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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Huh? First laptop designed for kids.
00:00:03Their hands are too big for this.
00:00:05How about infants? We'll drive by the nursery at Holy Cross. Maybe we'll unload a gross.
00:00:09Bernie, we're not gonna sell these lemons.
00:00:11What am I talking about? They're not even, they're not big enough to be lemons. They're kumquats.
00:00:16Hey, why drive yourself crazy over this when you can drive yourself crazy over that?
00:00:21I don't understand it. Why do you torture yourself with all these drive-by women?
00:00:32It's no torture.
00:00:33Yeah.
00:00:34I just go home when I'm making love to the wife and scream out their license plates.
00:00:38Come on, don't tell me you don't fantasize.
00:00:41You know what? I don't need any help from the DMV. I got a fabulous wife.
00:00:44Sure, hey, Laura's great. But what happens when you get home tonight?
00:00:48Let's see. We'll all watch television eating dinner.
00:00:52I won't be able to hear because the kids are yelling. Then I'll yell at the kids.
00:00:55Then Laura will yell at me for yelling at the kids.
00:00:57And then we'll all forgive each other and go to sleep except for me, who's up worried about money.
00:01:02So, okay. What's wrong with the dream of taking a vacation from all of that?
00:01:08DDL-567.
00:01:11You know my fantasy has nothing to do with a vacation. It's a completely other life.
00:01:15I'm like those people over there, huh? Unbelievable.
00:01:18I don't own a suit, I don't sell, I wear my jeans with my underwear label sticking out.
00:01:23I sleep until noon.
00:01:26Then I wake up, I have cappuccinos all day because I've been partying all night at clubs.
00:01:30Nothing is planned. Everything is just spontaneous.
00:01:34Did I tell you that my fantasy also comes with a trust fund?
00:01:39At least I have a shot at making my humble dream a reality.
00:01:44Yeah.
00:01:45Pull up. Hey, baby, you want a free computer?
00:02:04Oh, I dread this.
00:02:06Nobody else is selling either. What's Sharpell gonna do, fire everybody?
00:02:10He bought the company for close to a billion. Don't you think he thinks he's gonna make money?
00:02:14You never know. Maybe he needs a loss.
00:02:18Hey, hey, come on. Take the stairs. Get some exercise. You'll feel better.
00:02:22I don't need exercise.
00:02:24Come on. Come on. A little exercise. Get the blood going.
00:02:30I'm telling you, when Sharpell comes and he sees that we're not selling his mini-kakas,
00:02:39he's either gonna drop the product or fire the entire sales force.
00:02:44Hey, he bought this company, okay? Maybe he's too stupid to dump us.
00:02:48Uh-huh. Bernie, wait up, will ya?
00:02:50I feel the ship going down.
00:02:53And I wanna tell you something. I am not going down with...
00:02:58Jack! Jack! Jack! Jack!
00:03:04There appears to be no damage. He just had in lay terms a panic attack.
00:03:09Thank God.
00:03:10But he's completely burned out. If your husband doesn't slow down and get rid of some of the stress...
00:03:14Uh, excuse me. Before you go on, let me just say that I can hear you.
00:03:17Well, you should both know, this may never happen again, or you may be on your way to some serious health problem.
00:03:23I choose never happen again.
00:03:26I'm ordering you to stay home and get some peace and quiet.
00:03:30He's gotta be single.
00:03:32Uh, let's put it this way, Doc. If you want a panic attack, you come to our house for dinner.
00:03:37Maybe we should all take a vacation.
00:03:40We can leave the kids home alone.
00:03:42Now, the people who tried that and went to Mexico, they're serving eight to ten in Attica.
00:03:46How about this?
00:03:49The kids have been hounding us to take them camping.
00:03:51You're not big on sleeping in tents anyway.
00:03:54So why don't I just pack up the sleeping bags and head to Mount Baker?
00:03:57You could have the house to yourself for the week.
00:04:00I can't let you do that, honey.
00:04:02I can't let anything happen to you.
00:04:04I'm married to a saint.
00:04:06No, you're not.
00:04:08In six months, you take the kids, and I get a week off.
00:04:12Deal.
00:04:16Mommy, Mommy, he's chasing me!
00:04:18Oh, Nicholas, stop.
00:04:21Oh, Mommy.
00:04:23Just don't forget me, Picasso.
00:04:26Please don't forget me.
00:04:30Ah, he hit me!
00:04:32Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!
00:04:34Oh, kid.
00:04:42I'm gonna get ya!
00:04:44Oh, come on.
00:04:46Nick, take it somewhere else, will ya?
00:04:48I'm supposed to rest.
00:04:54Laura, I think I remember how to use that lamp.
00:04:57Have you forgotten?
00:04:59My mother bought us a smart clapper for Christmas.
00:05:01Now it takes two claps.
00:05:03That won't be too much exertion, will it?
00:05:05You know what? I promise you, if I get too weak,
00:05:08I'll hire someone to clap for me.
00:05:10Thank you.
00:05:12Have you got everything, Nicholas? Underwear?
00:05:15Jeez, underwear.
00:05:18See, there are seven casseroles in the freezer.
00:05:21They're completely marked and labeled in order of spiciness.
00:05:24So if you have Mexican one day and you get gas,
00:05:28promise me that you'll have tuna the next night.
00:05:31I swear to you, I promise you.
00:05:33One day of gas at a time, okay?
00:05:39What?
00:05:41I just realized we haven't spent the night apart
00:05:44since our first date.
00:05:46Oh, that's why Mommy asked me to come over.
00:05:49Oh, that's why Mommy asked me to spend the night.
00:05:52She was very aggressive.
00:05:55Who knew you'd never go home?
00:05:57I have excellent taste.
00:06:00I'm not really nervous about this.
00:06:02I mean, I know we can spend a week apart and nothing will happen.
00:06:07What's gonna happen? I have no plans to leave this couch.
00:06:10Except, of course, to use your new gift,
00:06:14which will help me become an even more mediocre golfer.
00:06:17Okay.
00:06:18Okay?
00:06:19Mm-hmm.
00:06:20So please take care of yourself
00:06:22and have a wonderful week off.
00:06:25You too.
00:06:26Sweetie.
00:06:28Okay, kids, let's go.
00:06:30Don't forget me, Dad.
00:06:32Promise you won't forget me.
00:06:35I won't forget you.
00:06:36And if I start to forget you, I've got pictures of you all over the place.
00:06:40Let me kiss.
00:06:41Let me kiss.
00:06:42I can kiss.
00:06:43You love me?
00:06:44Yeah.
00:06:45I love you. Let's go.
00:06:48Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
00:06:50Did we say goodbye?
00:06:52Yes, we did. Yes, we did.
00:06:53Come on. Come on.
00:06:55Let me go. Come on, sweetie.
00:06:57Bye-bye.
00:06:58Now, Nick, when you're behind the wheel,
00:07:00all right, I need you not to speed.
00:07:02Okay?
00:07:03Bye.
00:07:04Bye, honey.
00:07:05Bye.
00:07:06Bye.
00:07:07Bye.
00:07:08Bye.
00:07:10Bye-bye.
00:07:11Bye-bye.
00:07:13Check the clock when I got home and realized I was all alone.
00:07:16Sat there hours by the window wondering where did you go?
00:07:20Couldn't even slip it off, took the pictures off the wall.
00:07:23Paced the place as time was flowing, wondering where did you go?
00:07:27Where did you go?
00:07:34Where did you go?
00:07:36Oh, yeah.
00:07:38Oh, I don't know.
00:07:43Oh, yeah.
00:07:47Where did you go?
00:07:50Oh, yeah.
00:07:54Popped a cigarette, I couldn't smoke.
00:07:56Run the clock until it broke.
00:07:58Went to bed and took a shower.
00:08:00Stared at TV for an hour.
00:08:01Did the dishes, made the bed.
00:08:03Read a book I've never read.
00:08:05Any minute and you were showing.
00:08:07Wondering where did you go?
00:08:09Where did you go?
00:08:13Oh, yeah.
00:08:15And then what happened?
00:08:16Well, after my third open-heart surgery, I decided to leave it in the local taverns.
00:08:21Our focus today, people living with baboon's hearts.
00:08:25So when did the funeral director notice you were breathing?
00:08:29Stress and death.
00:08:30On Good Day Seattle.
00:08:36Where did you go?
00:08:39Where did you go?
00:08:43Where did you go?
00:08:47Where did you go?
00:08:50Where did you go?
00:08:53Where did you go?
00:08:57Where did you go?
00:08:59Where did you go?
00:09:01Where did you go?
00:09:04How is he, doctor?
00:09:05I'm afraid his heart just gave out.
00:09:07We did everything we could.
00:09:08Oh, no, please.
00:09:09Medical site.
00:09:12Medical site.
00:09:28Let this be a warning.
00:09:29My wife, he's a cop.
00:09:31Oh, you don't want me to wake her.
00:09:33Violated.
00:09:36Rear door, illegal entry.
00:09:39Whoever it is, I just itemized everything in this house.
00:09:47Tonight, nothing is worth more than $79.95.
00:09:50Even if I had a successful garage sale, I don't think I could raise a grand.
00:09:58Hey, Jack, it's me, Bernie.
00:10:00What are you doing?
00:10:02I got the key under the mat.
00:10:04Sorry, man.
00:10:05Barbara threw me out.
00:10:06What'd she do?
00:10:07Same old, same old.
00:10:09You know, she didn't climax.
00:10:11Come on.
00:10:12Jack, I'm not really tired.
00:10:13Yes, you are.
00:10:14Jack, I can't go to sleep without sex.
00:10:18I was tense tonight about the job.
00:10:20I didn't want to slow down.
00:10:23All right, all right.
00:10:24So you'll march over there tomorrow morning.
00:10:26You'll apologize.
00:10:28Maybe not.
