Good Girls Gone Wild Full Movie
Category
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Short filmTranscript
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00:00:38 Not bad.
00:00:39 [PHONE RINGING]
00:00:43 Hello?
00:00:44 Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:47 I mean, it's only two days away, and we still
00:00:49 haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:51 So I was thinking maybe we could all take a trip to--
00:00:55 Sue, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:01:00 I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake.
00:01:03 I'm going to lose my virginity to him.
00:01:06 You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:07 What?
00:01:08 But you can't.
00:01:10 I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:13 Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:14 You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:18 This is bad.
00:01:19 You know, I'm going to tell Lexi.
00:01:20 She's going to be very unhappy about this.
00:01:22 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:01:26 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:01:30 Come on, Lexi.
00:01:31 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:01:34 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:01:37 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:01:40 [WHISTLING]
00:01:43 So girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?
00:01:48 Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:52 But this is the big one eight.
00:01:54 I mean, every year since our moms met in the hospital,
00:01:56 we've done something new and special.
00:01:57 But this has to be newer and more special.
00:02:01 So what's something we've never done before?
00:02:04 Mushrooms?
00:02:05 No, not like that.
00:02:06 Like something nice.
00:02:08 Like maybe a trip.
00:02:09 Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:11 No.
00:02:14 Sorry, Sue, I have a date.
00:02:17 So do I. Sorry, Sue.
00:02:19 Don't worry, Sue.
00:02:20 We'll figure it out.
00:02:21 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:02:25 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:02:28 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:02:30 [BIRDS CHIRPING]
00:02:33 Oh, flowers.
00:02:34 Are these from you?
00:02:35 Yeah, sure.
00:02:37 Here you go.
00:02:39 No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:41 I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:44 I guess you still make me nervous.
00:02:50 Oh, Jake.
00:02:50 Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:57 No, Jake, not yet.
00:02:59 When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:03:02 The best night of my life.
00:03:03 It will be.
00:03:04 I promise.
00:03:05 It'll always be amazing with you and me together.
00:03:09 Jake, no.
00:03:17 I have to go.
00:03:18 I have to work on my art project.
00:03:21 You know, I thought art was going
00:03:22 to be a really easy elective.
00:03:23 But I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:25 So you're going to come to my birthday, OK?
00:03:30 The Saturday?
00:03:31 Of course.
00:03:33 [DOOR OPENS]
00:03:35 Thanks.
00:03:37 OK, bye.
00:03:38 [GROANING]
00:03:50 Oh, baby, you're so hot.
00:03:52 I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:53 Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:55 What was your name again?
00:03:56 Rob.
00:03:57 Sex guy.
00:03:58 [GIGGLING]
00:04:01 [SIGHS]
00:04:02 Lexi is so upset she's speechless.
00:04:06 Yeah, right, I bet.
00:04:07 Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:17 Oh, no.
00:04:18 Does not compute.
00:04:20 Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:22 Oh, huh.
00:04:27 Hi.
00:04:29 When did you get home?
00:04:30 So is it true?
00:04:32 Yes, it is.
00:04:33 It's just-- it's the right time, and Jake's the right man.
00:04:38 I mean, he's handsome, and smart, and wealthy,
00:04:42 and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:45 So I just think it's the right time.
00:04:47 Lexi, tell her.
00:04:48 Losing our virginity is one of those milestones
00:04:51 we should all face together.
00:04:52 On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:55 Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday,
00:04:57 or maybe even like our 29th--
00:04:59 8th, maybe.
00:05:03 Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:07 I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:13 But Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:21 We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:24 Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:28 It's not Jake.
00:05:30 It's the male ideal, like a Greek god or Sue's dad.
00:05:36 Right.
00:05:38 Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:39 I mean, it kind of sucks.
00:05:40 I'm not really an artist.
00:05:42 Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:44 The point is we should all lose our virginities
00:05:46 together on the same day.
00:05:48 And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:50 I'm waiting for a sign, and then I'll know it's right.
00:05:53 Look, I can go either way.
00:05:55 I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:06:00 I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:06:02 Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:06:06 But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:11 You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:14 Where are you going at 630 in the morning?
00:06:20 To church to pray for you.
00:06:23 I want to be first in line.
00:06:25 I'm getting this--
00:06:27 Yeah, me too.
00:06:28 Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:38 It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:41 I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:06:42 Mm-hmm.
00:06:45 OK, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this,
00:06:47 but it's about sex.
00:06:50 Mm-hmm.
00:06:53 I mean, not me.
00:06:54 I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:57 Mm-hmm.
00:06:59 I've never even seen a guy's--
00:07:00 well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll.
00:07:03 But I was dressing him up as Jesus,
00:07:05 and I wanted to see his thing.
00:07:07 But there was nothing there.
00:07:08 OK, so it's about my friends, my best friends.
00:07:16 They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:18 OK, third base.
00:07:21 What?
00:07:22 No, like sex, like intercourse.
00:07:26 With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:27 I mean, they really need us intervention,
00:07:29 if you know what I mean.
00:07:30 All the way.
00:07:31 Go all the way.
00:07:33 What are you--
00:07:34 what?
00:07:35 [GROWLING]
00:07:37 Oh!
00:07:39 How could you do--
00:07:41 you're a bad, bad person.
00:07:45 What?
00:07:46 Yes.
00:07:52 Yes.
00:07:53 Run, run.
00:07:55 Home run.
00:07:56 Ah, damn it.
00:08:00 Fucking Yankees.
00:08:03 Sorry.
00:08:04 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:08:07 Sue, it is 1 PM.
00:08:28 Would you have a little consideration?
00:08:30 I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:32 Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:36 I have an announcement to make.
00:08:37 I want to do it.
00:08:39 Do you hear me?
00:08:40 I want to do it.
00:08:43 This weekend, on our birthday.
00:08:45 Do what?
00:08:47 It, screw, screwing, boning, making
00:08:51 the beast with two backs, you know, shagging, fucking.
00:08:54 You do?
00:08:59 But what about all your religious stuff?
00:09:01 And what about your sign from heaven?
00:09:03 Oh, I got a sign at church.
00:09:06 Really?
00:09:07 Well, OK, great.
00:09:10 We're all in then.
00:09:12 So we'll have a big pool party, and we'll do it there, right?
00:09:17 Right.
00:09:19 I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:20 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:09:23 Hey, Frank.
00:09:31 Hi, Sue.
00:09:32 Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:35 I don't know.
00:09:36 Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:37 Yeah, he's blind.
00:09:39 Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:41 Maybe in the back.
00:09:47 Hey, I was wondering, we're throwing this party
00:09:51 tomorrow night.
00:09:52 It's for our birthday.
00:09:53 Do you want to come?
00:09:54 Do you think he can see up near shore?
00:09:56 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:10:00 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:10:04 Well, the house looks done.
00:10:10 Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:12 We finally turn 18.
00:10:14 And finally lose our virginity.
00:10:16 Well, we better get our beady sleep, because the party
00:10:18 starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:19 So, OK, we know who Cheryl's going to do it with, Jake.
00:10:23 And I'll probably do that guy, Rod.
00:10:25 But Sue, who are you going to pick to pop your chain?
00:10:28 It's easy.
00:10:29 I've known for the past six years, ever since catechism.
