The Three Badasses Who Want Me Short Drama
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:00:15Angela, still selling your hippie junk here?
00:00:18I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:00:23Now sign the divorce paper.
00:00:27Baby.
00:00:29I'll sign it.
00:00:31Here, don't look right at it.
00:00:36My lovely princess, I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from.
00:00:41I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:00:47You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:00:50I'm going. I need to pick up my bride.
00:00:53No!
00:00:55Prepare my warplane!
00:01:01What's the situation here?
00:01:03I want to marry you.
00:01:06Ellen Musk, the only woman on the Forbes 30 Under 30 list, arrives in Atlanta today.
00:01:11What a business tycoon is doing here in Georgia, a forgotten stage no one knows.
00:01:16Angela, my next-door neighbor.
00:01:19Still selling your hippie junk here?
00:01:21If your mother-in-law sees, she's going to throw a big fit again.
00:01:24Your mother-in-law was right about you.
00:01:26What's the point of watching the news all day about these moggles if you can't even apply it to your penniless self?
00:01:31And how do you know that this is none of my business?
00:01:35Alright, everybody get out!
00:01:38We got an important guest coming!
00:01:40I'm going to get you out of here!
00:01:42I'm going to get you out of here!
00:01:44I'm going to get you out of here!
00:01:46I'm going to get you out of here!
00:01:48I'm going to get you out of here!
00:01:50I'm going to get you out of here!
00:01:52We got an important guest coming!
00:01:56You!
00:02:01You deaf? I said pack up and scram!
00:02:03I paid the staff here already.
00:02:05And if you want me to leave, then fine.
00:02:07But you have to compensate for today's losses.
00:02:11You want to say that again?
00:02:14You know who's visiting today?
00:02:16Ellen freaking Musk!
00:02:18One of the richest people in the world.
00:02:20Ellen Musk?
00:02:21Of course a hick like you probably never heard of her.
00:02:24Just know that you can't afford to piss her off.
00:02:28Really?
00:02:29Ellen Musk is flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market.
00:02:34You don't think that she could be coming to see me?
00:02:40Coming to see you?
00:02:42Alright, you know what? I'll play your game.
00:02:45If she does this so much as give you a glance,
00:02:48I'll eat dirt.
00:02:51Deal.
00:03:00Ellen Musk, get to the flea market within ten minutes.
00:03:03Or else, you're fired.
00:03:19Prepare the limo.
00:03:21Ms. Lockhart requires us immediately.
00:03:30Ah, your ten minutes is almost up.
00:03:32Good. Hope you don't wet your pants.
00:03:35Five.
00:03:36Four.
00:03:39Three.
00:03:42Two.
00:03:44One.
00:03:46Two.
00:03:48One.
00:03:51Ellen!
00:03:52I mean, Ms. Musk!
00:03:54Ellen!
00:03:55I mean, I'm sorry that I...
00:03:58Sorry to frighten you.
00:04:01How's my boss pitch?
00:04:02Kick an ass, girlfriend.
00:04:04So how do you...
00:04:06Like...
00:04:08She's my boss.
00:04:10I prefer business partner or best friend.
00:04:14No way.
00:04:18Well?
00:04:23No, no, I'm sorry for offending your boss.
00:04:25No, I won't do it again.
00:04:30Alright, that's enough.
00:04:31We're not tyrants here.
00:04:39Sir, I found Angela Lockhart.
00:04:44Angela Lockhart
00:04:47You mean Angela Lockhart.
00:04:49My runaway bride.
00:04:53You made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker.
00:04:57Who are you?
00:05:01Where is she?
00:05:02Atlanta.
00:05:03And you were right.
00:05:04It was secretly her propping up Ellen Musk.
00:05:06My clever bride.
00:05:08I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to.
00:05:14Max, prep the jet.
00:05:17I'm heading to Atlanta.
00:05:23Dr. Wilson, Devin Sterling's on the move.
00:05:25He's headed to Atlanta.
00:05:26Atlanta?
00:05:27The game is afoot.
00:05:29I'm going.
00:05:30Wait, Dr. Wilson.
00:05:31The Prince of Bhutan needs your medical attention.
00:05:33He can wait.
00:05:34I need to pick up my bride.
00:05:39Dr. Wilson!
00:05:44Gino Eisenhower reporting, sir!
00:05:47Devin Sterling and Shane Wilson are headed to Atlanta.
00:05:50Atlanta!
00:05:52Where is that?
00:05:54Whatever. Prepare my warplane.
00:05:56Don't sue going after my fiancée.
00:05:58This is war.
00:06:13I've secretly allowed your husband, Jared Cooper, to win the bid on the Maple Plaza project, like you asked me to.
00:06:24Thank you so much, Ellen.
00:06:26This is going to be the best anniversary gift ever.
00:06:29That project is worth billions.
00:06:31He can finally take his company public.
00:06:33But, Angela, my boss,
00:06:37I don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true identity.
00:06:43Without your backing, no offense, but he's nothing without you.
00:06:48Well, three years ago...
00:07:10You saved me.
00:07:14He saved me, and I fell in love with him instantly.
00:07:20I didn't want to reveal my true identity because I didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress.
00:07:26But now, with this contract, I feel like we'll be on more equal footing, and then I can finally come out to the public.
00:07:34So that's why you have me secretly helping him.
00:07:37I'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out.
00:07:41But why work at the flea market?
00:07:44Are you disguising yourself to test him?
00:07:48Well, these exotic spices are incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find.
00:07:53Plus, I get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom.
00:07:57You seem happy being a housewife.
00:08:03Where the hell are you?
00:08:05Don't tell me you were selling junk at the flea market again.
00:08:08Get home, stat. It's a big day today.
00:08:13That was...
00:08:14My mother-in-law, Carol. She judges me because she thinks I come from a lower-class family.
00:08:20But she's going to be ecstatic tonight when I finally come out and tell her who I really am.
00:08:26You know, she even remembered our 30-year anniversary.
00:08:34Please spend more time with my son.
00:08:38Hi, I'm home. I have a big announcement I have to make.
00:08:42Finally, you're back. Now sign the divorce papers.
00:08:48Divorce papers?
00:08:51Is this some sort of misunderstanding, Mom?
00:08:54God, don't call me Mom again.
00:08:57We're ending that relationship.
00:08:59Just look at you. Dirt all over.
00:09:02You're selling the title of Mrs. Cooper.
00:09:05You don't deserve my son. You're way below his league.
00:09:09I'm below his league?
00:09:11That's right. You are.
00:09:14Jared is signing a $100 billion contract tomorrow with the Ellen Musk.
00:09:20And then his company's going public.
00:09:23That's how much he's accomplished in three years.
