The Dirty 30 _ Full Romantic Comedy
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Short filmTranscript
00:02:00What up, man?
00:02:01Got your mail, bro.
00:02:06Don't you have a family to go home to?
00:02:08Some kids, you know, something like that?
00:02:11Why do you always stop out here?
00:02:13First of all, before I answer that question,
00:02:15what the hell are you doing with these calendars, man?
00:02:16You up there trying to take over the world?
00:02:19You trying to conjure some demons?
00:02:20And yes, I do have a family to go home to.
00:02:22But why do I want to go home to a napping, harping,
00:02:25annoying, complaining-ass wife asking me to do stuff
00:02:27around the house all the time like I'm
00:02:29some married man or something, all right?
00:02:31I'm going to be with this woman for the rest of my life,
00:02:32all right, my life.
00:02:34Sometimes I need a break, man.
00:02:37Every day.
00:02:38Listen, the candles are for my ambiance
00:02:41when I'm in my complete solitude.
00:02:45And secondly, see, that's exactly what I don't want.
00:02:47That's why I stay single, because I don't
00:02:50need any headaches right now.
00:02:51OK, you say that now.
00:02:52But one day, my friend, you're going to wake up
00:02:54and you're going to want that headache.
00:02:57Oh, never mind.
00:02:59You've still got that headache, man.
00:03:00Why you still call that girl?
00:03:01Was the ass that good?
00:03:02Stop it, please, all right?
00:03:06It's Lisa.
00:03:07She's a good girl.
00:03:08You know, we were just young and we made a few mistakes.
00:03:11Mistakes, my ass.
00:03:13Listen, man, somebody living your life from day to day
00:03:18with no explanation is not a mistake.
00:03:20It's not a mistake.
00:03:21You coming home, finding your girl face down, ass up,
00:03:24telling her, ooh, baby, I'm sorry I landed like this
00:03:25in the bed is not a mistake.
00:03:27And not to mention, all right, that she
00:03:29was with her so-called best friend, who
00:03:31was her ex-boyfriend while you was in the hospital
00:03:33having surgery.
00:03:35That's not a mistake.
00:03:36Listen, I'm only telling you this because I love you, man.
00:03:38Lisa's not the one.
00:03:40Move on.
00:03:40I have moved on.
00:03:41Really, you moved on?
00:03:42How many times have you called her today?
00:03:45I, uh, it was just, um, well, it was because the call,
00:03:51the signal, the first time.
00:03:52And it was three times.
00:03:54But then I sent a text because it was a good day.
00:03:57I sent her a smiley face, though it doesn't really count.
00:03:59A smiley face, man?
00:04:02Come on, Ricky, man, it's been five years.
00:04:04When are you going to diversitize yourself again
00:04:05and just realize you need some pussy?
00:04:07Why do you always have to use that word?
00:04:11Pussy?
00:04:12Yes.
00:04:13You make it sound like it's some type of reward or something.
00:04:17It is a reward.
00:04:17Do you know the health benefits of pussy?
00:04:20They even got a coochie credit card coming out.
00:04:22Listen, pussy has been the uplifting of brotherhood
00:04:26for the last century.
00:04:27Man, Frederick Douglass was getting ass.
00:04:29Even Colonel Sounds was getting ass.
00:04:31Well, why don't you go get with it?
00:04:33No, you need to get with it.
00:04:35No, you go get with it.
00:04:36No, you need to get with it.
00:04:39Listen, let's just move, OK, because I'm
00:04:40a little too grown right here.
00:04:41And I'm feeling that right now coming on to me.
00:04:44Like, when I lay down, I will lay down.
00:04:47Am I?
00:04:48Well, lay down then.
00:04:50Speaking of, when was the last time you got something?
00:04:53What?
00:04:53When was the last time you got some ass, man?
00:04:58I mean, you've been listening to junk.
00:05:00You got stutter problems?
00:05:01It doesn't really matter.
00:05:01It doesn't really matter, OK?
00:05:02I do what I do when I can, when I can.
00:05:04I bust whenever.
00:05:05That's what I do.
00:05:06Says the man who's been celibate since 2008.
00:05:10Come on, Desert Penis.
00:05:12That thing be done up.
00:05:14When we go get some ass?
00:05:15Come on, man.
00:05:16I'm only telling you this because you my homie, OK?
00:05:19All right, you got to get together, man.
00:05:20You about to be 32 months.
00:05:21So what?
00:05:22Listen, I'm not afraid about getting older.
00:05:24Maybe you are.
00:05:25But I'm going to embrace my 30s fully.
00:05:28Embrace what?
00:05:29You ain't got nothing or no one to embrace.
00:05:32Where am I going to find a decent woman
00:05:34at anyway nowadays?
00:05:36Most of them that I run into, and let's talk about that,
00:05:38most of them, they either have a boyfriend,
00:05:41they're married, have kids, they're
00:05:44turned up in a club somewhere popping bottles
00:05:46with God knows who.
00:05:48Listen, right now, the most important thing,
00:05:50I need to focus.
00:05:52God's going to find me the right woman.
00:05:53I know he is.
00:05:54Oh, my God.
00:05:55Oh, we are gathered here today to want to get here.
00:05:58You say something about God, man.
00:05:59What you think God is up in heaven like, yo, you know what?
00:06:01My little son of yours, I'm going to just part the red seat
00:06:04and plant a girl in your bed?
00:06:05Listen, who the hell do you think you are?
00:06:07If that's what the world is offering you,
00:06:09none but baby mamas, ratchet chicks turned up in the club,
00:06:12girls with lace front eyelashes even, girls that's pregnant.
00:06:16Listen, you have to settle down and compromise.
00:06:18Do you even hear yourself right now?
00:06:19Yes, I'm saying it.
00:06:20Do you really hear yourself?
00:06:21Yes, I'm going to take my ears off and listen to myself.
00:06:23So I guess that's why you're home
00:06:24and you're married to a woman with kids
00:06:26that aren't even yours.
00:06:27Oh.
00:06:28Why am I even listening to you?
00:06:30Why don't you go home to your wife?
00:06:32Yeah, and your family, your children.
00:06:35OK.
00:06:35Please.
00:06:36All right.
00:06:36OK, I'll do that.
00:06:38But before I leave you, my little tight ass friend,
00:06:41what events are you being invited to these days?
00:06:44Look, it's right there.
00:06:45The proof is in the pudding.
00:06:47Weddings.
00:06:48Baby showers.
00:06:49Graduations.
00:06:51Bar mitzvahs.
00:06:52Quinceañeras.
00:06:54All that shit is right in there.
00:06:57All right?
00:06:57Listen, man, the fun's over, man.
00:07:02You need to turn yourself in.
00:07:03I'm going to see you tomorrow.
00:07:08And man, before you do all the other stuff,
00:07:10make sure you order out the school fundraiser
00:07:12thing up in there, man.
00:07:13Page number seven, section C, the chocolate eclairs.
00:07:16That's my favorite.
00:07:19I love you, man.
00:07:20Punk ass.
00:07:21Oh, shit.
00:07:52You have no message.
00:08:11Oh!
00:08:12Mom!
00:08:13You scared me.
00:08:14Jesus.
00:08:15We can't just walk in here like this.
00:08:18You gotta start using the doorbell, Mom.
00:08:21Hello?
00:08:22I have a key.
00:08:23It doesn't matter if you have a key, Mom.
00:08:25I'm grown.
00:08:26Oh, man.
00:08:27Besides, what if I was in here doing something?
00:08:29Doing something?
00:08:30Like what?
00:08:30Like?
00:08:31I don't know, Mom.
00:08:32Like cracking your fat?
00:08:34Couch hockey for one?
00:08:36What?
00:08:37Doodle whacking?
00:08:37Mom.
00:08:38Hitchhiking to heaven?
00:08:40What are you talking about?
00:08:41Being your own best friend.
00:08:44Uncle Custard's last stand.
00:08:45Mom, Mom, Mom, please.
00:08:47Oh, I don't know what you're getting all this stuff on.
00:08:49Please, stop, OK?
00:08:51And that's not what I'm talking about.
00:08:53I'm saying, what if I was in here with a woman, a lady?
00:08:56Oh, please, child.
00:08:57Everybody knows you haven't had a girlfriend
00:08:59since Lisa left you.
00:09:00And Lord knows when you're going to move in from that.
00:09:04You know, sometimes, sometimes I wonder about you.
00:09:10Wonder what?
00:09:11I don't know.
00:09:12If you got to the point in your life where maybe you,
00:09:15maybe you don't like women anymore.
00:09:16I don't know.
00:09:17Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:09:18Mom, Mom, Mom, stop.
00:09:19Stop.
00:09:20I just don't know.
00:09:21No, no.
00:09:22I love women.
00:09:23OK.
00:09:24Relax.
00:09:25I love women.
00:09:26OK.
00:09:27I just, I don't know.
00:09:28I just haven't found anybody now.
00:09:30Have you decided what you're going
00:09:32to do for your 30th birthday?
00:09:35That's what I want to know.
00:09:37That's that homemade cooking, isn't it?
00:09:39Mm-hmm.
00:09:40Mm-hmm.
00:09:41Look, it's just another birthday, OK?
00:09:43No, it's not, honey.
00:09:45It's the 30.
00:09:46It's the dirty 30.
00:09:47It's time to settle down.
00:09:49Have a family.
00:09:51Let's have some kids.
00:09:53OK, I'm sorry.
00:09:54I just, I don't want you to be alone forever.
00:10:00I'm not going to be alone.
00:10:01Oh, so that's funny.
00:10:02As a matter of fact, I'm actually
00:10:04going to have a date tomorrow.
00:10:05What?
00:10:06Shut up.
00:10:07You are not.
00:10:08I am.
00:10:10What?
00:10:11With who?
00:10:14Oh, with a woman.