00:10:34 What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:35 I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:38 Sure.
00:10:38 My soulmate.
00:10:50 Chris?
00:10:51 Sue, you might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:56 I mean-- - What?
00:10:57 No, Chris is perfect.
00:10:58 He played Jesus in "Jesus Christ Superstar" last year at camp.
00:11:02 Plus, his name's Chris.
00:11:03 It's a sign.
00:11:04 Sue, the only sign is that Chris
00:11:07 has a major case of gay face.
00:11:09 What?
00:11:10 He does not.
00:11:11 Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:13 He looks just like Justin Bieber,
00:11:15 with a little bit of Zac Efron and just
00:11:18 a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:19 Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:22 Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:25 OK, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:27 See you in the morning.
00:11:28 I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:36 I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:39 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:12:08 You're so perfect.
00:12:09 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:12:18 [SIGHS]
00:12:20 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:12:24 I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:44 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:12:47 Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:13:02 [SIGHS]
00:13:11 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:13:15 Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:17 Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:18 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:13:21 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:13:25 Oh my gosh.
00:13:39 They're coming.
00:13:40 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:13:41 Lexi, Cheryl, hurry.
00:13:43 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:13:46 Ew, why?
00:13:48 It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:49 It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:51 I'm going to sweat.
00:13:53 You're going to die of asphyxiation.
00:13:54 It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:56 It's stupid.
00:13:57 Just screw him.
00:13:58 That's what he wants.
00:13:59 That's what all guys want.
00:14:00 Who hurt you as a child?
00:14:02 Oh, Christ.
00:14:03 You never have your mouth, too.
00:14:05 Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:14:08 not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:10 You're an idiot, a very smooth, plastic-wrapped idiot.
00:14:14 Thank you.
00:14:16 Guys, seriously, come on.
00:14:17 Hurry up.
00:14:17 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:14:21 Oh, what a cool bracelet.
00:14:24 I love it.
00:14:27 You should put that down, though, because it's like--
00:14:29 Very fragile.
00:14:30 Yeah.
00:14:31 OK.
00:14:32 Set it down.
00:14:33 Hurry up.
00:14:33 OK.
00:14:34 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:14:36 Those are your anal beads, right?
00:14:37 Yeah.
00:14:38 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:14:42 Woo, this party's gonna be hot.
00:14:59 Whoa.
00:15:00 Oh, we're going to have some fun.
00:15:03 Oh, attack of the wet t-shirts.
00:15:05 Nice.
00:15:06 [LAUGHTER]
00:15:07 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:15:10 Ah, check, check, check, check, check.
00:15:12 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:15:15 Happy birthday, Lex.
00:15:18 Oh, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:21 That is lip poison to plump your lips, but be careful.
00:15:24 It stings.
00:15:25 And the other one is edible miscellaneous.
00:15:28 Oh, how did you know?
00:15:29 I mean, I'm going to use both of these tonight.
00:15:31 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:15:35 [LAUGHTER]
00:15:37 Buster, such a cutie.
00:15:40 Please don't touch my service dog.
00:15:42 All right, sorry.
00:15:43 Are you OK now?
00:15:44 Yeah, I'm fine.
00:15:45 OK.
00:15:46 I'll see you in a minute.
00:15:47 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:15:49 I can't believe you haven't heard of it.
00:15:51 This is crazy.
00:15:52 Whoa.
00:15:52 Jake.
00:15:53 Hi.
00:15:54 Hey, babe.
00:15:56 Happy birthday.
00:15:59 Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:01 What?
00:16:02 You want a beer?
00:16:04 [CLINKING]
00:16:06 No.
00:16:08 [BURPS]
00:16:10 Oh, hon.
00:16:10 Yeah.
00:16:11 I have your present here.
00:16:16 I'll give it to you later when the time's right.
00:16:20 You didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:22 And I have a present for you that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:28 Hey, Ralph, we need you to settle
00:16:30 this bet over here real quick.
00:16:32 What bet?
00:16:32 [LAUGHTER]
00:16:36 All right, this is my man right here.
00:16:38 Hey.
00:16:38 Hey, how you doing?
00:16:40 Hi.
00:16:41 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:16:44 Check it out.
00:16:52 Dare me?
00:16:53 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:16:56 Woo-hoo!
00:16:57 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:17:00 [LAUGHTER]
00:17:04 Look at the doggies.
00:17:05 Look at the doggies.
00:17:06 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:17:08 Oh, dude, look at those.
00:17:10 Are those real?
00:17:10 I don't--
00:17:11 Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:17:12 Hey!
00:17:13 Don't move!
00:17:14 Come on, lame.
00:17:15 Oh, all right.
00:17:16 OK.
00:17:17 I'll see you guys later.
00:17:18 Go do some push-ups or something.
00:17:19 Oh, the moves.
00:17:20 20 bucks says by the end of the day,
00:17:22 I will be motorboating those kitties.
00:17:24 Yeah.
00:17:24 [LAUGHTER]
00:17:26 They're fake anyways.
00:17:27 Who cares?
00:17:29 OK.
00:17:29 [LAUGHTER]
00:17:32 Oh, oh, oh, oh, dude, dude.
00:17:34 I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:37 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:17:39 Sam, no, it's your birthday.
00:17:41 Here, let me.
00:17:42 Joanna, no.
00:17:42 Just go enjoy the party.
00:17:44 Come on.
00:17:46 I'm in.
00:17:49 Hey, do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:51 I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:56 Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:57 I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:58 He just, like, disappeared.
00:17:59 [SIGHS]
00:18:01 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:18:04 Are these real?
00:18:12 Of course they are.
00:18:15 How come I haven't met him before?
00:18:17 I don't know.
00:18:18 Maybe he's going to be around.
00:18:19 Ryan, have you seen Jake?
00:18:20 Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:23 Maybe upstairs.
00:18:24 I don't know.
00:18:26 Maybe he went to go get my birthday present.
00:18:28 That's probably where he went.
00:18:29 [LAUGHS]
00:18:30 I don't know.
00:18:31 Liquid Courage?
00:18:35 Yeah.
00:18:36 Atta girl.
00:18:36 [LAUGHS]
00:18:40 Vodka Cranberry?
00:18:41 Shirley's Apple.
00:18:42 Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:46 I gotta go meet Rob.
00:18:48 Sue, are you OK?
00:18:50 Sue, relax.
00:18:53 They're just lies.
00:18:54 OK, nothing to be scared of.
00:18:56 Seriously.
00:18:56 You're going to be fine.
00:18:58 Is Chris here?
00:18:58 Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:06 No, he does not have a gay face.
00:19:09 I'm going to prove it to you.
00:19:11 I'm going to do it.
00:19:12 Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:20 No, he does not have a gay face.
00:19:22 I'm going to prove it to you.
00:19:24 I'm going to do it.
00:19:25 I'm going to do this.
00:19:26 Good luck.
00:19:27 Hey, you can do this.
00:19:32 Just act like a slut.
00:19:33 Just pretend.
00:19:38 Your luck's in.
00:19:39 Yeah, my favorite chapter is "Song and Glory."
00:19:48 Chris, hi.
00:19:51 Can I talk to you?
00:19:55 In private?
00:19:56 No.
00:19:56 Hey, Lexi.
00:20:10 Hey, Lexi.
