House Rules Full Movie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00But lately, my current roommate has been making it difficult for me to do so.
00:00:30Whatever happened to the shirts on in the kitchen rule?
00:00:37That's not a real rule.
00:00:39Yeah, it's house rule number 16.
00:00:41No roommate shall hang around the apartment, topless, or bottomless, or both.
00:00:46But those are your rules.
00:00:48No, they're our rules.
00:00:49We agreed to them before you moved in.
00:00:51No, you wrote them down and asked if I agreed.
00:00:54Then I grunted.
00:00:55Not admissible in a court of law.
00:00:56Well, it's admissible in our kitchen, so shirt on.
00:01:00Or what?
00:01:01Or...
00:01:02I won't save you any waffles.
00:01:03Why didn't you start with that?
00:01:04Shirt coming right up.
00:01:05Did I seriously just ask him to cover up that six-pack?
00:01:16I mean, Dylan has always been objectively hot.
00:01:20And it's not like I don't appreciate looking at him.
00:01:24Dylan and I have been friends for years, and I swear I've never seen him as anything more
00:01:28than that.
00:01:29Plus, he's a total player, and I know better than to get involved in games.
00:01:36Oh, man!
00:01:40You happy now?
00:01:41This is your fault.
00:01:42Oh, why?
00:01:43Because I made you put on a shirt like a normal person?
00:01:46Please.
00:01:47Don't worry.
00:01:48I get it.
00:01:49You get what?
00:01:50I understand why you have the no shirt on rule.
00:01:52It's too distracting for you otherwise.
00:01:55Oh!
00:01:56Looks like we'll be needing a bigger apartment.
00:01:58Your ego needs a tall room.
00:02:00You say ego, I say awesomeness.
00:02:01Tomatoes and a lot of them.
00:02:02All I know is that it's time for house rules.
00:02:03We need to cook.
00:02:04Oh, okay.
00:02:05Yeah.
00:02:06Um.
00:02:07Okay.
00:02:08Okay.
00:02:09All right.
00:02:10Yeah.
00:02:11Sorry.
00:02:12I'm going to go take a shower.
00:02:24I know he's joking, but my whole body just blushed.
00:02:33Um, yeah.
00:02:34No.
00:02:35No.
00:02:36You know, one of these days I'm going to say yes, just fuck you out.
00:02:43What on earth?
00:02:44Is he serious?
00:02:45Yeah.
00:02:46Yeah, that's his fault.
00:02:48Yeah, that's his fault.
00:02:49Yeah, that's his fault.
00:02:50What happened back there?
00:02:51Was he joking?
00:02:52Not really.
00:02:53Nope.
00:02:54Someone Emma?
00:02:55Remember Emma?
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00:04:58I don't know if I'll make it.
00:04:59I don't know if I'll manage it.
00:05:00No?
00:05:01Don't worry about it.
00:05:02I'll do it.
00:05:03I can't believe Dylan just saw me naked.
00:05:04I wonder if he liked it?
00:05:05Wait.
00:05:06Why do I care if he liked it?
00:05:07Oh God.
00:05:08Who am I kidding.
00:05:09My heart races whenever Dylan walks into a room with or without a shirt.
00:05:10Ooohhh!
00:05:11Why is he looking at me like that?
00:05:12Where are the leftover waffles?
00:05:22In the freezer.
00:05:23House rule number 22, remember?
00:05:24You cooked, so I clean.
00:05:27House rule number 22, remember?
00:05:28You cooked, so I clean.
00:05:30Well, I never stopped you from cleaning.
00:05:33You just didn't know where the waffles went, so I needed to show you, because...
00:05:36Emma.
00:05:37What?
00:05:38I have a question about your house rules.
00:05:40Okay.
00:05:41I think it's time we go over some of them together.
00:05:45What's the point in doing that?
00:05:46You ignore most of them anyway.
00:05:47But you don't ignore them.
00:05:49So what are you getting at?
00:05:51House rule number 19.
00:05:54Roommate shall never date?
00:05:55Yeah, that one.
00:05:56I think it's time I had more input on the house rules.
00:05:59My first action as co-rulemaker will be to delete house rule number 19 from the list.
00:06:05So what are you trying to say, Dylan?
00:06:08I think you know, Emma.
00:06:11Rule number 19 is there for a reason.
00:06:13What reason?
00:06:14I mean, if anything were to happen between us, it wouldn't last.
00:06:19And how would we live together after that?
00:06:21Why wouldn't it last?
00:06:22Wait, let me guess.
00:06:23You think I'm a player.
00:06:26Let's just say that ego of yours is well-fed.
00:06:33What if I told you that the reason I go on all these dates was because I'm trying to
00:06:36find someone, anyone who would compare to the girl I was really into.
00:06:40No one could ever compare to her.
00:06:42What are you saying?
00:06:44Emma, I secretly love your house rules.
00:06:46Not only is it adorable to watch you try to keep me in line, but the rules are just so...
00:06:53you.
00:06:54What?
00:06:55Strict and uptight?
00:06:56Thoughtful and clever.
00:06:58And you're funny when you don't even know it.
00:07:02Most important, your house rules makes this apartment...
00:07:06home.
00:07:08All these years, we've been right in front of each other, but the rules have kept us apart.
00:07:13I'd like to propose a new house rule.
00:07:15Yeah?
00:07:16What's that?
00:07:17A secret kiss rule.
00:07:19Roommates are allowed to kiss, just once, to see if they're feeling certain characteristics.
00:07:25The risk of what?
00:07:26Abolishing house rule number 19?
00:07:31Of course, I am too.
00:07:34But this thing between us was powerful.
00:07:37Feel for you.
00:07:39So I think.
00:07:41So try.
00:07:43So I think.
00:07:44So try.
00:07:45Thank you for casting the phone.
00:07:59My phone?
00:08:01Yeah.
00:08:02Your vote to abolish house rule number 19.
00:08:05I don't think...
00:08:07Hey, we're not taking it back.
00:08:09No, I'm not taking it back.
00:08:11I'm just saying that my kiss doesn't necessarily count.
00:08:14I guess in the end, it's the rules that brought us together.
00:08:22Dylan, De La Rosa, I vote that we risk it all for us.
00:08:31Alright then. It's official. New rule. No more house rule number 19.
00:08:39And who am I to argue with the rules?
00:08:56I can't believe you're making me do this.
00:08:58You better believe I'm getting you back good next time.
00:09:01Seeing you dance will be worth it. Get moving!
00:09:07Come on! Shake that ass!
00:09:31Get it Dylan!
00:09:33You like that?
00:09:36Mm-hmm. And I think we should dance together when I get home.
00:09:41Oh yeah?
00:09:45Hey jerk! Get out of the street! You dance like a D-band!
00:09:48Stop or I'll call the cops!
00:09:50Sorry Mrs. Davenport!
00:09:54Okay, that was amazing.
00:09:57If by amazing you mean humiliating, yes it was.
00:10:01You asked for a dare, you get a dare.
00:10:06I know I said this already, but I seriously wish I was home right now with you.
00:10:14Why? So you can yell at me for drinking out of the carton?
00:10:17No, so we can spend Valentine's together.
00:10:21I know baby, we'll be together soon.
