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00:00Happy holidays, everyone, and welcome to Monday Night Raw.
00:07Yes, the stars and the stripes are out for sure.
00:11And here comes the man, made in the USA, here comes Lax Luger.
00:16Boy, that flag bearer really looks thrilled, doesn't he, McMahon?
00:20Indeed he is, waving the red, white, and the blue.
00:24This young flag bearer leading the way for Lax Luger, who unquestionably,
00:28will have a tremendous task before him tonight, Erwin R.
00:32Shyster, the Taxman Cometh IRS against Lax Luger.
00:37What a matchup this is gonna be tonight.
00:39And the Taxman taketh away, and
00:41tonight he's gonna take away a piece of Lax Luger.
00:46Lax Luger undaunted, continues, ladies and gentlemen,
00:50here in the World Wrestling Federation, looking forward on Flash Play to Erwin R.
00:55Shyster, yes.
00:56Monday Night Raw is ready to explode.
00:59["Monday Night Raw Theme Song"]
01:09["Monday Night Raw Theme Song"]
01:21Welcome once again, everyone, to Monday Night Raw.
01:23Vince McMahon here, along with Shawn Michaels.
01:25And yes, ho, ho, ho, ho, we're getting in the festive spirit, so to speak.
01:29And unquestionably, speaking of spirit, the man in the ring right now,
01:33Lax Luger, personifies the red, white, and the blue.
01:36And I know what you're gonna say, Max.
01:38There's nothing more All-American than Lax Luger, right?
01:40You got that right.
01:41Wrong, and there's one thing more All-American than that, and
01:43that's the Almighty Greenback.
01:45And tis the season to be jolly, tis the season to be spending money.
01:49And when you spend your money, somebody's gonna want their cut.
01:52And that somebody is the tax man, IRS Lax Luger, tonight.
01:57The tax man's gonna take his cut out of you.
02:00And here we go.
02:02Hey, look, there's Joe Montana.
02:04That's not Joe.
02:05Maybe that's his agent, though.
02:06I can't believe you just said that.
02:10Joe Montana, yes, of course, being investigated.
02:13That sports memorabilia business, ladies and gentlemen,
02:15the whole thing being investigated.
02:17Not to say that anybody has done anything wrong, including Reggie Jackson and
02:22Joe DiMaggio and all of that.
02:23It's just that IRS- Well, he's been a little busy as of late.
02:27Well, they've been making some strong accusations, let's just put it that way.
02:31But that's not the first time that's ever happened, huh, McMahon?
02:35Good point, and not the first time the Justice Department would be wrong.
02:38Although, maybe they're right, who knows?
02:40But the Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase,
02:43Lee Derwin R. Shyster in a battle this week, one-on-one against Lax Luger.
02:48You know that Luger looks a little stressed out lately, you know that?
02:51Although they say, at this time of year, money and
02:53shopping are the most stressful aspect of the holidays.
02:58Except for IRS, of course.
03:00I'm sure the holidays are just fine with him,
03:02with everybody spending all that money and all, you know what I mean?
03:05Indeed, we see the Irwin sign in the background there.
03:09Lax Luger now locking up with Irwin R.
03:11Shyster.
03:12This should be an extraordinary matchup here this week on Monday Night Raw.
03:16Lax Luger being set up, whipped to the near side off the rope, and down goes IRS.
03:21And a big mezzanine mark, yes, that's the way you look when you have the physique
03:26of a Lax Luger.
03:28I'll tell you what, I have to admit,
03:29Lax Luger is new meaning to the term pectoralis majors.
03:33I mean, this guy is stacked, my friend.
03:35And even worse than that, he's got some wrestling ability to go along with it.
03:39He is a total package.
03:40He's no Shawn Michaels, but a total package.
03:42I see.
03:43You hear the Irwin chant by some of the members of this capacity crowd, and
03:49that's likely to distract Irwin R.
03:50Shyster, even if shopping and money will not.
03:54Giving up the rope, and over.
03:56Lax Luger on the collegiate course yet.
03:57Down goes IRS again.
04:00This all started, ladies and gentlemen, some three weeks ago.
04:03You will recall, it was IRS against Adam Bomb.
04:05And one of the Druids on the outside interfering in a match,
04:09costing Adam Bomb the victory.
04:11Lax Luger comes down to help out, and guess who the Druid was?
04:15How in the world would I know?
04:16Nobody in the World Wrestling Federation knows who the Druids are.
04:19Well, I would suggest that they are members of the Million Dollar Team.
04:24It could be King Kong Bundy.
04:26It could be, wait a minute, it could be as well Native American Tatanka.
04:31Would not be something.
04:32It could as well be Nikolai Volkov, Bam Bam Bigelow.
04:36Who knows?
04:37Or it could be someone new that the Million Dollar Man has bought recently.
04:40Am I right?
04:41It could very well be.
04:42The Million Dollar Man certainly spending the bucks this time of the year.
04:46And IRS is hammering away on Lax Luger.
04:48Erwin R.
04:49Shyster now with momentum.
04:51Erwin R. Shyster, who was a master tactician, although we are not seeing
04:55much in the way of scientific wrestling displayed here.
04:58He is tenderizing Lax Luger.
05:01Yes, indeed, it's suggested he is.
05:03And Luger now back to his feet.
05:05Maybe not for long.
05:06Whipped him, no, nice reversal coming off.
05:07And over the hip.
05:08Yeah.
05:10Lax Luger scooping up and slamming IRS.
05:14Lax Luger with a clothesline and IRS down for the cover.
05:18One, two, he gets it.
05:19No, not quite.
05:20IRS better take a rest.
05:22This is about time to take a rest.
05:24Lax charging the Druid, keeping the Druid at bay to make sure the Druid does not
05:27interfere.
05:28Wait a minute, knee to the back and Lax Luger's on the outside.
05:31See, that's the problem with Lax Luger.
05:32He's always trying to take on everybody.
05:34He's gotta learn to stay focused.
05:35Wait a minute.
05:37Look at this.
05:39Look at this Druid.
05:40Come on, Ref, get in there.
