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00:00["Stick a Pony in Me Pocket"]
00:30Why do only foes and horses work?
00:33La la la la
00:35La la la la la
00:37La la la la la
00:44That Sidney Potter's a good actor, ain't he Rodney?
00:48He was marvellous in Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.
00:52Yeah, knockout grandad.
00:55Sidney Potter?
00:57Yeah, you know him. Always plays the black fella.
01:02Sidney Poitier.
01:04Sidney Potter.
01:06It's Poitier.
01:07It's Potter.
01:08It's bloody Poitier, I'm telling you.
01:10And I'm telling you it's bloody Potter.
01:13You two at it again, are you?
01:15Dill, how do you pronounce that fella's name on the telly? Sidney Poitier or Sidney Potter?
01:19Personally, I pronounce it Harry Belafonte, but you two please adjust.
01:24You daft old sod, it was Harry Belafonte all along.
01:28Well I wonder why Sidney Potter kept bursting into song.
01:32I don't like Harry Belafonte.
01:35Sivuple, Sivuple, what an enigma.
01:38I get better looking every day.
01:40Can't wait for tomorrow.
01:43Do you know, I think I'm suffering from something incurable.
01:49Still never mind, eh?
01:51Come on, Rodney, shake a leg, we've got a meeting at twelve. What are you doing now?
01:54Our accounts.
01:56You're keeping accounts now?
01:59Well, there you are, Grandad.
02:01A lot of people told me I was the right dipstick to make my brother a partner in the business.
02:06But this only goes to prove how bloody right they were.
02:09You dozy little twonk, Rodney.
02:12This is prima facie evidence, isn't it, eh?
02:14The taxman gets hold of that, it puts us away for three years.
02:17Don't worry, if a taxman comes, I'll eat it.
02:19It's the only way I'll keep a check on you, Dil.
02:21I'm sure you're cheating me in some way, I just can't figure out how.
02:24Cheating you? Cheating you?
02:27What's that rumbling noise?
02:29I didn't hear nothing.
02:30No, it's alright, it's Mum turning in her grave.
02:32Oh, don't start that again, Dil.
02:35It's obvious you're stitching me up.
02:37Look at you, you have three or four changes of clothes a day.
02:40Me, I've got one suit come from an almost new shop.
02:42It gets embarrassing sometimes.
02:44Oh, I embarrass you, do I?
02:47You got room to talk.
02:49You have been nothing but an embarrassment to me
02:51from the moment you was born.
02:53You couldn't be like any other little brother, could you, eh,
02:55and come along a couple of years later after me.
02:57Oh, no, no, not you.
02:58You had to wait 13 years.
03:00So while all the other mods were having punch-ups down at Southend
03:04and going to the Who concerts, I was at home babysitting.
03:08I could never get your oyster milk stains out of me Ben Shermans.
03:14I used to find rusts in me hush puppies.
03:17Dil, I couldn't help when I was born.
03:19Oh, there you go, there you are, you see.
03:21It's any excuse with you, innit, eh?
03:23What do you think about poor old Mum, then, eh?
03:25Do you know that she was 39 when she fell for you, eh?
03:28For the first three months of her pregnancy,
03:30you were treated as an ulcer.
03:34To this day, I sometimes think the original diagnosis was correct.
03:39Yuck.
03:40Eh, come on.
03:42What sort of bloke do you think I am, eh?
03:44Cheat me own brother?
03:46Come on, Rodney, I've told you before, haven't I, eh?
03:48It's everything between you and I split straight down the middle.
03:5160-40, eh?
03:54Yeah, well, explain this to me, then, Dil.
03:57How do we manage to pay for the light, gas and rent in this place, eh?
04:00I mean, take last week. We went to the auction, right?
04:02We bought a grosser disposable light as a Space Invaders game,
04:06two facial saunas, five water-damaged sleeping bags
04:09and a moonroof for a Peugeot, right?
04:11Then we swapped the lot for a vanload of one-legged turkeys.