00:10:29You know, don't get me wrong.
00:10:31I mean, I love Barbara, but maybe all this is happening for a reason, you know?
00:10:35Like, it's not a crisis.
00:10:37It's an opportunity.
00:10:39You want to go out for a drink?
00:10:41Bernie, I'm supposed to take it easy.
00:10:43You're right.
00:10:44I'm sorry.
00:10:45I'm sorry.
00:10:46Go back to bed.
00:10:47Don't worry about me.
00:10:48I'll see you in the morning.
00:10:49All right.
00:11:01Oh.
00:11:28No, you're killing me.
00:11:30What's going on here?
00:11:32Hello?
00:11:36Get up.
00:11:37Get up here.
00:11:38Get up here.
00:11:39Get up here.
00:11:41This is totally my fault, Jack.
00:11:43I take full responsibility.
00:11:44Oh, you think I thought it was my responsibility?
00:11:46Because I know you.
00:11:47I told you, I can't go to sleep without a woman.
00:11:55I can't wait to find out what this is.
00:12:00Hey.
00:12:16Hey.
00:12:22Have you got a...
00:12:24egg beater around here somewhere?
00:12:27Wait.
00:12:32I found it.
00:12:36I hope you don't mind.
00:12:37I...
00:12:38I've got to make a cake.
00:12:40I'm...
00:12:41I'm just dying for something sweet.
00:12:46Bernie, could I see you for a minute, please?
00:12:49Go.
00:12:51This woman just asked me for an egg beater.
00:12:54Oh.
00:12:55Oh.
00:12:56Jack.
00:12:58This lovely lady is Charisse.
00:13:00And that...
00:13:01is Pauline.
00:13:03Can I have any grapes?
00:13:07What is going on here?
00:13:10I don't know.
00:13:11It's like it has a mind of its own.
00:13:13You know?
00:13:14It's like it went out...
00:13:16and I was just there following.
00:13:18Luckily, I ran into these two ladies at the Blue Note.
00:13:20We go there sometimes because the music is so sad.
00:13:23We feel like getting depressed.
00:13:25No.
00:13:30Pauline.
00:13:31Yeah?
00:13:32Ladies, I'm so sorry.
00:13:33What?
00:13:34It's very nice to meet you.
00:13:35You've made a terrible mistake.
00:13:36I know, but...
00:13:37You've made a terrible mistake.
00:13:38This man does not know the meaning of the word...
00:13:40climax.
00:13:41Jack!
00:13:42Oh!
00:13:43It's you back?
00:13:44And you're on it.
00:13:45Oh, no, I'm not.
00:13:46Listen, the same thing happens to me.
00:13:47I don't even know you, Jack, but I'm willing to give you drugs.
00:13:50And I'm willing to just say no.
00:13:53They're not drugs, actually.
00:13:55They're homeopathic herbs...
00:13:58from my doctor who's an M.D.
00:14:00He's also a holistic Buddhist.
00:14:02You really need to take these, Jack, before your whole body goes into spasms.
00:14:06You know, I've read these alternative remedies can be very helpful.
00:14:09Why don't you start to read?
00:14:11Jack, it's an herb.
00:14:13A salad and a pill.
00:14:15Worst case scenario, you're regular.
00:14:17Jack, look at me.
00:14:19Pain.
00:14:20Relief.
00:14:21Relief.
00:14:22Jack?
00:14:23Pain.
00:14:25Relief.
00:14:26Come on, open nice.
00:14:27Relief.
00:14:29Relief.
00:14:31I wish you were this convincing when you sell computers.
00:14:38Good boy.
00:14:46Whoa, easy there, boy.
00:14:48There you go.
00:14:49That's it.
00:14:51Good boy.
00:14:52Love it.
00:14:53Yeah.
00:14:54Come on.
00:14:55Come on.
00:14:56A little more.
00:14:57Let me just hear you.
00:14:58A little bit more.
00:14:59You take him.
00:15:00Hi, Rob.
00:15:01How are you?
00:15:02Hey.
00:15:03Oh, wrong way.
00:15:04Wrong way.
00:15:05Come on.
00:15:06Come on, buddy.
00:15:07There you go.
00:15:08Come on.
00:15:11Hey, there we go.
00:15:13A little bit to the east.
00:15:14That's the man.
00:15:21Hey.
00:15:22Hey.
00:15:23Hey.
00:15:24Hey.
00:15:25Hey.
00:15:26Hey.
00:15:27Hey.
00:15:28Hey.
00:15:29Hey.
00:15:30Hey.
00:15:31Hey.
00:15:32Hey.
00:15:33Hey.
00:15:34Hey.
00:15:35Hey.
00:15:36Hey.
00:15:37Hey.
00:15:38Hey.
00:15:39Hey.
00:15:40Hey.
00:15:41Hey.
00:15:42Hey.
00:15:43Hey.
00:15:44Hey.
00:15:45Hey.
00:15:46Hey.
00:15:47Hey.
00:15:48Hey.
00:15:49Hey.
00:15:50Hey.
00:15:51Hey.
00:15:52Hey.
00:15:53Hey.
00:15:54Hey.
00:15:55Hey.
00:15:56Hey.
00:15:57Hey.
00:15:58Hey.
00:15:59Hey.
00:16:00Hey.
00:16:01Hey.
00:16:02Hey.
00:16:03Hey.
00:16:04Hey.
00:16:05Hey.
00:16:06Hey.
00:16:07Hey.
00:16:08Hey.
00:16:09Hey.
00:16:10Hey.
00:16:11Hey.
00:16:12Hey.
00:16:13Hey.
00:16:14Hey.
00:16:15Hey.
00:16:16Hey.
00:16:17Hey.
00:16:18Hey.
00:16:19Hey.
00:16:20Hey.
00:16:21Hey.
00:16:22Hey.
00:16:23Hey.
00:16:24Hey.
00:16:25Hey.
00:16:26Hey.
00:16:27Hey.
00:16:28Hey.
00:16:29Hey.
00:16:30Hey.
00:16:31Hey.
00:16:32Hey.
00:16:33Hey.
00:16:34Hey.
00:16:35Hey.
00:16:36Hey.
00:16:37Hey.
00:16:38Hey.
00:16:39Hey.
00:16:40Hey.
00:16:41Hey.
00:16:42Hey.
00:16:43Hey.
00:16:44Hey.
00:16:45Hey.
00:16:46Hey.
00:16:47Hey.
00:16:49Come on, baby.
00:16:50Come on, baby.
00:16:52Jerry.
00:16:56Come on, baby.
00:16:58No.
00:17:02Come here.
00:17:03Jack.
00:17:05Come on.
00:17:10How many times do I have to tell you not to do that?
00:17:14Come on.
00:17:15The guy's got a bad back.
00:17:17You think I give a sheep's anus, huh?
00:17:19Ah!
00:17:20All right, me and you, we're man and wife!
00:17:23All right, except for the party and the license.
00:17:26All right, when are you going to stop being a little baby and come back to me?
00:17:28Every time you do something like that, it just makes me realize I was right to break up with you.
00:17:32Damn it, Charisse!
00:17:34Ah!
00:17:35Why don't you get some professional help?
00:17:39You know what I think? I think you really hate your father and you're taking it out on this poor guy.
00:17:44Fucking hmph!
00:17:52Ha ha ha ha ha!
00:17:56Fuck!
00:18:00Wooooooo ooooh, ahhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha!
00:18:04Yikes!
00:18:06Waaargh!
00:18:08Oh my God!
00:18:43Excuse me, excuse me.
00:18:54There has got to be a stronger force than man that put us together.
00:18:58I mean I have heard that life has its defining moments and last night was one of them.
00:19:06I mean you made me feel so good.
00:19:07Oh, I haven't felt that good with a man in a long time.
00:19:18You took my kidney and you sold it to the Japanese, didn't you?
00:19:23I wouldn't do that, but not to you anyway.
00:19:30Where am I?
00:19:33In our love nest.
00:19:40I was unfaithful to my wife.
00:19:42Technically.
00:19:43No, there's no technically.
00:19:46I was unfaithful to my wife.
00:19:48Oh my God, I was unfaithful to my wife.
00:19:51Oh my God, I was unfaithful to my wife.
00:19:54You could claim it was herbs and booze, although tonight we don't need any of that.
00:19:59There is not going to be a tonight.
00:20:00What are you, a soothsayer, Jack?
00:20:02There has got to be tonight because you are the first step in me turning my life around.
00:20:08Why am I handcuffed to this bed?
00:20:11I gave you a choice between this and little electric shocks, so you chose this.
00:20:16Close, close, I got to get out of here.
00:20:22Close, close.
00:20:23I can't wear that.
00:20:24Oh God.
00:20:25Oh God.
00:20:26Okay.
00:20:27Oh.
00:20:30Oh.
00:20:33Oh.
00:20:36Oh.
00:20:39Oh.
00:20:42Jack, where are you?
00:20:45How could you do this to me?
00:20:48You let her take me home with her.
00:20:51Who let you?
00:20:52You told everybody in the whole class.
00:20:54Who let you? You told everybody in the whole club you were going home with her.
00:20:57I shared it to the whole club?
00:20:59Sharpell's here. He wants everybody here for a meeting.
00:21:02When?
00:21:03Right away. Look, I can make some excuse.
00:21:05Don't you say a word.
00:21:10Oh my God, I can't lose my dental plan.
00:21:14Well, I don't think your boyfriend is going to mind that I'm wearing his clothes to you.
00:21:18Seems like such a nice guy.
00:21:20You gotta remember, Chip is not as involved as you are.
00:21:23He's got a good heart, but I'll bet anything he doesn't have an old soul.
00:21:27Oh, well, that explains why he kicked me.
00:21:32I told you that the gum wouldn't hold.
00:21:36Oh, it does if you believe it will.