05:41Let's not have a repeat of Adam Bomb.
05:43Lax Luger suffering the consequences of going after the Druid on the outside.
05:48Now being, wait a minute, here comes IRS to the outside as well.
05:52Erwin Arms Shyster with Lax Luger.
05:54Lax back on his feet, maybe not.
05:57Right back down into the canvas.
05:58And here comes IRS for the cover.
06:01Let's see, Erwin continuing to soften up Lax Luger.
06:06IRS, ladies and gentlemen, against Lax Luger and
06:10individual entered the 39-top ranked WWF Royal Rumble just this past weekend.
06:17Is having some problems.
06:20Hey, wait a minute, look at that ring.
06:21It looks familiar.
06:22Stay with us.
06:26Welcome back, everyone, to more Monday Night Raw.
06:28Erwin Arms Shyster is taking it to Lax Luger.
06:31A cover one, two and yeah, no.
06:34I'll tell you what, that Lax Luger takes more beatings than a crash test dummy,
06:38McMahon.
06:39Well, Lax Luger unquestionably has had his problems with Ted DiBiase's
06:42million dollar team.
06:43Look at this backbreaker.
06:45Another cover, two in, a kick out by Lax Luger.
06:48It all started, of course, when Tatanka, my, was a man who indeed took the money
06:54from that man, Ted DiBiase, at SummerSlam, two in, yo.
06:59You gotta admit, Tatanka fooled everybody.
07:02Including Lax Luger.
07:04Sucker.
07:05You know, I gotta tell you, McMahon, if that Luger had any smarts about him,
07:09he'd have taken the money.
07:10But since he didn't, well,
07:11at least he'd get a starring role in the new number one movie, Dumb and Dumber.
07:16Wait a minute now, there is something known as integrity.
07:19Tatanka was the person who sold out, not Lax Luger.
07:22No one will ever doubt Lax Luger's word again, I assure you.
07:25Wait a minute, look at this.
07:27Erwin Arms Shyster talking about cheating.
07:29He's always attempting to go after the tax cheat, so to speak.
07:32And this man is the consummate cheater.
07:34I got news for you, McMahons.
07:37On the subject of integrity, have you ever taken integrity to the car dealer shop and
07:42walked out with a new Mercedes?
07:45I don't think so.
07:46It takes cold, hard cash.
07:47I see.
07:49It does indeed, but
07:50the accumulation of that cash can be obtained only in one way.
07:54The old fashioned way.
07:55You can earn it.
07:57Luger with a series of elbows trying to break the hold on IRS.
08:00A third one looking over the druid's shoulders there.
08:03IRS continuing to attack Lax Luger.
08:06Hey, I don't wanna take anything away from Luger.
08:08He's a fighter.
08:09He's like the little engine that could.
08:11It's just, he can't.
08:13He can't, huh?
08:14Yeah, well, we'll see.
08:15This match is far from over.
08:18IRS with a little consultation now with Ted DiBiase, the Million Dollar Man.
08:22Lax Luger does not have the resources to compete with the Million Dollar Corporation.
08:26A cover!
08:27Lax Luger, talk about resources.
08:30As you recall, we mentioned earlier, Luger has entered this year's Royal Rumble.
08:35Last year, he was the co-winner of the Royal Rumble along with Bret Hart.
08:41I got news for you, McMahon.
08:42Look at this, a right hand retaliation of a block and another right.
08:45Luger punches like a girl.
08:47He does, huh?
08:48Well, you go tell that to IRS.
08:51Oh, and in trouble.
08:53IRS trying to put the Undertaker to sleep.
08:58That was at the Survivor Series, and Lax Luger is far from being asleep.
09:03Luger now for the right to the button.
09:05Here comes Erwin, my, right in the mush.
09:08Lax Luger with momentum and a knee lift.
09:12Yes, Lax Luger with his capacity pad very much behind him, clothesline.
09:18Luger coming out, wait a minute, the Druid, the Druid has the ankle.
09:21Look, DiBiase's just tracking the official, the Druid just slipped.
09:25No, no, no roll off, one, two, no.
09:28So close.
09:30A slap in the mush by the Druid.
09:32Here comes Lax Luger.
09:34Lax Luger is hammering away on the Druid.
09:37Look at this, Luger, making sure that the Druid is not gonna interfere again.
09:41Hey, wait a minute, look who that is.
09:42Who is it?
09:43That's Tatanka, Tatanka's the Druid.
09:45Luger can't believe it, Luger hammering away.
09:49Justifiably so, Tatanka, wait a minute.
09:51From behind.
09:52Once again- Wait a minute, don't tell me.
09:57By count out.
09:58Yeah, once again, Luger played for a sap by the Million Dollar Corporation.
10:02Don't tell me, ARS wins this thing via count out.
10:07Luger went after the druid.
10:09The druid grabbed the ankle.
10:11Sure, it was behind the official's back, but there's no justice here at all.
10:16Luger is such a sap.
10:19And speaking of saps, there are no three bigger saps than Moe, Mabel, and Oscar, and
10:24Tatanka and Bam Bam Bigelow proved that this weekend in the beginning of the tag team tournament,
10:29which of course, yours truly, the Heartbreak Kid, made possible.
10:34Let's go back now and take a look at this.
10:35First of all, ladies and gentlemen, yes, it was a surprise attack from Bam Bam Bigelow
10:40and from Native American Tatanka, attacking men on a mission.
10:45The match continued as Moe was slammed by Tatanka.
10:50Tatanka then tagging out to Bam Bam Bigelow, who attempted to suplex Mabel until that happened.
10:58However, Mabel was thrown to the outside in the stages of the matchup.
11:03Mabel was staged, leaving only Moe in there with Native American Tatanka.
11:08Tatanka continued to chop away until he got him up.
11:11Was it the end of the trail as Mabel got back up on the apron?
11:15He was two days to prevent this.
11:18Yes, it was the end of the trail, and then the insult comes.
11:23One finger pin, a convincing victory for Bigelow and Tatanka.
