An episode from Series 5, Ep 4 of the kids TV show Mike & Angelo, starring Shelley Thompson, Tim Whitnell, Michael Benz, John Levitt and Alexandra Milman. In this episode (broadcast January 28th 1993), Mike finds himself falling in love when his next door neighbour's niece Melanie arrives - not that his neighbour Mr Pinner is too happy about it!
This was originally uploaded by VideotapeFTW on Youtube, so all credit goes to him for this. I would of asked his permission to upload these here - though he kindly granted me permission for the two Spatz videos - but with no Youtube account now, that is impossible. However, I can but link where this video can be found on Youtube, along with his account, which has a number of videos and adverts that may be of interest to people. This video I have uploaded minus the adverts at the beginning. Not because I object to old adverts - far from it - but because I felt it right that you should check out his original recording of this with the adverts on his channel, rather than here. Anyway, the link to this video and his account can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhODHE3OdoA.
Part of the reason I have uploaded it is because videos nowadays have a habit of disappearing from Youtube. Also, I know VideotapeFTW was a fan of Alexandra Milman, which is why I have set up a playlist of her work on here for him and other fans of the actress. Her playlist can be found here: https://www.dailymotion.com/playlist/x8fe3k.
This was originally uploaded by VideotapeFTW on Youtube, so all credit goes to him for this. I would of asked his permission to upload these here - though he kindly granted me permission for the two Spatz videos - but with no Youtube account now, that is impossible. However, I can but link where this video can be found on Youtube, along with his account, which has a number of videos and adverts that may be of interest to people. This video I have uploaded minus the adverts at the beginning. Not because I object to old adverts - far from it - but because I felt it right that you should check out his original recording of this with the adverts on his channel, rather than here. Anyway, the link to this video and his account can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DhODHE3OdoA.
Part of the reason I have uploaded it is because videos nowadays have a habit of disappearing from Youtube. Also, I know VideotapeFTW was a fan of Alexandra Milman, which is why I have set up a playlist of her work on here for him and other fans of the actress. Her playlist can be found here: https://www.dailymotion.com/playlist/x8fe3k.
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TVTranscript
00:00This is a test.
00:30Mrs. King. Mrs. King. Mrs. King.
00:34Gee, okay, okay, okay.
00:38My little Dickie's been huffing over that pond since 1937.
00:44Say what?
00:45Your flaming nephew has succeeded where Hitler has failed. Notice anything?
00:51Oh, your garden gnome. What happened to his head?
00:54Oh, well spotted.
00:56And how I envy him. I wish my head had been smashed to pieces by a flying baseball.
01:01Because without a head, I wouldn't have any ears.
01:03And without any ears, I wouldn't have to listen to the rubbish excuses that flaming nephew of yours is about to trot out.
01:09Michael!
01:12Have you been pitching this baseball in the garden?
01:14Not me, Auntie Rita.
01:19Uh...
01:20Uh, Indyte.
01:22Oh, Michael.
01:23It wasn't my fault, Auntie Rita.
01:25It was a stupid place to put a garden gnome anyway.
01:28Oh, I see. It's my fault now, is it?
01:31Leaving a garden gnome in a garden. What a clot.
01:34When am I supposed to leave it wrapped up in cotton wool under the stairs?
01:37The baseball practice is over.
01:40Oh, good morning, Mr. Pinner.
01:43He does it to wind me up.
01:45And he's just as bad as the drastic lack of discipline in this household, if you ask me.
01:50Thank you, Mr. Pinner. Just send me the bill.
01:52Call his aunt. Make him toe the line.
01:54You could take a few lessons from me, Mrs. King.
01:56My niece Melanie's coming to stay for the weekend.
01:58My brother's girl. Very well behaved.
02:00Oh, yes. We pinners know how to keep our kids on the rails.
02:06That buffeted gnome is coming out of your allowance, kiddo.
02:09Now give me that.
02:11And go to your room until I call you.
02:15I don't want anything else broken around here. Do you understand?
02:18Yes, Auntie Rita.
02:22Oh!
02:41Oh!
02:52Mrs. King? Rita?
02:54Oh, heck.
02:56Are you there?
02:58No way.
03:03Mrs. King? Rita?
03:16Ah, Mr. Pinner. Hi.
03:18Hello.
03:20Okay.
03:22What's happened now? How much do I owe you?
03:24No, no. It's nothing like that. It's a...
03:27It's a personal matter.
03:29Yeah?
