Alice In Wonderland (1966)
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🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00There was a time when meadow, grove and stream, the earth and every common sight, to me did
00:00:14seem apparelled in celestial light, the glory and the freshness of a dream.
00:00:30There was a time when meadow, grove and stream, the earth and every common sight, to me did
00:00:37seem apparelled in celestial light, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and
00:00:44the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness
00:00:51of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a
00:00:58dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the
00:01:05glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and
00:01:12the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness
00:01:19of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a
00:01:27dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the
00:01:34glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and
00:01:41the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the
00:01:48freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of
00:01:55a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the
00:02:02glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and
00:02:10the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness
00:02:17of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream,
00:02:24the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory
00:02:31and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the
00:02:38freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of
00:02:45a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the
00:02:52glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and
00:02:59the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness
00:03:06of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream,
00:03:13the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory
00:03:20and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the
00:03:27freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of
00:03:34a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the
00:03:41glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and
00:03:49the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness
00:03:56of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream,
00:04:04the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory
00:04:13and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the
00:04:20freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of
00:04:27a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the
00:04:34glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and
00:04:41the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness
00:04:48of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream,
00:04:55the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory
00:05:02and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the
00:05:09freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of
00:05:16a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the
00:05:23glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and
00:05:30the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness
00:05:37of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream,
00:05:44the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory
00:05:51and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the
00:05:58freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of
00:06:05a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream,
00:06:12the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory
00:06:19and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the
00:06:26freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of
00:06:33a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream,
00:06:40the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory
00:06:47and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the
00:06:54freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of
00:07:01a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the
00:07:08glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and
00:07:15the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness
00:07:22of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream,
00:07:52the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory
00:08:22and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the
00:08:29freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of
00:08:36a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the
00:08:43glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and
00:08:50the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness
00:08:57of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream,
00:09:04the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory
00:09:11and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the
00:09:18freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of a dream, the glory and the freshness of
00:09:25a dream.
00:09:26I think the main problem is how we all get dry.
00:09:28If you'll all be quiet and listen to me, I'll soon make you dry enough.
00:09:33Are you ready?
00:09:34Here is the driest thing that I know.
00:09:38Silence all around please.
00:09:40William Conqueror, whose cause was favored by the Pope, was soon submitted to by the
00:09:44by the English who wanted leaders and were of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest.
00:09:51Edwin and Mocha the elves of Mercia and Northumbria. I have never been so bored in my life.
00:10:02did you speak? no not a word. I thought you did. yes yes. I shall proceed.
00:10:10Edwin and Mocha the elves of Mercia and Northumbria soon declared for him.
00:10:18and even Stigund as the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury found it advisable to go with Edgar
00:10:27Aetheling and offer William the crown. while the country still reeled under the shock of the
00:10:33conquest the conqueror followed it by introducing the feudal system which was hardly a ray of
00:10:40sunshine as it drove a coach and horses through the middle of the Anglo-Saxon polity.
00:10:49how are you getting on now my dear? oh in that case I move that this meeting adjourn for more
00:10:58energetic measures and I think a good thing would be to have a caucus race. what's a caucus race?
00:11:05well best way to explain it is for us all to do it.
00:11:58oh
00:12:07this will never do.
00:12:58all right the race is over.
00:13:17everybody's won and everyone must have prizes.
00:13:28prizes prizes prizes.
00:13:35who's to give the prizes? she will of course.
00:13:39prizes prizes prizes.
00:13:58she must have a prize herself of course. well of course she must.
00:14:08what else have you got in your pocket eh?
00:14:13only a thimble. oh let me see.
00:14:18I beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble.
00:14:23perhaps you would care to continue with your story.
00:14:28you obviously have your own methods of drying off. I don't see why I should waste my breath
00:14:33on it anymore. I'll do nothing of the sort. what a pity he wouldn't stay.
00:14:45come along. come along. we're late.
00:14:58Marianne! Marianne! fetch me my gloves this moment.
00:15:28I'm sure I'm not Ada. she's got long ringlets. my hair doesn't go in ringlets at all.
00:15:42and I'm sure I can't be Mabel because I know all sorts of things and she knows nothing.
00:15:49besides she's she and I...
