Madness in the method 2019

Movie Majesty

Watch Madness in the method 2019 - Movie Majesty on Dailymotion

Transcript

00:00:00You

00:00:30Lucky it's how my life feels sometimes

00:00:39Like it isn't mine, but some fucked-up alternate reality

00:00:45Lucky man, you think I don't realize that

00:00:52First time I killed name is Eddie

00:00:56Can't forget the look in his eyes

00:00:59Fear

00:01:01And seen anything like it before

00:01:04Pure fear

00:01:06Who'd have done anything to live?

00:01:09But I had the gun and sister who gave the order

00:01:1480s luck had run out

00:01:25Yes, I'm the lucky one

00:01:29I

00:01:31Jason thank you. That was a really strong performance. You got me

00:01:42We're gonna say Jay and oh do you mind if I call you Jay sure Jason

00:01:46I was wondering is was that on the script that we sent you

00:01:50Yeah, look it's right here. You see you were reading the the character of Hank's dialogue. Yeah. Yeah, I know that

00:01:59Well, we kind of saw you more for Tommy Tommy Hank's a stoner buddy

00:02:05The fun guy. I know who Tommy is, but

00:02:08It's the perfect role for you, bro. I mean

00:02:12We loved you in clerks and clerks to

00:02:17Loved you. Come on, dude pooch to the douchely mooch the

00:02:21snitch CD

00:02:23Sam Lennox, excuse me

00:02:26The Golden Rocket

00:02:27Yeah, I know Sam Lennox. I've got a hockey stick back at my place signed by the Golden Rocket himself

00:02:34It's one of my most prized possessions

00:02:37That man could hit a slapshot like no motherfucker alive

00:02:42Rest of his game weren't up to much but that slapshot

00:02:46Pow

00:02:47He built a career for doing one thing

00:02:50incredibly

00:02:52And I'm as a fucking legend

00:02:55You might want to think about that mate. I

00:02:58Know I do

00:02:59Every time I see that stick on my wall

00:03:03You'll let us know about the part I'll let you know

00:03:08All my details are on here you get in touch anytime day or night

00:03:13Will do thanks. Jay

00:03:16Wow

00:03:25J muse

00:03:26What's up, man, dude? Can I get a picture with you though? Yeah. Sure. Of course. Oh, man, you're fucking legend

00:03:32I can't believe you are still alive. Thanks. Yeah. Thanks for that. Dude. You guys should do another Jay and Silent Bob movie

00:03:39I mean, it's up to Kevin. This is awesome. Thanks, right?

00:03:45You

00:03:49Hey, I'm Jason Muse and I grew up in a small town called Highlands, New Jersey

00:03:53You could say I was that mischievous kid known around town

00:03:56But the truth is my childhood was kind of fucked up. My mom used to drive around and have me steal from mailboxes

00:04:02She was single three kids. No money. No job. Well, at least not a taxable one

00:04:07Oh, and did I mention she was addicted to drugs?

00:04:10Guess a shrink would tell you that part kind of becomes relevant later on the drugs killed my mom

00:04:15But that's not the story. I'm here to tell not today

00:04:19Anyway, I want to talk about a dude named Kevin Smith this motherfucker changed my life

00:04:25He didn't really want to hang out me when he first met me

00:04:28But I would not leave it alone man until finally he started finding me funny

00:04:32Well, you know we're hanging out all the time reading comic books and stuff

00:04:37Inseparable, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself here

00:04:39I started working in New Jersey as a roofer while Kevin had this crazy idea. He could be making movies

00:04:45So he went off to film school

00:04:47Next thing I know Kevin quits film school and he's using all his credit cards to make his own movie some madness about clerks

00:04:54And thus Jay and Silent Bob were born

00:04:58I'm Jay. This is my hetero life mate, Silent Bob

00:05:04I am the Klint commander

00:05:1015 bucks little man puts that shit in my head

00:05:14Thank you for all your contribution Claire. Thank you so much for watching

00:05:18and I'll see you guys next week

00:05:44I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it's going to get better.

00:05:47We just have to be brave and hang in there.

00:05:49Thank you.

00:06:07Yeah, everyone thinks I'm a gangster because of the roles I play, Joe, you know?

00:06:10You're Vinnie Jones. You're a friggin' badass.

00:06:13I mean, you're a soccer star turned movie star.

00:06:15I mean, who does that?

00:06:18No one, Joe.

00:06:19No one fucking does that.

00:06:21I ever show you that?

00:06:22What, you want me to work the nipples while I cook the balls?

00:06:25No, fucking don't.

00:06:27No, where'd you get that? I've never seen that.

00:06:29Back in the manor.

00:06:30Older lads held me down, carved a big bend in my chest.

00:06:33They didn't do a bad job. It's pretty good.

00:06:35You know, Joe, life's not a walk in the park, mate.

00:06:38Could have been very different for you and me.

00:06:40That's very true.

00:06:41You know, whenever I get negative, I always...

00:06:44I always have a look in the mirror and look at the scar of the clock,

00:06:46you know what I mean?

00:06:48Brings it all back.

00:06:49Keeps me grounded.

00:06:50Fuck my balls, it's you!

00:06:53Is the fat one nearby?

00:06:55He's probably home.

00:06:56Hey, mate.

00:06:57Have you got a fat boy for me?

00:07:00What fat boy?

00:07:01Not what you're thinking.

00:07:03Oh, you beauty.

00:07:05Believe me, sir.

00:07:06You could attack Russia with this mother of bitch.

00:07:09I might try it, mate.

00:07:10Please be careful there.

00:07:11Health and safety record is not...

00:07:12Cool, it's cool.

00:07:14It's for my mate. It's his birthday next week.

00:07:16He loves this shit.

00:07:17Motherfucker!

00:07:18What's the matter?

00:07:20This motherfucker on eBay, man.

00:07:22You're buying stuff beyond the Mrs. is back again.

00:07:24This is number 69, hardwire activist.

00:07:32I want this so bad, Benny, it makes my balls burn.

00:07:37You can get cream for that, you know, son.

00:07:39And what's she paying for this fucking thing?

00:07:40Way too much, man.

00:07:41If I'm going to eat this motherfucker,

00:07:42I'm going to make him eat his dog and phone.

00:07:46It's dog and bone, you prat.

00:07:49Dog and bone is cockney rhyming slang for phone.

00:07:53Dog and bone, phone, you fucking muppet.

00:07:55Wait, what does muppet rhyme with?

00:07:57Nothing!

00:07:58You are the muppet!

00:08:04I appreciate this so much, man.

00:08:06The podcast is an hour's drive away

00:08:08and I can't be late for Kevin.

00:08:10I will obey every traffic law.

00:08:11I will go to the speed limit.

00:08:13If you get pulled over, you're going to be in jail all night

00:08:15and then I'm going to have to come and bail you out.

00:08:17My license is suspended, I can't rent a car.

00:08:19It's for one night.

00:08:22I won't tell if you don't tell.

00:08:27Break it, you buy it.

00:08:30Oh my God, I look so old.

00:08:33God damn it, I hate it, man.

00:08:35I look like my father fucked my grandmother

00:08:37and had me as a baby.

00:08:39That's what I'm going to talk about tonight on the show.

00:08:41You might want to lighten up a little bit.

00:08:42You're so fucking bummed.

00:08:44What's the matter, little boy blue?

00:08:45It's nothing, it's...

00:08:48Oh, today was the audition, wasn't it?

00:08:51Didn't work out.

00:08:52They just wanted you to be Jay, right?

00:08:53Their casting director is an asshole.

00:08:55I just don't understand why they can't consider me for a serious role.

00:08:59They don't necessarily think of you as an actor,

00:09:02like the moment you walk into the room.

00:09:03And that's honestly probably my fault

00:09:07because I've made you this character.

00:09:09No, I don't think it's your fault.

00:09:10You let me off the hook? Good.

00:09:11Because I always thought it was your fault

00:09:12because I based the character on who you were when you were a kid.

00:09:16So technically, you dug your own fucking grave.

00:09:18Fuck you, Moves.

00:09:19I just want to be taken serious for once.

00:09:21Why don't you ask O'Holleran?

00:09:22He's making a movie.

00:09:23Brian O'Holleran's directing.

00:09:25He submitted a script to the studio.

00:09:26They went apeshit.

00:09:27They fucking bought it and they're letting him direct.

00:09:31The Odyssey.

00:09:32No way, The Odyssey.

00:09:33I read that while we were doing Dogma

00:09:35and we talked about it a million times.

00:09:37Dude, I'm like perfect for the lead.

00:09:40Oh, OK.

00:09:41Well, look, I think the main character is very much like you.

00:09:44Whether or not you should play the lead

00:09:46has a whole different discussion.

00:09:48Can you talk to him for me?

00:09:49It'll sound better coming from you.

00:09:51I don't want to get involved.

00:09:53I don't want to call Brian O'Holleran.

00:09:54You know what happens when you call Brian O'Holleran?

00:09:56Hey, man, pussy, man.

00:09:58He talks about pussy for like two hours and shit.

00:10:00I'm 46. I'm done talking about that.

00:10:03Here's what you need to do.

00:10:04You got to drop science on fools.

00:10:06You can't just walk into a room and be like,

00:10:07snooch to the nooch.

00:10:08They've seen that shit, man.

00:10:10Jay and Silly Bill are over.

00:10:11What they want out of an actor walking into a room

00:10:13is commanding presence, man.

00:10:15Walk in there like you're the authority

00:10:17and drop some method on their asses.

00:10:19Method?

00:10:19All right, fucking Daniel Day-Lewis in My Left Foot.

00:10:22Remember that shit?

00:10:23No.

00:10:23All right, Suicide Squad.

00:10:25Remember Jared Leto?

00:10:26Yes.

00:10:27While they're making that movie,

00:10:28there are all these stories in the press

00:10:29about he was going method on it.

00:10:31He was trying to get into the heart and soul of that character.

00:10:35That's what method is.

00:10:37Method is when an actor such as yourself

00:10:39just immerses themselves,

00:10:41puts their head straight up the ass

00:10:42of whatever character it is they're playing.

00:10:44Leto stuck his head right up the Joker's ass.

00:10:47Even when he wasn't on camera,

00:10:49he was still in the Joker mindset.

00:10:51And as we saw from that movie, it doesn't always work.

00:10:55But like Daniel Day-Lewis made it work in My Left Foot.

00:10:57Motherfucker was in a wheelchair for like 26 years

00:11:00prepping for that role and shit like that.

00:11:02I don't understand a word you're fucking saying.

00:11:04Matt Damon once told me about it.

00:11:06I didn't get it. He explained it to me.

00:11:08And he explained it thusly.

00:11:09He said, read a book. He goes, read this book.

00:11:12I'm going to text you the name of this fucking book.

00:11:14Read this book, he tells me.

00:11:16And I swear to you, not only will you understand method acting,

00:11:19but you yourself will become a better director.

00:11:22And I never fucking read it. You know who did?

00:11:24Ben, and he won an Oscar. Is it there?

00:11:26Did it pop up?

00:11:27Yeah, it popped up.

00:11:28You're the sweetest fucking person I know in this world.

00:11:31Honestly, like you've got a million dollar heart,

00:11:34nickel head, but a million dollar heart, man.

00:11:36Very few people like you in the world, man.

00:11:39Sweethearts get killed in this business.

00:11:41You've got to be a badass, dude.

