The Three Badasses Who Want Me Short Drama
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:00:15Angela, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:18I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:00:23Now sign the divorce paper.
00:00:27Baby.
00:00:29I'll sign it.
00:00:31Here, don't look right at it.
00:00:36My lovely princess, I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from.
00:00:41I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:00:47You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:00:50I'm going. I need to pick up my bride.
00:00:53No!
00:00:55Prepare my warplane!
00:01:01What's the situation here?
00:01:03I want to marry you.
00:01:06Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list, arrives in Atlanta today.
00:01:11What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:01:16Angela, my next-door neighbor.
00:01:19Still selling your hippie junk here?
00:01:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:01:24Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:01:26What's the point of watching the news all day about these moguls if you can't even apply it to your penniless self?
00:01:31And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:01:35Alright, everybody get out!
00:01:38We got an important guest coming!
00:01:41We got an important guest coming!
00:01:43We got an important guest coming!
00:01:45We got an important guest coming!
00:01:47We got an important guest coming!
00:01:49We got an important guest coming!
00:01:51We got an important guest coming!
00:01:55You!
00:02:00You deaf? I said pack up and scram!
00:02:03I paid the staff here already.
00:02:05And if you want me to leave, then fine.
00:02:07But you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:02:10You want to say that again?
00:02:14You know who's visiting today?
00:02:16Ellen freaking Musk!
00:02:18One of the richest people in the world.
00:02:20Ellen Musk?
00:02:21Of course a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:02:24Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:02:28Really?
00:02:29Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:02:34You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:02:40Coming to see you?
00:02:42Alright, you know what? I'll play your game.
00:02:45If she does this so much as give you a glance,
00:02:48I'll eat dirt.
00:02:51Deal.
00:03:00Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:03:04Or else, you're fired.
00:03:19Prepare the limo.
00:03:21Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:03:30Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:03:32Good. Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:03:35Five.
00:03:36Four.
00:03:39Three.
00:03:42Two.
00:03:44One.
00:03:46Two.
00:03:48One.
00:03:52Ellen! I mean, Ms. Musk!
00:03:55Ellen! I mean, I'm sorry that I...
00:03:59Sorry to frighten you.
00:04:01How's my boss bitch?
00:04:03Kickin' ass, girlfriend.
00:04:05So how do you, like...
00:04:08She's my boss.
00:04:10I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:04:14No way.
00:04:18Well?
00:04:22No! No!
00:04:24No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss!
00:04:26No, I won't do it again!
00:04:30Alright, that's enough. We're not tyrants here.
00:04:39Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:04:45You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:04:48The Runaway Bride.
00:04:51You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:04:55Who are you?
00:04:59Where is she?
00:05:01Atlanta. And you were right.
00:05:03It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:05:05My clever bride.
00:05:07I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:05:15Max, prep the jet.
00:05:17I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:05:23Dr. Wilson, Devin Sterling's on the move.
00:05:25He's headed to Atlanta.
00:05:27Atlanta? The game is afoot. I'm going.
00:05:30Wait, Dr. Wilson. The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:05:33He can wait. I need to pick up my bride.
00:05:39Dr. Wilson!
00:05:45Gino Eisenhower reporting, sir!
00:05:48Devin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:05:51Atlanta!
00:05:53Where is that?
00:05:55Whatever! Prepare my warplane!
00:05:57Don't sue going after my fiancée.
00:05:59This is war.
00:06:15I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper,
00:06:18to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project, like you asked me to.
00:06:21Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:06:23This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:06:26That project is worth billions.
00:06:28He can finally take his company public.
00:06:30But Angela, my boss,
00:06:33I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes
00:06:37without ever revealing your true identity.
00:06:40Without your backing?
00:06:42No offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:06:45Well, three years ago...
00:06:48You saved me.
00:06:54He saved me.
00:06:56He saved me.
00:07:00He saved you?
00:07:03Yes.
00:07:05He saved me.
00:07:07How?
00:07:09How did he do that?
00:07:11How did he do that?
00:07:14He saved me and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:07:20I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of
00:07:23being with a billionaire heiress.
00:07:26But now with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then I can finally
00:07:32come out to the public.
00:07:34So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:07:37I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:07:42So why work at the flea market?
00:07:44Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:07:48Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:07:54Plus I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:07:58You seem happy being a housewife.
00:08:00Where the hell are you?
00:08:03Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:08:08Get home stat.
00:08:09It's a big day today.
00:08:10That was...
00:08:14My mother-in-law, Carol.
00:08:17She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower class family.
00:08:20But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really
00:08:24am.
00:08:25You know, she even remembered our 30 year anniversary.
00:08:34Please spend more time with my son.
00:08:37Hi, I'm home.
00:08:40I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:08:42Finally, you're back.
00:08:44Now sign the divorce papers.
00:08:48Divorce papers?
00:08:51Is this some sort of misunderstanding, mom?
00:08:54God, don't call me mom again.
00:08:57We're ending that relationship.
00:09:00Just look at you.
00:09:01Dirt all over.
00:09:02You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:09:05You don't deserve my son.
00:09:06You're way below his league.
00:09:09I'm below his league?
00:09:11That's right.
00:09:12You are.
00:09:14Jared is signing a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with the Ellen Musk.
00:09:20And then his company's going public.
00:09:23That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:09:25But you?
00:09:27You're still just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:09:32Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:09:34And you...
00:09:35You will always just be a pawn.
00:09:40Like dirt on our shoes.
00:09:44Dirt on your shoes?
00:09:46But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:09:49You're delusional.
00:09:51You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:09:53How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here.
00:09:59Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:10:03And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:10:11You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:10:16Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:10:18Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:10:20Enough!
00:10:21Jared.
00:10:22I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:10:27But I am.
00:10:29Don't fight it, Angela.
00:10:31Here's 500k.
00:10:32You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:10:36Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:10:40Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:10:42I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:10:49Did that not mean anything to you?
00:10:51Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:10:54Fine.
00:10:55Here's another 200,000.
00:10:56500,000 is too much for her already.
00:11:01She's done nothing.
00:11:02Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:11:06She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:11:08Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:11:13I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:11:17You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:11:22And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:11:26A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:11:30What a joke.
00:11:31If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already and leave.
00:11:40You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me, let alone
00:11:45taking the company public?
00:11:47I did everything for you, Jared.
00:11:51Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:11:58It's all my work.
00:12:01Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:12:10You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:12:15So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:12:19She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:12:22Fine.
00:12:23I'll sign it.
00:12:26But don't regret it.
00:12:29Regret?
00:12:30Do you know who I am?
00:12:33Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:12:37I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:12:41Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:12:47Because he's business partners with Ellen Musk.
00:12:49It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:12:55You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:12:59Social stratum matters.
00:13:01Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:13:05And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:13:07And you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:13:13Ha!
00:13:14You're delusional.
00:13:15Now sign the papers and scram!
00:13:19You owe me.