03:31Are we alone?
03:33Just you, me and the Aspidistra.
03:35Mind if I sit?
03:37Now, don't get me wrong, Rita.
03:39You don't mind me calling you Rita, do you?
03:41It's not that I'm looking for advice or anything.
03:44It's just that I need you to tell me what to do.
03:46Ah.
03:48You see, you're a mother and you understand these things.
03:51Mrs. Pinner and I have never been blessed with a patter of tiny feet.
03:55Not including the budgie, of course.
03:57Anyway...
03:59Oh, let me guess.
04:01Your niece has come to stay and you haven't got a clue how to cope.
04:03You see, the thing is, my niece has come to stay and I haven't...
04:06How did you know?
04:08I'm a mother.
04:10We understand these things.
04:12Oh, it's a shambles, you see.
04:14She just sits there,
04:16plugged into our music,
04:18dressed all in black and shuffling about the place like a zombie.
04:23Tell me about it.
04:25I just did.
04:26Sulky?
04:27Very sulky.
04:28Untidy?
04:29Oh, a shambles.
04:30Can't get a civil word out of her?
04:32Bullseye, Rita, bullseye.
04:34Well, it sounds to me like you've got a perfectly normal, filthy kid on your hands.
04:39It's bad enough Mrs. Pinner ignoring me.
04:42I can't stand another two days of this.
04:44Why don't you bring her over here?
04:45I'll find out what's bugging her.
04:46I already know what's bugging her.
04:47I melted her handbag.
04:49Not Mrs. Pinner, your niece.
04:51What?
04:52Oh, Melody.
04:53What?
04:54Come here.
04:55Sure, why not?
04:56Nothing like a little girl talk.
04:58Do you reckon it'll do any good?
04:59Worth a try, I suppose.
05:01Oh, all right, you're on.
05:03I'll go and get her.
05:04Thank you, Rita.
05:05Thank you.
05:11Ah, lunch.
05:13Ah, aspidistra.
05:15Oh, with a generous helping of freshly turned compost.
05:18Yumster's my favourite.
05:20Well, lunch is going to be a bit late.
05:22Mr. Pinner held me up.
05:23Outrageous.
05:24I'll call the police.
05:25Now what did I do?
05:27Nothing.
05:29He's bringing his niece over to meet us.
05:31Oh, that'll be niece.
05:33Kidding.
05:34Pinner's niece?
05:36Hmm, I wonder what she'll be like.
05:38Well, if she's anything like her uncle,
05:40she'll be bald and overweight,
05:42with all the personality of Elmo.
05:44Michael, that's not very nice.
05:47Neither is the idea of me and Pinner's niece.
05:49Come on, buddy, let's go.
05:51Michael, Angelo.
05:54Ah, well, what about lunch?
05:56I thought I mean the teenage Pinner from hell
05:58put me off my food.
06:01Back for lunch in an hour.
06:03See ya.
06:11Rita?
06:13Oh, here.
06:14Rita.
06:15Oh, go on, move yourself.
06:18Oh, hello, Melanie.
06:21Oh, will you take those flaming things off?
06:24Mrs. King said hello.
06:27Well, I'll leave you two to get on with your little hen party.
06:30I know how you girls love to talk.
06:32Goodbye, Mr. Pinner.
06:33Goodbye.
06:34Goodbye.
06:35Goodbye.
06:36Goodbye.
06:37Goodbye.
06:38Goodbye.
06:39Goodbye, Mr. Pinner.
06:40Right.
06:41Yes, well, uh, right.
06:48Take a seat, Melanie.
06:49I'll just put this down.
06:53Right, uh, can I get you anything?
06:55Uh, a drink.
06:56No, thanks.
06:57Uh, a piece of cake.
06:59No.
07:01Right, well.
07:04So, how, um, how do you like Lockswood Lane?
07:10It's all right.
07:14What were you listening to?
07:16Just a tape.
07:17Oh, great.
07:19We're getting along all sorted.
07:21Pinner, why don't you take your dog for a walk?
07:25I've got a dog.
07:26Go buy one.
07:27No.
07:31When they made your uncle, they threw away the mold.
07:33Too bad I didn't keep the mold and throw away my uncle.
07:37I can see that you and I are going to get on like a house on fire.
07:44Shut up, will you?
07:46She's still here.
07:48Kitchen.
07:49Quiet.
07:59Oh, I could murder a sandwich.
08:03Die, die, die.