00:11:42You've got to go into a room, be the motherfucking boss.

00:11:46The boss?

00:11:46The motherfucking boss.

00:11:50There's the song, brother.

00:11:51The song. We got to do our exercises, man.

00:11:53OK, ready for this?

00:11:55Lion face.

00:11:57Lemon face.

00:11:58Lion face.

00:12:00Dick sucking face.

00:12:01Now we good. Let's go do this.

00:12:03Go get him, man. Go get him.

00:12:05Yeah, boy. Yeah.

00:12:06Hold on, hold on.

00:12:08Give me that.

00:12:09I love you. Go be funny. Make me laugh.

00:12:11Make me laugh.

00:12:12Ha, ha, ha, ha.

00:12:31George, carajo, you call yourself security?

00:12:49I told you, I don't want to see that Latina girl,

00:12:51or any girl for that matter.

00:12:53It's me.

00:12:54I talked to you online about the method acting book.

00:12:57Is there anyone else around?

00:13:00No, no, it's just me.

00:13:16Hello?

00:13:17Hello?

00:13:26Snooch to the motherfucking nooch.

00:13:32I can't believe it's really you.

00:13:34Wait a sec, do we know each other?

00:13:36Fifteen bucks, little man.

00:13:38Put that shit in my hand.

00:13:40If the money doesn't show that you owe me,

00:13:43Oh, if the money doesn't show that you owe me,

00:13:50Oh, me, oh.

00:13:59Do not fall in love with me.

00:14:00Wait, what do you mean? I mean...

00:14:02What are you doing in my house?

00:14:03Oh, I came here to purchase the book, so...

00:14:06You want to die, Snookus boy?

00:14:08Sir, I just...

00:14:09My name is Fernando Villarreal.

00:14:11I...

00:14:19I was just messing with you.

00:14:22It's a pleasure to meet you, man.

00:14:23I've seen all your movies.

00:14:25Thanks.

00:14:27You thought I'd shoot you for real, huh?

00:14:29Well, I know, I thought you were messing with me,

00:14:31Mr. Fin thingy thing.

00:14:34As if I shoot you with a chief of police's gun.

00:14:39What the fuck?

00:14:42Listen to me very carefully, Mews.

00:14:47I cannot let this book go just to anyone.

00:14:50It is the only one in existence.

00:14:56You have to read it slowly.

00:14:58You can't mainline it.

00:15:01Cut it up with other books.

00:15:04Get some...

00:15:05Get some...

00:15:06Get some...

00:15:07Get some...

00:15:08Get some...

00:15:09Get some...

00:15:10Get some Chaucer Dickens in you at the same time.

00:15:15¿Me entiendes?

00:15:16Dickens...

00:15:17Y esto es muy importante.

00:15:18Once you read the book, you can't unread it.

00:15:24It is not a guide to successful acting.

00:15:27It is a guide to life.

00:15:33Jerry, baby.

00:15:34You home?

00:15:41Jerry, baby.

00:15:42You home?

00:15:43You home?

00:15:44You home?

00:15:45You home?

00:15:46You home?

00:15:47You home?

00:15:48You home?

00:15:49You home?

00:15:50You home?

00:15:51You home?

00:15:53Shit.

00:15:55Oh, come on, motherfucker.

00:16:04Oh, hey, baby.

00:16:06Where you been?

00:16:07Just out with some girlfriends.

00:16:11What's that?

00:16:12It's Vinny's.

00:16:14You brought Vinny's bomb into the house?

00:16:16No, no, it's not a bomb.

00:16:17It's a fat boy.

00:16:18Alright, I'll get the bomb...

00:16:20out of the house.

00:16:21I tried to call you earlier.

00:16:23Did you fix the roof today?

00:16:27You do know what this means, don't you?

00:16:29Jay's been a bad Jay?

00:16:31And what happens when Jay's been a very bad Jay?

00:16:39I am the Click Commander.

00:16:41Oh!

00:16:43Command my Click Commander.

00:16:46Snoochie Boochie!

00:16:48Command my Click Commander.

00:17:19Feel the anger.

00:17:22Feel it for real.

00:17:24Fuck!

00:17:26Fuck you.

00:17:27Fuck you, man.

00:17:28For what?

00:17:29For what, motherfucker?

00:17:41Snoochie Boochie!

00:17:43Snoochie Boochie!

00:17:45Snoochie Boochie!

00:17:47Snoochie Boochie!

00:17:49Snoochie Boochie!

00:17:51Snoochie Boochie!

00:17:55Motherfucker.

00:18:02Welcome to MovieStarRating.com.

00:18:04Type in your favorite film star to find out their rating on our charts,

00:18:07and thus, their current importance in the movie business.

00:18:13I'm sorry, there's no current news about this actor.

00:18:16Perhaps you spelled it incorrectly.

00:18:19What the hell?

00:18:32Fuck you.

00:18:33Time for drastic action.

00:18:47What the fuck?

00:18:54Let's show them crazy.

00:18:56Hollywood wants something drastic.

00:18:59Scare them for real.

00:19:01That's right.

00:19:02Give me that method.

00:19:03Method!

00:19:16Method!

00:19:37What the fuck?

00:19:38Yes?

00:19:39Hey, motherfucker!

00:19:40You don't think I'm good enough for your piece of shit movie?

00:19:44Get moving!

00:19:47You think you know me, bitch?

00:19:49You don't know me!

00:19:57Wow, bitch!

00:20:01It's just a misunderstanding!

00:20:05Where the fuck are you?

00:20:07Where the fuck are you?

00:20:13Fuck!

00:20:44Shit, the keys!

00:20:59Fuck, where is he?

00:21:14Shh, Jason, don't be stupid.

00:21:37Ah, motherfucker!

00:21:44You motherfucker!

00:21:51Oh, shit.

00:21:52Be calm.

00:21:53Get this out of the way.

00:21:54Breathe.

00:21:55Hazards.

00:21:56Reverse.

00:21:59I got this.

00:22:05Okay, okay.

00:22:07Okay.

00:22:09Okay.

00:22:13You cool, bro?

00:22:14I think I might have nicked you with the car there.

00:22:25Anthony?

00:22:28Bro?

00:22:34Okay.

00:22:36Okay, Jason, you got this, man.

00:22:38I can method this.

00:22:41Come on.

00:22:44Sorry about that.

00:22:45Sorry.

00:22:53Oh, shit!

00:22:57Not cool, bro.

00:22:58You didn't see me, man.

00:23:02I do yoga.

00:23:05Fuck, he might have saw me.

00:23:07What the fuck?

00:23:08Fuck!

00:23:09He might have fucking saw me.

00:23:11He didn't see me, man.

00:23:12He couldn't have seen me.

00:23:13I went for this.

00:23:14This.

00:23:16He might have saw me.

00:23:17Nah, he didn't see me.

00:23:18I'm too fucking good.

00:23:20Shit.

00:23:30Shit.

00:23:41Shit.

00:23:53Jay, what the fucking hell are you doing?

00:23:56I was just returning your car.

00:23:57I mean, I...

00:23:58Well, couldn't you have waited till the morning?

00:24:00I just thought you needed the car back early, right?

00:24:02So...

00:24:03No, I don't need it early.

00:24:04I'm sorry, bro.

00:24:05I just wanted to make sure you had it.

00:24:06Would you want a lift?

00:24:07No, no.

00:24:08I'm going to walk to the...

00:24:09Stay here if you want.

00:24:10Nah, it's...

00:24:11My old lady wants me home to do the cuddling and stuff.

00:24:13Plus, she has me on this diet thing.

00:24:15She thinks I'm getting fat.

00:24:16So I'll walk.

00:24:17It's fine.

00:24:18Thank you.

00:24:20Fucking muppet.

00:24:40Fuck that.

00:25:10It's oh so still

00:25:16You're all alone

00:25:21And so peaceful until

00:25:26You fall in love

00:25:28Z-Boom

00:25:30Sky up above

00:25:32Z-Boom

00:25:33It's caving in

00:25:37You've never been

00:25:39So nuts about a guy

00:25:40You wanna laugh, you wanna cry

00:25:42You cross your heart and hope to die

00:25:45Jason.

00:25:46Jason.

00:25:47Jason.

00:25:48Huh?

00:25:49Something's happened to Vinny.

00:25:50Vinny?

00:25:51Listen.

00:25:52Early hours of the morning, Mr Jones, the well-known British sports and movie star, was taken into custody.

00:25:57Our sources report that the charge is homicide.

00:26:00Jones has a reputation on the soccer field for grabbing genitalia.

00:26:03And for his big, hard tackles.

00:26:06That'll be the press.

00:26:07They know you guys were friends.

00:26:10Mr Jason Mewes.

00:26:11I should have known.

00:26:12Excuse me?

00:26:13I need to ask you a few questions regarding a homicide that happened in the Hollywood Hills last night.

00:26:18Well, homicide, I can't help you.

00:26:20I've been home here the whole night.

00:26:22You need to stop resisting.

00:26:23Wait a second.

00:26:24I'm not resisting.

00:26:25I'm just saying that I don't know anything about a homicide.

00:26:27Suspect is resisting!

00:26:28You have the right to remain silent!

00:26:31No!

00:26:48Does the name Anthony Castellino ring a bell?

00:26:52No.

00:26:53He was murdered outside of his home last night in an apparent hit-and-run.

00:26:57I'm sorry to hear that.

00:26:59We have reason to believe that there was an altercation that took place inside of his home prior to the murder.

00:27:06Um, what, all due respect, officer.

00:27:08Detective.

00:27:09What does that have to do with me?

00:27:10Vinnie Jones' car was confirmed as the hit-and-run vehicle.

00:27:13What?

00:27:14The neighbor was able to write down the plates right before the car sped off.

00:27:19We found fragments of brain and skull all up in the grill.

00:27:24I guess the, uh, murderer forgot to clean that up, didn't he?

00:27:29Well, what does Vinnie have to say about it?

00:27:31I just cut off me fucking head.

00:27:32Vinnie is adamantly denying all charges.

00:27:34And the witness?

00:27:36We were lucky the witness said anything.

00:27:38Oh, my God!

00:27:41He's a bit traumatized by the situation, but the doctor said that he'll be back in a week,

00:27:45and we'll be having a nice little chit-chat with him about exactly what happened that night.

00:27:50He probably would have blurted something out when he gave you the plates, right?

00:27:53So he probably doesn't know anything.

00:27:57Do you recognize this, Mr. Mewes?

00:27:58That's my wallet. I've been looking for that.

00:28:00We found it in the back of Mr. Jones' car.

00:28:03You know, it actually was in the supermarket.

00:28:05He drove me to the supermarket yesterday, and I think I must have dropped it in there.

00:28:09I mean...

00:28:10And you were driving the car?

00:28:11No, no, Vinnie dropped me.

00:28:12Because you're not allowed to drive, are you, Mr. Mewes?

00:28:14I can drive starting today.

00:28:17You lost your license for speeding.

00:28:19Finding a wallet in the back seat of a friend's car is enough reason to charge someone for murder.

00:28:24Should we arrest you for murder?

00:28:25Isn't that why I'm here?

00:28:26You're here because you were resisting arrest,

00:28:28and you showed extreme aggression towards Detective Peterson and myself.

00:28:31You're not pressing charges?

00:28:33No.

00:28:34Ah, Mr. Mewes, don't go far now.

00:28:38I'll find out.