00:13:23You dirty bitch.
00:13:25You sicken me.
00:13:32You hit me.
00:13:36Now sign the papers, take a track, and get the fuck out!
00:13:55I don't need your penny money.
00:13:58We're finished.
00:14:00You don't want the money?
00:14:01That's your loss.
00:14:03Your check is just pennies to me.
00:14:06But I would like my ring back.
00:14:11Have fun on your economy flight while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:14:29And I'm way out of your league.
00:14:36Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:14:40It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:14:44Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:14:47Something she found at the flea market.
00:14:49You're right.
00:14:50She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:14:55Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:15:00Oh!
00:15:01My dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:15:08Bigger big shot than Elon Musk?
00:15:10Yeah.
00:15:11And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:15:16Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:15:18Oh.
00:15:33Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:15:38Vanderbilt?
00:15:39Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies.
00:15:42Basically our employee.
00:15:43Oh, okay.
00:15:44I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow.
00:15:45It's fine.
00:15:47You're still going to the summit tomorrow?
00:15:48But you and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:15:51That's exactly why I'm going.
00:15:55Angela Lockhart.
00:15:56I finally found you.
00:15:57Who is he?
00:15:58That.
00:15:59That's Devin Sterling.
00:16:00He's the CEO of Vanderbilt.
00:16:01Oh.
00:16:02I see.
00:16:03I see.
00:16:04I see.
00:16:05I see.
00:16:06I see.
00:16:07I see.
00:16:08I see.
00:16:09I see.
00:16:10I see.
00:16:11I see.
00:16:12I see.
00:16:13I see.
00:16:14I see.
00:16:15I see.
00:16:16I see.
00:16:17I see.
00:16:18I see.
00:16:19I see.
00:16:20I see.
00:16:21I see.
00:16:22I see.
00:16:23I see.
00:16:24Devin Sterling.
00:16:25He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor in Crypto, CEO of Sterling
00:16:30Enterprises — rumors say he's worth trillions.
00:16:32And he's your fiancé.
00:16:36What?
00:16:37What, my fiancée?
00:16:40The one and only.
00:16:42So, after running away and leaving me single for 3 years have you figured out how you're
00:16:49going to make it up to me yet?
00:16:52That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:17:06What is she doing here?
00:17:11You skank!
00:17:13My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:17:18Divorced?
00:17:21That's right, so I guess this was never meant to be, mister...
00:17:26Sterling.
00:17:27Devin.
00:17:28Sterling.
00:17:29So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:17:33I guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:17:41How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:17:44Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:17:47Do you know who I am?
00:17:50They don't know who you are.
00:17:52You hide it well.
00:17:55X-Team!
00:17:56Teach these fools a lesson.
00:18:00Teach these fools a lesson.
00:18:06Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:18:10You forgot to bring the security team.
00:18:14Mind if I borrow your men?
00:18:17No, I have to go.
00:18:21Tell these ill-mannered apes out!
00:18:24Oh, you bitch!
00:18:26I'll have my son teach you a real lesson!
00:18:35A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:18:39No.
00:18:41Did he?
00:18:42No.
00:18:50Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:18:52You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:18:58Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:19:01Pleased to meet you all.
00:19:02Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:19:05What an honor.
00:19:07I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:19:10With billions of dollars.
00:19:11Congrats.
00:19:12You'll be next.
00:19:14But we haven't received the contract yet.
00:19:16We deserve it.
00:19:17Pardon me.
00:19:18Oh, that's nothing.
00:19:19I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:19:20Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:19:23So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:19:27Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:19:29Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:19:33Yes.
00:19:34I heard they're a very important and powerful guest.
00:19:39Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:19:41Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot,
00:19:45we can feast for generations.
00:19:51I'll do my best.
00:19:57Excuse me.
00:19:58A second, gentlemen.
00:19:59What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:20:04How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:20:06Me?
00:20:07A hobo?
00:20:08How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:20:11You sleep your way in?
00:20:12I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:20:15Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:20:18Don't flatter yourself.
00:20:23This is your ex-husband?
00:20:27What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:20:29Who the hell is this?
00:20:31You were cheating on me?
00:20:36Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:20:40That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:20:46They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:20:55I'm so sorry.
00:20:56I'm sorry.
00:20:57I'm sorry.
00:20:58I'm sorry.
00:20:59I'm sorry.
00:21:00I'm sorry.
00:21:01I'm sorry.
00:21:02I'm sorry.
00:21:03I'm sorry.
00:21:04I'm sorry.
00:21:05I'm sorry.
00:21:08You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:21:12Get your hands off of her!
00:21:18My lady.
00:21:20My lady.
00:21:35Kaylee.
00:21:46It's...
00:21:48It's him!
00:21:50He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:21:53Who are these peasants?
00:21:55These seats are reserved for the Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:22:00Oh, shut up, old man.
00:22:03You're disturbing the peace.
00:22:07Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:22:09That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:22:10You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:22:13His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:22:17This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:22:21Vanderbilt.
00:22:23The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:22:27who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:22:32That the Lee Vanderbilt family?
00:22:40Oh, goddammit, a stomachache now?
00:22:47Whatever. Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:23:03How dare you call one of us low?
00:23:06I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:23:11I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:23:16And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:23:20Not with me around.
00:23:21I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:23:27You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:23:32You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:23:34We've had enough of your games.
00:23:36Security, break their limbs and toss them out.
00:23:40Looks like the old guard's teaming up against you.
00:23:43But don't worry.
00:23:44You got your money.
00:23:48I can handle myself, thank you.
00:23:51Yes, my queen.
00:23:53You're all despicable.
00:23:56An insult to your family names.
00:24:00Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:24:04Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:24:07Cut off all business ties.
00:24:09And if you don't,
00:24:12I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:24:17I knew it.
00:24:19You're here to fuck with me.
00:24:20You can't fool anyone here.
00:24:22How much money did you spend on that getup to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:24:26You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:24:31You have nothing.
00:24:32And you will always be nothing.
00:24:35She's a gold digger.
00:24:38Gold digger?
00:24:39Gigolo.
00:24:41Wanna try me for a night?
00:24:44Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:24:46Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:24:49They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:24:52Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:24:54She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:24:57Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:24:59Security!
00:25:05Security!
00:25:06You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:25:10And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:25:13You!
00:25:15Insolent fools.
00:25:17Let me guess.
00:25:18You're that special guest?
00:25:20I don't know.
00:25:22Throw them out!
00:25:24And not without some broken bones, too.
00:25:33Back down, ass.
00:25:36I got this.
00:25:38I got this.
00:26:05What the hell are you two doing here?
00:26:08I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:26:10No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:26:13Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:26:24Angela!
00:26:26Don't hurt her!
00:26:27You bitch.
00:26:28I've always been sick of you.
00:26:30You just threw yourself at me.
00:26:31How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:26:34Boss?
00:26:35Did she say her boss?
00:26:36Miss Musk?