00:09:26But you? You're still just a stinky, hippie peddler.
00:09:31Jared's like the king in the clouds.
00:09:34And you?
00:09:35You will always just be a pawn.
00:09:39Like dirt on our shoes.
00:09:44Dirt on your shoes?
00:09:46But Ellen Musk works for me.
00:09:49You're delusional. You will never upgrade to a queen.
00:09:53How dare you compare yourself to the real deal here?
00:09:59Resorting to lies is definitely not good enough for Jared.
00:10:03And who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters?
00:10:11You're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife.
00:10:16Jared deserves a queen like Kaylee.
00:10:19Not a lowlife dirtbag.
00:10:21Enough!
00:10:22Jared, I knew you wouldn't divorce me.
00:10:27But I am.
00:10:29Don't fight it, Angela.
00:10:32Here's 500K.
00:10:33You'll never make this much as a hippie peddler selling spices.
00:10:37Now sign the papers, take your check, and leave.
00:10:40Don't embarrass yourself further.
00:10:44I've done so much for you these past three years.
00:10:48Did that not mean anything to you?
00:10:51Didn't expect you to be so greedy.
00:10:54Fine. Here's another 200,000.
00:10:58500,000 is too much for her already.
00:11:01She's done nothing.
00:11:03Hasn't even contributed a grandchild.
00:11:06She just sells cheap grass all day.
00:11:09Is that really how much I'm worth to all of you?
00:11:13I took care of both of you these past three years.
00:11:17You think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something?
00:11:22And she wouldn't embarrass us with that permanent stench?
00:11:26A hippie peddler becoming the wife of a CEO?
00:11:30What a joke.
00:11:31If you actually love my son, you'll sign the damn divorce papers already.
00:11:37And leave!
00:11:40You really think that Jared would have gotten that Mabel Plaza bid without me?
00:11:45Let alone taking the company public?
00:11:47I did everything for you, Jared.
00:11:51Now you take credit for my son's success?
00:11:56It's all my work.
00:12:01Baby, we're going to be late for the auction if we keep letting this psycho stall us.
00:12:09You did say you would win me Princess Diana's tiara, didn't you?
00:12:14So, she's the reason for the divorce.
00:12:18She's worth more than you, Angela.
00:12:22Fine. I'll sign it.
00:12:26But don't regret it.
00:12:29Regret?
00:12:31Do you know who I am?
00:12:33Yeah, a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed?
00:12:37I'm Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
00:12:41Jared winning the bid on Mabel Plaza was because of my dad.
00:12:47Because he's business partners with Ellen Musk.
00:12:51It's part of the power that I have as an elite.
00:12:55You can't do shit because you're poor.
00:12:59Social stratum matters.
00:13:01Yeah, social stratum does matter.
00:13:05And the Coopers are beneath me.
00:13:08And you really think Ellen Musk would come to Atlanta if it weren't for me?
00:13:13Ha! You're delusional.
00:13:16Now sign the papers and scram!
00:13:21You owe me.
00:13:23You dirty bitch. You sicken me.
00:13:32You hit me.
00:13:36Now sign the papers, take a track, and get the fuck out!
00:13:51I don't need your penny money.
00:13:55We're finished.
00:13:57You don't want the money? That's your loss.
00:14:00Your check is just pennies to me.
00:14:03But I would like my ring back.
00:14:16Have fun.
00:14:18Have fun on your economy flight
00:14:22while I catch a ride on my private helicopter out of here.
00:14:29And I'm way out of your league.
00:14:37Isn't that the Winston Blue Diamond Ring?
00:14:41It's worth tens of millions of dollars.
00:14:44Oh, it's probably just cheap glass.
00:14:47Something she found at the flea market.
00:14:50You're right. She could never afford anything so expensive.
00:14:56Congrats, Jared Boo Boo, on getting rid of that dirt bag.
00:15:01Oh! My dad says there's going to be a secret big-shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit.
00:15:08Bigger big-shot than Ellen Musk?
00:15:11Yeah. And nobody's met them, but I can introduce you.
00:15:16Everything's thanks to you, babe.
00:15:34Angela, Mr. Vanderbilt, the richest man in Georgia, wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding.
00:15:39Vanderbilt?
00:15:40Yeah, he's actually CEO of one of our companies. Basically our employee.
00:15:44Oh, okay. I'll meet him at the summit tomorrow. It's fine.
00:15:47You're still going to the summit tomorrow? You and Jared Cooper are already divorced.
00:15:51That's exactly why I'm going.
00:16:15Angela Lockhart, I finally found you.
00:16:20Who is he?
00:16:22That? That's Devin Sterling.
00:16:25He's number one on Forbes' 30 under 30 list, an early investor of crypto, CEO of Sterling Enterprises.
00:16:31Rumor has it he's worth trillions.
00:16:34And he's your fiancé.
00:16:37What? My fiancé?
00:16:41The one and only.
00:16:43So, after running away and leaving me single for three years,
00:16:48have you figured out how you're going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:17:00That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:17:06What is she doing here?
00:17:10You skank. My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man?
00:17:17Divorced?
00:17:19That's right. So, I guess this was never meant to be, Mr...
00:17:25Sterling. Devin Sterling.
00:17:29So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:17:33Guess she's not just a forsaken woman, she's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:17:41How dare you insult my boss like that.
00:17:44Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:17:47Do you know who I am?
00:17:50They don't know who you are.
00:17:53You hide it well.
00:17:55X-Team, teach these fools a lesson.
00:18:00Teach these fools a lesson.
00:18:06Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:18:11You forgot to bring the security team.
00:18:18Mind if I borrow your men?
00:18:21Go ahead.
00:18:24Tell these ill-mannered apes out.
00:18:27Oh, you bitch. I'll have my son teach you a real lesson.
00:18:37A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:18:41No.
00:18:44No.
00:18:50Guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:18:53You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffett, old money like me.
00:18:58Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:19:01Pleased to meet you all. Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution. What an honor.
00:19:07I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:19:10It's worth billions of dollars. Congrats. You'll be next.
00:19:14Thank you. But we haven't received the contract yet. We deserve it.
00:19:18Oh, that's nothing. I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:19:21Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:19:24So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:19:28Thank you, Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:19:30Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:19:34Yes. I heard they're a very important and powerful gang.
00:19:39Even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:19:42Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:19:51I'll do my best.
00:19:57Excuse me.
00:19:58A second, gentlemen.
00:20:00What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:20:04How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:20:07Me? A hobo? How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:20:12You sleep your way in?
00:20:13I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:20:16Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:20:19Don't flatter yourself.
00:20:24This is your ex-husband?
00:20:28What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:20:30Who the hell is this? You were cheating on me?
00:20:38Son, you have to avenge me and Kaylee.