00:28:43Hey, is, uh, Vinnie allowed to have visitors?

00:28:46There's a guy who's got to get me out of here.

00:28:48You've got to spring me.

00:28:49You're not being set up.

00:28:50I'm at my wit's end here.

00:28:51This is getting deeper and deeper in the shit.

00:28:55Hello, mate.

00:28:56Give us five minutes, will you?

00:28:59Pleased to see you, mate.

00:29:00They brought me down too.

00:29:01They found my wallet in the car.

00:29:02I know they did, but I didn't give them your name.

00:29:04Plenty of things I am.

00:29:05One thing I ain't is fucking grass.

00:29:07I'm sorry, do I have to ask this?

00:29:09No, I know what you're going to say.

00:29:13Do you have anything to do with this at all?

00:29:15Yeah, that's right.

00:29:16I don't know what's going on here.

00:29:18I'm embarrassed to fucking say it.

00:29:20You ever had an ex-geezer, Anthony Costolino?

00:29:24Never.

00:29:25You never saw anyone around when you dropped the car off, did you?

00:29:27Any little detail that could help me out a little bit?

00:29:30And...

00:29:31Jay.

00:29:32Jay.

00:29:33Anything?

00:29:34No, I didn't see anything.

00:29:35Nothing at all.

00:29:36It's got to be something that I'd done years ago

00:29:38and they've got the beef about it.

00:29:39Seriously?

00:29:41Trying to stitch me right up.

00:29:42They found the idiot's blood on the door fucking mat.

00:29:44Shit.

00:29:46Put me hands up loads of times.

00:29:48Fucking do the crime, you do the time, that's it.

00:29:51Nothing to do with this, Jay.

00:29:52You know that.

00:29:56You know what?

00:29:57You know what?

00:29:58I'm going to fix this, bro.

00:29:59I'm going to get you out.

00:30:00What do you mean you'll fix it?

00:30:01How can you fix it?

00:30:02Just the tape.

00:30:03What do you mean just the tape?

00:30:05Jay!

00:30:06Jay!

00:30:15Can I speak to Detective Reynolds, please?

00:30:18And what is it concerning?

00:30:21It's about the Vinnie Johns murder.

00:30:27One moment, please.

00:30:34Hi, Gina. I'd love to...

00:30:35I know you got arrested for murder or something like that.

00:30:38Are you out yet?

00:30:39Because if you're not...

00:30:40Whatever you are doing is not as important as this right now.

00:30:45Even if you are still under arrest, you need to escape.

00:30:48Even Hamill from Hawthorne Productions.

00:30:51She wants you to go.

00:30:52Hawthorne?

00:30:53They just turned me down for a role last month.

00:30:55Oliver Radburn just called in sick.

00:30:58First day of the shoot.

00:30:59Is he all right?

00:31:00Oh, who the hell knows?

00:31:01The producer saw you getting arrested on TV this morning.

00:31:05Thinks you fit the role perfectly.

00:31:07But you got to make it in there right now.

00:31:10Eva says they're holding the entire production.

00:31:13They're sitting around wasting thousands of dollars an hour.

00:31:17This is the film business.

00:31:18You can't waste that kind of money.

00:31:20Ain't the fucking 90s.

00:31:22They're desperate.

00:31:24Is it many lines?

00:31:25Eva is going crazy.

00:31:27She says this part is a game changer, a career changer.

00:31:30Could steal the entire movie.

00:31:32You're looking at a guaranteed theatrical.

00:31:34This is going to slam you right where you want to be.

00:31:38Opportunities don't drop in your lap like this.

00:31:42It's the perfect storm, you son of a bitch.

00:31:44So don't fuck this up.

00:31:46Get your ass over there.

00:31:47I'm trying not to kill anybody on the way.

00:31:49Jesus, Gina.

00:31:50What, too soon?

00:31:51Oh, God, you can't take a joke.

00:31:53All right, well, just get your ass down there.

00:31:55All right, Jason?

00:31:56Jason?

00:31:58Oh, come on, Jason.

00:32:00You want to see me?

00:32:01Are you there?

00:32:02Jason?

00:32:03Yeah, I, uh...

00:32:04Shane!

00:32:06I, uh...

00:32:07Drop in your lap.

00:32:08Career changer.

00:32:09Eva Campbell.

00:32:10Opportunities.

00:32:11Steal the entire movie.

00:32:13Don't fuck this up.

00:32:15Aah!

00:32:16Yeah, I wanted to make sure there was no bad blood

00:32:18between the two of us, and I was just going to say

00:32:20if I can be of any further assistance,

00:32:22just please give me a call,

00:32:24and I hope you find the real killer.

00:32:27Thanks.

00:32:30Mr. Mew! Mr. Mew!

00:32:37Oh...

00:32:48Aah!

00:32:49Aah!

00:32:50Aah!

00:32:51Aah!

00:32:52Aah!

00:32:53Aah!

00:32:54Aah!

00:32:55Aah!

00:32:56Aah!

00:32:57Aah!

00:32:59Hello, David.

00:33:01Have you ever tried acupuncture?

00:33:05See, what's really amazing is if you stand right here...

00:33:08Oh, fuck, I know!

00:33:10Cut! Cut! Cut!

00:33:12For God's sake, cut!

00:33:14Okay, lights out, please.

00:33:19Jason, darling, that was absolutely spellbinding.

00:33:23Thank you.

00:33:24Oh, are you doing your method?

00:33:27Sorry, I'll give you a moment.

00:33:29Harold, darling, I believed your pain,

00:33:32but you forgot your cue at the end, darling.

00:33:34Pass again for a moment.

00:33:35You believe in my fucking pain because I'm in fucking agony.

00:33:38I told you, that blade is too sharp.

00:33:40May I see the blade, please?

00:33:42That bastard knew it was wrong.

00:33:44He's enjoying this. I can see it in his eyes.

00:33:47Oh, for God's sakes, Harold, man up.

00:33:49The blade's not that bloody sharp.

00:33:55Lunch, everybody.

00:33:57Lunch, everybody. That's lunch.

00:34:00Oh, for God's sake, it's been three fucking years.

00:34:03I thought I'd fucking see this.

00:34:05I thought we were all shaped for the company.

00:34:07And what happens?

00:34:08Silent fucking SpongeBob thinks he's fucking Robert De Niro.

00:34:11Mr Jason Mewes.

00:34:14A word, please, sir.

00:34:18That was a very impressive performance, young man.

00:34:22Very impressive.

00:34:23Thank you, sir.

00:34:24I can see that look in your eyes.

00:34:27Screen, it's fucking dynamite.

00:34:29No more snoogins for you.

00:34:32No, sir.

00:34:33This whole method thing suits you very well.

00:34:37It brings out all of your darkness.

00:34:39Oh, yes.

00:34:43Snoogy boogies.

00:34:44Snoogy boogies.

00:34:46Snoogy boogies.

00:34:50I am the clip commander.

00:34:53Jason Mewes is back.

00:34:55Straight after getting arrested,

00:34:57Mewes landed a role on Acupuncture Killer,

00:34:59and the producers are...

00:35:03I'm not even supposed to be here right now.

00:35:05Rumors are flying all over Hollywood

00:35:07about who Brian O'Halloran is going to cast

00:35:09in his movie The Odyssey,

00:35:10which is due to start filming very soon.

00:35:14O'Halloran, fucker.

00:35:23This is Brian O'Halloran.

00:35:25Clearly, I'm not supposed to be here right now,

00:35:27so leave me a message after the beep.

00:35:29Stan T, please?

00:35:31Can you please maybe give me a call back

00:35:34or answer your phone?

00:35:37Thanks, brother.

00:35:38Motherfucker, man.

00:35:40He's tracked you down and kicked out.

00:35:43Oh, shit.

00:35:45Okay, it's me.

00:35:47It's me, Jason.

00:35:49It's Dean.

00:35:50Dean Cain!

00:35:51Dude, no, shut up.

00:35:53If I get caught out here,

00:35:54I'm gonna be signing shit for a month.

00:35:56You have no idea how fast these fuckers mobilize.

00:35:58Yeah, dude, it's great to see you, cuz,

00:36:00but I don't think anyone cares.

00:36:02I broke this fucking kid's heart yesterday

00:36:04because I couldn't fly.

00:36:05You can't fly?

00:36:06He wanted me to take off right then and there.

00:36:08Seriously?

00:36:09I shit you not.

00:36:10That is pretty cool, dude.

00:36:11You have cemented yourself into history.

00:36:13You play fucking Superman.

00:36:15I am Superman.

00:36:17I could negotiate peace in the Middle East

00:36:19while unifying Korea into one single harmonious state

00:36:22and figure out who shot JFK,

00:36:24and guess what they want to fucking talk to me about?

00:36:27That is sort of important.

00:36:29I see him in my dreams.

00:36:31The fanboys, they're everywhere.

00:36:33I can't escape even when I'm asleep.

00:36:35I'm gonna get shot one day,

00:36:37and you know what the last thing is that I'm gonna see?

00:36:40Um, Zod?

00:36:42It's gonna be the disappointed face of some fanatic.

00:36:46The face of some fanatic who is absolutely astounded

00:36:49that I can't stop a bullet.

00:36:51Bullet?

00:36:52He'll fucking pierce me, Jason.

00:36:59So I hear you've been busy lately.

00:37:01Yeah, dude, I just had this sweet gig, man.

00:37:03Yeah, that's not what I'm talking about.

00:37:04Arrested.

00:37:05Uh-oh.

00:37:06How's that working out for you?

00:37:07Really good, bro.

00:37:09I'm telling you, like,

00:37:10people have seen me in a whole different light.

00:37:12That's good, that's good.

00:37:13What do you got lined up next?

00:37:14Nothing right now, but...

00:37:15Nothing right now while the iron is hot, man.

00:37:17You need to capitalize right now.

00:37:19Get the roles

00:37:20while you're benefiting from the extra profile.

00:37:22I'm actually trying to get this script right now, right?

00:37:24It's written by Brian O'Halloran.

00:37:26O'Halloran, yeah, right.

00:37:27You know it.

00:37:28Dude, everybody knows it.

00:37:29It's the talk of the town.

00:37:30They're already scheduling it for an Oscar season's release.

00:37:33Is O'Halloran, is he gonna hook you up?

00:37:35Well, I mean, I'm hoping that he's gonna hook me up with the lead.

00:37:38But wait, did you say Oscars, bro?

00:37:43What?

00:37:44Are you behaving, Jason?

00:37:45Of course I am.

00:37:46You're not back on the...

00:37:47I mean, I...

00:37:48No.

00:37:49No.

00:37:50Studio picture?

00:37:51Are you fucking kidding me?

00:37:53You think the studio is gonna offer you the lead

00:37:55in an Oscar hopeful?

00:37:57Even if O'Halloran really goes to bat for you,

00:38:00you still gotta get arrested again for the extra headlines.

00:38:03Wait, what?

00:38:04Even if O'Halloran...

00:38:05No, no, no, about the arrest thing.

00:38:07Hey!

00:38:08Can I grab a quick picture?

00:38:10Yeah, sure.

00:38:11Yeah, great.

00:38:12All right.

00:38:14All righty.

00:38:16Awesome.

00:38:17Pound it, pound it, yeah.

00:38:18Thank you.

00:38:19Thank you.

00:38:20Yeah.

00:38:23Be careful, Jason.