00:21:43Gee, usually when I look for a guy's tooth between his legs, I get some kind of a hello.
00:21:49Okay, okay, okay.
00:21:52I found it!
00:21:54Oh no, the police!
00:21:56Wait, now listen. Let me handle this.
00:21:58Okay, you might want to stick this back in. It'll make a better impression.
00:22:01All right, now.
00:22:04All right, all right.
00:22:09Yes, officer.
00:22:10Well, folks, you realize how bad...
00:22:12Officer, I'm nine months pregnant and we're on the way to the hospital.
00:22:16What?
00:22:17No, I mean there's a guy with an automatic weapon. He's chasing us.
00:22:21Officer, she is hormonally challenged at this moment.
00:22:25Are you crazy? What are you doing?
00:22:27I was told to hurry to Rodney King.
00:22:31Wait, you...
00:22:32You're not human!
00:22:34You let go of the wheel.
00:22:36You let go of the wheel. Oh, my God!
00:22:39Oh, my God, you're crazy!
00:22:43Hey, what are you doing?
00:22:46Oh, God!
00:22:49I'm gonna chop!
00:23:00Did you get the license number?
00:23:02No.
00:23:03What's the matter with you?
00:23:08You're one off the gas!
00:23:10We're here! We are here!
00:23:14We could have been killed!
00:23:16You could have been late.
00:23:18You're not.
00:23:19Fix your teeth and walk home.
00:23:22Great advice.
00:23:23Yeah!
00:23:30You go, Jackie.
00:23:32Your job's at stake.
00:23:44Oh.
00:23:45So, how did it go down?
00:23:47Like a pork chop at a bar mitzvah.
00:23:49That bad, huh?
00:23:50Worse.
00:23:51Luckily, I managed to negotiate a really mediocre severance package.
00:23:56Good luck, buddy.
00:23:57All right.
00:24:06Hey!
00:24:07Jack!
00:24:08Come on.
00:24:09Come on.
00:24:10Come on.
00:24:11Hey!
00:24:12Jack!
00:24:14You gotta stop doing that.
00:24:15They're gonna think you have a tic.
00:24:17What are you doing here?
00:24:18I gotta pee so bad!
00:24:20Then you go right back down to that car and you hold it in!
00:24:23No way!
00:24:25Did you know why those Russians near Siberia live longer?
00:24:28Do I care?
00:24:29Three things, okay?
00:24:30Vodka every day, yogurt every day, and they pee the second they have to.
00:24:34No, no, no, no.
00:24:35Jack!
00:24:36Where's Jackie?
00:24:37Where's the bathroom?
00:24:38Come on.
00:24:39Wow!
00:24:40Hello.
00:24:41Sorry to keep you waiting.
00:24:42Come on in and relax.
00:24:43Sharp was a great guy.
00:24:45Well, he usually is unless somebody rear-ends him.
00:24:48Emmett, Jack Potter.
00:24:54Hello, Jack.
00:24:59Sit.
00:25:00Be comfortable.
00:25:01This is not a job interview.
00:25:02It's getting acquainted.
00:25:04Why don't you go call the police again?
00:25:06Ask if they've got any paint from that asshole's car on my fender.
00:25:10Yes, sir.
00:25:12Sorry about that.
00:25:13Accidents happen to everyone, but nothing steams me like a hit-and-run.
00:25:17That I can't forgive.
00:25:19Well...
00:25:25My tooth just fell out.
00:25:30The bad gums.
00:25:34It's hereditary.
00:25:37On my mother's side.
00:25:40I'll just pick it up.
00:26:00So, I've studied your sales record.
00:26:02Not much to say, is there?
00:26:05No.
00:26:06No.
00:26:07I've just got one question I want to ask you.
00:26:09What do you think of the product?
00:26:12The product?
00:26:13The computer we sell?
00:26:16Oh, wow.
00:26:17That's tough.
00:26:19It's, um...
00:26:28Regular-sized Americans find it very difficult to operate, sir.
00:26:31Which is not necessarily a bad thing.
00:26:34But in this case, it is.
00:26:37At last, an honest man.
00:26:40And I agree with you.
00:26:42My engineers are working on it.
00:26:45So, is there anything you'd like to ask me?
00:26:47Like, are you going to have a job around here?
00:26:50That's a good question.
00:26:51The answer is no.
00:26:53I don't give people jobs, I make them partners.
00:26:56Makes them work harder when they've got a piece of the pie.
00:26:59Word has it you know your way around a sales pitch,
00:27:02especially when you've got something decent to sell.
00:27:04But we'll talk about it later when I meet your wife.
00:27:07See, co-owning a company with a family man has always worked out better for me.
00:27:12When a man's got a wife and kids to feed,
00:27:14he's more interested in the spreadsheets, if you know what I mean.
00:27:17I do.
00:27:18So, why don't we get together for dinner tonight,
00:27:20just the four of us, us and the wives?
00:27:22Yeah, but you see, unfortunately, my wife can't make it.
00:27:30I'll level with you, there's another candidate.
00:27:32Oh, yeah?
00:27:33I'm not saying meeting your wife could sway me one way or the other, but it could.
00:27:37I'm coming.
00:27:39You're coming?
00:27:40Yeah.
00:27:41Good.
00:27:42How's about the petite bistro over on Pine today?
00:27:44Okay, but you see, unfortunately, my...
00:27:46Fine.
00:27:47See you later.
00:27:48Okay.
00:27:49Who sent you to ruin my life?
00:27:51This is not a conspiracy, this is one woman's battle.
00:27:54Yeah, well, I'm going to my office,
00:27:56Yeah, well, I'm going to my office,
00:27:58and you'll leave the rest of your life alone.
00:28:00Last night in bed was amazing.
00:28:02I will never forget it.
00:28:07Uh, thank you so much, Miss...
00:28:10Charisse.
00:28:11Mm-hmm.
00:28:12For the chewing gum.
00:28:13And goodbye.
00:28:14Goodbye.
00:28:16Is there no security in this building?
00:28:27Will all people without cars please report to the red-o's mobile situated in the middle of the parking lot.
00:28:36I thought I told you to get lost.
00:28:39I tried, but I know the neighborhood too well.
00:28:41Okay.
00:28:42Okay.
00:28:43Okay.
00:28:45What do you want from me?
00:28:47A chance to get back what I've taken from society.
00:28:51Oh, be careful.
00:28:52That's Chip's.
00:28:53He uses it to break up street fights.
00:28:55You know, Chip's not all bad.
00:28:56There's a soft side to him that no one's ever seen.
00:29:00Hey!
00:29:02Get in.
00:29:03I'll drive you home.
00:29:05It's the least I can do after what you've done for me.
00:29:08And then you'll go?
00:29:09Sure.
00:29:11This is the house.
00:29:19Jack?
00:29:20Is that you?
00:29:23Don't wave.
00:29:25Where are you going?
00:29:26I need to get Chip's clothes back.
00:29:27You know, it makes me want to cry thinking about all the hours he spent picking them out.
00:29:31Did I leave these to you?
00:29:33You know, you really need to get some new music, Jack.
00:29:35It's like you stopped living when Donnie Summer went under.
00:29:39Oh, my God.
00:29:40Hey!
00:29:51Hey, Jackie!
00:29:52You're home!
00:29:53Hey, everybody!
00:29:55Jackie's home!
00:29:57Wow, whoever was in charge of the refreshments did a lousy, lousy job.
00:30:02Why, Bernie?
00:30:04Why?
00:30:05Jack, I'm in mourning, okay?
00:30:07I got no job.
00:30:09I got no wife.
00:30:11It hurts so bad, I could die.
00:30:13And this is helping to soothe the pain?
00:30:16Yeah, I can't stop thinking about Barbara, you know?
00:30:20I had to do something the two of us would never do together.
00:30:24You mean you and your wife never had parties with single women?
00:30:28No.
00:30:29I was restricted.
00:30:31How about a steak?
00:30:35Where is it?
00:30:37Phone.
00:30:38Hello!
00:30:40Speak up, hello?
00:30:42Jack?
00:30:43Laura!
00:30:46I can't hear you.
00:30:49What?
00:30:51It sounds like disco!
00:30:53No, I think we have a very bad connection.
00:30:56I keep hearing music!
00:30:58No, no, I think that our lines got crossed, that's all.
00:31:02Are you resting?
00:31:04I'm lying down.
00:31:07I can't...
00:31:08Kids!
00:31:09That tree belongs to the park!
00:31:12Jack, I can't hear you!
00:31:14I'll call you later!
00:31:16Laura!
00:31:25Oh, I owe God a thank you note!
00:31:30Bernie! Bernie!
00:31:32Jackie!
00:31:33Get over here!
00:31:34Okay, I want you to get everybody out of here.
00:31:36I want you to go home, talk to Barbara, look for work.
00:31:41Lighten up!
00:31:42I am not kidding!
00:31:45Cherise tells me you had quite a time last night.
00:31:48Cherise has no control over her mouth.
00:31:51From what I understand, neither do you.
00:31:57Would you please tell me what happened?
00:31:59I still can't remember anything.
00:32:02Last night, I became a woman.
00:32:05And tonight, I'll be more of a woman.
00:32:08Hey, Jack, how are your eyes doing? Rare on the inside?
00:32:10I'm not staying. I have a business dinner.
00:32:13By the time I get back, I want you and your friends out of here.
00:32:15Hello, everybody!
00:32:16Please, go home, drive safely, and do not forget to turn off the hot tub.
00:32:21Cops!
00:32:26Cops?
00:32:28What?
00:32:30Cops are here?
00:32:32Why?
00:32:35Something about nudity and noise.
00:32:43Can I help you?
00:32:45The neighbors have been complaining about the noise.
00:32:48I'm so sorry.
00:32:50Barbara! Barbara! Barbara! What are you doing?
