• last year
Kayce Smith
Transcript
00:00:00 This is the social clip we need, guys.
00:00:02 Keep going.
00:00:03 And when I threw up, my water broke and I shit myself at the same time.
00:00:08 The nurses was like, "That's a hat trick."
00:00:10 They called it a hat trick.
00:00:11 And I was like, "I'm the only person in the world that's ever thrown a soap diaper."
00:00:14 Oh no.
00:00:15 You threw one too?
00:00:16 You throw a lot of stuff.
00:00:17 You throw a lot of things.
00:00:18 Yeah, a lot of shit gets thrown.
00:00:19 I just start squirting milk everywhere.
00:00:22 And he's running around because he knows how crazy I am about the liquid gold.
00:00:26 And he's running around with his hands like this and I'm just like, "Austin Powers."
00:00:31 I know.
00:00:32 I'm like, "I'm squirting everywhere."
00:00:35 Welcome to the Barstool Mother's Day special.
00:00:37 And I'm just going to totally break this whole thing already.
00:00:40 We're all moms now, but we've been treated like kids from the producers.
00:00:44 We're giggling and laughing and drinking our champagne.
00:00:46 We're moms now.
00:00:47 We have to get it together.
00:00:48 We have to get it together.
00:00:49 We're here, though.
00:00:50 We're moms now.
00:00:51 We have no idea what we're doing.
00:00:52 And neither do you, which is why we're all here together.
00:00:55 We finally decided to do a Mother's Day special.
00:00:57 We're actually having a full-blown PJ party.
00:00:59 Yes.
00:01:00 Thank you to Bull & Branch.
00:01:01 Oh, yes.
00:01:02 Can we just all cheers to Bull & Branch?
00:01:03 Let's do a cheers.
00:01:04 Cheers to Bull & Branch.
00:01:05 And if you're watching coffee, champagne, we don't judge.
00:01:07 Cheers to Bull & Branch.
00:01:08 So we're all wearing their PJs.
00:01:10 We have the blanket.
00:01:11 And because this is Mother's Day--we'll talk about it multiple times throughout the show, ladies--but Mother's Day gifts are important.
00:01:16 Yes.
00:01:17 Practical Mother's Day gifts are important.
00:01:19 Yes.
00:01:20 Most of all, Mother's Day gifts that have pockets.
00:01:23 For the love of God.
00:01:25 Donut in there.
00:01:27 You said you were going to go put something in your pocket, and I was like, "I can only imagine what she's going to put in her pocket."
00:01:31 Yeah.
00:01:32 Chocolate in here.
00:01:33 God bless these pajamas.
00:01:34 Make sure it doesn't melt.
00:01:35 Oh, no.
00:01:36 Please.
00:01:37 With kids, that's probably the last thing she's worried about.
00:01:39 Yeah.
00:01:40 If you are looking for a Mother's Day gift, which you are because you're watching this, Bull & Branch.
00:01:44 Give her the gift that she really wants.
00:01:46 It's a better night's sleep with the softest, most breathable bedding from Bull & Branch.
00:01:49 Go to Bullandbranch.com for 20% off your first sheet plus free shipping with code MOMGC.
00:01:55 That's Bullandbranch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D, branch.com, promo code MOMGC for 20% off, exclusions apply, see site for details.
00:02:05 So we've been talking about doing this for a long time.
00:02:06 Yes.
00:02:07 But people that are watching may not--we have such big egos.
00:02:09 They might not know who we are.
00:02:11 So, Kate, who are you?
00:02:13 How many children do you have?
00:02:14 Why are you a mom?
00:02:15 Oh, man.
00:02:16 It all started at a margarita night in Sea Isle City in--
00:02:19 She's not kidding.
00:02:20 No, I'm not kidding.
00:02:21 She's not kidding.
00:02:22 No, I am Kate.
00:02:23 I've worked here at Barstool Sports since 2018, I think.
00:02:26 And at that time, single, ready to mingle, living in Queens in New York City, working at Barstool, having the best time.
00:02:33 COVID hit, meet my baby dad.
00:02:36 We say, "Let's get out of the city and do a special weekend down the Jersey Shore."
00:02:40 Margarita night, McNutley, Sea Isle City.
00:02:43 And next thing you know, when the sea shacks are rocking, don't drop your birth control pill and say, "I'll get it tomorrow."
00:02:50 That's a true story.
00:02:52 And how many kids do you have?
00:02:53 Two.
00:02:54 So, it happened once or twice.
00:02:56 No, it happened twice.
00:02:57 Same exactly the second time.
00:02:58 We ran it back.
00:02:59 Sea Isle dropped the birth control.
00:03:00 No, I actually remember when I found out you were pregnant, the second time I was like, "Kate?"
00:03:05 And you were like, "Don't ask. Just don't ask. It happened. We were trying to throw it back."
00:03:09 Yeah, already in the weeds the first time and ran it back.
00:03:12 But I also do Zero Block Thirty, the military podcast here.
00:03:15 And I was in the Marines.
00:03:16 Thank you for your service.
00:03:17 And I will say, that's the reason I said it.
00:03:19 You're welcome, ladies.
00:03:20 You just really wanted that credit.
00:03:22 But yeah, if I can be a mom, anyone can.
00:03:27 She's a great mom. How old are your kids?
00:03:29 They are six months, just turned six months this week, and three years.
00:03:33 Boy mom.
00:03:34 Boy mom. Two boys, a lot of pee.
00:03:36 A lot of pee everywhere.
00:03:37 A lot of pee on the walls, on the ceilings.
00:03:39 Just everywhere.
00:03:40 And very cute.
00:03:41 And Megan, your kids are a little bit older.
00:03:43 And you're way more experienced than us, but you're also younger than us.
00:03:47 I wouldn't say that I'm that much more experienced.
00:03:50 Much like Kate, I met my husband, and within four months--
00:03:55 well, he wasn't my husband at the time--but within four months--
00:03:57 We're just slut-shaming ourselves on the show.
00:04:00 I don't know. I'm not shaming.
00:04:02 I'm letting everyone know, go have a good time. It can work out.
00:04:07 And four months later, I was pregnant with our son Madden.
00:04:12 And I will go ahead and say I do sports gambling content here at Barstool Chicago.
00:04:17 Moved up from Louisiana, so kind of a new environment for me, the kids, and my husband.
00:04:24 Probably said that in a very out-of-order way.
00:04:26 My husband, my kids, and myself.
00:04:28 But yeah, I have an 11-year-old son named Madden, or who's going to be 11 in August.
00:04:33 And then I have a 6-year-old named Claire.
00:04:35 But yeah, kind of the same thing. Knew my husband for four months.
00:04:39 Got pregnant, and then we waited three years.
00:04:42 Congrats to us.
00:04:44 We waited three years before we got married, though, because that's the real punishment.
00:04:50 You've got to keep hold now.
00:04:52 So three years, and then we got married.
00:04:54 I have a 14-month-old son. I am a one-and-done person.
00:04:58 People keep saying to me, "Never say never."
00:05:00 No, I'm saying never. I love this baby with my entire life.
00:05:04 I never thought I wanted kids.
00:05:06 And I hate to be the person, but God had a bigger plan for me.
00:05:10 My boyfriend and I both are one-and-done.
00:05:13 We want all the love for him, and he's in that really cute stage right now where everything he does is precious.
00:05:19 How old is he?
00:05:20 14 months.
00:05:21 And I am okay with just the one.
00:05:24 Two things can exist, and a lot of people have echoed it to me, too, and I want to say loud and clear for as many people to hear.
00:05:29 You can absolutely love your kids, one kid, two kids, five kids, ten kids, and also know how hard this is.
00:05:36 And that's something that in social media does not exist right now, because people want it to be perfect and beautiful or tragic and sad and miserable.
00:05:46 It's like, "No, no, no. Both things can be true. Both things can be true."
00:05:49 And the one thing for me that I really found important was not being so alone and isolated, which I was horrible at, by the way.
00:05:56 I felt like the most isolated person in the world, and there was nothing to pop into my headphones when I'm breastfeeding at 3 a.m. in the morning to just listen to moms be like, "Hey, here's the real shit."
00:06:04 And so we're going to attempt to be those people.
00:06:06 Come on in.
00:06:07 Come on in.
00:06:08 Pull your rear nipples out.
00:06:09 So how did we earn the title of being a mom?
00:06:12 Quite literally.
00:06:14 Now, don't go back into the sex positions. We don't need that.
00:06:16 It was "Reverse Cowgirl."
00:06:18 Oh, thank you.
00:06:19 Just to let you know.
00:06:20 Oh, man. "Reverse Cowgirl."
00:06:21 You had to do the work and got pregnant?
00:06:23 Rental house on stilts over the bay.
00:06:26 It's just terrible.
00:06:28 Kate wants to paint the visual, okay?
00:06:30 A lot of pubic hair.
00:06:32 Oh, my.
00:06:33 And your birth story, too?
00:06:34 Oh, God, yes. By then, you can't read.
00:06:36 She's a military girl.
00:06:37 Yeah.
00:06:38 But first son, I found out it was going to be a boy.
00:06:43 I'm not one of those people that can wait and see, though I think it's awesome when people do that, but I had to know.
00:06:48 I felt super connected to him the whole pregnancy, which I didn't feel with my second at all, but that's a whole other ball of wax.
00:06:55 But I started going into labor.
00:06:59 It was the end of March.
00:07:00 I laid down for a nap, woke up, and was like, "I think it might be happening."
00:07:04 By around like 11.30 at night, I knew it was happening, and I called my doctor, and they were like, "Maybe you have to poop."
00:07:11 And I was like, "No, but I'm so polite."
00:07:13 I'm like, "Maybe you're right. Maybe I do have to poop."
00:07:15 And I hung up.
00:07:16 I was like, "No, I don't. I'm in labor."
00:07:18 You let them hang up on you?
00:07:20 I was like, "Okay, thank you. I'm not in labor."
00:07:23 But I knew I was.
00:07:24 You probably apologized, too, right?
00:07:25 I was like, "I'm so sorry to bother you guys. I think I'm having this baby."
00:07:28 But then finally, a little after midnight, I was like, "We got it. I can't take the pain anymore."
00:07:32 Because they were coming.
00:07:33 The contractions were coming.
00:07:34 Normally, they're longer apart at first, but mine were just a minute apart right away for some reason.
00:07:40 Just one after the next after the next.
00:07:42 I was like, "Take me in."
00:07:43 And also, too, part of my birth plan was to do it natural.
00:07:47 I'd watch too many TikToks.
00:07:49 Too many whatever.
00:07:50 By the time I hit the fifth contraction, I was like, "No, never mind. That's gone."
00:07:54 Like, "Help me. Save me."
00:07:55 Yeah, nope.
00:07:56 So I was like, "Let's get to the hospital."
00:07:57 It was the last snow and ice of the spring, and we missed our turn.
00:08:01 And so we went from Jersey to Hoboken to Queens to whatever.
00:08:05 We screwed up the whole drive.
00:08:07 It was a whole thing.
00:08:08 Couldn't find parking.
00:08:09 Finally get in there.
00:08:10 The anesthesiologist was busy until the crack of dawn, so I was stuck there going through.
00:08:15 Nothing that I had envisioned in my mind is the way it panned out.
00:08:19 And then as I'm getting the epidural, the anesthesiologist is like, "Barstool, huh?"
00:08:24 My tests are out, and I was like, "Ew, that's it. Ew, that's it."
00:08:28 Come on, man. Read the room.
00:08:29 "I shouldn't tell everybody about the hospital."
00:08:31 I don't know.
00:08:32 Yeah, no.
00:08:33 So just nothing that I--
00:08:34 Super nice guy.
00:08:36 Very nice. Thanks.
00:08:37 Thanks for being there.
00:08:38 Yeah.
00:08:39 Thanks for coming.