00:10:23So, truth or dare?
00:10:28Do you have to ask? Truth.
00:10:31Okay.
00:10:36Do you remember the first time we kissed?
00:10:42Of course.
00:10:44Was that the first time you wanted to kiss me?
00:10:48No.
00:10:50So when? Was it when we first got together?
00:10:53No, not that either.
00:10:58It was during that snowstorm we had a few years back.
00:11:01I was so sick and you had a date with Jenna Stevens from chemistry.
00:11:10Ah, Jenna.
00:11:12Anyway, you cancelled it just to keep me company.
00:11:17I felt so feverish but we didn't have a thermometer
00:11:22and you told me how in your family if someone says they're burning up,
00:11:26you kiss them on the forehead to check.
00:11:30Lips are sensitive.
00:11:32It's better than using the back of your hand on someone's forehead.
00:11:35I told you it was a stupid idea that I could get you sick.
00:11:38But I did it anyway.
00:11:40Yeah, and all I wanted to do was tilt my head back and press my lips to yours.
00:11:49But I was also scared.
00:11:52I was scared too.
00:11:54But I'm glad I thought about the forehead kiss.
00:11:56Even though I ended up getting sick anyway.
00:11:59See? You should have listened to me.
00:12:02Oh, hold on a sec.
00:12:10Oh my gosh!
00:12:14Dylan!
00:12:16This is so sweet!
00:12:18You like them?
00:12:19They're beautiful!
00:12:22What are they?
00:12:23They're flowers. They grow out of the ground.
00:12:25Shut up. You know what I mean.
00:12:28They're called the Queen Emma Lily.
00:12:30That's why they're so beautiful, delicate, unique, sensitive.
00:12:35I told you to shut up.
00:12:37You know what you're doing to me.
00:12:39You know what you're doing to me.
00:12:41I know and I wish I could help you out with that.
00:12:44I love them.
00:12:46No one's ever bought me flowers before.
00:12:49And what's this?
00:12:51Is this my mysterious gift you were talking about?
00:12:55That's for later.
00:12:57You're seriously too much.
00:13:00I never knew you're the type of guy to send flowers.
00:13:03Hey, I'm not just a chiseled bar.
00:13:06I've been known to be romantic.
00:13:10To whom?
00:13:12To whom?
00:13:13Marsha, that's her name.
00:13:15Marsha?
00:13:17Wait.
00:13:18Marsha Mason?
00:13:20You slept with my co-worker?
00:13:23Haven't we discussed this?
00:13:25No.
00:13:27I introduced you to her at my office party
00:13:30and you both acted like you didn't know each other.
00:13:33That was so long ago. I don't even remember.
00:13:36So you don't remember if you slept with her?
00:13:40Emma.
00:13:41I dare you to tell me.
00:13:42Did you have sex with Marsha?
00:13:44Emma.
00:13:45I dare you to tell me.
00:13:47Did you have sex with Marsha?
00:13:49We got together way before you and I ever hooked up.
00:13:52Just tell me.
00:13:53Fine. Yes.
00:13:55We did. Once.
00:13:57Well, maybe a few times.
00:13:59But it was all in one night.
00:14:01So, silver lining?
00:14:05How many people do I know that you've slept with?
00:14:08Jenna Stevens?
00:14:09Don't ask me that.
00:14:10Gross!
00:14:11My sister?
00:14:12Come on, no.
00:14:14Mrs. Davenport?
00:14:15Ew!
00:14:16She's old enough to be my grandmother.
00:14:18Well, seems like you're not too discerning.
00:14:20Emma, come on.
00:14:21You know what?
00:14:22Try not to f*** anybody else until I'm ready to talk to you again.
00:14:26Wha-
00:14:51I'm sorry, babe.
00:15:04Marsha, it was so long ago.
00:15:06I told you, back then I had this hole in my heart.
00:15:09And I looked everywhere to find something to fill it.
00:15:13It meant nothing.
00:15:15It was painful.
00:15:16Because I should have been with you.
00:15:19Well, now you are.
00:15:21So we're okay?
00:15:23I shouldn't have gotten so mad.
00:15:25No, I shouldn't have brought it up.
00:15:27It was stupid.
00:15:29Yeah, it was pretty stupid.
00:15:32Well, we do have a game to finish.
00:15:35Dylan, I'm not really in the mood.
00:15:37Just play along, please.
00:15:39Okay, fine.
00:15:41Truth or dare?
00:15:43Truth.
00:15:44Wow, really?
00:15:46Really.
00:15:47Okay.
00:15:48Hmm.
00:15:51Tell me about one of those lover secrets.
00:15:54Tell me about one of those lover secrets.
00:15:57Okay, here's a secret.
00:15:59I love you.
00:16:01Like, really, really love.
00:16:04Like, I can't breathe kind of love.
00:16:08This Valentine, what I really want to give you is my heart.
00:16:14What? Too sappy?
00:16:16No, it's just...
00:16:19Thank you.
00:16:20I wanted to tell you so bad, but I was nervous.
00:16:23I love you, Dylan.
00:16:25You know what?
00:16:27This Valentine's Day hasn't been so bad after all.
00:16:29Yeah, even though we're apart, it's been a pretty good day.
00:16:34I miss you.
00:16:35I miss you, babe.
00:16:37Are you ready to open your present?
00:16:39Yes!
00:16:42Ooh!
00:16:45Bubble bath and candle?
00:16:49Ooh, me likes, me likes.
00:16:52Thank you.
00:16:53You're welcome, beautiful.
00:16:56You feeling dirty?
00:16:58Dirty?
00:17:01Ah, this is exactly what I needed.
00:17:05Happy Valentine's Day, baby.
00:17:08Best Valentine's Day ever.
00:17:10Now, show me something.
00:17:15Emma!
00:17:16Emma, what happened?
00:17:18I don't know.
00:17:19I don't know.
00:17:20I don't know.
00:17:21I don't know.
00:17:22I don't know.
00:17:23I don't know.
00:17:24I don't know.
00:17:25I don't know.
00:17:26I don't know.
00:17:27I don't know.
00:17:28I don't know.
00:17:29What happened?
00:17:31Look what I found in a drawer in Dylan's room!
00:17:36I never took you for a thong, girl.
00:17:38I'm not!
00:17:39These aren't mine!
00:17:41So why would they be in Dylan's room?
00:17:43Amanda!
00:17:45Okay, um, let's not jump to any conclusions.
00:17:51Why were you looking in his room?
00:17:54I wasn't looking around!
00:17:56I was just doing laundry!
00:17:58You do his laundry?
00:17:59We do each other's laundry, Amanda.
00:18:02We take turns doing stuff around the house.
00:18:05That's what a...
00:18:07That's what a relationship is!
00:18:09I guess that's why I avoid them.
00:18:12Are you sure they're not yours?
00:18:14Amanda, I was at my parents' house all last week.
00:18:17I mean, he clearly had someone over.
00:18:20Someone who wears sexier panties than me!
00:18:24Okay, I said no jumping to conclusions.
00:18:27And please, never say the word panties again.
00:18:30Amanda, what other explanation could there possibly be?
00:18:33Maybe they're from, like, an old fling from, like, a while back.
00:18:38Maybe they're from, like, an old fling from, like, a while back.