11:28And therein, ladies and gentlemen, the first match of the first round of the Tag Team Championship
11:34Tournament, exclusively on WWF Superstars, Bam Bam and Tatanka Advance.
11:41And next week, the Bushwackers take on the Heavenly Bodies.
11:45However, the Bushwackers will see action here this week.
11:48Look, they've got the fake with them.
11:50Oh my gosh, I thought it was Dumb Dumber, and now it's Dumb Dumber, and now the Dumbest.
11:55Let's listen up.
11:56Sonny!
11:57I'm ready, let's go.
11:58Are you ready to eat Sonny's helmet?
12:00Yes.
12:01You may need to bug a Bushwacker.
12:03Stay with us for more Monday Night Raw.
12:07Hello, folks, Double J. I told you I was going to be hitting all the show places.
12:12I'm a little late for this appointment, but here we are at Valley's Resort Casino.
12:17You know, I'm a little late.
12:18I've got to get going in here.
12:20Come on, here we go.
12:21Double J!
12:22Rip Taylor, Rip Taylor.
12:25They all want me.
12:27They all want me.
12:28Let me hear a big hand and welcome Double J.
12:31Oh, welcome to Valley, oh, Double J.
12:33This guy right here, he has played them all from A to Z up and down.
12:37Every hotel wants you to sign.
12:39Well, give me some advice.
12:40You know what?
12:41Oh, it's called Ain't I Great.
12:43It's called what?
12:44Ain't I Great.
12:45Well, I'm great too.
12:46No, no, that's the name of the album.
12:47Oh, I thought so.
12:48Let's talk about that later.
12:49Valley's is the best.
12:50Look at that marquee.
12:51Can you just imagine Double J.
12:53Has your name been up there before?
12:54Many times, all over town.
12:56Wouldn't Double J look great up there?
12:58That's J-E-double-F.
13:00Is that it?
13:01J-A-double-R-E-double-T-S.
13:03Double J, Jeff Jarrett.
13:04And the name of the album is what?
13:05Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
13:06The world's greatest singer, the world's greatest entertainer
13:09and the world's greatest wrestler.
13:11That's me.
13:12Thank you, Jesus.
13:14Heal, Double J.
13:15Yes, sir.
13:16You're going to go to Valley.
13:17Do you gamble?
13:19Oh, Rip, do you gamble?
13:20I'm taking a chance talking to you.
13:21Oh, look.
13:22Let it rip up.
13:24Welcome Double J to Valley.
13:26This is great, this is great.
13:28Rip, I'm running late.
13:29Oh, you got to give me some advice.
13:31Did you hear what Rip Taylor said?
13:32He was taking a chance on talking to Double J.
13:35That's for sure.
13:35What a tag team combination.
13:37Rip Taylor and Double J are, and look at these guys.
13:41I'll tell you what, at least these outfits here
13:42are a little more toned down than Double J and Mr. Rip Taylor.
13:45That's for sure.
13:46Wow, did you check out the shoes on Taylor?
13:48They weren't made for walking, that's for sure.
13:51But these boots are right here.
13:53They're made for, well, the other things, I would suggest.
13:58I'd rather be talking about Double J.
13:59You know something?
14:01The rumor in the music business is that Neil Diamond
14:03is so jealous of the success of Double J and his album
14:07Ain't I Great, he's going to Nashville,
14:09the same city that kicked Double J out,
14:11and he's going there to make a country album.
14:13Oh, really?
14:14Can you believe it?
14:21All right, we're back.
14:21Yes, the Smoking Gun's brilliant part.
14:23Set to lock up with Roy Raymond and Chris Avery.
14:26What a couple of drugstore cowboys.
14:28They give the state-
14:29Oh, drugstore cowboys.
14:30What are you talking about?
14:31These guys are the real deal.
14:32Oh, come on, I'm from Texas, my friend,
14:34and they are not the real deal.
14:35They're a couple of Rexall Rangers.
14:37Oh, really now?
14:38Oh, yeah.
14:39Well, I happen to know that Billy went to college
14:42on a scholarship, a rodeo scholarship, that is.
14:44One of the top four riders in the country.
14:46There you go.
14:47Matter of fact, Billy and Barner are getting ready
14:49to enter rodeo competitions at the same time
14:52pursuing their WWF careers.
14:56These two rednecks ought to spend more time
14:58thinking about the World Wrestling Federation
15:00Tag Team Tournament than roping doggies and riding bulls,
15:03if you know what I mean, McMahon.
15:04I'm sure that they are considering all of the aspects
15:08of the Tag Team Championship Tournament
15:09in about three weeks.
15:10As a matter of fact, they're gonna square off
15:12against the team that we're gonna see in action later on.
15:14Yes, it's the Smoking Guns signing for the match.
15:17Snap suplex against Well Done.
15:19And of course, later on here tonight,
15:22Well Done, oh my, will square off against the Bushwhackers.
15:25Hello, partner.
15:26Well, you gotta wonder, is Well Done watching this match
15:28or are they concentrating on their match
15:30with the Bushwhackers?
15:31I think maybe they are totally mesmerized by Howard Finkel.
15:34I think that's pretty safe to say.
15:37Yeah, I don't blame, Howard mesmerizes everybody.
15:40That's for darn sure.
15:41Coming off the rope, it's Billy dropping the knee
15:44across the forehead and Roy Raymond having some problems.
15:48You know, if you think about it,
15:49if these two guys by any chance win the WWF Tag Team titles,
15:54they might be able to afford that double wide trailer
15:56they were looking at, you know?
15:57They can put it down there in the trailer park,
15:59have that nice beat up old red pickup truck,
16:02have themselves a good old time, them boys.
16:03You know what I mean?
16:05Right.
16:06The voice, ladies and gentlemen, of Shawn Michaels.
16:10And wait a minute, here comes a tag now
16:12and Chris Avery in the ring.
16:13Let's see what Chris Avery can do against Bart Gunn.
16:16Bart shuts him out.
16:17Wheels him to, oh, wow.
16:19Handful.
16:20And onto the hair.
16:21And Bart trying to power his way out of this and does this time.