00:20:42That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:20:48They even took Kaylee's tiara.
00:21:08You dare hurt my mom and Kaylee?
00:21:13Get your hands off of her!
00:21:19My lady.
00:21:21Hi.
00:21:35Hi, Kaylee.
00:21:46It's...
00:21:48It's him!
00:21:50He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday.
00:21:53Who are these peasants?
00:21:55These seats are reserved for the Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:22:00Oh, shut up, old man.
00:22:03You're disturbing the peace.
00:22:07Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:22:09That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:22:10You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has?
00:22:13His ancestors built the railway and steamship empire of America.
00:22:17This civil war would not have been won without his family's involvement.
00:22:21Vanderbilt.
00:22:23The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt,
00:22:27who only knows how to crawl her way into a married man's bed.
00:22:32That the Lee Vanderbilt family?
00:22:40Oh, goddammit, a stomachache now?
00:22:47Whatever. Angela can handle herself. She'll be fine.
00:23:03How dare you call one of us low?
00:23:06I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:23:12I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only.
00:23:16And I can wipe you out with just a strand of my hair.
00:23:20Not with me around.
00:23:22I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto Empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:23:27You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:23:32You're fucking delusional, Angela.
00:23:34We've had enough of your games.
00:23:36Security, break their limbs and toss them out.
00:23:40Looks like the old guard's teaming up against you.
00:23:43But don't worry. You got your money.
00:23:48I can handle myself, thank you.
00:23:51Yes, my queen.
00:23:53You're all despicable.
00:23:56An insult to your family names.
00:24:01Now, it's my turn to rule.
00:24:05Destroy Jared Cooper.
00:24:07Cut off all business ties.
00:24:10And if you don't...
00:24:13I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:24:18I knew it. You're here to fuck with me.
00:24:20You can't fool anyone here.
00:24:22How much money did you spend on that get-up?
00:24:24And to hire that gigolo to make me jealous?
00:24:26You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:24:31You have nothing. And you will always be nothing.
00:24:35She's a gold digger.
00:24:37Gold digger?
00:24:39Gigolo.
00:24:41Wanna try me for a night?
00:24:44Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:24:46Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:24:49They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest.
00:24:52Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:24:54She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:24:57Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:24:59Security!
00:25:05Security!
00:25:07You all don't realize that you actually all work for me.
00:25:10And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:25:13You!
00:25:15Insolent fools.
00:25:17Let me guess. You're that special guest?
00:25:21I don't know.
00:25:23Throw them out!
00:25:24And not without some broken bones, too.
00:25:33Back to our mess.
00:25:36I got this.
00:26:06What the hell are you two doing here?
00:26:08I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:26:10No, you're supposed to make sure Miss Lockhart is okay.
00:26:13Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:26:24Angela!
00:26:26Don't hurt her!
00:26:28You bitch. I've always been sick of you.
00:26:30You just threw yourself at me.
00:26:32How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:26:34Boss?
00:26:35Did she say her boss?
00:26:37Miss Musk?
00:26:38That's Ellen Musk?
00:26:40That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:26:42My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:26:46Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:26:49Past the American Revolution?
00:26:51Back to the Renaissance.
00:26:53If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:26:56That's Lady Lockhart to you. She's royalty.
00:26:59And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:27:03What are you going to do?
00:27:05Kneel to me.
00:27:07Oh, your majesty.
00:27:10Welcome to the United States.
00:27:13We've always been your loyal subjects.
00:27:16Yes, your highness.
00:27:18Is it a queen or princess?
00:27:20It doesn't matter.
00:27:22My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:27:25We didn't mean to offend.
00:27:27What are you doing, idiot?
00:27:29Let go of the boss, lady, and beg for forgiveness!
00:27:41What rightfully belongs to you.
00:28:00She's a badass herself.
00:28:03He missed out on a good wife.
00:28:05You, you, you told me your wife was a hippie peddler.
00:28:09Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time.
00:28:12No, no, don't believe their lies. I worked hard for everything.
00:28:15You worked for everything?
00:28:22Hi, honey.
00:28:24So, our 30th anniversary is coming up,
00:28:27and I thought that maybe we could do something special this year?
00:28:30I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:28:32I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project,
00:28:35and if I get it, I can take the company public.
00:28:45You were nothing before me.
00:28:48All your achievements, all your glory,
00:28:51that's all mine!
00:28:53Including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:28:57I can take all of that away, just like that.
00:29:01No, you can't take that away from me!
00:29:03That's why Ellen Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody!
00:29:07Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:29:10Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:29:12It was Queen Victoria's, and its worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:29:19Oh, no.
00:29:21I gave you back the ring?
00:29:23I divorced a royal heiress?
00:29:25No!
00:29:27No, please, no!
00:29:29No, please take me back, baby!
00:29:31I still love you!
00:29:36Oh, man, looks like they've started the party without us.
00:29:39No one's allowed to start a fight with a cold Eisenhower!
00:29:49God, these two again.
00:29:51Did he say... is he Cold Eisenhower?
00:29:54President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:29:56After General Eisenhower won World War II,
00:29:58each of his descendants have all gone on to become five-star generals,
00:30:01the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:30:03Bloody buffoons know your history!
00:30:05Sorry I'm late, babe. I got lost trying to find Atlanta,
00:30:08then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:30:11And that there is, that is the legendary, boy genius, Dr. Wilson.
00:30:16He's Dr. House's protege!
00:30:18Dr. House? I thought that was just a TV show.
00:30:21Oh, no, that's based on a real figure.
00:30:23Yep, that's me.
00:30:25Son of James House.
00:30:27Dr. House? He's practically my uncle.
00:30:29I correctly diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just 12 years old.
00:30:33So he's been off carrying himself a waterfall since then.
00:30:37And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:30:45Hey, Ellen. Who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:30:49Uh, they're all your fiancées.
00:30:52What? Fiancées?
00:30:57Plural?
00:30:58Fiancées.
00:30:59Plural.
00:31:00Fiancées.
00:31:01Fiancées.
00:31:02Fiancées.
00:31:03Fiancées.
00:31:04Fiancées.
00:31:05Fiancées.
00:31:06Plural?
00:31:08Watch it, nerds. I'm her fiancée.
00:31:11No, I'm her fiancée.
00:31:12You can both shut up. I'm her fiancée.
00:31:15It's you.
00:31:16It's me.
00:31:17Who the hell is he?
00:31:18I'm Spider-Man.
00:31:21How are all three of these men my fiancée?
00:31:26Your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because he decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:31:33She has three badass fiancées and she marries his dumb ass.
00:31:40Whatever.
00:31:41Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:31:46Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:31:52At your service.
00:31:53Me too.
00:31:59One down, two more to go.