00:20:11 What?
00:20:12 Chris, you're so sexy.
00:20:17 Ever since you played Jesus at camp,
00:20:18 I've just-- I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:20:23 I really want to--
00:20:26 Oh, what are you doing?
00:20:27 Is that wrong?
00:20:29 Sue, what's gotten into you?
00:20:31 Nothing.
00:20:31 I'm sorry.
00:20:32 I don't know how to do this.
00:20:34 Sue.
00:20:34 Sue, I understand these urges.
00:20:42 And you know, I like you too.
00:20:47 Really?
00:20:47 You do?
00:20:48 I do.
00:20:49 I really do.
00:20:50 I like you too.
00:20:53 Really?
00:20:53 You do?
00:20:55 I do.
00:20:55 I really do.
00:20:56 It's just-- I've devoted a lot of my life to one certain man.
00:21:04 Right.
00:21:04 Lexi said you were--
00:21:06 Jesus.
00:21:06 Oh, Batman.
00:21:09 Of course.
00:21:10 What did you think?
00:21:11 Oh, nothing.
00:21:12 So we can still do this then?
00:21:15 Oh, Sue.
00:21:18 You know, for me, when I think about that man who died for our sins,
00:21:26 when I think about him up there on that cross,
00:21:29 so helpless, yet so muscular,
00:21:34 with his strong thighs crossed over each other so delicately,
00:21:42 beneath that ragged loincloth,
00:21:46 going so hot, so sweaty, under that hot, hot sun,
00:21:52 I just feel such compassion.
00:21:55 I think about those things too.
00:21:58 So you understand why I can't do this?
00:22:01 Not really.
00:22:02 I just find it too hard.
00:22:05 It is to give in to carnal pleasure when he sacrificed so much for us.
00:22:13 So--
00:22:14 We're gonna go out there, right?
00:22:25 Yeah, we're gonna totally throw these on.
00:22:26 Hey, hi.
00:22:27 Whoa!
00:22:28 Have you seen Jake?
00:22:31 No, no.
00:22:32 All right.
00:22:33 Okay.
00:22:37 All right, focus, focus, focus.
00:22:39 Oh, there he is.
00:22:46 Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:51 How could you?
00:23:08 Sue, what happened?
00:23:10 Did you guys do it?
00:23:10 Sue?
00:23:12 He doesn't want me.
00:23:14 Because he's gay.
00:23:16 No, he's not.
00:23:17 He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:19 Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:20 The only reason you even liked him is because you knew he was never a real possibility for you.
00:23:25 Look, the only way you're gonna find out what kind of man you really want
00:23:30 is to know what kind of woman you really are, deep inside.
00:23:35 What?
00:23:36 Come with me.
00:23:38 Where?
00:23:38 To meet your dark side.
00:23:40 Out.
00:23:47 Everyone out.
00:23:48 Sue, it's time for you and your vagina to meet face to face.
00:24:03 I really can't.
00:24:03 I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:06 I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:08 I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:13 Sue?
00:24:17 Can you see it?
00:24:19 Sue?
00:24:21 I can't see it.
00:24:23 I can't see it.
00:24:24 I can't see it.
00:24:24 I can't see it.
00:24:25 I can't see it.
00:24:25 I can't see it.
00:24:26 I can't see it.
00:24:26 I can't see it.
00:24:27 I can't see it.
00:24:27 I can't see it.
00:24:28 I can't see it.
00:24:28 I can't see it.
00:24:29 I can't see it.
00:24:29 I can't see it.
00:24:30 I can't see it.
00:24:30 I can't see it.
00:24:31 I can't see it.
00:24:31 I can't see it.
00:24:32 I'm almost... I'm almost there.
00:24:37 What?
00:24:43 What? Sue, what happened?
00:24:46 What did you see?
00:24:46 A raccoon?
00:24:48 What?
00:24:49 You overshot it.
00:24:52 Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:53 I can't.
00:25:01 Please don't make me do that again.
00:25:02 Okay, fine.
00:25:03 Fine.
00:25:04 I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.
00:25:07 What?
00:25:08 You really need an orgasm.
00:25:11 Honestly, I don't know how you expected to ever have sex with someone else
00:25:15 when you've never even had it with yourself.
00:25:16 This really has to be your first step.
00:25:18 Lex, I'm waiting.
00:25:20 Coming.
00:25:21 Sue, uh, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:25:24 Just find it and use it.
00:25:25 Wait, what does a black vibrator look like?
00:25:28 It's black.
00:25:29 It vibrates.
00:25:30 It vibrates.
00:25:32 Come on, Rod.
00:25:34 Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:35 And don't come back until you have at least one orgasm.
00:25:39 Hey, cutie! Cutie!
00:25:53 Booze-eye!
00:25:58 Oh, yeah!
00:26:00 [Laughter]
00:26:02 Big, big, bang! Bang!
00:26:05 Good boy. Straighten up.
00:26:07 Good boy. Good boy.
00:26:10 He knows over a hundred commands.
00:26:13 I'm sorry, I can't see anything.
00:26:16 That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:19 What a bitch.
00:26:19 Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:23 [Screaming]
00:26:25 Oh, shit.
00:26:51 [Music]
00:26:56 What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:57 [Music]
00:26:59 Nice shot.
00:27:01 [Music]
00:27:03 [Music]
00:27:05 [Music]
00:27:07 [Music]
00:27:09 [Music]
00:27:11 [Music]
00:27:13 [Music]
00:27:15 Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:17 Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:19 He was getting a blowjob by some pink-haired girl.
00:27:23 For sure?
00:27:25 I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him, so maybe it's my fault.
00:27:29 That's no excuse. He's a dirtbag. How dare he?
00:27:31 No, it's awful.
00:27:33 I mean, I thought I was gonna marry him.
00:27:35 It's a text. It's from him.
00:27:43 I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:45 Okay. He's looking for you.
00:27:47 He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:49 Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:51 Um, I have to go. I'm going.
00:27:53 No, you can't just leave.
00:27:55 Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:57 I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:27:59 No. He'll either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:28:03 Either way, it's bullshit.
00:28:05 I see only one option.
00:28:07 I'm leaving.
00:28:09 Revenge sex.
00:28:11 Reve--what? What does that even mean?
00:28:13 It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:15 Revenge sex.
00:28:17 Reve--what? What does that even mean?
00:28:19 It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:21 Revenge sex.
00:28:23 Reve--what? What does that even mean?
00:28:25 It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:27 But he--I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:28:29 He doesn't even care about me. I mean, why would--
00:28:31 He's just into other girls.
00:28:33 Trust me. He'll care.
00:28:35 Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.
00:28:37 To his ego.
00:28:39 To screw someone else when you've never even had sex with him.
00:28:41 Especially if it's with someone smarter,
00:28:43 better looking, and with a bigger dick.
00:28:45 No, I couldn't.
00:28:47 Plus, I mean, there's--
00:28:49 there's no one smarter and better looking.
00:28:51 Eric! He's perfect!
00:28:53 Eric Hall? Are you kidding?
00:28:55 I mean, he wouldn't even be into me.
00:28:57 He likes your type.
00:28:59 Really? And what type is that?
00:29:01 His flirty.
00:29:03 Yeah.
00:29:05 Trust me, he's amazing.