04:14They was not one-legged turkeys. They was damaged turkeys.
04:17How many legs did they have, Dil?
04:19I'm in no mood for trick questions.
04:22Anyway, you ain't put down a VAT.
04:24We don't pay VAT.
04:25I know, but we collect it, though, don't we, eh?
04:27All right, Rodney, all right.
04:29Look, so we don't pay VAT.
04:31We don't pay income tax or national insurance.
04:34On the other hand, we don't claim dole money,
04:37Social Security, supplementary benefit, do we, eh?
04:41The government don't give us nothing,
04:43so we don't give the government nothing.
04:45What are you complaining about?
04:47Look, I'm 23. I'd like to think I had some sort of a career.
04:51You're self-unemployed. That's a career, innit?
04:54I'm selling hankies from a suitcase in Oxford Street.
04:57I want something better than that, Dil.
04:59All right, all right. In future, you can do Regent Street.
05:03Come on.
05:04Cheers.
05:07And it's poitier.
05:08What about?
05:09It's poitier!
05:15Hello, Dil.
05:16Hello, darling, how are you? All right? Good.
05:22Do you realise we've always had something missing in our lives?
05:25First we was marvellous, then we was fabulous,
05:27now we're flogging one-legged turkeys from a three-wheeled van.
05:31Little acorns.
05:32You got one of them missing as well, Dil?
05:34No.
05:35Marks and Spencer started off with a Barra.
05:37At least they had four wheels.
05:38Stop going on about that van, will you?
05:40Morning, Galboyt.
05:41Bonjour, Joycey.
05:42Two half-pints of your finest low-carbohydrate beer.
05:45Thank you. Thank you, John.
05:46Do you want it in glasses?
05:47Yes, please, otherwise it dribbles through your fingers.
05:51I mean, do you want it in glasses or jugs?
05:54As long as it is served by your fair hands, Joycey,
05:56we'd drink it out of a pair of Yvon Gouligan's old tennis boots.
06:01Look at that.
06:02Charm like laser beams, eh, Rodney?
06:04Knocks them bandy.
06:05Yeah.
06:06It's your ready-wit and three-wheeled van that blows their minds.
06:09Yeah.
06:10I suppose I am full of the old Bellespree, really, aren't I?
06:13Actually, I quite like old Joycey.
06:15I mean, fair play, she's a bit of an old dog, but...
06:17There again, you know, I quite like old dogs.
06:20I mean, you know where you are with them, don't you, eh?
06:22They never ask you if you still respect them in the morning,
06:25and always lend you a knicker for petrol, you know.
06:29I like this life, though, don't you, Rodders, eh?
06:31Ducking and diving, wheeling and dealing, you know.
06:33It's exciting, isn't it? Unpredictable.
06:36You know, in this game, you can go out in the morning
06:38with 50 pence in your pocket...
06:40And come home at night skinned.
06:41Exactly, yeah.
06:44I'm thinking of getting a job, Dale.
06:46Eh?
06:47What chance have you got of getting a job?
06:50Do leave it out.
06:52Have you heard that? You heard that, Joycey?
06:54He's only thinking of getting a job, isn't he?
06:56Job, eh?
06:57I've got GCEs.
06:59I took that year's course at the art college in Basingstoke.
07:02Yes, I know you took a year's course,
07:04but you got expelled after three weeks, didn't you, eh?
07:06The Board of Governors were doing their annual inspection
07:09and found you camped in your little room
07:11with the biggest reefer this side of Marrakesh
07:13zonked out on your bed with some Chinese tarp.
07:15It was not Chinese tarp.
07:17Well, Chinese, Japanese, it's all the same to me.
07:19Anyway, all right, all right.
07:20Suppose you go for a job and you go for the interview, eh?
07:22What are you going to say to the manager?
07:24You're going to say,
07:26Yeah, I've got two GCEs, an 18-month suspended sentence
07:30and I know a good joint when I puff one.
07:34No, your feet won't touch, brav.
07:36No.