00:08:40 But then once I got the epidural, we put on jazz music.
00:08:44 It was in Manhattan overlooking Central Park, the room where I gave birth.
00:08:47 Oh, nice.
00:08:48 We gave birth in the same hospital.
00:08:49 Yeah, we did. We did.
00:08:50 As I was pushing, because I felt nothing, the sun had come up.
00:08:52 It was a beautiful day.
00:08:53 I was watching a guy play fetch with his dog, his golden retriever, in Central Park as I was pushing the baby out.
00:08:58 I was like, "This is fucking sick. This is great."
00:09:02 He was born.
00:09:03 It was the fucking best thing ever, and it ended up going amazingly.
00:09:10 Once I got the epidural, we were up and joking with each other.
00:09:13 We even edited a video while we were sitting there.
00:09:16 It was like-- I don't know.
00:09:17 But it ended up being the most magical, wonderful birth.
00:09:20 That's so nice.
00:09:21 That is so good.
00:09:22 And people that are watching this are going to be like, "You're the worst."
00:09:25 But the epidural-- and again, more power to you.
00:09:29 However you do it.
00:09:30 It's your story. It's your birth decision.
00:09:33 I could not get the epidural fast enough, and I actually made a joke, which now looking back is probably not a joke you make in a hospital.
00:09:39 But they're like, "Are you going to want the epidural?"
00:09:41 I said, "I've taken drugs for fun my whole life. Why would I not do this now?"
00:09:44 And they were just like, "Okay."
00:09:46 I was like, "No."
00:09:47 But to me, it was like a no-brainer because that's really what I wanted to do.
00:09:50 It took 28 hours for me to fully dilate, but that epidural was going strong.
00:09:55 I have to know, though.
00:09:56 Where were your partners?
00:09:58 Were they up in front of you?
00:10:01 Were they behind you?
00:10:02 Both of mine were C-section.
00:10:04 My husband was right up by the head, and there was a sheet.
00:10:08 So he could see.
00:10:09 Oh, he said he peeked over a couple of times because they have to go through--
00:10:13 I mean, moms, you would know this, but the dads out there probably don't--
00:10:16 Eight layers.
00:10:17 It's crazy.
00:10:18 You have to go through, including cutting open the uterus.
00:10:21 With my first one, the doctor cut me from hip bone to hip bone,
00:10:25 which is not actually as wide as it's supposed to be at all.
00:10:30 So the recovery on that one was a little rough.
00:10:33 But the second one, only about this big, was the incision.
00:10:39 But she was also 4 1/2 weeks early, so she was a little nugget.
00:10:42 She was only 4 pounds 12 ounces.
00:10:44 She takes after my husband.
00:10:47 So she came out nice and tan with beautiful dark hair and ready to party.
00:10:52 [laughter]
00:10:53 Definitely out in a jacket.
00:10:55 We're the LSU game day party.
00:10:57 For sure.
00:10:58 Yeah, so he was right next to me holding my hand the whole time.
00:11:01 And, I mean, of course, I was out of it because the first one,
00:11:06 they nicked something inside of me, so they had to put me to sleep.
00:11:09 And then the second one, I could feel them actually--
00:11:11 Again, this is not to discourage anyone from getting a C-section
00:11:14 because I would encourage that nine times out of ten.
00:11:17 But the second one, I said when they were cutting through the first two layers,
00:11:21 I was like, "Am I supposed to feel you guys cutting into me?"
00:11:24 Because I can feel--
00:11:26 That's how polite women are.
00:11:27 Excuse me, sorry to bother you.
00:11:29 They're like, "No, you're not supposed to feel it."
00:11:31 And so they just pumped me full of fentanyl.
00:11:33 And when I tell you guys, I have never felt more like a drug addict in my life.
00:11:37 I was trying to hold my baby, but I was nodding out
00:11:39 because I was still on so many drugs from the C-section.
00:11:43 I tried to have her naturally the second time, but after 12 hours of labor
00:11:48 and everyone on the staff being trained--
00:11:51 So my anesthesiologist was being trained.
00:11:53 The nurses were being trained.
00:11:55 I had so many different people's hands inside of me to check me.
00:11:59 I was just--I was like done.
00:12:01 My doctor came in. I go, "Cut me open."
00:12:04 And she goes, "Oh, my gosh, I never hear that."
00:12:05 I go, "Well, you never have people--40 people's fingers inside of you."
00:12:09 And just everybody just staring at you because it's already--
00:12:12 We talked about this when the lights came on in here
00:12:14 because we were like, "We feel like we're under the hospital lights."
00:12:17 PTSD.
00:12:18 My boyfriend had to be up by my head.
00:12:21 I was like, "You will not be at home plate.
00:12:23 Only the doctors can be at home plate. You're in the outfield, sir."
00:12:26 Because all I could think about was that's the only visual that he's got.
00:12:29 Again, dad's more power to you women.
00:12:31 I did not want him to have that visual of me
00:12:33 because I didn't want to have that visual of me.
00:12:35 So I was like, "You stay by my head. You hold my hand, and you don't look."
00:12:38 And of course, he was like, "Well, I had to take a peek."
00:12:41 I was like, "No, don't tell me that."
00:12:43 I'm like, "Please."
00:12:44 But I do feel like--because you went--you had both.
00:12:46 You had vaginal and C-section, so you did the whole thing.
00:12:49 And for each, I was like, "Get down there and look what you've done.
00:12:52 Look what you've done."
00:12:54 And that's the first thing--
00:12:55 Staring in the face.
00:12:57 I remember he was--poor guy.
00:12:59 He was so hungry while I was in labor.
00:13:01 Oh, poor--and he can't die.
00:13:03 Yeah, because he ordered fast food delivery or something like that,
00:13:06 and he was so pumped when it came.
00:13:08 And he had all at the bottom, like all the syrups and the cream cheeses
00:13:12 and all the things he needed to put on the food.
00:13:14 He had the food out of the bag.
00:13:16 And the epidural, whatever, had made me sick.
00:13:19 I was like, "I'm going to be sick. I'm going to be sick."
00:13:20 He tried to put an industrial-sized trash can on the bed.
00:13:23 I was like, "Give me the bag."
00:13:24 And I puked all over his condiments and his breakfast accoutrements.
00:13:27 And when I threw up, my water broke, and I shit myself at the same time.
00:13:33 And I'm not like--that's a true story.
00:13:34 And the nurses was like, "That's a hat trick."
00:13:36 They called it a hat trick.
00:13:38 And only--
00:13:39 And Pat and I was like, "There you go, pal."
00:13:41 I actually got sick from the epidural the second time, too,
00:13:43 and they gave me one of those really cool doggy bags that turns inside out.
00:13:47 And I was just like, "Brrr," like just--it was bad.
00:13:50 I know that I'm going to sound really dumb, but again, this is--
00:13:53 we're in a safe space here. We're having a little PJ party.
00:13:55 I did not know you couldn't eat the whole time
00:13:58 in case you did have to have an emergency C-section.
00:14:00 And like I said, it took me 28 hours to get fully dilated.
00:14:03 Once I was actually in labor, it was like 30 minutes,
00:14:06 because homeboy was--he was ready. He was like, "Get me out of here."
00:14:08 But I had no idea that you couldn't eat.
00:14:10 So I'm like coming in the hospital, and they're like,
00:14:12 "Oh, no, you can only have like water and Jell-O."
00:14:14 And ice chips, yeah.
00:14:16 Again, maybe they told me that, and I didn't pay attention,
00:14:18 or maybe it's just because I didn't educate myself.
00:14:20 But I had no idea.
00:14:21 So by the time that baby was out, I could not get a chopped cheese fast enough.
00:14:24 That chopped cheese was delivered to that Manhattan hospital as fast as possible.
00:14:27 It's so funny that you mention that, because after my C-section,
00:14:30 they were like, "You know, eat some light food, maybe some crackers."
00:14:33 I got like a full like Chipotle bowl, like extra beans.
00:14:37 Like, I'm starving.
00:14:40 I'm ravishing.
00:14:41 I have a photo. My sister is feeding me the chopped cheese.
00:14:45 My son is breastfeeding for the first time.
00:14:48 You can see my boyfriend in the mirror, like he's like taking pictures.
00:14:51 So I'm like, "Here we are, folks. This is motherhood."
00:14:55 Whole gang's here.
00:14:56 Yeah, whole gang's here.
00:14:57 So I put out like a little thing on Instagram that was like,
00:15:01 "If we were going to do parenting content, what would you want to hear about?"
00:15:05 And when I say I've gotten more responses to that than I've ever done anything at Barstool,
00:15:10 and like, again, sports phenomenal, you know, the guy stuff.
00:15:13 It's like parents, it's like the universal thing.
00:15:15 If you are a parent, you resonate with parents.
00:15:17 Whether you like us talking about sports, military, gambling,
00:15:20 like if you're a parent, you get it.
00:15:22 And so I have a few questions, and I asked you guys if you wanted to hear them first.
00:15:25 You said no.
00:15:26 This is like rapid fire.
00:15:28 I'm in. I'm really excited.
00:15:29 This is like we're in a therapy office.
00:15:32 I'm going to start with you, Kate.
00:15:33 Okay.
00:15:34 And I'm going to use this word now.
00:15:35 This was the word that was used by a man.
00:15:37 Remember, he doesn't mean it.
00:15:38 Okay. Oh, boy. Okay.
00:15:40 What was the craziest thing that you did in the early days of postpartum?
00:15:45 Now, again, postpartum is a serious thing, and like I definitely dealt with it.
00:15:48 And like in a longer form thing, I would love to talk about the way I dealt with postpartum depression.
00:15:53 So when he said crazy, I know he didn't mean it.
00:15:55 But then I was like, "Oh, I actually did some crazy shit."
00:15:57 Oh, no. Shit got crazy.
00:15:59 It's the craziest thing you think you did.
00:16:00 It got dark. It got real dark.
00:16:01 It got real dark for me personally, especially the first one.
00:16:03 All my friends are 21. They're out partying.
00:16:05 I'm sitting there, and I'm like breastfeeding a newborn.
00:16:09 Your life's over, right?
00:16:10 Yeah. Let's go, girls.
00:16:12 You'll have a good time with that bar.
00:16:14 [Humming]
00:16:16 It was so bad.
00:16:17 That's tough.
00:16:19 I would like to hear your perspective, too, as an old gray-haired mom.
00:16:23 I know, because we were in our 30s when we had kids.
00:16:26 Honestly, and I've said this to you just in real life,
00:16:29 the fact that you dealt with having kids as young as you did in the postpartum,
00:16:34 I don't think I could have done it at 21 years old.
00:16:36 In my 30s, it's been hard.
00:16:38 And he's only 14 months old, so I've got a long way to go.
00:16:41 I am by no means an expert.
00:16:42 But the fact that I was mature enough to a certain degree to deal with postpartum in my 30s at 21,
00:16:48 I mean, I'd be toast.
00:16:50 It was rough.
00:16:51 My husband worked nights, too, so as soon as we came home after the C-section, I also wanted--
00:16:56 I'm like, "I made this bed. I've got to lay in it."
00:16:58 So I didn't want any help.
00:17:00 You isolate yourself on purpose, which is something that you don't mean to do,
00:17:03 but I feel like every new mom does it.
00:17:05 But I also--respect to you if you're watching my mother-in-law--
00:17:08 she just, like--after a C-section, she came up and sat on the side of my bed
00:17:11 and just wanted to have, like, hours of conversation.
00:17:14 And I was like, "Respectfully, shut up."
00:17:16 And I told her to leave.
00:17:18 Boundaries!
00:17:19 I needed to see--that first week with your new baby and, like, your new body,
00:17:25 there's so many different things to learn and, like, cues you need to listen to and coups.
00:17:31 Like, there's so much.
00:17:33 And you don't want somebody up in your face.