00:15:54oh dear how puzzling it all is.
00:16:07I'd love the little crocodile to improve his shining tail and pull the waters off the
00:16:11man on every golden scale. how cheerfully he seems to grin and neatly spreads his claws
00:16:16and welcomes little fishes in with gently smiling jaws.
00:16:23I must be Mabel after all. oh I'll have to go and live in that pokey little house.
00:16:29Marianne do you hear me? fetch me my gloves and fan.
00:16:35I'll go around and get in the window.
00:16:46Marianne!
00:17:03we must burn the house down.
00:17:46who are you?
00:18:05who are you?
00:18:16who are you?
00:18:26come on don't just stand there. who are you? I'm afraid I don't know just at the moment.
00:18:34I know who I was when I got up this morning but I think I've changed several times since then.
00:18:39what would you mean by that exactly? explain yourself.
00:18:43I can't explain myself. I'm not myself you see.
00:18:48no I don't see. I can't put any more clearly I'm afraid because I don't understand it myself.
00:18:56and it's very confusing changing sides so often.
00:19:00it's not at all.
00:19:02I imagine you'll feel a bit queer when you change sides won't you?
00:19:06not a bit. it feels very queer to me. who are you? I think you ought to tell me who you are first.
00:19:16why?
00:19:19hey come back!
00:19:21I have something important to say.
00:19:26yes?
00:19:28keep your temper.
00:19:30is that all?
00:19:32no.
00:19:34I don't know.
00:19:36I don't know.
00:19:38I don't know.
00:19:40I don't know.
00:19:42I don't know.
00:19:44I don't know.
00:19:46I don't know.
00:19:48I don't know.
00:19:50I don't know.
00:20:06so you're thinking of changing are you?
00:20:10I'm afraid I am. you see I can't remember things I used to.
00:20:14and I can't stay the same size for more than 10 minutes together.
00:20:18what sort of things?
00:20:21well I've tried to say how doth a little busy be but it came out all different.
00:20:27very well. repeat you are old father William.
00:20:36you are old father William the young man said and your hair's become very white
00:20:42and yet you incessantly stand on your head. do you think at your age it is right?
00:20:49in my youth said the sage as he shook his gray locks.
00:20:58in my youth said the sage as he shook his gray locks I kept all my limbs very supple.
00:21:07by the use of this ointment
00:21:12one shilling the box allow me to sell you a couple.
00:21:17you are old said the youth and your jaws are too weak for anything tougher than than sewage.
00:21:29do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
00:21:35be off or I'll kick you downstairs.
00:21:39that's not quite right.
00:21:43I'm afraid some of the words seem to have got altered.
00:21:46is it wrong from beginning to end?
00:21:51what size do you want to be?
00:21:53I'm not particular as to size.
00:21:55it's just that one doesn't like changing so often you know.
00:21:59no I don't know.
00:22:01are you happy now?
00:22:03well I'd like to be a little larger.
00:22:05hmm seems a very nice size to me.
00:22:07I'm not used to it.
00:22:09hmm
00:22:11you'll get used to it in time.
00:22:31you'll never make them people here.
00:22:33they're making too much noise themselves.
00:22:35I mean you follow the meat.
00:22:37you can hear them.
00:22:39how am I to get in then?
00:22:57excuse me a moment.
00:22:59something seems to be cropping up in this area over here.
00:23:02invitation from the Queen
00:23:04to play croquet.
00:23:21just think quietly out of sight for me.
00:23:31all right now then.
00:23:33I'll tell you what I'll do.
00:23:35I'll tell you what I'll do for you.
00:23:37nothing.
00:23:39how's that? any good to you at all?
00:23:41nothing? I mean I wouldn't be able to do it straight away.
00:23:43I'll say that you see.
00:23:45I couldn't possibly do it straight away
00:23:47because I've got all these things cropping up you see.
00:23:49I have to deal with.
00:23:51well I mean you saw just now
00:23:53something cropped up there you see.
00:23:55it's the same type of thing
00:23:57I get cropping up all the time you see.
00:23:59I've got my hands full but
00:24:01if I was to do nothing for you
00:24:03I can't promise I could
00:24:05but if I was to do nothing for you
00:24:07I'd have to sort of find a time
00:24:09when I could squeeze it in.
00:24:11I think you're absolutely idiotic.
