Relic Hunter S01e21 Nothing But The Truth
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TVTranscript
00:30I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing.
00:35I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing.
00:40I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing.
00:45I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing.
00:50I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing.
00:55I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing.
01:00I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing.
01:05I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing.
01:10I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing.
01:15I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but I think it's a good thing.
01:21Where is it? Where is it?
01:29Nargh!
01:32That's eveninging, great.
01:34Find Omar! Bring him to me!
01:41I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
01:44I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
01:48Hmph!
01:51You wanted to see me, Captain?
01:53The Corsair Cross. Where is it?
01:56I don't know. That's all there was.
02:00You don't know what happened to it?
02:03No, Captain.
02:10Let me show you something.
02:18Oh no!
02:31I'm tired of risking my life for you, only to be thrown mere grumps.
02:40A few more hours and I would have been gone.
02:44In the first galleon out at sunrise, you never would have known the difference.
02:55So...
02:59I am heartened you chose the path of truth, Omar.
03:11Guards!
03:15Have him beheaded.
03:18No! No! No! No!
03:28Suppose someone's sneaking up on you from behind.
03:31Claudia, are you listening to me?
03:33Sure. Some creep is sneaking up on me from behind.
03:36You duck, elbow, step, kick, and run.
03:41Gotcha.
03:43Now you try it. I'm grabbing you from behind.
03:45Be careful. I just did my nails.
03:48I thought you said you wanted to learn how to defend yourself.
03:51It's a French overlay. Two coats with glitter.
03:54You said you had a close call.
03:56You have no idea.
03:58I mean, it was dark, I was walking out to my car in the parking lot,
04:01and then from out of nowhere I see this figure coming towards me.
04:04I mean, he probably just thought I was a pushover because I was parked in a handicapped spot.
04:07And what did you do?
04:09Well, I got in my car and locked the door.
04:11What did he do?
04:13Gave me a ticket anyway.
04:15Claudia, in this day and age, every woman should know how to defend herself anyway.
04:20Oh!
04:22Oh, it works!
04:24Oh, God. Are you okay? Are you hurt?
04:26Fine. Fine.
04:28This arrived. Looked important. Signed for it.
04:30Just put it over there.
04:32I would if I could, but I can't move.
04:34Who's it from?
04:36A, uh, Heather Chandler.
04:38Chandler? I had a professor once named Chandler.
04:40When I was studying archaeology.
04:42Professor Fox, I'm sure my father would have wanted you to have this.
04:46As you know, he spent most of his life trying to find the chalice of truth.
04:50Chalice of truth?
04:51You've got to be kidding.
04:53Well, he believed in the existence of this chalice for whatever reason.
04:57It was supposed to have a hypnotic effect on whoever looked at it.
05:01Force them to tell the truth.
05:02I really could have used that last night.
05:05My father passed away last week.
05:08Wow.
05:10He was one of my favorites.
05:12He was a big influence on me getting into archaeology.
05:16I mean, he was a little...
05:17A little bit wacko?
05:19He became so obsessed with finding the chalice of truth
05:21that he became a laughingstock in the archaeological world.
05:24They even called it Chandler's folly.
05:26You don't believe such a thing existed?
05:29No.
05:31But he did.
05:33And I believed in him.
05:35When he died, he was getting closer than he'd ever been.
05:42It looks Arabic. Berber.
05:44Carpet?
05:46I've rarely ever seen Berber written before.
05:49For centuries, it's only been a spoken language.
05:52There's one person who's seen it written.
05:55Who?
05:57While he was teaching at the University of Northeastern South Africa,
06:01he said he was forced to learn it as some sort of new professor hazing ritual.
06:04No, not if my life depended on it.
06:06But what if Professor Chandler's life depended on it,
06:08or at least his life's work?
06:11You could finish it for him.
06:14I can't believe I'm asking Stewie for help.
06:16It's not so bad.
06:18Since he's come back, he's led rather a normal, modest life.
06:20Laying low is more like it.
06:22There's nothing normal about Stewie.
