• 4 months ago
Transcript
00:00Thank you very much.
00:31Right, well if anybody asks, you're temporary acting manager.
00:34Trust me to be away while all this is going on.
00:37Don't bother your head about it, Miss Temple Savage.
00:39You're lucky I'm here.
00:40I'm going to take good care of the place till you get back.
00:42It's only 24 hours. What could go wrong?
00:45The hotel has been robbed.
00:47What?
00:48What are you on about?
00:49All the alcohol from the bar, it has been taken.
00:51Calm down, man. I shifted it this morning.
00:53I've locked it and the supply is covered.
00:55Why would you do this?
00:56Because I don't know.
00:58The supply is covered. Why would you do this?
01:00Because I asked him to.
01:01As you well know, Mateo, today is San Lorenzo's day.
01:04San Lorenzo? We do not bother with this.
01:07Well, we do this year.
01:09The authorities are really cracking down on it.
01:11There is to be no alcohol served across the whole of Benidorm for the entire duration.
01:16And I'm afraid the Solana will be no exception.
01:20Ha! I see.
01:26Give me the key.
01:27You do not want to listen to her.
01:29She's crazy in the head.
01:30If we do not give the guests alcohol, they will be revolting.
01:33I can still hear you, you know.
01:35Neville, do I need to come back?
01:38No, don't you worry about it, Miss Campbell-Savage. I'm in charge.
01:41The only thing you will be in charge of is my funeral
01:44when the alcoholics have been tearing me limp from limp.
01:47You seem to have a very dim view of the type of guests this hotel attracts.
01:51Yes, I have met them.
01:54Oh, madre mía, party of the hinds.
01:57Give me the key.
01:58No.
02:04You have doomed us all.
02:09Hi.
02:10Yes, Beth.
02:11Yes, Beth.
02:21How's the head?
02:22If that was an attempt to try and make me regret my hangover,
02:26I'm afraid you're somewhat premature.
02:28I am, in fact, still quite, quite drunk.
02:32Oh, Pauline, you were doing so well.
02:35Thank you. That means a lot.
02:38Why is there nobody manning the bar?
02:41Probably because that's a recycling bin.
02:43Oh.
02:48Oh, what does he want?
02:49It's half eight in the morning, for heaven's sake.
02:55Well, I'm going to go and grab a spot at the bar anyway
02:59before the queues start.
03:04Recycling bin.
03:05Right.
03:07Oh, son.
03:08I know, Mother.
03:10I know.
03:11I know.
03:17No, no, Thursday's no good to me.
03:19It has to be tomorrow.
03:20Here he comes, look. Gordon Gecko.
03:22Gopher.
03:23What?
03:24Gordon the Gopher.
03:25Right, we'll cancel the whole thing.
03:27No, no, I'm sorry.
03:28If it can't be tomorrow, it is no use to me.
03:31There's nobody on the other end, you know.
03:32He just says that to impress us.
03:34Believe me, Kenneth, I wish that was true.
03:37I need to ask a favour.
03:38I need you to head out into the old town
03:40and come back with a photographer and two hot models.
03:43Right.
03:44I suppose you'll be providing the whipped cream
03:45and the rubber trunching yourself, will you?
03:47I'm serious, Kenneth.
03:48The adverts for the Soho salon are supposed to go to the local papers tomorrow
03:51and the agency I was using has just pulled out.
03:54You know the grand opening's next week.
03:55My back's against the wall here.
03:57That'll be a first.
03:58It doesn't have to be gallery-worthy, just tasteful.
04:01I'm sure you can find a couple of lads off the doors in town to model.
04:04A hundred euros each should do it.
04:06Plus, what, say, 200 for a photographer?
04:10Did you say there'd be a finders fee?
04:12No, I did not.
04:13Oh, strange.
04:15Thought I heard mention of 150 euros.
04:17Oh, well.
04:18Fine.
04:19But you need to get going now.
04:21I need to send these by nine o'clock tonight.
04:27Hiya.
04:28Yeah, it's me.
04:29I need you to assemble the whole team for a conference call in exactly 30 minutes.
04:34But they're getting on with you, love.
04:35Eh? Didn't he say we have to get going?
04:37Oh, no, I'm not fanning around the old town all day for this.
04:40We'll do it here.
04:41What?
04:42Well, you're good with a camera.
04:43There's a hotel full of people out there.
