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00:00Keep your funny side up, up, hide the side that gets blue.
00:14Life's too short to worry, you know, where a smile and trouble will go.
00:23Keep your funny side up, up, let your laughter come through.
00:30Do stand up on your legs, be like two fried eggs.
00:36Keep your sunny side up.
00:42He's a funny bloke, Clarence. Blind as a bat for a start and him a removals man.
00:49Me and him sort of hit it off right away though.
00:53He's very kind and gentle in a clumsy sort of way.
00:58Me and him moved down to this cottage my old auntie left me and we're still not straight.
01:04We're still not quite straight about the sleeping arrangements either.
01:08He wants me to marry him but I've said I want a trial period first and that means without any hanky-panky neither.
01:16And as there's only one bed, that's not easy.
01:20Do you know, I was meaning to say, you put that glass back in that window very nicely.
01:25You're very good at close work, aren't you?
01:28If you let me get close enough, I'll show you how good.
01:31Yes, now that's enough.
01:33I mean, do you realise there's nothing but your shirt between me and dishonour?
01:38Oh, I must remember to wash it in cold water. Don't want it shrinking.
01:49Makes two of us, that guy.
01:53A bit misty out here this morning, isn't it?
01:57I'll have to get myself a shave while we're doing it.
02:01Dear, dear.
02:03Well, what's next on the agenda then, my dear, eh?
02:07What did you say?
02:09Oh, I was just asking this side of the house.
02:12What's next on the agenda then, my dear, eh?
02:16What's next on the agenda then, my dear, eh?
02:19What's next on the agenda then, my dear, eh?
02:21I was just asking this... I was just asking what's next on the agenda.
02:24You'll go blind drinking all that tea.
02:27You can't go blind drinking tea.
02:29Yes, you can if you leave your spoon in the cup.
02:33Here, look what I've just found. Auntie's jet beads.
02:36What? Where?
02:37Look here, look, round my neck. They're a choker.
02:39Oh, are they working?
02:41What?
02:42Are they choking you?
02:43Yes, they are, as a matter of fact.
02:45Could you undo them for me? I can't get them off.
02:48Oh, I thought you just hadn't washed your neck.
02:51There we are. Oh!
02:53Oh, well, that's got them off all right.
02:55Oh, dear, I'm sorry. Oh, I am sorry about that.
02:58I'm not used to women's things.
03:00If that had been a bicycle chain, I'd have managed it.
03:03Oh, well, perhaps I'll wear a nice bicycle chain instead then.
03:07I'll help you find them, shall I?
03:08No, no, no, don't bother. I'll find them.
03:10Oh, here's one by me foot. Look here, look.
03:13Oh, that's a beetle.
03:14Oh, is it? Not any more, is it?
03:17We've put some stuff down for them.
03:19Stuff?
03:20Yeah, you know, stuff you put down for them, they eat it.
03:23Oh, no, you don't encourage them, do you?
03:25They'll let them find their own food.
03:27They'll all be coming in from my garden if that gets around, won't they?
03:30Oh, dear Lord.
03:32Here, talking of gardens, that's the next job, organising that.
03:36It's only May.
03:38Still time to plant some runner beans, put some dahlias and croissants in.
03:42Here there's a place in the village that's got plants and seeds for sale.
03:46There's a lotus.
03:47Well, I'm going to walk up there this morning so I'll see what they've got.
03:50Yeah.
03:51Hey, you can have a go clearing a vegetable patch while I'm out.
03:55Pick somewhere nice and sunny and not too near the hedge.
03:58What about tools, though?
04:00Must be some in the shed. Have a look.
04:02Yeah, right-o, Sergeant.
04:04This country here seems to be agreeing with me, you know.
04:06I feel like doing 100 press-ups again today.
04:09Again?
04:10Yeah, I felt like it yesterday and all.
04:12Oh!
04:43Oh!
04:52Very light soil round here, eh?
04:56Help yourself again, Clarence.
05:12Oh!
05:43Right.
05:44Now then, do things proper.
05:46Pace it out.
05:49One, two, three, four, five, six.