00:29:07 I fooled around with him once. He had this great tongue ring.
00:29:09 Oh, no. I could never fool around with someone like that.
00:29:11 Oh, no. I could never fool around with someone you've fooled around with.
00:29:13 Okay, then. Fine.
00:29:15 We will find someone else.
00:29:17 Someone that I haven't fooled around with.
00:29:19 Okay, what does it matter?
00:29:25 That I fooled around with him? I mean, it's like you're not gonna marry the guy.
00:29:27 No, I just couldn't do it.
00:29:29 Fine.
00:29:31 If you want to live the rest of your life
00:29:33 knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing
00:29:35 to make your boyfriend feel like a total worthless piece of garbage
00:29:37 and possibly even scar him with the rest of his existence,
00:29:39 and you chose not to do it,
00:29:41 go ahead.
00:29:43 But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:45 I don't know.
00:29:47 But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:51 I don't know.
00:29:53 Trust me.
00:29:55 It's going to work.
00:29:57 I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:30:03 Hi, Cheryl.
00:30:05 Okay.
00:30:07 Hi, Cheryl.
00:30:09 Okay, enough to jabber.
00:30:11 Oh, no.
00:30:13 Hey.
00:30:25 Happy birthday.
00:30:27 Thanks.
00:30:29 [♪♪♪]
00:30:31 Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:51 So...
00:30:57 Happy birthday.
00:30:59 Uh, do you know that most people think
00:31:01 that the "Happy Birthday" song was from Britain?
00:31:03 But it's actually from us, U.S.
00:31:05 America?
00:31:07 United States?
00:31:11 I know where we live.
00:31:13 Right. Of course.
00:31:15 I know where we live.
00:31:19 Right. Of course.
00:31:25 Jesus, Eric, are you going to make your move or not?
00:31:27 Oh, you want me to move?
00:31:29 Yeah, no, I can totally move. I just...
00:31:31 No, you're fine.
00:31:33 Jake!
00:31:45 So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:31:49 Oh, I'm sorry.
00:31:51 It? What, um...
00:31:53 I hate it. Like, monkey bone-in
00:31:55 and, like, pigs in a blanket
00:31:57 get real nasty.
00:31:59 Oh!
00:32:01 Oh, you mean, like, uh...
00:32:03 right now?
00:32:05 I mean, well, yeah.
00:32:07 You know, the sooner the better.
00:32:09 Yeah, sure.
00:32:11 I mean, yeah, of course.
00:32:13 I just never realized that you...
00:32:15 I mean...
00:32:17 Whew.
00:32:19 Uh...
00:32:21 You're so...
00:32:23 You're so beautiful.
00:32:25 Okay, um...
00:32:27 Uh, no kissing.
00:32:29 Right.
00:32:31 Of course.
00:32:33 Sorry.
00:32:35 So, um...
00:32:37 Do you want to unwrap me?
00:32:39 Oh, wow.
00:32:41 You wrapped up like a Hot Pocket
00:32:43 or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:32:45 Not that you left over. You're not.
00:32:47 You're fresh.
00:32:49 You're fresh.
00:32:51 Not that you left over. You're not.
00:32:55 You're fresh.
00:32:57 Organic.
00:32:59 Yep.
00:33:01 So, the wrap.
00:33:03 Right.
00:33:05 Where's the, uh...
00:33:07 It's, uh, the end is...
00:33:09 Oh, yeah, here it is.
00:33:11 I see it. Let me just...
00:33:13 Got it.
00:33:15 Ow, ow, ow!
00:33:17 It's okay.
00:33:19 Do it again.
00:33:21 Sorry, I, uh...
00:33:23 I bit my nails, so it's a little difficult.
00:33:25 You know what? Let me just lay on the bed.
00:33:27 Okay.
00:33:29 Uh...
00:33:35 Let me just see.
00:33:37 Oh, here it is. I got it.
00:33:39 All right, just, um, pull it.
00:33:41 Let me just...
00:33:43 Oh!
00:33:45 Jeez, uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:33:47 You okay?
00:33:49 Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:33:53 (coughing)
00:33:55 Oh, jeez.
00:33:57 (grunting)
00:33:59 Well, that was stupid.
00:34:03 Yeah.
00:34:07 How you doing tonight?
00:34:13 Huh?
00:34:15 Jake, I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:34:17 What?
00:34:19 I can't hear you.
00:34:21 I need another beer.
00:34:23 Chips are so damn salty.
00:34:25 Jake! Upstairs.
00:34:27 Yeah.
00:34:29 Hold on. I'll take a piss.
00:34:31 How much beer?
00:34:33 (music playing)
00:34:35 (groaning)
00:34:47 Finally.
00:35:01 Yeah.
00:35:03 Let me just get the blinds.
00:35:05 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:35:07 Um, don't worry about it.
00:35:09 What?
00:35:11 I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:13 Oh.
00:35:15 Well, okay.
00:35:17 Okay.
00:35:29 (music playing)
00:35:31 (music playing)
00:35:33 (music playing)
00:35:35 (music playing)
00:35:37 (music playing)
00:35:39 I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:42 Oh.
00:35:44 Well, okay.
00:35:46 Okay.
00:35:47 Mm.
00:35:48 [music]
00:36:18 [music]
00:36:19 [groaning]
00:36:25 [music]
00:36:32 What are you doing?
00:36:33 Uh.
00:36:33 I think it's time, you know, to do it.
00:36:40 Um, not yet. More foreplay.
00:36:43 Huh? Oh.
00:36:45 [groaning]
00:36:50 So good.
00:36:52 Oh.
00:36:53 Yep.
00:36:55 Oh, my jaw. Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:36:59 What? What?
00:37:00 Ah, ah, oh.
00:37:01 Ah, dear. Lock jaw, lock jaw.
00:37:05 Is that even a thing?
00:37:06 I don't know.
00:37:08 Ah.
00:37:10 Are you okay?
00:37:14 No, no, no, no, no. It's, uh, it's fine.
00:37:17 I'm just, uh, embarrassed.
00:37:19 It's probably TMJ or fracture or swelling.
00:37:24 You sure you're okay?
00:37:27 Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
00:37:29 Okay, great. Have fun.
00:37:30 Oh.
00:37:31 [music]
00:37:33 [groaning]
00:37:35 Now. Now. Let's do it now.
00:37:38 No, not yet. Not yet.
00:37:39 [music]
00:37:42 I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. Are you ready?
00:37:44 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:46 No, no, no, not yet. Lexi. Lexi.
00:37:49 Oh.
00:37:50 Oh.
00:37:51 Oh, no.
00:37:54 No, no, no, not yet. Lexi. Lexi.
00:37:56 Oh.
00:37:57 Oh.
00:37:58 No means no.
00:38:00 Huh? Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
00:38:03 It's been a really long time, and I just, I haven't been masturbating or anything.
00:38:07 Uh-oh.
00:38:12 Oh, hey, Jake.
00:38:13 How you doing?
00:38:16 How's it going?
00:38:18 Good.
00:38:19 Eric?
00:38:20 Come.
00:38:21 Eric, help me. I'm blind. I can't see anything.
00:38:23 Excuse me.
00:38:26 Cheryl's in here.
00:38:30 'Sup, bro?