00:18:43And then he just stuffed them in a drawer.
00:18:45Out of sight, out of mind.
00:18:47That doesn't make sense!
00:18:49Why not just throw them out?
00:18:51Unless...
00:18:53Unless he's still into her!
00:18:55I really don't think so.
00:18:57I mean, he just told you he loved you.
00:18:59That's serious, E.
00:19:01Maybe that was just his guilt talking.
00:19:03Nuh-uh, nuh-uh.
00:19:04I'm not about to let you wallow in this pity party
00:19:07until we have some actual proof that something's up.
00:19:10But how?
00:19:12You say he's gonna be gone a while?
00:19:14I mean, I guess.
00:19:17Then it's time to investigate, girl!
00:19:19There might be some actual evidence in there!
00:19:22You mean, snoop around in his stuff?
00:19:24Some people might call it snooping,
00:19:26but I like to call it searching for the truth.
00:19:45Ooh!
00:19:46Ew!
00:19:47Ew!
00:19:50Ugh!
00:19:51New health rule?
00:19:53Don't be gross!
00:19:54Blech!
00:19:56What are you even looking for down there?
00:19:58I mean, it's not like women still write their numbers
00:20:01on, like, notes in napkins.
00:20:03Call me, XOXO.
00:20:05That's so old school.
00:20:07Just wanna check.
00:20:10But I don't know, there's nothing.
00:20:12Maybe it is just a thong from some old fling.
00:20:15Maybe.
00:20:19But you have separate bathrooms?
00:20:34For someone who's such an eat freak,
00:20:36you're an expert at wrecking shit.
00:20:44It's a strawberry-flavored condom?
00:20:48He's cheating on me with a stripper?!
00:20:50Well, maybe he bought it for you,
00:20:52you know, to spice things up a little.
00:20:55Flavored condoms can be fun.
00:20:57No, no, no!
00:20:58We don't use condoms!
00:21:00I have a pill!
00:21:02This is more evidence, right?!
00:21:04I mean, I guess.
00:21:06But go you with the raw dog!
00:21:08He didn't even try to hide it.
00:21:10He just left it in plain sight!
00:21:12It was in his private bathroom cabinet
00:21:15behind his deodorant
00:21:17where anyone could see it.
00:21:21Sorry.
00:21:24What's the paper it was wrapped in?
00:21:26It's a note.
00:21:29Glad you could use my services?
00:21:31Call me when she's away again?
00:21:33XOXO, Brittany?
00:21:36And there's a phone number here!
00:21:38Oh, shit!
00:21:40People still actually write notes?!
00:21:42And he kept it?!
00:21:45I'm gonna kill him.
00:21:47Well, you won't have to do it alone.
00:21:49I'm coming over.
00:21:51Amanda, I...
00:21:54Why would he do this?
00:21:56I don't know, Em,
00:21:58but no matter what,
00:22:00you're gonna be okay.
00:22:02I don't know.
00:22:04I have to call Dylan
00:22:06and tell him about what I found.
00:22:08You want me to come over?
00:22:10I was serious, you know.
00:22:12Maybe, yeah.
00:22:14If talking to Dylan goes south,
00:22:16I'm gonna need a girl's night.
00:22:18And someone to help me
00:22:20throw all this shit out into the street.
00:22:22Is that part of the house rules?
00:22:24Cheaters will be
00:22:26forcibly removed from the premises.
00:22:30We're gonna add it.
00:22:32Well, just let me know.
00:22:34I'm here for you.
00:22:36Thanks, A.
00:22:38And if he is cheating,
00:22:40screw him!
00:22:42Or don't.
00:22:44Or screw him good one last time
00:22:46and then kick him to the curb.
00:22:48He is really hot.
00:22:50I will.
00:22:52Or I won't.
00:22:54Bye.
00:22:56Bye, girl. Good luck.
00:23:04Hey, babe.
00:23:06So I went ahead and got us tacos.
00:23:08I know it's not Tuesday, but...
00:23:12Hey, what's wrong?
00:23:14Look, I know my room's a mess.
00:23:16Dylan?
00:23:18I found a thong.
00:23:20Guess what? I booked that commercial!
00:23:22Great.
00:23:24I found a thong.
00:23:26So what do you say you and I celebrate tonight?
00:23:28And, uh...
00:23:30Yo, yo, yo, yo!
00:23:32Yo, are you serious right now, bro?
00:23:34Are you serious?
00:23:36I'm sorry, man. I didn't know.
00:23:38Why don't you take your eyes out of your ass
00:23:40so you can see where you're going next time, man?
00:23:42I'm so sorry.
00:23:44Yeah, you sorry!
00:23:46What am I supposed to do now?
00:23:48You just ruined my pies!
00:23:50Black pies matter, bro.
00:23:52What am I gonna do now?
00:23:54What am I gonna do now?
00:23:56I don't know, but whatever you need, I'll pay for it.
00:23:58I'm sorry.
00:24:00Don't touch my slices, man.
00:24:02Go somewhere, do your pilates, do what you do.
00:24:04What do you need? You want me to pay for anything?
00:24:06No! Just go, man. Just go look pretty somewhere else, man.
00:24:08Thanks.
00:24:10Just go ahead, Abercrombie and Fitch.
00:24:14That was quick.
00:24:16Everything okay?
00:24:18No. I didn't even get it out.
00:24:20Why?
00:24:22Just...
00:24:24Stuff happened, okay? Just don't push me, okay?
00:24:26Okay.
00:24:28I'm sorry, Amanda.
00:24:30It's not you.
00:24:32It's just...
00:24:34I don't ever want to see him again.
00:24:36Well, you won't have to.
00:24:38I'm gonna be leaving my place soon.
00:24:40He won't come near you or that apartment.
00:24:42Thanks, A.
00:24:44I know you really love him.
00:24:46I do.
00:24:48I really thought he was different.
00:24:50We all did.
00:24:52He got us all fooled.
00:24:54But I'm about to leave soon.
00:24:56Don't do anything stupid, okay?
00:24:58Don't do anything stupid, okay?
00:25:02Okay.
00:25:14Hi.
00:25:16Are you the casting director?
00:25:18No. I'm Emma.
00:25:20Dylan's girlfriend.
00:25:22Well, soon-to-be ex-girlfriend.
00:25:24Shit.
00:25:26Who's Dylan?
00:25:28Oh.
00:25:30Right.
00:25:32That Dylan.
00:25:34Ex, huh?
00:25:36So sorry
00:25:38to hear you guys broke up.
00:25:40Oh, don't give me that bullshit.
00:25:42You left your disgusting
00:25:44thong here and a note.
00:25:46I wanted Dylan to have something
00:25:48to remember me by.
00:25:50I can't believe this.
00:25:52Can you blame me?
00:25:54Dylan's hot.
00:25:56Why?
00:25:58Well, I thought he was more than just hot.
00:26:00I thought he was a really great guy.
00:26:02And I thought what we had was special.
00:26:04I can't believe he'd just throw it all away
00:26:06to cheat with you.
00:26:08Wait.
00:26:10You think he cheated?
00:26:12Uh, yeah.
00:26:14The thong, the note,
00:26:16the condom ready to go.
00:26:18Plus, you just
00:26:20admitted it.