04:44There's bound to be a couple of lookers amongst them.
04:46Kenneth!
04:47Liam, I'm thinking of Troy.
04:49He's chucking money around like a lunatic.
04:51I'm not having some complete stranger take advantage of him.
04:54Best to have a close personal friend do it, eh?
04:56Oh.
04:57Ow!
04:58Sorry.
05:08What do you think you're looking at?
05:10I don't know, but it's looking back.
05:12Oh, very good.
05:14The old ones are the best, aren't they, Eddie?
05:16Is that what you keep saying to yourself?
05:18Oh, don't start you two, please.
05:20I'm not started anything.
05:22She's the one who started something.
05:24She's nicked my sunbed.
05:26Dad, you've only just come down.
05:28I know I've only just come down, but it's still my sunbed.
05:31Oh, yeah? How do you figure that?
05:33Of course, it's the one I wore on yesterday and the day before,
05:36and the day before that.
05:38Here, Grandad, just have this one next to me.
05:40No offence, lad, I don't want that one next to you.
05:43It's a matter of principle now.
05:45Well, I'm not moving,
05:47so you'll just have to stand there, won't you?
05:50I will just stand here.
05:52Stand there, then.
05:53I will.
05:54Oh, for God's sake!
05:55Can we not just have one day without you two squabbling like toddlers?
05:59Right, Rob, grab your gear.
06:02What? Why? Where are we going?
06:04Out. You, me and Dad.
06:06Sharon's right.
06:07If you two can't play nice, then you obviously have to be separated.
06:10Besides, we've been here a week and we haven't had a lad's outing yet.
06:13Now you're talking.
06:14And no, Dad, that doesn't mean we're going to a strip club.
06:17All right.
06:18I get you.
06:20Course it don't.
06:22Right, come on.
06:24Why do I have to go?
06:26Right, come on.
06:27Why do I have to go?
06:29Well, you don't have to.
06:36You're welcome.
06:43Do you know, I want to mind it, but it's my special day today
06:47and not one of them said anything.
06:49Well, maybe, Mum, that's because most normal people
06:52don't celebrate the anniversary of their divorce.
06:55Best day of my life, Sharon.
06:58Best day of my life.
07:00Service!
07:02Service.
07:06Service.
07:08Pauline, doesn't matter how much you bang,
07:10if nobody's there, then nobody's going to answer.
07:13Service.
07:15So, me and my mum have been talking and we thought it might be nice
07:19if we got out and did something together.
07:22You know, as a family.
07:25Ridiculous.
07:27I bet if we looked, we'd find somewhere that does bingo.
07:33What? Nobody said anything about bingo.
07:35I hate bingo.
07:36Well, Pauline doesn't.
07:38Oh.
07:39She loves bingo, don't you?
07:42Remember, I used to take you when you were only a little girl.
07:47Oh, and you were so happy,
07:50helping me to mark off all the numbers.
07:54Can I shout house, Mummy?
07:57Can I shout house?
07:59You were always so excited.
08:05I faked it.
08:09Pauline, no.
08:11Every time.
08:15You've got a text message.
08:17From Malcolm.
08:20Why won't you answer your phone?
08:22We need to talk about last night.
08:25It's what happened last night.
08:27How should I know?
08:29Should you happen to recall having a heated text row
08:31with your boyfriend at three in the morning?
08:33No.
08:34You did?
08:37I don't know.
08:39I don't know.
08:41You did.
08:44Which culminated in you dumping him.
08:51I did it.
08:53I actually finally did it.
08:56I'm free.
08:58It's called a drink.
09:00Service!
09:02Mother!
09:07What's wrong, bro?
09:09We're stone broke.
09:11There's no girls here under 90.
09:13And neither of us packs enough clothes.
09:15I know, bruv.
09:16I've even started wearing my boxers back to front
09:18to save on washing!
09:20You mean inside out?
09:21Oh, yeah.
09:22That would make more sense.
09:25Well, I say we just cut our losses
09:27and spend the next two days chillaxing and catching rays.
09:30Bruv!
09:32What?
09:33Oh.
09:34My.
09:35Days.
09:40Oh, I know.
09:50I take back everything I just said.
09:53Looks like things have just perked up.
09:55No!
09:56You don't think they know it's from there, do you?
10:06Do you mind?
10:08There happens to be a queue here.
10:11Oh!
10:12I see you're celebrating.