00:10:15With a woman?
00:10:17I had lunch with in the city yesterday.
00:10:20Who is she?
00:10:21What does she do?
00:10:22What?
00:10:23Tell me.
00:10:24She's a teacher.
00:10:26She's a teacher.
00:10:28So what school does she teach at?
00:10:30I mean, what?
00:10:33She teaches, well, we didn't get into that.
00:10:36But she's an English teacher.
00:10:38I do know that.
00:10:39But we didn't talk about it, because we're probably
00:10:41going to talk about it on the date
00:10:43that we're going to have tomorrow.
00:10:44Right.
00:10:45So all right, so this is good.
00:10:46This is good.
00:10:47Where are you going to take her?
00:10:48Or what are you going to do?
00:10:50I don't know.
00:10:51I was thinking about something usual.
00:10:54I'm excited.
00:10:56Maybe movie dinner here.
00:11:00So boring.
00:11:01I've got it.
00:11:02I've got a great idea.
00:11:03Check this out.
00:11:04OK.
00:11:05You invite her over, and then I'll
00:11:08cook for you some of this good old grub.
00:11:11Then you can pretend like you cooked it for her,
00:11:14and then she'll fall in love with you.
00:11:16I mean, how could she resist?
00:11:18You're a great looking guy.
00:11:19You've got this great house, great job.
00:11:21You live alone, no kids, and you can cook?
00:11:25I can see the wedding right now.
00:11:28I can see it.
00:11:29Ma, stop.
00:11:30You're about to make me throw up.
00:11:31All right, listen.
00:11:32OK, I'm sorry.
00:11:33I can't even cook scrambled eggs.
00:11:35How am I going to do that?
00:11:37You know, the best thing, I don't even
00:11:39know how to make a salad.
00:11:40Oh, who cares?
00:11:41That doesn't matter.
00:11:42You didn't have to tell her all of that in the beginning.
00:11:44You know?
00:11:45And then after she falls in love,
00:11:46it'll be too late anyway.
00:11:48You know what I'm saying?
00:11:50My mother's a scam artist.
00:11:53Anyway, so I was assessing your proposal
00:11:57that you were talking about the other day,
00:11:59and it is quite interesting.
00:12:02Anyway, you might make a little sense.
00:12:04Wait, say it again?
00:12:05Wait, what?
00:12:06I'm not repeating it.
00:12:07You heard me.
00:12:08I'm just shocked, because honestly, I would have
00:12:10thought you would be giving me props all of a sudden.
00:12:12See, my proposal, my proposal.
00:12:14So you're telling me you need me, right?
00:12:16Just say, can you just please, can I hear you say you need me
00:12:18to hook you up with somebody?
00:12:20I need you to listen to what I just said,
00:12:23and then deliver whatever else you have to tell me
00:12:25about your proposal, OK?
00:12:28All right, so you need me to hook you up.
00:12:30None of your sleazy leftovers, OK?
00:12:32Oh, trust me, man.
00:12:33You're not worthy of any of my sleazy leftovers.
00:12:35But listen, I do have a fresh line for fresh meat
00:12:38that's never, ever been touched.
00:12:40At least not by me.
00:12:41Jess, I'm serious.
00:12:42I'm serious too, man.
00:12:43Trust me, OK?
00:12:44Let me see this.
00:12:46All right.
00:12:49All right, here we go.
00:12:51Come here, come here.
00:12:52You see this girl right here?
00:12:53Put your glasses on, Mr. Rogers.
00:12:55You see this girl right here?
00:12:56That's Strawberry London.
00:12:58She's so fine.
00:12:59And then you got Blueberry Becky, OK?
00:13:02Look, look, look, look.
00:13:04And then you got my personal favorite right here.
00:13:06You ready?
00:13:08Chocolate thunder.
00:13:13You can't even see her face.
00:13:14But that's the whole point, man.
00:13:15You ain't want to see her face anyway.
00:13:19Oh, man.
00:13:20Listen, you know what?
00:13:21I'm sorry.
00:13:22This was a bad idea, man.
00:13:23But thank you.
00:13:25But no thank you.
00:13:26Oh, here you go.
00:13:27Before you start judging, OK, I have you know,
00:13:29Strawberry London is actually a doctor, OK?
00:13:34OK, soon to be.
00:13:35She's in medical school.
00:13:36Blueberry Becky, she's about to be a lawyer.
00:13:37Man, look, two great girls.
00:13:38Great head on their shoulders.
00:13:39They fine.
00:13:40Right up your stuck up ass alley.
00:13:42Listen, man, I'm not going to date a stripper, OK?
00:13:45I don't even respect any woman that does that.
00:13:47I don't care what anybody says.
00:13:49But life cannot get that bad that you got to subject yourself
00:13:52to selling your body for money.
00:13:54I don't judge, OK?
00:13:56Everybody got a story.
00:13:57Listen, I got a story.
00:14:00You ever had honey dripping off your chest
00:14:03for another man's pleasure?
00:14:05Don't judge me.
00:14:06See, that's the point why I told you that, OK?
00:14:08It doesn't matter.
00:14:09Listen, I just try to help out.
00:14:10But trust me, Blueberry Becky is the one for you.
00:14:15Listen, OK, I'm going to be clear.
00:14:18I'm not going to date anybody named Blueberry Becky,
00:14:22Strawberry Frosted Flake Chocolate Thumbel,
00:14:25whatever you call in these girls.
00:14:26London.
00:14:27Huh?
00:14:28London.
00:14:29If you're going to disrespect these hoes,
00:14:30you at least got to get their name right, man.
00:14:31But then again, I don't even think you're ready
00:14:33for Strawberry London, OK?
00:14:34And Chocolate Thunder, you know.
00:14:35I'm trying to bring some thunder on that.
00:14:37So I'm going to just say that for a rainy day.
00:14:39But Blueberry Becky is the one for you.
00:14:41Trust me.
00:14:42So you're basically asking me to turn
00:14:44the hoe into a housewife.
00:14:45Hey, that's so crass.
00:14:48That's crass.
00:14:50Why would you say that, man?
00:14:51Listen, if anybody can save the hoe, I know it's you.
00:14:54I know you got a cape up in your closet, all right?
00:14:57You just jump down, have your penis out,
00:14:59like I'm here to save you, hoe.
00:15:01Come into my arms.
00:15:03Man, stop talking about that P word.
00:15:08One date, though.
00:15:09Just one date.
00:15:11All right.
00:15:13One date.
00:15:14One date.
00:15:15One date.
00:15:16Ooh!
00:15:18Ooh, wait, wait, wait.
00:15:19Blueberry Becky's actually online right now.
00:15:22Yo, what's up, bitch?
00:15:24I mean, Blueberry Becky, my boy.
00:15:31Yo, she down.
00:15:32She down.
00:15:33She says she'll pick you up tomorrow at 8 o'clock.
00:15:35Wow, I don't have to go pick her up?
00:15:36That's the beauty of it.
00:15:37See, it's already working in your benefit.
00:15:39Times are changing.
00:15:40They picking us up now.
00:15:41Open my door.
00:15:42You feel me?
00:15:43Let me hold some money.
00:15:44Okay.
00:15:45Well, I guess I can dig that.
00:15:46Hey, it's Doug, boy.
00:15:56Hi.
00:15:58Blueberry Becky, right?
00:16:01Rebecca Charles, actually.
00:16:03Oh, okay.
00:16:04Rebecca.
00:16:05I'm sorry.
00:16:06Jesse, he told me.
00:16:09Yeah, I know how Jesse can be.
00:16:11Oh, you do?
00:16:12Right, he's something else.
00:16:13I do.
00:16:14Hey, Jesse.
00:16:17Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
00:16:18Where are my manners?
00:16:19Come inside, please.
00:16:22Wow, your house is beautiful.
00:16:27Yeah, I'm a stockbroker.
00:16:30A lot of hard work.
00:16:32I bet it is.
00:16:33Yeah, it is.
00:16:35Well, look, let me go get my jacket and we can leave.
00:16:38I'll be right here.
00:16:39All right.
00:16:44Man, you are just gorgeous.
00:16:46I didn't expect you to look like this.
00:16:48Well, what did you expect?
00:16:51Let me go get my jacket.
00:16:52Make yourself comfortable.
00:16:55There you go.
00:16:58Mmm.
00:17:08Damn, what time is it?
00:17:10My time.
00:17:13What's this?
00:17:15Tiffany's makes pans?
00:17:18Platinum?
00:17:19Yep.
00:17:22All right.
00:17:24Oh, wow.
00:17:26Because who would want to put my watch around here?
00:17:28You didn't see a watch.
00:17:29You don't need a watch.
00:17:30We got cell phones now.
00:17:31All right, let's get it, lady.
00:17:33You look so good.
00:17:35You ready?
00:17:36Yes.
00:17:37Let's go.
00:17:39No, no, stop!
00:17:41That's, like, your fifth drink.
00:17:42I think you need to slow down right now.
00:17:44I have a high tolerance for alcohol.
00:17:47It's okay.
00:17:50Is there any more?
00:17:52Yeah, I think that's it.
00:17:54All right.
00:17:55All right.
00:17:56All right.
00:17:57All right.
00:17:58All right.
00:17:59All right.
00:18:00All right.
00:18:01All right.
00:18:02All right.
00:18:03All right.
00:18:04All right.
00:18:05Is there any more?
00:18:07Yeah, it's all empty.
00:18:10I drank it all.
00:18:14So...
00:18:17Ricardo.
00:18:19Who?
00:18:20Ricardo.
00:18:23Jesse tells me you're a baseball player.
00:18:29Uh-huh.
00:18:30Did he now?
00:18:32He says you're gonna score a lot of goals for me.
00:18:37Is this true?
00:18:39You don't watch baseball, do you?
00:18:41No, I don't.
00:18:43But are you gonna score for me?