00:26:22No. I admit I left my panties.
00:26:24Don't say panties.
00:26:26And your strawberry-flavored
00:26:28condom.
00:26:30And the strawberry-flavored condom.
00:26:32It was my last one.
00:26:34I was really trying to impress him.
00:26:36So you left a condom here,
00:26:38but you didn't f*** my boyfriend?
00:26:40No. Unfortunately.
00:26:42So why'd you leave a condom?
00:26:44So he would know
00:26:46I was DTF.
00:26:48But you know, safe about it.
00:26:50That's probably the sluttiest thing
00:26:52I've ever heard.
00:26:54What are you, like an escort or something?
00:26:56Excuse me? No, I'm not.
00:26:58Who the hell do you think you are?
00:27:00Well, I don't get it.
00:27:02Your note says,
00:27:04glad you can use my services.
00:27:06Look, chill out.
00:27:08I run a cleaning service.
00:27:10Dylan hired me to clean your apartment
00:27:12while you were away because
00:27:14you know, he's kind of a lazy and gross.
00:27:16He was trying to impress you.
00:27:18But you were gone
00:27:20and he was cute,
00:27:22so I mean, I know.
00:27:24He was cute, so I mean, I know.
00:27:26But he tried to be that bitch.
00:27:28I know, shopper.
00:27:30Not used to getting rejected.
00:27:32So, that is all.
00:27:34Figured he might change his mind
00:27:36and give me a condom.
00:27:38So, let me say,
00:27:40I didn't respect you.
00:27:42Even though he said you were just rude.
00:27:44And you're like, OC.
00:27:46You know, you have a lot
00:27:48of people.
00:27:50There are other underwear.
00:27:52You know, like cheapy or thong
00:27:54or never ask for your money.
00:27:56So,
00:27:58he never called you?
00:28:00He did not.
00:28:02And it's where you're telling the truth.
00:28:04Yes.
00:28:06In fact, all the underwear
00:28:08that he gave you
00:28:10was actually pretty cheap.
00:28:12Never asked for your money.
00:28:14I'm waiting on a bit
00:28:16for you to give me a condom.
00:28:18Thank you.
00:28:36Sorry, babe. That was a mess.
00:28:40I think we should probably order in tonight.
00:28:42And do some laundry.
00:28:44My shirt is pretty much ruined.
00:28:46Who says you need a shirt?
00:28:48Well,
00:28:50what a lady wants, a lady gets.
00:28:52Oh, and what were you saying about a thong?
00:28:54Oh.
00:28:56Um, I was just
00:28:58thinking about wearing one for you.
00:29:00I thought
00:29:02you might be tired of granny panties.
00:29:04Frisky.
00:29:06Who says you need any underwear at all?
00:29:08Dylan.
00:29:10What? A man can dream, can't he?
00:29:12Maybe I'll get lucky?
00:29:14With you, every day is lucky.
00:29:16Aw, babe.
00:29:18You must be having a nice day.
00:29:20Yep, it's been great.
00:29:22Well, I'm almost home,
00:29:24so your day's about to get even better.
00:29:28What's wrong?
00:29:34Why is Amanda
00:29:36in front of our building with a baseball bat?
00:29:38Oh,
00:29:40uh,
00:29:42you should run.
00:29:44Dylan.
00:29:46Yeah, you should get out of there.
00:29:48I just have a couple questions for you, you know.
00:29:50Come here. Let's have a chat, Dylan.
00:29:52Dylan, where are you going?
00:29:54Dylan, I don't have time for you, sir.
00:29:56Not with my best friend.
00:29:58Are you kidding me?
00:30:02Okay, so.
00:30:04What do you think?
00:30:06No. That is not appropriate
00:30:08for a job interview.
00:30:10What if I
00:30:12wore a cardigan with it?
00:30:14Man.
00:30:18You shot down every outfit I own.
00:30:20I'm just being honest with you.
00:30:22Maybe too honest.
00:30:24What's that supposed to mean?
00:30:26Ever since I applied for this job,
00:30:28you've been trashing it.
00:30:30I'm just being real with you.
00:30:32Babe, assistant to the CEO
00:30:34of Vanguard Models?
00:30:36This could be huge.
00:30:38And you're not being supportive.
00:30:40Me telling you the truth is being supportive.
00:30:42If you hated Vanguard so much,
00:30:44why did you work for them?
00:30:46It was a good gig.
00:30:48And they treated the talent, me,
00:30:50like royalty.
00:30:52But they treated the staff like shit.
00:30:54I don't want you lumped in with everyone else.
00:30:56Oh, so I'm everyone else.
00:30:58My job isn't as important
00:31:00because I'm not in front of the camera
00:31:02That is not what I meant.
00:31:04That is not what I meant.
00:31:06Uh-huh, sure.
00:31:10What about this one?
00:31:16Last time I wore this, you said I look stunning.
00:31:18Yeah, but
00:31:20it's just too...
00:31:22Professional? Flattering?
00:31:24Perfectly appropriate for an interview?
00:31:26Look, if you don't want my opinion,
00:31:28don't ask for it.
00:31:30Oh, I know what this is about.
00:31:32Oh yeah, what's that?
00:31:34You're jealous
00:31:36of Chris Monroe.
00:31:38I am not.
00:31:40He was voted one of Style Magazine's
00:31:42most eligible bachelors.
00:31:44Two, his modeling company is one of the most
00:31:46followed accounts on Insta.
00:31:48He's one of the youngest, richest
00:31:50CEOs in the country.
00:31:52And, if I get hired,
00:31:54I'm going to be spending all day,
00:31:56every day with him.
00:31:58So, um, yeah, I'd say you're
00:32:00probably pretty jealous.
00:32:02That guy's a class-A douche-nozzle.
00:32:04A what?
00:32:06I'm secure in our relationship.
00:32:08Never worry about you falling for that guy.
00:32:10So then what's your issue?
00:32:12So then what's your issue?
00:32:14My issue
00:32:16is that you're not chasing your dreams.
00:32:18I want you to be happy.
00:32:20No one lands their dream job in their twenties.
00:32:22I need experience first.
00:32:24You have tons of experience.
00:32:26We met on set, remember?
00:32:28You were interning for that ad agency.
00:32:30You were modeling that dumb Speedo.
00:32:32More like super hot Speedo.
00:32:34And I kept catching you sneaking off
00:32:36to the craft services table.
00:32:38My point is, you have tons of experience.
00:32:40You just need to put yourself
00:32:42out there.
00:32:44When we first met, you told me
00:32:46you wanted to start your own agency.
00:32:48I still do.
00:32:50Okay, so what's holding you back?
00:32:52It's not that easy.
00:32:54You're smart, well-connected,
00:32:56and you have an incredibly gorgeous boyfriend
00:32:58cheering you on.
00:33:00What are you so scared of?
00:33:02Okay,
00:33:04what about this one?
00:33:06Still no.
00:33:08Are you seriously
00:33:10policing my clothes right now?
00:33:12I can look out for myself, thanks.
00:33:14I know you can,
00:33:16but do you really want to work for someone like that?
00:33:18Seriously, ask him
00:33:20why his assistant left.
00:33:22It's a tough industry.
00:33:24Not everyone can hack it.
