Set in a fictional law school and written by a California attorney, the independent comedy feature The Socratic Method follows the exploits of three first-year law students as they stagger their way through the pressure cooker that is legal education in America. Terry King is a laid-back college graduate who applied for law school because he wanted to prolong the academic experience, never expecting that he would actually have to do work. Financial circumstances force him to become odd-couple roommates with Susan Walsh. Driven, organized, and efficient, Susan has planned on being a lawyer ever since she was eight years old. Rounding out the trio is Charles Johnson, a handsome, fast-talking hustler who is more concerned about learning the things that aren't taught in school. Charles gets more of an education than he bargained for when he agrees to work for a shady plaintiff attorney. Spanning the entire first semester of law school, from orientation through exam, The Socratic Method follows these three friends, both in and out of the classroom, as they seek, love, learning, and passing grades. Along the way, they must deal with cutthroat classmates, crumbling long-distance relationships, and overbearing professors
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00 [no audio]
00:00:25 [music]
00:00:32 [no audio]
00:00:42 [music]
00:00:52 [music]
00:01:02 [music]
00:01:12 [music]
00:01:17 I want to welcome you all to the Chester A. Arthur School of Law. As dean, I get the privilege of being the first person to speak to you at orientation, and the last person to speak to you at graduation, three years from now.
00:01:30 You've all heard stories about how cutthroat and competitive law school can be.
00:01:36 And I'm sure many of you are wondering whether it's like that here at Chester A. Arthur.
00:01:41 Well, I'm pleased to tell you that yes. Yes, it is. Worse than most, in fact.
00:01:48 You want your law degree to mean something, don't you?
00:01:51 You want to be able to go out into the workforce with your head held high.
00:01:55 Someday, a degree from Chester A. Arthur will carry the same weight as a degree from Harvard.
00:02:02 Only two out of three of you will even make it through the first year.
00:02:07 There's an old law school expression we like to give you on the first day.
00:02:13 Look to the person seated to your left.
00:02:19 Then look to the person to the right.
00:02:25 If one of those students isn't gone by the end of the first year, that means you probably will be.
00:02:33 [music]
00:02:47 Shit.
00:02:51 Uh, no. No, I haven't met Cindy yet.
00:02:54 I know, I don't want a roommate either, but I couldn't afford this place without one.
00:03:01 We've been through this, Richard. I don't want money from you or Daddy. I want to do this on my own.
00:03:07 Besides, Cindy sounded nice on the phone.
00:03:10 Oh, I think she's here now. I've got to go. Okay, give my love to Daddy. Okay, bye.
00:03:20 Hi, Cindy, right? I'm Susan Walsh.
00:03:23 Hi. It's so good to finally meet you. Come on in.
00:03:28 So, when will the movers be here with your stuff?
00:03:32 Um, I don't have any stuff.
00:03:35 No stuff?
00:03:36 No.
00:03:37 Oh, sure, I get it. So you're into that whole zen minimalist thing, getting rid of all your worldly possessions.
00:03:43 Am I warm?
00:03:45 Actually, I'm dropping out of school.
00:03:47 Dropping out? But classes haven't even started yet.
00:03:50 I know, but did you hear what the dean said at orientation?
00:03:53 He's just trying to scare us.
00:03:54 Well, it worked.
00:03:56 I can't afford this place without a roommate.
00:03:58 You'll find someone else.
00:04:00 Now? Classes start tomorrow. Everybody's settled in. You can't do this. We signed a two-year lease.
00:04:06 No, you signed a two-year lease.
00:04:08 Yeah, but you promised me on the phone.
00:04:10 You can't hold me to that.
00:04:12 Oh, yes I can.
00:04:14 Right here.
00:04:16 Contracts. Page 73.
00:04:21 A promise made orally is a valid, enforceable agreement.
00:04:30 Page 112. The statute of frauds requires that all contracts with a duration of more than one year must be in writing.
00:04:37 Sorry.
00:04:39 Listen, if I were you, I'd consider dropping out, too.
00:04:42 Why?
00:04:43 I mean, you haven't even had your first class yet, and you've already lost your first case.
00:04:50 Shit.
00:04:52 Hello. I'm Charles Johnson, your new clerk.
00:05:03 The receptionist said I should just come right up.
00:05:06 Thanks.
00:05:08 I just wanted to thank you for giving me the opportunity to work here at Crapfester and Stevenson.
00:05:16 Are you Miss Crap?
00:05:18 I'm Miss Fester.
00:05:20 Oh, sorry.
00:05:23 Well, I know it's unusual for a first-year student to work as a clerk.
00:05:28 I just wanted to jump right in and start practicing.
00:05:30 I mean, school is fine for memorizing rules and all, but don't learn any of the really important stuff until you're out in the real world.
00:05:36 Mr. Johnson, on your application to this firm, you listed as a reference one Johnny Cochran, whom you referred to as your uncle.
00:05:45 That's right.
00:05:47 I have a letter of recommendation here from Mr. Cochran.
00:05:50 He said quite a few nice things about you.
00:05:53 Good old Uncle John.
00:05:56 It is our firm's policy to run a thorough background check on all prospective employees.
00:06:02 Would you like to know what we found when we looked into your background?
00:06:09 I guess so.
00:06:12 Jonathan Lawrence Cochran, age 52, a security guard in Fresno, California.
00:06:20 Technically, I never said that he was that Johnny Cochran.
00:06:23 I realize that.
00:06:26 Which is why I am not going to report you to the dean for an honor code violation.
00:06:32 However, you may consider this firm's offer of employment to be rescinded.
00:06:39 But I need this job.
00:06:42 What am I supposed to do for money?
00:06:44 I suggest you start looking for another job.
00:06:49 Shit.
00:06:51 Hey.
00:07:00 Can I get you something?
00:07:05 Beer.
00:07:07 Beer? It's two o'clock.
00:07:09 Last call?
00:07:11 Two o'clock in the afternoon.
00:07:15 Beer, then.
00:07:18 You look a little old for coloring books.
00:07:27 Oh, what?
00:07:29 Oh, you mean my book brief?
00:07:31 I know it must look demented, but I actually have a system.
00:07:34 I break each case down into categories.
00:07:38 Blue is for the facts, green is for the issues, purple is for the holdings, and red is for the reasoning.
00:07:44 What's yellow for?
00:07:47 Dicta.
00:07:49 Dicta? Hmm.
00:07:51 There's got to be a joke in there somewhere.
00:07:53 What?
00:07:54 Never mind.
00:07:55 I'm impressed. I haven't even bought my books yet.
00:07:57 Oh, your first year, too?
00:07:59 Sure.
00:08:00 Oh, yes. Just doing you a favor to my family.
00:08:04 I'm going to help out my brother behind the bar.
00:08:08 Your brother?
00:08:10 Very distant brother.
00:08:14 Can I get you anything?
00:08:16 No, I think I'm all set for now.
00:08:18 Okay. Well, I'll see you later.
00:08:23 [sighs]
00:08:26 Ken, I just signed a lease.
00:08:38 Dammit, I really need a roommate.
00:08:40 Do you think there's anyone here who hasn't gotten a place yet?
00:08:43 Are you kidding?
00:08:45 Law students are the most anal people in the world.
00:08:48 Most of them rented an apartment before they even got accepted.
00:08:50 Look at him.
00:08:53 That guy probably wears a condom when he masturbates.
00:08:57 I take it you don't like law students.
00:08:59 I like her.
00:09:01 No, forget about her. She just needs to get an MRS degree.
00:09:04 She wants a husband? I can help her study for that.
00:09:08 Oh, my-- check out that guy.
00:09:11 Looks like he's hung over.
00:09:13 Nah, he's still drunk.
00:09:17 [keys jingling]
00:09:19 Is this seat taken?
00:09:25 No.
00:09:27 Do I know you?
00:09:32 Not officially.
00:09:35 Charles Johnson.
00:09:37 Terry King.
00:09:39 Susan Walsh.
00:09:41 Sue?
00:09:43 Your name is Sue? That's pretty convenient.
00:09:47 No, my name is Susan.
00:09:49 Whatever.
00:09:51 I am Professor Hausman,
00:10:01 and I shall be your torts instructor.
00:10:05 In this class, you will read about clumsy and stupid people
00:10:11 who act in clumsy and stupid ways.
00:10:15 Automobiles will crash.
00:10:18 Young mothers will miscarry spontaneously,
00:10:23 and small children will lose an eye.
00:10:28 However absorbing these small dramas may be to you,
00:10:34 please remember that we are here to learn the rules of law
00:10:40 and how to apply them.
00:10:43 Now, there is always something special
00:10:48 about being the first student to speak in class.
00:10:53 To paraphrase the Bard in Twelfth Night,
00:10:57 some men are born to greatness,
00:11:01 while others have greatness thrust upon them.
00:11:08 With that said, will Mr. Terry King please stand up?
00:11:16 But I didn't have my hand raised, did I?
00:11:20 No, Mr. King. You did not have your hand raised.
00:11:26 Please stand up.
00:11:29 But I don't have a question.
00:11:31 No, Mr. King. I have a question for you.
00:11:35 You do realize you're in law school, Mr. King?
00:11:38 Uh, yes. Was that your question?
00:11:43 When I made reference to clumsy and stupid people
00:11:48 at the commencement of my lecture,
00:11:51 I did not intend for that to apply to the members of this class.
00:11:57 Perhaps this would be an appropriate opportunity
00:12:02 to discuss the Socratic method.
00:12:05 Unlike your undergraduate professors,
00:12:09 I will not depend on a few outspoken volunteers,
00:12:15 while the vast majority of you remain idle.
00:12:20 I will probe each of your minds
00:12:25 to find out who should be here
00:12:31 and who should not.
00:12:33 You may be wondering why you should submit
00:12:37 to such unfair treatment.
00:12:40 I will limit my remarks on that subject
00:12:43 to a topic close to your black lawyer hearts -
00:12:48 grades.
00:12:50 Your final in here will be graded anonymously.
00:12:56 However, I retain the right to adjust your grades
00:13:04 based on your in-class recitations.
00:13:09 Those of you who equip yourselves with distinction
00:13:14 may receive a plus one, plus two, or plus three.
00:13:20 Those of you who do poorly can have your grade reduced
00:13:25 by minus one, minus two, or minus three.
00:13:31 Now, Mr. King, please stand up.
00:13:38 [music]
00:13:40 Thank you.
00:13:42 Please tell the class the result of Hilliard versus Bowen.