00:18:45Because you can score.
00:18:47I'll let you score.
00:18:49Well, I'm sorry.
00:18:50I don't play baseball.
00:18:51Jesse was lying.
00:18:54What?
00:18:55Yes.
00:18:56I was gonna be on the next Baseball Wives.
00:19:00Exactly.
00:19:01That was gonna be me.
00:19:05You know what?
00:19:06You're not eating this, so I'm just gonna take it for later.
00:19:09But you still have your food over there.
00:19:11I know, but I'm gonna eat that.
00:19:14The foundation that I am built on is under honesty, okay?
00:19:18That's just strictly what I believe.
00:19:21That's my mantra, okay?
00:19:23And I believe that most women, I think, are put off by a guy who's honest and deep.
00:19:28Not me.
00:19:29Well, thank you.
00:19:31Because I'm glad.
00:19:34And to be quite honest with you, I don't think I can do this.
00:19:38I can't do this.
00:19:39You can't do this?
00:19:40You can't do this?
00:19:43Oh, you can do this.
00:19:46It's kind of tempting, but, you know, I've been through a breakup, so I think I'm fine right now.
00:19:53You too?
00:19:56Me too.
00:19:58Just last week.
00:20:00What about you?
00:20:01Five years in August.
00:20:03Wait, what?
00:20:04Five years?
00:20:05Waiter!
00:20:06No.
00:20:07Waiter!
00:20:08One more.
00:20:09Two.
00:20:10Make it two.
00:20:11No, no.
00:20:12And a birthday cake.
00:20:13It says birthday.
00:20:14It's not my birthday.
00:20:15What are you doing?
00:20:16Why are you so loud?
00:20:17No, no, no.
00:20:18Why are you so loud?
00:20:19Shh.
00:20:20It's free.
00:20:21It's free.
00:20:22It's okay.
00:20:23I don't care if it's free.
00:20:24You ain't gotta pay for it.
00:20:25I don't care.
00:20:26You good?
00:20:27Here's some free cake.
00:20:28Always.
00:20:31You know what?
00:20:32Are you going to eat that?
00:20:34Help yourself.
00:20:36That's what I was thinking.
00:20:39Maybe on the ride home?
00:20:41Oh my God.
00:20:42We can eat it later.
00:20:43Jesus, oh Lord.
00:20:44Trust me, on the way home, you going to thank me.
00:20:46The, the, the, the, in the bag.
00:20:49I'm going to save it.
00:20:50Well, yeah.
00:20:51We're going to make it.
00:20:52Got you.
00:20:53Eggsheck, please.
00:20:57What was the emergency, Jesse?
00:20:58Can I get a good morning?
00:20:59How are you doing?
00:21:00What's up?
00:21:01How's my grandma?
00:21:02Nothing, right?
00:21:03No, you cannot.
00:21:04You called me at 6 a.m.
00:21:05Okay.
00:21:06You know I ain't on.
00:21:07No.
00:21:08I know.
00:21:09That was early.
00:21:10I'm sorry about that.
00:21:11My bad, okay?
00:21:12But I came over because I need a favor from you.
00:21:13A favor?
00:21:14Yes.
00:21:15So your crazy-ass girlfriend comes stalking me?
00:21:16Uh, no thank you.
00:21:17That won't happen again.
00:21:18I need you to spend one night with my friend, please.
00:21:19Please.
00:21:20Bye, Jesse.
00:21:21Wait, come on.
00:21:22Wait.
00:21:23No.
00:21:24Sam.
00:21:25Sam.
00:21:26Wait, come on.
00:21:27Wait, Sam.
00:21:28No.
00:21:29Can you just please hear me out?
00:21:30No.
00:21:31You don't even know what it is yet.
00:21:32Now, I'm not asking you to go across the moon and bring back some silver and diamonds.
00:21:34I'm just asking you to spend some time with him.
00:21:36You don't even have to have sex with him.
00:21:38What's up, man?
00:21:41Listen, man.
00:21:43I heard through the grapevine that you and Becky hit it off last night, huh?
00:21:52Are you serious?
00:21:53Hey, be careful.
00:21:55You ain't half monkey.
00:21:56Listen.
00:21:57Yes, man.
00:21:58Listen.
00:21:59She told me how freaky you was, man.
00:22:00Tying her up and stuff.
00:22:01You know what?
00:22:02It's always the quiet ones.
00:22:03I tied her hands up because she stole my watch and my favorite pen.
00:22:08Did she tell you that?
00:22:09Man, you always talking about that.
00:22:10Hold on.
00:22:11Sinjaya.
00:22:12What's your name?
00:22:13Aisha.
00:22:14Aisha.
00:22:15Come around here where I can see you.
00:22:16You always talking about that dang old pen, man.
00:22:17I hate that pen.
00:22:18You always judging people.
00:22:19That's your problem.
00:22:20So did you ever think that she probably needed for school, some work or something?
00:22:23Huh?
00:22:24How about that?
00:22:25The pen is not ugly.
00:22:26And she stole from me.
00:22:27Okay?
00:22:28And you're talking about I'm judging her?
00:22:31Okay, yeah.
00:22:32Well, she may be a little off.
00:22:33She may be a little weird.
00:22:34But guess what?
00:22:35Everybody got their problems, man.
00:22:36All right?
00:22:37Stop judging people.
00:22:38Everybody make mistakes.
00:22:39You said it yourself.
00:22:40All right?
00:22:41It's all about making mistakes and making the imperfections in women perfect.
00:22:44It's about love, man.
00:22:45She's a thief.
00:22:49Thou shalt not steal.
00:22:50Remember that?
00:22:51Oh, my God.
00:22:52Here you go with this Jesus talk again.
00:22:53Hold on.
00:22:54Here we go again with this Jesus talk again and stuff, man.
00:22:57What are you doing?
00:22:58Listen.
00:22:59You know what?
00:23:00I'm closing the chapter on Jessie the matchmaker.
00:23:03All right?
00:23:04No.
00:23:05Give me one more chance.
00:23:06Please, man.
00:23:07Come on, man.
00:23:08Just give me one more chance.
00:23:09Don't leave her.
00:23:10Don't leave her for me, man.
00:23:11She's like...
00:23:12All right, man.
00:23:13Look, man.
00:23:14No strippers.
00:23:15I got a girl.
00:23:16She's perfect for you.
00:23:17Well, she's a counselor here.
00:23:19You're lying.
00:23:22Trust me, man.
00:23:23Just trust me.
00:23:24Give me one more chance.
00:23:25You'll love me.
00:23:26All right, man.
00:23:27And this is the last time.
00:23:28And after this, you're going to leave me alone and you're going to let me stay in my complete
00:23:31solitude, all right?
00:23:32So I can live my life and be single until I decide the date.
00:23:35All right.
00:23:36Bye.
00:23:39Hey, where y'all parents at?
00:23:43You said she needed everything, huh?
00:23:46Right.
00:23:47Wow.
00:23:48You know what?
00:23:49You don't know.
00:23:50Potpourri?
00:23:51No, okay.
00:23:52It's pear.
00:23:53Oh.
00:23:54It's pear.
00:23:55Yeah.
00:23:56That's what I use in it.
00:23:57So anyway, tell me more about yourself.
00:23:58Besides, you know, you being a killer at night.
00:23:59Here you go.
00:24:00All right.
00:24:01All right.
00:24:02All right.
00:24:03All right.
00:24:04All right.
00:24:05All right.
00:24:06All right.
00:24:07All right.
00:24:08All right.
00:24:09All right.
00:24:10All right.
00:24:12What?
00:24:13What's so funny?
00:24:14You.
00:24:15The joke of calling my night job a killer.
00:24:18It was cute in the beginning, but the joke is over.
00:24:20Huh?
00:24:21It's not funny anymore.
00:24:22Wait, what's the joke?
00:24:23The joke of you calling it a killer instead of a-
00:24:26Yo!
00:24:27What is this?
00:24:28I mean, you guys look amazing.
00:24:32You look beautiful, man.
00:24:34You look very handsome.
00:24:35You got wine.
00:24:36You got chips.
00:24:38Listen, can I talk to you really fast outside, please, Samantha?
00:24:42No.
00:24:43Yeah, you.
00:24:44I'm gonna talk.
00:24:45All right.
00:24:46One second.
00:24:47What are you doing here?
00:24:48Hey, man.
00:24:49You look nice, man.
00:24:50I like this suit, man.
00:24:51It's the Kirk Franklin suit.
00:24:52People say-
00:24:53No.
00:24:54Yeah, I mean, well, I just really wanted to-
00:24:55Wait, don't change the subject, man.
00:24:56Get the suck out your mouth.
00:24:57What are you doing here?
00:24:58All right, truth be told, I borrowed $5 from her.
00:24:59Kind of having problems paying her back.
00:25:02I just need to talk to her about, you know, extending that loan.
00:25:05$5?
00:25:06Hey, man.
00:25:07People die with less.
00:25:08Ooh.
00:25:09Yeah.
00:25:10Right.
00:25:11Okay, so you're crazy.
00:25:12You don't have any sense.
00:25:13Excuse me.
00:25:14I'm gonna talk.
00:25:15Outside, please.
00:25:16Hold on.
00:25:17Hold on.
00:25:18Shut up.
00:25:19Shut up.
00:25:20All right, look.
00:25:21Here's your money right here, okay?
00:25:22Whatever you do, you do not tell him that you're an escort.
00:25:27You are an after-school counselor, okay?
00:25:30What?
00:25:31After-school counselor.
00:25:32What is wrong with you, huh?
00:25:33You can't lie about those kind of things.
00:25:34Oh, are we gonna lie today?
00:25:35No, we are not.
00:25:36I'm not lying.
00:25:37Yes, we are.
00:25:38Listen, the boy was in a bad relationship.