00:32:55Asshole!
00:32:56Stop!
00:32:58People saw three nude women learning how to line dance on your front block.
00:33:02You know, you look familiar to me.
00:33:05Oh, that's because I'm wearing Chip's clothes.
00:33:07Something about your smile or something.
00:33:10I'm going to figure this out.
00:33:12You've got a mind as sharp as a toaster.
00:33:15I can't thank you enough for traveling all this way.
00:33:20Didn't I see you went on salt mysteries?
00:33:22Oh, no. Well, there's nothing mysterious about me.
00:33:24Wait a minute. Wait just a minute.
00:33:27You're the guy I stopped for speeding.
00:33:29Yeah, but I had a very, very good reason.
00:33:32I was really in a hurry.
00:33:36Don't you ever come back!
00:33:53Relax your toes.
00:33:57Relax your ankles.
00:34:02Relax your knees.
00:34:05Will you please keep it down?
00:34:11Keeping it inside is what led me to crime in the first place.
00:34:14I feel for you.
00:34:17I mean, nobody's born violent.
00:34:20At least I haven't found a violent gene.
00:34:24It had to be my environment that led me to snapping people's necks.
00:34:31Officer! Officer! There is a criminal in here!
00:34:35Oh, there you are, you maniac.
00:34:37I am so sorry, Jack. I'm sorry about all this.
00:34:40The minute they took you away, I called Sandy. He's gonna take care of everything.
00:34:44What's the difference between a skunk dead on the road and a lawyer dead on the road?
00:34:48Oh, please.
00:34:49With a skunk, there's skid marks.
00:34:56Anyway, I posted bail, so... Officer?
00:35:00Did I mention that I was my mother's favorite?
00:35:03Hey, you're my favorite.
00:35:14Hi, Mom.
00:35:15You know what? I'm so sorry I'm late. I just couldn't get out.
00:35:18Jack, I'd like you to meet my wife, Gail.
00:35:20Hello.
00:35:21Sit down.
00:35:23Oh, yeah. I'm so embarrassed because when we made this date,
00:35:26I'm so embarrassed because when we made this date,
00:35:28I completely forgot that my wife is camping up at Mount Baker.
00:35:36I know that you probably think that it's weird, you know, to forget where your wife is,
00:35:41but I was so nervous about our meeting today.
00:35:45She's been found.
00:35:48What?
00:35:49And she's a fascinating aunt. She told us all about you.
00:35:53Why don't you tell me you went to Princeton on a cruise scholarship?
00:36:08Hi, honey.
00:36:10I'm home.
00:36:11What are you doing here?
00:36:14I'm your wife, remember?
00:36:17We're doing a game we play.
00:36:19It keeps the marriage interesting.
00:36:23We pretend we haven't seen each other before every night.
00:36:26We play little games, too, like our favorites.
00:36:29How did you two meet?
00:36:31We met when we were both jockeys.
00:36:34You don't look like a jockey.
00:36:36Oh, not the little jockeys, like the ones on the lawn.
00:36:39We met when we were disc jockeys at an R&B station.
00:36:44You remember, honey, how we used to have to pretend that we were African Americans?
00:36:48Oh, I never had to pack so fast in my life.
00:36:51Well, it certainly sounds like an interesting beginning.
00:36:54You know what? Our whole life has been interesting.
00:36:56Do you remember our honeymoon, darling?
00:37:00Remind me.
00:37:01Oh, God.
00:37:03I mean, we went on the most magnificent safari.
00:37:07I mean, it was just... it was so beautiful.
00:37:10It was so beautiful. I mean, the colors,
00:37:13and they were so vibrant and the noises and the sounds and the...
00:37:26And then we were taken around by chiefs from every tribe,
00:37:30and everything was just perfect until Jack got hurt.
00:37:33Oh.
00:37:34Oh.
00:37:35Well, you tell them, sweetheart.
00:37:37Oh, no, no. No, you tell them.
00:37:39No one tells a story better than this woman.
00:37:42But it happened to you.
00:37:44It did, didn't it?
00:37:45Yeah.
00:37:47Well, we were alone, and we were together, and there we were.
00:37:51And it was very...
00:37:55And I just fell right off the chair.
00:38:01Just...
00:38:03He is too modest to tell the rest of the story
00:38:06because to make a long story short,
00:38:09the cobra was still wrapped around his neck
00:38:12by the time we got to the witch doctor.
00:38:14Oh, Emmett, I had no idea you were becoming involved
00:38:18with such interesting people.
00:38:20Toast to the future.
00:38:22The future.
00:38:23And to future friends.
00:38:25And speaking of the future,
00:38:26did Jack tell you that we're expecting a baby?
00:38:28You all right, honey?
00:38:30Why didn't you tell me, Jack?
00:38:31You know I like guys with big families.
00:38:34I didn't get a chance.
00:38:35Congratulations.
00:38:37Thank you.
00:38:38Congratulations.
00:38:39In about seven and a half months,
00:38:41we will all be celebrating the arrival of our twins.
00:38:46How could you have invited them over?
00:38:48I know you'll find this hard to believe, Jack,
00:38:50but I was brought up well,
00:38:51and if somebody takes you in,
00:38:53you're going to have to take me in.
00:38:55I know you'll find this hard to believe, Jack,
00:38:56but I was brought up well,
00:38:57and if somebody takes you to dinner,
00:38:59it's only fair you bring them back to your house
00:39:01and get them loaded.
00:39:02Wow, that looks like my house.
00:39:04It is my house.
00:39:05It is my house!
00:39:14What happened?
00:39:25A little more to the left.
00:39:26I'm telling you, I've got you guys.
00:39:28What happened?
00:39:29Our mission's in flames.
00:39:30What did you do?
00:39:32You play with fire, you get burned.
00:39:35Doctor, where are your manners?
00:39:38You haven't even introduced your best friend to Gail and Emmett.
00:39:41We've met.
00:39:42How you doing, asshole?
00:39:44You're making a big mistake letting me go.
00:39:46Excuse us.
00:39:48What are you doing?
00:39:49He's an asshole.
00:39:50You burned my house down.
00:39:51Don't you know how to use a barbecue?
00:39:53You're right, Jack.
00:39:54You never should have turned it all the way up, Jack,
00:39:56no matter how chilly the babes got.
00:39:58Oh, this is awful.
00:40:00Look, I want you to come and stay with us.
00:40:03We've rented this enormous house.
00:40:06Yes, and we'll turn this into a good thing,
00:40:08and we'll have a pajama party.
00:40:11That really won't be necessary.
00:40:13We have a place to stay.
00:40:15She has an apartment not far from here.
00:40:17Your wife has her own apartment?
00:40:18Well, it's...
00:40:19It's a storage vault.
00:40:20I was running out of closet space.
00:40:22She was running out of closet space.
00:40:23Maybe this is God's way of saying,
00:40:25Bernie, you're a schmuck.
00:40:27No, if God was saying that,
00:40:29he'd be burning your roof.
00:40:45Hey, tonight let's pretend that I'm Gail,
00:40:47and you're Emmett.
00:40:48And not have sex.
00:40:50That's okay.
00:40:52I haven't felt like being near you
00:40:53since I conceived the twins.
00:40:55Why do you insist I'm saying things like that?
00:40:59You know, because...
00:41:01I don't know.
00:41:02I don't think you've caught on to the world yet, Jack.
00:41:04You know, I mean,
00:41:06sometimes you just have to say things
00:41:07that other people want to hear.
00:41:09And this guy,
00:41:10he's into kids and wives and families.
00:41:13And I'm just making our family a little bigger,
00:41:15that's all.
00:41:16Plus, it's going to be so much harder
00:41:18when he knows that your wife isn't expecting.
00:41:23Is that your back?
00:41:25Oh.
00:41:26You know I learned how to be a chiropractor
00:41:28when I was in China?
00:41:29Yeah, that's one of those things
00:41:30that you say when you're believing it right now, right?
00:41:32Yeah, and if you believe it too,
00:41:34it's going to make it that much easier.
00:41:37Okay, forget it.
00:41:43Is that better?
00:41:47Uh, no.
00:41:49Yes, it is.
00:41:51You know, you are such a bad liar, Jack.
00:41:54You know you drool when you lie.
00:41:58I learned that about you last night.
00:42:09Okay.
00:42:13Just...
00:42:16no funny stuff, okay?
00:42:18You think what I did last night was funny?
00:42:20You weren't laughing, you were screaming for more.
00:42:22Are you sure that was me?
00:42:24No.
00:42:25Oh.
00:42:34Isn't this great?
00:42:42This must be what it feels like to be safe.
00:42:51Okay.
00:43:14Hi.
00:43:15What are you doing?
00:43:16God, these people don't have any candies or cookies anywhere.
00:43:19No?
00:43:20I thought I saw some malt balls in the bedroom.
00:43:22They turned out to be little soaps.
00:43:25You know, they're going to catch us.
00:43:28Jack, these people, they are very sound sleepers, okay?
00:43:31I checked under both their pillows for mints.
00:43:34You were in their bedroom?
00:43:36Mm-hmm.
00:43:37Oh, don't tell me you're going to make a cake again
00:43:39in the middle of the night.
00:43:41You're right.
00:43:42I'm going to eat the dough.
00:43:45They're going to get up.
00:43:46They're going to go to the bathroom.
00:43:47I need to hear this.
00:43:49Jack, how many people make cakes in the middle of the night, huh?
00:43:52They're going to think it's a vibrator.
00:43:54A vibrator?
00:43:58Oh.
00:43:59Stay away.
00:44:00All right?
00:44:01I am armed.
00:44:03Oh, jeez, you piece of shit.
00:44:06You're screwing around with my fiancé.
00:44:08Chip, I'm not your fiancé and I'm super tired of you trailing me around all the time.
00:44:12We broke up!