16:25And a tackle down goes Avery.
16:28You know, I never much liked cowboys.
16:29I'm from the state of Texas,
16:30but I never much liked cowboys.
16:32You know what I mean?
16:33Why not?
16:34What's wrong with cowboys?
16:34You know, I don't know.
16:35That whole John Wayne thing can be so tough and all.
16:39Chris, you in the right hand.
16:40Nice drop toe hook.
16:41Oh, followed through with the elbow.
16:42A little double team effort there by the smoking guns.
16:45You know, I see myself more as the Bruce Dern type.
16:48You know what I mean?
16:48Yeah, you probably would.
16:50Then again, I would suggest that you'd be in a category all unto yourself.
16:54That's the one movie where the old Duke didn't ride off into the sunset.
16:58Mm-hm.
16:59And ladies and gentlemen, another chop across the pectoral area.
17:03Bart now, the legal contender in the ring as Bart sets up Avery.
17:08Off the rope, over the hip.
17:10Yes, nicely done.
17:11You ought to see Bart ride a boat.
17:13You ought to see Bart ride a bull.
17:15Well, I just meant it's impressive.
17:16That sounds like a real good time to me, McMahon, to see Bart ride a bull.
17:19Well, I just meant if you're into bull riding and things of that nature.
17:21Uh-oh, look at this.
17:22I think- Avery in.
17:24Oh, my.
17:26I think we all know what the heartbreak kid's into, and it ain't riding bulls, McMahon.
17:30No, it's yourself, obviously.
17:33Billy and Bart pretty much manhandling thus far.
17:36Avery in his prime.
17:38Billy and Bart pretty much manhandling thus far.
17:42Avery and his partner, Roy Raymond.
17:45You have to wonder, as you mentioned before, well done looking on.
17:49Well done with Harvey Wimpleman.
17:50What's gonna happen when they square off against the Bushwhackers and
17:54The Fink in their corner later on tonight?
17:57That is gonna be a wacky one.
17:58I am looking forward to that.
18:00It's gonna be a sardine eating contest, perhaps.
18:04Uh-oh, look at this.
18:06What's this maneuver?
18:08Forget about it.
18:09Side slam?
18:10Side something?
18:11Side over fries?
18:13I'll take anything at this point.
18:14Maybe a sidewinder there.
18:16And Bart, the legal man, back in there.
18:18Bart against Avery.
18:21And, well, it's roundup time, folks.
18:24Avery across the back.
18:26Watch this.
18:27Going up to the top.
18:29You're looking at perhaps the next Tag Team Championship combination in.
18:35Looks like the Cowboys are gonna call it a day.
18:37And a three count successful venture for the Smoking Guns, Billy and Bart.
18:43I know Tag Teams, McMahon.
18:44I gotta tell you, the Smoking Guns are looking hot.
18:47The Bushwhackers yet to see action tonight, along with Jim the Anvil,
18:51Nightheart, Bob Sparkplug, Holly, and when we return, the King's Court and
18:55the King's Guest, the former WWF Champion, Bob Backlund.
19:01Tonka.
19:02He fights for greed and for the almighty dollar.
19:05But against this battling Brit, he plans to convert his money into pounds.
19:11The British Bulldog.
19:12When he faces the Native American, this Englishman hopes to leave him in a London
19:17fog.
19:18The Bulldog battles to Tonka, plus the Raw debut of Henry Godwin, next week on
19:26Monday Night Raw.
19:29What a matchup that's gonna be next week.
19:31And the King is at it again.
19:35His guest, we met you before, Bob Backlund, the man who is, well,
19:38you've been whispering in Bob Backlund's ear for some time now.
19:41That's right, me and Bob are getting a little chummy,
19:43although I'm getting tired of carrying that Webster's Dictionary with me all
19:46the time.
19:47And what about you being in his corner for
19:50these upcoming matches?
19:51Talk about evening the scale a bit.
19:54Well, I'm giving a little info on Big Daddy Cool.
19:57Nobody knows him better than the HB Kid.
20:00All right, let's go to the King, the Burger King.
20:03Role model.
20:04Role model?
20:06My guest, and I want you to truly welcome him with the respect that he deserves,
20:10is none other than Mr. Bob Backlund.
20:16Bob Backlund, a role model?
20:19A role model for home, and check out the bow tie.
20:22Look at that finely dressed man.
20:26Bob Backlund take nothing away from his athletic prowess.
20:29That's for sure.
20:30And after all, with a little help from Owen Hart, Bob Backlund did in fact
20:34become the World Wrestling Federation Champion once again at the Survivor Series.
20:39And Backlund, of course, wants it back again.
20:42First of all, let me apologize for the conduct of these imbecilic idiots.
20:49They really don't know exactly what they're doing.
20:52Ladies and, oh, please.
20:55Morons and imbeciles.
20:57This is a man who realized an 11-year-long dream.
21:02He was on a quest.
21:04He was on a mission.
21:05And he finally accomplished that.
21:07He fulfilled it.
21:08He beat Bret the Hitman Hart and
21:11became once again the World Wrestling Federation Champion.
21:16I think I just said that.
21:18You can never hear it enough.
21:19He deserves your admiration and your respect.
21:24Only to have it snatched away by not only Diesel.
21:30But I thought we were scraping the bottom of the presidential barrel with Bill Clinton.
21:35But then along comes Jack Tunney and proves that if you lift up the barrel,
21:39there's something worse.
21:40Jack Tunney runs a ringer in on him at Madison Square Garden.
21:43And, well, Mr. Backlund, you tell him exactly what happened.
21:48Bob Backlund, Time's Man of the Year.
21:51Well, not quite.
21:52Mr. Morality, Bob Backlund.
21:54Hush, hush, shh.
21:57First of all, King, I don't need any encomiums from anybody.
22:04I know what I am.
22:06And I walk tall.
22:09And I know where the Paul Beans stand out in this world.
22:15And I've got a message for you to send to your friend, Mr. McMahon.
22:21Listen to the people that are telling Bob how long you have to stay on a bull.
22:24No, I don't think eight seconds is what they're saying.