00:17:34 No!
00:17:35 Like, even your partner.
00:17:36 I will say that.
00:17:37 Oh, the rage.
00:17:38 The rage.
00:17:39 Yes, yes, the rage.
00:17:40 And knowing that, like--the amount of women and girls I've talked to that are like,
00:17:44 "You know how bad I wanted to hit my partner when they would say they were tired
00:17:48 after the baby's born?"
00:17:49 And you're like, "Bro, we literally just created a human.
00:17:52 Push this human out into the world.
00:17:54 I understand you're tired."
00:17:55 And now we're feeding it from our own body.
00:17:56 And now we're feeding it off of our own body.
00:17:57 Don't talk to me about being tired.
00:17:59 And yes, dads or partners, you are tired.
00:18:02 Just don't tell the mom that in the early days.
00:18:04 It's not a mistake you want to make.
00:18:05 I have no sympathy for you.
00:18:06 None.
00:18:07 I do love the memes that are, like, the really uncomfortable chair that they have
00:18:11 in the labor and delivery rooms.
00:18:12 And the guys are like, "You want to talk about torture?"
00:18:14 I'm like, "I'll trade places with you.
00:18:16 I'll sleep like a fucking angel in that chair."
00:18:18 I'll sit there and be on TikTok all day and don't even know what happened.
00:18:21 What's it like having a full taint?
00:18:23 Completely intact.
00:18:25 What's that like?
00:18:26 I don't know.
00:18:27 You're getting smiles from the guys behind the camera.
00:18:29 That's when you know it's good.
00:18:30 Well, I'll give you my example of the craziest thing that I can remember doing.
00:18:33 And I will say that in the, like, throws of postpartum, especially those early,
00:18:38 early days when you're trying to figure out breastfeeding and if you are going
00:18:40 to breastfeed, it gets hard to remember a lot.
00:18:42 It feels like a fever dream.
00:18:44 But I remember when my son, like, I was convinced he had a dirty diaper.
00:18:49 And he had just been asleep in his bassinet, all cute, for, like, 30 minutes.
00:18:53 But he was crying and I was like, "I'm going in there."
00:18:56 And my boyfriend was like, "He doesn't have a dirty diaper.
00:18:58 We just changed it."
00:18:59 And, of course, like, I'm just crazy as it is.
00:19:02 Go in there.
00:19:03 He has a pee-soaked diaper.
00:19:04 Not a dirty diaper, a pee-soaked diaper.
00:19:06 But there was something in my brain that hit.
00:19:09 I just very calmly changed my son, realized he didn't need to eat,
00:19:13 and went back to sleep.
00:19:14 I took that diaper all the way out because he was in our room at the time,
00:19:17 all the way out, went into the living room, and launched it at my boyfriend's head,
00:19:21 across the room.
00:19:22 I mean, like, a heavy newborn diaper, which is, like, this big as it is.
00:19:25 And as soon as it left my hand, it was like I was mid-pitch and I was like,
00:19:29 "Ah!"
00:19:30 Like, I wanted to, like, grab it out of the air.
00:19:31 And he just looked at me and he was like, "I'm going to go into the other room."
00:19:34 And I was like, "I am so sorry."
00:19:36 But it was like I saw red.
00:19:37 I'm just like, "You want to tell me my baby's diaper is not soaked?"
00:19:41 And I was like, "I'm the only person in the world that's ever thrown a pee-soaked diaper."
00:19:44 You threw one too?
00:19:45 You throw a lot of stuff.
00:19:46 You throw a lot of things.
00:19:47 Yeah, a lot of chicken throw.
00:19:48 But it was like week, like, two of being home and I was just like, "Oh, okay."
00:19:52 And then, of course, like, I had to clean it up.
00:19:54 And he was like, "I'll clean it up."
00:19:56 Like, in my head, I'm like, "I'm going to have to do it."
00:19:57 And he was like, "I'll clean it up.
00:19:58 I'm going to go in the other room.
00:19:59 You sit for a second."
00:20:00 But I realized I was like, "Oh, this is going to --"
00:20:02 And that was not anywhere near the probably the last crazy thing I did that day.
00:20:05 But I remember that very vividly.
00:20:07 And I think sitting here, I'm like, "No, no, that's totally rational.
00:20:10 I absolutely get that."
00:20:12 That's completely rational.
00:20:13 I'm glad I heard it was a perfect spiral.
00:20:14 That's great.
00:20:15 Well, I mean, of course.
00:20:16 Like, I was -- I had a Tom Brady arm.
00:20:18 I mean, I took that diaper like I was Tom Brady in a Super Bowl.
00:20:21 And, I mean, it was just like laser-focused on this man's head.
00:20:25 But it was just a little bit too soon to grab it back.
00:20:28 And I was like, "Well --" And it didn't hit him, by the way, because he ducked.
00:20:30 And I was like, "That pee should hit you in the face."
00:20:33 To be fair, it should have hit him.
00:20:35 Yeah.
00:20:36 Like, but that is --
00:20:37 I'm on his side.
00:20:38 I'm okay with that.
00:20:39 Yeah.
00:20:40 Is there anything that comes to mind for you?
00:20:41 There was, man, so much stuff.
00:20:42 So much.
00:20:43 The first time, man, phantom crying was a big thing for me.
00:20:48 And I always thought I heard the baby crying.
00:20:50 In the shower, specifically.
00:20:51 Every time I tried to take a nap or take a shower or do anything for a second,
00:20:54 I would hear baby crying.
00:20:56 And I would be like, "Pat, you can't give me like two seconds.
00:20:59 You know, you can't keep him occupied for whatever."
00:21:01 And he's like, "The baby's not crying."
00:21:03 And I'm like, "Oh, oh, oh."
00:21:05 And then another time, my parents lived down in the Philly area,
00:21:09 which is like two hours away.
00:21:11 It took me like four months to even leave the house.
00:21:13 Like, I couldn't even go to the grocery store.
00:21:15 Like, I couldn't leave the house with him.
00:21:17 I had extreme anxiety the first time.
00:21:19 I didn't realize it until I had my second kid.
00:21:21 And then I was like, "Oh, I think there was something a little off the first time."
00:21:24 You told me that?
00:21:25 Yeah.
00:21:26 Because I was like people -- like postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety
00:21:28 is so normal but not talked about at all that you don't think that you have it
00:21:33 until somebody else recognizes it in you.
00:21:35 Because I did.
00:21:36 I had a little bit of postpartum depression.
00:21:37 And you said you didn't realize it until your second kid.
00:21:39 Like, that's crazy that we don't have the resources to really help women with that.
00:21:44 I had no idea until the second one.
00:21:46 I was like, "Oh, this feels good. This feels great. Oh, my God."
00:21:49 Because I was dreading -- the second kid, I was dreading so hard
00:21:53 because the first time was such a nightmare for me afterwards.
00:21:56 I'm just like -- and then I was waiting for the nightmare.
00:21:59 And I was like, "Oh, this is lovely. Oh, something was wrong the first time around.
00:22:02 Oh, my God."
00:22:03 It took me like four months to even leave the house.
00:22:05 And then finally, like six months in, I worked up the nerve to go visit my parents
00:22:09 with the baby, just me and the baby, like two-hour drive.
00:22:12 And it was okay on the way there.
00:22:14 And on the way home, he started crying.
00:22:16 And like, turns out, it's okay if your baby is safe in their car seat.
00:22:20 They can cry for a little bit in the car.
00:22:22 Like, there's a limit and an extent or whatever.
00:22:24 But like, it was the first 30 seconds he started crying.
00:22:27 And I'm on the Jersey Turnpike.
00:22:28 And I'm like, "Oh, no."
00:22:29 So I got off, and I'm in like an abandoned Hardee's parking lot.
00:22:33 I'm in the -- I know, in hindsight, easy pickings for a mugging.
00:22:38 And I am in the back seat.
00:22:40 I have a mount, and I'm like, "We just live here now. We just live here now."
00:22:44 I sat there for like -- I was like a way longer time than a sane person
00:22:50 would sit in an abandoned Hardee's parking lot until he finally fell asleep.
00:22:54 Like, it was a whole thing.
00:22:56 And in my mind, that was like a totally rational, normal thing to do.
00:22:58 And I got home, Pat was like, "Why did it take you five hours to get home?"
00:23:01 I'm like, "I don't know. I was in a --" I'm rambling.
00:23:03 -No, but you know how you said -- I mean, granted, like my example was like me just like seeing rage.
00:23:07 But that was a maternal instinct.
00:23:09 And I hate to be like, "We're moms."
00:23:10 Like, you knew at the time that it was best for you and for your baby.
00:23:14 Like, maybe in like -- -To be in that abandoned Hardee's parking lot.
00:23:16 -Yes, yes. Put yourself in danger. -Yeah.
00:23:18 -But no, I mean, that instinct takes over.
00:23:21 And like looking back on a lot of things, like not throwing shit at your boyfriend or husband's head maybe,
00:23:26 but like little things like that, like I don't discredit some of those things.
00:23:28 Like some of the craziest things that I did, like laying on the living room floor,
00:23:32 like side breastfeeding because like I'm having like some sort of anxiety attack.
00:23:36 -The side breastfeeding is like the best thing. -The go-to.
00:23:39 -Go to sleep. -It's like --
00:23:41 Or like -- And we'll talk about this in our little drinking game later.
00:23:44 But like, you know, sharing a bed and like all those different things that like people like shame you.
00:23:47 Like for me and so many moms that I know, like you making that decision was what you needed to do for your brain.
00:23:53 -To survive in the moment. -To survive in the moment.
00:23:55 And that's the basic surviving in the moment.
00:23:57 And with older kids, I can imagine it's just a different level of surviving in the moment.
00:24:00 -Yeah, it definitely is. Especially like as they're progressively getting older, technology is like --
00:24:06 -I can't even. -Like it's insane.
00:24:08 Like the fact -- Like I'm looking back at me growing up and just like having like AIM messenger and stuff
00:24:12 and like the shit I would do on there. -Girl.
00:24:14 -Like I've given my 10-year-old a phone. -To the anxiety of hearing that.
00:24:19 -Yeah. -I need some champagne.
00:24:22 -It's absolutely insane. -We were definitely messaging 55-year-old truckers.
00:24:25 -Yeah. -Thinking they were --
00:24:27 -ASL. -13-year-old Bieber fans.
00:24:29 -17-blonde Louisiana. That ASL was definitely working.
00:24:33 I will say this isn't the craziest thing I did, but it was one of the most like impactful memories.
00:24:40 My husband was like home and as I said, he worked nights, but it was the morning time.
00:24:45 And with the first pregnancy, I went from a 32C to a 36FF.
00:24:51 -Congratulations to your husband for that.
00:24:54 -So basically, I had to hold each breast with two hands and I was so engorged because Madden --
00:25:00 -Which is the worst. -It's the worst. The worst.
00:25:02 If you breastfed, you know. But my son had a tongue tie.
00:25:05 So he was just like nonstop wanting to eat and he was getting all of the foremilk instead of the hindmilk,
00:25:11 which doesn't fill them up. -Right.
00:25:13 -So my boobs just kept getting fuller and fuller and fuller and I go take a shower.
00:25:18 -This is the social clip we need, guys. Keep going.
00:25:21 -And I walk out and my husband's standing there and all of a sudden, I just start squirting milk everywhere.
00:25:31 And he's running around because he knows how crazy I am about the liquid gold.
00:25:34 And he's running around with his hands like this and I'm just like, "Austin Powers, stop."
00:25:40 -You're like squirting everywhere. -And the first time that happens, aren't you just like,
00:25:45 "Where is this coming from? How do I stop it?" Like, you panic.
00:25:48 -I mean, my tits were huge. I knew exactly where it was coming from.
00:25:51 -But it was the idea that -- it's like losing liquid gold.
