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AmusantTranscription
00:00So I say to him, hey, I don't think the joke is funny, but I'll do it. You know why? Because I'm a professional.
00:08Know what he tells me?
00:09Know what?
00:10He says, I don't know funny.
00:12Five seconds.
00:13Hey, you're funny. Funny looking.
00:17Hey.
00:30Hey, Space Ghost, you don't look so hot.
00:42I don't feel so hot.
00:44I ate one of those whole hog hoagies for lunch.
00:48It's laying on my stomach like a concrete block.
00:52Why don't you try sitting on the potty for a while?
00:56You're just like my mom. She believes all of life's problems can be solved by sitting on the potty.
01:02Mom always says the world would be a better place if the leaders of all the great nations would spend a little more time sitting on the potty.
01:10Hey, are we going to get in trouble with the censors for all this potty talk?
01:15Be you rich or poor, fat or skinny, just plain folks or Mr. Hoity Toity.
01:22Like it or not, every now and then, you have to visit old Johnny Boy.
01:29Not me.
01:31I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
01:33Well, have you tried sitting on the you-know-what?
01:36The you-know-what is out of order again?
01:40Uh-oh.
01:41Tell me about it.
01:42Why don't you try exercising, get up and run around for a while?
01:46I can't. This blasted hoagie has immobilized me.
01:50Immobilized.
01:54Okay, then try this. Try thinking of a peaceful, wonderful place.
02:00Like Las Vegas.
02:02Las Vegas?
02:03Yeah, try it.
02:04All right, here goes.
02:12Oh, that didn't help. All I can think about is that stupid sandwich.
02:15It's just laying down there, laughing at me.
02:21You look like a tick about to pop.
02:23Okay, okay, I got it. Do this.
02:25Stick your head in a bucket of water and inhale deeply nine times.
02:30How's that going to help my tummy ache?
02:32It won't. But it'll be funny, don't you think?
02:35There's only one thing to do, Zorlack. Pull my finger.
02:39What do I look, stupid?
02:41That's my line. It was in the script.
02:44It was a bad script. I hate it. It didn't agree with me.
02:49Oops.
02:50What was that?
02:54Run for your lives, everybody! She's gonna blow!
02:58Hey! Buongiorno, everybody!
03:01This is Bracken. It's time for learning to talk Italian.
03:06Lesson two.
03:08Che qual cosi a che non va agente?
03:12Is there a problem, officer?
03:15Cosa quel autore?
03:17What is that smell?
03:19It's the smell of a dead rat.
03:22A dead rat?
03:25Cosa quel autore?
03:27What is that smell?
03:29Che qual cosi a nel bugno.
03:32Something is living in my bathroom.
03:35Paravia chesa di aglio.
03:38Buzz off, garlic breath.
03:40Che un autore in casa.
03:43Is there a doctor in the house?
03:46Oh, i cervelli del pollo.
03:48I have the brain of a chicken.
03:50Giusto. Correct.
03:52Arrivederci.
03:54Leave me alone.
03:58Silencio. Shut up!
04:00Arrivederci. That's Italian for buh-bye.
04:07And now, here's a nugget of joy from Zorak.
04:11When I was an apprentice evil villain,
04:14I studied with the wise and terrible Gandalf the Mad Grinder.
04:19He taught me all the basics.
04:21Starting up from behind, the use of diversionary tactics,
04:25pleading to a lesser offense.
04:27I'll never forget.
04:29One day, Gandalf said grasshopper.
04:32He kept calling me grasshopper. I never knew why.
04:35But anyways, he said grasshopper,
04:38if it looks like a duck and smells like a duck,
04:41it must be a chicken.
04:43I didn't know what in blazes he was talking about,
04:46so I asked him to explain.
04:48Think of it this way, he said.
04:50It is a wise mantis that always leaves the house in clean underwear
04:55in case he gets run over by a hydro tanker.
04:59It was then that I knew that Gandalf had lost his mind,
05:03so I bid him farewell and left to pursue my criminal career.
05:07A career that, given my present circumstances, has hit rock bottom.
05:12I guess you could say that Gandalf the Mad Grinder
05:16made me what I am today.
05:19A three-time loser.
05:21Exactly.
05:23Never learned how to use the force, eh?
05:26I just couldn't get the hang of it.
05:32Far out in the great expanse of the Pacific Ocean
05:35lies the romantic city of Honolulu,
05:37capital and chief seaport of the Hawaiian Islands.
05:40Malakalikimaka, everybody.
05:43My name is Brack, and in Hawaiian, that means fish food.
05:48Here is a song about my recent trip to Hawaii.
05:51I hope you love it.
05:53I stepped off the aeroplane and a lady came and kissed my cheek.
05:57She put flowers around my neck and said,
05:59I'm Leilani Smith.
06:01Then she took me to my limo,
06:03that's a great big Cadillac.
06:05And she told me, welcome to Hawaii.
06:08And then she danced.
06:09Her grass skirt was swishing around.
06:11I said, how do you do that?
06:13She said, stand and shake it all around.
06:17And so I did.
06:19But I didn't have a skirt.
06:21I just had my pants.
06:23So I didn't look as good.
06:25Then I got back on the aeroplane.
06:27I was sad to leave Hawaii.
06:29But I got some pictures and a tiki souvenir.
06:33Aloha!
06:40One time at school they asked me to be the mascot for the football team
06:44so they wouldn't have to buy a costume.
06:46So I went to the game and I ran out on the field.
06:48I was running around and all the players on both teams
06:51started chasing me around and said,
06:54let's get him!
06:56So I ran as fast as my little legs could carry me
06:58and the football players chased me out of the gate and all the way home.
07:01And I didn't think I ever did get to finish the game.
07:05I had this one chair though.
07:07It's so cute.
07:09Train, train, choo-choo train.
07:11Our team's gonna win this game.
07:14Oh, oh, woo-woo!
07:16Yeah!
07:17Train, train, choo-choo train.
07:19Our team's gonna win this game.
07:21Woo-woo!
07:22Oh, yeah, woo-woo!
07:24The end!
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