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00:00Good evening. So my question is first, I have actually two questions. My first question
00:12is regarding me personally. The thing that I face is that when I'm speaking to someone
00:21in a group, I always tend to provoke people with my ideas and whatever opinion I have.
00:29For example, I can tell you when I'm talking to people regarding what you teach, what other
00:37gurus teach like Osho, so they often like the ideas that I tell them regarding the various
00:47texts that we have, they are often provoked. That is one example that I'm telling you and I don't
00:54know this happens to me in every sphere. Whatever ideas that I'm telling, the thing that I'm
01:00talking to people, the conversation gets really awkward at that point that
01:07they start to repel me and if I'm talking to someone new, well I often come as charming
01:14but eventually when they get to know me, my depth, they don't like me enough.
01:21So what I can do to make myself more likable even though if I have provocative thoughts
01:29as people have signaled to me previously. That is my first question.
01:36Should I continue with the next question also? No, let me respond to it.
01:40See, the purpose of communication is not merely to
01:55send a few words to the other or ideas to the other from your side.
02:04The communicator or the speaker is also responsible for what the other one has received.
02:23In fact, the communicator or the speaker is responsible even for what the other one has
02:34interpreted or construed.
02:41So when you speak, obviously you want the other to understand, don't you?
02:52And if you find that instead of understanding, others rather get provoked
03:04and they react and they resist, then your own purpose is not being served
03:16because I'm sure that is not what you had intended.
03:22And if that's what you had intended, then there is a serious problem because the ego can
03:29find a lot of pleasure in instigating others, in getting others to flare up, react, get angry.
03:48The ego might say, look at my power, look at the potency of my words
03:55with a few words, I got all these fellows so worked up. See how angry they are.
04:06See how I broke their poise, their peace.
04:12Because if you can get somebody to react, it's almost like getting him enslaved.
04:22You now have his number, his handle, you know where to press the button.
04:33So the ego can find that quite pleasing. You have to be cautious.
04:39However, let me assume that is not the case with you. Let me assume that it is not
04:46with the explicit purpose of eliciting a reaction that you speak.
04:54Let me assume that you speak with the right intentions. Then you must know the limit
05:04of your responsibility and your responsibility, as we said, is not limited just to what you utter.
05:13It is limited not even to what reaches the other. It extends to what the other feels about it,
05:26how the other interprets it.
05:33So you have to, first of all, begin with that in mind.
05:39There are people who say that their job is to speak the truth.
05:45And after that, how the others receive it is none of their business.
05:53Even that is not a very honest position to take.
05:58How the others interpret you is very much your own business.
06:08And that's why attention towards the audience is needed.
06:16That's why there have to be a thousand ways to get attention.
06:26A thousand ways to communicate the same point.
06:34That is why empathy is needed.
06:39If empathy is not there, the other one will not open up.
06:45If he will not open up, there would be no listening. If there is no listening,
06:49there is no communication.
06:53You are not speaking to the walls. You are not speaking to an audio recording device.
07:01You are speaking to conscious people
07:06with all their frailties, their imperfections
07:14and their needs.
07:17People have their pains, their biases, their pasts.
07:29They don't come from nowhere.
07:34We all stand at specific positions of the ego.
07:38And it is from these positions that we listen to whatever we do.
07:48Therefore, the speaker has to first of all know where the listener is standing.
07:58Right examples have to be crafted. The right language has to be chosen.
08:04The right tone, the right words, and the right time and the right occasion have to be chosen.
08:14We have stories, the fables, the anecdotes that we have, in which a student comes to the teacher
08:30in which a student comes to the teacher
08:35and asks a particular question and the teacher says, I will answer you.
08:46And then eight months later, when the opportunity presents itself,
08:53that's when the teacher says, this, this is the answer.
08:57There has to be this kind of sensitivity
09:04to having the right time and the audience in the right frame of mind.
09:15In the right frame of mind,
09:23you cannot just have an attitude wherein you care for only your own righteousness,
09:36thinking nothing of the other.
09:38And then the next moment, you get kind of hurt when people do not reciprocate
09:49your avivu dedli, kind intentions.
09:58If you want your kind intentions to be reciprocated,
10:08then be really empathetic.
10:17Know that your responsibility, as we said, extends beyond just speaking.
10:27We communicate to bring wellness to the other.
10:35We do not communicate to speak the truth.
10:38Nobody can communicate to speak the truth.
10:44There exists nothing like the truth to be spoken.
10:50The purpose of communication is wellness or welfare,
10:59not truth.
11:00Equally, you could say that that which brings real wellness to the other is the truth.
11:11Nothing else is the truth.
11:19So, if you are failing to bring wellness to the other,
11:24for sure it is not the truth.
11:27For sure, it is not the truth that's there in your words.
11:37Now, after this kind of care and depth of compassion,
11:49there still would be a few or many
11:56who just won't listen or who would listen to you from predetermined hostile centers.
12:07Then you can probably say
12:11that you have come to the utter end of your responsibility
12:16and now you cannot do much more with such people.
12:21And then what you would be saying would be probably admissible.
12:27When you have done your utter best, even after that, there do remain people
12:35who are beyond your capacity to mend.
