On this episode of Mind Massage, Weezy & Mandii take us on a sound journey using some of their favorite items sex toys, contraceptives, bananas and more!
Category
🎵
MusicTranscript
00:00 (swoosh)
00:02 You rain like a whore.
00:05 Hi, I'm Mandy V, aka Panda Stallion,
00:08 aka full core pumps, aka dead bitch.
00:11 You can bleep me, this bitch be doing too much.
00:14 I'm Weezy, and we're the Horrible Decisions Podcast.
00:17 And this is our mind massage.
00:19 We're gonna take you on a sound journey
00:21 using some of our favorite things.
00:23 (crunching)
00:26 (thumping)
00:28 (clap)
00:32 It's so funny how, like, today,
00:35 you use a pencil sharpener for makeup.
00:37 I ain't gonna hold you out.
00:40 Bitch, you have knives on your hands.
00:42 Faulty nails are not allowing me to open it.
00:44 Faulty shit, bitch.
00:46 So, I am an outline whore.
00:52 Before every episode, I make sure that we have
00:56 our segments, our topics, our research
01:00 before the episodes that she outlines.
01:02 We're a 50/50 business.
01:05 So, basically, Mandy's outlines look like this.
01:10 I'm gonna show you guys.
01:12 We're not gonna, 'cause my outlines do look different
01:14 than Weezy's outlines.
01:15 I don't know why.
01:18 So even though we just talked shit on a mic,
01:20 we do put a lot of pre-production planning into our shit.
01:23 So this is Mandy's outline.
01:25 I do research.
01:34 Hold up, let me show you what Weezy's outlines look like.
01:37 So, Weezy's outlines look like.
01:38 I can free flow.
01:46 My mind doesn't work that way.
01:47 I need, like, structure.
01:49 I'm also gonna show you how Mandy's mind works.
01:52 If we could do our podcast on an Excel spreadsheet,
02:00 it would make my (beep) wetter.
02:02 Weezy went on, like, a co-worker's podcast back in the day,
02:06 and she was like, "I wonder who would be
02:09 "as big of a hoe as me?"
02:11 So she hit me up, and we just so happened to go to dinner
02:15 because she didn't give a (beep) to a guy.
02:18 I just knew she was gonna give the coochie to.
02:20 So basically, Mandy owed me a dinner
02:22 because she lost the bet.
02:24 So while she's paying me for dinner, we're like,
02:26 "Damn, this is kind of some hoe shit."
02:28 And then we came up with the segments at the dinner.
02:32 We were like, "Ooh, we gonna do one
02:34 "that's gonna be about the news.
02:35 "We gonna call that Vanilla."
02:37 And then we gonna talk about kinks,
02:39 and it'll be the kink of the week 'cause we're educational.
02:41 I was in college at this time.
02:43 I wanted to make it educational.
02:44 People gonna write into us and send letters,
02:47 but they gonna be hoe questions.
02:48 So we gonna call it Hoe Mail.
02:50 And then Whore Bull was her idea, spelled whore.
02:55 Then I was like, "We need something else."
02:58 And then I added the decisions.
02:59 When I say 50/50, bitch, I added the decisions.
03:02 Shout out to all my accountants.
03:04 I'm not gonna lie, I don't know how I was an accountant.
03:08 So I thought I was gonna be a CPA.
03:10 So I graduated college.
03:12 We started the pod while I was in college,
03:14 and I worked at Goldman Sachs.
03:16 Then I went to a big whore,
03:17 and I was like, "I'm gonna be a CPA.
03:19 "I'm gonna be the best accountant ever."
03:21 And then I left.
03:22 - Because she was the best whore ever.
03:24 - Because this was making a lot more money.
03:26 So I was an accountant, which is why Excel sheets make.
03:30 So I went to school for journalism, but I dropped out.
03:35 Then I worked at a cell phone store,
03:37 but I was really good at sales,
03:38 so I kinda climbed the corporate ladder,
03:40 and then I ended up working in tech sales.
03:43 I was a sales engineer for a telecommunications company.
03:45 And so Mandy and I were like,
03:47 "Damn, we hoes, but like corporate hoes."
03:51 So when Horrible Decisions first started,
03:54 it really was two girls that worked nine to five jobs
03:58 that were like, slutting it up.
03:59 Now we're entrepreneurs that are slutting it up.
04:02 You're still slutting it up.
04:04 I'm celibate.
04:05 You literally had a first date at a sex club.
04:08 But we didn't (beep)
04:09 because he got soft in the condom.
04:11 So I am still celibate.
04:14 Does she be hungry?
04:15 You open those too.
04:21 If you date anybody who has a sex podcast,
04:28 you probably go to their house
04:29 and see just tons of these boxes.