00:32:01She's become queen.
00:32:02Bishop to G4.
00:32:09What the hell is that?
00:32:11The most German festin' water in the Nile River.
00:32:17Rook to A8.
00:32:23Hello?
00:32:27I thought I was king.
00:32:28No, you wish.
00:32:29The king doesn't do anything, so Alan can be my king.
00:32:33Oh, fine.
00:32:38Bankrupt to four, it's right this second.
00:32:45I've...
00:32:47I've been bankrupt!
00:32:48No!
00:32:50Who is he?
00:32:57I've been bankrupt!
00:32:59No!
00:33:00I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:33:05Well, guess what?
00:33:06Game over.
00:33:07Alright, boys, let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:33:11Oh, that's serious business.
00:33:13I'm right with you.
00:33:16Wait for me.
00:33:17Nobody beats me to the finish line.
00:33:19Angela!
00:33:28Angela!
00:33:31You already have three fiancées?
00:33:34You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:33:36I want compensation.
00:33:41You greedy SOB.
00:33:43Who the fuck is that?
00:33:44My ex-husband.
00:33:46Wait, you were married?
00:33:48Yeah, and if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:33:53More for me?
00:33:54No, no, of course not.
00:33:55Just...
00:33:56Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:33:59Don't steal my joke.
00:34:00I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:34:02All evidence of your past with him is gone.
00:34:05What?
00:34:06Is there something on my face?
00:34:08Uh, yeah.
00:34:09Murderous intent.
00:34:11Let's remarry.
00:34:13Let's remarry.
00:34:15You still don't realize.
00:34:17What?
00:34:18I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:34:48Sir, it's an emergency.
00:34:49We need to wreck right away.
00:34:51Nicole Eisenhower and Shane Wilson are causing mayhem at the company warehouse.
00:34:55Okay, I'm on my way.
00:34:59She should be okay now.
00:35:04Hey, you!
00:35:06Watch over her.
00:35:07I'll be right back.
00:35:09Nicole.
00:35:16You saved me.
00:35:20Fuck.
00:35:21I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:25Fuck.
00:35:26I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:35:28You've cheated on me.
00:35:30You've hit me.
00:35:31You've insulted me.
00:35:33And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:35:37I fucking hate you.
00:35:40Ladies, lock her up.
00:35:42What?
00:35:43What now?
00:35:44Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person.
00:35:49But if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:35:53How about us three?
00:35:54Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:35:58Yeah, no.
00:35:59You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:36:03This is your fault, you doofus!
00:36:05We never should have believed your bullshit.
00:36:07No.
00:36:09No.
00:36:10We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockhorns.
00:36:14Our family.
00:36:16I'll get you for this.
00:36:24I never should have listened to you.
00:36:25I'm ruined because of you.
00:36:36So, what's the situation here?
00:36:40I don't want to marry you.
00:36:50I don't want to marry you.
00:36:53Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago.
00:36:57And I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:37:00But what if I am?
00:37:02I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:37:04But what if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:37:10Much longer.
00:37:14Angela, your parents would like to have a video call with all of you.
00:37:23My lovely princess, how are you?
00:37:26Look, your mother and I are in Italy.
00:37:28The views here are absolutely stunning.
00:37:31Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:37:33I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing, blood-sucking, freeloader husband of yours.
00:37:40Can't call his name.
00:37:42But anyway, congratulations!
00:37:45I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:37:50You must pick one of them to marry.
00:37:53Otherwise...
00:37:54Let me do it.
00:37:56You must choose one of them in seven days.
00:37:59Otherwise, we'll kill ourselves.
00:38:03Mom!
00:38:04Alright honey, that's it.
00:38:06Bye!
00:38:07Bye!
00:38:12So, who are you going to choose?
00:38:16Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:38:21Well, what if I want all three of you?
00:38:26That seems greedy.
00:38:33But, I can always remove the other two options.
00:38:38Hey, I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:38:42I know and have access to all the deadliest poisons in the world.
00:38:47Well, okay, no murder please, I was just kidding.
00:38:52You have seven days to win her over.
00:38:54Oh, it's like The Bachelorette.
00:38:57I know, we'll start with challenge one.
00:39:02Welcome to the show, The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
00:39:06Today, we have our first challenge.
00:39:10What is all of this, Ellen?
00:39:13You'll see.
00:39:16Oh my god, oh my god! Cockroaches!
00:39:19All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:39:22And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:39:27What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single woman,
00:39:33but screaming her head off heiress?
00:39:36Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:39:39It's up to the final two.
00:40:06The Three Badasses Who Want Me
00:40:19Crunchy.
00:40:21That is sick cold.
00:40:23Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:40:29There are two more left, wanna try one?
00:40:31Oh my god, no, no!
00:40:35Oh my god, save me!
00:40:36Save you? You're gonna save me!
00:40:41I'm a germaphobe doctor.
00:40:43These hands can't get germs on them.
00:40:45They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:41:02Thank god you're here.
00:41:05Are you alright, honey?
00:41:07Angela!
00:41:11Alright, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for the night.
00:41:17Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:41:20I'm not her scumbag husband. You have nothing to worry about.
00:41:28Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:41:32At least my girl can get some.
00:41:34My better husband has a small dick anyway.
00:41:38The cockroaches!
00:41:39They're gone, they're gone.
00:41:41There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:41:44I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:41:52I need a drink.
00:42:01Whoa, easy, you're on an empty stomach.
00:42:04What do you care?
00:42:06I'm trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:42:11You guys were right.
00:42:13I was blind from marrying that asshole.
00:42:16You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:42:22He never even loved me.
00:42:24And I gave up my entire career for him.
00:42:27Sorry.
00:42:31Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:42:39You may not be number one on Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:42:44What?
00:42:48You're number one here.
00:42:50What?
00:42:56You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:42:59Lies.
00:43:02You all just want something from me.
00:43:10Angela, I know it's hard to trust again.
00:43:14But I assure you, I don't care what family you're from.
00:43:20I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:43:22I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:43:30I just need you.
00:43:34I'll prove my love to you within six days, I promise.
00:43:45Screw the contest. I just want love.
00:43:51Angela, you're drunk.
00:43:54I'm an adult. Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:43:58Okay.
00:44:03But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:44:07Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:44:15Okay.
00:44:21If this is what you want.
00:44:45Nine inch penis.
00:44:47Morning to you too.
00:44:50You sure you were drunk last night? You wouldn't...
00:44:52A girl remembers when she's had a nine inch penis inside of her.
00:44:58Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:45:01But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:45:05Because then they would...
00:45:06Say that you were being unfair?
00:45:08Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:45:11Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:45:14I won the first challenge.
00:45:16And according to Ellen, my prize was to spend the night with you anyway.