00:26:38That's Ellen Musk?
00:26:40That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:26:42My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:26:46Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:26:49Past the American Revolution?
00:26:51Back to the Renaissance.
00:26:53If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:26:56That's Lady Lockhart to you.
00:26:57She's royalty.
00:26:59And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:27:03What the hell did you do?
00:27:04Kneel!
00:27:05Oh, your majesty.
00:27:08Welcome to the United States.
00:27:11We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:27:14Yes, your highness.
00:27:16Is it a queen or princess?
00:27:18It doesn't matter.
00:27:20My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:27:24We didn't mean to offend.
00:27:26What are you doing, idiot?
00:27:28Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness.
00:27:35What rightfully belongs to you.
00:27:58She's a badass herself.
00:28:00He missed out on a good wife.
00:28:02You!
00:28:04You told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:28:07Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:28:10No, no, don't believe their lies.
00:28:12I worked hard for everything.
00:28:14You worked for everything?
00:28:20Hi, Henry.
00:28:22So, our 30th anniversary is coming up
00:28:25and I thought that maybe we can do something special this year.
00:28:28I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:28:30I have to figure out this big story.
00:28:32I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project
00:28:35and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:28:45You were nothing before me.
00:28:48All your achievements, all your glory.
00:28:51That's all mine.
00:28:53Including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:28:56I can take all of that away.
00:28:59Just like that.
00:29:00No, you can't take that away from me.
00:29:03That's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody.
00:29:06Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:29:10Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:29:12It was Queen Victoria's
00:29:14and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:29:23No, I gave you back the ring.
00:29:26I divorced a royal heiress.
00:29:29No, no, please, no.
00:29:32No, please take me back, baby.
00:29:34I still love you.
00:29:39Oh man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:29:42No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower.
00:29:51God, these two again.
00:29:53Did he say, is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:29:56President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:29:57After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:30:00each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:30:03the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:30:05Bloody buffoons know your history.
00:30:07Sorry I'm late, babe.
00:30:09I got lost trying to find Atlanta.
00:30:11Then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:30:17And that there is, that is the legendary boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:30:22He's Dr. House's protege.
00:30:24Dr. House?
00:30:26I thought that was just a TV show.
00:30:28Oh no, that's based on a real figure.
00:30:30Yep, that's me.
00:30:32Son of James House.
00:30:34Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:30:36I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:30:39So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands
00:30:43for the last 14 months.
00:30:45And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:30:53Hey, Alan.
00:30:54What are those and why are they here?
00:30:56Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:30:59What?
00:31:01Fiancés?
00:31:03Plural?
00:31:05Fiancés.
00:31:07Plural?
00:31:09Watch it, nerds.
00:31:11I'm her fiancé.
00:31:13No, I'm her fiancé.
00:31:15You can both shut up.
00:31:17I'm her fiancé.
00:31:18It's you.
00:31:19It's me.
00:31:20Who the hell is he?
00:31:21I'm Spider-Man.
00:31:22All three of these men, my fiancés.
00:31:26Your father had arranged these engagements years ago,
00:31:29but I didn't tell you because you decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:31:33She has three badass fiancés and she marries his dumb ass.
00:31:39Whatever.
00:31:41Since you're all here, help me finish them.
00:31:46Since you're all here, help me finish them.
00:31:52At your service.
00:31:54Me too.
00:31:59One down, two more to go.
00:32:01She's become queen.
00:32:03Bishop to G4.
00:32:07Ow!
00:32:09What the hell is that?
00:32:11The most German festin' water in the Nile River.
00:32:17Rook to A8.
00:32:22Hello?
00:32:26I thought I was king.
00:32:28No, you wish.
00:32:29The king doesn't do anything.
00:32:31So, Alan can be my king.
00:32:33Oh, fine.
00:32:38Bankrupt to four.
00:32:39It's right this second.
00:32:45I...
00:32:47I've been bankrupt!
00:32:49No!
00:32:51Who is...
00:32:57I've been bankrupt!
00:32:59No!
00:33:01I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:33:05Well, guess what? Game over.
00:33:07Alright, boys.
00:33:09Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:33:11Oh, that's serious business.
00:33:13I'm right with you.
00:33:16Wait for me.
00:33:18Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:33:21Angela!
00:33:24You already have three fiancés?
00:33:27You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:33:29I...
00:33:31want compensation.
00:33:34You greedy SOB.
00:33:36Who the fuck is that?
00:33:38My ex-husband.
00:33:39Wait.
00:33:40You were married?
00:33:41Yeah.
00:33:42And if that's a problem for you,
00:33:44then you don't have to tell me.
00:33:46I don't have to tell you?
00:33:48No.
00:33:49If that's a problem for you,
00:33:51then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:33:53More for me?
00:33:54No, no.
00:33:55Of course not.
00:33:56Just...
00:33:57Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:33:59Don't steal my joke.
00:34:01I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:34:03All evidence of your past with him is gone.
00:34:05What?
00:34:06Is there something on my face?
00:34:08Uh, yeah.
00:34:09Murderous intent.
00:34:11Let's remarry.
00:34:13Let's remarry.
00:34:15You still don't realize.
00:34:16I only fell in love with you
00:34:18because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:34:20Sir, it's an emergency.
00:34:22We need to rescue you now.
00:34:24Don't leave just yet.
00:34:26I'm going to get you help.
00:34:28No!
00:34:30No!
00:34:32No!
00:34:38No!
00:34:39Oh, God.
00:34:42No!
00:34:43Sir, it's an emergency! We need to wreck right away! Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson
00:34:52are causing mayhem at the company warehouse. Okay, I'm on my way. She should be okay now.
00:35:04Hey you! Watch over here. I'll be right back. You saved me. Fuck. I unwittingly gave away
00:35:22my own wife. Fuck. I unwittingly gave away my own wife. You've cheated on me, you've
00:35:30hit me, and you've insulted me. And after all that, I never want to see you again. I
00:35:37fucking hate you. What now? Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person, but if you're
00:35:49not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project... How about us three? Yes,
00:35:55Unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you. Yeah, no. You're all fired for trying to throw
00:36:01a coup. This is your fault, you doofus! We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:36:07No! No! We can't lose our positions with Elon Musk and the Lockhearts. I'll get you for
00:36:17this! I never should have listened to you. I'm ruined because of you! So, what's the
00:36:43situation here? I don't want to marry you! I don't want to marry you! Listen, I only
00:36:59met you guys a few hours ago, and I'm not interested in flash marriages. What? What
00:37:04if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours? Much
00:37:10longer. Angela, your parents would like to have a video call with all of you. My lovely
00:37:23princess, how are you? Look, your mother and I are in Italy. The views here are absolutely
00:37:29stunning. Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say? I heard you finally divorced that
00:37:36good-for-nothing, blood-sucking, freeloader husband of yours. I can't call his name, but
00:37:42anyway, congratulations! I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to
00:37:48replace him. Oh, you must pick one of them to marry, otherwise... Let me do it. You must
00:37:55choose one of them in seven days, otherwise we'll kill ourselves. Mom! All right, honey,
00:38:05that's it. Bye! Bye! So, who are you going to choose? Well, what if I want all three
00:38:19of you? Well, what if I want all three of you? That seems greedy. But I can always remove
00:38:36the other two options. Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too. I know and have
00:38:44access to all the deadliest poisons in the world. Well, okay, no murder, please. I was
00:38:50just kidding. You have seven days to win her over. Ooh, it's like The Bachelorette. I know.