00:13:48 Hmm.
00:13:50 I think Bowen scored a knockout in the eighth round.
00:13:53 [laughter]
00:13:55 Very amusing, Mr. King.
00:13:58 Am I to understand that you have not read Hilliard versus Bowen?
00:14:04 I guess I'll have to pass this time.
00:14:06 I see.
00:14:08 Unfortunately, I do not allow passing.
00:14:14 If a student cannot engage in a satisfactory discussion,
00:14:20 I turn to the person directly to his right.
00:14:29 Would the gentleman on his right please stand up
00:14:35 and introduce himself.
00:14:43 Charles Johnson, Your Honor.
00:14:46 Professor will do.
00:14:49 Can you give us the facts of Hilliard?
00:14:55 Um...
00:15:10 What does your book tell you, Mr. Johnson?
00:15:13 It tells me that there's a lot of dicta in this case.
00:15:16 Tell the class what dicta is.
00:15:24 Mr. Johnson?
00:15:28 I'm afraid I can't.
00:15:30 I see.
00:15:33 Then perhaps the young woman to your right
00:15:37 can help in our discussion of Hilliard.
00:15:43 No, no, no. I must insist that you not use another student's book.
00:15:49 But--
00:15:50 I'm sorry, but many students write book briefs in their textbooks.
00:15:55 I cannot allow you to use Mr. Johnson's notes,
00:16:00 however inadequate they may be.
00:16:04 Now, can you tell us the result of Hilliard?
00:16:16 I can't believe this. This is all your fault.
00:16:18 My fault? I didn't tell you to lend Charles your book.
00:16:22 This is terrible. I never book Housman's class now.
00:16:24 Why do you care so much about grades?
00:16:26 We're at Chester A. Arthur, for God's sake, not Harvard.
00:16:29 What's that supposed to mean?
00:16:31 They say that behind the doors of Harvard, minds are being trained to run the world.
00:16:35 So?
00:16:36 So behind these doors, minds are being trained to exploit the world.
00:16:39 Be honest. Why'd you pick Chester A. Arthur out of all the 180 ABA law schools in the country?
00:16:45 Well, they accepted me.
00:16:48 Exactly. They accept everyone, steal their money,
00:16:51 and then throw a third of them out to make the room for the next bunch of saps.
00:16:55 So, why are you here?
00:16:57 I was just trying to prolong the academic experience.
00:17:00 I didn't think they'd actually expect me to do work.
00:17:02 Well, I'm here to get a good legal education.
00:17:05 My father went to Chester A. Arthur, and he did fine.
00:17:07 He's a partner in an L.A. firm.
00:17:09 And I'll bet you've got a position waiting for you when you graduate.
00:17:13 So what if I do?
00:17:14 Then you're all set. You don't need to get A's.
00:17:16 You know what they say? A students become professors,
00:17:19 B students become lawyers, and C students become judges.
00:17:22 Is that true?
00:17:23 Hell, yeah, I know. I'll be lucky to be a D student.
00:17:27 Tell me, is your fiancé an associate at your dad's firm?
00:17:31 How do you know that?
00:17:34 So, you've got a job, a rich daddy, and a husband.
00:17:38 Fiancé.
00:17:39 Whatever. I'm sorry I can't feel bad about you getting a B, but I've got real problems.
00:17:43 I still haven't got a place to live yet.
00:17:45 I'm staying in a hotel downtown.
00:17:47 This morning, there was a cockroach in my room so big I had to pay double occupancy.
00:17:55 Hey, you still need a roommate. What about Terry?
00:18:00 Congratulations.
00:18:02 What's this for?
00:18:03 No way.
00:18:04 Why not?
00:18:05 You're the leader in the Deadpool.
00:18:07 I'd say you're not going to make it through October.
00:18:10 Thanks.
00:18:12 That's why.
00:18:14 I don't think we should sit next to him again.
00:18:24 He won't get called on twice in one day, especially not in this class.
00:18:28 Why not?
00:18:29 Professor Myers only calls on women.
00:18:32 Why?
00:18:33 He's one of those old boys who thinks women shouldn't be in law school, so he makes it miserable for them.
00:18:37 That's terrible.
00:18:39 For you, maybe, but me and Charles here can just sit back and relax.
00:18:44 Of course, when you think about it, Terry does sound a lot like it could be a girl's name.
00:18:50 I have Miss Terry King.
00:18:54 My apologies, Mr. King.
00:19:02 Well, could you tell us the name of the subject we're here to study?
00:19:07 Contract.
00:19:09 Very good. You may sit down.
00:19:11 But that wasn't even a real question.
00:19:14 Excuse me, Miss, did you have something you wanted to say?
00:19:18 Me? No. Nothing.
00:19:21 Please stand up.
00:19:25 Please name the three essential ingredients of any contract.
00:19:29 An offer by one party, an acceptance by the second party, and an agreed upon consideration.
00:19:36 Define "consideration."
00:19:38 Consideration is the inherent value of the contract. It's the glue that holds the agreement together.
00:19:45 Recite the facts of Pearson v. Pearson.
00:19:48 Let's see.
00:19:50 Okay. The defendant had promised to sell a priceless Rembrandt painting to his grandson, the plaintiff, for the sum of one dollar.
00:19:59 When the grandson tried to enforce that promise, the defendant changed his mind. This lawsuit followed.
00:20:05 Fine. What was the issue for the court to decide?
00:20:09 Well, I guess...
00:20:12 I do not want to guess. Do you know what the issue was or don't you?
00:20:16 Whether the contract was valid and enforceable.
00:20:19 And the court's holding?
00:20:21 It was not an enforceable contract.
00:20:23 Why not? Are you telling me the law protects people from making bad deals?
00:20:27 No, but it does require that the consideration not be a sham.
00:20:31 The sum of one dollar for a Rembrandt is clearly unreasonable. It does not constitute true consideration.
00:20:37 Why? Why should a court care whether the consideration is a sham or not?
00:20:42 Why can't I sell a Rembrandt for any price I want?
00:20:45 Well, for one thing, calling it a sale would help you avoid the gift tax that would result if you just outright gave the painting away.
00:20:53 There is, of course, a $650,000 lifetime exclusion on items gifted away.
00:20:58 But I suspect the Rembrandt would exceed that amount.
00:21:02 You may sit down.
00:21:07 That was incredible. Did you see the look on Meyer's face when you brought up gift tax?
00:21:11 That's a second year course. How did you know all this stuff?
00:21:13 Oh, I read ahead a little.
00:21:14 You were great.
00:21:15 Oh, you think so?
00:21:16 Absolutely. This calls for a celebration. Terry, are you in?
00:21:19 I can't. I got to check out some apartment across town.
00:21:22 If I don't get it, my address is going to be 1976 Buick.
00:21:25 Oh, hey, Terry. I've got a two bedroom apartment not far from here.
00:21:30 I could really use someone to help share the rent.
00:21:32 So, are you making me an offer?
00:21:35 It depends. Do you smoke?
00:21:38 Only in bed, honey.
00:21:40 Then I guess I'm making you an offer. Do I have an acceptance?
00:21:43 It depends. Do you have a cat?
00:21:45 Only in bed, honey.
00:21:47 No, I don't have a cat.
00:21:49 Then you have an acceptance.
00:21:51 Good. I don't appreciate the cat joke.
00:21:54 So where do we live?
00:21:58 (music)
00:22:02 Do you really think this looks good here?
00:22:05 Oh, yeah.
00:22:07 (phone rings)
00:22:15 Hello? Oh, hi, honey.
00:22:18 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's here. He's unpacking right now.
00:22:21 Yeah, no, he's okay.
00:22:23 He's a little crude. He's not that crude.
00:22:26 What? I don't know. Does he grab his crotch?
00:22:30 I don't know. I can't see his hands from where I'm sitting.
00:22:33 What?
00:22:34 Nothing.
00:22:36 Long Island iced tea.
00:22:44 Gin, vodka, rum, triple sec, bar mix, and a splash of coke.
00:22:47 Tequila, no alcohol.
00:22:49 What's he? Gin, vodka, rum, triple sec, bar mix, and a splash of coke.
00:22:53 Tequila is optional.
00:22:55 Dennis, you're like an idiot savant.
00:22:57 You're the rain man of bartenders.
00:22:59 Yeah, I got a pretty good memory.
00:23:01 Of course, it didn't help me out too much in law school.
00:23:03 You went to the Chester?
00:23:05 Sure. How do you think I started working here?
00:23:08 Four years ago, I was just like you.
00:23:11 Who knows? If it doesn't work out,
00:23:13 we could be working together for a long time.
00:23:16 I'll make it.
00:23:17 Yeah, that's what I thought.
00:23:19 Guys who fail never think they're gonna get cut.
00:23:22 Well, at least you had something to fall back on.
00:23:25 Hey, hey, don't josh. I love working here.
00:23:28 You seen all the girls that come through this place?
00:23:30 Yeah. You ever actually sleep with any of them?
00:23:33 Not exactly, but I came close once.
00:23:36 With who?
00:23:37 No, let me guess. Some sister who's a two at ten o'clock
00:23:40 and a ten at two o'clock.
00:23:42 Ow!
00:23:43 Ah, shit. I cut myself.
00:23:45 I think you need some stitches.
00:23:47 No, no, no. I can just walk it off.
00:23:49 I just need a band-aid or something.
00:23:51 Seriously, man, I think I see some bones.
00:23:53 No, no, no. I'm fine.
00:23:55 Shit.
00:23:56 Jimmy, give me a hand.
00:23:58 Hey, honey. What's for dinner?
00:24:04 Nothing for you.
00:24:05 Just because we're roommates doesn't mean
00:24:07 I'm gonna be doing your cooking and cleaning.
00:24:09 Bet you don't say that to Richard.
00:24:11 Richard's my fiancé.
00:24:14 I'm sure he wasn't too happy about you living with a guy.
00:24:17 He's not, but I told him he's got nothing to worry about.
00:24:20 Good thinking. Did he believe you?
00:24:23 Sure. Besides, he'll be here in a couple of weeks,
00:24:25 and as soon as he sees you, he'll know what I mean.
00:24:27 What the hell is that supposed to mean?
00:24:29 Will you stop eating my food?
00:24:32 Gladly. How can you eat this crap?
00:24:35 It's good for you. It's all natural.
00:24:37 So what? That phrase means nothing.
00:24:39 I mean, shit is all natural.
00:24:41 I didn't make it for you.