05:56One, two, three, four, five, six.
06:02One, two, three, four, five, six.
06:08One, two, three, four, five, six.
06:12One, two, three, four, five, six.
06:20Ahem!
06:23Oh, hello, Vicar.
06:25See you later, Andrea.
06:27I think you're a bit near the house.
06:29Eh?
06:31Oh, yeah.
06:32Um, I thought I'd just, er, check the drains.
06:35No, don't bother digging up the drains.
06:37Let's get the vegetable patch right first.
06:39Oh, right-o.
06:40I'm just going down to the village.
06:42Right-o.
06:43Do be careful.
07:06Well, you have worked hard.
07:08It should be stiff in the morning.
07:10Eh?
07:11Oh, yeah, yeah.
07:13Good job. Well done, then.
07:15Well, it's a good start, anyhow.
07:17And tomorrow you can plant the runner beans and the dahlias.
07:20Pass your cup.
07:21No, I think I'll have that bottle of beer you brought me back.
07:24Country egg gives me a first.
07:26Where is it?
07:27Oh, yeah.
07:29I reckon we're settling down very nicely here, don't you?
07:35I like it in the country.
07:37I mean, it's fresh air, no traffic, green fields.
07:42Do you know, if you go out the back and up into the field,
07:46you can see for miles and miles and miles.
07:49Can you?
07:50Yeah.
07:51The postman told me.
07:53He seems very friendly.
07:55What did he come here for?
07:57I mean, he can't...
08:00Eh?
08:01I said he can't know we're here. Nobody knows we're here.
08:04No, that's true, but he said he was just passing
08:07and he had his postcard and he couldn't read the address
08:10so he thought we might like it. That was very nice of him, wasn't it?
08:14I've got it up here somewhere.
08:16Oh, let's have a look.
08:18What's it say?
08:22Er...
08:23I think it says, Wish You Were Here.
08:26Oh. What's the picture of, then? Dartmoor Prison?
08:29No, it's a picture of St Paul's Cathedral.
08:34That's nice, isn't it? That's our first bit of mail, ain't it, eh?
08:37We ought to have that framed and put on the piano so the vicar can see it.
08:42Yeah, well, we'll see.
08:43Nice top of beer, this. Lovely.
08:45Do you know what would go down very well with this? A few radishes.
08:48I love radishes. I'm going to plant some in the garden.
08:51I love them. I eat them like sweets.
08:53Don't you get troubled with wind?
08:55No, as long as you hold the seed packet close to the ground.
09:00No, I don't mean that sort of wind. I mean...
09:03the wind.
09:04Oh, I see. The wind. The wind. Oh, yeah.
09:07No, I'm never troubled with that.
09:09Oh, that's a relief.
09:10Yeah, I just belch a lot.
09:14Now, not in this house, you don't. I'm not having that.
09:17It's not... Well, it's not ladylike.
09:19Now, it's funny you should say that,
09:21because all my life I've tried not to be too ladylike.
09:24Something I learnt in the army. I have PT in here.
09:27Something I learnt in the army. I have PT instructor.
09:29He used to frown on that.
09:30He used to say a man should be a man.
09:32He said, a man is a man and he should live up to his name.
09:35He certainly lived up to his...
09:36What was his name?
09:37Flossie Merriweather.
09:40Really?
09:41No, it wasn't really his name. No, no.
09:43We just called him that, you know. His name really was Merrifield.
09:46Merrifield, yeah.
09:47Merrifield by name and a pain in the Aston Villa by nature.
09:51We was glad to get up the front line for a rest.
09:53Was it terrible, the front line?
09:55Well, it wasn't exactly the Savoy Hotel, you know.
09:58Did you see much fighting?
10:00No, no, no, no.
10:01There was a lot going on, but I couldn't see it, you know.
10:04Because that was before I had me glasses.
10:06Mind you, I could hear it and smell it and oh, dear, dear, dear.
10:09The horses were the worst.
10:11Mind you, I will say this, things used to grow very well round here.
10:15Oh, because of the...
10:16Because of the horses, yeah, yeah.