04:32 Now, I have so many unused sex toys
04:37 that I don't know what to do with them,
04:38 so I now gift them to my friends for their birthdays.
04:41 Remember when we were watching blowjob videos
04:44 and they teach you how to do it with your mouth?
04:45 So I'm not gonna lie.
04:47 I'm gonna let you lead this.
04:49 I don't know how to put condoms on (beep).
04:51 They have to do it.
04:53 I be like, "Here."
04:55 I don't know how to do it.
04:55 I always roll it down wrong.
04:57 Okay, so first things first,
04:59 make sure the tip is sticking out.
05:01 All right, so if you wanna be super hot,
05:07 so you wanna make sure there's room, right,
05:09 for the (beep) to get in there
05:11 so that it doesn't break, you know what I'm saying?
05:14 - Oh, I think this is kinda good.
05:15 - So the problem is, like, what is in the dark?
05:18 I don't know which side, so I just be like, "Here."
05:20 But we in the lights, bitch, we got lights in here.
05:24 Basically, I heard this tip when we interviewed someone,
05:26 I can't remember who it was, it was an escort,
05:29 and she says to make it kinda sexy
05:30 'cause she uses condoms during blowjobs,
05:33 much like they did in the brothel episode of "Sex Sells."
05:35 You basically act like you're doing it with your mouth,
05:38 but you really use your fingers.
05:39 - See, I think I did this wrong.
05:41 I think this would roll up.
05:44 - You're putting it in your mouth.
05:45 - Having this podcast has ruined our sex lives,
05:50 dating lives, sex lives. - Because basically,
05:52 as the story goes, we're podcasters,
05:55 we're gonna tell the world about your banana dick.
05:57 No, I'm not gonna lie, it's ruined it.
05:59 I can't go on dating apps that know who I am,
06:02 and so even if I wanna say I'm a virgin accountant,
06:05 I can't because they didn't--
06:06 - Bitch, let me go find that one clip, one second.
06:08 (tapping)
06:10 Oh, look, Mandy gangbanged.
06:11 (laughing)
06:13 - It's not good, it's not good,
06:15 and that's why I'm celibate.
06:17 So even though we talk about being a whore,
06:19 I'm not.
06:21 - So why are you celibate?
06:22 Because when we were in there,
06:23 you said you just need some (beep)
06:24 - Because I need it 'cause I'm a ant-nut,
06:26 and I'm getting cranky, and it sucks.
06:30 - Eat a banana.
06:31 - Okay, I'm done.
06:34 - I can feel the potassium.
06:39 Just to say, I do wanna make it clear.
06:41 Yes, we're probably gonna tell your business,
06:44 however, if you ask us not to,
06:46 we're all about consent and honoring privacy
06:49 on horrible decisions.
06:50 So if we (beep) someone that doesn't let us talk about it,
06:53 it's kinda whack.
06:54 So I think we should both talk about the last time
06:58 we had to take an emergency contraceptive,
07:01 'cause plan A is swallow for me.
07:03 I really just want men who swimmers don't swim.
07:06 I would love vasectomy or science,
07:10 maybe something is wrong.
07:11 I had to take one of these
07:15 since season two of our podcast.
07:18 - Good for you.
07:19 - Now share about how many you pop like Skittles.
07:22 So anyways, I haven't taken one since that episode
07:25 where a fan knew me.
07:27 That was like two years ago,
07:29 when I went to go buy it,
07:30 and she was like, "Oh shit, Weezy, we got a coupon.
07:33 "Shout out to you, bitch."
07:35 - Having a coupon for contraceptive is crazy.
07:38 - No, it's not.
07:39 I did this shit before,
07:40 I'm 50, you got it.
07:43 But in Mexico, they did.
07:44 - Oh my God, you do get all your drugs in Mexico.
07:47 - Inhalers too.
07:49 So anyway, I had to get it last week
07:52 because my dreadhead was tripping.
07:54 You just took another one?
07:56 Oh, you nasty.
07:59 We are a sex positive podcast, by the way.
08:01 So basically, we were having sex,
08:04 and I just kinda thought we were just dirty talking,
08:06 'cause you know you gotta breed in kink.
08:07 And I was like, "Oh yeah, I love it when you come."
08:11 For some reason, he thought that meant in my dick.
08:13 I thought it just meant,
08:15 (imitates explosion)
08:16 had to go to the CVS on Orchard and Lower East Side.
08:19 And I went in there,
08:21 and it was like getting close to the third day.
08:24 And I was like, "Oh, you play."
08:27 Bitch, anytime I took a Plan B,
08:29 I'd roll out of bed, and I gotta go to Kroger.