00:25:55 We would put a popcorn bowl in the sink and he would just milk me into the popcorn bowl
00:26:02 because I'm like, "I'm in pain. They're so engorged. It has to go somewhere."
00:26:06 -To all this pain. -People don't talk about this shit, but it's real, man.
00:26:11 -It's true. -This is our Vietnam. This shit's crazy. Yes.
00:26:18 -But it's true. -It's true.
00:26:19 -What did you -- when you first -- because I know that we've all talked about breastfeeding.
00:26:22 Like, the first couple nights when your milk finally comes in, what did you do?
00:26:26 Because I know I was -- I took washcloths, stuffed them into my bra, and I'm like sleeping.
00:26:33 And, like, by the way -- and this is such a man-quench.
00:26:35 People are like, "You can still breastfeed with fake boobs?"
00:26:37 Like, yes. By the way, your breast tissue is still there.
00:26:39 I have implants, but I was still able to breastfeed.
00:26:42 And they got so much bigger because of the natural thing.
00:26:45 And, like, I was shoving towels in my nursing bra, which makes it even more painful.
00:26:51 But I was like, "Make this stop soaking our entire bed."
00:26:54 I was just -- that was gross. I just let them flow.
00:26:57 That's whenever -- because it was so painful.
00:27:00 Again, the first time with my first son, breastfeeding did not work out for us at all.
00:27:04 -I tried so hard. -You needed to do it a second time, apparently.
00:27:06 And social media, like, I had gotten so in my head about it.
00:27:08 It was the only way and blah, blah, blah.
00:27:10 And, like, second kid, I was totally, like, chill about it.
00:27:12 It ended up working out. It was great.
00:27:14 But my first son, I couldn't wear a shirt for, like, the first four months.
00:27:18 And, like, I couldn't even wear a bra. I couldn't wear a shirt.
00:27:20 So, God bless Fallen Branch.
00:27:22 If I had something like this, I would have just walked around with it wide open.
00:27:25 But every time the baby would cry because I wasn't wearing anything, my test --
00:27:29 And our floor, we had hardwood floors.
00:27:32 Milk would just be spilling out all over our floor, and we'd be, like, slipping around.
00:27:37 It was, like -- Holy shit. I had no idea.
00:27:40 I wrote a blog my, like, one month because, like, it was one of those things where I had finally, like, slept maybe, like, an hour.
00:27:47 You know how, like, you find, like, "I slept one hour last night."
00:27:49 It feels like you slept for a week.
00:27:50 And I actually wrote about that. I was, like, "There is milk everywhere."
00:27:54 Everything is soaked. It's all over everything.
00:27:56 It smells so bad. It's, like, this rotten milk.
00:27:59 And this is something that I learned.
00:28:01 Like, and I breastfed for four and a half months.
00:28:04 I had so much -- I didn't realize that. Of course, I can't remember the scientific name now, but we're not a science show.
00:28:08 But I actually had anxiety that was induced with the letdown of breastfeeding.
00:28:12 Didn't even know that was a thing.
00:28:13 I've read about that.
00:28:14 My postpartum anxiety lifted almost immediately once I switched to formula.
00:28:19 I cannot, like -- no free ads, so I'm not going to talk.
00:28:22 But I did, like, a ton of research.
00:28:23 Our pediatrician at NYU, like, incredibly clean formula.
00:28:27 And I was, like, "I wish that I would have done more research on that earlier."
00:28:30 Because to me, it was, like, I'm so glad I did it.
00:28:33 I could have stopped a lot earlier.
00:28:35 And I never bought into the shame thing.
00:28:37 I was, like, "Listen, I don't know about you, but when I was in high school, I didn't look at somebody and be like, 'He was breastfed as a baby. He had formula as a baby. He's not --'"
00:28:44 Like, you don't know.
00:28:46 But the bigger thing is there's milk everywhere, and you just got to deal with it.
00:28:49 Yep.
00:28:50 Yeah, no, I will say that my Vietnam was breastfeeding.
00:28:53 I mean, with the first one, we made it until nine months.
00:28:56 And the second one was almost a year and a half.
00:28:59 But that was my COVID baby, and she was already potty trained before two years old.
00:29:03 Because you had nothing else to do.
00:29:05 She just saw us -- I mean, we were all home.
00:29:07 I was in a T-shirt and underwear for, like, a year and a half.
00:29:10 So it's like she just saw me always, like, going to the bathroom.
00:29:13 And she was just like, "All right, I'm in."
00:29:15 And it was like, I saved so much money on diapers.
00:29:17 Yeah, no, for sure.
00:29:19 So, like, I know you mentioned the Bowen Branch thing.
00:29:21 And, of course, we are very thankful to have them.
00:29:23 But it is actually, like, a real thing for, like, when you come home from the hospital,
00:29:26 having something comfortable that just can open up and close if you want it to.
00:29:30 You can walk around.
00:29:31 So, like, the robes they have, the pajamas, like, it is something that you don't think that you need.
00:29:36 And you get everything in the world for, like, your baby and everything.
00:29:40 Like, get moms nice pajamas.
00:29:43 Specifically a wrap robe.
00:29:45 That way you can just, like, whip them out.
00:29:47 Their robes have, like, yes.
00:29:49 If you were to get your friend -- I get my friends robes now whenever they're having a baby.
00:29:52 Moms don't get enough gifts.
00:29:54 Yes, yes.
00:29:55 That's why whenever Kate had the second one, I made sure to give her gifts and not get baby stuff
00:29:59 because moms are forgotten about whenever they have babies.
00:30:01 As soon as the baby is out.
00:30:03 You move from the labor and delivery floor down to the postpartum floor,
00:30:06 and they're like, "All right, girl, like, Kate rocks. Now let's see this baby."
00:30:10 So we were going to do a lot more questions, but I do have --
00:30:12 This is my little plug here.
00:30:14 Instead of getting to all the questions and answers,
00:30:17 because we have a lot of other things we want to get to for this Mother's Day special,
00:30:19 comment, like, and subscribe this video because maybe we should do some more content.
00:30:24 Because I had a ton of questions that I wanted to get to, but we have, like,
00:30:28 this is a special, but maybe if we get --
00:30:31 But maybe.
00:30:32 But maybe.
00:30:33 But maybe.
00:30:34 But maybe.
00:30:35 If you want to hear about my tits filling up again.
00:30:37 And everyone's liking this right now.
00:30:39 Everyone's like, "Megan, you went around the office today."
00:30:43 I did.
00:30:44 "To ask guys about Mother's Day."
00:30:46 Because I have said this a bunch, and because a lot of the shows I do
00:30:49 is just me hosting with a bunch of dudes.
00:30:51 It's like babysitting grown men. I had a lot of practice.
00:30:54 You were curious what they do for Mother's Day.
00:30:56 Let's see what they had to say.
00:30:58 All right, Jay, what's the worst gift you've ever gotten your mom for Mother's Day?
00:31:02 A tie.
00:31:04 Went with the Father's Day spirit just a little bit early.
00:31:06 Literally.
00:31:07 I hit her with the old One Free Hug coupon, but I was 17, so.
00:31:11 Worst gift I ever got my mother for Mother's Day was a box of chocolates.
00:31:16 She's allergic to chocolate.
00:31:18 My very Catholic mother, I decided to get her this mom heart tattoo.
00:31:23 She cried.
00:31:24 I like to say that since I call my mother every day of the year, 365 days a year,
00:31:29 that I don't have to get her a gift for anything.
00:31:31 So that's my gift every time.
00:31:32 All right, Hank, what is the worst gift you've gotten your mom for Mother's Day?
00:31:35 Scratch tickets.
00:31:37 My sister takes care of that every time. I just put my name on it.
00:31:41 Asshole.
00:31:42 45 years ago on April 13, 1979, I emerged from my mother's vaginal canal,
00:31:47 and every day that I've been alive since has been the greatest gift she could ever receive.
00:31:51 So never given her a bad gift. I'm Brandon fucking Walker.
00:31:55 I got my mom a very nice barstool hoodie.
00:31:58 Turned out it was a crop top, and it did not fit her right at all,
00:32:02 and I looked like a total idiot.
00:32:04 - Have I seen that? - Stop it. Don't say that about my mother.
00:32:07 - Worst gift you've ever gotten your mom. - This is tough, Megan.
00:32:09 I feel like every year I'm notorious for bad gift-giving, so I don't know.
00:32:13 I'm going to defer to you guys.
00:32:14 If you have a good gift suggestion for my mother for this Mother's Day,
00:32:17 chime off, sound in, in the comments below.
00:32:19 And here's the thing. Megan did tell me this after I watched it the first time.
00:32:23 Spider did not know what we were doing.
00:32:25 That was actually an authentic Spider moment of wanting to know what you should get for your mom
00:32:30 or the girl in your life or the grandmother, whoever.
00:32:34 Your sister who has kids. Any mom would love this.
00:32:38 Any mom would love this. And so we're not just doing this because it's the sponsor,
00:32:40 but also because it's the sponsor.
00:32:42 But they do, again, Bowlin Branch sheets, robes.
00:32:45 - They have pillows, crib sheets. - These sheets, they come packaged so nicely.
00:32:49 If you were to open, they have the nice tissue paper.
00:32:52 It's gift wrapped. They're beautiful. They're organic cotton, no toxins.
00:32:56 So it's beautiful, beautiful stuff, guys.
00:32:59 You can still get it. This comes out the week before Mother's Day.
00:33:02 You can still get it before Mother's Day, which is phenomenal.
00:33:05 And it's all 100% organic cotton, which I did not realize how important it was until I got crib sheets.
00:33:11 Like my tiny, precious little angel baby.
00:33:14 - You said that they have crib sheets too, right? - Phenomenal crib sheets.
00:33:16 - Yes, they do. - That's insane.
00:33:18 And listen, baby showers are great. I was not a big baby shower person.
00:33:21 I just wanted to have a little happy hour type of vibe brunch for my girlfriends and my gays,
00:33:26 because of course the gays were coming.
00:33:28 But people just get stuff, which is wonderful.
00:33:30 But a lot of those sheets, you think about it, you're like,
00:33:32 "I don't want my brand new infant baby sleeping on all these chemicals."
00:33:36 Bowlin' Branch has them. So it's like across the board.
00:33:39 But also just like if you want to live in nice luxury, look at these blankets.
00:33:43 - I really like the waffle blankets. - I was reading there about me,
00:33:48 and they also make sure that they know exactly where all the materials are coming from,
00:33:54 and they make sure there is no child labor at all.
00:33:57 They make sure there's like, they know, they have accountability the whole way through the process.
00:34:01 So you can actually feel good about yourself while you're toxic-free.
00:34:05 - Child-free labor. - Child-free labor.
00:34:07 Yeah, it's like just good all the way around.
00:34:09 Yeah, so like off the heels of the guys talking about this, Kate,
00:34:13 you talked about like, you said in true Kate fashion, like, "Fellas and friends, listen up."
00:34:17 But it's because you've gotten a lot of people asking you like,
00:34:20 "How can partners support moms?"
00:34:23 Not just, I mean, obviously early postpartum, early days,
00:34:25 but also just moms in general, and I, sweet Malisak in that video, Jake Malisak,
00:34:29 when he said, "I call her every single day. Why do I need to do something special for Mother's Day?"
00:34:33 Well, because she's a mom, and she deserves more support than just a call,
00:34:37 and that's really sweet, but like in general, a lot of men actually genuinely want to know,
00:34:41 "How do I support moms? How do I support my wife? How do I support my girlfriend?
00:34:45 How do I support this person?"
00:34:47 Tell them exactly what you said earlier, because that was such a good answer.
00:34:50 - What did I say earlier? - You said that they were like,
00:34:52 - They were like, Che was asking you, he was like, "What would be a truly good gift?"