10:14Well, I'm trying to.
10:15Then we shall drink together.
10:17Well, I too am celebrating.
10:19Of celebrating what?
10:21The fact that I'll never have to hear the name Malcolm Barrett
10:24ever again.
10:31The Solana Benidorm, please.
10:39Well, at least some good came out of all this.
10:42I mean, that Malcolm guy was obviously bad news from the off.
10:46We all knew that.
10:48Oh, this is useless.
10:49It's like looking for a Jaffa cake in a field full of cowpats.
10:52Oh, very colourful.
10:53There must be two vaguely human-looking people here somewhere.
11:00Bingo!
11:03Bingo!
11:08Come on, now.
11:09You know she only said it to hurt you, eh?
11:12She couldn't have really faked it, not every time.
11:15I don't mean to eavesdrop,
11:18but if it makes you feel any better,
11:21in my experience, lots of people fake it.
11:25Sometimes out of politeness,
11:28sometimes out of politeness,
11:30sometimes cos they're tired,
11:33and sometimes just to drown out the noise
11:36the ones on the sofa are making.
11:41We were talking about bingo.
11:43Oh!
11:44Why are we waiting?
11:47Why are we waiting?
11:50Bugger this!
11:52What's the hold-up?
11:54We appear to be some bar staff.
11:57Well, it's my divorce-iversary today.
12:00I need to get trollids.
12:02Ah! A gay divorcee.
12:05Congratulations.
12:07I myself am recently separated.
12:10Why are we waiting?
12:13Why are we waiting?
12:16Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I cannot do this.
12:18Oh, no, you don't. Come on, someone's got to tell them.
12:20Why can that someone not be you? Huh?
12:22You are still you here. You should be trying to prove your mettles.
12:25Aye, well, that's as may be, but unfortunately,
12:27Miss Temple-Savage appointed me Deputy Acting Manager,
12:30which means I'm afraid I get to discharge my responsibilities onto others.
12:34Well, I do not want you discharging yourself onto me.
12:37What's going on?
12:39Mateo here is too scared to go and tell them women there's no booze on.
12:43No booze on?
12:45Aye, St Lorenzo's Day,
12:47which means ni drinking, ni partying, ni having fun, by law.
12:51Oh, shit.
12:54What's up with her?
12:56I don't know. We'll go and see.
12:58Come on, come on, come on.
13:00Ooh! Let's do this!
13:03All right, lads.
13:05How do you two feel about a couple of fancy haircuts?
13:08You see, I run the hotel salon,
13:10so it would all be completely free of charge, of course.
13:12Why? What's in it for you?
13:14Absolutely nothing.
13:16I just want to take a couple of photos of you both afterwards.
13:18He's not a creepy weirdo or anything like that, I promise.
13:21What did you say that for? What?
13:23You saying that I'm not a creepy weirdo makes me sound like a creepy weirdo.
13:26No, it's actually for an advert for another salon of ours.
13:29So you're saying you want to hire us as models?
13:32Basically, yeah.
13:34Absolutely, mate. No problem at all.
13:36Yeah, all right. Right, well, we'll go and get set up
13:39and then one of us will come and get you when we're ready.
13:43MUSIC PLAYS
13:50Right.
13:56CHEERING
14:01Ah, finally!
14:03I shall handle this.
14:05Right, my good man.
14:07We shall require...
14:1220-ish very small, large vodkas and...
14:16This is not possible.
14:18I beg your pardon?
14:20Today there is no alcohol on the premises.
14:22What?! Please, do not hurt me.
14:24Is this some kind of joke?
14:26No, it is because of St...
14:28St Lorenzo.
14:30I don't care if it's because of Satan bloody Greavesy.
14:33We paid for an all-inclusive beer.
14:35On this day, it is the law.
14:37No alcohol to be served anywhere across Benidorm.
14:41Look, I will not stand for this.
14:49We, all of us, have come here today
14:52for one thing and one thing only.
14:55To drink.
14:57And no leathery barman or dead saint is going to stop us
15:02because there's drink out there somewhere in this town
15:05and we are going to find it.
15:09Follow me, ladies.
15:13Um...
15:15Mother, whatever it is, son,
15:18I don't want to know.
15:25Right, come on.
15:27What about that fellow, she?
15:31I hope you don't mind me prying,
15:34but you really do seem quite upset.
15:38I'm OK, love.