00:33:26Listen, I can be home in 20 minutes.
00:33:28Skip the interview, and we'll come up
00:33:30with plans for you to start your own agency.
00:33:32Will you just stop, please?
00:33:34Emma, I know
00:33:36you're scared.
00:33:38Dylan, you don't know anything.
00:33:40You don't know what it's like.
00:33:42All you do is just stand in front of the camera
00:33:44and look hot.
00:33:46Well, some of us have to actually work for a living.
00:33:48I gotta go.
00:33:50I would say wish me luck, but I know you wouldn't mean it.
00:33:52Emma.
00:33:54I gotta go.
00:34:04I take it you're Emma.
00:34:06Chris Monroe.
00:34:08Hi, Chris.
00:34:10It's great to see you, Emma.
00:34:12Is now still a good time to chat?
00:34:14Definitely. I've been looking forward to
00:34:16this all week.
00:34:18All right, great.
00:34:20Let's get started, then.
00:34:22I was impressed with your resume.
00:34:24Looks like you've worked for almost every
00:34:26major agency in the city.
00:34:28Yes, I've seen it all.
00:34:30The good and the bad.
00:34:34Let's focus on the good, shall we?
00:34:36Why don't you start by telling me
00:34:38about your most memorable experience in the industry?
00:34:40Well, as you saw
00:34:42on my resume, I used to work for Perception.
00:34:44Ooh.
00:34:46Last year, we
00:34:48booked a major holiday shoot.
00:34:50And the client wanted
00:34:52to go for your typical aesthetic.
00:34:54Really tall, thin women
00:34:56and lean, muscular men.
00:34:58But I suggested
00:35:00we take a different approach.
00:35:02I wanted to go for a more
00:35:04diverse array of models.
00:35:06You know, really
00:35:08push for representation.
00:35:10It was something that Perception had
00:35:12never done before.
00:35:14And, well, they went for it.
00:35:16It was a super
00:35:18successful campaign.
00:35:20And it shows that you can be inclusive
00:35:22and still be profitable.
00:35:24Well, I'll tell you what,
00:35:26Emma.
00:35:28I like your spirit.
00:35:30Wow, thank you.
00:35:32That means so much coming from you.
00:35:34Vanguard is so impressive.
00:35:36I agree.
00:35:38I'd even say we're the best.
00:35:40Well, there's no such thing.
00:35:44There's always room
00:35:46for improvement.
00:35:48Top companies can always strive to be better.
00:35:50Even Vanguard.
00:35:52Oh? And, um,
00:35:54what would you do better?
00:35:56Well,
00:35:58I did notice
00:36:00that there's not a whole
00:36:02lot of diversity.
00:36:04Wow, you really like that word, huh?
00:36:06Diversity.
00:36:08Um, I noticed
00:36:10that there's not a whole lot of it on your social
00:36:12media in particular.
00:36:14Think of all the work you could do with
00:36:16plus-size models and
00:36:18models of different
00:36:20gender identities and
00:36:22Let me stop you right there, Emma.
00:36:24Vanguard is the best because we
00:36:26stick with what works.
00:36:28Conventional models, conventional looks.
00:36:30You have the opportunity
00:36:32to change the world with your platform.
00:36:34Right, we're not trying to change
00:36:36the world. We're trying to make money.
00:36:38And we're pretty darn good at it.
00:36:40Plus, we donate plenty of that money to charity
00:36:42so the SJWs don't cancel
00:36:44us on social media.
00:36:46I'm not talking about charity.
00:36:48I'm talking about
00:36:50making a systemic
00:36:52difference. You know,
00:36:54shifting the paradigm.
00:36:56So we're clear. As my assistant,
00:36:58it won't be your job to make a systemic
00:37:00difference. It'll be your job to keep
00:37:02me happy. You book my
00:37:04flights. You keep me on schedule.
00:37:06Accompany me to social events.
00:37:08I understand.
00:37:10Alright, good.
00:37:12Now, just one last thing. Could you stand up
00:37:14for me?
00:37:16What?
00:37:18We have a certain standard here at Vanguard.
00:37:20My assistant needs to
00:37:22have the whole package.
00:37:24And so far, I mean, it looks like you do.
00:37:26I need to get a better sense of your
00:37:28your assets.
00:37:34Okay, look, let's not
00:37:36beat around the bush here. You're an incredibly attractive
00:37:38woman. I'm a pretty good
00:37:40looking guy myself.
00:37:42We'll be working very closely together and I just want to make
00:37:44sure that, you know... You know what?
00:37:46I'm no longer interested
00:37:48in this position, or any position
00:37:50with you for that matter.
00:37:52Excuse me?
00:37:54Do you know what? F*** you.
00:37:56Excuse me?
00:37:58Do you know what? F*** you.
00:38:04Ugh!
00:38:18Hey, babe.
00:38:20That was quick.
00:38:22Everything go okay?
00:38:24I mean, you're like beyond qualified
00:38:26for the job.
00:38:28I hung up on him. You did what?
00:38:30I hung up
00:38:32on Chris Monroe.
00:38:34You were right. That guy was
00:38:36such a... What'd you call him?
00:38:38Douchenozzle?
00:38:40Right. That.
00:38:42He completely shit
00:38:44all over my ideas for inclusivity
00:38:46and then...
00:38:48He was such a creep.
00:38:50He told me to stand up so he could check out my
00:38:52assets.
00:38:54I'm gonna kick his ass.
00:38:56No need. I already hung up on him.
00:38:58Oh my god.
00:39:00I hung up on him.
00:39:02Oh my god.
00:39:04I hung up on Chris Monroe.
00:39:06He can end my career.
00:39:08I can't believe I did that. That was so stupid.
00:39:10Oh my god.
00:39:12I hung up on Chris Monroe.
00:39:14He can end my career.
00:39:16I can't believe I did that.
00:39:18That was so stupid.
00:39:20I'm so freaking proud of you, babe.
00:39:22What?
00:39:24You stood up for what you believe in.
00:39:26You put that asshole in his place.
00:39:28You hung up on him.
00:39:30Pretty sure it's never happened to him before.
00:39:32He was like...
00:39:38Oh man.
00:39:40Maybe I should have been more professional about it.
00:39:42You know what?
00:39:44No. No regrets.
00:39:46I could never work for a douchenozzle
00:39:48like that.
00:39:50There you go. That's my girl.
00:39:52I guess you want to say I told you so.
00:39:54For what?
00:39:56You did nothing wrong.
00:39:58He's the a-hole.
00:40:00You want to know a secret?
00:40:02I may have been a teeny
00:40:04tiny bit jealous.
00:40:06Of Chris Monroe?
00:40:08Have you seen that man with his shirt off?
00:40:10Ugh. I don't need to see pictures.
00:40:12I have my own eye candy
00:40:14at home.
00:40:16Eye candy, huh?
00:40:18Okay. Okay.
00:40:20Don't let it get to your head.
00:40:22Too late. Speaking of candy,
00:40:24what if we skip dinner and go straight to dessert?
00:40:26Another chance for you to see a model
00:40:28eat way too many donuts.
00:40:32Or...
00:40:34I can brainstorm some ideas.
00:40:36For dessert?
00:40:38For my modeling agency.