10:18That's when I first developed my taste for radishes, funny enough.
10:21Because my old mum sent me a packet of seeds, you see,
10:24through the post from Blighty.
10:25And I planted them all along the top of the trench, you see.
10:28So I used to pop up, see if there was any Germans about
10:30and pick a couple of radishes at the same time.
10:33Lovely, that was.
10:34Then, of course, we had to retreat.
10:36And I used to feel really browned off
10:38that some ruddy Jerry was sitting there munching them.
10:40So you never saw them again?
10:43Yeah, I did, yeah.
10:44Three weeks later, we had the counter-attack.
10:47Now, God, it was a fight and all, terrible.
10:49But we got there.
10:50And, you know, I reckon the only reason we won
10:53was the fact we was all determined to recapture my bleeding radishes.
10:58They must have been a marvellous lot of lads.
11:01Yes, they was.
11:02They was.
11:04England's finest.
11:06Wonderful bunch.
11:07I'm talking about the soldiers, not the radishes.
11:10Oh, I know you are.
11:12Joker.
11:13Here, have you got any more of that lovely homemade chutney of yours?
11:16Yeah, some in the larder.
11:18Do you like it that much, then?
11:19Just like my grandma used to make.
11:21Is it?
11:22Yeah.
11:23That's what me grandad left her.
11:53Under those blue skies
11:58Troubles may come, but troubles will go
12:02Don't you ever worry anymore
12:06Look at those guys, they're not telling lies
12:10That's what they were put there for
12:20Do you want some toast?
12:21No, no, no, I've had mine.
12:22That's a pity, I burnt this bit.
12:26Listen, I've been outside having a think.
12:28Yes, I thought you had. You've got your dress tucked in your knickers.
12:33No, no, listen.
12:35If I could produce eggs, we could sell them outside the gate.
12:41If you could produce eggs, you'd be the talk of Harley Street, wouldn't you?
12:45No, not me personally, Dopey.
12:47We could get some chickens.
12:49We've got that old chicken run outside, we could patch it up.
12:52Now, I'd look after them, you wouldn't have to trouble with them.
12:55And they'd be my pets.
12:57I mean, I could give them all names and that.
12:59All? How many do you reckon you're not having, then?
13:01Six.
13:02We could get them from the market at Woodstock.
13:04They're not very dear.
13:05Well, it would be nice to have our own eggs, yeah.
13:09Hey, tell you what.
13:10When you've set the run of beans, see if you can fix up that chicken run.
13:14There's some bits of wood in the shed.
13:16And I'll see you dinner time.
13:17Oh, yes, it's your first day at the vicarage, isn't it?
13:20A start in work, ain't you?
13:21Give my love to Big Bertha.
13:24You mustn't call her that.
13:26She'd have a blue fit if she heard you.
13:28Well, she's not likely to hear me, is she?
13:29I've been forbidden to play, haven't I?
13:31Ta-ta, then.
13:32Don't get into trouble.
13:34Oh, things are looking up.
13:37It was only a friendly peck.
13:39Yes, well, I shall leave that to the chickens if I was you, my dear.
13:42I mean, you shouldn't be pecking at your age, should you?
13:44What do you mean?
13:45Well, you're no chicken, are you?
13:51You just watch it.
13:55Hey, that hurt, that did.
13:57What about all these plants and things, then?
13:59Oh, Delia's by the back door.
14:01Run of beans and a packet in the parlour.
14:04Ta-ta.
14:05Just a minute.
14:06Oh, I say, bring the milk in, will you?
14:07Well, wait a minute.
14:08What milk? What milk?
14:09Where are the beans in the parlour?
14:11Oh, dear.
14:12Talk about gone with the wind.
14:14Gone.
14:15Bean? Where are the beans?
14:18Bean?
14:19Beans.
14:21Oh, yeah, there they are, yeah.
14:24B-E-A.
14:25Yeah, the beans, that's right.
14:26Oh, yeah, they're beans, all right, yeah.
14:28Right, I'll get them in now.
14:30Oh, milk.
