06Bad for the back.
00:44:08Well, I just bought this the other day.
00:44:10It's really kind of...
00:44:12You don't mind, do you?
00:44:14Not at all.
00:44:21Champagne?
00:44:22Oh, no, thank you.
00:44:25Do you have ginger?
00:44:27Yeah, sure.
00:44:30Here you go.
00:44:31Well, I guess this glass will do.
00:44:35Cheers.
00:44:42Monica, you look beautiful tonight.
00:44:44I know.
00:44:46So, you had a dance?
00:44:49No, not really.
00:44:51I'm not in the mood.
00:44:53I'm not in the mood.
00:44:56No, not really.
00:44:58I'm not in the mood.
00:45:00Well, we might as well get right to eating then, huh?
00:45:02What do you say?
00:45:04Be one.
00:45:06Are you sure I can't take you far?
00:45:08Oh, I'm sure.
00:45:26Hmm.
00:45:30Oh, aren't you going to join me?
00:45:32Yeah, sure.
00:45:40Okay.
00:45:45Uses up too much oxygen.
00:45:49Well, start right with eating then, huh?
00:45:52I'll start with my specialty, shrimp cocktail.
00:45:56I make the sauce from an old family recipe.
00:45:59You're going to love it.
00:46:01Oh, shrimp cocktail.
00:46:04I can't, Tony.
00:46:06It's just loaded with cholesterol.
00:46:10Sorry.
00:46:11Guess I wasn't thinking.
00:46:13Oh, that's okay.
00:46:15Well, we'll move right on to the salad then, huh?
00:46:17What kind of dressing would you like?
00:46:19Spicy Italian blue cheese.
00:46:21Thousand Island.
00:46:23Nothing.
00:46:24I'm on a diet.
00:46:27Italian for me?
00:46:29Nothing.
00:46:30Come on.
00:46:37Oh.
00:46:40That's...
00:46:42endive.
00:46:44And you don't eat endive.
00:46:48I don't eat endive.
00:46:53Move right to the entree then.
00:47:06I'm sure you're going to like this.
00:47:10It's, uh...
00:47:13It's raw.
00:47:15It's supposed to be.
00:47:17Steak tartare.
00:47:21Maybe you got a couple of hot dogs and some ketchup?
00:47:26Monica, may I ask you something?
00:47:31Sure. What is it?
00:47:34Monica.
00:47:36You accept an invitation from me to come to my apartment for dinner.
00:47:40You walk in here complaining how tired you are.
00:47:42You won't take off your fur because it's too chilly.
00:47:44You don't want champagne.
00:47:45You're not in the mood to dance.
00:47:46The appetizer's oozing cholesterol.
00:47:48You hate the salad.
00:47:49The entree's too raw.
00:47:50Then you ask...
00:47:51Then you ask me for a couple of hot dogs with ketchup.
00:47:53What's the matter with you, Monica?
00:47:55Don't you like anything?
00:47:57Yes.
00:47:58Well, what do you like?
00:48:01Well...
00:48:05I like to...
00:48:08What did you say?
00:48:09You heard me.
00:48:10No, I didn't.
00:48:11What did you say?
00:48:13There's only one little problem.
00:48:15What? What's the problem?
00:48:17I scream.
00:48:19That's all right. I don't mind.
00:48:21You don't mind what?
00:48:22And any mortal man might have called it a day.
00:48:25But not the New Jersey Casanova.
00:48:33Hello.
00:48:34Tony, this is your mother.
00:48:36Do you remember me?
00:48:38I'm the one who brought you into this world.
00:48:40Yeah, hi, Ma. What do you want?
00:48:42What do I want?
00:48:43I want my son's love.
00:48:45You never call me anymore.
00:48:47Ma, I just called you this morning.
00:48:49Tony, that was a long time ago.
00:48:52What is that shrieking?
00:48:54It's a wild animal show about the mating habits of the female bingo.
00:48:58Bingo?
00:49:00Tony, I'm worried about you.
00:49:02You're spending too much time by yourself.
00:49:04Yeah, you're right, Ma.
00:49:06I am? What channel is that animal show on?
00:49:09It's a cassette, Ma. I'll loan it to you sometime.
00:49:12Listen, I gotta go. I'll call you later, all right? Bye.
00:49:20Always be considerate of your sexual partner.
00:49:23It's your duty to help her reach an orgasm, too.
00:49:26What about me?
00:49:30Oh, Tony!
00:49:40See you later, Mom.
00:49:42Christina, don't be late for dinner.
00:49:44I won't.
00:49:46Hi.
00:49:47Hi, honey.