00:24:43 Fine. Can I at least use your microwave to heat up a burrito?
00:24:47 Sure.
00:24:48 You know, you can tell a lot about people
00:24:57 by the wattage of their microwaves.
00:24:58 How do you figure?
00:24:59 People always wonder if they're upper-middle class
00:25:01 or lower-middle class.
00:25:03 The only way to tell for sure is by
00:25:05 how long it takes to cook frozen food.
00:25:07 You're so full of shit.
00:25:08 No, I'm serious. Every frozen meal has a cooking range,
00:25:10 like one to two minutes.
00:25:11 If your microwave does a job in one minute,
00:25:13 you're upper-middle class.
00:25:14 Takes a whole two, you're lower-middle class.
00:25:16 Well, what if you're poor?
00:25:17 Poor people don't have microwaves.
00:25:18 They've got toaster ovens.
00:25:19 Well, what if you're rich?
00:25:20 Who the hell cares?
00:25:21 Have the servants cook the damn food.
00:25:23 Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:25:31 Upper-middle class, definitely.
00:25:34 Can I get the dressing on the side?
00:25:39 Is something wrong?
00:25:41 No, I just...
00:25:43 I'm at a loss for words.
00:25:45 Um, see, my daddy always said you tell a beautiful woman
00:25:49 she's smart, and a smart woman she's beautiful.
00:25:52 But he never told me what to do
00:25:54 when you meet a woman who's both brilliant and beautiful.
00:25:58 Ha.
00:25:59 Charles is so smooth with the ladies.
00:26:03 Some women might like it, I suppose.
00:26:07 So what about you?
00:26:09 Do I like Charles?
00:26:10 No. Do you have a lady?
00:26:12 Ah, not lately.
00:26:14 I was seeing this girl in college,
00:26:16 but after I got into the Chester,
00:26:17 we decided we couldn't maintain a long-distance relationship.
00:26:21 I know, it's hard.
00:26:24 So how far away is she?
00:26:26 From here? 15, 20 minutes.
00:26:35 Dennis, thought you were out for a couple weeks.
00:26:38 No, I'm okay.
00:26:39 Doctor sewed me up pretty good.
00:26:41 Cut through a tendon, but I should get full movement back.
00:26:44 I just gotta keep it straight for a month or two.
00:26:47 You sure you can work?
00:26:48 Yeah. I wear a rubber glove to keep the bandage from getting wet.
00:26:52 My lawyer advised me not to come back to work,
00:26:54 but I just got so bored.
00:26:56 Wait a minute.
00:26:59 You hired a lawyer for an on-the-job injury?
00:27:02 Sure. Why not?
00:27:03 You gotta go through workers' comp with an on-the-job injury.
00:27:06 They don't pay for pain and suffering.
00:27:08 Oh, yeah, but I'm not suing the bar.
00:27:10 Then who are you suing?
00:27:11 The company that made the knife.
00:27:13 The knife company? Why?
00:27:17 It was sharp.
00:27:18 It was a knife. They cut things. That's what they do.
00:27:21 Yeah, well, Mr. Mephistopheles said it should have had a warning label.
00:27:25 Who?
00:27:26 Mr. Mephistopheles, my lawyer.
00:27:28 I told him about you, by the way.
00:27:30 He said he was gonna sue you, too, but I said no.
00:27:32 Sue me for what?
00:27:34 For making me laugh while I was cutting.
00:27:36 But I thought that was going too far.
00:27:38 Thank God you're not the type of person to abuse the legal system.
00:27:41 Yeah, so I told him you were looking for a job with a law firm.
00:27:44 He said he'd give you a try.
00:27:45 He did?
00:27:46 This is a complaint in my case.
00:27:48 He wants you to look it over and clean it up a bit.
00:27:51 Thanks.
00:27:52 No problem.
00:27:53 Hey, uh, you're still a few years away from that first proctological exam.
00:28:00 Blow me.
00:28:02 Just watch what you use. That would be great.
00:28:08 You know, just work together.
00:28:10 What's this?
00:28:11 Job interview. You gotta help me make this look good.
00:28:13 Why didn't you ask me to help?
00:28:15 I don't get it. Why is he suing for loss of consortium?
00:28:18 What's that?
00:28:19 No, it's when you're prevented from having sex because your spouse got injured.
00:28:23 But Dennis only hurt his right hand. How's that loss of consortium?
00:28:27 [music]
00:28:29 So, uh, how's law school, man? Is it as hard as they say?
00:28:40 I think the professors make it seem harder than it is.
00:28:42 They say the first year they scare you to death,
00:28:44 the second year they work you to death,
00:28:45 and the third year they bore you to death.
00:28:47 Is that true, Dennis?
00:28:48 I don't know. I never got past the being scared part.
00:28:51 Plus there's a forced curve, which means someone's gotta fail.
00:28:54 Most of these kids are used to getting As in college.
00:28:56 Now they gotta scratch and claw just to get a B.
00:28:59 Don't even wish I went to grad school like Jeff.
00:29:01 Yeah, that's pretty cool. I already picked out my thesis.
00:29:04 A Critique of Maya Angelou. I Know Why the Birdcage Smells.
00:29:07 Sweet.
00:29:08 What's going on here?
00:29:13 Hey, Susan. You know Dennis.
00:29:15 This is my buddy Alan and my brother Jeff.
00:29:18 Can I speak with you for a moment?
00:29:21 Will you guys excuse me for a second?
00:29:24 Sure. Go smooth things out with the little woman.
00:29:27 I am not the little woman.
00:29:29 What are you doing?
00:29:35 What is Dennis doing here, of all people?
00:29:37 We needed a fourth.
00:29:38 We never discuss having guests over. I have to study.
00:29:41 Susan, it's Friday night, for God's sake.
00:29:43 We don't have another class for 58 hours.
00:29:45 Relax. Live a little.
00:29:47 I'll relax when school is over.
00:29:49 Look, we'll be quiet. I promise.
00:29:52 Jesus.
00:29:56 So, she says she wanted to have a relationship.
00:30:03 I say we have a relationship.
00:30:05 I get drunk, we have sex, and then I go home.
00:30:08 That's our relationship.
00:30:10 I mean, it's not like I'm making her do my laundry.
00:30:13 Hey, hey. What's the worst thing you can hear before doing laundry?
00:30:16 Sorry, I thought I was only going to fart.
00:30:19 That's wicked, man.
00:30:26 This is the famous Budweiser beer.
00:30:33 We know of no brand produced by any other brewer which costs so much to brew and age.
00:30:38 Our exclusive Beechwood aging produces a taste, a smoothness,
00:30:42 and a drinkability you will find in no other beer at any price.
00:30:46 Is drinkability even a word?
00:30:52 I'm cutting back. I promised myself no more than ten beers a day.
00:30:56 But you're drinking a Kinger.
00:30:58 So?
00:30:59 Sixteen ounces of beer is twelve ounces.
00:31:01 I still don't see your point.
00:31:03 You said you were cutting back to ten beers a day.
00:31:05 If you're not concerned about container size,
00:31:07 just get ten of those big-ass thirty-ounce bottles and make those your ten beers.
00:31:12 Hmm.
00:31:14 Hey, Dennis. I dig the beer cooler, man.
00:31:17 Let's everyone know you're a professional drinker.
00:31:19 Right on.
00:31:21 Keeps it cool.
00:31:23 Dennis. Dennis.
00:31:30 Dennis, time to go home.
00:31:33 Oh, Mary Muffin.
00:31:35 What are you doing? You can't let him drive home in this condition.
00:31:39 Oh, yeah. Right.
00:31:41 Potato.
00:31:45 We just have to slap this baby on his car.
00:31:47 It's like cop kryptonite.
00:31:49 You can't let him leave in this condition.
00:31:51 Haven't you ever heard of dram laws?
00:31:53 If he gets in an accident, you could be held responsible.
00:31:55 Besides, don't you know that friends don't let friends drive drunk?
00:31:58 Well, I'd say Dennis is really more of an acquaintance.
00:32:03 [ Snoring ]
00:32:05 This is all your fault.
00:32:14 My fault?
00:32:16 I wanted to go with a bumper sticker.
00:32:18 Do something. I can't sleep.
00:32:21 There.
00:32:27 That won't stay like that all night.
00:32:30 Hold on.
00:32:32 Hold on.
00:32:34 [ Grunting ]
00:32:36 [ Up-tempo music playing ]
00:33:02 I'm telling you, I want a corvette.
00:33:04 But, Mr. Bodak, you lost a 1970 chevy nova.
00:33:08 I don't care.
00:33:10 My cousin says I should be able to get any replacement car I want
00:33:13 Until my settlement comes in, and I want a corvette.
00:33:15 Hi. I'm Charles Johnson.
00:33:20 I'm here to see Mr. Mephistophelo.
00:33:22 That's nice.
00:33:24 Unfortunately, Mr. Mephistophelo isn't here to see you.
00:33:28 [ Laughs ]
00:33:31 Well, how about one of his associates?
00:33:34 These are the associates.
00:33:37 But they look like secretaries.
00:33:41 Two of them are paralegals.
00:33:43 What exactly can I do for you, Mr. Johnson?
00:33:46 I was told there was a job available.
00:33:49 Fill this out.
00:33:53 What kind of job is this?
00:33:57 You'll be a runner.
00:33:59 Runner? You mean like run errands?
00:34:01 Not exactly.
00:34:03 You'll find cases for the law firm.
00:34:05 You'll need to hand out these.
00:34:07 We'll know which referrals are yours by the color of the card.
00:34:10 Is blue okay? I guess.
00:34:12 But isn't it unethical to solicit clients?
00:34:15 Right.
00:34:17 Which is why you're doing it and not Mr. Mephistophelo.
00:34:20 If you're caught, we'll disavow any knowledge of your actions.
00:34:23 Understood?
00:34:25 The card's gonna self-destruct in 15 seconds.
00:34:28 Do you want the job or not?
00:34:30 I want a 1963 convertible.
00:34:34 I can get you a 1982 Camaro.
00:34:37 Red?
00:34:39 Canary yellow.
00:34:41 Okay.
00:34:43 Yeah, I'll take it.
00:34:46 Thank you, Ms. March.
00:34:51 Now I'd like someone to explain the concept of felony murder.
00:34:55 Mr. Parker.
00:34:57 Sir, yes, sir.
00:34:59 Felony murder is a murder that is a felony, sir.
00:35:01 Um...
00:35:03 Uh, felony murder is another name for first-degree murder.