00:38:59We'll start with challenge one. Welcome to the show, the three badasses who want me.
00:39:07Today, we have our first challenge. What is all of this, Ellen? You'll see.
00:39:24Oh my God! Oh my God! Cockroaches! All women are afraid of cockroaches, and it is every
00:39:30man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature. What will
00:39:35our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single, but screaming her head
00:39:40off heiress? Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits. It's up to the
00:39:53final two.
00:40:05Oh!
00:40:18Crunchy. That is sick cold. Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield,
00:40:24you'll be glad to see one of these around. There are two more left. Want to try one?
00:40:31Oh my God, no! No! Oh my God, save me! Save you? You're going to save me!
00:40:41I'm a germaphobe doctor. These hands can't get germs on them. They're for surgery and
00:40:46saving lives.
00:41:01Thank God you're here. Are you alright, honey? Angela!
00:41:11Alright, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for the
00:41:16night. Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean. I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:41:21You have nothing to worry about.
00:41:23Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything. At
00:41:31least my girl can get some. I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:41:38The cockroaches! They're gone, they're gone. There's nothing in this room except you and
00:41:42me, okay? I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:41:48I need a drink.
00:42:00Whoa, easy! You're on an empty stomach.
00:42:03Oh, what do you care?
00:42:06Are you trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela?
00:42:08You guys were right. I was blind for marrying that asshole. You know, I wasted three whole
00:42:19years of my life with him. He never even loved me. And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:42:30Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list
00:42:34if I was around?
00:42:38You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:42:43What?
00:42:48You're number one here.
00:42:55You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:42:58Lies.
00:43:02You all just want something from me.
00:43:08Angela, I know it's hard to trust again. But I assure you, I don't care what family
00:43:18you're from. I'm the richest man in the nation. I don't need your power, your status,
00:43:25your wealth, your connections. I just need you.
00:43:33I'll prove my love to you within six days, I promise.
00:43:38Okay.
00:43:47Screw the contest. I just want love.
00:43:52Angela, you're drunk.
00:43:55I'm an adult. Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:43:59Okay.
00:44:01But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:44:05Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:44:17This is what you want.
00:44:20This is what you want.
00:44:22This is what you want.
00:44:49Nine inch penis.
00:44:51Warning to you too. You sure you were drunk last night?
00:44:55A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:45:01Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:45:04But don't tell Shane or Cole. Because then they would...
00:45:09Say that you were being unfair?
00:45:11Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:45:14I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with
00:45:19you anyways.
00:45:21Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:45:27You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:45:31Stop.
00:45:34Fine, fine, fine.
00:45:38I won't tell.
00:45:41But only on one condition.
00:45:44I won't tell.
00:45:46But only on one condition.
00:45:49You have to go out on a date with me.
00:45:52Fine.
00:45:56I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:46:00You never noticed me.
00:46:06You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:46:11It's only 7am. She's still sleeping.
00:46:15I'm not sleeping alone.
00:46:16Yeah, I'm not letting my fiance be alone with another man for another second.
00:46:22Morning, gentlemen. Oh, or shall I say ruffmen?
00:46:26Oh, don't mind him.
00:46:29What's up, guys?
00:46:30We're ready for the second challenge.
00:46:32No cockroaches this time.
00:46:34Yes, no more terrifying things. That was my bad, Angela.
00:46:37This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:46:40I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:46:42The second challenge is...
00:46:44The second challenge is...
00:46:46a date.
00:46:47Lame. I should have asked for something else.
00:46:49A date?
00:46:51That's it.
00:46:52What's the catch?
00:46:53No catch.
00:46:54Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:46:57As simple as that.
00:46:58I know what I want to do. Let's start with me first.
00:47:00Okay. Who's up first? Then...
00:47:02Me.
00:47:03Save the best for last.
00:47:05Ain't that right, Angela?
00:47:07Then it's decided.
00:47:09Please don't take my BMW away.
00:47:12Too bad.
00:47:13You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:47:15I have nothing left.
00:47:25It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:47:31It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:47:33It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:47:43General Eisenhower, sir.
00:47:45At ease, Lieutenant.
00:47:47This is my lieutenant.
00:47:48He also manages this boxing gym.
00:47:50Pleasure to meet you, Madam Eisenhower.
00:47:52He's so serious.
00:47:54But, hang on.
00:47:55Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:47:58Baby!
00:47:59I decided to take you here on our first date
00:48:01so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:48:03Guns? Like murder weapons?
00:48:05Yes.
00:48:07Murder weapons.
00:48:28Like my guns, babe?
00:48:30Pretty Lockhart.
00:48:32Yeah.
00:48:33Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:48:35Lieutenant!
00:48:36Come close!
00:48:38Wait!
00:48:39You're just going to hit him like that?
00:48:41He's not even going to fight back?
00:48:42Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:48:44Treason?
00:48:45You guys are way too serious.
00:48:48Look, you Lockhart bitch!
00:48:49I caught you!
00:48:50If I'm going down,
00:48:51you're all going down with me!
00:48:53Lieutenant!
00:48:54Pistol attack!
00:48:58Ah!
00:49:02You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:49:06I will make you pay!
00:49:10If you don't need to keep beating him up,
00:49:11we could just take him to the cops.
00:49:13Not when he tries to hurt you.
00:49:21He's always a bit violent.
00:49:23I don't know.
00:49:26He's always a bit violent.
00:49:28Some might call it being protective.
00:49:30Poor anger issues.
00:49:32What if we get married
00:49:33and I forget to use a coaster
00:49:34on an antique table or something?
00:49:36Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:49:39Hey, some girls are into that.
00:49:41I don't know if I am.
00:49:44Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:49:49Your date with Shane starts now.
00:49:56Hey.
00:49:58Cool ride.
00:50:00A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:50:02when I saved his wife.
00:50:04Impressive.
00:50:08Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:50:10Refreshing.
00:50:12I got cool mint, too.
00:50:14Or do you prefer Spearmint?
00:50:18What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:50:20Fruit flavored gum.
00:50:22I can't stand those.
00:50:24Where are you taking me, Shane?
00:50:26Let me show you.
00:50:33Dr. Wilson!
00:50:35Our VIP of VIPs!
00:50:37Right this way.
00:50:39VIP of VIPs?
00:50:41Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:50:43I forget who.