07:38No, I'm afraid not, Rodney.
07:39At the ripe old age of 23, you are a social leper.
07:44Society has placed you in the darkest corner of its deepest cellar
07:48to grow moss.
07:50It'll be forgotten about.
07:55Still, never mind, eh?
07:56The evil of France, as they say in Rome.
07:58No need to get depressed.
08:00Oh, no need depressed?
08:01No, of course not, Del.
08:02I'm on top of the world.
08:03I feel like a born-again eunuch.
08:07I think I'll apply for a mail-order course with Exit.
08:11That's a good idea, Rodney.
08:12Never say die.
08:16Ah, there he is.
08:17Oi, Trigger.
08:18You know my brother, don't you, eh?
08:20Yeah, of course I do.
08:21How are you going, Dave?
08:22Sorry I'm late, Del boy.
08:24I had to pop round my sister's to arrange an alibi for next Thursday.
08:27Oi, Nick.
08:28Del.
08:29Del.
08:30What?
08:31Why do they call him Trigger?
08:32Does he carry a gun?
08:33No, it's because he looks like a horse.
08:37Listen, me and Trigger have got some business to discuss, like,
08:41you know what I mean?
08:42OK?
08:43So you get the drinks, meet us back here over by the table, all right?
08:45Oh, aye, sir.
08:46Anything you say, sir.
08:47Where are me daughter, sir?
08:49OK.
08:53No, no.
08:54Very clever kid, you know, my brother.
08:55Yeah.
08:56He's got two GCEs.
08:57One in maths, one in art.
08:58Oh.
08:59You want to see him when he writes a letter.
09:00Some of the words he uses.
09:01What, long ones?
09:02Well, they're like that, you know, some of them.
09:05Anyway, what are you selling?
09:06This.
09:07I've got 25 of them all told.
09:09The others are in the car.
09:10I thought I won't wrap it up.
09:12Parcels attract attention these days.
09:14Best to carry it openly.
09:15Then it don't look conspicuous.
09:19Oh, yeah.
09:20Yeah, that's good thinking, that trick.
09:22Yeah, very good thinking.
09:23Goes so well with your slingback Wellington boots
09:25and your off-the-shoulder donkey jacket.
09:27You look like an executive hod carrier.
09:31Oi, Rogers, what do you think that is?
09:33Infratig, innit, eh?
09:35It's plastics.
09:37Plastics.
09:39It's old English vinyl.
09:43Combination locks.
09:44Yeah.
09:45Dinky little handle.
09:46I don't know.
09:47Might be able to push some of them round the old squash clubs, eh?
09:50Shouldn't have anything to do with them, Del.
09:52Police most probably looking for them right now.
09:55Tell us the truth.
09:56How do police look over these things, Trigg?
09:58No, they're not, Del.
09:59And that's the truth.
10:00Why are you hiding it under the table, then?
10:02Well, cos you never know when they're going to start looking for them, do you?
10:07Oi, shh.
10:08Stoom.
10:09Oi, we're partners.
10:10At least respect my opinion.
10:12All right, Rodney, I'll respect your opinion.
10:15How much?
10:16You, Del Boy, £17 each.
10:21You know what happened to the real Trigger, don't you?
10:23Roy Rogers had him stuffed.
10:27All right, then, 14.
10:2814.
10:29Leave it out.
10:31Five.
10:32Twelve.
10:34Six.
10:35Ten.
10:36Nine.
10:37Eight.
10:38Done.
10:39That's the way to do business, Dave.
10:42Right, OK, Trigg, let's work that out.
10:44Eight times 25 equals 175, OK?
10:48200.
10:49What?
10:50No, no, Rodney, no, no, no.
10:51The calculator says 175, all right?
10:53Yeah, but he's got GCEs in maths and art.
10:55So what does that prove?
10:56He can paint by numbers.
10:59No, Trigg, I mean, this is a calculator, isn't it?
11:01You know what I mean?
11:02Look, the calculator says 175.