00:38:25Hey, don't do anything stupid.

00:38:26It's not worth it.

00:38:28All right.

00:38:29That's good.

00:38:30You gonna get up?

00:38:31No, no, I'm good.

00:38:32I'm good here.

00:38:33Okay.

00:38:34I'll see you later, bro.

00:38:35Good to see you.

00:38:36Oh, could you give me my coffee?

00:38:40Yeah.

00:38:41Thanks.

00:38:44The LAPD is abuzz today after news of a witness coming forward

00:38:48in the Vinnie Jones murder case.

00:38:50Information is scarce at this point,

00:38:52but our sources believe the witness did see the murderer

00:38:56and will be able to identify him.

00:38:58As of yet, we have no comment from Mr. Jones' representatives

00:39:01or indeed from Jason Mewes,

00:39:03who was arrested on the same morning as Jones.

00:39:06Stay with us as the day gets...

00:39:09Wait a second.

00:39:10I'm hearing that we've located Mr. Mewes

00:39:13and our reporter Oliver is with him live.

00:39:15Oliver?

00:39:16Mr. Mewes!

00:39:17How do you feel about recent events regarding the murder case

00:39:20of your good friend and notorious ball-grabber Vinnie Jones?

00:39:23A witness has come forward to say they remember

00:39:25seeing the driver on the night of the murder.

00:39:27Wait, what?

00:39:28Are you now willing to admit that your good friend is a killer

00:39:30and never actually let go of his British gangland connections?

00:39:32Is it true Jones has been a secret gangland boss

00:39:34terrorising Hollywood?

00:39:35Does Vinnie get his movie roles through intimidation?

00:39:38No way, he is a very nice guy.

00:39:40What are you not telling us, Mr. Mewes?

00:39:42Mr. Mewes!

00:39:43Mr. Mewes!

00:40:08Police are keeping tightly sealed as to the identity of the witness

00:40:28in the Vinnie Jones murder case,

00:40:29but many are speculating as to who it could be.

00:40:31I mean, it literally could be anyone.

00:40:33LA's a really big place.

00:40:34It's not me.

00:40:39There he is.

00:40:44Alright.

00:40:46Just gonna warn him.

00:40:47Just warn him.

00:41:08It's okay.

00:41:09It's just...

00:41:10Don't be startled.

00:41:11I...

00:41:12Hey, bro, it's cool.

00:41:13Look, hey.

00:41:14It's cool.

00:41:15I just wanted to know where Stan Lee lives.

00:41:16I know he lives close.

00:41:17I just need a little help getting to his house.

00:41:18Look, don't you fucking move.

00:41:19I'll cut you, bitch.

00:41:20What are you doing?

00:41:21When they ask you if you saw me that night,

00:41:22you're gonna say you didn't.

00:41:23I...

00:41:24I didn't see you.

00:41:25Wait, what?

00:41:26I didn't see you.

00:41:27I didn't see you.

00:41:28I didn't see you.

00:41:29I didn't see you.

00:41:30I didn't see you.

00:41:31I didn't see you.

00:41:32I didn't see you.

00:41:33I didn't see you.

00:41:34I didn't see you.

00:41:35I...

00:41:36I didn't see you.

00:41:37Wait, what?

00:41:38No, I thought I saw that British soccer guy

00:41:40they keep putting on the news.

00:41:41It was dark.

00:41:42I...

00:41:43I saw...

00:41:47I...

00:41:48No!

00:41:49I thought you were giving me a warning.

00:41:50I am.

00:41:51You're trying to kill me.

00:41:52No, no, no.

00:41:53You were trying to run away.

00:41:55You're that Silent J guy.

00:42:00Look what you made me do.

00:42:03I need 911, 911!

00:42:05Let me get it, please.

00:42:14Fuck.

00:42:15I need an ambulance.

00:42:18Shit, dude, all right.

00:42:19God, I'm dying.

00:42:20Dude, it's gonna be okay.

00:42:21What street is this again?

00:42:22It's Maple Boulevard, you fucking asshole!

00:42:26Holy shit, that was your face that night.

00:42:29It's coming back to me.

00:42:31I'm gonna make you fucking pay.

00:42:32I'm gonna tell them what you did.

00:42:33I'm gonna make you fucking pay, you bastard.

00:42:36You're looking pretty pale, bro.

00:42:38Are you fucking kidding me?

00:42:42No, no, don't...

00:42:43Don't go, don't go away, please.

00:42:44Come back, call an ambulance, please.

00:42:46I didn't see anything that night, man.

00:42:48I don't know, I don't know your face.

00:42:49I don't know what you look like.

00:42:50I've never seen any of your movies.

00:42:52That's good.

00:42:53I wasn't even supposed to be here today, bro.

00:42:58What are you doing?

00:42:59What are you...

00:43:01No.

00:43:02No, no, no, no.

00:43:03Please don't.

00:43:04Don't do that.

00:43:05Don't, don't...

00:43:06Put that in your pocket.

00:43:07Go put it in your pocket.

00:43:08Put it away, put it away.

00:43:10No, no, no.

00:43:12Please, no.

00:43:13Oh, shit!

00:43:15Why did you do that?

00:43:16Look, dude, I was just here to warn you, bro.

00:43:19Don't come natural to me.

00:43:20I'm not a cold-blooded killer.

00:43:22I don't...

00:43:24I feel like...

00:43:27I'm dizzy.

00:43:32What am I doing?

00:43:33I almost fucking actually killed this motherfucker on purpose.

00:43:36What the fuck am I doing?

00:43:38Fuck!

00:43:40Wait.

00:43:42He's in jail.

00:43:45How can I know it wasn't him?

00:44:02Fuck.

00:44:10Okay, let's pray.

00:44:14Oh, shit!

00:44:15Holy fuck!

00:44:17Holy fuck!

00:44:18Holy fuck!

00:44:21Holy shit.

00:44:23Oh, shit.

00:44:25Damn it.

00:44:31Fuck.

00:44:48Come on, man.

00:44:53Excuse me.

00:44:54Fuck!

00:44:55Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you, man?

00:44:58What's wrong with you, bro?

00:44:59What the fuck is wrong with you, bro?

00:45:00Who are you?

00:45:01I have fucking nerve issues, man.

00:45:03You can't just randomly scream in people's faces.

00:45:05You don't know me.

00:45:06You could have killed me, man.

00:45:07So, you're a security officer?

00:45:08I'm the fucking security officer.

00:45:10George Abrams.

00:45:11Security.

00:45:12Officer.

00:45:13Security officer with nerve issues.

00:45:15I'm a fucking...

00:45:16I'm a security guard machine, sir.

00:45:18I'm like a 365-degree radar, man.

00:45:21I see all the angles, dog.

00:45:22Can't get past me.

00:45:23Well, I apologize for that,

00:45:25because I do need to see Farango, man.

00:45:27Can't do it.

00:45:28I have to warn him.

00:45:29What do you have to warn him about?

00:45:30There's a Latina girl and a couple of her friends,

00:45:34and I passed them when I was coming here.

00:45:36Fuck.

00:45:37They're dangerous in a group.

00:45:38Yeah.

00:45:39Shit.

00:45:40Which direction?

00:45:41That way.

00:45:42About three blocks.

00:45:45Thanks, dude.

00:45:46Cool.

00:45:48What?

00:45:58I got your night.

00:46:00You know what it means.

00:46:06Ay, este pendejo.

00:46:09You'll be reading me too fast.

00:46:11I can't tell just by looking at you.

00:46:13What page are you on?

00:46:14I don't know.

00:46:15Like 200.

00:46:16Cool.

00:46:19Estás bromeando, ¿verdad, cabrón?

00:46:32Hey, it's not part of it.

00:46:34What did I tell you about keeping those feelings in check?

00:46:38Just go home. Go home.

00:46:40Sleep it off.

00:46:41Forget about the book for a couple of weeks.

00:46:43It's working a little bit.

00:46:44It's sort of working.

00:46:45I'm so sorry, Mr. Villareal.

00:46:47He snuck past me.

00:46:48You brutish motherfucking squirrel.

00:46:50It's okay. It's okay.

00:46:51It's okay.

00:46:52Mios. Mios.

00:46:53You have to relax, man.

00:46:55Process everything that's going on

00:46:57before you go loco.

00:47:15I love you.

00:47:46Ah.

00:48:00Damn Hollywood.

00:48:01All these actors are turning it into a war zone.

00:48:04The way these guys covered their tracks.

00:48:06Definitely some madness in their method.

00:48:08It's method and the madness, you idiot.

00:48:11Fair enough.

00:48:12You do know that Jason Mewes is linked to this case, right?

00:48:16He is?

00:48:17He was arrested the same day as Vinnie Jones.

00:48:20But don't you know Jason Mewes?

00:48:22Jason Mewes?

00:48:23That smoochy-boochy guy?

00:48:25Yeah, that smoochy-boochy guy.

00:48:27Yeah, that guy.

00:48:28I never met him.

00:48:29But boy, I heard he's a knucklehead.

00:48:31Well, we all can't be saints.

00:48:34Oh, crap. Here comes the detective.

00:48:36Look, I got nothing good to tell him here.

00:48:38You might want to...

00:48:39Enough said.

00:48:40I'm out of here.

00:48:41Upward and onward, Jim.

00:48:43Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:48:44Onward and upward.

00:48:45Wayne!

00:48:46Wayne.

00:48:50Good to see you, sir.

00:48:51Who's that?

00:48:52Oh, this is Stan Lee.

00:48:53He's the neighbor.

00:48:54Legend.

00:48:55Yeah, yes, he is.

00:48:56Shut up.

00:48:57Give me some good news.

00:48:58I got nothing.

00:48:59This guy was either a professional

00:49:00or he was one lucky son of a bitch.

00:49:02You a murder weapon?

00:49:03My guy's in the search in the area right now.

00:49:05But I'm gonna be honest with you, Wayne.

00:49:07I don't think we're gonna have positive results.

00:49:09This was gangland?

00:49:10They're not sloppy.

00:49:11We're not gonna find shit.

00:49:13Go.

00:49:14Fucking idiot.

00:49:18You motherfucker.

00:49:23Something's definitely not right.

00:49:26Jason.

00:49:27Most recent incidents in the Jones murders.

00:49:28Over to Oliver for all the latest.

00:49:30We now have confirmation that the body of the victim

00:49:32is principal witness in the Binney Jones murder case.

00:49:34LAPD sources are also telling us the body of the victim

00:49:36was found with a symbol carved into its chest.

00:49:39Rumor has it that this symbol

00:49:40is a British gangland murder tag,

00:49:42indicating an execution.

00:49:44As you can see from the police photos,

00:49:46Mr. Jones does have a gangland scar on his chest.

00:49:49Whether this links him to the murder,

00:49:51only time will tell.

00:49:53Do you really think that Binney

00:49:54had something to do with these murders?

00:49:56You know what?

00:49:57Sort of distracted myself from it all.

00:49:59Yeah.

00:50:00You know, do whatever makes you feel good.

00:50:03Hmm.

00:50:04And then, um, maybe while you're at it,

00:50:06you could fix the roof like you've been promising.

00:50:09I have to buy a nail gun, so...

00:50:11If you go now, you can be back before the party.

00:50:14The party?

00:50:15You forgot about the party.

00:50:17You know that Kevin doesn't want to go to Esteban's by himself.

00:50:23Snoochie boochies.