00:25:39He got his heart broke.
00:25:40He still got an icebox where his heart used to be.
00:25:43You gotta go with me on this one.
00:25:44No, okay.
00:25:45You know what?
00:25:46I cannot sit here and kick it and lie to that man.
00:25:48So guess what?
00:25:49After tonight, you can keep your money
00:25:50and find somebody else to look out for you.
00:25:52Well, you gonna go in there and kick me
00:25:53while I kick your ass.
00:25:54No, no, no, no, no.
00:25:55That's what you do.
00:25:56No, no, no.
00:25:57No, no, no.
00:25:58Whoa.
00:25:59Whoa.
00:26:00Ooh, you cheated.
00:26:01No, no, no.
00:26:02You cheated.
00:26:03I cheated?
00:26:04Yes, you cheated.
00:26:05No, you cheated.
00:26:06No, it's cool.
00:26:07You're lucky you're cute.
00:26:08I've been letting you win this whole time.
00:26:09I'm cute now.
00:26:10Early I was handsome.
00:26:11Now I'm just cute.
00:26:12You just cute.
00:26:13All right, well, look.
00:26:14If you don't know how to play the game,
00:26:15all you gotta do is admit it.
00:26:16Say, Ricky, I don't know how to play.
00:26:17Whatever.
00:26:18It's the wine.
00:26:19Oh, you're throwing the cards in now.
00:26:20It's the wine, whatever.
00:26:21And you better drink up.
00:26:22Okay.
00:26:23Hey.
00:26:24What?
00:26:25It's a friendship.
00:26:26It's a friendship.
00:26:27Mm-hmm.
00:26:28And whatever else.
00:26:29I don't know.
00:26:30I don't know.
00:26:31I don't know.
00:26:32I don't know.
00:26:34And whatever else God has planned for us in our lives.
00:26:38Okay.
00:26:42Wait a minute.
00:26:44So you're one of those perfect Christian brothers, huh?
00:26:47No, man.
00:26:48No?
00:26:49Christian, yes, but, you know, perfect, far from that.
00:26:52But I do have faith.
00:26:54In what?
00:26:56Everything that God does for me.
00:26:59I may not like it, Mom, and I may not understand it,
00:27:03but I do know that everything that's happened to me
00:27:06has served some type of purpose.
00:27:09Huh.
00:27:12Wow, that's a good way to look at life.
00:27:15I wish I could think like that.
00:27:17Well, how do you look at life?
00:27:22Like a curse.
00:27:25Like I'm walking in hell in my biggest nightmare,
00:27:27and I have absolutely no idea how to get out.
00:27:31But I'm working on it, you know?
00:27:34One step at a time, right?
00:27:36Yeah.
00:27:40I'm sorry.
00:27:41Just, I had a long week.
00:27:42You have no idea.
00:27:43Just forgive me.
00:27:44No, no.
00:27:45Listen, listen, listen, listen.
00:27:47You know, we all have our moments, all right?
00:27:50Yeah.
00:27:51You know?
00:27:53We all have moments, so.
00:27:54Well, thank you.
00:27:56Just gotta take it one step at a time.
00:27:59But you wanna know what I do when I get lost?
00:28:02What?
00:28:04Open up my Bible.
00:28:07You know, when I ask God for direction.
00:28:10And the crazy thing is that every time I do that,
00:28:14the verse that it lands on
00:28:16always is the one that I needed to see.
00:28:20Hmm.
00:28:21I never read the Bible.
00:28:23Really?
00:28:25Yeah, it's just, I don't know.
00:28:27The whole idea just confuses me.
00:28:29It's like, you read it,
00:28:31but how do you know that message was for you
00:28:33and what it even means?
00:28:34You don't.
00:28:36You just, you just let it flow.
00:28:38I mean, it's just something that you feel in your heart.
00:28:41Hmm.
00:28:42I mean, it's just,
00:28:44it brings that clarity,
00:28:48that sense of peace
00:28:51to everything that you're going through.
00:28:55When is your birthday?
00:28:58April 20th.
00:29:00Shut up, I'm the 19th.
00:29:02No way.
00:29:03Yes, I kid you not.
00:29:04I promise.
00:29:05Wow.
00:29:0830-30.
00:29:11Yeah.
00:29:13That's weird.
00:29:15Ooh.
00:29:17So what are your plans for your birthday?
00:29:21Ugh.
00:29:23Just another birthday to me.
00:29:25I'm just trying to get my life together.
00:29:27It's like, I don't know, you know when you're a kid,
00:29:29it seems like time is going by so slow
00:29:31and then you blink and you're 29.
00:29:33Yeah.
00:29:34Hmm.
00:29:36This just isn't where I pictured my life
00:29:38at 30 when I was a kid.
00:29:40I'm for real.
00:29:42You know what you sound like?
00:29:43What?
00:29:44Somebody that's been talking to Jessie.
00:29:46Yes, I have.
00:29:47You too?
00:29:48Yeah, he's giving me the same old speech.
00:29:52And it's like, I get him, but...
00:29:57Hmm.
00:29:58I don't know where to start.
00:30:00Well, just do it.
00:30:02Don't think about it.
00:30:03Just go and do it.
00:30:04Just do it.
00:30:05Listen, get out there.
00:30:08Get in the playing field of life and go for it.
00:30:11Whatever it is that you want.
00:30:13You make it sound so easy.
00:30:14It is.
00:30:15Easy for you to say, Mr. Stockbroker.
00:30:17I'm sure you had it pretty good coming up.
00:30:21Hey, look.
00:30:22I may be a little fortunate, but things weren't always easy.
00:30:27Hmm.
00:30:28You know, I got my story.
00:30:30Everybody asked for it.
00:30:31Yeah?
00:30:32Yeah.
00:30:34So what's missing from this semi-perfect puzzle of yours?
00:30:40You want me to share it all with you?
00:30:50Sure.
00:31:21Okay.
00:31:22Let's go.
00:31:50Okay.
00:31:51Let's go.
00:32:20Oh, man.
00:32:50Mm.
00:32:51Mm, mm.
00:32:56Mm-hmm.
00:33:06Hmm.
00:33:12Ah.
00:33:13What's up?
00:33:21You wanted to see me?
00:33:22Yes, have a seat.
00:33:29What's up?
00:33:31Come on, what you mean, what's up?
00:33:32I told you I quit.
00:33:34Is that so?
00:33:36You give me this pathetic speech about how you want
00:33:39to get your life together, and then
00:33:41you go and sleep with Jesse's friend for $500?
00:33:45What?
00:33:46Wait a minute, who told you that?
00:33:47And I'm not having sex with him, and I didn't sleep with him?
00:33:51You know what, I don't need this, I don't need it.
00:33:54Listen, if you're going to walk, you walk.
00:33:56But you are not going to do business
00:33:58on the side without me.
00:33:59I ain't did no business on the side without you, OK?
00:34:02I needed the money.
00:34:03Oh, you don't get it, do you?
00:34:05You're always going to need the money.
00:34:08No matter how you think you're going to quit and move on
00:34:12with your life, you can't erase your past.
00:34:16And that desperation is always going
00:34:18to lead you right back here.
00:34:20I mean, come on, let's get serious.
00:34:21Who else is going to give you a job?
00:34:22This is all you know.
00:34:25We've all been you, Samantha.
00:34:27That's not my name.
00:34:31No matter how much makeup you put on,
00:34:33all the fancy clothes you wear, you'll always be Samantha Kim.
00:34:39Now, I'll see you next week.
00:34:44You leave my 20% on the table.
00:34:49On the table.
00:35:09Well, to the well, well, well, my main man.
00:35:12You know, from the looks of things, man,
00:35:14you know, you got your Kirk Franklin
00:35:16suit all along, distraught, you know.
00:35:18And I'm assuming, if my mind tells me correctly,
00:35:21that you got that puss.
00:35:23Hey, listen, didn't I tell you to stop
00:35:25using that word around me?
00:35:28And to answer your question, no, I didn't do anything.
00:35:32I didn't do anything.
00:35:33I didn't do anything.
00:35:34I didn't do anything.
00:35:35I didn't do anything.
00:35:36I didn't do anything.
00:35:37I didn't do anything.
00:35:38We just went out to eat, had a great time, came back here.
00:35:43We talked for a minute.
00:35:45We talked for hours.
00:35:46Wow.
00:35:47And we just slept together right here on the couch.
00:35:51And then it's one of the best times I've had in a long time.
00:35:55Thank you, brother.
00:35:57Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:35:58You mean to tell me you had a bad chick in the loft
00:36:00there, which happens to be my favorite part of your crib,
00:36:03on this couch, and you didn't get the yams?
00:36:07What's all this?
00:36:08We had a talk.
00:36:09What's this?
00:36:10You counseling each other?
00:36:11Talking about what do you do?
00:36:12No, no, no.
00:36:13We just.
00:36:14Hold on.
00:36:15Let me tell you something.
00:36:16What is this?
00:36:17You was quick.
00:36:18What is this?
00:36:19What is that?
00:36:20Listen, this is from the kitchen.
00:36:21You must have took it from down there.
00:36:22Well, look.
00:36:23Listen.
00:36:24Wait, but wait.
00:36:25OK.
00:36:26You think that's over with, though,
00:36:27because you know why, my friend?
00:36:28I've been doing a lot of thinking.
00:36:29And I'm just going to be honest with you.
00:36:30I don't think she was really too good for you anyway, man.
00:36:31I really don't.
00:36:32What are you talking about?
00:36:33She was perfect.
00:36:34As a matter of fact, we have a lot in common.
00:36:35You say what?
00:36:36Yeah.
00:36:37Uh-huh.
00:36:38And she even left her number for me to call her back.
00:36:39She left her number for you?
00:36:40Yeah, she sure did.
00:36:41I have it right here.
00:36:42There it is.