11:04You can't argue with a calculator, can you?
11:06Give it here.
11:07Rodney.
11:0825 times 8 equals 200, see?
11:14Ah, yeah.
11:15Look at that.
11:16I must have got my finger stuck on a button, yeah.
11:18He and his fingers do.
11:20Yeah, yeah.
11:21You want to look after them, Rodney.
11:23They break very easily.
11:30You've got to see them to believe them, Spiros.
11:33Yeah.
11:34Eh?
11:35I don't know. Hang on a minute.
11:36Oi, Grandad, where were they made?
11:39Don't say.
11:40There's some Chinese writing on them, though.
11:43No, no, no.
11:44Don't actually give the makers names, Spiros.
11:46But then again, the best ones never do, do they?
11:48You know what I mean?
11:49Yeah.
11:50How's it going?
11:51That's about the 15th.
11:52Briefcase is sold.
11:53Phone call is made.
11:55Yeah.
11:56Yeah, well, I'll get in while the going's good if I were you, Spiros.
11:58I've only got 25 left.
12:00Eh?
12:01This is a cheeseburger.
12:03I asked for an emperor burger.
12:05Couldn't afford an emperor burger.
12:07He got me a cheeseburger.
12:09What?
12:10I asked him for an emperor burger.
12:13And he brings me back a cheeseburger.
12:15Hang on a minute, Spiros, will you?
12:17Just hang on.
12:18What's he on about now?
12:19He asked me to get him an emperor burger,
12:20but I couldn't afford it, so I got him a cheeseburger.
12:23Bloody emperor burgers and cheeseburgers.
12:25I'm trying to do a deal here.
12:26Now, shut up, will you?
12:27No, no, not you, Spiros.
12:28No, no, me old mate.
12:30All right.
12:31Now, how many of these briefcases can I put you down for?
12:33Eh?
12:34Ha!
12:35None.
12:36Right, thanks.
12:37Great.
12:38Yeah, all right.
12:39I'll see you around.
12:40I told you the best thing to do with them cases, didn't I?
12:42Chuck them in the river.
12:43Chuck them in the river.
12:44Chuck them in the river.
12:45That's our profit you're talking about.
12:47What do you think this is, a nationalised industry?
12:50He knows I hate cheese.
12:52Will you stop going on about that rotten cheeseburger, will you?
12:55Ah!
12:56Dougie Sadler.
12:58He owns the stationers in the high street.
13:00He's our boy, Rodders.
13:01I don't know why he bothers.
13:03He's a trier, isn't he?
13:04Your dad always said that one day Del Boy would reach the top.
13:08There again he used to say that one day Millwall would win the cup.
13:14Hello?
13:15Dougie?
13:16Del Boy?
13:17How's you up, pal?
13:18Good.
13:19Family?
13:20Super.
13:21Dougie, look, I'm phoning about some briefcases.
13:26Yeah?
13:27Go on.
13:28What a choker.
13:3025 of them Nick from his shop last week.
13:34Ross!
13:35No, no.
13:36No, no, I'm not trying to sell any.
13:37No, no, no.
13:38No, I wanted to buy some, you see.
13:39Yeah.
13:40I got this contact in the stock exchange.
13:43Yeah.
13:44By the way, Dougie, old pal, I mean, what were you selling them for?
13:49What do you mean they were rejects?
13:51Oh, beautiful.
13:52We bought a consignment of rejects.
13:54Well, what was wrong with them, Nick?
13:56Oh, yeah.
13:57Oh, I see, yeah.
13:58Yeah, I mean, he'd be daft enough to nick them, eh?
14:02He'd be stupid enough to buy them.
14:05Yeah, I know.
14:06I know.
14:10I'll pop down and see you next week when you've got some more in, OK?
14:13Yeah.
14:14Bye-bye, Doug.
14:15See you around.
14:19All right.
14:20So what's wrong with them?
14:22Open one.
14:24What's the combination?
14:26Nose, sod, nose.
14:27That's why they're rejects.