00:34:56 - Yes, I will say this, and not just a gift for Mother's Day, but for every day,
00:35:00 and like, Pat would sit here and tell you the same thing.
00:35:04 We, I mean,
00:35:08 Pat, I love ya. - Uh-oh.
00:35:10 - Earmuffs. God damn it, you guys.
00:35:13 The learning curve for these motherfuckers.
00:35:17 Give me a diaper to throw.
00:35:19 - Tom Brady that baby. Not the baby, the diaper.
00:35:22 - I already have a baby. I don't need another one.
00:35:26 - Girl, preach. - I am so tired.
00:35:28 - Say it again. - Cheers to that.
00:35:30 - I am so in pain physically, but like,
00:35:34 I think one of the biggest times you can actually man up in your life
00:35:39 is by caring for the person, caring for your baby,
00:35:42 and by learning how to care for your baby.
00:35:45 - I think it's this idea that we just naturally know how to do it.
00:35:50 We don't. We put in the work and do the research
00:35:53 and are up all the hours and blah, blah, blah.
00:35:55 We're learning it, and there's no reason that you can't learn it too.
00:36:00 God damn it. But, yeah.
00:36:02 - It is like when they say you have to figure it out,
00:36:04 it's like you have to figure it out together to a certain degree,
00:36:07 because, and even if you're a single parent doing it,
00:36:10 you still have to figure it out, but you are 100% right.
00:36:13 I have a baby. I don't need another baby,
00:36:16 with all the love and due respect, while I'm also healing my own body,
00:36:20 which is something that, and not to like, and again,
00:36:23 thank you for your service for our country.
00:36:25 Something that America is not good at, which a lot of other countries are,
00:36:28 which I've learned in my postpartum "journey"
00:36:31 is how much better other countries are at actually supporting the mom,
00:36:34 because in America, you know, I mean, there are some women
00:36:36 that get no paid maternity leave. You have to go, like, they send you home.
00:36:39 I'm like, what do I do with this new baby?
00:36:41 Luckily, at Barstool, we get a very good four months of maternity leave.
00:36:45 And paternity leave here, too, which most people don't get.
00:36:48 A lot of people don't get that, but it's like,
00:36:51 we don't have support for the moms, so the partners at home, like,
00:36:54 do need to understand, like, our bodies are quite literally turned inside out.
00:36:58 Our brains are batshit crazy, and we have this little human
00:37:01 that cannot survive without us.
00:37:03 The hormones, like, that's so real.
00:37:05 Like, there's just, like, there's so much to it,
00:37:08 and I think, at least I know the first time around,
00:37:11 I had so much resentment because he just didn't get it
00:37:15 the first time around, and it was so isolating and so lonely,
00:37:18 and I was so full of, like, rage and anger all the time,
00:37:21 and I think a lot of postpartum rage is, like, justified, because--
00:37:24 I agree.
00:37:25 --so many moms get left hanging by guys that don't understand
00:37:28 and don't realize how difficult it is,
00:37:32 and you wind up doing it. You buck up and do it, because--
00:37:35 You have to.
00:37:36 --you have to. You don't have another choice,
00:37:39 and so it's just really difficult. I think--
00:37:41 I mean, you do have another choice, but it's usually CPS.
00:37:43 Yeah, it's usually CPS, that's true.
00:37:45 But, like, learn how--just--
00:37:47 I feel like the logistics fall on the mom all the time.
00:37:50 We're going out, it's like, the woman's the one packing the diaper bag
00:37:53 and making sure the bottles are ready and blah, blah, blah, like--
00:37:56 Because they're like, "We don't know what all to pack."
00:37:58 It's like, "If you just watch me, like, three times, pack this diaper bag."
00:38:01 Like, just, like, just take notes.
00:38:03 Like, you don't even have to tell me that you're watching.
00:38:05 You know what to put in it.
00:38:06 Another big thing is, like, without me having to ask you,
00:38:10 take the baby for a walk or take the baby into another room
00:38:14 and be fully engaged with them so that I can truly rest
00:38:17 without being like, "I hear him fuss."
00:38:19 And not just phantom crying, real crying, but, like,
00:38:22 actually take the initiative to take the baby places on your own,
00:38:25 if I'm cool with it, so that I truly can rest
00:38:28 instead of me having to be like,
00:38:30 "Do you mind taking him for--?" Like, just do it on your own.
00:38:33 Learn the logistics on your own, and I promise you, like,
00:38:36 it will make your relationship so much stronger
00:38:39 and so much more wonderful if you do.
00:38:42 And that's something that, like, some great advice that I was given
00:38:45 is even the best of relationships, the best of the best,
00:38:48 which is obviously we know are not perfect,
00:38:51 go through so much shit, especially with the first baby
00:38:54 in those early days, that it's just a mess.
00:38:56 So, like, I 1,000% agree with you guys.
00:38:59 Here was my issue, and this became, like, a me thing,
00:39:01 was I wanted that, and then when he would take initiative to do it,
00:39:04 I wouldn't give him control.
00:39:06 So then I become all sorts of crazy.
00:39:08 - I was also that way. - Oh, my God.
00:39:10 I wanted something to happen, but then as soon as it did,
00:39:13 I was like, "No, that's my job. I know better."
00:39:15 And it was, like-- I think that also was very postpartum.
00:39:18 - Oh, yeah. - My head was just--
00:39:20 - I was cuckoo. - Cuckoo.
00:39:23 But, like, that's part of, like, I always say when people say,
00:39:26 "What's your piece of advice for that?"
00:39:28 It's like, again, like, I'm not a relationship expert, trust me.
00:39:31 But it's just, like, the grace that you have to give a mother
00:39:34 who just gave birth because it is--
00:39:36 - Give them grace. Oh, my God, yes. - It's grace. Give grace.
00:39:38 Because we are gonna think and say and do things
00:39:41 that do not sound like us, do not seem like the person--
00:39:44 - Kitchen scissors or bangs. - Twice.
00:39:46 - I mean, shit, like, wearing the same sweatpants for, like,
00:39:49 days on end and not even thinking about it.
00:39:51 Like, that's a normal thing to do.
00:39:53 But every time he would take initiative, I'd be like,
00:39:55 "I just wanna sleep in," 'cause then you're up at, like,
00:39:57 10 and breastfeeding and you have resentment 'cause they're just
00:39:59 sleeping like angels next to you.
00:40:01 So he would take initiative and be like, "Okay, you sleep in this time."
00:40:04 And then the second that I would hear, like, a coo, I'm like,
00:40:06 "Why is the baby crying?"
00:40:08 And he's like, "Please, like, just sleep."
00:40:10 So, like, I was that person.
00:40:13 It's hard to give your significant other, like, the reins.
00:40:17 But, like, looking back, especially, like, with the second baby,
00:40:20 like, it's nice to, like, not be as crazy.
00:40:24 And to give yourself a little bit of, like, "Hey, reprieve.
00:40:28 "Like, you know what? Girl, you can listen to that baby cry in the other room.
00:40:32 "Like, he's got it. He'll figure it out.
00:40:34 "The baby--babies are--I don't wanna say, like, elastic,
00:40:37 "but, like, they can go through some things."
00:40:41 - You do have to give the room to figure it out. - A little toggle here and there.
00:40:43 Like, everything's okay.
00:40:45 - Well, and that's something I was forced to figure out,
00:40:47 which was another question I got from a lot of people,
00:40:49 was how do I deal with traveling for work as much as I do?
00:40:51 'Cause obviously in football season, I'm gone all the time.
00:40:53 - Yeah. - And I learned very quickly
00:40:55 that if I don't give the reins away to his dad
00:40:58 and to trust that he knows what he's doing,
00:41:00 I'm gonna go literally insane,
00:41:02 because I love my career and my job,
00:41:04 and it's something I wanna continue to do.
00:41:06 If I do that, I'm, like, onstage in, like, Tuscaloosa, Alabama,
00:41:09 like, freaking out, like, I'm not gonna be able to make it.
00:41:12 So I had to do that.
00:41:13 But I think that the biggest thing is giving grace,
00:41:15 because you're right.
00:41:16 Like, guys, just read the room.
00:41:19 Read the room.
00:41:20 Your--and men go through a lot of mental things, too.
00:41:22 I do get that, but it is not a hormonal thing
00:41:25 that you are having to deal with.
00:41:27 Read the room, help out a little bit.
00:41:28 Just a little tad. - That's it.
00:41:29 Just read the room and help out.
00:41:31 That is your answer.
00:41:32 - Yeah. - Give--maybe, you know, maybe--
00:41:34 - Grace, read the room, help out.
00:41:36 - And let her sleep just a little bit more, if she will.
00:41:38 If she will, let her sleep. - Please.
00:41:40 - In a little bit before we finish,
00:41:42 we're gonna give words of encouragement for Mother's Day,
00:41:44 but this upcoming thing I'm so excited about.
00:41:46 So Kate came up with this great, great game,
00:41:49 Buzzword Buzzkill.
00:41:51 So I'm gonna go through this list,
00:41:53 and if this triggers you from social media,
00:41:55 you take a sip, because I'm telling you,
00:41:57 these words did not exist when our parents
00:41:59 and our grandparents had kids.
00:42:00 - No, and again, this was inspired by--
00:42:02 'cause you do so much scrolling.
00:42:04 It's like nothing like sitting in that chair late at night
00:42:06 looking over your beautiful baby's head
00:42:08 at your phone, doom-scrolling. - Yeah.
00:42:10 - And social media has, like--
00:42:12 - How many times have you guys accidentally dropped
00:42:14 your phone on your baby's head?
00:42:15 - Oh, several. He's got a little--
00:42:17 - Well, now he's at the age where he'll smack it
00:42:19 onto my head. Like, he's like--
00:42:21 I'm holding it, and he thinks it's funny,
00:42:22 and I'm like, "No." - Yeah.
00:42:24 - But there were so many good things of scrolling,
00:42:26 because it was like I can not feel like I'm doing something wrong.
00:42:29 The amount of Googling I've done,
00:42:30 but then the amount of scrolling I realized
00:42:32 was oversaturating my brain to where I was just, like,
00:42:34 losing my shit nonstop, which is why I'm hoping
00:42:37 this thing, you put it in your ears,
00:42:38 feel a little bit less alone in the middle of the night.
00:42:40 - Yeah. - So I'm gonna go through 'em,
00:42:42 and we're gonna take a sip and discuss.
00:42:44 So this was the--I wanted to do this one first.
00:42:47 How many times did you guys hear,
00:42:49 "Just wait. It's gonna get worse.
00:42:51 Just wait. You're finally--just wait 'til they're walking.
00:42:54 Just wait until they can talk."
00:42:57 I wanted to blow my brains out. - Dump it on myself, yeah.
00:42:59 - When you're pregnant, "Just wait 'til the baby comes.
00:43:01 You think you're tired now?"
00:43:02 And it's like, "Can I just live this moment?"
00:43:04 - It's always the pessimistic mom or aunt
00:43:06 that is always like, "Oh, you think this is bad?
00:43:08 Just wait." And it's like, "Can we just
00:43:10 shut the fuck up and deal with today?"
00:43:12 - "Can you let me live in this moment?"
00:43:14 Because at one point, you were also in this moment.
00:43:15 And that's not a social media thing,
00:43:17 but you see it more on social media
00:43:18 when, like, someone's, like, posting, like,
00:43:20 "Oh, I'm so tired in my third trimester,"
00:43:22 and the comments are like, "Girl, just wait
00:43:25 until you have that baby." And then there's someone who's like,
00:43:27 "Just wait 'til he's a toddler." And you're like,
00:43:29 "Can I just be a mom?" - That's what everybody--
00:43:32 so many people told me, 'cause I was already dreading
00:43:34 the second kid, 'cause the first--the experience
00:43:36 the first time, even though it was so--
00:43:38 like, you guys know how much I love my son.