22:27That's all you have to stay on a bull.
22:29And when I'm out here articulating with the plebeians,
22:35I don't use Melacroftism.
22:37I know exactly what's coming from my mouth.
22:47I know the axioms that flow from between my orbicularis oris muscle.
22:55Do you understand?
22:58The second thing I came out here to articulate about was your Hitman.
23:16Your representative.
23:19He's one of you.
23:22He's one of you people.
23:24I admit that you deserve him.
23:29I'm better than he is.
23:31And I proved it.
23:32Now you have to come up to my level.
23:38And when I got the chicken wing on him,
23:41it was like I had the chicken wing on every one of you people that cheat in life.
23:49And that lie and use squalid language in front of your children.
23:55And Hitman, I understand you're coming back.
24:00And anytime you want more of the chicken wing,
24:05I'm happy to get into the ring with you.
24:11And the last thing I came out here to discuss with you people.
24:19Was your man, Diesel.
24:24Boy.
24:27This will be interesting.
24:29To come out and shake my hand like a man.
24:37Tell him, Mom.
24:39And he procured what meant more to me than anything.
24:45Because I wanted to represent the WWF the way it should be represented.
24:52And I wanted to bring you people up so you can be successful in life.
25:00He just wants what's best for all of us.
25:04Kevin Nash, you're like a Neanderthal.
25:08Did you hear that, McMahon?
25:09Kevin Nash?
25:11Yeah.
25:12You know who that is?
25:13No.
25:14You're like the Tyrannosaurus Rex of the WWF.
25:19You know who he's describing?
25:20Yes.
25:22But do you know what happened to the Tyrannosaurus Rex?
25:28Guess who told Bob all that stuff, huh?
25:30Do you know?
25:32He walked tall and stepped on everybody in the world.
25:39All his predators, he destroyed them.
25:45Big Daddy Cool, we got your number.
25:47The Tyrannosaurus Rex went extinct.
25:51And I guarantee you,
25:56the second win is gonna exterminate you.
26:06What a matchup that's gonna be, ladies and gentlemen.
26:09Bob Backlund squaring off against Big Daddy Cool Diesel with Shawn Michaels in
26:13Backlund's corner.
26:14Who knows what's gonna happen?
26:16We're back with more Monday Night Raw.
26:21Gentlemen, start your engines.
26:23Here he comes, the two-spot superstar yet.
26:27Here comes Bob, Sparkplug Holly.
26:30Let's see if Bob can make it to the ring without running into the rail.
26:33Oh, you're right.
26:35Unfortunately, Mr. Holly having some problems there.
26:39Down at, where was it, Pensacola?
26:42Pensacola.
26:43Snowball Derby.
26:44Yeah, met the wall a little bit there, but that can happen any race.
26:46Car driver undaunted.
26:48Bob Holly ready for next year's racing season.
26:51And now devoting more time to the WWF.
26:54Bob Holly squaring off against Chris Canyon.
26:57If you ask me, old Sparky's just stalled at the starting line.
27:00Is that right?
27:01I doubt that very seriously.
27:03Bob Holly standing side headlock.
27:06Canyon whips him to the near side.
27:07Coming off and on goes Mr. Canyon.
27:10Holly, extremely quick, very agile underneath Canyon.
27:13Boom, boom, boot to the midsection.
27:15Setting up Canyon, coming off down and over the hip.
27:18Nicely done.
27:19You know, I gotta tell you, Bob looked a little,
27:21Bob looked even a little more goofier than usual in that interview with Kings Court.
27:25Bob Backlund.
27:26Yeah, Mr. Bob Backlund.
27:28Mr. Bob Backlund.
27:29Yeah.
27:29Well, did you see the look on the King's face?
27:31I mean, even the King was a bit surprised by the tenacity of Bob Backlund.
27:37That's what I'm saying.
27:37I don't know.
27:38Today being the busiest day for U.S. Postal Services.
27:41You never know, Bob, a couple of his postal buddies,
27:44you might see him coming to, I don't know, a post office or a bell tower near you.
27:48I'm just saying, be a little wary of Bob Backlund.
27:51What a maneuver that was by Bob Holly.
27:53A scoop and a slam.
27:55And speaking of maneuvers, yes, of course, Bob Backlund would like nothing better
27:59than to put the cross-faced chicken wing on the seven-foot World Wrestling
28:03Federation champion Diesel.
28:05And of course, they're the witness everything.
28:08And whispering in Bob Backlund's ear, in the corner, Shawn Michaels.
28:11And of course, that's a W, my.
28:13That's upcoming on the WWF Holiday Wish Tour.
28:17Continuing out in California next week.
28:20In Sacramento, Los Angeles, San Diego, Anaheim, San Fran.
28:24Yes, indeed.
28:26Will you witness, Shawn Michaels, the turning of the tide once again?
28:30Well, if the Heartbreak Kid gets his wish out west, there will be a change.
28:35Bob Backlund will be once again the World Wrestling Federation champion.
28:38And you notice Chris Canyon mocking Bob Holly here a moment ago.
28:42And Canyon, better concentrate on the matchup.
28:46Canyon, a cover here, a sloppy one, an easy kick out by Bob Holly.
28:50Sparky didn't have a whole lot of success in the Snowball Derby, but
28:53I hear he's trying to qualify now for the World Wrestling Federation Royal Rumble.
28:57As a matter of fact, everyone would be attempting to qualify for
29:00the Royal Rumble, which would lead us to the question.
29:04Are you, Shawn Michaels, going to enter the Royal Rumble?
29:08Well, I'm not gonna answer the question right now, but let's face it.
29:12The World Wrestling Federation can't have a pay-per-view extravaganza
29:16without the Heartbreak Kid being a major, major part of it.
29:20I see, well, much like Jimmy Johnson, I think there was some discussion about you
29:24continuing in the broadcast mode, was it there?
29:27Yeah, well, see, the thing is, I can do everything.
29:29You go where the money is, right?
29:30Yeah, I do it all, man.
29:31I write for the magazine, I do the commentary.