14:31There must be a bit of paper with them giving you the combination.
14:34Yes, there is.
14:35It's inside the briefcase, isn't it?
14:38Caught up at the factory.
14:40Nice going, Del Boy.
14:42You have bought 25 executive briefcases that can only be opened by professional safe-crackers.
14:47This makes the one-legged turkey deal look shrewd, doesn't it?
14:51All right.
14:52All right, Rodney.
14:53That's the way I'm made, isn't it, eh?
14:54You know, crash in and to hell with the consequences.
14:56He who dares wins.
14:58I had a French overwork for people like me.
15:00Yeah, the English have got a couple of good ones in them.
15:03I told you all along not to touch him, didn't I?
15:05Yeah, all right, all right.
15:06OK, well, it's nothing to do with you, is it?
15:08But we're partners, aren't we?
15:11Oh.
15:13Oh, I see.
15:14The truth's coming out now.
15:16Well, come on, Del.
15:17Let's have it out in the open, then.
15:18How do you see our respective roles in this partnership?
15:22I see it as a combination of my business acumen, contacts and money
15:26and your ability to drive a three-wheel van.
15:28Badly.
15:30Well, did you see yourself in a different role?
15:32Oh, yes, I did.
15:33With my qualifications,
15:35I saw myself in the capacity of a financial adviser.
15:39A financial adviser!
15:41Bonjour, Trieste!
15:43You are beautiful, you are, Rodney.
15:46Today, I just about clinched a deal to buy these briefcases for £175
15:52when my financial adviser stuck his nose in
15:56and advised me to pay £200, right?
15:59And having paid the £200,
16:02my financial adviser then advised me to chuck the bleeding lot in the river.
16:07Now, with financial advisers like that,
16:09who needs a bleeding recession?
16:12What kind of a financial adviser goes out to buy an Emperor burger
16:16and comes back with a cheeseburger?
16:19Will you stop going on about that ruddy cheeseburger?
16:22For God's... Eat it, will you?
16:24Get off him!
16:26It's against the law to force-feed a senior citizen with a cheeseburger
16:29and you know he hates them.
16:30Well, what did you buy it for him for?
16:32It's all I could afford!
16:34You make my life a misery, you do.
16:36Here, boy, just a moment.
16:38What was that last remark about me making your life a misery?
16:41Yeah.
16:42Well, you do, Del,
16:44with your overbearing, overprotective manner.
16:54LAUGHTER
17:04Let me remind you, Rodney,
17:07that you were a six-year-old little nipper
17:10when God smiled on Mum and made her die.
17:13Two months after that, Dad packed his bags
17:15and left us to fend for ourselves.
17:18It was me that kept us together.
17:21Nothing to do with Grandad.
17:23He was an out-of-work lamplighter waiting for gas to make a comeback.
17:30I grafted 19, 20 hours a day to put groceries on that table.
17:34All right, it wasn't always double legal,
17:36but you ate the finest food that was going.
17:39All you ever give me was TV dinners and convenience foods.
17:42If it wasn't frozen or dehydrated, we didn't eat it.
17:45If you'd have been in charge of a last supper,
17:47it would have been a takeaway.
17:51Well, anything was better than the salmonella and chips
17:55that Grandad used to knock out.
17:59Del...
18:03Look, don't get me wrong.
18:06I'm... I'm grateful.
18:08I don't want your gratitude, ungrateful little git.
18:13I don't know what is the matter with you, Rodney.
18:16Sometimes I hesitate to tell people that you're my brother.
18:19Well, I always say I'm your social worker.
18:22Look, do you mind telling me exactly what it is
18:25that has made your life a misery?
18:27Well, you've always treated me like a child, didn't you?
18:30I was the only sixth-former in my grammar school who wore short trousers.
18:34Yeah, well, I got them cheap, didn't I?
18:36I was 15, Del.
18:38I was growing hairs and things.
18:40My legs were like Italian footballers.
18:43And you never let me do anything on my own, do you?