08:32 I gotta go to the pharmacy immediately.
08:34 But I felt like, let's just keep fucking,
08:36 because why spend the money?
08:38 Let's just, you know what I'm saying?
08:40 Let's get our money's worth and shit.
08:41 So I get to this motherfucking CVS,
08:43 and the dude is like, I'm like, "Where's the Plan B?"
08:47 And so he gets it, and I'm like, "Do you have scissors?"
08:50 He's like, "Nah."
08:51 I'm like, "Okay, because I need to open this."
08:53 He's like, "Oh yeah, bitch, you need that shit right now."
08:56 So then he got scissors, he opened it after I paid,
08:59 and he go, "Shit, you need some water too."
09:02 I was like, "Yes."
09:03 So I take it in the CVS, shamelessly.
09:05 You know why?
09:06 Because New Yorkers don't give a fuck.
09:07 You know who I want?
09:08 Kevin Gates, bitch, we know.
09:10 Kevin Gates!
09:12 I knew that, man.
09:13 And I don't think he's sat next to somebody
09:15 that's freaking up yet.
09:17 So I want Kevin Gates on the Horrible Decisions podcast.
09:21 Kevin, you hear that?
09:22 We want you on the Horrible Decisions podcast.
09:25 Okay, go ahead and say Obama or something.
09:27 (laughing)
09:28 I feel like besides the obvious, like Beyonce or something.
09:31 We just had sexy red, that was cool.
09:33 I think Cardi B.
09:35 I think Cardi B is just such a fit for Horrible.
09:38 I don't allow anyone on the pod that I wanna.
09:41 I let you have your guys.
09:43 You have.
09:44 And please don't bleep all that out.
09:47 'Cause I like him, damn it.
09:49 I know, and that's why we haven't had him on the podcast.
09:51 I know anyone that I like or I wanna is not allowed
09:54 to be a guest.
09:55 Oh, I know a good white guest, Horry.
09:57 Oh, I wanna have Horry on.
10:00 He's spicy white.
10:04 Now it went right to your (beep)
10:05 (laughing)
10:08 You supposed to talk to a doctor.
10:11 Oh wait, y'all might, 'cause usually I'ma leave it here
10:15 for somebody in the office.
10:16 Okay, work seven out of eight times, bitch.
10:19 I'm trying to be lucky number seven.
10:21 Waze, what inspired you to do Sex Self?
10:25 Every time we would do an episode,
10:27 I feel like we have to get the dirtiest shit out of people.
10:30 I feel like there's so many times
10:32 where we've had on really good guests,
10:33 but our audience doesn't wanna hear it
10:36 or even look at them being entrepreneurs in business.
10:39 And so I think that just talking about money,
10:42 'cause I love two things, (beep) and money.
10:45 Ah.
10:46 So yeah, plus a lot of the people
10:49 that we've had on Horrible Decisions deserve a lot of light.
10:52 Yeah, they do.
10:53 And so I think that was the cool part.
10:55 Waze, what's your favorite memory
10:57 from filming season three of Sex Self?
10:59 Okay, it was going to the brothel, but no lie,
11:02 it was probably the episode with you
11:04 because that shit was hilarious.
11:05 I thought you were gonna say Vinny
11:07 because we talk about it so much.
11:09 We be talking about Vinny getting his (beep)
11:12 literally shot up.
11:13 Okay.
11:14 All the time.
11:15 To be such a (beep)
11:16 Hold on, real quick.
11:17 I don't know if it's been shared.
11:20 Vinny went on tour with us
11:22 and he goes off in the metal detectors now.
11:26 Oh, we'll send you a clip.
11:27 He got pulled to the side.
11:29 'Cause his dick is too big now.
11:30 And so now they have to pat him down
11:33 in the airport every single time.
11:36 I feel so bad for him.
11:38 Low-key loved it.
11:39 Do you remember the guy that got on his knees
11:41 and was like, "We have the video, it's so good."
11:44 But that wasn't my favorite memory
11:46 because I was stressed out.
11:50 I was like, is he a good actor
11:51 or is his (beep)
11:52 not being great really working?
11:54 But the funny thing about our episode
11:57 is that Mandy and I really love the podcast that we do,
12:01 but we're also so money-brained.
12:04 So there were moments where we're filming
12:05 and I'm like, "Is this bitch serious?"
12:07 Are you serious?
12:08 I think you would make a sex tape.
12:11 I do.
12:15 I wanna see one.
12:16 See, no.
12:16 Just look at my back.
12:17 No, see what I mean?
12:18 No.
12:19 Literally, I'm not doing this with you.
12:21 I looked at this the other day.
12:21 I don't wanna see you get (beep)
12:23 You don't have to look.