29:33Wow.
29:34I am the true superstar, I'm the man.
29:36Multi-talented Shawn Michaels.
29:39I couldn't have said it better, but I will.
29:41The multi-talented Shawn Michaels.
29:43All right, Bob Holly in control at the moment over Chris Canyon.
29:50By the way, many of you, I'm sure, tuned in yesterday during the Action Zone.
29:54How about surprise appearance by Vinny Pazienza?
29:58The Paz-manian devil getting set to lock up with Roberto Durano.
30:02Look at this.
30:03On the 14th of January down in Atlantic City, my, nice suplex.
30:07That guy's got a smart mouth, you know.
30:09Pazienza.
30:10Yeah.
30:11Well, he, you know, smart mouth, he backs it up, at least.
30:15You gotta call himself the Spaz-maniac, if you ask me.
30:18Uh-oh.
30:19By the way, the Action Zone's gonna be preempted for
30:21the next couple of weeks, ladies and gentlemen.
30:23So all the more reason to catch us here on Monday Night Raw.
30:26That's gonna be a real bummer, you and Todd Pettengill.
30:29Just make sure Monday Night Raw with the Heartbreak Kid ever gets preempted.
30:33Look at that, the three count.
30:35And Bob's back block, Holly takes it.
30:37Another victory, the checkered flag waving for Mr. Holly.
30:42And who knows, Bob just might make it to the Royal Rumble.
30:44This much we know Pamela Anderson will.
30:46Welcome, everyone, to your very first WWF Royal Rumble Report here on Monday Night Raw.
30:50It's Todd Pettengill.
30:51And congratulations to Bob, Sparkplug, Holly on his victory here tonight.
30:56I know he's certainly looking forward to next season and heading up the WWF racing team.
31:00Here's a look at tonight's highlights.
31:02And we'll be right back.
31:16You know what? Maybe Bob Holly could suggest something I can get my dad for Christmas.
31:20Last year, I got him burlap underwear.
31:22I don't think he's ever worn it.
31:24What an ingrate.
31:25Anyway, not a lot of time and a ton of things to talk about.
31:27We are throwing the world's largest beach party Sunday night, January the 22nd, 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific.
31:34And it's called the WWF Royal Rumble.
31:37This year, totally live from the Sun Dome in Tampa, Florida.
31:41Now, speaking of beaches, the host of this awesome night, none other than Pamela Anderson
31:46from the hit TV show Baywatch, who I thank.
31:50Yeah, my cousin's brother's sister's uncle's a light guy on Baywatch.
31:53I make a few calls, and I book the stars.
31:57I think she likes me.
31:58Swing.
31:59All right, here's the deal.
32:00I just announced this match over the weekend.
32:01WWF championship indeed on the line at the Royal Rumble Spectacular
32:06when Big Daddy Cool Diesel meets the hitman Bret Hart.
32:10It's the jackknife against the sharpshooter.
32:13It's the new champ against the two-time champ.
32:16It's quite possibly the greatest title match ever, and Diesel knows it.
32:22Jeez, Bret.
32:24I said any time, any place.
32:26Well, it looks like you jumped on that.
32:28You've named the time and the place.
32:30January the 22nd, the Sun Dome, Tampa, Florida.
32:34Royal Rumble.
32:36Well, you know, Bret, I hope you're at 100% because you know I'll be.
32:41But then again, Bret, you wouldn't have accepted the challenge if you weren't.
32:45That's the kind of man you are.
32:47That's the kind of competitor you are.
32:50Let's speak about the kind of man you are, Bret.
32:54I mean, how long have you been getting away with wearing pink?
32:58Jeez, years.
33:00But you know something, Bret?
33:02Now black and chrome, along with a little gold, now that's a man's colors.
33:10Let's not talk about colors, but maybe we should.
33:13How about black and blue?
33:15I'm sure come Royal Rumble, we'll both be experiencing those colors.
33:19Bret, I can't wait for January the 22nd, Tampa, Florida.
33:25A lot of questions need to be answered.
33:28I can't wait to see you in the ring.
33:30See you, buddy.
33:32Diesel and the Hitman, definitely one for the record books.
33:36All right, now let's get into the actual WWF Royal Rumble itself.
33:40We're talking 30 of the greatest WWF superstars,
33:44the cream of the crop, the best of the best.
33:46Now it'll begin with two competitors in the ring.
33:48Then every 60 seconds thereafter, another superstar joins the action.
33:53That's 30 guys in 30 minutes, which means this
33:56will be the most action-packed Royal Rumble match ever.
34:00The only way you're defeated is when you go over the top rope
34:03and your feet touch the floor.
34:05Otherwise, it is every man for himself.
34:08Here's the first 10 superstars set to do battle.
34:11Made in the USA, Lex Luger, who you may recall
34:14was a co-winner last year with the Hitman Bret Hart
34:17after that amazing photo finish.
34:19You will also see Mr. Bob Backlund, King Kong Bundy, Doink the Clown,
34:24who will be dinkless.
34:26Also Quang, Henry Godwin, Duke the Dumpster Drossi, Aldo Montoya,
34:32the Portuguese Man of War, Adam Bomb, and Dick Murdock.
34:37Now, WWF superstars are lobbying for a position
34:40in this very prestigious Royal Rumble.
34:42And I'll have more names for you this coming weekend.
34:44Remember, the winner of the Royal Rumble is the guy who's in the ring last.
34:49He's left, he wins, and he earns an automatic title
34:52shot at WrestleMania 11.
34:55It all happens Sunday, January 22nd, 7 Eastern, 4 Pacific,
34:59from the Sun Dome, Tampa, Florida.
35:02Put it on your new 1995 calendar.
35:04Now, don't go anywhere, folks.
35:05When we come back here on Monday Night Raw, it's tag action
35:09as the Bushwhackers and ring announcer Howard Finkel square off
35:12with Well Done and their big mouth manager Harvey Whippleman.
35:16I can't wait to see if the Fink goes bonkers on Harvey.
35:20Stay with us.
35:23Welcome back, everyone, to more WWF Monday Night Raw.