18:46You even had to hurt me with my GCE students.
18:49You passed in two subjects.
18:51I failed in the other eight, Del.
18:53I mean, you embarrassed me.
18:55That's why I never bring women home.
18:57Oh, you know some women, do you?
18:59Cool, that's a turn-up for the book.
19:01The only bird I've ever heard you mention
19:03was old Shanghai Lil from the art college in Basingstoke.
19:06Even then you had to drug her before you'd get your leg over.
19:09No, I didn't.
19:11What, you didn't drug her or didn't get your leg over?
19:15You're suffocating me, Del.
19:17I'm getting out of this house.
19:19I'm going to prove to you I can survive on my own.
19:22I'm going in a pub.
19:24What, to prove you can survive on your own?
19:26No, to get legless.
19:28I don't need you no more, Del.
19:30I don't need you for nothing.
19:44Del, um...
19:46I was just... I was just, um, wondering...
19:58I think he's very much like you, Grandad.
20:01What, dignified in defeat?
20:04No, a ponce.
20:09No, no, I'm sure these can't be the ones they're looking for.
20:12No, no, I wouldn't do that to a mate, now would I, eh?
20:16No, don't you say nothing to him, you woolly.
20:18I mean, you can't trust the old Bill, can you?
20:21Look at that time when they planted six gas cookers in my bedroom.
20:24Yeah. Yeah, all right.
20:27Don't worry, OK, I'll see you around.
20:32Rodney?
20:33Where was you first thing this morning?
20:36I was out trying to sell these things, weren't I?
20:38Did you call Rodney?
20:40No, I thought I'd let him lie in and sleep his hangover off.
20:43Is he still in bed?
20:45No, he's gone.
20:47Gone?
20:48Packed his rucksack and have it away on his toes.
20:51Gone? What do you mean, gone? Where's he gone?
20:53Hong Kong.
20:54Hong Kong? What do you mean, Hong Kong?
20:57Hong Kong. It's in China.
21:00I know where Hong Kong is.
21:02What I want to know is, what's Rodney doing there?
21:04Said he was going to hitchhike there to see that bird from the art college.
21:07True, Shanghai li'l, but she's in Basingstoke.
21:09So what's Mastermind doing on the road to Hong Kong?
21:11No, that's where she is now.
21:14She got deported after the drugs trial.
21:17Here, just a minute.
21:19What did you do, say, or cook for him that was so awful it forced him to leave?
21:23It weren't me, it was that row last night.
21:26He's gone to prove his self.
21:29Prove his self?
21:31No.
21:33Just one of Rodney's little games, that's all.
21:36He'd never reach Hong Kong.
21:38He has trouble finding Clapham.
21:40He seemed very determined.
21:42Oh, didn't you do anything?
21:44Well, yeah. I made him some sandwiches.
21:48And he took them.
21:50Blimey, this is worse than I thought.
21:53No, wait a minute.
21:55He ain't got no money.
21:57He took his post office book with him.
21:59Can't you go and search for him?
22:02He's been gone about seven hours.
22:04The farthest he could have got is France.
22:06That's all right. We got him cornered then, didn't we?
22:09Bring up Interpol.
22:11Interpol. I'll get more joy out of Interflora.
22:14But he might be in danger.
22:16You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
22:19I'm sorry, I don't know the French for pranny.
22:23Hong Kong.
22:25I mean, Hong Kong.
22:27Why didn't he tell me where he was going?
22:30He could have taken these bleeding things back, would he?
23:01I'm sorry, I don't know the French for pranny.
23:04You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
23:07I'm sorry, I don't know the French for pranny.
23:10You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
23:13I'm sorry, I don't know the French for pranny.
23:16You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
23:19I'm sorry, I don't know the French for pranny.
23:22You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
23:25I'm sorry, I don't know the French for pranny.
23:28You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
23:31I'm sorry, I don't know the French for pranny.
23:34You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
23:37I'm sorry, I don't know the French for pranny.