15:40I'm just thinking about those times at the bingo...
15:45..with Pauline and that's all.
15:48I always thought they were as special to her...
15:54..as they were to me.
16:01Ignore me.
16:04I'm just being a big silly.
16:07You know how mums are.
16:10Do you have children?
16:12No.
16:14Well, none that I know of, anyway.
16:19You don't have to keep calling, as you know.
16:21I'm not checking up on you, Neville.
16:24But everything is OK, isn't it?
16:26Of course it is. I've told you, I'm running a tight ship.
16:30What on earth was that?
16:32I don't know. I think we might be picking up a bit of local radio.
16:35Turn the laptop round, Neville. I want to see the reception.
16:38All right, any problem, but I'm warning you,
16:40the battery's getting a bit low, so you might just suddenly, um...
16:46Excuse me.
16:47Did you just see a large crowd of singing women head through here?
16:50No, pal, I completely missed them.
16:53Yes, fella, can I help you?
16:55Yes, you can. Malcolm Barrett one night. I rang this morning.
16:58Right, you are two, six?
17:04All right?
17:06Yes, fine, thank you.
17:08Cracking?
17:15And there's your key.
17:17Enjoy your stay.
17:19Thank you very much.
17:21Matteo, them lads we were talking to earlier, where have they gone?
17:25Into town. All of the guests have gone into town.
17:28It is a San Lorenzo Day miracle.
17:31No, it's bloody not. Liam, go after them and bring them back here.
17:34If we don't get these photos done, Troy's going to kill us.
17:37Worse than that, he's going to want his money back.
17:39How's that worse than killing us?
17:41Oh, will you just go?
17:43Bloody hell.
17:47Mother, I need to speak to you. In private.
17:51Can it not wait, son?
17:53My uncle in here just offered to take me to find a bingo hall.
17:58She said it's very important that I should get laid.
18:03What? Lay the ghost, I said.
18:06Although...
18:08This is important. Something's happened.
18:11Oh, no.
18:13What is it?
18:15I don't know how much more I can take today.
18:20Nothing.
18:23You go off. Have fun.
18:25I'll see you this evening, son.
18:44Why can it not always be like this?
18:47Like what? No guests.
18:50Well, you might find things get a tad rowdier later tonight.
18:55What do you mean by this?
18:57Still alive, then, I see.
19:02What's going on?
19:04I was going to tell you earlier.
19:06Look, it's not my fault, OK? I'd never heard of St Lorenzo Day.
19:09I just knew you had all these live acts on and...
19:12What have you done?
19:15Sold a few tickets around the town.
19:17And when I say tickets, I mean Solana wristbands all inclusive.
19:20And when I say a few, I mean...
19:23About a hundred.
19:25Oh, Dios mio.
19:27Are you trying to tell us there's going to be
19:29an extra 100 people here tonight, all expecting free booze?
19:32Have you any idea what you've done to us?
19:34Hey, hey, hey, what is this ass, huh?
19:37You are the deputy acting manager.
19:39Ah, yeah, well, hang on. The thing about that is...
19:41No, no, no, no. This is what you said.
19:44I... I did, didn't I?
19:47All right, you win.
19:49St Lorenzo's Day is cancelled, booze is back on the menu,
19:52but Temple Savage never gets to hear a word of this.
19:55Understood? Yeah.
19:57OK, good. Give me the key.
19:59Er... Yes, of course.
20:02How long does this usually...?
20:04Well, I don't exactly keep a timetable, do I?
20:06No. I don't reckon they'll be making a reappearance
20:09until me 7am constitutional.
20:11Well, then, we're going to have to buy bulk from somewhere, aren't we?
20:14Where? I thought the whole point of today was that nobody's selling anything.
20:18Well...
20:20I do know this one guy.
20:23Oh.
20:31So you want to know if Mr Wu has any happy juice to sell you?
20:36Today?
20:38When there's none to be sold across the whole of Benidorm?
20:41Well, yeah. So do ya.
20:46Does a frog have a watertight bum?
20:49SHE LAUGHS
21:03Well, any joy?
21:05Ah, same story as everywhere else.
21:08Come on, then, illustrious leader. What now?
21:11I think I'm sobering up.
21:13Sobering? You mean you had drink all this time?
21:16You been holding out on us?
21:18No. No, I was... I was still drunk from last night.
21:22Brilliant.