00:38:35 What the fuck is...
00:38:37 Hey, wait.
00:38:41 Lex, babe, still waiting.
00:38:43 Oh, I'm sorry. I can't see. I'm blind.
00:38:51 Damn it. I'm gonna say something to that bitch.
00:38:56 Hey, you.
00:38:58 You better stop making fun of the blind, or I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:39:02 [barks]
00:39:04 I'm so sorry. I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:39:08 I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:39:10 [barks]
00:39:11 What the fuck?
00:39:14 [cat meows]
00:39:30 [laughter]
00:39:32 Oh, man. No more water balloons.
00:39:35 This party's ass.
00:39:38 Yeah!
00:39:40 This just isn't working.
00:39:44 Nothing. What's the big deal about these vibrators anyway?
00:39:49 Lock your character, man. Watch this.
00:39:54 Spark it up. Yes!
00:39:56 Oh, man! I love this game!
00:40:01 Where are the controllers? We gotta put them...
00:40:03 Here, here, here.
00:40:04 Okay, let me find another one.
00:40:05 Hurry, hurry, hurry.
00:40:06 Whoa!
00:40:09 Look at this!
00:40:11 Pew, pew, pew!
00:40:15 Get that thing away! Jesus!
00:40:17 Oh.
00:40:22 Hey, dude. Nice shot.
00:40:25 Wasn't me.
00:40:27 Whoa, whoa! Nice!
00:40:35 Are you sitting on me or something?
00:40:37 Hey, you found the grenade launcher. Nice, nice!
00:40:41 Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:55 [music playing]
00:40:57 Whoa!
00:41:06 You are the controller.
00:41:09 No, I just...
00:41:10 I didn't... I swear, I...
00:41:13 [laughter]
00:41:24 Hey, it's Sue.
00:41:25 No, it's...
00:41:26 What's going on, man?
00:41:27 It's okay. Um...
00:41:30 Hey, it's Sue.
00:41:31 Hey. Didn't you hear me calling you?
00:41:43 Yeah, I just needed to...
00:41:45 Um...
00:41:46 Oh, sure.
00:41:47 Listen, Sue.
00:41:50 I... I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:41:53 You were?
00:41:54 You mean...
00:41:56 Yeah.
00:41:58 So you think we should give it a try?
00:42:02 Could we go get a drink?
00:42:05 Wow, um...
00:42:09 Your toilet's really...
00:42:11 Do you know what? I gotta go.
00:42:15 Um, happy birthday.
00:42:16 Uh, no, Chris! No, that wasn't... I didn't...
00:42:18 Oh, God, never mind.
00:42:20 [music playing]
00:42:22 This is the worst idea ever.
00:42:34 Never going to have sex.
00:42:36 Ow.
00:42:38 [music playing]
00:42:41 [music playing]
00:42:43 Hello? A little attention here.
00:42:59 Oh, yeah. Sorry.
00:43:01 Lex, don't be selfish.
00:43:08 Oh, right. Sorry.
00:43:11 [music playing]
00:43:13 Ugh, geez.
00:43:23 Who invented this stupid position anyway?
00:43:26 Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:28 Screw it.
00:43:30 [music playing]
00:43:38 [laughing]
00:43:40 [panting]
00:44:02 [panting]
00:44:04 That was bad.
00:44:13 That was so bad.
00:44:15 [music playing]
00:44:20 Joanna, do you know a guy named JJ?
00:44:29 JJ?
00:44:31 I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:35 Hey, does your name start with a J?
00:44:40 Yes, it does.
00:44:43 So you're JJ?
00:44:45 Uh-uh.
00:44:46 [music playing]
00:44:49 [music playing]
00:44:51 Hello. Welcome to 1-900-Confess.
00:45:10 Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:45:12 A nun.
00:45:13 Please punch in your credit card number.
00:45:15 [sighs]
00:45:17 Please hold.
00:45:21 Oh, thank goodness.
00:45:23 1-900-Confession. How may I be of service?
00:45:28 It's been one day since my last confession.
00:45:30 I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:45:33 One day.
00:45:34 Ow!
00:45:36 [sighs]
00:45:37 Is that too long?
00:45:42 I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:45:44 Go on.
00:45:45 Uh, OK. Well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:45:50 Well, actually, I didn't know a washing machine did it.
00:45:52 What's her problem?
00:45:54 A washing machine touched her.
00:45:56 Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well--
00:46:01 All right, freak. Time's up.
00:46:03 What? But what do I do?
00:46:04 Just unplug the thing.
00:46:06 No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:46:09 Well, then be happy. You found the perfect man.
00:46:13 I'm serious.
00:46:14 Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady, so...
00:46:17 I'll tell you this.
00:46:19 Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:46:22 No contritions?
00:46:24 You broke no covenant with God. It's not in the Bible.
00:46:27 So the washing machine could touch me any time?
00:46:31 Like morning, afternoon, night?
00:46:34 Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:46:37 Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:46:40 Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:46:43 Huh. God's pretty cool that way.
00:46:45 He sure is. Now run along.
00:46:48 Wow. How do you know all that?
00:46:54 Because I'm a nun. Now eat my pussy, bitch.
00:46:57 Huh. Accidental masturbation. Who'd have thunk?
00:47:10 Revenge sex. What a stupid fucking idea.
00:47:13 God, I'm getting out of here.
00:47:16 Yeah, admit it. I've got no game.
00:47:20 Second skill is to read that mess. I'm a beautiful woman. I'll help you.
00:47:24 Fucking douchebag.
00:47:28 Damn it.
00:47:30 I know I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:47:33 You go, girl.
00:47:34 What?
00:47:36 What are you doing here?
00:47:39 We needed some place private.
00:47:41 But hey, listen. If you're serious about getting laid.
00:47:44 Yeah?
00:47:45 If you want someone great. I mean, really. The best ever.
00:47:50 No offense.
00:47:52 Frank. The blind guy.
00:47:54 Really?
00:47:55 I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:47:59 I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:48:01 It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:48:04 It was like we used all our senses.
00:48:07 Everything.
00:48:08 If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:48:12 Alright.
00:48:14 What about him? Jeremy.
00:48:22 Yeah, I know Jeremy. I think I fooled around with him once.
00:48:26 I don't know his last name though.
00:48:28 It's Jones. Jeremy Jones.
00:48:32 This all makes sense. Excuse me.
00:48:35 Jeremy.
00:48:37 Hi.
00:48:38 Hey.
00:48:39 Who was on the phone?
00:48:41 Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:43 You'll meet her. She'll be here in like an hour.
00:48:45 Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:48:47 Oh. Hi, Frank.
00:49:02 Sit.
00:49:05 Oh, you meant... you meant the dog.
00:49:09 Relax. You need to relax and calm down.
00:49:15 Oh, I'm relaxed. I'm fine.
00:49:26 Why are you biting your nail?
00:49:28 I'm not.
00:49:31 How did you know that?
00:49:34 Go on.
00:49:38 Sit.
00:49:42 Roll over.
00:49:44 Oh, you mean me?
00:49:48 Roll over.
00:49:51 Oh, you mean me?
00:49:55 Oh, how do you... how do you want me to...
00:49:58 Just lie down.
00:50:00 Yeah.
00:50:02 Oh.