00:36:43And look, she put a little heart right there.
00:36:44OK.
00:36:45You know what?
00:36:46Hey.
00:36:47I'm thinking.
00:36:48Just, just, just.
00:36:49Don't even pay attention to that,
00:36:50because it's trash, man.
00:36:51Don't even pay attention to that, all right?
00:36:52Trust me.
00:36:53You're wasting your time.
00:36:54Why?
00:36:55Let it go.
00:36:56Let it go.
00:36:57Let it go.
00:36:58Let it go.
00:36:59Let it go.
00:37:00Let it go.
00:37:01Let it go.
00:37:02Let it go.
00:37:03Let it go.
00:37:04Let it go.
00:37:05Let it go.
00:37:06Let it go.
00:37:07Let it go.
00:37:08Cut.
00:37:09She's an S.
00:37:10You know what?
00:37:11Oh, my goodness.
00:37:12I should have figured this out.
00:37:13You like her, too.
00:37:14What?
00:37:15You should have told me that, Jess.
00:37:16No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:17Ricky, man.
00:37:18I do not like that girl.
00:37:19Trust me.
00:37:20I do not like that girl, bro.
00:37:21Then what's the problem?
00:37:22Look, man.
00:37:23You're my best friend, all right, man?
00:37:24Yeah.
00:37:25Right when you hurt, I hurt.
00:37:26When you cry, I cry.
00:37:27We cry together, OK?
00:37:28I'm just thinking.
00:37:29You should just, you know, take things a little slow, man.
00:37:30That's all.
00:37:31Take things slow?
00:37:32Wasn't you the one that was telling me that my clock was ticking and I'm about to turn
00:37:3330?
00:37:34Come on, man.
00:37:35Don't nobody be caring what I say.
00:37:36I don't even know what I be saying.
00:37:37I keep telling everybody this, man.
00:37:3830 is a new 20, all right?
00:37:39You're at your prime, man.
00:37:40What has gotten into you?
00:37:41Nothing, man.
00:37:42Nothing.
00:37:43I'm sorry.
00:37:44I'm sorry.
00:37:45I'm sorry.
00:37:46I'm sorry.
00:37:47I'm sorry.
00:37:48I'm sorry.
00:37:49I'm sorry.
00:37:50I'm sorry.
00:37:51I'm sorry.
00:37:52I'm sorry.
00:37:53I'm sorry.
00:37:54I'm sorry.
00:37:55I'm sorry.
00:37:56I'm sorry.
00:37:57I'm sorry.
00:37:58I'm sorry.
00:37:59I'm sorry.
00:38:00I'm sorry.
00:38:01I'm sorry.
00:38:02I'm sorry.
00:38:03I'm sorry.
00:38:04I'm sorry.
00:38:05I'm sorry.
00:38:06I'm sorry.
00:38:07I'm sorry.
00:38:08I'm sorry.
00:38:09I'm sorry.
00:38:10I'm sorry.
00:38:11I'm sorry.
00:38:12I'm sorry.
00:38:13I'm sorry.
00:38:14I'm sorry.
00:38:15I'm sorry.
00:38:16I'm sorry.
00:38:17I'm sorry.
00:38:18I'm sorry.
00:38:19I'm sorry.
00:38:20I'm sorry.
00:38:21I'm sorry.
00:38:22I'm sorry.
00:38:23I'm sorry.
00:38:24I'm sorry.
00:38:25I'm sorry.
00:38:26I'm sorry.
00:38:27I'm sorry.
00:38:28I'm sorry.
00:38:30Umm, let me check my schedule.
00:38:35Yeah, tonight actually we'll work out.
00:38:378 o'clock?
00:38:388 p.m.?
00:38:40Ok.
00:38:42Yeah.
00:38:43I'll see you then.
00:38:45Great.
00:38:46Bye.
00:38:54OH MY GOODNESS THAT WAS SO GOOD.
00:38:57Yesss.
00:38:58Wow, who knew you could cook like that?
00:39:00Um, well, you know, let's just say it's a special recipe
00:39:06from my mother.
00:39:07You know, I wanted to use it for a special occasion,
00:39:11and I thought that, you know, this was that special time.
00:39:14Well, what is that?
00:39:15You're, are you OK?
00:39:18Yeah, no, I'm good.
00:39:22You know, um, everything's in someone's eyes.
00:39:26What are you talking about?
00:39:29You can tell how someone's feeling
00:39:30by just looking in their eyes.
00:39:33OK.
00:39:34Well, what are my eyes telling you?
00:39:43That you're going through something right now
00:39:45and you don't want to talk about it.
00:39:48You know, um, look, I know we just met,
00:39:52and, um, I really had a good time last night.
00:39:57But if you're going through something
00:39:58and you need to talk about it, you know I'm here.
00:40:03Really.
00:40:06I really don't get it.
00:40:07Why are you single?
00:40:10Please help me understand.
00:40:11Why am I single?
00:40:16Well, I was, I was with my ex, Lisa, for like five years,
00:40:21and one day I just came home, and she was gone.
00:40:27She didn't leave a note.
00:40:29She didn't leave a, she didn't call.
00:40:32She didn't leave anything behind.
00:40:34She just disappeared, and I don't know.
00:40:39I guess I've just been a little closed off since then
00:40:42from trying to open up to anybody.
00:40:43I, you know, I've been scared.
00:40:47I don't know.
00:40:49I really treated her well, too.
00:40:51So let me get this straight.
00:40:53You've been single now for five years?
00:40:56Yeah.
00:40:57But I'm sure you, you know, have flings here and there
00:41:00for sex and stuff, right?
00:41:03No, no flings.
00:41:04Definitely no in-betweens and no sex.
00:41:09And you didn't even try to have sex with me.
00:41:13I know.
00:41:14Guilty.
00:41:16Oh, I get it.
00:41:18No, I got it now.
00:41:19That's what tonight was for, right?
00:41:21To get me in bed?
00:41:22Huh?
00:41:22Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:41:23You know what?
00:41:24What was I thinking?
00:41:25I am such an idiot.
00:41:26Wait, what are you talking about?
00:41:28You're good.
00:41:29You really deserve two thumbs up.
00:41:31You know, you almost got me.
00:41:32No, wait, listen, listen.
00:41:34Wait, what are you talking about?
00:41:35I almost got you.
00:41:36Yes.
00:41:37No, you, wait, you, you think I did all of this
00:41:40just to have sex with you, or sleep with you?
00:41:44I mean, look, I know we slept with each other,
00:41:46but it was just, we just slept with each other.
00:41:48We didn't do anything.
00:41:49I, come on, that was my mother's secret recipe
00:41:52for crying out loud.
00:41:53I wouldn't use my mother's secret recipe to have sex.
00:41:57It's sacred in our family.
00:41:59I can't.
00:42:00My mother would kill me if she knew that I was abusing her.
00:42:04OK, all right, all right.
00:42:06And for all I know, you brought this delicious cake
00:42:09over here that you said is your special cake
00:42:11that you would bake.
00:42:11I did that to get me in bed.
00:42:13I don't know.
00:42:14I don't know your history with this cake.
00:42:16Good one.
00:42:16I mean, but it looks very sugary.
00:42:18It is very sugary.
00:42:19And it looks really good and delicious.
00:42:24Mm.
00:42:25Mm-hmm, right?
00:42:26Mm-hmm.
00:42:26This is good.
00:42:28Hey.
00:42:32Good, right?
00:42:33Mm-hmm.
00:42:35You want to play a game?
00:42:37A game?
00:42:38Yes, a game, so we can get to know
00:42:40each other a little better.
00:42:42You are too cute.
00:42:44Sure, yeah.
00:42:45OK, cool.
00:42:47So you got to ask me a question, or I ask you vice versa.
00:42:53And you got to pick a category.
00:42:55So for example, let me start off.
00:42:58What's your favorite music?
00:43:00Jazz.
00:43:01I like jazz.
00:43:01Jazz, wow, you never would have thought.
00:43:04Mm-hmm, what about you?
00:43:06Rhythm and blues.
00:43:08OK, all right, R&B.
00:43:10OK, what's next?
00:43:11OK, well, you go ahead and choose.
00:43:13I choose, OK.
00:43:13Oh, wait, you know what?
00:43:15The first one was an example, so I'll
00:43:16go ahead and choose this time.
00:43:18So I'll just do this for real now.
00:43:20What's your favorite color?
00:43:21Favorite color, mm, black.
00:43:25Black.
00:43:26Yeah.
00:43:27Interesting.
00:43:29What's yours?
00:43:29OK, mine is yellow.
00:43:33Yellow?
00:43:34Yes.
00:43:34What's your favorite color is yellow?
00:43:36Yellow, yellow, yellow is brightest.
00:43:39It has a sense of harmony, you know, like the feng shui.
00:43:43Feng who?
00:43:44Feng shui.
00:43:46It's basically talking about all the colors.
00:43:48They give off great energy in life
00:43:50in general, in all predictable ways.
00:43:53You always want your colors to have
00:43:55some type of meaning in your life, some type of clarity
00:43:58to bring balance into your life.
00:44:02So what does black mean?
00:44:04Black is just black.
00:44:05Black is the street.
00:44:06Black is the nighttime without the stars.
00:44:11It's not even a color.
00:44:12It's always dark.
00:44:14Yeah.
00:44:18But you know, anyway, OK, so let's keep going.
00:44:22Now, you ask me a question.
00:44:24Pick one.
00:44:25Oh, I got a good one.
00:44:26Sports.
00:44:27Sports, OK, sports.
00:44:28Fanatic.
00:44:29Favorite basketball team.
00:44:30Oh, that's easy.
00:44:32Lakers, baby.
00:44:33Oh, I was hoping you said that.
00:44:35Kobe all day.
00:44:36Kobe all day.
00:44:37Love you, baby.
00:44:38My girl.