06:24Yeah, you're being too harsh on him.
06:26Am I?
06:29Sweet cheeks!
06:30Night!
06:32Look, Stewie, I'm sorry to bother you like this.
06:37Listen, I can't talk to you guys right now.
06:39I'm in the middle of something very important.
06:41Get down!
06:55Are you sure we need Stewie?
07:03Oh, boy, I love Paris, huh?
07:05I've always loved Paris.
07:07The architecture, the art, the women.
07:10Oh, boy, did I mention the women?
07:12Stewie, Berber, remember it? That's why you're here.
07:15Listen, Sydney, Berber is very complex, okay?
07:18You slept the entire flight.
07:20I've been stressed.
07:22I've had death knocking at my door more than once lately, believe you me.
07:26Listen, driver, go a little faster, will you?
07:29A little faster. Hey!
07:31Andale, andale!
07:33Stewie.
07:34What?
07:35He's French.
07:36The term is plus vite, s'il vous plaît.
07:38Plus vite!
07:43Keep that up, okay?
07:47There's no hurry anyway.
07:49There's no hurry.
07:51It's like going fast.
07:53That's all.
07:54Like a little bit of speed in Paris.
07:57Why were those people shooting at you, Stewie?
07:59Yeah.
08:00Look, it's a long story, Sydney.
08:02Do you want me to take a look at this Berber or not?
08:06What do we have, Nigel?
08:09The challenge was Syrian.
08:11It was stolen by pirates and wound up in Tunis.
08:14Somewhere in the 1700s, it fell into the hands of a French diplomat named...
08:18Christopher Delacroix.
08:20Christopher Delacroix.
08:26How am I supposed to read this?
08:30He was recalled back to France for telling the Tunisians state secrets.
08:34What, for profit?
08:35No, he couldn't help telling the truth.
08:39Oh, okay, look.
08:41I think I got something here.
08:43Now, it seems this chalice was created by a mystic in the 13th century for the Syrian royal family.
08:48Why?
08:49Well, it seems the king thought his queenie was doing the Mambo No. 5 behind his back,
08:53and he wanted her to tell the truth.
08:55And did she?
08:56Well, the next day, her head was mounted on a stake in front of the palace.
09:06There are two items in Chandler's research that are curious.
09:11Some blueprints.
09:12Blueprints? Let me take a look at them.
09:15Nigel!
09:16Nice go, Nigel! Nice go!
09:18Give me that!
09:19It was his fault.
09:21The other item is a rejection from a cooking school he applied to days before his death.
09:29Cooking school?
09:38Listen, driver, you can slow down now, all right?
09:41Hey! Slow down, all right? What are you trying to do?
09:49Ah.
09:52Well, we're definitely back in Paris.
10:00Let's go find that cooking school.
10:14This was once the home of Christopher Delacroix.
10:17So these must be the blueprints.
10:19Then Chalice is somewhere in there, isn't it?
10:21I think so.
10:25Let's be careful, gentlemen.
10:26Yeah, no problem.
10:29All right. Admission to the school is based solely on the interview with Chef Girard,
10:32so let me do all the talking, okay?
10:34Ah.
10:45Voltaire, I didn't know you spoke French, do you?
10:47I don't, but the French chicks love it.
10:55I am Girard Lagrange.
10:59You realize this is an advanced course?
11:01Yes, absolutely.
11:03I usually do not admit students this late.
11:06However, as you've come so highly recommended,
11:10I understand you're opening a new restaurant in America.
11:13Yes, my partners and I are very excited about it.
11:16And what is it called?
11:19Oh, um...
11:26The Rotting Cops?
11:28We haven't yet decided.
11:30And we're still tossing things around.
11:33I see.
11:36Monsieur Lagrange, I'm sorry.
11:39We're so terribly nervous.
11:41I mean, to be in the presence of one of the greatest chefs in the world.
11:44Understandable, of course.
11:47To study under you would be a dream come true.
11:50Of course it would.
11:56Very well.
11:58Don't be late for orientation.