00:45:21Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:45:28You sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:45:32Stop.
00:45:35Fine, fine, fine.
00:45:39I won't tell.
00:45:41But only on one condition.
00:45:45I won't tell.
00:45:47But only on one condition.
00:45:50You have to go out on a date with me.
00:45:53Fine.
00:45:57I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:46:01You never noticed me.
00:46:04Oh, um...
00:46:06You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:46:12It's only 7am.
00:46:13She's still sleeping.
00:46:14Am I sleeping alone?
00:46:15Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:46:22Morning, gentlemen.
00:46:23Oh, or shall I say roughmen?
00:46:25Oh, don't mind him.
00:46:28What's up, guys?
00:46:29We're ready for the second challenge.
00:46:31The second challenge.
00:46:32No cockroaches this time.
00:46:34Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:46:36That was my bad, Angela.
00:46:38This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:46:40I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:46:42The second challenge is...
00:46:44The second challenge is...
00:46:46A date.
00:46:47Lame.
00:46:48I should have asked for something else.
00:46:50A date?
00:46:51That's it.
00:46:52What's the catch?
00:46:53No catch.
00:46:54Just who Ms. Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:46:57As simple as that.
00:46:58I know what I want to do.
00:46:59Let's start with me first.
00:47:00Okay.
00:47:01Who goes up first?
00:47:02Then...
00:47:03Me.
00:47:04Save the best for last.
00:47:05Ain't that right, Angela?
00:47:07Then it's decided.
00:47:12Please don't take my BMW away.
00:47:15Too bad.
00:47:16You pissed off the Lockharts.
00:47:19I have nothing left.
00:47:22It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:47:27It's that bitch who ruined me.
00:47:37Get out of my house!
00:47:38Sir!
00:47:39At ease, Lieutenant.
00:47:40This is my lieutenant.
00:47:41He also manages this boxing gym.
00:47:43I don't care.
00:47:44I don't care.
00:47:45I don't care.
00:47:46I don't care.
00:47:47I don't care.
00:47:48I don't care.
00:47:49I don't care.
00:47:51Nice to meet you, Madame Eisenhower.
00:47:52He's so serious.
00:47:54But hang on.
00:47:56Lieutenant, I don't know who I'm going to marry yet.
00:47:59Baby!
00:48:00I decided to take you here on our first date
00:48:02so that I can introduce you to my guns.
00:48:04Guns?
00:48:05Like murder weapons?
00:48:07Yes.
00:48:08Murder weapons.
00:48:13I like my guns, babe.
00:48:31Pretty rock hard.
00:48:33Yeah.
00:48:34Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:48:37Lieutenant!
00:48:38Come close!
00:48:39Wait!
00:48:40You're just going to hit him like that?
00:48:41He's not even going to fight back?
00:48:42Fighting back would be treason, ma'am!
00:48:44Treason?
00:48:45You guys are way too serious.
00:48:48Look, you rock hard bitch!
00:48:49I caught you!
00:48:50If I'm going down, you're all going down with me!
00:48:54Lieutenant, here's your attack!
00:49:08You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:49:12I will make you pay!
00:49:16If you don't need to keep beating him up, we could just take him to the cops.
00:49:19Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:49:27Zoe's a bit violent.
00:49:29Some might call it being protective.
00:49:31Poor anger issues.
00:49:33What if we get married and I forget to use a coaster on an antique table or something?
00:49:37Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:49:40Hey, some girls are into that.
00:49:42I don't know if I am.
00:49:45Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:49:50Your date with Shane starts now.
00:49:55Hey.
00:49:57Hey.
00:49:58Cool ride.
00:50:00A gift from the Chancellor of Germany when I saved his wife.
00:50:03Impressive.
00:50:06Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:50:10Refreshing.
00:50:12I got cool mint, too.
00:50:14Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:50:17What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:50:20Fruit flavored gum. I can't stand those.
00:50:23So, where are you taking me, Shane?
00:50:25Let me show you.
00:50:27I'll be right back.
00:50:33Dr. Wilson!
00:50:35Our VIP of VIPs!
00:50:38Right this way.
00:50:39VIP of VIPs?
00:50:41Just some other guy I saved. I forget who.
00:50:44You saved a lot of people.
00:50:46I do what I can.
00:50:48Oh, my gosh.
00:50:50It's my gold-digging neighbor who just got dumped by her husband.
00:50:55Sandra Miller.
00:50:56What are you doing here?
00:50:57I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:51:00Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:51:02and how you hired some gigolo to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:51:08Hello of you.
00:51:09What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:51:11Of course your bird brain wouldn't remember.
00:51:14I sell high-fashion jewelry pieces so high-end,
00:51:17you couldn't even afford even a few soldier organs.
00:51:20The auction begins.
00:51:22I'll deal with you later.
00:51:25Here, I'll just be one second.
00:51:31Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:51:36Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:51:40Cleopatra's armband.
00:51:42Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:51:45For five million dollars.
00:51:48Excuse me.
00:51:51I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:51:53It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:56I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:51:59It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:52:01What are you doing?
00:52:02Just watch.
00:52:09That is Queen Victoria's ring?
00:52:12Please, I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:52:15She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:52:18You work at a flea market?
00:52:19Not this again.
00:52:21Cut the bullshit, that wouldn't even sell for five dollars.
00:52:24Oh yeah?
00:52:25Here, you want it? For free.
00:52:27Ew, I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:52:32Well, that's too bad then, because you are the fraud.
00:52:38What are you talking about?
00:52:39Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:52:41Throw them out.
00:52:43Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine,
00:52:46but we're professionals.
00:52:48Yeah? And that armband sells for five million dollars?
00:52:52Yeah, mine is the real thing.
00:52:55You two are just upset because you're too poor to afford our luxury items.
00:53:00Oh, is that so?
00:53:01When a so-called expert failed to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:53:05Dear Lord, this is real.
00:53:10It's authentic. It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:53:15Cameron, what have you found?
00:53:19Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:53:22It's a replica.
00:53:24They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:53:27So, you are the fraud.
00:53:31You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:53:35And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:53:38One-fifty.
00:53:40Wow. Not even five dollars. Sandra.
00:53:45You've been duping us the whole time?
00:53:48Arrest her!
00:53:50No! Please! This is my time! Please!
00:53:54What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:53:56Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the Emperor of Japan. Bye.
00:54:01Blacklist her from the jewelry industry forever.
00:54:11I had a really great time tonight.
00:54:14Me too. May I have a kiss?
00:54:32Something wrong?
00:54:34Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:54:41Yep. You never have to worry about stinky breath from me.
00:54:53Ha! You owe us a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:54:59I don't have any money.
00:55:01How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:55:04I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other leg.
00:55:11Stop!
00:55:15Mr. Vanderbilt.