12:43Because after all, listening and understanding are sovereign decisions
12:49irrespective of how hard you try.
12:51You cannot really force someone to understand or to move towards his own welfare.
13:01So, a few people would still remain
13:07totally deaf to your words,
13:10totally impervious to your kind intentions.
13:15There you can excuse yourself.
13:21You can then honestly say, I did try my best, but I couldn't succeed with these few people.
13:30But obviously, that is to be said after you have done your best with total sincerity,
13:38that is to be said after you have done your best with total empathy.
13:47How do you know whether you have done your best?
13:51Here is a hint.
13:54When you are trying to reach out to the other, to explain to the other,
14:03you will have to leave your own position.
14:09You cannot say that I am a scholar and therefore I will use scholarly language.
14:20You cannot say,
14:24I love Indian history, therefore I'll come up with examples only from Indian history.
14:32You cannot say that the world of the other is untouchable.
14:41They live in filthy places, therefore I won't go close to them.
14:49You cannot say, I speak from the heights of the truth
14:53and the listeners are all rolling down there in the mud.
14:58I won't stoop down to them.
15:04The genuine communicator, and we are talking of spirituality here because you said you want to
15:14bring spiritual truths to people, will have to leave their own position.
15:25He will have to be a very versatile person and that versatility is not a skill, it is compassion.
15:40He will be prepared to leave all that is secondary or external about him.
15:55Only the truth at his heart, he will not be ready to leave, he cannot leave that.
16:02He is helpless in that matter, except for that one thing,
16:07he will be prepared to compromise on everything.
16:16He will stoop, he will change, he will bend,
16:20he can go left or right, he can switch languages,
16:33he can act juvenile for a while,
16:40he can start from where the audience stands.
16:45He will have no definite personality of his own, at least he'll try not to have.
16:55His need to wear a particular favorable personality
17:03would be smaller than his empathy towards his listeners.
17:15So he'll not be hesitant
17:22in going to places
17:28that are generally
17:36considered off limits.
17:44When truth is at the heart,
17:53then you have very little need to hold on to anything else.
18:03All else then becomes negotiable.
18:06You cannot say your name please.
18:22Yeah, my name is Amrit Pandey.
18:24You cannot say I am Amrit and I am a person who is in a relationship with you.
18:32You cannot say I am Amrit and I am a serious fellow.
18:40Amrit being a serious fellow is something that keeps Amrit as Amrit
18:46and that is the ego's need. Who is Amrit, a serious fellow?
18:52If Amrit needs to act chirpy and jovial for the sake
18:59of his audience, he must change.
19:05Change not in the internal sense, change for his cause like one changes clothes.
19:13Do you keep wearing the same set 24 hours and 7 days?
19:19Different times, different places and different clothes, right Amrit?
19:26Similarly, your personality
19:33has to be very flexible.
19:39Your biases must be all disposable.
19:47There has to be only one thing important, the truth.
19:51All else can be done away with as and when the need arises.
19:59But unfortunately, we do not get too many examples of such empathy
20:08and the general notion is that teachers carry a specific persona.
20:14If a teacher is particular about the persona he carries, and I am saying teacher here because
20:20that's where you are coming from, right? When you are trying to initiate a spiritual discussion,
20:26somewhere you are reaching in that domain.
20:36So teachers who necessarily carry a specific persona
20:40I doubt whether they are of much use to their audiences.
20:48I understand that the personality cannot be fully offloaded.
20:56It is not something that you can actually take off like your shirt.
21:01It is not something that you can actually take off like your shirt.
21:09But to whatever extent you can manage it, you must.
21:21Let me add one last thing to it, Amrit.
21:24To your words, people listen later.
21:34The first thing that they listen to is your empathy.
21:43They want to see whether your face and your eyes carry their pains.
22:05If your eyes contain not a bit of the pain that they live in,
22:13they will not be able to listen to you.
22:19Truth is not about lofty words and scholarly theories.
22:29Truth is first of all a deep desire to help.
22:43If they see that you want to help, they will listen.
22:49Then they will listen even if they are not able to make perfect sense of your words.
22:56In fact, then they may listen even if they are not able to make much of your words.
23:05But they will still listen and they will even benefit without even understanding your words.
23:12Without understanding your words properly, they will still benefit.
23:19On the other hand, your words might be accurate, your arguments might be perfect,
23:30your erudition might be flawless, yet you will find your words hitting an impenetrable wall.
23:49If you're not coming from a position of empathy,
23:52and you'll wonder, you will say everything about my words or logic or my entire discourse is close to perfection.
24:07Why am I not able to penetrate then?
24:14It's not knowledge that penetrates the other, it's love.
24:21Knowledge is a small thing, a very small thing.
24:38The world has not remembered scholars so much.
24:43They are given their due share of admiration and respect.
24:48It is the great lovers who become immortal in the heart.
25:01The saint is always above the scholar.
25:07And somehow the saint comes to know every bit of what the scholar knows.
25:18Love is a great teacher.
25:23Love will beget knowledge.
25:31However, it is not necessary that knowledge begets love.
25:39It begets love.