00:24:13hmm
00:24:15maybe I am
00:24:17maybe I'm not.
00:24:29oh
00:24:31oh
00:24:33oh
00:24:35oh
00:24:37oh
00:24:39oh
00:24:41oh
00:24:43why does your cat look like that?
00:24:45it's a Cheshire cat.
00:24:47that's why.
00:24:49pig.
00:24:51I didn't know the Cheshire cats looked like that.
00:24:53all of them can and most of them do.
00:24:55I don't know that any of them do.
00:24:57not very much that's a fact.
00:24:59oh
00:25:01oh
00:25:03oh
00:25:05oh
00:25:07oh
00:25:09oh
00:25:11oh
00:25:13oh
00:25:15here we go.
00:25:17like a baby.
00:25:19oh
00:25:21everybody minds their own business.
00:25:23the world will turn a grander and faster than it does.
00:25:25that wouldn't be
00:25:27a great advantage.
00:25:29the world turns on its axis
00:25:31every 24 hours.
00:25:33oh
00:25:35don't bother me.
00:25:37I never could abide figures.
00:25:39could I?
00:25:41speak lovely to your little boy
00:25:43and beat him when he sneezes.
00:25:45he only does it to annoy
00:25:47because he knows he's teasing.
00:25:49wow
00:25:51wow
00:25:53I
00:25:55speak severely to my boy
00:25:57and beat him when he sneezes.
00:25:59for he can thoroughly enjoy the pepper
00:26:01when he sneezes.
00:26:03because he knows
00:26:05wow
00:26:07wow
00:26:15I speak severely to my boy
00:26:17and beat him
00:26:19when he sneezes
00:26:21for he can thoroughly enjoy the pepper
00:26:23if he pleases.
00:26:29here.
00:26:31nurse him for a bit.
00:26:33squeak
00:26:45squeak
00:26:49which way
00:26:51would I go from here?
00:26:53that depends a great deal
00:26:55on where you want to go to.
00:26:57I don't much care where.
00:26:59then it doesn't matter
00:27:01where you go.
00:27:03so long as I get somewhere.
00:27:05oh you're sure to do that
00:27:07if you only walk long enough.
00:27:13what sort of people live about here?
00:27:15in that direction is the hatter
00:27:17and in that direction is the marcher.
00:27:19they're both mad.
00:27:21but I don't want to go
00:27:23among mad people.
00:27:25oh you can't help that.
00:27:27we're all mad here.
00:27:29you're mad.
00:27:31you're mad.
00:27:35by the by
00:27:37what became of the baby
00:27:39I'd nearly forgotten to ask.
00:27:41it turned into a pig.
00:27:43I thought it would.
00:27:49did you say pig or fig?
00:27:51I said pig.
00:27:59music
00:28:17no room
00:28:19no room
00:28:21no room
00:28:23no room
00:28:25no room
00:28:27no room
00:28:29no room
00:28:31no room
00:28:33there's plenty of room.
00:28:35have some wine.
00:28:37I don't see any wine.
00:28:39there isn't any.
00:28:41it wasn't very civil of you to offer it.
00:28:43it wasn't very civil of you to sit down
00:28:45before you're invited.
00:28:47I thought you did invite me.
00:28:49anyway the table's laid for a great deal more than three.
00:28:51your um
00:28:53your hair
00:28:55once cutting?
00:28:57you shouldn't make personal remarks. it's very rude.
00:28:59oh
00:29:01why is a raven like a writing desk?
00:29:03I wonder.
00:29:05I'm glad you've begun asking riddles.
00:29:07I think I can guess that one.
00:29:09do you mean that you can find the answer to it?
00:29:11exactly.
00:29:13then you should say what you mean.
00:29:15I do. at least I mean what I say.
00:29:17it's the same thing you know.
00:29:19it isn't the same thing a bit.
00:29:21you might as well say that I
00:29:23I see what I eat is the same thing
00:29:25as I eat what I see.
00:29:27you might just as well say that I like what I get
00:29:29is the same thing as I get what I like.
00:29:33you might as well say
00:29:37I sleep when I breathe
00:29:39is the same thing as I breathe
00:29:41when I sleep.
00:29:43it is the same thing with you.
00:29:53you
00:30:15what day of the month is it?
00:30:17I think it's the fourth.
00:30:19oh
00:30:21two days wrong.