00:50:12 I shouldn't even be doing this, but considering it a teachable moment...
00:50:17 Okay.
00:50:19 Oh.
00:50:22 See me with your hands.
00:50:28 All right.
00:50:30 You know, I should really... I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this. Really.
00:50:41 Mmm, peanut butter.
00:50:56 Frank, Frank. Oh.
00:50:59 Oh, Frank.
00:51:03 Frank, Frank. Oh.
00:51:06 Oh, Frank.
00:51:11 Yo, man.
00:51:25 You know, I'm not a fan of the idea of a dog.
00:51:28 I mean, I'm not a fan of the idea of a dog.
00:51:31 Yo, man.
00:51:33 Yo, give me a chip.
00:51:35 My chips, homeboy.
00:51:36 Yo, give me a chip, man.
00:51:37 My chips.
00:51:38 Yo.
00:51:39 My chips.
00:51:40 Yo, give me a chip.
00:51:41 I talk to you.
00:51:42 My chips.
00:51:44 Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:51:46 Sorry.
00:51:48 It's just a case of accidental masturbation. That's all.
00:51:59 [knocking]
00:52:01 No, let me do this. Go ahead.
00:52:05 I got it. I got it.
00:52:06 No, really, please. I want to help.
00:52:08 Please.
00:52:10 Okay, everybody out.
00:52:13 Leave. I have to vacuum.
00:52:27 You're not even getting the chips. They're over here.
00:52:30 I see some dust over here, so...
00:52:33 There's so much dust on this floor.
00:52:39 It's just a dirty floor.
00:52:41 Such a dirty, dirty floor.
00:52:46 [gasping]
00:52:49 Okay.
00:53:04 Oh, my.
00:53:06 I think I got all that.
00:53:08 I'm just gonna...
00:53:09 I'll see you.
00:53:12 [music]
00:53:14 Frankie.
00:53:22 Oh, my.
00:53:23 What was that?
00:53:24 What?
00:53:25 Ah, fucking shit.
00:53:27 Man, we got a smoky, smoky heat.
00:53:29 Stop.
00:53:32 Frank, stop teasing Frank.
00:53:34 Oh, shit.
00:53:35 I'm sorry, man.
00:53:37 We're just looking for a place to finish this rogue shit.
00:53:39 Oh, I heard something.
00:53:40 Do you want to join us?
00:53:41 Uh, no, I'm actually not in the mood.
00:53:43 Come on. You gotta do it. Come on.
00:53:45 Seriously, guys, I need to go.
00:53:46 Where's your dog, man?
00:53:47 Dude, what's it like being blinded by a stripper?
00:53:49 Frank?
00:53:55 Frank, are we gonna do something soon?
00:53:57 Bro, you are too funny.
00:54:03 Thanks, man.
00:54:04 Ooh, this is some good stuff.
00:54:06 I haven't smoked since junior high.
00:54:07 Dude, I ain't stopped smoking since junior high.
00:54:10 Wait, wait, wait.
00:54:11 I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
00:54:13 Damn, I really can't remember.
00:54:17 This is some good shit.
00:54:18 [laughter]
00:54:19 [music]
00:54:36 Oh, no.
00:54:37 You're the devil.
00:54:39 No more.
00:54:40 JJ, I--
00:54:44 Jeremy, you have to remember that amazing time we had together, don't you?
00:54:48 Please.
00:54:50 Lex, I can't.
00:54:52 I mean, I got a girlfriend.
00:54:54 I really like this girl.
00:54:56 Fine.
00:54:57 It's just so sad,
00:54:59 because I'm wearing this...
00:55:01 copeless bra,
00:55:02 and I also have on crotchless panties,
00:55:05 with just a little string of pearl in front for extra stimulation.
00:55:10 Oh.
00:55:11 Ah.
00:55:15 We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here.
00:55:17 Perfect.
00:55:18 Before she gets here.
00:55:23 Perfect.
00:55:34 Do it.
00:55:35 Let's do it.
00:55:36 Fuck me.
00:55:37 Fuck me now.
00:55:38 What?
00:55:43 What's wrong?
00:55:44 I can't.
00:55:45 I can't get it in.
00:55:46 Try down there.
00:55:48 It's like desert down there.
00:55:50 It's sandpaper.
00:55:51 I just--
00:55:52 Okay, I get the picture.
00:55:53 It's like--
00:55:54 Just try again.
00:55:55 No.
00:55:58 Why is this happening?
00:56:00 We fooled around before.
00:56:01 I was dripping wet.
00:56:03 We did it like four times, remember?
00:56:05 Just do what you did then.
00:56:06 Go on.
00:56:07 I already did my thing.
00:56:08 I already tried.
00:56:09 What?
00:56:12 What is different this time?
00:56:13 I don't know.
00:56:15 Last time...
00:56:16 I honestly don't even know what you're talking about.
00:56:21 What?
00:56:22 You're not JJ?
00:56:24 But your name is Jeremy Jones.
00:56:27 How can you not be JJ?
00:56:29 Who the hell is this JJ?
00:56:32 Where are you going?
00:56:33 We're not done here.
00:56:34 I can still do this.
00:56:35 I just need a little bit of force.
00:56:36 I can do this.
00:56:37 I don't need JJ.
00:56:39 I don't need anyone else.
00:56:40 We can do this.
00:56:41 Go team.
00:56:44 What?
00:56:48 Just keep going.
00:56:49 Shit.
00:56:55 Shit.
00:56:56 Where's Jeremy?
00:57:06 Hi.
00:57:07 We were just, you know...
00:57:09 Hey babe.
00:57:12 Just working out.
00:57:13 How could you, you bastard?
00:57:19 You might wanna...
00:57:23 What?
00:57:25 What?
00:57:26 Ah!
00:57:29 Mariella!
00:57:30 Mariella!
00:57:32 You know those aren't mine.
00:57:33 At least not all of them.
00:57:35 What is wrong with you?
00:57:38 What is wrong with you?
00:57:43 You used to be so pure.
00:57:46 Well, no more.
00:57:48 That's it.
00:57:49 Really, that's the last one.
00:57:50 That's the last one.
00:57:52 [knocking]
00:58:20 Cheryl?
00:58:21 What is it?
00:58:26 What are you doing down here?
00:58:28 Waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far, far away from here.
00:58:32 What?
00:58:33 Why?
00:58:34 Nothing.
00:58:35 Just this blind guy and his dog and...
00:58:38 Oh, honey.
00:58:39 It's gonna be okay.
00:58:41 No, it's not okay.
00:58:42 God.
00:58:45 And you know whose fault it is?
00:58:46 I'm sorry.
00:58:47 It's Jake's.
00:58:48 Jake's fault.
00:58:50 That blind, cheating bastard.
00:58:52 Yes.
00:58:53 He is such a dickwad.
00:58:54 You need to confront him.
00:58:56 Yeah.
00:58:57 Yeah, I need to confront him.
00:58:59 I mean, it's my birthday and where is he anyway?
00:59:02 Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
00:59:03 You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind.
00:59:06 Yeah, a big piece.
00:59:07 A big old chunk of my mind.
00:59:10 A big piece of it.
00:59:11 Yeah.
00:59:12 You know, you might want to...