00:43:39 It's, like, been the most magical thing of my whole life,
00:43:41 most wonderful thing, but, like, I still was dreading it,
00:43:43 and so many people were like, "Oh, man,
00:43:45 like, you're screwed now," blah, blah, blah.
00:43:47 And actually, it ended up being the complete opposite
00:43:51 and the most awesome physical stump of mine.
00:43:55 But, like, legit, I'm like, "Man, I'm so glad I had this--
00:43:59 for me, this experience again," 'cause this was actually
00:44:01 the opposite of what everybody told me it was gonna be
00:44:03 and what social media said it was gonna be.
00:44:05 Like, it's been amazing and, like, a second chance
00:44:07 at experiencing things the way I did it the first time.
00:44:09 - Well, and there is also, like, a truth of "just wait."
00:44:12 Like, I remember when people would tell me, like,
00:44:14 "Just wait until he sleeps through the night,"
00:44:15 and I was just, like, so frustrated,
00:44:17 and then now that I am lucky enough that my son
00:44:19 sleeps through the night, I'm like, "Oh, my God."
00:44:21 But, like, you don't want to hear it at that time.
00:44:23 Like, you want to experience it, because everybody's experience
00:44:25 is so different that, like--
00:44:27 - That's one thing you guys ask me, "Do you forget?"
00:44:29 I forgot--I have forgotten how tired I was during those nights
00:44:34 until one of my kids wakes up and says,
00:44:36 "Hey, Mom, I froze up," and I'm like, "God damn it."
00:44:39 Like, "What's--sheets off the bed."
00:44:41 I'm, like, half asleep, like, a tit hanging out of a robe.
00:44:44 - Can we drink for fro'd up? - Fro'd ups.
00:44:47 - Yeah, that's the worst thing you can hear at night.
00:44:50 - Yeah, or, like, before, like, I knock on wood,
00:44:52 and I'm gonna, like, get back to New York,
00:44:54 and I didn't have to deal with very many night blowouts,
00:44:57 but I've had a lot of friends who have dealt with them
00:45:00 all the time, and, like, those poor babies,
00:45:02 like, and again, and it's like, "Just wait until you have to
00:45:05 try to potty train." I'm like, "Can I just get through
00:45:07 this shitty bed that I'm dealing with right now, please?"
00:45:10 - Yeah. - But it is, like,
00:45:12 a good reminder that, like, things do get better
00:45:15 in certain ways, but then you just have another challenge,
00:45:17 and everybody's so different. Like, stop telling people
00:45:19 to just wait, 'cause guess what? You just wait until they dry.
00:45:22 You just wait until they go to college,
00:45:23 and then what, we all die?
00:45:24 - Stop telling people to just wait.
00:45:26 Start telling people to live in the moment,
00:45:28 because those baby--I know this--
00:45:31 I don't wanna be cliche here, as you said,
00:45:33 but babies don't keep, and that's one thing--
00:45:35 - Don't make me cry. - That makes my heart hurt,
00:45:37 because I'll look back on Facebook memories,
00:45:39 and, you know, ten years ago, my son cut his first tooth
00:45:42 and started crawling, and I'm like, "Ten years ago, man."
00:45:45 - So speaking of, the next buzzword that--
00:45:47 or the next, like, I guess-- - I'm already drinking.
00:45:49 - No, I know, but it goes along with this.
00:45:51 Like, the babies don't keep is stop letting your baby
00:45:54 sleep on you all the time. You're spoiling it.
00:45:56 - Ugh. - The spoiling was--
00:45:58 my mom was a big one over, like, "Don't spoil it."
00:46:00 - You cannot spoil an infant, and that's not--
00:46:04 and I'm not trying to be a science or a doctor.
00:46:06 Like, you look at nature, guys.
00:46:08 Like, monkeys literally carry their babies around forever.
00:46:11 Like, I hated that so much.
00:46:13 Like, first of all, he's only 14 months,
00:46:15 but, like, he doesn't contact nap hardly ever anymore.
00:46:17 He sleeps like an angel in his crib.
00:46:19 He naps in his crib.
00:46:20 I miss those days of contact naps.
00:46:23 Now, granted, I was going crazy at the time,
00:46:25 'cause I was like, "I just want to get up and do something!"
00:46:27 But I look back, and I'm like,
00:46:28 "Why would I have ever put that baby down?"
00:46:30 If that's what you want to do,
00:46:31 if you want to contact nap, contact nap.
00:46:34 Don't listen to that shit. - Yep.
00:46:36 - I couldn't agree more.
00:46:37 Well, I was reading about the history of that.
00:46:40 It's very Western culture.
00:46:42 The "put your baby down, don't spoil him, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
00:46:45 And it was actually two male psychiatrists or something like that
00:46:48 in, like, the '70s who were selling a book
00:46:50 who, like, that was their method.
00:46:52 - They were probably just on a bunch of blow.
00:46:53 - Yeah, probably on a bunch of blow, which, okay, pretty cool.
00:46:56 [laughter]
00:46:57 I get that.
00:46:58 But it's--you cannot spoil a baby.
00:47:02 - No.
00:47:03 - Like, you cannot love a baby too much.
00:47:04 You cannot hold a baby too much.
00:47:05 - No.
00:47:06 - There's no such thing, so don't feel bad about it.
00:47:07 And, on the other hand, if you need some sanity
00:47:09 and you need to put the baby down, that's okay too.
00:47:11 - 100%.
00:47:12 - But you can't--like, there's this big movement to, like,
00:47:14 "Yeah, you'll spoil him."
00:47:15 - No, you won't. - Not possible.
00:47:16 - No, you won't. Okay.
00:47:17 - Don't feel bad about it.
00:47:18 I breastfed my kids to sleep.
00:47:19 I rocked them to sleep. - Me too.
00:47:21 - I whatever.
00:47:22 And if you don't, that's fine too.
00:47:23 But, like, they're going to be just fine.
00:47:25 - They're going to be fine.
00:47:26 - They're going to be weird as hell.
00:47:27 - Unless you have a weird outlier
00:47:28 where they just have a brain disease
00:47:29 and they're a serial killer.
00:47:30 That's not your fault. - Not your fault.
00:47:32 - That's not your fault. - Not your fault.
00:47:33 - That's not your fault.
00:47:34 - I don't know where that came from,
00:47:35 but it's definitely not your fault.
00:47:36 - Not your fault.
00:47:37 - Okay, bounce back.
00:47:38 - Ugh. - Ugh.
00:47:39 - Yeah.
00:47:40 - Body--
00:47:41 - I don't know if that one really bothered me that much.
00:47:44 - No, because you were, like, 19.
00:47:45 - I was a baby having a baby.
00:47:47 No one was like, "Oh, just wait.
00:47:48 "Just wait to see if you bounce back."
00:47:50 Like, I was-- - Right.
00:47:51 - I was a baby.
00:47:52 I was bound to bounce back.
00:47:53 - The amount of people--and granted, we are in person--
00:47:56 you know, we're in the public eye.
00:47:58 So we do get it a lot more.
00:47:59 But the amount of--and, like, I hate even saying it
00:48:02 'cause it gives credence to the morons on the internet.
00:48:05 The amount of people that were like,
00:48:06 "Well, say goodbye to that body now.
00:48:08 "Like, Casey's done. Like, RIP."
00:48:10 And it was just like, "I'm just having a baby."
00:48:12 Like, the fact that, like, that's immediately
00:48:14 the thought process of, like, women are just like,
00:48:16 "Well, you're having a baby. Like, say goodbye to your body."
00:48:19 A, isn't necessarily true.
00:48:20 But B, even if it is true, like, how dare you?
00:48:22 - Yeah. - Like, how dare you?
00:48:24 - There's so many men out there
00:48:25 that just have the best bodies.
00:48:27 - Yeah. - Have you ever--
00:48:28 and I know this is--this is not an original thought for me.
00:48:30 It's, like, an internet thing.
00:48:31 But, like, how many times, like, we say, like,
00:48:33 "Dad bods are sexy," which, hey, if you're into a dad bod,
00:48:35 that's fine, but, like, why have we not normalized mom bods
00:48:38 when moms are the ones who actually, like,
00:48:40 created the baby?
00:48:41 - I like to think of my body as a lazy boy recliner.
00:48:44 I still have this thing here, and then it's like a seat.
00:48:48 It's like a cushion.
00:48:49 It's got little hydraulics on it for--I don't know.
00:48:51 I like to think of myself--he looks at me, and he's like,
00:48:53 "There's my lazy boy. There's my butt groove."
00:48:55 - That's my--that's my happy place, man.
00:48:57 - And, like, I'm, like--I love working out.
00:49:00 Love that. I did not realize how--
00:49:02 - You really love working out. - I do.
00:49:04 - I hate working out. - I say that.
00:49:05 I hate running. I like boxing.
00:49:07 Like, I like certain things. - Oh, yeah, yeah.
00:49:09 - But I am, like--I did not realize how--
00:49:11 and I put this in air quotes--like, hard it would be
00:49:13 for me to be able to do those things again.
00:49:15 And I wasn't, like, rushing to do them.
00:49:17 'Cause also living in Manhattan, you do walk a lot,
00:49:19 so I was naturally doing that.
00:49:21 But I didn't want to, like, get right back in the gym.
00:49:23 I didn't want to--I was, like,
00:49:25 bouncing back is so important for what I do, I guess.
00:49:27 - Bouncing--no, bouncing back is important for everyone else.
00:49:30 - Yeah. - And, like, I guess
00:49:31 for your mental health, but, like, if it--
00:49:33 - Yeah. - Like, you just--
00:49:34 - Just relax. - You literally created
00:49:35 a human being. - Yeah, just--
00:49:36 - Like, do it. - Oh, everybody out there,
00:49:37 just relax. - Just relax.
00:49:39 - Enjoy--you made a human. Give yourself grace.
00:49:41 It's the theme of the day. - Yes, give yourself--
00:49:42 ignore social media and just wear high-waisted tights forever.
00:49:45 That's fine. - By the way,
00:49:46 the high-waisted, like, baggy things that are in--
00:49:49 thank you to Gen Z. - Thank you.
00:49:50 - I know, like, they're trying to do low-waist stuff again,
00:49:52 like, low-rise. - No, don't do it.
00:49:53 - The high-waisted baggies, phenomenal.
00:49:55 I love it. I love it. - Yep.
00:49:56 - All right, next one. Screen time.
00:49:59 How much screen time your baby gets?
00:50:01 Or kid. - Hmm.
00:50:04 - Can I use this platform really quick?
00:50:05 - Yes. - Miss Rachel.
00:50:08 - Oh. - You are a queen.
00:50:10 - Queen. - You are a saint.
00:50:11 You are--you see, she's been--
00:50:13 been Instagram messaging me back.
00:50:15 - I was very jealous when I saw that.
00:50:16 - She did it again the other day.
00:50:18 - What's she saying? - Well, here's the thing.
00:50:19 - Give us a tea. - I have been, like,
00:50:21 spamming her posts because I think she's amazing.
00:50:24 And, like, again, if you are a new parent,
00:50:26 and Miss Rachel wasn't a thing when your kids were little.
00:50:28 - Nah. - Fun fact.
00:50:30 - Who did you--who? - I did me.
00:50:32 And--and--and-- - Yeah.
00:50:34 - And Blippi started to come on. - Oh, yeah.
00:50:36 - What's Z? Just me. - Her.
00:50:37 - Oh. - Whoo!
00:50:38 - I started doing that. - Yeah, right.
00:50:40 So here's the thing with screen time.
00:50:41 - The original show, mom.
00:50:43 - I am a very open book of, like,
00:50:45 I don't do a lot of research on things when it comes to,
00:50:47 like, I do what's best for my son and my family.
00:50:49 I did look up different things with screen time
00:50:52 because, like, I was so sick of seeing it.