00:44:46So my question is, where are they going?
00:44:48That's what I was thinking.
00:44:50Going forever.
00:44:51She, you know, $40 on the Greyhound ride,
00:44:54that's not going to take you anywhere.
00:44:56Take you a long time.
00:44:58That's the official Greyhound, what the dog want to say.
00:45:02Woo.
00:45:03Woo.
00:45:04Woo.
00:45:06I think it's time for you guys to get schooled.
00:45:10Says the grown man in the tight purple shirt.
00:45:12Uh-oh.
00:45:13What grown man wears a tight purple shirt?
00:45:16This guy right here.
00:45:18First of all, it's a comfortable, comfortable
00:45:22purple shirt.
00:45:23And purple is a color, a pleasantness.
00:45:26How many drinks have you had?
00:45:27Yes, I've only had a couple of drinks.
00:45:29But let me repeat what I'm saying to you, OK?
00:45:34I'm very comfortable in my shirt.
00:45:36Purple is a color of pleasantness, OK?
00:45:39Listen, you're in this medium Backstreet Boys shirt.
00:45:42Oh.
00:45:43Thank you very much.
00:45:44And you're wearing wristbands for your exclusivity
00:45:47to all the clubs across the world.
00:45:48Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:45:49First of all, this is sex zombie, all right?
00:45:52This is Croatia's number four, top of the charts, 1987.
00:45:56All right?
00:45:56You, you, and you need to respect, all right?
00:45:59Wait, hold on, Inglourious Bastards.
00:46:01What the hell is sex zombie?
00:46:04You know what gets me about you people, Dom?
00:46:06No disrespect.
00:46:06What?
00:46:07First of all, Jason Statham, you got bacon collar on.
00:46:10Good collar on the shirt.
00:46:11It's that white people shit, man.
00:46:14Rick, heard you got a new lady.
00:46:16Yes, I do.
00:46:17And this man over here, Mr. Mashmaking himself.
00:46:21Please do not give me too much props.
00:46:23I do what I do when I can do it.
00:46:25Cheers, sir.
00:46:26All right, let me see a picture of this.
00:46:29You know she your screensaver going to show it off.
00:46:31She's not my screensaver.
00:46:32Let me see this thing, come on, man.
00:46:34Check it out.
00:46:38She bad, right?
00:46:41She looks really familiar.
00:46:42Nah, she's, probably looks familiar.
00:46:45Everybody looks familiar, man.
00:46:46Nah, I'm pretty sure, I swear I've seen her before.
00:46:50Okay, Dom, tell us, where have you seen her before?
00:46:53Have you seen her?
00:46:54Tell us.
00:46:55Yeah, I don't know, maybe I've seen her
00:46:56on the internet or something.
00:47:00Oh, you know, you have to remember
00:47:02everybody has a social network inside, man.
00:47:03Yeah, yeah, maybe that's it.
00:47:06Maybe.
00:47:08I don't know, maybe it's like a webcam,
00:47:11something like that.
00:47:13Not a webcam, man.
00:47:14Trust me, Dom, I've known this girl a long time.
00:47:17She's a good girl, good girl.
00:47:18Works with kids.
00:47:19Only thing you've probably seen her doing a webcam
00:47:20is raising money for kids, man.
00:47:22Charity work, something like that.
00:47:24She's a good girl, Dom.
00:47:26Yeah?
00:47:26Mm-hmm.
00:47:28Okay.
00:47:29Dom?
00:47:30No, no, no, I'm gonna call you.
00:47:33So that's, that's how you're gonna play this, then?
00:47:36That's how we play.
00:47:39All right, all right, fine.
00:47:39Hey, you might as well go ahead and put it in
00:47:41because you're just gonna be donating
00:47:42to the Dominic Bank.
00:47:43All right, well, you're about to go bankrupt, Nick.
00:47:45Yeah, yeah, yeah, I tell you what.
00:47:48I think everybody's gonna go bankrupt.
00:47:50You know, Rick, listen, man, in all seriousness,
00:47:52you really should, I swear I've seen that girl before, man.
00:47:57Like, I'm just saying, she's trouble, like they all are.
00:48:00Maybe she's a little more than most.
00:48:04If my memory serves me right.
00:48:07Check her out.
00:48:08Just check her out, that's all I'm saying, man.
00:48:10Well, there's only one thing I can say about that.
00:48:14All in.
00:48:15All in, baby.
00:48:16Y'all got it, ball out.
00:48:20Check that.
00:48:21You're so mean, you are so mean.
00:48:25Yeah, well, it is what it is, right?
00:48:26It is what it is, huh?
00:48:28I've been here damn near 20 years.
00:48:30You think you're just gonna come in here
00:48:31and meet some guy, fall in love with him,
00:48:33have a little prince charm,
00:48:34and y'all just gonna go away together?
00:48:35Come on, Samantha, face it, you're a whore.
00:48:39You're a whore.
00:48:40You are such a hypocrite.
00:48:42One minute you praising me,
00:48:43the next minute you putting me down,
00:48:45and then you go and sabotage my relationship?
00:48:48Yeah, you've been here a little bit too long.
00:48:50This whole situation has completely destroyed you.
00:48:53You are disgusting to me.
00:48:57You call me a hypocrite, now you walking in,
00:48:59you won't even say what you are or what you aren't,
00:49:01and you come in here, you ungrateful bitch.
00:49:03I took you off the streets.
00:49:05You would not have gotten anywhere without me.
00:49:08You know what?
00:49:10You ain't even worth it.
00:49:14Look at you.
00:49:16I may not know who I am yet,
00:49:18but I know who I don't wanna become, and that's you.
00:49:22You ain't nothing but a old, miserable woman
00:49:25who preys on young, naive girls
00:49:27to get them to follow your pathetic path.
00:49:30Have a nice life, Linda Daniels.
00:49:33Oh, I'm sorry, Victoria Jackson.
00:49:36I bet no one knows who she is.
00:49:42Where have you been?
00:49:43I've been calling you.
00:49:44We had reservations since nine o'clock.
00:49:46I forgot.
00:49:47You forgot?
00:49:48Yeah.
00:49:49You just left here at six o'clock
00:49:51and said you was going to get ready.
00:49:52What are you talking about?
00:49:53I did, and then something came up.
00:49:56All right, well, just forget about it,
00:49:58because I was just concerned, okay?
00:50:01I thought something might've happened to you.
00:50:04Look, I don't know if I can do this.
00:50:07I'm not good for you.
00:50:10Wait, wait a minute.
00:50:10Where's this coming from?
00:50:11What are you talking about?
00:50:12Ricky, I stood you up, turned my phone off on purpose.
00:50:17Damn.
00:50:22Look, I don't know what you're going through,
00:50:23because you don't ever talk to me.
00:50:27Look.
00:50:30Listen, look at me, please.
00:50:35Look at me.
00:50:37Eventually, you're gonna have to break down that wall
00:50:39to let somebody in.
00:50:41Damn it, Ricky, you just don't get it, do you?
00:50:43Well, then why don't you help me get it?
00:50:45I am not good enough for you, okay?
00:50:47You have your whole life figured out,
00:50:48and I'm still lost.
00:50:51Why don't you tell me what's really going on, huh?
00:50:56What's really going on?
00:50:57You wanna know what's going on?
00:50:58Yeah.
00:50:59Okay.
00:51:01I...
00:51:07Can we just lay down, please?
00:51:11Yeah, all right.
00:51:16Hey, come here, come here.
00:51:20You still want me to come in, huh?
00:51:21Come here.
00:51:22It's all right.
00:51:24It's all right.
00:51:27Just relax.
00:51:32Right here.
00:51:34What the hell?
00:51:35Are you out of your damn mind?
00:51:37I can't walk away.
00:51:38Oh my God.
00:51:39Are you serious?
00:51:40You think two nights has obviously turned into three weeks?
00:51:44Look at me, Sammy.
00:51:46He's never gonna take you serious.
00:51:47You're an escort.
00:51:48Don't you understand that?
00:51:49Okay, first of all, I quit,
00:51:50and we don't need to tell him about my past.
00:51:52Well, guess what?
00:51:53I can't do that because that's my best friend, okay?
00:51:55So what you need to do is,
00:51:56you need to pack your bags,
00:51:57you need to go, disappear, never come back.
00:52:00Yeah, and do the same exact thing that Lisa did to him.
00:52:02Now, I can't do that.
00:52:03Well, you need to tell the truth.
00:52:05How about that?
00:52:06No, but I like him so much.
00:52:08Jesse, no, please don't make me tell him.
00:52:10Look, I never met anybody like him before, okay?
00:52:12He makes me feel special, like I'm worth something.
00:52:14Please, just hear me out.
00:52:15Just let me-
00:52:16That's because he doesn't know
00:52:17what your going rate is for,
00:52:18and you're costing me a lot of money.
00:52:20So with that said, you need to just get your shit.
00:52:23You need to leave, never come back.
00:52:25Either you tell him, or I will, okay?
00:52:28Wow.
00:52:30Okay, my going rate, huh?
00:52:33Fine, I'll tell him today.
00:52:36Asshole.
00:52:38And if you get your stuff together,
00:52:39I might have a job for you later.
00:52:40Clean yourself up,
00:52:41and take that doggone rag off your head.
00:52:43You ain't no, you ain't Cinderella, Jesus.
00:52:50So?
00:52:54I need to fix the dishwasher.
00:52:56What time is she supposed to be coming?
00:52:58Oh, I don't know.
00:52:59She should have been here already.
00:53:00I know.
00:53:01Probably stuck in traffic.
00:53:02That's what I'm talking about.
00:53:07Well, okay.
00:53:09Well, okay.
00:53:12That's neat.
00:53:15So did you try calling her?
00:53:16Yeah, let me call her again.
00:53:18I mean, maybe she had to work late or something?