00:44:13We can't break up.
00:44:14I'm in love with you, all right?
00:44:15Why don't you come with me before I hit him again?
00:44:17Great idea.
00:44:18Goodbye, Charisse.
00:44:19I love you.
00:44:20I can't get you out of my bloodstream.
00:44:22Forget it, Chip.
00:44:23You won't see a therapist.
00:44:24Why do you ask too many questions?
00:44:28Freaking...
00:44:29Don't let him take that!
00:44:31Could you put her down, please?
00:44:33Just for a moment, please.
00:44:34Just put her down.
00:44:36Hey!
00:44:37Okay, okay.
00:44:38All right, wait a minute!
00:44:46Oh, please.
00:44:47These are not my pajamas.
00:44:59What's going on?
00:45:00This guy broke in.
00:45:03It's a long story.
00:45:13All right, that's it.
00:45:14Everybody freeze!
00:45:16Okay, get him up.
00:45:17Get him up.
00:45:18Let's go.
00:45:19Move him up.
00:45:20Let's go, let's go.
00:45:21That's it, everybody.
00:45:22Let's move this way.
00:45:23Let's go, let's go.
00:45:25All people, in there.
00:45:26What's the clock?
00:45:27Get going!
00:45:29You too.
00:45:30Come on, you too.
00:45:32You're a little confused.
00:45:33You wanted her.
00:45:34You loved her.
00:45:35Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:45:36But I hate you.
00:45:38Where'd you get that from?
00:45:39Well, this, this, this I had hidden.
00:45:40I throw those guns in the trash.
00:45:41Yeah, that's right.
00:45:42Yeah, that's right.
00:45:43She did my whole collection.
00:45:44But you forgot one.
00:45:45Now, let's move!
00:45:46How could you forget one?
00:45:53All right, all right, Tix.
00:45:54We're all in the car.
00:45:55I'm just dying to hear what you think you're going to do next.
00:45:58I got plans.
00:45:59Oh, yeah.
00:46:00I know you.
00:46:01You probably didn't even gas up before the big getaway.
00:46:04Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:46:05Well, maybe I plan to torture him and see if you come to his rescue to test your love.
00:46:09What are you talking about?
00:46:11We met yesterday.
00:46:13Whatever.
00:46:21Shit!
00:46:34You know what?
00:46:35This man was taking me against my will.
00:46:37Oh, that's funny.
00:46:38So were we.
00:46:40Who are you people?
00:46:41Let's just say we're members of a secret social organization.
00:46:44And your friend here owes a friend of ours a lot of money.
00:46:47Oh, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Chip, Mr. I'm Mature.
00:46:52I don't think you understand.
00:46:53These are not my people.
00:46:54I don't run with these people.
00:46:55I don't make friends with these people.
00:46:57Get in.
00:46:58Where?
00:46:59Into the trunk.
00:47:00I don't think so.
00:47:02You know what, Jack?
00:47:03Normally I'd say do whatever you want.
00:47:04But right now I think we're going to have to be luggage.
00:47:06Move it!
00:47:07Yeah, I'm going.
00:47:10Oh, we're going to die.
00:47:12Being in a trunk doesn't always mean that you're going to die.
00:47:15In fact, in most cases when you're in a trunk, it means you're already dead.
00:47:19Would you just tell me one thing?
00:47:21What do you see in this guy?
00:47:23Stability.
00:47:25Responsibility.
00:47:30Sensitivity.
00:47:32I don't see you crying.
00:47:33I just don't get it.
00:47:34I mean, what does he have that I don't have?
00:47:37Ouch! I don't have!
00:47:38He makes me feel safe.
00:47:40As opposed to the situation we're currently in, which was caused by you.
00:47:44Would you please stop talking?
00:47:46You're going to use up all the available oxygen we have left in here.
00:47:50Why don't you stop being a wuss and you fight for her like a man?
00:48:02What the hell is wrong with you people?
00:48:05Get out!
00:48:06Let me just say this.
00:48:07He started it.
00:48:36You have the money?
00:48:43Yes.
00:48:44And as soon as my inside tip on this cock fight pays off, which, by the way, is a sure thing.
00:48:49You told me you weren't gambling anymore.
00:48:52Yeah, but the cock is going to throw it.
00:48:54It's a sure thing.
00:48:55Oh!
00:48:56Well, why didn't you just say so, Chippy?
00:48:58For a second there, I thought you weren't going to give me the two grand you owe me.
00:49:02Oh, please, Keelan. I'm on my knees.
00:49:04Or I would be if I wasn't so scared to move.
00:49:07Sorry.
00:49:08But if I don't blow you away, other people are going to think they can rip me off.
00:49:12Don't!
00:49:13Wait, wait, wait a minute, wait a minute.
00:49:14Can you see how upset she is?
00:49:16How about if you just let us go?
00:49:17Are you kidding?
00:49:18You've seen our faces.
00:49:19You're not going anywhere.
00:49:20No, but you know what?
00:49:21I don't see any distinguishing marks.
00:49:23You look like any number of scary hoodlums.
00:49:29It's the Fangs!
00:49:32Tell them to drop their pieces!
00:49:33We don't drop nothing.
00:49:35You're on our turf.
00:49:40Gentlemen, I have seen the worst situations.
00:49:44Solved by gentle communication.
00:49:47Who's this dude?
00:49:48He's a decent guy who got mixed up in my lousy life, and he doesn't deserve to go through any of this.
00:49:54It's the Fangs!
00:49:55It's the Fangs!
00:50:02Come on, man!
00:50:12Put your hands where you want your hands!
00:50:13Now!
00:50:14Now!
00:50:18Come on!
00:50:21Put your hands up!
00:50:23Move, move, move!
00:50:25Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:50:28I am so glad to see you.
00:50:42Please, Lieutenant, you've got to believe me.
00:50:44This is a major mistake.
00:50:47I mean, look at this.
00:50:48This isn't me.
00:50:50Oh, okay, it's me, but it isn't me.
00:50:52Hey.
00:50:53Well, Jack, it looks like you've been having a very busy week.
00:50:57Resisting arrest, high-speed chase, disturbing the peace.
00:51:02Ooh, and you were out on bail, too.
00:51:04I was.
00:51:05See, my wife and children left town, and then my friend introduced me to this girl, Cherise.
00:51:11There's always a girl.
00:51:14She has made my life into a living hell.
00:51:19Well, Jack, don't you worry, because where you're going, she won't be able to get to you.
00:51:31All right, look, look, look, look, look.
00:51:32I don't want any trouble.
00:51:34You've been hanging out with the wrong crowd for that.
00:51:37Leave him.
00:51:39He's a friend of mine.
00:51:41Back off.
00:51:43Back off.
00:51:46Thank you.
00:51:47You snapping your necks while I was gone?
00:51:49No, I remembered to take my medication.
00:51:51Good boy.
00:51:52Good boy.
00:52:00I hope you don't mind I went in your closet.
00:52:02I hope you like the shirt.
00:52:03It wasn't a lot to pick from.
00:52:04Thank you very much for bringing my clothes.
00:52:07I can't turn my back for a minute with you.
00:52:09Let me tell you something, okay?
00:52:10I don't need you to take care of me.
00:52:12Oh, yes, you do.
00:52:13Oh, no, I don't.
00:52:14Oh, yes, you do.
00:52:15How the hell did you wind up in jail again?
00:52:17You must really love to strip search.
00:52:20When is he going to get me out of here?
00:52:22Sandy's going to try to get a hold of the DA,
00:52:24but he doesn't think there's going to be any bail set.
00:52:27Why not?
00:52:28Who am I, Charles Manson?
00:52:30Hey, sit down.
00:52:31Okay, okay.
00:52:34Apparently, it's all done by formula.
00:52:37Jack, your rap sheet takes up a whole page on a computer screen.
00:52:41On the positive side, maybe you'll get a shot on court TV.
00:52:43You've got to get me out of here, Bernie.
00:52:45What am I going to say to Laura?
00:52:47Don't worry.
00:52:48She's called.
00:52:49I'll make up some excuse.
00:52:50You were abducted by aliens.
00:52:52Oh, hey, that's great, Bernie.
00:52:54And don't forget to throw in that the only reason I agreed to go
00:52:57was to save our planet.
00:53:03Hold on.
00:53:04Bad seed.
00:53:05Bad seed.
00:53:06Go away.
00:53:07Go away.
00:53:08Thank you.
00:53:10You must be pissed at me.
00:53:12Oh, no.
00:53:13Pissed is when you run out of toilet tissue
00:53:16and you've got to yell for it.
00:53:18Okay, so you're really angry?
00:53:20Really angry is when you stab somebody
00:53:23and you cut the body up into little pieces.
00:53:25Ooh, maybe you should be behind bars.
00:53:28You know where I should be?
00:53:29On my couch, clapping on and clapping off television,
00:53:32and you should be nowhere near my life.
00:53:35Jack, you're in denial.
00:53:39You're not going to get through any of this
00:53:41unless you deal with reality.
00:53:43Let me tell you what reality is.
00:53:45I am going to be killed in my cell.
00:53:47Thank you.
00:53:48Not if you stay out of trouble and mind your own business.
00:53:51To make sure you do,
00:53:53I bought you a few things to keep you busy.
00:53:56A coloring book, a puzzle, and some crayons.
00:54:00I am in prison.
00:54:01I am not a six-year-old kid.
00:54:03I am in prison.
00:54:04I am not a six-year-old girl in summer camp.
00:54:07Okay, okay.
00:54:09You're going to love this.
00:54:14Where did you get this?
00:54:15I bought it.
00:54:16It was on the markdown, markdown, markdown table.
00:54:19Okay, time's up.
00:54:28Goodbye, lover.
00:54:34Hey, dude.
00:54:39Oh, very good, Salvatore.
00:54:41Very good.