00:50:53 I also watch sports constantly, so it's always on.
00:50:56 Miss Rachel is really good because--
00:50:58 well, for many reasons.
00:50:59 She's also just the best co-parent on the planet.
00:51:01 She actually created her show where it's not seen as,
00:51:04 as, quote, "screen time" because it doesn't--
00:51:06 like, the frames don't move. It's all this nerd shit.
00:51:08 But she is so good 'cause she developed it
00:51:10 for her kid who had speech development issues.
00:51:13 So it's actually educational, and it's basically, like,
00:51:16 you sitting in front of your kid,
00:51:18 singing songs and playing, and you don't have to do it.
00:51:20 You can be cooking.
00:51:21 You can be doing whatever you need to do.
00:51:23 - And your show, like, can put them in front of--
00:51:25 - I'm all for screen time when it's starting to grow.
00:51:26 - Where I'm like, "This is educational,
00:51:27 and I'm doing a good thing for him."
00:51:28 - Well, I just want to throw out there,
00:51:30 as a mom of older kids that have phones and have an iPad,
00:51:35 my son has been, like, an iPad kid forever.
00:51:39 He was reading, like, full books before kindergarten.
00:51:44 He can name you every country in Europe
00:51:47 and gave you the GDP
00:51:49 and what countries surround that country.
00:51:51 He is smarter than I will ever be,
00:51:55 and I almost want to contribute screen time to that.
00:51:58 - I mean, my parents say this all the time.
00:52:00 They're like, "You think that we cared
00:52:01 if we put you in front of the TV?"
00:52:03 Like, we didn't, like, just sit you there and walk away,
00:52:05 but, like, they didn't have all these things in our head
00:52:07 that, like, your kid can't watch TV.
00:52:09 - They let me slam the duck hunt gun
00:52:10 right on the--right against the ducks on Nintendo.
00:52:13 - The Nacho Lunchables and Jerry Springer
00:52:17 was my after-school snack.
00:52:18 - I mean, I was watching "I Love Lucy,"
00:52:20 I mean, which, by the way, why I liked "I Love Lucy"
00:52:22 as a baby in, like, 1995, but, hey, screen time again,
00:52:26 one of those things.
00:52:27 Do what's best for your family.
00:52:28 Until you actually have a child,
00:52:30 like, you cannot talk about screen time today.
00:52:32 - I finished my mimosa on that one
00:52:33 'cause it triggered me the most.
00:52:34 - I think it's common sense, too.
00:52:36 Like, it's common.
00:52:37 There is a lot of weird shit out there,
00:52:38 and just pay attention to what your kid's doing.
00:52:39 - Don't put your 4-year-old in front of, I don't know,
00:52:41 "Game of Thrones." - Just pay attention.
00:52:43 - Right, that's the thing.
00:52:44 If you're putting your kid-- - Grace, pay attention.
00:52:47 - We're crazy. - Do a list.
00:52:48 And mimosas.
00:52:49 Okay, we'll run through these--run through these quick.
00:52:51 Kate, I'm gonna--you put this one on here?
00:52:53 I don't even know what this means.
00:52:54 Sad beige? - Oh, sad beige.
00:52:56 It's, like, the new aesthetic that people
00:52:58 get really upset about.
00:52:59 - Is it all the babies' clothes and their sheets
00:53:01 and everything are the same color?
00:53:03 - So we're judging now clothing colors.
00:53:05 - It's not--it's not having anything in your house
00:53:08 that's ugly for kids.
00:53:10 And so keeping your house exactly the same--
00:53:12 and they call it sad beige.
00:53:13 Like, and all the toys-- if you do have toys,
00:53:15 they have to match the sad beige house aesthetic
00:53:18 and all the whatever.
00:53:19 But, like, if that's your style, then go for it.
00:53:21 Your kid probably doesn't give a shit,
00:53:23 and they're just happy to have toys like that.
00:53:24 - Let me tell you something.
00:53:25 I, like, I-- - Bouncers, rockers, balls.
00:53:28 - My Manhattan apartment, we-- - Yeah.
00:53:29 - We moved into a two-bedroom to have a nursery.
00:53:32 - Light shows.
00:53:33 - And all of my nice things are now ball pits.
00:53:36 - Yep.
00:53:37 - Like, all the little music things.
00:53:38 Like, it'll--my time will come back again.
00:53:41 Those--that--he will be a grown-up at some--
00:53:43 he'll be a kid where he doesn't care.
00:53:45 He's 14 months. - Yep.
00:53:46 - He has his colorful ball pit all over my living room,
00:53:49 and you just deal with it.
00:53:50 - The thing that set people off was they were taking the toys
00:53:52 and spray-painting them beige and shit.
00:53:54 - Shut up!
00:53:55 - Because they--it's like the Instagram aesthetic.
00:53:57 Like, they needed their kids to fit the Instagram aesthetic.
00:54:00 - Like, all blue. - But if that's you--
00:54:01 - No, like, the one pacifier.
00:54:02 - If that's you, by all means. - Yeah.
00:54:04 - Yes. No, here--I have a message
00:54:07 that we should have said this off the top.
00:54:09 Instagram influencers,
00:54:11 you are full of shit when it comes to parenting.
00:54:13 - Yes. - For the most part.
00:54:14 I'm not saying every single one.
00:54:15 I'm not saying--the people who make it look perfect,
00:54:18 the people who make it seem like it's easy and gorgeous--
00:54:21 no, it's not. - No, it's not.
00:54:23 - No, it is not. - Like, Norris--Norris Smith.
00:54:25 Is that her name on TikTok, where she, like, hand-makes--
00:54:27 she's married to this guy, and she'll--
00:54:29 - I'm so old. I'm not even on TikTok.
00:54:30 - She, like, hand--she, like, hand-makes food.
00:54:32 Like, she's like, "Uh, who--my husband was craving
00:54:35 a Snickers bar, so I just--"
00:54:37 and she just gave birth, and she already has, like,
00:54:38 two other kids. - Or, like, Ballerina Farms
00:54:40 or the other, but, like-- - Who are you fooling?
00:54:42 Like, you're not--like, and that's where the self,
00:54:45 like, worth comes in for someone.
00:54:46 Like, I look at it, and, like, I live in social media
00:54:49 because of where we work, and I still am like,
00:54:51 "Oh, my God, like, I'm not doing, like,
00:54:53 a good enough job." I'm like, "No, this is not real.
00:54:55 This is not real life." - Nope.
00:54:56 - Like, at all. - I think it's cool
00:54:57 these women could do these things and, like, whatever,
00:54:59 but I also think you have to be transparent.
00:55:00 Like, do you have help behind the scenes?
00:55:02 - Correct. - Do you have a ton of money?
00:55:03 Do you have, like, whatever?
00:55:04 It makes a difference. - And if you do, that's great.
00:55:05 Like, that's great. So speaking of stay-at-home moms
00:55:08 versus working moms. - I've been--I've been both.
00:55:11 - Right, I actually--so, Kate--Kate and I both, like,
00:55:14 had our kids while working here, so we were, like--
00:55:18 we're working moms. We're obviously all sitting here
00:55:20 at work. You've done both. - Yes, yes.
00:55:22 - Yeah, I was--I was home for seven years
00:55:24 before I got a job, and that's because of the pandemic.
00:55:27 I started working, you know, from home,
00:55:29 and then thankfully--shout-out Dave Portnoy and, I guess,
00:55:32 GAS for hiring me and finding me and letting me work from home
00:55:36 and then saying, "Hey, do you want to move to Chicago?"
00:55:38 And I said, "You know what? Let's do it."
00:55:41 - Yeah. - But yeah, before moving here,
00:55:44 I was home for--from age 20 to age basically 27.
00:55:50 - And they say that-- - I was home.
00:55:52 - That equates to, like--it's, like, seven grand a month
00:55:54 of unpaid labor or something like that.
00:55:55 - Which is insane. - I just hate that.
00:55:57 I'm drinking to the idea that they're pitted against each other
00:55:59 somehow because there's no, like--it's just fucking hard
00:56:03 and magical and whatever all at once for everybody
00:56:06 in different ways. - And those things can be so true.
00:56:07 Like, so again, we mentioned the maternity leave.
00:56:09 Love--love that. That's a great sound.
00:56:12 Four months of maternity leave--by the way,
00:56:14 people who say maternity leave is like a vacation
00:56:16 can find the highest building possible.
00:56:19 - And just go fuck themselves. - Yeah, yeah.
00:56:21 - You're not gonna say that they can't, though.
00:56:23 - No, I'm not gonna say-- - But people will say
00:56:24 they'll fuck themselves a lot. - But here--but the--
00:56:26 it's not because you have this, like, brand new tiny baby,
00:56:29 and that is your job. Like, the amount of times
00:56:31 I would ask, "Can I just go take a shower?"
00:56:33 Like, the basic human things that you should be able to do.
00:56:36 - Oh, yeah. - And then you do have
00:56:38 the decision to make, and, you know, whether you send
00:56:40 your baby, your child to daycare or school
00:56:43 or you get a nanny or whatever.
00:56:45 I remember over the fall, like--and my son
00:56:47 is not in daycare anymore, but he was in daycare
00:56:49 for a very short period of time, and it was just a good--
00:56:51 like, for our family, it was easier to get help at home.
00:56:54 But there was somebody in the YouTube comments
00:56:56 that was like, "Oh, my God, her son's not even
00:56:58 a year old yet, and he's already at daycare?
00:57:00 Like, isn't that, like, so sad?"
00:57:02 And my immediate reaction was to feel awful,
00:57:04 and this mom yelled. I was like, "But we both work.
00:57:07 Like, what am I supposed to do?" - Yeah.
00:57:08 - And then I found something that was better for our family,
00:57:10 and we have somebody that's in our apartment now,
00:57:12 but still, it was like, the fact that that person
00:57:14 felt okay to shame while consuming the content
00:57:17 that I'm clearly at work to do was like--
00:57:19 - Very weird. - Why are you pitting
00:57:21 this against each other? Like, so if I'm a stay-at-home mom,
00:57:23 then you're gonna say, "Well, you just gave up your career."
00:57:25 It's crazy that we have to make those decisions,
00:57:27 and men don't. - Oh, it's nuts.
00:57:28 - For the most part. - And I--I--my--
00:57:30 both my kids have been in daycare since, like, four months.
00:57:32 - There's-- - That first day,
00:57:34 like, drop off, I cried a little bit,
00:57:36 and then I got on the train with my coffee,
00:57:37 and I was like, "Oh, fuck, yes." - Quiet.
00:57:39 - "Fuck, yes." - Oh, yeah.
00:57:41 - And that is something that you're not supposed
00:57:43 to say out loud, right? - Yeah.
00:57:44 - You're not supposed to say-- - No, it was great.
00:57:46 - Oh, sick. - But that's the whole point
00:57:47 of this episode, is because we need to let everyone know
00:57:50 it is okay to say things like that.
00:57:53 - That was very stunning and brave of me, wasn't it?
00:57:55 - Oh, that coffee--that ice--I will say,
00:57:58 that first iced coffee and some peace and quiet by yourself,
00:58:01 the first flight or the first car ride or anything,
00:58:04 and you're like, "Oh, I forgot what it was like
00:58:06 for my whole life to be alone," and that is okay,
00:58:08 because here's the thing, and we're gonna, like--
00:58:10 there's so many--look at all these notes,
00:58:12 which I'm not gonna be able to get to,
00:58:13 but, like, again, we should do this more often,
00:58:15 but at the end of the day, for me to be the best mom possible,
00:58:19 and I know I have a long journey to go--
00:58:22 he's only 14 months--but I have to have my time
00:58:25 to a certain degree, because the amount of time
00:58:28 I'm with him, I'm 100% if my tank is full,
00:58:31 and my tank has to be full without being with him
00:58:34 at all times. That makes me a better mother,
00:58:36 and that works. - Yeah.