00:30:23I knew that butter wouldn't be good for the works.
00:30:25it was the best butter.
00:30:27yes but we must have got some
00:30:29crumbs in with it or something.
00:30:31I told you not to use the bread knife.
00:30:33it was the best butter.
00:30:35that's as may be.
00:30:37what a curious watch.
00:30:39it tells the day of the month and not what time it is.
00:30:41of course it does child.
00:30:43does your watch tell you what year it is?
00:30:45of course not.
00:30:47that's because it's the same year for so long together.
00:30:49exactly well it's just the same
00:30:51with my watch.
00:30:53when Adam and Eve were first deprived
00:30:55of the garden
00:30:59oh the doll mouse is falling asleep again.
00:31:01have you guessed
00:31:03the riddle yet?
00:31:05no I give up. what is the answer?
00:31:07I haven't the slightest idea.
00:31:11I think you might do something better
00:31:13with your time than waste it
00:31:15riddles that have no answers.
00:31:17if you knew time as well as I do
00:31:19you wouldn't talk about it. it's him.
00:31:21I don't know what you mean.
00:31:23of course you don't I dare say.
00:31:25you've never even spoken to time.
00:31:27perhaps not but I now have to beat
00:31:29time when I learn music.
00:31:37that accounts for it.
00:31:39he can't stand beating.
00:31:41but if you keep on good terms
00:31:43with time he'll do anything with the clock
00:31:45that you want. for example
00:31:47supposing it's half past nine in the morning
00:31:49you just whisper a hint to time
00:31:51round goes the clock and it's half past one
00:31:53in the afternoon time for dinner.
00:31:55I only wish it were.
00:31:57yes it might be rather nice
00:31:59but then I wouldn't be hungry for it you know.
00:32:01not at first perhaps
00:32:03but you could keep it at half past one
00:32:05for as long as you like.
00:32:07is that the way you manage?
00:32:09oh no no no we quarreled last March
00:32:11just before he went mad
00:32:13you know.
00:32:15it was at a concert given by the Queen of Hearts.
00:32:17I had to sing that song
00:32:19twinkle twinkle
00:32:21little bat
00:32:23how I wonder what you're at
00:32:25you're familiar with it
00:32:27doubtless. I've heard something like it.
00:32:29yes it goes on up above
00:32:31the world you fly
00:32:33like a tea tray
00:32:35in the sky
00:32:37twinkle twinkle
00:32:39twinkle twinkle
00:32:41twinkle
00:32:43I'd hardly finish the first verse
00:32:45when the Queen jumps up
00:32:47and balls out
00:32:49he's murdering the time
00:32:51off with his head
00:32:53I'm dreadfully savage
00:32:55oh yes yes yes
00:32:57but ever since then
00:32:59time won't do a thing for me
00:33:01it's always six o'clock now
00:33:03is that the reason why so many tea things
00:33:05are put out here?
00:33:07yes yes yes
00:33:09it's always tea time
00:33:11and of course
00:33:13we don't get much time to
00:33:15wash the things up between whiles
00:33:17so you keep moving round I suppose
00:33:19we keep moving round
00:33:21yes yes yes
00:33:23as the things get used up
00:33:25what happens when you get back to the beginning?
00:33:27oh!
00:33:29suppose we change the subject.
00:33:31I'm getting dreadfully bored by this.
00:33:33I vote the young lady
00:33:35the young lady tells us a story
00:33:37I'm afraid I don't know one
00:33:41then the door mouse will
00:33:45I wasn't asleep
00:33:49I heard every word you fellows were saying
00:33:51tell us a story
00:33:53you better get on with it
00:33:55otherwise you'll fall asleep again before you're done
00:33:59once upon a time
00:34:01there were three little sisters
00:34:05they were named Elsie
00:34:07Lecia
00:34:09and Julie
00:34:13and they lived at the bottom
00:34:15of a well
00:34:17what did they live on?
00:34:25they lived on
00:34:27treacle
00:34:29they couldn't have done that you know
00:34:31they'd have been ill
00:34:33very very ill
00:34:35but why did they live at the bottom of a well?
00:34:39take some more
00:34:41tea
00:34:43I've had nothing yet so I can't take more
00:34:45what you mean is you can't take less
00:34:47it's very easy to take more than nothing
00:34:49nobody asked your opinion
00:34:51oh now who's making personal remarks
00:34:53oh
00:35:01why did they live at the bottom of a well?