00:54:43Oh, that's cool, man.
00:54:45That's great.
00:54:47Geez, that thing's small, huh?
00:54:49Hey, you mind if I have a look?
00:54:51No, I don't want to help you, Sal.
00:54:53Yeah, I'm kind of a computer geek.
00:54:55You know, I'm a computer geek.
00:54:57I'm a computer geek.
00:54:59I'm a computer geek.
00:55:01Yeah, I'm kind of a computer nut myself.
00:55:04I met my second wife in a chat room on the net.
00:55:07Oh, I met my wife in high school.
00:55:10What is this going to do to her?
00:55:12Anybody ever tell you you get your fingernail caught between the keys here?
00:55:15We're working on it.
00:55:21Oh, wow.
00:55:22You got the new Centrex system.
00:55:24Yeah, with a 32-bit parallel server.
00:55:27Oh, yeah.
00:55:28You know, the most advanced system in the country.
00:55:31Every one of those workstations is linked not just to downtown,
00:55:35but to the national criminal records in Washington, D.C.
00:55:40You know what else is very impressive?
00:55:42That this little guy can hold all that information in the palm of your hand.
00:55:47What?
00:55:48You're telling me that this toy has as much memory as those big guys?
00:55:52Oh, the LC-2000 is not a toy.
00:55:55And yes, it can.
00:55:57Want me to show you?
00:55:59What?
00:56:00No, I can't. You have to stay in your cell.
00:56:02I'll tell you what.
00:56:04If it doesn't do everything I say it can, I'll give it to you for free.
00:56:08And if it can, I'll give it to you for wholesale.
00:56:20Okay, ladies and gentlemen, can you all see this?
00:56:22Yeah.
00:56:23All right, you are looking at the future.
00:56:25This is the computer that is going to lead us into the next century.
00:56:29All right, now, I'm going to copy all of your files with just the push of a button.
00:56:34Call them sock.
00:56:37Huh?
00:56:38Oh.
00:56:42I'm sold.
00:56:47Failure. Hard drive overload.
00:56:49Cross-link clusters found.
00:56:51Erasing our hard drive.
00:56:53Losing all our data.
00:56:56I'm shocked. I've never seen it do this before.
00:56:59Destroying our entire electrical system!
00:57:03Hey! Hey! Stop those guys! Get back in there!
00:57:08Freeze!
00:57:11Hey, stop those guys! Get back in there!
00:57:15Hey!
00:57:21So, if your wife ever needs a manicure, tell her to give me a call.
00:57:24Okay? Thanks.
00:57:26Come back here!
00:57:33Come back here!
00:57:40Stay, stay, stay.
00:57:41Madam, what a beautiful dog you have.
00:57:45Get him!
00:57:50Get him!
00:58:03Dog, dog!
00:58:04Come on, Max! Come on, boy!
00:58:07Come on, boy!
00:58:08Dog, dog, dog, dog, dog!
00:58:10Dog, dog, dog!
00:58:13Dog!
00:58:15Dog!
00:58:17Dog!
00:58:20Dog!
00:58:23Dog!
00:58:39Yes! Yes, I did it!
00:58:42Woo-hoo!
00:58:59What am I doing?
00:59:05Hey!
00:59:07Jack!
00:59:13What are you waiting for?
00:59:14Well, I'm just, uh, deciding whether to be mauled over by him or screwed over by you.
00:59:19Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:59:21Excellent, George!
00:59:28Yes! Yes! I did it! Yes! Yes!
00:59:33Jack, Jack, easy. This is not time to draw attention to yourself, okay?
00:59:37Yeah, but you know what? I broke out of the big house!
00:59:40I did it! I did it! Yay!
00:59:43Congratulations, you're a real gangster.
00:59:47When they do the movie of your life, I'm seeing you as Van Damme and me as the kooky girl.
01:00:11Yes!
01:00:18Why do you sing opera?
01:00:21I was thinking of becoming Miss America once, and talent is a high percentage of the score.
01:00:36Where are we going?
01:00:37No questions during my aria.
01:00:39Yeah.
01:00:41This is very important. Do you have a plan?
01:00:44I tell you, but you're gonna get mad.
01:00:46Try me.
01:00:47Okay. I've decided that you and I should have a suicide pact.
01:00:53Excuse me?
01:00:54Ah, Jack. Don't you see? We've reached the high point of our lives.
01:01:00I mean, it's not gonna get any better than this moment.
01:01:03Beautiful day, beautiful car, beautiful girl.
01:01:07Beautiful escape.
01:01:09You've gotta get out while you're on top because the rest is all downhill, and I mean that literally.
01:01:19Oh, come on. Cut this out.
01:01:20I'm heading for that cliff, Jack.
01:01:22And if I don't have a chance to say goodbye before...
01:01:26Goodbye.
01:01:29Stop! I've got children!
01:01:37I gotta get those brakes checked.
01:01:40What is wrong with you?!
01:01:42What in the hell is wrong with you?!
01:01:50Jack, don't tell me I'm not gonna be able to play with your mind anymore.
01:01:55I don't know, but I'll tell you something.
01:01:59I'm gonna play with yours!
01:02:08I got you, didn't I?
01:02:10How could you get me? I saw the stairs before you jumped.
01:02:13Oh.
01:02:14But it is a beginning.
01:02:16Yeah.
01:02:23You know, if you have a handful of sand and you relax, none of it gets away.
01:02:29But if you try and keep it there, you squeeze your hand around it, it falls right through your fingers.
01:02:42I've let a lot of things fall through my fingers.
01:02:47I knew Chip wasn't right for me, but it was like I was addicted to him, you know?
01:02:52I don't know.
01:02:57Something good did come out of it, though.
01:03:01We named her Angela.
01:03:06Do you want to see a picture?
01:03:09Yes, I would.
01:03:10Okay.
01:03:12Where is she now?
01:03:13She's in Tacoma with my parents.
01:03:16I have visitation rights, but the courts feel that she'll have a more stable life with them.
01:03:23I don't know.
01:03:26I don't know.
01:03:28I don't know.
01:03:31I don't know.
01:03:34I don't know.
01:03:36I don't know.
01:03:38I don't know.
01:03:39She'll have a stable life with them.
01:03:43My parents raised me, do I seem that stable?
01:03:49Cherise, it would kill me not to be with my children.
01:03:55It's killing me, too, Jack.
01:04:09Yeah.
01:04:13Never mind.
01:04:15Oh, come on. After everything we've been through, what could you possibly not say to me?
01:04:19I want you to marry me.
01:04:21Well, there's one thing.
01:04:27Okay. It's not like we actually have to get married.
01:04:30We just have to tell my parents that we did.
01:04:32You see, the only way that they'll let me have Angela back
01:04:35is if they know that I'm settled down with somebody who's respectable and mature and trustworthy.
01:04:40And you're all of those things, except for the jailbreak.
01:04:43Yeah, and sleeping with you.
01:04:45Um, yeah, I forgot to tell you.
01:04:49We didn't do anything.
01:04:52What are you talking about? You told me the whole story.
01:04:55Yeah, but nothing happened, Jack.
01:04:57You said I was a stud.
01:05:00Well, I'm sure you would have been if you hadn't barfed all over my TV and then passed out cold.
01:05:05So let me get this straight.
01:05:07You're saying that I didn't...
01:05:12Oh.
01:05:14I'm sorry.
01:05:16You know, I thought that we needed guilt to hold us together, but we don't need that anymore.
01:05:21So what you're saying is this little marriage idea didn't just pop into your mind.
01:05:26The minute I saw you, I knew that you were the guy to help me handle my parents.
01:05:31Well, I'm very flattered that you see me as a boy scout,
01:05:34but I don't think I'm the man for the job.
01:05:38I drool when I lie, remember?
01:05:41Yeah, I don't think that I can pull it off.
01:05:45Thanks for asking.
01:05:48Yeah, sure.
01:05:52It was just a shot.
01:06:07Well, goodbye, Jack.
01:06:18Please don't say goodbye, because...
01:06:21I'll get very emotional.
01:06:48Shit.
01:06:53Is it what you do? Choke people?
01:06:55Chip, leave him alone.
01:06:57Didn't I tell you to stay away from my girls?
01:06:59Chip, please. He's old and impotent.
01:07:02Yeah, and that's the way I am with girls.
01:07:04But with men, I'm a pistol, so you better watch out.
01:07:08What do you mean, you're a...
01:07:09No, I mean this.
01:07:11Ow.
01:07:13Didn't have to do that.
01:07:14Yeah, but I enjoyed it. I'm going to enjoy this, too.
01:07:16Stop it. That's enough.
01:07:18Just tell me, just tell me.
01:07:19Do you have plans to see her again, huh?
01:07:22Not in any lifetime until I reach Nirvana.
01:07:26What, are you taking her to a concert?
01:07:28That group broke up, you idiot.
01:07:30Kurt Cobain, he bought the farm.
01:07:32You are so stupid.
01:07:35You make me sick.
01:07:38You just don't...
01:07:39Wait, wait. Where do you think you're going?
01:07:41I just got a manicure.
01:07:42You what? Nice try.
01:07:43No, you're coming with me right now.
01:07:45Come with me. You said he's impotent or something.
01:07:47Come on. Come on.
01:08:10Hey, how did you get out?
01:08:13I think I finally found a use for that lousy computer.
01:08:22Jack, what the hell are you still doing here?
01:08:25That is a good question.
01:08:28Buddy, I am so depressed.
01:08:32The glamour of being single is over.
01:08:35Go home and talk to Barbara.
01:08:37I tried. I tried reconciling with her last night, right?
01:08:40I told her how much I missed her.
01:08:42I told her I had a midlife crisis.
01:08:44But it was over by midweek.
01:08:47And?
01:08:48You know, I don't know.
01:08:49Something about goose and ganders.
01:08:52Laughed her head off.