00:55:19Mr. Buffett.
00:55:24This is the contract for the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:27That's right. Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:55:31I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:55:34I knew Angela was still in love with me.
00:55:36No, no. Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:55:39It was all just a little misunderstanding.
00:55:42Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:55:45And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:55:51Angela still loves me. She's just throwing a fit.
00:55:54She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:55:56Yeah. Do you need any help winning her back?
00:55:58We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:56:01I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago,
00:56:04and now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:56:06It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:56:09Sure. I'll put in a good word for you.
00:56:13I just need...
00:56:14Anything. You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:56:17Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:56:20I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:56:29I'm giving the contract to Jared Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:56:33Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:56:37Well done. He'll be fucked soon.
00:56:40I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:56:42That contract has a preliminary clause.
00:56:44It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:56:47And if he can't, then what?
00:56:49He'll be bankrupt.
00:56:51So as long as he's greedy enough to take it.
00:56:54I'm avenging my best friend.
00:56:56I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:57:05I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:57:08We should celebrate.
00:57:10You did?
00:57:11You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:57:14That skank Angela is nothing next to you.
00:57:17And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:57:20Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:57:23What?
00:57:25You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:57:28Oh, no, no, no, no. He's not.
00:57:30Jared, what are you doing?
00:57:32You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:57:36It's my decision, Mom.
00:57:38I'm the head of the house here.
00:57:40I'm telling my dad.
00:57:42Fine. Go right ahead. He has enough problems himself.
00:57:44If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:57:47But if not, you can scram.
00:57:50Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:57:53Teach him a lesson.
00:57:54Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:57:56Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:58:00Don't get on his bad side.
00:58:02We can't afford to piss him off.
00:58:04So do as he says.
00:58:06But, Dad...
00:58:14I'm sorry.
00:58:16Be your side piece.
00:58:18Be your side piece.
00:58:20Very good.
00:58:22I'm happy you've come around.
00:58:23Now, let's go celebrate.
00:58:28I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:58:32But that tongue action, though.
00:58:34Tongue is important.
00:58:36In more than just one spot.
00:58:37Ellen, we are in public.
00:58:39It's true.
00:58:40Oh, stomachache.
00:58:42Again?
00:58:43I have to run to the bathroom.
00:58:44Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:58:47Okay.
00:58:49Devin's late.
00:58:51Not a good sign for a date.
00:58:55This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:58:59It's her.
00:59:01And she's alone.
00:59:02With no one to save her.
00:59:06You whore.
00:59:07You seduced my son so he'd get back with you.
00:59:13Let me tell you.
00:59:15I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:59:22Hey, you guys can fight all you want.
00:59:24But you need to take this somewhere else.
00:59:26Whoever gets rid of her for me gets all this.
00:59:29What? Why do I have to leave?
00:59:30She's the one starting shit.
00:59:32Because I have money and you don't.
00:59:34You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:59:37And my son just signed a $100 billion contract.
00:59:41He still got the contract?
00:59:44Must be Ellen's doing.
00:59:46Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:59:50Oh, he's just gonna...
00:59:52Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:59:56Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
01:00:01You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
01:00:06My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
01:00:09$1,000 to take her away.
01:00:12$2,000 to drag her away.
01:00:15$5,000 to beat her away.
01:00:21Oh! Oh! Hey! Hey!
01:00:23Ow! Hey!
01:00:27You okay? Are you hurt?
01:00:33Weakling.
01:00:34You! You! Just a few days ago you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
01:00:39And now you have two more?
01:00:41What a whore.
01:00:43What a whore.
01:00:44Yeah. And Jared wanted to get back with her?
01:00:47What if she has an STD?
01:00:49Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
01:00:53Let's go. We'll expose her to Jared.
01:00:57Hang on.
01:00:59What do you want?
01:01:00I'll scream!
01:01:02I don't hit women.
01:01:03But I never said I don't kill women.
01:01:07But I never said I don't kill women.
01:01:10Oh God. He is a murderer.
01:01:13What if he murders me?
01:01:14Not him. Definitely not him.
01:01:21We're not afraid of you.
01:01:23That's enough. This isn't a war zone.
01:01:25You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:01:30I was just messing with them.
01:01:32Was he though?
01:01:33We're not afraid of you.
01:01:36Jared! You have to avenge us.
01:01:38Look at this slut. She's found two more boy toys.
01:01:41She's cheating on you. Don't get back with her.
01:01:43Oh, Mr. Cooper. It's you.
01:01:45I apologize for this scene.
01:01:47I'll toss out the potty crashes immediately so that you can go to your salvation banquet.
01:01:51Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:54Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:01:56The potty crashes.
01:02:00Do you have any idea who that is?
01:02:02That's my wife.
01:02:03We saved that title for the real skank over there.
01:02:06That's right.
01:02:07Know your place.
01:02:08Shut up.
01:02:09She's cheating on you.
01:02:13Know your place. You're just a side piece.
01:02:15If I still want you, that is.
01:02:17Eric, have you gone mad?
01:02:19This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:02:21You slap her for this whore?
01:02:23Mom!
01:02:24They really think they're something, huh?
01:02:26Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:02:30She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:02:33Musk.
01:02:34I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:02:38What?
01:02:39You apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:02:49I'm sorry.
01:02:51No.
01:02:53This can't be.
01:02:55I made you divorce...
01:03:00Go home.
01:03:01You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:03:09I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:03:12Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:03:16I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:03:19I didn't come here for you.
01:03:21I'm on a date.
01:03:23A date with two men at the same time?
01:03:27She really is a whore.
01:03:28Angela, please forgive me.
01:03:30I really do love you.
01:03:34Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:03:38Oh-ho! Lady Lockhart is here!
01:03:43Yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's ass.
01:03:46We're too old for that.
01:03:48They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:03:50Please, you gave me the contract, so if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:03:56Oh, yes, please, Miss Lockhart, join us.
01:03:58We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:04:02What the hell are you all doing here?
01:04:04Where were you?
01:04:06Stomach issues.
01:04:08Again? Would you like my diagnosis?
01:04:11No.
01:04:13Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:04:16I would rather die than be with you again.
01:04:20Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:04:24I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:04:26Otherwise, they'll cut me off, too.
01:04:28Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance. I'll prove it to you.
01:04:32You want a chance?
01:04:34Angela, no. You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:04:38Don't take him back.
01:04:40I'll give you two choices.
01:04:44I'll give you two choices.
01:04:48Me or the contract.
01:04:51You're kidding me.
01:04:52No, I'm not kidding you.
01:04:55If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:04:59But you don't get the hundred billion dollar contract.
01:05:03The choice is all yours.
01:05:05That's a tough choice.
01:05:07You think so? He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:05:12Either way, he benefits.