00:35:05it was a treacle well
00:35:07there's no such thing
00:35:11if you cannot be civil you tell the story yourself
00:35:15I won't interrupt again
00:35:17I dare say there may be one
00:35:19oh indeed
00:35:23well
00:35:25the three little sisters
00:35:27they were all learning to draw
00:35:29you know
00:35:31what did they draw?
00:35:33treacle
00:35:47I don't understand where did they draw the treacle from?
00:35:49you draw water from a water well
00:35:51you draw treacle from a treacle well
00:35:53eh stupid?
00:35:55they were in the well
00:35:57well in
00:36:11then they learnt to draw
00:36:17and they always drew something
00:36:19beginning with an M
00:36:21why an M?
00:36:23why not?
00:36:39everything beginning with an M
00:36:41such as
00:36:43mouse traps
00:36:45money
00:36:47memory
00:36:49and
00:36:51muchness
00:36:55I bet you never saw anything like
00:36:57the drawing of a muchness
00:36:59really now you say it
00:37:01then you shouldn't talk
00:37:11this is the stupidest tea party I was ever at
00:37:17why are you painting those roses?
00:37:21why are you painting those roses?
00:37:23what's that?
00:37:25will you hold that book steady
00:37:27I can't see the paint
00:37:29what are you doing it for?
00:37:31doing it for?
00:37:33yes
00:37:35yes
00:37:37what am I doing it for?
00:37:39yes well that is the question isn't it
00:37:41ah
00:37:43there you see
00:37:45it's all a problem of colour you see
00:37:47the
00:37:49problem of these being coloured white
00:37:51when red was what was asked for
00:37:53who's to know?
00:37:55oh yes that's good
00:37:57yes I like that
00:37:59yes who's to know the queen
00:38:01that's who
00:38:03the queen doesn't miss a trick
00:38:05doesn't look much like a red rose to me
00:38:07ah well perhaps you'd like to have a go
00:38:09yourself then
00:38:11yes perhaps you'd like to have a go at yourself
00:38:13I think we can do without any help from you
00:38:15thank you very much
00:38:17look
00:38:21it's the queen
00:38:23give me some more carmine
00:38:25and
00:38:27carmine
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00:39:40ah yes
00:39:42and who's this?
00:39:44who is this?
00:39:46perhaps I shouldn't ask
00:39:48idiot
00:39:50absolute idiot
00:39:52you've got an absolute idiot for a son
00:39:54yes but he's tall. he's very tall
00:39:56come along child. speak up. what's your name?
00:39:58my name is Alice
00:40:03and who are these?
00:40:05perhaps I shouldn't ask
00:40:07how should I know? it's no business of mine
00:40:09you little hussy. off with her head
00:40:11nonsense
00:40:15ah yes
00:40:17what have you been doing here?
00:40:19perhaps I shouldn't ask
00:40:21perhaps I should
00:40:23painting white roses red
00:40:25perhaps you have an explanation
00:40:27well mum
00:40:29it's my way of rectifying a mistake
00:40:31what I've always said is
00:40:33what the eye don't see
00:40:35the heart don't grieve over
00:40:37I think that's for me to judge
00:40:39off with her head
00:40:43it's a very fine day
00:40:45very. where's the Duchess?
00:40:47she's under sentence of execution
00:40:49what for?
00:40:51she boxed the Queen's ears
00:40:53all right. get to your places
00:40:57you heard what she said
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00:51:53the mood. when we were little we all went to school in the sea. the master was an
00:52:12old turtle. we used to call him tortoise. why did you call him tortoise if he
00:52:18wasn't one? we called him tortoise because he taught us. really you are very
00:52:22dull. ashamed of you asking such simple questions there. we had the best of
00:52:26education. in fact we went to school every day. I've been to a day school too.
00:52:32it's not to be so proud of that. with extras? yes we learned French and music.
00:52:36and washing? certainly not. aha well then yours wasn't really a good school. at our
00:52:44school we always had at the end of the bill music French and washing extra.
00:52:53but I couldn't afford to learn it. I only took the regular course. what was that?
00:52:58a reeling and writhing of course to begin with and then there were the
00:53:02different branches of arithmetic. ambition, distraction, uglification and
00:53:07derision. I never heard of uglification before. never heard of uglifying?