00:50:25Snoochie boochies.

00:50:28Okay.

00:50:30I have to click magic.

00:50:35Jason Mewes continues his unlikely rise

00:50:37of the movie star rating charts

00:50:39as he finds himself back in the headlines

00:50:41after the Binney Jones witness was found murdered overnight.

00:50:44Yes.

00:50:46I'm not even supposed to be here right now.

00:50:51Brian O'Halloran has confirmed

00:50:53shooting on the Odyssey is set to begin

00:50:55at the start of next month,

00:50:57which means a cast announcement must be imminent

00:50:59as it seems half of Hollywood wants in

00:51:01on the likely Oscar contender.

00:51:03I'm closing in on you, motherfucker.

00:51:05Carrie, I'm going out to buy a nail gun!

00:51:18PHONE RINGS

00:51:21Chief Anderson.

00:51:22Chief, Detective Arnold here.

00:51:24What is it, Detective?

00:51:25I want to bring Jason Mewes back in.

00:51:27You already questioned Mewes and got nothing.

00:51:29You repeat that process,

00:51:30and what does this department look like to the press?

00:51:32Oh, come on. He's gonna talk. I just need him to...

00:51:34Drop it, Detective.

00:51:36Do you understand me?

00:51:37All right, Chief. Whatever you say. Sure.

00:51:51Hey, babe.

00:51:54Yes, of course. I'll be home about 8.

00:51:58And I have the new handcuffs.

00:52:18Something just isn't right.

00:52:24Producers are raving about the daily footage

00:52:26coming from the acupuncture killer set,

00:52:28exclaiming Jason Mewes is doing incredible work

00:52:31and getting arrested was the best thing

00:52:33that could have happened to his career.

00:52:34Otherwise, they never would have thought of him for the role.

00:52:40Tell me.

00:52:41Can you tell me where that Castellino guy worked again?

00:52:54What?

00:53:04What the fuck did I just see?

00:53:06Excuse me?

00:53:07Answer the question.

00:53:08I'm not your eyeballs, Jason.

00:53:09What were you just doing?

00:53:10Skyping a girlfriend.

00:53:12What girlfriend's that?

00:53:13Megan from Europe.

00:53:14Megan in Europe wanted to see your titties?

00:53:16What are you talking about?

00:53:18When I walked through the door,

00:53:19you were flashing your titties to the camera.

00:53:21You've been acting fucking crazy.

00:53:23Is this what I'm going to have to deal with

00:53:24every single time you're up for some Hollywood role?

00:53:26I need the old Jay back.

00:53:30Solid bob, too?

00:53:31Fuck you.

00:53:32I want the man I fell in love with.

00:53:34I heard you've been a little distant from him lately.

00:53:36Jason, you're being fucking paranoid, okay?

00:53:39It's me.

00:53:40You would love for me to believe that, wouldn't you?

00:53:45Where are you going?

00:53:46Getting ready for the party.

00:53:52Oh.

00:54:19Hello!

00:54:20Jason Mewes!

00:54:21Danny Trejo, I didn't know you'd be here,

00:54:23and what's the...

00:54:25I'm method acting for a new role,

00:54:27not just running with the gun, all right?

00:54:29Yeah, but I don't...

00:54:30I thought you'd be here with your little Carrie.

00:54:32She took a separate car.

00:54:33She's going to meet me here.

00:54:34That better not be trouble in paradise I'm sensing.

00:54:37No, no.

00:54:38Everything's good, dude, I promise.

00:54:39Are you sure?

00:54:40Because you know you can talk to me.

00:54:41I know.

00:54:42I do not get, like...

00:54:43Are you sure?

00:54:44I've been wanting to have a little

00:54:45chitty-chatty poo with you.

00:54:47A little chitty-chat?

00:54:48Let's do it.

00:54:49Let's do it.

00:54:50What's up?

00:54:51What I've been hearing

00:54:52is that you've been having trouble

00:54:53with the ball grabber.

00:54:54The ball grabber?

00:54:55That's what they call him.

00:54:56And you know I worry about you, Jason.

00:54:58You know that.

00:54:59I know.

00:55:00I'm going to fuck the fucks with you.

00:55:02I'll cut his fucking heart out.

00:55:04Shit, Danny.

00:55:05I mean, I appreciate that.

00:55:06Thank you.

00:55:07You know what they call me.

00:55:08Machete, right?

00:55:10You know why?

00:55:11Uh, because of the movie?

00:55:13Because I got a big motherfucking machete,

00:55:15that's why.

00:55:16Big machete.

00:55:18Harley Quinn Smith.

00:55:20Oh, as I live and breathe.

00:55:22Oh, be still my heart.

00:55:24Danny, I didn't expect to see you here.

00:55:26Why is everybody keep saying that?

00:55:28Can't a little girl have some fun?

00:55:30Are you here to pick Kevin up?

00:55:31Yeah, I think he's enjoying

00:55:32my new license more than I am.

00:55:34Harley, oh my God.

00:55:36Hi.

00:55:37Hey, we can take a selfie.

00:55:38Of course.

00:55:39All right, I'm going to go ahead,

00:55:40all right, Harley?

00:55:41Bye.

00:55:42Will you tell Dad that I'm waiting?

00:55:43I'm too scared to go in.

00:55:44I feel like I'll never escape.

00:55:45No problem, no problem.

00:55:46And remember,

00:55:47it's not gay as long as the balls

00:55:48don't touch the chin.

00:55:53Oh, nice.

00:55:54That's going to be a keeper.

00:55:55Pleasure.

00:55:56Nice meeting you, man.

00:55:57Sir!

00:55:58Where the fuck have you been, dude?

00:55:59Where the fuck have you been?

00:56:01Wait, what are you talking about?

00:56:02Don't fucking act like that.

00:56:03Like you didn't think I was going

00:56:04to fucking find out, man?

00:56:05Motherfucker, that shit is written

00:56:07all over your face, the goddamn guilt.

00:56:09You didn't think I'd know?

00:56:12What are you talking about?

00:56:13I'm talking about you up in that house

00:56:14sucking dick,

00:56:15because I can see the cum right there.

00:56:17No!

00:56:18Shit!

00:56:19Hey, remember when we jerked

00:56:20each other off in the pool?

00:56:21That's a great memory.

00:56:22Did you get that book?

00:56:23I did.

00:56:24I read the book, dude,

00:56:25and it is taking my craft

00:56:26on a whole other level.

00:56:27It's awesome.

00:56:28Thank you.

00:56:29Right on, man.

00:56:30Fuck, you know what, dude?

00:56:31Fuck all that.

00:56:32Holy shit, I was just thinking.

00:56:33Vinny Jones, what the fuck, man?

00:56:35Don't shit in the pool.

00:56:37Maybe he did have something to do

00:56:38with that casting director.

00:56:39You know what I'm saying?

00:56:40I'm serious.

00:56:41Don't shit in the pool.

00:56:42Brian O'Hara in here?

00:56:43Do you know if he showed up?

00:56:44Are you serious?

00:56:45I'm talking about fucking Vinny Jones.

00:56:46You're talking about Brian...

00:56:47Yeah, Brian O'Hara is fucking here.

00:56:48I passed him on the way in.

00:56:49Captain Clitoris.

00:56:50Oh.

00:56:51I'm gonna go talk to him about that.

00:56:53Wait, Harley Quinn came here to pick you up.

00:56:55She's out front.

00:56:56Sorry.

00:56:57My fucking kid's here.

00:56:58Why are we sitting here

00:56:59telling this?

00:57:00Get the fuck out of here, bitch.

00:57:01Jay and Silent Bob,

00:57:02it's been a while.

00:57:03Hey!

00:57:04Thank you so much for coming to my party.

00:57:06Our party.

00:57:07Oh, my God.

00:57:08I had a fucking blast.

00:57:09We've just been sitting here talking.

00:57:10He was upstairs having misadventures

00:57:12in the house and shit.

00:57:13But I'm gonna go.

00:57:14I got a podcast to record,

00:57:16and I gotta light out of here.

00:57:18I got, like, nine podcasts.

00:57:19So I'd love to be in here.

00:57:20Thanks for having us.

00:57:21But we're just getting started.

00:57:22Sadly, I got my kid

00:57:23sweating in the car like a dog,

00:57:25and I should probably go

00:57:26before she overheats and dies.

00:57:27Pleasure!

00:57:28Pleasure!

00:57:29Thank you.

00:57:32Sorry to hear about the breakup, fellas.

00:57:34Conscious uncoupling.

00:57:36Jason, what are you doing next Tuesday?

00:57:38Jason is more my friend

00:57:39than he is yours.

00:57:40You already got too clingy with Brian,

00:57:42and now he's leaving.

00:57:43Kevin just left.

00:57:44At this rate,

00:57:45we're not gonna have any famous people

00:57:46at our party.

00:57:47Brian's leaving.

00:57:48I gotta catch up with him.

00:57:49Look what you did.

00:57:50My famous friends

00:57:51mean the world to me.

00:57:52And you,

00:57:53you give the world's worst blowjob.

00:57:56That's not what your father said.

00:57:59Not even supposed to be here today.

00:58:01No, no, no, no.

00:58:02It's more like,

00:58:03I'm not even supposed to be here today.

00:58:05See, the emphasis

00:58:06is stronger at the start.

00:58:08I'm not even supposed to be here today.

00:58:11There you go.

00:58:12Much better.

00:58:13I keep all my emotions

00:58:15right here on the surface.

00:58:19Stored and ready for action.

00:58:25It allows me to access

00:58:27whatever my director needs.

00:58:29Totally amazing.

00:58:31For example,

00:58:34pleasure.

00:58:39Oh, yeah.

00:58:40I like pleasure.

00:58:42That makes two of us.

00:58:47Brian, hey!

00:58:48What's up, baby?

00:58:49Oh, hey, Jay, man.

00:58:51How you been?

00:58:52Good, Brian, how are you?

00:58:53It's been a while.

00:58:54How's everything

00:58:55since the arrest and all that?

00:58:56You know what?

00:58:57It's actually not that bad.

00:58:58I've gotten some really interesting roles

00:58:59because of the press and the publicity.

00:59:01It's made it like...

00:59:02Oh, dude, dude.

00:59:03Be careful with that press, yo.

00:59:04You know how it can turn on you

00:59:05if you know that.

00:59:06Hey, has Kevin spoken to you

00:59:07about the Odyssey?

00:59:08You know, I'm confident

00:59:09we can slide you in there.

00:59:10Just give me a chance

00:59:11to talk to the studio.

00:59:12You're serious?

00:59:13Dude, how long have I known you?

00:59:14Of course I'm serious.

00:59:15Don't worry, Jay.

00:59:16I got your back.

00:59:17It's so crazy, dude.

00:59:18People are saying,

00:59:19even if you can convince Brian

00:59:20that you can carry this studio movie,

00:59:22he's never gonna convince

00:59:23the studio to let you play it.

00:59:24Oh, I'm sorry.

00:59:25Dude, remember when we were

00:59:26talking about it on Dogma

00:59:27so many years ago?

00:59:28I knew then I was, like,

00:59:29perfect for the part, dude.

00:59:30Jay, Jay, shit, Jay.

00:59:33I didn't know that...

00:59:34Were you thinking I was

00:59:35talking about the lead?

00:59:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:59:37Marcus Sterling, dude.

00:59:38Remember the similarities

00:59:39between me and him

00:59:40and how much we're alike?