01:05:14Why can't I have both?
01:05:16You really are a greedy bastard.
01:05:19Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember? I deserve the contract.
01:05:24Did you really?
01:05:29Look who's fashionably late now.
01:05:32He didn't save her at the pool.
01:05:34Wait, what are you talking about?
01:05:37I choose the contract.
01:05:40I knew it. You'll get what's coming to you.
01:05:44With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:05:48Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:05:52I will get you one day.
01:05:54Let me show you something.
01:06:07You saved me.
01:06:13You saved me.
01:06:15I'm sorry.
01:06:17If his lies led to you wasting three years of your life,
01:06:22but I promise you,
01:06:24I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:06:27No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:06:29I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:06:40Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:06:43What?
01:06:45Me? Dr. Wilson?
01:06:47Losing at saving people?
01:06:49No way.
01:06:50You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:06:54You're crazy.
01:06:56And actually,
01:06:58they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:07:01What?
01:07:04Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:07:07Turns out they've been fudging the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:07:11Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:07:14I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:07:17Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:07:19You should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:07:22No, it's not your fault. They're just too slick.
01:07:25You'd like me to punish them for you?
01:07:27Oh God, no. Not that again. Please.
01:07:30Max, you know what to do.
01:07:45The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:07:48All business ties have been severed.
01:07:50We're bankrupt!
01:07:56How did you do that?
01:07:58Who are you? And don't say Spider-Man!
01:08:03I'll tell you who I am.
01:08:06I'll tell you who I am.
01:08:10I am...
01:08:12Crypto Punk Number Two.
01:08:14What did he say he was?
01:08:16You are bizarre than Spider-Man.
01:08:19You're Crypto Punk Number Two?
01:08:21Well, I'm Crypto Punk Number One.
01:08:24See? You are number one at something.
01:08:26The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:08:29Forget Forbes' list.
01:08:32It's all about young money now.
01:08:34So, how about our date?
01:08:41I'm not letting him one-up me on this one.
01:08:44I'll spy too.
01:08:58They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:09:01I still have the 100 billion dollar project.
01:09:04Yes! I'm rich!
01:09:07I think I'll make them all pay soon!
01:09:15What?
01:09:16Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:09:17The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:09:22Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:09:26No!
01:09:28I'm bankrupt!
01:09:31I'm just a little odd card.
01:09:32You tricked me!
01:09:39Allow me.
01:09:42I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:09:45I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:09:51Well, cheers.
01:09:53Cheers.
01:10:02This looks good.
01:10:05Did you use my spices?
01:10:08I know your ex-in-laws never appreciated you.
01:10:13You can have all the money and power in the world and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:10:19I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:10:23I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:10:29Angel.
01:10:32Your future with me...
01:10:36It's gonna be different.
01:10:38Come on.
01:10:40Upstairs.
01:10:53Come on.
01:10:59Wow.
01:11:01Devon, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years.
01:11:05Just because of some silly mistake.
01:11:08Angela.
01:11:10I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:11:13Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:11:17That's right.
01:11:19I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:11:21How is all of this possible?
01:11:24I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:11:27Well, actually, maybe Devon, but...
01:11:32I've had a crush on you since college.
01:11:35You were my motivation to go to business school.
01:11:39Despite who you were, you never judged me for being poor.
01:11:45Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:11:52All you do is babble on and on about Internet money, Bitcoin, and shit like that.
01:12:00Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:12:04I'll teach you a lesson.
01:12:07Hey! Get away from him!
01:12:09Angela!
01:12:125C girl. I like her.
01:12:22How is he?
01:12:24It's a rare poison made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:12:28Astragal, saltiphone.
01:12:30Can it be cured?
01:12:31I actually think I know that poison.
01:12:33It sounds really scary, but its cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:12:37Household salt.
01:12:45I like her.
01:12:48I like her.
01:12:51There you go.
01:12:53What time is it?
01:12:56Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:13:05I like her.
01:13:07We have been rivals ever since.
01:13:10So, that's how I... well, we all met.
01:13:15I barely remember.
01:13:17I should have never let you go to swim practice that day.
01:13:20Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me, attacked you out of revenge.
01:13:24You wouldn't have known.
01:13:26I did hear he dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:13:28If that makes you feel any better.
01:13:30Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:13:32Yeah.
01:13:33Angela, your seven days is almost up.
01:13:35Now that you know they all loved and fought for you for three years, who will you pick?
01:13:45How can that be?
01:13:47Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:13:54Kaylee, we've gone bankrupt.
01:13:58Bankrupt?
01:14:00The Vanderbilt's have gone bankrupt?
01:14:03Well then, get out of here!
01:14:06You can't do this to me!
01:14:10Jared!
01:14:11Mom, it's me.
01:14:12What happened?
01:14:14Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:14:17Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:14:19You should get back with your wife.
01:14:21We're bankrupt.
01:14:23What?
01:14:27Jared Cooper.
01:14:30We're here to propose to your belongings.
01:14:34No one is going to save you now.
01:14:36What?
01:14:37Mom!
01:14:38Mom!
01:14:41What kind of an asshole throws his own mother to the dogs?
01:14:47Who will you pick?
01:14:51I...
01:14:57I brought you fried chicken.
01:14:59Fried chicken?
01:15:00Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:15:02Yeah, he's right. I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:15:05Sucking up last minute.
01:15:07At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:15:10Hey, stop. Stop.
01:15:13Welcome back to The Bachelorette.
01:15:16I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:15:19I mean, Angela Lockhart.
01:15:22You know what I mean.
01:15:24Today, our heiress bachelorette will choose
01:15:27which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:15:31Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:15:35Cole, the general?
01:15:39Or Devin, the CEO?
01:15:45Looks like our bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:15:49Oh, the suspense is killing me.
01:15:52But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:15:55made from glass imported from Venice
01:15:58and give it to our woman.
01:16:00Angela.
01:16:03Angela.
01:16:04Oh, I...
01:16:08I need more time to think.
01:16:14While our bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:16:17why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:16:20Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:16:23Let's start with Cole.
01:16:25Cole.
01:16:28There's not much to say.
01:16:30Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:16:32who has huge biceps,
01:16:35a massive chest,
01:16:37who would protect their wife?
01:16:41Okay, thank you.
01:16:43Shane?
01:16:46Muscles, money,
01:16:49they won't get you so far.
01:16:51But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:16:53that has more than one way to keep a lady happy.
01:16:56If you know what I mean.
01:17:00Okay, I think we do.
01:17:02And Devin.
01:17:05That was quite disgusting.
01:17:09I just hope Angela's okay.
01:17:11I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:17:14A lot of choices to make.
01:17:16And she's my queen.
01:17:18I just really hope she's okay.
01:17:20Now, one more thing.