00:53:14but beautifying I suppose. yes. need I say more? then there was mystery, ancient and
00:53:22modern and then drawing. that was with the drawing master. he used to come once a
00:53:28week. he taught us drawing, stretching and fainting in coils. what was that like?
00:53:36I couldn't possibly show you myself. I'm much too stiff and he never learned it.
00:53:41I had time but I went to the classical master. I never went to him. he taught
00:53:49laughing and grief or so they said. so he did. so he did.
00:53:58how many hours a day did you do lessons? ten hours the first day. nine the second
00:54:11and so on. how odd. not odd at all. that's why they're called lessons because they
00:54:17lessen from day to day. then the 11th day must have been a holiday. so it was.
00:54:24so it was. but then how did you manage on the 12th day? oh that's enough about
00:54:31lessons. tell her about the games. have you ever done the lobster quadrille? no.
00:54:39what sort of a dance is that? well first you form a line along the seashore. no
00:54:45two lines. then after you clear the jellyfish out of the way. that generally
00:54:49takes some time. you advance twice. each with a lobster as a partner. you advance
00:54:53twice. set to partners. change lobsters and retire in the same order.
00:55:00must be a very pretty dance. would you like to hear some of it? very much indeed.
00:55:06well who'll sing? oh you sing it. I can't remember the words.
00:55:12will you walk a little faster said the whiting to the snail. there's a porpoise close
00:55:19behind me and he's treading on my tail. see how eagerly the lobsters and the
00:55:25turtles all advance. they are waiting on the shingle. won't you come and join the
00:55:29dance? will you? won't you? will you? won't you? will you join the dance? will you?
00:55:35won't you? will you? won't you? won't you join the dance? you can really have no
00:55:43notion how delightful it will be when they take us up and throw us with the
00:55:48lobsters out to sea. but the snail replied too far too far and gave a look
00:55:56askance. said he thanked the whiting kindly but he would not join the dance.
00:56:01would not could not could not would not could not join the dance. could not would
00:56:07not could not would not would not join
00:56:18the trial's beginning.
00:58:18who are they? the jury. what are they doing? taking down their names in case they forget
00:58:38them before the trial ends.
00:58:40stupid things.
00:58:42silence in court!
00:58:44read the accusation.
00:58:46the queen of hearts she made some tarts all on a summer's day. the knave of hearts he stole those tarts and took them quite away.
00:58:58consider your verdict.
00:59:00not yet not yet. there's a great deal to do before that.
00:59:02well call the first witness.
00:59:12first witness!
00:59:14come on come on.
00:59:44I beg your pardon your majesty for bringing these along but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.
01:00:08you ought to have finished. when did you begin?
01:00:12let me see. I think it was the 14th of March.
01:00:1815th. 16th?
01:00:20yes.
01:00:22the 16th sir. write that down.
01:00:24and take off your hat.
01:00:26it's um...
01:00:28it's um...
01:00:30it's um...
01:00:32it isn't mine.
01:00:34stolen is it?
01:00:36no no no.
01:00:38I keep them to sell your majesty. I'm a hatter.
01:00:46a very nervous hatter.
01:00:48yes I am.
01:00:50don't be nervous.
01:00:52just give your evidence or I shall have you executed.
01:00:56I'm allowed to do that.
01:00:58I can have anyone executed.
01:01:02power power.
01:01:04I'm a very poor man your majesty and I hadn't begun my tea and well not about a week or so.
01:01:12and what with the bread and butter getting so thin and the twinkling of the tea.
01:01:18twinkling of the what?
01:01:20it began with the tea.
01:01:22I know that.
01:01:24I'm not a fool.
01:01:26I know the twinkling begins with the tea.
01:01:30I'm not a freak idiot am I?
01:01:32go on.
01:01:34like I said your majesty I'm a poor man and most things twinkled after that.
01:01:42I didn't. you did.
01:01:44I didn't. I deny it.
01:01:46he denies it.
01:01:48leave out that part.
01:01:50after that I cut some bread and butter.
01:01:54after that what happened?
01:01:56that I can't remember.
01:02:00you must remember it or I'll have to have you executed.
01:02:04I'm a poor man your majesty.
01:02:06you are a jolly poor speaker.
01:02:08that is for sure.