00:40:40You're right.
00:40:42I think it's time that I start chasing my dreams.
00:40:44Now I've
00:40:46never been more attracted to you.
00:40:48I love you, Dylan.
00:40:50I love you, Dylan.
00:40:52I love you, Emma.
00:40:54Speaking of attraction,
00:40:56don't take off that dress just yet.
00:41:04Come on. Let's see it.
00:41:06Here it goes.
00:41:10Dylan's gonna have a heart attack.
00:41:12Good thing he does a lot of cardio.
00:41:14It's a surprise for his
00:41:16six-month anniversary.
00:41:18If they were just friends and his dates would come over,
00:41:20they'd go all out.
00:41:22One girl even showed up in a trench coat.
00:41:24Stop obsessing
00:41:26over his past.
00:41:28I know. It's just hard for me not to compare
00:41:30myself.
00:41:32Dylan has been with a lot
00:41:34of women.
00:41:36Hot and sexy.
00:41:38Adventurous women.
00:41:40I want to be hot, sexy, and adventurous, too.
00:41:42You are.
00:41:44Well, in your own way.
00:41:46He's gonna love it.
00:41:48Trust me.
00:41:52What's up?
00:41:54Dylan just texted and said he has to work late.
00:41:56Damn. Bummer.
00:41:58I wonder if he even remembers it's our anniversary.
00:42:00This sucks!
00:42:02I had such big plans for us tonight.
00:42:04Why don't you video chat him and show him
00:42:06what he's missing?
00:42:08Wait.
00:42:10You really think I should?
00:42:12Once he gets a glimpse of that outfit,
00:42:14he's not gonna be able to get any work done.
00:42:16And that's exactly what a hot,
00:42:18sexy, adventurous girlfriend would do.
00:42:20Damn right it is.
00:42:22But are you sure I look okay?
00:42:24Like, do I look tempting?
00:42:26Yes. Oh my god, yes.
00:42:28Yes, you do.
00:42:30More tempting than trench coat girl?
00:42:32Forget trench coat girl.
00:42:34Now go.
00:42:36Seduce your man.
00:42:44...
00:42:46...
00:42:48...
00:42:50...
00:42:52...
00:42:54...
00:42:56...
00:42:58...
00:43:00...
00:43:02...
00:43:04...
00:43:06This is great.
00:43:08This is what we want. Right here.
00:43:10Don't change.
00:43:14...
00:43:16...
00:43:18...
00:43:20...
00:43:22Hi, sexy.
00:43:24Hey.
00:43:26Uh, hey. What's wrong?
00:43:28I'm sorry, babe.
00:43:30I was just expecting a call from
00:43:32someone else.
00:43:34Still here, just handling
00:43:36payroll paperwork.
00:43:38Paperwork? You're a model.
00:43:40I still gotta get paid, babe.
00:43:42Soon. I got things to do.
00:43:44I know something you can do.
00:43:46Me.
00:43:48Like, do me?
00:43:50As in, like...
00:43:52Never mind. Just having fun here in my head.
00:43:54Oh. Okay.
00:43:56Well, I have something
00:43:58special for us tonight.
00:44:00You want a little preview?
00:44:02...
00:44:04I'm, um,
00:44:06very much looking forward
00:44:08to spending some quality
00:44:10time tonight with
00:44:12you.
00:44:14What's the costume for?
00:44:16You going to a comic book convention?
00:44:18It's not a costume. It's
00:44:20lingerie.
00:44:22Oh. It's...
00:44:24nice.
00:44:26Nice.
00:44:30Really nice?
00:44:32You know what? Forget it.
00:44:34But you hate lingerie.
00:44:36What'd you call that thong we saw at the store?
00:44:38Butt floss?
00:44:40Yeah. You said you didn't need floss up your butt
00:44:42to feel sexy.
00:44:44Well, I don't, but...
00:44:46I don't know. I just thought it'd be fun, you know?
00:44:48To try something different.
00:44:50Well, it definitely is different.
00:44:52Especially for you.
00:44:54Hey, listen, babe.
00:44:56I have to finish this and get out of here.
00:44:58Okay, fine. Go. Bye.
00:45:00Bye.
00:45:02Good job.
00:45:04Looking really good, people.
00:45:08That was a quickie.
00:45:10Nothing happened.
00:45:12Pretty much ignored me and then
00:45:14laughed at me.
00:45:16He called my outfit a costume?
00:45:18I'm pretty sure he insinuated I was a
00:45:20comic book nerd.
00:45:22That shows what he knows. You're actually a teen lit nerd.
00:45:24I'm so bad at this.
00:45:26Stop.
00:45:28You're just as hot, sexy,
00:45:30and whatever else is all those
00:45:32other girls. So you know what you're gonna do?
00:45:34Raid the fridge and draw my feelings
00:45:36in Ben and Jerry's? You're gonna prove it.
00:45:38And when Dylan comes home and
00:45:40sees you waiting all dolled up,
00:45:42I really get his attention.
00:45:44I really get his attention.
00:45:46How? What would hot,
00:45:48sexy, and adventurous
00:45:50Emma do?
00:45:52Okay.
00:46:04I've always
00:46:06wanted to try these.
00:46:08I'm impressed.
00:46:10Should I keep the leopard print on
00:46:12or take it off and go for the
00:46:14cold, hard steel?
00:46:16The real question here is
00:46:18where are you going to hide the key
00:46:20on your body so we can find it?
00:46:22That's the beautiful thing
00:46:24about these handcuffs.
00:46:26They are breakaway.
00:46:28So when it gets all
00:46:30hot and steamy, all I have
00:46:32to do is free myself
00:46:34and jump Dylan's bones.
00:46:36I don't think I like
00:46:38the dirty you.
00:46:40Never felt sexier.
00:46:42Rawr!
00:46:48Too much?
00:46:50Maybe just a little too much.
00:47:12Hey, stud.
00:47:14On your way home yet?
00:47:16Sorry, babe. I'm just getting out of the studio right now.
00:47:18I took longer than I thought.
00:47:20Well, uh, hurry home.
00:47:22That surprise I have for you
00:47:24is all warmed up.
00:47:26That's great, babe. I need to make one stop.
00:47:28It's important.
00:47:30Oh, so is this.
00:47:32Oh, yeah. What's that?
00:47:34Can't tell you that yet.
00:47:36It's under
00:47:38a few minutes.
00:47:40Can't tell you that yet.
00:47:42It's under
00:47:44lock
00:47:46and key.
00:47:50Handcuffs? Really?
00:47:52What's gotten into you, Emma?
00:47:54You're not acting like yourself.
00:47:56So what? You just don't think I'm hot?
00:47:58No, I'm...
00:48:00Or sexy? Or adventurous?
00:48:02What?
00:48:04You know what? Fine!
00:48:06This is the last time I ever try to impress you.
00:48:08Why don't you just get back together
00:48:10with Trench Coat Girl?
00:48:12Who? I'm done.
00:48:14What?
00:48:16I'm done. What?
00:48:18Emma!
00:48:20Sigh.
00:48:30Sigh.
00:48:32Sigh.
00:48:38Okay.
00:48:44Shit.
00:48:52I hate my life.
00:49:02Look,
00:49:04Emma needs you to come home.