00:50:45You saved a lot of people.
00:50:47I do what I can.
00:50:49Oh, my gosh.
00:50:51It's my gold-digging neighbor
00:50:53Sandra Miller.
00:50:55What are you doing here?
00:50:57I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:50:59Your mother-in-law told me
00:51:01all about the divorce
00:51:03and how you hired some gigolo
00:51:05to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:51:07Hello of you.
00:51:09What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:51:11Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:51:13I sell high fashion jewelry pieces
00:51:15so high-end,
00:51:17you couldn't even afford
00:51:19even a few soldier organs.
00:51:21I'll deal with you later.
00:51:31Cameron,
00:51:33I have a task for you.
00:51:35Our next piece
00:51:37is absolutely extraordinary
00:51:39Cleopatra's armband
00:51:41sold by our vendor
00:51:43Sandra Miller
00:51:45for five million dollars.
00:51:47Excuse me,
00:51:49I'd like to donate
00:51:51this piece to auction.
00:51:53It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:55I'd like to donate
00:51:57this piece to auction.
00:51:59It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:52:01What are you doing?
00:52:03Just watch.
00:52:09That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:52:11Please, I'm an expert
00:52:13and that's a fake.
00:52:15She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:52:18Not this again.
00:52:20Cut the bullshit,
00:52:22that wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:52:24Oh yeah? Here, you want it?
00:52:26For free.
00:52:28Ew, I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:52:32Well, that's too bad then
00:52:34because you are the fraud.
00:52:38What are you talking about?
00:52:40Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:52:42Throw them out.
00:52:44Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine
00:52:46but we're professionals.
00:52:48Oh yeah? And that armband
00:52:50sells for five million dollars?
00:52:52Yeah, mine is the real thing.
00:52:54You two are just upset
00:52:56because you're too poor
00:52:58to afford our luxury items.
00:53:00Oh, is that so?
00:53:02When a so-called expert failed to recognize
00:53:04Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:53:06Dear Lord,
00:53:08this is real.
00:53:10It's authentic.
00:53:12It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:53:16Cameron,
00:53:18what have you found?
00:53:20Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband
00:53:22you sent me? It's a replica.
00:53:24I had the same one
00:53:26right here at the flea market.
00:53:28So,
00:53:30you are the fraud.
00:53:32You just went to the flea market
00:53:34so you can buy some fakes.
00:53:36And Cameron, how much are these fakes
00:53:38being sold for?
00:53:40150.
00:53:42Wow, not even five dollars.
00:53:44You've been duping us
00:53:46the whole time.
00:53:48Arrest her!
00:53:50No! Please! This is my time!
00:53:52Please!
00:53:54What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:53:56Uh, investigating lead poisoning
00:53:58from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan. Bye.
00:54:00Black Callista from the jewelry industry
00:54:02forever.
00:54:04I
00:54:06had a
00:54:08really great time tonight.
00:54:10Me too.
00:54:12May I
00:54:14have a kiss?
00:54:28Is
00:54:30something wrong?
00:54:32Do you
00:54:34always have gum in your mouth?
00:54:40Yep.
00:54:42You never have to worry about stinky breath
00:54:44from me.
00:54:54You
00:54:56owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:54:58I don't have
00:55:01any money.
00:55:03How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:55:05I guess you'll only pay
00:55:07up
00:55:09if I break your other leg.
00:55:11Stop!
00:55:15Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:55:19Mr. Buffett.
00:55:25This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:27That's right. Ms. Musk wanted
00:55:29me to give it to you.
00:55:31I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:55:33I knew Angela was still
00:55:35in love with me.
00:55:37Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:55:39It was all just a little
00:55:41misunderstanding.
00:55:43Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:55:45And then maybe you can
00:55:47tell Lady Lockhart
00:55:49to put in a good word for us?
00:55:51Angela still loves me. She's just throwing
00:55:53a fit. She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:55:55Yeah. Do you need any help
00:55:57winning her back? We can give you
00:55:59jewelry to give to her.
00:56:01I was just sucking up to these pricks
00:56:03a few days ago, but now they're all begging me
00:56:05to help them out. It feels so
00:56:07damn good to be in power.
00:56:09Sure.
00:56:11I'll put in a good word for you.
00:56:13I just need... Anything.
00:56:15You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:56:17Once I take everything from
00:56:19these idiots, I'll go after
00:56:21Angela Lockhart
00:56:23for my revenge.
00:56:27I'm
00:56:29giving the contract to Jared Cooper
00:56:31just like you asked me to.
00:56:33Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:56:37Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:56:39I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:56:41That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:56:43It requires him to pay 50%
00:56:45of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:56:47And if he can't, then what?
00:56:49He'll be bankrupt.
00:56:51So as long as he's greedy enough to take it.
00:56:53I'm avenging my
00:56:55best friend. I want to show the world
00:56:57that without Angela Lockhart,
00:56:59he's nothing.
00:57:05I signed the
00:57:07Maple Plaza project.
00:57:09We should celebrate. You did?
00:57:11You see, I know my son
00:57:13has it in him. That skank Angela
00:57:15is nothing next to you.
00:57:17And it's all thanks
00:57:19to you, sweetheart. Actually,
00:57:21it's thanks to Angela.
00:57:25What?
00:57:27You're trying to ditch me to go back
00:57:29to your wife? Oh, no, no, no.
00:57:31He's not. Jared, what are you
00:57:33doing? You have such a beautiful
00:57:35and bright future ahead of you.
00:57:37It's my decision,
00:57:39Mom. I'm the head of the house here.
00:57:41I'm telling my dad.
00:57:43Fine. Go right ahead. He has enough
00:57:45problems himself. If you're obedient,
00:57:47I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:57:49But if not, you can scram.
00:57:51Dad,
00:57:53Jared is being mean to me.
00:57:55Teach him a lesson. Kaylee, be a good
00:57:57girl, okay? Jared has
00:57:59the backing of some very powerful
00:58:01people now. Don't get on his bad
00:58:03side. We can't afford to
00:58:05piss him off. So do as
00:58:07he says. But, Dad!
00:58:15I'm sorry.
00:58:17I'll be your side piece.
00:58:19Very good.
00:58:22I'm happy you've come around. Now, let's go celebrate!
00:58:28I mean, do I really want to be with Mr.
00:58:30Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:58:32But that tongue action, though.
00:58:34Tongue is important.
00:58:36In more than just one spot. Ellen, we are
00:58:38in public. It's true.
00:58:40Oh! Stomachache.
00:58:42Again? I have to run to the bathroom.
00:58:44Devin should be here to pick you up
00:58:46soon. Okay.
00:58:48Devin's late.
00:58:50Not a good sign for a date.
00:58:54This hotel restaurant has five
00:58:56Michelin stars.
00:58:58It's her!
00:59:00And she's alone. With no one to save
00:59:02her.
00:59:04You whore.