01:02:10get down and sit down.
01:02:12go away.
01:02:14thank you.
01:02:16god bless you your majesty.
01:02:18ho ho ho
01:02:20ho ho ho
01:02:22ho ho ho
01:02:24ho ho ho
01:02:26ho ho ho
01:02:28ho ho ho
01:02:30next witness.
01:02:42give your evidence.
01:02:44shout.
01:02:46yeah well uh
01:02:48that's the end of that then.
01:02:52your majesty must cross-examine this witness.
01:02:56must I?
01:03:10what a touch!
01:03:12pepper mostly.
01:03:14anything you want to add to that?
01:03:18go away.
01:03:20go away with the pepper.
01:03:22oh
01:03:24next witness.
01:03:26oh
01:03:28don't let's have another witness.
01:03:30let's have a
01:03:32let's have a song.
01:03:34come on lads.
01:03:36give us a melody.
01:03:38come on.
01:03:40take the entire time.
01:03:42we all
01:03:44all
01:03:46swing together
01:03:48Britain
01:03:50shall be
01:03:52we all
01:03:54we all
01:03:56we all
01:03:58we all
01:04:00we all
01:04:02we all
01:04:04we all
01:04:06we all
01:04:08we all
01:04:10we all
01:04:12we all
01:04:16they don't reach
01:04:18verdicts like that anymore.
01:04:20yeah
01:04:22right.
01:04:24next witness.
01:04:26Alice
01:04:28oh
01:04:30what have you got to say for yourself?
01:04:32nothing.
01:04:34nothing?
01:04:36Oh, that's very important.
01:04:39Unimportant, Your Majesty means, of course.
01:04:42Oh. Oh.
01:04:44Oh, I thought I meant important.
01:04:47That's what I thought I meant.
01:04:50Um...
01:04:52Um...
01:04:56Um...
01:04:58Um...
01:05:00Um...
01:05:02Um...
01:05:04Um...
01:05:06Um...
01:05:08Um...
01:05:10Um...
01:05:12Um...
01:05:14Um...
01:05:16Um...
01:05:18Um...
01:05:20Um...
01:05:22Silence in court.
01:05:24Silence in court.
01:05:28Old persons,
01:05:30more than a mile high to leave court.
01:05:34I'm not a mile high.
01:05:36Yes, you are.
01:05:38Nearly two miles high.
01:05:42Consider your silences.
01:05:45Your verses.
01:05:47No, no, no, no.
01:05:49There's more evidence to come yet.
01:05:51This paper's just been picked up.
01:05:53What's in it?
01:05:54I haven't opened it yet,
01:05:56but it seems to be a letter written by the prisoner to somebody.
01:05:59It must be that.
01:06:01I mean, it can't just be written to nobody.
01:06:04I mean, you can't just write to nobody.
01:06:06I mean, if you did that all the time,
01:06:09well, I would hear the post office would come to a standstill.
01:06:12I mean, you've got to have somebody...
01:06:14I mean, it...
01:06:18It's not allowed.
01:06:20Was it directed to?
01:06:22It isn't directed at all.
01:06:24In fact, there's nothing written on the outside.
01:06:27It isn't a letter at all.
01:06:29It's a set of verses.
01:06:31Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?
01:06:33No, they're not.
01:06:35And that's the queerest thing about it.
01:06:37He's been imitating people's hands and writings again.
01:06:43Please, Your Majesty.
01:06:46I didn't.
01:06:48Why is it?
01:06:50Well, I can prove that I didn't.
01:06:54There's no name signed at the end.
01:06:57Well, that only makes the matter worse.
01:07:00You must have meant some mischief,
01:07:02or else you would have signed your name like an honest man.
01:07:06That proves his guilt.
01:07:08It proves nothing of the sort.
01:07:10Hold your tongue.
01:07:11I won't.
01:07:12Hold your tongue.
01:07:13I won't.
01:07:43BIRDS CHIRP
01:08:04It is not now as it hath been of yore.
01:08:07Turn wheresoe'er I may, by night or day,
01:08:11the things which I have seen I now can see no more.
01:08:41BIRDS CHIRP
01:09:11BIRDS CHIRP
01:09:41BIRDS CHIRP
01:10:11BIRDS CHIRP
01:10:41BIRDS CHIRP
01:11:11BIRDS CHIRP