00:49:06She handcuffed herself to the bedpost and got stuck.
00:49:08Um, okay.
00:49:10And why are you telling me this and not her?
00:49:12Because she's not talking to you.
00:49:14Um, okay. And why are you
00:49:16telling me this and not her?
00:49:18Because she's not talking to you.
00:49:20Seriously? Yeah.
00:49:22I mean, you made her feel really crappy today.
00:49:24I mean, first, you forget your six-month
00:49:26anniversary. Wait, hold up.
00:49:28I know. I know a six-month
00:49:30anniversary may seem stupid,
00:49:32but it's Emma we're talking about here.
00:49:34I mean, all she wants
00:49:36is to be wanted by you.
00:49:38I mean, she went and bought a corset,
00:49:40stockings, a garter, and
00:49:42you didn't even notice.
00:49:44She even got some handcuffs
00:49:46to spice things up in the bedroom a little bit.
00:49:48Why would Emma think she needs to spice things up?
00:49:50Because she wants to be just as
00:49:52hot, sexy, and adventurous
00:49:54as all your other exes.
00:49:56I mean, her words, not mine.
00:49:58She means more to me than all the other girls combined.
00:50:00Then show her
00:50:02that.
00:50:04I'm trying.
00:50:20Did you tell Dylan to hurry up?
00:50:22Because these handcuffs are
00:50:24super uncomfortable and
00:50:26this corset is super tight.
00:50:28Why don't you tell him yourself?
00:50:30Did you tell Dylan
00:50:32to hurry up? Because
00:50:34these handcuffs are super
00:50:36uncomfortable and
00:50:38this corset is super tight.
00:50:40Why don't you tell him yourself?
00:50:42Told you, I'm not
00:50:44incredibly sexy,
00:50:46the hottest girlfriend around,
00:50:48more than I could ever deserve.
00:50:50Look,
00:50:52I know you don't want to talk to me,
00:50:54but I just want to say I'm sorry.
00:50:56I'm sorry for being distracted.
00:50:58I'm sorry for being the dumbest boyfriend
00:51:00on earth. I don't deserve you.
00:51:02But I'm not sorry
00:51:04for forgetting your anniversary
00:51:06because I didn't.
00:51:10Dylan's house rules
00:51:12for Emma?
00:51:14I'm not an artist, but that's why it took me so long.
00:51:16Read the first rule.
00:51:18Always be yourself
00:51:20because the way you are is perfect.
00:51:22Aw, I can't believe you made this.
00:51:24That's not all.
00:51:26I was so distracted because I was worried
00:51:28I wouldn't get out of the photo shoot in time
00:51:30in order for me to pick up this little anniversary
00:51:32gift I got a few weeks ago.
00:51:34In order for me to pick up this little anniversary
00:51:36gift I got a few weeks ago.
00:51:42Looks like you already got a new bracelet.
00:51:44Emma,
00:51:46I love you because you're you.
00:51:48I don't want any other girls.
00:51:50I don't care if you wear a trench coat
00:51:52or handcuff yourself to a bed.
00:51:54Actually,
00:51:56I prefer if you didn't. You could hurt yourself.
00:51:58Yeah, because I'm
00:52:00klutzy, awkward, and silly.
00:52:02Sure, but you're also hot.
00:52:04And can you show me what you're wearing a little better?
00:52:10You're so hot.
00:52:12You're so beautiful.
00:52:14Emma, if you want to be more adventurous,
00:52:16I'm totally into it.
00:52:18But only if it's because it's what you want to do.
00:52:20Yeah,
00:52:22it is.
00:52:24Good. No more comparing yourself
00:52:26to old girlfriends.
00:52:28This is the first six months of our entire lives
00:52:30and I can't wait to spend my future with you.
00:52:32Me too.
00:52:34You're amazing.
00:52:36We're amazing, together.
00:52:38Oh.
00:52:40Okay.
00:52:42Well, first things first.
00:52:44Get your butt home
00:52:46and get me out of these handcuffs.
00:52:48I have to pee.
00:52:52How's the party prep going?
00:52:54Good, I think.
00:52:56Nachos are in the oven. Everything's decorated.
00:52:58Dylan's been working so hard lately
00:53:00and I just wanted him to
00:53:02let loose and really enjoy his birthday.
00:53:04Stop worrying and go put some clothes on.
00:53:06Well, that's actually why
00:53:08I called you. Dylan loves when I wear this dress
00:53:10I got in Cabo, but
00:53:12I just feel so bloated.
00:53:14Can you let me know if it looks okay?
00:53:16A fashion show? I'm in.
00:53:24What do you think?
00:53:26You look amazing, as usual.
00:53:28Are you sure?
00:53:30I don't know. It just feels tight.
00:53:32Are you sure you want to wear white?
00:53:34Why wouldn't I?
00:53:36Because you have your period?
00:53:38Okay, one, it's creepy that you know that.
00:53:40I'm your best friend.
00:53:42It's my job to keep track of your cycle.
00:53:44And two,
00:53:46you're wrong. I don't have my period.
00:53:48Well, you should.
00:53:50I mean, it's the fifth and you get your period
00:53:52on the third of every month, just like me.
00:53:54Oh my god.
00:53:56You're right.
00:53:58Um, are you okay?
00:54:02I'm late.
00:54:04I'm late.
00:54:06I'm like,
00:54:08days late.
00:54:10Okay, okay, okay, well, let's not freak out here.
00:54:12This isn't normal for me.
00:54:14Oh
00:54:16my god.
00:54:18I'm-
00:54:20No, don't say it.
00:54:22I'm pregnant!
00:54:24What am I gonna do?
00:54:26I can't have a baby?
00:54:28I don't know the first thing about raising a kid.
00:54:30Oh god.
00:54:32That's why the dress is tight.
00:54:34It's not bloat. It's baby!
00:54:36Emma Renee Arnaz.
00:54:40You wouldn't have a baby bump already.
00:54:42Now stop acting crazy
00:54:44and breathe.
00:54:46Good.
00:54:48Now,
00:54:50are you having any other symptoms?
00:54:52No. I mean,
00:54:54I'm kinda crampy and
00:54:56I'm super on edge.
00:54:58But that doesn't really tell us anything.
00:55:00It tells us that I'm pregnant!
00:55:02Could be pregnant.
00:55:04Oh my god, and what am I gonna tell Dylan?
00:55:06Ha ha ha!
00:55:08Happy birthday! You're gonna be a dad!
00:55:10You always wanted to be a dad, you know?
00:55:12You both want a family.
00:55:14Someday. Not now.
00:55:16Not now. We're in our 20s.
00:55:18We're supposed to let loose
00:55:20and have fun and
00:55:22oh my god, he's been so stressed lately
00:55:24and now I'm gonna ruin his birthday
00:55:26and
00:55:28oh my god, not just his birthday
00:55:30his life!
00:55:34I mean, you could be worrying over nothing.
00:55:36You need to take a test.
00:55:38Oh no! No, no, no, no!
00:55:40What if someone sees me at the drugstore?
00:55:42Then the rumor mill
00:55:44will turn and then they'll spread
00:55:46the news all over town and then everyone will know
00:55:48that I'm pregnant and then they'll be ashamed
00:55:50and disowned!