00:59:41Shit, bro.

00:59:43I was thinking more of a few lines,

00:59:45like a cameo or something.

00:59:47What, you don't think I'm capable?

00:59:48I'm capable, bro.

00:59:49No, no, no.

00:59:50Listen, I gotta run.

00:59:52What I'll do is I'll call the studio

00:59:54and I'll persuade them

00:59:55to bring you in

00:59:56for an audition or something.

00:59:57Yeah, an audition.

00:59:58Sure, yeah, yeah.

00:59:59Sounds good.

01:00:00All right, I'll talk to you again.

01:00:01We'll be in touch, all right?

01:00:02Yeah, thanks.

01:00:09I'm excited.

01:00:10It's the short film.

01:00:11Thank you.

01:00:15Excuse me.

01:00:22Uh, Jason,

01:00:23I am so sorry about Tim.

01:00:25Frankly, I'm embarrassed.

01:00:27Oh, we should take a selfie

01:00:28while you're here.

01:00:29You could tweet it to me.

01:00:30My handle's at Estaban Jovi,

01:00:31hashtag blessed,

01:00:32hashtag Earth to Jason.

01:00:33Hi, welcome to my party.

01:00:35Talking to...

01:00:36Dude, don't.

01:00:37Don't fucking touch me!

01:00:38I'll kill you!

01:00:45Hey!

01:00:46Baby, you were so brave.

01:00:47I know.

01:00:48Jason!

01:00:49Don't forget what I told you!

01:00:50Watch out for that ball grabber!

01:00:55Brian!

01:00:58Brian!

01:01:07Brian!

01:01:38Officer Arnold.

01:01:40It's a detective.

01:01:42What can I help you with, my friend?

01:01:44How exactly did you know

01:01:46the casting director,

01:01:47Anthony Castellino?

01:01:50I didn't.

01:01:51Uh, I think the first time

01:01:52I heard his name

01:01:53was when you arrested me.

01:01:55That's, that's funny.

01:01:57That's funny.

01:01:58You know why?

01:01:59Because I called the studio

01:02:00and they told me

01:02:01that you were in a casting

01:02:02with him that day.

01:02:04Uh, yeah.

01:02:05Well, she must have forgot.

01:02:07I get a lot of calls.

01:02:09A lot of casting calls.

01:02:11It's just a big coincidence, right?

01:02:13Yeah, it must have been, I guess.

01:02:14No, the thing is,

01:02:15I don't fucking believe

01:02:16in coincidences, motherfucker!

01:02:18And when I get enough evidence on you,

01:02:19I'm gonna bury you

01:02:20and put you away

01:02:21for a very long time.

01:02:23What the fuck?

01:02:24What are you doing, man?

01:02:25What the fuck?

01:02:26No!

01:02:27What the fuck, man?

01:02:28Sleep well, muse.

01:02:30Your day is over.

01:02:31I'm going home.

01:02:32Sleep well, muse.

01:02:33Your days of a free man

01:02:34are slowly dwindling.

01:02:37What the fuck?

01:02:46Gina!

01:02:47Gina!

01:02:48Hey, Gina!

01:02:49I need to speak to you urgently.

01:02:51Jesus Mary's cunt!

01:02:53You scared five years

01:02:54off of me, asshole.

01:02:55Have you ever thought

01:02:56about smoking

01:02:57a little marijuana?

01:02:59It might sell you down a touch.

01:03:01And it's, uh,

01:03:02some quick gigs,

01:03:03preferably cash,

01:03:04big earners.

01:03:05You need lots of money and fast.

01:03:07How about a frickin' knighthood

01:03:08while I'm at it, Sir Jason?

01:03:09I'm serious, Gina.

01:03:10What happened to, uh,

01:03:11I only want to do serious shit,

01:03:13no more snaggin' fuckin' Gucci?

01:03:15I just might need

01:03:16some quick cash

01:03:17for something comin' up.

01:03:18Christ, Jason, what?

01:03:19Hey, do you have

01:03:20that lawyer's number

01:03:21and can I have it?

01:03:22You need to calm down.

01:03:23No, you need to get me a gig,

01:03:24earn that percentage.

01:03:27Fucker.

01:03:31Excuse me.

01:03:32Ah!

01:03:33Shit!

01:03:34Ah, fuck!

01:03:35Fuck you!

01:03:36What the fuck is wrong

01:03:37with you fuckin' people, man?

01:03:39This shit!

01:03:40Trying to get yourself

01:03:41fuckin' killed?

01:03:42You trying to get

01:03:43yourself fuckin' killed?

01:03:45Give me the code.

01:03:47No.

01:03:49What are you doing?

01:03:50Give me the fuckin' code!

01:03:52Give me the fuckin' code!

01:03:54What are you doing?

01:03:55Give me the fuckin' code!

01:03:56Five, six, three.

01:03:57No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:03:59Put it in with your

01:04:00fuckin' tongue.

01:04:01My tongue?

01:04:02Yes!

01:04:03Okay.

01:04:04Are you sure?

01:04:05Do it!

01:04:06Okay.

01:04:07Now.

01:04:08Okay.

01:04:09It's open.

01:04:10Thanks.

01:04:11You're welcome.

01:04:12Is it just straight down?

01:04:14Yeah, yeah.

01:04:15To the left.

01:04:17Boss?

01:04:18It's Detective Arnold.

01:04:19I need to talk to you.

01:04:22Chief?

01:04:23Hello?

01:04:31Hello?

01:04:34Breaking and entering

01:04:35mean much to you, Detective?

01:04:37I heard some distress.

01:04:39I was, uh,

01:04:40justification to, uh,

01:04:41investigate.

01:04:43Maybe I have justification

01:04:44to fire your ass.

01:04:46What are you wearing, Chief?

01:04:48I need to talk to you.

01:04:49Is this about Jason Mewes again?

01:04:51Snuggles boy?

01:04:52He's a cool guy.

01:04:53Shut the fuck up, lover boy.

01:04:55You're not that beautiful,

01:04:56you know that?

01:04:57Baby!

01:05:03Look into my eyes, Detective.

01:05:06It'll be like transporting yourself

01:05:08to an everlasting desert

01:05:10of the purest beauty.

01:05:13Fava-mavo.

01:05:15So you really think

01:05:17that Jason Mewes plotted

01:05:18and carried out a murder

01:05:19under the noses of the LAPD?

01:05:21Jason Mewes was...

01:05:23Vinnie Jones killed

01:05:24that casting director

01:05:25and ordered the witness murder.

01:05:26That's it.

01:05:27Bullshit!

01:05:28Open and shut.

01:05:29You're obsessed, Detective.

01:05:30Leave Mewes the fuck alone

01:05:31or I will prosecute you

01:05:32for breaking and entering.

01:05:34Chief, you're not seeing

01:05:35the trees for the wood.

01:05:37And what are you doing

01:05:38with those eyes

01:05:39and using them

01:05:40as some sort of weapon?

01:05:41Stop doing that

01:05:42with your fucking eyes, man!

01:05:43Well, sometimes

01:05:44I feel very strange.

01:05:46I'm comfortable

01:05:47with my sexuality

01:05:48until this very second.

01:05:50I love you.

01:05:51How dare you?

01:05:52Fuck you!

01:05:54You beautiful son of a bitch!

01:05:56Fuck you.

01:05:57Fuck this.

01:06:03Fuck you, son of a bitch!

01:06:08That's how I got there.

01:06:10I fucking...

01:06:13I'll pick up your car.

01:06:14Judge Marsh!

01:06:15It's been a while.

01:06:17I'm afraid not so good, sir.

01:06:19You're gonna need to call

01:06:20in that Mexico favor.

01:06:21The system's failed me.

01:06:23And justice needs to be served.

01:06:29I've already told you.

01:06:31I didn't send any gangsters

01:06:32to kill that geezer.

01:06:33I don't even know any gangsters.

01:06:35Did I ever tell you

01:06:36I was English?

01:06:37Well, yeah, actually,

01:06:38I was born in England.

01:06:39My grandma was from Essex.

01:06:41I pledged my allegiance

01:06:42to the queen.

01:06:43It's a known fact

01:06:44that I might even be related

01:06:45to the bloodline

01:06:46of Sherlock Holmes himself.

01:06:48The fictional character?

01:06:50Did you know that Muse

01:06:51saw Anthony Castellano

01:06:52on the day that he was murdered?

01:06:54He fucking what?

01:06:56He was in a casting

01:06:58which didn't go too well.

01:07:00I don't know.

01:07:01I mean, call me crazy,

01:07:02but that's sort of

01:07:03a big coincidence

01:07:04that I thought he'd

01:07:05failed to mention

01:07:06to any of us.

01:07:07Don't you?

01:07:11Yeah.

01:07:12Are you ready for some good news

01:07:14finally, Mr. Jones?

01:07:16Go on.

01:07:17I've talked to the powers-that-be judge

01:07:19that I'm quite good friends with.

01:07:21We had a weekend in Cabo once,

01:07:22but that's neither here nor there.

01:07:24He's decided that we don't have

01:07:25enough evidence to keep you here,

01:07:27and we're gonna let you out on bail.

01:07:29Behave yourself now

01:07:30and adhere to those bail conditions.

01:07:33How do they say it in England?

01:07:35Cheerio.

01:07:41♪♪♪

01:07:51♪♪♪

01:08:01♪♪♪

01:08:11♪♪♪

01:08:18What the fuck?

01:08:21What the fuck is this shit?

01:08:25♪♪♪

01:08:31Hello?

01:08:34Excuse me.

01:08:36♪♪♪

01:08:43You want more, son?

01:08:46Let me explain, Finn.

01:08:47Come on, dude, bro.

01:08:49I cannot believe you were gonna let me rot in that cell.

01:08:52Dude, dude, let me explain, Finn.

01:08:54What?

01:08:55Some kind of mate you are, Jay.

01:08:57Jay's dead.

01:08:58Things have changed.

01:09:00Aah!

01:09:02Aah!

01:09:04Aah!

01:09:05♪♪♪

01:09:15Aah!

01:09:17Aah, motherfucker!

01:09:21Billy?

01:09:22Billy?

01:09:23Come on.

01:09:24Aah!

01:09:25Please, please, please.

01:09:27Aah!

01:09:28♪♪♪

01:09:30Shit, shit.

01:09:31Oh, shit.

01:09:32Billy, I'm...

01:09:33It was...

01:09:34It was a misunderstanding.

01:09:35Bro!

01:09:36Aah!

01:09:37Bro!

01:09:38♪♪♪

01:09:43Snoopin' you, puppet!

01:09:45♪♪♪

01:09:50Finn, you okay?

01:09:52♪♪♪

01:10:00♪♪♪

01:10:11♪♪♪

01:10:17Jay?

01:10:21Jay, is that you?

01:10:25Jason?

01:10:33What the hell?

01:10:36Honey?

01:10:38What the fuck are you doing?

01:10:41Fixing the roof.

01:10:42In the middle of the night?

01:10:44What, do you want me to dress up as Jay

01:10:46and not fix the roof?

01:10:47Okay, baby, come down.

01:10:49You're really, really starting to scare me now.

01:10:51I am Jason.

01:10:53Jason Muse!

01:10:55You can sleep on the couch tonight,

01:10:57Jason fucking Muse.

01:11:00What the fuck?

01:11:01Yes, Jason?

01:11:03You're trying to kill me!