00:59:06You seduced my son so he could back
00:59:08with you.
00:59:12Let me tell you.
00:59:14I would never go back even if your
00:59:16entire family got down on their knees
00:59:18and begged me.
00:59:22Hey, you guys can fight all you want, but you need to take this
00:59:24somewhere else.
00:59:26Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this!
00:59:28What? Why do I have to leave?
00:59:30She's the one starting shit!
00:59:32Because I have money and you don't.
00:59:34You're just a stinky hippie peddler
00:59:36and my son just signed a
00:59:38100 billion dollar contract!
00:59:40He still got the contract?
00:59:42Hmm.
00:59:44Must be Ellen's doing.
00:59:46Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the
00:59:48liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:59:50Oh, he's just gonna...
00:59:52Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:59:56Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
01:00:00You take my charity
01:00:02and toss it in my face
01:00:04as if it's your own.
01:00:06My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
01:00:08$1,000 to take
01:00:10her away.
01:00:12$2,000 to drag her away.
01:00:14$5,000 to
01:00:16beat her away.
01:00:20Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
01:00:22Ow! Hey!
01:00:26You okay? Are you hurt?
01:00:32Weakling.
01:00:34You! You! Just a few days ago you found yourself
01:00:36a boy toy right after getting divorced!
01:00:38And now you have two more?
01:00:40What a whore.
01:00:43What a whore.
01:00:45Yeah, and Jared wanted to get back with her?
01:00:47What if she has an STD?
01:00:49Oh, like sleeping with a married
01:00:51man wouldn't give you an STD!
01:00:53Let's go.
01:00:55We'll expose her to Jared!
01:00:57Hang on.
01:00:59What do you want?
01:01:01I'll scream!
01:01:03I don't hit women, but I never said I don't kill women.
01:01:07But I never said I don't kill women.
01:01:09Oh God.
01:01:11He is a murderer.
01:01:13What if he murders me?
01:01:15Not him. Definitely not him.
01:01:21We're not afraid of you.
01:01:23That's enough. This isn't a war zone.
01:01:25You'll be removed from being a five-star general
01:01:27if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:01:29I was just messing with them.
01:01:31Was he though?
01:01:33We're not afraid of you!
01:01:35Jared! You have to
01:01:37avenge us. Look at this slut.
01:01:39She's found two more boy toys.
01:01:41She's cheating on you. Don't get back with her.
01:01:43Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:01:45I apologize for this scene.
01:01:47I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately
01:01:49so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:01:51Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:53Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:55The potty crashes.
01:01:59You have any idea who that is?
01:02:01That's my wife.
01:02:03We saved that title for the real
01:02:05skank over there.
01:02:07That's right. Know your place.
01:02:09Shut up.
01:02:11She's cheating on you.
01:02:13Know your place. You're just a side piece
01:02:15if I still want you, that is.
01:02:17Eric, have you gone mad?
01:02:19This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:02:21You slap her for this whore?
01:02:23Mom!
01:02:25They really think they're something, huh?
01:02:27Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status
01:02:29goes back to the Victorian age.
01:02:31She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:02:33I only got the Maple Plaza project
01:02:35because she gave it to me.
01:02:37What?
01:02:39You apologize right now
01:02:41or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:02:48I'm sorry.
01:02:50No.
01:02:52This can't be.
01:02:54I made you a divorce.
01:02:58Go home.
01:03:00You're not suited to come with me
01:03:03to my celebration banquet.
01:03:09I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:03:13Honey, I know you came here
01:03:15to celebrate my achievements.
01:03:17I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:03:19I didn't come here for you.
01:03:21I'm on a date.
01:03:23A date with two men
01:03:25at the same time?
01:03:27She really is a whore.
01:03:29Angela, please forgive me.
01:03:31I really do love you.
01:03:35Oh, Lady Lockhart is here.
01:03:39Oh, Lady Lockhart is here.
01:03:43Yeah, we already know
01:03:45you beat Ford's ass.
01:03:47We're too old for that.
01:03:49They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:03:51Please, you gave me the contract
01:03:53so if anyone should go
01:03:55as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:03:57Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:03:59We'll be one happy business family again.
01:04:01What the hell
01:04:03are you all doing here?
01:04:05Where were you?
01:04:07Stomach issues.
01:04:09Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:04:11No.
01:04:13Let me make myself clear,
01:04:15okay?
01:04:17I would rather die
01:04:19than be with you again.
01:04:21Seems that they're not actually
01:04:23on good terms.
01:04:25I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:04:27Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:04:29Angela, I know you're still mad,
01:04:31but please give me a chance.
01:04:33I'll prove it to you.
01:04:35You want a chance?
01:04:37Angela, no.
01:04:39You have three great guys here
01:04:41who all want to marry you.
01:04:43Don't take him back.
01:04:45I'll give you two choices.
01:04:47I'll give you two choices.
01:04:49Me
01:04:51or the contract.
01:04:53You're kidding me.
01:04:55If you choose me,
01:04:57we can remarry this week.
01:04:59But you don't get the
01:05:01hundred billion dollar contract.
01:05:03The choice is all yours.
01:05:05That's a tough choice.
01:05:07You think so?
01:05:09He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract
01:05:11that takes his company to the moon.
01:05:13Either way, he benefits.
01:05:15Why can't I have both?
01:05:17You really are a greedy bastard.
01:05:19Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:05:21I deserve the contract.
01:05:24Did you really?
01:05:30Look who's fashionably late now.
01:05:32He didn't save her at the pool.
01:05:34Wait, what?
01:05:36What are you talking about?
01:05:38I choose the contract.
01:05:40I knew it.
01:05:42You'll get what's coming to you.
01:05:44With this contract,
01:05:46my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:05:48Angela Lockhart,
01:05:50you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:05:52I will get you one day.
01:05:54Let me show you something.
01:06:07You saved me.
01:06:13You saved me.
01:06:15I'm sorry.
01:06:17If his lies led to you wasting
01:06:19three years of your life,
01:06:21but I promise you
01:06:23I'm going to make it up to you
01:06:25with the rest of our lives.
01:06:27No, I wasn't lying.
01:06:29I just can't remember exactly
01:06:31what happened that day.
01:06:39Does that mean
01:06:41we both each saved her once?
01:06:43What? Me?
01:06:45Dr. Wilson?
01:06:47Losing at saving people?
01:06:49You guys, one of you,
01:06:51do something life-threatening right now.
01:06:53You're crazy.
01:06:55And actually,
01:06:57they've all been doing horrible shit
01:06:59behind your back.
01:07:01What?
01:07:03Mr. Sterling had me investigate
01:07:05their company's dealings.
01:07:07Turns out they've been fudging the numbers
01:07:09on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:07:11Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:07:13I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:07:15Ms. Lockhart,
01:07:17I'm so sorry.
01:07:19I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:07:21No, it's not your fault.
01:07:23They're just too slick.