01:17:22What kind of a doctor
01:17:24What kind of a doctor
01:17:26brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:17:28That's a good point.
01:17:30It's bad for her heart.
01:17:32And then you!
01:17:34Well, you know what they say about military men.
01:17:38They beef their wives.
01:17:43Enough!
01:17:46Stand up!
01:17:49Hey, you guys.
01:17:51Whoa, break it up!
01:17:53Hey! Break it up!
01:17:59Cut to commercial!
01:18:01Cut to commercial!
01:18:03Cut to commercial!
01:18:05Cut to commercial!
01:18:07Cut to commercial!
01:18:09Cut to commercial!
01:18:19This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:18:25Who do I choose?
01:18:33Angela's marrying me.
01:18:35You're not stealing her from me.
01:18:37Oh yeah?
01:18:39I may be a doctor, but like I said,
01:18:41I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:18:46What don't you have in that cup?
01:18:48Fruit flavored gum.
01:18:50I won't let you take Angela away from me.
01:18:52I'll fight you to the death.
01:18:54Don't forget about me.
01:18:56It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:00These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:19:04They do not help.
01:19:06Who made these?
01:19:25It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:19:30I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:19:33And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:19:52We may have to work together to take him down.
01:20:00Oh my god.
01:20:05This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:20:09I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:20:13Hmm, winter mint?
01:20:15Or cool mint?
01:20:20You know,
01:20:22I've always really liked your hair.
01:20:24Really?
01:20:26I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:20:29So I appreciate that.
01:20:32And you know,
01:20:34I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:20:37Really?
01:20:42What do you got for me?
01:20:44I've always really liked the way you chew gum.
01:20:47Yeah? It's fresh, right?
01:20:53You're actually a really good doctor.
01:20:56You need me to look at you?
01:20:58I got you.
01:21:00Angela's been kidnapped!
01:21:02Angela's been kidnapped!
01:21:04It was Jared Cooper!
01:21:06That fucker!
01:21:08We have to find her.
01:21:09What, how?
01:21:10Her ring.
01:21:11Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:21:14Well, let's go then!
01:21:16My fiancé!
01:21:18My fiancé!
01:21:21Jared.
01:21:26What am I doing here?
01:21:28You destroyed me.
01:21:31I took everything.
01:21:34What?
01:21:35I have nothing left.
01:21:37It's not my fault you're too greedy.
01:21:40Is it greedy to have sex with my wife?
01:21:43What?
01:21:45I'm not your wife anymore!
01:21:47What?
01:21:48I'm not your wife anymore!
01:21:50Oh yeah, I know. You wouldn't take me back now.
01:21:52Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:21:54This is illegal!
01:21:55You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:21:58You won't have me arrested.
01:22:00You will take me back.
01:22:04Come on, bitch.
01:22:07I'll settle you down a little.
01:22:17You will be begging me to fuck you soon.
01:22:22Hey!
01:22:24Angela, come here!
01:22:29You're too late!
01:22:30I drugged her.
01:22:31She'll be dead soon unless...
01:22:32Not yet.
01:22:33Have you forgotten who I am?
01:22:36He really does have everything in his coat.
01:22:38Everything except for fruit.
01:22:39Yeah, except for fruit flavored gum.
01:22:40We get it already.
01:22:41Just save my boss!
01:22:44Here you go.
01:22:50You're all good now.
01:22:52Oh, thank God.
01:22:54But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:22:56What? What are you going to do to me?
01:22:58Hey, stop! No! Don't!
01:23:02Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:23:10Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:23:12Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:23:18So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:23:20We've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:23:23The Prince of Bhutan.
01:23:25And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:23:33Welcome back to the finale of
01:23:35The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:37We're down to the wire.
01:23:39Literally.
01:23:40The wedding day.
01:23:41But who's the groom?
01:23:44Welcome back to the finale of
01:23:46The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:23:48But who's the groom?
01:23:52Uh...
01:23:53Seems our heiress still hasn't decided.
01:23:57Any input from the parents?
01:23:59Maybe we should ask the groom himself.
01:24:01I don't know.
01:24:02I don't know.
01:24:03I don't know.
01:24:04I don't know.
01:24:05I don't know.
01:24:06I don't know.
01:24:07I don't know.
01:24:08I don't know.
01:24:09I don't know.
01:24:10I don't know.
01:24:11I don't know.
01:24:12Parents.
01:24:13Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:24:16Oh, this is exciting.
01:24:18Who should my daughter pick?
01:24:21Let me think.
01:24:25I like the doctor.
01:24:27He's cute.
01:24:30But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:24:34And we can't forget about Devon Sterling,
01:24:36the one who's loved her the longest.
01:24:38Isn't that right, Devon?
01:24:40Angela.
01:24:43Oh.
01:24:46You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:24:51And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:24:55But this was a really hard decision.
01:24:59And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:25:03And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:25:10I'm just kidding.
01:25:11I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:25:17Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:25:21I mean, bachelorette, once.
01:25:23They've all proven their undying love.
01:25:26So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:25:30Literally.
01:25:32Could it be the sexy and protective
01:25:36Could it be the sexy and protective
01:25:38general with a temper, Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:25:46Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird,
01:25:52Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:25:56And last but not least,
01:25:58could it be the richest man of them all,
01:26:01the man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:26:04Mr. Devin Sterling?
01:26:08Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:26:12It has.
01:26:13May the best man win.
01:26:15May the best man win.
01:26:18Drum roll, please.
01:26:21Gotta make you understand
01:26:24Never gonna give you up
01:26:26Never gonna let you down
01:26:28Never gonna run around and desert you
01:26:32Seriously, Ricky?
01:26:41I choose...
01:26:51I need a powerful, strong man
01:26:54who I really feel like he can protect me.
01:26:58Who could resist those guns?
01:27:02Could I interest you in an N.F.D., Ellen?
01:27:04Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:27:20Shane, it's you. I'm lovesick for you.
01:27:24You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:27:29It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:27:32Ellen, be my new queen.
01:27:34I hope we can go together.
01:27:37No!
01:27:48It's always been you.
01:27:58I'll always love you.
01:28:02Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:28:05Ellen, Ellen. Would you like a full-body checkup?
01:28:07Have you seen my murdering weapons?
01:28:09I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:28:35I, Celine Lovett,
01:28:37accept my role as Nightwind's pack Luna
01:28:40and your wife.
01:28:43I, Alexander Cain,
01:28:46fucking love you.
01:28:52Yes!
01:28:53Yes!
01:28:54Yes!
01:28:55Yes!
01:28:56Yes!
01:28:57Yes!
01:28:58Yes!
01:28:59Yes!
01:29:00Yes!
01:29:01Yes!
01:29:03Yes!
01:29:13Wow. Two alphas together.