12:24 But you can look.
12:25 But yes.
12:26 Look at my back muscles.
12:29 Amazing, bro.
12:30 That's from Rose.
12:32 You wanna pour it?
12:39 Sure.
12:40 Be my little sub.
12:42 So on Horrible Decisions,
12:44 we used to have a kink of the week,
12:47 which was a segment where we told people
12:49 about the philias that are labeled kinks.
12:52 So a metaphilia is actually the kink
12:55 of vomiting and throwing up.
12:57 But people are receiving pleasure from it.
12:58 Yes, they like vomiting and throwing up.
13:01 So we had one of our fans in Charlotte
13:04 during our tour tell us that throwing up
13:08 is obviously probably gross,
13:10 but it could be really hot during sex
13:13 if you swallow some Gatorade.
13:14 Right before sex,
13:18 you kinda get your stomach filled with it.
13:21 It makes your head thick.
13:24 What?
13:25 I feel it now.
13:26 It makes your spit thick.
13:28 Oh, right, right, okay.
13:28 'Cause I don't know what the (beep) you said.
13:30 Oh.
13:30 And neither did they.
13:32 But anyway, basically, you know,
13:35 if you wanna do the throw up fetish,
13:36 but not throw up your dinner,
13:38 you just have to drink a bunch of this
13:40 and it'll look super hot instead of water.
13:43 'Cause water's too thin.
13:45 I don't know, but she looked like a ho,
13:46 so we believed her.
13:48 And that was her too.
13:49 Have you tried it, though?
13:51 I did.
13:52 And I didn't drink enough.
13:54 Oh.
13:55 So it may or may not work.
13:56 But also, you know, black people,
13:57 we only like a few flavors.
13:59 Orange and red, so.
14:00 I ain't know.
14:01 Bullshit.
14:02 Oh, lemon lime.
14:03 Lemon lime, bitch.
14:04 (beep)
14:04 It ain't the clear.
14:05 Oh.
14:06 So basically, there weren't a lot of kinks, right?
14:09 It was like 150.
14:09 No, bitch, it was like two something,
14:11 it was over 200 kinks.
14:13 Well, we ran out because we've had our show
14:14 too goddamn long, eight years.
14:16 Yes.
14:17 But at the time,
14:18 and now my favorite kink is (beep)
14:21 because I just love watching it.
14:22 Not saying I do it.
14:24 I just love looking at it.
14:25 I'm just like,
14:26 I really love (beep)
14:27 as we know, because I just took that plan B.
14:30 I would say that my favorite is exhibitionism and voyeurism.
14:37 That's basic, bitch.
14:39 No, bitch, it's not for the people.
14:41 And that's why I go to sex clubs.
14:42 That's what makes it not basic.
14:44 So I like watching people,
14:47 and I like them watching me in action.
14:50 We were dating the same guy.
14:51 No, no, no, no, no.
14:53 I dated her ex and she wasn't over that (beep)
14:55 We were still together, he was mine, bitch.
14:58 Bitch.
14:59 And then I just fought her at the club.
15:01 And then a couple months later,
15:03 we said we have a lot of friends in common,
15:05 and we clearly like the same,
15:07 at one point, the same guy, not anymore.
15:10 And then we were partying and just became friends.
15:15 Bitch, you was not dating him, you were my (beep)
15:17 That was my man.
15:19 And he was playing me.
15:20 It was crazy.
15:22 It's, how many years ago was that?
15:24 18 years ago.
15:25 This hoe took this (beep)
15:26 They really be thinking, now that we know (beep)
15:29 They wouldn't lie to me.
15:31 I don't believe.
15:32 And it's just, you know.
15:34 Okay.
15:35 A dream threesome.
15:37 I would say if I had to construct it,
15:38 it would be Skepta and Bria Myles.
15:40 My dream threesome would be Jason Momoa and Method Man.
15:45 Oh.
15:48 (laughing)
15:49 I want, bitch, if I could have one with two people,
15:53 bitch, I ain't getting (beep)
15:55 I want the two finest men in the world,
15:57 and it's Method Man and Jason Momoa.
16:00 Thank you so much for tuning in to our mind massage.
16:03 Make sure you check us out every Monday.
16:06 Horrible decisions everywhere.
16:09 You're already on YouTube,
16:10 so just type in whore and we're gonna (beep) pop up.
16:13 And being the charity, follow Fuse.
16:15 Guess what else?
16:16 Watch season three of Sex sells on Fuse now.
16:19 - All right guys, that was awesome.
16:23 - Boom.
16:24 That was cute.
16:25 - Thank you all.
16:26 Okay, we're gonna get.
16:28 (fire crackling)