14:45LAUGHTER
14:58LAUGHTER
15:14LAUGHTER
15:17LAUGHTER
15:24LAUGHTER
15:34LAUGHTER
15:44LAUGHTER
16:03LAUGHTER
16:14LAUGHTER
16:20LAUGHTER
16:23Phew.
16:25That's a good job jobbed.
16:27Now, I'll go and see if I can get some water on them beans.
16:44LAUGHTER
16:57LAUGHTER
17:11LAUGHTER
17:14LAUGHTER
17:20LAUGHTER
17:30LAUGHTER
17:33There must be a hole in this something, eh?
17:35LAUGHTER
17:44LAUGHTER
17:55Come on, then, me old beauties.
17:57That's it.
17:58All right.
18:03You're home now.
18:05LAUGHTER
18:09There you are.
18:11There you are.
18:13Oh, look, isn't that lovely?
18:17Look, he's eating it, look.
18:19Yeah, well, he were, weren't he? It's food to him, isn't it, eh?
18:22But you think they'd sort of want to see where they were first?
18:25No, you stick a plate of fish and chips in front of me,
18:28I don't look round the walls, I get stuck in.
18:30True.
18:31Come on, then, let's get some tea.
18:33Just going to get a tea, all right?
18:39Nice market, wasn't it?
18:41Nice fresh vegetables and stuff.
18:43We must go there again.
18:45Do you know, that's what I like about the country,
18:47plenty of fresh vegetables.
18:48Yeah, soon have our own, won't we?
18:50Beans anyhow.
18:52You know, you can never buy beans as nice as the ones you pick out your own garden, can you?
18:56Well, you'd better get planting them, then.
18:58I have.
18:59I planted the other day when you were up to bickering.
19:02No, you didn't.
19:03They're still on the parlour table.
19:07I got them off the mantelpiece, excuse me.
19:10Oh.
19:13Now, what you've done, don't you?
19:15Were they in a brown envelope?
19:16Yeah, brown packet, yeah.
19:17Were beans written on them?
19:18Yeah, in pencil, yeah.
19:19You planted auntie's beans.
19:21Yes, I have, yes.
19:24Auntie's jet beads.
19:29Oh, Lord.
19:31Oh.
19:32That's your rotten writing again.
19:35Yes, my fault.
19:36Don't you worry.
19:37All that watering was a waste of time, then.
19:43Well, you never know.
19:44They might come up.
19:45They will come up, don't you worry.
19:46First thing in the morning, quicker than they went in.
19:49Never mind that.
19:50Here, look what I brought us down the market.
19:53What's this?
19:54There.
19:55More ornaments, is it?
19:58Ah, look at that.
20:00That's nice.
20:01It's like the Ewing uniform, isn't it, eh?
20:03It's an egg timer for when we get our first egg.
20:06Yeah.
20:07It's pretty, isn't it?
20:08I couldn't resist it.
20:09It was two and eleven.
20:10Was it?
20:12Well, it's worth paying for something if you like it, isn't it?
20:14Listen, what are you going to call these chickens, then, eh?
20:17Pity you didn't get one more.
20:18You could have called them Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, couldn't you?
20:22No, no.
20:23I'm going to name them after that new film that's coming out.
20:26It's in my woman's own look.
20:28Here we are.
20:29Yeah, here we are.
20:30It's this new cartoon film.
20:32You know, the man that does Mickey Mouse.
20:34Oh, yeah.
20:35Look, here we are.
20:36Look.
20:37It's called Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
20:39Oh.
20:40And there they all are.
20:41Look.
20:42Aren't they funny?
20:43Oh, yeah.
20:50They don't look much like chickens, though, do they?
20:54No, it's their names.
20:56Look.
20:57Happy, Grumpy, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Dopey and Doc.
21:01That's seven, though, isn't it?
21:02Seven.
21:03Yeah, well, seven pits.
21:05Six chickens and you.
21:07That's nice, isn't it?
21:09Which one am I?
21:10Dopey.
21:14Well, first thing tomorrow morning, I'm going to go outside and name them.
21:18Listen, don't you think we ought to get a cockerel?
21:20No, what for?
21:22I don't need one.