35:26Harvey Whippleman in the ring along with Well Done.
35:31And here we go.
35:32Check it out.
35:33The Fink allegedly has been cleaned up.
35:36But how clean can you be?
35:38Whoa, look at the Fink along with Luke and Butch.
35:43I may be going out on a limb here, but
35:44I'm guessing Howard Finkel does not get a lot of chicks.
35:49Well, not everyone is into that sort of thing.
35:53Wait a minute, here we go.
35:53The Bushwhackers going to work on Well Done.
35:55Look at this.
35:56Luke and Butch with Timothy Well and Steven Dunn.
35:59The Bushwhackers taking care of business.
36:01My, double clothesline.
36:04Look out, double team effort.
36:06Over the top, yeah.
36:09And again, Luke and Butch.
36:13Oh, yeah.
36:15Wait a minute, the Fink's in there.
36:16Look at, the Fink's in there.
36:17Look at this.
36:18Jeez, here we go.
36:19That Finkel, he jumps at any chance to make a geek out of himself, doesn't he?
36:22Look at this.
36:23The Bushwhackers strike.
36:24Luke, Butch, and Howard Finkel.
36:29As long as they don't honky, I guess everything's okay.
36:32I got news for you.
36:33Even Fink will go for a honky.
36:37The Fink.
36:38What did I tell you?
36:39Yes, I'll be a son of a gun.
36:41He did it.
36:42How about the cousin Luke?
36:43Yeah.
36:45And, they look up, they welcome it.
36:49I am as stunned as Harvey Wippleman is.
36:51Well, you never can tell what's gonna happen here in the WWF.
36:54You've already caught up.
36:55Well, I'm just, I don't want to interrupt you.
36:56Yeah, I do want to interrupt you.
36:58Now, I'll honky with Pamela Anderson.
37:00That's for sure.
37:01I hear she dumped her old boyfriend, Bret Michaels, the lead singer of Poison.
37:06But rumor has it she's looking after another Michaels, if you know what I mean.
37:10That's right.
37:11Uh-huh, we'll see.
37:13We're gonna honky, baby.
37:15And Timothy Wells, Steven Dunn.
37:17Come on, Ruff, get in there.
37:18Coming off the rope now.
37:20Wait a minute, Butch.
37:22Butch has Steven, look at this.
37:24Butch has snapped into the ringers.
37:25That's Luke.
37:26You got Luke and Butch.
37:28No, look at that.
37:30Problems for Well Dunn.
37:33And Timothy Wells on the outside, Steven Dunn still on the inside.
37:36And the Bushwackers going to town.
37:39My.
37:40I'm telling you, McMahon, the last thing you want to do with the Bushwackers.
37:43Wait a minute, two in, yes.
37:45No, no, not quite.
37:46Nobody can double team like the Bushwackers.
37:48You don't want to get in there four on four with Luke and Butch.
37:51That's when they're at their best.
37:54Steven Dunn and Timothy Wells having some problems, as anyone would,
37:59with Luke and Butch.
38:00Notwithstanding the presence of The Fink on the outside.
38:02Double elbows to the chest.
38:03Plus, you gotta wonder if the sardine smell is still there.
38:06Yes, the secret weapon of the Bushwackers.
38:10And off the rope.
38:14Look at that maneuver.
38:15And Luke is in trouble.
38:18Going for the cover.
38:19No, no cover there.
38:20Going up to the top rope now.
38:21Timothy Wells is going to take his chances.
38:24Timothy Wells from the top.
38:26And Luke on the receiving end of an elbow.
38:28That could do it.
38:30The cover.
38:31One, two.
38:32Butch coming in to help out.
38:33I'll tell you what, Luke just got grounded, just like Kiwi Airlines.
38:37He's not going to get off the ground at all today.
38:40And The Fink pointing the official back to the action.
38:44Much as he did, I might add.
38:47Well, that's, of course, what led up to this match.
38:48Howard Finkel pointing things out to the official.
38:51He narked.
38:52He what?
38:52He narked.
38:53He marked.
38:54Nark.
38:55Stooge.
38:56All right.
38:56Tattletail.
38:57Whatever.
38:58In any event, a bit of justice there.
39:00That's why this matchup was made.
39:01And it's Luke to the buckle.
39:05And Luke continuing to have problems.
39:07And the Bushwackers certainly had problems with the well done.
39:11And the previous matchup that they had.
39:13And look at this now.
39:15On the top, it's Steven Dunn.
39:17And, whoa!
39:18A telegraph maneuver there.
39:21And all Steven Dunn is going to want for Christmas is his two front teeth.
39:26Or actually, that's exactly what Luke wants.
39:28Well, I was just going to say, he's not going to get it from the Bushwackers.
39:31Here comes Butch.
39:34Butch now going to work on Steven Dunn.
39:36Sets him up.
39:38Coming up to rope.
39:39Downstairs.
39:41Look at this.
39:42A proverbial house of fire.
39:45Yes!
39:46Or maybe an outhouse of fire.
39:47Whatever it is.
39:48Whatever it's effective.
39:50Looking Butch in the fake.
39:51Come on.
39:53You've got to wonder.
39:54It's a new novel, doesn't it?
39:55Oh, yeah.
39:55I guess you could say.
39:56Butch in the fake.
39:58Oh!
39:59Butch has.
40:01Oh, wait a minute.
40:01Herbie's open.
40:02Oh, wait a minute.
40:03Cheater.
40:03Cheater.
40:05But no.
40:05But no.
40:06Wait a minute.
40:06The fake.
40:07The fake has Harvey Rippleman.
40:08Rippleman trying to reach for.
40:10Oh, my goodness.
40:11Oh, my goodness.
40:12Whoa.
40:12Did you see that?
40:14Thank goodness Harvey wasn't wearing his well-done T-backs tonight, folks.
40:18Oh, my goodness.
40:19Meanwhile, the three count was put on well done.
40:23Look at the quads on Rippleman.
40:26Luke, Butch, and the fake are celebrating a victory.
40:31It could only happen on Monday Night Raw.
