The stand-up comedy bit "Dark Skin & Getting Married" by comedian Saikiran pokes fun at societal attitudes towards skin color, particularly in the context of marriage in India. In this routine, Saikiran humorously addresses the obsession with fair skin and the challenges faced by people with darker complexions when it comes to arranged marriages.
He talks about the pressures from family, relatives, and society that tend to equate fair skin with beauty and desirability, often referencing matrimonial ads that emphasize fairness as a key criterion for a good match. Through his witty observations and personal anecdotes, Saikiran highlights the absurdity of these biases and the superficial standards people are held to, all while keeping the audience laughing with his sharp delivery and relatable humor.
He talks about the pressures from family, relatives, and society that tend to equate fair skin with beauty and desirability, often referencing matrimonial ads that emphasize fairness as a key criterion for a good match. Through his witty observations and personal anecdotes, Saikiran highlights the absurdity of these biases and the superficial standards people are held to, all while keeping the audience laughing with his sharp delivery and relatable humor.
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Hi, so my name is Sai Kiran. I come from a nearly nice family. I love my mother.
00:09She's a good mother. I tell everywhere she's a great mother, but she isn't
00:13satisfied. She says I don't want to be a good mother or a great mother. Make me a
00:18grandmother. But it's not easy, difficult because it's not easy for me to get
00:24married because I'm very bad at first impressions. Most girls who see me for
00:29the first time don't like me. If only they spend some time with me and get to
00:33know me better, they start to truly hate me.
00:38Even when I'm silently walking on the road minding my own business, any woman
00:43coming in the opposite direction, instinctively crosses to the other side of the road.
00:46And nowadays with all this news about violence against women, the moment
00:52women see me, they start covering themselves with their saree pallus like
00:56this. One day I saw a girl do it and I just lost it. Hey, what are you doing? Do I
01:03look like a molester? She said no, no, no, no. I thought you're a chain snatcher.
01:12It happens, it happens all the time to me because I think because I'm dark-skinned.
01:16People don't like dark-skinned people in our country. Forget others, my own parents.
01:22Like when I was born in the hospital, looking at me their first reaction was
01:26Aiyo!
01:31They said it so loudly, half the hospital thought I was a girl.
01:42My mom made it her mission in life to make me fairer. She had a poster of
01:49Michael Jackson in the kitchen. If his mom can do it, I can do it.
01:55My mom spent more money on almond milk to rub on my skin and make it fairer
02:00than buffalo milk to feed me. I was just born dark. I grew up to be dark and
02:07malnourished. Like I'm a fully grown adult today but my mom doesn't let me
02:13touch coffee or tea. Saying drinking them will make me darker. Boost and bone
02:20weight are also banned. People like my mom believe the color of what you eat
02:25affects the color of your skin. That's why South Indians are obsessed with
02:30eating everything in bite. Rice with curd, appam with stew, idli with coconut
02:42chutney doesn't make a difference. No matter the color of what you eat, the
02:47end result is still brown. Skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin, skin.
02:58But I can understand my parents disappointment because in my family we have both
03:01genes. My grandfather was dark but my grandmother was fair. Forget South Indian
03:07fair. Forget North Indian fair. Imagine an Afghanistani. L by no. That's how fair
03:18she was. And they both got married because my grandfather was dark and rich.
03:26My grandmother was fair and poor. Now I am dark and poor.
03:38But we have the other branch of the family. My cousins who inherited all the
03:43money and the fair genes. Oh they make so much fun of me.
03:47Sai Kiran you're such a lucky guy because you're dark. Unlike us you can
03:52go out in the sun whenever you want. As if my skin doesn't burn. This is melanin
03:59not Teflon. These fair-skinned morons think that if a cow stays in the sun for
04:08too long it becomes a buffalo. But forget animals. Even gods cannot escape this
04:16discrimination in our country. You all know Lord Krishna. Krishna means dark. He is
04:21described in the Mahabharata as neelameghashyama which means as dark as the
04:26rain-filled cloud. Then why the hell do they show him everywhere to be sky blue
04:30in color?