12:00Oh, we love Chinese food.
12:15Sidney Fox will be able to do what Chandler couldn't.
12:19Find the chalice.
12:21We need to place a contact inside.
12:24Mmm, grapes.
12:27Hiya.
12:28I couldn't help overhearing the accent.
12:31Johnny.
12:32They call me Johnny the Jackhammer.
12:35That's a very colourful name, Nigel Bailey.
12:40So, Johnny, what brings you to cooking school?
12:44What's that supposed to mean?
12:46Nothing.
12:47Nothing.
12:48I was just wondering what brought you here.
12:51I was just wondering what got you interested in cooking.
12:55Ah, my therapist recommended it.
12:57Well, he's not actually a therapist.
12:59He's more of a parole officer.
13:02See, I have this little problem with violence.
13:09My fourth year with Gerard.
13:11Really?
13:12What he can do with a guinea fowl.
13:14My God.
13:16My sisters and I own a little restaurant in San Francisco.
13:19Oh, San Francisco.
13:21Oh, boy.
13:22I love San Francisco.
13:23Both of them will be coming in tonight.
13:26Really?
13:27Both of them?
13:28Oh, boy.
13:29We're all so different.
13:30Sometimes I find it hard to believe we're sisters.
13:33I can hardly wait to meet them.
13:36In the joint, I used to take these classes, you know.
13:39Help control the anger.
13:42Pottery.
13:43Cooking.
13:44Yeah.
13:45You know, get in touch with my feminine side.
13:47I learned the most amazing thing.
13:49I discovered that as a child,
13:52I was touch-deprived.
13:54Yeah.
13:55And that's where all the trouble started.
13:58All I ever needed was just someone to hold me.
14:02So what do you reckon, Nigel?
14:04Give us a hug.
14:05A hug.
14:06A hug.
14:10It's going to be great cooking tonight.
14:12It's going to be great cooking with you, mate.
14:16Right?
14:20From Lapin a Prenot to Durard a Moscado,
14:25my understanding of cuisine classique
14:27has taken on new meaning with Gerard.
14:30Uh-huh.
14:34Ah.
14:37Excuse me.
14:38Some interesting people here.
14:40Yes, very.
14:42You here for the cooking class?
14:44Well, of course you are.
14:46Why else would you be here?
14:47This is the cooking school, after all.
14:50I'm, uh, Nigel.
14:52Amanda.
14:58We're just a cable show, really.
15:00But in a sense, it's more freeing not having to cater to the masses.
15:03Who did you train with?
15:05Uh, that would be Mrs. Robberstein.
15:07Of what school?
15:08Franklin High.
15:09Amazing home ec class.
15:23Mesdames, messieurs.
15:25I'm sure you are delighted to have the honor
15:27to have been accepted into one of the most prestigious
15:30cooking schools in the world.
15:33You're late, monsieur.
15:36I'm sorry.
15:37Is that what you will tell your customers
15:39when you have ruined their meal
15:41because you missed the essential first instructions
15:43of the dish I teach you to prepare?
15:47I welcome you with my heart open.
15:50For the next two days,
15:51we will live and learn as a family,
15:55being one with the ingredients of life.
15:59So, bon appétit!
16:02And let's get cooking!
16:06applause
16:16I met this really sweet guy today.
16:18There are no nice guys, Amanda.
16:20They just trick you into thinking that
16:21so they can get what they want.
16:23There's plenty that men aren't good for.
16:25You ought to know.
16:26You're doing it with another one every five minutes.
16:28Could we please not fight?
16:30Amanda, listen to me.
16:32Men are jerks.
16:33If you keep being so nice and sweet,
16:34they're going to take advantage of you.
16:36Yeah, well, I think it's time
16:38to find someone to take advantage of me.
16:42This is the area Chandler circled on the blueprints.
16:45It's off limits.
16:47Yeah, so why don't you stay and keep watch?
16:49As much as it kills me,
16:50I might need Stewie for more Berber.
16:54laughs
17:04Listen, Sydney, thanks for bringing me along, huh?