01:08:53Bernie, you got to go try again, okay?
01:08:55I can't.
01:08:56She changed the locks.
01:08:58Can you imagine?
01:08:59Hey, Jack, where are you going?
01:09:01Hey, come on. I'm making lamb chops.
01:09:03Yeah, well, save them.
01:09:04I'm about to do something I'm really going to regret.
01:09:07Hey, don't worry.
01:09:08I'm not on a barbecue.
01:09:12Come on.
01:09:22Sharice?
01:09:24Sharice?
01:09:34Hey.
01:09:35Hey, man.
01:09:36Oh, hi.
01:09:37You know what?
01:09:38I was just going for a manicure.
01:09:40Where do you think you're going, huh?
01:09:42You saved our asses.
01:09:44Yeah.
01:09:45I did.
01:09:46I had a record as long as all our arms combined.
01:09:48Now, they don't even know my name.
01:09:50You know, I think that you guys should actually turn yourselves in.
01:09:53Are you kidding?
01:09:54I was facing three strikes and I was out.
01:09:56I love this man.
01:09:57This is the man I love.
01:09:59That's right.
01:10:00Yeah.
01:10:01Yeah.
01:10:02I think you're cutting off my air supply.
01:10:06Thank you.
01:10:07I'll just be going now.
01:10:08Hey.
01:10:09Hey.
01:10:10You're a brother now.
01:10:11Where do you need to go?
01:10:13I'm actually looking for this guy, Chip,
01:10:15because I have no idea what this maniac is going to do to a friend of mine.
01:10:18Right.
01:10:19Your girl, huh?
01:10:20Well, she's not my girl.
01:10:21But he thinks that she's his girl.
01:10:23But she doesn't want to be his girl.
01:10:25So I'm pretending that she's my girl in order to get her girl back.
01:10:28Look, I don't know what you just said,
01:10:30but we want to find him just as bad as you do.
01:10:32Come on.
01:10:33I know where that worm hides.
01:10:34Great.
01:10:35I'll follow you.
01:10:36Oh, no.
01:10:37Come on.
01:10:45Jack, we would like you to join us in the Dragons.
01:10:52You guys want me to join the gang?
01:10:55Mm-hmm.
01:10:56We follow an ancient tradition.
01:10:59When a man saves a brother, he becomes a brother, too.
01:11:04I am so flattered.
01:11:06But, you know, with the wife and the kids and the honest living,
01:11:09I just wouldn't have the time to participate.
01:11:12Well, everyone needs a gang.
01:11:13I mean, who watches your back?
01:11:17Usually just the people behind me in the elevator.
01:11:20Well, what if someone in that elevator shoots you?
01:11:23I mean, if you're in a gang, I watch your back, you watch mine.
01:11:27Are you saying wash or watch?
01:11:30Of course, you'll have to be initiated.
01:11:33Oh, is that kind of like a hell night kind of a deal?
01:12:04Is this right?
01:12:05Yeah.
01:12:06It's beautiful.
01:12:07Yeah.
01:12:08It's perfect.
01:12:09Let's go.
01:12:10Will they take American Express?
01:12:11I've got that covered.
01:12:12What do you mean?
01:12:13Let's go.
01:12:14What are you talking about?
01:12:22Hey, where the hell do you think you're going?
01:12:24Hey, guys.
01:12:25Guys!
01:12:34Hey!
01:12:43Look!
01:12:53Shit!
01:12:57Not again!
01:13:03What took you so long?
01:13:07You expected me?
01:13:09Considering the guilt I laid on you, you should have been here hours ago.
01:13:12Come on, guys, guys, give me a break.
01:13:13You're dead.
01:13:14Where do you want it?
01:13:15The face or the neck, huh?
01:13:16Gentlemen, could I ask you a small favor, please?
01:13:20Just before you break every bone in his body, could you just sit on it for 24 hours?
01:13:25Jack, this guy owes me $2,000.
01:13:27I'm hip.
01:13:29But I'm just asking not to hurt him until we get back.
01:13:33Yeah, I guess we can do that for a brother.
01:13:39You know, honey, usually I'm a pretty good judge of character and everything, but I was
01:13:43wrong about this guy.
01:13:44He's beautiful.
01:13:45I'm beautiful?
01:13:46All right, okay.
01:13:47Come on.
01:13:48Come on.
01:13:49We've got some relatives to meet.
01:13:50Get some rope.
01:13:51Tie his hands.
01:13:52Tie his hands.
01:13:53Tie his hands.
01:13:54Tie his hands.
01:13:55Tie his hands.
01:13:56Tie his hands.
01:13:57Tie his hands.
01:13:59Jack!
01:14:00Yeah?
01:14:01You fucking piece of shit.
01:14:04You're crazy.
01:14:11Okay, Daddy.
01:14:12I love you, too.
01:14:14Okay, bye.
01:14:19They'll be over tomorrow at noon.
01:14:21God, wait till they see your house.
01:14:22They're going to be so impressed.
01:14:24Impressed?
01:14:25Half my house is in ashes.
01:14:26Oh, my parents are big on details.
01:14:28But what they will notice is it's completely middle class, totally straight and dull.
01:14:32In short, everything they're hoping my life will become.
01:14:34You know, you have this unique way of making the person who's helping you feel like they
01:14:38want to drop you off at the next bus stop.
01:14:46Laura.
01:14:54Oh.
01:14:58Hey.
01:15:04What?
01:15:06You can't have people over and not serve them anything.
01:15:10Yeah, well, how did you get in?
01:15:13Jack, I've got windows blown out.
01:15:15I mean, I'm surprised squatters haven't taken up residence.
01:15:22I don't think I've thanked you enough.
01:15:25You're doing a really wonderful thing.
01:15:30You're a sweet guy, Jack.
01:15:34And handsome.
01:15:37And very sexy.
01:15:42Slightly certifiable.
01:15:44Slightly certifiable.
01:15:58You know, the truth is, I thought I was going to spend this last week on a couch.
01:16:06I'm so happy I didn't.
01:16:14I used to think a guy like you was the last thing I wanted.
01:16:21Now I know it's exactly what I've been looking for.
01:16:39Is there another guy like you in this world?
01:16:44Only much, much younger.
01:16:48Oh, look.
01:16:50Okay.
01:16:52Good night.
01:16:54Good night.
01:16:59Oh, Jack, do you mind if I take my pictures and put them in your frames and then put them all over your house?
01:17:11And if I mind it, you would do it anyway?
01:17:16Hmm?
01:17:30How many squares?
01:17:32Forty-five!
01:17:35Hi!
01:17:37Hi, I'm Cherise.
01:17:39Just a few minutes.
01:17:41Okay, put the flowers in just one space.
01:17:45Cherise!
01:17:47Are you sure you have the right address?
01:17:51Bob.
01:17:55That looks great, but do you think you could put, like, two more coats on?
01:17:57It'll make it a little thicker.
01:17:59No problem, ma'am.
01:18:01Hey, Cherise, the food is great.
01:18:03Honey, don't eat anymore.
01:18:05And take your shoes off, okay?
01:18:07Why? They're outside.
01:18:09Yeah, but this is not my place, okay?
01:18:11And I don't want Jack to think that I'm not being responsible.
01:18:13Cherise!
01:18:14Where are you putting those?
01:18:15Cherise, Cherise.
01:18:16No!
01:18:17What is going on here?
01:18:18Didn't you say that just your family was coming over?
01:18:20Yeah, but when I called my family, they told me all the people I'd be insulting if I left them out.
01:18:23Oh!
01:18:25These flowers are so pretty.
01:18:27You know what?
01:18:30Actually, I'm just curious.
01:18:32I'm just curious who, excuse me,
01:18:34is going to pay for all of this.
01:18:36Uh, I kind of went through your wallet
01:18:38and I kind of found your credit cards
01:18:40and I kind of used them,
01:18:42but I'm going to kind of pay you back.
01:18:44Yeah? Well, I'm going to kind of kill you.
01:18:46Oh, an orphan, my only child.
01:18:48Very nice, Jack.
01:18:50I think the red and the purple are clashing.
01:18:52On the rollers!
01:19:06Here you go, sir.
01:19:13Jack, I'm Hank, Cherise's father.
01:19:17Nice to meet you.
01:19:19Nice house.
01:19:21Thank you.
01:19:23Won't you pay for a place like this?
01:19:25What did I pay?
01:19:27May I use your phone?
01:19:29The missus is expecting a call.
01:19:31She wanted me to let her know
01:19:33this was a safe neighborhood before she came.
01:19:36Oh.
01:19:50So, uh,
01:19:52Cherise tells us
01:19:54you sell computers.
01:19:56Yes, that's right.
01:20:03So you're one of them guys
01:20:05what's cruising the
01:20:07information highway that...
01:20:09Well, I'm not exactly cruising.
01:20:11I'm stuck in traffic.
01:20:19Uh, Cherise, I need your help down here.
01:20:21Yeah, um, I need your help, too.
01:20:23I need to know what you think.
01:20:35So?
01:20:37You look beautiful.
01:20:39Thanks.
01:20:41What am I saying?
01:20:43Didn't you tell them we're already married?
01:20:45Well, every girl wants her wedding day.
01:20:47I've been dreaming of this since I was six.
01:20:49What? That you're gonna marry somebody else's husband?
01:20:51You're not really gonna marry me.
01:20:53I got an actor to pretend he's a minister.
01:20:55I wanted George Clooney,
01:20:57but you know what he cost an hour?
01:20:59Actor schmacter? This is a moral thing.
01:21:01I'm already married to a wonderful, insane woman
01:21:04who, if she even hears about this,
01:21:06is gonna run me over and over and over with her car.
01:21:08Oh, that reminds me. She called.
01:21:10You spoke to her?
01:21:12I am manipulative, not dumb.