00:59:13 You need to look hot while you break up with him.
00:59:17 Yeah, you're right.
00:59:19 Why am I wearing a sheet?
00:59:20 I don't know.
00:59:21 I'm sorry.
00:59:28 I'm sorry.
00:59:29 I get shy around beautiful women like you.
00:59:32 I got no game.
00:59:36 It's not important.
00:59:44 [music]
00:59:45 Hey.
00:59:56 Eric, I can't talk right now.
00:59:57 No, no, no.
00:59:58 I really need to talk to you.
00:59:59 Really, Eric.
01:00:01 I can't right now.
01:00:02 No, no, no.
01:00:03 I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier and I'm just embarrassed and I don't want to make it up to you.
01:00:09 Eric, really?
01:00:10 I don't care.
01:00:11 It's fine.
01:00:12 No.
01:00:13 I mean, I do.
01:00:14 I care.
01:00:15 I haven't known how to tell you.
01:00:18 Maybe because, I don't know, I'm a little shy.
01:00:21 But I was wondering or hoping that we could go out sometime.
01:00:27 Soon.
01:00:28 Because I'm going to be leaving for a little while and it would be nice to go out before I...
01:00:32 Really?
01:00:33 Eric, you're shy.
01:00:34 You have no game.
01:00:35 No, not really.
01:00:38 Yeah, no, I can't do this.
01:00:40 Sorry.
01:00:42 Okay.
01:00:43 Alright.
01:00:44 I, uh...
01:00:45 Happy birthday, then.
01:00:48 I'm sorry.
01:01:00 I was trying to kiss your...
01:01:02 I'm sorry.
01:01:03 I was trying to kiss your...
01:01:04 Wow.
01:01:13 Here I come, baby.
01:01:25 Get ready for your big birthday surprise.
01:01:30 Oh, Eric, stop.
01:01:31 Um, we can't do this.
01:01:32 Oh, God, baby, not again.
01:01:34 Oh, no, um...
01:01:35 Oh, honey, happy...
01:01:36 The fuck is this?
01:01:39 Who the hell are you, dude?
01:01:41 Okay, guys, don't.
01:01:43 Cheryl.
01:01:47 Baby.
01:01:48 What is this?
01:01:49 Aw, gee, Cheryl.
01:01:51 You're...
01:01:53 I've been looking for you all night and you've been...
01:01:55 Oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you.
01:01:58 You couldn't find me?
01:01:59 What about all those girls' vaginas you were in
01:02:02 or your penis getting sucked?
01:02:04 Cheryl, honey.
01:02:05 No, no.
01:02:06 We can work this out.
01:02:07 Baby, I love you.
01:02:09 Jake, no, you have to go.
01:02:10 Baby, I'll be faithful from now on, please.
01:02:12 I promise.
01:02:13 No, Jake, I can't do this.
01:02:14 I'm sorry.
01:02:15 Cheryl, come on.
01:02:17 No, Jake, please, just go.
01:02:18 Please, baby, come on.
01:02:19 Just go, I'm sorry.
01:02:20 You're a heartless bitch!
01:02:21 How could you do this to me?
01:02:23 Yay!
01:02:24 You did it.
01:02:25 I am so proud of you.
01:02:26 You got your revenge set.
01:02:28 You've left a mere shell of a man.
01:02:30 Revenge sex?
01:02:31 It's really not what it sounds like at all.
01:02:35 Right.
01:02:37 That all makes sense now.
01:02:39 Wow, I feel really stupid.
01:02:42 Eric, I'm really, I'm really sorry.
01:02:45 Cheryl, I really liked you.
01:02:48 And you used me.
01:02:50 Eric, please don't go.
01:02:52 Please, Eric!
01:02:53 Aren't you happy?
01:02:57 Well, no, that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like.
01:02:59 You mean the sex?
01:03:01 Was it, yeah?
01:03:02 No, he didn't quite do it.
01:03:04 Oh.
01:03:06 You know, I couldn't seem to do it either.
01:03:07 Really?
01:03:08 I just never found the right guy.
01:03:09 Or guys.
01:03:11 Anyway, we better get downstairs.
01:03:13 People are starting to leave.
01:03:14 I wonder how Sue did.
01:03:16 Oh, my God!
01:03:25 Oh, my God!
01:03:26 Oh, my God!
01:03:27 Again, again, again!
01:03:28 I can't believe she dumped me, man.
01:03:31 This is bullshit!
01:03:32 God!
01:03:34 Oh!
01:03:35 Oh!
01:03:36 Suck it!
01:03:37 What the?
01:03:38 God, I'm out of here!
01:03:40 Yeah!
01:03:42 He has good hair, though.
01:03:43 Don't you puke on me.
01:03:48 And don't puke on my car, either.
01:03:51 ♪ Might set break that I might need a vacation ♪
01:03:55 ♪ Take this information through your head ♪
01:04:02 Oh, Sue, are you all right?
01:04:04 Was it from sex?
01:04:07 Did you pop your cork?
01:04:08 I don't think so.
01:04:09 Not with a guy, anyway.
01:04:11 Oh, don't ask.
01:04:13 Every possible object.
01:04:14 It's like every mechanical thing.
01:04:16 It was like Transformers.
01:04:19 They just all became vibrators.
01:04:20 I told you.
01:04:22 It's addicting.
01:04:24 So, what about Chris?
01:04:26 The last time I saw him, he was running away for dear life.
01:04:29 I told you he was gay.
01:04:30 Well, I think I'm just all cramp.
01:04:34 Oh, I think it's broken.
01:04:37 So, wait.
01:04:39 None of us cashed an RV card.
01:04:42 Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.
01:04:48 So, I was going to go grab some food.
01:04:49 Want to go?
01:04:51 No, thank you.
01:04:52 I think I should finish up here.
01:04:54 Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:04:56 No.
01:04:58 I don't know.
01:05:00 For some reason, I just realized he needs to be my first.
01:05:02 Or something.
01:05:04 Why? Do you know him?
01:05:06 Sort of.
01:05:08 Oh.
01:05:09 Well, hey, if you happen to run into him,
01:05:10 just tell him I'd like to see him again.
01:05:12 ♪ Leave everything ♪
01:05:16 ♪ To me ♪
01:05:17 ♪ I'm ♪
01:05:19 Love him?
01:05:21 Shut it!
01:05:22 You want to do it with him?
01:05:23 I don't want to hear it from you.
01:05:24 You want to get married?
01:05:25 You want to do it with him?
01:05:26 Zip it.
01:05:27 All right, all right, all right.
01:05:28 ♪ Take it, take it ♪
01:05:30 ♪ Take it, take it ♪
01:05:31 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:05:33 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:05:36 ♪ Take it, take it ♪
01:05:38 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:05:40 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:05:44 ♪ Take it, take it ♪
01:05:46 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:05:48 Um, no.
01:05:53 No way.
01:05:54 ♪ Taking me ♪
01:05:57 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:05:59 Ugh.
01:06:02 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:04 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:07 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:10 Oh, well.
01:06:11 There's always next year.