17:06This isn't a date, Stewie.
17:09There's got to be something here.
17:16Oh, hi.
17:18Oh, hi yourself.
17:21That's a great outfit.
17:23That's a great accent.
17:25Clothes look amazing on you.
17:29I think they'd look a lot better on you.
17:32Well...
17:34I've always thought clothes were a bit overrated myself.
17:37I mean, I wear them from time to time,
17:39but of a necessary evil, if you know what I mean.
17:41Unless you're, um...
17:42In bed with someone?
17:44Exactly.
17:45I mean, that would be an excellent time
17:47not to wear any clothes.
17:48That and bathing, I suppose.
17:49There's a wood panel library downstairs.
17:52Meet me there in 15 minutes.
18:02Still got it.
18:10Stewie, look.
18:13Berber.
18:14Oh, yeah, that's Berber all right.
18:17Heritage is the key to the truth.
18:23New outfit?
18:25Look, I'd really love to come to the library with you.
18:29I really would, but...
18:30Ooh!
18:31Oh, I really have to stay here.
18:35Oh!
18:36Oh!
18:37Oh!
18:38Oh!
18:40Oh!
18:41Oh!
18:42Oh!
18:44Nigel, what's wrong?
18:48Um...
18:49Gas.
18:50It's all that French food.
18:54Let's go over Delacroix's notebook one more time.
18:57Are you sure that's the translation
18:58of the inscription on the chamber wall?
19:00I'm positive.
19:01Heritage is the key to the truth.
19:03No question.
19:06Nigel, Professor Chandler's papers
19:09have been tampered with.
19:11Somebody else is after the chalice.
19:19Let's get cooking!
19:23Let's get cooking!
19:26Hi, Nigel.
19:28Nigel!
19:29My matey!
19:41We will begin with a simple menu.
19:44We will start with sautéed oyster mushrooms
19:47in a phyllo nest, garnished with snails,
19:50and served with a tomato-basil butter sauce.
19:55This will be followed by roasted sweetbreads,
19:58accompanied by julienne Belgian endive
20:02in a truffle cream sauce.
20:05And then for dessert,
20:06a basic macaron mocha buttercream gâteau.
20:12Don't worry.
20:13It'll get more challenging.
20:14He likes to take it easy on us the first day.
20:17Okay.
20:18Let's get cooking.
20:28Let's get cooking.
20:47No!
20:58No!
21:22Great.
21:23I don't understand why we had to do all the cleaning up.
21:25Well, it might have something to do
21:26with you making a smiley face with your scallops.
21:28I was trying to be creative, all right?
21:30I wasn't the one who put in
21:31a half-pound bag of salt in the soup.
21:32Anyone could have made that mistake.
21:33I thought I said a pouch, not a pinch.
21:35I'm not perfect.
21:36Oh, sure, you hear that all the time.
21:37Add a pouch of salt.
21:40I've been thinking about the inscription
21:41from the wall last night.
21:43Take a look at this.
21:44It's from Chandler's Things.
21:45It's a Delacroix family crest.
21:48So?
21:49The inscription read,
21:50heritage is the key to the truth.
21:52Right.
21:53Now, you remember that indentation above it?
21:54Yeah, right, in the shape of a cross.
21:55A cross exactly the same shape as this one.
21:58So what does it mean?
21:59I think this cross is the key
22:00to opening the door where the chalice is.
22:02Well, are we gonna fit this
22:03into the indentation in the wall?
22:05No, we've gotta find the real family crest
22:07with a cross exactly the same size as that indentation.
22:10I think you got something, Cyd.
22:12Okay, you guys finish up here.
22:13We'll meet up in a little while.
22:15Come on.
22:16We're just gonna leave this?
22:17Oh, come on.
22:18We're relic hunters, not dishwashers.
22:25Sydney Fox is getting closer to the chalice.
22:28Our agent will stay with them until they find it.
22:32And then, do whatever is necessary
22:35to take it from them.
22:55Oh, Chef Emeril!