00:35:08 The murder must be conducted in a felonious manner, sir.
00:35:12 Um...
00:35:14 Is it when... I don't know.
00:35:19 ( clears throat )
00:35:21 Felony murder is a homicide which occurs during the commission of another felony,
00:35:26 such as a burglary or a robbery.
00:35:30 And even if the killing is unintentional or accidental, it's still considered murder.
00:35:34 And why is that significant, Mr. Stafford?
00:35:36 Because it allows for someone to be convicted of murder
00:35:39 even if they didn't have the requisite mens rea.
00:35:42 Very good.
00:35:44 Let's talk for a moment about the mens rea.
00:35:47 Mr. King, please stand up.
00:35:50 Uh, what was the question?
00:35:58 Mr. Stafford brought up the subject of the mens rea.
00:36:01 Mens rea.
00:36:03 Kenneth, I never would have known.
00:36:06 Could you go a little more in-depth into a mens rea?
00:36:10 I guess, but do I really have to?
00:36:13 Give us an illustration of a mens rea.
00:36:16 But-- Mr. King, I am getting tired of all these "buts."
00:36:20 ( knocking )
00:36:25 Are you almost done?
00:36:28 ( sighs )
00:36:30 ( knocking )
00:36:32 You know, I was about to send out a rescue party.
00:36:41 What were you doing in there?
00:36:42 Studying.
00:36:44 You study outside the bathroom?
00:36:46 It's the only room I feel comfortable studying in.
00:36:48 There's nothing else to do in there except read.
00:36:50 I can focus, and I don't feel like I'm wasting my time.
00:36:53 You're such a loser.
00:36:55 ( screams )
00:37:02 Terry!
00:37:04 What's wrong?
00:37:06 Look!
00:37:08 Oh, sorry.
00:37:10 What is wrong with you?
00:37:11 Haven't you ever heard of incremental flushing?
00:37:13 Not really. I just kind of do my duty and hope for the best.
00:37:16 I cannot believe we share a bathroom.
00:37:18 Hey, you knew the risk when you got a roommate.
00:37:20 I wanted a female roommate!
00:37:22 Women crap, too.
00:37:24 Not like that.
00:37:26 ( alarm blaring )
00:37:27 That must be the guys.
00:37:28 Again? Why do you always have to have people over?
00:37:31 Because otherwise it wouldn't be social drinking.
00:37:34 Hey, I really need a fourth. What about your girlfriend?
00:37:40 She's not my girlfriend.
00:37:42 I don't think she knows how to play poker.
00:37:44 That's even better.
00:37:45 Maybe we can win some money off of her.
00:37:47 Hey, Susan, you want to sit in?
00:37:54 Sure, I suppose a few hands won't hurt.
00:37:56 Give me a minute.
00:37:58 Okay, boys, we're playing seven-card stud.
00:38:04 One-eyed jacks are wild, and follow the queen.
00:38:08 The ante is a dollar.
00:38:11 ( music playing )
00:38:14 ( burps )
00:38:29 ( groans )
00:38:31 ( laughing )
00:38:33 That's disgusting.
00:38:37 Hey, don't knock burps.
00:38:39 A belch is considered a compliment.
00:38:41 And what's a fart? A marriage proposal?
00:38:43 What is it with men and flatulence?
00:38:45 It's not the fart, it's the ass.
00:38:47 Men are obsessed with asses.
00:38:48 Asses and tits.
00:38:50 You know, I hate that word. It's a breast.
00:38:52 You know, on a man it's a breast,
00:38:54 but on a woman it's a tit.
00:38:56 I don't know, pudgy, this breast is dangerously close to becoming a tit,
00:39:00 so I'm a little portly, okay?
00:39:02 Did you say portly or portland?
00:39:04 Ha! Laugh at this.
00:39:06 Flush.
00:39:08 Yeah, that's what I keep telling terry.
00:39:10 So are you guys still in?
00:39:13 You know my philosophy, let the chips fall where they may.
00:39:15 Yeah, that's what I keep telling susan.
00:39:17 Susan, you ready for another beer?
00:39:20 Oh, no, I had one already. That's plenty.
00:39:23 I don't need to drink to have a good time.
00:39:25 I'll pretend she didn't say that.
00:39:27 Go ahead. A beer's a table thing to waste.
00:39:31 [gulping]
00:39:33 Would you rather find your girlfriend in bed with another man or another woman?
00:39:44 A woman, of course, as long as I could watch.
00:39:47 Why do men always assume that women like to do it with other women?
00:39:51 It's conditioning from all those movies on skinamex,
00:39:53 just like we think women like to wear high heels during sex.
00:39:55 Oh, they don't? But those movies aren't very realistic.
00:39:58 Like having sex with someone for the first time is some glorious experience.
00:40:02 Both parties achieve simultaneous orgasm
00:40:05 while some cheesy jazz song plays in the background.
00:40:08 But in real life, both people are nervous or drunk or both.
00:40:11 Oh, yeah, I hate those cheesy jazz songs.
00:40:14 Hey, you ever notice how all those movies are named after some legal phrase,
00:40:17 like "body of evidence"?
00:40:19 Irresistible impulse.
00:40:21 Oh, wait, I got one. "Hung jury." You get it? "Hung jury"?
00:40:25 Man, she's glazed.
00:40:27 Like a donut.
00:40:29 Susan, are you drunk?
00:40:31 No, I plead the fifth.
00:40:33 Get it? "Plead the fifth"?
00:40:35 Yeah, I get it, except that's a pint.
00:40:38 Hey, why are you here? Aren't you working for Mephistophelo?
00:40:51 Yeah, this was my last shift.
00:40:53 You don't sound happy.
00:40:55 I don't know.
00:40:57 It's just that working for Mr. Mephistophelo seems so sleazy.
00:41:00 I feel like a gun over the dark side.
00:41:02 Hey, you don't know the power of the dark side.
00:41:05 Hey, check it out.
00:41:07 Luke, I am your father.
00:41:10 Pull my finger.
00:41:12 Hey, Charles. Hey, Jimmy.
00:41:16 Want a beer?
00:41:19 Definitely. I just can't afford one.
00:41:21 Susan cleaned me out at poker again.
00:41:24 I'm gonna have to pay my student loans.
00:41:26 You'll be gone by November.
00:41:28 If you're short on money, why not take over my job here?
00:41:31 I don't know. I've never bartended before.
00:41:33 What if someone asked me to make one of those funky drinks
00:41:36 like a monkey's ass or something?
00:41:38 Just ask Dennis. He knows everything.
00:41:40 Hey, Dr. No.
00:41:42 What's in a monkey's ass?
00:41:44 Oh, I know this one.
00:41:46 Uh... your dick?
00:41:51 So, look, do you want the job?
00:41:54 Yeah, but I want you to know that working here
00:41:57 is seriously gonna interfere with my study time.
00:41:59 No. We got a toilet in the back.
00:42:02 Shit. Susan told you about that?
00:42:05 Hey, where are you going?
00:42:10 Off to practice law.
00:42:12 Maybe you'll get to do it someday.
00:42:14 I don't need practice.
00:42:16 Shit.
00:42:21 # #
00:42:27 # #
00:42:33 # #
00:42:39 # #
00:42:44 # #
00:42:49 # #
00:42:54 # #
00:42:59 # #
00:43:04 # #
00:43:09 # #
00:43:14 # #
00:43:19 # #
00:43:24 # #
00:43:29 # #
00:43:34 # #
00:43:39 # #
00:43:44 # #
00:43:49 I'm willing to testify that this is the worst low back injury
00:43:53 I have ever seen.
00:43:55 This man will be lucky to ever walk again.
00:43:59 Isn't the light supposed to be on?
00:44:02 I can't believe you're getting all made up for a guy.
00:44:10 I thought you were above all that.
00:44:12 Well, I haven't seen Richard in over a month.
00:44:14 You shouldn't be on my bed. What if he gets here early?
00:44:17 I've got one foot on the floor.
00:44:19 I'm in compliance with the Hays Code.
00:44:21 Aren't you supposed to be at work?
00:44:23 I told him I'd be a few minutes late.
00:44:25 How long ago was that?
00:44:27 Two hours.
00:44:29 That's a lot of minutes.
00:44:31 Well, I can't pass up the opportunity to meet the famous Richard.
00:44:35 I was beginning to think you made him up.
00:44:37 Here's your chance. Keep him busy for a few minutes.
00:44:40 Hey.
00:44:49 Hiya. You must be Terry.
00:44:51 I guess I must. And you're Robert.
00:44:55 Richard.
00:44:56 Right. Susan's just finishing up in the bedroom.
00:45:01 Great. Thank you.
00:45:03 You have a bottle opener?
00:45:13 It's a twist-off.
00:45:15 Son of a...
00:45:18 Sorry. Guess that one's not a twist-off.
00:45:21 Here you go.
00:45:23 So, I'm a little envious.
00:45:38 You living with my fiancée and all.
00:45:40 I've never lived with her.
00:45:42 Trust me. Get separate bathrooms.
00:45:47 So, what are your plans for tonight?
00:45:49 I've got to work.
00:45:51 Late?
00:45:52 'Til two or so. Why?
00:45:54 Well, Susan and I haven't been together for a while,
00:45:57 so I was hoping for a little privacy while we...
00:46:00 [imitates gun cocking]
00:46:02 You know.
00:46:03 Know what? Box?
00:46:05 Hi, honey.
00:46:08 Wow! You look great!
00:46:11 Thanks.
00:46:13 Yeah. You look like a hundred bucks.
00:46:16 You ready?
00:46:18 Oh. Almost forgot.
00:46:20 It was nice meeting you. Terry.
00:46:23 Remember what I said.
00:46:25 I need to comp another daiquiri.
00:46:36 What is it with all the free drinks tonight?
00:46:39 New Bacardi and Cake promotion.
00:46:41 Free drink and dessert for anybody with a birthday.
00:46:44 How many people in this place have their birthday?
00:46:46 Are you kidding? We're talking about lawyers and free stuff.
00:46:48 It's everybody's birthday.
00:46:50 What can I get for you?
00:46:57 What's your signature drink?
00:46:58 What?
00:46:59 Every bartender's got a signature drink.
00:47:01 The one drink he makes best.
00:47:03 Give me your signature drink.
00:47:06 [glasses clink]
00:47:08 I need to comp on a virgin daiquiri.
00:47:17 Another one?
00:47:19 Did you check his ID to make sure it's his birthday?