21:24This is ridiculous.
21:26Come on, Mum. We may as well go back to the hotel.
21:29No, I'm not giving up now.
21:31We might have lost a captain, but we've still got a general.
21:34Some place, somewhere around here must be defying the stupid law.
21:38I want us all to split up, search every alley and side street
21:42and meet back here in five minutes.
21:58Do you speak Spanish?
22:00Well, I had to learn a few safe words.
22:04Once, but not really, no.
22:07Hey, you ladies, you are wanting to play the bingo, yes?
22:10That's right.
22:12Do you know, of course, it's very risky today.
22:14Oh, no, it's fine. We've both played it before.
22:17OK, I have somewhere you can go. Come, ten euro.
22:34This, Mr Wu's special brew.
22:38Very strong, but very expensive.
22:4220 euro a bottle.
22:44Away, man. Surely you can do us a bit of a deal.
22:46No deal required.
22:50It not need much to make party go with...
22:54bang.
23:04Oh!
23:06Flippin' heck, you're not joking, are you?
23:09You could strip a tattoo with that.
23:16Oh!
23:18Oh, yeah, that'll do the business, all right.
23:21We'll take three bottles.
23:23Cool your jet, supplier.
23:25Mr Wu's special brew, only sold in boxes of 30.
23:29What?
23:30Or you could just go and buy somewhere else.
23:33Oh, no, that's right, you can't, can you?
23:40I reckon your profit margin's just undone, Pat.
23:54Pauline, wake up.
23:56They're launching everywhere for you.
23:58Come on, we need to get back to the hotel.
24:00Everyone, we've got a lead on a potential speakeasy.
24:05Let's move out.
24:07Oh, thank God.
24:09I thought I was actually going to have to endure this hangover.
24:12Listen, we have to get back to the hotel.
24:15Get your hands off me this instant.
24:17Malcolm's here.
24:19Here, in Benidorm.
24:22Quickly, ladies, quickly. Very good.
24:24This way.
24:29Hey!
24:32We know all about your little operation, you know.
24:35You do?
24:36Yeah, and we want in.
24:38All right.
24:3910 euros per person.
24:41Thank you, ladies. This way.
24:43There you are.
24:45What you doing with that?
24:47Thank you, ladies. This way.
24:49There you are.
24:50What you doing? We need to get you back for your photo session.
24:53All right, mate, calm down. We're still up for it.
24:55We're just going to have a quick drink with these girls first.
24:57There's no time for that, plus nowhere's selling alcohol today anyway, so...
25:00But this place is. Let's head along, if you like.
25:08Very good.
25:09Cheers, pal.
25:12Hello?
25:14Hello?
25:16Neville? Hello?
25:20Hello?
25:22Hello, anyone?
25:25Hello?
25:27Hello?
25:30Excuse me.
25:32If you're wanting alcohol, you will have to wait.
25:34It is on its way.
25:36I most certainly do not want any alcohol.
25:38I haven't had a drink for two years.
25:40Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed you were from England.
25:43What? No, look.
25:45I'm looking for someone.
25:47I wonder, have you seen this person?
25:51Ah, yes.
25:53I know this woman, but she doesn't normally look like this.
25:56So what's that supposed to mean? What does she normally look like?
25:59More of a...
26:07Yeah.
26:09Yeah.
26:11Excuse me, that woman is actually my fiancée, you know.
26:15No. And you say you do not drink?
26:21You stupid savage!
26:23Shh!
26:26What?
26:31It's like the Bermuda Triangle.
26:33Where?
26:39Oh, yeah.
26:53Look, let's just have one drink, OK? And then we really do need to get back.
26:56Oh, absolutely.
26:58OK, then, everybody.
27:01Here we are going, eyes down for the full house.
27:05Bingo!
27:07We haven't even started yet.
27:09Now can we go?
27:11You're right, we can.
27:13And don't forget, everybody, today's a special jackpot of 100 euro.
27:17Well, one quick game won't hurt, I suppose.
27:33I wish I'd had the drunken sense to bring my passport out with me now.
27:37I could just get a taxi to the airport, go home.
27:40Holly, you can't keep running away from things.
27:43In a way, isn't that what you do with your drinking?
27:46Oh, very insightful. Did you get that from Jeremy Kyle?
27:49No. I think it was an old ricky lake.
27:52Look, what exactly is this bloke's deal?