01:07:25You'd like me to punish them for you?
01:07:27Oh God, no. Not that again.
01:07:29Please.
01:07:31Max, you know what to do.
01:07:34The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:07:36All business ties have been severed.
01:07:38We're bankrupt!
01:07:44How did you do that?
01:07:46Who are you?
01:07:48And don't say Spider-Man!
01:07:52I'll tell you who I am.
01:07:54I'm Spider-Man.
01:07:56And I'm here to help you.
01:07:58I'm here to help you.
01:08:00I'm here to help you.
01:08:02I'll tell you who I am.
01:08:06I'll tell you who I am.
01:08:10I am
01:08:12Crypto Punk Number Two.
01:08:14What did he say he was?
01:08:16That's more bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:08:18You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:08:20Well,
01:08:22I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:08:24See? You are number one at something.
01:08:26The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:08:28Forget Forbes' list.
01:08:30It's all about young money now.
01:08:32So,
01:08:34how about our date?
01:08:40I'm not letting them one-up me on this one.
01:08:42Let's buy two.
01:08:56They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:08:58I still have the 100 billion dollar project.
01:09:01Yes!
01:09:03I'm rich!
01:09:05I can make them all pay soon!
01:09:13What?
01:09:15Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:09:17The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide
01:09:1950% of the costs up front.
01:09:21Otherwise, it's a breach of contract
01:09:23and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:09:25No!
01:09:27I'm bankrupt!
01:09:29I need a little off-card.
01:09:31You tricked me!
01:09:37Oh,
01:09:39allow me.
01:09:43I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:09:45I had to get some very important materials
01:09:47for our
01:09:49special date.
01:09:51Well, cheers.
01:09:53Cheers.
01:09:57This looks good.
01:10:03Did you use my spices?
01:10:05I know your ex-in-law
01:10:07has never appreciated you.
01:10:09You can have all the money
01:10:11and power in the world
01:10:13and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:10:17I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:10:23I'm sorry.
01:10:26Angel,
01:10:30your future
01:10:32with me
01:10:34is going to be different.
01:10:36Come on.
01:10:38Upstairs.
01:10:56Wow.
01:10:58Devon,
01:11:00I can't believe this is what I've been
01:11:02missing out on these past few years
01:11:04just because of some
01:11:06silly mistake.
01:11:08Angela,
01:11:10I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:11:12Actually,
01:11:14I've also loved you for three years.
01:11:16That's right.
01:11:18I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:11:20How is
01:11:22all of this possible?
01:11:24I didn't meet any of you
01:11:26until recently.
01:11:28Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:11:32I've had a crush on you since college.
01:11:34You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:11:38Despite who you were,
01:11:40you never judged me for being poor.
01:11:45Are you trying to get hired
01:11:47at Fortune 500
01:11:49in a suit like that?
01:11:51All you do
01:11:53is babble on and on about
01:11:55Internet money, Bitcoin,
01:11:57and shit like that.
01:11:59Are you trying
01:12:01to steal my spot?
01:12:03I'll teach you
01:12:05a lesson.
01:12:07Hey! Get away from him!
01:12:09Angela!
01:12:115C girl.
01:12:13I like her.
01:12:21How is he?
01:12:23It's a rare poison
01:12:25made from a mixture of dried roots
01:12:27found in Africa.
01:12:29Can it be cured?
01:12:31I actually think I know that poison.
01:12:33It sounds really scary,
01:12:35but its cure can actually be found
01:12:37in any developed country.
01:12:39Household salt.
01:12:46I like her.
01:12:48There you go.
01:12:50There you go.
01:12:52Time is up.
01:12:54Oh, shoot.
01:12:56I'm late for swim practice.
01:13:04I like her.
01:13:06We have been rivals ever since.
01:13:08So, that's how
01:13:10I, well,
01:13:12we all met.
01:13:14I barely remember.
01:13:16I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:13:18Matthew Richards,
01:13:20the guy who poisoned me,
01:13:22attacked you out of revenge.
01:13:24You wouldn't have known.
01:13:26I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:13:28If that makes you feel any better.
01:13:30Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:13:32Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:13:34Now that you know they all loved
01:13:36and fought for you for three years,
01:13:38who will you pick?
01:13:44How can that be?
01:13:47Angela Lockhart
01:13:49is an heiress?
01:13:54Kaylee, we've gone
01:13:56bankrupt.
01:13:58Bankrupt?
01:14:00The Vanderbilts have gone bankrupt?
01:14:02Well, then,
01:14:04get out of here!
01:14:06You can't do this to me!
01:14:10Jared! Mom, it's me.
01:14:12What happened?
01:14:14Jared, I have carefully
01:14:16reconsidered. Angela is way
01:14:18better than this dimwit. You should get back
01:14:20with your wife.
01:14:22We're bankrupt.
01:14:24What?
01:14:26Jared Cooper.
01:14:30We're here to
01:14:32propose to your belongings.
01:14:34No one is going to save you now.
01:14:36What?
01:14:40What kind of
01:14:42an asshole throws his own mother to the
01:14:44docks?
01:14:48Who will you pick?
01:14:50I...
01:14:56I brought you
01:14:58fried chicken.
01:15:00Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:15:02Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta
01:15:04for three months.
01:15:06At least I don't speak
01:15:08like an AI robot.
01:15:10Hey, stop. Stop.
01:15:12Welcome back
01:15:14to The Bachelorette.
01:15:16I mean, the three badasses
01:15:18who want me. I mean,
01:15:20Angela Lockhart,
01:15:22you know what I mean.
01:15:24Today, our heiress bachelorette
01:15:26will choose which one
01:15:28of our three badasses will she marry.
01:15:30Will it be
01:15:32Shane, the doctor?
01:15:34Cole,
01:15:36the general?
01:15:38Or Devin,
01:15:40the CEO?
01:15:44Uh, looks like our bachelorette
01:15:46may need a little more time to decide.
01:15:48Oh, the suspense is
01:15:50killing me.
01:15:52But when she does, she will take
01:15:54this eternal rose, made from glass
01:15:56imported from Venice, and give it
01:15:58to our winner,
01:16:00Angela.
01:16:02Angela.
01:16:04Oh, I...
01:16:06I...
01:16:08I need more time to think.
01:16:14While our bachelorette takes
01:16:16a little time to decide,
01:16:18why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:16:20Let's check in with each of our
01:16:22candidates.
01:16:24Let's start with Cole.
01:16:26Cole.
01:16:30There's not much to say.
01:16:32Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:16:34who has huge biceps,
01:16:36a massive chest,
01:16:38who would protect
01:16:40their wife?
01:16:42Okay.
01:16:44Thank you. Uh, Shane?
01:16:48Muscles, money,
01:16:50they won't get you so far.
01:16:52But you need a well-balanced man
01:16:54like me that has more than one way
01:16:56to keep a lady happy, if you know what I mean.