00:47:21 No.
00:47:22 Then forget it. I'm not giving out any more free drinks
00:47:24 unless you card the bastard.
00:47:26 Okay, if you say so.
00:47:28 [crying]
00:47:33 Okay, maybe it is his birthday.
00:47:35 I told you so.
00:47:37 What are kids doing here after 9 anyway?
00:47:39 Isn't there a curfew?
00:47:40 You tell me. You're the lawyer.
00:47:42 Oh, hey.
00:47:46 Shit.
00:47:51 What are they doing here?
00:47:53 This place...
00:47:55 I don't understand why we had to come here.
00:47:57 They had a perfectly good bar at the restaurant.
00:47:59 I like it here.
00:48:00 Hey, Susan.
00:48:01 Oh, hi. I'll bud light.
00:48:03 Nothing for me.
00:48:05 Pierre?
00:48:08 What happened to wine spritzers?
00:48:10 Hey, Terry, is that Robert?
00:48:13 Richard.
00:48:15 Yeah, that's him.
00:48:17 Can we go back to your place?
00:48:21 Terry promised he'd stay out late
00:48:23 so we could have some privacy.
00:48:25 He did?
00:48:26 Absolutely.
00:48:27 In fact, he volunteered.
00:48:29 Really?
00:48:31 Okay.
00:48:33 Let's go.
00:48:35 Hey, ease up there, bud.
00:48:48 You're on edge.
00:48:50 Been a while since you ding-dinged a boom-boom.
00:48:53 Look, I'm just in a dry spell.
00:48:57 You got plenty of women in college.
00:48:59 So?
00:49:00 That was then.
00:49:01 This is law school.
00:49:02 These women are chained in to be professionals.
00:49:04 So?
00:49:05 So that drunk and sloppy thing you got working
00:49:07 ain't gonna cut it anymore.
00:49:09 See, the same personality traits
00:49:12 that made you quirky, even a little dangerous in college,
00:49:15 have now been exposed as fatal character flaws
00:49:18 that prevent you from ever attaining success.
00:49:21 That's bullshit.
00:49:23 I still got it.
00:49:25 Yeah?
00:49:26 You a betting man, right?
00:49:28 What do you have in mind?
00:49:30 Huh.
00:49:31 Oh, boy.
00:49:33 Ah.
00:49:37 Okay.
00:49:43 That's ten shots of rum.
00:49:45 Now, there's gotta be at least ten women out there
00:49:48 you're interested in.
00:49:49 Pick out whoever you want.
00:49:51 Every time you get a phone number, I buy you a shot.
00:49:53 Every time you get shot down, you buy me a shot.
00:49:57 You're on.
00:49:59 I'm married.
00:50:05 That's okay.
00:50:06 I'm not jealous.
00:50:08 I don't believe in premarital sex.
00:50:12 Great.
00:50:13 Call me when you're married.
00:50:15 Are you sexually active?
00:50:18 No.
00:50:20 I just lie there.
00:50:22 What do you do for a living?
00:50:24 I teach computers.
00:50:25 Really?
00:50:26 What do you teach them?
00:50:28 How to go down?
00:50:30 I said you were very fetching.
00:50:32 Did you just call me a dog?
00:50:34 You know I see a little bit of myself in you.
00:50:40 I'd like to see a little bit of myself in you.
00:50:43 But are you happily married?
00:50:49 [music]
00:50:51 Told you I still had it.
00:51:02 [music]
00:51:04 May I have Mr. King?
00:51:30 [sigh]
00:51:32 Please recite the facts of Putnam versus Spellman.
00:51:39 Defendant filed a motion in Lemine.
00:51:43 Motion in Lemine.
00:51:45 Sorry, I must have been absent the day they taught Latin.
00:51:49 Would you define a motion in Lemine?
00:51:53 Uh, well...
00:51:56 Or were you also absent on the day they taught reading comprehension and recall?
00:52:04 You know, I really can't recall.
00:52:07 Would anyone like to assist Mr. King?
00:52:16 Mr. Stafford?
00:52:19 Yes, a motion in Lemine is a pretrial motion
00:52:23 requesting the court to limit the evidence to be presented to the jury.
00:52:26 Very good.
00:52:28 I have placed on reserve in the library
00:52:32 an excellent article that deals with this subject.
00:52:37 I strongly recommend that all of you read it.
00:52:43 Man, why do you keep butting heads with Ousmane?
00:52:47 It's not me, it's him.
00:52:49 I swear he's got something against me.
00:52:51 Yeah, like maybe you never prepared.
00:52:53 Why the hell should he care?
00:52:55 This is the textbook that Ousmane put on reserve.
00:52:58 The article's supposed to be on page 119.
00:53:01 It's missing! Someone cut it out with a razor!
00:53:07 The last person that checked it out was, um...
00:53:11 Kenneth Stafford.
00:53:13 Son of a...
00:53:16 Son of a...
00:53:18 You forgot to put something back.
00:53:26 What's that?
00:53:28 Oh, oh, the article.
00:53:30 Yeah, I was already missing when they checked out the book.
00:53:33 Bullshit. She cut it out so the rest of us couldn't use it.
00:53:36 Now that is ridiculous.
00:53:38 Just ask John Henry.
00:53:39 I don't care what your girlfriend says.
00:53:41 Down!
00:53:44 Look, I don't want to embarrass you.
00:53:47 Cough up the article. I know it was you.
00:53:50 Do you have any proof?
00:53:53 No.
00:53:55 Why don't you make yourself scarce?
00:53:59 (sighs)
00:54:01 I was thinking of slowing things down with Richard.
00:54:18 Oh, yeah?
00:54:21 Why's that?
00:54:23 He's just getting to be such a pain.
00:54:28 He calls me constantly.
00:54:30 He gets mad if I'm not exactly where I'm supposed to be.
00:54:34 I just can't handle the pressure right now.
00:54:37 It's like he's got this image in his mind of how he wants me to be.
00:54:42 Has it ever occurred to you that's how you actually are?
00:54:46 Am I?
00:54:49 I don't know.
00:54:52 I mean, I've been waiting all my life to come to law school.
00:54:56 And now that I'm here, it's just not what I expected.
00:54:59 Maybe.
00:55:01 Or maybe you're just rationalizing because you like someone else.
00:55:06 No way.
00:55:09 The last thing I need is another man.
00:55:12 So, she really broke up with him?
00:55:18 Man, law school claims another relationship.
00:55:21 She's not calling it a breakup, only a cooling-off period.
00:55:25 Technically, they're still engaged.
00:55:27 Well, at least she's free for Halloween now.
00:55:30 You picked out your costume yet?
00:55:32 Maybe the three of us can go together.
00:55:34 I was thinking maybe the mod squad.
00:55:36 I don't know.
00:55:38 Come on, I'll let you be Link.
00:55:39 No, I mean, I don't know if I'm going to the party at all.
00:55:42 I'm not really into Halloween. It's a kids' holiday.
00:55:45 Oh, no. We're not talking about some children's party.
00:55:49 We're talking about women in their late teens and early twenties.
00:55:53 Do you know what that means?
00:55:54 Not really.
00:55:55 For women like that, Halloween is just an excuse for them to act out
00:55:59 all the slutty fantasies they suppress for the rest of the year.
00:56:03 They dress up like French maids, hookers, lingerie models, you name it.
00:56:08 It's the only night of the year they can get away with it and call it a costume.
00:56:13 Trust me, you have to go.
00:56:18 [music]
00:56:20 I guess you didn't get the announcement about tonight's wardrobe.
00:56:37 I feel so out of place.
00:56:40 Don't. It's very...
00:56:43 kind of classic.
00:56:46 So, what do you think of the toga?
00:56:49 It's great.
00:56:51 But I didn't realize they wore Reeboks in ancient Rome.
00:56:55 [meow]
00:56:56 Hey, guys.
00:56:58 Nice costume, Mother Superior.
00:57:00 Don't you think you're taking this swearing off men thing a little too seriously?
00:57:05 At least I dressed up. Where's your costume?
00:57:08 This is my costume.
00:57:10 I'm a lawyer. Get it?
00:57:13 You're so lame.
00:57:15 Oh, that really is a costume.
00:57:18 Absolutely terrifying.
00:57:21 Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:57:25 I dream of Jean.
00:57:27 Yeah, it's nice.
00:57:29 Charles, what's this for?
00:57:32 Just paying you back for Terry.
00:57:34 What?
00:57:35 You're a death fool. You said he wouldn't make it till Halloween.
00:57:38 Oops.
00:57:39 I guess he beat the odds.
00:57:41 It's still early.
00:57:44 Hey, thanks, Brutus.
00:57:47 Hold this.
00:57:50 What's the matter? You seem down.
00:57:53 Richard hasn't called in days.
00:57:56 I think he's seeing someone else.
00:57:58 So what? You broke up with him.
00:58:00 You no longer have proprietary interest over his comings and goings.
00:58:03 Especially his comings.
00:58:05 But doesn't it seem funny that he got over it so fast?
00:58:09 Funny humorous or funny odd?
00:58:12 Funny, like maybe he was seeing someone before we broke up.
00:58:17 I suppose it's possible.
00:58:19 But then again, so what?
00:58:23 What the hell are you?
00:58:25 I'm a clothesline.
00:58:27 A clothesline?
00:58:29 It's the only way I can make sure I won't have to talk to my wife the entire night.
00:58:35 (music)
00:58:38 Where are you escaping from? New York or Los Angeles?
00:58:47 All right.
00:58:52 So you know, everyone might get in a habit with you.
00:58:55 I'll call you.
00:58:59 (music)
00:59:02 I hate these things.
00:59:05 The only thing they're good for is helping you get your ass kicked.
00:59:09 So, when are you going to make your move?
00:59:16 Don't tell me the nun costume's scaring you off.
00:59:19 What are you talking about?
00:59:21 Susan.
00:59:23 When are you going to ask her out?
00:59:25 Susan?
00:59:27 What makes you think I want to ask out Susan?
00:59:30 Oh, I don't know.
00:59:32 Here we are, surrounded by beautiful women.
00:59:35 And there you stand, all by your lonesome.
00:59:38 You're not exactly projecting the look of someone who's available.
00:59:41 In fact, you may be the first man in history to be pussywhipped without actually getting any pussy.
00:59:48 Susan's not my type.
00:59:51 So you don't like Susan?
00:59:55 No, I don't like Susan.
00:59:58 So you don't mind if I ask her out?
01:00:02 What?