01:11:05You were here!

01:11:07You were gonna let me rot in that cell.

01:11:10And what happens when Jay is in a very bad dream?

01:11:15I'm coming for you, son of a bitch!

01:11:19I'm coming for you, son of a bitch!

01:11:32Action!

01:11:33♪♪♪

01:11:41♪♪♪

01:11:46♪♪♪

01:11:51♪♪♪

01:11:56♪♪♪

01:12:02Holy...

01:12:03♪♪♪

01:12:11♪♪♪

01:12:16♪♪♪

01:12:21♪♪♪

01:12:26♪♪♪

01:12:31♪♪♪

01:12:41Mr Jones failed to return to the halfway house last night,

01:12:44a strict condition of his controversial bail.

01:12:46Early theories coming out of the LAPD

01:12:48are that Mr Jones used his British gangland connections

01:12:51to smuggle him out of the country.

01:12:53Attention now turns to the lead detective in the case,

01:12:56as it was Detective Arnold who supported Jones' bail.

01:12:59Hashtag bail. Hashtag fail.

01:13:01Hashtag bail fail.

01:13:03I wonder what took him so long.

01:13:05Are you expecting someone?

01:13:07Don't worry about it.

01:13:18Little early to be drinking there, officer.

01:13:21It's detective.

01:13:22First step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

01:13:25I know you did it, motherfucker.

01:13:27You're lucky you're hiding behind that badge

01:13:29or I might have to bitch slap you, officer.

01:13:33Think you're tough, huh?

01:13:35Such a fair argument, motherfucker.

01:13:37You don't think I'll do it?

01:13:38You don't think I'll pull the fucking trigger?

01:13:40I'm twice the actor you'll ever be.

01:13:42I'm English. I invented fucking acting.

01:13:44I saved your goddamn career.

01:13:46And you should be in jail.

01:13:47You're getting your asshole licked

01:13:48by a fat man in a jumpsuit.

01:13:50It's not the last you've heard of me, muse.

01:13:59Son of a bitch.

01:14:10What the hell was that?

01:14:11Some guy selling insurance.

01:14:13I heard yelling.

01:14:15It's just insurance.

01:14:17Right.

01:14:20The LAPD have launched an official manhunt

01:14:22for British soccer star turned movie star Vinnie Jones.

01:14:26He is wanted on suspicion of the murder of Anthony Castellino

01:14:29and for ordering gang members to put a hit

01:14:31on the only known witness to the Castellino murder.

01:14:34Police have found no trace of Jones,

01:14:36but they have found his rental car abandoned.

01:14:42Jason, who loves you, baby?

01:14:44What's up, Gina?

01:14:45Gina nailed it.

01:14:47Autographed show, some geeky bullshit,

01:14:49events sold out.

01:14:50Ah!

01:14:52Tomorrow, 9 a.m. sharp.

01:14:54They'll give you your cut, cash in hand.

01:14:57Boom.

01:14:58Sorry, can't make it.

01:14:59What? But you said...

01:15:00Forget what I said, all right?

01:15:02And get me a studio casting already.

01:15:04Jason...

01:15:07I have got to fuck this guy's brains out.

01:15:10He is untameable.

01:15:13Oh!

01:15:22You always dress like that, bro?

01:15:30Word to the wise about your friend Brian O'Halloran.

01:15:34Seems he's not as good a friend as you thought he was.

01:15:37Wait, you know about Carrie and Brian?

01:15:39What?

01:15:40You just said...

01:15:41No, but Carrie?

01:15:42Exactly.

01:15:43No!

01:15:44Huh?

01:15:45Brian tried to fuck you.

01:15:46Carrie?

01:15:47Brian fucked Carrie?

01:15:49No!

01:15:50Wait, what?

01:15:51How did Brian fuck me?

01:15:52I have it on very good authority

01:15:54that the studio saw early footage of Acupuncture Killer

01:15:57and they love you for the Odyssey lead,

01:15:59especially hand-in-hand with Brian's own story.

01:16:02Some publicity perfect storm kind of deal.

01:16:05This can't be true.

01:16:06Brian didn't think that you could handle the role.

01:16:10He's on his way to make sure you did not get the offer.

01:16:13Dude, I got to go.

01:16:22Hey!

01:16:40Hey!

01:16:44Hit it.

01:16:54I've never understood how an actress

01:16:56can be expected to show vulnerability.

01:16:59Show her true self.

01:17:01Really reveal herself.

01:17:03If she doesn't trust...

01:17:05Oh, Brian!

01:17:07Oh, my goodness, bro.

01:17:09Hey, man.

01:17:10Dude, I can't believe I ran into you.

01:17:11I was walking around outside and I just...

01:17:13Whoa!

01:17:14Isn't that your car, Jay?

01:17:15No, it's not my car.

01:17:18Dude, it's got your name on the license plate.

01:17:21The Odyssey.

01:17:23Oh, yeah.

01:17:25Um, Jay, about that...

01:17:26Brian got me the role.

01:17:27I knew it.

01:17:28Actually, I called the studio, Jay,

01:17:30and I fought for you.

01:17:31I really did, man,

01:17:32but they're going in a different direction.

01:17:34The Brian I know would say,

01:17:36Muse gets the lead part.

01:17:38Jay, I did everything I could.

01:17:40It's fucking bullshit, bro.

01:17:42We should get going.

01:17:44Let me give you a little piece of advice, Jason.

01:17:46Did you ever hear of a hockey player

01:17:47by the name of Sam Lennox?

01:17:48Fucking don't do this, please, bro!

01:17:51Jay, are you all right?

01:17:53Do you need to, like, call someone

01:17:54or talk it out or...

01:17:55Or maybe I should...

01:17:56Or maybe you should stand up

01:17:57for your fucking friend, man, please.

01:17:59I'll see you around.

01:18:08♪♪♪♪♪

01:18:17♪♪♪♪♪

01:18:25Dude, did you know?

01:18:26What?

01:18:27That Brian didn't want me in The Odyssey.

01:18:29Who told you this?

01:18:30Don't lie to me!

01:18:31I'm not fucking lying.

01:18:32I'm just asking, and you know what?

01:18:34Lately, you're really out of fucking pocket, man,

01:18:36forgetting the relationship and shit like that.

01:18:38Bro, that's fucked up.

01:18:39You didn't tell me, all right?

01:18:40Brian stabbing me in the back is one thing,

01:18:42but you, come on!

01:18:43I didn't fucking stab you in the back, motherfucker.

01:18:46Like, did it ever occur to you

01:18:47that maybe I was looking out for your best interests?

01:18:50Oh, how exactly?

01:18:52Fine, you know what?

01:18:53Fuck, I love you to death, okay?

01:18:55You're, like, my best friend in the world,

01:18:57but, like, you are not a leading man,

01:18:59and Brian's gonna make a movie

01:19:01the whole fucking world's gonna see,

01:19:03and if you fail on that stage, man,

01:19:05that's huge,

01:19:06and it's tough to get out from under that,

01:19:08and it fucking hurts.

01:19:09When you carry a flop,

01:19:10you turn to fucking shit.

01:19:12I became a stoner.

01:19:13Do you ever wonder why?

01:19:14Zack and Miri make a porn,

01:19:15so you start turning to substances, okay?

01:19:17That's me saying it.

01:19:18People are still fucking making fun

01:19:20of Tusk and fucking Mallrats and shit like that,

01:19:23and my big fucking fear is

01:19:24if the movie flops,

01:19:25and you're sitting around

01:19:26wanting to fucking dampen the pain,

01:19:28then maybe you fucking...

01:19:29Come on, you can say it, bro.

01:19:31We don't really want to do this, dude.

01:19:33Like, let's just enjoy my joint.

01:19:35Just say it, bro.

01:19:36Come on, fucking say it.

01:19:37Maybe you start fucking using it again, all right?

01:19:40Maybe you fucking wind up

01:19:41with a goddamn 12-gauge in your arm.

01:19:43Maybe I gotta fucking take you

01:19:44to nine more fucking rehabs

01:19:45and watch you run out of another one

01:19:47and fucking I gotta be

01:19:48your goddamn human parachute,

01:19:49save you from the fucking rock bottom

01:19:51that you're always trying to drag

01:19:52both of us fucking down to, man.

01:19:54I'm sorry, not for nothing,

01:19:55but I ain't going through that shit again, dude.

01:19:57I got a kid of my own.

01:19:58You're fucking great in my movies.

01:20:00Don't get me wrong.

01:20:01You're born to play Jay, but fuck, dude.

01:20:03That's a big fucking job,

01:20:05and you're not that actor.

01:20:06So stop fucking hounding people about it.

01:20:09Or maybe it doesn't flop

01:20:11and it fucking skyrockets

01:20:13and I'm born to play the fucking Odyssey.

01:20:16I nail it.

01:20:17My career surpasses yours,

01:20:19and I'm not in your fucking pocket

01:20:21to pull out when you want.

01:20:23And then you put me in your movie

01:20:25and my shit kills it

01:20:26for the first time ever

01:20:27in the history of Kevin Smith movies.

01:20:29The movie makes money!

01:20:32How about that shit?

01:20:34Okay, I'm, like,

01:20:35this is so not the fucking time to even do this.

01:20:38Like, I don't know if you noticed,

01:20:42but I'm about to go do a fucking comedy show!

01:20:46So you know what, dude?

01:20:47If that's really the way you feel about shit,

01:20:51like, fuck off.

01:20:52Go fuck yourself.

01:20:53You know what?

01:20:54Go step on that.

01:20:55Silent Bob wants Jay.

01:20:57Go step on that fucking joint.

01:21:01You know what?

01:21:02Go step on that fucking joint.

01:21:31Fernie, man.

01:21:32I gotta fire that security idiot.

01:21:35Kevin and O'Hara are fucking working together, dude,

01:21:38to destroy me.

01:21:39What?

01:21:40Dude, they're trying to sabotage my career.

01:21:42Jason, relax, man.

01:21:43What's going on?

01:21:44I messed up, dude.

01:21:45I read the whole book.

01:21:47Oh, shit.

01:21:49I followed it step by step,

01:21:51and it cleared my thoughts, dude,

01:21:53and at first I thought I could handle it,

01:21:55but then with Kevin,

01:21:56and then I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind, man.

01:21:59Jason.

01:22:00I'm going crazy.

01:22:01No, you are evolving.

01:22:03You're seeing the world from a different plane.

01:22:06The book does that to you, man.

01:22:09I've been there.

01:22:10What do you mean?

01:22:12Jason, I, too, was an actor,

01:22:13hugely popular in my home country.

01:22:17I was cursed.

01:22:18Everybody I meet falls hopelessly in love with me.

01:22:24And believe me, Jason, it is a curse.

01:22:27So just like you, I decided to change.

01:22:29Beat the curse.

01:22:30So I came to America to act,

01:22:32to play the bad guy, the gangster,

01:22:34and one day I met with a director late at night,

01:22:38and he, of course, was hopelessly in love with me,

01:22:41and I had a plan.

01:22:44Okay.

01:22:45You're just going to give him a little scare.

01:22:46Just a little scare.

01:22:47Let's go.

01:22:48Method, method, baby.

01:22:49Method.

01:22:58¿Qué pedo?

01:23:00¿Qué pedo?

01:23:01¿Qué salió mal, cabrón?

01:23:02¿Qué salió mal?

01:23:09How do you think I met the chief?