40:35It could only happen in the World Wrestling Federation.
40:39Harvey Rippleman is not exactly a leggy supermodel, my friend.
40:43That's for sure.
40:48We're back, everyone, with more Monday Night Raw with the holiday season coming up.
40:52What would it be without a visit to the one and the only, the real Santa Claus.
40:57Let's take you to Santa.
40:59Santa, let's switch things around this year.
41:03What do you want for Christmas?
41:15Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
41:18This is much better, Mabel.
41:20Merry Christmas.
41:22Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
41:26Well, I'll tell you what, one thing's for sure.
41:28Suffice to say, our Santa Claus is not gonna be walking off the job
41:32like that bogus one down in Jacksonville, Florida,
41:35especially after tons of fun there was sitting on his lap.
41:38And can you believe it?
41:40Over a football game.
41:41It'd be one thing if it was a WWF event town.
41:44Well, right now, there's gonna be an event, all right?
41:47Manny Garcia introducing Nick Barbary.
41:50And wait a minute, what's this?
41:51Jim, the end will not be over by Carlos Cabrera.
41:53There's Truco.
41:55What is he doing?
42:00We're gonna have action, ladies and gentlemen.
42:02Yes, The Anvil is gonna be getting it on.
42:05Promotional consideration paid for by the following.
42:19Welcome back, everyone.
42:20On Monday Night Raw, Jim, The Anvil,
42:21Nightheart against Nick Barbary.
42:23The matchup in progress.
42:24And The Anvil is quite an individual competitor, to say the least.
42:27But soon, The Anvil will be teaming up with his brother-in-law,
42:31the King of Hearts, Owen, in the Tag Team Championship Tournament.
42:35In several weeks, on a collision course, The Anvil and Owen
42:39will face The Head Shrinkers.
42:41And the winner of that match will face the combination of Bam Bam Bigelow
42:45and Native American Tataka, who were victorious just this past weekend.
42:49That's right.
42:50You know what?
42:51I like that Nightheart.
42:52He's a little different, a little goofy, but I like him anyway.
42:54Yeah.
42:55Very different.
42:56I mean, look at him.
42:57He's all over this Barbary guy.
42:58I mean, he's not exactly Mr. Nimble, but he will maul you to death.
43:02That's for sure.
43:03Jim, The Anvil, Nightheart continuing to hammer away on Nick Barbary.
43:09Unquestionably, The Anvil attempts to intimidate anyone around him.
43:13Obviously, intimidating Carlos Cabrera earlier on and Ed Truco,
43:18or at least attempting to.
43:20And by the way, ladies and gentlemen, Monday Night Raw throughout Mexico,
43:24Central America, and now in Argentina as well.
43:27And Jim, The Anvil certainly will have some difficulty celebrating the holidays,
43:32as I would suggest his tag team partner and brother-in-law, Owen.
43:35I don't believe they're gonna be joining the rest of the Hart clan
43:38for the holidays.
43:39But speaking of the holidays, all right, here we go.
43:42A little promotional copy here.
43:44Okay, now, don't get excited.
43:46Well, hang on a second.
43:47Barbary coming off the rope.
43:49Farside and-
43:50Whoa, to the top!
43:52Wow!
43:53All right, promotional copy.
43:55Here we go, folks.
43:56This is a curveball from Vince McMahon to the Heartbreak Kid.
43:58A mean-spirited network executive has a hilariously haunting holiday awakening.
44:03Bill Murray stars in Scrooge, the USA movie, tomorrow night at 9 o'clock,
44:088 Central, only on USA.
44:11And once again, the Heartbreak Kid knocks another one out of the park.
44:16Not bad.
44:17Not bad.
44:18Certainly considerably better than you.
44:20Jim, the Anvil, Neidhart, Double J, and Owen function as a unit
44:24of the Survivor Series, I'll tell you that.
44:26But you know something?
44:27The Anvil is still a little peeved to Big Daddy-
44:29Uh-oh.
44:30I'm telling you, Big Daddy Cool has no friends.
44:32Oh, look at this.
44:34Jim, the Anvil, Neidhart.
44:35Take a look at that kisser, if you want.
44:38The Anvil victorious over Nick Barbary.
44:41I think the Anvil needs a couple relaxing weekends
44:45to get those plates off the pad at their walls.
44:48And again, a little conversation.
44:50Our Spanish contingent.
44:52Stand by, everybody.
44:54Let's take another look at Pamela Anderson.
44:5830 superstar wrestlers.
45:04One goal.
45:07Maybe two goals.
45:09The WWF Royal Rumble, live on pay-per-view.
45:15We're back.
45:16Welcome back, everyone, to more Monday Night Raw.
45:18And we certainly hope you enjoyed all of the action this week.
45:21And when we join you next week, it's going to be the day after Christmas.
45:24And that's when Shawn Michaels is going to let us in
45:26on exactly what he got for Christmas.
45:29Oh, easy now, McMannican.
45:30This is a family show.
45:32I can't say that on television.
45:33Come on.
45:35Next week, Native American Tataka won't be hiding underneath
45:39a black drape as a druid.
45:41No, he's one-on-one with Davey Boy Smith,
45:43the British Bulldog.
45:45Plus, the man from the dark side, the Undertaker, will be in action.
45:48In the king's court, the one and only world wrestling federation champion, Diesel.
45:54Something might just go on next week, McMann.
45:56Yes, there could be a confrontation
45:58across the debut of the hog farmer, Henry Godwin.
46:01He ought to feel right at home with all this livestock around.
46:04Oh, my.
46:06All of that and more, ladies and gentlemen, the day after Christmas,
46:09next week, right here on Monday Night Raw.
46:11And, by the way, are you going to hang your stockings up there?
46:14You know, the stockings are hanging at the Heartbreak Hotel.
46:17Although, I got to tell you, the only stockings that hang are fishnets
46:20and the candy keeps falling out.
46:22Rest assured, though, the Heartbreak Kid will keep those stockings full.
46:25Hey, join us next week for more Monday Night Raw.
46:29So long, everyone.
46:30Happy holidays.