08:07Oh, that's better.
08:08I needed that.
08:09You be quiet.
08:13And I'll tell you something else you won't believe.
08:16He dyed his moustache.
08:17Oh, get out of town.
08:19Quiet.
08:31Hello.
08:33Everybody home.
08:34Guys, is that you?
08:36No, it's us.
08:39Come on through.
08:40I want you to meet Melanie.
08:44Before you go, I want you to meet two of the most energetic fundraisers
08:48for the send Mr. Pinner to Jupiter appeal.
08:51Angelo and my nephew Michael.
08:54Oh, hello.
08:55You're nothing like Elmer Fudd.
08:56She's nothing like Elmer Fudd.
08:58Thank you, Angelo.
09:00I said you'd be bald.
09:01You're fat.
09:02I did not.
09:05Hello, Michael.
09:09Rita was saying you're away from the States.
09:12What's up with him?
09:14It's these sandwiches.
09:15You want to use less peanut butter.
09:17Well, it's been great talking to you, Michael.
09:20But I've got to go.
09:21If I'm not back soon, he might still be tearing his hair out.
09:25Too late.
09:27Come around any time, Melanie.
09:29Thanks, I will.
09:30Bye.
09:31Bye.
09:33Hello, Uncle.
09:35She spoke to me.
09:37She called me Uncle.
09:39Thank you, Rita.
09:40Thank you.
09:46What do you know?
09:47He does dye his mustache.
09:52Shining so fair in her hair, an aura of charm sits.
09:57As your tongue starts to drool, the sweat forms a pool in your armpits.
10:03Will you give me a break here?
10:05You want to help me?
10:06Get down here and tell me what to do.
10:15I can't talk to her, Angelo.
10:18My mouth seizes up.
10:20I start to blabber.
10:23What am I going to do about it?
10:26You are going to relax.
10:29Big breaths.
10:32Okay, I'm relaxed.
10:34You're going to be confident.
10:37I'm confident.
10:38I'm confident.
10:40And you're going to invite her around this afternoon.
10:43Hello, Melanie.
10:45Oh, yes.
10:46There's somebody here who wants to talk to you.
10:52So, what kind of conversation...
10:54Sorry, you first.
10:55No, you first.
10:56Doesn't matter.
10:58Ah, I'll put on a tape.
11:04Ah!
11:05What?
11:06Nothing.
11:07You shut up.
11:08You...
11:09Talk to her.
11:10Say something witty.
11:15Hey, uh, Mel.
11:17Yes?
11:18What'd you get if you crossed a parrot, a wallaby, and a cockerel?
11:24Polly waddle doodle all the day.
11:27What kind of parrot?
11:28What parrot?
11:29You have a parrot?
11:30No, forget it.
11:31You want some potato chips?
11:33Sure.
11:34Let's go.
11:36Oh, dear.
11:40So, tell me about this wallaby, then.
11:42Uh, there is no wallaby.
11:43There never was a wallaby.
11:45Tense.
11:46Very tense.
11:47Yes, well, you...
11:49What?
11:53Oh, no.
11:54Um, no problem.
11:55I'll, uh...
11:59You are trying too hard.
12:01More laid back.
12:03Cool it, baby.
12:04Cool it.
12:10Hey, yo, when the chips are done, you gotta keep your chin up.
12:21Hey, listen, um, I was thinking, do you like funfairs?
12:25There's a funfair in the heat, and I was figuring maybe if you like funfairs, maybe me and you
12:29could go to the funfair and have ourselves some laughs, and...
12:32Uncle Cyril, if you're asking me out on a date, I accept.
12:35Yeah?
12:36What's the shot?
12:38I think we're nice.
12:40Melanie.
12:41Hey, Jim.
12:42What's going on here?
12:44Nothing, Uncle Cyril.
12:45Nothing.
12:46Funny-looking nothing.
12:47I know all about these nothings.
12:49I was in the war, you know.
12:51Hi.
12:53I knew it was a mistake to bring my niece round to this den of iniquity, corrupting
12:57an innocent young girl.
12:59Uncle Cyril.
13:00Don't chew Uncle Cyril me, young lady.
13:02You get home this minute.
13:03You're never to see this boy again.
13:05But Mike's asking me to the funfair tonight.
13:07Well, you can just forget about that, Miss Lothario.
13:11Hippie.
13:13Home, now.
13:16Um, have I missed something?
13:19Darn.
13:23Will somebody please tell me what's going on here?