27:55I mean, don't get us wrong,
27:57if I'd been dumped by a text at three in the morning,
27:59I'd be a bit non-plus myself,
28:01but for him to fly out here like that,
28:04with you coming home in a couple of days anyway...
28:06He's obsessed with me.
28:08Really?
28:10Yes, Jeff, really.
28:12It is possible for a man to be obsessed with me, you know.
28:15Why do you think I could never finish with him when I was sober?
28:18Because every time I tried,
28:20he'd start with his nonsensical new-age psychobabble guff
28:23until he finally convinced me that I actually needed him again.
28:26I'm not being funny, but it just sounded a little bit Charles Manson-y.
28:30You're not dangerous, is it?
28:32No.
28:34Well, I don't think so.
28:36No, I think he genuinely thinks he's helping me.
28:38It's just that he does it in a kind of weird,
28:42creepy, controlling,
28:45borderline cult leader type way, that's all.
28:49Oh, well, if that's all...
28:51I'll talk to him. Tonight. I will.
28:54Well, I'm coming with you.
28:56Are you?
28:58Yeah, of course. Pauline, you're my sister.
29:00I'm always going to be there for you, eh?
29:04Just to be clear, though,
29:06you definitely said not dangerous, right?
29:09My hero.
29:12Three and an eight, 38.
29:16Two quacky quacks, 22.
29:20On her own, number eight.
29:24King of the Casio, nine, zero.
29:28All of the threes, 33.
29:32Come on, come on, come on.
29:34PHONE RINGS
29:36What do you want? I'll tell you what I want, young man.
29:39I want to know where the hell you are
29:41and why you haven't brought those two morons back here yet so that we can...
29:44Yeah, we're coming, we're coming. Just go away.
29:4647.
29:48What did he just say? Did he say 47?
29:51Stop! Stop what you're doing! Everybody!
29:54Nobody's doing that! We're just playing bingo!
29:57It is illegal to gamble on the day of San Lorenzo.
30:00Everybody here, under arrest!
30:05Hey!
30:08No! I won! I won!
30:11I won! I won!
30:14I won!
30:16No! No! No!
30:26Are you OK, Nick?
30:28Yeah, I think it was going to be a little bit longer than I thought.
30:33So, it wasn't your classic lads-outing,
30:35but how was I supposed to know all the bars were shut today?
30:38Anyway, we still found lots of fun things to do, didn't we?
30:41Fun things to do?
30:43I thought you were taking me to a nudie show
30:46instead of ending up with your chuffing balloon tied to a string.
30:49Oh, well, give it here if you don't want it.
30:51No, no, I didn't say that, did I?
30:53Well, I suppose you'd had more of an exciting day than Mum and Nana.
30:57I still don't know how we ended up buying two boxes.
31:00Oh, it happens all the time, William.
31:02We're lucky we didn't come back with some magic beans and all.
31:05Where have you been? Miss Temple Savage is back.
31:07What? Yes. She has been here hours,
31:09going in and out of all the rooms trying to find someone.
31:12Now she's outside doing a full circle of the perimeters.
31:15Oh, bloody hell. Here. Here, hide these behind your steps.
31:18Oh! I've followed her this whole time.
31:20I don't know where she is.
31:22Here, hide these behind your steps.
31:24Oh! I've followed her this whole time.
31:26But do not worry, I did not let her see me.
31:28Eh? Why not?
31:31I was thinking perhaps if she thought no-one was here, she would go her way.
31:34She's not a Jehovah's Witness.
31:38Go, go, go!
31:40And if the police come calling, we'll just tell them we've been here all day.
31:44They can't prove anything!
31:46You are enjoying this, aren't you?
31:48Eh?
31:52Oh, Miss Temple Savage!
31:54Ah, Miss Temple Savage!
31:56Miss Temple Savage.
31:58Miss Temple Savage, what a pleasant surprise.
32:00I wasn't expecting to see you in the flesh until tomorrow, so to speak.
32:04Yes, well, after that strange call we had this morning,
32:07I thought I'd better...
32:09Just a minute. Where have you all been?
32:11Sorry, I don't follow you?
32:13Well, you weren't here before. Before what?
32:15Before... Well, before...
32:17And where are all the guests?
32:19It's like a ghost ship out there.
32:21Well, it has been a bit of a quiet day, really, I suppose.
32:24Quiet? The entire place is completely deserted.