04:34How colorblind do you have to be to confuse the color of the cloud to the
04:39color of the sky? That's why we can't predict rains in this country properly.
04:46If you remember TV Mahabharata, Lord Krishna was played by Nitish Bharadwaj
04:55who was super fair. Just like Leonardo DiCaprio playing Nelson Mandela.
05:05Because we can't accept a hero can be dark-skinned. Why? We are just dark not shady.
05:13Some think Lord Krishna was really a thief. No. He was just the darkest child in Vrindavan.
05:19And everybody accused him only. Because all the stuff that was getting stolen were
05:24white eatables. Butter, milk, curd. Who else?
05:33But at least ancient India was a progressive time. Because in spite of all
05:37the propaganda, Lord Krishna was very lucky with the ladies. Not something I
05:44can claim to be. I recently read a report by Jeevansathi.com. According to it, 71%
05:52of Indian women want their husbands to be fair-skinned. The rest 29% don't care
05:57about skin color. As long as the guy is rich. So in this country to whitewash
06:03brown skin, you need black money. My face is red with anger. But you can't notice
06:14it because of my skin color. I know about these matrimonial sites. Let's be honest.
06:25This face wasn't exactly manufactured anticipating the arrival of Tinder. The highest my parents
06:31aimed was TeluguMatrimony.com. And I registered on that site sometime back. And there I realized
06:37that the competition for Indian women is absolutely brutal. On these websites, for 100 men,
06:43there are barely 50 women. And NRIs take away the top 20 export-quality girls.
06:53The next 20 go to the two I's of India. IITs and IIMs.
07:01Men like me don't stand a chance. So I clearly wrote in my profile,
07:06I may not be an NRI or an IITian, but I am healthy,
07:09I am a vegetarian, and I do not smoke or drink. Even coffee or tea.
07:16I thought many women will be impressed by someone like that. And I got 5 responses.
07:20Not from women. But from people requesting blood and organ donations.
07:32It was a bit painful. But I took the money. And the fruity. And registered myself on shaadi.com.
07:43And I'm very proud to tell you, just a few weeks back,
07:45I completed 5 years as a fully paid member of shaadi.com.
07:51Apparently, I am the first person in the country to reach this milestone.
08:00So they sent me a congratulatory email.
08:09And they said, after 5 years on shaadi.com, most men get into a committed relationship.
08:13Or commit suicide.
08:16So as a special gesture towards me, they gave me a free upgrade.
08:22To the fresh faces section. Of second shaadi.com.
08:28And there on that website, I saw all these familiar girls,
08:32who 5 years ago rejected me, got married, had kids, got divorced,
08:37and again on this website, again rejecting me.
08:39Deja vu.
08:44They say I'm incompatible with their kids.
08:47If you agreed 5 years ago, that would have been my kid.
08:53But a lot of people wonder, if a product is on display, either amazon.com or shaadi.com,
08:58either it's a marketing defect or a manufacturing defect.
09:02I'll be honest with you guys here, I have a small manufacturing defect.
09:05I'm a manglik.
09:07So before I can marry a girl, I have to marry a tree.
09:11Now the only thing more difficult than finding a girl these days,
09:16is finding a tree.
09:18But you may say, but there are so many trees around, you can just marry it.
09:21It's not that simple.
09:22There are caste issues.
09:26I cannot just marry any creeper or croton.
09:29Like if you're a Marwadi, you have to marry a money plant.
09:33Like if you're a Marwadi, you have to marry a money plant.
09:42You're a Brahmin, you marry a touch me not.
09:50You're mixed caste, you have to marry a hybrid.
09:54So I was getting desperate.
09:55Because all my friends had girlfriends, they're taking them to all these parks
09:58to do naughty things behind the bushes.
10:01I was going to the same parks alone, to do naughty things with the bushes.
10:09But my very good loving mother, she anticipated this when my horoscope was written.
10:13So she started raising a plant in my house.
10:17Hoping when the time comes, I can just marry it.
10:20But now my priest tells me, because the plant and I were raised in the same house
10:23by the same mother, we are like brother and sister and should not marry.