01:16:58Okay.
01:17:00I think we do.
01:17:02And Devin.
01:17:04That was quite disgusting.
01:17:08I just hope Angela's okay.
01:17:10I know she's going under
01:17:12a lot of stress right now,
01:17:14a lot of choices to make.
01:17:16And she's my queen.
01:17:18I just really hope she's okay.
01:17:20Now, one more thing.
01:17:22What kind of a doctor
01:17:24brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:17:26That's a good point.
01:17:28It's bad for her heart.
01:17:30And then you!
01:17:32Well, you know what they say
01:17:34about military men.
01:17:36They beef their wives.
01:17:42Enough!
01:17:44Stand up!
01:17:46Hey, you guys.
01:17:48Whoa, break it up!
01:17:50Hey!
01:17:52Break it up!
01:17:54Break it up!
01:17:58Cut to commercial!
01:18:00Cut to commercial!
01:18:12Oh my gosh.
01:18:18This is the hardest decision
01:18:20I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:18:24Who do I choose?
01:18:34Angela's marrying me!
01:18:36You're not stealing her from me.
01:18:38Oh yeah?
01:18:40I may be a doctor,
01:18:42but like I said,
01:18:44I know and possess
01:18:46the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:18:48What don't you have in that coat?
01:18:50Fruit flavored gum.
01:18:52I'll fight you to the death.
01:18:54Don't forget about me.
01:18:56It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:02These stupid profile cards
01:19:04don't make any sense.
01:19:06They do not help.
01:19:08Who made these?
01:19:22It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:24It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:26It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:30I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:19:34And I have the power of
01:19:36telekinesis!
01:19:52We may have to work together
01:19:54to take him down.
01:20:06This battle within our heads is the most intense
01:20:08I've ever experienced.
01:20:10I may not be able to take them both down
01:20:12if they decide to team up.
01:20:14Hmm. Wintermat or Coolmat?
01:20:16Wintermat.
01:20:20You know,
01:20:22I've always really liked your hair.
01:20:24Really?
01:20:26I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:20:28So I appreciate that.
01:20:32And you know, Cool,
01:20:34I've always really liked
01:20:36the way you talk.
01:20:38Really?
01:20:42What do you got for me?
01:20:44I've always really liked
01:20:46the way you chew gum.
01:20:48It's fresh, right?
01:21:00Angela's been kidnapped!
01:21:02Angela's been kidnapped!
01:21:04It was Jared Cooper!
01:21:06That fucker!
01:21:08We have to find her.
01:21:10Her ring.
01:21:12She has a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring, just in case.
01:21:14Well, let's go then!
01:21:16My phone! My fiancé!
01:21:18My fiancé!
01:21:24Jared.
01:21:28What am I doing here?
01:21:30You destroyed me.
01:21:34I took everything.
01:21:36What?
01:21:38Nothing left.
01:21:40It's not my fault you were too greedy.
01:21:42I was greedy?
01:21:44To have sex with my wife?
01:21:46What?
01:21:48I'm not your wife anymore!
01:21:50Oh yeah, I know. You wouldn't take me back now,
01:21:52not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:21:54This is illegal!
01:21:56You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:21:58You won't have me arrested.
01:22:00You will take me back.
01:22:04Come on, bitch.
01:22:06I'll settle you down a little.
01:22:08I'll settle you down a little.
01:22:18You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:22:22Hey!
01:22:24Angela, come here!
01:22:28You're too late!
01:22:30I drugged her.
01:22:32She'll be dead soon.
01:22:34Have you forgotten who I am?
01:22:36He really does have everything in his coat.
01:22:38Everything except for fruit.
01:22:40Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum. You get it already.
01:22:42Just save my boss!
01:22:44Here you go.
01:22:50You're all good now.
01:22:52Oh, thank God.
01:22:54But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:22:56What? What are you going to do to me?
01:22:58Hey, stop! No!
01:23:02Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:23:06No!
01:23:10Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:23:12Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:23:20So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:23:22We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:23:24The Prince of Bhutan.
01:23:28And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:23:36Welcome back to the finale of
01:23:38The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:40We're down to the wire.
01:23:42Literally. The wedding day.
01:23:44But who's the groom?
01:23:58Welcome back to the finale of
01:24:00The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:24:02But who's the groom?
01:24:06Ah, seems our heiress still
01:24:08hasn't decided.
01:24:10Any input from the parents?
01:24:12Maybe that will help sway
01:24:14our bachelorette's choice.
01:24:16This is exciting.
01:24:18Who should my daughter pick?
01:24:20Let me think.
01:24:24I like the doctor.
01:24:26He's cute.
01:24:30But the general looks like
01:24:32a strong fellow.
01:24:34And we can't forget about Devin Sterling,
01:24:36the one who's loved her the longest.
01:24:38Isn't that right, Devin?
01:24:40Angela.
01:24:46You are all three
01:24:48very fine
01:24:50gentlemen.
01:24:52And I'm really grateful
01:24:54for all of your love.
01:24:56But this was a really
01:24:58hard decision, and
01:25:00I decided to
01:25:02devise one last challenge.
01:25:04And...
01:25:06I decided to
01:25:08devise one last challenge.
01:25:12I'm just kidding.
01:25:14I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:25:20Each of our candidates have saved
01:25:22our main character.
01:25:24I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:25:26They've all proven their undying
01:25:28love. So who gets to
01:25:30unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:25:32Literally.
01:25:34Could it be
01:25:36the sexy and protective
01:25:38general with a temper,
01:25:40Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:25:46Or the fun,
01:25:48wicked-minded, but
01:25:50kind of weird,
01:25:52Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:25:56And last but not least,
01:25:58could it be the richest man
01:26:00of them all, the man Angela
01:26:02would have married a long time ago,
01:26:04Mr. Devin Sterling?
01:26:08Gentlemen,
01:26:10it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:26:12It has.
01:26:14May the best man win.
01:26:16May the best man win.
01:26:18Drumroll, please.
01:26:28Seriously, Ricky?
01:26:38I choose...
01:26:48I need a powerful, strong man
01:26:50who I really feel like he can protect me.
01:26:58Who could resist those guns?
01:27:02Would it interest you in an
01:27:04NFD, Ellen?
01:27:20Shane, it's you.
01:27:22I'm lovesick for you.
01:27:24You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:27:28It's that tongue action,
01:27:30ladies and gents.
01:27:32Ellen, be my new queen.
01:27:34I hope we can go together.
01:27:48It's always been you.
01:27:58I'll always love you.
01:28:02Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:28:06Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:28:08Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:28:10I eat fruit-flavored gum.
01:28:28I love you.
01:28:46I, Selene Lovett,
01:28:48accept my role as
01:28:50Nightwind's pack Luna
01:28:52and your wife.
01:28:54I, Alexander Kane,
01:28:56fucking love you.
01:29:12Wow. Two alphas together.