00:55:52Emma, you live in New York City,
00:55:54not Walnut Grove.
00:55:56Go to the store.
00:55:58And if you're so worried about someone
00:56:00seeing you, then go to one that's further away.
00:56:02No, I don't have time.
00:56:04I need to finish baking the cake
00:56:06and hanging the decorations
00:56:08and...
00:56:10This is more important.
00:56:12Dylan will understand.
00:56:14Okay.
00:56:16I'll call you when I get the test.
00:56:18Duh!
00:56:20Thanks, A.
00:56:22How's your birthday going?
00:56:24So far so good, babe.
00:56:26What are you doing out and about?
00:56:28Oh, just, uh,
00:56:30working on a surprise.
00:56:32I love surprises.
00:56:34You might not love this one.
00:56:36What's in the bag?
00:56:38Let me guess.
00:56:40House rule number 32.
00:56:42No Cheeto dust in the apartment.
00:56:44You're surprising me by letting me break the rules for my birthday.
00:56:46Nope, I'm surprising you with a baby.
00:56:48What?
00:56:50I mean,
00:56:52a food baby
00:56:54with how delicious all the food
00:56:56at your party is going to be.
00:56:58Oh, sweet. Can't wait.
00:57:00So, what do you want to name our food baby?
00:57:02Dylan Jr.?
00:57:04We are not naming our baby
00:57:06Dylan Jr.
00:57:08You okay? You look a little...
00:57:10What? Bloated?
00:57:12Testy? Fat?
00:57:14Stressed.
00:57:16Sorry.
00:57:18I'm really sorry, babe.
00:57:20I don't want you to kill yourself over this party.
00:57:22I want us all to relax.
00:57:24Which is why I'm heading to the liquor store on my lunch break
00:57:26to pick up some libations for this evening.
00:57:28So, what would it be? Lady's choice.
00:57:30Uh,
00:57:32I choose water.
00:57:34What?
00:57:36Yeah, I've just been feeling really, like,
00:57:38dehydrated lately.
00:57:40I think I'll just
00:57:42stick with good old H2O.
00:57:44Come on, babe.
00:57:46It's my birthday.
00:57:48We're only young once.
00:57:50Before you know it, we'll be getting older, starting a family.
00:57:52Uh, I have to go, Dylan.
00:57:54Emma, why?
00:57:56Did I say something wrong?
00:57:58No.
00:58:00I just meant someday.
00:58:02Like, we're not ready for kids yet.
00:58:04Uh, you know what?
00:58:06You're breaking up.
00:58:08I have to go. I'll talk to you later.
00:58:10Emma, can you hear me?
00:58:12Bye. Bye, Dylan.
00:58:16Bye.
00:58:46I can't do this.
00:58:48Sure you can.
00:58:50Imagine a waterfall
00:58:52flowing from a deep lagoon.
00:58:54No, I mean,
00:58:56I can't have this baby.
00:58:58I'm sorry, Em.
00:59:00I'm just getting my business
00:59:02off the ground, and
00:59:04I'm finally getting my shit together,
00:59:06and, and now...
00:59:08You don't even know if you're pregnant yet.
00:59:10That's what the test is for.
00:59:12I don't know.
00:59:14That's what the test is for.
00:59:18That's what the test is for.
00:59:22Plus, even if you are pregnant,
00:59:24it doesn't mean you can't follow your dreams.
00:59:26You just have to do it with the baby in tow.
00:59:28It's gonna ruin everything.
00:59:30And Dylan...
00:59:32Dylan loves you.
00:59:34Yeah, me. Not me plus a kid.
00:59:36Not now.
00:59:44Okay, I think I'm ready.
00:59:46To be a mom?
00:59:48Shut up. To pee.
00:59:50Alright, now go, girl.
00:59:52I'm not peeing with you watching.
00:59:54Really? Lame.
00:59:56After everything we've been through?
00:59:58I'll call you back when I have the results.
01:00:00Fine.
01:00:02Good luck, or break a leg.
01:00:04I mean, what do you really say in this situation?
01:00:06I'm not sure.
01:00:08Whatever happens, I'm here for you.
01:00:10Oh, and Em?
01:00:12Yeah?
01:00:14If you are pregnant,
01:00:16can I be the godmom?
01:00:22Okay.
01:00:24Picture
01:00:26a waterfall
01:00:28flowing into a deep
01:00:30lagoon.
01:00:32Picture
01:00:34a waterfall
01:00:36flowing into a deep
01:00:38flowing into a deep lagoon.
01:00:56Are you lying on the floor?
01:00:58Yeah, it's a new
01:01:00form of yoga.
01:01:02You hate yoga.
01:01:04You always say I look stupid in child's pose.
01:01:08What's wrong? And don't say nothing.
01:01:14I'm late.
01:01:16Babe, the party's at our house.
01:01:18You can't be late.
01:01:20No, I mean my period.
01:01:22My period is late.
01:01:24Oh.
01:01:26So,
01:01:28what does that mean exactly?
01:01:30What does that mean exactly?
01:01:34It can mean nothing, or
01:01:36it can mean I'm pregnant.
01:01:40I'm so sorry.
01:01:42I don't know how this
01:01:44happened, and I wasn't buying
01:01:46you Cheetos earlier.
01:01:48I was buying this.
01:01:50And, um, I don't know
01:01:52what it says yet, and I'm really scared.
01:01:54And I think it's time to look.
01:01:56And, um, I'm so sorry
01:01:58for ruining your birthday, Dylan. Like, I really,
01:02:00really wanted today to be perfect.
01:02:02You've just been so good to me
01:02:04ever since we got together.
01:02:06Emma, just calm down.
01:02:08And, like, I'm just starting my business.
01:02:10And you've been helping me with that.
01:02:12And we don't have any money.
01:02:14So it's just, like, the worst
01:02:16possible time ever.
01:02:18I don't know what to do.
01:02:20I'm so scared.
01:02:22Emma Renee Arnaz.
01:02:24You're going to make yourself sick.
01:02:26You need to breathe.
01:02:30See?
01:02:32Everything's going to be okay.
01:02:34How can it possibly be okay?
01:02:36Because no matter
01:02:38what that test says, we're going
01:02:40to figure it out together.
01:02:42Because no matter what that test
01:02:44says, we're going to figure it out
01:02:46together.
01:02:48But we're not ready.
01:02:50You don't know that.
01:02:52Having a baby is hard no matter what age
01:02:54you are or what your job is.
01:02:56But you and me, we can get through anything.
01:03:02I love you, Dylan.
01:03:04I love you, babe.
01:03:08Now go look at that test.
01:03:10We'll do it together.
01:03:26Oh, my God. I'm not pregnant.
01:03:28Oh, my God.
01:03:30Yeah.
01:03:32I know you said we could
01:03:34do it, but I really wasn't ready.
01:03:36That would have been one
01:03:38hell of a birthday present.
01:03:40Something I always wanted, just a few years
01:03:42too early. Do you mean it?
01:03:44With me?
01:03:46Of course with you.
01:03:48And of course I mean it. With all my heart.
01:03:54Oh, shit.
01:03:56I have to go. Let me guess.
01:03:58Amanda has already named our baby.
01:04:00Pretty much.