01:06:12 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:14 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:18 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:22 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
01:06:24 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:26 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:28 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:30 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:32 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:34 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:36 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:38 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:40 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:42 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:44 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:46 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:48 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:50 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:52 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:54 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:06:56 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:06:58 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:07:00 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:07:02 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:07:04 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:07:06 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:07:08 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:07:10 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:07:12 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:07:14 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:07:16 ♪ You're taking me ♪
01:07:18 ♪ Into the unknown ♪
01:07:20 ♪ And when the heat is on ♪
01:07:22 ♪ You never take it away ♪
01:07:24 ♪ Give me your possible ♪
01:07:26 ♪ And when the heat is on ♪
01:07:28 ♪ You never take it away ♪
01:07:30 ♪ Give me your possible ♪
01:07:32 ♪ And when the heat is on ♪
01:07:34 ♪ You never take it away ♪
01:07:36 ♪ Give me your possible ♪
01:07:38 ♪ And when the heat is on ♪
01:07:40 Wow.
01:07:42 That's amazing.
01:07:44 Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:07:46 I guess something inspired me.
01:07:48 I guess something inspired me.
01:07:50 You really captured his expression
01:07:52 and his eyes.
01:07:54 Yeah, even that little
01:07:56 cowlick he has in his hair.
01:07:58 Whose?
01:08:00 Eric's.
01:08:02 It's him, right?
01:08:04 Oh.
01:08:06 Yeah.
01:08:08 I have to go see him.
01:08:10 ♪ ♪
01:08:12 [laughs]
01:08:14 Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:08:16 ♪ ♪
01:08:18 ♪ ♪
01:08:20 ♪ ♪
01:08:22 [phone rings]
01:08:24 ♪ ♪
01:08:26 1-900-CONFESS.
01:08:28 Sister Therese?
01:08:30 Yeah, hon?
01:08:32 Um, there was a problem with your credit card.
01:08:34 I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:08:36 Oh, sure.
01:08:38 Oh!
01:08:40 It's 271.
01:08:42 Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession,
01:08:44 but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:46 Do you think if you do something bad
01:08:48 that God will forgive you?
01:08:50 Like, take you back?
01:08:52 Sure, hon.
01:08:54 Why not?
01:08:56 As long as you're on the right path.
01:08:58 Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:09:00 I always look for some kind of sign
01:09:02 from the universe.
01:09:04 Something to let me know that it's
01:09:06 all gonna be okay.
01:09:08 Sister?
01:09:10 Can I get up now?
01:09:12 I really gotta pee.
01:09:14 No! Hush your trap!
01:09:16 Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work,
01:09:18 but call back any time.
01:09:20 I will.
01:09:22 Thanks.
01:09:24 Sister?
01:09:26 Shut up, or I'll punish you hard,
01:09:28 you sheep fucker!
01:09:30 [blows raspberry]
01:09:32 ♪ ♪
01:09:34 [water running]
01:09:36 ♪ ♪
01:09:38 [car engine]
01:09:40 ♪ ♪
01:09:42 [car door opens]
01:09:44 Eric, wait!
01:09:46 ♪ ♪
01:09:48 Cheryl?
01:09:50 Eric, um...
01:09:52 Look, I am so sorry
01:09:54 about everything.
01:09:56 I was trying to have revenge sex with you
01:09:58 at the beginning, but then at the end,
01:10:00 I wasn't.
01:10:02 I just didn't want to do that with you.
01:10:04 The revenge part,
01:10:06 not the sex part.
01:10:08 Um...
01:10:10 I...I do want to go out with you.
01:10:12 And I didn't realize that
01:10:14 until this morning.
01:10:16 I mean, you're a completely different guy
01:10:18 than Jake is, and he's all over these--
01:10:20 Eric!
01:10:22 Come on, we gotta get going.
01:10:24 Oh. Wow.
01:10:26 Um, Cheryl, uh, this is
01:10:28 my sister Tina. Tina? Cheryl.
01:10:30 Hi.
01:10:32 Nice to meet you.
01:10:36 Uh, so, um,
01:10:38 do you mind if I call you
01:10:40 in a few days when I get back?
01:10:42 Yeah, sure.
01:10:44 Oh.
01:10:50 Sorry, no kissing, right?
01:10:52 No kissing.
01:10:54 Oh. Hmm.
01:10:56 ♪ ♪
01:10:58 ♪ ♪
01:11:00 ♪ ♪
01:11:02 ♪ ♪
01:11:04 ♪ ♪
01:11:06 ♪ ♪
01:11:08 ♪ ♪
01:11:10 Hey, did you ever, uh,
01:11:12 get those flowers I sent you?
01:11:14 I--I don't even
01:11:16 care that you hooked up with Lexi.
01:11:18 Wait, what? I never did that.
01:11:20 I mean, you don't have to
01:11:22 lie about it. She told me all about your
01:11:24 pierced tongue.
01:11:26 ♪ ♪
01:11:28 She must have me
01:11:30 mixed up with someone else.
01:11:32 I wonder who it was.
01:11:34 ♪ ♪
01:11:36 ♪ ♪
01:11:38 ♪ ♪
01:11:40 ♪ ♪
01:11:42 ♪ ♪
01:11:44 ♪ ♪
01:11:46 ♪ ♪
01:11:48 ♪ ♪
01:11:50 ♪ ♪
01:11:52 At least this birthday's
01:11:54 over.
01:11:56 ♪ ♪
01:11:58 ♪ ♪
01:12:00 ♪ ♪
01:12:02 [door closes]
01:12:04 Dear Lord,
01:12:06 please forgive me.
01:12:08 I mean, if you could just,
01:12:10 I don't know, like,
01:12:12 send me a sign.
01:12:14 ♪ ♪
01:12:16 [sighs]
01:12:18 ♪ ♪
01:12:20 ♪ ♪
01:12:22 [door closes]
01:12:24 ♪ ♪
01:12:26 [door closes]
01:12:28 ♪ ♪
01:12:30 [car engine rumbles]
01:12:32 ♪ ♪
01:12:34 [car engine rumbles]
01:12:36 ♪ ♪
01:12:38 ♪ ♪
01:12:40 ♪ ♪
01:12:42 Excuse me,
01:12:44 excuse me. Uh, do you know
01:12:46 where the church is? It's on Fountain Street.
01:12:48 Um, yeah, that's
01:12:50 the church I go to. Or used
01:12:52 to go to. Um, it's straight up
01:12:54 that way and then left.
01:12:56 Thank you.
01:12:58 You're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:13:00 Oh, um, I don't know.
01:13:02 [laughs]
01:13:04 [car engine rumbles]
01:13:06 ♪ ♪
01:13:08 ♪ ♪
01:13:10 Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:13:12 Oh,
01:13:14 250 horsepower, 225 pounds
01:13:16 of torque.
01:13:18 Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:13:20 ♪ ♪
01:13:22 I don't think so, but thanks.
01:13:24 - Thanks.
01:13:25 - What's your name?
01:13:25 - Sue.
01:13:26 What's yours?
01:13:28 - Jesus.
01:13:29 - Really?
01:13:31 - Si.
01:13:32 - Maybe I could use the ride.
01:13:36 (engine revving)
01:13:52 (engine revving)
01:13:55 (upbeat music)
01:13:58 (upbeat music)
01:14:01 (upbeat music)
01:14:04 (upbeat music)
01:14:06 (upbeat music)
01:14:08 [BLANK_AUDIO]