01:00:06 You heard me. If you're not interested, I'm going to ask her out.
01:00:12 I don't think that's such a good idea.
01:00:14 Why not?
01:00:16 You know, it would be weird.
01:00:18 You might start sleeping over, maybe leave some clothes behind that get mixed up in my laundry.
01:00:23 I don't want our underwear being washed together.
01:00:26 I see. So that's why you don't want me to ask out Susan, so our underwear doesn't get mixed up.
01:00:32 Among other things, I don't want to run into you outside the bathroom in the morning with a hard-on.
01:00:37 Well, who's got the hard-on? Me or you?
01:00:40 Does it matter?
01:00:42 Listen, you can bullshit yourself all you want, but you dig that girl.
01:00:47 And if you wait too long, somebody's going to grab her up.
01:00:50 The only reason I don't is because I'm your friend.
01:00:53 Somebody will ask her out, and then you'll beat yourself up wondering how you let the statute of limitations run out.
01:00:59 I can't believe they rejected your Maya Angelou thesis.
01:01:11 Nah, it's a wrack. Probably got a new topic.
01:01:14 The influence of Shakespeare on children's literature. It's called "Green Eggs and Hamlet."
01:01:18 They're going for it on fourth and one.
01:01:21 Here's the snip.
01:01:24 Oh, shit! What are you doing?
01:01:27 Sorry, man. You know what they say. Football's a game of inches.
01:01:30 I thought they said that about sex.
01:01:32 Well, either way, Alan always comes up a little bit short.
01:01:36 Don't let them get to you. There's still three minutes left.
01:01:39 I get it. It's over. You don't need to blow sunshine on my ass.
01:01:44 I thought sunshine would be a pleasant break from the usual assortment of items found in your ass.
01:01:51 Oh, soon as they're all mixing, then I...
01:01:54 Give her a break. She's still hung up on her ex-fiancé.
01:01:58 I am not hung up on Richard.
01:02:01 I just want to know the truth.
01:02:03 Tell me, what does it mean when a guy starts dating someone two days after you break up with him?
01:02:07 It means he's already cheating on you with someone else.
01:02:11 Definitely.
01:02:13 That's it. I told you!
01:02:15 I'm getting to the bottom of this.
01:02:16 Where are you going? We have class tomorrow.
01:02:19 So then we had this case with this actress. She's deaf.
01:02:27 She can only read lips. But she wasn't too good at it.
01:02:31 Anyway, she comes to me with this sexual harassment case against her director.
01:02:34 Seems every single time he yelled "cut," she thought that he was saying...
01:02:40 Susan! What are you doing here?
01:02:43 We need to talk.
01:02:45 Who is that woman?
01:02:47 A... a potential client.
01:02:49 What's the problem? We broke up, remember?
01:02:51 I think you were seeing someone even before we broke up.
01:02:53 That's crazy. Besides, you have no proof.
01:02:56 You sound just like a lawyer.
01:02:58 I am a lawyer. I thought you might be one someday, too.
01:03:00 What's that supposed to mean?
01:03:02 Look, I understand. Law school isn't for everyone.
01:03:05 Are you saying that I can't handle the pressure?
01:03:07 Wasn't that obvious?
01:03:08 What's obvious is that you have no respect for me at all.
01:03:11 I can't believe I was going to marry you.
01:03:13 Are you calling off the wedding now?
01:03:14 Yes.
01:03:15 Fine.
01:03:18 Then I want my ring back.
01:03:21 What? No, it was a gift.
01:03:22 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:03:25 Right here. An engagement ring is part of a contract.
01:03:33 It must be returned if that contract is canceled.
01:03:37 Oh, what are you going to show me?
01:03:39 It's here. Right here.
01:03:41 Look, the courts consistently construe an engagement ring as a gift
01:03:45 and therefore non-returnable if evidence exists that it was given for a reason
01:03:49 other than as a token of marriage.
01:03:51 And I believe you gave this to me on my birthday.
01:03:55 Shit!
01:03:57 Yes.
01:03:58 What are you so happy about?
01:04:01 I won my first case.
01:04:02 Oh, that's what this is about, isn't it? Winning.
01:04:05 Yes, you break up with me. Hooray, a win for Susan.
01:04:08 The only reason you even care if I was cheating on you
01:04:10 is because it would spoil your little victory.
01:04:12 No, that's bullshit.
01:04:13 Is it?
01:04:14 Hello?
01:04:17 Yes, sir, you heard correctly. She's here with me right now.
01:04:21 I'll tell her.
01:04:22 That was your father.
01:04:25 He'd like to talk to you when we're through.
01:04:28 Oh, we're definitely through.
01:04:29 Susan.
01:04:32 Susan!
01:04:34 Susan, I'm worried about you.
01:04:36 I tried to be understanding when you broke up with Richard.
01:04:39 I thought it was a phase that would pass.
01:04:41 But now you show up on a weekday when you're supposed to be in class
01:04:45 accusing one of my associates of wrongdoing.
01:04:48 I'm not finished.
01:04:49 You've embarrassed me, you've embarrassed Richard,
01:04:53 and most of all, you've embarrassed yourself.
01:04:55 You've worked all your life to get yourself into this position.
01:04:59 I don't want you to ruin it now.
01:05:01 I won't, Daddy.
01:05:03 I'm not sure I can believe you.
01:05:05 Now, I know a fantastic therapist practicing in your area.
01:05:10 I want you to see her as soon as possible.
01:05:12 Just because I have my suspicions about Richard doesn't mean I'm crazy.
01:05:16 I don't think you're crazy, sweetheart.
01:05:18 I just think you need someone you can talk to.
01:05:20 Well, forget it. I don't need a therapist. I really don't.
01:05:23 So, Susan, I understand you're only here at your father's request.
01:05:29 How does that make you feel?
01:05:32 Are you a psychiatrist or a psychologist?
01:05:34 A psychologist.
01:05:36 And what's the difference again?
01:05:38 Well, a psychiatrist is someone who's gone to medical school and can prescribe medication.
01:05:44 A psychologist is someone who hasn't gone to medical school.
01:05:48 Usually a PhD.
01:05:50 And how does that make you feel?
01:05:53 Well, I feel like I should make sure my medical insurance covers this.
01:05:57 I remember reading somewhere that only MDs are reimbursed.
01:06:01 How does that make you feel?
01:06:03 Well, me and Mary Jo here, we were in the backseat of my Chrysler and we were, you know...
01:06:12 Wait a minute. You were having sex in a 7-Eleven parking lot?
01:06:18 Yeah, it was dark out. Well, almost dark.
01:06:22 Anyway, Mary Jo here, she can't take the birth control.
01:06:27 You know, female problems and all.
01:06:29 So I've had to get really good at controlling myself.
01:06:33 You know, sometimes I think of the sports guys.
01:06:37 Usually the hockey players with no teeth.
01:06:39 I get the picture. Go on.
01:06:41 Yeah, so we're pretty well into it.
01:06:44 And I'm concentrating really hard.
01:06:47 And all of a sudden, this car backs out of its parking space.
01:06:51 And BAM!
01:06:52 It just bashes my front end.
01:06:55 Well, actually, you know, I lost my concentration.
01:07:00 Well, you can see what happened.
01:07:03 Let me get this straight.
01:07:08 You're blaming her pregnancy on a car accident?
01:07:11 You're damn straight!
01:07:12 And you think the insurance company should have to pay all the expenses until the child's 18?
01:07:17 Actually, we were hoping for a nice college fund, too.
01:07:24 So, we have established that a taught feezer is liable for the reasonably foreseeable consequences of his negligence.
01:07:37 Mr King?
01:07:40 Please provide some examples of reasonably foreseeable consequences.
01:07:53 I don't know.
01:07:54 You don't know?
01:07:56 Mr King, how do you plan on passing this class?
01:08:02 I don't know.
01:08:04 I don't know either.
01:08:08 That's it.
01:08:19 I don't want you to call me anymore. Do you understand?
01:08:22 Mr King, this is my class.
01:08:26 I will not have terms dictated to me.
01:08:30 Listen to yourself. This isn't a war.
01:08:32 You said yourself that class participation counts for only three points.
01:08:35 Fine. They're yours. Take them.
01:08:38 But just leave me alone.
01:08:39 Did it ever occur to you that I have singled you out for a reason?
01:08:45 I've seen your LSAT scores.
01:08:49 Then you know I'll pass with or without your three points.
01:08:53 Is that all that matters to you? Passing?
01:08:57 So, what if it is?
01:08:58 You know, most students, yourself included, think that the Socratic method was invented just to make your lives that much more difficult.
01:09:08 But professors use it for a purpose.
01:09:11 What purpose? Sadism?
01:09:13 That is only a fortunate by-product.
01:09:16 The value of the Socratic method is that it forces you to reason for yourself.
01:09:23 It makes you work for the answers rather than have them handed to you.
01:09:28 I'm perfectly confident that you can get by my class.
01:09:32 But the last thing the legal profession needs is another lawyer satisfied with getting by.
01:09:40 It's not up to you to make that decision.
01:09:43 Your job is to grade my exam. That's it.
01:09:45 I'm tired of constantly being singled out and I want it to stop.
01:09:49 Are we clear?
01:09:52 Perfectly clear.
01:09:57 What did he mean, he saw your LSAT scores?
01:10:00 Nothing.
01:10:02 Well, it had to mean something.
01:10:05 Did you score high?
01:10:07 I test well. It doesn't mean anything.
01:10:11 Well, what do you mean well? How well?
01:10:17 175.
01:10:21 But that's in the 99th percentile. How come you never told me?
01:10:25 I didn't think it mattered.
01:10:27 Well, you still should have told me.
01:10:29 Look, don't you have to study or something? I thought you were having trouble with that whole proximate cause thing.
01:10:35 What? Is that some kind of crack?
01:10:38 Just because I didn't score in the 99th percentile?
01:10:40 Well, let me tell you something. I will not rest until I understand proximate cause.
01:10:43 Do you hear me? I will not rest.
01:10:46 [Music]
01:10:51 [Music]
01:10:56 [Music]
01:11:25 Before we begin today, I would like you to know if a student passes, the torch will no longer be passed to his or her neighbor.
01:11:39 Instead, one point will automatically be deducted from each student in the class.
01:11:50 You can't do that.
01:11:51 Before any of you protest that I can't do that, please be assured that I can and I will.
01:12:02 Now, may I have Mr. King?
01:12:10 You may.
01:12:11 [Music]
01:12:16 Mr. King.