00:58:37 - At the end of the day, that's okay.
00:58:39 You gotta do what's best for you.
00:58:40 You gotta give yourself grace.
00:58:41 So as we finish this episode--
00:58:43 we didn't even get to play all the buzzkill,
00:58:45 but that's okay. We'll have to do it again.
00:58:46 - That's okay.
00:58:47 - Words of encouragement for Mother's Day.
00:58:49 Quickly, we'll--and we'll start with Megan.
00:58:51 Megan, the coolest thing about this
00:58:52 is that you do have older kids.
00:58:53 You've been through so much more than we have.
00:58:55 What are words of encouragement from you
00:58:57 to moms that have younger kids
00:58:59 or newer moms to look forward to?
00:59:02 - I would--I would re-say, make sure,
00:59:05 like, babies don't keep.
00:59:06 So all of those memories of-- or all of those times
00:59:09 where you're thinking, "Oh, that laundry needs to be done,"
00:59:12 or, "Oh, the dishes need to be done,"
00:59:14 and that baby's laying on you,
00:59:16 you're not getting that back.
00:59:17 You know what I mean?
00:59:18 That--it sucks, but you're not getting that back.
00:59:21 Like, as much as breastfeeding sucks
00:59:23 and is, like--you're not getting that back.
00:59:25 You know what I mean?
00:59:26 Like, just make sure you're enjoying
00:59:28 every moment of your kids being little,
00:59:31 because they're not-- again, my son is 10, almost 11.
00:59:35 He's got a little mustache growing in.
00:59:37 He smells like a bag of onions.
00:59:39 Like, he--he's not a baby anymore,
00:59:42 and it's, like--it's kind of--
00:59:44 I don't want to start crying, but it's hard.
00:59:46 - Yeah, it's hard.
00:59:47 - Like, looking back at old memories
00:59:48 and seeing how little he was,
00:59:49 and now seeing that he's, like, a full--
00:59:52 almost like a full-ass man.
00:59:54 - I'm probably 10.
00:59:55 - And then my daughter, you know, she's, like--
00:59:57 she was my premature baby, you know what I mean?
01:00:00 And so, like, she's 6.
01:00:02 She's going into first grade, like...
01:00:06 just like that.
01:00:07 So just--all I'm saying is
01:00:08 enjoy all of your moments with your babies.
01:00:10 - Yeah.
01:00:11 - Because it won't last,
01:00:13 and people that have older kids understand this,
01:00:15 because it's just--the attitudes come fast.
01:00:18 Like, the bag of onion smells come fast.
01:00:21 Like, the talk of, you know, like, periods with my daughter
01:00:24 is going to be on the horizon, you know,
01:00:26 and it sucks because I just want to go back
01:00:29 to, like, that little feeling of them--
01:00:32 the little hands, like, grabbing on you,
01:00:34 you know what I mean?
01:00:35 Like...
01:00:36 - Grabbing your neck skin, and you're like,
01:00:37 "Oh, I didn't know I had that.
01:00:38 Thanks. Thank you for that."
01:00:39 - I don't--I'm not getting any of that back, you know,
01:00:42 and I'm not having any more kids, so...
01:00:45 enjoy--enjoy kids being kids,
01:00:47 and try not to be so hard on yourself,
01:00:49 and try not to be hard on your kids either,
01:00:51 'cause they're just fucking kids.
01:00:53 - They're figuring it out.
01:00:54 - They're figuring it out, and as much as, like--
01:00:56 again, like, I--I'm, like, a stern mom,
01:00:59 and I wish that I could go back
01:01:01 and, like, take so much back of that, like, stern harness,
01:01:05 because they were just little babies.
01:01:07 - Yeah.
01:01:08 - But I was, like, just trying to do my best.
01:01:10 - And that's another thing. Just do your best.
01:01:12 - Yep, your best.
01:01:13 - Just make sure you're the best mom you can be,
01:01:15 and love your kids, and remind them,
01:01:16 and when you're wrong, say sorry.
01:01:18 - Say you're sorry.
01:01:19 - Yeah.
01:01:20 - This circles back to give yourself grace.
01:01:21 - Yes.
01:01:22 - Yeah.
01:01:23 - And also, it reminds you that, like,
01:01:24 when your parent--
01:01:25 like, to give your parents grace too, right?
01:01:26 'Cause, like, my--my parents are so obsessed with my son now
01:01:29 because they get that finger again.
01:01:32 They get the little hands again.
01:01:33 - Yeah, that little hand.
01:01:34 - It's like they get to see it.
01:01:35 - Oh, chubby little hand.
01:01:36 - I mean, I knew that we would eventually
01:01:37 probably, like, get a little bit of a sappy thing.
01:01:39 - Yeah, I didn't--I didn't expect to cry, so it's okay.
01:01:41 - No, I didn't either.
01:01:42 - No, I love it. I love it.
01:01:43 - I was gonna start saying, "Don't blame me."
01:01:46 - It's so true, though.
01:01:48 - You're such a baby.
01:01:50 - Any words of encouragement?
01:01:52 - Like, almost inversely, if you are in that stage
01:01:55 and you're not enjoying it like you should,
01:01:57 you can also, like, that's proof that this too shall pass.
01:02:01 Like, that time can't stop it.
01:02:03 It does also go by if you're having a tough time right now.
01:02:06 And I can tell you, like, it's the most two things at once
01:02:10 thing I've ever experienced.
01:02:12 - It truly is.
01:02:13 - It's okay to hate it and love it at the same time,
01:02:15 to be exhausted and think it's, like,
01:02:17 incredibly magical at the same time.
01:02:20 And there's so many different ways to parent.
01:02:22 Every kid is so different.
01:02:25 Like, again, someone who got sucked into the social media stuff
01:02:29 so hard the first time and, like, keeping track of my phone,
01:02:32 all these apps that were supposed to tell me,
01:02:34 "You're not hitting this milestone at this time,"
01:02:36 and blah, blah, blah.
01:02:37 I ditched it all this time.
01:02:38 And, like, I have a few mantras that I use now.
01:02:41 - I say mantra.
01:02:42 I say mantra as well, but neither here nor there.
01:02:44 - One of them is, because I'm a dork like this,
01:02:46 but, like, observe, don't absorb.
01:02:48 So, like, I can look at it all, but, like,
01:02:50 I don't have to be like, "This is what I have to do."
01:02:53 I, like, pluck out the parts that work for me
01:02:55 and leave out the parts that I don't think will
01:02:57 because now I know every mom, every baby,
01:02:59 every situation is so fucking different that, like,
01:03:02 do you love your kid? Do you have the best intentions?
01:03:04 Then you're doing the best thing for your kid.
01:03:07 That's it. - 100%.
01:03:08 - Like, nobody knows your baby like you
01:03:09 or your kids like you or whatever.
01:03:12 My other last thing this time around,
01:03:14 'cause it is so isolating and whatever,
01:03:16 like, I had physical issues that came after
01:03:19 from some, like, freak thing.
01:03:20 - Okay, not to scare anybody.
01:03:22 - I had family that, like, "We're gonna fly from Philly.
01:03:25 We're gonna fly out," and blah, blah, blah.
01:03:26 Like, so many people helping me so much.
01:03:29 And at first, it was killing me.
01:03:31 I, like, felt embarrassed, and my house is dirty.
01:03:34 Like, I am a mess.
01:03:35 Like, I'm not--feel like I'm not paying to my best right now,
01:03:38 and I have my aunts and cousins and people in my house
01:03:41 at my most vulnerable moments,
01:03:42 and it ended up being the biggest blessing,
01:03:44 having people helping me,
01:03:46 which was really difficult for me.
01:03:48 Don't be afraid to ask for help.
01:03:50 People want to help you so bad.
01:03:53 Like, people want to come over and do your dishes
01:03:55 and scoop your cat shit and, like, do all the dirty stuff.
01:03:59 - I tried to bring you food multiple times.
01:04:01 - You did, and at first--
01:04:02 - And you offered to come do my dishes and laundry.
01:04:04 - Yeah. - Yeah, so, like--
01:04:06 And I didn't take you up on it 'cause I isolated, but yeah.
01:04:08 - People want to help you, and there's, like, no shame
01:04:11 in being like, "Fuck yeah, send over that food gift card."
01:04:13 Like, "Bring over the casserole," like, whatever.
01:04:16 And, like, I don't know, but I'm rambling.
01:04:19 Who would've thought?
01:04:20 Anyway, your advice. - And you're not alone.
01:04:22 - Yeah, so I--I mean, it's going off of what you guys said,
01:04:25 but it's like there is no universal answer for babies.
01:04:28 There's no universal answer for parents,
01:04:30 no matter if you're on your first kid,
01:04:32 your second kid, whatever.
01:04:33 Like, give yourself grace and do not compare yourself,
01:04:35 especially to the unrealistic standards of people
01:04:37 that are on the internet, 'cause as people who live
01:04:39 on the internet, we're not putting our worst days
01:04:41 on the internet.
01:04:42 Now, we talk about 'em now 'cause of where we work,
01:04:44 but I think that the number one piece of advice,
01:04:47 when I say, is just, like, it will get better
01:04:50 as long as you are giving yourself grace.
01:04:53 And you're letting yourself feel that,
01:04:55 and you are not the perfect mom,
01:04:58 he is not the perfect dad, nobody is,
01:05:00 but you are the perfect mom and dad for that baby,
01:05:02 and that is what is most important.
01:05:04 - How well said. - Well--
01:05:06 - Yes. - I--I wish--
01:05:07 I don't think that I--I came up with that.
01:05:09 I'm pretty sure it's, like, an Instagram thing.
01:05:11 - That's an original Casey Smith thing.
01:05:13 - No, but it's true.
01:05:14 It's like, you are perfect for that baby,
01:05:15 and just allow yourself to feel everything
01:05:18 and enjoy it, cry about it.
01:05:20 You're allowed to not like certain things, so--
01:05:23 - I cry a lot. - I cry a lot.
01:05:26 - Just cry.
01:05:27 Everything's better if you cry all the time.
01:05:29 - Yeah, there are so many things--
01:05:30 - And I do. - There you have me, too, girl.
01:05:32 There are so many things that we could say,
01:05:34 so if you--like I mentioned, we would hope--
01:05:36 we hope we can come back and do this again.
01:05:37 - Yeah. - So comment and like
01:05:40 and send it to people.
01:05:41 We hope you enjoyed it, and again, Mother's Day--
01:05:44 - More importantly, don't forget Mother's Day.
01:05:46 - Don't forget Mother's Day. - They're fun.
01:05:48 - Go to Bowlin Branch, give her the gifts she really wants.
01:05:51 As Kate's eating out of the pockets, Bowlin Branch,
01:05:53 a better night's sleep with the softest,
01:05:55 most breathable bedding, pajamas, pillows, crib sheets,
01:05:59 robes from Bowlin Branch.
01:06:01 Go to BowlinBranch.com for 20% off your first sheets,
01:06:04 plus free shipping with code MOMGC.
01:06:06 That's Bowlin Branch, B-O-L-L-A-N-D, branch.com,
01:06:10 promo code MOMGC for 20% off.
01:06:12 Exclusions apply, see sites for details.
01:06:14 Do not forget, it comes gift-wrapped,
01:06:15 so you don't even have to gift-wrap it.
01:06:17 Do it. We love you guys.
01:06:19 Happy Mother's Day to every type of mother that is out there,
01:06:22 grandmas and sisters, moms. - Except if you're a bad one.
01:06:24 Yeah, except if you're a bad one.
01:06:25 - We love you, thank you so much.
01:06:27 Happy Mother's Day. - Happy Mother's Day.
01:06:29 - You deserve it.
01:06:30 - Yeah. - Yeah.

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