01:23:11She arrested you?

01:23:13For the first time in my life,

01:23:15I was in love, deeply in love.

01:23:18She massaged the charges and made them disappear.

01:23:23For her, I quit acting

01:23:25and went into hiding from all who loved me.

01:23:28And I don't regret it for one second

01:23:30because it was time to give up the book,

01:23:32but only to the right person.

01:23:35I can't think straight, right?

01:23:37Kevin, he betrayed me, he broke my heart, dude,

01:23:39and then hollering and carrying...

01:23:41Jason, as long as there is silence involved,

01:23:43there will always be Jay.

01:23:44Anything and anyone in the way of turning Jay into Jason

01:23:49must be dealt with.

01:23:51This is why I chose to give you the book.

01:23:55You're right.

01:23:57Thanks.

01:23:58Oh, and Jason,

01:24:01I have a feeling this might come in useful.

01:24:06You're a dangerous man, Fernando.

01:24:09Esto se va a poner definitivamente muy interesante.

01:24:25You're a dangerous man, Fernando.

01:24:29Esto se va a poner definitivamente muy interesante.

01:25:25I'm not even supposed to be here today!

01:25:28Not even supposed to be here today.

01:25:30That's right, motherfucker, I carried that movie.

01:25:44I gotta see this again.

01:25:49I'm not even supposed to be here today!

01:25:52I'm not even supposed to be here today!

01:25:55Every fucking time, it kills me.

01:26:14You want what?

01:26:16A blowie.

01:26:17Not a big deal.

01:26:18It won't last long.

01:26:20Forget about it, you little shit.

01:26:22You already showed me your titties.

01:26:24For my fiancé.

01:26:25He wants that comic book so bad, he'd probably blow you himself.

01:26:29Also, it's not the full titty unless you see the nip.

01:26:35I'm not even supposed to be here today!

01:26:40Oh, man.

01:26:44What the fuck?

01:26:51What is going on?

01:26:55It's not raining.

01:27:02For fuck's sake.

01:27:04Stupid mirror.

01:27:12Jesus!

01:27:14Jesus, who let you in?

01:27:17Jesus, who let you in?

01:27:20Come on.

01:27:21Come on, Jesus, let go.

01:27:22Good boy.

01:27:28What the fuck is going on?

01:27:48Got you, mother...

01:27:50Jay?

01:27:52What are you doing here?

01:27:55Ah!

01:27:56What the fuck, Jay?

01:27:58Ow!

01:27:59Oh, man, you son of a...

01:28:08Okay, okay.

01:28:09Show me the full titty, and we have a deal.

01:28:11Go back inside and jerk off.

01:28:14Fucker!

01:28:24You like the fucking golden rocket?

01:28:28You like the fucking golden rocket?

01:28:45Jay, you can have the Odyssey.

01:28:48I can carry.

01:28:50I know about you and carrying, motherfucker!

01:28:54What about carrying?

01:28:56What about carry?

01:28:58Carry?

01:28:59Jason!

01:29:00Who the hell is that?

01:29:02Are you about to murder Brian O'Halloran?

01:29:04Look, I saw what was on the computer, right?

01:29:06And I saw you guys hugging at Esteban's.

01:29:09Jason, you asshole.

01:29:11I asked Brian to take you seriously as an actor at Esteban's.

01:29:15I told him it would mean the world for you if you got the role in the Odyssey.

01:29:18Yeah, Odyssey.

01:29:20This is also Brian from next door.

01:29:23I've been bidding on that fucking comic as a surprise to you.

01:29:26I've been bidding on that as well.

01:29:28You are the other bidder.

01:29:31And you're that rude little motherfucker.

01:29:35Sit the fuck down.

01:29:38You were about to kill Brian for me.

01:29:42Not exactly, but...

01:29:44Well, yeah, I guess I was.

01:29:53Baby.

01:29:55Carrie.

01:29:57I love you.

01:29:59I love you too.

01:30:06What are we going to do about O'Halloran?

01:30:10Baby, he's a witness now.

01:30:12Odyssey, I'm not a witness.

01:30:14I didn't think.

01:30:16Well, I guess you better finish the job, then, angel.

01:30:19Are you sure?

01:30:20No.

01:30:21Wait.

01:30:22I have an alternative.

01:30:23What?

01:30:24I guess you're right.

01:30:27Jason, wait.

01:30:29What is it?

01:30:31Say it for me.

01:30:32Please.

01:30:33I can't.

01:30:34I can't.

01:30:35Snoogage, motherfucker!

01:30:43You have been found guilty of murder in the first degree.

01:30:49Silence in court!

01:30:51Starring in such movies as Clerks, Chasing Amy and More Rats

01:30:54has been called back into the court,

01:30:56as the jury has reached a verdict.

01:30:58A celebrity capable of setting an example.

01:31:03Instead, you chose to act in a consistently despicable manner,

01:31:08be it on a screen or over a podcast.

01:31:11The crux of the case came when DNA evidence was found

01:31:14at the scene of the crime.

01:31:16Therefore, this court is left with no choice

01:31:18but to impose a sentence of life imprisonment.

01:31:22Do you have anything to say to the court at this time?

01:31:27Mr Smith?

01:31:29I can't believe this is happening.

01:31:33It wasn't me, man! I'm innocent!

01:31:35That'll do.

01:31:36It wasn't the fat one! It was the skinny one!

01:31:39Silence!

01:31:41The remnant of a marijuana cigarette

01:31:43with traces of Kevin Smith's DNA

01:31:45was found on the body of Brian O'Halloran.

01:31:47Silent Bob wants Jay to go step on that fucking joint.

01:31:55Some suggest that this murder is a result of reefer madness.

01:31:58As Kevin Smith was a loud proponent of marijuana smoking,

01:32:01it brings into question...

01:32:03Wait, wait, wait, wait.

01:32:06I'm getting breaking news.

01:32:08Kevin Smith has been found guilty of the murder of Brian O'Halloran.

01:32:11Kevin! Here he is!

01:32:13Move, bitch! Kevin!

01:32:15Out of my way, bitch!

01:32:17It wasn't me! Kevin!

01:32:19Come on, man, it wasn't me! It was the other guy!

01:32:22Come on!

01:32:23Jay! Jay!

01:32:25I'd like to thank the detectives who worked so hard on this case

01:32:28to bring us a swift and just verdict.

01:32:30What's the latest with Vinnie Jones? Does he link to this case?

01:32:33The LAPD has an outstanding arrest warrant for Vincent Jones

01:32:36regarding two separate murders.

01:32:38However, latest intelligence suggests he's currently hiding in the United Kingdom

01:32:41amidst his extensive criminal network within the British underworld.

01:32:44Jason! Jason! Move, bitch!

01:32:47Jason, how do you feel about the court's decision?

01:32:50Absolutely mortified.

01:32:52Do you still believe Kevin was innocent?

01:32:54Now, I believe, you know, Kevin's jealousy

01:32:57over Brian O'Halloran's career directing is a little funky,

01:33:01but I can't imagine Kevin doing anything like this.

01:33:04Oh, Jason, Jason, is it also true that you've been hired

01:33:07onto what would have been Mr O'Halloran's big directorial debut?

01:33:11I've spoken in lengths about me playing the lead in The Odyssey,

01:33:14and as a matter of fact, the first time he showed me the project

01:33:17was on a set of Dogma.

01:33:19So I think I should follow through with it,

01:33:21and who better than Chris Nolan to fill Brian's remarkable shoes?

01:33:24I mean, it's going to be great. Great.

01:33:26Jason! Jason! Jason!

01:33:28Jason!

01:33:30Jason!

01:33:32Jason!

01:33:34Jason!

01:33:36Jason!

01:33:41Jason!

01:33:46Mr Arnold! Mr Arnold!

01:33:49Do you not believe your presence here is a little inappropriate

01:33:52considering what you...

01:33:53Jason Mewes is a criminal mastermind.

01:33:55Your obsession with Mewes is alleged to have dated back

01:33:58to your unsuccessful audition for a role that Jason was offered.

01:34:01New goes to the... Nope, next.

01:34:03That's substantiated and you can't prove that.

01:34:05You have been disgraced, thrown off the force

01:34:08and could face criminal assault charges

01:34:10after a security video was leaked.

01:34:15And yet you stand here today,

01:34:17still insisting that Mewes is a murderer.

01:34:20If I have to spend every goddamn second of the rest of my life

01:34:23proving that Jason Mewes is a murderer, I will.

01:34:26I'm an descendant of Sherlock Holmes, motherfucker.

01:34:28I can solve anything.

01:34:30You hear that, Mewes? I'm coming for you, son of a bitch!

01:34:33You cock-sucking actor motherfucker!

01:34:35I'm coming for you! Nothing will stop me!

01:34:38Absolutely nothing!

01:34:40Fucker!

01:34:43If he's related to Sherlock Holmes, then I am fucking Ryan Gosling.

01:34:46And let me tell you now, I am not fucking...

01:35:08We have a brand-new, number one, most important movie star in the world.

01:35:15That's right.

01:35:16Danny Trejo is on top as the world's most important movie star.

01:36:39THE NEXT DAY

01:36:52Take the shit!

01:36:53You see for yourself. Why don't you have a sit?

01:36:55I will cut your throat, bitch.

01:36:57Why?

01:36:58You didn't see me run anyone over.

01:37:00I didn't see you.

01:37:01Wait, what?

01:37:02I thought maybe it was that English soccer thug-turned-actor

01:37:05I keep showing him on the news, but I was blinded by the headlights. I didn't see.

01:37:08Whoa!

01:37:09Back here, dude.

01:37:10Dude, it's me.

01:37:12Who's me?

01:37:14Dude, it's Zach.

01:37:16What the fuck?

01:37:17Zach Galligan?

01:37:18Shh! Keep your voice down, guy. I'm gonna be signing shit here for a month.

01:37:21Zach, didn't you get a call?

01:37:23You know, this kid came out to be...

01:37:25What? Get a call? What? That's not the line.

01:37:28I'm sorry, bro. We gave this part to Dean Cain.

01:37:32What? You gave it to Cain?

01:37:34Super bitch?

01:37:35Dean Cain, he's not in Gremlins or Gremlins 2.

01:37:39Zach, I gave you the part as the director.

01:37:41But I can do two parts. That's why I did the accent.

01:37:44Bro, I don't know what to say.

01:37:45Why don't you go watch a fucking movie?

01:37:47I need an ambulance.

01:37:49No shit, cuz. That looks painful.

01:37:51You killed that guy.

01:37:52You're looking pretty pale, bro.

01:37:54Are you kidding me?

01:37:57What have you got for me in the picture, huh?

01:37:59It's like, it could be, like, end title sequence.

01:38:02Or it could be, like, a crowd sequence.

01:38:04It could be, like, hey, hey, Gremlin dude.

01:38:06You know, in the back, something like that.

01:38:07What do you say?

01:38:08We are fully casted.

01:38:10God, you gotta help me out.

01:38:12I need screen time.

01:38:14I'm trying to fucking stay in the game.

01:38:16All right, listen.

01:38:17I'll talk to my producers, Dom and Rob.

01:38:19See if we can...

01:38:20Don't pawn me off, bro.

01:38:22I'm not.

01:38:23Shut up!

01:38:27And cut.

01:38:29Thank you, everyone.

01:38:30And that is a picture wrap.

01:39:00Thank you.

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