01:12:26 You know, you really shouldn't photocopy with the lid open. It causes sterility.
01:12:32 That's bullshit.
01:12:34 Whatever.
01:12:43 Mr. King.
01:12:47 Recep's a loquitur, or the thing speaks for itself.
01:12:50 Negligence can be inferred by the mere fact that the accident happened.
01:12:53 Technically, it's only jaywalking if there's a light at both intersections.
01:13:01 See you in court.
01:13:05 Here, the defendant rear-ended a woman. I mean, he rear-ended her vehicle.
01:13:11 He exchanged information and drove away five minutes later.
01:13:14 Ten miles down the road, the woman's car is struck by a falling boulder.
01:13:18 The defendant isn't liable for the damage from the boulder because his breach is too far removed from the second accident.
01:13:23 But why?
01:13:25 The woman would never have been in the path of the boulder had she not been delayed five minutes by the defendant.
01:13:34 Negligence was the direct cause of her being in that place at that time.
01:13:42 Because the law requires that the negligence not only be the actual cause of injury, but also the proximate cause.
01:13:48 In other words, the responsibility of the defendant has to be cut off somewhere.
01:13:52 Otherwise, he'd be held responsible for everything that ever happened to the woman for the rest of her life.
01:13:57 But isn't everything interconnected?
01:14:00 Maybe in real life, but we're dealing with the law, and the purpose of the law is to set up boundaries.
01:14:06 Well said, Mr. King. Well said.
01:14:11 Fifteen cases for Mr. Blue. Pretty good, huh?
01:14:16 Not bad. Of course, you're still trailing Mr. Red.
01:14:20 How's he getting that many cases? There aren't that many injured people in this town.
01:14:26 It's a dog-eat-dog business. You've got to be creative.
01:14:35 Be creative, eh?
01:14:38 [♪♪♪]
01:14:48 [♪♪♪]
01:14:58 [♪♪♪]
01:15:08 [♪♪♪]
01:15:18 It has come to my attention that certain members of this class
01:15:24 have recently lodged complaints regarding the manner in which I choose students for participation.
01:15:33 Don't look at me.
01:15:35 So, in order to appease those of you who believe you've been treated unfairly,
01:15:41 I've agreed to adopt a more random selection process.
01:15:47 As you know, this attendance sheet circulates throughout the room
01:15:52 so that each of you can sign your name to it.
01:15:56 Henceforth, I will call out in random intervals.
01:16:01 Whoever is holding this sheet at that time
01:16:06 shall be required to participate in the discussion.
01:16:12 All right. In the matter of Sims v. Kern,
01:16:17 the defendant hired plaintiff and artist to paint a portrait of his mother.
01:16:22 Did you ever realize that the only difference between a therapist and a rapist is just one little space?
01:16:27 So just don't go. Your father can't drag you then.
01:16:30 You don't know Daddy.
01:16:32 ...wearing suggestive lingerie.
01:16:34 Upon seeing the portrait, defendant refused to pay,
01:16:38 stating that the work had not been performed to his satisfaction.
01:16:43 Plaintiff sued for money, arguing that satisfaction was too subjective a standard to base a contract upon.
01:16:52 Please discuss the suit's rationale.
01:16:56 Stop!
01:17:00 [door opens]
01:17:03 [door closes]
01:17:06 [door opens]
01:17:09 [door closes]
01:17:12 [door opens]
01:17:15 [door closes]
01:17:18 [door closes]
01:17:21 Soft as a baby's leg.
01:17:24 [footsteps]
01:17:30 [door opens]
01:17:33 [door closes]
01:17:35 Dude, this burrito's like frozen in the middle.
01:17:39 [footsteps]
01:17:43 [door closes]
01:17:45 Shit!
01:17:47 Hey, buddy.
01:17:49 [phone rings]
01:17:51 Uh...
01:17:53 [footsteps]
01:18:08 I can't do this.
01:18:11 Sir, what's--
01:18:13 Whoa! Oh! No! Oh, shit!
01:18:18 Oh, well.
01:18:21 [music]
01:18:26 Give me another.
01:18:27 Oh.
01:18:29 I don't know why you bother going to that therapist.
01:18:32 I could tell you what's wrong with you for free.
01:18:35 Okay. So you want to play the bartender knows best card.
01:18:38 Okay, give it your best shot.
01:18:39 All right. For a start, you're sort of competitive and adversarial.
01:18:43 I am not!
01:18:45 Okay, you're not.
01:18:47 But assuming I was, just assuming,
01:18:50 it would be natural after growing up in a family of lawyers.
01:18:53 It's a lawyer's job to be adversarial, right?
01:18:55 Right. And--
01:18:56 And since I've been here, all I've seen is people argue.
01:18:59 Most of them don't care about the truth.
01:19:01 They just want to win the argument.
01:19:02 Right. So--
01:19:03 So, maybe there's a part of me that doesn't want to be adversarial.
01:19:06 Part of me that wants to do something fun and meaningful with my life.
01:19:10 But--
01:19:11 But all I see is years of arguing cases.
01:19:15 And that--
01:19:16 And that really depresses me.
01:19:21 But what do I do about it?
01:19:22 Yeah, well, see, that's your problem. Because--
01:19:25 Because my life is already mapped out.
01:19:27 And the only way to change it is to confront the one person I've never stood up to.
01:19:32 Daddy.
01:19:33 Right. You see the irony? In order--
01:19:35 In order to not be adversarial, I've got to be adversarial.
01:19:39 Exactly.
01:19:40 Dennis, you're a genius.
01:19:42 Thank you.
01:19:43 You don't even know me. How did you figure all this out?
01:19:45 I didn't. I just listened to Terry.
01:19:48 He won't shut up about you.
01:19:53 That's it. I'm out.
01:19:55 You guys should get going. I have class tomorrow.
01:19:57 Oh, I seriously doubt that.
01:19:59 Oh, come on. Have one more.
01:20:01 Remember, what does not kill me makes me drunker.
01:20:04 Who said that? Satcher?
01:20:06 Nipi.
01:20:07 You say Disney?
01:20:09 Nietzsche.
01:20:10 Disney and Nietzsche. Nice duo.
01:20:11 When you wish upon a star, the star also wishes upon you.
01:20:14 Then who the hell is Satcher?
01:20:16 The existentialist. You know, even if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.
01:20:20 No, I don't know. He stole that from Rush. You know, you can't--
01:20:23 Well, I have decided to make a choice, and I choose you guys get your asses out of here.
01:20:26 Unless you want to help me study. Misery loves company.
01:20:30 Company does not love misery. We're out of here.
01:20:33 To the bar, baby.
01:20:34 All right.
01:20:36 [music]
01:20:38 This is the first time I won't be with my family for Thanksgiving.
01:20:48 Good. All days are supposed to be about taking a break from the normal routine.
01:20:52 Besides, look what I got.
01:20:55 You're going to cook?
01:20:59 Yep. Of course, it's still frozen, which means in just nine short hours,
01:21:04 we'll be able to enjoy some deliciously undercooked turkey.
01:21:07 Wow. Now that is a habeas corpus.
01:21:24 Do I still look like a hundred bucks?
01:21:26 Maybe even a thousand.
01:21:29 Is the food ready yet?
01:21:32 Almost. Just a couple of minutes.
01:21:35 How long does it take to cook a turkey?
01:21:38 I told you it was frozen.
01:21:40 Isn't it funny how colors always mean something else? Like blue means sad.
01:21:50 Green means inexperienced.
01:21:57 And yellow means cowardly.
01:22:00 And red...
01:22:03 Red means passion.
01:22:08 Well, I was thinking communist, but I like yours better.
01:22:13 [music]
01:22:15 Hold on a second.
01:22:29 What?
01:22:31 [music]
01:22:33 Do you want to take your shoes off?
01:22:48 No. You told me that men like having sex with women in high heels.
01:22:52 Nice.
01:22:54 [music]
01:22:57 [music]
01:22:59 Are you ready?
01:23:04 Make a wish.
01:23:07 I won.
01:23:11 I never understood the point of wishing on the bones of a turkey carcass.
01:23:16 I mean, if turkeys had supernatural powers like granting wishes,
01:23:19 shouldn't we have thought about that before killing and eating it?
01:23:23 You know, you just blew a golden opportunity.
01:23:26 What you should have said was, "My wish already came true."
01:23:30 I don't believe in wishes.
01:23:34 I believe in proximate cause. Everything's interrelated.
01:23:37 Think about it. If I hadn't sat next to Charles that first day, we never would have met.
01:23:42 And if Charles hadn't worked at the pub, I never would have met him.
01:23:45 And we wouldn't have lived together.
01:23:47 Hell, you can go even farther back.
01:23:49 If the Chester hadn't given me a scholarship, I wouldn't even be here.
01:23:53 You're on scholarship.
01:23:56 [music]
01:23:59 Well, see you next week.
01:24:03 Hold on. Mr. Mephistophilou would like to see you.
01:24:06 He wants to see me? Are you sure?
01:24:09 No, I hear you, Manny. Thirty thousand.
01:24:14 You know, that just might make my client go away.
01:24:18 I'll call you tomorrow.
01:24:20 Miss Phipps, call Mr. Willis and tell him we just received an offer for, say, twenty-five thousand.
01:24:27 Thank you.
01:24:29 I love to settle.
01:24:31 Easy money.
01:24:34 Take a look at these rap sheets.
01:24:41 [music]
01:24:43 These are dossiers on dogs.
01:24:53 Not just any dogs. You've heard of the one-bite rule, haven't you?
01:24:57 Sure. A dog is only allowed to bite one person.
01:25:00 After that, the owner is on notice and can be sued.
01:25:03 Right. Well, each of these dogs has had their one bite.
01:25:07 So all you've got to do is get them to attack again.
01:25:10 How am I supposed to do that?
01:25:12 How the hell do I know? Shoot them in the ass with a BB gun. I don't care.
01:25:16 You're the expert at this kind of thing.
01:25:19 Sit down.
01:25:21 In fact, you know, that's why I wanted to talk to you.
01:25:24 I've seen players in my day.
01:25:26 But you, you've got real talent.
01:25:29 Best yet.
01:25:31 Yeah. I've been meaning to talk to you about that.
01:25:34 So talk.
01:25:35 It's just...
01:25:37 I've been feeling kind of funny about the job lately.
01:25:40 I mean, we aren't supposed to solicit.
01:25:43 It's not soliciting. It's client development.