32:31OK, you might. You don't believe me. Fine, follow me.
32:36Oh, really?
32:37I don't know what kind of game you all think you're playing,
32:40but as you can clearly see, the whole place is...
32:44I don't...
32:47Oh, I think perhaps you're tired from your journey, yes?
32:50I don't feel tired. I... But I don't...
32:53I reckon the best thing you can do is head off for bed,
32:56get a good night's kip and come back tomorrow as fresh as a little daisy.
33:00Yes, perhaps you're right.
33:02The heart of the city's free to speed it
33:10The lights were on in neon, turned the dark to day
33:19And we were too high to be afraid
33:23I tell you what, man, I reckon we should go to bed.
33:26I reckon we should go to bed.
33:29I tell you what, man, I reckon we got through today by the skin of our teeth.
33:32It is not over yet.
33:34Away we'll be sound now.
33:36Right, Sam's explained to you what you do with these cocktails, yeah?
33:39I know what I am doing with the cocktails.
33:42You've been good, lad.
33:44Yeah.
34:00Still can't believe it.
34:02My wife, the outlaw, is so...
34:06sexy.
34:08Oh, I see.
34:10When she gets in trouble with Bobbies, it's sexy.
34:13But when I do...
34:14Is this about that time you got done for public urination?
34:17Oh, of course, sure. We've all done it.
34:20Not on the back seat of a National Express, we haven't.
34:29Well?
34:30Well, what?
34:31Are you going to move or what?
34:33I don't know what you mean.
34:34You know fine well what I mean, Eddie Dawson. You're sitting on my chair.
34:38Oh, I don't believe it.
34:40OK, do you know what? Fine.
34:42I'll go and sit over there.
34:44I'll be the bigger person.
34:46Oh, no, you don't.
34:48If somebody's going to be the bigger person round here, it's me.
34:51You can have your stupid chair.
34:53I'll go and sit over there.
34:55No, I don't want it now.
34:56Well, neither do I.
34:57Fine.
34:58Fine.
35:11They're doing cocktails over at the bar,
35:13so I thought I'd bring you some by way of an apology.
35:16Ah.
35:17I really am sorry, Kenneth.
35:19I didn't know I had a gambling problem until today.
35:22Look, mate, can't we just do this tomorrow?
35:24No, we bloody well can't.
35:26I've already spent off me commission getting you lot out of the clink.
35:29If I don't get these cuts and shots done in the next hour,
35:31I'll lose the rest of it too.
35:33Right.
35:34Drink this, sit back and think about it.
35:37Right.
35:38Drink this, sit back and think of England.
35:40I don't drink.
35:41No?
35:42Your loss.
35:43Should you really be doing that with me?
35:45HE COUGHS
35:47Bloody Nora.
35:48What have they put in this?
35:49Castle GTX?
35:50Oh.
35:52Oh, yeah!
35:53Right.
35:54Liam.
35:57Pass us them scissors.
36:02Which one?
36:05Middle one.
36:08Right.
36:09Head back.
36:33Sorry the bingo didn't count the way I do.
36:37I was starting to enjoy it
36:39before we had to run down that back alley and hide in that skip.
36:44Yeah.
36:45But I suppose even before all that,
36:50it wasn't the same.
36:53Sorry.
36:54I do beg your pardon.
36:56That's quite all right.
36:59What a polite young man.
37:08But I swear you're giving me a heart attack.
37:14Go on, my son.
37:16Oh, do you have to?
37:18Mind you, he's picked a good one.
37:21Oh, of course he has.
37:22Those Dawson men are renowned for our taste in women.
37:24That is very true.
37:26Speaking of which, have you noticed we are actually on our own for once?
37:32What do you say to an early night?
37:34You're joking, aren't you?
37:36Leave those two alone together.
37:37They'll end up...
37:42Don't say anything.
37:45Let's not tempt fate here.
37:47Whatever it is, I'm sure it won't last.
37:51Let's just move slowly and calmly towards the exit.
37:58Like it.
37:59Like it.
38:07Whoa!
38:18We should go down to the bar.
38:20It's packed to the rafters tonight, so he's bound to be there looking for...
38:25It's mineral water, OK?
38:28Try it if you don't believe me.
38:30No, I believe you.
38:37SIGHS
38:40You ready for this?
38:42I spent the last hour psyching myself up, going to my happy place.