00:53:20I don't know, I don't know.
00:53:22Let's see.
00:53:25That's funny, her phone is dead.
00:53:27Been trying to call her for the past half hour.
00:53:31And she did say she had to work earlier.
00:53:33That's what I'm saying,
00:53:34that she probably had to stay late at work.
00:53:37Well, I don't have hope.
00:53:39Wait.
00:53:40Jesus, what's up with your house?
00:53:42Stop leaving the windows open, Mom.
00:53:44I don't leave your windows open.
00:53:47Let me see, I don't think I have,
00:53:48actually, I do have a work number.
00:53:50It's the first number she called me from about a week ago.
00:53:54So let's see who it is.
00:53:56It's getting cold, I know that.
00:53:57Jessie, Jessie.
00:54:00All right.
00:54:05My bad.
00:54:06There it is.
00:54:09Get the show on the road.
00:54:11All right.
00:54:20S&M Escort Services, this is Linda.
00:54:22How may I satisfy your needs?
00:54:25I have to say,
00:54:27perfection.
00:54:33Hey, so.
00:54:36So what's up, what's happened?
00:54:39Not that she,
00:54:41she left for work late, so.
00:54:44All right, well, good.
00:54:45So we'll get the show on the road
00:54:46because I cannot wait to meet this woman.
00:54:48This woman who's made my son so happy.
00:54:51Yeah.
00:54:53S&M Escort Services, this is Linda.
00:54:55How may I satisfy your needs?
00:54:58Yeah.
00:55:01Samantha Kim.
00:55:03It'll be all right.
00:55:04Oh, the men just loved her.
00:55:10Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:55:12It's okay, it's okay.
00:55:13You're here now, you're here now.
00:55:15Oh my God, there was a two-course driving jam
00:55:17on the 405 and then my phone died.
00:55:19And I'm just like, ah!
00:55:20No worries, it's all good.
00:55:21It's so good to meet you.
00:55:22That 405 is crazy.
00:55:24It's so good to meet you, finally.
00:55:25Such a pleasure to meet you.
00:55:26Oh, it's such a pleasure to meet you.
00:55:27Oh my God.
00:55:28Oh, you're the one that's been making my son so happy.
00:55:31That's me, that's me.
00:55:33Hey, babe.
00:55:34Hey.
00:55:35What's up?
00:55:36I don't know, what's up with you?
00:55:38You talked to Jessie today?
00:55:40No, I didn't talk to Jessie,
00:55:41but you know who I talked to?
00:55:42I talked to Linda.
00:55:43Linda?
00:55:43Mm-hmm.
00:55:45Oh, Linda, let me tell you about Linda.
00:55:48Her boss, wow, she's a sweetheart.
00:55:50Yeah, she really is.
00:55:52She said you're number one in the company.
00:55:54Really?
00:55:55Yeah.
00:55:56You are the number one teacher?
00:55:58That is awesome.
00:55:58The number one, right?
00:55:59Awesome.
00:56:00Who would've thought?
00:56:01See, I'm after school counselor, yeah.
00:56:05Not a teacher.
00:56:06No, no, no, no, no.
00:56:06She even does weekends, too.
00:56:08But didn't you say that she's a teacher?
00:56:11No, no, you must have gotten me confused.
00:56:13I'm after school, I teach English tutoring for her.
00:56:16Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:56:17She does, she does a lot of tutoring.
00:56:18She does, she tutors the hell out of her students, okay.
00:56:22So you do after school counseling as well,
00:56:25but not teaching, okay, I'm confused.
00:56:27It's actually English tutoring.
00:56:29English tutoring.
00:56:30Okay, so why?
00:56:31You must really love kids.
00:56:33Yeah.
00:56:34That's great.
00:56:34I bet you do a little French, too, right?
00:56:36You speak a little French?
00:56:39He's so funny.
00:56:40Yeah, isn't he?
00:56:40He says, my boy.
00:56:42Oh my God, I'm starving.
00:56:45I bet you are.
00:56:47You have any kids?
00:56:48Yeah, I do.
00:56:49Well, not actually my kid,
00:56:50but I adopted my nephew with my mom
00:56:53and my sister, they passed away in a car accident.
00:56:56Oh my God.
00:56:57Yeah.
00:56:58God, I'm so sorry to hear that.
00:56:59It's okay, thank you, though.
00:57:00Wow.
00:57:02Wow, why didn't you bring him?
00:57:03Oh, he's with his dad.
00:57:05Oh, I see.
00:57:06Yeah.
00:57:06Wow.
00:57:07Yeah.
00:57:08Well, I hear you make a mean cake.
00:57:13Ricky has been bragging on it.
00:57:15He told me about my cake.
00:57:15Yes, he did, and I have to admit
00:57:17that I am a little jealous.
00:57:18No, stop, you do not have to be jealous.
00:57:20I'm sure you make it better than me.
00:57:21I don't know about all that.
00:57:23I don't know about all that, but.
00:57:24I'm sure.
00:57:25Well, I could get the dessert and we'll see.
00:57:28Okay, that sounds good.
00:57:29All right.
00:57:30I will be back.
00:57:34Okay.
00:57:39My mother is here.
00:57:43And voila.
00:57:46Here we go.
00:57:47Ooh, dessert.
00:57:48Mmm.
00:57:49Smells so good.
00:57:50I'm gonna finish this up so I can have a piece.
00:57:51All right.
00:57:54Oh, it looks so good.
00:57:55Doesn't look too bad, does it?
00:57:57Hey, can we go outside and talk for just a second?
00:58:00Now?
00:58:00No, we have a party.
00:58:01Yeah, sure, we'll just go outside and talk for a second.
00:58:03Ma, we'll be right back
00:58:04and we're gonna enjoy the dessert.
00:58:12So when were you gonna tell me
00:58:13that you were a paid-for-hire prostitute?
00:58:16Excuse me?
00:58:17You know what I just said.
00:58:19Well, you must do this with all your clients, huh?
00:58:21Well, obviously, because I called
00:58:23and they said that you were the number one escort.
00:58:26Well, that's good for you.
00:58:27But just let me explain, okay?
00:58:29Just let me explain, okay?
00:58:31I can explain this to you.
00:58:31How much did Jessie pay you?
00:58:33Would you calm down?
00:58:33Your mom is in there.
00:58:34How much did Jessie pay you?
00:58:44Answer the question.
00:58:51How much?
00:58:53How much?
00:58:56500.
00:59:01Damn, you cheap.
00:59:03Look, it's not what you think, okay?
00:59:06He didn't pay me to hang out with you any other night
00:59:08except for the first night, okay?
00:59:09I wanted to be there.
00:59:10I wanted to be with you.
00:59:13You gonna throw money at me?
00:59:17Don't do me any favors, all right?
00:59:19This should cover all your troubles.
00:59:22I don't want your money.
00:59:23Just wait until I get my hands on Jessie.
00:59:25Okay, look, leave Jessie out of it.
00:59:26It's not his fault.
00:59:27He told me to leave after the first night,
00:59:28but I couldn't because I was falling for you
00:59:30and you were falling for me too, okay?
00:59:33You gonna walk away?
00:59:42I'm sorry, okay?
00:59:44I left the envelope in your drawer in your office.
00:59:47Just please read it and just hear me out.
00:59:49Just hear everything I gotta say, okay?
00:59:52You have no idea.
00:59:54You have no idea.
00:59:55You have no idea.
01:00:22I don't know why I'm doing this,
01:00:23but this one definitely has no meaning,
01:00:26but here it goes.
01:00:52I'm sorry.
01:01:16What's up, man?
01:01:19I see you found your way inside of my house again.
01:01:20You know, man, look, I just came over to say I'm sorry, OK?
01:01:23I didn't mean things to turn out the way they did.
01:01:26I was just trying to look out for one boy,
01:01:28and things got out of hand.
01:01:29You're a great person, man.
01:01:31You did things the right way, and it's like I love you.
01:01:34It's like I lived for you sometime, all right?
01:01:36Hey, relax, Jesse.
01:01:37I'm all right, OK?
01:01:38It was meant to happen.
01:01:41Wait, so you're not mad at me?
01:01:43Nah, I'm over it.
01:01:46So have you talked to her?
01:01:48Yeah, she's going to come over later on with her nephew.
01:01:54Nephew.
01:01:54Well, look, man, I just came by to say I'm sorry, all right?
01:01:57Got to get home to the wife.
01:01:58Hm?
01:01:59Yeah, I got to get home to the wife, man.
01:02:01I'm trying to.
01:02:02This whole monogamous, whatever that word is thing,
01:02:04I'm trying to do it right.
01:02:05Maybe she'll stop complaining as much as she do, you know?
01:02:09Hey, we're good for you.
01:02:11Thank you, man.
01:02:13See you later.
01:02:15Tell your wife I said hello.
01:02:16Will do.
01:02:18And your kids?
01:02:20Not my kids, man.
01:02:25Still ain't changed.
01:02:35Cool.
01:02:36Well, let me get him.
01:02:38Josh.
01:02:39Josh, baby, come on, let's go.
01:02:42Josh, baby, come say bye to Mr. Ricky.
01:02:45He never wants to leave.
01:02:46All right, let's go over there.
01:02:50Wait.
01:02:50No, Ricky, look, I love you, OK?
01:02:52I am in love with you.
01:02:54And I know all we can be is friends,
01:02:55but that's not what I want, OK?
01:02:57A friend?
01:02:58A friend once told me that we may not like what's going on,
01:03:01and we may not understand it.
01:03:02But either way, it happens for a reason.
01:03:06Meeting you was not a mistake, OK?
01:03:08And if it was, it was the best mistake in my life.
01:03:11I don't know about you, but I'm willing to take
01:03:13a step of faith, OK?
01:03:16Don't just look at me.
01:03:17Please say something.
01:03:18Say something, please, anything.