00:49:48Oh, Joe, turn that up. Maggie Mason's my favorite.
00:49:51My Hollywood Spy Report said Marky Bell,
00:49:54famous low-budget sexploitation film producer,
00:49:57is the winner in the Playhouse, New Jersey-Casanova bidding war.
00:50:01It is said he is about to ink a big deal with author Donald Cromeronik
00:50:05to bring the now-infamous Casanova stories to the big screen.
00:50:09Asked if the movie will carry an ex,
00:50:11Misty Eubel said,
00:50:13they'll have to redefine ex when I'm through.
00:50:16Who wants to watch trash like that?
00:50:36So, what's for dinner?
00:50:38Food.
00:50:46Can I help you?
00:50:48I think you're the one that needs the help.
00:50:51Yeah, I guess I do.
00:50:53Anyway, I'm quite capable of handing it myself. Thank you very much.
00:50:59I only meant to...
00:51:02Oh, Tony, I'm sorry if any champagne splashed at you at the restaurant.
00:51:06I love you so. I'll do anything for you.
00:51:09I dream of cooking your meals, of washing your clothes,
00:51:12of carrying your groceries, of donning your socks.
00:51:15I don't have holes in my socks,
00:51:18and I'm quite capable of handling the rest myself. Thank you.
00:51:22Oh, Tony, just one kiss. Tony, Tony, please.
00:51:25Farewell if you insist.
00:51:32Oh!
00:51:39You have reached the residence of Anthony Cataloghi.
00:51:42All lines are busy at the moment.
00:51:44Please leave your message after the signal. I love you.
00:51:49Hello? Hello?
00:51:51Hi, Anthony. Remember me?
00:51:54Yeah. How you doing?
00:51:57Oh, fine. I'm a little lonely.
00:52:00Wouldn't it be lovely to take a long walk on the beach tonight?
00:52:04Sure.
00:52:05There'll be a full moon.
00:52:07I could bring a bottle of wine.
00:52:10Chilled white wine.
00:52:12Oh, and our toes curling in the sand.
00:52:15Yeah, that would be great.
00:52:17I could bring a blanket, too.
00:52:19Oh, we don't need a blanket.
00:52:21We'll have the waves to caress our naked bodies.
00:52:24Oh, yeah. I'd like that a lot.
00:52:28Thank you, Anthony. I feel much better now.
00:52:32Have a nice evening.
00:52:34Wait! Oh, don't hang up.
00:52:38Damn.
00:52:58The only thing I like about your father working late
00:53:01is the fact that I can have the TV set on during dinner.
00:53:04But, Ma, he never works late.
00:53:05So I'll enjoy it this once.
00:53:07He said something about an out-of-town customer or something.
00:53:11Oh!
00:53:13Hey. Hey, Ma, that's my super.
00:53:15Mr. Grimronic, may I call you Donald?
00:53:18Oh, yeah, sure.
00:53:19Tell us, Donald, are you and the New Jersey Casanova one and the same?
00:53:24Come on, Donald, everyone's dying to know
00:53:27if your now-famous character is fact or fiction.
00:53:30Well, I'll never tell.
00:53:32Ma, the guy's a celebrity.
00:53:35I'll get it.
00:53:37Hello?
00:53:39Tony? Hi, it's Christina.
00:53:41Yeah, could you do me a favor and tell Mom
00:53:43I'm not gonna be home for dinner tonight?
00:53:45Yeah, I'm gonna have a bath.
00:53:47Okay. Thanks a lot, big brother.
00:53:51Is this clear?
00:53:53Come on.
00:54:02Drive on!
00:54:07Now what's the matter?
00:54:09It's my daughter, Ned Schmuck-Ralph.
00:54:11So?
00:54:12Sold! Headed to the apartment!
00:54:14All the nerve, asking me out
00:54:17when I'm not even getting paid.
00:54:19I canceled my nail appointment for this.
00:54:22Take me home, please,
00:54:24the same address we just came from.
00:54:33Who is this?
00:54:35Who cares? I need new characters anyway.
00:54:50Mr. Smith, this is the sex shop.
00:54:54Your order is ready to pick up now.
00:54:57Hi, this is Sherry.
00:54:59The only time I can make it this month
00:55:02is 9 o'clock tonight.
00:55:04I'll see you then. Bye.
00:55:06Damn! Ralph, it's 8.30.
00:55:08We gotta get out of here.
00:55:10Tony's gonna be back any minute.
00:55:12But Christina...
00:55:14Let's go, Ralph. Come on!
00:55:16Sorry, Mom. Something's come up.
00:55:18Call me tomorrow. That'll be the day.