38:47It's something they teach you in rehab.
38:49You ignore your surroundings and let your mind wander off somewhere you feel safe and happy.
38:54One place you truly belong.
38:57In your case, for example, that greasy burger caff off the Bolton Ring Road.
39:02You do realise I'm trying to support you there, don't you?
39:19Looks like they're having a good night, then.
39:21I'm not surprised.
39:22Hey, where did you get them?
39:24The bar.
39:25What?!
39:26And Mateo says we got through 30 bottles already.
39:28It was not hard.
39:29To be honest, I'm not sure we have enough.
39:31Mateo, how much are you putting in each glass?
39:34The usual.
39:35The usual?!
39:36Man, it's supposed to be half a teaspoon!
39:38This stuff packs more punch than an atom bomb!
39:40Look!
39:44Uh-oh.
39:46I should probably not take this man his pint, then.
39:48Pint?!
39:49Oh, give me that.
39:57Pauline...
40:00Don't.
40:02Now, I know what you sent me last night was a cry for help.
40:05That's why I came.
40:07I'm going to get you through this, Pauline.
40:09Just like I always do.
40:12Don't hate yourself for what you've done.
40:16Now, go upstairs, pack your bags.
40:20I've booked us both a flight home first thing tomorrow morning.
40:23Excuse me.
40:25She's not going anywhere with you.
40:28Are you all right?
40:29I'm her brother.
40:30Ah.
40:31If you want to get to her, you've got to get through me.
40:35In the interests of her playing,
40:37I think you should tell me now if you happen to be
40:40proficient in any martial arts tricks.
40:44Hey!
40:46It's fine, Geoff. I don't need protecting.
40:48Oh, now, Pauline.
40:50You know, that's not true.
40:52You've always needed protecting, but not from me.
40:56Come on, Pauline, say it with me.
40:59Who do you need protecting from?
41:05Myself.
41:07That's right.
41:09Come.
41:10What are you doing?
41:12Mind your backs, lads and lassies, coming through.
41:14No, no, hang on, pet. No, don't take...
41:16Hey, no, hang on, look, pet.
41:19Oh, bloody hell.
41:27I thought I told you we were finished.
41:30Geoff.
41:31Pauline, what's going on?
41:33Nothing, Mum.
41:35Malcolm was just leaving.
41:37Malcolm?
41:38Going to get an early night.
41:40Got to catch a plane first thing tomorrow.
41:43By himself.
41:45Well, let's just hope I don't oversleep and miss it.
41:48Could be here for days, then.
41:57I did it.
41:59I told him to his face.
42:02And I was completely sober.
42:22Hey.
42:24What on earth have you two been doing?
42:27Erm...
42:29I think we were celebrating.
42:31Celebrating what? Your great photography assignment success?
42:35Because you should be.
42:37I got the email ten minutes before the deadline.
42:39Talk about cutting it fine.
42:41But definitely worth the wait.
42:43Those stylings, Kenneth.
42:45Taking a classic 50s pompadour and cornrows
42:48and giving them that urban twist.
42:50Couldn't get more Soho if it tried.
42:52Anyway, just had to come straight over and tell you.
42:55And since you did so well, I'm going to turn a blind eye to...
42:58whatever exactly this is.
43:00So just make sure you clean round and lock up when you're done.
43:05And thanks.
43:06Really, thanks.
43:08You are both absolute lifesavers.
43:13Do you follow any of that?
43:15No.
43:16Oh.
43:23Tiger, you are definitely certain we don't, erm...
43:26look silly?
43:28Well, you might, mate, but I don't think I've ever looked cooler.
43:33Enjoy.
43:44She always looks so peaceful when she's asleep, doesn't she?
43:50Apart from the bit of dribble.
43:54Yeah.
43:56Don't you worry about it tonight, old kid.
43:59You'll go to your happy place.
44:01Yeah, happy place.
44:05Two fat ladies.
44:08What did she call us?
44:1034.
44:1217.
44:14Finger.
44:16What's she doing?
44:18What do you think she's doing?
44:20She's gone to her happy place.
44:23The only place she ever really felt happy.
44:26And safe.
44:28And protected.
44:31Infected my arse.
44:36So...
44:3824.
44:42Can I shout house, Mummy?
44:44Oh.
44:48Oh, yes.
44:51My beautiful baby girl.
44:55You can shout house
44:58whenever you like.
45:28you