01:03:20Just.
01:03:21I want you.
01:03:22I love you.
01:03:24Damn.
01:03:42So, uh, what you cooking in there?
01:03:45I am baking Caitlyn a cake.
01:03:48It's her birthday.
01:03:49Mm-hmm.
01:03:50Mm-hmm.
01:03:52I am so happy the two of you work things out.
01:03:55Me too.
01:03:59So have you made any plans for your 30th birthday tomorrow?
01:04:04Stop it with that?
01:04:05No.
01:04:06Look, it's just another birthday for me.
01:04:09No, it's not.
01:04:10It's the dirty 30.
01:04:12I'm trying to tell you.
01:04:14Listen.
01:04:15Look at me.
01:04:16I am looking at you.
01:04:17I'm good.
01:04:18Look, I'm happy with everything I have.
01:04:20You know that.
01:04:22I'm good, Ma, trust me.
01:04:23All right.
01:04:24You always were.
01:04:27So, so what'd you get her?
01:04:31That's what we should be talking about.
01:04:32I gotta address.
01:04:35Wow.
01:04:37Wow.
01:04:39Somebody's in love.
01:04:40Stop.
01:04:46She's so silly.
01:04:50Oh, I can't talk now.
01:04:56Ma, may I seat you?
01:04:59But of course.
01:05:00You may seat me.
01:05:01Mommy, you look beautiful.
01:05:05I do?
01:05:06You look amazing.
01:05:09So are you ready to celebrate your dirty 30?
01:05:13You know what?
01:05:13Yes, I am.
01:05:16All right, so let's start off with a toast.
01:05:18What are we toasting to?
01:05:20Josh, grab your glass.
01:05:21I have some water for you.
01:05:22What are we toasting to?
01:05:24We're toasting to love, our family,
01:05:26and the next generation of love.
01:05:29Stated by.
01:05:30And God, sorry.
01:05:33Stated by a true gentleman.
01:05:35And also an embrace in life, the next generation,
01:05:38and whatever else God has planned for our lives.
01:05:40I like that.
01:05:42Me too.
01:05:45Oh, the best part.
01:05:48OK, the best part is coming.
01:05:49Yeah.
01:05:53OK, really?
01:06:01Well, I know I'm not a pro, but um.
01:06:05You did not bake this cake.
01:06:06Are you serious?
01:06:07I sure did bake a cake.
01:06:08No, you didn't.
01:06:09I did.
01:06:10I baked a cake.
01:06:11That's a cake.
01:06:12But you still owe me mine for tomorrow.
01:06:16And you're baking that.
01:06:18That's the catch for this.
01:06:19Yeah.
01:06:20All right, deal.
01:06:21Here you go.
01:06:24OK, you know I'm going to be a critic.
01:06:31OK.
01:06:32Did your mom help you bake this cake?
01:06:34No, my mom didn't.
01:06:34Yes, she did.
01:06:35No, she didn't.
01:06:38This is all me.
01:06:40OK.
01:06:40I paid attention.
01:06:42I see.
01:06:43I'm impressed.
01:06:45Come here.
01:06:47Uh-oh.
01:06:47Am I in trouble?
01:06:48No, you're in a lot of trouble.
01:06:50I'm in a lot of trouble.
01:07:06So where's the birthday girl at, man?
01:07:08Oh, happy birthday, Kayla.
01:07:12What's up, man?
01:07:12You look beautiful.
01:07:13Oh, thank you.
01:07:14Smell good, too.
01:07:15I've seen you.
01:07:16All right, keep your nose.
01:07:17Right.
01:07:18When y'all be back, I got a surprise.
01:07:20So you ready for your dirty, dirty man?
01:07:23Don't remind me.
01:07:24I know.
01:07:26Happy birthday, baby.
01:07:27Oh, mother.
01:07:30Happy birthday, man.
01:07:32Why are you playing?
01:07:35Make a wish.
01:07:35Let's make a wish.
01:07:36So I want to be light-skinned.
01:07:41I knew it.
01:07:42That's his wish.
01:07:44Yeah, but it's a brown cake.
01:07:45OK, time to celebrate.
01:07:46Let's go.
01:07:47Let me get some of that seat over there.
01:07:48Hey, hey, hey.
01:07:49Seat.
01:07:50It's the seat that has no food here.
01:07:52Now, you knew I was coming over here.
01:07:53You were not supposed to be here this soon.
01:07:55This was intimate.
01:07:57It was intimate when you got a little boy right there.
01:07:59Well, he's a part of us.
01:08:01You were not supposed to be here this early.
01:08:02You know, they talk about stuff like that.
01:08:03Amore having sex with her kids.
01:08:05That's OK.
01:08:06Yeah, you should actually get the hair off your eyebrow.
01:08:09And you've been around kids just now.
01:08:11So how do you have hair on your eyebrow?
01:08:37Hey, relax.
01:08:39I'm only doing this because this is my place.
01:08:41Your place.
01:08:42A relaxation.
01:08:43Mm-hmm.
01:08:44My premises, so don't fall on my lead.
01:08:45All right.
01:08:46Let's go.
01:08:47I'm turning over a new lead, so you should, too.
01:08:51Yeah, that is good, man.
01:08:52Mm-hmm.
01:08:53It's crazy, isn't it?
01:08:55Yep.
01:08:56You finally turned yourself in, man.
01:08:58I'm proud of you, man.
01:09:00You make it sound like I'm about to walk through some prison
01:09:02doors or something.
01:09:03Are you?
01:09:04Trust me, man, all right?
01:09:05You are going to prison for life.
01:09:06Only difference is you're not waking
01:09:07up next to a whole bunch of guys.
01:09:09You're waking up to one crazy woman who's probably
01:09:11been watching you sleep.
01:09:12One of you having dreams about another woman.
01:09:14Oh, my god.
01:09:15And wait till she gets pregnant.
01:09:17Oh, everything you do is wrong.
01:09:19I'm breathing.
01:09:20I'm wrong.
01:09:20Hey, relax.
01:09:21Please, don't incorporate your life with mine.
01:09:23I think we're going to be fine.
01:09:24I'm just keeping it real, man.
01:09:26But thank you.
01:09:27You're welcome.
01:09:28I appreciate your realness.
01:09:31Wow.
01:09:32Ricky, man.
01:09:33What's up?
01:09:38We've been through a lot, man.
01:09:40And I want you to know, man, I'm happy for you.
01:09:47You deserve to be happy.
01:09:48You're a good man, man.
01:09:49And no matter what I say, no matter what I do,
01:09:52I'm always being for you.
01:09:55You're family, man.
01:09:57Hey, don't get all sentimental.
01:09:59Yeah, so I guess I made the cutoff time.
01:10:06My friend, you made the cutoff time, man.
01:10:08You did.
01:10:09I didn't think you was going to make it.
01:10:10But since you did make it, you ready to go to Vegas?
01:10:13You ready to go turn up?
01:10:14Uh-huh.
01:10:15Get some midgets, some butt-naked horses,
01:10:17or something, man.
01:10:17Some craps, some blackjacks, some spades,
01:10:19some something, jack-o-horses, something.
01:10:21Oh, what the hell?
01:10:22Donkey one-night-stand.
01:10:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:10:24Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:10:24Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:10:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:10:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:10:27Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:10:28Donkey one-night-stand.
01:10:29I don't care.
01:10:29Let's go turn up.
01:10:30About the butt-naked midges and the donkeys
01:10:32and all of the rest of the stuff.
01:10:34But we're turning in, OK?
01:10:37So we're turning on a regular balance.
01:10:39But let me tell you something.
01:10:41No strippers.
01:10:42Oh, man.
01:10:43Come on, man.
01:10:43No strippers.
01:10:45Listen, I forgot to tell you.
01:10:46Chocolate Thunder and them are going to be out there, too,
01:10:48man.
01:10:48What?
01:10:49But it's because they're celebrating Strawberry
01:10:50London's master degree, OK?
01:10:52Oh, man.
01:10:52Who else needs to celebrate, too?
01:10:54I thought you were turning over your new leaf.
01:10:56I am turning over a new leaf.
01:10:57Talk about it.
01:10:57I am turning over a new leaf, man.
01:10:59But I just got this itch that is just like, I don't know, man.
01:11:03It's just like, look, they're going to be out there
01:11:05the same time we are.
01:11:05I didn't control this.
01:11:06The universe controlled this.
01:11:07So the universe want me to get that last-minute pussy.
01:11:10And I'm asking you for my friend one more night.
01:11:14And I turn in with you.
01:11:16All right.
01:11:16And then, you know what else we're going to do?
01:11:18We're going to turn in that word, the P-U-S-S-Y word.
01:11:21We're going to really turn that in.
01:11:22So what do you want to call it?
01:11:23No, no, no, Ricky.
01:11:24We're turning that word in.
01:11:25What do you want to call it?
01:11:26I think the universe is asking you to go to an AA meeting.
01:11:28You want to call it a vagina, passion, glowing eye?
01:11:33I want to call it what it is.
01:11:35A vagina?
01:11:36Marriage.
01:11:37I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:39I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:40I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:41I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:42I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:43I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:45I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:46I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:47I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:48I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:49I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:51I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:52I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:53I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:54I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:55I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:56I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:57I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:58I want to call it a vagina.
01:11:59I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:00I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:01I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:02I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:03I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:04I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:05I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:06I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:07I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:08I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:09I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:10I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:11I want to call it a vagina.
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01:12:13I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:14I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:15I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:16I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:17I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:18I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:19I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:20I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:21I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:22I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:23I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:24I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:25I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:26I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:27I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:28I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:29I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:30I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:31I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:32I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:33I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:34I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:35I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:36I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:37I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:38I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:39I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:40I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:41I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:42I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:43I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:44I want to call it a vagina.
01:12:45I want to call it a vagina.