23:22Yeah, I love that show.
23:23Bam!
23:24Listen, I had a question about French cuisine.
23:27Yeah?
23:28French fries.
23:29What's the best cut, do you think?
23:31The crinkle or the shoestring?
23:35It's a culinary mystery to me.
23:38Let's get cooking!
23:39Ha, ha, ha!
24:10Oh!
24:11Johnny!
24:12Johnny, you...
24:13You startled me.
24:14Hug?
24:15No hug.
24:16No hug.
24:17I, uh, really gotta run, Johnny.
24:19I, uh, really gotta run, Johnny.
24:36I, uh, really gotta run, Johnny.
25:07Delacroix.
25:27Hi.
25:28We're not supposed to go into the rooms on this floor.
25:31Yeah, I was just, uh, looking for a bathroom.
25:33Were you?
25:35That's right.
25:36Of course.
25:38Don't you have some peaches to can, Marilyn?
26:05No.
26:06No.
26:07No.
26:08No.
26:09No.
26:10No.
26:11No.
26:12No.
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26:14No.
26:15No.
26:16No.
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26:18No.
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26:20No.
26:21No.
26:22No.
26:23No.
26:24No.
26:25No.
26:26No.
26:27No.
26:28No.
26:29No.
26:30No.
26:31No.
26:32No.
26:33No.
26:35No.
26:36No.
26:37No.
26:38No.
26:39No.
26:40No.
26:41No.
26:42No.
26:43No.
26:44No.
26:45No.
26:46No.
26:47No.
26:48No.
26:49No.
26:50This has gotta be it.
26:51This has got chalice of truth written all over it.
26:52This has gotta be it.
26:53This has got chalice of truth written all over it.
27:23It's magnificent.
27:48Here, let me have a look at it.
27:49There might be an inscription on it.
27:50The big question is, does it really hold the power to compel people to tell the truth?
27:51Who knows?
27:52But one thing I do know for sure is that...
27:53I love you, Sydney.
28:20So, Stewie, who's after you?
28:31Who's trying to kill you?
28:32Oh, I was supposed to marry an African princess, but I left her standing at the altar.
28:37That's why they're trying to kill me.
28:38And now that they think that you're helping me, they're going to try and kill you, too.
28:42Oh, great.
28:43Listen, Cyd, I really do love you.
28:45I think we'd be great together.
28:46I know I'm not the smartest guy or the best-looking guy or the tallest guy, but you could argue
28:50a little here.
28:51About what?
28:52Listen, I know I'm a jerk.
28:53I'm the biggest jerk in the world.
28:54There was that time in Berlin with the dominatrix and the barbeque chicken, but I was drunk.
28:57I was smoking that working tobacco.
28:58Somebody take that cup away from me.
28:59Enough drunk for one day.
29:00Shh.
29:01Did you hear that?
29:02Let's get out of here.
29:03We should be able to get a taxi at the marketplace.
29:33Hey, what time is it?
29:40One o'clock.
29:41No, it's not.
29:42It's quarter past three.
29:43Just wanted to see if I could still lie.
29:44I don't think there's a child as big enough to keep you from what I'm still doing.
29:45Well, I don't like the looks of that.
29:46Huh?
29:47Neither do I.
29:48Run!
29:50Okay, my turn.
29:51Start sound.
29:52Hey!
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32:16Hey!
32:17I don't believe you.
32:18If I had it I couldn't tell a lie now could I?
32:19Good work, Nigel.
32:33What?
32:35I hid the chalice in a basket of lettuce, it's not here anymore.
32:44Lettuce and I
33:04Where is that truck headed look at the rules
33:11Back to the cooking school
33:14Oh
33:31Sir Chalice is back at the school find it
33:34What do you think happened to Stewie probably wasn't pretty but he can usually take care of himself
33:45Where do you think you're going?