23:40You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
23:43I'm sorry, I don't know the French for pranny.
23:46You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
23:49I'm sorry, I don't know the French for pranny.
23:52You can explain to him what Rodney's like.
23:56BELL DOOR BUZZES
24:07A, 2, S, 2, Enter.
24:10Illegal, move.
24:16A, 2, B, 2, Enter, illegal, move.
24:21This thing still ain't working properly.
24:23working properly. That's because you're playing draughts on it. It's a talking chess game.
24:27You can't play draughts on a talking chess game. Why not? Because you're supposed to
24:32play chess on it, that's why it's called a talking chess game. Have you blown the microchip
24:36twice trying to huff the rook and what have you? It's supposed to have an electronic brain.
24:42It has got an electronic brain, but it didn't know it was going to have the misfortune to
24:46fall in the hands of a soppy old duffer who wanted to play draughts on it, did it? But
24:51I can't play chess. Why don't they invent a talking draughts game? Because if they did,
24:57you'd most probably want to play bloody Ludo on it.
25:00Dear old boy. Oh, Rodney. Rodney's back, Dale. Look, he's here. Are you hungry, Rodney?
25:16Starving. I haven't eaten for two days. Shall I cook you something? No, no. No, no. A cup
25:22of tea, perhaps? Old place don't change much? No. Same as ever? Oh, it's really good to
25:37be back, Dale. Do you think you're overdoing the prodigal's return a bit? You've only been
25:51gone six days. Well, it might seem like six days to you, Dale, but to me it seemed more
25:55like a week. I take it you didn't reach Hong Kong. How far did you get? South of France,
26:03Saint-Tropez. Saint-Tropez? Very Mal-de-Mars. What are birds like? Mostly French. I met
26:15one English girl there, Veronica. Her father's a millionaire tax exile. Tax exile, is he?
26:22Well, he got a boat, had he? Parked out in the bay. Yacht anchored offshore, yeah. They
26:30invited me over for dinner one night. Didn't go, though. Still had some of Grandad's sandwiches
26:35left, did you? No. No, that night I packed me bags and headed home. I was home sick,
26:42see. I missed that. Must be joking. The only people who ever missed that was the ruddy
26:48Luftwaffe. It may not be much to you, Dale, but to me it's got a raw and savage beauty,
26:56I've got artist's eyes, Dale. Yes, you've got pianist's fingers, Italian footballer's legs.
27:00Ever thought of applying for a disability allowance? I know you'll never understand
27:06what I mean, Dale, but you've got to suffer paradise before you can realise what you left
27:11behind. Your own, your family. Your passport. Your passport. You knew, didn't you? You let me go
27:22for all that and all the time you knew. Where did you find it? Top of your wardrobe. We were
27:28expecting a visit from the local gendarmes and I thought I'd better check out just in case you'd
27:32left any of that exotic tobacco lying about. I knew it was just a moody Rodney. I told Grandad
27:38it was just one of Rodney's little games. It must be wonderful to be you, Dale. To always be right.
27:43I know. Gets a bit embarrassing at times. I'll tell you another thing, shall I, Rodney?
27:49You said that I would never ever get rid of them briefcases.
27:52And you did, didn't you, Dale? Yes, I did. Chucked a bleeding lot in the river.
27:59Nah. You threw them all in the river? Yep, every last one of them. They floated.
28:05That was a bit unforeseen. Probably round in Tilbury about now.
28:11200 quid down a swanny, eh? Well, in this case, a tent.
28:16Centrepay. How far did you really get? Shangri-La, Dorset, Stoke, Newington.
28:25Shared a room with some cholera cultures. You're moving.
28:40Well, what do you fancy? Shall we go down to pub and act stupid or
28:47shall we sail across to Veronica's dad's yacht for tiffin? Nah. Best not go to the yacht.
28:54Might bump into those bloody briefcases halfway, eh?
29:40Long live Hooky Street, Saint Magnifique, Hooky Street, Magnifique, Hooky Street, Hooky Street.