00:55:20Please leave your message after the signal.
00:55:22I love you.
00:55:24This is Sherry again.
00:55:26On second thought, drop dead.
00:55:29Don't feel guilty about taking a day off.
00:55:32Singles, bars at night, or a zoo.
00:55:34Too much competition.
00:55:36In the daytime, you'll have your pick of the litter.
00:55:39This isn't the time for beating around the bush.
00:55:42Use that direct approach.
00:55:44Show them what you're made of.
00:55:46Hi, I'm Tony.
00:55:48I was admiring you from afar
00:55:50and I was wondering if, uh,
00:55:52maybe you might like to come over my apartment
00:55:54for a little romantic rendezvous.
00:55:56Bug off, creep!
00:55:58Yeah, right.
00:56:09Are you sure no one's gonna be here this time?
00:56:12Yeah! Tony's at work and Christina's at school.
00:56:16Well, this is nicer than a hotel, Joe.
00:56:19Um, yeah.
00:56:21And there's the bed!
00:56:23Yeah! A bed!
00:56:32If the direct approach doesn't work,
00:56:34try the hurt and innocent role.
00:56:36Many women love to play mother.
00:56:46Oh!
00:56:59Excuse me.
00:57:01Do you have a handkerchief?
00:57:03Uh, sure.
00:57:06What's the matter?
00:57:08Did somebody die or something?
00:57:10No, it's worse than that.
00:57:14Nobody loves me.
00:57:16Oh, don't say that.
00:57:18There's gotta be somebody in this world who loves you.
00:57:21Nobody.
00:57:23You poor baby.
00:57:26Why don't you buy Mama a piña colada
00:57:29and tell her all about it?
00:57:32All right.
00:57:34Bartender, two piñas.
00:57:38He's gonna be busy all night.
00:57:40Shh! Quiet, quiet. Come on.
00:57:55Mmm!
00:57:58Mmm! Mmm!
00:58:00Raph, a Murphy bed!
00:58:02Murphy who?
00:58:04Murphy who?
00:58:06Never mind, Raph. Come on.
00:58:13Ooh!
00:58:15Oh, Raph.
00:58:17Alone at last.
00:58:19Privacy.
00:58:23So I get off work early,
00:58:25buy her a dozen red roses,
00:58:27her favorite perfume,
00:58:29and a box of chocolate-covered cherries and juice.
00:58:32Oh, go on, sugar. Get it all out.
00:58:37I come home to our little love nest to surprise her,
00:58:40and she was there.
00:58:43Go on. Go on.
00:58:47She was showing off her ankle bracelets to two sailors.
00:58:51Oh, poor baby.
00:58:53I know just what you need.
00:58:55You need a woman to take you home and comfort you.
00:58:58Yeah, now.
00:59:00Oh, no, I can't. I'm here with my girlfriend.
00:59:03Uh, unless you don't mind her joining us.
00:59:06You mean a threesome?
00:59:08No, a menage a trois.
00:59:11Oh, right. Where is she?
00:59:14Sheila! Sheila, come here.
00:59:23Let's go.
00:59:26Oh, Raph, those pecs.
00:59:29You're not only sexy, but you've got talent.
00:59:35Oh, my God. We're off. Grab her clothes.
00:59:38No.
00:59:41Uh, no. Come on.
00:59:44No.
00:59:47Not bad, Sheila.
00:59:49Think it'll do, Sheila?
00:59:51It'll be fine.
00:59:53It'll be fun.
00:59:55Yeah? Yeah? You like it?
01:00:04Oh, check this out.
01:00:06This is my great-grandmother.
01:00:08Great. I didn't miss a thing.
01:00:11All right. We'll get time for that later.
01:00:14Look at this. Look at this.
01:00:16Check this out.
01:00:18This is my stereo system. I put it in myself. See?
01:00:21It's got a little accent here. You like that?
01:00:23Yeah, it's great.
01:00:27Is Tony Cannelloni about?
01:00:30No, he called in sick today.
01:00:32Sick? Can I use your phone?
01:00:35Use the one on Tony's desk.
01:00:47I'll get it.
01:00:49We don't want any disturbances, Tony, darling.
01:00:52Hit it, Sheila.
01:00:54Oh, my God.
01:00:56Oh, my God.
01:00:58Something wrong?
01:01:00It was ringing nicely, and then...
01:01:02I don't know. Thank you for letting me use the phone.
01:01:04Sure.
01:01:06I think there's been some mistake.
01:01:08There's no mistake.
01:01:10Uh...
01:01:12Hey, how about a drink? Yeah.
01:01:15Oh, my God.
01:01:17This is positively kinky.
