Should I live alone, or in a relationship? || Acharya Prashant (2019)

Acharya Prashant

‍♂️ Want to meet Acharya Prashant? Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...   Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books? Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~  Video Information: Advait Learning Camp, 23.02.2019, Rishikesh, Uttarakhand, India  Context: What is the right time to be in to a relationship? What is the relationship? How to make the relationship healthy? What is the purpose of the relationship? Can the relationship provide happiness and fulfillment?  Music Credits: Milind Date ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Transcript

00:00How to observe if the time for living by my own, alone, or to be open to relations?

00:20We are always relating, we are always relating.

00:34Relationship is not quite a choice as long as you are bodily alive.

00:47Even right now, though we may assume that we are alone here, yet there does exist a

00:57relationship of each of us with each of us.

01:10Question therefore is who is the one who is relating?

01:19Not whether relating is optional or not.

01:32Who is the one who is relating?

01:35How is he relating and why is he relating?

01:42Relating anyway is happening.

01:46Relationship anyway is there.

01:48The question is what is the quality and the source of that relationship?

01:55There is a relationship that proceeds from the incomplete I-sense and obviously if you

02:13are starting out from the incomplete I-sense, then the purpose of the relationship is to

02:24gain completion via the other.

02:31One looks at the other so as to find his missing half.

02:47One looks hungrily and desperately at the world hoping that something in the world would

03:00offer him fullness and contentment.

03:14In this way of relating, the one who is trying to relate is dissatisfied and meek and the

03:34quality of relationship would necessarily be full of dependence and exploitation.

03:52I may need water desperately and when I am desperate, I look pitiable, don't I?

04:08A fellow you want to do good to, oh he is crazy after water, give him some water, please

04:18do some good to him.

04:20But this fellow who is seeking water with such fervor, if he gets to hold this glass

04:33of water, would he ever want to let go of it?

04:42And this is exploitation.

04:48By the way, this glass of water is equally desirous of liberation.

04:58As desirous of liberation as is the one holding the glass, but in my desire to gain fullness

05:08and completeness, I will necessarily impede the desire of this to gain fullness, completeness,

05:19liberation which are all the same thing.

05:33This is the common, the prevailing way in which people relate to each other.

05:43Relationships normally proceed because people need each other.

05:51I need you and you need me, I will fulfill your desire, you will fulfill my desire, let's connect.

06:00And the day someone becomes needless, useless for you, it becomes difficult and unnecessary

06:10to carry on with him or her, be it a person, a thing, a place, whatever.

06:22That is a common way in which we relate to each other and that's also what is commonly

06:27called as love.

06:30I love you means I need you.

06:39But there is another way of living and relating possible.

06:57In this way, you say you are already alright.

07:04You do not quite need someone.

07:11Your aloneness is absolutely sufficient.

07:25Not only is this aloneness sufficient, it is blissful.

07:36It is blissful, but you see that there are several others like you who are not living

07:44in that bliss, who are unnecessarily punishing themselves by searching for fullness via the other.

08:10And then you relate not because you are needy, but because you want to show to others that

08:21there really is nobody who is needy.

08:31At the level of society, at the level of body, obviously there would exist co-dependency.

08:45Obviously there would be needs of one person that the other person would be able to fulfill.

08:57And at that level, there must be social harmony.

09:07And there is no shame in going to the tailor to get your clothes stitched.

09:16You do not start wincing in pain that in spite of all your spiritual advancement, you still

09:26need the tailor.

09:31It doesn't matter how spiritually advanced you are, you'd still need the tailor and the

09:38doctor and the road and the train and the airplane.

09:48We are not talking of that kind of dependence.

09:52We are talking of inner psychological dependence.

10:00That psychological dependence is needless.

10:07And one can relate to the other without being psychologically dependent.

10:14And that relationship then is not of exploitation, but of compassion.

10:20Now you can really say that you love the other.

10:28If the other exists in your life to serve your needs, then there can be no love.

10:40There would be a lot of attachment, dependency, clutching, suffering.

11:03Relate to give or relate for no purpose.

11:14If you come across someone who is already living needlessly, then relate in fun.

11:26Neither does he need anything, nor do you.

11:29So the two of you can happily dance for no reason whatsoever.

11:37It's a great collaboration for nothing or for fun.

11:47The two of us are partners for nothing or fun.

11:57And if you come across someone who still thinks he is needy, then relate to him in

12:05compassion to rid him of his needless needs.

12:21But kindly give up the impression that ever does man come to a stage where relationships

12:28cease to exist.

12:31Are you not always relating to the air that you breathe?

12:36Are you not relating to the flow you sit on?

12:41Are you not relating to the clothes you wear?

12:43And if you are relating to the clothes you wear, how will you not relate to the tailor?

12:48If you are relating to the floor you sit on, how will you not relate to the mason, the builder?

13:00Relationships are good, wonderful, provided we do not inject them with selfishness.

13:12The Great Ones have all been great relators.

13:17They related to entire humanity.

13:21They found no divisions, their love, their compassion knew no boundaries.

13:34They were in relationship with everybody.

13:40And everybody includes animals, insects, birds, fish, even the so-called beings that

13:51are not sentient.

13:55Relate, relate prolifically, but relate without the inner hollow.

14:11Do not use the other to plug in your inner hollow.

14:15That is not love.

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