33:47The graduation dinner you missed the entire sauce class. There's no graduation for you and no dinner. No, no
33:58You miss sauce too, huh? No graduation. No dinner
34:05Wow
34:06Please forgive us your greatness. We wanted to come to the sauce class. We really did
34:12But we were so appreciative of your
34:15inspired teachings that we felt compelled to run around the marketplace looking to
34:22Buy you a gift
34:26The vendor I took those from and bought those from said they were very good. In fact, I almost kept them myself
34:34truffles
34:37Second rate
34:42But I do accept your apology, oh, thank you. Thank you
34:48enjoy
34:50I'm to the guys that were following you. I had to cut a deal a very expensive deal
35:05Oh
35:15One of the other students has to be in on it
35:17Otherwise, how could they have known me at the chalice at the market?
35:19Yes, but who my bed is that but kissing goody-goody I can smell a liar a cheat that deep a mile away
35:24I can smell one six inches away. When was the last time you had a bath Stewie, whoever it was
35:28We've got to get to the basket before they do let's split up again on me in the dining room
35:34Bathroom is that way
35:42The time has come to stop fooling around kill them
36:04I
36:23Baskets there, but the chalice is missing anyone could have taken it sitting. There's no way of telling where
36:35You're early
36:40Delacroix must have had several made to protect the real one
36:43How do you plan on telling the real one from the fakes?
36:46Whoever has a real one has to tell the truth
36:50Wait a minute. I'm not going through that again
37:04I
37:26Say evil
37:28You
37:32Know something Sydney you could throw yourself across this table naked right now, and I would just walk out
37:38Stewie
37:39We know it isn't this one
37:43Stewie
37:44You're one of the most literate and intelligent professors. I've ever met
37:50And I look up to you with the utmost regard. I guess it's not this
37:54It
37:56Is good you are trying to reform yourself after having paid your debt to society. Yeah, well, that's not exactly true, mate
38:04What a full corpse is out in my backyard. No one knows about the cop is fine. Those aren't back inside for life
38:10Okay, let's keep our and the chalice. Let's not lose it again
38:13And then there's all the bank robberies that never got me on you should just go in and spray the place with a machine gun
38:23Calm down stop this at once
38:28Class please
38:38Let's have a little decorum here, let's make a toast
38:44What is he nuts there's nothing in here must be symbolic
38:51You are without question the most pathetic group I have ever had
39:05Which is why I don't mind overcharging you that's the one thing that I don't like about you
39:10Which is why I don't mind overcharging you that's the one that's the one
39:16Look at you
39:18You three or should I say you six?
39:22The only reasons the men will come to your restaurant is for the melon specials
39:30Get the chalice whoops
39:40Oh
39:43And you you tattooed ape
39:47Here's a tip save some money on cooking oil squeeze your air over the pan before cooking
39:55I
40:25Amanda where'd you go Amanda? She must have taken it
40:55I
41:25Thanks Nigel couldn't have done it without you that's got to be true
41:42Saturday I'm so sorry Richard. I can't my brother-in-law's coming into town for the weekend, and I've got to show him around you know
41:49Tuesday no can do I gotta do charity work at the Children's Hospital
41:55Actually, I'm not doing charity work at all in fact. I don't even like children charity is such a total joke
42:03In fact the only reason I keep stringing you along is so you'll keep doing half of my English assignments for me
42:07You've got about as much chance for a date with me as Pam Anderson drowning
42:14Hi Claudia um you two should leave now
42:18Are you okay? No the worst possible thing in the world is happening to me what I'm being honest
42:27Did you sort those essays from Sydney's Thursday class like she asked you to of course not
42:32I just randomly shove them into some file folders and stacked neatly so it looked like I did
42:39To complain at this game
42:42Did you teach Sydney's Wednesday intro class until four o'clock?
42:45Yes
42:47No, I mean
42:49No, all right. No
42:51Sydney maybe should go to your office now. Oh, I don't think so. I've got a few questions for both of you lunch
42:56Please now. Where do you want to go? I don't care. Yes, you do. Yes, I do. You're right
43:02I hate those soggy sandwiches. You always ordering, but you said you liked them
43:05night
43:15You
43:45You
44:15You
44:42You