01:01:21Taxi! Taxi!
01:01:23Isn't he cute?
01:01:25I love guys that wear bracelets.
01:01:28My money's in my wallet.
01:01:30It's in my back pocket.
01:01:32It's not your money we're interested in.
01:01:34It's not?
01:01:36We're interested in you.
01:01:38Are you ready, Sheila? Yeah.
01:01:40One, two, three!
01:01:47Oh, my God.
01:01:53Oh, my God.
01:02:03Oh, God, this is the best time yet.
01:02:05Oh, Holly...
01:02:11Boy, Big Brother had me fooled.
01:02:13There are two ladies in question.
01:02:17I got a little out of hand.
01:02:19So you're gonna be uncooperative, huh?
01:02:25Oh!
01:02:27All for you!
01:02:29Why, thank you!
01:02:31Oh, so beautiful.
01:02:34Thumbs away!
01:02:37Oh, no!
01:02:39Sheila!
01:02:41You're such beautiful.
01:02:43The actions I've never seen.
01:02:47Don't break that!
01:02:49One, two, three!
01:02:54The cleaning bill.
01:02:56My God, he's gonna wreck that apartment.
01:02:58But who cares?
01:03:00After all,
01:03:02he's the New Jersey...
01:03:04Casa...
01:03:06Nova.
01:03:17Oh, thank you.
01:03:21Good job.
01:03:26Time to go get my keys.
01:03:29Let's go!
01:03:31Super.
01:03:33Good job.
01:03:35Hello?
01:03:37Mom, don't do it!
01:03:41Tony?
01:03:43Who are you?
01:03:45Oh, my God!
01:03:47Oh, no, nothing really happened.
01:03:49Who are you calling?
01:03:51The police!
01:03:53Oh, no, you're not!
01:03:55Oh, yes, I am!
01:03:57All right, freeze!
01:03:59Hands up!
01:04:01Wait a minute, you don't understand!
01:04:05Oh, my baby, I'm feeling my baby.
01:04:07Wait a minute, you don't know
01:04:09what to do with my life!
01:04:11Let me just explain!
01:04:13Wait a minute!
01:04:15Hey, Rhonda, we got company!
01:04:17Ah!
01:04:19Oh, my God!
01:04:25Hands up!
01:04:27Don't shoot, don't shoot!
01:04:29Dad!
01:04:31Joseph!
01:04:35Where the hell is the fire?
01:04:37Fire? Where's the fire?
01:04:39Christina!
01:04:41Christina!
01:04:43He can't! He can't!
01:04:45They'll find out who he is!
01:04:47I won't let you have him!
01:04:49They'll never know who he is!
01:04:51Who is he?
01:04:53Who is he?
01:04:55He's the New Jersey Casanova!
01:04:57Me?
01:04:59Oops.
01:05:01The New Jersey Casanova?
01:05:03Oh!
01:05:05Mom!
01:05:11Mom!
01:05:13Mom!
01:05:15Mom!
01:05:17Mom!
01:05:19Mom!
01:05:21Mom!
01:05:23Mom!
01:05:25Mom!
01:05:27Mom!
01:05:29Mom!
01:05:31Mom!
01:05:33Mom!
01:05:35Mom!
01:05:37Mom!
01:05:39Mom!
01:05:45Mom!
01:05:57Mom!
01:06:05If you've reached this
01:06:07last page and still don't have sex appeal? Don't despair. You still have several other
01:06:13options. Like what? Perhaps the priesthood is more to your calling. Or maybe you should
01:06:18visit your friendly neighborhood gay bar. Thanks a lot.
01:06:26You have reached the residence of Anthony Cannelloni. All lines are busy at the moment.
01:06:31Tony. Tony, are you there? Hi. You sound blue.
01:06:36Try dark black. That bad, huh? Sounds like you could use some cheering
01:06:41up. I don't think that's possible. Well, maybe I could come over and...
01:06:46Well, I don't think that's possible. Well, maybe I could come over and...
01:06:51Look, why don't you just call someone else? I'm just not in the mood to be teased anymore.
01:06:56I'm not teasing, Tony. You're not?
01:07:01Uh-uh. I'll be right over. But...
01:07:06Look at this place. I'll never be able to get it fixed up in time.
01:07:11Oh, that's the youth. She won't come anyway.
01:07:17Oh, that's the youth. She won't come anyway.
01:07:32Oh, Tony, please.
01:07:37I'm sorry. I was expecting somebody else. Me.
01:07:43You mean you've been the girl on the phone all along?
01:08:03See? I told you so. Patience. Patience.
01:08:08Like I always say, whenever I...