01:25:46 Whatever.
01:25:48 My grandpa always used to say you can't put shit on a sundae and call it fudge.
01:25:52 Sure you can.
01:25:54 As long as nobody tastes it.
01:25:56 Tell me this, Charlie.
01:26:00 Are you wearing a wire?
01:26:02 No.
01:26:04 Well, you know, I had to ask.
01:26:07 Entrapment laws and all, you understand.
01:26:09 Look, I know what you're going through.
01:26:11 But you've got to realize the practice of law is all about the distributing of wealth.
01:26:16 We take from the corporate rich and give to the fraudulent poor.
01:26:19 They say lawyers are the problem.
01:26:21 Hey, we wouldn't be able to do a thing without clients.
01:26:24 I mean, is it my fault that some greedy bastard comes through my door...
01:26:27 with his bullshit complaint that you've got to search the house?
01:26:30 With his bullshit complaint that you've got a sore neck and a bad back?
01:26:33 And, you know, what am I going to do, send them away?
01:26:36 He's just going to go somewhere else.
01:26:38 I guess.
01:26:40 But why do we have to be a part of it?
01:26:43 All lawyers are a part of it, Charlie.
01:26:45 You think defense attorneys are any different?
01:26:48 We're both parts of the same machine.
01:26:51 The only difference is they get paid by the hour.
01:26:54 Let me ask you something.
01:26:57 Why'd you come to law school?
01:26:59 To make the big bucks.
01:27:01 Exactly.
01:27:02 So why complain now?
01:27:05 You know, I was a lot like you in law school.
01:27:07 I was working so hard I knew I wasn't going to get good grades.
01:27:11 I had friends graduate magna cum laude.
01:27:14 I was lucky to graduate. Thank the Lord.
01:27:17 You know who those A students are today, Charlie?
01:27:23 Professors.
01:27:25 That's right.
01:27:26 A students become professors, B students become lawyers,
01:27:29 and C students become trial lawyers, and they make all the money.
01:27:32 I thought C students became judges.
01:27:34 That, too.
01:27:36 Look, Charlie, my point is...
01:27:40 I see law school as an obstacle.
01:27:44 And I like to help all of my friends...
01:27:47 overcome their obstacles.
01:27:51 These look like the answers to all my exams.
01:27:54 They are.
01:27:56 I have my sources.
01:27:59 Do you give these to every student who works for you?
01:28:03 You're the only student I've got working for me, Charlie.
01:28:07 Go on, take it.
01:28:13 I'm not going to take it.
01:28:15 I'm not going to take it.
01:28:17 Go on, take it.
01:28:20 You've got better things to do with your time than study, don't you?
01:28:25 Hey, Ken. There's a call for you on the campus phone.
01:28:38 A call?
01:28:40 Yeah.
01:28:41 I got class in 15 minutes. Who is it?
01:28:44 I don't know. They said it was important.
01:28:47 [music]
01:29:14 I know you're probably trying to enjoy yourself in Las Vegas,
01:29:18 but I've got something to tell you, and it can't wait.
01:29:21 Well, hear me out.
01:29:23 I love you, and I know you mean well,
01:29:26 but I don't need a therapist, and I don't need to get back with Richard.
01:29:30 I only went out with him in the first place because it was the path of least resistance.
01:29:35 It was what you wanted. Don't deny it.
01:29:39 But I've got to start doing what I want,
01:29:42 even if you don't agree with it.
01:29:45 You're my father and not my boss,
01:29:49 and I'm not sure I want you to be my boss.
01:29:54 Don't worry. The firm will do just fine without me.
01:29:58 Look, I know this is a lot of information for you to take in all at once,
01:30:03 so think about what I said, and I'll talk to you in a couple of days.
01:30:09 Okay? Bye.
01:30:12 Wow. That was pretty bold.
01:30:16 Not really.
01:30:19 It was his voicemail.
01:30:22 Your grades for class participation will be posted this afternoon,
01:30:30 anonymously, of course, to protect the thin-skulled amongst you.
01:30:38 I would say that it has been a pleasure teaching you this semester,
01:30:44 except that that would be a bald-faced lie.
01:30:49 And to discourage any of you from making any tearful farewells,
01:30:56 please remember that I will be teaching you again next semester.
01:31:04 I wish you all good luck on the exam.
01:31:09 You are dismissed.
01:31:15 [clapping]
01:31:19 [clapping]
01:31:23 [clapping]
01:31:26 [clapping]
01:31:31 [music]
01:31:45 [music]
01:31:48 So, define "frolic" and "detour."
01:32:08 Frolic and detour.
01:32:10 A detour is only a minor deviation from work so that the employer is responsible for the torts of the employee,
01:32:17 whereas a frolic is a major deviation and the employer isn't liable.
01:32:22 Good.
01:32:24 So that's what that damn name means.
01:32:28 Okay. A man checks his coat at the door of a fancy restaurant.
01:32:35 Later, when he's leaving, the coat-check girl gives him the wrong jacket by mistake.
01:32:40 Inside the pocket is a bag of cocaine.
01:32:43 The man leaves the restaurant carrying the cocaine.
01:32:46 After three blocks, he finds the bag in the pocket.
01:32:48 He hurries back to the restaurant but is stopped by a policeman for jaywalking.
01:32:53 Discuss.
01:32:54 Discuss ain't nothing to discuss. That poor bastard's going to jail.
01:32:56 But the question is whether he knowingly had possession of the drugs.
01:33:00 It don't matter. That cop's never going to believe some bullshit story about getting the wrong coat.
01:33:03 Charles, you've been in the real world too long.
01:33:06 Come on back to the ivory tower with the rest of us.
01:33:08 Assume the man can prove the facts and then see what the law says.
01:33:11 I don't know about the law, but I bet you five dollars that guy gets five years.
01:33:16 I'm confused about sodomy. Is it just anal or is it also oral? I just don't get it.
01:33:22 You don't get oral? My condolences.
01:33:26 No worries there, man. Susan's like the Titanic. It took her a while but she went down eventually.
01:33:31 Pig.
01:33:32 Fellatio is oral.
01:33:34 No, I think sodomy is just anal.
01:33:36 Have you ever had anal sex?
01:33:38 Well, I've had sex with you and you're an asshole. Does that count?
01:33:42 No, seriously.
01:33:44 Why do they punish attempted murder less than actual murder?
01:33:50 I mean, one guy shoots and misses, he goes to jail for five years.
01:33:54 The other guy hits, he goes away for life.
01:33:57 Seems like you get a break for being a lousy shot.
01:34:00 Okay, we need to discuss defamation.
01:34:03 Hey, I've been flushing.
01:34:06 In order for a blade to be a concealed weapon, it's got to be longer than three and a half inches.
01:34:13 Hey, Terry, I guess you don't have to worry about carrying any concealed weapons.
01:34:28 Wake up! Wake up! The power went out last night. We're going to be late.
01:34:31 I can't find my keys.
01:34:33 Don't worry. We can take my car.
01:34:35 Oh shit, I forgot. Change for the meter.
01:34:43 Don't worry about it.
01:34:45 You can't do that. That guy will never know he got a ticket.
01:34:50 Sure I can. It's Stafford's car. I've been doing to him all semester.
01:34:54 Come on, Terry. Let's go.
01:34:56 [music]
01:34:58 [music]
01:35:00 [music]
01:35:02 [music]
01:35:08 [music]
01:35:36 [music]
01:35:38 Where are you going?
01:35:52 The bathroom.
01:35:53 Aren't you forgetting something?
01:35:55 I don't think so.
01:35:56 You didn't ask permission.
01:35:58 Can I go to the bathroom?
01:35:59 I don't know. Can you?
01:36:01 What?
01:36:02 It's not can. It's may I go. May, not can.
01:36:05 Fine. May I go to the can?
01:36:07 [music]
01:36:18 Law school humor.
01:36:33 [music]
01:36:35 Yes, of course.
01:36:45 [music]
01:36:47 Time. Please put your pencils down.
01:37:15 [sigh]
01:37:17 You know, I think I nailed that adverse possession issue.
01:37:25 Uh, Ken?
01:37:26 There was no adverse possession issue.
01:37:29 What?
01:37:30 I messed up the second essay.
01:37:32 You messed up the second essay? I'll be lucky to get a D on it.
01:37:35 D? I'd be happy to get a D. I'm sure I failed it.
01:37:39 Man, will you two listen to yourselves?
01:37:41 You're fighting over who did worse. It's like some kind of twisted one-upsmanship.
01:37:45 Well, I just don't want to be at the bottom of the curve.
01:37:47 No, you won't be. I know who will be at the bottom of the curve.
01:37:51 Mr. Kenneth Stafford.
01:37:53 What are you talking about?
01:37:55 Shit! You know, I knew it was one or the other.
01:37:57 Well, it was the other.
01:38:00 You switched Mephistopheles' cheat sheets so Stafford would memorize fake answers?
01:38:04 That's great.
01:38:06 When that test gets graded, his GPA is going to go down faster than a Bob Dollar hooker.
01:38:10 You know what? I'm proud of you, Charles.
01:38:13 You had the opportunity to cheat, and instead you found a way to do something positive.
01:38:17 Who said I didn't cheat?
01:38:19 I may not want to end up a scum like Stafford, but that doesn't mean I'm crazy.
01:38:23 Don't worry. I won't be able to cheat again.
01:38:26 I gave my notice to Mephistopheles.
01:38:29 Why'd you quit?
01:38:31 I figured there's got to be honest ways for a lawyer to make money.
01:38:34 Why, Charles, I do believe you're developing a conscience.
01:38:36 You know, most people start law school with idealism and then lose it.
01:38:40 You're working the other way around.
01:38:42 I know. I disgust myself.
01:38:45 [music]
01:39:14 Where the hell is my car?
01:39:17 [music]
01:39:38 Are we on for more law school poker tomorrow?
01:39:41 Hell yeah. Save your money, 'cause I'm going to be all over you guys like stink on a wet dog.
01:39:46 [music]
01:40:10 Hey, Charles, any way I can take a look at those cheat sheets?
01:40:14 [music]
01:40:37 [music]
01:41:04 [music]
01:41:19 [music]
01:41:39 [music]
01:41:59 [music]
01:42:19 [music]
01:42:39 [music]
01:42:59 [music]
01:43:19 [music]
01:43:39 [music]
01:43:59 [music]
01:44:19 [music]
01:44:39 [music]
01:44:59 [music]
01:45:09 [BLANK_AUDIO]