01:21:14She left a message on the machine.
01:21:18Jack?
01:21:20I hope you got my other messages.
01:21:22It's been raining for days.
01:21:24I can't take it anymore. I'm coming home.
01:21:26See you soon. I love you.
01:21:28I love you, too.
01:21:30What day is it?
01:21:32It's my wedding day.
01:21:34And?
01:21:36And it's your wife's coming home early day.
01:21:38I'm very cognizant of that, Jack.
01:21:40Why do you think what I really wanted is a sit-down dinner?
01:21:42We're having an afternoon affair.
01:21:44We're having nothing.
01:21:46You gotta tell all these people to get out of my house.
01:21:48Get out of my house.
01:21:50Oh, my little sweetheart.
01:21:52Jack?
01:21:58Angela?
01:22:00Jack?
01:22:02We've waited a long time
01:22:04for our daughter to meet the right man.
01:22:10Oh!
01:22:12Mom?
01:22:14Yeah?
01:22:16There's something I gotta tell you.
01:22:18Uh-huh.
01:22:20What?
01:22:24Jack isn't really...
01:22:26Jack isn't really...
01:22:29Jack isn't really...
01:22:33And...
01:22:37Good at waiting.
01:22:39I'm not really good at waiting.
01:22:41And, uh, Angela, should we get married?
01:22:43Should we?
01:22:45Let's go.
01:22:49Yeah.
01:22:51Yeah.
01:22:59Get a gun!
01:23:01All you mothers, get a gun!
01:23:03Get a gun!
01:23:05All you mothers, get a gun!
01:23:07All you mothers, at the red!
01:23:09At the red!
01:23:11Get a gun!
01:23:13All you mothers, get a gun!
01:23:15Get a gun!
01:23:17Beautiful.
01:23:19Beautiful.
01:23:21Thank you.
01:23:23Nervous, huh?
01:23:25Oh, you have no idea.
01:23:27I don't really know you, Jack.
01:23:29But one thing I like about you.
01:23:31Hmm?
01:23:33You're not Chip.
01:23:35Hmm?
01:23:37I'm not always anyone but Chip.
01:23:39Hmm. Thank you.
01:23:41Thank you very much.
01:23:43Emmett! Gail!
01:23:45What are you doing here?
01:23:47When Cherise called to see if we'd gotten out of our closet,
01:23:49she invited us.
01:23:51I think it is so romantic to reconfirm your vows.
01:23:53See? Thanks to you,
01:23:56she planted seeds in her head.
01:24:02Hey,
01:24:04you ready for us to walk down the aisle?
01:24:06Hmm, us?
01:24:08I'm your best man.
01:24:10Jack, you're a schmuck, I gotta tell you.
01:24:12I mean, you've been alone a week.
01:24:14You getting married again?
01:24:16I just couldn't stay single, Bernie.
01:24:18Okay, let's do it.
01:24:26Shit, man!
01:24:32Excuse me?
01:24:34You're excused.
01:24:36Crash that car, you're dead.
01:24:50Okay.
01:24:52Go with the short version, okay?
01:24:54We're gathered here today
01:24:56to join these two people in holy matrimony.
01:24:58Although I don't know Jack,
01:25:00I've known Cherise
01:25:02since I baptized her.
01:25:04Excuse me?
01:25:06Are you an actor?
01:25:08No.
01:25:10No?
01:25:12He's not an actor.
01:25:14And now,
01:25:16by the power vested in me
01:25:18by the state of Washington,
01:25:20I now pronounce you
01:25:22Cherise!
01:25:24Cherise!
01:25:26Cherise!
01:25:28I love you!
01:25:38Look, I made mistakes,
01:25:40and I've been an idiot,
01:25:42but I'm an idiot
01:25:44who needs you.
01:25:46Okay?
01:25:48I need you.
01:25:51I need you, okay?
01:25:53Oh, Chip.
01:25:55Chip.
01:25:57Hey, Dad.
01:25:59It's him!
01:26:01Come on!
01:26:03Excuse me.
01:26:07Oh, this is great.
01:26:13Oh, look!
01:26:15Somebody from my side did show up.
01:26:17Ah!
01:26:19Cherise!
01:26:21Stop it!
01:26:23Everyone stop it!
01:26:33All right, all right.
01:26:35It's time for the truth.
01:26:39As you all know,
01:26:41Chip is the father of my baby,
01:26:43and I appreciate him for that.
01:26:46But I can't be with you.
01:26:50You see, I need
01:26:52stability
01:26:54for me and Angela.
01:26:58And I've grown up, and you haven't.
01:27:02You're invited to
01:27:04be the baby's father the minute you do.
01:27:12All right, all right.
01:27:14It's really time for the truth.
01:27:24Are you sure?
01:27:30Okay, the truth is that
01:27:34I'm already married, and I love
01:27:36my wife and kids.
01:27:38That's why
01:27:40I understand
01:27:42that Cherise has to be
01:27:44with her baby.
01:27:46Her baby is her family.
01:27:48And family is like an annex
01:27:50to your soul, and right now
01:27:52Cherise's soul is hurting
01:27:54very badly.
01:27:56My family has been gone
01:27:58for less than a week.
01:28:00And in the beginning, I thought I was going to have
01:28:02such a great time being alone.
01:28:05And then
01:28:07slowly
01:28:11the emptiness crept in.
01:28:15I expected to see my family
01:28:17in every room,
01:28:19around every corner.
01:28:21And when I realized
01:28:23they were gone,
01:28:27it just tore
01:28:29a little piece right out of me.
01:28:35Nobody should be without
01:28:37the people they love.
01:28:39It just isn't
01:28:41the way it's supposed to be.
01:28:57Angela.
01:29:05While we're telling the truth,
01:29:09I just want the whole family
01:29:11to know that
01:29:13our middle boy, Bob,
01:29:17is not my husband's son!
01:29:22It's true.
01:29:27My real father's Uncle Morty.
01:29:31It better be.
01:29:33Okay.
01:29:35I have to tell you,
01:29:37Gail and I aren't really married.
01:29:39You see, I'm a Catholic.
01:29:41And my wife is in the...
01:29:43the insane or something.
01:29:45I've been waiting to tell somebody this
01:29:47for years.
01:29:49I'm a virgin.
01:29:51And I have very little pubic hair.
01:29:53I knew that.
01:29:57You
01:30:00are a virgin
01:30:02and you're big on smell.
01:30:10Okay, okay, okay. Run, run, run, run, run, run.
01:30:12Come on. Here we go. Come on.
01:30:14Everybody, you can do it. Here we go.
01:30:16Hey. Why take two
01:30:18when you can take three? Okay, boys.
01:30:20Up! Up and run!
01:30:22And run!
01:30:30Bye, Therese.
01:30:32Thank you.
01:30:36Bye, darling.
01:30:38Take care.
01:30:40Take care now, honey.
01:30:42You're a total bullshitter, aren't you, Jack?
01:30:44So you're gonna fire me.
01:30:46What a perfect end to a perfect week.
01:30:48Are you kidding? I'm making you
01:30:50vice president in charge of sales.
01:30:52Would you repeat that?
01:30:54I'm making you vice president in charge of sales.
01:30:56I thought I was good, but boy,
01:30:58you're the best con man I've ever seen,
01:31:00and that makes for a great salesman.
01:31:02Congratulations, partner.
01:31:04Partner? Partner.
01:31:08I look forward to meeting your real wife and kids.
01:31:12Thank you very much.
01:31:14Hey, where are you going?
01:31:16Home.
01:31:18I'm hoping the flowers will help.
01:31:20If you don't hear from me by tomorrow,
01:31:22check my backyard for a fresh grave.
01:31:24Yeah, well, I hope you survive.
01:31:26I want you back at work.
01:31:28What?
01:31:30Yeah.
01:31:32Sharpell just made me vice president in charge of sales,
01:31:34and I'm putting you back on staff.
01:31:36Jack, how did...
01:31:38Yeah, I have no idea why either,
01:31:40but, hey, I'm gonna talk to him.
01:31:42Jack!
01:31:56If you or your wife
01:31:58ever need a manicure,
01:32:02I'll give you a deal.
01:32:08Boy, I hope you're happy.
01:32:10Boy, I hope you're happy, too.
01:32:13Oh, by the way, Jack,
01:32:15I didn't have time to take my pictures
01:32:17out of your frames.
01:32:19Sorry.
01:32:21♪♪♪♪
01:32:23-♪♪♪♪
01:32:25-♪♪♪♪
01:32:27♪♪♪♪
01:32:30I didn't have time to take my pictures out of your frames.
01:32:32Sorry.
01:32:34I couldn't wait to take them out of your frames.
01:32:36Sorry.
01:32:38Can I get a pistol, please?
01:32:40Sorry.
01:32:42I couldn't wait to take them out of your frames.
01:32:44Sorry.
01:32:46Yeah.
01:32:48I could wait till next time,
01:32:50but I'm not a geek, Jack.
01:32:52I'm an adult now,
01:32:54and, uh...
01:32:56Yeah, darn right I'm an adult now.
01:32:58Daddy! Daddy! Hi, Daddy. Remember me? Yes, yes. It's Barbara, right? Hi, Rebecca. Oh,
01:33:22don't hug so tight. I'm sorry. How was it? It was awful, Dad. It was awful. It was awful.
01:33:27It was awful, Dad. We couldn't watch TV. Yeah, it was just scenery and rain. I know
01:33:33what you mean. I'm so happy for you. Listen, do me a favor. Go upstairs and fight over
01:33:39the remote, okay? Go on. So, were you a good boy? Did you stay on the couch and relax?
01:33:52Like a mom. Wow. Maybe I should take a week off more often. Yeah, but next time, I'm
01:34:10going with you. So, what did you do? Get the tattoo artist to come to the house? Yeah.
01:34:39Yes.