13:28Pick your face up off the floor.
13:31Come on up.
13:37Didn't you hear the man?
13:39Melanie and me are finished.
13:41And we hardly even began.
13:43Hmm.
13:44Well, you know what they say.
13:46True love conquers all.
13:48I really wanted to take Melanie to that funfair.
13:51It would have been terrific.
13:53Hmm.
13:55You want to take Melanie to the funfair?
13:58You shall take Melanie to the funfair.
14:00Dream on, Angelo.
14:01No, I mean it.
14:02You shall.
14:04Oh, yeah?
14:05How come?
14:10You've heard of Romeo and Juliet?
14:12Well?
14:15Get thee down yonder drainpipe and forthwith to Penna's house my liege,
14:20and fetch thou the young damsel of thy heart's desire,
14:23and meet me in the garden shed,
14:25ere the nightingale chirrups its melancholy air.
14:29What time's that?
14:31Ten to eight.
14:34Don't be late.
14:36Oh, what the heck.
14:47Mrs. King!
14:48Mrs. King!
14:49Mrs. King!
14:52I wonder who this can be.
14:56Mr. Pinner, Cal's Supreme.
14:59She's gone.
15:00She's gone.
15:01Melanie!
15:02The window was open and she's made a bunk for it.
15:05Oh, I had no idea she was into metalwork.
15:07Don't bust me about, woman.
15:10She's here, isn't she?
15:12Melanie!
15:14Melanie!
15:16Melanie!
15:18She's been abducted by that flaming necrogord.
15:20Melanie!
15:21Mr. Pinner, she is not here.
15:23Then where's that boy of yours?
15:24He's in his room.
15:25Right.
15:30You're trying to make a fool of me, Mrs. King.
15:33I'll find him.
15:35In here.
15:36Right.
15:37You pair of...
15:38Michael!
15:39I knew it.
15:40I knew it.
15:41They've gone on to that flaming fun thing.
15:43Michael would not do that, Mr. Pinner.
15:47Come on.
15:50Where are we going?
15:51To that vampire, of course.
15:53You can help me find them so they don't get themselves into any more trouble.
16:21What a waste of my life that was.
16:23And I promised Mrs. Pinner I'd be back to video Conan the Barbarian.
16:27Me and that doghouse.
16:28Mr. Pinner, this is serious.
16:30Two children are lost out there.
16:33I'm going to call the police.
16:34Something terrible might have happened to them.
16:36Something terrible will happen to them when I lay my hands on them.
16:42What the...
16:44Holy, it's blowing.
16:46Don't tell me it's that Angelo that did it.
16:50Here!
16:53We're missing all the fun.
16:55I'll show you around.
16:56Come on, Mr. Pinner.
16:57Here, what are you doing?
16:58We've been looking for you two at the fun fair.
17:01But Uncle Sam said we couldn't go to the fun fair.
17:03Yeah, so Angelo brought a fun fair to us.
17:05Mind your backs!
17:09Here, what's coming up?
17:11And now, I think it's time for the ghost train.
17:14Follow me.
17:19What's going on?
17:21You can sit right up the front, Mr. Pinner.
17:24Get off me, get off me.
17:25Here.
17:28All sitting comfortably?
17:30Hold on to your hats.
17:49Oh, dear, I'd better get him home.
17:51Bye, mate.
17:52Oh, so you two are an item, eh?
17:55I guess so.
17:56Looks like it.
17:57See you tomorrow.
17:59Over my dead body.
18:02That can be easily arranged.
18:06I'll see you tomorrow, Mr. Pinner.
18:09Bye.
18:10Bye.
18:11Bye.
18:12Bye.
18:13Bye.
18:14Bye.
18:15Bye.
18:16Bye.
18:17That can be easily arranged.
18:38Gross.
18:39What?
18:40What do you mean, what?
18:41The spot, the zit, the pimple, look.
18:45Angela's concoction will draw out all the nasty gunk from your nose
18:50and leave it a zit-free zone.
18:54Happy, happy birthday, Mikey, Mikey.
18:58Happy birthday.
19:00Angela.
19:05What happened to your nose?
19:07Mike, are you there?
19:10Michael, come out of there.
19:12I want to talk to you face to face.
19:15Right, that's it.
19:16You can stick your rockin' party and keep your rockin' present
19:19and your rockin' card.
19:21Here it is, Michael Mason.
19:22You and me are finished.
19:24Finished.