21:23You don't need one, no.
21:25I'm talking about the poor old hens.
21:27How do you mean?
21:28Well, I mean, how would you like it?
21:29Six women all cooped up there without a man about the place.
21:32I mean, they are condemned, aren't they, to a life of complete celebration, like.
21:37Ah, celibacy.
21:38Yes, yes, exactly, all that and all, yeah.
21:41I mean, they don't get much of a life anyhow, do they?
21:43Just scratching about and laying eggs and things.
21:45I mean, without a man around, I mean, they'll be bored out their brains, won't they?
21:49They're only human after all.
21:50No.
21:51No, they're not human, that's just it.
21:53And they haven't got much of a brain to be bored out of.
21:56I mean, they're used to just eating and sleeping and laying.
21:58That's their life.
21:59Yeah, I suppose so.
22:00Seems to work for Errol Flynn.
22:04Clarence, there's a lady present.
22:06Where? Who's come in?
22:08Me, dopey.
22:11That is no lady, that is my wife-to-be, we hope.
22:15Eventually.
22:16You're a bit like a chicken yourself, aren't you, really?
22:18Just eating, sleeping and laying the table.
22:22I mean, you seem to manage very well without the company of a man.
22:25Don't be daft, I've got you, haven't I?
22:28You're a man, aren't you?
22:29It's been so long I can't remember.
22:33I know, I know.
22:35I am making up my mind and I will tell you as soon as I'm sure, I promise.
22:40I know it's difficult for you, but things are working out so well
22:43and I'm sure that in the end you'll have no cause to worry.
22:47It's just that I can't say more than that, really, at present.
22:50I know, my old dear, don't worry about it, I can wait.
22:53Is there any more rose in the pot?
22:55Yeah.
22:56Oh, just a minute, I'll get some more milk.
22:58I suspect what it is, really, you think I'm a bit eccentric, don't you, eh?
23:02I mean, that's what it is.
23:04Odd little habits and ways.
23:06I love your odd little habits and ways.
23:08I mean, everyone's different, aren't they?
23:10And it wouldn't do for us all to be the same, would it?
23:12No, I certainly wouldn't call you eccentric.
23:18What's this garden gnome doing in the larder?
23:20What's this garden gnome doing in the larder?
23:40Oh, my God.
23:44They've all gone.
23:46How did they get out?
23:50Oh, for heaven's sake, why didn't I check it?
24:02They've gone, all got out.
24:04Eh, how?
24:05You'd forgotten to put the end on.
24:07Put the end on where?
24:08On the end, of course.
24:10God knows where they are, they could be miles away.
24:13Well, there's two over there, but the other four are nowhere in sight.
24:16Well, at least you've got two, haven't you?
24:18Look, she's sleepy.
24:20She's happy.
24:21And you're dopey.
24:23And you're grumpy.
24:24Well, I'm going to find them.
24:26Have your breakfast first, woman.
24:28Breakfast will have to wait.
24:31Come on, come on.
24:32Come on.
24:34Come on.
24:48Come on.
25:04Good, look at that.
25:18Oh, my God.
25:48Oh, my God.
26:19Oh, my God.
26:28Well, I've got them all except one.
26:30They're all over the next field.
26:33Four of them are in, and the other one's still lurking about in the corner.
26:37Oh, I suppose she's bashful.
26:40Yeah, that's who she'd better be.
26:42Oh, well, I suppose five out of six isn't bad.
26:45Yeah, we can do without grumpy, can't we?
26:48Yeah, I know.
26:49I'm sorry I shouted at you.
26:51I thought they was gone for good.
26:53Well, are you ready for your breakfast, madam?
26:55Do sit down.
26:56Oh, yeah, I could eat a horse.
26:57Yes, well, I'm afraid we haven't got one of those.
27:00But what we have got is...
27:04...our very first egg.
27:06For you.
27:08Timed to perfection with your little timer.
27:12Where did you find that?
27:14In Iran.
27:16They gave me that to encourage them to lay.
27:24It's a China one.
27:43Well, that's knocked that on the head then, isn't it, eh?
28:13Yes.